stuff-the-chosen-didnt-say

[stuff-the-chosen-didnt-say]

Matthew: Which is closer to Capernaum, Macedonia or the Moon.

Simon Peter: The Moon.

Matthew: I'm going to ask you again...

Simon Peter:... I'm giving the same answer.

Matthew: Why?!

Simon Peter: Well I can see the moon from here, can't I?

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John: Simon made me angry, so I poured buckets of water in his boat and watched him poke around trying to find where the leak was.

Simon Peter: [Covered in pitch and fish scales after searching four hours] YOU DID WHAT?

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Matthew: Hypothetically, if I was in love with Mary...

Matthew: ...Which I'm NOT!

Nathaniel: [Looks at the camera like he's on The Office]

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Thomas: It takes a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, a day to love someone. But it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

Andrew: Simon forgot me at the market once.

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Simon Peter: If something happened to Matthew, I couldn't live with myself.

Simon Peter: Of course I wouldn't have to, because Mary would kill me.

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Mary: Can you keep a secret?

Big James: Sure we can.

Mary: "We"?

Big James: Yeah, me and John. No one else will know.

Mary: No, I want you to know, but not John.

Big James: If you don't want John to know why are you telling me?

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Gaius: Are You a father?

Jesus: In a manner of speaking...

Andrew [poking his head in]: Rabbi, I'm just going to pop down to market.

Jesus: Thank you Andrew. Bring your cloak, it's cold out. Maybe take someone with you just to be safe. And please be back by nightfall.

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John: Well we've come this far. There's no turning back.

Andrew: Oh, did you have to? "No turning back" that's almost as bad as "Nothing could possibly go wrong" or "This is going to be the best Hanukkah Capernaum's ever had".

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Simon Peter: I’ll do whatever I want when I’m 60 

Nathaniel: If you’re still alive when you’re 60, I’ll demand a medical explanation.

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Mary: So... are things better between you and Simon? 

Eden: Well, we’ve come to a new agreement that we shall never go to bed angry with each other. 

Mary: Oh that’s...  

Mary: ...You haven’t slept in days, haven’t you.

Eden: Not since last Tuesday.

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Big James: (knocks on door) Coming in! 

Andrew: This is my house! I’m supposed to say “Come in”! 

Big James: My way saves time

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Mary: Come on Matthew, use your words. 

Matthew: It’s just... so egregious! 

Mary: Smaller words. 

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Quintus: Is it entirely within the bounds of possibility that you have an ulterior motive for this meeting. 

Atticus: Oh Praetor, you know me better than that. At any given moment I never have fewer than seven ulterior motives at play

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Salome: At the very least, if we can’t say anything nice, we shouldn’t say anything at all.  

John: We’ll be having some quiet family Shabbat dinners, but fine with me.

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Simon Peter: Clearly I am not cut out to help people make life choices. 

Eden: Oh I wouldn’t be so sure. You helped me choose you. 

Simon Peter: Okay, that time I was a genius. 

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John: I told Matthew his ears flush when he lies. 

Andrew: Why? 

John: Watch. Hey Matthew! 

Matthew: What? 

John: Do you like Andrew’s cooking?

Matthew: (covering his ears) ...Yes. 

[stuff-the-chosen-didnt-say]

They say you can be part of the problem or part of the solution, but I happen to believe you can be both

John, probably