stupiddeadpoets - Tumblr blog

[stupiddeadpoets]

I wish for someone to love me the way that Hozier music sounds like.

01:37 A.M

April 15, 2024

[stupiddeadpoets]

no meu aniversário, você me disse que tem um amante. isso me deixou com raiva, não de você, mas de mim mesmo. eu tinha baixado a guarda? eu me deixei sentir demais? eu deixei você controlar minhas emoções? eu nunca poderia ter feito isso. Fiquei tão feliz com você e, ao mesmo tempo, tão triste. levei algum tempo para encontrar minha paz novamente. Mas estou com medo de que, se eu for ver você de novo, todas essas emoções virão à tona? Tenho medo de gostar demais de você e da próxima vez que nos vermos eu queira mais. Mais dos beijos que trocamos. Eu quero mais de você. Essa é a parte assustadora. Acho que estou apaixonado por você. Temo que possa me apaixonar por você.

- nohelí alejandra

- 1:53 AM

(used translate but I'm learning Portuguese on the side)

[stupiddeadpoets]

it was the first time I wasn't scared to slow dance with someone. then I remember that I'd always be alone on the dance floor. I only watch as people get up but never approach me. Even worse when it's your birthday.

- nohelí alejandra

- 1:45 A.M.

[stupiddeadpoets]

I want him to be mine

I have no malicious intent

I want to hold his hand and interlock our fingers

I want to play with his hair and count his freckles

I want to stay up and talk about the stars

I want an innocent romantic relationship

I wanted him

I don't trust myself to love

I want him to be mine

but do I have to play along with his sexual fantasies to do so?

why can't we just get some coffee?

am I just sexy and not pretty?

am I not pretty enough for you?

don't call other girls pretty in front of me

I'm not the jealous type

but I want you to be mine

I wished you wanted me the way I want you

I saw you in a pure image

someone who could love me

I want to give up and leave you

I want to stop looking at you

I want to leave you and leave this place of lust

I have no desire

maybe I'm broken

I want to be fixed

august 03, 2023 1:55 am.

[stupiddeadpoets]

love as pure

I wish love were as pure as the word itself

trying to love in a modern world

where love is aggressive and quick

liking a person who is quick and not actually interested

I wish liking someone were as easy as saying it

I've spend two nights crying

over someone that I know doesn't care

trying to sabotage myself to save myself from being hurt

my heart is beyond fragile

I care too quickly for a moment of peace

that peace isn't here

I'm angry at myself for letting myself feel

intentions pure as honey is gone within a moment

forced interest on my behalf

i want to feel a love that is pure and innocent

break my heart at the end and leave me with good memories

I'm stuck in a cycle where my spirit gets broken

I want to love you and be loved by you

not based off my body but by my heart and my soul

I can't keep crying for liking someone

I want to let my walls fall down

how can I when everyone's intention is to hurt?

my heart is the only thing I can hide and keep mine

I wish love were as pure as the word itself

not something that makes me feel dirty and used

I wish someone loved me

[stupiddeadpoets]

Crush

crushes are nothing more than simple attraction

barely even know you but you have my heart in your palm

knowing you can make my heart race at anytime makes me nervous

giving me butterflies in my stomach and further

I could imagine the rest of my life with you

laying in my bed and waking up next to you

fighting but making up and making out

cuddling and more and I'm not even a sexual being

how could you awaken two things at once? smart and funny

you're quite beautiful and you make me imagine me in your arms

hold my hand in yours and have me in your bed

we could lay there and watch "the regular show."

teach me how to cook your favorite meals and I'll teach you how to cook mine

show me all your favorite activities and then we can do mine

but you're simply a crush

wish it could be more

I want to go on dates with you

I want to be your pretty passenger in your Nissan car

I want you to think of me as you do your homework

I'll think of you as I do mine

I think of you as I do everything

never leave my mind

once you hold my hand, I won't want you let go

stupid crushes are nothing but attraction

and I'm so attracted to you, it's the first time I've told someone I'm actually attracted to them.

I want you to be my first love

I want you to be my first everything

my first date

my first kiss

my first boyfriend

my first serious relationship

my first

then I want it to lead to other first

my first dance

my first and only husband

our first kid together

our first grandkids

it's only a crush,

I have to remind myself that it's only a crush

nothing more.

but how can it not be anything more when I picture us together for the rest of my life?

[stupiddeadpoets]

25 posts!

[stupiddeadpoets]

I fall in love with strangers.

-

Sometimes I dive too deep into a passerby’s eyes and it paints my day in their tinge.

But I always seem to remember yours when I look for them again.

Sometimes I tune into the tranquil hum of a person sitting next to me at a bus stop and the blurry melody sweeps through the streets on the way back home.

But I always seem to hear our song when I try recalling its simple strum.

Sometimes I get lost in conversation with a worker at a bookstore and its simplicity eclipses the raging stories of the novels I bought.

But I always seem to reel back to the comfort of our first talk every time I revisit that store.

Sometimes I brush through rushing crowds and I hold onto the perfume of someone who bumped into me and its trace dips into every breath I take.

But I always seem to relive the times when you pulled me close and let your scent stir into our nights whenever I get lost in swarms of people ever since that day.

-

I fall in love with strangers.

Or maybe I fall for the echoes of you that I look for in every person I see.

- BMF

// I fall in love with you,

with every stranger I see.

[stupiddeadpoets]

Ke Huy Quan wins the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for Everything Everywhere All at Once 

[stupiddeadpoets]

crying while listening to a love themed playlist on youtube

[stupiddeadpoets]

helpless romantic

It seems like a cruel joke, being a hopeless romantic and someone with social anxiety. I wish I could talk to someone for a whole night. We would go on dates and we would hold hands while reading a book sitting next to each other. I would be their first. The first person they go to with good news and bad news too. They would be my everything. Listen to me complain and I'd do the same. We would be in the same room and just enjoy the company. I want to love someone and be there for them. I want someone where we get into arguments but we make up and end the day in each other arms. We would be the couple that makes people root for us. We move in eventually and grow so in love that we have a single kid. An extension of our love and we would be so happy with each other. But I can't even form a sentence to speak to anyone. My mouth doesn't move and I am left alone. Hoping to make a connection with someone but I can't even raise my hand to ask questions to get help. I am terrified of stuttering and making a huge mess of myself.

[stupiddeadpoets]

12:43 A.M 13-03-2023

Today, I saw the love of my life. He had pretty eyes, kind and full of stars. He was tall and has a beautiful smile. The kind of smile that makes you rethink the good in people. I grabbed his hand and we walked to the classroom and we sat there and talked. I stared in awe as his mouth moved, as he said every word. We spoke passions and we sat there and I ignored every problem I had in mind. I grabbed his hand and gave a small peck and told him I liked him; correction, I loved him. And he loved me. I had this beautiful man, inside and out, to myself. His beautiful curly locks and his freckled face leaned for a kiss. But alas as he was reaching my lips, I awoke. Forever wishing that was reality. My heart aches for someone who doesn't exist.

[stupiddeadpoets]

Dear 17 year old me,

stay positive, college is starting soon and you have no need to be scared. talk to people, even if you feel like no one will actually see you. keep up with your grades and try to learn to drive. keep any happiness you have close to your heart. tell people how you feel. don't be so shy and make friends. stop crying over stupid things. know that your mom is still proud of you, even if you can't drive, even with your septum and your tattoos. She will always love you. I will love you too, for you are the last time I remember genuine happiness.

love 19 year old you.

[stupiddeadpoets]

I believe everyone deserves to be loved and feel loved. I always want people to do the things they want to do and do whatever makes them happy with out getting hurt or hurting others. But why must I keep myself out of this? Am I not worthy of loving someone? Am I not worthy of happiness? of true happiness? Did I make my expectations of myself too high that even I can't reach them anymore. Did I fail myself in my journey of self-love? Have I lost my way of being?

[stupiddeadpoets]

I want attention. I want space.

I want to want. I want to hate.

I want to be understood. I want to understand.

I want to be a strong woman. I want to be treated like a man.

I want respect. I want dessert. I want entertainment. I want to flirt.

I want to like people. I want to improve. I want to worship. I want to be crude.

I want to be healthy. I want to grow wise. I want be honest. I want to be the right size.

I want to have peace. I want serenity. I want to accept. I want people to like me.

I want to be grateful. I want to help. I want to let go. I want to be rid of self.

[stupiddeadpoets]

11:38:38 pm

maybe if I had prettier lips and curly hair, He would love me.

I think my point in the world is to be in love with earth and be in love with her but not in love with anyone.

I also grew up with my mom's love.

mom always protected me and shielded me from creeps and I wasn't allowed skirts.

but mom also made me feel fat. and pretty.

but never beautiful.

dad always called me "chula." but he never called me beautiful.

boys have called me pretty but no man has called me beautiful.

I know what I look like and how people perceive me.

pretty but never beautiful.

and I wish I was like mother nature.

beautiful and dangerous.

I guess someone would love me if I was just as pretty as the mountains.

[stupiddeadpoets]

♥︎ I wish I was pretty

I wish I was pretty

but the kind of pretty where you know everything at a store will fit and look good

the kind of pretty that is a size 0

the kind of pretty that is someone giving you their number

the kind of pretty where when you upload a photo you get comments on how you're pretty

the kind where everyone stares at you and you know it's because you're pretty

not because of your hair or because your a fat bitch wearing a shirt with no sleeves so everyone can see your fat arms

or the kind of pretty that is skinny but have big boobs to wear shirt with a deep v line so you can show them off cause

if you're fat you're just a fat bitch showing their boobs

I wish I was pretty

the kind of pretty that can wear shorts out in public without feeling so fucking insecure

the kind of pretty where I could wear my sister's clothes

the kind of pretty that i could walk into the mall and actually buy nice shirt from forever 21

I wish I was pretty

the kind that gets to be happy

I want to be pretty

the type of pretty that can buy a crop top and actually be a crop top

the kind of pretty where I can where a bikini and not have to cover up

the kind of pretty where I can like someone and not be insecure about them not liking me back because of my looks

I want to be the kind of pretty

where I can upload a video of me just sitting there and go viral

the kind that can get a thousand followers with only 6 posts

the kind of pretty society wishes me to be.

the kind of pretty that makes you have so much confidence where you can do small things like compliment people and get a compliment back

the kind that gives you great tips

the kind that makes other people make double turns

the kind that makes people question if you're a boy or girl

the kind where you can wear baggy clothes but people know you're still ski- I mean pretty

the kind that can have cute shirts instead of shirts that are plus size and have ugly patterns

the kind that can rock any kind of hair color

the kind of pretty that doesn't make your dad question if I've been to the doctor

the type where you don't get advice on how to lose weight

the kind where even without makeup you're the prettiest in the room

the kind where it's humble

the kind where when you told people that you want to be an actor

they encouraged you

the kind that when you think back to prom, you might have been a prom queen candidate

I just wish I could be pretty

pretty

pretty

pretty

I mean I wish I was skinny

sorry I haven't had any inspiration lately so 😅