stylus-et-gladius

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jean in the future trying to explain why neil is his misplaced forever partner and everyone thinking that Andrew would be jealous but matt is the one who is about to freak out because no way the french guy is about to steal his bro his one and only platonic soulmate

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Superman isn't woke. You're just so evil that you see a man doing acts of kindness and you think it's a targeted political agenda

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forget hot girl summer, embrace murderbot summer

remember that every day is a good day to reject socialization and hyperfixate on fictional characters

it’s what murderbot would’ve wanted

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They’re misplaced forever partners, your honor

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It's always WYD and never MLTWCIEOGIEOSMTTWOOICSAMAALLWOFOOOFTL

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Sometimes the rats in my brain come together and start yelling “YEARNING” and in trying to appease them I ask “FOR WHAT” but they are too small so all they can say is “YEARNING” which is a very big word for such a tiny creature, even collectively

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Wow I love being in my early-to-mid twenties!

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When the day finally came that Jean Moreau and Neil Josten stood side by side on the Olympic court, it was weird. Not for them, of course, they had kept in close contact since the nest and had been looking forward to finally playing on the same team again. It wasn't weird for Kevin or Andrew either, both were used to Jean and Neil's borderline codependent relationship. It wasn't even weird for Jeremy, who got used to the fact that his boyfriend came with a 5 foot three red-haired accessory rather quickly. 

No, it wasn't weird for any of them. It was only weird to the public and the other members of the Olympic team. 

The general public had had years to get used to the dynamic of Kevin Day and Neil Josten. The two had left the nest in rapid succession, and both ended up on the Foxes. While there was much speculation and interview after interview, no one could ever quite grasp their relationship. 

The press and the public got used to silent conversations, exchanged at a glance, to Neil invading Kevin's space to whisper in another language, the taller man not even reacting as he answered with the same expression he'd had before. They got used to Neil being glued to Kevin's side, on the court, on the bench, even in the off-season. 

Then there were the weirder things. Neil was spotted a few times asleep with his head on Kevin's shoulder or lap. None of the Foxes seemed to question this, so the public speculated it must just be due to growing up together. Then there were Kevin's affectionate smiles that were only directed at Neil. And Neil almost always looked to Kevin when he was uncomfortable with interview questions, which was always followed by Kevin stepping in. 

Then there was the sharing.

Food, water bottles, sweat towels, Neil taking Kevin's phone from his pocket whenever Kevin was too distracted to acknowledge Neil's presence, not to mention the countless Paparazzi photos that side by side showed the shared hoodies, T-shirts, and other accessories. The two shared so much in fact that before Neil confirmed his relationship with fellow Fox, Andrew Minyard, most exy fans (for better or worse) had assumed Neil and Kevin were a couple. 

And while Jean had followed Kevin and Neil from the nest not long after they left, he did not join them on the East Coast; instead, he headed to California to join the Trojans there. Kevin and Neil voiced their support of Jean's choice separately and together, praising the Trojans for supporting Jean during his transition from Raven to Trojan. Jean, in turn, spoke affectionately about his former teammates, if rarely, and as the years passed, the fact that the three men had once played together for the Ravens faded to the back of everyone's mind. 

Until Jean joined Neil and Kevin on the Olympic field, and it all came back. 

The odd closeness, the silent conversations, the sharing, whispers in French and other languages, and most familiarly of all, Neil being glued to Jean's side. It was evident on the court, in interviews, on the sidelines. Except this was so much more than Kevin and Neil had ever been. 

The two move together in an uncanny way, as if they were unconsciously linked. Kevin was usually nearby, but Neil and Jean were just different. Their team saw it more than anyone else and agreed it was unsettling. 

Multiple teammates witnessed Jean stealing bites of Neil's food right off the striker's plate, and when asked about it, Neil casually explained he was poisoned once, and sometimes Jean still worries. This led to a conversation about why exactly Jean, essentially being Neil's poison tester, was a good idea, and Neil just shrugged. The chances of there being any poison were basically zero, and if it made Jean feel better, why would Neil stop him? No one knew how to answer that, and Kevin agreed with Neil, so the subject was dropped.

There is so much casual physical contact between the two men that several of their Olympic teammates questioned if Jean and Neil were actually dating each other rather than Andrew and Jeremy. Jean automatically taking Neil's arm to direct him as he walks whenever Neil is wrapped up in whatever he's talking about (usually exy) or casually lying across Neil's lap when they watch a movie. Neil, leaning into Jean's space, or tugging the taller man down to whisper in his ear.

And Jean is clearly in perfect synch with his red-haired shadow, no matter what Neil needs. Neil won't even speak sometimes; he just makes vague noises, and Jean will reach down the coffee tin from the top shelf or shift how he's sitting so Neil can curl up next to him. Kevin sometimes joins them, and sometimes Andrew will, but it's not unusual to find Jean reading with a sleeping Neil curled up against him. And if Neil goes too quiet and Andrew isn't already by his side? Everyone knows to find Jean immediately. 

Jean's care for Neil isn't one-sided, either. Neil can cook three things, and all three dishes are Jean's favorites. He knows Jean's wardrobe better than Jean does and makes sure that if anything needs to be replaced, it is. He can sense when Jean needs a break and will either suggest a walk or suggest they find Jeremy. And if Jeremy isn't around and Jean is upset? Find Neil as fast as possible.

Neil brings Jean out of his shell, and Jean can withstand Neil's rage (rare though it is now). On more than one occasion, Jean simply picked Neil up and carried him away from the opposite team while Neil continued to yell in multiple languages. Usually, Jean takes Neil to the goal and stands guard while Neil has a conversation with Andrew, but sometimes he simply holds Neil in the air until the striker has calmed down.  And despite Neil's fury, not once did he land a hit on Jean. 

(That was something all three former Ravens were very careful about. Anger was never directed at each other, whether that was simply raised voices or more physical frustrations. That wasn't to say they never disagreed. It was just that disagreements were calmly discussed, and the three never argued.)

The team gradually got used to the weird dynamic, collectively deciding that if the boyfriends were okay with it, they could be, too. Until the incident. 

Jean was discussing strategy with the team captain after practice when Neil came up behind him. Their captain nodded in greeting, not surprised that Jean's shadow had shown up, and continued talking. His trailed off mid-sentence, however, when Neil began to climb Jean like a jungle gym! 

And Jean didn't react! He picked up where the captain left off, as if oblivious to the 5-foot-3 man currently climbing up to his shoulders. Actually, that wasn't completely true. Jean unconsciously shifted his weight to keep his balance and put a hand on his hip, giving Neil both a foothold and a handhold as he climbed. Neil settled on Jean's shoulder, and Jean reached up to pat Neil's leg absently. Neil hummed in response, crossing his arms across the top of Jean's head and resting his chin on them. 

It wasn't until their captain didn't answer Jean's question that he realized the man was staring. 

"What's wrong?" Jean asked, mildly concerned. 

"He just... And you... He climbed you like a tree!!" 

Jean chuckled. 

"He does that." 

"Why??" 

"He likes to be tall sometimes," Jean said it as if it was obvious.

"Of course he does," their captain said faintly.

And that was the day the team gave up trying to even attempt to understand Jean and Neil. 

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jean moreau:

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nathaniel wesninski had been dead for years before they left him buried in baltimore. he had been dead, but he’d also been ever-present, pacing in the muffled beat of alex’s footsteps, crouching beneath the hooded circles under stefan’s eyes, twitching at the base of chris’s trigger finger. pulsing in the pit of abram’s throat as he stuck a lighter to the hood of his mother’s car. he crawled into bed at neil’s side when he tucked away his brown contacts and pulled out his binder. but neil, abram, alex-stefan-chris, weren’t the only ones he haunted, because he haunted evermore too. he was the silhouette that sat on the edge of the bed opposite jean’s when zane wasn’t in the room. he was the phantom that drew cold fingers over the number that should have been his scrawled on the face of the boy he should have been able to save. he was the speck of light jean saw when he opened his eyes underwater long enough he forgot how to breathe. he was the glinting edge of a box-cutter and the creaking floor of a wooden box and the stale air in jean’s lungs from 48 hours in hell. the point separating 11.9 from 1.19. misplaced forever partners united by being haunted by the same ghost.

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The Trojans oversharing and Jean responding “you couldn’t waterboard this information out of me”

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I think like. The thing I keep coming back to about the Murderbot show is that I cannot remember ever seeing another tv show give an “Oh” moment to platonic love.

But my god, when Murderbot shows Mensah Sanctuary Moon to help with her panic attack. You see her look at it, and you see her realize…

Yes, she has been thinking of Murderbot as a person, that’s why she went back for it at the DeltFall habitat. But it’s all been very theoretical—the way you might help a stranger up if they fall, but that doesn’t mean you want to get to know them. It doesn’t mean you’ve reckoned with their interiority.

But as Murderbot murmurs, “Breathe, breathe, breathe the crystal light” to itself, you see it all click into place for Ayda Mensah.

This terror she’s experiencing? All-consuming and confusing and soul-crushing? SecUnit has felt this. And it had to face it alone—not just in the sense that there has never been anyone to offer it comfort, but in the sense that no one even thought that it—it as an entity, it as a being capable of fear—exists.

So it found this show. And Mensah has been so pissed at it for potentially getting them all killed because it thought a stupid fucking soap opera mattered, but oh, oh, oh fuck, this show is the only thing in the universe that has ever given it comfort. This show has offered it context and escapism and asked for nothing in return. It absolutely is critical matériel.

And that brings her to now, to herself, to herself and Murderbot. This person next to her, who she is technically in possession of, who has had to claw and scrape for even a thimbleful of peace, who was only able to protect that peace by never ever ever letting anyone know it existed. She and her team have ripped away its impossibly precious privacy, exposed its secrets… and here it is handing her part of its soul anyway, because in this moment she needs it.

Because it knows what it’s like to be scared and alone, and does not want her to feel that way.

And so she falls in love, and you get to watch it happen.

My ace ass has a lot of messy feelings about love and the way it appears on screen. Few things have hit me as hard as getting to witness the exact moment Dr. Ayda Mensah’s soul met Murderbot’s and decided it was home.

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Best pit photo of the whole con

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Strike down the demon with his muppet hole watching.