sunflowercds

[sunflowercds]

STRAWBERRY SUNSET | jjk

main masterlist

pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

genre: harry potter marauders au, werewolf jungkook, friends to worse than lovers, angst, idiots in love

word count: 16.1k

important preface: i do not support jk r*wling in any way, shape, or form. she has been vocal about her support of horrendous ideology, and i would not begin to even understand such thought processes. these words are not praise of her or her writing at all. i am using the world of the marauders to add certain worldly support to this narrative, but again, this is not support towards her in any way.

warnings: reader uses she/her pronouns, explicit language, ANGST, jungkook is basically remus btw, ravenclaw jimin & yoongi & y/n, slytherin joon & jungkook, hufflepuff jin & hobi, gryffindor taehyung, requires little to no prior knowledge about hp, this is just straight ANGST with no aftercare. don’t say i didn’t warn you.

summary: it’s seventh year. your last year at hogwarts! it’s the year for wrapping things up as you begin to make plans for the future… however, you find yourself doing the complete opposite, and your life begins to unravel before your very eyes. oh, how things take a turn for the worst.

alternative summary: tell me, do you believe in right person, wrong time?

author’s note: i posted the teaser to this nearly three years ago. i had 14k of this written out when i hit a wall and couldn’t bear to finish it. honestly, i thought i was done writing all together, and i abandoned this account. randomly, i thought about this fic and wanted to finish what i started. i hope you enjoy this silly little thing where i ramble and (maybe) find my love for writing again.

The summer of strawberry pastries and well loved books had been much too short.

Your parents had sent you to stay in the countryside with your grandparents over the break and made you promise to enjoy the scenery and the food... and no magic, whatsoever. Being a half-blood, your mother had requested that you spend a moment in the muggle world, enjoying the simplicity.

Aside from the lack of your favorite convenience spells, such as accio and ascendio, it truly had been a lovely summer. Your grandparents’ estate was expansive and beautiful. And your grandparents made sure you had all the things you could ever think of, including an abundance of strawberry cream cheese pastries—your favorite, of course. Your mother being their only daughter meant that you were their only grandchild, which therefore meant they loved to treat and spoil you.

It was euphoric, honestly, being in such a serene atmosphere. The grounds resembled your most favorite romance films with the endless fields and big, beautiful trees and scattered wildflowers. The whole scene beckoned for hushed giggles between friends and lovers and freeing dashes across the grounds—the same way fresh milk calls for chocolate chip cookies and apple pie longs for vanilla ice cream.

Though your grandparents threw the occasional summer party with family friends that ran back generations and generations, you did miss your wizarding friends. Your grandparents weren’t subtle by any means in their attempts to introduce you to every young and rich bachelor, hoping one of them would pique your interest.

They would dress you up in gowns and float you around the room to make connections, as your grandmother insisted with a wave of her hand. It was of utmost importance for such a young woman like yourself to be doing. Why, darling, you can marry more money in seconds than you can make in a lifetime!

Their efforts, however, were to no avail.

Regardless of their attempts to coax you into a romance, you tried your best to make the most of your time of calamity, knowing your last year at Hogwarts was about to begin. Still, most of the time you thought about what all of you would be doing if the rest of the group were here together.

The group consisted of you, your Slytherin best friend Jeon Jungkook, your Ravenclaw housemates Park Jimin and Min Yoongi, and Hufflepuff Kim Seokjin.

The house being historic and rather large, Jungkook and Jimin would surely attempt to find and map out all of the secret passageways. They’d already done so with the enchanted map that could track and locate people at Hogwarts. The two would wreak absolute havoc in both chaotic and somehow endearing ways.

Seokjin would no doubt be charming the hell out of your grandmother. Oh, you couldn’t even imagine if they were to meet. No doubt she would be whisking you off to cake tastings and bridal dress fittings before you could even breathe a word of protest.

And of course, Yoongi would keep busy in the bountiful library, reading, writing, keeping himself immersed in knowledge. You hypothesized that your grandfather would favor him the most. Both of them had an affinity for learning and could bond over the little curiosities in life.

Next summer, perhaps you could convince your family to let them accompany you.

—

Since coming back home, you've been anxious with excitement. Though the summer itself had gone by in a blink, it felt like you hadn't seen your favorite boys in centuries. Time was peculiar that way, stretching like taffy in the most inconvenient of times and compressing in all the others. Never have you experienced the same length of time in the exact same way.

“Is that my beloved Y/N?!” A familiar voice hollers at you from across Platform 9 3/4.

The unabashed loudness makes you feel as though your face is on fire as several families turn towards the commotion in curiosity—or more likely, annoyance. You brush off the stares, breaking into a fond smile as you start to situate yourself back into the loud playfulness of the stupid, stupid boys you love.

Whatever phantom ache of loneliness that had settled into your chest over the summer dissipates without another thought. The anxious excitement that had been bubbling up for the past few weeks leading up to school finally spills over in uncontrollable laughter. You missed them so much that you can't control your expression enough to even feign a slightly indifferent look as you whirl around.

His dark hair is longer than when you had said goodbye to him last school year, and his bangs flop around wildly as he pushes through the crowd to greet you, his luggage nearly taking out a small child. Oops. A sudden image of helping him cut his own bangs with safety scissors in the prefect bathrooms flashes through your mind. Dude, I’m not sure there’s a spell that can fix that…

“Mister Kim Seokjin.” You tip your head formally with a smile.

“We thought you had died!” Seokjin exclaims, waving his arms around. “Kook was heartbroken. Thought about apparating over to your house just to see what the matter was.”

At the thought of Jungkook suddenly materializing in your kitchen, you give a half amused, half apologetic look. “My parents told me I couldn't owl anyone. They were very adamant about it—hold on, died?”

He scoffs, “Well not died died. Maybe ran away to some foreign country, but not six-feet-under sort of dead.” He hums contemplatively. “Hopefully, we'd be invited to your funeral. We are your only friends after all, and none of us got any sort of invitation so—”

“That's rude! I haven't seen or spoken to you in months and the first thing you say to me is an insult! I have other friends!”

Seokjin gives you a look. “Like who?”

“Umm…” you pause. “Jay! From potions, of course. He’s my friend!”

“Don’t be silly,.” He sighs and throws an arm over your shoulder and guides the both of you towards the train. “He just wants to get into your pants.”

“He what?!”

“Wait for us! DON’T LEAVE US!”

More yelling. God, those boys were loud. You roll your eyes and halt. Behind you the other three puzzle pieces of chaos are scrambling through the crowd. You give a silent apology to all the poor students who got an elbow or book in the face as a result of their lack of spatial awareness.

Jimin is at the head of the group, shoving through the crowd to catch up. Jungkook trails behind, apologizing profusely but twisting just as quickly and clumsily through the people. And lastly, Yoongi stumbles behind, clutching his bags tightly, attempting to get through the crowd with the least amount of damage as possible while also not losing the rest of the boys.

As they approach you and Seokjin, you quickly notice they are not slowing down. Jungkook collides into you as he attempts to stop. His hands instinctively come up to grasp your shoulders to steady the both of you. You startle at the sudden physical contact, cheeks burning but you're too stunned to move away.

Over the summer, you worried constantly about Jungkook, wondering how he was doing as you carefully watched the phases of the moon. You wished you could be where he was, but were left to only trust the boys were looking after him. Of course your trust in the boys was without question, but there was still an aching pull in your chest… like your heart was encased in string and someone was tugging and tugging on the other end.

The last full moon you had been there for you had stayed in the Hogwarts infirmary the following day, reading his favorite book as you always did… only you had done so laying next to him in the bed until he fell asleep curled up next to you, mumbling about nonsensical things and discussing a future that seemed to blur the lines of friends and something more.

We’ll live together after we finish school, right? Like we always talked about when we were in our first year. I don't think anyone else would want to deal with me turning like this every month anyway… If—of course—if you haven’t already met someone else by then… I’m just so unsure about what I’m going to do after Hogwarts, Y/N. I really don’t know anything—except that I know that you’re going to be in it. You’re the only thing I’m sure about.

It all felt so intimate. Did friends really say that to one another?

But when he woke up, he was still a bit delirious from the extensive painkillers Madam Pomfrey had given him and you were away in class. Later, when you tentatively asked how he was doing after everything—with the implication of asking much more—he mumbled about how everything after the boys had hauled him into the infirmary was hazy.

You’d left it at that. No point in dwelling on silly delusions.

You stare at Jungkook dumbly. “You got taller.”

“Maybe you shrank,” he quips.

You step back abruptly, and Jungkook’s hands drop back to his sides. "You all are so fucking mean."

“Hey! No swearing!” Seokjin chimes in an obnoxious tone.

Jimin steps in front of Jungkook, taking up your whole line of vision, and he reaches over to pinch your cheeks, but you dodge his affections. “Don't worry, Y/N. I would never say such things.”

“Thank you—”

“To your face,” he finishes, breaking out in a loud laughter.

“I hate every one of you. I'm never speaking to any of you ever again.”

“What did I do?” Yoongi protests.

You eye him carefully. “You're a bystander in this outright bullying, and everyone knows that that’s just as bad.”

He scoffs.

“Come on, let’s get on the train so we can claim a good spot,” Seokjin says, tugging on your sleeve. 

“Fine,” you huff, letting the tall boy pull you onto the train. “I’ve already put up with you for like six years. One more won't completely kill me.”

"You never know," Jungkook says, stepping into an empty compartment.

You squish into the bench between the window and Jungkook with Seokjin, Yoongi, and Jimin across on the other side.

The boys are completely immersed in an animated conversation as they catch up on what they did over the summer when they weren’t together, which would be a rather rare sight. You’re all truly attached at the hip. You're listening but not quite. Mostly, you're simply taking in just how much you missed your favorite boys and their company.

Suddenly, Jungkook’s leg bumps into yours as the train jerks and pulls away from the station. You stare at the leg that is now pressed against yours. He's searching for something in the depths of the bag he'd brought with him, making no indication that he’s aware that his thigh is now firmly against your own.

Before you can stop yourself and simply let his closeness be—because you don't completely hate it, though it's making it difficult to focus on anything else—you open your mouth.

“You're sitting quite close to me,” you state flatly in observation.

Though he was the one who had sat down next to you like that, he looks up as if startled by such a fact. Quickly and a bit awkwardly, he scoots away as much as he can. “I-I thought someone else would sit on our side. I was making room—!”

“It's okay.” You shrug. Deciding to save the both of you from further embarrassment, you quickly change the subject. “What are you looking for?”

“My book,” he frowns. “I could've sworn I put it in this bag… I was going to finish it on the ride over.”

You turn to dig through your own bag. You were going to give it to him later, but Jungkook looks genuinely upset about his missing book. And as if by instinct, all you can think about is remedying the pout on his face. Jeon Jungkook pulls at your heartstrings without a bat of an eye, a masterful puppeteer without a day of practice

“Maybe you can pass the time with something hopefully just as nice,” you suggest slowly.

He raises an eyebrow, big eyes filling with curiosity. “Y/N… you didn't!”

You reveal a small paper bag. He peers inside, and instantly, his eyes light up.

You know he loves it, but for some reason you still feel the need to start explaining yourself, laughing nervously to ease the pressure in your chest. “I don't know. I just feel terrible for ghosting for like three months. And then my grandparents took me shopping one day, and we passed this confectionery. And I saw those and thought that you might like them. But it's okay if you don't! I don't even know about raspberries and oranges and dark chocolate. Actually, that sounds kind of strange now that I think about it. You know, maybe—”

“Y/N, I love it. Thank you. You really didn't have to.”

“I wanted to,” you reply nonchalantly and pretend to look for something else in your bag to avoid his eyes.

Jimin suddenly kicks your shin and leans over with his award winning smile. “Hey, where's our present?”

You glare at him and rub the tender part of your leg, wincing slightly. “Up your ass.”

“You disappear for a whole summer and come back with an attitude.” Seokjin squints and makes a show of examining you. “What did you do while you were in the countryside? It certainly wasn’t learning manners.”

You glare at him.

___

For the first years, the first day of Hogwarts is spent adapting to all the change; the new environment without any guardians, your new peers, the new Houses. It’s spent getting oriented, studying your timetables start to end, scrambling for friends to navigate all the newness with, unpacking trunks, decorating your room with moving pictures of family and friends back home and stacking trinkets on dressers to remedy the inevitable homesickness.

For the second to fifth years, having been at Hogwarts already, the first day is for throwing clothes haphazardly in dressers and scrambling downstairs to the common rooms to catch up with friends until lights out. It’s to savor the fraction of a moment with friends before the real school year begins—classes, grades, exams, stress. It’s to meander, reclaim past hangout and study spots in the different nooks of Hogwarts.

And for the sixth and seventh years, like yourself, it’s for awaiting the end of the long and excruciating sorting ceremony and feast so the actual events can begin.

The welcome back party takes place in the Room of Requirement and is hosted by a different house each year, rotating from Hufflepuff to Gryffindor to Ravenclaw to Slytherin and back around again. One house is responsible for decorating, organizing any specific themes or activities, providing food, and—of course—getting the Firewhiskey into Hogwarts.

It’s been the upperclassmen tradition for decades. You’re sure the professors and Headmaster are aware of the annual event but also know they turn a blind eye to the groups of students stumbling back to their dorms at 3 am. No harm no foul thus far.

This year Slytherin is hosting, and they are infamous for hosting particularly good ass parties.

“Are you sure you can’t give us a hint about what you’re planning for tonight?” Jimin pokes at Jungkook’s arm with a pleading look on his face.

You’ve all already tuned out the sorting hat’s nonsensical mumbling and shouting. The rules are pretty strict about sitting with your housemates during the opening feast, but you all have never really paid much mind to it. Each year, you sit together towards the back of the Great Hall and converse over the white noise. None of the professors have made a fuss over it, and besides, when have you followed the rules anyway?

Jungkook fixes his gaze on his food, “I’m sure. My housemates would kill me. It’s a surprise.”

“A good one? Or a bad one?” Seokjin asks suspiciously. “That could literally mean anything.”

“It starts in a few hours. Just wait.” Jungkook rolls his eyes.

“Y/N, you ask Kook,” Jimin pipes up. “You’ll have better luck with him.”

“I’ll have better—what does that even mean?” You ask incredulously.

“Just try it! We wanna know if the party is gonna be boring or not.”

“Fine.” You turn to Jungkook who’s already looking away from you, pretending to be busy. “Koo, what’s the theme of the party?”

To say Jungkook and you were friends wouldn’t necessarily be inaccurate.

Sure, you were friends… bros… pals… whatever. However, saying you were friends, bros, and pals in the same way you were with the other boys? Not quite as accurate.

You first became friends with Jungkook during the boat ride into the castle. You were instantly enamored with those giant brown eyes and even more interested when he tripped stepping into the boat and almost face planted into the water. Cute.

Instant friendship.

Well, did you really have a choice when he’d grabbed a fistful of your robes in an attempt to stop himself from falling over?

You were devastated when you were sorted into different houses, you in Ravenclaw and Jungkook in Slytherin. Despite being in different Houses affected how much you saw him during the day in classes, you stuck around each other during any and all free times. Then, eventually you met the rest of the boys through clubs, classes, and corresponding free periods. Together, you formed one little friend group.

Regardless, the clumsy, doe-eyed Slytherin boy still remains your first and best friend.

Jungkook sighs. “That’s not fair.”

“Sure it is!” Jimin grins.

“You know that they won’t stop until they know,” you say.

Jungkook groans before pressing his lips together, internally debating before hesitating, “You’ll see.”

___

You’re two cups in of whatever mysterious concoction Seokjin has been making when you notice the ceiling has been moving.

“Did the sky scene change?” You ask over the music.

“Huh?” Jungkook, slightly tipsy, leans in to hear you better.

The sudden proximity startles you, washing the previously mesmerizing mirage from your brain. Focus.

“I said, is the sky changing?!” You shout.

He looks up as you gesture to the ceiling and grins, “Yep! It’s reflecting the same sky somewhere in—Joon! What sky is this?”

Jungkook’s Slytherin housemate, Namjoon, who you’ve only met a handful of times, responds, “Sweden!”

You hum in response and watch the glittering sky, entranced.

The party itself is incredibly gorgeous, and you’re honestly surprised at how much Slytherin outdid themselves.

The Room of Requirement is transformed into a beautiful planetarium. Magic is woven into every aspect of the decorations. The ceiling looks as if the castle has opened up to the galaxy. Constellations glitter the sky and the occasional shooting star blinks by. Twinkling lights and tulle line the columns and walls, swaying in a fabricated breeze.

It’s as if you’re encapsulated in space—or maybe rather that they’ve somehow encapsulated a fraction of the galaxy into this tiny little room.

“Mikrokosmos,” Jungkook tells you, watching you gaze at the sky in awe. “It’s what we coined the theme as.”

You can hardly believe that certain counterparts of the seventh year Slytherins could conceptualize something so beautiful as your attention is momentarily diverted by a particularly loud crash. An especially annoying Slytherin laughs loudly and idiotically from the ground after drunkenly knocking over a table.

But then you turn to your best friend to find him already watching you carefully, and your annoyance dissipates immediately as you realize your own idiot friends were the masterminds.

“It’s so incredible. I love it, Koo,” you say sincerely. “It’s a beautiful end to our last first day.”

Jungkook pouts. “Why’d you have to mention that?”

“It’s true!” You sigh.

“Just because something is true, doesn’t mean it needs to be said,” Jungkook says.

“Words to live by!” Jimin declares, stepping into the conversation sporting a mysteriously glowing blue drink.

Namjoon, having returned from the snack table, joins the group. In one hand is a bottle of water—smart—and the other is holding a cute gold star shaped cookie.

“What are you talking about?” Namjoon asks.

“Y/N was being a Negative Nancy,” Jimin quips.

You scoff, “I was just saying how it’s our las—”

Suddenly, the boys start talking over you loudly, effectively drowning out the rest of your sentence.

You roll your eyes.

Your eyes unconsciously look for the rest of the group, wanting to make sure they’re okay—particularly in situations where alcohol is involved. You’re not worried about any of them getting too crazy drunk, but you’re prepared to step in to halt any especially dumb ideas, such as dyeing the owls a key lime green. Not that any of you would ever do that, of course.

Luckily, Seokjin is just standing near the speakers chatting up a cute Gryffindor. He’s wearing the most charming smile and the utmost captivating gaze, like the girl and him are the only ones in the room. He even leans down and towards the Gryffindor to “hear better,” nearly giving the poor soul a heart attack. 

It’s a little pitiful to watch, but you can’t help but cheer him on regardless. You’re not his mom. Plus, you know that he’s really a dork, who will meet you in the kitchens at 2 am when you’re not feeling well to share a rabokki and exchange burdens.

Yoongi is sitting at a table away from the dance floor with a separate group of people. You recognize enough of them from games to realize they’re friends from Quidditch, which means they’re most likely talking about the said sport. Yoongi was appointed captain for Ravenclaw, and you can tell how excited he is about it, despite how much he tries to brush it off nonchalantly. You’re proud of him and like how his eyes get all starry and excited when he rambles on about the different plays you don’t understand.

Yoongi will definitely whip the Ravenclaw team into shape for the quidditch season. But you can tell the conversation is more amicable. It’s a melting pot of players of different houses, and they all seem to be animatedly recalling past games.

Yoongi, somehow sensing your eyes on him from across the room, looks away from the table to wave to you. He gives you a questioning look, asking if you’re looking over to call him back to the group. You smile to yourself over his concern but wave him off, letting him return to his conversation.

The Hufflepuff’s captain, Hoseok, seems to be the center of the next memory they retell. The table tunes into him and laughs with every dramatic pause and flutter of lanky arms. Absently, you want to meander over to the table to see what all the chaos is about, but you know you probably wouldn’t get it.

“Hello? Y/N?”

You blink, “What?”

Jungkook pokes your arm. “We were wondering what you did over the summer.”

“The one when you ghosted us,” Jimin reminds, taking another sip of his drink. You swear it has to be charmed to be that neon shade of blue. Nothing natural or even artificial could or should ever be that luminescent.

“Oh,” you shrug. “I didn’t really do anything in particular. My grandparent’s estate is like really far in the countryside so there really wasn’t much to do or see except grass and trees. I read a lot of books. It was kind of boring and a little lonely.”

“Really? Nothing interesting?” Jungkook prods.

“Honestly. I mean my grandmother would throw these parties, and they were kind of interesting. But you know I don’t like socializing, and it was all like old people.”

Jimin gasps, theatrically,  “See! That’s interesting! Meet anyone with hot relatives? I know your mom’s side is full of rich people connections.”

Your mind pops up a certain face without your permission, and it must show on your face because—

“Oh my god, I was just joking but you totally did! You have to tell us!”

For some reason, your first instinct is to look at Jungkook. Your feelings are still a little desperately confused about him. Unfortunately.

The summer, while refreshing, was also just three months of not enough stimulation to shut off your overactive thoughts. Like usual, your best friend continued to occupy most of your brain. Perhaps you do like him. Three long months to contemplate it, and yet still no conclusion—or at least a conclusion that you liked—which is exactly why you subtly glance towards him to measure his reaction.

He seems more interested in the conversation now, that you can tell, because he’s set down his drink on the nearest table to give the current conversation his full attention. However, you have yet to discern if it’s a friendly yay I think my friend totally just got laid! or more hopefully if it’s a jealous, who the fuck?

“Please,” you try to play it off. Really, the last thing you need is another reason for the boys to tease you. “It was just some guy—”

“I called it!” Jimin shouts. “You definitely had that non-virgin glow to you at 9 and ¾!”

“That’s so gross, Jimin.” You scrunch your nose. “What the fuck does that even mean? Nothing even happened. We were just friends.”

He crosses his arms, “Wait, so you’re still a virgin?”

“Dude—”

“So what was his name?” Jungkook interrupts in an attempt to steer the conversation away from the strange track it got switched to.

“Uh, Taehyung. He’s one of my grandmother’s friend’s grandson. They live in America, I believe. He was also being reluctantly dragged to luncheons and dinners and galas. We just ended up seeing each other so much that we became friends to pass the time and look like we were being active participants of society or whatever.”

Desperately, you want the focus to be off you and some random guy you’ll probably never see again. Usually, you have no problem talking about boys with them, but Jungkook is suspiciously quiet and it’s making your palms sweat for some reason.

You want to fix Jungkook with another glance, but you don’t want to give off the impression that you’re too interested—like suspiciously interested—in his reaction. You just flit your eyes between the rest of the boys to resist the urge, hating how conscious you are of your every muscle and limb on your body.

Jungkook, on the other hand, is staring at you, no shame. He’s panicking just slightly. Like on a completely normal level, of course.

Why aren’t you looking at him?

He tries to search for a hint of a bluff. He’s attempting to find out if maybe you did do something with this mysterious guy and just don’t want to tell everyone about it for some reason. It would be weird, considering he remembers exceptionally clearly in fourth year when you called an emergency meeting so you could announce that you’ve just had your first kiss with some Hufflepuff idiot whose name you don’t even remember. The guy’s name was Jake, by the way. Jungkook remembers.

Or maybe, just maybe, he’ll find a little too much fondness in your voice. Maybe nothing really did happen, but you wish it did. Maybe you miss this guy. Too bad, he’s back in America.

Embarrassed, Jungkook tries to clear his thoughts when he notices Jimin giving him a pointed look.

There’s a reason Jimin knows everything about everyone at Hogwarts. First, clearly, he’s a little nosy. But it’s not his fault he asks the right questions and people have loose lips. Second, he’s friends with nearly everyone, something that comes with being frustratingly charming. And third and most importantly, he’s more observant than anyone would ever suspect.

Jungkook quickly takes a long sip of his drink to hide his face behind his cup. After a moment, Jungkook wonders what he was even trying to keep Jimin from seeing and finding out. That he was concerned about his best friend? He doesn’t have any secrets.

How strange.

___

“Thank god, we have charms together,” Jungkook sighs in relief.

Each of the students’ timetables had just been handed out before breakfast, so here you are clearing a space on the table to compare classes. The Great Hall amplifies the sound of hundreds of students doing the same.

Considering you had already taken your O.W.L. placement exams in sixth year, the schedules weren’t surprising. Like the rest of your same year housemates, you had been studying relentlessly for the O.W.L.s.

Even coming down to breakfast with Jimin and Yoongi, you could hear fellow seventh year Ravenclaws beginning to discuss the next big exam, which was arguably even more crucial to your future, the N.E.W.T.s.

It was incredibly frustrating how one little test determined nearly your entire life path, but never mind that.

You can’t help but sulk, regardless of Jungkook’s observation. “But we don’t have any other classes together.”

He nudges your shoulder with his. “Don’t worry, we’ll make it work. We always do. Remember third year? We only had one class together, also.”

“Yeah, and it was completely miserable,” you deadpan.

“Okay, look,” he grabs your timetable from your hands and lays it on the table next to his. “We still have every mealtime together, of course, and we’re both off for study hall at the end of the day—”

“You guys are disgusting,” Yoongi says between a bite of eggs.

“Yep.” Seokjin, who is clearly a little hungover and disheveled, nods. “And I think you both have separation anxiety with each other.”

“I truly hope you're suffering right now,” you bite back while also handing him a vial of your signature hangover potion.

Seokjin takes it a little too happily and mixes it into his morning coffee. He takes a large, inhaling sip and sighs dramatically. “Y/N, my saving grace.”

“Jimin, can you stop studying right now,” Yoongi grimaces. “I’m trying to enjoy my food, and you’re stressing me out in my peripheral.”

Jimin closes the book propped open against his cup, “Sorry.”

“Classes haven’t even started. What could you possibly be doing?” Seokjin leans over to peer at the cover.

“Don’t mind him,” You say. “Someone mentioned the N.E.W.T.s while we were helping taking down the decorations last night, and now he’s stressing out about being behind.”

“I mean it's not such a bad idea to get a head start,” Jungkook shrugs. “We should have little study sessions for the exams!”

“I resent how excited you sounded just then about study sessions,” Yoongi says.

You ignore him. “I’m trying to be a Healer, so I have to get at least an E in almost all my classes.”

Jungkook has no doubt that you’ll get above that in all your classes. You’re deceivingly intelligent, as are the rest of the boys. But you especially never fail to amaze him.

“Ah shit.”

Jungkook’s focus is startled away from his breakfast, finding you searching through your bag. “What?"

“I forgot something in my room.” You’re already wiggling yourself out of the bench. “I’m going to run back, and I’ll meet you for charms, Koo.”

“Wait, I’ll come with you!” Jungkook scrambles up too.

You look wearily at his half eaten plate, but know you won’t be able to deter him from coming with you so he can finish breakfast. What Seokjin said had a little bit more truth in it than either of you would like to admit.

You grab a croissant, wrapping it in a napkin, and a few breakfast bars from the spread, knowing he’s going to be hungry later because of you. “Let’s go.”

___

You’re arm in arm as to not lose each other in the halls filled with other students clambering to their classes. With every step, you’re lightly bumping into each other as you both lean into each other further to talk hushedly.

“The full moon is coming up already,” you say.

“Yeah.” You can feel Jungkook tense at the conversation, but his tone is neutral, forcibly so. “I was looking at the lunar calendar. It’s unfortunate the first one is so close to the beginning of the year… Classes are just starting, and I’ll already be behind.”

“We’ve made it work in the past. We can do it again. You know that the boys and I have your back, always.”

And Jungkook does.

When he first received the letter from Hogwarts, he couldn’t even begin to fathom what it would be like. His parents had pre-informed the headmaster of his ailment, and while the headmaster was reassuring in his commitment to help Jungkook throughout the school year, he was still worried about the other students.

Would he still be able to make friends? Surely he couldn’t become close with anyone. They would begin to question where he was every month, surely find out, and most definitely avoid him like the plague for the rest of his long miserable life. Or worse, they could tell everyone and he would surely have to move schools.

And yet…

You fell into his life—or rather he fell into your life, literally. Quickly after easily becoming attached at the hip, just as he had suspected, you had begun to ask about his mysterious monthly disappearances. But for some reason, when he had hesitantly laid out his secret for you, you had knocked the wind out of his lungs with the amount of force in which you wrapped your arms around him with, promising to help him with absolutely anything and everything.

“I still can’t believe you won’t let me help you. The whole Animagus thing was my idea,” you pout.

“You do help me,” he assures, poking your cheek. “You fix me all back up when we get back to Hogwarts. Plus, I know you like doing all those medical things! It’s good practice for you.”

You force the disappointed expression off your face. Every so often you ask for him to let you come with them to the Shrieking Shack. It’s the only instance in which he completely and utterly declines you. You want to help, but you know he won’t give in. It’s his decision. You ask more so he knows the offer is always open, even though you likely know the answer. You don’t want him to feel bad for setting whatever boundaries he needs to place, so you always drop it whenever you get your answer.

“Y/N?”

Both you and Jungkook turn around at the call of your name. You know the rest of the boys should be on the other side of Hogwarts, and you don’t immediately recognize the voice… and you don’t quite have any friends outside of the boys.

Jungkook is equally confused, especially so when he turns and sees a tall black-haired guy waving you down. The unfamiliar guy is wearing a big, boxy smile, messily wavy hair framing his face. 

Jungkook is unsure what possesses him to do it, but he tugs you closer to him gently with the arm that’s still linked in yours.

“Y/N, do you kn—” he starts to ask.

“Taehyung?”

The name echoes in his head. Where the hell has he heard that name before… oh.

___

Jungkook is extremely upset—rightfully so—because why the fuck is he staring at the back of your head.

Kim Taehyung had excitedly grabbed your arm when he had learned that you and Jungkook was heading to the same class, completely yanking you from Jungkook. And when you all had gotten there, he had pulled you into the seat next to him. Since the room was set up two to a table, all facing the front, this meant that Jungkook was forced to find a different seat. Though clearly he should be the one sitting next to you.

To be completely honest, Jungkook thinks Taehyung is kind of annoying. He’s only known the guy for about ten minutes, and while Jungkook doesn’t consider himself a violent person, there’s something about his face that makes him want to jinx the dude into the sun. 

For a moment, he considers the fact that he may be on edge due to the full moon coming up. But then he stares at the side of Taehyung’s face as he tells you something unbelievably unfunny and thinks nope this person is just plain obnoxious, full moon or not.

He reads you easily, and without his permission, his brain says, well at least you look uncomfortable. Not bad uncomfortable by any means, of course… just the subtle sort of awkward you get when you’re with an acquaintance and not with your best friend since first year.

“Hey, is this seat open, dude?”

Jungkook’s instinct is to turn towards you, hoping you’ll save him from having to sit next to a literal stranger for a whole year, but you’re not even looking at him. He was initially hoping that maybe you were just going to stop with Taehyung for a second to catch up and then you’d take your spot next to him. However, your books have been set down on the table in front of you and ready for class… instead of in your lap ready to be picked up again and moved near him.

He doesn’t want to look like an idiot, so he fights the disappointed expression. “Yeah, go ahead.”

Great.

___

“So what are you doing here at Hogwarts?” Seokjin asks.

It’s finally lunchtime, and by the last class, your stomach had been growling so loudly that your Potions table partner was giving you strange looks. You quickly gave the introductions and started to dig into the food.

“Y/N told us you were in America,” Jimin chimes in.

“Across the ocean,” Yoongi adds helpfully.

Taehyung laughs it off, but you can hear the malice laced into the tone of their voices.

They’ve all been oddly hostile as soon as they’d been introduced to him, and you can’t quite figure out why. You expected at least a little bit of hesitancy because of how tightly woven your group was—having a new person would be cause for at least some uncertainty. But this was much more than that.

You can’t lie and say it isn’t at least a little off kilter that Taehyung is obviously trying to find his way into the group, but you feel kind of bad for the guy. Clearly, you’re the only person he knows at Hogwarts, and you don't want to kick him to the curb… and honestly, you’re a little worried his grandparents may find out you were rude to him in the slightest, and then it may end up reflecting badly towards your own grandparents. And well… you know how socialites are.

“My parents just wanted me to finish my education at Hogwarts instead of Ilvermorny. Not sure why.” Taehyung looks down at his food, and you get the feeling there’s more to the story. He gives a tight smile and continues, “It was all really sudden, but I’m really glad I have Y/N to show me around.”

You give him a smile. “Yeah, I can give you the layout after classes are out. It’s a shame you missed the kick off party. The Slytherins did a really great job, especially Koo.”

Taehyung gives you an inquisitive look. “Koo?”

“Jungkook,” Jimin answers. “But only Y/N can call him that.”

“How come?”

Jimin and Seokjin share a look that you don’t like.

The new guy raises an eyebrow at that. “Are they together or something?”

You nearly choke and die—actually, at the look Seokjin gives you, you wish you had. He fixes you with a look that’s staring straight through your soul and into your heart, as if he knows there’s a giant, Jungkook-shaped gaping space in there.

Jungkook, on the other hand, his face goes bright red. He shifts ever so slightly away from you, down the bench and closer to Yoongi sitting on the other side of him, feeling unexpectedly uncomfortable at the lack of space. It’s not unusual for the two of you to share the same personal space bubble, squishing into each other as if close isn’t close enough. Yoongi even jokes that one day you two will magically morph into one conjoined blob.

However, hearing such observations spoken out loud and in front of some random person… Jungkook wants to disapparate out of Hogwarts and into the next century.

“No way,” Jungkook corrects a little too loudly and a hair too fast. “We’re just friends.”

You can’t help the flood of hurt that starts in your chest. You school your expression into something you hope looks like nonchalance, but you recognize the dry, burning feeling climbing up th back of your throat.

Suddenly, even just sitting next to your best friend is too much. “Yeah, anyways, I’m full. Taehyung, I can show you around now, we have some time before lunch is over.”

You clamber out of the bench awkwardly. Once you’re out, you grab his hand and pull him out too, hardly waiting for a noise of compliance. His utensils clatter onto his plate loudly.

“Do you want me to come with?” Jungkook asks, a little confused at your haste.

You don't spare him a second glance. “It’s okay.”

“Oh, okay.”

You wave at the boys. “I’ll see you all at dinner!”

Once you’ve successfully towed the both of you out of the Great Hall, you drop his hand. “We can start at the Owlery.”

___

Kim Seokjin wishes his friends weren’t so dumb. It’s painful, truly, to watch someone be so idiotic.

“Wipe that pout off your face,” he rolls his eyes. “You look dumb.”

“Hey! I’m not pouting,” Jungkook scoffs.

Yoongi gives him a look of disgust. “You’re sulking… which is worse.”

“It’s just weird is all. Besides, you all don’t like him either! Why are you defending him?!”

“We don’t not like him,” Seokjin shrugs. “But we want to know why you don’t like him.”

Jungkook feels his face heating up from being on the spot. “I don’t know. He’s annoying, alright? And—and he was like wearing a shit eating expression!”

“Yeah, if I were him, I would too!” Jimin laughs. “He totally just stole your—Y/N out from under you.”

“She’s not my Y/N.” Jungkook stabs the meat on his plate aggressively. The table rattles under him.

“That’s not what I was going to say but okay,” Jimin scoffs. “Anyways, we have this conversation like every few months.”

“What conversation?”

“The Y/N conversation,” Yoongi supplies.

Jungkook feigns ignorance. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Jungkook.” Seokjin wants to rip his hair out.

“Seokjin,” the youngest mocks.

Yoongi sighs, “Well, this is going nowhere. Someone pass me the potatoes.”

___

The first two weeks of school flies by, and Jungkook’s first full moon of the year sneaks up on all of you. After doing this for nearly seven years, you all have gotten into a good routine. The five of you work together like a well oiled machine. Regardless, it’s never fun to have to set the routine into motion before everything in normal life has even settled yet.

“Can you help me with my Transfiguration assignment?” Taehyung asks, a frustrated look on his face as he attempts to turn a book into a goblet.

You’re distracted, looking at the library’s clock every five seconds and out the windows every ten seconds. “I’m sorry, I can’t tonight. I have to leave in a bit… I can help you work on it tomorrow after class… maybe…”

You don’t provide any additional information as your sentence trails off. Your brain is so far away, you can't even give a weak excuse. Technically, you don't have anything to do tonight, because you won’t be out in the Shrieking Shack with the rest of the boys. But you don't want to be up late studying and be too tired to wait up for Jungkook.

You miss Taehyung’s disappointed look. “Oh, okay.”

You don’t respond.

Taehyung has half the mind to know that something is going on. Your whole friend group has been on edge—more so than usual, considering they’ve been unwelcoming for the most part. Jimin did once help him find a classroom, but Taehyung suspects it was only because you had asked him to.

Regardless, the boy knows there’s something else going on. His curiosity wants to ask you about it but suspects you won’t tell him anyways, and he doesn’t want to put you in that awkward situation.

So he resorts to quietly studying next to you… though he notices you’ve been staring blankly at the same page for the past hour. He’ll take what he can get of your time.

At your next obsessive look out the windows, the last bit of dusk has disappeared and the dark blue glow of the sky has melted into black. Another glance at the clock. 10:27.

“Hey, I have to go,” you say apologetically and gather up your books in a haste. “Sorry, I couldn’t help, but I can set you up with Mina if I can’t study tomorrow. She’s really good at Transfiguration.”

You don’t wait for a response. Taehyung just watches as you dash out of the library. Without you working next to him, he begins packing up his own things

Finally, just before he’s ready to leave, he waves his wand and flawlessly transfigures the last textbook into a polished golden intricately designed goblet.

Sighing, he sets it to the side and starts back to his dorm. “Oh well.”

___

“Hello, Madam Pomfrey!” You greet cheerfully as you enter the infirmary.

“Hi, darling,” Madam Pomfrey responds without even looking up from her work.

The infirmary is empty, and most everyone else would find the room to be eerie. It smells slightly of sterilizer and the big windows cast long strips of moonlight across the stone floors. You find it comforting.

It’s quiet as Madam Pomfrey remakes each of the patient beds with freshly clean linens, tucking in the sheets and fluffing the pillows.

“Is it time already?” She asks as she fusses over the last bed.

You set your things down on her desk. “Not yet, but I was getting anxious just sitting around. Is there anything I can do around here?”

“I just got a bunch of things delivered. Will you check that everything was correctly sent and then restock the cabinets for me?”

You nod and begin with the first box behind her desk.

Madam Pomfrey had generously taken you under her wing. After spending so much time in the infirmary because of Jungkook, you had begun to develop a relationship with the matron. Later, as an interest in health care began to surface, she had been nothing short of eager to teach you.

The hours passed quickly. It was therapeutic to do such a repetitive job. It kept your focus more occupied on the task at hand, rather than on the mind numbing fear. You had trust in the boys in that they would all keep each other safe. But it still felt sickening to know that they were all in danger of getting hurt.

Jungkook would never disclose how much pain it really was to turn. He always puts on a brave face as soon as he hits the infirmary. Regardless, as soon as you found out about his condition, you poured weeks into researching all that you could about werewolves. It wasn’t a lot, considering how the Wizarding world felt towards them, but you still insisted on memorizing those few texts front and back.

You down your fourth cup of coffee when you finally finished sorting through all the inventory, wiping down every exposed surface and completing assignments due about a week in advance.

“It’s almost four am, can I get everything ready for Jungkook?”

You’re feeling jittery from nerves combined with the caffeine.

“You don’t need to ask me, darling,” she assures.

You wheel over one of the stainless steel trays to the cabinet. On the tray, you pile on nearly every ointment, medicine, and concoction you can think of.

Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst as your mother always says.

You plop down in the chair next to the bed Jungkook always gets treated in. It’s the one farthest from the doors and closest to the floor to ceiling windows.

Though it’s not exclusively Jungkook’s, in your mind it is. Other patients can use it, of course, but there’s something sacred about this little bed in the corner of the infirmary. In the bedside table’s drawer is a little box of chocolates you put in there for him and a little stack of his favorite books that you bought.

There’s seven years of memories in this little corner. Of course it’s his.

You hop out of the chair, wheeling the tray of supplies closer to you when you hear several hushed voices coming down the hallway. Any sort of reminiscent fatigue leaves your body, and you clasp your hands together in an attempt to stop shaking as you wait for the doors to burst open.

He needs complete attention. No shaky hands, no sleepiness, no nerves. Madam Pomfrey will attend to the rest of the boys.

Just focus on Jungkook.

Jungkook.

___

Respectfully, Jungkook feels like shit.

There’s no other way to describe it.

He thought for sure that over time turning would get easier. But it seems to be the opposite. His wolf counterpart seems to have only gotten stronger and more aggravated as he’s grown up. Each full moon, it feels more and more painful, more animalistic.

At this very moment, however, it feels as though Jungkook’s whole body is numb. There’s a dull ache in his muscles and his bones feel funny. He can’t even bare to open his eyes. Honestly, the boy just wants to roll over and die. Then—

A soft whispering. “Madam, can I please give him more things for the pain?”

Y/N.

“How much have you given him so far?” Madam Pomfrey asks.

“About a quarter of the jar.”

“Y/N, you know the appropriate dosage amounts.”

There’s a shuffling noise. Jungkook guesses by the sound of your voice that you’re right at his bedside.

“I know.” You sigh, then add quietly, “But I… I think he’s still in pain.”

“Darling, it’s hard to treat patients you care about. But don’t let that cloud your judgment. You know your stuff. You’ve done all you can do at the moment. Wait it out and let him wake up.”

You sigh again, “Okay.”

A set of footsteps reced.

Jungkook slowly opens his eyes, bracing himself for a harsh blinding light, but it never comes. His vision is blurry, and it takes him a moment to take in his surroundings.

The white curtains around the bed are drawn and the lights are dimmed. No doubt your doing in an attempt to preemptively prevent the worsening of any sort of headache.

Familiar white linens are drawn up to his arms. He looks down and realizes why his bones feel particularly funny. Around his left arm is a white cast, and his right leg is raised in a cradle sort of thing.

And then he turns to his left and his eyes finally focus on you.

“Hi,” you say, quietly as to not overwhelm his senses as he comes back to you.

“Hi,” he says.

It comes out hoarsely. His throat feels like sandpaper, dry and scratchy. You hand him a cold glass of ice water, which he gulps down in one swift swallow.

“I can mend your bones as soon as you get to feeling better. I didn’t want to overload your body with all sorts of charms and spells… no matter how hard it was to leave you like this. I was able to get all of your superficial abrasions, but there’s still a little bruising. Madam wouldn’t let me get you more stuff for your pain. I know your muscles must be hurting, but in a few hours I can give you some more.”

You know you’re rambling, but you can’t help it. You’ve been working and worrying and fussing nonstop. You’re just relieved your best friend is alive and right in your care.

You continue without a pause, “You missed breakfast and lunch, but I grabbed some food for you. The rest of the boys are in class right now, and I went to charms in the morning, but then I said my stomach hurt and so I got out of classes for the rest of the day—well, now I’m here.”

Jungkook waits patiently for you to finish your mindless babbling. He puts on a brave face, as if you are the one that needed consoling. He lays his hand atop yours that is anxiously gripping the empty glass. You hadn't even noticed you were shaking.

His heart swells. With all the uncertainty that has arisen because of Taehyung’s arrival, he knows now. After everything, he’s still yours. You’re still here right when he wakes up as always. And you are still his. That is all that has—and ever will—matter.

“Don’t worry. I’m okay.” He gently takes the cup from your death grip and sets it on the bedside table. “Besides, I have the best physician in all of Hogwarts… sorry, Madam Pomfrey.”

The said woman scoffs. “I heard that Mr Jeon.”

“You know what I mean.” He laughs, but it comes out a little winded. “Seriously, Y/N. I trust you.”

He says it with so much certainty—so resolutely—that it frightens you just a bit. Feeling a little awkward at the blatant verbal affection, you just shrug and inhale a shaky breath.

“Okay, well, scoot over.” You fold back the sheets and squish in next to him on the tiny twin sized bed. “I checked out a different book from the library so you don’t get tired of me rereading the same stuff every month.”

Jungkook makes a humming noise of acknowledgement, but he doesn’t think he could ever get tired of you. Jungkook’s mouth automatically opens to object the statement, but he thinks better of it. Instead, he watches as you open the bedside drawer and take out a chocolate and almond bar. You break it in half, and without even thinking, you pass him the larger half. His heart warms at the small gesture as he bites into the rich chocolate.

“Alright,” you say between bites. “I think you’ll really like this book. I read it over the summer, and it’s all cute and gooey like I know you like.”

“Whatever,” he pouts.

You poke his arm. “Don’t try to be all tough. I know you’re a romantic.”

He wants to protest more, if only to continue talking with you, but he still feels a little delirious with all the medication. He licks his fingers where the chocolate melted slightly, and the werewolf just settles further into the pillow and scoffs.

“Try not to fall asleep by the second page this time,” you smile and ruffle his hair.

He laughs but closes his eyes anyways. It’s hard to not be lulled into a relaxing rest. His body is still exhausted and achy from the full moon, and the best remedy that he knows is you, of course. He could listen to you talk for the rest of his life.

It’s the last thing he thinks of before you softly begin to read, the rest of his life—with you.

___

It’s nearly a month later that, while sitting in Jungkook’s dorm room, you realize much too belatedly that you are completely and utterly fucked.

September came and went in a blink of an eye. Night was creeping up earlier and earlier into the daylight with every passing day. It wasn’t difficult to get back into the swing of things, settling into a comfortable balance between school and personal time.

Jungkook recovered quickly from his September turning, and October’s full moon passed just the same.

It’s only been three days since October’s full moon, and he’s already back to classes. With midterms coming up, he’s been adamant about getting right back to classes despite your protests. The physician in you can’t help but watch him a little too closely when you can. You know there’s still a persistent slight ache in his back, but every time you ask about it, he dismisses your concern.

The past month has been strange to say the least. The boys’ strange behavior towards Taehyung has persisted. And because they refuse to include him, it’s forced you to divide your time between the two. You still refuse to just leave the new transfer, but dividing your time in such a manner has become increasingly frustrating.

For both you… and Jungkook.

As an example, just this morning, Jungkook practically had to drag you to the Slytherin dorms to steal a slice of your time. He’s deeply unfamiliar with having to compete for your time or even just your attention. The notion makes him uncontrollably annoyed.

He’d caught you coming from Alchemy, knowing it was your last class of the day, and immediately directed you away from the library, claiming it was already filled with other students.

In reality, it’s because Jungkook had already made a dash to the library to stake out a spot, found Taehyung already sitting at one of the study tables, and turned right back around. That guy seemed to be everywhere.

“I’m too tired to study anymore,” Jungkook groans and flops backwards into the pillows of his bed. “It’s taken me like thirty minutes to finish this one page, and I still have no idea what it said. I didn’t retain one word, and I’m not a sentence closer to finishing this report.”

A flurry of parchment flies from the bed and onto the ground from his sudden change in position. You set your quill into the crease of the book to hold your spot and fold the cover over gently.

For a moment, you just stare at him—only because he’s laying down, face towards the ceiling, with his eyes closed. Gone are the stuffy Hogwarts uniforms, the robes and such. He’s wearing an oversized dark forest green sweater and black sweatpants. His hair is freshly washed and fluffy, and he looks like just about the softest boy on the planet.

“You know,” he doesn’t even open his eyes. “I can feel you staring at me.”

Your gaze instantly shifts back to your notes, face warming at getting caught. “That’s because you have a giant booger up your nose.”

His eyes shoot open, and he messily rubs his sweater sleeve against his nose. “Really?”

“Nope,” you laugh.

He huffs and stares at the ceiling, letting a comfortable silence settle again.

Feeling suddenly exhausted, you set your textbooks on his bedside table and sigh. Today was your worst sequence of classes, and it always left you with hardly any energy to do anything, much less study by the end of the day. On top of that, Madam Pomphrey was giving you biweekly practicals to make sure everything she’s teaching you stays at the forefront of your mind.

You need a nap. A nice long nap with your favorite person—like old times.

And so you too fall backwards into the pillows. Jungkook, anticipating this, already has his arm out stretched to your side of his bed, and you find yourself dropping into his arms. He clings onto you and you to him, scooching the both of you into a comfortable position with your head is on his chest, near his shoulder and neatly tucked under his chin.

The position would have anyone blushing, heart racing at the intimacy of the situation. But instead, the tension in your body begins to dissipate. You feel your muscles relaxing, your heart rate easing from the anxiety of the day, your mind going quiet. You let yourself finally just relax.

You know that you’ve loved him all this time. But this feels like more than love. It’s everything, and it’s crashing down on you all at once.

It’s scary having the realization that you know exactly where you want to be—where you belong.

And it’s even scarier realizing that it’s in somebody else’s arms.

You’re fucked.

___

It’s one of the coldest Quidditch games of the year, and you think you’re going to legitimately freeze to death. It’s the dead of December, and you think about cursing Ravenclaw’s very own chaser and team captain, Min Yoongi.

You’re huddled into Jimin’s side for warmth in the frigid winter air. You’re trying to focus on cheering Yoongi on—instead of the idea of the warm fireplace in the common room that you could be sitting next to—but you’re positive your fingers and toes have acquired frostbite. You vow to send Yoongi the medical bill.

On top of that, Jimin is also trying to gossip with you in the middle of the stands with your entire House screaming and jumping around you. Since you’re freezing your ass off and Jimin is providing 80% of the warmth you’re feeling, you have no choice but to stay linked to him and face whatever conversation he prompts.

“So since you’ve had epiphany recently, are you going to ask Jungkook to the Winter Ball?” Jimin pries once more.

You shiver into your coat, the collar up past your neck and a blue and bronze knit hat adoring your head. You are not built for the cold, much less discussing your sorry excuse of a love life.

You don’t regret confiding in Jimin. He’s your friend for a reason, and while he’s a prodigy at acquiring secrets, he’s even better at keeping them. In short, you trust him with your life.

The same with Yoongi and Seokjin, of course. However, Yoongi would’ve told you to just tell Jungkook how you feel with that no nonsense look on his face, and that would’ve been that, not one ounce of coddling in sight. And Seokjin… Seokjin would’ve coddled you a little too much. He’s been filling the role of resident older brother for the better half of your life.

Sometimes you need advice, a good push in the right direction, and sometimes you need comfort. And while you’d value hearing from all three of them, it would make the feelings too real, too tangible, too scary.

Jimin's response, you fairly recognize, is a midpoint between the two. A bit of both.

“No,” you say. The prospect of anything going even remotely wrong is more than terrifying. “I don’t want to embarrass myself.”

“And how would that be embarrassing?” Jimin raises an eyebrow, clearly judging you and your choices as one does when they see someone doing something unbelievably stupid.

“Because he could say, ‘no, you’re an idiot, and I never want to see you again.’ And then I would have to move abroad and drop off the grid by faking my death,” you say with complete seriousness.

The fellow Ravenclaw deadpans. “Yes, because that sounds exactly like something Jeon Jungkook would say. Y/N, I watched him run into a wall once and apologize to it.”

“Okay, well, he could. The odds are low, but never zero. And hey! Not the government name!” You whine, pulling at the sleeve of your winter coat.

Jimin’s not buying into your playful and nonchalance. His mouth sets into a straight line like be serious. He gently tugs your sleeve out of your anxious grip, and you look up at him.

He tries one more time. “Just ask him to the ball. Please?”

“I can’t.” You feel like a coward under his gaze.

Jimin studies you with a look that you can’t decipher. He opens his mouth, but this time you don’t know if he’s going to pry at your aching heart once more or leave it be. Whatever it is dies on his lips, Ravenclaw scores another goal, and whatever Jimin wants to say next is drowned out by cheers.

___

Love, you decide, is stupid.

It’s cruel to have the Winter Ball right after final exams. Not only do you have to be miserably studying for finals the past week, but now you also have to be miserably watching happy couples swarm the hallways. Back to back misery.

Just this morning during breakfast, some Hufflepuff got asked to the ball in the most dramatic, attention-seeking way possible. There were charmed fireworks that spelled out Sana, will you accompany me to Winter Ball? followed by a chorus of cooing. Gross.

Regardless, it’s the weekend—the one right before finals—and it’s the last trip to Hogsmeade of the first semester.

You try not to think of all the lasts of the year. Last first day, last fall at Hogwarts, last first snow here, last…

“Y/N,” Seokjin chimes. “Stop making that face.”

“I can’t help it. It’s an involuntary reaction whenever I see something gross,” you shrug.

Again, you were just forced to bear witness to another grand romantic gesture, better yet by underclassmen.

“I think it’s kinda cute,” Jungkook comments sheepishly.

You can’t help but turn towards the boy. He’s wearing an expression you can’t decipher. It’s the usual aww cute face one makes when seeing something conventionally adorable. But also something else in his face that makes your heart do a somersault.

Whatever.

You look back at your food with no rebuttal.

___

The days pass slowly. But it’s the first weekend where you don’t feel overwhelmed by copious amounts of schoolwork and stress.

You’ve been preoccupied more and more with Taehyung. You feel guilty… However, you can’t help but to feel a bit of relief.

How does one act as they always have been when everything feels different now? Have things always been this way? Has touches always lingered? Gazes held a moment too long? It’s too much for one person to endure for too long.

It’s nearing the end of the day, and though the group traveled to Hogsmeade together, everyone has split off by now. Jimin and Seokjin are still walking around looking at the last of the shops before they close. Like you, it was the first weekend in a while that they could all make it out together, and they wanted to spend every last galleon of their pocket money. Yoongi is curled up in the Three Broomsticks with a book and a butterbeer waiting for the rest of you to decide it’s time, and he can return to the warmth of the common room fireplace.

And Jungkook—he’d stayed with you.

As he always does.

It’s colder than imaginable. It’s not currently snowing and the pavement has been plowed, but the grass and the rooftops are covered in a thick layer of glistening snow. You’re wrapped up in a large jacket and your Ravenclaw scarf. Jungkook is in a similar attire, a puffy black jacket, a Slytherin scarf, and a black beanie pulled over his ears, loose bangs peek out from under. His face is flushed from the icy air, cheeks pink and nose especially red.

He looks precious.

“You want to walk?” He asks, watching as you pocket the chocolate frogs you just purchased.

Wordlessly, you smile, nod, and loop your arm through his.

The streets were bustling with students, but as the sun has dipped closer to the horizon, many of the students have found shelter in The Three Broomsticks, drinking warm cocoa, or simply headed back to their dorm.

Jungkook leads and you follow, though you know exactly where he’s guiding you. There’s a particular little area on one side of Hogsmeade that looks out over the hilly landscape. It’s where you have always gone with him when the Hogsmeade crowds have gotten to be too much. It feels like yours and his.

The sky is a watercolor painting now, sweeping colors of cerulean and fuschia blending into lavender. Sunsets will never get old. The appreciation will never leave.

You glance at Jungkook, who is focused on the sunset. The fading light catches in his eyes, warm and gentle. He looks content. Quiet.

“Stop staring,” he teases. “...Again.”

You don’t have anything to say for yourself. “You’re just cute.”

“Is that so?”

Jungkook comes behind you to rest his head on you and wrap his arms around you. You lean back, appreciating the warmth radiating from his body as the sun disappears under the snow covered horizon. No words need to be said. The silence is comfortable—full.

When the sun has fully and completely vanished from sight, he says your name softly, breaking the silence. You match his tone, responding with his own name, soft but a little teasingly.

“The ball…” he starts.

Your heart jumps into your throat, and you have a split second to compose yourself before you turn and look up at him.

“Are you—” Jungkook looks away from your gaze. “I was thinking we should all go together.”

What else were you thinking, honestly? You’re quick in tamping down your feelings.

“That sounds perfect to me.” Your words come out normal. It surprises you sometimes how good you are at that… pretending everything is okay.

He meets your eyes again and reaches out to adjust your scarf, pulling it snug against you. It’s a mindless doting action, but you can’t help but feel a warm frustration crawling up your neck. You pretend to adjust your stance, not giving the scarf a second glance as they fall out of his hands.

“Yeah, since none of us have dates,” he says as if you need more explanation..

“Of course, I thought that would be a given.” You smile and roll your eyes. 

You can’t remember what it feels like to be just friends anymore. Once you have given the feelings you have towards Jungkook a name, it’s like fire in your chest. Only sometimes it’s just a spark, easy to calm into red, feverish embers. Other times it’s a full forest fire, uncontrollable and—more importantly—unignorable.

It’s just a house fire at the moment. Somehow, you feel hot in the freezing weather. Your coat weighs on you, and you’re overly aware of the scarf wrapped snugly around your neck. Disappointment adds fuel to the fire without warning. There’s beloved items still inside, and you’re standing outside the house watching the smoke billow helplessly… foolishly.

You pull away from him, feeling especially guarded, and start to walk back towards the heart of Hogsmead, “C’mon, Yoongi is waiting for us.”

You don’t hear him start to follow you until a moment later.

___

It’s a week later from the odd moment you shared with Jungkook. You’re sitting in a warm corner of the library, working on last minute homework into the late hours of the night. The fire crackles, and you can hear the light library sort of whisper chattering of other students.

“You’re going to the Winter Ball with Taehyung?” Jimin asks.

The question startles you. You’re not sure why. Of course your friends would know or at least would find out. It’s a dance, so you would’ve had to come in on Taehyung’s arm. So why do you wish it would’ve been kept a secret? Why do you feel like you’ve done something wrong?

Taehyung had asked you yesterday. It was sweet and simple. He had asked you on the way back from dinner, inquiring if you were going with anyone. You didn’t assume going with friends was technically going with anyone. You would still be there with them during the actually ball and even probably end up spending most of your time with them anyway. All this meant was that you’d be arriving together and likely share a dance together.

Plus, he had asked casually, in a way that allowed to be interpreted in a friendly way or a tentatively more sort of way. He definitely liked you. You could tell as much. But he didn’t act on it in any outstanding or out of character way. Taehyung was simply considerate like that, letting you know but allowing for you to lead the way.

And you did so. You accepted under the condition of friends with a shy sort of apology. He seemed disappointed but unsurprised, and you suspect he may know of your feelings towards Jungkook. Apparently, it is obvious to everyone but the man himself. Then, without missing a beat, the smile had returned on his face, deal.

You love Jimin and would tell him anything, but you feel cagey and embarrassed at his inquiry.

“Yeah.” You don't elaborate.

You can feel Jimin’s eyes on you, analyzing. There’s a long pause. You try to focus on your textbook. Jimin tries to think of what to say.

“Jungkook will be hurt when he finds out.”

Your heart misses a beat.

“Why?” You try to feign ignorance, but your voice trembles ever so slightly.

Jimin’s eyebrows draw together. “You know why.”

It feels like you’re being reprimanded. Defensiveness spreads through your chest like wildfire.

“No. I don’t actually,” you state, attempting to keep your voice down in the library.

You can tell Jimin is getting equally as riled up in displeasure, trying to defend Jungkook.

“You know that he loves you,” he says it like an accusation… like somehow it’s your fault. “So why are you going to the Winter Ball with someone else?”

“If he wanted to go with me, he should’ve said something,” you feel your eyes burn. Jimin must see the hurt in your expression, because he backs down. “I can’t just wait around for him to do something. I waited for the past few weeks for him to ask me to ball… I’ve been waiting for seven years. I love him. But seven years is ridiculous. I feel ridiculous.”

“Y/N…”

“No. I’m sorry. But why is it my fault.”

___

You don’t realize the Winter Ball is on the same night as the December full moon until it’s too late.

You had been so caught up with school work and planning things for the ball. While the rest of your friends had also been displeased upon hearing about your date, your grandmother had been elated at the news. The week before, she had send a parcel with a generous sum of galleons and a note telling you to purchase the best dress you could find.

Yoongi accompanied you the following day on the weekend exertion to Hogsmeade to search for a dress for the following weekend. And as soon as the school week started up again, you were back to being overrun by schoolwork and the weekend of the Winter Ball came before you knew it.

You could’ve sworn the full moon was a few days after. You check the lunar calendar once more in disbelief. Nobody said anything. Jimin says that Jungkook said he was going to leave the ball early. When you ask why he didn’t tell you too, Jimin doesn’t really have a response.

Immediately, the thought crosses your mind to cancel on Taehyung, but an image of his wide, boxy smile crosses through your mind… followed by an image of a disappointed pout. One very reminiscent when the two of you were hiding in the estate’s kitchens with the staff to avoid tipsy, posh adults.

Your heart sinks, but you’re going to make this work. You always do.

___

Jungkook is nowhere to be found. It’s the first thing you think of when you enter the room, your eyes searching for his familiar face. The party started relatively early into the night, so you assumed he would be able to be there for a short while before having to dash off.

You catch up with the rest of your friends, all snagging a table and dropping off your purse and things before grabbing snacks from the table in the back.

“He decided to just skip all together,” Yoongi says after watching you turn your head for the millionth time when you hear a new set of people walk through the doors.

You don’t pretend you weren’t looking for Jungkook, “Ah.”

“He wasn’t feeling in the party mood with you know… he’s in his dorm reading until he needs to do his thing.”

“Sounds like him,” you smile.

Yoongi returns the smile, “He’ll be upset to have missed seeing you. You look beautiful, Y/N.”

You don’t dress up often at all, but you went all out… with Jungkook in mind unfortunately. You brush him off, “He has more important things to worry about tonight.”

The party is still going even though it’s well into one or two in the morning. You’ve danced until your feet hurt and your throat feels dry from singing your lungs out. You’re grabbing a cookie at one of the tables when Seokjin comes up behind you.

He says your name lightly as to not startle you.

“We’re going to go ahead and try to prepare for Jungkook. Are you coming with us or…” He pauses and casts a glance over at Taehyung, who is standing at one of the high tables waiting for you to return, and suspects he already knows the answer. “Please come soon. Jungkook will be waiting to see you.”

He doesn’t wait for a response, and you watch as Jimin and Yoongi follow him out the grand doors of the great hall.

You grab another cookie for Taehyung and make your way back over to him. You feel a little shaken up by your own response—or rather no response. Never in your life have you picked anyone else over Koo. You shake your head and try to remind yourself that you haven’t, that you’re going to see him in just a second.

Taehyung senses the change in your mood instantly. “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay.” You smile quickly and hand him one of the cookies.

He seems unconvinced but doesn’t press on the bigger issue. “How about we get out of here? We can hide in the kitchens like we used to do.”

You sigh a breath of relief, “Thank Grodric, I’m in need of some real food.”

Taehyung laughed and takes your hand, leading you out into the hallway. The music and chatter gets softer as the two of you walk away from the party in comfortable silence.

The house elves greet you excitedly when you make it to the kitchen. Taehyung politely requests for “real” food. You don’t feel all that hungry but when the bowl of noodles slides in front of your face, your stomach growls.

You make light conversation over the bowl of noodles until the last one is finally gone. You speak about everything under the sun. It starts about the current book each of you are reading, then moves into the pressures from your families, and again about something silly again.

You complain of being overstuffed, and Tae just laughs. You’ve moved to some couches just outside the main area of the kitchen that acts as a little break area for the busy house elves.

You feel so content and full from the soup and the comfortable conversation. You don’t even notice the two of you have talked each other to sleep until you jerk awake at the crashing of a metal bowl hitting the floor.

An especially small house elf sobs an apology, but you’re already on your feet demanding the time. At the words eight am, you glance back at Tae who has his black neck tie undone and loose around his collar, white shirt untucked and wrinkled. He’s curled up, head against the arm rest. You feel bad, but you need to leave.

You ask the elf to apologize to Taehyung on your behalf, citing a headache and need for medicine as the reason you have left. The next moment you’re running down the halls barefoot, fists full of loose fabric, purse strap haphazardly in the crook of your elbow.

___

“I’m sorry I’m late, Koo,” you say softly.

Jungkook can’t roll completely to the side with the new injury to his arm, so he turns his face away from you and looks hard at the ceiling. “You shouldn’t have come at all.”

You pause, unsure how to respond and with an overpowering notion that you deserved that.

You try again with a shaky breath. “I wanted to come help. I brought your favorite.” You look down at the chocolate bar in your hand. You had prepacked it in your little handbag what seems like forever ago.

“I…” Jungkook closes his eyes tightly. “I’m tired right now. I’m just going to take a nap.”

“Okay.” The atmosphere feels heavy, stifling your ability to take anything but shallow, hesitant breaths. The ground under you rocks. “I… I checked out a new book that maybe I could read to you then. It’s about a boy and a girl who—”

He cuts you off by sighing your name.

“Can you please leave?” Jungkook murmurs defeatedly. Then, without warning, the rest bubbles out of his mouth like shaken carbonation seeking the opening of the bottle. “I need you to leave right now.”

“Oh.” And because you don’t know how to quit, don’t know how to give up on your best friend, you try one more thing. “Do you maybe want me to gather your missed work?”

“I already asked Seokjin.”

“Oh… okay,” your voice sounds small to your own ears. You feel small. You’re not used to feeling small in Jungkook’s presence.

You, quietly as possible, set the book on the table and the chocolate bar atop it. Maybe he’ll want it later.

Jungkook remains still, not looking at you.

You wait for half a second, hoping he’ll ask you to stay, to squish into the cot and pass him a piece of chocolate. Or at the very least, ask you to stay to help with bandages or medicine or anything—any excuse for you to be needed or even just present.

And yet, nothing.

It seems as though your presence has lost purpose.

Your head suddenly feels lighter than air, like all the blood has rushed away, diverting its attention elsewhere. Maybe it has. Maybe your brain really has mistaken the shuddering flood of pain in your chest as a real, physical laceration.

Looking down, you find nothing—no gaping wound, no torn flesh, no sharp, penetrating object. There’s nothing physical for you to fix, nothing all your years of medical knowledge can attend to.

There is absolutely nothing you can do now except go.

You turn on your heels and will yourself to not cry.

___

Jungkook hasn’t talked to you since. You don’t expect him to.

And yet, the hurt spreads like wildfire, burning with uncontrollable intensity with every ignored passing glance.

You try to reach out.

If he doesn’t want to speak in person, perhaps you could leave a note. You try one under his door, one to his owl, one left in his spot during breakfast… Nothing.

While you had no illusion of the severity of your actions, you begin to realize that what you did wasn’t just a horrible accident or mistake. It was unforgivable.

You are unforgivable.

It becomes horribly uncomfortable to be together as a big group anymore. So you concede, drawing away from the group. Actually, you draw away from nearly everyone, especially Taehyung. You can’t stand to look at him. You know he didn’t do anything wrong. This was your fault. You look at him and see guilt personified.

Jimin, Yoongi, and Seokjin know that something happened. You don’t have the heart to confront their concerns, but it’s written all over their faces. They want to ask, you know it, but the idea of having to confess about how badly you messed up is suffocating.

In fact, these days, everything feels suffocating. It feels like your lungs can’t even properly expand anymore. It’s all shallow breaths and staggered inhales. Enough to keep you alive, but not enough to feel like you’re living. 

Your hands haven't stopped shaking, and you feel like a mess. You’ve dived head first into your school work, it’s the only thing overpowering enough to stop the anxious tremor.

You don’t know when your brain started shifting gears. Once you held onto every passing last moment. Now, all you can think about now is getting out. You have to get out. There is no other choice. You have to leave. You have to gather up all your shattered fragments and run—run somewhere that is big enough for your lungs to expand to full capacity again, somewhere far enough from the scene of the crime, somewhere safe enough to just lay all your pieces out and begin the tedious process of gluing them back together.

Somewhere safe.

Hogwarts isn’t safe anymore.

He isn’t safe anymore.

Hogwarts is a prison, and your tortured heart is being held hostage.

___

Time moves with haste. Frozen winter wonderlands melt into spring as flowers emerge from the ground. Seeing as they appeared overnight, it’s no doubt the result of a little magic.

It’s the end of the school week, and one of the first weekends without an outrageous amount of work awaiting him. This seems to be the case for most of Hogwarts as the grounds are filled with students enjoying the changing temperatures and sweetness coming from the fresh flowers.

“I wonder who did the flowers,” Namjoon says, also admiring the blossoms. “They’re beautiful.”

“They are,” Jungkook agrees. He touches the pink petal of a lily that has been magically enlarged to the size of a dinner plate. The charmed flowers are a part of Hogwarts’ charm of this particular season. The flowers become larger than life to mark the beginning of warmer weather and no more grey, cold weeks.

Without meaning to, he thinks of you. He thinks of all the walks you did together at the first breath of spring, your eyes shining with excitement at every fresh flower. He thinks of the way you looked running ahead of him only to stop and turn around to point out the next blossom you thought was especially beautiful that he just had to see for himself!

It feels like drowning when you cross his mind.

It was a jarring realization that you weren’t his.

He sees that clearly now.

For years, since he’d known you, everyone around him said that the both of you were each other’s… each other’s best friend, each other’s other half, each other’s compliment. It was like a drug hearing everyone talk about how perfect you were together in whatever capacity they meant.

Never had he doubted these observations. You were in fact his better half… his everything. It never occurred to him that you felt any other way.  Maybe he was selfish or maybe he had foolishly let all of it get to his head.

It had been the first time you hadn’t been there when he finally regained control of his body and mind. He felt emptier and less human than when he had spent all night caged inside his conscious.

Hindsight tells him that he shouldn’t have been so harsh. But the hurt that he’d felt had been unfathomable… the idea that he’d gotten it all wrong. You were something so esoterically paramount to his soul. He hadn’t even occurred to him there were things that were things that were even more than that to you.

Though he knew it was a simple mistake, in the moment, it had felt deliberate. And now, somehow things have escalated so far that you have become reserved, focusing on your schoolwork, catching up occasionally with Yoongi especially but hardly anyone else.

The more you withdraw, the more Jungkook does too. While you believe you are giving him space from you, he too believes he is giving you space from him. Truth twists in the worst way possible. You really are reflections of each other—two souls cut from the same cloth.

The silence—oh, the weight of silence—is stifling.

Though time pulls you farther and farther from the scene of the crime, your heart keeps going around in circles. It’s spinning out of control. Everything is spinning out of control.

___

The graduation ceremony is blindingly quick.

Seven years building up to this exact moment. and it escapes you in a series of supercuts. Getting ready in the special commencement robes, taking millions of photos, sitting down with your peers, having your name called, receiving your certificate of education, words of gratitude, your parents tearfully encircling their pride and joy.

Finally, for the last of the ceremony, you pool out of the Hogwarts doors one last time. The outdoor lamps lining the path illuminate the night. Above, the stars glitter somewhere far away.

By twos, your class begins to load into the enchanted boats queued up on the Black Lake. Funny, you remembered them bigger. Watching the nearly adult witches and wizards clamber clumsily into the tiny boats makes you stifle a laugh.

Finally, it’s your turn. You easily step into the boat and shift to find a comfortable positon, leaving room for your partner. You’re distracted by the magical animals and fish swimming up to the wooden boat when you feel the boat rock unsteadily as someone steps onto the platform.

“Here, let me…” You reach out before looking up. Your eyes meet familiar big, brown doe eyes. “Help you…”

The familiarity of the situation steals the breath from your lungs. You’re just as much strangers to each other in this moment as the first time around.

Jungkook takes your outstretched hand. “Thank you.”

You will the tremble in your hand to cease its nervousness. You want to flinch or shy away. You’re no longer sure if you’re allowed to be this close. You remind yourself that he put his hand in yours. You have not done anymore harm. You are okay.

It’s an odd sensation.

Casual intimacy used to come easily, but now just his hand in yours feels uncomfortably warm and clammy. You’re overly conscious of your hands and arms and body and breath. Everything about your normal, automatic bodily functions seem to have become mechanical.

Relationships are not, as you had wished, like riding a bike. There’s no familiarity in any of these repeated actions. People aren’t learnt once and known forever.

He plops down on the plank of wood across from you. He looks devastatingly enamoring in his black velvet ceremonial robes, the emerald satin trimming contrasting beautifully.

Sensing the two of you have settled into the vessel, the enchanted ship begins its route across the lake and away from Hogwarts.

This is truly the last chance you’ll get to say something, but instead, the words are lodged stubbornly in your throat. The silence feels too thick to cut through or even just rattle slightly. You want to say something, but cowardice becomes a vice around your neck.

As you’re carried away, you watch Hogwarts get smaller and smaller. The boats are far enough apart that you can’t hear any other pairs chatting, just the soft lapping of the lake against your boat and the occasional splash of a creature coming up for air or to catch an unsuspecting prey.

The boy across from you makes a noise from his throat like he’s going to say something. You look up instantly as both relief and dread floods your chest. Maybe you will have one more conversation.

Jungkook can’t look you in the eye, he plays with the sleeves of his robes. “I loved you,” he confesses. There’s no adoration behind the words, just a hint of defeat.

Right to the punch.

“Loved?” You can’t help but ask.

You try your best to keep the lilt of hope from your words, because you’re all out of time to replay all the what ifs. Nothing thought then will become reality now. They too must graduate into late night musings about that one boy in grade school.

Is it masochistic to admit it’s about wanting to know where his and your timeline lined up? The confirmation of how, for years, you were just a couple of words away from triggering an entirely different path?

You’ve been hearing the words from everyone but him. It feels surreal. All you wanted was to hear them from Jungkook himself.

The boy in front of you pauses for a moment, thinking. “Love, I suppose.”

It’s not a declaration of romance by any means, and you can see it in his eyes. He keeps his gaze at the water, seemingly overly interested in the moon’s reflection sparkling over the water.

Jungkook’s eyebrows knit together, and he continues, “It’s hard—you make it hard to not love you.”

It’s all the words you could’ve ever wished to hear from him, and yet they poke and prod at the invisible stitches in your chest from the wound that never healed. You fear the fragile string keeping your heart together may just burst.

You don’t know what to do with his admission. It feels cheap to parrot the words back to him, no matter how much truth they have in them.

There’s a moment of silence as you think about what to say.

“I… I’ve loved you for a long time,” you start. “I’ve loved you as a friend, and I’ve loved you as more. There… There's not a moment in my life that I can think of that I haven’t loved you in some capacity.”

This feels like the end. Not like the one months ago, where threads still held the two of you close like planets in orbit—distant but still bound together. This is it. The part where you’re finally free from each other’s gravity. Without proximity, there is nothing left tying you to him.

“And I know that I will continue to love you,” you say a little wistfully.

It feels corny to add the word forever, but it’s not a lie. Even now, you’re certain that you love him, but that you’re not in love with him. You loved him when you were both clueless and barely in the double digits. You love him as he is now. You’re certain you’ll love who he’ll become. And you know that one day he’ll grow into someone that you will recognize in unbreakable habits and persistent mannerisms, but not in the overall picture.

Still, you’ll love the friendship you used to have and the person stuck in your memories. He’ll be preserved in your mind just like this.

You wonder if Jungkook will remember you just as rosily. It’ll be easy for the worst of you to be set in stone, but you can only hope for something more. 

“But I…” Your words fail you, as they often do. But Jungkook understands, like he always does—or used to. “I’m sorry.”

“I know,” he says simply. Easily. “I’m sorry, too.”

Something feels right about the statement. There’s a strange comfort in the finality of it.

It clears the shelves of anxious scenarios the idleness of the semester has allowed your brain to write. There’s no more imaginary pages for your brain to author. This is the reality that grabs ahold of all those novels and throws them right into the fire.

You’re free to fill those empty shelves with new stories, new people, new mistakes.

There’s so much more you want to say. You’ve written thousands of words to him in your mind. You could lay the words flat down on the surface of the Earth and wrap around the circumference a hundred times. You’ve scripted this exact conversation every night and passing moment of the day like a dying playwright.

And yet.

You keep it in.

It feels better to leave all those nonsensical syllables safely tucked into your mind. What good would undying declarations of love do now? Would it make you feel better to release the overdue anger now? Would it help to beg him to stay? To keep delaying the inevitable?

Or is it better to just leave it like this?

Maybe sometimes it is just better to just walk away.

The now unfamiliar boy seems to come to the same conclusion, because the tense atmosphere shifts. You can’t shake off the lingering discomfort, but the air feels more relaxed.

You don't speak until the small boat reaches the shore of the other side. You exit the boat first, climbing up onto the dock. Up ahead you can see other students reuniting with their parents to finally be taken home. You turn back around and lend one last hand to Jungkook. He takes it gratefully and comes to stand in front of you.

He suddenly smiles a shy but bright bunny smile. “I’ll see you around, yeah?”

“Of course,” you return the smile, hesitantly at first. “We’ll talk soon, Koo.”

“Always, Y/N.”

You’re both lying.

[sunflowercds]

STRAWBERRY SUNSET | jjk

main masterlist

pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

genre: harry potter marauders au, werewolf jungkook, friends to worse than lovers, angst, idiots in love

word count: 16.1k

important preface: i do not support jk r*wling in any way, shape, or form. she has been vocal about her support of horrendous ideology, and i would not begin to even understand such thought processes. these words are not praise of her or her writing at all. i am using the world of the marauders to add certain worldly support to this narrative, but again, this is not support towards her in any way.

warnings: reader uses she/her pronouns, explicit language, ANGST, jungkook is basically remus btw, ravenclaw jimin & yoongi & y/n, slytherin joon & jungkook, hufflepuff jin & hobi, gryffindor taehyung, requires little to no prior knowledge about hp, this is just straight ANGST with no aftercare. don’t say i didn’t warn you.

summary: it’s seventh year. your last year at hogwarts! it’s the year for wrapping things up as you begin to make plans for the future… however, you find yourself doing the complete opposite, and your life begins to unravel before your very eyes. oh, how things take a turn for the worst.

alternative summary: tell me, do you believe in right person, wrong time?

author’s note: i posted the teaser to this nearly three years ago. i had 14k of this written out when i hit a wall and couldn’t bear to finish it. honestly, i thought i was done writing all together, and i abandoned this account. randomly, i thought about this fic and wanted to finish what i started. i hope you enjoy this silly little thing where i ramble and (maybe) find my love for writing again.

The summer of strawberry pastries and well loved books had been much too short.

Your parents had sent you to stay in the countryside with your grandparents over the break and made you promise to enjoy the scenery and the food... and no magic, whatsoever. Being a half-blood, your mother had requested that you spend a moment in the muggle world, enjoying the simplicity.

Aside from the lack of your favorite convenience spells, such as accio and ascendio, it truly had been a lovely summer. Your grandparents’ estate was expansive and beautiful. And your grandparents made sure you had all the things you could ever think of, including an abundance of strawberry cream cheese pastries—your favorite, of course. Your mother being their only daughter meant that you were their only grandchild, which therefore meant they loved to treat and spoil you.

It was euphoric, honestly, being in such a serene atmosphere. The grounds resembled your most favorite romance films with the endless fields and big, beautiful trees and scattered wildflowers. The whole scene beckoned for hushed giggles between friends and lovers and freeing dashes across the grounds—the same way fresh milk calls for chocolate chip cookies and apple pie longs for vanilla ice cream.

Though your grandparents threw the occasional summer party with family friends that ran back generations and generations, you did miss your wizarding friends. Your grandparents weren’t subtle by any means in their attempts to introduce you to every young and rich bachelor, hoping one of them would pique your interest.

They would dress you up in gowns and float you around the room to make connections, as your grandmother insisted with a wave of her hand. It was of utmost importance for such a young woman like yourself to be doing. Why, darling, you can marry more money in seconds than you can make in a lifetime!

Their efforts, however, were to no avail.

Regardless of their attempts to coax you into a romance, you tried your best to make the most of your time of calamity, knowing your last year at Hogwarts was about to begin. Still, most of the time you thought about what all of you would be doing if the rest of the group were here together.

The group consisted of you, your Slytherin best friend Jeon Jungkook, your Ravenclaw housemates Park Jimin and Min Yoongi, and Hufflepuff Kim Seokjin.

The house being historic and rather large, Jungkook and Jimin would surely attempt to find and map out all of the secret passageways. They’d already done so with the enchanted map that could track and locate people at Hogwarts. The two would wreak absolute havoc in both chaotic and somehow endearing ways.

Seokjin would no doubt be charming the hell out of your grandmother. Oh, you couldn’t even imagine if they were to meet. No doubt she would be whisking you off to cake tastings and bridal dress fittings before you could even breathe a word of protest.

And of course, Yoongi would keep busy in the bountiful library, reading, writing, keeping himself immersed in knowledge. You hypothesized that your grandfather would favor him the most. Both of them had an affinity for learning and could bond over the little curiosities in life.

Next summer, perhaps you could convince your family to let them accompany you.

—

Since coming back home, you've been anxious with excitement. Though the summer itself had gone by in a blink, it felt like you hadn't seen your favorite boys in centuries. Time was peculiar that way, stretching like taffy in the most inconvenient of times and compressing in all the others. Never have you experienced the same length of time in the exact same way.

“Is that my beloved Y/N?!” A familiar voice hollers at you from across Platform 9 3/4.

The unabashed loudness makes you feel as though your face is on fire as several families turn towards the commotion in curiosity—or more likely, annoyance. You brush off the stares, breaking into a fond smile as you start to situate yourself back into the loud playfulness of the stupid, stupid boys you love.

Whatever phantom ache of loneliness that had settled into your chest over the summer dissipates without another thought. The anxious excitement that had been bubbling up for the past few weeks leading up to school finally spills over in uncontrollable laughter. You missed them so much that you can't control your expression enough to even feign a slightly indifferent look as you whirl around.

His dark hair is longer than when you had said goodbye to him last school year, and his bangs flop around wildly as he pushes through the crowd to greet you, his luggage nearly taking out a small child. Oops. A sudden image of helping him cut his own bangs with safety scissors in the prefect bathrooms flashes through your mind. Dude, I’m not sure there’s a spell that can fix that…

“Mister Kim Seokjin.” You tip your head formally with a smile.

“We thought you had died!” Seokjin exclaims, waving his arms around. “Kook was heartbroken. Thought about apparating over to your house just to see what the matter was.”

At the thought of Jungkook suddenly materializing in your kitchen, you give a half amused, half apologetic look. “My parents told me I couldn't owl anyone. They were very adamant about it—hold on, died?”

He scoffs, “Well not died died. Maybe ran away to some foreign country, but not six-feet-under sort of dead.” He hums contemplatively. “Hopefully, we'd be invited to your funeral. We are your only friends after all, and none of us got any sort of invitation so—”

“That's rude! I haven't seen or spoken to you in months and the first thing you say to me is an insult! I have other friends!”

Seokjin gives you a look. “Like who?”

“Umm…” you pause. “Jay! From potions, of course. He’s my friend!”

“Don’t be silly,.” He sighs and throws an arm over your shoulder and guides the both of you towards the train. “He just wants to get into your pants.”

“He what?!”

“Wait for us! DON’T LEAVE US!”

More yelling. God, those boys were loud. You roll your eyes and halt. Behind you the other three puzzle pieces of chaos are scrambling through the crowd. You give a silent apology to all the poor students who got an elbow or book in the face as a result of their lack of spatial awareness.

Jimin is at the head of the group, shoving through the crowd to catch up. Jungkook trails behind, apologizing profusely but twisting just as quickly and clumsily through the people. And lastly, Yoongi stumbles behind, clutching his bags tightly, attempting to get through the crowd with the least amount of damage as possible while also not losing the rest of the boys.

As they approach you and Seokjin, you quickly notice they are not slowing down. Jungkook collides into you as he attempts to stop. His hands instinctively come up to grasp your shoulders to steady the both of you. You startle at the sudden physical contact, cheeks burning but you're too stunned to move away.

Over the summer, you worried constantly about Jungkook, wondering how he was doing as you carefully watched the phases of the moon. You wished you could be where he was, but were left to only trust the boys were looking after him. Of course your trust in the boys was without question, but there was still an aching pull in your chest… like your heart was encased in string and someone was tugging and tugging on the other end.

The last full moon you had been there for you had stayed in the Hogwarts infirmary the following day, reading his favorite book as you always did… only you had done so laying next to him in the bed until he fell asleep curled up next to you, mumbling about nonsensical things and discussing a future that seemed to blur the lines of friends and something more.

We’ll live together after we finish school, right? Like we always talked about when we were in our first year. I don't think anyone else would want to deal with me turning like this every month anyway… If—of course—if you haven’t already met someone else by then… I’m just so unsure about what I’m going to do after Hogwarts, Y/N. I really don’t know anything—except that I know that you’re going to be in it. You’re the only thing I’m sure about.

It all felt so intimate. Did friends really say that to one another?

But when he woke up, he was still a bit delirious from the extensive painkillers Madam Pomfrey had given him and you were away in class. Later, when you tentatively asked how he was doing after everything—with the implication of asking much more—he mumbled about how everything after the boys had hauled him into the infirmary was hazy.

You’d left it at that. No point in dwelling on silly delusions.

You stare at Jungkook dumbly. “You got taller.”

“Maybe you shrank,” he quips.

You step back abruptly, and Jungkook’s hands drop back to his sides. "You all are so fucking mean."

“Hey! No swearing!” Seokjin chimes in an obnoxious tone.

Jimin steps in front of Jungkook, taking up your whole line of vision, and he reaches over to pinch your cheeks, but you dodge his affections. “Don't worry, Y/N. I would never say such things.”

“Thank you—”

“To your face,” he finishes, breaking out in a loud laughter.

“I hate every one of you. I'm never speaking to any of you ever again.”

“What did I do?” Yoongi protests.

You eye him carefully. “You're a bystander in this outright bullying, and everyone knows that that’s just as bad.”

He scoffs.

“Come on, let’s get on the train so we can claim a good spot,” Seokjin says, tugging on your sleeve. 

“Fine,” you huff, letting the tall boy pull you onto the train. “I’ve already put up with you for like six years. One more won't completely kill me.”

"You never know," Jungkook says, stepping into an empty compartment.

You squish into the bench between the window and Jungkook with Seokjin, Yoongi, and Jimin across on the other side.

The boys are completely immersed in an animated conversation as they catch up on what they did over the summer when they weren’t together, which would be a rather rare sight. You’re all truly attached at the hip. You're listening but not quite. Mostly, you're simply taking in just how much you missed your favorite boys and their company.

Suddenly, Jungkook’s leg bumps into yours as the train jerks and pulls away from the station. You stare at the leg that is now pressed against yours. He's searching for something in the depths of the bag he'd brought with him, making no indication that he’s aware that his thigh is now firmly against your own.

Before you can stop yourself and simply let his closeness be—because you don't completely hate it, though it's making it difficult to focus on anything else—you open your mouth.

“You're sitting quite close to me,” you state flatly in observation.

Though he was the one who had sat down next to you like that, he looks up as if startled by such a fact. Quickly and a bit awkwardly, he scoots away as much as he can. “I-I thought someone else would sit on our side. I was making room—!”

“It's okay.” You shrug. Deciding to save the both of you from further embarrassment, you quickly change the subject. “What are you looking for?”

“My book,” he frowns. “I could've sworn I put it in this bag… I was going to finish it on the ride over.”

You turn to dig through your own bag. You were going to give it to him later, but Jungkook looks genuinely upset about his missing book. And as if by instinct, all you can think about is remedying the pout on his face. Jeon Jungkook pulls at your heartstrings without a bat of an eye, a masterful puppeteer without a day of practice

“Maybe you can pass the time with something hopefully just as nice,” you suggest slowly.

He raises an eyebrow, big eyes filling with curiosity. “Y/N… you didn't!”

You reveal a small paper bag. He peers inside, and instantly, his eyes light up.

You know he loves it, but for some reason you still feel the need to start explaining yourself, laughing nervously to ease the pressure in your chest. “I don't know. I just feel terrible for ghosting for like three months. And then my grandparents took me shopping one day, and we passed this confectionery. And I saw those and thought that you might like them. But it's okay if you don't! I don't even know about raspberries and oranges and dark chocolate. Actually, that sounds kind of strange now that I think about it. You know, maybe—”

“Y/N, I love it. Thank you. You really didn't have to.”

“I wanted to,” you reply nonchalantly and pretend to look for something else in your bag to avoid his eyes.

Jimin suddenly kicks your shin and leans over with his award winning smile. “Hey, where's our present?”

You glare at him and rub the tender part of your leg, wincing slightly. “Up your ass.”

“You disappear for a whole summer and come back with an attitude.” Seokjin squints and makes a show of examining you. “What did you do while you were in the countryside? It certainly wasn’t learning manners.”

You glare at him.

___

For the first years, the first day of Hogwarts is spent adapting to all the change; the new environment without any guardians, your new peers, the new Houses. It’s spent getting oriented, studying your timetables start to end, scrambling for friends to navigate all the newness with, unpacking trunks, decorating your room with moving pictures of family and friends back home and stacking trinkets on dressers to remedy the inevitable homesickness.

For the second to fifth years, having been at Hogwarts already, the first day is for throwing clothes haphazardly in dressers and scrambling downstairs to the common rooms to catch up with friends until lights out. It’s to savor the fraction of a moment with friends before the real school year begins—classes, grades, exams, stress. It’s to meander, reclaim past hangout and study spots in the different nooks of Hogwarts.

And for the sixth and seventh years, like yourself, it’s for awaiting the end of the long and excruciating sorting ceremony and feast so the actual events can begin.

The welcome back party takes place in the Room of Requirement and is hosted by a different house each year, rotating from Hufflepuff to Gryffindor to Ravenclaw to Slytherin and back around again. One house is responsible for decorating, organizing any specific themes or activities, providing food, and—of course—getting the Firewhiskey into Hogwarts.

It’s been the upperclassmen tradition for decades. You’re sure the professors and Headmaster are aware of the annual event but also know they turn a blind eye to the groups of students stumbling back to their dorms at 3 am. No harm no foul thus far.

This year Slytherin is hosting, and they are infamous for hosting particularly good ass parties.

“Are you sure you can’t give us a hint about what you’re planning for tonight?” Jimin pokes at Jungkook’s arm with a pleading look on his face.

You’ve all already tuned out the sorting hat’s nonsensical mumbling and shouting. The rules are pretty strict about sitting with your housemates during the opening feast, but you all have never really paid much mind to it. Each year, you sit together towards the back of the Great Hall and converse over the white noise. None of the professors have made a fuss over it, and besides, when have you followed the rules anyway?

Jungkook fixes his gaze on his food, “I’m sure. My housemates would kill me. It’s a surprise.”

“A good one? Or a bad one?” Seokjin asks suspiciously. “That could literally mean anything.”

“It starts in a few hours. Just wait.” Jungkook rolls his eyes.

“Y/N, you ask Kook,” Jimin pipes up. “You’ll have better luck with him.”

“I’ll have better—what does that even mean?” You ask incredulously.

“Just try it! We wanna know if the party is gonna be boring or not.”

“Fine.” You turn to Jungkook who’s already looking away from you, pretending to be busy. “Koo, what’s the theme of the party?”

To say Jungkook and you were friends wouldn’t necessarily be inaccurate.

Sure, you were friends… bros… pals… whatever. However, saying you were friends, bros, and pals in the same way you were with the other boys? Not quite as accurate.

You first became friends with Jungkook during the boat ride into the castle. You were instantly enamored with those giant brown eyes and even more interested when he tripped stepping into the boat and almost face planted into the water. Cute.

Instant friendship.

Well, did you really have a choice when he’d grabbed a fistful of your robes in an attempt to stop himself from falling over?

You were devastated when you were sorted into different houses, you in Ravenclaw and Jungkook in Slytherin. Despite being in different Houses affected how much you saw him during the day in classes, you stuck around each other during any and all free times. Then, eventually you met the rest of the boys through clubs, classes, and corresponding free periods. Together, you formed one little friend group.

Regardless, the clumsy, doe-eyed Slytherin boy still remains your first and best friend.

Jungkook sighs. “That’s not fair.”

“Sure it is!” Jimin grins.

“You know that they won’t stop until they know,” you say.

Jungkook groans before pressing his lips together, internally debating before hesitating, “You’ll see.”

___

You’re two cups in of whatever mysterious concoction Seokjin has been making when you notice the ceiling has been moving.

“Did the sky scene change?” You ask over the music.

“Huh?” Jungkook, slightly tipsy, leans in to hear you better.

The sudden proximity startles you, washing the previously mesmerizing mirage from your brain. Focus.

“I said, is the sky changing?!” You shout.

He looks up as you gesture to the ceiling and grins, “Yep! It’s reflecting the same sky somewhere in—Joon! What sky is this?”

Jungkook’s Slytherin housemate, Namjoon, who you’ve only met a handful of times, responds, “Sweden!”

You hum in response and watch the glittering sky, entranced.

The party itself is incredibly gorgeous, and you’re honestly surprised at how much Slytherin outdid themselves.

The Room of Requirement is transformed into a beautiful planetarium. Magic is woven into every aspect of the decorations. The ceiling looks as if the castle has opened up to the galaxy. Constellations glitter the sky and the occasional shooting star blinks by. Twinkling lights and tulle line the columns and walls, swaying in a fabricated breeze.

It’s as if you’re encapsulated in space—or maybe rather that they’ve somehow encapsulated a fraction of the galaxy into this tiny little room.

“Mikrokosmos,” Jungkook tells you, watching you gaze at the sky in awe. “It’s what we coined the theme as.”

You can hardly believe that certain counterparts of the seventh year Slytherins could conceptualize something so beautiful as your attention is momentarily diverted by a particularly loud crash. An especially annoying Slytherin laughs loudly and idiotically from the ground after drunkenly knocking over a table.

But then you turn to your best friend to find him already watching you carefully, and your annoyance dissipates immediately as you realize your own idiot friends were the masterminds.

“It’s so incredible. I love it, Koo,” you say sincerely. “It’s a beautiful end to our last first day.”

Jungkook pouts. “Why’d you have to mention that?”

“It’s true!” You sigh.

“Just because something is true, doesn’t mean it needs to be said,” Jungkook says.

“Words to live by!” Jimin declares, stepping into the conversation sporting a mysteriously glowing blue drink.

Namjoon, having returned from the snack table, joins the group. In one hand is a bottle of water—smart—and the other is holding a cute gold star shaped cookie.

“What are you talking about?” Namjoon asks.

“Y/N was being a Negative Nancy,” Jimin quips.

You scoff, “I was just saying how it’s our las—”

Suddenly, the boys start talking over you loudly, effectively drowning out the rest of your sentence.

You roll your eyes.

Your eyes unconsciously look for the rest of the group, wanting to make sure they’re okay—particularly in situations where alcohol is involved. You’re not worried about any of them getting too crazy drunk, but you’re prepared to step in to halt any especially dumb ideas, such as dyeing the owls a key lime green. Not that any of you would ever do that, of course.

Luckily, Seokjin is just standing near the speakers chatting up a cute Gryffindor. He’s wearing the most charming smile and the utmost captivating gaze, like the girl and him are the only ones in the room. He even leans down and towards the Gryffindor to “hear better,” nearly giving the poor soul a heart attack. 

It’s a little pitiful to watch, but you can’t help but cheer him on regardless. You’re not his mom. Plus, you know that he’s really a dork, who will meet you in the kitchens at 2 am when you’re not feeling well to share a rabokki and exchange burdens.

Yoongi is sitting at a table away from the dance floor with a separate group of people. You recognize enough of them from games to realize they’re friends from Quidditch, which means they’re most likely talking about the said sport. Yoongi was appointed captain for Ravenclaw, and you can tell how excited he is about it, despite how much he tries to brush it off nonchalantly. You’re proud of him and like how his eyes get all starry and excited when he rambles on about the different plays you don’t understand.

Yoongi will definitely whip the Ravenclaw team into shape for the quidditch season. But you can tell the conversation is more amicable. It’s a melting pot of players of different houses, and they all seem to be animatedly recalling past games.

Yoongi, somehow sensing your eyes on him from across the room, looks away from the table to wave to you. He gives you a questioning look, asking if you’re looking over to call him back to the group. You smile to yourself over his concern but wave him off, letting him return to his conversation.

The Hufflepuff’s captain, Hoseok, seems to be the center of the next memory they retell. The table tunes into him and laughs with every dramatic pause and flutter of lanky arms. Absently, you want to meander over to the table to see what all the chaos is about, but you know you probably wouldn’t get it.

“Hello? Y/N?”

You blink, “What?”

Jungkook pokes your arm. “We were wondering what you did over the summer.”

“The one when you ghosted us,” Jimin reminds, taking another sip of his drink. You swear it has to be charmed to be that neon shade of blue. Nothing natural or even artificial could or should ever be that luminescent.

“Oh,” you shrug. “I didn’t really do anything in particular. My grandparent’s estate is like really far in the countryside so there really wasn’t much to do or see except grass and trees. I read a lot of books. It was kind of boring and a little lonely.”

“Really? Nothing interesting?” Jungkook prods.

“Honestly. I mean my grandmother would throw these parties, and they were kind of interesting. But you know I don’t like socializing, and it was all like old people.”

Jimin gasps, theatrically,  “See! That’s interesting! Meet anyone with hot relatives? I know your mom’s side is full of rich people connections.”

Your mind pops up a certain face without your permission, and it must show on your face because—

“Oh my god, I was just joking but you totally did! You have to tell us!”

For some reason, your first instinct is to look at Jungkook. Your feelings are still a little desperately confused about him. Unfortunately.

The summer, while refreshing, was also just three months of not enough stimulation to shut off your overactive thoughts. Like usual, your best friend continued to occupy most of your brain. Perhaps you do like him. Three long months to contemplate it, and yet still no conclusion—or at least a conclusion that you liked—which is exactly why you subtly glance towards him to measure his reaction.

He seems more interested in the conversation now, that you can tell, because he’s set down his drink on the nearest table to give the current conversation his full attention. However, you have yet to discern if it’s a friendly yay I think my friend totally just got laid! or more hopefully if it’s a jealous, who the fuck?

“Please,” you try to play it off. Really, the last thing you need is another reason for the boys to tease you. “It was just some guy—”

“I called it!” Jimin shouts. “You definitely had that non-virgin glow to you at 9 and ¾!”

“That’s so gross, Jimin.” You scrunch your nose. “What the fuck does that even mean? Nothing even happened. We were just friends.”

He crosses his arms, “Wait, so you’re still a virgin?”

“Dude—”

“So what was his name?” Jungkook interrupts in an attempt to steer the conversation away from the strange track it got switched to.

“Uh, Taehyung. He’s one of my grandmother’s friend’s grandson. They live in America, I believe. He was also being reluctantly dragged to luncheons and dinners and galas. We just ended up seeing each other so much that we became friends to pass the time and look like we were being active participants of society or whatever.”

Desperately, you want the focus to be off you and some random guy you’ll probably never see again. Usually, you have no problem talking about boys with them, but Jungkook is suspiciously quiet and it’s making your palms sweat for some reason.

You want to fix Jungkook with another glance, but you don’t want to give off the impression that you’re too interested—like suspiciously interested—in his reaction. You just flit your eyes between the rest of the boys to resist the urge, hating how conscious you are of your every muscle and limb on your body.

Jungkook, on the other hand, is staring at you, no shame. He’s panicking just slightly. Like on a completely normal level, of course.

Why aren’t you looking at him?

He tries to search for a hint of a bluff. He’s attempting to find out if maybe you did do something with this mysterious guy and just don’t want to tell everyone about it for some reason. It would be weird, considering he remembers exceptionally clearly in fourth year when you called an emergency meeting so you could announce that you’ve just had your first kiss with some Hufflepuff idiot whose name you don’t even remember. The guy’s name was Jake, by the way. Jungkook remembers.

Or maybe, just maybe, he’ll find a little too much fondness in your voice. Maybe nothing really did happen, but you wish it did. Maybe you miss this guy. Too bad, he’s back in America.

Embarrassed, Jungkook tries to clear his thoughts when he notices Jimin giving him a pointed look.

There’s a reason Jimin knows everything about everyone at Hogwarts. First, clearly, he’s a little nosy. But it’s not his fault he asks the right questions and people have loose lips. Second, he’s friends with nearly everyone, something that comes with being frustratingly charming. And third and most importantly, he’s more observant than anyone would ever suspect.

Jungkook quickly takes a long sip of his drink to hide his face behind his cup. After a moment, Jungkook wonders what he was even trying to keep Jimin from seeing and finding out. That he was concerned about his best friend? He doesn’t have any secrets.

How strange.

___

“Thank god, we have charms together,” Jungkook sighs in relief.

Each of the students’ timetables had just been handed out before breakfast, so here you are clearing a space on the table to compare classes. The Great Hall amplifies the sound of hundreds of students doing the same.

Considering you had already taken your O.W.L. placement exams in sixth year, the schedules weren’t surprising. Like the rest of your same year housemates, you had been studying relentlessly for the O.W.L.s.

Even coming down to breakfast with Jimin and Yoongi, you could hear fellow seventh year Ravenclaws beginning to discuss the next big exam, which was arguably even more crucial to your future, the N.E.W.T.s.

It was incredibly frustrating how one little test determined nearly your entire life path, but never mind that.

You can’t help but sulk, regardless of Jungkook’s observation. “But we don’t have any other classes together.”

He nudges your shoulder with his. “Don’t worry, we’ll make it work. We always do. Remember third year? We only had one class together, also.”

“Yeah, and it was completely miserable,” you deadpan.

“Okay, look,” he grabs your timetable from your hands and lays it on the table next to his. “We still have every mealtime together, of course, and we’re both off for study hall at the end of the day—”

“You guys are disgusting,” Yoongi says between a bite of eggs.

“Yep.” Seokjin, who is clearly a little hungover and disheveled, nods. “And I think you both have separation anxiety with each other.”

“I truly hope you're suffering right now,” you bite back while also handing him a vial of your signature hangover potion.

Seokjin takes it a little too happily and mixes it into his morning coffee. He takes a large, inhaling sip and sighs dramatically. “Y/N, my saving grace.”

“Jimin, can you stop studying right now,” Yoongi grimaces. “I’m trying to enjoy my food, and you’re stressing me out in my peripheral.”

Jimin closes the book propped open against his cup, “Sorry.”

“Classes haven’t even started. What could you possibly be doing?” Seokjin leans over to peer at the cover.

“Don’t mind him,” You say. “Someone mentioned the N.E.W.T.s while we were helping taking down the decorations last night, and now he’s stressing out about being behind.”

“I mean it's not such a bad idea to get a head start,” Jungkook shrugs. “We should have little study sessions for the exams!”

“I resent how excited you sounded just then about study sessions,” Yoongi says.

You ignore him. “I’m trying to be a Healer, so I have to get at least an E in almost all my classes.”

Jungkook has no doubt that you’ll get above that in all your classes. You’re deceivingly intelligent, as are the rest of the boys. But you especially never fail to amaze him.

“Ah shit.”

Jungkook’s focus is startled away from his breakfast, finding you searching through your bag. “What?"

“I forgot something in my room.” You’re already wiggling yourself out of the bench. “I’m going to run back, and I’ll meet you for charms, Koo.”

“Wait, I’ll come with you!” Jungkook scrambles up too.

You look wearily at his half eaten plate, but know you won’t be able to deter him from coming with you so he can finish breakfast. What Seokjin said had a little bit more truth in it than either of you would like to admit.

You grab a croissant, wrapping it in a napkin, and a few breakfast bars from the spread, knowing he’s going to be hungry later because of you. “Let’s go.”

___

You’re arm in arm as to not lose each other in the halls filled with other students clambering to their classes. With every step, you’re lightly bumping into each other as you both lean into each other further to talk hushedly.

“The full moon is coming up already,” you say.

“Yeah.” You can feel Jungkook tense at the conversation, but his tone is neutral, forcibly so. “I was looking at the lunar calendar. It’s unfortunate the first one is so close to the beginning of the year… Classes are just starting, and I’ll already be behind.”

“We’ve made it work in the past. We can do it again. You know that the boys and I have your back, always.”

And Jungkook does.

When he first received the letter from Hogwarts, he couldn’t even begin to fathom what it would be like. His parents had pre-informed the headmaster of his ailment, and while the headmaster was reassuring in his commitment to help Jungkook throughout the school year, he was still worried about the other students.

Would he still be able to make friends? Surely he couldn’t become close with anyone. They would begin to question where he was every month, surely find out, and most definitely avoid him like the plague for the rest of his long miserable life. Or worse, they could tell everyone and he would surely have to move schools.

And yet…

You fell into his life—or rather he fell into your life, literally. Quickly after easily becoming attached at the hip, just as he had suspected, you had begun to ask about his mysterious monthly disappearances. But for some reason, when he had hesitantly laid out his secret for you, you had knocked the wind out of his lungs with the amount of force in which you wrapped your arms around him with, promising to help him with absolutely anything and everything.

“I still can’t believe you won’t let me help you. The whole Animagus thing was my idea,” you pout.

“You do help me,” he assures, poking your cheek. “You fix me all back up when we get back to Hogwarts. Plus, I know you like doing all those medical things! It’s good practice for you.”

You force the disappointed expression off your face. Every so often you ask for him to let you come with them to the Shrieking Shack. It’s the only instance in which he completely and utterly declines you. You want to help, but you know he won’t give in. It’s his decision. You ask more so he knows the offer is always open, even though you likely know the answer. You don’t want him to feel bad for setting whatever boundaries he needs to place, so you always drop it whenever you get your answer.

“Y/N?”

Both you and Jungkook turn around at the call of your name. You know the rest of the boys should be on the other side of Hogwarts, and you don’t immediately recognize the voice… and you don’t quite have any friends outside of the boys.

Jungkook is equally confused, especially so when he turns and sees a tall black-haired guy waving you down. The unfamiliar guy is wearing a big, boxy smile, messily wavy hair framing his face. 

Jungkook is unsure what possesses him to do it, but he tugs you closer to him gently with the arm that’s still linked in yours.

“Y/N, do you kn—” he starts to ask.

“Taehyung?”

The name echoes in his head. Where the hell has he heard that name before… oh.

___

Jungkook is extremely upset—rightfully so—because why the fuck is he staring at the back of your head.

Kim Taehyung had excitedly grabbed your arm when he had learned that you and Jungkook was heading to the same class, completely yanking you from Jungkook. And when you all had gotten there, he had pulled you into the seat next to him. Since the room was set up two to a table, all facing the front, this meant that Jungkook was forced to find a different seat. Though clearly he should be the one sitting next to you.

To be completely honest, Jungkook thinks Taehyung is kind of annoying. He’s only known the guy for about ten minutes, and while Jungkook doesn’t consider himself a violent person, there’s something about his face that makes him want to jinx the dude into the sun. 

For a moment, he considers the fact that he may be on edge due to the full moon coming up. But then he stares at the side of Taehyung’s face as he tells you something unbelievably unfunny and thinks nope this person is just plain obnoxious, full moon or not.

He reads you easily, and without his permission, his brain says, well at least you look uncomfortable. Not bad uncomfortable by any means, of course… just the subtle sort of awkward you get when you’re with an acquaintance and not with your best friend since first year.

“Hey, is this seat open, dude?”

Jungkook’s instinct is to turn towards you, hoping you’ll save him from having to sit next to a literal stranger for a whole year, but you’re not even looking at him. He was initially hoping that maybe you were just going to stop with Taehyung for a second to catch up and then you’d take your spot next to him. However, your books have been set down on the table in front of you and ready for class… instead of in your lap ready to be picked up again and moved near him.

He doesn’t want to look like an idiot, so he fights the disappointed expression. “Yeah, go ahead.”

Great.

___

“So what are you doing here at Hogwarts?” Seokjin asks.

It’s finally lunchtime, and by the last class, your stomach had been growling so loudly that your Potions table partner was giving you strange looks. You quickly gave the introductions and started to dig into the food.

“Y/N told us you were in America,” Jimin chimes in.

“Across the ocean,” Yoongi adds helpfully.

Taehyung laughs it off, but you can hear the malice laced into the tone of their voices.

They’ve all been oddly hostile as soon as they’d been introduced to him, and you can’t quite figure out why. You expected at least a little bit of hesitancy because of how tightly woven your group was—having a new person would be cause for at least some uncertainty. But this was much more than that.

You can’t lie and say it isn’t at least a little off kilter that Taehyung is obviously trying to find his way into the group, but you feel kind of bad for the guy. Clearly, you’re the only person he knows at Hogwarts, and you don't want to kick him to the curb… and honestly, you’re a little worried his grandparents may find out you were rude to him in the slightest, and then it may end up reflecting badly towards your own grandparents. And well… you know how socialites are.

“My parents just wanted me to finish my education at Hogwarts instead of Ilvermorny. Not sure why.” Taehyung looks down at his food, and you get the feeling there’s more to the story. He gives a tight smile and continues, “It was all really sudden, but I’m really glad I have Y/N to show me around.”

You give him a smile. “Yeah, I can give you the layout after classes are out. It’s a shame you missed the kick off party. The Slytherins did a really great job, especially Koo.”

Taehyung gives you an inquisitive look. “Koo?”

“Jungkook,” Jimin answers. “But only Y/N can call him that.”

“How come?”

Jimin and Seokjin share a look that you don’t like.

The new guy raises an eyebrow at that. “Are they together or something?”

You nearly choke and die—actually, at the look Seokjin gives you, you wish you had. He fixes you with a look that’s staring straight through your soul and into your heart, as if he knows there’s a giant, Jungkook-shaped gaping space in there.

Jungkook, on the other hand, his face goes bright red. He shifts ever so slightly away from you, down the bench and closer to Yoongi sitting on the other side of him, feeling unexpectedly uncomfortable at the lack of space. It’s not unusual for the two of you to share the same personal space bubble, squishing into each other as if close isn’t close enough. Yoongi even jokes that one day you two will magically morph into one conjoined blob.

However, hearing such observations spoken out loud and in front of some random person… Jungkook wants to disapparate out of Hogwarts and into the next century.

“No way,” Jungkook corrects a little too loudly and a hair too fast. “We’re just friends.”

You can’t help the flood of hurt that starts in your chest. You school your expression into something you hope looks like nonchalance, but you recognize the dry, burning feeling climbing up th back of your throat.

Suddenly, even just sitting next to your best friend is too much. “Yeah, anyways, I’m full. Taehyung, I can show you around now, we have some time before lunch is over.”

You clamber out of the bench awkwardly. Once you’re out, you grab his hand and pull him out too, hardly waiting for a noise of compliance. His utensils clatter onto his plate loudly.

“Do you want me to come with?” Jungkook asks, a little confused at your haste.

You don't spare him a second glance. “It’s okay.”

“Oh, okay.”

You wave at the boys. “I’ll see you all at dinner!”

Once you’ve successfully towed the both of you out of the Great Hall, you drop his hand. “We can start at the Owlery.”

___

Kim Seokjin wishes his friends weren’t so dumb. It’s painful, truly, to watch someone be so idiotic.

“Wipe that pout off your face,” he rolls his eyes. “You look dumb.”

“Hey! I’m not pouting,” Jungkook scoffs.

Yoongi gives him a look of disgust. “You’re sulking… which is worse.”

“It’s just weird is all. Besides, you all don’t like him either! Why are you defending him?!”

“We don’t not like him,” Seokjin shrugs. “But we want to know why you don’t like him.”

Jungkook feels his face heating up from being on the spot. “I don’t know. He’s annoying, alright? And—and he was like wearing a shit eating expression!”

“Yeah, if I were him, I would too!” Jimin laughs. “He totally just stole your—Y/N out from under you.”

“She’s not my Y/N.” Jungkook stabs the meat on his plate aggressively. The table rattles under him.

“That’s not what I was going to say but okay,” Jimin scoffs. “Anyways, we have this conversation like every few months.”

“What conversation?”

“The Y/N conversation,” Yoongi supplies.

Jungkook feigns ignorance. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Jungkook.” Seokjin wants to rip his hair out.

“Seokjin,” the youngest mocks.

Yoongi sighs, “Well, this is going nowhere. Someone pass me the potatoes.”

___

The first two weeks of school flies by, and Jungkook’s first full moon of the year sneaks up on all of you. After doing this for nearly seven years, you all have gotten into a good routine. The five of you work together like a well oiled machine. Regardless, it’s never fun to have to set the routine into motion before everything in normal life has even settled yet.

“Can you help me with my Transfiguration assignment?” Taehyung asks, a frustrated look on his face as he attempts to turn a book into a goblet.

You’re distracted, looking at the library’s clock every five seconds and out the windows every ten seconds. “I’m sorry, I can’t tonight. I have to leave in a bit… I can help you work on it tomorrow after class… maybe…”

You don’t provide any additional information as your sentence trails off. Your brain is so far away, you can't even give a weak excuse. Technically, you don't have anything to do tonight, because you won’t be out in the Shrieking Shack with the rest of the boys. But you don't want to be up late studying and be too tired to wait up for Jungkook.

You miss Taehyung’s disappointed look. “Oh, okay.”

You don’t respond.

Taehyung has half the mind to know that something is going on. Your whole friend group has been on edge—more so than usual, considering they’ve been unwelcoming for the most part. Jimin did once help him find a classroom, but Taehyung suspects it was only because you had asked him to.

Regardless, the boy knows there’s something else going on. His curiosity wants to ask you about it but suspects you won’t tell him anyways, and he doesn’t want to put you in that awkward situation.

So he resorts to quietly studying next to you… though he notices you’ve been staring blankly at the same page for the past hour. He’ll take what he can get of your time.

At your next obsessive look out the windows, the last bit of dusk has disappeared and the dark blue glow of the sky has melted into black. Another glance at the clock. 10:27.

“Hey, I have to go,” you say apologetically and gather up your books in a haste. “Sorry, I couldn’t help, but I can set you up with Mina if I can’t study tomorrow. She’s really good at Transfiguration.”

You don’t wait for a response. Taehyung just watches as you dash out of the library. Without you working next to him, he begins packing up his own things

Finally, just before he’s ready to leave, he waves his wand and flawlessly transfigures the last textbook into a polished golden intricately designed goblet.

Sighing, he sets it to the side and starts back to his dorm. “Oh well.”

___

“Hello, Madam Pomfrey!” You greet cheerfully as you enter the infirmary.

“Hi, darling,” Madam Pomfrey responds without even looking up from her work.

The infirmary is empty, and most everyone else would find the room to be eerie. It smells slightly of sterilizer and the big windows cast long strips of moonlight across the stone floors. You find it comforting.

It’s quiet as Madam Pomfrey remakes each of the patient beds with freshly clean linens, tucking in the sheets and fluffing the pillows.

“Is it time already?” She asks as she fusses over the last bed.

You set your things down on her desk. “Not yet, but I was getting anxious just sitting around. Is there anything I can do around here?”

“I just got a bunch of things delivered. Will you check that everything was correctly sent and then restock the cabinets for me?”

You nod and begin with the first box behind her desk.

Madam Pomfrey had generously taken you under her wing. After spending so much time in the infirmary because of Jungkook, you had begun to develop a relationship with the matron. Later, as an interest in health care began to surface, she had been nothing short of eager to teach you.

The hours passed quickly. It was therapeutic to do such a repetitive job. It kept your focus more occupied on the task at hand, rather than on the mind numbing fear. You had trust in the boys in that they would all keep each other safe. But it still felt sickening to know that they were all in danger of getting hurt.

Jungkook would never disclose how much pain it really was to turn. He always puts on a brave face as soon as he hits the infirmary. Regardless, as soon as you found out about his condition, you poured weeks into researching all that you could about werewolves. It wasn’t a lot, considering how the Wizarding world felt towards them, but you still insisted on memorizing those few texts front and back.

You down your fourth cup of coffee when you finally finished sorting through all the inventory, wiping down every exposed surface and completing assignments due about a week in advance.

“It’s almost four am, can I get everything ready for Jungkook?”

You’re feeling jittery from nerves combined with the caffeine.

“You don’t need to ask me, darling,” she assures.

You wheel over one of the stainless steel trays to the cabinet. On the tray, you pile on nearly every ointment, medicine, and concoction you can think of.

Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst as your mother always says.

You plop down in the chair next to the bed Jungkook always gets treated in. It’s the one farthest from the doors and closest to the floor to ceiling windows.

Though it’s not exclusively Jungkook’s, in your mind it is. Other patients can use it, of course, but there’s something sacred about this little bed in the corner of the infirmary. In the bedside table’s drawer is a little box of chocolates you put in there for him and a little stack of his favorite books that you bought.

There’s seven years of memories in this little corner. Of course it’s his.

You hop out of the chair, wheeling the tray of supplies closer to you when you hear several hushed voices coming down the hallway. Any sort of reminiscent fatigue leaves your body, and you clasp your hands together in an attempt to stop shaking as you wait for the doors to burst open.

He needs complete attention. No shaky hands, no sleepiness, no nerves. Madam Pomfrey will attend to the rest of the boys.

Just focus on Jungkook.

Jungkook.

___

Respectfully, Jungkook feels like shit.

There’s no other way to describe it.

He thought for sure that over time turning would get easier. But it seems to be the opposite. His wolf counterpart seems to have only gotten stronger and more aggravated as he’s grown up. Each full moon, it feels more and more painful, more animalistic.

At this very moment, however, it feels as though Jungkook’s whole body is numb. There’s a dull ache in his muscles and his bones feel funny. He can’t even bare to open his eyes. Honestly, the boy just wants to roll over and die. Then—

A soft whispering. “Madam, can I please give him more things for the pain?”

Y/N.

“How much have you given him so far?” Madam Pomfrey asks.

“About a quarter of the jar.”

“Y/N, you know the appropriate dosage amounts.”

There’s a shuffling noise. Jungkook guesses by the sound of your voice that you’re right at his bedside.

“I know.” You sigh, then add quietly, “But I… I think he’s still in pain.”

“Darling, it’s hard to treat patients you care about. But don’t let that cloud your judgment. You know your stuff. You’ve done all you can do at the moment. Wait it out and let him wake up.”

You sigh again, “Okay.”

A set of footsteps reced.

Jungkook slowly opens his eyes, bracing himself for a harsh blinding light, but it never comes. His vision is blurry, and it takes him a moment to take in his surroundings.

The white curtains around the bed are drawn and the lights are dimmed. No doubt your doing in an attempt to preemptively prevent the worsening of any sort of headache.

Familiar white linens are drawn up to his arms. He looks down and realizes why his bones feel particularly funny. Around his left arm is a white cast, and his right leg is raised in a cradle sort of thing.

And then he turns to his left and his eyes finally focus on you.

“Hi,” you say, quietly as to not overwhelm his senses as he comes back to you.

“Hi,” he says.

It comes out hoarsely. His throat feels like sandpaper, dry and scratchy. You hand him a cold glass of ice water, which he gulps down in one swift swallow.

“I can mend your bones as soon as you get to feeling better. I didn’t want to overload your body with all sorts of charms and spells… no matter how hard it was to leave you like this. I was able to get all of your superficial abrasions, but there’s still a little bruising. Madam wouldn’t let me get you more stuff for your pain. I know your muscles must be hurting, but in a few hours I can give you some more.”

You know you’re rambling, but you can’t help it. You’ve been working and worrying and fussing nonstop. You’re just relieved your best friend is alive and right in your care.

You continue without a pause, “You missed breakfast and lunch, but I grabbed some food for you. The rest of the boys are in class right now, and I went to charms in the morning, but then I said my stomach hurt and so I got out of classes for the rest of the day—well, now I’m here.”

Jungkook waits patiently for you to finish your mindless babbling. He puts on a brave face, as if you are the one that needed consoling. He lays his hand atop yours that is anxiously gripping the empty glass. You hadn't even noticed you were shaking.

His heart swells. With all the uncertainty that has arisen because of Taehyung’s arrival, he knows now. After everything, he’s still yours. You’re still here right when he wakes up as always. And you are still his. That is all that has—and ever will—matter.

“Don’t worry. I’m okay.” He gently takes the cup from your death grip and sets it on the bedside table. “Besides, I have the best physician in all of Hogwarts… sorry, Madam Pomfrey.”

The said woman scoffs. “I heard that Mr Jeon.”

“You know what I mean.” He laughs, but it comes out a little winded. “Seriously, Y/N. I trust you.”

He says it with so much certainty—so resolutely—that it frightens you just a bit. Feeling a little awkward at the blatant verbal affection, you just shrug and inhale a shaky breath.

“Okay, well, scoot over.” You fold back the sheets and squish in next to him on the tiny twin sized bed. “I checked out a different book from the library so you don’t get tired of me rereading the same stuff every month.”

Jungkook makes a humming noise of acknowledgement, but he doesn’t think he could ever get tired of you. Jungkook’s mouth automatically opens to object the statement, but he thinks better of it. Instead, he watches as you open the bedside drawer and take out a chocolate and almond bar. You break it in half, and without even thinking, you pass him the larger half. His heart warms at the small gesture as he bites into the rich chocolate.

“Alright,” you say between bites. “I think you’ll really like this book. I read it over the summer, and it’s all cute and gooey like I know you like.”

“Whatever,” he pouts.

You poke his arm. “Don’t try to be all tough. I know you’re a romantic.”

He wants to protest more, if only to continue talking with you, but he still feels a little delirious with all the medication. He licks his fingers where the chocolate melted slightly, and the werewolf just settles further into the pillow and scoffs.

“Try not to fall asleep by the second page this time,” you smile and ruffle his hair.

He laughs but closes his eyes anyways. It’s hard to not be lulled into a relaxing rest. His body is still exhausted and achy from the full moon, and the best remedy that he knows is you, of course. He could listen to you talk for the rest of his life.

It’s the last thing he thinks of before you softly begin to read, the rest of his life—with you.

___

It’s nearly a month later that, while sitting in Jungkook’s dorm room, you realize much too belatedly that you are completely and utterly fucked.

September came and went in a blink of an eye. Night was creeping up earlier and earlier into the daylight with every passing day. It wasn’t difficult to get back into the swing of things, settling into a comfortable balance between school and personal time.

Jungkook recovered quickly from his September turning, and October’s full moon passed just the same.

It’s only been three days since October’s full moon, and he’s already back to classes. With midterms coming up, he’s been adamant about getting right back to classes despite your protests. The physician in you can’t help but watch him a little too closely when you can. You know there’s still a persistent slight ache in his back, but every time you ask about it, he dismisses your concern.

The past month has been strange to say the least. The boys’ strange behavior towards Taehyung has persisted. And because they refuse to include him, it’s forced you to divide your time between the two. You still refuse to just leave the new transfer, but dividing your time in such a manner has become increasingly frustrating.

For both you… and Jungkook.

As an example, just this morning, Jungkook practically had to drag you to the Slytherin dorms to steal a slice of your time. He’s deeply unfamiliar with having to compete for your time or even just your attention. The notion makes him uncontrollably annoyed.

He’d caught you coming from Alchemy, knowing it was your last class of the day, and immediately directed you away from the library, claiming it was already filled with other students.

In reality, it’s because Jungkook had already made a dash to the library to stake out a spot, found Taehyung already sitting at one of the study tables, and turned right back around. That guy seemed to be everywhere.

“I’m too tired to study anymore,” Jungkook groans and flops backwards into the pillows of his bed. “It’s taken me like thirty minutes to finish this one page, and I still have no idea what it said. I didn’t retain one word, and I’m not a sentence closer to finishing this report.”

A flurry of parchment flies from the bed and onto the ground from his sudden change in position. You set your quill into the crease of the book to hold your spot and fold the cover over gently.

For a moment, you just stare at him—only because he’s laying down, face towards the ceiling, with his eyes closed. Gone are the stuffy Hogwarts uniforms, the robes and such. He’s wearing an oversized dark forest green sweater and black sweatpants. His hair is freshly washed and fluffy, and he looks like just about the softest boy on the planet.

“You know,” he doesn’t even open his eyes. “I can feel you staring at me.”

Your gaze instantly shifts back to your notes, face warming at getting caught. “That’s because you have a giant booger up your nose.”

His eyes shoot open, and he messily rubs his sweater sleeve against his nose. “Really?”

“Nope,” you laugh.

He huffs and stares at the ceiling, letting a comfortable silence settle again.

Feeling suddenly exhausted, you set your textbooks on his bedside table and sigh. Today was your worst sequence of classes, and it always left you with hardly any energy to do anything, much less study by the end of the day. On top of that, Madam Pomphrey was giving you biweekly practicals to make sure everything she’s teaching you stays at the forefront of your mind.

You need a nap. A nice long nap with your favorite person—like old times.

And so you too fall backwards into the pillows. Jungkook, anticipating this, already has his arm out stretched to your side of his bed, and you find yourself dropping into his arms. He clings onto you and you to him, scooching the both of you into a comfortable position with your head is on his chest, near his shoulder and neatly tucked under his chin.

The position would have anyone blushing, heart racing at the intimacy of the situation. But instead, the tension in your body begins to dissipate. You feel your muscles relaxing, your heart rate easing from the anxiety of the day, your mind going quiet. You let yourself finally just relax.

You know that you’ve loved him all this time. But this feels like more than love. It’s everything, and it’s crashing down on you all at once.

It’s scary having the realization that you know exactly where you want to be—where you belong.

And it’s even scarier realizing that it’s in somebody else’s arms.

You’re fucked.

___

It’s one of the coldest Quidditch games of the year, and you think you’re going to legitimately freeze to death. It’s the dead of December, and you think about cursing Ravenclaw’s very own chaser and team captain, Min Yoongi.

You’re huddled into Jimin’s side for warmth in the frigid winter air. You’re trying to focus on cheering Yoongi on—instead of the idea of the warm fireplace in the common room that you could be sitting next to—but you’re positive your fingers and toes have acquired frostbite. You vow to send Yoongi the medical bill.

On top of that, Jimin is also trying to gossip with you in the middle of the stands with your entire House screaming and jumping around you. Since you’re freezing your ass off and Jimin is providing 80% of the warmth you’re feeling, you have no choice but to stay linked to him and face whatever conversation he prompts.

“So since you’ve had epiphany recently, are you going to ask Jungkook to the Winter Ball?” Jimin pries once more.

You shiver into your coat, the collar up past your neck and a blue and bronze knit hat adoring your head. You are not built for the cold, much less discussing your sorry excuse of a love life.

You don’t regret confiding in Jimin. He’s your friend for a reason, and while he’s a prodigy at acquiring secrets, he’s even better at keeping them. In short, you trust him with your life.

The same with Yoongi and Seokjin, of course. However, Yoongi would’ve told you to just tell Jungkook how you feel with that no nonsense look on his face, and that would’ve been that, not one ounce of coddling in sight. And Seokjin… Seokjin would’ve coddled you a little too much. He’s been filling the role of resident older brother for the better half of your life.

Sometimes you need advice, a good push in the right direction, and sometimes you need comfort. And while you’d value hearing from all three of them, it would make the feelings too real, too tangible, too scary.

Jimin's response, you fairly recognize, is a midpoint between the two. A bit of both.

“No,” you say. The prospect of anything going even remotely wrong is more than terrifying. “I don’t want to embarrass myself.”

“And how would that be embarrassing?” Jimin raises an eyebrow, clearly judging you and your choices as one does when they see someone doing something unbelievably stupid.

“Because he could say, ‘no, you’re an idiot, and I never want to see you again.’ And then I would have to move abroad and drop off the grid by faking my death,” you say with complete seriousness.

The fellow Ravenclaw deadpans. “Yes, because that sounds exactly like something Jeon Jungkook would say. Y/N, I watched him run into a wall once and apologize to it.”

“Okay, well, he could. The odds are low, but never zero. And hey! Not the government name!” You whine, pulling at the sleeve of your winter coat.

Jimin’s not buying into your playful and nonchalance. His mouth sets into a straight line like be serious. He gently tugs your sleeve out of your anxious grip, and you look up at him.

He tries one more time. “Just ask him to the ball. Please?”

“I can’t.” You feel like a coward under his gaze.

Jimin studies you with a look that you can’t decipher. He opens his mouth, but this time you don’t know if he’s going to pry at your aching heart once more or leave it be. Whatever it is dies on his lips, Ravenclaw scores another goal, and whatever Jimin wants to say next is drowned out by cheers.

___

Love, you decide, is stupid.

It’s cruel to have the Winter Ball right after final exams. Not only do you have to be miserably studying for finals the past week, but now you also have to be miserably watching happy couples swarm the hallways. Back to back misery.

Just this morning during breakfast, some Hufflepuff got asked to the ball in the most dramatic, attention-seeking way possible. There were charmed fireworks that spelled out Sana, will you accompany me to Winter Ball? followed by a chorus of cooing. Gross.

Regardless, it’s the weekend—the one right before finals—and it’s the last trip to Hogsmeade of the first semester.

You try not to think of all the lasts of the year. Last first day, last fall at Hogwarts, last first snow here, last…

“Y/N,” Seokjin chimes. “Stop making that face.”

“I can’t help it. It’s an involuntary reaction whenever I see something gross,” you shrug.

Again, you were just forced to bear witness to another grand romantic gesture, better yet by underclassmen.

“I think it’s kinda cute,” Jungkook comments sheepishly.

You can’t help but turn towards the boy. He’s wearing an expression you can’t decipher. It’s the usual aww cute face one makes when seeing something conventionally adorable. But also something else in his face that makes your heart do a somersault.

Whatever.

You look back at your food with no rebuttal.

___

The days pass slowly. But it’s the first weekend where you don’t feel overwhelmed by copious amounts of schoolwork and stress.

You’ve been preoccupied more and more with Taehyung. You feel guilty… However, you can’t help but to feel a bit of relief.

How does one act as they always have been when everything feels different now? Have things always been this way? Has touches always lingered? Gazes held a moment too long? It’s too much for one person to endure for too long.

It’s nearing the end of the day, and though the group traveled to Hogsmeade together, everyone has split off by now. Jimin and Seokjin are still walking around looking at the last of the shops before they close. Like you, it was the first weekend in a while that they could all make it out together, and they wanted to spend every last galleon of their pocket money. Yoongi is curled up in the Three Broomsticks with a book and a butterbeer waiting for the rest of you to decide it’s time, and he can return to the warmth of the common room fireplace.

And Jungkook—he’d stayed with you.

As he always does.

It’s colder than imaginable. It’s not currently snowing and the pavement has been plowed, but the grass and the rooftops are covered in a thick layer of glistening snow. You’re wrapped up in a large jacket and your Ravenclaw scarf. Jungkook is in a similar attire, a puffy black jacket, a Slytherin scarf, and a black beanie pulled over his ears, loose bangs peek out from under. His face is flushed from the icy air, cheeks pink and nose especially red.

He looks precious.

“You want to walk?” He asks, watching as you pocket the chocolate frogs you just purchased.

Wordlessly, you smile, nod, and loop your arm through his.

The streets were bustling with students, but as the sun has dipped closer to the horizon, many of the students have found shelter in The Three Broomsticks, drinking warm cocoa, or simply headed back to their dorm.

Jungkook leads and you follow, though you know exactly where he’s guiding you. There’s a particular little area on one side of Hogsmeade that looks out over the hilly landscape. It’s where you have always gone with him when the Hogsmeade crowds have gotten to be too much. It feels like yours and his.

The sky is a watercolor painting now, sweeping colors of cerulean and fuschia blending into lavender. Sunsets will never get old. The appreciation will never leave.

You glance at Jungkook, who is focused on the sunset. The fading light catches in his eyes, warm and gentle. He looks content. Quiet.

“Stop staring,” he teases. “...Again.”

You don’t have anything to say for yourself. “You’re just cute.”

“Is that so?”

Jungkook comes behind you to rest his head on you and wrap his arms around you. You lean back, appreciating the warmth radiating from his body as the sun disappears under the snow covered horizon. No words need to be said. The silence is comfortable—full.

When the sun has fully and completely vanished from sight, he says your name softly, breaking the silence. You match his tone, responding with his own name, soft but a little teasingly.

“The ball…” he starts.

Your heart jumps into your throat, and you have a split second to compose yourself before you turn and look up at him.

“Are you—” Jungkook looks away from your gaze. “I was thinking we should all go together.”

What else were you thinking, honestly? You’re quick in tamping down your feelings.

“That sounds perfect to me.” Your words come out normal. It surprises you sometimes how good you are at that… pretending everything is okay.

He meets your eyes again and reaches out to adjust your scarf, pulling it snug against you. It’s a mindless doting action, but you can’t help but feel a warm frustration crawling up your neck. You pretend to adjust your stance, not giving the scarf a second glance as they fall out of his hands.

“Yeah, since none of us have dates,” he says as if you need more explanation..

“Of course, I thought that would be a given.” You smile and roll your eyes. 

You can’t remember what it feels like to be just friends anymore. Once you have given the feelings you have towards Jungkook a name, it’s like fire in your chest. Only sometimes it’s just a spark, easy to calm into red, feverish embers. Other times it’s a full forest fire, uncontrollable and—more importantly—unignorable.

It’s just a house fire at the moment. Somehow, you feel hot in the freezing weather. Your coat weighs on you, and you’re overly aware of the scarf wrapped snugly around your neck. Disappointment adds fuel to the fire without warning. There’s beloved items still inside, and you’re standing outside the house watching the smoke billow helplessly… foolishly.

You pull away from him, feeling especially guarded, and start to walk back towards the heart of Hogsmead, “C’mon, Yoongi is waiting for us.”

You don’t hear him start to follow you until a moment later.

___

It’s a week later from the odd moment you shared with Jungkook. You’re sitting in a warm corner of the library, working on last minute homework into the late hours of the night. The fire crackles, and you can hear the light library sort of whisper chattering of other students.

“You’re going to the Winter Ball with Taehyung?” Jimin asks.

The question startles you. You’re not sure why. Of course your friends would know or at least would find out. It’s a dance, so you would’ve had to come in on Taehyung’s arm. So why do you wish it would’ve been kept a secret? Why do you feel like you’ve done something wrong?

Taehyung had asked you yesterday. It was sweet and simple. He had asked you on the way back from dinner, inquiring if you were going with anyone. You didn’t assume going with friends was technically going with anyone. You would still be there with them during the actually ball and even probably end up spending most of your time with them anyway. All this meant was that you’d be arriving together and likely share a dance together.

Plus, he had asked casually, in a way that allowed to be interpreted in a friendly way or a tentatively more sort of way. He definitely liked you. You could tell as much. But he didn’t act on it in any outstanding or out of character way. Taehyung was simply considerate like that, letting you know but allowing for you to lead the way.

And you did so. You accepted under the condition of friends with a shy sort of apology. He seemed disappointed but unsurprised, and you suspect he may know of your feelings towards Jungkook. Apparently, it is obvious to everyone but the man himself. Then, without missing a beat, the smile had returned on his face, deal.

You love Jimin and would tell him anything, but you feel cagey and embarrassed at his inquiry.

“Yeah.” You don't elaborate.

You can feel Jimin’s eyes on you, analyzing. There’s a long pause. You try to focus on your textbook. Jimin tries to think of what to say.

“Jungkook will be hurt when he finds out.”

Your heart misses a beat.

“Why?” You try to feign ignorance, but your voice trembles ever so slightly.

Jimin’s eyebrows draw together. “You know why.”

It feels like you’re being reprimanded. Defensiveness spreads through your chest like wildfire.

“No. I don’t actually,” you state, attempting to keep your voice down in the library.

You can tell Jimin is getting equally as riled up in displeasure, trying to defend Jungkook.

“You know that he loves you,” he says it like an accusation… like somehow it’s your fault. “So why are you going to the Winter Ball with someone else?”

“If he wanted to go with me, he should’ve said something,” you feel your eyes burn. Jimin must see the hurt in your expression, because he backs down. “I can’t just wait around for him to do something. I waited for the past few weeks for him to ask me to ball… I’ve been waiting for seven years. I love him. But seven years is ridiculous. I feel ridiculous.”

“Y/N…”

“No. I’m sorry. But why is it my fault.”

___

You don’t realize the Winter Ball is on the same night as the December full moon until it’s too late.

You had been so caught up with school work and planning things for the ball. While the rest of your friends had also been displeased upon hearing about your date, your grandmother had been elated at the news. The week before, she had send a parcel with a generous sum of galleons and a note telling you to purchase the best dress you could find.

Yoongi accompanied you the following day on the weekend exertion to Hogsmeade to search for a dress for the following weekend. And as soon as the school week started up again, you were back to being overrun by schoolwork and the weekend of the Winter Ball came before you knew it.

You could’ve sworn the full moon was a few days after. You check the lunar calendar once more in disbelief. Nobody said anything. Jimin says that Jungkook said he was going to leave the ball early. When you ask why he didn’t tell you too, Jimin doesn’t really have a response.

Immediately, the thought crosses your mind to cancel on Taehyung, but an image of his wide, boxy smile crosses through your mind… followed by an image of a disappointed pout. One very reminiscent when the two of you were hiding in the estate’s kitchens with the staff to avoid tipsy, posh adults.

Your heart sinks, but you’re going to make this work. You always do.

___

Jungkook is nowhere to be found. It’s the first thing you think of when you enter the room, your eyes searching for his familiar face. The party started relatively early into the night, so you assumed he would be able to be there for a short while before having to dash off.

You catch up with the rest of your friends, all snagging a table and dropping off your purse and things before grabbing snacks from the table in the back.

“He decided to just skip all together,” Yoongi says after watching you turn your head for the millionth time when you hear a new set of people walk through the doors.

You don’t pretend you weren’t looking for Jungkook, “Ah.”

“He wasn’t feeling in the party mood with you know… he’s in his dorm reading until he needs to do his thing.”

“Sounds like him,” you smile.

Yoongi returns the smile, “He’ll be upset to have missed seeing you. You look beautiful, Y/N.”

You don’t dress up often at all, but you went all out… with Jungkook in mind unfortunately. You brush him off, “He has more important things to worry about tonight.”

The party is still going even though it’s well into one or two in the morning. You’ve danced until your feet hurt and your throat feels dry from singing your lungs out. You’re grabbing a cookie at one of the tables when Seokjin comes up behind you.

He says your name lightly as to not startle you.

“We’re going to go ahead and try to prepare for Jungkook. Are you coming with us or…” He pauses and casts a glance over at Taehyung, who is standing at one of the high tables waiting for you to return, and suspects he already knows the answer. “Please come soon. Jungkook will be waiting to see you.”

He doesn’t wait for a response, and you watch as Jimin and Yoongi follow him out the grand doors of the great hall.

You grab another cookie for Taehyung and make your way back over to him. You feel a little shaken up by your own response—or rather no response. Never in your life have you picked anyone else over Koo. You shake your head and try to remind yourself that you haven’t, that you’re going to see him in just a second.

Taehyung senses the change in your mood instantly. “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay.” You smile quickly and hand him one of the cookies.

He seems unconvinced but doesn’t press on the bigger issue. “How about we get out of here? We can hide in the kitchens like we used to do.”

You sigh a breath of relief, “Thank Grodric, I’m in need of some real food.”

Taehyung laughed and takes your hand, leading you out into the hallway. The music and chatter gets softer as the two of you walk away from the party in comfortable silence.

The house elves greet you excitedly when you make it to the kitchen. Taehyung politely requests for “real” food. You don’t feel all that hungry but when the bowl of noodles slides in front of your face, your stomach growls.

You make light conversation over the bowl of noodles until the last one is finally gone. You speak about everything under the sun. It starts about the current book each of you are reading, then moves into the pressures from your families, and again about something silly again.

You complain of being overstuffed, and Tae just laughs. You’ve moved to some couches just outside the main area of the kitchen that acts as a little break area for the busy house elves.

You feel so content and full from the soup and the comfortable conversation. You don’t even notice the two of you have talked each other to sleep until you jerk awake at the crashing of a metal bowl hitting the floor.

An especially small house elf sobs an apology, but you’re already on your feet demanding the time. At the words eight am, you glance back at Tae who has his black neck tie undone and loose around his collar, white shirt untucked and wrinkled. He’s curled up, head against the arm rest. You feel bad, but you need to leave.

You ask the elf to apologize to Taehyung on your behalf, citing a headache and need for medicine as the reason you have left. The next moment you’re running down the halls barefoot, fists full of loose fabric, purse strap haphazardly in the crook of your elbow.

___

“I’m sorry I’m late, Koo,” you say softly.

Jungkook can’t roll completely to the side with the new injury to his arm, so he turns his face away from you and looks hard at the ceiling. “You shouldn’t have come at all.”

You pause, unsure how to respond and with an overpowering notion that you deserved that.

You try again with a shaky breath. “I wanted to come help. I brought your favorite.” You look down at the chocolate bar in your hand. You had prepacked it in your little handbag what seems like forever ago.

“I…” Jungkook closes his eyes tightly. “I’m tired right now. I’m just going to take a nap.”

“Okay.” The atmosphere feels heavy, stifling your ability to take anything but shallow, hesitant breaths. The ground under you rocks. “I… I checked out a new book that maybe I could read to you then. It’s about a boy and a girl who—”

He cuts you off by sighing your name.

“Can you please leave?” Jungkook murmurs defeatedly. Then, without warning, the rest bubbles out of his mouth like shaken carbonation seeking the opening of the bottle. “I need you to leave right now.”

“Oh.” And because you don’t know how to quit, don’t know how to give up on your best friend, you try one more thing. “Do you maybe want me to gather your missed work?”

“I already asked Seokjin.”

“Oh… okay,” your voice sounds small to your own ears. You feel small. You’re not used to feeling small in Jungkook’s presence.

You, quietly as possible, set the book on the table and the chocolate bar atop it. Maybe he’ll want it later.

Jungkook remains still, not looking at you.

You wait for half a second, hoping he’ll ask you to stay, to squish into the cot and pass him a piece of chocolate. Or at the very least, ask you to stay to help with bandages or medicine or anything—any excuse for you to be needed or even just present.

And yet, nothing.

It seems as though your presence has lost purpose.

Your head suddenly feels lighter than air, like all the blood has rushed away, diverting its attention elsewhere. Maybe it has. Maybe your brain really has mistaken the shuddering flood of pain in your chest as a real, physical laceration.

Looking down, you find nothing—no gaping wound, no torn flesh, no sharp, penetrating object. There’s nothing physical for you to fix, nothing all your years of medical knowledge can attend to.

There is absolutely nothing you can do now except go.

You turn on your heels and will yourself to not cry.

___

Jungkook hasn’t talked to you since. You don’t expect him to.

And yet, the hurt spreads like wildfire, burning with uncontrollable intensity with every ignored passing glance.

You try to reach out.

If he doesn’t want to speak in person, perhaps you could leave a note. You try one under his door, one to his owl, one left in his spot during breakfast… Nothing.

While you had no illusion of the severity of your actions, you begin to realize that what you did wasn’t just a horrible accident or mistake. It was unforgivable.

You are unforgivable.

It becomes horribly uncomfortable to be together as a big group anymore. So you concede, drawing away from the group. Actually, you draw away from nearly everyone, especially Taehyung. You can’t stand to look at him. You know he didn’t do anything wrong. This was your fault. You look at him and see guilt personified.

Jimin, Yoongi, and Seokjin know that something happened. You don’t have the heart to confront their concerns, but it’s written all over their faces. They want to ask, you know it, but the idea of having to confess about how badly you messed up is suffocating.

In fact, these days, everything feels suffocating. It feels like your lungs can’t even properly expand anymore. It’s all shallow breaths and staggered inhales. Enough to keep you alive, but not enough to feel like you’re living. 

Your hands haven't stopped shaking, and you feel like a mess. You’ve dived head first into your school work, it’s the only thing overpowering enough to stop the anxious tremor.

You don’t know when your brain started shifting gears. Once you held onto every passing last moment. Now, all you can think about now is getting out. You have to get out. There is no other choice. You have to leave. You have to gather up all your shattered fragments and run—run somewhere that is big enough for your lungs to expand to full capacity again, somewhere far enough from the scene of the crime, somewhere safe enough to just lay all your pieces out and begin the tedious process of gluing them back together.

Somewhere safe.

Hogwarts isn’t safe anymore.

He isn’t safe anymore.

Hogwarts is a prison, and your tortured heart is being held hostage.

___

Time moves with haste. Frozen winter wonderlands melt into spring as flowers emerge from the ground. Seeing as they appeared overnight, it’s no doubt the result of a little magic.

It’s the end of the school week, and one of the first weekends without an outrageous amount of work awaiting him. This seems to be the case for most of Hogwarts as the grounds are filled with students enjoying the changing temperatures and sweetness coming from the fresh flowers.

“I wonder who did the flowers,” Namjoon says, also admiring the blossoms. “They’re beautiful.”

“They are,” Jungkook agrees. He touches the pink petal of a lily that has been magically enlarged to the size of a dinner plate. The charmed flowers are a part of Hogwarts’ charm of this particular season. The flowers become larger than life to mark the beginning of warmer weather and no more grey, cold weeks.

Without meaning to, he thinks of you. He thinks of all the walks you did together at the first breath of spring, your eyes shining with excitement at every fresh flower. He thinks of the way you looked running ahead of him only to stop and turn around to point out the next blossom you thought was especially beautiful that he just had to see for himself!

It feels like drowning when you cross his mind.

It was a jarring realization that you weren’t his.

He sees that clearly now.

For years, since he’d known you, everyone around him said that the both of you were each other’s… each other’s best friend, each other’s other half, each other’s compliment. It was like a drug hearing everyone talk about how perfect you were together in whatever capacity they meant.

Never had he doubted these observations. You were in fact his better half… his everything. It never occurred to him that you felt any other way.  Maybe he was selfish or maybe he had foolishly let all of it get to his head.

It had been the first time you hadn’t been there when he finally regained control of his body and mind. He felt emptier and less human than when he had spent all night caged inside his conscious.

Hindsight tells him that he shouldn’t have been so harsh. But the hurt that he’d felt had been unfathomable… the idea that he’d gotten it all wrong. You were something so esoterically paramount to his soul. He hadn’t even occurred to him there were things that were things that were even more than that to you.

Though he knew it was a simple mistake, in the moment, it had felt deliberate. And now, somehow things have escalated so far that you have become reserved, focusing on your schoolwork, catching up occasionally with Yoongi especially but hardly anyone else.

The more you withdraw, the more Jungkook does too. While you believe you are giving him space from you, he too believes he is giving you space from him. Truth twists in the worst way possible. You really are reflections of each other—two souls cut from the same cloth.

The silence—oh, the weight of silence—is stifling.

Though time pulls you farther and farther from the scene of the crime, your heart keeps going around in circles. It’s spinning out of control. Everything is spinning out of control.

___

The graduation ceremony is blindingly quick.

Seven years building up to this exact moment. and it escapes you in a series of supercuts. Getting ready in the special commencement robes, taking millions of photos, sitting down with your peers, having your name called, receiving your certificate of education, words of gratitude, your parents tearfully encircling their pride and joy.

Finally, for the last of the ceremony, you pool out of the Hogwarts doors one last time. The outdoor lamps lining the path illuminate the night. Above, the stars glitter somewhere far away.

By twos, your class begins to load into the enchanted boats queued up on the Black Lake. Funny, you remembered them bigger. Watching the nearly adult witches and wizards clamber clumsily into the tiny boats makes you stifle a laugh.

Finally, it’s your turn. You easily step into the boat and shift to find a comfortable positon, leaving room for your partner. You’re distracted by the magical animals and fish swimming up to the wooden boat when you feel the boat rock unsteadily as someone steps onto the platform.

“Here, let me…” You reach out before looking up. Your eyes meet familiar big, brown doe eyes. “Help you…”

The familiarity of the situation steals the breath from your lungs. You’re just as much strangers to each other in this moment as the first time around.

Jungkook takes your outstretched hand. “Thank you.”

You will the tremble in your hand to cease its nervousness. You want to flinch or shy away. You’re no longer sure if you’re allowed to be this close. You remind yourself that he put his hand in yours. You have not done anymore harm. You are okay.

It’s an odd sensation.

Casual intimacy used to come easily, but now just his hand in yours feels uncomfortably warm and clammy. You’re overly conscious of your hands and arms and body and breath. Everything about your normal, automatic bodily functions seem to have become mechanical.

Relationships are not, as you had wished, like riding a bike. There’s no familiarity in any of these repeated actions. People aren’t learnt once and known forever.

He plops down on the plank of wood across from you. He looks devastatingly enamoring in his black velvet ceremonial robes, the emerald satin trimming contrasting beautifully.

Sensing the two of you have settled into the vessel, the enchanted ship begins its route across the lake and away from Hogwarts.

This is truly the last chance you’ll get to say something, but instead, the words are lodged stubbornly in your throat. The silence feels too thick to cut through or even just rattle slightly. You want to say something, but cowardice becomes a vice around your neck.

As you’re carried away, you watch Hogwarts get smaller and smaller. The boats are far enough apart that you can’t hear any other pairs chatting, just the soft lapping of the lake against your boat and the occasional splash of a creature coming up for air or to catch an unsuspecting prey.

The boy across from you makes a noise from his throat like he’s going to say something. You look up instantly as both relief and dread floods your chest. Maybe you will have one more conversation.

Jungkook can’t look you in the eye, he plays with the sleeves of his robes. “I loved you,” he confesses. There’s no adoration behind the words, just a hint of defeat.

Right to the punch.

“Loved?” You can’t help but ask.

You try your best to keep the lilt of hope from your words, because you’re all out of time to replay all the what ifs. Nothing thought then will become reality now. They too must graduate into late night musings about that one boy in grade school.

Is it masochistic to admit it’s about wanting to know where his and your timeline lined up? The confirmation of how, for years, you were just a couple of words away from triggering an entirely different path?

You’ve been hearing the words from everyone but him. It feels surreal. All you wanted was to hear them from Jungkook himself.

The boy in front of you pauses for a moment, thinking. “Love, I suppose.”

It’s not a declaration of romance by any means, and you can see it in his eyes. He keeps his gaze at the water, seemingly overly interested in the moon’s reflection sparkling over the water.

Jungkook’s eyebrows knit together, and he continues, “It’s hard—you make it hard to not love you.”

It’s all the words you could’ve ever wished to hear from him, and yet they poke and prod at the invisible stitches in your chest from the wound that never healed. You fear the fragile string keeping your heart together may just burst.

You don’t know what to do with his admission. It feels cheap to parrot the words back to him, no matter how much truth they have in them.

There’s a moment of silence as you think about what to say.

“I… I’ve loved you for a long time,” you start. “I’ve loved you as a friend, and I’ve loved you as more. There… There's not a moment in my life that I can think of that I haven’t loved you in some capacity.”

This feels like the end. Not like the one months ago, where threads still held the two of you close like planets in orbit—distant but still bound together. This is it. The part where you’re finally free from each other’s gravity. Without proximity, there is nothing left tying you to him.

“And I know that I will continue to love you,” you say a little wistfully.

It feels corny to add the word forever, but it’s not a lie. Even now, you’re certain that you love him, but that you’re not in love with him. You loved him when you were both clueless and barely in the double digits. You love him as he is now. You’re certain you’ll love who he’ll become. And you know that one day he’ll grow into someone that you will recognize in unbreakable habits and persistent mannerisms, but not in the overall picture.

Still, you’ll love the friendship you used to have and the person stuck in your memories. He’ll be preserved in your mind just like this.

You wonder if Jungkook will remember you just as rosily. It’ll be easy for the worst of you to be set in stone, but you can only hope for something more. 

“But I…” Your words fail you, as they often do. But Jungkook understands, like he always does—or used to. “I’m sorry.”

“I know,” he says simply. Easily. “I’m sorry, too.”

Something feels right about the statement. There’s a strange comfort in the finality of it.

It clears the shelves of anxious scenarios the idleness of the semester has allowed your brain to write. There’s no more imaginary pages for your brain to author. This is the reality that grabs ahold of all those novels and throws them right into the fire.

You’re free to fill those empty shelves with new stories, new people, new mistakes.

There’s so much more you want to say. You’ve written thousands of words to him in your mind. You could lay the words flat down on the surface of the Earth and wrap around the circumference a hundred times. You’ve scripted this exact conversation every night and passing moment of the day like a dying playwright.

And yet.

You keep it in.

It feels better to leave all those nonsensical syllables safely tucked into your mind. What good would undying declarations of love do now? Would it make you feel better to release the overdue anger now? Would it help to beg him to stay? To keep delaying the inevitable?

Or is it better to just leave it like this?

Maybe sometimes it is just better to just walk away.

The now unfamiliar boy seems to come to the same conclusion, because the tense atmosphere shifts. You can’t shake off the lingering discomfort, but the air feels more relaxed.

You don't speak until the small boat reaches the shore of the other side. You exit the boat first, climbing up onto the dock. Up ahead you can see other students reuniting with their parents to finally be taken home. You turn back around and lend one last hand to Jungkook. He takes it gratefully and comes to stand in front of you.

He suddenly smiles a shy but bright bunny smile. “I’ll see you around, yeah?”

“Of course,” you return the smile, hesitantly at first. “We’ll talk soon, Koo.”

“Always, Y/N.”

You’re both lying.

[sunflowercds]

ummm hi everyone!!! you all are NEVER gonna believe what i just finished writing after three years… strawberry sunsets. she is a little over 16k. i’m doing last minute editing, and then i’ll post her :)

[sunflowercds]

u ever get 14k words into a fic and realize u don’t even like it anymore

[sunflowercds]

Hi friend! Was wondering if I could be added to the 'always I'll care' taglist? Please and thank you 🤍 so excited you're back!

hihi thank u for reading ! i’m so happy to be back !! you’ve been added to the taglist :))

[sunflowercds]

always i’ll care is back and so is my will to live <333

tyty for reading !! i plan to work on the next chapter this weekend 🫶

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helloooo can I be tagged in always, I’ll care? ielove this story smmm and its just started🥲🥲 thank u sm!!

hiii u have been added !! ty for reading :))

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what if i started a drabble series 👀

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hii can i pls be added to always,i’ll care taglist?? i just recently found it and so far it’s so good and i can’t wait for more 🤭

hihi omg thank you, of course :)

[sunflowercds]

07 — DELULU SHIT AGAIN

always i’ll care masterlist

pairing: min yoongi x reader

genre: social media au [smau], idol!au, childhood friends to lovers, fluff, humor, idiots in love

warnings: reader uses she/her pronouns, explicit language, very slight angst, doesn’t follow real life timeline, umm don’t look at the post time stamps yikes

author’s note: finally back at it! i’ve been feeling so stressed with school, so i thought i’d try to get back into writing to find some inspiration again. i know i’m not the best author, but thank u if ur still reading! please leave some love in my inbox, if u want :)

tag list: [lmk if you want to be added or removed. if your user is crossed out, i cannot tag you] @secretlycrazyhummingbird @jaiuneamesolitaiire @itsnotboni @pockychuwu @des-tru6tion @n4mina @niallsarmveinstho @diestheticu @wobblewobble822 @bts-writerprompts @joonjulyagust-d @twixxxpie @lvrseok @sunghoonluvr @yoongixmile @l7bangtan @taegijns @lynniac @apolloxxivmin @era-genius @b0kutoswaifu @mint--yoongis @belladaises @lill-ari @nejihyu @strobe-edge @alexayoonlee @dayyy-siii @uniqueobjectchaos

[sunflowercds]

should i post it rn 🧍🏻‍♀️ i’m going to do it 🏃🏻‍♀️

is anyone online 🥲📢 i have the next ch of always i’ll care queued up 📢‼️

[sunflowercds]

is anyone online 🥲📢 i have the next ch of always i’ll care queued up 📢‼️

[sunflowercds]

Hi, please can I be added to the tag list for I’ll care always?☺️

added ! thank u for reading <3

[sunflowercds]

hey ! pls tag me in the upcoming parts of always i’ll care <3 i’m so excited to see what happens

thank uuu!! you're added to the tag list :)

[sunflowercds]

can i be added to the tag list pls <3

tysm for reading :) added rn!

[sunflowercds]

I absolutely love Always, I'll Care!!!! Cant wait for the next updateeee

I was wondering can i be added to the taglist? 🥺🥺

hiii i know this ask was from a while ago haha but of course :)

[sunflowercds]

hello :)

it’s been so long that you’re probably like wow! when and why did i follow this account???

here’s a little update for everyone !!

this summer

i apologize for the impromptu hiatus over the summer. i was flooded with work all summer to help support my education in the fall—or now i suppose. over the summer, admittedly, i didn’t work on any of my writings. oops...

strawberry sunsets

however, i’ve recently been working really hard to complete the jungkook one shot from months and months ago. i wanted to finish it in time for jungkook’s birthday, but it kept getting longer and longer. i changed the ending several times, unhappy with the wordings and such.

it’s at about 13k, and i still have about five outlined scenes left to write. and since, many people may not be interested in angst, i may write an alternative ending. i like the ending i’ve written now, but let me know if you’d rather have a more fairytale ending!

i'm also interested in looking for a beta reader, maybe. if anyone would be willing to help me out!

always i’ll care

as for an update on always i’ll care, i can’t say it’s looking positive. i’ve been attempting to brainstorm about the next few chapters, but i’m not quite satisfied with what i’m coming up with.

i’ll continue to work harder for you all. i don’t want to put it on official pause, because i don’t want to disappoint anyone... especially, since it's the story that most of you, if not all, have followed me for. i’ll try to have something out soon!

thank you!

please let me know your thoughts or opinions! don’t be afraid to send asks about any stories or ocs! love u all :)