sunsetovertheocean

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tw ed

hey, um I just need to vent a little, sorry ignore this please.

so it’s officially anorexia, I guess.

I think I might finally change psychiatrists because she genuinely sucks but yeah. it never seems bad enough, but I don’t really know how to feel about it because my parents are also being really really effing terrible about it, and I’ve known for some time. it’s been happening for years and they’re only noticing it now, which is kind of funny if you think about it. I don’t know anymore.

I hate this so much.

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love going "a friend of mine" irl and it's a tumblr mutual

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I don’t know how anyone survives being a teenager

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Some people really shouldn’t be allowed to be medical professionals, and sure as hell shouldn’t be mental health professionals

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OH MY GOD IM FINALLY HOME

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I am. so tired.

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“michael fought dean because he didn't bring lia back from the cult, he loves lia so much!” ok that's nice and all but michael wldve fought dean anyday. DEAN fought michael because lia was in the cult!!!!!! dean, who never showed a single sign of anger because he was scared he was just like his father. dean, who would always choose to de-escalate things rather than fight, escalated things because he was so worried about lia. AND HE THREW A PUNCH BACK.

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Whoever invented parents messed up big time

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Sadie Lia Zhang and the memories that haunt her soul:

This are obviously headcanons for my fanfic on ao3 but idk if they are canon to me in my TOTALLY canon fanfic so interpret it as you wish

TW: sexual themes???, trauma, past abuse, past sexual assault, implied internalized homophobia, religious guilt, domestic violence, heavy mommy issues.

Her first time. She deeply regrets losing her virginity to Michael and it sometimes disgusts her to think about what happened. Don’t get her wrong, she doesn’t regret the sex or any of the other times, she just regrets that it was him.

When she first got to the program, every time she got in trouble with either Judd or Briggs she acted like she didn’t care, but every time night fell she would pray that they didn’t take her back to the cult, never letting the tears fall.

She started dying her hair because she got tired of looking in the mirror and seeing her mother’s face, the guilt of leaving her behind always there.

Only got colored streaks because even though she wanted to feel different, she still didn’t want to forget how her mother looked. (She couldn’t take any pictures of her when she ran away)

In Serenity Ranch, they made her apologize so much for her actions that she now hates the word “sorry”.

Sometimes, when the wounds in her wrists are closing, she scratches them until they are open again, just so she can always live in punishment for her “sins”.

One of the many times she snuck out of the house, she went to a bar in town. That night was the first time she hooked up with a woman. She was older than her, probably in her mid twenties. She never forgot about her.

That night when she came home was the first time she prayed after years of not even thinking about it.

After telling Dean about the SA she suffered, she decided not to tell anyone else. So the only people in the house that know of it are Lia and Dean. Not even the adults.

The only memory she has of her father before leaving China is of him beating her mother up while she was hidden in a closet.

She once asked her mom about it (when she was a little older) and then her mom got mad at her and didn’t talk to her. That’s when she knew the cult had done irreparable damage to her mom.

And that’s it! For now… anyways go read my fanfic!!

Idk if anyone wants to be tagged but I think @rainforcsts would like this

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don't make me sick with lia's “she wishes a lie could save her mother.” and laurel's “i don't believe in wishes.”

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i will Never deactivate. if i die this blog shall remain eternal as a museum of my greatness. a monument of my legacy.

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me, quietly whispering to the ao3 page of an author who doesn’t even know I exist: I am obsessed with you

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headphones aren't enough. i need the song to stab me in the chest

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why cant i be an author, florist, musician, artist, doctor, photographer, scientist, nurse, chef, teacher, actor, singer, sportsman, and unemployed all at once, what kinda gig is this?

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Lia Zhang

“I hope the last moments of peace you try to find crumbles under in your hands, knowing I’m still breathing.”

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Blessed be the daughters of Cain, / every little girl that suffers at the hands of the cult

bound to suffering eternal through the sins of their fathers committed long before their conception. / the reason her mother ran away from her father and left China

Blessed be their whore mothers, / Lia’s mother

tired and angry waiting with bated breath in a ferry that will never move again. / slowly loosing her mind because of the cult and never leaving despite her daughter escaping

Blessed be the children, / Sadie Zhang

each and every one come to know their god through some senseless act of violence. / all the rituals, killings she saw, all the sa she went through

Blessed be you, girl,/ Lia Zhang

promised to me by a man who can only feel hatred and contempt towards you. / the man who lied to them and trapped them in the cult

I am no good nor evil, simply I am, and I have come to take what is mine. / Sadie’s fate

I was there in the dark when you spilled your first blood. I am here now as you run from me still. / Sadie’s death and Lia’s birth

Run then, child. You can’t hide from me forever. / Lia’s inevitable death