super-ro

[super-ro]

Well, I haven't posted to this account in a long while. It is sadly clear that I'll never become Super Ro. I was just starting to get sick when I made this account. Sigh.

Still, it's as good a place as any to track my progress.

At my health check (a couple of months ago? Idk) I was 84kg; 13 stone 3lbs. If my scales are accurate, I am now 12 stone 8lbs, or about 80kg, which is a loss of 9lbs.

Not bad, but a bummer when I thought I was 12stone 4lbs~ by my old scales.

Mostly the effect of changes to diet I had already made because acid reflux. No more burgers and chips when I'm too sick to cook. No more boiled eggs. No more cheese. More salads and sandwiches. Today but was hard and I ordered takeaway, but it was Thai and slightly less bad.

I can't recall when I last measured myself, but my measurements are now:

Bust 45"

Waist 38"

Hips 43"

There was a time when I was 36, 32 36. (And BMI still thought this was overweight, lol.) Sigh.

It is a long way to go. It would be awesome if I could get under 12 stone for my birthday, which is in July.

[super-ro]

12 pounds down this morning. Still at least three stone to go, but this is a new low since the pandemic.

[super-ro]

Down half a stone!

Don’t want to get too excited, as I am fluctuating a LOT at the moment, but at least this is fluctuating in the right direction.

[super-ro]

My current thought: the tough thing about losing weight is that I have to want it more than crisps and ice cream.

That's a big ask, but at the moment I do. Most of the time.

[super-ro]

Today I actually feel like I believe I can lose weight.

Back down to 12 stone 13lbs after wobbling over 13 stone again.

I can do this. I do not need nearly as many snacks as I did for most of last year, when I was so ill and so depressed.

I am still ill and depressed, but much less so than I was.

Got to talk to someone who was sympathetic about wanting to lose weight yesterday. That really helped - didn't matter that she was much thinner than me, she got that weight is relative.

It's really gutting to me that most people refuse to be supportive when you talk about wanting to lose weight these days. (To avoid unnecessary anxiety, I'm genuinely not thinking of anyone in particular - it's common across all social media and in person.)

I'm 100% behind people being happy at every size, but it should also be OK to be unhappy with a size that (having full knowledge of yourself) you know is bad for your health, inhibits your movement, and yes, makes *you* feel like you don't look very nice.

It does kind of suck to have people tell you there are some lovely pictures of you and then when you see them they just remind you of how fucked your body is and how much you've lost in terms of body health and happiness.

No one should be down on anyone else for being fat. That shouldn't entail refusing to be supportive of people who and want to lose weight in healthy ways.

[super-ro]

As of today, I had lost half a stone since my starting point, although I shan’t get too excited about that as the last two or three pounds were mostly not having the energy to make stuff to eat because ill. Still, haven’t been this weight for at least 1.5 years, probably longer.

This is very slow progress with a lot of fluctuation, but I want to keep it going. I want to fit into some of the 90% of my clothes I can’t wear right now.

[super-ro]

Well, touch wood, but I’m down four pounds and I was briefly on the other side of a stone barrier.

I was hoping to be three pounds down from this for next weekend (I have a wedding to go to; cliched, but it worked as motivation), that probably won’t happen, but I would welcome another one or two pounds.

The snag tights I bought for it don’t fit :(

[super-ro]

[TW: weight] God, saw an old photo of me that was... not flattering, tonight. Need to do better.

[super-ro]

So, I’m actively trying to lose weight again. I know, how many times have I said that this pandemic? But here we are.

I think I mean it a little bit more this time. I’m no longer ordering giant bags of crisps or ice cream in my weekly shop. I’m also mixing up what I do order, as I suspect boredom may be part of what drives me to eat comfort food.

I’m trying Huel a couple of times a week for lunch. It’s surprisingly satisfying, even easier than a ready meal, and healthier. No more than that, though. Eating solid food is a good thing for the body.

I think I’ve lost three pounds. I say *think* I did stop weighing myself for a while because I could feel how bad it had gotten (very few of my clothes fit).

I have a wedding to go to (pandemic willing) in the middle of August. It would be nice to lose 7lbs before then.

It would be nice to lose more than that, but I feel like half a stone over 1.5 months is achievable. It will all depend on my health, though, and I have my second vaccination in there, which will knock my chronically ill arse for six.

We’ll see.

[super-ro]

Was up to a new high of 13 stone 6lbs today. :(

Fucking stress eating. Fucking shitty week.

[super-ro]

So. I'm back up to starting weight. RIP me, or whatever.

[super-ro]

Down to 13 stone this morning, although I suspect a lot of that is dehydration as I woke up pretty late. Still, I’d been back up to 13st 3lbs before, so I’ll take it.

My ambition to be below 13 stone by the second week of February utterly failed. My new aim is to achieve that by the second week of March.

Already I want crisps and ice cream...

[super-ro]

Well, what weight loss I had was only temporary. I have put back on two of the three pounds I lost. I think it’s stress eating combined with no longer being well enough to cook. Sadly, with the stress of work, that didn’t last long :(

[super-ro]

Please, please, please don’t police the way other people talk about their own weight.

It isn’t about you. It’s not positive or supportive. All you’re doing is making them feel bad and that sucks, especially for someone with weight issues.

[super-ro]

Despite eating my emotions yesterday, I have maintained a steady weight of 13 stone 1 pound.

Obvs I want that to go down, but for now I’m glad it didn’t go up.

[super-ro]

13 stone 1 pound, two mornings in a row! I know I’m likely dehydrated first thing, but this low point in my fluctuation is consistently lower than it has been, so I am happy with that.

[super-ro]

[Content note: weight, weight loss, food, diet, exercise]

I have a tentative new determination to lose weight.

This year I accept that I cannot exercise my way to smaller sizes - it’s just not possible with my chronic illness. However, I’ve been able to (just about) cook and make my own food for the last two weeks, and I’ve lost 2-3 pounds as a result.

I did a lot of stress eating last year. And the year before that. And the year before that. And etc. But especially last year. Really a very large amount of food. Bags and bags of crisps. Ice cream. Pastries. Cheese. I ate my way through the stress of the pandemic.

I am a little worried I won’t be able to keep up the healthy eating when I got back to work. Especially as I am not convinced that I’m well enough to go back to work. But I want to. And it seems to me that I should be able to lose quite a lot of weight just by not... buying multiple large packets of crisps and tubs of ice cream etc in my weekly shop.

This isn’t about going hungry. This is about saying: that? That way I was eating? That was completely unnecessary.

If I’m well enough to cook this will make losing weight a lot easier, as I won’t need to buy ready meals or pizzas or live off snacks. That’s a big unknown, but something to work towards.

I would like to be under 13 stone by the second week of February. As of this morning, I was 13 stone 2lbs, so that’s an achievable target. The day before I was 13 stone 1lb.

I won’t hope any more than that for now, but I really, really want this to work. It’s not just seeing pictures of thin me on Facebook (although it *is* partly that, and I don’t think I should have to be ashamed of wanting to look how I used to), it’s also the clothes.

Almost none of my clothes fit. NONE of my bras do, and that causes a considerable amount of dysphoria. I cannot afford to replace my entire wardrobe, nor so I want to throw out many perfectly serviceable clothes if I can in fact lose weight.

I want to do this. I hope I can.