superpeanutgarden

[superpeanutgarden]

I'm not isolated, I'm not alone. I have three days in a row planned of hanging out with my friends.

Just because I missed ONE SEASON of Ren Faire Cast Member DOES NOT mean that everybody hates me. People were so happy to see me when I did make it out. They love me, and they like me.

[superpeanutgarden]

Happy pride month!!!

Already know I wanna send this to people on June 1

[superpeanutgarden]

Description: [A video of a woman riding a galloping horse bareback while holding a large rainbow flag.]

[superpeanutgarden]

So, I've got a character idea floating around in my head.

I want to portray her at my local LARP, but there's an approval process. The form won't open until September or something, which is a long time to wait. I must wait. The people who run the LARP deserve time off. (I've been there, it's brutal, and I'm intellectually at peace with the break)

And on top of that, I'm not sure that she would get approved. She's a sailor, and there have been a bunch of new sailor character in the last three years. The fact that some of those characters won't be there next year might be irrelevant.

BUT

I have 3 yards of grey silk and green necklace and that is starting up some IDEAS!!!!!!

And since this is *my* blog, I'm going to write those ideas down because nobody can stop me!!!!!

I don't know her name yet, but she is the captain of the merchant ship The Audacity. It's got an all female crew!!! (I've already approached one of my friends to be a crew member!!)

She's prim, proper, no-nonsense. Like captain Amelia Smollett from Treasure Planet. I don't know if i want her to fight yet, but if she did it would be with a rapier. She expects ship-shape behavior, nothing less than the best, from her crew! (They're unique, a bit of an experiment by the King, and she feels the pressure to succeed). It's not that she can't take the stick out from her ass, she just doesn't want to give back an INCH of the ground she has gained.

In contrast to the last character I played, she is lawful good. No crimes committed here, very by-the-book. It's giving "I'm not going to break the rules, my crew will do that anyway and I have to go bail them out."

She must stand in contrast to TWO other ships, The Alacrity (merchant vessel, the goodest bois) and The Seahawk (privateering vessel, nasty bois). The Seahawk is easy!! Just don't do crimes or threaten to kill people!!! And that's it, you're not like the Seahawk!!! Yay!!! The Alacrity will be a little harder, because I gotta talk to their captain to see what their deal is!! (They were under new management this year, and I wasn't out at the event to really see how that played out) But I think if we stand as some sort of support to The Alacrity being the fastest in the biz, then that should be good enough. Their crew is kinda full of goofy dudes, which isn't a bad formula, it's just not something we need two of (hence why I'm worried she won't get approved). I'll be doing some yard work for the Captain of Alacrity this week, so I can talk to him about some ideas to compare and contrast!!

I hope that I get to bring her out!!

[superpeanutgarden]

Most of my friends are out of town this weekend, my partner is working, and I'm feeling very isolated.

I have plans to hang out with friends starting on MONDAY, but my brain doesn't CARE. Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I need to go eat worms because I don't have any concrete plans for SUNDAY!?!?!?!?

I am going to explode my brain with my mind.

[superpeanutgarden]

Things are scary here in the USA. Things have been bad for... really the entire time this country has existed, but the mask has really come off in the last five-ish months.

I am faced with a choice: stay or leave.

Leaving takes time and effort, but if I want to get out I have to start planning now, making choices that will help ease that transition and decide where I'm going (where *we* are going, my partner, my sibling, and I)

But leaving behind our family? Our friends? The life I have fought so hard to stick around for??? That sucks. And like, maybe if we band together as a community we can outlast the madness!!

(Cutting the head off the snake won't solve anything)

(This country would still suck if someone else was leading it, it has sucked the whole damn time)

Abandon my community and start over on possibly a whole ass other continent??

Or stay here and... what??? Accrue massive medical debt when I have a child??? Flounder without adequate mental healthcare?? Watch helplessly while my loved ones suffer from the national-scale medical neglect that our system has forced upon us????

Leave, and watch from afar as the people I love who couldn't or wouldn't leave endure the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune??

It's not the first time that I've moved away from an entire community. (For a kid with no internet access, 9 hours away might as well be a whole nother continent), but it would.be the first time it was my own choice. (Except it's not just my choice.)

I'm going to talk to my partner, when we have both slept well and eaten recently. Talk about the pros and cons, and possibly link my siblings in as well. If we're doing this, what the timeline would look like, where would we go?? How much would it cost, what's the earliest we could scramble up the money to leave??

If it's not just me, then I think I could do it. If it's more than just myself and my partner, I think we could survive. Maybe we could thrive with our little family all together.

[superpeanutgarden]

Okay, it took me a couple hours and I'm making it on the stove top but!!!

THE CHEESE HAS BEEN MACKED

Bout to make macking cheese in the michlewave

[superpeanutgarden]

Okay, so obviously there is a LOT of controversy around the new Lilo and Stitch adaptation, and I just saw one of my (white) friends defending the changes they made on Facebook. I love this person, she's really nice and progressive.

But like???? The Pacific Islander community said that the ending was a slap in the face. I am sure that Disney put their whole pussy into making Nani giving Lilo away to the state super emotionally cathartic and whatever. But like??? That's not Ohana??? That's assimilation???? Bestie, you HAVE to consider the implications of an indigenous child being given away to the colonizers. That's like.... a SUPER important piece of colonize and erase 101. It's LITERALLY a thing that's happening where indigenous children are being taken away from their parents by CPS on very little evidence, it was a thing that happened historically all over the world...

Also, Disney doesn't deserve anyone's money. Fuck your "no spoilers please" bullshit. Also, if seeing how it ends written out ruins the ending, THEN IT WASNT VERY COMPELLING TO BEGIN WITH.

Sorry, I didn't think I had that many emotions about it

[superpeanutgarden]

Bout to make macking cheese in the michlewave

[superpeanutgarden]

-_- apparently the cut-off for this thing I want to submit to (which closes tomorrow) is 70k words, and I’ve got 67k

I need to think of three thousand words of bullshit to pad this thing. like a chapter where everyone goes for coffee, or something. 

[superpeanutgarden]

CW: brief animal death mention

It's 1am, and I'm crying over cats.

Like, okay... it's not 100% sad this time, I promise. It's... like 30% sad, I think.

Anyway, so I'm I'm this Facebook group called "This *IS* an airport, please announce your departure"

The point of it is for people to post when their cats have airplane ears. It's delightful!! They've developed their own language for describing the mundane mischief of cat ownership. The human is Ground Control, kittens are Drones or Gliders, there's different airlines for every different kind of coat (Void airline, Tabby Airline, ect), the vet is called Parts and Maintenance. People spell out their cats names with numbers replacing certain letters to be more like an Airplane ID. Purrlot, Earplane, and more! It's so much fun!!!

But every pet owner knows that the fun doesn't last forever. And instead of a Rainbow bridge, we have Bast's Earport.

And that's so poignant. And even still, it means nothing without the genuine community and love that pours into the comments of every post.

Listen, I'm a sap for humans coming together to share the burden of grief, okay??? It gets me every time. The little ways that we connect in this big world are so precious to me.

And yeah, also I miss my cat. My mom's cat had a litter of kittens and one of them is a tortiseshell like Squishy was and it is KILLING ME not to scoop her up and keep her forever. The time isn't right, I can't keep her.

So yeah, big feelings about cats with airplane ears and the people who love them.

[superpeanutgarden]

The end of dedicated music players was a net loss for society

[superpeanutgarden]

[superpeanutgarden]

Happy Star Wars Day!!!

*blows a kiss to space for Carrie Fisher*

[superpeanutgarden]

What if I just... put all my belongings out on the lawn. Called it a yard sale and gave myself only two boxes to fill with things to keep?? Put anything that hadn't sold at the end of the day in a Thrift Store??

Would I be able to leave everything behind? Would such extremes force me to prioritize? Am I broken???

[superpeanutgarden]

Turmoil is not an enjoyable part of life.

Learning all the way you need to grow up difficult.

Even still, I find this current turmoil better than what I found myself in this time last year. Very similar, but altogether more tolerable.

Rather, I feel like I have more agency now.

Last year, people were deciding things about how our relationships without talking to me first. Specifically by talking to several people in my life BEFORE TALKING TO ME, letting issues simmer and fester until it was irreparable before telling my inobservant ass that there was ever a problem. Now, I know I'm inobservant as fuck and should have made a stronger effort to check in. I am not blameless there.

BUT

I am making concerted effort to change from those experiences, and they are paying off. I have been checking in with my partner (not as much as I perhaps could, but I will work to improve there as well), and we have had some tough conversations BEFORE they became dealbreaking. I know what to do in order to fix what is broken, to improve what needs improvement. I am not at a loss for how to continue. I don't want to run away. This feels so radical.

I'm not perfect, and I am in fact a high energy investment to those closest to me. I don't think I can change that, but by the gods will I work to make things easier for those who make the effort.

[superpeanutgarden]

Turmoil is not an enjoyable part of life.

Learning all the way you need to grow up difficult.

Even still, I find this current turmoil better than what I found myself in this time last year. Very similar, but altogether more tolerable.

Rather, I feel like I have more agency now.

Last year, people were deciding things about how our relationships without talking to me first. Specifically by talking to several people in my life BEFORE TALKING TO ME, letting issues simmer and fester until it was irreparable before telling my inobservant ass that there was ever a problem. Now, I know I'm inobservant as fuck and should have made a stronger effort to check in. I am not blameless there.

BUT

I am making concerted effort to change from those experiences, and they are paying off. I have been checking in with my partner (not as much as I perhaps could, but I will work to improve there as well), and we have had some tough conversations BEFORE they became dealbreaking. I know what to do in order to fix what is broken, to improve what needs improvement. I am not at a loss for how to continue. I don't want to run away. This feels so radical.

I'm not perfect, and I am in fact a high energy investment to those closest to me. I don't think I can change that, but by the gods will I work to make things easier for those who make the effort.