sweetsameli - Tumblr blog

[sweetsameli]

commissions open

hello! my name is malu and i’m a professional graphic designer (you can see my work here and here). last month i opened my commissions for the first time to help with the costs for a surgery my dog luna had to go through. sadly she was diagnosed with cancer and is going to need a few chemotherapy sessions, and since i cant cover that cost on my own, i have decided to open commissions again with lower prices this time. 

album covers are $10 posters are $15 a photoset is $20 

i can also do other things, such as branding and ux, if you’re interested and i’m sure over a few messages we can arrange it so it works for both of us. i mainly do works around k-pop, movies and music artists, but i can do anything you’d like. if you would like to commission please send me a message here on tumblr or an ask.

if you see this pls reblog so more people can know, thank you! 

[sweetsameli]

Chapter Five: Here We Go Again

We drive into a small city just a few klicks outside of the main city where our ship was at. Huh, that’s weird to think. The sky has grown dark by the time we get there and Darryl suggests we stay here for the night. We go to find a hotel to stay in, finding it hard because of the festival going on.  

“I think I can stay awake long enough for us to get back to the ship.” I say sluggishly. Darryl gives me a look of disbelief and keeps walking down the street.  

“So, you remember our conversion then on the way here?” he asks in a sarcastic voice. I purse my lips together, trying to remember, having a hard time though. I just sigh heavily.

“Fine, okay. You win.” I exasperated. He smiles as if he won a reward and I get a feeling of wanting to smack it right off. Yep, I’m a little tired. After walking for a while, we finally come across a small hotel. As Darryl and I walk in, we see nothing but a computer terminal; the screen blinking ‘Hello and Welcome to the Myst Hotel’. I look over at Darryl and we shrug at each other, going over to the computer terminal. He taps on the screen and starts putting in his information. As he does that, I look at the book. I don’t recognize some of these symbols. And I don’t have access to the Jedi archive to look up the language. If only I could somehow just get to them without Aydgages knowledge... My stomach sinks at the thought of Aydgage and I shake my head, trying to get him out of my mind.  

“Hey, it’s asking for our age.” Darryl says, thankfully interrupting my thoughts.  

“Huh? Oh, uh put 24.” Yeah, I’m almost 24, that’s fine. He looks at me, a bit stunned.  

“Oh, I thought you were... Older, to be honest?” I look over at him, my lips tight.  

“Do I look old or something?” I retort.

“No, no.” He defends. “Just how you act, and your fighting skill.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Or maybe I am just rusty on that part.” He chuckles a bit nervously. I tilt my head to the side.  

“What age did you think I was?” I ask him. He keeps tapping on the computer terminal though. Do I act old? Oh my... that must be why I was put in charge of so many padawan outings... I smack my forehead. It all makes sense. I look down at the ground. Oh well, better to be seen as older than a childish youngling. I hear Darryl put in his cred stick and then sigh.  

“I thought you were my age, maybe a little... older. I’m used to older women. Don’t get me wrong though, it’s hard to tell with you Miraluka. Eyes give away a person’s age and you guys don’t have them.” I look up and nod slightly. That is true.  

“How old are you then?” He pulls out the cred stick, putting it to his lips to think.  

“Not sure if I should tell you.” he smirks a little. Is he... flirting with me? Why am I being so weird about that lately.  

“Alright, keep your secrets then.” I smile back. Two can play at this game mister. Darryl raises an eye brow, almost as if accepting a challenge. He looks at the key card that comes out and starts walking to the elevator.  

“Just so you know, I was only able to acquire one room but I made sure to get the one with two beds.” He gives me lewd eyes as he steps into the elevator. “I'm a bit of a... hogger.”I hold back a chuckle.  

“You’re so strange.” I get into the elevator and he places a hand over his heart, mocking pain.

“I am not. I just like keeping people on their toes.” I shake my head. He clicks the button to the floor we need to get to and the elevator jumbles a little, starting to go up. I take in a big yawn then quickly cover my mouth.  

“Sorry...” I give Darryl a sheepish look.  

“No need.” he gives me a concerned look. “You looked like you had taken quite the beating in there. What happened anyway?” I look at the ground, wanting to hide in a corner. The elevator reaches the floor we need to be on and he walks out. I follow after him and we walk down the hall towards the room. He stops at the door, touching the key card to it and the bolt makes a click, unlocking it. He doesn’t open the door all the way though, and I look up at him. “Listen, if you don’t want to talk about it right now, that’s fine. I’ll be waiting when you’re ready to talk about it.” Darryl looks at me, his eyes full of understanding and I just want to fall to my knees, explaining everything to him but it’s too fresh. Too ghastly to think about right now. But I should... the longer I take, the longer it’s going to gnaw at me, and I may cut myself off from the force again and I don’t want that. Especially with bounty hunters after us.  I look back at the ground, not wanting to say anything because I am unsure of my voice. He walks into the room and I follow in after, bumping into him when he suddenly stopped in the middle of the room.  

“What is it?” I look up at him. He is staring at the middle of the room and I follow his stare. Displeasure seethes off him and I see why, my shoulders dropping. There is only one bed in the room, a very large bed mind you, but only one. Darryl puts his hand to his forehead and sighs loudly.  

“What the hell. I touched the button that said two beds but it gives us this?” he grumbles unseemly words to himself and turns to me. “I’ll take the seat over by the window.” He juts his thumb behind him to indicate where it was at and I look at it. It is rather small, could probably fit me better than him but not comfortably and definitely not at all comfortable for him. I look back at him, he has a slight scowl on his face, but he isn’t looking at me, just to the side. I can hear his thoughts storm by at how this place is horrible and he wishes he was back on his ship.  

“No, please. Take the bed. I will just meditate.” I say calmly. He lets out a quick breath and looks at me again, his emotions coming into check. He straightens up, fixing his jacket.

“No, I would not feel good with you just on the floor meditating. It would be rude, especially with you looking exhausted and drained.” He starts for the small seats and I quickly put my hand, stopping him with the force. He turns around, raising an eye brow. I let out a sigh and drop the ground, feeling dizzy. I groan, holding my stomach. He rushes over to me.  

“That’s a different feeling. I haven’t felt dizzy in a... long time.” I try to stand but my knees give out. Darryl catches me in time and gives me a stern look.  

“You are going to take the bed and that is final. We’ll talk about using force powers on me when you are feeling better.” He picks me up with one arm behind my back and the other arm under my legs and lays me gently on the bed. I want to say no but a wave of tiredness comes over me and I just nod. “Good.” He smirks a little. “I like you this. Not talking back.” He chuckles to himself. I let out an annoyed grunt. “Oh, I’m just kidding.” He walks over to the seat again, sitting down in it and getting settled in. I turn my head to watch him. “It’s not fun when you aren’t flustered looking or retorting something back to me. I enjoy that about you.” He grabs his jacket and puts it over himself. I turn my head look at the ceiling then to the other side of the bed, seeing nothing but an ugly painted brown wall. I move a little to get into a better position to sleep and let myself drift off.

*   *   *

Pain sears all over my body and I scream out. My memories feel like they are being ripped from my head and I try to resist. Aydgages looks at me with a sick seductive face, pleasuring filling his emotions up and I feel rotten.  

“Aydgage please! Stop!” I yell, but I can barely hear it over his maniacal laughter. I curl my hands into fists, trying to block small memories. That of Ly’lis, Reneji and Darryl.  

“Stop resisting my little bird. You’re only make this harder. I just want to show you the power that was shown to me. The power that can make you unstoppable.” Aydgage gives me a dark look now, lines of dark aura going down his face to curve around his jaw. I struggle and writhe in his grip, feeling dark tendrils trying to break into my small memories. No! Not like this! Please...  

I feel something touch my back and hear my name echo in my head but Aydgage doesn’t flinch. Then I hear a howl. Aydgage drops me and I land on my back with a thud. He looks over at what is howling and tries to choke it with the force. I turn over and see a large purple wolf with swirls of blue, teal and yellow rushing over to me. It swipes at Aydgage and he disappears without even a scream of pain coming from him. A dream... or more like a nightmare... The wolf walks closer to me and sits down. I look up at it, feeling something familiar about it.

“Who or what are you?” I ask it but it just stares at me intensely. I stand up, walking towards it. The wolf just holds still except for its breathing. I reach up my hand to it, the fur feeling warm and soft. I smile up at it. “Thank you, whoever you are. That’s twice you have saved me now.”  

*  *  *

I roll over in the bed and my vision starts coming to. I take in my surrounding, starting at the window where Darryl was sleeping at but not seeing Darryl there. I sit up quickly, looking around.

“Darryl?” I call out his name quietly. I slide to the edge of the bed but my foot nudges something on the ground. I pull my foot back up and look at the ground. Darryl is sleeping on his stomach with his face towards me. He doesn’t have his jacket on either but it doesn’t seem to bother him. I bite my lip. Kriff, did I do something last night? Oh no... I pull of the blanket and notice that I have Darryl’s jacket on me. I take it off gently, along with the blanket, and start to get off the bed; trying to avoid Darryl’s body. I walk towards the refresher, going inside. I lean over the sink, starting it up. Who is that wolf? Why does it keep following me? Especially now? I turn my head up, looking at the mirror. An image of Aydgage starts to form, his hand starting to go to my shoulder to caress up my neck and I quickly turn around. There is no Aydgage though, my heart beating fast. Why am I so scared of  him suddenly? I turn around, looking back in the mirror. My hair is a mess and my cloth visor looks disheveled.  

“Cilla?” I hear Darryl’s voice in the other room. I lean back and see what he is doing. He is getting up and looking around groggily.

“Good morning sleepy head.” I say smiling. I give myself one more look in the mirror, turn off the sink and come out. He stretches up then looks at me as I pull my hair back into a ponytail. I’ll deal with my hair later. “So, should we head out?” He gives me a concerned look. “What?”

“You were screaming last night.” he softly says. Heat raises to my cheeks and I look away. I did? Well, that’s embarrassing. I shake my head and look back at him.  

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you nor wake you...” I say, scratching the back of my head. I know I screamed in my dream but I didn’t realize I screamed in real life.  

“What happened? Did you have a nightmare?” I rub my face a little.  I might as well tell him... I just don’t know if I am ready... Anxiety feels me up and I chew the inside of my lip. Come on, you can do it. I need to tell him or else this might get worse...

“I... saw...” I struggle, then sigh. Darryl gives me a pitied look and I don’t like it. This is no time to be pitied. I don’t want to be looked at like that. I straighten up and feel more confident. “I saw Aydgage.” Darryl’s pitied expression changes to a quizzical look.

“Who is Aydgage?” He asks me. Right, he doesn’t know who he is.

“Remember those holo messages I listened to on the ship?” He nods his head. “Well, the second person that sent me a message was an... old friend of mine. His name is Aydgage.” his face is still in a quizzical expression.

“How do you mean he was there then?” he seems... concerned now.  

“I’m not sure how he managed it honestly but it’s as if he... projected a vision of himself into my vision.” I say, thinking of the moment. I start to panic though, my heart quickening, my breath turning shallow. Calm down, it’s fine. I will just have to build a better mind shield so that doesn’t happen again. I let out a steady breath, my heart calming down a little. “He dug through my mind.” I can feel anger seep a little out of Darryl and he lets frustration be expressed on his face.  

“What do you mean ‘dug through your memories’?” He gives me a studied look. I look at him, chewing my lips again.

“it’s a technique he must’ve have learned from Revan.” the panic rises again and Darryl touches my shoulder gently, a jolt coming from his touch but it feels... nice. It calms my nerves down.  

“That must have been unpleasant.” He still has anger in him but now I can feel calmness coming from him. I nod my head.

“It... wasn’t the best feeling in the galaxy... in fact, it was the worst feeling I have ever felt in my head.” I shiver uncontrollably and tense up. The anger leaves Darryl and all I feel is calm. He nudges gently with the hand still on my shoulder to continue and I take a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “He wanted to come find me so he can show me how amazing the powers he got from Revan are. And because...” I remember the look on Aydgages face when he said that he loved me. I used to love him, in a brotherly way but now... a small feeling of hope stems from a memory I have of Aydgage showing me the proper way to use the double-bladed lightsaber. No, I still love him as brother. Nothing would change that. Maybe I can help him. That is...if he wants it.  

“Because what?” Darryl breaks the silence that I created when thinking of Aydgage.  

“He said because he loved me. He wants me... no he said he needed me...” I swallow hard. Suddenly, a small hint of jealously comes from him. I almost didn’t sense it but I see it flash across his eyes, going away as soon as it came.  

“Don’t take this the wrong way...” Now I sense sadness. “But do you love him? Do you want to be with him?” My heart sinks a little. No... I don’t want to be with him. I don’t love him enough to be with him like that.

“No... I have always viewed Adygage as a brother... a friend to tease around with but nothing more than that.” I look towards the windows of the room, clasping my hands together in front of me. “As a Jedi, I'm not allowed to have attachments or have relations like that. Passion is forbidden.” I don’t mean to, but hurt lines the last bit of what I said.  

“What about compassion?” His voice is low, almost sad. I look back at him, thinking about it.  

“Yes, we can have compassion. It also depends on the person though.” I say, nodding my head and smiling. Darryl gives me a hopeful look.  

“Good. Wouldn’t want you to get in trouble with the Jedi Order.” he gives a small smile, then his smile fades, growing more serious. “If he went through your memories...does that mean he knows where you are then?” I swallow back the fear creeping into me.  

“I don’t know... I hope not but I think it would be best to leave now.” Darryl nods his head and he starts to head out of the room. Grabbing the book from the bed, I follow after him.  

We get out of the hotel and the streets are filled with people, speeders, and vendor stalls. I look towards Darryl and he looks at me.  

“Do you remember where you parked the speeder?” I ask, concerned we may get lost in the crowd. He gives me a serious look and then nudges his head in the direction we need to go in. He starts walking and I follow after him. He dodges and weaves through the crowd as if he has done this before. I follow his pace, trying to copy his movements. We eventually make it to the alleyway where we parked the speeder and he gets on, starting it up.  

“Can’t believe you doubted me.” He looks at me with smugness written all over his face and I purse my lips together.  

“Oh, shut up. I was tired last night. I thought you maybe didn’t remember.” I retort and get on the bike. He chortles a little and starts driving out of the city slowly. Once out of the small city, we start traveling faster to get to the main city. Something itches in the back of my head and I get nervous. “Are we almost there?”

“Yeah, we’re coming up to the hanger bay do-” Darryl gets cut off by the sound of a ship coming in to land. It’s not landing in a docking bay though; it’s landing out in the field. It is big, almost as big as a cargo hauler but is sleeker and more menacing. A familiar presence comes from the ship and I tighten my jaw. Darryl starts to slow the speeder down.  

“No, get to the ship.” He’s about to retort but I hold a finger up, sliding the book into his jacket. “Please. I made sure to block my thoughts and memories of you.” I look towards the ship again, the exit ramp coming down. “If that is who I believe it is, I don’t want him to see that I have been traveling with someone. He may become... outraged.” We reach the hanger bay door and I can sense Darryl wants to protest but I jump off the bike, throwing my jacket off and landing on the ground with my right leg outstretched and my left hand touching the ground. The hanger bay doors close and I stand up, walking towards the sleek ship. I see five cloaked figures walk out towards me, all in similar masks and clothing except for one. What looks like the leader wears a mask similar to a Mandalorian but seems to have sharper angles. The person pulls off the mask and I see Aydgages face, being the same as I saw it just yesterday in my journey vision. He smirks at me, holding the helmet under his arm.

“So, this is where you were hiding, huh my little bird?” He takes a look around, as if to view the scenery. I stop walking towards him, being a few meters away and he stops as well. Fear trying to build back into my mind of him tearing through, I shove it away letting my knowledge of control come back.  

“Who said I was hiding?” I retort. Aydgage continues to smirk and he looks me over.  

“The clothes kind of give it away.” He teases. Then he looks off to the side. “And the fact that every time I tried to connect you through the force using visions, you seemed to run away.” He looks back at me.  

“Do you have a reason for coming here? Other than to judge my clothing choice?” I ask, trying to give Darryl time to get out of here. He tilts his head to the side a little, seeming a little amused.

“You know why, my little bird. And you will come with me.” His voice grows dark but he still holds a smirk.  

“And if I refuse?” I ask, knowing the answer already. Aydgage finally drops his smirk and gives a neutral face. He sighs loudly and pulls out his lightsaber, the others following him.  

“Then we will do this the hard way.” He ignites the blade and it glows red. I gape a little. What did he do to his lightsaber? I grab mine and ignite one side. His followers ignite their lightsabers and they have the same color. I smirk a little.  

“I guess so.” Aydgage glowers at me, surging forward to attack. I dodge to the side of his thrust, front kicking towards his ribs. He manages to dodge the kick by jumping back. His followers finally reach me. One with a tonfa lightsaber uses a back-hand swing as they run past me and I block it with my light saber. Another one with a crack in their helmet gets low to the ground to leg sweep me and I jump over their leg. Aydgage takes another swing at me and I ignite the other side of my lightsaber to parry it. This isn’t good. I am too outmatched with the five of them.  

Being caught off guard, one of Aydgages followers with a cross guard lightsaber manages to slice my left arm. I let out a groan, jumping back from the group. Pain sears down my arm for a moment then it goes numb. Blast it. Aydgage smirks again, taking another swing at me. I block it, but he pushes down on the block.  

“Give up Mikacele. You are outmatched with the five of us here.” He uses his brute strength to push down my blade, the crackling of the lightsabers pressed to each other getting louder in my ear. I tighten my jaw and press back toward him. His smirk fades again and he jumps back. We all stand there for a moment, staring at each other. Then there is a roar of a ship's engines coming from the sky and I look up to see Darryl’s ship up in the air. I let out a sigh of relief and look back at the group, they are still looking at the ship.  

“You should know me by know Aydgage, I never give up.” I finally say with triumph in my tone. He looks back at me and ignites the other side of his lightsaber. “Oh, struck a nerve, did I?” I mock. Aydgage is about to attack me but a volley of laser bolts flies past me and goes into at the group. They all jump out of the way quickly, but Aydgage glowers again, deflecting them. I turn around and see it is Darryl’s ship attacking the group, with the ramp down and Darryl at the bottom of it.  

“Come on! This won’t last long!” Darryl yells. I look back at Aydgage and he stands there, still deflecting the bolts. I extinguish both ends my lightsaber, and run towards the ship. Using the force, I jump up and Darryl catches my hand, pulling me in. He gives me look of concern and I just nod my head, to say I am okay. He nods back and runs to the cockpit. I turn around and see Aydgage staring at me, anger writhing in him. I look at him for what feels like hours but is only a few seconds and turn my back, going inside the ship. Now he knows... I just hope he didn’t see Darryl... Or Darryl will have another target on his back.  

I get to the cockpit and sit in the co-pilot chair. ‘This isn’t over my little bird. I will find you again. And your little friend too.’  Aydgage’s voice echo’s in my head, the last bit said with a hiss. Putting my elbows on the console in front of me, I put my head into my hands, letting out a shaky sigh. Darryl clicks a few buttons and pushes the lever forward, jumping us into hyperspace. His chair makes a soft noise as he leans back in it, clasping his hands behind his head.  

“So... that is Aydgage?” Darryl finally asks. I tilt my head to look at him. He is starting up at the viewport and I lean back in my chair now.  

“Yeah, that’s him.” I deadpan, still looking at him. Darryl finally turns his head to look at me and I see a hint of jealously in his eyes.  

“Didn’t realize you were into clawed finger creatures.” He playfully smirks. I purse my lips together, then lean over to punch him in the arm.  

“I can’t believe you just said that. And he doesn’t have clawed fingers.” I retort at him. He only continues to smirk.  

“Oh, so you are into him? Thought he was like a brother to you.” He teases again. I let out a huff and then smirk back.

“I didn’t realize you were into Lekku’s.” He purses his lips together now and scowls at me.  

“I’ll have you know that a lot of people are into Twi’leks.”

“Right, right” I nod my head. “Of course.” I still tease. Darryl doesn’t seem amused. His face changes a little to be more serious and I look down, knowing what he is going to say.  

“Are you okay? You look like you got hurt a little.” he asks. Okay, not what I expecting. I look back up and he is pointing to my cut on my arm. I look down at it, the cut itself going pretty deep. I let out a laugh. Darryl gives me a quizzical look.  

“I just keep getting myself hurt. I feel clumsy now.” I laugh a bit more now. “And somehow, you keep saving me.” I scoff, getting up from the chair. Running a hand through my hair, a nervous feeling goes through my stomach. “What is wrong with me? Am I really so weak? How did I even become a Jedi Knight?” I look out the viewport, staring at the swirling pattern of hyperspace. I feel Darryl’s hand on my shoulder, reassurance spreading from his touch.  

“Sometimes in life, we have to find ourselves again. We feel vulnerable and fall prey to tricks we thought we knew about. Then, once we find our self finally, we no longer feel that vulnerability. We no longer fall prey to those tricks anymore, but you first have to learn to trust yourself again.” I turn around and Darryl is looking out the viewport as well. His face looks haunted, pain showing in his red eyes.  

“Do you... feel vulnerable sometimes?” I ask softly. He moves his eyes to look at me and takes in a deep breath, letting out slowly.  

“Only once. And I won’t let it happen again.” he looks at me with such intensity that I turn my head away finally, my feelings that were rising from earlier going away.  

“What was it?” I ask, looking towards him. He turns to head out from the cockpit.

“A story for another time.” He leaves, going towards his room. I bite the inside of my lip. I hope I didn’t bring up a painful memory for him...  

My feet move me before I realize I am in the makeshift training room. I should meditate, but what if I get another vision? Will Aydgage appear in it? I start to pace the room. I should find out a way to create a better shield for my mind. He tore through them as if it were ripped cloth. I put my hand to my chin. Maybe if I practice my shield, I could teach Darryl how to protect his thoughts. So Aydgage can’t find a way to him. Or worse. I try not to think about something worse than just ripping through someone's memories. Blast it. Aydgage probably saw that I have the book. I scoff. Wait, he doesn’t care about the book. Just me... I stop pacing and sit on the ground, leaning against my right arm. Then I remember my cut from the fight and sit up straight. I reach over to touch it, only feeling the pressure of my hand touching it. Guess my body was fed up with this arm hurting consistently that it just made the arm numb the entire time. I let my arm drop into my lap and then I hear footsteps behind me. Darryl walks in front of me and kneels down, handing me something.  

“Here.” He holds out a bandage roll and I take it slowly. “You used the rest of the kolto I had with that other wound and that was all I had left.” He sits down, giving me a small smile. I sheepishly smile back.  

“I’m sorry. I’ve been nothing but a burden huh?” I look at the bandage roll then start to apply it to my arm, having a hard time though because it keeps slipping down. Darryl grabs the part that keeps slipping and takes the roll from my hand, wrapping it around my arm for me.  

“Only a little.” He teases. His thoughts are different though. He doesn’t think that at all, he thinks he has been the one to cause problems for me. I look down at my crossed legs.

“You haven’t been a problem Darryl. I’m sure you were just fine until I came along...” He finishes wrapping the bandage and his hand lingers on my arm for a moment. I look back up and he just stares at my arm.  

“Actually, it’s been rather fun. I’ve never met anyone quite like you.” He pulls his hand away slowly and looks at me, raising an eye brow. “But we should set some ground rules. Wouldn’t you agree?” I nod my head. “I’ll lay out some rules that I want and then you can lay out what rules you want then we will come to a compromise. Sound good?”

“Yeah, that sounds good to me.”

“First, no using Jedi powers on me. That whole freeze thing you did yesterday? Yeah, nuh uh. Didn’t feel good.” I chuckle quietly but he continues. “Second, and I know it’s hard, but try not to read my thoughts? It doesn’t feel fair that I can’t read yours.”

“Well actual-” He puts up a hand.  

“Hold on. Not done yet. Lastly, I need to know that I can trust you hundred percent. Can I?”  

“Of course. You have saved me twice and helped me repair my ship. But...” Darryl tilts his head to the side.

“But you don’t know if you can trust me completely?” I nod my head. He straightens again and puts out his hand. “I promise to be nothing but forthcoming with you in all deals that I have. Even second thoughts on where we are going for your books.” I reach out my hand and we shake.  

“Okay, then... my first rule is that even though you have a second thoughts, you will still trust me.” We pull our hands away at the same time. “And my last one is more of a request. Allow me to train you to block out Jedi from reading your mind and letting thoughts slip out.” He puts a hand to his chin, looking down a bit. I tilt my head to the side, waiting for his response. He finally looks up.

“But I’m not a Jedi? How would I be able to be trained?” I smirk a little.  

“I won’t go into details but the basic is that everyone has the force within them. Some just have more than others. It’s how I can see, remember?” he purses his lips to the side then nods.

“Okay, then we have already come to a compromise on the rules.” He smiles a little. “So, how would you train me.” I let my smirk fade and turn more serious.

“Well, you are going to have agree to some things first. Blocking thoughts is in itself hard. So, what we will do first, is learn how to read thoughts.” Darryl smiles big now.

“Wait, so it won’t be an unfair advantage anymore?” I scoff a little.

“Depends on how well you take the training and if the person doesn’t have this training as well.” He frowns.  

“Oh. How long will this take?” I can sense he is a little sad at the thought that this could take a while.

“For me, it took a little over a year to master. I’m an excellent teacher though so, we should have the basics by at least four months, and if you continue to master it, then by nine months you should have master reading thoughts. Then we will move onto blocking thoughts. But as I said before, it depends on how well you take on the training. It could take longer then we hope or shorter then we expect.” He nods his head slowly, looking down at the ground as if in thought then he looks back at me.

“I am a quicker learner.” He smirks. “When do we start?” I smile now.

“So, you are okay with me reading your thoughts and you reading my thoughts?” now he gives me a quizzical look.

“You have to read my thoughts as well?” with my face serious, I nod my head.

“Yes. It will also teach you how to communicate with me.” tilting my head to the side, I give a soft look. “You know how you were able to bring up a memory and show me it? That’s almost like how we talk when we don’t want to use words. Only a few Jedi know this ability as it is hard to master.” he lets out an annoyed sigh.

“Okay, fine. I agree then.” he gives me a slight smile. “Let’s start now.” I sit up straight, smiling again.

“Perfect. First, let’s relax. I’m assuming you know to meditate?” I look at him. He nods and gets into a more relaxed pose. “Good. Now, let all your emotions drain for your body. Not too quickly though, slowly. Allow the emotion that passes through your mind to be acknowledged then let it go.” He gives me a confused look.  

“What do you mean ‘be acknowledged’?”

“Emotions are what drive almost every creature. Jedi are trained to show no emotion because we have acknowledged them, knowing how we feel when that emotion is present and being able to let them go in order to think clearly.” I take his hand. “I am not training you to be a Jedi but allowing yourself to know what the emotion feels like so you know to let it go still helps a lot of people keep their heads level.” He stares at his hand in my hand. I let my calm demeanor flow into his hand and he just sits there for a bit. “Do you feel calm?”

“Yeah, I do actually.” his face is still confused.

“Good. What I am doing is allowing you to feel my emotion of being calm and knowing what it should feel like.” I let go of his hand now and he lets out a soft oh. “Sorry. I know it feels funny.”

“How were you able to do that?” I put my hands back on my knees.  

“A story for another time.” I repeat back what he said earlier to me and he just gives me a stern look but then mimics my pose. “But that is what it would feel like to let it go. Thought, not quite as quick.”

“Should I be closing my eyes for this?” He asks. I chuckle.

“If you want too.” Darryl nods his head and closes his eyes. I can hear his thoughts rush by; having more questions for me, thoughts of just quitting, wanting to ask more about my past, and more. I try to ignore them and continue to relax.  

[sweetsameli]

Chapter four: The Force Guides Me

I hear the alert of the hyperdrive indicating we are approaching our destination and I head over to the cockpit, Darryl following closely behind. He flips a switch as he sits down in the pilot chair and we disengage from hyperspace, Lothal pulling up into view. There are grey clouds covering most of the planet but I can see blue from the oceans of water and greenish brown from the lands surrounded by it. A sudden burst of energy hits me, and I stumble back a little holding my head, grabbing the comm’s chair to keep myself from falling over. Darryl quickly comes over to me, placing his hand on my back.  

“Are you okay?” he looks at me with concern. I shake my head but the energy surge doesn't fade away. I turn my head to look out the view port and i see a pillar of light coming from the top crest of the planet. i tilt my head to the side and walk closer to the viewport. Darryl watches from where he is standing, confusion seeping from him.  

“Do you see that?” I ask, a whisper going through my head, telling me i need to go there.  

“See what?” Darryl asks as he walks up next to me to see through the viewport. “All i see is a possible storm moving in.” i look over at him and then back at the planet, the pillar of light still there. The force must be really strong there... Or an old temple may be there... I have to check it out.  

“I...” How can I even begin explaining this to him? I’m not even sure what it is myself. I let out a sigh and sit in the co-pilot chair. “I’m fine. Let’s land the ship near a market.” He looks at me for a bit, I hear his thoughts of wanting to ask if I am sure I’m alright, and what exactly I saw but instead, he silently goes to the pilot chair.  

Darryl starts up the landing sequences as soon as he sees a nearby settlement and we land in a ship yard and he turns to face me. I'm hitting a couple of buttons to shut off the ship and try to ignore the feeling of his eyes drilling into me but he continues. Chewing the inside of my cheek and let my shoulders drop a little, then turn to look at him. He raises an eye brow, indicating he wants me to tell him what I saw.

“I got a surge of... energy when we pulled from hyperspace.” I attempt to explain. He puts a hand to his chin and looks at me again, wanting me to continue. I sigh. “As a species, my people can see the force, you knew that right?” He nods his head. “Well, sometimes we can see where a lot of force gathers up and shines through our sight like no other but it’s hard to tell if it’s the force or not because the force isn’t just one color, at least not to us.” I stand up, going over to the exit ramp. I turn around and look at him. “I saw a pillar of white light shooting out from the planet. I’m not sure where though. It didn’t exactly point to one spot.” He gives me a puzzled look and then nods his head, getting up and coming with me to the exit ramp ladder.

“Well, before we leave this ship, what did you decide?” He catches me off guard, then I remember to what he is referring too. I give him a neutral look. I hadn’t really thought about it...I do enjoy his company... and being on this journey was starting to get lonely... Plus, there is something about him that makes me want to trust him, even though I have seen him lie a couple of times already. I get a tingling sensation in my stomach and remember my feelings when he first asked me if I wanted his help.

“I believe it would be a good idea if we travel together. Even if there are bounty hunters after both of us.” I smile at him. He smiles back at me and then takes both of my shoulders with his hands, looking straight at me.

“Then I will help you find this pillar of white light. Even if it takes us years.” He lets go of my shoulders and I groan at the thought of being somewhere for years.  

“I doubt it would take years.” He laughs at me and goes down the ladder and I follow after him. The ramp opens up and we start walking out, the sky slightly grey but the air feels warm.  

“We should fix the ship and find that tracking beacon before we go anywhere. Just so that bounty hunter doesn’t try to find us again.” I nod in agreement and start to climb the ship. Darryl stays on the ground and walks off to somewhere underneath the ship. I walk around on the topside of the ship and notice that it is in need of some parts desperately. I look at the laser turret and suck in some air through my teeth. It took a real beating from that asteroid and laser bolts.  

“I’m so sorry Dauntless...” I say quietly to the ship. I keep walking around to see if I can find the tracker.  

“Get... Off... My... Ship!” I hear Darryl struggling. I walk over to the edge of the ship to where I heard his voice and lean over. I see him trying to pull something off the hull of the ship and with one last tug, he stumbles back a little holding something small in his hand. He throws it to the ground and shoots at it, the thing blowing up into tiny pieces. “There. One problem slightly solved.” He looks over in my direction. “Let me guess. We need parts?” I nod my head, pursing my lips together. I can feel the frustration wave off of him. “Well, lets’ karking hope the shops here have it.” I do a flip off the ship, landing and looking at him.  

“Are you okay? You seem really frustrated all of sudden.” I ask, trying to stay calm to hopefully calm him down. He huffs and points to something closer to the ramp. I see a similar thing of what he pulled off and go over to it.  

“They are about five others. Damn bastard probably threw a bunch in hopes that if I found one, I would think it was the only one. Ugh!” He throws his hands up in anger. I let out a calm sigh and cast out my sight, trying to focus on the tracking beacons. I slowly bring my hand up and in one swift movement, I pull them all down. I close my hand into a fist and they all shatter. He looks at me then at the destroyed tracking beacons then back at me, his frustration slowly leaving him. “Remind me not to make you mad.” I smile, putting my hand back down.  

“Lets’ head into the market.” I walk towards the blast doors and Darryl is walking up beside me, putting on his hat. We reach the market place and I look around for the clothing vendor.  

“I’m gonna get some supplies and search for the parts we need.” He points his thumb in the direction that leads down an alley way and that’s when I notice the town is very busy; flags strewn up in all sorts of places and a message on the holo board that says ‘Happy Harvest! Lothal Days are here!’

“Lothal days?” I look back at Darryl and he shrugs his shoulders.  

“Must be in the middle of a festival.” He smirks. “Lets’ meet back up here after we are done, okay?” I nod my head and he begin to walk down the alleyway. I start wondering the streets, passing by a cantina and notice a bounty board broadcasting all available bounties. I don’t recognize a lot of the faces but then my face passes by and my heart sinks. Is Aydgage looking for me now? Why doesn’t he just use the force to search for me? I bite my lip, suddenly feeling exposed. I pull my hood up and continue to look for a clothing shop. After walking for a bit, I finally find one and walk into it. I look around and a small framed human female walks up to me.  

“So rare to find a Miraluka here on Lothal.” she smiles slightly, wearing a uniform that matches the shops theme and she tilts her head to the side. “Are you a Jedi?” She slightly narrows her eyes but still seems inviting.  

“Oh, no. I’m a...” Shoot, what should I say? “cargo hauler. I know what you’re thinking, ‘Miraluka cargo hauler? That’s weird.’ My parents thought so too but I wanted to do something different.” I give a false smile and she nods her head, still smiling but her eyes go soft. I see what Darryl means now. “I’m just looking for some new clothes. This is my only other pair of clothing at the moment. My other pair got... damaged.”

“Perfect! Let me help you!” She quickly walks off and starts grabbing cloths off the shelves and grabbing pairs of boots, going to a changing room. Putting the clothes down in the changing room, she motions her hands to come over to the changing room and I walk over quickly. “Just let me know if any don’t fit.” She cheerfully says. I’m a bit stunned that she actually believed me right away. I shake my head and close the door to the changing room. Wow, she got me a lot of clothes... I start putting on the clothes and they fit surprisingly well. They also vary in different styles, some being for cold weather, some for hot weather, and even some for sand storms. Hmm... how would she know I would be at all those types of places though? Suspicion raises up in my head then I let out slow breath. I did just tell her that I was a cargo hauler. Could mean smuggler here or something. I look at myself one more time in the mirror and smile. She is good nonetheless. They fit very well... but will I be able to afford these? I didn’t bring a whole lot of credits with me. Just enough to get one or two outfits. I put on the clothes I came in with and grab the other clothes, walking out of the changing room. I walk over to the counter and she smiles at me again. “How did you like them? All of them fit, right?”

“They were all perfect. I was just wondering though... Do you sell cloth visors here?” Remembering the scorched one I am wearing. She frowns a little.

“I’m so sorry. We don’t see those here.” She perks up a little. “But they do sell them at a shop just a couple of meters from here. It’s between the food supply vendor and speeder rental shop.” I nod my head.

“Great, thanks.” I start pulling out the clothes I liked the most. “I would like these ones.” She gives me a quizzical look.

“Do you not like the others?” She seems a little... hurt almost.

“Oh no, no! I love them. I just don’t have a whole lot of credits.” She smiles again and starts grabbing all the clothes and putting them into a bag for me. I’m about to say something but she says something before I can.

“Oh nonsense. It’s Lothal days! Everything in town is discounted! My store gives a 40% discount! And I know the life of a cargo hauler isn’t always pleasant but looking good shouldn’t be taken away.” she gives me a small smile and then taps on her data pad. “That will be 250 credits.” I hand her my cred stick. “Thank you for coming in and purchasing during Lothal days! I threw in some hair accessories as well.” She winks at me and hands me the bag and my cred stick. I take the bag but leave the stick.

“Keep the change. There isn’t much left on it but it should be enough for a tip. You know, for helping me out.” I nod my head at her.  

“Oh, I can’t accept that.” she says stunned.

“Please, it would be my pleasure.” I smile shyly at her and she nods her head, waving bye to me and I walk out of the store. After walking towards where the store assistant directed me to, I feel something tug at the back of my head. I turn around and there is a tendril on the ground, calling me to follow it. The tendril reminds me of the pillar of white light I saw before we came to the planet and then I realize, this must be the path of which it wants me to follow. I want to follow it, I feel it tugging at my body to start walking but then I feel someone's hand on my shoulder and I turn around again, seeing that it was Darryl. He is carrying a bag and holding onto a small blue metal box. He smiles at me.

“There you are. You took forever.” I feel like I took forever. Shopping for clothes is such a trying experience.  

“Yeah, I’m sorry. Did you wait long?”

“A little but it’s fine. I got you something. Here” He gives me the box and I take it.  

“What is it?” I ask, smiling. I start to pull the top off and inside is a piece of purple cloth that looks thin and is folded up. I part my lips a little, taking it out and looking at it. The cloth feels smooth and silky. It has patterned look that shimmer in a variety of blues, teal and green that swirls in no discernible pattern. I tilt my head to look at Darryl again. “Oh Darryl, you didn’t have to.” I smile.

“It wasn’t a big deal, I just thought you could use a new one.” He winks at me, then he puts his hand behind his head, seeming embarrassed. “You know, to disguise you more. I figured you might be discovered wearing that one. It looks like a one of a kind.” he motions his hand to my current cloth visor and I nod my head, remember something Ly’lis had said about it being design after of her family crest flag.  

“You’re right.” I nod my head at him. “Could you help me put it on?” I hold it him and he puts his bag down, taking it from me. I turn around, putting the bag and box down. Stand back up, I take off my current one and hold still as he ties the new one on. After he finishes, I turn around and look at him. “How do I look?”

“Better.” He smiles at me again. “It reminds me of the sky near my family's home at night time and an aurora borealis would come through on Csilla.” he gives me a cheeky look. “Cilla. I like that. That’s what I’m gonna call you.” I shake my head, smiling though.

“Alright, I will allow that nickname.” I feel the force tugging at me again and i look towards the tendril and watch as it pulses slowly. It looks like it leads outside of the city.  

“You okay? Whatchya looking at?” Darryl asks, catching my attention again.  

“I may know the path to that pillar of light I was talking about earlier...” I say slowly, picking up my bag and the box.

“How so?” he curiously asks, also picking up his bag. I purse my lips together, trying to figure out how to explain it to him without sounding like I am some sort of drugged up lunatic.

“The force likes to give a lending hand sometimes. I know that sounds weird but it has its own will.” I sigh. I’m not sure I even understand that part. “Like with how I can see that pillar of light all the way from space? I mean, yes, I have a special type of vision that would allow me to see that but others would just get a... feeling, a sense of purpose to go there. With me though, I can see that I need to go there. Now, I can see the path to there. Almost like a rope leading me to where I should be.” He nods slowly.  

“Then let's follow it, but first, we need to take our stuff back to the ship. I have a speeder bike on there that we can use so we don’t have to use the ship.” I nod my head in agreement and start heading to the ship with Darryl. He clicks in two buttons when we arrive the ship, one pulling down the normal ramp we use, and another comes down off to the left side of the ship, being a little smaller. We both walk up the bigger ramp and I climb up the ladder to put my stuff in my room. Darryl, however, stays down, putting his stuff near the locker that holds his gear and leaves, going towards the other ramp. I climb down and he has a two-person speeder out in front of the ramp. He gives me a cheeky grin. “Shall I drive, or you?” I push out my lips, wrinkling my nose and I walk over to the speeder, getting in the driver seat. He clicks the buttons and the ramps go up and he climbs onto the back, placing his hands on my back. He seems a bit nervous and I hear him form a thought but he quickly dismisses it.  

“You don’t have to come with, ya know?” I say before starting the engine. He lets out a quick breath.

“I know, I want to. Gotta make sure you don’t get yourself killed.” He tries to tease but I can also tell he is being serious.  

“I can take care of myself.” I retort back, revving the engine a little to make sure it’s running okay.

“Obviously.” He deadpans, and he throws the thought, or more like memory, of finding me in my ship, half dead. I grit my teeth. How dare he use my ability against me. I throw the bike into gear and push forward, the bike whooshing quickly out of the hanger bay doors into the open field. Darryl grabs my waist quickly from the sudden movement then laughs. “I’m gonna keep that in mind now. I can throw thoughts at you.” I scoff. This man is going to drive me insane. He pulls his arms away and I can feel where they were, a heat coming to my cheeks. Yep, definitely will drive me insane. One way or another.  

I follow the tendril of the force, going through a lot of mountain terrain. After what feels like hours of nothing but mountains, we come across an open plain field. The pillar of light coming into view and fading as we get closer to what looks like a Jedi temple. It is made out of stone, having four small spires surround a very tall and large spire that has odd, faded carvings in it. Once we get close enough, I stop the bike and get off, Darryl getting off as well. I look at the carvings more and realize that they are actually an old Jedi written language, that was lost as time went on. That’s the same language in which I saw the research in.  

“So, this is a Jedi temple huh? Looks kind of... small?” Darryl walks up next to me, looking at the temple. “I mean as in, how did it fit some many people?” I turn to look at him.

“Actually, this temple is more of a ‘vision’ temple.” I point to one of the carvings on the wall. “You see that carving?” He nods his head. “It means a master and their apprentice may enter together.” I point to another one continuing my explanation. “the apprentice will journey through alone to learn more of themselves and the force. The master will wait.” I purse my lips together. “I may have a problem though. I'm not a master nor an apprentice. And my master is unavailable at the moment.”

“So, this might be an impossible temple to get into?” Darryl asks, folding his arms across his chest. I bite my lip, trying to read more of the carvings but they are too faded for me to understand.  

“I don’t know. It is possible. I just...” I look at the sky, the pillar being very bright and strong. I get a sudden urge that I need to go into the temple. “It’s calling to me. I know that I need to get inside somehow...” The entrance to the temple starts to open slowly, I get down to a defensive stance, my hand at my hip to grab my lightsaber and Darryl hovers his hand over his pistol. We see a figure walk out, wearing long dark grey robes, the hood up and the sleeves encasing their folded-up arms. I keep my stance. “Who are you?” The figure gets closer and then puts out their hands; looking old and frail. They slowly reach up towards the hood and pull it down, revealing a very old male human. His hair is white but neatly cut to just above his ears, his eyes are a bright blue but time has not been kind to them. His cheeks are sunken in and he feels different in the force; like he is there but also isn’t there.  

“Welcome Mikacele. I have been expecting you.” His voice sounds... younger than I was expecting. I slowly get out of my defensive stance, the force whispering in my ear to trust this man. He looks so old but sounds so young. How can that be?  

“How did you name my name?” I ask cautiously. He smiles at softly.  

“I know everyone's name who seeks knowledge and clarity. I guide the masters and their apprentices to here and allow them to discover their way in. Those who come alone are greeted by me so I can allow them in. I protect this temple from those who seek to use the knowledge it shares for destruction, though that has not happened yet.” He raises an eye brow, still smiling. “I even know your companions name. Darryl Trileav or known on Csilla, D-”

“Ah, ah, ah.” Darryl gets out of his defensive stance. “We get it.” he gestures his hands to stop the old man. The old man smiles, bowing slightly.

“Yes, of course Darryl. I know of your past as well. Both of your pasts and what you seek.”

“But Darryl isn’t a Jedi?” I tilt my head to the side.  

“Tsk, I thought you would have found out by now. I’m a Jedi in secret.” Darryl elbows me and I let out an annoyed huff. The old man just chuckles softly.  

“You are right. He is not a Jedi but he echoes in the force. He too is seeking knowledge and clarity.”

“Ha, good one. But I'm not seeking knowledge, especially not from a Jedi temple. And I've met clarity, we didn’t get along.” the old man just smiles.  

“We shall see young Darryl.” He looks over at me. “I am called Tre’Koven, and I am here to start your journey for what you seek in the temple. Young Darryl must stay here though.” I look at Darryl and he gives me an understanding look. I look back at Tre’Koven and nod at him. He bows towards Darryl and walks back to the temple.  

Following after him, I feel a surge of force energy rush at me as we walk closer to the temple entrance. The door closes behind us with a thud and I look around. The inside appears well taken care of with tall grey stone pillars and three doorways behind them. I look back at Tre’Koven and he stands there with a neutral face. I know the force is telling me to trust him but it hasn’t been exactly forthcoming with me lately...

“I sense conflict in you, young Mikacele. You do not trust me because I look human and appear old yet sound young.” Tre’Koven says, almost as if he read my thoughts. “Allow me to ease your troubling mind. I was human, a very long time ago but after some...unwanted witchcraft of an old rival, I was summoned and have kept to the temple after defeating my rival to make sure it does not go corrupt again.” I tilt my head to the side. Is that even possible? Summoning the dead? A temple being corrupt?

“Who was your rival? How did they bring you back?” Tre’Koven takes in a steady breath and looks off in the distance, pain flashing across his eyes.  

“A very long story to which I will keep short by saying she turned to follow a cult called the ‘Nightsisters’ and ‘Nightbrothers’.” He looks back at me. “They are a cult whom use the force in corrupt and twisted ways. Bringing forth creatures that are distorted hybrids, beings who are dead and dabble in ways to live forever.” I gape at the thought, being stunned.  

“I have never heard of them, ever. Why wasn’t I warned about them? What happened to them?” A billion questions go off in my head and I can think of only those ones to say out loud to him. Tre’koven smiles sadly.

“The Jedi order created the cult. Not on purpose but vicariously. It is something they are ashamed of and try to hide the fact that it happened. It is actually why I left the order.”

“Wait, if you left the order, then why do you guard this Jedi temple?”

“A question in which I will answer once you find your answer in the temple.” He gestures his hand out and I turn around. “Once you are finished, you will appear back here. Be mindful of your surrounding and know this. Your ability to use the force may not work in your vision. May the force watch over you.” I want to turn around and see that Tre’Koven is giving me an encouraging smile but I know that I have to stay my path and move forward.  

I walk forward, going through the center doorway and for a while, there is nothing but cavernous walls but then I hear a scream bounce off the walls. I cringe and cover my ears but move forward. The scream slowly turns into my name being seductively said. I put my hands down and look around, trying to recognize the voice. When I look forward again, the scene has changed and I am in the middle of the council chambers. The room has the chairs for the council members but they are empty. Pillars stand in between each of the chairs and a stone sits in the middle of the room.  

“Hello?” my voice echoes in the empty room. I walk around and hear the doors open, seeing Master Dauula walk in. He is reading a book and looks up, smiling once he sees me.  

“Little one. You are alright I see. Have you found your way to the first book?” He says with his quiet demeanor.  

“Yes, master.” I nod my head, smiling a bit. “At least, hopefully.” I tilt my head to the side and shrug my shoulders. Master Dauula gives me a stern look.

“Never question yourself. Believe in your path and follow what you know is right. You will come to understand in time.” He walks towards a doorway on the other side of the room. Should I follow him, ask him how is he doing? I shake my head. No, he is just a vision. I must remember that. I look towards where he is going. But what if he is leading me to the book? I am about to follow but something beckons me towards a different doorway that appears just in front of me. I swallow back the urge to follow him and go towards the new door. ‘believe in your path.’ I hear master Dauula’s voice echo through my head.  

The door slides open and reveals kyber crystals everywhere in a very rocky cave. All of them colorless and do not sing to me. They just pulse with an empty glow but somehow, I feel that I will be wanting to come here again. I’m just not sure where ‘here’ is. I purse my lips, and then sigh. I’m sure the force will show me where I need to go when the time comes. I walk forward through the kyber crystal cave and hear the muffled sound of a water fall. Following it, I squeeze through a slim crack in the wall of the cave and eventually come out into a large cavern.  

The cavern itself is smooth and has two levels to it, the waterfall being at the top level. The bottom level has a lake in which the waterfall cascades into, moss scattered all across the top. There is a rocky surface along the waterfall looking to be my path to the top level. Heading that direction, I begin my ascent to the top. Hauling myself over the ledge I see another lake, glowing a deep purple and much larger than the one below. In the center sits a small island with an object resting on the shore. I stare at the object on the island feeling a strong urge to get it, that it wants me to grab it. I strip down to my undergarments and jump into the lake, feeling warmth from it. I swim to the island and the item comes better into view, just a simple satchel. Finally reaching the island, I walk towards it, kneeling to pick it up.  

“My, my. I remember the last time you took off that much clothing. Do you remember? We had decided to go swimming at the pond near the temple.” I freeze, stunned at the voice. Is this part of my vision. Should I turn around?  I get the sense that this is definitely not part of the vision and need to turn around. Standing back up, I turn to see Aydgage standing at the shoreline of the lake. He looks paler, black lines are just forming from his eyes and they seem to glow now. His clothing not standard Jedi robes anymore, being black and brown in color. They seem even more... sinister than a Mandalorian executioner. I swallow, tightening my jaw.

“Aydgage...” I say softly.

“I knew I would find you eventually. It was hard to find you at first but then...” He starts to pace, putting his hands behind his back. “You shined so brightly through the force that I knew I had to come and find you.”

“How are you-”

“In this vision of yours?” He interrupts me, stopping to face me. His face trying to soften but the black lines are making that impossible. “Oh, my little bird, there is so much I have been taught that would have even the most studied Jedi envious of me. Darth Revan has shown me secrets that have been lost to the Jedi a long time ago. And he is willing to show all of the Jedi, if they were just willing to accept it.” He chuckles a little manically, a sickening feeling crawling over my skin. “It was so hard at first to find you. Always pulling away just before I could finally get into your vision.” I gasp quietly, realization hitting me. My other visions... my headaches... He was making my visions come to me... making me cut myself off from the force. Or maybe... the force was trying to protect me? Allowing me to pull away from the vision?  

“Why?” I say, pushing the fear of him invading my mind at a moment's notice away.  

“Why?” He laughs darkly, “Because I love you Mikacele.” his face grows serious. “I need you. Haven’t I plainly shown that to you?” He puts out his hand towards me. “We can become the most powerful dark Jedi the galaxy has seen. Bringing the Jedi order down to its knees and allowing the Sith Empire to grow and control the system.” He has a longing in his eyes, the same longing I saw when I left the Jedi temple. I want to look away but instead stay my ground.

“Aydgage... why did you turn? Why did you kill Reneji? Is this really what Revan has taught you?” I pled.  

“He was in the way of me obtaining my power, the fool.” He hisses, looking at his hands then back at me. “Revan said the only way for me to fully accept the power he has shown me was to kill another Jedi. So, I did, and I enjoyed it.” His smile being dark. “Reneji was weak.” He throws his hand to the side in anger. “Said to us that this wasn’t the way of the Jedi.” He mocks Reneji’s voice and then scoffs. “If power isn’t the way of the Jedi, then I am glad to be rid of them.” He paces again. “The Jedi have what is coming to them and no one can stop us.” He stops pacing, looking at the ground in front of him. “Oh, my little bird.” He looks at me again, trying to show a gentle face. “Let me show the power of which Revan has shown me.” He throws out his arm and i feel myself start to move. My arms pinned to my side and I struggle to get free. Panic rising No, this isn’t right. I can’t move!

“No, please! Aydgage, put me down!” I scream. Aydgage grips me by the throat, without putting pressure to choke me though, and closes his eyes. I feel dark tendrils slither into my mind and I grit my teeth, trying to resist.  

“Don’t resist dear. I will find where you are.” The tendrils grow into thick branches, tearing down my barriers and pain sears all over my body. I moan loudly at the pain and Aydgage almost seems to enjoy it. He is going through my memories, trying to figure out where I am. I try to block him out, but fail. I curl my hands into fists, still trying to resist by blocking my memories I have of Darryl, knowing very well that he would use him against me. May even become jealous of him. 

A howl then echoes throughout the cavern and Aydgages turns his head to see a large deep purple wolf spring from the lake. It lands near us, growling at Aydgage. He lets go of me, turning his hand at the wolf to throw it but it jumps at him, grabbing him with its massive mouth and teeth. I hear Aydgage yell in pain as the wolf jumps into the lake, disappearing.  

The cavern becomes silent and I lay there, stunned and panting. What was that? I put my hand to my throat, the feeling of Aydgage hand still lingering there. I feel invaded...violated. Where did he learn that? Why did he do that... I let out a shaky breath, unsure if I can get up. I slowly rise to my feet, going over to the lake and start to swim back to the island, trying to shake the feeling off. I will be okay... I need to just... focus. I walk up the island again, going over to the satchel and kneeling next to it. I hesitate for moment. What if this isn’t the book? What if it’s something else? I shake my head to get the doubt out of my mind and reach into the bag, pulling out a leather-bound book. I look the book over, seeing an ancient language etched on the front of the book and on the spine. It is smaller than I was expecting and off-white in color. I stand up and the vision shimmers away, being back in the main hall where Tre’Koven is waiting for me. I look down at myself, seeing my clothes back on and then look at Tre’Koven, holding the book in my hand. He nods at me and smiles.  

“Welcome back, young Mikacele. It seems you have found what you are looking for.” He tilts his head to the side a little, concern coming to his face. “But it seems that something is troubling you?” I look at the ground, the feeling of my mind being torn into coming back.  

“Is it possible for someone to... come into your vision with a vision of themselves?” Tre’Koven gives me a stern look.

“Everything is possible with the force. It depends on the level of skill of the person who can use it and how in tune they are with the force. Why do you ask?” I swallow, turning my head up to look at him.  

“My old friend came to visit me.” I clutch the book a little harder. “I knew right away he wasn’t really part of my vision... then he started talking to me... told me of the power he has gained from following... someone at the temple who brought back from the war ‘teachings’ to make the Jedi more powerful.”

“The reason you started your quest.” He calmly says to me. I nod my head. “And what do you think now?”

“I think...” I stop to think. What do I think? When Aydgage used his powers on me, it felt wrong. A void incapable of light to touch. He wasn’t acting like himself either... As if he was acting on raw primal power and emotions instead... something that Aydgage normally doesn’t ever do... “I think Aydgage has fallen from his path.” I stand a little taller. “And I believe I need to stay on my journey, stay to the path that I have paved to find these books. To learn more about the force and what it teaches without being controlled by the thought of becoming powerful.” Tre’Koven smiles.  

“Good, you have taken a step towards understanding what the books will teach you.” He puts his hands on my shoulders. “something else is troubling you. What else happened?” Feelings of unease and violation come to the surface. I look away.

“He invaded my mind, trying to figure out where I am. I’m not sure what he got and I'm worried that he may come here and discover the secrets that this temple still holds.” I try to not sob when I say that. My throat tightening a little. Tre’Koven lets go of my shoulders and folds his arms across his chest.  

“Ah. He used that technique.” He pursues his lips together and I look back at him.  

“What do you mean? You have seen this before?”

“Yes. A race strong in the force, much like your race, called ‘Sith’ used the force for dark purposes. They didn’t care for the other beings, just as long as they got what they wanted and they became corrupt because of it. They are a violent race, using methods not approved by the Jedi Order and thus were not allowed to join. That’s when they created their own Order, calling it the Sith Empire.” Wait, that’s where that name comes from?

“What happened to them?”

“They disappeared. No one really knows for sure what happened.” I put a hand to my chin, looking down a little.

“Revan must have found something of theirs during the Mandalorian war... and become corrupted.” I look back Tre’Koven. “Is he trying to corrupt the Jedi temple?” He shrugs.

“You will have to find that out. Continue on your journey to find the answers you seek.” I nod my head. I feel a bit uneasy, knowing that this journey, this quest, will be difficult. Especially with Aydgage hunting me down through my visions.  

“What will you do if he comes? How will you protect the temple against my old friend and his followers?” He just looks at me.

“Allow me to first show you why I was put in charge of this temple.” He stretches out his arms, energy coursing through the temple and I feel the ground start to shake. He puts his arms back into his robes. “I protect the force to keep it at balance. To keep it in harmony.” He bows to me and I bow back. “Remember young Mikacele. There is no good without evil, but evil must not be allowed to flourish. The force is what keeps us balanced.” He nods again and disappears into the temple as it shakes more. I have no time to think about what he says and rush out, trying to avoid some large rocks from falling onto me. I tuck and roll out the door and look over at the temple. Watching it sink into the ground, the ground still shaking. Sadness washes over me and I stand up.  

“Cilla!” I hear Darryls voice coming closer. I turn around and he grabs my arm. “Come on! The whole place is coming down!” He runs back towards the speeder; it being much farther away than I thought. He gets on in the driver seat and I sit behind him. He starts up the speeder and drives off, the ground no longer shakes the further away we get. I want to look back but I know if I do, I'll only come up with more questions that I wanted to ask Tre’Koven. So, instead I just gently place my head on Darryl’s back, feeling very tired suddenly.  

[sweetsameli]

Chapter three: It Is Not My Place to Judge

After getting dressed, I slowly head to the galley; hoping to find it empty. Luckily, it was. I start searching for something to eat, finding the cabinets filled with a variety of food. I’m unsure of what I can take so I just grab a ration bar and sit down at the table, starting to eat it. I feel... unsettled. I’ve never had a vision turn into a dream, or make me fall asleep during meditation for that matter. I let my head hang, a little in embarrassed. Darryl must have come to see if I was alright and found me asleep on the ground, unless I slept walk to the bed. I bring my head up and rest it against my hand, staring at the ration bar. Which, I kind of doubt since I was in the middle of a vision/dream thing. A smile comes to my lips. How thoughtful of him.

“Whatchya smiling for?” I hear Darryl’s voice come through my train of thought. I turn my head to see him walking in. His face is covered in grease, kind of defining his very sharp, square jawline and I also notice his chin has a small dimple in it. He isn’t wearing his jacket so his tunic is also covered in grease, and revealing some of his bare chest. He wipes his hands with a rag.  

“Oh, um nothing. Just thinking of some good memories from my time at the temple.” I hastily lie. Ugh. He gives me a disbelieving look but doesn’t pursue to question it.  

“Hmm. Alright. Well, I’m working on your ship to pass the time till we get to Lothal. I could use a pair of hands?” He goes to the big chill box and pulls out some sort of drink, coming back over to the table to sit down. I watch him as he does that and contemplate whether I should ask him if he did in fact put me in my bed or should just leave it alone.  

“Um... So... Uh did you put me to bed last night?” the words slip out before I even finished contemplating. Well, dammit. “I uh only ask because I woke up in the bed instead of being on the floor where I was meditating.” He looks at me and takes a sip of his drink.  

“Yeah, I did. I heard some noise from your room. I forgot to have you lock it so it opened up for me when I got to it and there you were, collapsed on the ground. I tried to wake you but you were dead asleep so I thought it would be best if I just put you in the bed.” He says nonchalantly. I nod.

“Ah. Okay, well thank you. That was... very kind of you.” I smile. “What else needs to be fixed on my ship anyways?” He scoffs.  

“Plenty. The nebula really did live up to its name. I don’t even have life support back up yet because the engine keeps breaking somewhere else.” He narrows his eyes at me. “Do you know how to fix ships?”  

“Kind of? I know enough to get systems up and running, but repairing engines and such... not so much.” He nods, taking another sip from the drink.  

“Good. You can start on the systems for your ship then. I’ll keep working on the engines and hyperdrive.” He finishes his drink quickly and gets up. “And then maybe after this, we can start working on my ship.” He teases at me, smiling. He starts walking towards where my ship is and I get up to follow. We pass by a locker and he stops at, opening it up and pulling out some rebreather masks. He hands me one and I take it, putting it on. He puts on one himself and opens the hatch to where my ship is at, stepping inside. I follow after him, it’s a tight fit. I take a look around and the lights seem to be on but it feels...hollow in here.  

“At least the lights work?” I say jokingly, the mask muffling my voice and Darryl doesn’t respond. He is ducking under a bulkhead and going to the back of the ship. I follow him, not really having to duck as much as him. The lights seem to get darker and go to a red color and we finally get to the engine pod area. The engines look like they took a lot more damage than the outer hull took.  

“I can’t actually fit through the duct that leads to the cockpit because the other way is blocked.” He then turns around and looks at me sheepishly.  

“Why do I get the feeling that I was gonna help no matter if I knew how to fix ships or not?” I fold my arms across my chest and lean to the side a little.  

“Ha, you got me.” He rubs the back of his head. “What can I say? Can’t really change my height now.” I only give a grunt in response and crawl up towards the duct. I cast out my sight to see what duct I need to get too. I feel like a kowakian monkey-lizard swinging around to get to the correct duct. I pull myself up into the duct and crawl through it. He’s lucky that he is charming. I hate crawling through tight spaces. I let out an annoyed huff and continue to crawl till I finally reach the cockpit and slide out of the duct, landing on the ground behind the chair. I get up, dusting myself off and turn around to face the panels. They blink at random intervals and I go to the computer near the pilot chair, pulling up a systems report.  

It reads ‘Engine pod 1 and 2 offline. Navicomputer offline. Life-support and environmental controls offline. Shields offline. Comm system offline’ The list continues on and I groan.  

“Why don’t I just sell you then? Be someone else’s problem.” I ridicule the ship. Then sigh and start pulling up the systems I can fix.  

After working for a while, my back starts to ache and I stretch, hearing my spine make some very satisfying pops. I shake my hands to regain some feeling in them and stand up from the kneeling position I got myself into. Tapping on the screen and pulling up the systems report, I read over what is still offline.  

‘Engine pod 2 offline. Navicomputer offline. Shields offline.’ The list goes on for a bit. Ugh, I have only managed to fix life-support, environmental and maybe a few other things but there still a lot more to do. It does look like Darryl was able to get at least one engine pod fixed and I think maybe the hyperdrive. I should go take a break. I pull myself up into the duct and start to crawl back towards the engine pods. Popping my head through I only see Darryl’s legs poking from underneath one of the engine pods, bent at an awkward angle. I smile mischievously. I should scare him. I grab the bar ahead of me and pull out of the duct slowly, landing silently on the ground. Prowling towards him, I lean close to the opening where he is poking from.

“Hey whatchya doin!?” I hear him thwack his head against the engine, swearing something in Huttese and I hold back a chuckle. I move aside as he starts to move out from underneath the engine and he is glaring at me with strong intensity. His face is covered in grease, so I can’t tell if he injured but I can tell he wasn’t too pleased with being startled. I give him a flat smile. He shakes his head and stands up.  

“What was that for?” Darryl rubs his face, making the grease smudge around. I snort a little and then clear my throat. “What?”

“Oh, nothing. You just got a little something,” I point to a part of my face to indicate where a smudge mark is at and he tries to wipe at the spot but it just makes a bigger mess. I smile again. “Yeah, okay. You got it.” He gives me a dubious look. “Sorry, I got a little bored. I wanted to see if I could sneak up on you,”

“Hmm. Well, that won’t happen again.” He gives me a studied look. “Oh, and you’ve got something here.” He points to my face, near my cheek and I touch there, trying to rub at it then looking at my hand. Nothing has rubbed off onto my hand and he just smiles. “Here, let me get it for you.” He tries to rub my face with his hand and I just jump back, yelping a little. He laughs at me and I sigh annoyed. Damn, he almost got me. How dare he try to turn around use my trick on me. I look away and feel something fall off my head. His laughter stops and there is just silence between us. “Whoa.” He finally speaks up.

“What?” I say, slightly startled by the break in silence.  

“Your hair...” I blush now, realizing that my cloth hood fell off. I reach up to touch my hair, making sure it wasn’t wild or something but it only felt coarse and slightly greasy. I cringe. Ugh, I need to use the refresher.  

“I’m sorry, I probably smell huh?” I kneel down, grabbing my hood and standing back up.  

“No, it’s just that... It’s nice.” He smiles softly. “Is that natural or dyed orange? And is the violet also dyed?” I feel a bit self-conscious.

“Oh, uh no. All of it is natural. It’s a rare trait among my people.... My parents told me I got it from my great-great grandpa. He, too, was a... Strong force user. It’s why I was sent to the Jedi temple actually.” He nods and reaches over hesitantly, undoing the tie that holds my hair back into a braid and my hair slowly twirls’ out and he tilts his head to the side. I try to read his emotions but they feel blocked or maybe I’m too nervous to sense them.

“You should keep it down. It really compliments your face.” he says in a low, alluring voice. I feel heat rising up to my cheeks and a ping go through my heart. I am at a loss for words when normally in this situation I am the one who acts like this. Well, maybe not so... direct. I smile finally and put the hood back on. My nervousness still there in my stomach.

“Maybe I will keep it down. I’ll... think about it.” I hold out my hand, waiting for the hair tie. Darryl hands it back and looks away, his cheeks look a deeper color.  

“Let’s go take a break.” He starts to head out back towards where my ship is attached to his and I follow behind.  

That’s when I get struck with a feeling of wholeness. An odd feeling, one that I haven’t felt since I left to become a Jedi. It felt... strange but nice. That’s when I realize, the heat in my cheeks hasn’t faded and I shake my head. No passion, no attachments. Remember? I sigh, tilting my head down. Plus, I just met him. Darryl probably doesn’t even think of me like that. I’m a Jedi and he is womanizing, lying, laser brain scoundrel. I grit my teeth together and trudge to my quarters. Before I reach my door though, Darryl grabs my shoulder gently and I look at him; he then lets’ go and smiles at me.

“Just so you know, the refresher is just down there.” He points to a door that is a few feet from the galley and I nod my head.

“Thanks...” He starts to walk towards there. “Wait.” He stops and turns around. “Do you have... an area where I can... possibly train?” He raises an eye brow.  

“Why, planning on staying for a while?”

“Yeah, probably. I mean, it’s going to take a while for us to finish my ship, right?” He nods. “Okay well, I haven’t trained for some time and I could really use the practice.” He smirks, and tilts his head to the side.  

“Well I do have an area where I like to exercise. It should be big enough for you to practice in.” He starts walking towards the cockpit and I follow behind him. He takes a sharp turn before going into the cockpit and walks towards what looks like it was previously a storage room. It is filled with shut down practice drones, different weights scattered on the ground, a mirror covering one side of the room and some practice swords. The room even has a large mat in the middle to practice on. I nod my head slowly.  

“This should do. May I use it?”

“Sure. Go ahead.” He smiles and heads back to where the refresher is at.  

I walk into the room more and take off my hood, placing it near the rack of practice swords. I look at the mirror and stand up straight, looking myself over. My normal blue Jedi robes are charred mostly on the left side, the sleeve almost gone. I frown. I didn’t realize they were this bad. Good thing Darryl gave me that poncho before I went out looking like this... I look at my reflected face and see part of my cloth visor is burnt and pain aches through my chest.  

A memory flashes by, Ly’lis coming up to me after we just finished our Jedi Knight trials and she seems excited. She hugs me and after pulling back from the hug, is holding out a box. I take the box and open it, revealing a red cloth with intricate gold patterns. I smile big at her and hug her again.  

I touch where the cloth is brunt and a sad smile comes to my lips. I’m sorry Ly’lis. I bet if you saw this, you would just get me another... but I would just feel so awful if you had to go and spend more credits on me. I take in a breath and let it out slowly, grabbing a practice sword. I turn around and start to practice my forms.  

About an hour later, I'm in the middle of practicing my second form when I sense Darryl coming to the doorway. I continue and he leans against the frame, watching me. I sense from him a feeling of wonderment. I finish the form and he comes over to me, clapping softly.  

“Very nice. Do you wanna spar with me?” He smirks, smugness overcoming his wonderment from earlier. I look at him and notice he is in different clothes. The clothes seem to be a snug fit on him, the tunic being mid-sleeve and the pants coming up to about mid-calf. The outfit is all black.  

“Can I change first?” I put the practice sword down.

“Oh, I only let that happen on the second date.” He waggles his eyebrows. I get a feeling of lust now and I seductively smile at him.

“You wish this was a date.” Slight shock comes from him but his face doesn’t show. I don’t blame him; shock is an understatement to how I feel. Whelp, that was kind of stupid but it looks like he didn’t mind too much. I start to take off my outfit, wearing similar clothing to Darryl, only the tunic is sleeveless and my pants come up to mid-thigh.  

“Do you always come prepared to train if your clothes are too much?” He asks, tilting his head to the side.

“All Jedi do. ‘Be prepared for anything.’ First rule that was taught to me by my master.” I put the clothes next to my hood and come back to the mat, getting into a fighting stance. “Ready?” He gets into a fighting stance as well; one I slightly recognize. Huh, Reneji use to fight like that... “Do all Chiss use that fighting stance?”

“No. Only special Chiss use this stance.” He says, starting to circle me. I circle with him.  

“What does that mean? ‘Special’ Chiss? Were you part of a cult or something?” He chuckles at my question.

“No.” He throws a punch at me and I dodge, countering with a leg sweep but he jumps over it, bringing his foot down to my head. I roll backwards and jump up. He looks back at me, smirking. “Hmm, very nice counter and dodge.” I smirk.  

“Thanks. Now, what does it mean?” He comes at me, throwing punches again and I block them.  

“If I tell you, will you judge me?” He hastily says. I block the last of his flurry of punches and round house kick toward him. He blocks, grabbing my leg, staring at me intensely.  

“No. It is not my place to judge, especially since it seems like you haven’t judged me yet.” He twitches his lips to almost form a smile and flips me. I land on my butt, he’s about to get on top of me but I roll away just in time. Standing back up, I get into a fighting stance, he follows suit.  

“I use to be a royal guardsman for the Queen of Csilla.” I look at him dumbfounded and he uses that moment to kick me in the stomach. I cover the area, letting out a cough and land on my butt again. “Don’t lose focus,” He holds out a hand to me, “Or your opponent will over-take you.” His smugness is washing over me like a tropical storm. I take his hand and pull him down using the momentum to pull me up. While still holding his hand, I put a foot on his chest to show defeat. I look down at him, smirking.  

“I know.” He then smirks at me. I take my foot off him and back up a little.

“Huh, was not expecting that. I’ll remember that for next time. That is, if there is one.” He bows slightly. “Thanks for the sparring match. It’s nice to fight with an equal opponent.” I bow back to him.

“You’re welcome.” I straighten and look at him. “Is there any reason why you left? Isn’t being the Queens guardsman the best career you can get as a Chiss?” I walk over to my clothes and pick them up. He hasn’t really moved, just staring at the ground. He lets out a steady breath and straightens up.  

“There is but I don’t really want to talk about it at the moment.” He looks at me, and I see something haunting flash across his eyes and I just nod. “Thanks. I’m going to the galley to make some food; would you like me to prepare you anything?” He heads for the door, stopping at the doorway.

“Oh, sure. Just whatever it is you are having.” I say, walking towards him. We walk together into the galley and I break off, heading towards the refresher.  

“Have a good shower.” He winks at me. I purse my lips together and head inside. I can’t tell if he likes me or is just giving me a false sense in order to get into bed with me. I shake my head at that thought and start taking my shower. I let the water just wash over me, I tilt my head down and look at my hands. My left hands looks’ scarred and slightly red. I close it into a fist and a dull pain comes through but I don’t feel anything else. That’s when it hits me. I haven’t had a headache today... I turn my head up and look around. I put my hand out, feeling the flow of the force go through my body and the water starts to slow down. I pull my hand back and smile, the water returning to normal. It felt nice to have the force flow through me again.  

I hadn’t felt it this strong since I first landed on the moon of Yavin 4. It was where I had that dark vision for the first time and I pulled away from it. That gets me thinking... I hadn’t really had a full vision since then either. It was only that one I was having, and I kept running away from it. I bite my lip and realize that... I was rejecting the vision, rejecting the force. No wonder I couldn’t deflect that blaster bolt... I inadvertently cut myself from the force. I shake my head and smack my forehead. Idiot. I grit my teeth, and finish up with my shower.  

I step out and realize I have to put back on my dirty clothes and I cringe. I grab a towel, wrapping myself up and then cast my sight to see outside of the door. I see Darryl still working on the food, seeming focused. I chew on my lips. My bag is in my ship... what is wrong with me? Why didn’t I grab the stupid thing while I was on there? I huff and open the door, quickly walking to the hatch that leads to my ship.  

“Oh good, you’re done. I’m almost done with the food.” Darryl says, I turn around to see if he is facing me but he hasn’t turn around yet.  

“Okay, good. I’ll be right back. I just gotta get something from my ship.” I say quickly.

“To get some clothes, I’m assuming?” heat raises to my cheeks again. Kriff, did he see me? I turn around but he hasn’t moved. “I’m just guessing since your other clothes are, you know, ruined?” I can sense sarcasm implicated in his tone and I let out a sigh.  

“Uh, yeah. I’ll be quick.” I turn around and continue to the ship. Holding the towel close to me, I walk back towards the small cabin near the engines and look inside. My bag sits on the bed where I last left it. I open it up and pull out some clothes; a tunic that is teal, a grey vest to cover, a long black jacket, and a pair of pants that are a stiff light fabric beige colored, that are long. I pull out the boots that are black and very long and groan a little. That little womp rat. Ly’lis... She must’ve switched out my shoes when she was saying goodbye to me. I huff and start to dig through my bag, not finding any other shoes. I let my head drop, accepting defeat and starting to put my clothes on, leaving the hood down from the jacket. It all fits snuggly and I stare at the boots for a bit. I could just go bare foot... Why does she do this to me? Maybe next time I should just double check my bag. I’ve kept my clothes so well clean but no I had to get them all messed up and everything. Wait... there isn’t going to be a next time... It’s fine... Just clothing I'm not use to... I remember when she used to go off planet, she would dress up in fancy or suggestive clothing. Ly’lis never actually did anything with other beings, that was just what she was used to, how she grew up. I smile sadly to myself a little and finally just put the boots on. Then I remember that I never packed an extra pair of cloth visors. I’ll have to see if a shop on Lothal has any.  

I walk back to the galley and see Darryl already eating at the table, the food looking like some master chef made it. I reach the table and sit where a plate is already made up for me.  

“Did you really make this?” I ask, picking up the three-pronged fork and poking at the food. Darryl looks at me, raising an eye brow.  

“I’m not that posh. I know how to cook, and very well thank you.” He says miffed. I turn my head to face him.  

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant... well, you just seem so well off, why make the food when you can just have it already made and just have it rehydrated?” I say. He nods his head.  

“Ah, well I hate that stuff. It tastes... bland. So, I try to keep more... fresher items on board.” He goes back to eating his food. I look back at the food and start to eat it. It tastes... rather good.

“Wow, this is... good.” I smile, taking another bite.  

“Eh, you’ve been eating ration bars. I’m sure anything would taste good to you.” he flatly says.  

“I’m offended that you would think I wouldn’t land on a planet to eat actual food every once in a while.” I teasingly say. He finishes his food and folds his hands underneath his chin.  

“Oh really? Huh, thought you would’ve stayed away from market places and vendor shops in order to ‘stay on your path’?” He smiles teasingly at me. I purse my lips together.  

“Well, maybe sometimes...” He chuckles at me.  

“I’m going to ask you something, and please tell me if I am being too personal.” He looks at me with a gentle look. “How long have you been on this... quest?” I look at him, and then down at my food.  

“You said when you found me it had been about two weeks, right? Well, before that I had been out for about... two months I believe.” I poke at my food now.

“All alone?”

“Yeah...” I rub my forehead a little. “When I left the temple... Not everyone agreed with how I treated the situation. They all thought of me as a...” I bite my lip, remembering the feelings I felt before I left the temple. Thoughts of being a traitor, and a coward came rampaging to me when the others found out that I was leaving the temple instead of choosing a side. I sigh shakily, running my hand through my slightly wet hair. Darryl touches my arm gently and I turn to look at his hand then at him.  

“It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me all of it.” I smile a little and then look past him, the memory of seeing Ly’lis, Reneji and Aydgage coming to see me off plays in my mind again. The look that Aydgage gives me at the hanger bay just before I leave also plays in my mind, sensing his longing. My stomach twists in knots and I suddenly don’t feel good anymore. I pull my arm away from Darryl's hand and I put both of my hands into my lap. This is ridiculous. Why am I feeling like this? This isn’t like me... “Hey, are you okay?” Darryl asks, breaking my spiraling pit of darkening thoughts. I shake my head.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Sorry.” I start to get up, grabbing the plate. “Just not feeling good. Thanks for the food.” I go over to the cleaner and put my dish inside.  

“Well I mean that is one way to put that you don’t like the food.” Darryl teases, but I sense he is kind of hurt by it.  

“No, no. I loved the food but... just remembering what happened at the temple before I left...” I look over at him. “Brought up... unsettling feelings.” I take a shaky breath in. “I’m gonna go... meditate for a bit.” I walk to my quarters and this time, lock the door.  

I kneel down and sit on my legs and bow head down. My feelings are in a state of chaotic disaster and I am trying to calm them down. Maybe if I had followed Revan, my feelings would be less out of control. I’d be able to let them be free and express them without feeling like I am not at peace with myself. That I am burdening others and making them feel concern about how I feel. But... at the same time... letting my feelings just go rampant and unchecked could lead to bad decision-making and burden others with a mistake I have made. I rub temples, my hair falling forward. I rub hands down my cheeks, keeping the finger tips on my jaw and tilt my head up to look at the ceiling. I can’t even focus now without thinking that leaving was a bad idea. I let my hands fall all the way to my lap and then I remember Darryl touching my arm. I look back down at the arm he touched and I smile. I remember how I felt earlier and my smile fades away. I put my hands in my lap and try to focus on meditating now.  

I listen to thrum of the engine and hyperdrive, trying to focus again. There is no emotion, there is peace. My emotions start to calm down but I still feel a knot in my stomach. I let out a steady breath. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. I’m trying to clear my mind but Aydgage’s voice echo’s through my head, ‘...and may you come back to me, safely.’ The memory of him about to kiss me but instead kissing my forehead plays through mind over and over again. There is no passion, there is serenity. The fresher memory of Darryl pulling my hair tie out and touching my hair plays in my head, heat coming to my cheeks again. I clear my throat, shaking my head to get rid of the memory. There is no chaos, there is harmony. The message that Master Dauula gave me plays through my head, ‘Master Reneji has fallen... He has fallen at the hands... Aydgage...’ I bite my lip then let go, taking a shaky breath. There is no death, there is the force.  

I feel a little less overwhelmed but I still have the knot in stomach. I concentrate on my feelings I felt when Revan and a lot of the Jedi Masters’ and Knights’ came back from the Mandalorian war. I was only a pawadan at the start of the Mandalorian war and wasn’t allowed to follow. I think about it more and a lot of the younger Jedi Knights are the ones who are wanting to follow Revan. What exactly did they see that makes them want to follow Revan? Was it the power he showed the rest of us when he got back? His new lightsaber which was dark red? The fact that he was able to control his anger while fighting? I keep thinking of more and more possibilities, my mind racing down each path but finding no end. I hear the door chime. I look over at the chronometer and notice that a full night has passed by. I stand up quickly and go over to the door, tapping the button to open it. Darryl is standing there, using one arm to prop himself up against the door, dressed in a different outfit then when I last some him; wearing similar clothing when I first met him but his tunic is black now and he is not wearing his jacket still.  

“Hey...” He softly says, standing straight now. I can hear him think he wants to ask how I am doing, if I am alright but he pushes those thoughts away. “I made some breakfast, would you like some?” I smile slightly.  

“Sure.” He moves out of the way, gesturing his hands to let me go ahead of him and I go to the galley, Darryl following behind. I see that there is some fruit and gridle cakes on the table and I go to sit down. “Wow, shuura and muja fruit... I haven’t had these in years.” I start putting food onto my plate.  

“Years?” Darryl asks as he sits down, perturbed. “I thought that the temple would have stock full of fruits and vegetables?” He starts piling his plate full of food as well.  

“Ehhh... not really. At first, we did, yes.” I start cutting into my food. “As the Mandalorian war went on though, we had to start rationing food at the temple and sending out packages of food to the other Jedi who were fighting in it.” I chuckle to myself a little. “I remember making a package with one of the other pawadan’s, Ly’lis.” I giggle to myself a little. “We had finished packing it but forgot to put the label that it was food and not data pads!” I laugh a little harder. I feel Darryls happiness radiate off of him.

“Did you guys get to it in time?” I look at him, he is smiling, enjoying the story I am telling. I chuckle again.

“No!” I laugh, holding my belly. “Master Dauula came to us later on that week and told us what happened. We got in trouble!” I keep laughing and laughs along.  

“Were you a pawadan as well at the time?” He asks after the laughter dies down. I nod my head.

“Yes, I was.” I start eating my food again.  

“I’m assuming that Master Dauula is the same one from that message that you first watched?” I nod slowly, remembering I have one message left to listen to.  

“Yes. That was him.”

“What was he like?” I purse my lips together and tilt my head to look at him. Wait a minute. Why are we talking about me? I want to know more about him. That’s not fair.

“How about you tell me why you wanted to become a smuggler and I will tell you about Master Dauula?” I challenge him. He stares at me long and hard and sighs.  

“It’s hard to have a staring contest with a Miraluka.” he smiles a little and eats more of his food. I hold back a chuckle, trying to stay my ground.  

“Well, I mean yeah. We don’t exactly have eyes to stare at or with.” I hear him laugh in his throat but he clears it to cover his laughter. “Don’t choke on your food there.” I smile finally, going back to my food.  

“Ask me another time, and maybe I will tell you.” He finishes his food. “Besides, I want to know more about you. It’s not every day I get to talk to a Jedi, a Miraluka Jedi at that.” I turn my head to look at him again.  

“And it’s not every day I get to meet a Chiss smuggler, who was the Queens guardsman.” I take a sharp bite out of the gridle cake, but keeping my face turned towards him. He raises an eye brow.  

“Alright. Fair enough.” He stands up, stretching a little. “But first, we work on your ship. I might tell you something after that. If,” he points to me, “We can get it up and running today.” He winks at me and grabs his plate, taking it to the cleaner. I sigh, slightly annoyed and finish eating.  

“Fine.” I get up as well, grabbing my plate and going over to the cleaner as well.

“And no surprise scares. I managed to get rid of the bruise before it even formed.” He points to his forehead and I visibly bite my lip, smiling at the same time.  

“Damn, okay. I’ll try not to.” I reluctantly say, pouting a little. He pushes my shoulder a little and walks to my ship. I follow behind him. I hear him think of a plan to get me back but then he remembers I can hear his thoughts and he no longer thinks of the plan. We walk up to the hatch and go inside.  

“I’ll finish up the second engine pod and then see if I can bypass the door that is cutting us off from getting into the cockpit easier.” I nod my head and then stop, groaning. And I have to crawl back through those stupid ducts.  

“You get the easy job.” I mumble under my breath and head over to the duct I crawled through last time. I hear Darryl say something but I choose to ignore him and head to the cockpit. I land in the cockpit again and start working on bypassing the systems.  

*                                  *                                     *

I look over at the chronometer and do a double take as I noticed hours have passed by. I rub the back of my neck and look back at the system I was working on. I’m almost finished. I pull up the systems report again and it reports that shields I am working on are still offline. I breath in through my nose and breath out loudly through it. I don’t think I can fix while we are in hyperspace. I’m pretty sure it’s a part that needs be fixed and it can only be accessed through the outside of the ship. I run my hand through my hair. It feels a bit... odd. I’m not use to yet. I put my wrist in front of me and take the tie off, about to put my hair back into a braid. ‘You should keep it down. It really compliments your face...’ I hear Darryl’s voice echo in my head. I swallow a little and I pull my hair back into a ponytail instead. I start to pull myself up into the duct when I see the door open, Darryl standing there with a smug smirk on his face. I let go of the pole I was using to pull myself up and put my hands on my hips.  

“About time you opened the door.” his mouth parts in disbelief and I walk past him, smiling as well. I hear him walk behind me.

“Well, next time you want to fly into nebula, I’ll just leave your ship alone then.” He teases at me, but I continue to smile.

[sweetsameli]

Finding My Balance

Chapter Two: Who Are You Really?

Darryl and I walk into a shop that is filled with all sorts of parts for ships and droids. Items hang from the ceiling, are cluttered on the shelves and larger parts are on the ground.  

“What is this place, a junkyard?” I say callously. There is a loud thunk followed by some shattering noise of something breaking and then a light voice swearing in an alien language. I move my head around to see a figure moving around behind the main counter in the shop. It finally emerges and revealing it to be an ugnaught; having a bit more hair than most I have seen and less flappy skin. Its skin seems to be tanner as well. It is wearing a normal white tunic and thin blue fabric pants. Waddling over to us and I can see that it has a rounder belly then I was expecting from an ugnaught.

“I’m sorry! Did not hear the alert that someone had arrived.” The voice is light with hidden squeaks being some words, and from it I can tell that the ugnaught is a female. Possibly pregnant? “Welcome Di’onhs Parts. It looks like junk yard, yes, but holds the parts you looking for.” She smiles big, closing her eyes even and revealing her spaced out teeth. Then she returns to a normal happy face and motions one arm to the whole shop. “Please, take look around.” Darryl smiles at her.

“Thank you, and no need to worry. You know technology and how they fail sometimes, even the simplest things like a door alert.” He chuckles and she joins in with him, snorting with her laughter. I smile a little. “I actually have a list of the parts we need; would it be much trouble if you could tell me where they are?” He hands her a data pad and she looks it over.  

“I go get these! Happy to make customer happy.” she squeals happily.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to impose...” He motions his head slightly to her growing belly and she only snorts a laugh, patting her belly gently.

“No need to worry about little one. Parts small. I be back.” She turns around and heads off in the cluttered mess of parts before Darryl could protest again. He only sighs and turns to face me, shaking his head slightly.  

“I forget how prideful some women are when they are pregnant. On Csilla, mothers enjoyed being pampered and taken care of in any way possible.” He scoffs a little. “That is, until someone questioned their authority. You don’t want to stand in the way of a pregnant Chiss woman.” I can sense a little bit of... nostalgia.

“Do you miss being there? Your home planet?” My mouth gets ahold of the words before I can actually process them through my brain. “I’m sorry. That was too forward of me.” He only smiles at me.

“It’s okay. I don’t mind, I mean I was talking to you while you were unconscious.” He winces a little at his words. “I hope that didn’t just come out as... disturbing.”  

“Hmm... Maybe a little.” I smile a bit. How can I be so relaxed around him? I swallow and motion my hands for him to continue. He crosses his arms in front of himself. He takes a bit before making a clicking noise from his tongue.

“Sometimes, but I’m not ready to go back. Not yet.” He wants to say more but he hesitates, narrowing his eyes and giving a scowl. Anger and precision, an odd combination of emotions, washes over him.  

“What is it?” I mouth to him. He moves his eyes slightly, as if aiming them somewhere and then turns around to face where the ugnaught went to. I sense for other beings and then feel their emotional state. A few... angry and disturbing creatures lurk by with intent on focusing on Darryl. They haven’t made their move, just watching us. I bite the inside of my lip, wanting to confront them to warn them off but I know I can’t just be walking around anymore as a Jedi, I have to be more careful. A dull ringing noise then comes through my head, and I let out a slight groan, holding my head with one hand. I can sense Darryl’s concern but before he can turn around, the ugnaught returns with a box, bigger than she is, full of the parts.  

“Here you go sir!” She comes over to him and he quickly grabs the box and she lets out a hefty sigh. “Got you good parts.” She nods happily and goes back to the counter, Darryl following behind her. She pulls out a different data pad, tapping on it. “That come to... 375 credit. I give discount to you. For being so nice.” She smiles softly and Darryl pulls out a cred stick, handing it to her.

“Thank you.” He tilts his head to the side to gesture a thank you and turns around to come back to me. “And please, keep the change.” She squeals a thank you back to him and goes back to working on whatever it was she was working on before we came in. Darryl reaches me and gently grabs my right arm, leaning down a little to my ear. “Act blind again.” He whispers in it. He straightens himself again and we start walking, I keep my arm linked through his, putting my other hand on his rather strong bicep. I walk in step with him, and turn suddenly, causing me to trip a little at the sudden change in direction.

“What is it?” I whisper.

“Bounty Hunter.” He whispers back. Fear rears its ugly head in my mind and I quickly try to shove it down. Then I sense something ahead of us and two Twi’leks step out from the shadows of the alleyway, blocking our path. They both stand with hands on their hips, opposite of each other. Both are female with one being teal skinned and having white thick horizonal stripes, wearing a plain leather band headdress and a simple tight-fitting outfit with a blaster pistol on her left hip. The other is blue with yellow thin jagged stripes, wearing a silver and gold metal headdress, clothed in a small tunic and short pants, having a blaster pistol on her right hip. They both wear matching necklaces of some sort of family crest, I can only presume. I can feel the distrust and angry seep off of them.  

“Friends of yours?” I whisper. Darryl shoots me a sideward glance and then looks back at them.  

“Ladies,” He carefully let’s go of my arm and sets the box down beside him. “It’s been so long!” He motions his left hand to the teal one. “Aelir, you’re looking rather good. New morning regime?” He then motions his left to the blue one. “Erak? Is that a new headdress?” He flirts casually with them. They remain unwavered though.  

“How dare you think you can just waltz back here.” Aelir hisses, her accent light.

“Especially after what you did to us!” Erak yells. Oh great. The person who rescued me is a womanizer. Erak comes closer and slaps him across the face. Darryl takes it, looking shocked.  

“Okay, yeah. Probably deserved that.” He looks back at her. Aelir comes over next and slaps him across the other cheek. He looks a little more shocked from this one, putting his hand on his cheek. I tilt my head down to hide a smile that is containing a laugh. I hear Darryl think among the lines of don’t you dare laugh. “Ladies, ladies. No need to for further aggression.” He looks back them. Aelir becomes enraged. “Perhaps I can help alleviate the tension between us? Say with dinner the next time I came back? Or I can give you some credits now and I will make sure to never return to this sector again.” He starts to pull out a cred stick and Erak now becomes enraged.  

“Do not think you can simply buy your way out of this! You left us without saying a word!” Aelir accuses, curling her fists now.  

“And you took all the credits from the mission we were supposed to do together!” Erak points out. Oh, this is too rich. “How could you leave us like that?!”

“We had to find a way back from that awful place!” Aelir says.

“Luckily, some kind old transporter man took pity on us and brought us back here.” Erak spits out.

“Unfortunately, you weren’t here for us to take back what you stole.” Aelir says, calming down it would seem.

“So, we waited for you.”

“And here you are.” Satisfactory takes place on Aelir’s face and something else takes place in her anger, almost like... triumph. Darryl raises an eye brow and tilts his head to the side. She slowly starts to walk around him, placing a finger on him to trace slowly. “We will take those credits, and more.” She scowls and as soon as she is in front of him, she shoves him. He only stumbles back a little, now he shows a scowl.  

“Oh? Is that how it’s going to be then?” He retorts. He’s about to reach for his pistol when Erak aims her pistol at me. He tenses his jaw and straightens again, smirking. Aelir becomes angry again.

“What are you smiling for?! We are threating you and your blind friend here and you think this is funny?!” She pulls out her pistol and aims it at him. He raises his arms slightly, still smirking though. She nods her head at Erak. “Shoot her, maybe he’ll take us seriously then.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t do that.” He warns. Aelir narrows her eyes at him and then shrugs. “Alright, don’t believe me.” Erak shoots at me and I dodge quickly, not lifting my head yet. Erak gasps a little and shoots again. I step forward quickly and dodge at the same time. Erak backs up now, shooting at random. I drop to the ground to dodge and sweep her legs from underneath her. She lands on her butt with a thud, the pistol flinging out of her hands. Aelir starts to shoot at me, panic in her shooting as well. I flip back up, still dodging and then she stops as Darryl puts the barrel of his gun against her head.  

“That’s why.” He takes her pistol and leans in close to her ear. “My ‘blind’ friend there is well... an assassin I hired. She only wears that cloth covering to give herself... a challenge when faced with opponents. I thought something like this would happen so I brought her from my protection. Thought, if I give the word for her to take it off, well let’s just say Erak wouldn’t be suffering from a sore butt.” Erak then gets up slowly, growling a little. Darryl raises an eyebrow and she only lowers her head in submissiveness. “Now, I would drop this petty idea of revenge and leave. Or I will have her kill you two.” Fear spikes in Aelir now and she scrambles to get away, grabbing Erk. I hear them swear in Huttese as they run away but I’m not sure what it was. I look over at Darryl and he is putting away his gun and picking up the box of parts.  

“Assassin?” I question, he walks over to me and loops his arm through my right arm again. He chuckles.

“Yes, well did you want to continue dealing with them?” He continues down the alleyway. I can sense something behind us but it is... eluding from me. I shake my head a little, the headache still there.

“You are going to have to tell me who you really are at some point. Two lies in one cycle? I don’t think I’ve ever met someone so deceptive.” A sense of pride kind of comes from him and then some regret.  

“Well, in my line of work, lying is probably the only way to get things done. At first, I did tell the truth but it ended up just not getting me around certain obstacles so I started to tell little white lies. Not like they’re harmful or anything.” I shrug my shoulders a little.

“Okay, I can understand that...” We get to the ship finally. He clicks a button on his wrist and the ramp comes down. He then looks at me for a moment, a feeling of confidence spouts out from deep within him and I turn my head to look at him.

“Listen, I know we just met, and this is bold of me to ask but...” He pauses, seeming to try and find the right words. “Would you like to join me? I can try to help you with that mission you are trying to follow. The one that your Jedi friend told you to stay on?” I purse my lips together. I'm about to say no, because I should do this alone but something in the back of my mind tells me... no screams at me to say yes; even though I have barely known him for a day perhaps, my mind is telling me that this is the path I need to follow. He waves his hand in front of me. “Hey, take your time to think about it. I’ll fix up your ship and you can give me your answer then, okay?” He smiles slightly and his red eyes show a gentleness to them and I nod my head.  

“Okay. Thank you” I smile back. He heads for the ramp and then, I feel the flow of time slow. I sense it first, a blaster bolt coming towards us. I turn around to deflect it with my hand and ringing sensation happens through my head. Time returns to normal and instead the blaster bolt shoots straight into my shoulder and I get knocked onto my butt, holding onto my shoulder. What just happened? I groan in pain and Darryl turns around, pulling out his blaster pistol. He shoots at where the blaster bolt came from and I get up, looking to see where the blaster bolt came from. A figure stands at the end of the landing pad and is wearing sleek black heavy armor and holding to what looks like a modified blaster rifle. The figure dodges Darryl’s shots effortlessly, evading behind some large containers.

“Get on the ship!” Darryl commands, heading up the ramp. The figure is taking aim again and shoots at Darryl. I quickly grab my lightsaber, igniting one side and deflecting the bolt back, aiming for the cover they hide behind. The bolt barely hits the bottom of the containers but succeeds in making the assailant jump back. I then quickly extinguish my lightsaber and run into the ship, climbing up the ladder and running into the cockpit where Darryl is already at the pilot chair, getting the ship ready to make a quick escape. I hear the ramp close up as he starts to take the ship up into the atmosphere, and I jump into the co-pilot chair. When we hit space, Darryl jumps into hyperspace. I let out a sigh, leaning back in the chair and feel the stinging sensation in my shoulder, wincing at it. Oh, right. I grind my teeth. First, I electrocute my left arm, then powers are on the fritz probably. A dull ache pushes forward through my mind again. Oh, and how could I forget these stupid headaches, which probably why my powers are on the fritz, allowing me to finally hurt my right shoulder. Ugh! I need to meditate.  

“...Is that okay?” Darryl asks.  

“What?” Kriff, I'm not doing so good. Darryl looks at me suspiciously.  

“I said, I’m gonna take you to the medbay and clean that wound for you, is that okay?” He narrows his eyes at me now. “Are you okay? What happened back there?”

“I’m... not sure.” I rub arms a little, feeling cornered but not because of Darryl but because I’m trying to answer that question myself. “I’ve been having headaches but I... didn’t realize it would affect my powers. Or maybe it didn’t. I don’t know!” I flail my arms now, grinding my teeth when the pain comes from doing so. “Everything seems to be going wrong and I don’t understand why!” I yell now, standing up from the frustration and then look away, panting. Calm down. Darryl didn’t do anything wrong. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. I’ll... take care of my arm on my own.” I leave before he can say anything else and search for the medbay.  

After a bit of searching, I finally find medbay and start looking for a kolto stim or a medpac of some sort. Frustration crawls over my skin and I grind my teeth again, curling my right hand into a fist. That frustration turns into anger and I growl after not finding anything to possibly help and I swing to punch a wall, stopping short by just a few centimeters. What I am doing? This isn’t me. I relax the tension in my shoulders and my hand falls to my side. I let my head hang in defeat. I feel more lost now than before this journey. I walk over to the bed and sit on it. I hold my head in my hands. Confusion, sorrow, chaos, it all feels like too much. No wonder Jedi aren’t supposed to feel emotion. I can’t hide it anymore. I can’t shield or suppress it anymore. I need to find those texts; they are the answer I seek. But first, I need to meditate, maybe it will help me find the texts or why I keep getting these headaches.  

I pull myself up onto the bed more and sit cross legged, setting my hands on my knees. I start with my breathing, slowing it down and bringing all the chaos rambling through my mind to a calm. Then, slowly everything starts to go dark and I feel myself start to float. Everything around me is in sync; the thrumming of the engines, the hum of the lights, the plant life on the ship I’ll make a side note of that for later, the whirring of the computer terminals. Then, I see an image start to form. A person is running from... a cloud of darkness. I focus more and see that the person is me. I know this vision now, usually I try to hide from it, afraid of what the outcome might be like but not this time. I must see this through.  

I see panic on my face as I run away from the dark cloud; a hand is now forming from within it. The darkness seems to nip at my feet, the hand so close to grabbing my arm. I feel my heart start to race now. No, calm down. Just a little bit longer. Too late. I fall, losing my concentration, hearing other objects falling as well.

“Whoa... Did you just... float?” Darryl said with admiration. I shake my head trying to see now. Kriff, how long has he been there for? “I’ve heard that Jedi can do it but to actually see it... I’m not sure I still believe it.” My surroundings start to slowly come to my vision. I sit up, turning to see Darryl at the doorway, his face matching the awe stuck voice he had.  

“Yes, well, that tends to happen when one is trying to balance their... uh mind.” I say carefully.  I don’t want him to know the mess I’m in, though I'm pretty sure from how I acted earlier, he might have an idea already. He nods, coming into the room.

“Looks like you haven’t found the medpac yet.” He goes over to one of the cabinets and opens up a drawer, finding one after a bit of rummaging through it. He comes over to me and hands it to me, “Here you go” I take it and start to pull out the supplies to clean my wound. He’s about to walk about out but stops at the doorway. “Listen... that bounty hunter we encountered on the dock? I’ve encountered him before. He’s after me, not you. At least I don’t think he is.” I tilt my head to the side, curious. “I’m not going to bore you with the details at the moment but I’ve been trying to avoid him for quite some time.” He turns to face me, putting an arm on the frame for the door, using his other hand to rub his chin. “He must have of expected me on Nar Shaddaa after our last encounter. I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize he would even think of that.” He sighs annoyed, I’m guessing at himself. “I hate not knowing his moves, but I know so little of him.” He then looks at me. “I want you to know that I’m still offering to help you but I would understand if you don’t want to be chased by not only bounty hunters after you but after me.” I smile a little looking at the medpac, taking out a large bandage and putting on the blaster wound.  

“I would think you wouldn’t want to help me knowing more bounty hunters would be coming after you and your ship.” I tilt my head to face him now and he only smirks.

“I’m always up for a good challenge.” I nod my head.  

“I see. Well, I think I want some time to think still, if that is alright?”

“Of course. I said give me your answer after we finish your ship.” I nod my, getting off the bed, walking past him. “In the meantime, where are you headed to? Just so we can at least start heading that way and not get you too far off course, should you choose not to stay with me.” He follows, walking next to me.

“Oh, well... the next place I was headed to was Lothal.”

“Lothal? Whatchya looking for there anyway?” I hesitate to answer. Should I tell him? He’s already proven himself that he isn’t going to sell me any bounty hunter or crime lord. I bite my lip and stop just before the cockpit, standing next to the ladder for the exit ramp.  

“I’m looking for something...” I sigh “I might as well tell you. I’m looking for-” Before I can finish, the ship disengages from hyperspace and we both look at each other. Oh no, not again. Darryl quickly rushes over to the pilot chair and I go over to the co-pilot chair. Suddenly a large asteroid comes in view and we are about to smash into it.

“Hold on!” He dips the ship to go under the asteroid and we barely avoid it. He pulls the ship up back up after passing it and looks around. As he does this, I'm holding onto the console in front me to hold steady.  

“What happened?” I say, trying to calm down the alerts that bare blaring.  

“I’m not sure...” He looks out the viewport for something. “Probably ran into that asteroid because it veered off it’s normal course?” I finally calm down all the alerts and he flips’ a switch near him. “Scan the area, see if there are any mining ships or freighters out here.” I start to scan and I hear him mumble. “Probably some idiot lost control of it.” Something blips on the scanners.  

“I see one. It’s headed... straight toward us?” I turn my head to the viewport and see a small ship coming into view. Then I see red streaks coming at us and realize it’s the turbo lasers from the ship.

“Kriff!” Darryl exclaims, trying to turn the ship to dodge them but is too late. I cover my face from the sparks exploding from the console and then look back at it.  

“That was a direct hit to the front deflectors. We’re at 50% already!” Another spit of sparks comes out again. “And the scanners are offline.”

“Karabast.” He gets up quickly, going over to the navicomputer. “We need to take care of that ship before we can escape; navicomputer is down as well. Do you know how to handle a gun turret?” He walks back to the pilot chair.  

“Yeah, the basics are pretty simple.” I say, slightly nervous. Though I’ve never actually had to use them.  

“Good,” He points to the ladder that is descending down just in front the cockpit. “I need you at them.” I head over to ladder. It’s fine. I’ll be okay. I've had basic training. I climb the ladder and get into the chair, pulling the communications device over my head. The targeting system beeps slowly, showing parts of the ship ahead of us. I twist the chair to start aiming at the ship. It starts to beep faster as I center the ship in the middle of it and I press the buttons to shoot. The other ship dodges away though. Stupid ship. I swivel around to aim again.  

“Hold on up there!” Darryl yells from below. The ship takes a sudden turn; planting my feet and gripping the handles to try and not fall out of the chair. I see why he had to, there are a bunch of asteroids coming close to the viewport of the gun turret.  

“Are you sure I shouldn’t be the one piloting?” I yell down to Darryl.

“Oh yes, let the girl who caught her ship in a nebula be the pilot in a gun fight!” He teases me.  

“One time!” I say with bitterness. The targeting system beeps at me again and I turn the chair to follow the ship again. I shoot once I get some of it in my sight and get the tail wing.

“You hit it! Try to-” He cuts off and I see why. Another ship comes into view, being a little larger than the other ship. “Well kriff, I know that ship.” He growls. “How did it find us though...” He trails off, mumbling too low for me to hear now.

“Darryl?” I say, trying to take aim again.

“Keep shooting at the first ship. I’m gonna try to lose the other one. I’ll try to help with the dorsal turrets.” He makes the ship take a sharp turn, putting in perfect alignment with the first ship. I take aim and shoot at it, this time hitting near the ships’ engines. It makes a small explosion and it seems to look like it powers down. “Nice hit!” He takes another sharp turn and I see the turbo lasers from the other ship head towards us, hitting one part of the turret I am using; the barrel flinging off.  

“Darryl! I lost part of my turret!”

“Dammit!” He grumbles loudly. The second ship continues to keep shooting at us. Without warning he flips the ship upside down. Trying to hold onto the handles, I slip from the seat and into the viewport of the turret.  

“Darryl!” My face slams up against the glass, my left arm pinned underneath me and pain shoots through my arm. I can see the dorsal turrets fly past towards the second ship. After another volley of shots, he finally hits the second ship; damaging its guns and wings. He flips the ship back over and before I fall, I grab one of the rungs of the ladder with my left arm, pain searing through arm and going up my neck.  

“Get working on fixing the navicomputer. Yell at me later.” I purse my lips together and head over to the navicomputer. I start pulling files up and tapping on the control panel to bypass the problem. “Hurry! That second ship is still able to partially fly.” His voice is hasty. I tap faster. Come on... Finally! The navicomputer finally accepts the bypass and I quickly put in a destination.  

“Got it!” I yell, jumping into the co-pilot chair. He pulls the lever and we spring into hyperspace. I lean back into the chair, letting out a sigh of relief. “Who the hell was that? And how did they find us? We barely got out of hyperspace. No way they could’ve found us that quick unless...”  

“Unless they were tracking us? Yeah... I think I might’ve known it was. Dammit, I thought we got away from him just in time. He must have put a homing beacon on us as we left the landing pad. I didn’t recognize that first ship though. He might have recruited some help. That’s the only way to explain that...” He leans back and huffs. “They were waiting in orbit. He planned for us, well rather me, to escape. He wanted to track me. Ugh!” He sits up straight again and slams his fist on the console. “Fool! I knew it was too easy.” His frustration seethes off of him and his thoughts ridicule himself

“Hey...” I tilt my head slightly, trying to stay calm. “It’s okay. There was no way of knowing. Sometimes it’s hard to plan out every move.” He lets out an annoyed sigh.  

“You’re right, I know. I was... just hoping to stay one step ahead of this guy. Now I have to worry about two of them.” He mumbles something else but I don’t quite hear it. I’m about to ask him what he said but he continues talking instead. “Where are we headed to anyways? Lothal?” I nod my head. “Why are you headed there anyways?” I bite my lip once again at the question and sigh.  

“I’m looking for some ancient Jedi texts...”

“But I thought everything was on computer terminals for you guys?”  

“Well, for some things, yeah. But these texts are from a very long time ago. They are still in physical written form.” He nods his head slowly, slightly beginning to understand.

“I see... but why are you searching for them?” I tilt my head down to look in my lap. The question I don’t really want to answer but I know I have to if I am to trust him fully.

“I’m... lost.”

“Lost?”  

“Yes... or I should say I'm caught in between knowing what I thought was right to wondering if what Darth Revan says is true. My feelings are in... chaos.” I stand up finally, starting to slowly pace. “I read in my research about these texts, talking about ‘balance’ and ‘better understanding the force’ so I decided to leave before the war.” I look at him and the realization hits him.  

“That’s why that Jedi was telling you to stay on your path?” I give a small smile.

“Yes. He was my master. Master Dauula. He is the one who taught me to trust in my feelings and to always consider all options.” I look out the viewport, watching the swirls of hyperspace. “I didn’t realize my emotions would get out of hand though. I apologize again for that outburst I had earlier.”

“It’s alright. I mean, I don’t begin to even understand all that Jedi nonsense but I do understand about feeling lost.” He looks out the viewport as well, something haunting shows in his reflection but then he looks back at me. “I was gonna actually ask what was taking so long after you left to find the medpac, but then I saw you floating and was just so amazed...” he trails off.  

“What do you mean? I wasn’t gone that long...” Was I?

“Uh, you were gone for about three hours. I thought maybe the wound was more serious and you were unconscious or something.” I put my hand to my chin. Three hours? I didn’t even finish the vision...

“I was having... a vision. I didn’t realize the time. I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

“I wasn’t worried too much, just figured I should check up on you.” He smiles, then gets up. “Come on, let me take you to your quarters so you can get sleep. Or maybe finish meditating or whatever there.” He starts heading out of the cockpit and I follow after him. He comes up to a door and presses the button. It reveals normal size room for a ship with a bed in the wall, a dresser across from it in the opposite wall and a counter with a mirror near the entrance of the room.

“Thank you” I say as I walk in.  

“No problem. Get some rest. Your arm must be killing you at this point.” I remember the pain from earlier and nod my head.

“I will.” He winks at me and he leaves, the door sliding shut. I walk to the middle of the room and sit down, beginning my meditative state.

Darkness surrounds me. I hear cries of pain and begging. I look around to see if anyone is here but I am all alone.

“Hello?” my voice echoes, but no one responds. I hear a low growl and soon a dark cloud is forming in front of me. I scream and start to run away from it. It follows suit, a hand forming from it. I turn to look and trip. Turning on my butt to see it, the clarity of the hand begins to form. It’s pale, showing only four, largish, lanky, fingers. More of the arm start to extend out. I scramble backwards and a body starts to form. I panic and try to run when the arm grabs me. I turn to see who it is but hear my name in the distance.  

“Mikacele!” The voice is familiar. I try to yank my arm away. The hand only grips tighter.  

“Help!” I yell, struggling to get free. It’s pulling me now, towards the dark cloud. “No! Someone please help!” I scream.

“Mikacele!” The voice is getting closer. “No!” Darkness is clouding my vision now. I try to scream again but I cannot. The darkness is swallowing me. My hope and sense of self starts to drain quickly. Is this it? Is this how I die? Or rather, how I let my fear take over me?

Suddenly, I feel warmth grabbing my arm. It’s trying to pull me from the darkness. I hear from behind me a hiss.

“You can’t have her!” The voice is filled with venom and, it too, sounds familiar.

“She doesn’t belong to anyone!” The other voice argues. The hand keeps pulling me. “Come back to me Cilla! Don’t let the darkness overcome you!” Cilla... Cilla? That’s not my name.

“Her name is Mikacele! And she will be mine!”

“Don’t listen to him! Come back to me!” I see light forming in front of me, my hope and sense of self coming back. I see a tall figure forming in front of me.  

“NO! Mikacele! Don’t fall for his tricks!” The venomous voice is now starting to fade away.

“Yes! Come back to me. Come back to me Cilla!” The light blinds me and I can’t see anything in the force, but I feel... warmth. I feel strong arms around me.  

“You did it, my Visahot...” The voice echoes.

I sit up in bed, panting and sweating. I wipe my forehead. When did I get here? I swallow, shaking my head. Then, I slightly remember falling asleep after meditating, but I don’t remember going to bed... Then I remember feeling... something picking me up. Or maybe someone...

“Darryl...” I whisper.

[sweetsameli]

Finding My Balance

Chapter one: What's your name again?

Two months have passed and I still haven’t found the ancient Jedi texts. Planet after planet, ruins after ruins and I still haven’t been able to sort through my feelings as well. I sigh heavily, my head beginning to throb mercilessly, groaning in pain. This is the second headache today... I hold my head in my hands, turning it a little to the noise of a message coming through. I go to press the comm button to listen to it when suddenly I feel a jolt of my ship coming of out of hyperspace. I tilt my head up and a vast, big, blue nebula is coming up; and fast.  

“Kriff,” I exclaim under my breath, taking the controls into my hands to steer away, but it’s too late. I reach over to quickly put on my reverse thrusters but a bolt of electricity jumps through the panel and into my hand. I feel myself spasm and stiffen from the sudden exposure and everything goes dark.  

My thoughts are jumbled.  

“Mikacele!” I hear Aydgage’s voice echo through my head.  

“How did you end up out here darling?” an unfamiliar voice rings through my head.  

I move my head side to side, finally my senses come through and I can see again, though it still feels foggy. I sit up, my head aching along with my left arm. I groan, trying to see my surroundings. I turn my head to the right and a man in standing at a computer terminal, tapping at the panel next to the screen. I turn my head again to view the room. I’m in a... med bay? Did I go unconscious? Did someone find me?

“Morning darling.” The man finally says. I look in the direction of the man again and he is turned to face me now. His skin in blue, almost black. A midnight sky color, and his eyes are a crimson red. His hair is black and short, with some wisps touching his forehead. He wears a black leather jacket with strange patches and stitching’s in green and white. The jacket isn’t zipped up, revealing an off-white shirt. His pants are brown and seems to be made of a thick fabric. A gun holster goes down his right leg and has a blaster pistol resting inside.  

“You’re a...Chiss?” I finally say, slightly shocked that a Chiss would be out of a military uniform, and helping someone out here.  

“And you’re a Miraluka. Very observant.” He says in a teasing tone. He walks over to me, smirking and holding out his hand to me. “The names’ Darryl Trileav.” He waits for me to take his hand to shake. I slowly reach my right hand to shake his and let go after one shake, but not before I feel a jolt of...something jump between us. “You must be a Jedi. I saw your ship in that nebula but my scans didn’t show any lifeforms on board. So, you can imagine my surprise when I saw you in the cockpit. There was barely any oxygen on the ship and yet...I came over to you and you were just barely alive.” my head is still scrambled. I try to shake it, but it makes my headache worse.  

“I...my navicomputer...it must have not known...about that nebula...being in this system?” I finally put together.  

“Makes sense.” the man shrugs his shoulders, “that nebula is known as the traveling ship wrecker. It moves around and has intense energies running through it. Very dangerous to pilots with ships that have low to no shielding.” He walks over to a container that has a medical sign on it and opens it, pulling out a small bag and small water container. He comes back over to me and hands me the items. “Here, take these medicine tablets. They should help with the pain. Your arm was pretty badly messed up. Almost burned to a crisp. I managed to heal most of it but as far as the damage to your nerves...” He looks at me with concern and an alert rings’ out from the computer terminal and walks over to it. “We may need to see a proper doctor for that. Have you bathe in a kolto tank, and maybe that might work but I wouldn’t bet on it.” I might be able to heal it myself using the force but I haven’t used that technique for serious wounds like this. My head pings with intense pain then. And this headache doesn’t help. Maybe another time. I will just keep it at bay with other methods.  

“Thank you. I appreciate you saving me.” I tilt my head to look at what he is doing but the fog hasn’t lifted. I take the medicine tablets and hope that it eases my headache with the plan that the fog will lift. I try to remember his name but it jumbles out of my head and I just sigh. “What was your name again? I apologize, my head isn’t in the best place right now.” He just chuckles at me.

“Darryl Trileav.” He turns around and smiles at me.  

“Darryl Trileav...” I try out his name, “that’s...not a normal...Chiss name, is it?” I say with curiosity. I slide to the edge of the bed I am on, trying to get off. He comes over to offer help but I put my hand up, knowing that I need to do this myself.

“Yes, well my family name isn’t really supposed to be spoken to others and only by family and plus it is kind of difficult to say.” He says, watching me shakily stand up.  

“My name is Mikacele Brelow.”I finally say, holding steady on my feet after a bit.  

“Miraluka names are always so odd. Mika...celia?” He tries to say my name, messing up. I turn to look at him.  

“No, Mikacele. And we do not have odd names, Chiss do. Always so long and broken sounding.” I retort back.

“Yeah, well at least the name I told you doesn’t sound like some made-up language.” He teases. “I’m gonna come up with a nickname for you.” I look at him with uncertainty.

“I... don’t really like nicknames.” I give a more serious look. “Especially ‘Mika’ or ‘Sweetie’ or ‘Darling’.” I say the last bit with venom but softness to not sound to rude. He puts his hands up in surrender.  

“Alright, alright. I get the message.” He’s still smiling. “I’ll come up with something better then. I always come up with a nickname for anyone I meet.” He puts his hands down and heads for the door. He motions with his hand for me to follow and I follow slowly. The fog feels as if it slowly lifting as I walk with him to a hatch with a window. “I brought you ship along, in case you wanted to leave as soon we get it fixed. It got rather...mangled in that nebula.” I can tell through the window that ‘mangled’ might be a bit of an understatement. It looks like it crashed landed on the dirtiest planet and then thrown into some ashes of a volcano. “I’m headed to Nar Shaddaa right now. I need to get some supplies myself and figured you’d want to fix your ship.”

“That is...awfully nice of you.” I have caution under line my voice. “Why are you so willing to help me though? Why are so you far away from your home planet and not in a military unit?” He shrugs his shoulders, then runs his hand through his hair.  

“I wanted to... explore my options before I officially decided I wanted to be in the military. My parents were...kind of forcing the issue and I didn’t feel that it was fair.” He says it with uncertainty but I'm not going to press for more. He doesn’t fully trust me and I don’t blame him. I don’t trust him either. “And as to why I am helping you... well that’s just who I have become over the years of doing this job, plus your ship is a twin-tails. Super rare to find out here and I wasn’t about to let one slip through my fingers.” He smiles mischievously, “although I can’t sell it now seeing as you are, well alive.” He starts to walk again and I follow.  

“Gee, thanks.” I mumble under my breath. It’s times like these where I wish I did in fact have eyes, if only to roll them at people and they can see it happen.  

“Where were you headed for anyways? Aren’t you Jedi in like some war or something?” He looks at me with quizzical look. I look at him, my lips parting a little in disbelief.  

“War? The Jedi went into war?” Master Dauula hadn’t sent a message to me saying they finally went to war...wait. “My computer, did you download it at all?”

“Not yet. I was a little bit preoccupied.” He looks at me with a comical look on his face. I look at him with a seriousness and he goes back to a normal face. “But of course, we can go and download it. Come on, follow me.” He starts walking towards what looks like the cockpit. The window goes as far back as the cabin starts and has the blue swirling in front of it, indicating that we are in hyperspace. He goes over to the comm station behind the co-pilot chair.  

“Whoa...” I mumble under breath. He turns around and just smiles.

“Here, this should be able to connect to your computer on your ship.” I sit down in the chair and start tapping on the screen to get into my computer. “So, I’m guessing you probably haven’t heard about the bounty on Jedi either, huh?” He crosses his arms in front of his chest. I look at him and hear him think that someone will recognize me and take that bounty on my head. I just shake my head in disbelief.

“Wow... Revan is being... fanatic now...” I tilt my head to the side a little. “Do you plan on collecting then?” I deadpan, keeping my guard up, ready to go on the offensive if needed.  He now looks unamused.

“No, I'm not a bounty hunter. I don’t take credits on beings. Only rare artefacts, and ships.” He puts a hand over his heart. “Ouch, I’m hurt that you would think so lowly of someone who took care of you for three days.” He pretends to be hurt. Three days? How long was I out there for before he even found me?

“When you found me... how long had I been out there for?” I ask, ignoring his mocked pain.  

“About two weeks, give or take a few days.” Two weeks? A surge of emotions flow through me. How am I not dead? Subconscious breath control? Maybe... I will have to meditate, and soon. Somehow, I am alive and I know it has to do with the force... Darryl waves his hand in at me. “Hey, you okay? You spaced out there.” I shake my head.  

“Uh... yeah... Just a bit... shocked is all.” I finally say, trying to smile but I'm still shaken at that thought. I look back at him, thinking about what he had thought earlier. “You still want to help me? Even if a bounty hunter recognizes me?” I say his thought out loud.

“Hmm, no no. I know Jedi can read minds but no reading mine.” He looks at me comically again with a hint of seductive tone underlining his words. “Wouldn’t want you hearing my rather...interesting thoughts.” He raises an eye brow and I just let out a sigh.

“I didn’t even try to read your thoughts. It practically jumped out.” He’s about to retort back something to me but is interrupted by the navicomputer chirping at him. He gives me a sly look.

“This isn’t over.” He walks over to the navicomputer that is across from the comm station and starts tapping on it. I look over at the comm computer and see that my ships computer has been downloaded and I start looking at the messages. I’ve missed...several...I must have been in an ion radiation rich area of space for quite some time to not have received these... I start the first one, turning down the volume so Darryl doesn’t have to hear the messages. An image of Master Dauula comes up in static blue. He is in his classic pose, with his back straight and hands clasps behind his back. It makes me smile a little.

“My fellow Jedi, I regret the following news I have to give. Revan has announced a war on all Jedi who don’t follow this new empire he is making. He is calling it ‘The Sith Empire’. The council has informed me to instruct anyone who might be away to recall back to their home temples and to await further instructions. This decision is final. May the force watch over you.” He bows and the image disappears. I sit back a little in the chair, a little a taken back. I shake my head and start the next one. No image pops up this time, it is just audio.

“Mikacele, little one. I don’t have much time to talk. I wanted to warn you, stay away. I know I sent a message out to every Jedi to recall back but you must stay away. Stay on your path. I believe in you. Master Reneji has fallen...” his voice has sadness hidden underneath, “He has fallen at the hands of Revan’s newly found cult within the Sith Empire, the Revanites. Aydgage being the first of this new found order and the one to deal the killing the blow. I worry he might try to contact you, and confuse you with false assurances that Revan has promised the dark side can give. Be wary, little one. May th-”, Master Dauula sounded hasty towards the end, the message getting cut off. I look at the clip again and see that there was no problem on my end. My lips twitch a little. Aydgage? Falling in line with Revan? I sigh, and start the next one. A blue image of Aydgage pops up, he wears his hood back and looks to be in darker robes. I can’t tell if anything else has changed from the image though, being that it is blueish color.  

“Mikacele,” I see him smile but it looks almost...sinister, “I’ve missed you. When are you coming back? I have so much to tell you. Revan...he’s shown me so much. I never thought I could ever feel this...” he spreads his arms out, curling his hands into fists and then letting them drop, “This powerful. Please come back. Revan will show you just how much the Jedi code, “he says with venom, “is wrong.” The holo message ends. I lean back in the chair again, putting my hand to my forehead and rubbing my temples... That’s when I remember Darryl has been standing nearby. I tilt my head back up and look over at him.  

“I’m sorry. I thought I turned the volume low enough for me to hear...”

“Um... do you want me give you some privacy?” he asks slowly.

“Actually... I think I am done listening... for now. I don’t know if I want to hear the last one. I don’t think it’ll bring any good news.” I say, trying to avoid the message I got just before my ship got fried.  

“Alright... if you say so...” he says with curiosity but seems to shake it off, “We’re about to come up to Nar Shaddaa... Before we get there, you should know that not only will you get wary eyes, but I might as well. I haven’t exactly built a good rep there. ‘Why go there’ you may ask? Because it is one of the cheapest places to get parts at and I’m hoping we can blend in enough to not get recognize by anyone.” I give him a skeptical look.

“Recognized by whom?” He gives me sheepish look as he gets into the pilot chair and nudges his head to the co-pilot, wanting me to sit there. I get up from the comm chair and head over to the co-pilot chair.  

“I’m um...not really gonna go into detail about it right now, but just know that sometimes when you try to do a good deed for a bad person it ends up somehow bad to them anyway.” He pulls a lever and we come out of hyperspace, pulling up to the planet Nar Shaddaa, the Smugglers Moon. I’ve only heard stories of this place, actually seeing it instead of pictures is... a little breath taking. The lights of the city shine so brightly that maybe there are patterns to the maddness down there. I help Darryl fly into the atmosphere and a small patrol ship flies up next to us, the comm rings at us.  

“Welcoming party? I thought Nar Shaddaa didn’t have that, hence the name 'the smugglers moon'?” I say, not really looking at Darryl this time. He lets out an annoyed sigh and clicks the comm button in; a man’s voice comes through.  

“Ship with designation ‘Dauntless’, you are trespassing in a controlled sector owned by Rosco Dearling. Provide proper clearance codes or you will be forcibly removed.” the mans’ voice is monotoned and almost bored sounding. I hear Darryl click some buttons and presses the comm button to talk.

“Codes have been sent, sir. And can you tell Rosco that he doesn’t need to send his goons every time I come within a centimeter of his stupid sectors?” He lets go of the button and mumbles something under his breath that I barely catch, “stupid, good for nothing, idiot.” it takes a bit but finally the patrol men comms back.

“Your codes have been cleared. Please land on pad 826.” It would seem that the patrol men disregards Darryls’ other request and flies off, leaving us to start the landing sequences. I can sense that he is a little bothered by it but doesn’t let it show on his face, instead all I see is anger and the anger hits me as well.

“I’m gonna kill him this time. Every time, I swear he does this to annoy me. Just because I helped and he didn’t think he -” He lets out a huff and then composes himself again, the anger leaving his body and only calm and poise comes through. “It’s in the past. He is letting me land now. I can’t stoop to his level.” I turn my head to finally look at him.  

“Do you often talk to yourself?” I smile a little, but try to hide it from him. He stiffens, as if he had forgotten that I was there. He lets out an embarrassed chortle.

“Uh... Oh, hit that button over there. It’s the clamps for the docking pad.” he points to the glowing button next to my hand and I click it in, leaving the question be, for now. Not like I have any room to question anyway. He gets up after the ship lands and heads over to a ladder that leads to the exit ramp. I follow after him. He stops short of the ladder and turns around to look at me. “We are going to need to cover you up.” I frown a little.  

“What do you mean?” I tilt my head to the side a little. He only smirks.

“Jedi tend to have very distinctive clothing, along with their robes. Although, your robes are gone now. They kind of got... burnt up, along with some of your tunic.” I nod my head slowly, finally understanding what he means. I know all too well what he means now.

“Do you have any spare clothing for me to borrow then?” He slides down the ladder and I follow after him. Perhaps after we get parts for my ship, I can go to a clothing vendor and get new clothing for myself.  

“Well, I do have some that...might fit you? You are much smaller than me.” he gestures to his rather muscular, tall body and I purse my lips together.  

“Yeah, yeah okay. I get it.” I say. He raises an eye brow and smiles, turning to a locker near the ladder and opens it. It’s not very big but has some items like a leather, wide bream hat, a couple of ponchos' and a few other items I can’t distinguish. He throws me one and I look at it. It looks beat up and gray, or at least now it is gray now. I put it on and it covers most of my upper body, with the tip just barely reaching mid-thigh. Just enough to cover my lightsaber. I look back at him and he is putting on the hat and closing the locker. We walk towards the ramp and it opens up for us.  

As we walk out, I see him pull out a remote of some type and he presses a button it to close up the ship. We continue to walk and then I sense them, a couple of men beyond the corner that we need to turn to get into the district. Three with guns and one with a vibro sword. Another walking past them and rounds the corner. He looks human but has spots going down either side of his head, near his ears, and has slicked back black hair, his skin is an olive color. He wears a sporting outfit with a long synthetic fabric jacket, and a gun to complete the look of a classic crime lord.  

“Darryl Trileav.” The man spreads out his arms and smiles big. “So glad you could come back”. I feel the anger wash over Darryl again, but it leaves as soon as it came and he is...calculating. I hear multiple plans go through his head before he lands one but I can’t hear it though. He smirks, crossing his arms across his chest. Rosco falters a little but seems to be unmoving.  

“Rosco Dearling. How are things? Still having problems with the hutt cartel?” Darryl tilts his head to the side. Anger now wells up in Rosco, and he puts his arms down to his side. The anger doesn’t go away.

“I would have been perfectly fine if you had minded your own damn business. I would be in control of five other sectors instead of the two in this one and the one near the refugee sector.” Rosco hisses, and he waves his hand. “But no matter. You’re here now and all is forgiven. For now.” He looks at me then, putting his hands behind his back, anger still spiking within him but now a curiosity takes over. “And who is this fine specimen?” He starts walking towards us and circles me. I feel greed now take over his emotional state, and... lust. I shiver slightly, trying not to show it though. A sickening feeling crawls over my skin but I keep my mind on other things, trying not to hear his thoughts. He looks closer at my face. “A miraluka huh? A Jedi, perhaps?” He looks over at Darryl and I feel nervousness take over Darryl a little. “how did you manage to capture a Jedi huh?”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Sell her off to pay off your debt to me? You’re lucky you even gained any sectors. That hutt had you over a gundark pit and you are fool if you think that hutt would let you control all of his sectors while he was ‘away’. As for the girl, no. She is not a Jedi nor a miraluka. She wears the cloth to hide her scars as she had her eyes cut out at a young age.” He takes my left arm gently and tugs on me. His plan flows into my thoughts and I understand what he wants me to do. I feign a slight trip and give a small gasp to improve his plan. Rosco actually buys it, I can see the pity on his face and he opens his mouth to say something but Darryl interrupts him. “Was there a point to this special visit you so... gracefully have paid me?” He says it with such finesse. As if he knew this would happen. Almost as if he knew everything would happen like this. Who is this man?

Rosco doesn’t seem to be pleased by being interrupted. He turns around, starting back towards where he came from, I can see his men pass him to follow behind him.  

“Don’t think you have won Darryl. I’m just one of many who hold a grudge against you.” and with that, he disappears behind the corner with his men. I turn my head to face Darryl and he stares at where Rosco disappeared from and then finally looks back at me.

“Sorry about that. I did mention that I had a... bad rep here. Though, I wasn’t really expecting him to show up at all. I don’t know why; this is his sector.” His arm is still linked with mine. I feel the jolt again but only slightly as pain shoots down my arm and I pull it away slowly, to cradle it against my chest. “Oh, right.” He puts a hand behind his head seeming embarrassed, “Sorry about that too.” He’s about to comfort me but thinks twice about it, shaking his head.  

“It’s okay. I’ll be fine.” I let my breath out slowly and let go of my arm, the pain subsiding to just a dull sting. Then I turn to face him again, “I uh... I thought you didn’t want me to read your thoughts?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking him. He looks almost complacent.  

“Ah... Yes, well, you did say it was like I was thinking out loud so I took a calculated chance and it looks like it paid off.” He smirks now, “Nice touch with the gasp by the way. I didn’t plan for that. You surprised me.” He starts walking towards where Rosco came from and I follow behind him.  

“I thought it would help with the uh... story you came up with. I could feel that he... wanted me... in more ways than just selling me.” I shiver uncontrollably this time. I can tell he tenses a little but keeps walking.

“Yes... I figured that would happen. Rosco is known in this sector to be a bit... greedy with women. Any type of women, and if he likes them, he will keep them but if someone will pay for them, he sells them. He’s not the kindest man here, but certainly not the worst.”

“I could tell...”

“Come on, let’s get those parts for your ship quickly so we can leave quickly.”

[sweetsameli]

Finding My Balance

Prologue

Packing away my clothes, I look around my small apartment, wondering if I'll ever see it again. I let out a long sigh and thought it would be best not to think about frivolous things such as that. I hear my door alert ring out and I want to ignore it. I know who it is. I’m not sure if I’m ready to talk to my colleagues quite yet. The door alert rings again and I sigh, again.  

“It’s unlocked, you may enter.” I say loudly enough for them to hear. The door slides open and there standing in the doorway are Aydgage, Reneji, and Ly’lis. They are all dressed in similar Jedi robes, covering the rest of whatever they are wearing underneath, although I’m pretty sure it’s the same as all other Jedi attire. They walk in and sit in the chairs that are placed near one of the windows in the apartment.

“Are you really going to leave while we are in the middle of this heated discussion between the council and Revan? What if a war breaks out? Will you come back?” Ly’lis speaks first. She’s messing around with her headdress that conforms to her yellow tinted skin; it looks like it was not put on properly and is now bothering one of her head tendrils. She once told me that being a Twi’lek is hard sometimes, especially being the daughter of the current matriarch on Ryloth.  

“If you do come back, which side would you even choose?” Aydgage says. His white hair is glaring from the sun beam coming in from the window. His white eyes seem like they aren’t even looking at me but the way his head is facing makes it seems like he is starring in my direction; not that I can say anything. I have no eyes to even move around. Even Arkanian’s have eyes to use. I’m only slightly jealous.

“ I don’t know...” is all I can manage to say. It’s not like me to be so...indecisive. I thought I knew my path, turns out that I still don’t.  

“That’s not like you, Brelow” Reneji says. He crosses his arms in front of his broad chest and his human features show slight concern for me, “you’ve always stuck to your path, what has changed this time?” I hate it that I feel this way, it’s uneasy and it grinds against my mind the wrong way. I look at him at again but his expression hasn’t changed.  

“Revan...he...” I let out annoyed sigh. Not that I'm annoyed at his question, no. More that I’m annoyed at myself that I don’t know how to answer the question without producing more questions from them. I sit on my bed, letting my head hang. “I believe I understand where he is coming from but at the same time though, it feels...like the force wants me...to do something else. And I can’t be here to find that out with a possible war about to happen. You guys know how much I hate not knowing something without knowing all the facts.”

“And? Why not hear more of Revan’s teachings? He has learned so much from the Mandalorian war. You could stay and learn from him. I don’t understand why you are leaving and searching your ‘feelings’...this is more important!” Aydgage raises his voice, standing up to come closer to me, “You are...my best friend. I don’t want you to leave...” he looks like he wants to hug me, but he only folds his arms across his chest. Reneji looks at him.  

“Mind your feelings Aydgage. We don’t want the masters to question our loyalty.” He says in a calm demeanor. Aydgage shoots him a glare.  

“I don’t care. Let them think what they want.” He glares at Reneji more intensely now.  

“Gentlemen, please. This is about other matters?” Ly’lis intervenes, going to stand in between the two before they start a fight. I look away, knowing already how Aydgage feels about me. I shield my thoughts and feelings though, getting up to finish packing.  

“Well, hopefully a war doesn’t break out then. I’ll try to be back soon.” I look back at them and try to smile but unsure if it showed sincerity. “Trust in the force, my friends.” I finally say. Reneji stands up finally and we all bow to each other.  

“May the force be with you,” Ly’lis says, “and may we see you again.” She leaves, followed by Reneji who relays the same message. I smile at them and repeat back what they say. Aydgage, though, stays standing there looking out the window. I walk over to him slowly, about to put my hand on his shoulder, but thought better of it.  

“Aydgage, please. I know that ‘searching feelings’ always felt frivolous to you but to me...my feelings have always helped me with my decisions and you know that.” His feelings wash over me like a wave but quickly disappear before I could tell what they were. He turns around and grasps my hand.  

“I know...I...I just...I don’t want you to get hurt or...lose your way back to...me.” He’s getting closer, whispering the last bit.

“Aydgage...you know we can’t-”

“Shh” He leans in closer, getting close to my lips, his breath hot and sweet smelling. I hitch in my breathing. My feelings overwhelming me for a minute. Then he pulls away before he touches his lips to mine. He looks at me with longing, then kisses my forehead. “May the force be with you, and may you come back to me, safely.” he rumbles against my forehead. Then he pulls away, holding my hand for a second then leaves, slightly pulling my hand with and letting it fall. The door shuts behind him and I’m left with more confused feelings. We aren’t supposed to have passion or attachments yet Aydgage felt he needed to bend those rules around me. He used to view me as a rival when I first arrived at the Jedi temple and started training. Then as the years went on, I could sense him devolving feelings for me. It didn’t help that I kind of flirted with him. Arkanians aren’t known for really wanting to hang out with other species but it was nice knowing that he viewed me as someone worthy of hanging out with.  

I shake my head. Thinking of the past won’t help me either. I grab my robes, putting them on, hooking my lightsaber to my belt and grabbing my pack. I head to the door, turning around and taking one last look at the dull grey room and turn to leave.  

I head to the hanger when Master Dauula walks over to me. He matches my stride. His hands are clasped behind his back and the one eye stock I see is half closed. His head is poking further up than his eye stock. Dauula’s skin matches his brown Jedi robes. He is a little darker than most Rataka, which allows him to camouflage well in the forest or the desert at night.  

“So, I hear you are leaving the temple? In search of some ancient Jedi texts? To help you better understand your conflicted feelings of what Revan has been saying?” his tone is deep but also meaningful.  

“Yes master. I plan to hopefully clear out the mess my feelings have somehow gotten me into.” He puts a hand on my shoulder and I stop walking.  

“I understand, little one.” He smiles slightly but his face grows dark, “but be cautious. I sense a storm brewing within the Jedi Order. Be mindful. The trials you face will be difficult but you must continue on this path. I will keep you updated on what is happening here.”

“I will master Dauula. And thank you. For understanding.”

“It is not my place to judge one's feelings when new information and opinions come about. Just remember your training and you will persevere.” He lets go of my shoulder and bows. “May the force watch over you.”

“And to you.” I bow back. He stays standing there as I keep walking into the hanger bay, heading to my ship. I throw my bag in through the open cockpit lid and hop in afterwards. I start up the engines and the canopy starts to come down. I see Master Dauula standing where I left him and just out of my view, I see Aydgage with longing in his eyes. I tilt my head down to look at my hands, Please understand Aydgage... I tilt my head back up again and start the process to leave the hanger bay. Setting in my coordinates to the first place my research brought up, I leave the planets’ atmosphere entering vast space and jump into hyperspace.