sylvie-onii

[sylvie-onii]

more resources here

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New critter just dropped

Believe it or not this is still a wip lol

[sylvie-onii]

Happy Birthday Izuku Midoriya! 🥳

[sylvie-onii]

sketches of current favorite evil pretty meow meow. he bites and scratches and hisses and is generally unpleasant to be around.

[sylvie-onii]

is it weird for me to think that both the pro and anti endo communities are equally flawed and i dislike the both of them equally.

Lets talk about why!

DISCLAIMER: this is in no way to take to one side or the other. I dislike both sides for different reasons, but im more inclined to the did/osdd community since Ive been more involved and im suspected to have osdd-1b specifically. Ive done alot of research but this is in no way to be any form of educational mental health information. im NOT a professional, and this is my personal opinion as someone whos been involved in the system community specifically for years.

first of all,

i think endos are responsible for spreading alot of misinformation and are capable of generating toxic communities that do more harm than good, while also acknowledging anti endos are capable of doing the exact same thing, and also being extremely hateful aswell as yelling at others/spreading hate or attacking people. which is never okay to do.

it feels weird being in the middle of both ideals and not to really care about either side. but i will say i do not fully understand or definitively feel or think a certian way about endos, i can comprehend why they might exist , but there's no way for anyone to tell anybody else whos valid or isnt especially when thats a subjective construct thats opinionated and heavily misinformed.

HOWEVER what I do belive, is that plural systems should stick to their own space and make it explicitly clear that they do not have did/osdd . or alledgedly flooding fourms/tags in relation to disordered systems, with information thats not applicable to individuals with did/osdd. as people are claiming that theyre doing.

however i do think endos or plurals have a right to exist and do whatever they want because i dont care enough to go out of my way to really discuss about topics such as these most of the time , and im not a system centered blog. i have cdd, ive been recognized for my dissociation, ptsd, and my other mental health struggles, its not anyones buisness to know if im diagnosed or undiagnosed, or what specifically is "wrong" with me, how i function, or what im labeled as. im simply myself. and I have very little say in how anyone else lives their life.

The issues I have with the system/plural community are purely personal but i feel as though they might be relateable to anybody else, which is why im even making this or making my opinion known. I barely see people be neutral on either conversation, or understanding both sides. I feel like this conversation isnt as simple as some talking points make it seem like, stating that "being a system can be defined with just having more than one identity states/or people in your brain". which is a description i disagree with, its definetly more complicated than that, and theres more to consider when having a conversation about the spectrum of dissociation, or why plurality isnt disordered. its HIGHLY complicated/varied from what i know and theres alot i dont understand, but what i do understand is that this understanding of plurality seems extremely simplistic, which shouldnt be treated as like factual information when explaining something complex and not black and white.

but i also disagree with ignoring or thinking dissociation is only possible through "one way." there are multiple reasons as to why or how did happens, individuals who undergo severe repeated trauma, dont always develop did or osdd, or people who go through "less severe trauma" (even though that categorization should not exist) will and can develop did or osdd. the way trauma affects the brain is subjective, and every system functions differently and everyone processes information in their own way. this does not mean most plural systems intentionally wish to harm the did/osdd community, or are genuinely maliciously trying to portray being a system as a fun and silly preformance. that's just unrealistic. clearly something is occuring that we don't fully understand, and its important to feel emotionally against this discussion, because both sides are repeatedly invalidating and saying everything over the other. and its an emotionally heated discussion because of the weight and suffering that occurs when you have cdd / did/osdd or any mental illness. this doesn't mean you cant have fun or you cant enjoy your life with mental illness. my main issue with endogenetics is that they come across as tone deaf and do say things like "the future is plural" which sounds like to everyone else that might be less educated, that endos want people to have systems even though theyre distressing and are caused through repeated trauma that can be absolutely horrific. this is what the brain felt like it had to do to survive. some individuals with did feel little joy or feel excluded because of how their disorder might function. it is not all positive. not everyone will agree with the endogenetic agenda especially with the context of how did/osdd originate , and the long span of time that it takes for people to recover. and the trauma that comes from first of all developing and then living with the disorder.

in conclusion, it is extremely important that we do not send any harassment or death threats, or display unexcuseable behavior twoards one community or the other, its important to hear from both sides even if you dont agree with them, and its important to be considerate of other peoples experiences, and filter out tags from communities that upset you. curating your own experience on the internet is extremely reccomended by multiple people, and blocking out tags that might make one uncomfortable or upset is a form of self care, please take care of yourself. its also imporant to remeber to understand not everyone will agree or follow this advice, since everyone is different. building thick skin and not giving mind to hurtful things that people say is an important trait to develop, you dont deserve to be harassed or spoken over or sent horrible things for wishing to talk about your disorder/talk about your identity.

lets learn to love everyone and respect eachothers space and experiences ♡

thank you for reading.

[sylvie-onii]

@kingsillysmilez wee!

[sylvie-onii]

You're not invalid if you have less alters than some. You're not invalid if your trauma "wasn't as bad" as others. You're not invalid if your introjects are not alters "of" people. You're not invalid if you want fusion or integration. You're not invalid if you don't like to call yourself a system. You're not invalid if you prefer to call alters parts. You're not invalid if you have poor communication. You're not invalid if you don't know everything about your alters. You're not invalid if you're the opposite of anything here either.

You are not invalid just because you don't fit into newer DID community standards. Your disorder is still real even if the community can be toxic towards you. You are still valid.

[sylvie-onii]

Changing mindsets, from a Real Anti Endo™️

The Release of the (Pro/Endo) Golden Goose

I hope everyone from all sides will give this important, heartfelt post a read.

It's likely something you'll want to be aware of if you have a vested interest in syscourse and the validity of endogenic systems. Please give this a chance.

It's been almost three years since I started my blogs. Wow. I've been on tumblr a hell of a lot longer, but I really wasn't involved in the system community. I started out firm and loud. I probably inadvertently fakeclaimed (I went into this with the rule that I would NOT directly tell anyone they were faking, it was a boundary that I knew would ruin me socially if I crossed it, but I'm sure I probably did without meaning to), I name called and made fun of people and things. I was disrespectful to people. I invaded tags to get my message out there, though I was quick to stop once I realized I was making the tags unusable for the community I claimed to want to protect.

I learned very quickly what was appropriate and what wasn't, what I could get away with and what I couldn't. It started to become a numbers game, influenced by the risk of the post.

I made a lot of friends and a lot of enemies, and I amassed a following of over 2k. More people have come and gone from my little community than I ever thought possible. People made fanart of me, and I cherish those so deeply. I have over 300 asks because I struggle to delete the ones thanking me.

And the more I was thanked, the nicer I got, the more thanks, the nicer I got, rinse and repeat until I had trouble NOT empathizing with pro/endos. The more I was willing to listen, the more legitimate sources I came across that disproved my original ideas about consciousness. The people sharing the sources were more respectful than I thought they'd be. Things were starting to look a bit cloudy.

I talked to my colleagues about how they, as therapists, would handle some of these endos in their practice, and while their belief in the concept varied, kindness and attempts to understand was the consistent answer. When had I lost that kindness and understanding that had driven me to that field to begin with?

Colleagues, yes. For those who don't know, I have a degree in social services and counselling (plus three other degrees). It's why the current situation with the antis turning on me is so funny. I still can't get into the mindset of some of these new anti endos, I just can't imagine justifying that level of cruelty. I had lines that I wouldn't cross, and I didn't think people could be worse than me.

... That might have been a trauma thing, looking back on it.

So I got desperate.

I spoke to the actual doctors who wrote some of these papers all of us are quoting. Everyone was arguing the meaning of the words, so I went directly to the source.

Dr Colin Ross, who wrote about endogenous multiplicity in the 80s. I told him everything-- about plurals, non-traumagenic systems, syscourse, what was being debated, how I and others interpreted his words, and what I wanted to learn.

Was plurality only trauma based?

And back and forth and back and forth we went, with me asking over and over again in different ways, NEEDING to hear that it was.

But I never got that answer. He meant what he meant. He said what he said and he meant it.

That plurality was not only found in the aftermath of trauma.

And I said nothing to anyone because I couldn't reconcile it.

Don't try to read between the lines, I assure you, there isn't some hidden meaning to be found there. I can't share all of the messages because some contained personal information, but my final response will tell you all you need to know.

(It did NOT, in fact, make sense, and it took me three years to "rethink my paper" that endogenic plurality wasn't possible, I did not win that conversation, it was a dying stance that was not supported)

I've been accused of paying too much attention to my follower count, but I can't really help it. It's really scary when you make a post and see a sizeable drop. It means a lot of different things. My posts have less reach and support. I've upset people. I've done something wrong. My community is leaving me.

I'm in a weird spot, where I'm blocked by so much of the pro/endo community that I have nothing to join, and the anti endo community, who I still wholeheartedly support, continues to leave me for -checks smudged writing on hand- being too nice??

Misinformation about DID is a massive problem, and it's why I still consider myself anti endo and support that community. I relate to them in such a way that I'll always gravitate to and empathize with them.

Or at least, that's what I thought.

At this point, though, how can I not be pro/endo when Colin fucking Ross says it's possible?

I've already written about how I'm really struggling with these labels, and I love the people that have stuck around while I struggle to figure this out.

I hurt when I see the people that once supported me leave.

My (online) world is shrinking. Literally.

That's scary.

When you've watched so many turn away, you start to wonder, with every post, where is the line where the rest are going to leave? Is it this post?

I just want to be me, us, we want to laugh at the stupid crap people say, system or not, I want to talk about my disorder, I want to combat misinformation, I want to have productive, fun conversations about ideas and concepts with people who disagree and have different interpretations. I want to play devil's advocate and get people thinking. I want to be able to comment positivity and kindness on any post I see, I want to feel comfortable talking to more people about their ideas. I sympathize with anti endos, I relate to CDD systems, I still firmly believe that CDDs and plurality are different, unrelated concepts.

My priority will always and forever be the CDD community first and foremost.

However, I am a hypocrite. I have gone straight to the horse's mouth and failed. I've seen so much research that I finally get it. I'm grappling with holding on to this conversation with Dr Ross, wondering what harm I could have prevented if I'd gone public with these emails earlier.

Since when has being open to change been a bad thing?

Since when has showing respect to lived experiences been a bad thing?

What am I? What label describes this?

How do I go forward from here?

What are you going to do with this information?

I promise you, hate isn't the way forward.

[sylvie-onii]

Hot take I do not care if endos do whatever. Like cool. But don’t use medical terms for it. Don’t insist that a post-traumatic coping mechanism and a “non-disordered non-traumatic” experience is the same. Call yourself a grouping, use we/us, say you have other states of being, or other beings, or brain dudes, idrc. Just keep it out of a group of trauma survivors. Keep it away from a disorder with heavy symptoms of denial. Don’t say you can just choose to be a system, or say stuff about system hopping to other brains.

[sylvie-onii]

50% of syscourse would be solved by understanding that the symptoms of your DID are usually directly influenced by the traumatic environment that caused the DID to begin with, and different people with DID having completely different symptoms or fitting different archetypes is just how the disorder works

your brain does not go through a pen-and-paper checklist deciding if you're a overt or covert system, or if your alters are parts or people, or if your introjects are anime characters or factives of your abusers, or if being a system is 100% misery or sometimes silly, or if your innerworld is completely utilitarian or feels like an extension of real life, or if your littles are normal adults or have the mental capacity of actual children, et cetera et cetera

brains are stupid and irrational and when it's put under the extreme stress of a traumatic environment that it is not equipped to cope with, sometimes it'll just do whatever the fuck it thinks will work. someone's system being different to yours is not a personal insult, it's people online being human beings who have complex histories that you will never know the full unfiltered details of

[sylvie-onii]

Y'all really need to learn about DID more outside the context of alters. DID is not just "disordered plurality" - It is a developmental disorder, an attachment disorder, a posttraumatic stress disorder. It is comorbid with many other issues, such as somatic pain syndromes, physical health issues, and a variety of mental illnesses. It is a complex organization of symptoms related to the disrupted healthy development of a child, both in terms of their body and their mind. It is not just about the alters.

[sylvie-onii]

what people get wrong about systems

a system is not “multiple people in one body” it can feel like that sometimes, but it is fundamentally multiple fragmented identities that make up one whole person divided by dissociation and often amnesia. Simplifying plurality as “multiple people in one body” fundamentally misunderstands what a system even is and why it formed.

[sylvie-onii]

two kris drawings I didnt rlly know if i wanted to post I can't tell if I like or dislike them 😮‍💨 I wanna get good at drawing that armor though I feel like I haven't quite figured them out

[sylvie-onii]

one of the most important things about dissociative identity disorder and generally being a system that i wish people would understand is that it truly isn’t as cut and dry as it may seem for member count.

you’ll see people who say they have “six alters” and then immediately assume it’s six fully fleshed out equal individuals with no confusion or fuzziness regarding identity. that’s simply not true in a majority of cases, as i have seen.

most systems still VERY much deal with confusion regarding potential splits, go through dissociative episodes where they’re unsure of who they are, sometimes feel no attachment towards any identities, feel like they might have split and then suddenly that person is gone, unsure if alters they haven’t heard from often have gone dormant, not sure how to react when alters do come out of dormancy, etc.

it’s not a fun feeling and it’s genuinely unfair in certain situations to force systems to list every single alter to you with full certainty, as if it will never change. because it will. for so many different reasons, systems will grow, they will shrink, they will fuse, they will develop. you can’t expect the person with the dissociative disorder and lack of core identity to be able to keep up a perfected list of forever, it’s simply impossible. you may have alters who stick with you, but that doesn’t mean changes won’t happen.

and systems who may be reading this — please don’t feel bad. you are not a hassle, you are not a headache, and you are not an inconvenience for simply coping with something like this. it’s out of your control and the only thing you can do is continue to cope to find ways to help yourself retrain from these reactions. please don’t allow yourself to be harmed by others who don’t understand what you are going through. there are people who will accept and love you for who you are, all of you.

past, present, and future.

[sylvie-onii]

"relax"

[sylvie-onii]

matching nerds 💚🧡

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because it is awesome

Why the fuck is Bakudeku trending in 2025????