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eggluverz · 9 months

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— STARRY NIGHT BAKERY

PAIRING. baker!dan heng x gn!reader

GENRE. bakery au!!!, modern au, fluff

CW. jealousy (a bit from dh)

WC. 3,901

SUMMARY. in which the cute baker down the street catches your eye and you decide to become a regular to keep seeing him.

NOTE. ahh this is prob my fav thing i’ve written on this blog so far AHSDKFK dan heng…as a baker…wearing apron…and rolled up sleeves showing his nice arms…kneading dough…I’M MELTING :> pls enjoy i hope u love baker dh as much as me mwhahaha

A light breeze blew across your face as you walked down the concrete pavement of the city. Small shops lined the streets as you went for your morning walk to get some fresh air before your busy day started.

You were headed to a chain coffee shop, figuring you couldn’t go wrong with a latte to kickstart your morning. However, as you walked along the humming streets, you smelled a pleasant aroma of sweets and strawberries coming from an opened bakery door.

The bakery had a artistic yet classic look to it. The doors were full glass with golden handles and golden trimmings. The words “Starry Night Bakery” were draped on the top of the building in a bold, cursive font. Elegant, but not overly embellished as to where it was difficult to read.

The inside was brightly lit, but the walls and countertop were where the name of the bakery really showed itself. You were immediately drawn to it, walking in before you could fully comprehend what you were doing.

“Good morning,” you greeted as you spotted someone placing pastries behind the glass display case.

He paused what he was doing to look over at you. “Good morning. Welcome to Starry Night Bakery.”

You watched as he finished placing the freshly baked muffins on the display racks. He had a name tag with the words “Dan Heng” written in the same font as the one used in front of the building.

As he headed over to the cash register, you took note of the way his sleeves were folded over to reveal his forearms. They were slim, yet muscular enough that you noticed some veins showing through. His white button up was covered by a dark blue apron, wind and stars painted on the front canvas.

“You haven’t been here before, correct?” he said, unable to recognize your face.

You shook your head. “That’s right, this is my first time.”

“Let me know if you need any help on deciding what to get,” he offered, the smallest hint of a smile on his lips. “My name’s Dan Heng, by the way.”

“Y/N!” you said cheerily. You looked over at the display case and examined all the pastries. They all seemed so good you didn’t know which to choose. “What do you recommend?”

“The strawberry croissant is our most popular item—and it happens to be my favorite as well.”

“I’ll go with that then!” You looked at the menu to see if they also had a latte similar to the one you were originally going to start your day with. “And can I also have a caramel latte with oat milk, please?”

Dan Heng nodded, pressing some buttons on the cash register. “Coming right up.”

You tapped your card and made sure to include a hefty tip before making your way over to one of the tables to wait for your order. The chairs were soft and cushioned; it seemed like a nice place to sit and enjoy your small meal instead of eating it on the go. Life seemed to favor those who moved fast and hustled non-stop. Sitting and eating at this bakery would be a great way to encourage yourself to be more mindful of that. Plus, it didn’t hurt that the handsome baker was in here to keep you company.

Instead of calling out your order to pick up at the counter like you assumed, Dan Heng placed a steaming mug and a perfectly plated strawberry croissant on the table in front of you.

“I have your caramel, oat milk latte and strawberry croissant here,” he said, placing some napkins next to the plate. “Please let me know if you want any sugar or creamer for your latte.”

“I will, thank you so much!”

You expected him to walk back behind the counter, but he stood there, looking at you expectantly. You looked back at him, eyes wide, but figured he probably wanted to see your reaction to his favorite pastry.

“Mmm,” you said, picking up the cream-filled croissant, “it smells so good.”

You took a generous bite of the pastry and instantly felt a burst of strawberry and cream in your mouth. The croissant itself was warm and flaky, the perfect vessel for the sweetness of the light filling. You instantly wanted another bite as soon as you swallowed the first.

A sigh of happiness escaped your lips as you smiled between bites. “Somehow, it tastes even better than it smells.”

Dan Heng nodded, his eyes lighting up with pride. “I’m glad you enjoyed. I’ll be in the kitchen, but if you need anything, you can ring the bell at the front counter.”

“Will do! Thank you for recommending this to me.”

“No worries.”

He left you alone at your table to enjoy your snack. A latte seemed to be the perfect companion for this strawberry cream croissant, so you took a long-awaited sip. It was strong and sweet, but you still wanted more sweetness. You were going to ask Dan Heng if you could add a bit of creamer to your cup.

Taking another bite of the croissant, you gathered your latte in your hands and stood up to walk to the counter.

The first sight you saw was Dan Heng in the kitchen—it was an open concept with glass windows that let the customers look into the preparation and baking areas. He had a small streak of flour on his cheek as he worked on kneading the dough with his hands. The image of Dan Heng folding and working the dough grew larger as you walked closer to the counter. You noticed the smaller details, such as another flour streak on the tip of his hair, and the tightening of the muscles on his arms as he kneaded the dough.

You especially noticed his strong forearms being put to use and you got lost in your admiration for his craft. So focused on the sight of Dan Heng, you didn’t notice what was right in front of you.

“Oh, no!” you gasped, feeling your full cup tip over as you crashed onto the countertop and lurched forward. You were able to stop yourself from faceplanting, but it was too late to save the latte from being spilt.

At the sound of your cry, Dan Heng looked around in concern, placing his dough in a bowl and hiding it away in a drawer. He spotted you with an ashamed look on your face and headed over immediately.

“Y/N? Is everything okay?” His concerned gaze switched between your embarrassed face and the unmissable spill on the counter.

“I’m so sorry,” you said in a hurry, reaching for some napkins nearby and attempting to clean up your mess. “I stood up to ask for creamer and I wasn’t looking at where I was going and I walked right into the counter…”

He placed his hand over yours to stop your futile attempts at cleaning the big spill up. He pulled out a rag that was strategically hung behind the cash register and wiped the latte up.

“Accidents happen, don’t worry about it,” said Dan Heng, trying to console you. You watched guiltily as he finished wiping the countertop down. “This is surprisingly not the first time this has happened, so don’t look so down.”

That wasn’t susprising. If anyone else were to lay their eyes on such an alluring sight, you reckoned they most likely crashed while staring too.

“Okay,” you said with a nod. “I’m really sorry about the mess, but thank you for being so kind.”

He waved it off.

As the morning went on, more customers came into the bakery to grab breakfast before work. You waved to Dan Heng as you gathered your belongings and got ready to continue on with your day and he waved back with a small smile.

Despite the small mishap, you knew you had fallen in love with this place and would go back again soon.

˖⁺‧₊˚❀˚₊‧⁺˖

Over the weeks, you found yourself frequenting Starry Night Bakery whenever you were free. Before work, after work, sometimes even on the weekend when you found yourself craving their strawberry croissants.

You ended up getting to know the bakers more—mainly Dan Heng but you also met March 7th and Caelus. You learned that Dan Heng was a big reader who enjoyed anything from fiction romance to nonfiction philosophy and everything in between. He loved history but he was open to entertaining conspiracy theories to explore other perspectives. And, he made the best strawberry croissants.

Today, you entered the bakery in the late morning on a weekend.

“Hi, Y/N!” March 7th greeted you as soon as you walked in the doors.

“Good morning!” you chirped, heading over to the counter. March 7th was currently behind the register while Dan Heng was behind the glass walls of the kitchen. He looked up at the noise and when you made eye contact, he waved at you with a smile. You waved back happily.

She noticed the two of your exchanging glances and grinned. “Dan Heng! Switch places with me; I want to make the pastries. You can take Y/N’s order.”

Dan Heng’s cheeks tinged pink as he wiped his hands off on a clean towel. When he walked over to the cash register, March 7th gave him a big wink.

“Oh, no, it’s okay actually!” you said to the both of them before they could finish switching roles. “I’m not ordering yet. I’m waiting for someone to join me first!”

You had been raving about this bakery to your friends since you first had a bite of their pastries, and Gepard wanted to taste it for himself. The two of you happened to both be free this weekend, so you invited him to get some croissants with you.

Dan Heng nodded. “Okay, when you’re ready just let us know.”

“Thank you.” You smiled, but instead of finding a table for you and Gepard, you loitered around Dan Heng. “Have you read anything interesting recently?”

His countenance brightened at your interest. “Yes, I recently picked something up on Nikolas Tesla and his fascination with pyramids and energy. Modern scholars seem to agree those theories are more pseudoscience than anything else, but it’s interesting to understand his train of thought.”

“Oh! I’ve heard a conspiracy theory like that before. Something about how the Pyramids could have been energy generators…”

As Dan Heng was about to reply, the front door chimed opened. You turned and saw a tall, blonde-haired man walk in.

“Gepard!” you exclaimed, signaling him over.

His eyes scanned the interior of the bakery before they landed on you. “Y/N! This place looks really nice.”

“Doesn’t it?”

You bounced over to him, leading him to your favorite booth. It was against a wall covered in an interpretation of the infamous Starry Night painting. You always looked at the decor in awe, wondering how they managed to keep the ambiance so bright despite the night sky theme.

“Stay here, I’ll order us the food! My treat,” you said with a grin.

Gepard immediately shook his head. “I should be the one treating you.”

You gave him a stern look of refusal. “I invited you here, so I’ll pay.”

He laughed, his eyes crinkling at your determination. “Okay. Next time, I’ll invite you somewhere then.”

“That would be acceptable,” you teased. “Now, wait here.”

As you headed over to the cash register where Dan Heng stood—not too far from your booth—you noticed the slight frown on his face.

“Hi again! I’m ready to order now,” you said cheerfully.

“Okay. Ready.”

Your smile faltered. “Um— Right, I’ll have two strawberry croissants, a chocolate chip muffin, and a blueberry muffin, please!”

Gepard loved blueberry muffins, after all. And as much as the bakery’s strawberry croissants were the best on the menu, their muffins were more than delightful as well.

Dan Heng nodded, noticeably averting eye contact the moment your gaze met his. You quirked your head to the side, confused and slightly concerned. “It’ll be ready soon.”

“Alright, thank you,” you said softly. You hesitated, shuffling from side-to-side. “Are you feeling okay?”

His eyes widened slightly, a brief look of guilt crossing his face. “Yes, I just got a little tired there, I’m sorry.”

You nodded in understanding. “Oh! I get that. It must be a difficult job moving around so much.”

Feeling a little awkward, you started to headed back to Gepard, but not before you heard March 7th loudly whisper a, “What are you doing?!” to Dan Heng.

You hoped you weren’t the reason Dan Heng felt upset or tired, but you figured it’d be best to let him process and cool off on his own. Besides, you had Gepard here to catch up with.

The two of you chatted and laughed as you told stories about work and friends. He told you about a blind date his sister set him up on that went miserably, you mentioned some new hobbies you’ve been trying to get into. The strawberry croissants were just as amazing as always and Gepard enjoyed them as well.

But throughout your meal, you couldn’t help but notice Dan Heng’s gaze occasionally on you. And apparently, so did Gepard.

“Are you guys together?” Gepard murmured under his breath. “He keeps looking this way.”

You shook your head. “Together? No, we’re not.”

He grinned, leaning in closer to your ear. “He’s looking pretty jealous for someone who’s not dating you.”

Immediately, you turned to look at the front counter, only to make accidental eye contact with Dan Heng. His eyes widened and heat rose up to your cheeks. You almost gave yourself whiplash as you averted your gaze to the man in front of you.

He stifled a laugh at the crazed expression on your face. “Why did you look right at him?”

“What was I supposed to do after you said that?! I wanted to see for myself,” you said helplessly, hiding behind your hands. “He’s going to think I’m weird now, great.”

“He wouldn’t have even noticed if he weren’t looking at you in the first place,” reasoned Gepard. He took the last bite of his blueberry muffin and offered you some advice. “You can take this with a grain of salt since I haven’t seen the two of you interact regularly, but he definitely seems interested. And if my gut is correct, so are you.”

You didn’t even bother denying it. How could you when the first day you saw Dan Heng you spilled an entire cup of coffee on the counter because you were busy gawking at his arms? Now that, you did not tell Gepard. Even you had some shame.

“Well, if you do decide to do anything, just know I’m rooting for you!”

You laughed through your embarrassment, still grateful for his support. “I’ve been wanting to… But we’ll see.”

Gepard patted your head affectionately and you grinned as you swatted his hands away. You appreciated your friend for giving you a boost of confidence. Maybe this was just the push you needed to express your interest to Dan Heng.

˖⁺‧₊˚❀˚₊‧⁺˖

The sky was blue and bright as you walked the city streets this morning to head over to your usual spot. The weather was warm out despite the day just starting and you basked in the bright sunlight.

Today was a good day. And it was going to get even better. Because you were going to talk to Dan Heng about feelings. Your feelings, his feelings, all the things you were afraid to say.

You realized that sounded a bit too dramatic. It wasn’t as if you were confessing your love or asking him to be your husband— You simply wanted to express that you started liking him and wanted to explore the potential of dating. There was nothing to fear!

At least, that’s what you kept repeating to yourself as you opened the door to Starry Night Bakery. You took a deep breath, trying to act normal. After all, you were here first and foremost to get some breakfast and enjoy the bakers’ company. You should focus on enjoying your morning and talking to your bakery friends, then things with Dan Heng would come naturally to you. You hoped.

When the door chimed open, you spotted both Dan Heng and March 7th at the front counter. March 7th was placing the pastries in the display case while Dan Heng restocked the napkins.

“Hi, Y/N!” March 7th greeted, looking up when she heard you enter. “How’s your morning been?”

You brightened up the moment you saw her. “Great! It’s so nice out? How was your guys’ morning so far?”

“Also good! We tried a new combination of flavors for our cream croissants. You should try one! On the house.”

You beamed, excited at the prospect of being the first to taste one of their new creations. You were certain it’d taste amazing. “I’d love that!” After a pause, you focused your attention on Dan Heng, looking at him expectantly. “And how are you?”

“I’ve been good,” he said with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

You weren’t sure why he seemed sad, but you knew you wanted to see him feel better. A moment of silence passed by before you asked a question you knew he normally loved answering. “Did you learn anything interest recently?”

He nodded. “Yes, but I already told March 7th.”

You pursed your lips, your stomach dropping. “Oh. Okay.”

March 7th looked between the two of you, shaking her head as she slowly escaped to the kitchen area, leaving you and Dan Heng alone. You shifted your weight from foot to foot, trying to find ways to fill the awkward silence you were not yet accustomed to with Dan Heng.

“Have you ever wondered what a cloud would feel like?” was the first thing you thought to blurt out. The clouds were big and fluffy during your walk earlier, so it was only natural that was the first place your mind went to.

He cracked a smile—a tiny, but real one this time—at that. “Unfortunately, they wouldn’t feel as soft as they appear. Clouds are vaporized water, after all. I believe it would feel like a steam of sorts. But if you were to touch one high enough, you’d likely feel ice droplets.”

You listened to him eagerly. You were sad the answer wasn’t “as fluffy as cotton candy!” but you were happy Dan Heng was talking to you normally.

“This is one of my favorite things about you,” you stated as if you were talking about the weather. “You never want to stop learning and growing and it shows on even small topics such as clouds. I could listen to you for hours, I think.”

If he was startled by your candor, he didn’t show it, instead examining you thoughtfully. “I enjoy listening to you as well.”

You grinned happily. “Then we always need to keep talking and listening to each other, okay?”

Dan Heng gave a hum of acknowledgement.

Feeling as if your friendship was back to normal, you felt more comfortable talking to him about whatever came to mind.

“By the way, Gepard said he loved the strawberry croissant yesterday! He said we’ll definitely eat here again!”

You expected Dan Heng to feel happy after hearing the compliment about his bakery, but instead, his countenance visibly fell. “Oh.”

You blinked. It seemed he didn’t like hearing about Gepard. Either he didn’t like Gepard—which was impossible, really—or he didn’t like that it was you mentioning him. You decided to carefully test your hypothesis by continuing to talk about him.

“He said he would love to try a mango version, actually!”

“I don’t think mango suits our pastries.”

You eyed the fruit tart with mango cubes on top. “Right…” A moment of silence passed between the two of you as you wondered what exactly was going on. You kept pushing. “Gerard liked the blueberry muffin.”

“We’ve been thinking of discontinuing that.”

You laughed in shock, not fully believing your ears. “Dan Heng! You are not actually considering taking the classic blueberry muffin off the menu.”

He gave a noncommittal shrug.

“Dan Heng,” you called again, voice singsongy. There was a look of mischief on your face. This wasn’t how you anticipated bringing this up, but it seemed like an opportunity had presented itself. “Are you jealous?”

You heard a squeal from the kitchen, but when you looked in the direction of the noise, the only thing you saw was a flash of pink hair ducking away from view. You turned back to Dan Heng. He looked lost in thought, his eyebrows furrowed as lips slightly downturned.

“I don’t know,” he said honestly. He paused. “I don’t know if I’m jealous of Gepard. But my chest feels tight, my body feels tense, and I feel upset at the thought of you and him together. If that is jealousy…then, yes.”

“Definitely sounds like jealousy to me!” cried March 7th, still hiding away in the other room.

Dan Heng’s face tinged pink and you started laughing at her antics.

“Dan Heng,” you said with a bright grin. “You don’t have to be jealous. Gepard is just a friend. And he can’t make the delicious strawberry croissants like you can. Trust me, I think you’re like…ultimate boyfriend material.”

You were only half-teasing, but you still meant every word you said.

He smiled and a look of relief washed over him. “You guys just seemed very happy together. I thought it was a date. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it! I’m just glad to have this cleared up.”

It felt like your body was buzzing in excitement. Not only did you clear up any potential awkwardness with Dan Heng, but you found out that he was jealous of Gepard. Now, it seemed like the next conclusion to reach was that he was jealous of Gepard because he was interested in you.

“So… Ultimate boyfriend material,” Dan Heng repeated your earlier words. “What exactly does that entail?”

You thought about it for a second. “In general, it’s someone dependable and trustworthy. For me in particular,” you said, eyeing him hopefully, “it’s all that plus a history and philosophy nerd. Plus, someone who can bake the best strawberry croissants. Maybe someone like you?”

He chuckled, taken aback by your straightforward response. You looked up at him, slowly batting your lashes. Crinkles formed on the side of his eyes as his smile widened. The mood was light and happy, and you felt like nothing in the world could bring you down.

“Care to find out if your assessment is correct?” he asked, extending a hand out for you to place yours in.

“I’d love to!” You nodded, feeling the warmth of his fingers on the palm of your hand. His thumb slowly ran across your knuckles and you felt your heart skip a beat. “Do you want to go on a date, Dan Heng?”

You held your breath as you waited for his response. He started off as a nice baker in a shop you ran into one random morning, then he became your friend, and now he was on the cusp of being something more. The story was sweeter than the cream in your strawberry croissant.

“With you?” said Dan Heng, giving your hand a gentle squeeze. “Always.”

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starcrossedxwriter · 6 months

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Built for Love Part 12 (MBJ x Famous Black OC)

A/N: Our favs are back!! And trying to recover from everything. Enjoy!!

***

“You know you don’t gotta hide looking at it, right?” Michael leaned over to mutter in her ear as he rounded their island to the sink.

Charlotte’s gaze fell to the side as she bowed her head in slight embarrassment at being caught examining the perfect rock on her finger.

It had been days since the proposal and she was still unaccustomed to it, the weight of it on her finger and the weight of what it meant to them both. She had spent countless nights fantasizing of what a life with Michael could be and now her fantasies were coming true. She constantly found her eyes drawn to it throughout the day as she questioned whether the proposal was really real or merely a dream.

They had not told a soul about their engagement yet, not even their families. While they wanted to share the exciting news with everyone, they felt this was not something they wanted to share over the phone. And they planned to go home to LA at the end of the month for Easter weekend as Charlotte had some time off. They also knew once they told their families, there was no guarantee they would be able to keep it secret for long. And they were not ready to tell the world just yet. Charlotte was still healing and reeling from Shaun’s attack and not used to being the center of social media debates and conversation or a hot topic on talk shows. And they knew their engagement would only draw more attention to her and them that they did not want just yet.

Tomorrow would be her first day back at work, and really her first time leaving their house for more than a walk around their neighborhood. Throughout the entire day, Michael would have been lying if he said a significant part of him had not hoped she would wake up and realize she needed more time to recover. And while skillful makeup and the facade of a performer would earn her praise on social media and in the media for returning to normal so quickly, in private things were still far from normal.

“Sorry,” she laughed. “I feel crazy but I can’t take my eyes off it, it’s fuckin’ gorgeous.”

Michael’s face lit up at her praise. He had picked well. “I know, I’ve caught you staring at it nonstop for the last couple days.”

“Well you did good.” She stood and kissed him on the cheek before walking over toward the couch to grab the remote. “Wanna watch another episode of Housewives before we head to bed? We’re so far behind on this season,” she grumbled to herself as she turned on their tv.

“Sure but first, we need to talk.”

Charlotte groaned, those were words no person in a relationship ever wanted to hear. And she knew exactly what he wanted to talk about. She and Michael rarely argued, she could count the number of them on one hand. However, she knew this one had been brewing slowly as her return to work drew closer. She was honestly surprised he let it go this long. Wishful thinking, she supposed, that he would not say anything at all.

“If it’s about what I think it’s about, then we already talked about it days ago and came to an agreement, Bakari. Hence the very scary former special forces white man that’s gonna play my shadow for months,” she mumbled in annoyance.

It was not that she did not understand the point of security, she did. But that did not stop her from resenting the fact that she needed it, this human barrier that sat her apart from the masses as if she were too important or too fragile. It felt unnecessary and ridiculous but acquiescing to this request was the only way Michael would agree to let go back to the theater so early. So her frustration seemed to double at the idea that he wanted to revisit this conversation after she already compromised.

“Well, I’d like to reopen the discussion.”

Charlotte rolled her eyes as she settled on the couch, her movements were still stiff, her body not fully healed but she felt well enough to perform. Unfortunately, her fiancée did not share her opinions on her healing process.

“I’m fine and I’m going back to work tomorrow. I agreed to have security at your insistence. There’s really nothing to discuss.”

“I disagree.” Michael’s arms were folded and his face stern as he perched on the arm of their sectional. “You’re still having nightmares and you’re still in pain. I mean can you even dance?”

Truth be told, he was shocked he was even having to fight her on this. He just knew she would get to the weekend and see how little her healing had progressed and ask for more time off. That she had taken his concerns for her well being and safety seriously and was going to change how she pushed herself to the limit. However, instead he found that she was dead set on it, rehearsing and preparing for work as if nothing was wrong. But in his opinion, everything was wrong.

While he would admit she was handling it better than he would have expected, she was still not ok. She was still in pain despite her attempts to hide it from him. She was far more jumpy than she ever was before. And aside from the night he proposed, she woke them both up with nightmares every single night. Some were marginally better than others but they were a reminder that while her physical injuries would heal in a linear fashion, her trauma would not. They were in for months of steps forward and steps backwards. And though he knew she could not realistically take months off, he wanted her to consider, at least, taking another week to get on stronger footing.

The engagement helped them both, provided some light and hope at the end of the tunnel and they both clung to it for dear life in their own ways. But he knew that was a fleeting feeling, the happiness and joy of the engagement would not be enough to overshadow the trauma and pain she felt forever, no matter how much she focused on that.

She sucked her teeth. “You know before you, I danced through a hell of a lot worse than a few bruises and a concussion. I’m fine.”

“That ain’t the sellin’ point you think it is. Your body needs rest. The doctors said you’re lucky he didn’t damage your vocal chords from choking you, you don’t need to be singing for 2 hours a night. Also you don’t even know what effect going back there will have on you.”

Charlotte scoffed. “One, my voice is fine. I practiced last night.” Though she wasn’t going to admit that it was extremely hard and painful to sing. “I’ll be fine! He what? Scared me a couple of times there? It’s not like he attacked me in the theater. It’s not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal?? You almost dying isn’t a big deal??”

“You know what I mean! Look, I think I have a bit more experience dealing with PTSD than you do. I feel well enough to perform so I’m gonna. That’s that.”

“So I don’t even get a say? Get to give you my opinion at all?”

Charlotte crossed her arms like a petulant child, her annoyance at having this discussion again shutting down any opportunity for her to hear his side or perspective. In her opinion, the time for his opinions had passed. “Well, it’s my career, not yours. It’s my body, not yours. I am the victim of a stalking, sociopath, not you. Why would you get a say in it? I know we’re engaged but that doesn’t mean I’m not my own person anymore.”

“I know you’re your own person. But you also don’t get to make unilateral decisions, Charlotte! You making unilateral decisions is why we’re in this situation!”

Charlotte scoffed. “And there it is… if you want me to take your opinion seriously, then admit what’s really going on here. This isn’t about me o-or my injuries or any stupid shit like that. You know I can perform just fine. You don’t trust me to take care of myself, you’re pissed that I took away your opportunity to save me and now you don't want me out of your sight.”

“Well in my sight, he can’t fuckin’ try to kill you again.”

She threw her hands up in the air. “Well, between the special forces nigga you forced me to hire and the venue security, I don’t see that happening! Also despite what you clearly think, I can take care of myself!”

Michael’s eyes almost bugged out of his head. “You can take care of yourself? So that bruise on your side? On your face? Your concussion and stint in the hospital, were you just warming up during all those fights? Because I sure as fuck ain’t gonna forgot having to pull him off you while he tried to choke the life out of you any time soon! He’s out on bail and out in the world and I love you but no, you can’t defend yourself against him. You ain’t gonna act like I’m crazy for being worried.”

“‘I can’t defend myself??’ So you think I’m weak?” For some reason, that struck a nerve so deep in her that she felt herself quickly transitioning from annoyance and frustration to full blown rage.

“No that’s no-”

“Well that’s exactly what you just said! I’m weak and defenseless and need you to take care of me. I mean, is that what you really think of me? Because if so, why would you even want to date, let alone marry, someone you think so little of?”

“That’s not what I think!” He yelled, his frustration getting the better of him as he abruptly stood up from his seat and threw his hands in the air. He turned away from Charlotte to take a deep breath and collect his thoughts.

However, when he turned around, he felt his heart break slightly as he took in her form. He would take a hundred versions of her yelling at him over the petrified woman who sat before him now. Her entire body trembled with fear as she avoided his eyes and moved herself to the edge of the couch as if she was ready to escape at a moment’s notice. Her ragged breathes filled their living room as she tried to calm down.

Michael could not figure out what happened until he replayed the last 30 seconds in his own head, quickly realizing that she was fearful that he was going to strike her.

And these were the moments that made all of this so hard for him. This was not the first time in their relationship that something triggered her, but her reactions were so visceral now that they knocked the wind out of him. He hated himself for letting his anger get the best of him to the point that he forgot to prioritize her healing and health. He never wanted her to think he would ever do something to hurt her, never wanted her to think he was like Shaun in the slightest.

He desperately wanted to rush to her side and envelope her in a hug, assure her that he would never - no matter what - raise a hand to her. But he had enough experience with this to know that she had to choose to come to him, had to choose to trust that his touch was gentle and safe. That was not something he could force on her. So he steered himself to the cushion of the couch and sat down.

“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to scare you. You know I’d never hurt you. Just take a few deep breaths and when you’re ready to talk, let me know.”

Charlotte just nodded as she buried her face in her hands for a few moments. She repeated the same mantra she did after nightmares and when she was feeling like there was no safety or security anywhere for her. Her therapist had told her to make a list of everything and everyone who made her feel safe and the very short list had Michael at the top.

Michael is safe. Michael is home. Michael is safe. He doesn’t hurt you, he makes you feel protected and whole.

It was a small thing but it had become an anchor after nightmares or when memories flooded her mind. Michael was safe and he would never harm her. She would not claim to know everything but she certainly knew that. It took a few minutes as she repeated those words over and over under her breath, and her fingers twisted her engagement ring on her finger. Another coping mechanism she had turned to. That ring meant so much, representing the depths of his love for her. And that was another anchor to her reality, and a reminder that Shaun could invade her sleep and her mind but he could not take anything away from her if she did not let him.

“I-I’m s-sorry,” she whispered. “I k-know you wouldn’t… I just…” she struggled to find the words to express the chaotic jumbled up mess that was her own mind. But now, she did not even care about the show anymore, part of her just wanted him to not be upset with her. “I d-don’t want you to be mad. I-If you want me to stay, I’ll stay. Ok? I’ll call Chris and I’ll stay.”

Michael immediately shook his head and moved to sit by her, unable to keep his distance. He tentatively touched her bare knee, rubbing it gently as she relaxed into his touch. “I’m sorry, Els. I’m not mad at you. And I don’t want you not to go just to appease me. I’m just… fuckin’ terrified. If you go back and something else happens to you, I’ll never forgive myself. And security or not, the only person I trust with your safety right now is me and I know I can’t be there every day to protect you. But here? I can protect you, I can…” he sighed. “I’m just having a hard time l-letting go.”

She wiped away a few falling tears. “I know… I get it. Going isn’t easy for me either,” she clarified. “I just… know I have to. I would happily stay in this house with you forever. But I know I can’t… I h-have to go and prove to the world and myself that he didn’t destroy me… that I’m not weak. I’m terrified he’ll be there o-or pop up somehow. But I might feel that way for a long time and I can’t stay here with you forever. That’s what he wants, power over us and our lives and I can’t give him that. But I can’t do that if the one person who knows me better than everyone else thinks I’m too weak to do it.”

“You’re right. You’re right. You’re strong and if you feel like you’re ready, I don’t get to argue with that. I’m sorry… this is just… harder than I thought it’d be.”

Charlotte shook her head and turned to him. “No, don’t apologize for being overprotective. You’re dealing with trauma just as much as I am. We got a bit caught up in the engagement and… planning for the future doesn’t mean we don’t have to deal with what’s going on right now. I know it’s hard for you too.”

“Sorry… I don’t wanna be overbearing. I just want to keep you safe.”

She chuckled. “You’ve barely let me out of this apartment in a week… the overbearing ship has sailed. But that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it. But I have to do this tomorrow, and I hope you can respect that.”

Michael leaned in and kissed her softly, cupping her face with his hand. He felt her slightly flinch beneath him as he accidentally grazed a healing bruise. However, she did not pull away and returned his kiss earnestly.

“They’ll go away,” she whispered against his lips, kissing his cheek as his eyes darkened. “I’ve gotten used to them.” It was as if her body was so used to it, the bruises and pain barely phased her.

“I’ll never get used to seeing bruises on you, baby.” He pushed her wild curls behind her ear. “You’re the strongest person I know, by the way. I don’t think you’re weak and you shouldn’t either. It takes so much strength to survive all you have.”

Charlotte felt her eyes go a bit teary. She did not know why the words mattered so much coming from him but they did. Perhaps, it was just the way she wanted him to see her and everything they were going through threatened that image of perfection and strength she always strived for, that image of deservedness she felt she had to maintain to keep him. She needed him to see her as the woman he would want to spend the rest of his life with, not a traumatized broken thing he had to put back together.

“Thank you for saying that.”

He opened his arms and she quickly settled into them, immediately feeling more at ease than she had before. He leaned back on the couch and turned the tv on to their mindless favorite show, the Real Housewives of Atlanta. It was mainly Charlotte’s guilty pleasure but Michael could not deny that it had sucked him in too.

“Thank you,” she whispered as they watched the show.

“For what?”

She smiled. “For caring enough about me and my health to be overbearing. I w-wouldn’t have survived all this without you.”

She shifted into his lap to kiss him deeply. However, before she could take it too far, he stopped her and broke their kiss.

“You have an early day tomorrow. Not tonight.”

Charlotte opened her mouth to retort but Michael’s attention had already shifted away from her and back to the antics of the housewives. She hoped the night of their engagement had not been some odd anomaly and that they were truly back on track. Sex was not the end all be all of their relationship but she knew how important it was to both of them. And it did not bode well to her that they had only been intimate once in a week, injuries or no injuries. But she also knew she was not up for another difficult conversation tonight and she knew that that was one she would most certainly lose so she merely settled against his chest to watch their show, tucking the information away for discussion later.

***

“I-I guess I should leave this here?” She mused, a sad expression on her face as she examined her ring. “I can’t wear it on stage.”

Michael raised an eyebrow as he studied her and the expression on her face. “You don’t gotta take it off if you don’t wanna.”

She shook her head. “Chris texted, the paparazzi and reporters are already at the theater so it’ll be all over the gossip sites before lunch if I wear it. It just feels weird to take it off.”

“You sure you gotta go this early?”

She nodded. “Yea I haven’t done the choreo or anything in almost a week. Gotta practice, make sure I can actually move fully and everything.” She glanced over to him and offered him a suggestive wink. “I could be persuaded to go a little later if you help me warm up.” She grabbed his sweater and pulled him in for a kiss.

He chuckled and kissed her. “You’re still injured.”

She wrinkled her nose in confusion. “That wasn’t a problem the other night?”

“Well… we both had an emotional day and were caught up in the moment and shit. I’d feel better if we waited till you heal fully. Just like I’d feel better if you take it easy today.”

Saying no to her was easily the hardest thing Michael ever had to do. But after seeing her last night, seeing her genuinely afraid that he was going to hurt her, he could not risk doing anything that could trigger her again, at least not until he was sure she was healed emotionally and physically. It sucked and it would mean many cold showers in his future but it was for the best.

However, Charlotte was not a mind reader. All she felt was the cold slap of rejection from the man she loved. Charlotte found his response odd but she decided not to press it. She supposed the night of their engagement was just a heat of the moment sort of thing. This was, after all, not her most attractive state.

“I’ll be fine, Bakari.”

“I could come with you?”

Charlotte bit her lip as she stifled the immediate yes that bubbled to the surface. As she watched him yawn, she suddenly felt the weight of how much of a burden she was to him. All he had done was adjust his life to hers so she could heal. She just wanted to feel like his equal again and that meant she could not rely on him for everything.

“Thanks for the offer but I’m good. I’ll be fine.” She tried to make her voice sound sure and decisive, despite the doubt on his face. “Besides, let me worry about you for once. You need sleep without me screaming you awake, babe. You’re exhausted.”

Michael could not disagree more but something in her tone made him want to acquiesce to her words, despite his reservations. She was not wrong that he could use some true uninterrupted rest.

“You sure? I really don’t mind coming, nothing wrong with needing some extra support.”

Charlotte stopped herself from taking him up on the offer. “I know… But I got Adam and we’ll be just fine.”

“You sure?” He walked over and tilted her chin up to examine the bruising on her face.

She had not finished putting on her make up yet. They were looking better and better each day, though they were not healing fast enough for Michael’s liking. His eyes darkened slightly, Charlotte rubbing his bare arm.

“I’ll be back to my perfect flawless self soon, promise.” She pecked him on the nose. “And yes, I promise. I know you got shit to do.”

She walked back to their master bathroom to finish her routine. She took extra care to ensure every bruise and cut was adequately covered before she finished getting dressed. It was like riding a bike, remembering all the techniques to hide the damage he caused. By the time she was done, her skin looked unblemished enough to pass the test with any photographer.

As she walked around their bedroom, gathering all of her things for the show, she forced herself to think positively as images of Shaun flashed in her mind. She refused to give in to them though. He had taken so much, she refused to let him take this too.

“Got everything? Baby?” Michael called, pulling Charlotte out of her thoughts, putting his hand on the small of her back when she did not register him. .

She jumped slightly at his touch. She tried to play it off but she could tell he noticed in how his eyes softened slightly.

“Yea, yea sorry. Was in my own head. I’m ready. Adam’s been waiting for me downstairs, I should go.”

She kissed him on the cheek and threw him a soft smile before heading toward the door. She grabbed her keys and her bag as she moved through the living room. However, the ding of the elevator as it opened left her paralyzed, unable to force herself to cross the threshold out of her cocoon and into the real world again. A wave of panic washed over her at leaving for the first time alone and going back there, where he was. She tried to remind herself that he was not there but then all the nightmares of the last week came rushing back. She did not talk about them, particularly not to Michael, because she knew he would never have let her leave if she did. But she could not stop herself from thinking of the worst case scenario now.

Was she a complete fool for leaving her one and only safe space to give him another opportunity to hurt her? She got lucky twice but she had a sickening feeling Shaun would not error a third time if given the chance to finish the job. All week, had she been completely deluded for believing he would not be so foolish as to try to hurt her again? But when had he ever cared about restraining orders or police? The law had not once stopped him for exercising his control, power, and revenge over her when he really wanted to. Why would it now?

A voice rang out loudly in her head, encouraging her to turn right around and retreat into her bed with Michael where it was safe. But another voice demanded she put one foot in front of the other and face him head on again. She did not cower before, she could not now. It was all just too much, too scary, too much to consider for one person.

“Els, baby… Focus on me.”

She glanced up from the floor to find Michael standing in front of her, his face twisted up in concern. She did not understand what was wrong until she heard them, the shallow quick breaths that filled their quiet foyer that belonged to her.

“That’s it, breathe. You’re ok. Just got a little overwhelmed,” he whispered to her as he took slow deep breaths with her. He knew it was too much too fast. But when it came to her career, Charlotte was the first person he had ever met that was more stubborn than him.

He cradled her head into the space between his neck and shoulder, Charlotte taking deep breaths of his cologne and natural scent. His arms were tightly wrapped around her. She would have thought it would be suffocating during a panic attack but it was grounding to her, his touch, his soft whispers in her ear.

“I-I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I-I can do it… I can do it.”

“Hey, look at me, honeybee.” He waited until her glossy eyes were on him before he said, “I know nothing I can say will stop you from going today. But it’s ok if you’re not ok yet, Charlotte. Being scared and honest about that doesn’t make you weak and it doesn’t mean he wins. It doesn’t tell the world you're powerless. It tells them you’re human. And it’s ok to need and want extra support. All you gotta do is ask, baby.” He kissed her ring finger, which was now bare as she had taken it off in their room. “You never gotta do anything alone again. Understand?”

Charlotte glanced up at the ceiling to stop the floodgates from opening. “I j-just feel like such a burden to you these last few days. You’ve done nothing b-but take care of me,” she whispered. “I need to go… I know I do. I have to go, Bakari. B-but I don’t think I c-can go without you. With you is the only place I f-feel safe right now.”

He kissed her temple. “You’ve never been and will never be a burden to me, love. Give me five minutes.” And with that, he disappeared back into their bedroom.

Charlotte sat down in one of their living room chairs and placed her head in her hands. She hated how quickly she caved. She could not even make it out of their house, let alone to work. She choked back a small sob, this was not how she saw her triumphant return going down. She felt ashamed of herself for not being stronger, for not holding it together better. She just wanted to be strong again, herself again, but that felt farther away than she would have liked.

“Whatever you’re thinking, Els, stop it. You’re going, that’s what matters… not what support you need to do it. This isn’t a bad thing.”

She wiped her tears away and took a deep breath before nodding. She was doing the best she could. And that would have to be enough.

“You’re right, you’re right. Let’s go.”

Michael interlocked his fingers with hers as he led her back to the elevator. With his presence by her side, stepping into the elevator and the ride down seemed for less jarring, though she could feel her heart racing slightly. She was thankful to find their street void of paparazzi and cameras when they exited.

Michael, a saint, used the car ride to distract her, sharing updates on Black Panther prep he was about to start. She listened intently as he explained the new diet and workout regime he would have to follow to get the build required for the character. He had no insight to the plot but he shared some directions he thought they might go in based on the comic lore. Listening to him talk about work for 20 minutes was the exact distraction she needed and she was thankful to him for it.

His musings carried them the entire 20 minute ride to the theater, Charlotte not surprised but annoyed to find a crowd of cameras and people right outside the entrance staff used.

“Shit. Is almost dying really that interesting to anyone??” She remarked to Michael as Adam asked them to pause while he studied the terrain. He had explained to them yesterday that he had already gone to the theater and done his usual recon. Charlotte could not help but roll her eyes at that. She was not the damn pope or Queen Charlotte herself… she was just Charlie.

“Well, being attacked on the opening night of your show is shocking so it’s newsworthy to someone.”

“It’s weird,” she decided. Charlotte liked that her star was a small one. She did not want or care for fame, never wanted to be one of those celebrities that called the paparazzi to follow their every move. She wanted to do what she loved but she also wanted a quiet life, one with some modicum of privacy.

“Ready when you are, Ms. Bennett.”

She took a deep breath, sliding her shades onto her face. Michael pressed his lips to her hand, which was still interlaced into his. He had only let her go once to get in the car.

“I’m right beside you.”

“I know you are,” she responded sweetly. “Ready.”

Adam jumped out of the car first and opened their door, Michael sliding out before Charlotte. She focused on Michael’s hand in hers as she ignored the loud calls and flashes of the cameras. The only thing that made her pause was a pack of fans that gathered on the opposite side, most of them young women and holding signs of support for her that made her heart swell. She originally had no intention of stopping or talking to anyone when she thought it was just reporters and express. But those girls added a detour to her journey, much to Adam and Michael’s annoyance.

All of them held bright smiles as she pushed her shades onto the top of her head. Many of them had Playbills from the show, clearly having gone in the last week and others just had pieces of paper and signs that they asked her to sign. She tried her best to sign every Playbill and paper shoved in her face and smile in the direction of every camera for every selfie.

Charlotte still found the idea that she had fans to be jarring. It was one aspect of her job that she was not used to at all, that people would camp out anywhere on a cold NYC morning for the chance to get a glimpse of her.

One of the girls standing there asked for a selfie and as she took it, she said, “Could you sign this? We,” she gestured at the girl next to her that carried such a striking resemblance that she had to have been her twin. “Wanted to get tickets for tonight too but…”

“The ones that were left were so expensive.” The other girl jumped in. “Guess we aren’t the only ones desperate to see you on stage.”

“We’re here visiting our parents and heading back to Yale tomorrow but figured we could try to get a glimpse of you,” the first girl admitted. “I… just want to say thank you.”

Charlotte raised an eyebrow. “For what?”

“For showing that leaving is hard but it's never the wrong choice. And that if you’re lucky, maybe you’ll find better,” she glanced at Michael who was quietly standing beside her.

Charlotte clenched her eyes shut to stop a tear from falling. This girl could not have been a day over 18 or 19.

“What’s your name?”

“Chantal and this is my sister, Courtney.”

She nodded. “Adam,” she called over to the stoic man who had been standing between her and the crowd on the other side of the walkway. “Can you bring Chantal and Courtney around the barrier and inside?”

“Yes ma’am.”

Both girls were the picture of shock as they made their way around the steel barriers and followed Charlotte and Michael inside. The young woman marched them around to the General Manager’s office upstairs, both girls utterly perplexed and confused.

“Charlie! It’s so good to have you back! Chris has been a pain in the ass without you,” Simon remarked as he stood up and wrapped her in a tight hug.

Charlotte laughed. “Thank you, and I can only imagine.” She flashed him her award-winning bright smile. “Your favorite actress needs a favor?”

“You name it.”

“Four front row seats for tonight for my friends here,” she gestured to the two girls, whose mouths had fallen open behind her.

“You got it. What are your names?”

Both girls stammered out their full government names while Simon tapped away at his computer.

“Done. Tickets’ll be waiting for you at will call tonight.”

“Thank you! You’re the best.” She retreated from his office before walking the girls back to the front to head outside.

“W-wait, that w-wasn’t a joke right?”

Charlotte laughed. “No, not a joke at all. I hope your parents enjoy musicals too. Either way, I hope you both enjoy the show tonight at least.”

Both girls squealed and threw themselves into her arms, causing Charlotte to laugh. She hugged them both before stepping back.

“Well, I gotta go rehearse. Make sure I can give y’all the best show possible.”

“Thank you SO much! You’re amazing and we love you.”

“No thanks necessary at all. See you tonight.” As the girls scurried off, Charlotte turned to stop them. “Chantal!”

The young girl turned around as Charlotte closed the space between them.

“You will… find better. The road might be long as fuck,” she admitted, causing the two girls to laugh. “And you’ll take a lot of steps back to take them forward. But it’s not about luck. It’s about knowing you deserve it and being… willing to accept it when it comes. I,” she glanced behind her at Michael who was waiting. “I struggled with that. But I deserved better and you do too, no matter what someone else made you believe.”

She reached into her purse and grabbed a pen and a spare piece of paper from her notebook. She jotted down her name and phone number and held it out to the young girl who seemed like her jaw might completely detach itself from her face.

“I know how hard it is… and lonely it is at first. If you need anything, don’t hesitate. And I mean that, truly.”

“Thank you.” She squeezed her hand before rushing back to her sister, both girls leaving with a bit more pep in their steps.

She walked back over to Michael who was sporting a look of pure shock.

“What?”

“I am just constantly in awe of you.” He pulled her into his arms and wrapped one arm around her waist. “How’d I get so lucky?”

She smiled. “Pretty sure I’m the lucky one, baby.”

They shared a chaste but sweet kiss when they heard a couple wolf whistles. Charlotte laughed as she took in Chris and Marcus both staring at them.

“The queen is back! Thank the good lord,” Chris remarked as he closed the space between them. “Between this damn ulcer and the nightmares, Jason and my doctor will be sending you a fruit basket and flowers.”

“My understudy wasn’t that bad,” she remarked. The young woman was green to be sure but she was good.

“Yes but she is no you, my dear. You are one of one.”

“How are you feeling?” Marcus asked as he pulled her into a hug, he examined her with the same quizzical eye Michael often did which made her laugh.

“She’s fine. Been here five minutes and already giving away four of my most expensive seats in the house. Typical altruistic Charlie.” At Charlotte’s shocked face, Chris shrugged. “I know everything that happens round here.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll pay for them.”

He shook his head. “Don’t stress about it. We have a block of tickets we budget to give away for one reason or another.” He glanced at Michael beside her. “I see you brought our favorite eye candy back with you.”

Charlotte laughed and rolled her eyes. “Well, leaving the house was harder than I thought it’d be so Michael offered to come hang out for a bit. Hope that’s ok?”

“Girl, whatever you need to get your ass back on that stage, I’m fine with. Rehearsal starts in 10.”

He waved at all of them before leaving Charlotte, Michael, Malcolm and her shadow alone.

“How are you? Really?”

While she adored Chris, Malcolm was who she was closest to in the show and was the only one who truly knew her.

“We’re taking it hour by hour,” she admitted. “And today started off rough but it’s turning around. I’m gonna be ok, I know that much.”

“That’s what we like to hear.”

They walked into the theater, the entire company giving Charlotte applause as she walked in. Michael took his seat as she got on stage and did a quick round of hugs to everyone. And then they jumped right into rehearsal.

Michael spent part of the time doing his own work, answering emails that he had neglected over the last week. He did not regret that but his inbox was abysmal. He knew Charlotte’s was exactly the same. She had talked to her manager once or twice but no work had been accomplished in a week.

Then he started reviewing the script for his upcoming project. He had been excited originally to play the role but now, he was merely annoyed because it meant he had to return to LA in late June. He did not want a renewal of their argument from the previous night but he knew there was absolutely no way he could convince Charlotte to cut her run short and return with him. And June was Tony’s season and nominated or not, Charlotte would never miss that. However, all of those reasons did not change the simple fact that Michael was fucking terrified.

This was the love of his life, his future wife, the future mother of his children. Would work ever be more important to him than her safety? And it was not that he did not trust Adam, after all he picked him. But Adam did not love her like he did, did not understand her like he did. Even though it was months away, leaving felt utterly and completely wrong now. And he could not shake the feeling that it was not only a bad idea, it was the worst mistake he could ever make. He knew he could not drop out but he toyed with the probability of getting them to push the filming back, even just a month or two. He decided he’d reach out to his manager and see if it was a possibility.

He found himself often distracted by Charlotte as she rehearsed. She was a bit stiff at first but she loosened up and fell back into the choreo with ease. This was truly her element, everyone on that stage looked to her for guidance, advice, and support. He could see why Chris was so determined to have her back as soon as possible. She was the glue.

In between rehearsal and the show, she did interviews that she had not had the chance to do after the premiere. Michael sat next to the young girls they met earlier and their parents and they were utterly in awe of her as she performed. Despite everything, she was better than she was opening night, perhaps because she felt she had more to prove. She left her heart and soul on that stage.

So much so that she quite literally fell asleep as soon as they got into the SUV to head home. She was utterly beat. She had held it together pretty well most of the day from Michael’s perspective, only having one panic attack when she went back to her dressing room for the first time.

She felt like the ghost of him loomed in the space in a weird way. So much so that she avoided the space until the last possible second and could not enter it alone. She questioned how she would do it every day when Malcolm offered to switch spaces with her. She objected at first, naturally, not wanting to feel like she needed accommodations from anyone. But Michael insisted and she could not deny that it eased some of her panic.

However, when they got home, she was fairly silent and seemed upset. Michael did not understand why, she had done exactly what she had wanted to today: she had proved he could not take this away from her.

“You were great today,” Michael offered as they settled into bed. “On all counts.”

She chuckled humorlessly. “I couldn’t even walk into my own dressing room, Bakari. Couldn’t leave this fuckin’ house without…” She shook her head as she looked up at the ceiling. “I saw him everywhere… like a fuckin’ ghost haunting me every second. And the only thing that stopped me from literally falling apart was being able to look over and see you. If I can’t keep it together on my own, then I can’t…” she clenched her eyes shut. “And then I come here and I try to sleep and he’s there too. J-Just… don’t get a fucking break.”

She frustratedly wiped a tear from her cheek and flipped onto her side to look away from him.

Michael sighed and shifted closer to her, spooning her. She tensed up at the unexpected touch before softening into him.

“I know today was hard. But Els, baby… you did it. You left the house, you got on stage, you got a new dressing room, you gave interviews and did everything you needed to do without skipping a beat. That’s not nothing. It’s ok to not be able to hold it together all by yourself. Lean on me, lean on Malcolm and Chris and your castmates to get through the day.”

“I don’t want special treatment… I don’t want people to see me as their traumatized coworker. I don’t wanna be the weak person he made me forever. It took me years to get over what he did the first time a-and I don’t have years. You aren’t gonna wait years, the world isn’t gonna wait years. I just… want to be ok again now.”

“Didn’t you tell that girl earlier that it would be a lot of steps back to go forward?”

She groaned, annoyed that he was throwing her own words back at her.

“Yes but-“

“No buts. You gotta give yourself some grace, baby. You’re gonna have good days when you feel invincible and you’re gonna have days when it feels like you can’t hold it together on your own. And you don’t have to. You’re not broken,” he pressed his lips to her shoulder. “You never were and you certainly aren’t now. It’s gonna be a long road but you aren’t walkin’ it alone.”

“I just…” her words failed her but something in her told her to put on a brave face. She knew she was not walking it alone but she also knew she could not keep bearing all her weight on MIchael. She had to start carrying some of it on her own. Even if he currently felt like she was not a burden, there was no telling how long that feeling would last.

So she nodded and turned over to face him. “You’re right. It was a good first step and tomorrow’ll be even better. Thanks for today.”

“Of course. I can come with you tomorrow too?” he offered.

Charlotte chucked. “Nah, don’t worry about it. I know spending all day in that theater is not fun.”

Michael shrugged. “Being there for you is fun. I insist.”

“Bu-” she started to say when Michael pulled her into his chest and kissed her on the forehead, cutting her off.

“Get some rest. Night, baby.”

***

“So how are you, Charlie? Really?” Michael’s mom called down the long dining room table as they all enjoyed Easter Sunday dinner.

She was thankful to have a couple days off so she and Michael returned to LA to visit family and escape New York for a bit. Their trip, which had been intended to be an adventure for the pair, had turned into anything but. And there was a safety to returning home, to Michael’s house and to his bed, even if it was only for a long weekend.

Given that her nieces and nephews were all on Spring Break, it was the perfect time to get the families together. So it was the first time her dad, sister and CJ were meeting Michael’s family. The evening had been perfect so far, she decided, both groups blending as if they were destined to be family.

“I’m ok… really,” she emphasized at the skeptical glances from everyone at the table, including her fiance. “He’s been out on bail, hasn’t tried anything. He’ll go to prison and that’ll be the end of it,” she assured them. She would never admit it out loud, particularly not within earshot of Michael, but those words were merely for their benefit. Not even 50% of her mind actually believed it. Shaun proved that he was not above biding his time for as long as it took. She would be a fool to believe his obsession with her was over simply because he got caught. But that was not a truth or fear she was in a place to admit to anyone.

“You’re still havin’ nightmares though…” Michael offered quietly.

Charlotte cut her eyes toward him with a quick glare that most of the table, thankfully, did not see. It silently said “what the fuck?” to which he merely shrugged as if he did not see the problem with detailing her weaknesses to her entire family.

It’s the truth, his eyes seemed to shoot back at her.

“Are you ok?”

“Do you need to increase your therapy sessions?”

Charlotte immediately groaned internally, overwhelmed by the barrage of questions and concerns. This was exactly what she wanted to avoid.

“Guys, guys… calm down. Michael is exaggerating,” she answered with a reassuring and calming smile. “I still have nightmares but they are far less than they were at first. It’s progress, but it’s slow. And it’s just been a few weeks. It’s not like last time,” she promised, her eyes trained on Jackson who was most invested in her recovery, aside from Michael. He called her damn near every day twice a day.

“Well, as long as you feel like you’re getting better.”

“I am, really.”

“You gonna be ok when Michael comes back this way for his movie this summer?”

Charlotte nodded immediately, though she was dreading it inside. However, that was not something she could admit either. “Yea it’s gon-“

“I actually asked them if we could push filming back,” Michael interrupted. “To the fall when Els’ run is over. Just waiting to hear what they say.”

Charlotte glanced up from her plate in surprise, that was the first she had heard of this. “What? When did you do that? Why did you do that?”

“I called my agent and asked her to look into it Thursday before we left New York. Just figured a family emergency and needin’ to be there for you was hard to argue with.”

Charlotte could not stop the confusion and anger that bubbled under the surface at him. She understood the intention behind his gesture but she did not ask him to do that and to be frank, she did not want it. It was not that she wanted to be alone in New York but she also had worked so hard in the last few weeks to stop burdening him, to heal and move forward. But this was the literal opposite of that.

“But the summer is several months away. It’ll hardly be an emergency by then. I’m fine.”

He shrugged. “I disagree.”

“You dis-” she started to say when Jackson interrupted, her sweet but slightly oblivious brother not picking up on the mounting tension between the couple.

“I think it’s a good thing. Not like you don’t need the extra protection, it’s better this way, Charlie.”

“Better for who?” She mumbled under her breath before stabbing her piece of ham with her fork.

“The real question is when are you gonna be free for the bachelorette party?” Jazzmine asked from across the table with a smile. “Lo and I are already starting to plan.”

Charlotte rolled her eyes as everyone smirked. “Nothing crazy, Jazz… please. I don’t know what time I’m gonna have off so we could legit just get the girls together for a fun weekend in New York. Have the wild NYC nights we didn’t get to have back in the old days,” she teased.

Lo’s face lit up as she turned to Jazz. “Oh that would be so much fun. I’ll do some research on restaurants and Jazz, can you find us some lounges that we can go out to? Maybe in like July?”

“You sure you wanna do New York?” Michael asked quietly, pulling Charlotte’s attention away from her girlfriends as they chatted away about her party.

“Yea, it’s lowkey and easy. Inexpensive for everyone to get to and everything. Don’t need a big fuss. Why?”

Michael shifted in his seat uncomfortably, Charlotte could almost see the wheels turning in his head as he thought of the right words to say whatever was on his mind.

“Just don’t think it’s safe for you to be going out to clubs and lounges late like that. You know… least not until after his trial.” His voice was low as to not draw attention to the couple. However, before she could respond, he glanced up at Lauren and Jazz and said, “Plan somethin’ outside the US. My treat, of course. Go wild.”

“God, I love him,” Jazz not-so-quietly muttered under her breath causing the entire table to laugh, except Charlotte. “You sure you wanna marry him, girl? Cause I’ll fight you for him.”

Charlotte forced a light chuckle from her lips before returning to her food, frustration coursing through her body like a roaring river. She was virtually silent as their families interacted for the rest of the night. She barely spoke, only offering one or two words to Michael’s nonstop chatter when they returned to their bedroom to get ready for bed.

She wanted to say something to him but she did not know how, nor was she sure which issue to tackle first because for the first time in their relationship, there were several.

They were still them in the ways that mattered most, still loving and caring and invested in their relationship. But something, or rather several somethings, were simply off track and causing fissures to grow between them. And tonight, she realized that they had gotten too big to ignore any longer.

Originally, she had thought the lack of physical intimacy was their most pressing issue. Gone were the casual touches and sexual playfulness that they developed in their relationship. They had sex one time since their engagement and it was their worst time together by far. Michael spent the entire time checking in and asking her if she was ok or needed him to stop so much so that Charlotte could not even get into the moment or enjoy the experience. As the incident got further in their rearview, she tried to initiate a couple more times but he always found an excuse so finally, she stopped asking altogether.

And that was concerning in and of itself, the crumpling of the one area of their relationship that had always been strong. But dinner proved that they were also having serious communication issues that she had been actively ignoring. It was so unlike Michael to make such a giant career decision without consulting her first, without taking into account her own feelings and opinions about her recovery.

Was she completely healed? Were things perfect? Definitely not. But was she moving in the right direction? Was she doing the best she could? Yes and still, she felt like it was not enough to get her fiance to stop treating her like the broken woman he found in that bathroom, battered, bruised and half dead. Even telling her she could not go out in New York with her friends was so on brand for him at the present moment but so unlike anything she was used to from him. And that had not been the first time. They got invited to parties and events and the like in New York and Michael found excuse after excuse for them not to go. She blamed herself for not being more vocal about wanting to go out and be who they used to be so she put all of her efforts into getting better to prove she could handle it, prove she was still the woman he wanted. However, nothing seemed to work. She wanted to move on with their lives and his mind was firmly stuck on who she was on March 1.

And that made her doubt whether they would. All the things Michael once valued in her, he clearly did not see anymore… why else would he treat her so differently?

“You ok? Want me to make you some tea? Anything hurt?” Michael asked as they got ready for bed.

Their nighttime routine was typically filled with laughter and conversation but tonight, Charlotte was stuck in her own head, wrestling with why her relationship seemed to be falling apart when they were both so clearly trying their hardest to keep it together.

“No, I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem fine.” He sighed, misreading her sour attitude for something else. “I don’t know why you feel the need to pretend like you’re ok with me when you aren’t. It’s just been a few weeks, Els. No one but you expects you to be ok.”

Charlotte’s knuckles could’ve turned white at the way she gripped the edge of their counter in anger. “You know not every negative emotion I feel is about Shaun, right? Like I’m allowed to just be mad and annoyed at you every once in a while?”

Michael’s eyes grew wide. “Mad at me?? What did I do?”

“How about the fact that you made this major decision and didn’t tell me?”

“What major decision??”

Charlotte threw her hands up in the air. “Moving your movie schedule, Michael!”

Michael could tell she was legitimately upset given that she used his first name and not Bakari or another pet name. However, for the life of him, he could not understand the issue.

“That’s not a big deal tho. I just asked them to push back a couple months.”

“That is a big deal! Asking for an entire movie to be rearranged so you can play the fucking overseer.”

“That’s not fair. I was tryin’ to help you.”

Charlotte scoffed. “Help me? Oh and is flashing your wallet around to convince my friends to plan a different party than the one I want helping me too??”

Michael walked out of their bathroom, the two facing off at the foot of the bed.

“You aren’t gonna get fuckin’ mad at me for telling you shit is unsafe. No, you don’t need to be fuckin’ around in the middle of the night drunk in New York while he’s still out there. You can be mad all you want.”

Michael felt no shame or guilt for drawing the line in the sand somewhere. He saw no issue in keeping Charlotte at home. She went to work, they occasionally went to dinner - though he preferred just ordering them take out these days - and that was virtually it. He went to the theater with her almost every day, only leaving around show time and returning with the car to pick her up. It was a sacrifice to be sure. But what did it matter if she was safe and had extra layers of protection?

“If you had your way, I’d never leave our fucking apartment!” She hurled at him. “You wanna help me? Stop treating me like a fragile doll that’ll break if you aren’t around. Stop… stop denying me affection and love and just admit the truth!”

“What truth??”

“You don’t want me anymore!” Charlotte exploded, her own insecurities compounded by her perceptions of her fiancé’s behavior. “You proposed and you regret it and you don’t want me.”

“That’s the farthest thing from the truth in this world, Charlotte.”

She closed the space between them as she shouted. “Then why don’t you touch me like you used to? Why don’t you make love to me or fuck me or literally anything anymore? Our relationship is void of physical intimacy that I know both of us need. So tell me. What other reason could it be other than you can’t get the image of what he did out of your head and I’m not the woman you thought I was o-or want anymore? Tell me!”

Michael’s mouth opened and closed several times, unsure of what exactly to say. He had never seen her so upset, particularly directed at him, over something that was simply not true. However, despite the anger she displayed, something stopped him from telling her the truth. It was foolish to not trust her with his own fears and vulnerabilities but it was unfair to make her healing about him.

“I promise you it’s not because I don’t want you.”

Charlotte stared at him, waiting for something… anything to signal to her what the true reason was. But he gave her nothing.

Charlotte let out a breath that sounded like a cold laugh before nodding and stalking over to her side of the bed to grab her pillow and favorite blanket, one that Michael used often and carried his scent.

“I don’t want promises, Michael. I want you to be honest. And until you are ready to admit whatever has you treating me like a patient instead of your future wire, I’ll be in the guest room.” She paused. “Here and in New York.”

“You shouldn’t sleep alone, Charlotte.”

“I dealt with nightmares before you, Michael and I can deal with them now. If you really want to help me,” she clenched her eyes shut to stop the tears that welled in them, tears that she knew would not help her case. She was just so tired, tired of everyone in her life and in the media and everywhere she turned fawning over her. She just wanted someone to treat her like nothing had changed and she had hoped that would be Michael. But he could not do it either. “Then start treating me like someone you believe is actually capable of healing. Cause right now, all you treat me like is a woman who's too broken to be put back together again. And if that’s all you see when you look at me, we aren’t gonna make it.”

And with that, she raced out of their bedroom and down the hallway toward one of the guest rooms, leaving Michael alone. He felt as if he had whiplash, the argument happening so fast over something he felt was so insignificant, he could not fully understand what to do.

A knock at the door pulled him out of his thoughts. He swung it open to find his father standing in the hallway, two glasses of scotch in his hands.

“Heard some raised voices. You good, son?”

“Not really,” he muttered as he took the drink out of his dad’s hand and ushered him inside.

“Feel like I’m tryin’ to do right by Els, give her what she needs and she’s actin’ like it’s too much… or not enough of the right thing… or I dunno. We’ve never,” he flopped down on the edge of their bed, his hand rubbing his head. “We’ve never been like this before.”

Michael Sr sat down in the arm chair across from his son. “Well, you ain’t been together long enough to be like much. I think you two were made for each other, don’t get me wrong. But marriage ain’t easy ‘n you two are gonna hit more than a couple rough patches where it seems like it just ain’t workin’. And that’s to be expected given what you both went through. You need to talk.”

“I try to talk to her, pops. Get her to tell me what she's feelin’, how she’s doin’. She just wants to act like everything’s fine when I know it isn’t. I mean, you take care of ma… her health. She doesn’t fault you for being protective. What am I doing wrong right now?”

His father let out a low chuckle before taking a long sip of his drink. “Bold to assume your momma didn’t cuss me out more than once too. I raised you ‘n your brother the way I was raised. To be a provider, protector, fixer. And I did the same thing you’re doin’ when your momma first started havin’ health issues. Constantly checkin’ in, assuming I knew what she needed or how she was feelin’ better than she did. And just doin’ it cause I thought I knew best. And all I was really doin’ is creating resentment.”

“What you mean?”

“I mean… your mom didn’t and still doesn’t want a doctor, she has a doctor. She didn’t need a therapist. She wanted her husband, a safe spot to land ‘n know I was gonna treat her like her when the days were good ‘n jump in ‘n pull the extra weight on the bad days. But that I was still gonna let her be her, not treat her like a sick person who can’t take care of herself. But I felt so outta control as a protector and fixer that I went overboard tryin’ to fix somethin’ that couldn’t be. Took a lot of counseling to get outta that.”

Michael raised his eyebrow in shock. His parents were not of a generation that typically had a positive outlook on therapists and counseling. He also would have never thought their marriage ever required it. His parents’ marriage, in his mind, was the blueprint.

“Really?”

“Yea… I mean it was different than what you kids do now with licensed therapists. But yea, we went to counseling with our pastor ‘n it helped. Helped both of us admit what we needed, helped us find common ground. N now, I protect your mother while respecting her boundaries. I know you. You’re tryin’ to fix something that only Charlotte and time can fix. And if you hold on too tight, try to fix too much cause you’re afraid of losing her, you’re just gonna lose her in a different way. This is your first taste of marriage, son. Shit ain’t easy but it’s worth it.”

His dad stood up and patted him on the shoulder before walking toward the door. However, as he opened it, he stopped and turned.

“Another piece of hard-earned advice?” Michael nodded for him to continue. “You just learned how short life is, how precious every minute is. You don’t go to bed alone or angry ever. You ain’t gotta fix it tonight, you ain’t even gotta talk about it tonight. But don’t let her fall asleep down that hall thinkin’ you don’t wanna fix whatever this is. Understand?”

“Yea I gotchu. Thanks pops.”

“Anytime, son.”

Michael downed the rest of his drink before grabbing his own pillow and walking down the hallway to the guest room he knew Charlotte would be in. The door was not closed all the way so he peeked through the crack for a moment, studying her form which was curled into a tight ball in the middle of the bed. Her light sniffles reached his ears and immediately propelled him forward.

He knocked on the door.

“Come in,” she called, her voice broken and small. She forced herself into a seated position, wiping her tear-stained cheeks as she sat up.

They stared at each other expectantly for a few moments before Michael stepped forward.

“I know I’ve been… distant in a lot of ways the last few weeks. And probably overbearing and controlling, which isn’t what I want you to feel. And I’m sorry for that. And if I had the right words to explain why, I would. But I don’t. I don’t know what this feeling is o-or how to describe it to you. And I can assure you it’s not because I don’t want you. I’ll always want you. But I know this isn’t what you need and this isn’t the relationship I want for us. I know you’re already working with your therapist but maybe we can try couple’s counseling? For a couple weeks? Maybe we can get back on track sooner rather than later.”

“Really?” she asked. Michael had never expressed anti-therapist sentiments and supported her journey wholeheartedly but he always said he never considered going himself, never thought he would need one. “I thought about suggesting it for us… after everything. I just figured you wouldn’t be into it.”

Michael meandered over to her side of the bed and sat down, his hand rubbing her leg.

“I’m into whatever you and I need to do to get back on the same page. I love you and I want you and I know I haven’t been myself lately,” he admitted. “But I hear you and I’m willing to figure it out so I can support you how you need me to.”

“Thank you… for that. And I’m sorry for blowing up at you. I just… I just want to be me again. I want us again,” she mumbled, bringing her knees to her chest.

“I know. And we’ll get there. I promise. I’m in it for the long haul, even if we gotta go to so many sessions we fund a beach house for your therapist.”

Charlotte let out a cackling laugh. “I mean I’ve definitely already funded her beach house… maybe a like cabin in the woods next… she loves that type of stuff.” Charlotte rolled her eyes with a chuckle before her face returned to it’s more solemn expression. She stared at him for a few minutes before grabbing her pillow. “Will it completely ruin my street cred next argument if I come back to our room? This bed sucks,” she muttered. It was harder than their bed and more uncomfortable but the reality was, she had no interest in sleeping alone even if she was still upset.

Michael kissed her on the forehead and gestured toward the door. “A very small ding in street cred,” he joked. “But,” he lifted up his own pillow. “I lose some too for coming in here like a lost damn puppy.” He joked, both of them laughing.

“God, we can’t even do one night mad at each other right.”

“I think that’s a good sign,” Michael remarked. “Think that means we’re gonna be just fine.”

“Yea… we will be.”

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A/N: Thanks so much for reading! Drop a comment and let me know what you think and how therapy's gonna go for our favs. This'll be the last update till December!

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