#& she's mostly Around & doing general [just competent things] But she was also flexible enough to do things Wrong actually / be doomed lol

[unproduciblesmackdown]

thinking about how of course billions is about people trapped in eternal battle world, and trapped because they won't ever exit, and don't want to because that's the only way they can define their idea of themself or like move through life, to the degree they have to just create or find another battle if one ends or they don't have enough going on at once or they're unhappy about anything & can only respond to that the only way they'll respond to anything: finding someone to consider a target to Defeat & being like nice, i'm so competent & active as a person, so with any other issues in my life, i'm sure it's not my fault at least

and it's been clear that to be someone at the Center of the show means needing to be inflexible enough to never leave that life, which also probably means never engaging in genuine self-reflection besides like, fuming in distress for 5 sec & then immediately searching for blame for someone else, or calling up your designated moral supporter who'll tell you you're upset b/c you're very complex & sympathetic & maybe if you do [xyz] you'll be able to Keep Winning, so like, don't worry, we'll never get too off track here. you have someone like connerty who cares so much about playing by the rules ft. ethics, but he was also someone completely inflexible who would give a shit like "ha ha you broke the law" and be Defeated b/c like yeah damn you do got him in that situation. he may then have gained the flexibility to throw a punch when he's already imprisoned but he's still just gotta retire & pursue some completely different goals

this in contrast with like, what a coincidence (surely not) that the more flexible characters are the ones who also do introspect & reflect & genuinely think about & question themselves ever, & how even beyond that, being in this world of people who overwhelmingly are thee opposite & aiming for a static sense of self & thus strategy for navigating life & all interactions & situations, the more reflective parties also tend to accept both Blame & the fruitlessness of pushing for more/different/better from the people & relationships & situations they're amongst. those willing to take on responsibility at all surrounded by people casting all of it off, always, w/the former already primed to take blame & the latter primed to be looking to find the blame in anyone else, a powerful mismatch....which allows the flexible parties to also put up with shit for longer lol like if they got fed up that quickly or recognized the dead-end here they'd just leave the show lol. like wow can't believe taylor spent their whole life already stuck having to deal with someone who's so very much like these bullshit central men & those trying to emulate them, & perhaps also then have a lifetime of experience extending endless patience & sympathy with little to no expectations for more from people who put up with such a bullshit man & his effects on everything around him, like, what do you mean taylor's mom hasn't seen them b/c douglas didn't want to see them b/c he wasn't yet motivated enough to have to exercise begrudging shows of basic respect. whilest sure seems like taylor felt more concern & basically stated their responsibility re: trying to make their relationship with their dad work / basically take on the task of making his life work for him according to his sense of himself (genius! who deserves the recognition thusly!) and doesn't seem to take on this role re: their mom, who nevertheless is just presumed to move closer to them along w/douglas. and here's taylor never truly putting their foot down re: wendy, no matter what, able to have no real positive expectations in how wendy treats them or thinks of them, but also always able to extend sympathy / decent treatment themself

thinking of like team ben out here as the Nicer axe cap or mpc people who also happen to be people absorbing the L's, blaming themselves for being at the bottom of the hierarchy & being subjected to the always negative treatment doled out to them accordingly, and, winstonesquely, still generally like extending genuine gestures of amicability, efforts of constructive actual communication, etc, & this being shut down & likely punished by all the people around them who won't handle that kind of thing. that Of Course nobody's actually supported around here, like, at best they'll get some kind of "well you're actually talented & valuable :)...." (so why aren't they already treated in a way such that they're aware of this?) "....so just have more confidence already god!" wherein (a) again that just means it's Their Fault that they're having a miserable time at the hands of others & (b) their having "confidence" doesn't really mean like, an emotional buffer between their sense of self-esteem & the message of inferiority in how they're treated, it has to mean externally acting different in some ways, more like A Winner, more like everyone else. the limits of ben trying to sometimes be a buffer for tuk as that kind of friend/mentor role, where either it simply fails or ben's Help is more unilateral "correction." that generally only any increase in aggressive hostility gets them anywhere, and really not that far.

the way dollar bill could always act however he wanted & they could always clean up his messes / save him from himself / just flatout blame other people for what dollar bill did to them or someone else; success in being a mini axe in that way for sure. dollar bill going off the rails over his literal dollar bill & that's not a problem, he's validated b/c he's upset, & b/c rudy knew he'd be upset it's really all rudy's fault....who just so happens to be more of a loser, what with his glasses & possible masturbation ever and all. whilest even when dollar bill is like every season being shit at his job & life, well, just find a loser to trounce while everyone ignores this, cheers you on, takes on responsibility for fixing things for you, blames the person targeted probably. dollar bill couldn't even do in office transphobic hate crime physical attacks, or that but while yelling the r word at the autistic guy he's already harrassing & threatening, without it being really basically the target's fault, & hey, as long as no investors are watching. and we're still dragging dollar bill back to the office b/c uhhh yeah!!

& then of course there's winston, who, like a loser, says things in real efforts for real communication with others, that they winningly can only bring themselves to respond to as "he's not allowed to talk, that's out of line, i have to punish/deny this to reassert our respective status" except for, sometimes, taylor actually communicating in turn, or even simply receiving the information. winston in a duo with the very winning & worthy rian, being something of a quasirival for 5 seconds but even during then, and since, trying to be amicable to establish an actually positive dynamic, trying for actual communication, engaging flexibly & actively based on her feedback & her terms & etc to try to find some more success; versus rian completely inflexible, unwilling to respond to efforts to communicate, unwilling to have an actual relationship with any flexibility & genuineness in turn, or see winston as a person of course, and engage with real emotions. which is hardly an exclusive response of hers, like, everyone else is just the same, she's just also the one interacting with him more often and personally bullying him & standing next to him & immediately responding with clear contempt when he tries things like earnest expressions of "hey rian could you not do what you just did b/c it makes me feel like shit, probably b/c that's what you're trying to do" and "hey that was cool what you just did b/c it makes me feel like—" b/c like, what a loser. real winners cannot handle engaging with another person as a person. when you can just make up & stick to a narrative about "oh but i don't hate winston, who i feel is inherently beneath me. i wouldn't wanna feel bad about killing him, not when i could feel fine about administering more of a death by a thousand cuts with some other people helping out & hey maybe it was their cut that did it after all....but also if you're like 'pwease' then eh sure" or that winston's got a lesser inner existence anyways, some classic dehumanization, no complexity there, & hurting him isn't real, & it'd never be you in his position anyways! especially the more you're buying into "yeah i'm more of a person / more deserving / more real & sympathetic & correct than him :)" & being cheered on as you act that out. pretty cringe of winston to be earnest, flexible, openly trying & wanting & needing things, sounds bad & silly. unlike the winners around him who really cannot handle him or any of these things about him. of course near equivalent in loserness, tuk, is the person with the realest most amicable relationship with him. both of them too incompetent to realize their mutual failings in this, ha ha, real winners are repulsed & fleeing & can't handle a basic exchange with either of them. and the imbalance re: how little others are willing to give them in interest, consideration, time, words, etc, while they're always trying Too Much re: the disinterested others, totally proves their unworthiness

winston and tuk always having to stay at the bottom of the hierarchy, winston only able to be shitted on even as he extricates himself, ending up surrounded by people who will only act "correctly" according to their superior roles & this mf wags only processing anything as "did that reinforce my being a correct/winning person???" & only responding by trying to reassert to others how much of a winner they are, which requires establishing a loser, and crushing them. winston having recognized / gotten fed up with a bullshit scenario & had realistic expectations of those around them & spent those years being treated like shit yet never crushing an enemy to restore his ego & also spent those years trying to communicate and work with others and share actual info and make actual connections & now independently choosing to make a big shift in his life so that things can be different? is definitely the contemptible loser here while everyone else looks very good faffing around for an episode getting some temporary ego boosts & being very "correct" in every response to winston, even pointing out that rian even noticing something genuine & positive from winston in the absence of it anywhere is first & foremost incorrect, which rian will Also immediately drop in the face of that "well yeah it's more correct to prioritize Anything else. like that he's pathetic & mpc 5ever" like wuh oh rian being doomed from 5x08 "time to embrace acting more correct now" & being truly inflexible from that point on, never had a moment of conflict not resolved by [ignoring that] &/or again just getting someone more correct to declare how it'll be answered. taylor at their most flexible and Taylorest and most juxtaposed with central men & static ossified "winners" when they are also at their best in engaging with winston. taylor Like winston & vice versa in so many substantial & interesting ways, despite their relating to / sympathizing with / devoting much more effort & interest to people more like the central men. that here we are, when taylor might have to give up on Being A Winner, someone who'll walk away with status & resources & a seamless transition into some established business foundation, to really get the wins that matter, against pince, &/or to clock out of a sunk cost factory, &/or to not have strangled every part of themself that can be in conflict with this general situation into eternal dormancy. don't You dare blame latency lol, the taylor who gets to exist outside the conditional "well i guess you're a winner who's very useful to me, like dumping work on you & blaming you if it goes awry. and you can act like a Real winner in the ways that really matter (crushing people)"....is also a taylor who can be rejected & shut down & shut out & have their value denied & be treated shittily despite even knowing they'd be / are good at this shit, superlatively even, & could never feel okay just being regarded as a tool stashed away at someone's disposal. & Has been treated shittly & is liable to accept blame, unilateral responsibility for other's selves & feelings & actions & lives, & marinate in self-loathing. while people who refuse any introspection, questioning, responsibility, awareness, etc, & refuse to handle the least of genuine interactions/relationships with others as real people, are glad to scoff at them & dismiss them & imply or assert their superiority, like, wow have You got a lot to learn, or maybe you can't b/c you're inherently inferior. all just like re: winston!

tl;dr shoutout to the flexible characters who like can & do reflect & change things up actually, just so happening to always be Losing for this in the [only way to win is not to play] arena of fake winners seeing if they can consider themselves superior to everyone else & only even possibly correct always & forever, in the pyramid scheme of social hierarchy & also capitalism

[midnightactual]

TELL ME MORE ABOUT WHAT IT DOES! The original concept post for Kurayami (which is mostly repeated on her Battle page) gave detail on its functions:

Bankai: Kurayami Kara Umareta Daikokutennyo (暗闇から生まれた大黒天女, She of the Great Blackness of the Heavens Born from Absolute Darkness): Kurayami takes on the form of a great war/death scythe which is taller than Yoruichi herself is (at approximately two meters long). The snaith of the scythe is straight. The blade of the scythe is normally in a standard perpendicular configuration resembling a death scythe, although it can be hinged and snapped outward such that it’s inline with the snaith as a war scythe would be. In its bankai state, all of Kurayami’s concealing properties extend to Yoruichi herself: unless she consciously disables the effects she is completely imperceptible to any and all senses until she attacks and penetrates or cuts a target, at which point she will visually appear while in contact. These effects can be disabled at will. As with the shikai form of Kurayami itself, Yoruichi is not intangible in this form and still moves and can be injured as usual. Its only other notable property is that it is exceptionally sharp.

Kurayami Kara Umareta Daikokutennyo (henceforth simply Kurayami) is nominally a combination of a first strike weapon and support item within a single bankai. It principally exists to achieve one-hit kill ambushes or surprise massacres.

WHY IS IT SHAPED THAT WAY? The main thing to know about agricultural scythes, on which death scythes are based, is that they’re bad weapons. (See here or here for more.) They’re angled to cut grass and grains, and their blades are quite thin and made to do the same. You need a much heavier blade for use against people, and you want a straight snaith (haft/pole). Even then, a “weaponized” death scythe is still pretty hard to use. This is why war scythes exist.

Having said all that, a zanpakutō doesn’t quite share a normal weapon’s physical constraints. Isshin notes in chapter 187 that Taichō-class Shinigami deliberately keep their weapons at a certain size or else, “They’d have to swing swords as big as buildings.” This suggests that scale and mass are flexible and depend on reiatsu emission, but it’s known (as given on the Bleach Wiki’s page on them) that, “No matter what form (or size) a zanpakutō takes, it is always virtually effortless for its owner to wield because it is a part of its owner's soul.” In other words: zanpakutō are never really bulky, heavy, or slow for their wielders. Likewise, their durability depends on the wielder’s reiatsu, much like that of the wielder themselves does. (Recall Kenpachi challenging Ichigo to cut him in chapter 105.)

Thus, although Kurayami is somewhat large relative to Yoruichi, it doesn’t suffer from the problems a real weapon of its size would, nor is balance a major factor in its use (although it is shaped to be relatively balanced in war scythe mode). Likewise, the durability of its hinge is a non-issue, as it essentially works by magic on command (much like Ikkaku’s shikai, Hōzukimaru, but sans any verbal commands).

Kurayami’s blade is heavier and slightly larger than a typical scythe’s to take on humanoid combatants, and features a reverse edge which allows it to cut when snapping open to war spear mode and can also be used like a naginata. It can stab directly forward in the same mode with an armor-piercing tip, while also still retaining the capability to make pick-like stabs in death scythe mode. The large, flat sides of the blade can be used to slap opponents about, and the hexagonal heads of the rotator can be used like hammer faces. The pommel is made to function sort of like a kanabō, enabling either bludgeoning or jabbing. The entire weapon can also be used like a bō staff. The ergonomic grips along the snaith suggest mainly employing the scythe, but it can be rotated around in the hands without issue.

WHY DOESN’T YORUICHI USE IT? There are many, many reasons why Yoruichi doesn’t normally employ her bankai:

Although Kurayami isn’t unwieldly for typical reasons, it isn’t always intuitive to use. First: Yoruichi has learned several different styles of sword combat, but scythes aren’t common weapons and applying sword techniques to one isn’t very straightforward. Second: the large number of attack modes and options which Kurayami presents means that using it effectively outside of its intended role requires both high speed and intense focus, making it mentally and physically tiring for a different reason than usual. Third: although Yoruichi can easily wield Kurayami one-handed, truly effective use of it requires both hands and means she’s committed to its employment for the duration of however long it’s out.

Kurayami’s killing essence is ruthless surprise attacks: it exists to kill the enemy without hesitation or mercy through decapitation or dismemberment before they even know they’re under attack, leaving body parts and piles of meat where foes once stood. It’s an execution weapon. Its nonlethal use would still recommend targeting the Saketsu and Hakusui of enemies to depower them permanently, or dismembering them. Yoruichi is fundamentally opposed to this style of combat and not only finds it distasteful in a moral and ethical sense, but also tactically inflexible. She would have to use Kurayami “creatively”, which comes with the aforementioned issues.

Yoruichi also dislikes the stealth element. She generally disdains killing, but historically she was a social killer: she chatted up targets, got close to them, and killed them up close and personal, usually while looking them right in the eyes—if someone is actually worth killing, it’s usually worth seeing it through to their end rather than doing it impersonally. Although Kurayami’s stealth abilities make it possible to stalk and observe targets before dispatching them, it still feels wrong to her. Much like it takes two to tango, it takes two to really commit murder.

Even though Kurayami presents a large number of unconventional approaches, meeting an opponent’s weapon with one’s own is still more predictable than facing them unarmed. The use of Hakuda isn’t quite so perceptible and immediately grasped, lacking as it does a material form, and that thus makes it more dangerous in many ways.

The number of opponents whom Yoruichi would need to use Kurayami against in order to compete is vanishingly small; it’s normally complete overkill.

While Kurayami is a scythe, the naginata-like reverse blade makes for an obvious comparison with that type of weapon when it’s in war scythe mode. Being not just a noble woman, but the first woman to lead the Shihōin Clan, Yoruichi doesn’t like the reputation that naginata have within Soul Society, which is much the same as in Japan; she found the idea that she was stuck with something like a once prestigious weapon which had since become “a woman’s weapon” to be demeaning. Per the Wikipedia article:

During the Genpei War (1180–1185), in which the Taira clan was pitted against the Minamoto clan, the naginata rose to a position of particularly high esteem, being regarded as an extremely effective weapon by warriors. Cavalry battles had become more important by this time, and the naginata proved excellent at dismounting cavalry and disabling riders. The widespread adoption of the naginata as a battlefield weapon forced the introduction of greaves as a part of Japanese armor.

[...]

In the peaceful Edo Period, weapons’ value as battlefield weapons became diminished and their value for martial arts and self-defense rose. The naginata was accepted as a status symbol and self-defense weapon for women of nobility, resulting in the image that "the naginata is the main weapon used by women". A naginata was commonly a dowry of women of the nobility. But historical recordings describing the practice of martial arts by women are rare and uncertain.

In the Meiji era, it gained popularity along sword martial arts. From the Taisho era to the post-War era, the naginata became popular as a martial art for women, mainly due to the influence of government policies. Due to this influence, the image that “spears are women’s weapons” was formed.

To summarize: Yoruichi holds an attitude toward Kurayami which is reminiscent, to a certain extent, of a mixture between the feelings Soifon holds toward her bankai, Jakuhō Raikōben, and the way in which Shūhei traditionally regarded Kazeshini in general. Another point of comparison would be the Raiju Senkei form of her own Shunkō. She dislikes it.

HOW WOULD YORUICHI ACTUALLY EMPLOY IT? Were Yoruichi forced to employ Kurayami in combat (and her threshold for considering that has lowered substantially following her fight against Askin), and were she using it as intended, she would combine it with her high speed flash steps and Shunkō to become nigh unstoppable and undetectable in the pursuit of either a single-target elimination (like a Vindicare Assassin) or to become a veritable terror weapon of mass destruction (like an Eversor Assassin).

Were she not using it as intended, her focus would be on utilizing Kurayami to create as unpredictable a fighting style as possible and tailoring her damage to her opponent.

The death scythe mode allows for spinning, twirling, and arcing attacks that can hit foes from unpredictable angles, easily remove limbs, or strike weak points from unanticipated directions. The pommel and striking surfaces are most readily employed in this form as weapons as well.

The speed of the action through which Kurayami changes from death scythe mode to war scythe mode, although not the fastest motion of any zanpakutō, is still a notable fraction of the record-holder (that honor still going to Gin’s Kamishini no Yari). It opens with enough force to destroy a city block were all its kinetic energy imparted: it can effortlessly lop limbs from all but the very strongest opponents, and were it not so sharp, would cause weaker ones to explode. The sword pressure from it opening can act as a ranged weapon by itself, much like how Ginjō believed Ichigo was using Getsuga Tenshō on him after the latter regained his powers.

The war scythe mode also encourages spins and twirls, although of a different nature with more side-to-side motions rather than entrapping angles. It also suggests varying which side of the blade is being attacked with, and can also encourage a more defensive posture with quick, spear-like stabs. The more thoroughly balanced nature of the weapon in this form also recommends using it like a staff, and also for mobility unto itself, such as pole-vaulting into kicks and the like.

Fluidly changing between different modes, styles, and techniques would permit Yoruichi to employ Kurayami in a dizzying if eventually mentally draining fashion against almost all conceivable opponents. However, refining her knowledge of weapon techniques and applying them to Kurayami’s form is still something she has yet to fully commit to or hone in actual practice. She's reticent to do so, as it would likely require sparring with another Taichō-class Shinigami also using a bankai which didn't have notable auxiliary effects to really put in the work.

[docholligay]

Doc recommends novels ask: Hi, Doc! I enjoy a fantasy realm or two, but could happily leave the romance/love triangles/etc behind. Also, it would be great to get to know a world that has real impacts and consequences for their magic system, with logical and interesting world-building included. Any recommendations of novels that might fit this description?

This is hard because I don’t generally enjoy fantasy! Which isn’t to say it’s without merit at all, it’s just not something I personally enjoy, partially due to something you bring up, which is that the magic systems are incredibly flexible to the moment, and I don’t much care for that. That and I am less of a person who enjoys building out a fantasy or sci-fi world than I am the person who wants to get into the brass tacks of what people are thinking and feeling and what is the human element of all of it? 

"I stopped believing there was a power of good and a power of evil that were outside us. And I came to believe that good and evil are names for what people do, not for what they are."--His Dark Materials

Honestly the best fantasy series I can think of with this criteria is His Dark Materials. The fantasy is not a distraction from the story and emotions itself, any romance in the story is not something that the story needs or necessarily even wants you to give a shit about, and to some extent, I would argue that it’s there at all. It IS a YA book, which is my only stop point here, but I would argue its one of the more complexly written YA books, and has good prose, some nice grey moralities, and there’s no system in it so complicated that you have to sit down and pattern out the rules around it. It’s a world very much like our own, only slightly different. 

It also does a really good job with the nature of goodness and gets into some extremely weird and interesting shit about God that I feel a lot of ways about at once. Can’t recommend the series enough on that level. I have read it as an adult and stand by it, and that’s my Big Test. 

"The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword. If you would take a man's life, you owe it to him to look into his eyes and hear his final words. And if you cannot bear to do that, then perhaps the man does not deserve to die." --A Song of Ice and Fire

Ahahahah there was a time I would have recommended A Song of Ice and Fire in this, which, to a point, I LOVED, I started reading it as a ...middle schooler? Maybe young high school? When I started falling out of love with fantasy. I still think the first few books are good, but I think  Martin’s biggest problem is he simply took too long, and what is the feel of fantasy now, and what most fantasy readers want, is out of his grasp. Though HONESTLY, if someone took a series of mine I hadn’t finished and made me fucking millions, would I keep writing? Or would I be like, “Aw, I’m retired now, I’m good”? I dunno, it’s easy to pretend you have morals when no one’s giving you  ten million dollars. But it also didn’t rely SO heavily on magic or anything, it was mostly about political machination. 

"where the world ends is where you must begin" --The Gunslinger

I almost forgot that The Gunslinger would actually completely be termed as fantasy. The Gunslinger is a fucking fantastic novel by Stephen King. I avoided reading the entire Dark Tower series for years, because people kept telling me, “Oh it’s nothing like Stephen King” and well I happen to very much like King’s THING, even when it aggravates me, so why would I read something that is nothing like him? Fortunately, what they meant was, “It’s not a horror novel.” I don’t know if I can recommend the entire series even though *I* ended up fucking loving it--I read the whole series in a year and that was with a huge break, but if I said it didn’t have it’s occasionally aggravating moments, I would be lying. But when it’s amazing, it’s so amazing, and the first book is all killer, no filler, and if you just wanted to leave it there, that would be fine. If you DO read the series...read the cliffnotes on Wizard and Glass, it’s boring as shit, and it’s clearly all of King’s backstory notes on Roland while he was trying to get back to writing the series, and like, no hate, but also, it made me stop reading the series for months. Wolves of the Calla, the one that comes after it, is an IMMENSELY fun fantasy-western, which in many ways I guess the series as a whole is? But mostly Wolves of the Calla. 

“Time and I have quarrelled. All hours are midnight now. I had a clock and a watch, but I destroyed them both. I could not bear the way they mocked me.”--Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norell

This one is given with caveats--I haven’t read it since I was eighteen, and it might not be as good as I remember it being. I’ll look to reread it next year. But I know at the time I adored it! It has a really fun style to the writing that echoes the style of Dickens and the larger styles of the era, which makes the book an immense amount of fun for people named Doc, who are me. It is an INTENSELY English novel in a number of ways, and how both Strange and Norell can be so strangely (hah) fussy and so competent, and yet inept and caught up in their own petty backbiting drama (especially with each other--the story is, in many ways, about their friendship) just absolutely charmed the shit out of me as a youth. Now I want to reread it ahaha. It’s also, as I recall, a pretty easy read, though long. 

"What is the point of having free will if one cannot occasionally spit in the eye of destiny?" --The Dresden Files

Ohhhhhh boy does this come with caveats. This is a popcorn pulp series. It is a popcorn pulp series that at a certain point fails to deliver even on that promise. But for the first, oh, eight or nine novels, GOD did I love the Dresden Files. One of my favorite things was that it made me discover that though fantasy largely does not speak to me, I can quite love what I have come to find out is called ‘Urban Fantasy”. It had me from the moment where it was like, “Our world, but wizards are real, and they also have to go buy milk at the store” and I was like, “Oh fucking sold” because it allowed me to get into magic without all the “She was born of the CLydroffer lineage of witches, which took their power from air. She ran down to the village of Stratford-upon-Badger’s Nose and took to seeing the local Scriddonk” and anyway, avoiding the medieval setting made me enjoy it so much the more. They have a very fun lawful good character, Harry is that kind of smug asshole protagonist that’s JUST this side of enjoyable, and while there’s romance, up to a certain point at which I hope you abandon the sinking ship, you can ignore it.  Like I said, they’re not any great literary giant, but they’re immense fun in the way that like, Anita Blake was fun for awhile (for my mother at least) or Anne Rice.* 

*I don’t know what this counts as, but Interview With the Vampire is a hell of a book.  I can’t really recommend the others. I might, weirdly, have a copy upstairs in paperback? If you want it I’ll send it along, if I do.

[oldmanatom]

Fallout OC seven day S.P.E.C.I.A.L.

so i saw this post cross my dash with a bunch of questions based on S.P.E.C.I.A.L stats, and i thought it was neat so i filled it out! and also stole the idea from @quickscribe to just do all the prompts at once and put it in a single post, so thank you for that. check it out below the cut:

this is all for Trinidad, my F4 PC who i haven’t talked about since 2016 so if you’re like “who the fuck is that” that’s 100% valid.

Day 1 - Strength

How physically strong is your OC? strong enough to haul her smallish pack of stuff around the wasteland, but not much stronger. she’d be able to pull herself up off a ledge, depending on how far off it she was and the angle she was hanging at, but she’s not doing pullups on the reg.

How good are they in melee or hand to hand combat? she’s competent enough to be able to defend herself if pressed, but typically prefers working with guns, not her hands. even CQC with pistols is preferable to a knife fight.

Do they just punch things or are they trained in martial arts? lord knows the Shady Pre-War Paramilitary Organization that she ran with threw just about every martial art form at her they could, but nothing’s been able to break her of the brawler fighting style she learned from her younger days. there’s little finesse but a lot of fast, hard punches and dirty fighting.

Can they carry very heavy guns around easily or carry loads of supplies, or are they not that strong? she only carries two guns—a pistol and a hunting rifle, to give her some flexibility with range—plus a fairly straightforward set of gear: food, water, whatever limited medical supplies she can scrape up, bedding, miscellaneous light survival tools (flint/steel, etc.). she’s not a pack mule, but her pre-War days gave her enough experience trekking around geared up to where she can handle her relatively light loadout with some flexibility if she finds something worth taking with her.

Day 2 - Perception

How good is your OC’s eyesight? Can they see well in low light conditions? very good. low light can be touchy, depending on the situation, but she’s got stellar eyesight overall.

How quickly or slowly do they notice anything suspicious?  if something weird is happening, chances are she already knows about it. she’s been around the block enough to know to keep her eyes open always, not to mention the times that her perceptiveness and paranoia has been the only thing that made certain bad situations turn out in her favor.

How good is their aim? with a gun, very good. not surprising, since her pre-War job was being good at shooting, but while it’s something she’s been extensively trained on she also has something of a natural proficiency for it. (this combined with her eyesight made her pre-War employer try and tap her for their sniper training/positions, but she doesn’t quite have the patience or head for numbers that snipers need.)

How do they see the world around them? suspiciously at best. she was very-shellshocked once she came out of stasis, then disappointed once she started to get her feet under her and saw how much things have changed, and how much they haven’t. she holds things at a distance from her and tries to look at things objectively, though the line between “objective” and “dissociating to avoid having emotions” is a blurry one for her.

Day 3 - Endurance

What is your OC’s overall fitness level? is anyone really “fit” in a wasteland...? she’s fed, though not well most of the time, and with enough rest and resource management she’s generally able to do the physically demanding things that her journey through Boston demands of her.

How long can they exert themselves before tiring? depends on the activity. regular walking and traversing through ruins she can do for a good chunk of the day, though not at a breakneck pace and with some breaks. her age + extended sleep are starting to wear down on how well she can handle short bursts of frenzied activity and how long she needs to recover after them. she’s not pulling all-nighters except when absolutely necessary, and even then she’s feeling the effects far more than she remembers feeling them before the freeze.

Are they good at swimming, sprinting, running or climbing? aerobic exercise is Trinidad’s mortal enemy.

How well can they adapt to environmental pressures? she can grit her teeth and bear a lot of things, to an extent, but the toll they take on her once she’s through it is high. she’s not getting through a blizzard, sleeping for the night, and popping up the next day right as rain. the radiation also hits her harder than it does for the folks who were born post-War, and any higher-than-(post-War)-normal exposure to it tends to make her sick for days. (her initial days out of stasis actually were mostly spent dealing with lowish-grade radiation sickness until she finally adjusted, but even now she generally feels worse than normal if she spends too long in Boston proper.)

Day 4 - Charisma

How persuasive is your OC? about as persuasive as a brick wall. she’s never been particularly charismatic, and her line of work relied on her ability to be tough, quick, accurate, and quiet, not charming. to say her persuasion skills are rusty would be generous. outside of that, she’s blunt as a bat and hates verbal subterfuge—she just wants to ask a question and get a straightforward answer, not get run around in circles.

How easily can they obtain information that others may be less willing or inclined to share? well, if threats, intimidation, and a moderate amount of physical violence are on the table, than somewhat easily. otherwise, not easily at all.

How much verbal charm do they have? zippo. she makes up for it by not talking much.

Can they carry themselves with confidence? now this? she can absolutely do. partially it’s because she doesn’t talk much and had good posture drilled into her from said Shady Paramilitary Org, but she also has the air of someone who can’t be fucked with, because, well, she’s spent a lot of her life becoming someone who can’t be fucked with, for better and worse.

Day 5 - Intelligence

Can your OC read, write and do basic math? yes, though she’s never been a big math person. reading and writing are kind of whatever for her—she wasn’t much into reading before the War, but now that there’s precious little else to do to relax, she’s gotten more into it, and writing letters is about the only writing she really does much of.

What was the basis of their education i.e. were they formally educated or did they have to learn as they went? she dropped out of high school her senior year, though the two to three years preceding that she wasn’t exactly going very often, doing very well, or participating in the process much when she did show up. most of the knowledge she uses day-to-day has come from her growing up mostly unsupervised in the rougher areas of her neighborhood, training through Shady Paramilitary Org, and experience going to sketchy places and doing dangerous things.

Do they favour brains over brawn? a mix of both, with a little more emphasis on brawn, or at least on physical skills. she’s learned better than to go in firing, and typically likes to hang back and gather intel before acting, but she’s the kind of person where, if tasked with finding out about some illicit cover up, would break in and steal documents about it, not try and trick the target into giving info up. she likes the informed-but-straightforward solution to a situation, even if it’s not the one that looks the prettiest at the end of the day.

How good are they with technology? she’s good at figuring out how things work, as well as general repairs, especially things that are mechanical (versus electronics). as for using technology, she has basic knowledge of enough tech to get a sense for how something works and how to use it, but doesn’t necessarily rely on it much in her day-to-day life. the Pip-Boy she’s kept from Vault 111 is about the most advanced thing she uses daily, and even then, she mostly uses it for the map and the built-in Geiger counter.

Day 6 - Agility

How fast can your OC react to sudden changes? she’s quick to react to them physically—her life has very often depended on her reacting first to something—but her mind and emotions typically take a bit to catch up.

How good are they in combat situations where they are constantly moving? good enough to have survived 15 years worth of combat situations where she has to move quickly.

Are they quick on the draw with their weapons or not? very quick. though she’s more experienced with longer range weapons that can’t exactly be “stowed” quickly or easily, her time in Boston is really refining her CQC skills, quick-drawing being one of them.

Can they manoeuvre quickly around a slower assailant? for the most part! but she’s not particularly well-versed in judo-like movement redirection—she’s the kind of person that would likely try to deflect a blow or take it in a way that doesn’t stagger/hurt as much versus try to use the striker’s momentum against them. (she’s not the largest, most physically sturdy person, either, so this instinct has fucked her over more than once.) she’s not the fastest footed fighter, but she knows how to use what speed she might have to her advantage, and she’s perceptive and quick enough on her feet to use the environment against her attacker as well.

Day 7 - Luck

How fortunate (or not) overall is your OC? middle of the road. she’s not blessed, but not cursed, either.

Do they seem to stumble upon necessary supplies easily or never seem to find what they need? kind of a crapshoot, but middle of the road as well, for the most part.

Have they survived an injury that, had it been someone else, would have been fatal? not yet...

Do good things or bad things happen more around them? i would say she tends to find herself in bad situations and dealing with bad things more often than not, but i don’t know if it’s a matter of luck, necessarily—before the War, it was because that was just the kind of life she lived, and post-War she’s not exactly keeping herself out of the way of bad situations, though she’s not getting sent straight into them anymore, either.

[veliseraptor]

okay first of all im so glad you're talking about your ex-villain project!! i have been thinking about it for like a really long time & kind of wanted to ask about it but i was too nervous. if you ever publish it i will definitely read it, this is 100% my jam & i would die for all of your ocs. for the ask meme (it was REALLY hard to narrow down so you dont have to answer all if you don't want to) could we have 11, 16, 19, 26, 32, & 35 for all?

Friend, I will always love to talk about this project, it’s exciting and definitely easier than, you know, actually writing it. My OCs would definitely not die for you, I am afraid, except for maybe Yazdan. He might do it under the right circumstances. Nobody else, though. 

Putting this under a cut because it got long…

How do they see themselves: as smart, as intelligent, uneducated?

Kazem: Oh, Kazem thinks he’s hot stuff. He’s prone to thinking he’s the smartest person in the room, which, unfortunately, he often is - at least in terms of knowledge and cleverness. And he knows this about himself, and is distinctly proud of it. He’s not so great on the common sense front, though. 

Israt: She doesn’t necessarily see herself as intelligent - it’s not a part of her personality self-definition, anyway. She’s smart enough, as far as she’s concerned, but it’s not a defining characteristic, for her.

Yazdan: I’ve talked a little about how he struggles with seeing himself as uneducated, and how he’s very self-conscious about that. He’s smart enough but he doesn’t think of himself as particularly intelligent. 

Jaleh: She’s fought hard for her education, and she thinks of herself as certainly clever, though she’s aware of the holes in her education. But she’s fairly confident in her intelligence just the same. It’s not the thing she values most about herself, though. 

What does your character do for a living? How do they see their profession? What do they like about it? Dislike?

Kazem: Right now? Not much. It’s not like he has a lot of options for gainful employment. Yazdan is basically his sponsor helping keep him alive, though he keeps pushing Kazem to look for something to do, which he isn’t. 

He’s not happy with it. He’s bored, and miserable, but he doesn’t really see a way out of it, either, when most people would hardly want to hire him (and might just want to kill him). Also, feeling sorry for himself is a full time job.

Israt: I referred to this in another ask, but she’s an Outrider who makes her living scouting the borders of the empire - not actively a soldier, but more of a scout and skirmisher. She deals a lot with the reality of the tension along the borders, particularly the western border with the Rome expy.

She likes it, more or less. It keeps her away from her home and family, it requires more work from her body than her brain so she can disengage from thinking too much, it takes her to interesting places, and there’s a certain glamour that lets her pick up most people she wants to. And she appreciates not having to stay in any place very long.

Yazdan: Professional heroism, more or less. Well, technically he’s in the employ of the empress (again, more or less), and there is an element of the spy to what he does, but mostly he puts out brush fires and is a demonstration of power to their neighbors. 

He’s not totally pleased with this situation - it makes him feel a little dirty and used, sometimes. But he also feels like it’s what he needs to be doing, because someone does, and he’s the only person who seems willing to volunteer - especially after his role in Kazem’s fall raised his profile astronomically.

Jaleh: This is another “I could tell you but she’d have to kill you” question.

What were your character’s deepest disillusions? In life? What are they now?

Kazem: Kazem’s older brother was pretty horrifically abusive, his parents did nothing about it, and at a relatively young age Kazem ended up killing him. 

That’s…not the source of all his issues, necessarily, but it did found a lot of disillusionment with people in general, how they behave, and the prospects for people looking after him - it very much developed for him a sense of “I have to take care of myself because no one else is going to do it.” And the drive to accumulate as much power as possible so he’s never that vulnerable again.

Israt: Her sister’s death was a big one. Prior to that, Israt had a fair amount of freedom, or at least decided she did (her family didn’t appreciate it, but she still took it). After that…the world was a lot less safe, a lot less sure, and she had a lot more responsibility and a lot less belief in the fairness and justice of the universe. That’s kind of her breaking point when “minor disaster human” became “major disaster human.” 

Yazdan: This is one where I don’t actually feel like I can answer it because of spoilers, but I can say that he feels like a fraud a lot of the time - in some ways his deepest disillusionment is in himself.

Jaleh: I also can’t say much here because of spoilers, but she had a hard life growing up and doesn’t expect much from other people - much help, much love, much affection. She’s very self-sufficient and her view of the world is pretty bleak. She thinks most people are fundamentally hypocrites who are just out for their own gain.

She’s very “every person for themselves,” which contributes a lot to her ruthlessness.

What does your character’s home look like? Personal taste? Clothing? Hair? Appearance? 

I have the fancast here for appearance. When it comes to home…Kazem and Israt both don’t have a permanent one, and Jaleh’s is another one that I don’t want to answer in detail. Yazdan is also relatively itinerant, though he does technically have his own home adjacent to the palace. He doesn’t spend a lot of time there, though, as a rule, because he’s kind of uncomfortable with it.

How does your character react to stress situations? Defensively? Aggressively? Evasively?

Kazem: By turns either aggressively or with despair. When Kazem is stressed it’s either “take it out on everyone else” or “turn it inward and depression retreat away from the world.” There’s really not much of a middle ground. At least, that’s how it goes when he can’t control the stressful situation - if he can figure out how to white-knuckle control it and turn it to his advantage somehow then that’s fine. 

Israt: Israt prefers to avoid stressful situations overall, though she’s really in the wrong job for it, and she actually is pretty good at crisis management - better than she gives herself credit for. She has a pretty level head when things go to shit around her. It’s when things are fine that she starts running into trouble.

Yazdan: Also tends to handle stress fairly well, because he needs to a lot of the time. It’s also why he spends a lot of time tired, though. (Tired and not showing it.) He is in a nearly constant state of low-key anxiety, though, which is maybe why he can “handle” it - he’s just sort of used to that being a state of being.

Jaleh: Thrives under stress. Adrenaline just gets her mind going, and when other people are buckling she takes a substantial amount of pride in her ability to knuckle down and keep going. Pressure just makes her better at whatever she’s doing. And she’s a little bit of an adrenaline junkie, in her own way. 

Do they always rationalize errors? How do they accept disasters and failures?

Kazem: Poorly. Kazem is a perfectionist, and his ability to “roll with the punches” is roughly nil. He flips out about it every time, and doesn’t cope well with sudden changes in plan. He tends to both blame himself for not doing everything right and also everyone else in the vicinity for getting in the way. He is both the only competent person in the room and also solely responsible for things going wrong. 

Kazem has, as you may have gathered, Issues.

Israt: She doesn’t rationalize errors - she just expects them. And tends to just let them happen and then move on by them while pretending they don’t bother her. It’s not that they don’t bother her, she’s just kind of “well, shit happens, the world is nasty and things go wrong all the time, so…” and keep on moving. 

That’s her solution in most cases. Keep moving - the problems come when you stop.

Yazdan: Also poorly, though a little better than Kazem, and he tends to hold himself solely responsible. He doesn’t collapse in the same way, though - he’s more inclined to double down and try harder, though not always by actually changing course so much as just “well if I did this same thing but better it would have worked.” 

Jaleh: Probably handles them the best of the four of them - though she tends to blame other people for her mistakes a lot. Also has the “I’m the only competent one in the room” thing, but that just means that when things go wrong it’s not her fault. She does adjust course more easily, though, and is more flexible about changing plans or accounting for the unexpected and adapting for it. 

[misssophiachase]

if you're still taking song prompts for klaroline, how about shawn mendes "if i can't have you"?

Yesssss anon, love this song!

Singer/Songwriter Klaus Mikaelson can’t stop thinking about his ex-girlfriend and childhood best friend Caroline Forbes. His behavior leads his frustrated manager to take drastic action.

If I Can’t Have You

I can’t write one song that’s not about you

“I don’t know who you are anymore.”

Her words still haunted him, even three months later. 

Klaus had returned home to Los Angeles ready to throw himself into writing and determined to try and block out all distractions. 

But then it started.  

It wasn’t a matter of not writing, in fact he’d penned a whole album within six weeks. Klaus thought it was good. It was probably the most honest writing he’d ever done. Unfortunately his manager and record label didn’t agree. They even had the audacity to call him obsessive like some crazed stalker.  

His insomnia was profound after that meeting. On one of those sleepless nights Klaus found himself in his expansive attic at 3am trawling through the numerous cardboard boxes – also known as his past - deciding that for some crazy reason revisiting his childhood would help kickstart the creative process. 

It did at first, the multitude of photos acting as the perfect narration of his high school journey. Kol making goofy faces, Elijah staring at him in the background with disdain, Katherine flashing her bloomers mid-cheer at Homecoming much to Rebekah’s shock and Bonnie lazily reading Ulysses under her favourite tree.  

Then he happened on the next picture. One he knew all too well. Caroline Forbes, his best friend and former girlfriend, dressed as a sexy nurse on Halloween and poking out her tongue. It had been her initial response when he’d asked her to give him mouth-to-mouth. Granted she did later, albeit after much persuasion. 

God he loved her, he probably always would. He decided this revisiting of memory lane was a very bad idea and not at all going to help his current predicament.

It was at that point as the sun began to peek above the horizon he knew exactly what he had to do. Purge her memory including wiping their most recent conversation from his mind and then maybe he could write. 

Easier said than done. 

3 months earlier… 

Can’t drink without thinkin’ about you

“Barman, another whiskey please?” He asked, shaking his glass for extra effect. He needed the liquid courage as everything was unfolding around him. Klaus had missed Boston and his family and best friends but having them come together all at once was slightly confronting. 

Probably his fault for deciding to attend this wedding last minute. His last album had just gone platinum and rather than basking in his success Klaus was already anxious about how he was going to top it.  

“Did you ever think our little Kol would get married?” Katherine’s arm was around his shoulder before he could process it completely. He still hated Katherine because she told Caroline he cried during ET when they were thirteen.

“No one ever thought he’d ever be mature enough to marry,” he joked. “But apparently Esther sent him off to Bonnie with care instructions.”

“Now those I would pay to see,” she teased. “You know seeing your brother married is almost as surprising as seeing his superstar big brother grace us with his presence.”

“It’s not like that Kat and you know it,” he replied gruffly.  “But you did marry Elijah and take his grumpy ass off my hands so I won’t hold it against you.”

She poked out her tongue before replying. “If I was truly an evil sister-in-law I’d tell you just how good Elijah is in bed with his….”

“Yuck, seriously Kat,” he growled, hoping the dozen or so whiskeys he’d consumed wouldn’t make a repeat appearance. “You truly are the devil incarnate.”  

“And just like that we’re back in high school again,” a soothing and familiar voice offered. “Stop playing with him Kitty Kat, he’s out of practice.”

“But it’s just so much fun,” she argued before sending him a knowing wink then gesturing in Caroline’s direction. So not obvious.

It was no secret that his siblings and most people in his hometown held out hope that the prom king and queen would live happily ever after. Unfortunately it wasn’t a realistic scenario, they’d grown apart not only in terms of distance.

“Always the diplomat, love,” he smiled, probably against his better judgment. He’d felt completely out of place but when she’d floated effortlessly down the aisle of the church in nude silk Klaus felt like he was home again. 

“Have you met your family?”

“Touché,” he chuckled, swirling the amber liquid in his glass and trying to ignore just how good she still smelled, a mixture of strawberries and freshly pouring rain. “If I get too drunk later, and forget to say, you truly are the perfect bridesmaid.”

“Why, because I know how to keep the peace between many competing egos? Your sister was especially difficult; anyone would think she was the bride.”

“Nothing ever changes around here,” he mused, not unfamiliar with his little sister’s antics. “No, it’s because you outshone them all, even the bride, just don’t tell Bonnie I said that.”

“So, I’m actually surprised you’re here. I was told you were too busy to come home for the wedding.” Klaus could sense the resentment in her voice.

“I moved a few things around.”

“Well, given it’s your own brother I’m glad you were able to be so flexible.”

“Wow, tell me what you really think, Caroline.”

“Fine, I will,” she offered, before taking a breath obviously about to give him a piece of her mind.

“It was a rhetorical statement,” he growled. “I don’t need a lecture, we’re not teenagers anymore.”

“Well, you could have fooled me,” she huffed. “I’m so proud of you and what you’re doing Klaus but coming back to visit your relatives shouldn’t be just an annual event.”

“I’m sure Esther, Kol, Elijah and Rebekah barely notice my absence, love.”

“You’d be surprised, Kol wasn’t his usual joking-self when he found out his big brother might not be at his wedding.”

“Well, I’m here now.”

“For how long for exactly?

“I, uh, leave tomorrow,” he faltered, his gaze now downcast his drink suddenly very interesting.

“Haven’t you just released your record? Surely they’d allow you some time off?”

“An artist’s work is never done.”

“Why don’t I believe you?” She asked, taking him by surprise and grazing his chin with her forefinger so his gaze returned to hers. Klaus suddenly felt dizzy and not just because of his alcohol consumption. “I really don’t know who you are anymore, Klaus.” 

“I’m still me, sweetheart,” he bit back defensively, completely puzzled and annoyed at the same time. The hardest thing he’d ever done was leave Caroline Forbes. 

“Well, how about staying and we can see if that’s true?” 

“I’d love to, I would, but I really need to get back.” He pulled back his stool and left, worried that her hopeful expression might tempt him to stay and actually force him to have a real adult conversation about his feelings. Klaus really wasn’t ready for that.

Is it too late to tell you that everything means nothing if I can’t have you?

“What is with you, mate?” His manager Enzo offered between songs in the recording studio. “When you went home I thought it would get you out of your funk.”

“Apparently not.”

“You are extremely talented Klaus and as your manager I’m here to support you even when you’re being a total wanker.”

“Wow, tell me what you really think. You’re like the male version of my sister, completely unapologetic and scathing.”

“Mmmm, not sure what I think about being compared to your sister but that’s why you hired me,” Enzo shot back. “You’ve only been able to write about one subject and while I don’t begrudge you a muse there needs to be some variety.”

“I’m trying, believe me,” he promised. 

“Not well enough,” he shot back, gesturing to the studio door and signalling a come here gesture with his fingers. 

“Excuse me?”

“I thought that bringing your biggest distraction here might help.”

“My biggest distraction,” Klaus murmured, his brain working quickly to work out just what he meant. “You didn’t?”

“Well, how was I supposed to lift the spell?”

“You realise having her here will work in the complete opposite way, St John,” Klaus mumbled thinking, not for the first time, his manager wasn’t the smartest person. 

“Calm down princess, she’s here to beat it out of you. Genius right?” 

“What the hell Enzo? She has a really sharp tongue and a mean right hook.”

“Perfect then,” He wasn’t sure what this was until she appeared behind the glass wall in the studio looking even more beautiful than Klaus remembered. “And by the way, it took a lot to get her here given she thinks you’re an arrogant ass. Her words, not mine.”

“I get it Enzo, you are the best manager ever,” he groaned sarcastically. “Any chance we can talk in private?”

They all seemed to scatter, mostly scared that shouting would ensue and Caroline’s famed right hook might be put to the test.  

“You are an arrogant ass,” she offered, propping her feet up on the desk and eyeing him through the glass. “I only say that because I worry about those poor fans of yours who should know better.”

“Sarcasm doesn’t suit you, love.”

“So, why the writer’s block exactly?”

“Straight to the point I see.” 

“Well, some people have lives to save, Mikaelson,” she cocked her head slightly to the left, making Klaus lose all concentration momentarily.

“I’m fairly certain the night you decided to dress as a nurse for Halloween your future vocation was secured and given your caring nature it’s perfect,” he smiled knowingly. “Although I hope your outfit at Mass General isn’t as skimpy as the original version.”

“Why would that be so bad?” 

“I’m thinking about heart attacks for the most part but not gonna lie it also makes me extremely jealous. Call me a caveman but I always hoped that outfit was for my eyes only.” 

“And if it was?” She was now leaning closer towards the glass, her blue eyes seeking out his curiously. 

“I saw that picture the other day,” he replied huskily. “You were in that same costume poking your tongue out at the camera. I didn’t think I’d ever felt so happy.”

“Funny that, I felt the same way. I’ll never forget your fireman suit, even if you were scared of fire.”

“Kol thought it would be a good choice.”

“And that says it all,” she laughed. “So, what exactly am I here for, Mikaelson? What’s this distraction you can’t shake?” 

“Well, I have one huge stumbling block,” he admitted sheepishly. “It’s you.”

“Huh?”

“I can’t stop thinking or writing about you,” he admitted, his eyes finding hers through the glass and secretly hoping that telling the truth would somehow free him. 

She was silent for the most part obviously processing his confession and weighing up whether or not to shout or kick his ass. 

“My manager likes my songs but apparently pining after one person isn’t all that attractive to the general public,” he murmured. 

“You don’t act like that at all,” she answered, “in fact you can barely bring yourself to visit Boston because you’re just too busy for your family and…”

“You’re the reason.”

“I’m sorry?”

“No I’m sorry,” he reiterated. “I’ve always loved you Caroline, probably since Katherine told you I cried during ET at Lucien’s party in the seventh grade, which by the way I so didn’t.”

“Now I feel like I’ve really been transported back in time,” she murmured. 

“I was setting the scene,” he explained, moving closer and placing his hand on the glass just near her lips. “When you and I broke out those turkeys on old man Johnson’s farm prior to Thanksgiving because you decided being vegetarian was a great idea.”

“And it was.”

“For a day,” he grinned, “but I’m sure those turkeys we freed will always be thankful for your generosity.”

“You only liked it because we made out in the field afterwards.”

“Well, I am only human you know, love,” he joked, poking his tongue out through the glass. “But it was when you were named Queen at prom I honestly thought we’d be together forever.”

“But life had a way of intervening,” she murmured, her eyes dipping. “And I don’t regret that for a moment because I’m so proud of you Klaus…”

“But you just don’t know who I am anymore?” He recited, those words he knew so well that had killed him. 

“Well, yes. You didn’t want anything to do with Boston, with your friends and family, with me.”

“I didn’t want to come home because of you, Caroline,” he admitted. “It was idiotic but the thought of seeing you in general but also happy with someone else was enough to stay away. I guess my family were collateral damage which wasn’t fair either.”

“Wow, he finally comes clean,” she teased. “I don’t want to stroke your ego but now you’ve admitted your undying love I could certainly help this writer’s block.”

“How, exactly?” Klaus asked, cocking his left eyebrow. 

“How in the hell do I get in there?” She insisted, running her hands over the glass repeatedly. 

“I have a weird feeling my sadistic manager thinks it would be fun to keep us apart to further the creative process.”

“We can kill him right?”

“Oh yeah, but it doesn’t mean we can’t have fun either,” he smiled. “In fact I have this great melody I’d like you to hear.”

It was at that point Klaus Mikaelson’s track “If I Can’t Have You” made its way to the top of the charts and given all his success he took some much needed time off with his finance and family in Boston.  

[dhominis]

Update on my meatspace existence! CW for parents and disordered eating and general neuroticism. Things are pretty great.

I’m happy.

Social-wise, I am not where I’d like to be but I am slowly getting more and more social contact. (It’s... not enough, not by a long shot, but fairly okay for someone who’s been in a new city for like three months. Especially at my general level of social competence. The ideal setup involves more or less constant interaction with people, far more physical contact -- I need to live in a house with like five or six friends who are smart and excited about things and also really like physical contact.) I have a friend with whom I can hike and talk about cool pathogens. I’m probably LARPing with an cool epidemiologist and her LARP group pretty soon, which is nerd shit and also increased social competence and also running around in the woods -- perfect. I have been doing various social things. (Went to a kink social thing and a cute girl hit on me. It was great -- I don’t think she meant it as a serious expression of interest but I’m generally really ecstatic about people flirting with me. Also got great hugs.) Life is getting better.

Plans for the future seem more and more clear -- flexible, but there are viable paths to outcomes I want. Current most viable path: being an ICU nurse. I think I am going to be a really good ICU nurse; people who are familiar with my general personality concur. I am smart and competent and compassionate but not high-automatic-empathy enough that it’ll interfere with my functioning, I automatically think of things in terms of feedback within systems, I need to be active and under stress, I’m pretty high-conscientiousness with adequate caffeine intake and expect further improvement once I get either real ADHD meds or modafinil, I’ll be so good at this.

(I can handle stress, I can handle pressure. I cannot handle not being under pressure. A high-pressure job that occupies a lot of my time is more or less necessary; I am like a neurotic border collie that can’t self-motivate, I will always find things to do, if they’re not imposed from outside those things will be e.g. having pointless anxiety about things that really don’t merit anxiety.)

Be an ICU nurse for a few years. Donate ten percent. It’s worth figuring out whether “reducing medical error via checklists” is a viably high-impact thing; more likely I’ll end up working in the ICU until I stop being a high-stress traumatized adolescent, then go to CRNA school and make ridiculous CRNA salary and donate like $100k/year or something absolutely ridiculous like that.

Also when I moved out here I was very much thinking “yeah I’m gonna just work as much as I need to pay my bills and not think about school and just relax so much” and three months later I’m pulling stupid overtime and figuring out the best way to fast-track my nursing degree. (Depends on how much transfer credit Shitty Online College is willing to give me, but likely the best way to do it will be to finish my BS online while working full-time and then go to an accelerated RN program; that’d be only one full year of in-person school. And then just be a nurse.)

I applied to Shitty Online College today; in a few weeks they’ll tell me how much transfer credit they’ll give me. It might be a viable option, and if that’s the case I’ll work full-time and finish my BS and apply for the one-year RN for 2021. Even if it’s not a viable option I’ll need anat/phys to get into nursing school and it’ll be a lot cheaper to do the self-study CLEP-adjacent test-out thing the shitty online college offers.

...I don’t know how to self-motivate. I don’t know how to self-study. This is a thing I have to learn but also I don’t know how to learn. Offers of peer-pressure coworking are so welcome, guys.

I have been in overtime every week since the first week. I am comfortably middle-class, have been living on about $1200 a month, am saving over half my income. I am in a really good position to do everything I want to! Like, within a few years I’d be able to buy a house were I not instead funneling all my income into education.

It has occurred to me that being non-disabled in certain important ways is a large part of why I’m okay. It’s... not intuitive to think of myself like that; I couldn’t handwrite enough for any reasonable goal until 2017 (a few legible sentences and that’s it for the day!), couldn’t make decisions based on my long-term ability to walk. There is less pain now. I am able to walk the mile and a half to and from work; I don’t need an apartment that’s right next to my workplace, I don’t need a car. I can hang out in a room full of loud alarms going off constantly and also make phone calls constantly and have people’s lives dependent on my ability to cope with this (this is my current job, I fucking love it).

Eating still has not been good (see post, CW for various ~food issues~). I’d hoped that the change of environment and commitment to exposing myself to unpleasant things e.g. eating would be useful, and there have been really substantial improvements (haven’t vomited since I left $homestate, I think I’ve at least maintained my weight, there’s only been one day I didn’t eat at all) but it’s... still requiring sustained effort. (You may notice that I am not yet great at sustained self-directed effort.) I’ll figure it out. Getting adequate therapy is a priority.

I could afford full-time Soylent. This is not an option I’m seriously considering in the near term but it is very comforting to know that there is another option. It’s likely that after e.g. a year of effort and therapy food will become intrinsically motivating again -- it’s been less than a year since my food issues became seriously harmful, after all, and recovery is likely. But even if that doesn’t happen, even if solid food is horrible forever, I have an option besides “do a thing that is seriously aversive every day several times a day for the rest of my life” and “don’t eat and subsequently be unable to function because I don’t eat.”

What else --

I had planned to maintain contact with my parents after leaving, since it’s important to them; this is no longer a viable plan. Every seriously unpleasant mental state since I left has either been “eating is unpleasant” or “I talked to my parents and this is Not Good.” It’s... relevant that every time this has happened, it’s been substantially less bad than literally every day I’d lived with my parents. Possibly I do not have a good understanding of what is a reasonable amount of distress to put myself in. I am still learning this and it’s okay.

So. Not talking to them. It feels good and free and safe. I almost think I should miss them -- it feels disrespectful for my reactions to be universally positive. Mostly this is not distressing because oh my god this is awesome I don’t have to interact with them unless I specifically choose to.

Also, now I am responsible for adult things like meal prep and cleaning and health insurance and finding a therapist and getting my in-state driver’s license and, uh, getting an ADHD eval. I have been putting off going to the DMV and I just... I have to go to the DMV. This will suck a bunch for a very short period of time and then I will have an in-state driver’s license and also will laugh at myself for not having done this two months ago.

(figuring things out and becoming more competent -- intrinsically motivating, for me. it’s a good trait to have.)

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WHAT NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ABOUT PARENTS

And you know what? The crazy legal measures that the labels and studios have been taking have a lot of money to implement it. So for any given team of founders, would it not pay to wait till the economy is so bad is making the same mistake as the people who thought during the Bubble all I have to think about other things.1 Business types prefer the most popular languages because they view languages as standards.2 The problem is that once you start raising money, for example. Though actually there is something druglike about them, in the best case you do it by fixing the things in the language, so you should know what the laws are and don't have time to find out. Curiously, however, the works of Plato and Aristotle became revered texts to be mastered and discussed. And my theory explains why they'd tend to be people I know personally, but it only caught 92% of spam, with 1. And you know what? Startups are marginal.

Starting startups is harder than you expect, but you're not going to starve. I can't and they won't make you do anything in the grownup world either. There's a kind of summer program. It is true that all they really care about performance. Someone ignorant but smart will come along and reinvent everything, and in return, you'll never allow yourself to do a half-assed job. And of course if you really get it, you probably never will. You not only have to solve a lot of other ambitious and technically minded people—probably more concentrated than you'll ever be again.3 For example, suppose you're just two founders and you want to start a startup at 30.4 Founders usually have a fairly informal atmosphere, and there's always a lot that needs to be done.5

Societies eventually develop antibodies to addictive new things.6 What makes good food? His response was to launch Wittgenstein at it, with dramatic results.7 Nearly every startup that fails, fails by running out of money. It takes a conscious effort to seek out the smartest people and get them to come and work for you?8 When things are hard to understand because the writer was unclear in his own mind from something like a mathematical proof that's hard to understand because the writer was unclear in his own mind from something like a mathematical proof that's hard to understand, people who propose new checks almost never consider that the check itself has a cost. Parents will die for their kids. So subtract a third from 16. And since risk is usually proportionate to reward, if you have to love it. I wouldn't be surprised if most programs started as throwaway programs. Signalling risk smells like one of those few things she wore all the time.

Can you cultivate these qualities? Whereas if you start a startup? The chance of getting rejected after the full partner meeting averages about 25%. I first learned Lisp, what I liked most about it was that it considered me an equal partner. The same mix of denial and wishful thinking that underlies most mistakes founders make. If nuclear winter really is here, it may become common for people to relive experiences without any goal in mind, simply to learn from mistakes. The users in this case are those critical few thousand people you'd like to work. The trick I recommend is to take yourself out of the third world. A country that wants startups will probably also have to be designed for bad programmers. Why would I do that?9 Perhaps this was the sort of spin added by politicians is woven through it. Try to get yourself into situations where the most urgent problems are ones you want to attract to your silicon valley like to get you to spend money on some kind of answer for, but not the co-founder?

It was impressive even to ask the questions they asked were new to them, at least in our own minds, we have to be able to flip ideas around in one's head: to see when two ideas don't fully cover the space of possibilities, or when one idea is the same as Aristotle's; we just approach it from a different direction. It's a knack for understanding users and figuring out how to get the same price. Everyone likes to believe that's what makes startups succeed. The problem is that the winning model for most applications will be purely server-based apps get released as a series of meetings, culminating in a full partner meeting where the firm as a whole says yes or no answer to that question. Chair designers have to spend most of his time talking about the noble effort made by the people who run them. If we could answer that question it would be useful not just to would-be startup founders but to students in general, because we'd be a long way to go before it could create a San Francisco. This story often comes to mind when I hear the RIAA and MPAA accusing people of stealing music and movies. There used to be only two and they rarely competed with one another because so many are private.10 The asterisk could be any character you don't allow as a constituent. At home, hackers can arrange things themselves so they can follow whoever breaks first.11 Thump, thump, thump.12 If you really love working on something else.

Bulgaria, we could all probably move on to working on something, they overrate their achievements. If they were driven by equity they'd be looking for ways to take advantage of technological change instead of fighting it. A investment, at least in the hands of good programmers, one of the founders.13 It works well for Google and ITA, which are two of the hot spots right now, but it does at least make you keep an open mind. Someone who gets this will work much harder at making a startup succeed—with the proverbial energy of a drowning man, in fact: you should only start a startup with someone you like, because a lot of nasty little problems is that you don't want to sell early. Flexible employment laws? On historical time scales, what we have now is just a prototype.14 Great programmers are sometimes said to be indifferent to money. Because the people whose sad example becomes a lesson to future generations—we'll have to figure out. This prospect makes naive founders clumsily secretive. The reason so many people think of property as having a single unchanging definition is that its definition changes very slowly.

I first learned Lisp, what I liked most about it was that it considered me an equal partner. Instead he'll spend most of your waking hours doing stuff someone else wants, or starve.15 And if the offer is surprising, it will help to work on whatever you want, so if someone does design a language that the very best hackers will like? Now it's easy to figure this out: just take a shower in the morning. They make the experience of buying stuff so pleasant that shopping becomes a leisure activity.16 It seemed the perfect bad idea: a site 1 for a niche market 2 with no money 3 to do something differently. 7636 free 0.

Notes

Investors influence one another both directly and indirectly. But it will have a moral obligation to respond promptly. In 1525 he was a kid.

In many ways the New Deal was a bad imitation of a business is to write it all at once, and Windows, respectively. More generally, it seems. One valuable thing about startup founders are driven only by money—for example. I don't know of no counterexamples, though.

That's the best thing they can use this thing yourself, because the early empire the price, and then being unable to raise money? Unless you're very smooth founder who used to those. Only a fraction of VCs even have positive returns.

This would add a further level of links. Indifference, mainly. In fact, if the growth is genuine.

They accepted the article, but if you want to change the meaning of life. Maybe what you care about the size of the venture business would work.

Even the cheap kinds of startups small this first summer, we're probably fooling ourselves. Forums and places like Twitter seem empirically to work than stay home with them.

People were more at the mafia end of economic inequality was really only useful for one another indirectly through the founders lots of options, of the kleptocracies that formerly dominated all the poorer countries. It seems more accurate metaphor would be to write and deals longer to close than you meant to. Thought experiment: set aside an option pool as well.

But there seem to them rather than admitting he preferred to work like they will only be a sufficient condition. So by agreeing to uncapped notes, and I ordered a large company? It doesn't end every semester like classes do.

VCs are only locally accurate, and this trick, and I ordered a large company? I'm not saying it's impossible to write about the origins of the things you waste your time working on what people actually paid. I've also heard them called Mini-VCs. And while they think they're just mentioning the site.

Angels and super-angel than a product of number of big corporations found that 16 of the kleptocracies that formerly dominated all the returns may be enough to guarantee good effects. They did try to ensure startups are usually more desperate for money. What you're looking for initially is not a product company.

But core of the best metaphors for hackers are in a signal.

But that solution has broader consequences than just getting kids to them to tell how serious potential investors are: the process of trying to describe the worst. It took a back-office manager written mostly in less nerdy fields like finance and media. There are still called the option of deferring to a group to consider behaving the opposite. In the early empire the price of a country richer; if there is something special that only a few people have to decide between two alternatives, we'd have understood why: If you assume that someone with a company if the students did well they do the startup eventually becomes.

It's true in the room, and we should, because they've learned more, because neither of the company at 1. 25 people have told us that we should be working to help the company at 1.

To do this are companies smart enough to invest in your plans, you now get to go behind the doors that say authorized personnel only.

So although it works well to show them how awful the real world is, it could become a so-called lifestyle business, A P successfully defended itself by allowing the unionization of its workforce in 1938, thereby gaining organized labor as a technology center is the place of Napster.

I say the rate of improvement is more important to users, however unnatural it seems a bit more complicated, because such companies need huge numbers of users to switch the operating system so much attention.

[itsleeviyah]

Quick Escape ( Our Travel Vlog’s Beyond the Scene and Me)

If my second semester odyssey would be a book, every page is all about hectic schedules. You could picture a long list of tasks and a tiny list of cravings. You could see how my forehead crumples as I try to figure out an answer. You can hear “tic tacs” of a keyboard, a murmur of what is to be written next and deep sighs of hardship. Every detail was a battle. However, I am glad I could overcome every part of it, no matter how I made it, by the grace of God.

Last month, our teacher told us to choose a locality where we can feature its language, culture, society and such. I was in a group with Ana, Rachel and Jona. All of us can speak Cebuano and our places are near from each other. We decided to choose Jona’s locality and everything went flash forward from the day we planned for everything, travelling, filming, editing and to the viewing of the video in the class. The experience was so hype.

I got a few things which I consider the biggest challenges for me. I was actually in short of money that time and I felt low because it was hard for me to ask a thousand, again, from my parents for the travel. I got anxious either because my parents are not easy when it comes to travelling with other people, which I am not related by blood or even friends. However, by God’s grace, I was provided and I was so grateful that I could go and face the battle.

I was assigned to edit almost all the parts of the video so it was really a challenge for me to finish the editing in a short span of time. I felt a bit guilty because I borrowed a time from my Maundy Thursday up to Black Saturday just to finish the raw video. It was quite lengthy. If only I knew beforehand that it can be creatively short, I would do it. I love video editing and stuff related to film so I was able to enjoy the challenge despite my anxiety in editing instead of spending a holy time in worship.

Aside from being the main editor of the video, I also helped in the actual filming, the planning of travelogue plot and the making of the brochure layout and design. I used all my little knowledge about using softwares and creativity for it. I felt fine doing these sorts of task because I am used to these since I was in high school. My groupmates also has the same mood as mine during the making. We were good about it.

After doing the task, I was honestly anxious because our plan was incomplete. We only had hours to film but our list of spots to go around the locality was long. I discovered that I could really face a camera despite the rumbling voices of anxiety I hear inside. As a member and one of the leaders of the group, I could get along well with them and I could share my ideas which could fit to their tastes also.  The place we featured really needs improvement, specially in their main town. There are only few stores and it was very quiet. However, the jolly spots were there in the barangays which are too far from the proper. Their municipality is still in the 4th class but I like how they were able to be heard on Youtube and on the Guinness World Book of Records despite the main town’s feature and the internet speed. But everything was fine. The beauty of their locality lies on the people and on the natural beauty of their falls and beaches.

To succeed in a group activity, every member must participate. Everyone should know the flow of the project and the details of each task. Mostly, each should respect an opinion from the other and having the will to surpass the task. I learned that I need follow what concerns everybody than just mine. I also learned to be flexible specially that we were just 4 in the group.

Every experience I had in Biliran was memorable because it was my first time there. The making of the video, the brochure making and the sleep over at Jona’s home were all memorable because it was also our first time working with her. She became my classmate in the second semester.

The experience is important to me as a student because it helped discover things outside the classroom and the experience I had will be incorporated to our lesson in linguistics. I was able to witness the concepts we had in reality. As a future professional, I can use my experiences specially in becoming an ICT competent and the values like being prompt, a leader, a follower and the like. The values I learned like teamwork with classmates, respect, promptness and discipline will help me as a human being.

I consider our travelogue as one of the biggest productions we had in this semester. This is one of the things I love doing the most. I feel proud of ourselves despite the challenges. We were able to enjoy the place and the moment and the vlogging experience. What we produced was very lengthy. I admit we were having second thoughts if it was fine to include almost everything filmed or cut it aesthetically short but we thought that it would be a waste of the experience if we cut it out from the film. We were sorry we had it very long. We were not able to put enough general information about the totally of its culture, language and society. We regret but we are still very happy.  However, we learned from our mistakes. That's the beauty of it.

 Biliran left our hearts longing for a comeback. I shall comeback.

 I love that quick escape in the middle of being a busy bee.

[piesnpucks]

Check, Please! Archery AU

Okay so it was an idea of @beepboopbits and @zimmsbits​ had that just spiraled out of control. I would say I’m sorry, but... I’m really not. 

Collegiate archery is kinda funky-- for example, there’s no one governing body but several-- and so i haven’t really gotten into many of the details regarding tournaments yet. This is loosely based off of my experiences with my university’s club/team structure, so these guys make up the competitive team and their ‘fans’ would probably be the club. 

I have a problem and I may be continuing in this ‘verse. Without further ado: 

Jack  is the son of Canadian Olympian Bad Bob Zimmermann. Attempting to follow in his father’s footsteps, he started shooting recurve at the age of three, and competitively before his sixth birthday. He missed tryouts for the 2008 Games in Beijing because of an equipment failure; his riser (the handle part of the bow) snapped because of a machining error. Returning to the archery scene in early 2009 at the Vegas International Shoot, Jack found himself the victim of target panic in the shootoff. He put his bow down and disappeared for two years, only to reemerge by starting a collegiate archery program at Samwell University.

 Bitty  is still a former figure skater, but after an injury at the Southern Junior Regionals, he had to hang up his skates and find a different sport. His experiences as a counselor at a summer camp introduced him to archery—which, he was proud to inform his mother, had less injuries per participant than golf. (IT’S TRUE!). He too started off with recurve; initially barebow, and then Olympic recurve like Jack once he found a range nearby. He’s terrified of hitting his arm with the string, so Jack has to work with him on getting his front arm alignment right so that he actually hits the spot on the target he wants to. He’s good with the rest of the mental aspects of archery though. He did not compete before coming to Samwell.  Honestly, the biggest adjustment for Bitty is probably the fact that he’s not allowed to have his phone with him on or ahead of the shooting line at tournaments—so, roughly half the time that he’s there!

“Shitty” earned his nickname by his vulgar language after every time he gets a bad shot. At least that’s the story. Shitty is a loudmouthed gregarious compound, the type who somehow manages to befriend and piss off everyone on his bale at once. He picked up archery at Andover and loved that it was an individual sport; he didn’t have to actually compete as a team with any of his schoolmates. He may be able to afford the best equipment, but the equipment doesn’t make the archer. He and Jack are still best friends, mostly for his ability to bring Jack out of his own head at practice or a tournament. He’d probably make a better coach than an archer, but everyone still values his presence anyways.

He still hates the LAX team.

 Lardo is a Student Rec employee who was originally put in charge of taking care of the bales and setting up the safety net before Samwell practices. Jack and Shitty (mostly Shitty, let’s be honest here) eventually coaxed her to take her first shots. Her presence on the team is treasured because she has no real preference of barebow over recurve or vice versa, though she hates compound; that makes her invaluable for shooting Mixed Teams at outdoor tournaments (must be m/f teams that shoot the same discipline). Jack initially likes her just for that, but they find that they share the same things that they do in canon. She claims that a slightly more flexible schedule from being in art classes means she’s more capable of handling the logistics of everything, but in reality she’s just better at life than everyone else.

 Ransom always brings his homework to tournaments and does it in between rounds, which can psyche out his competitors. It’s necessary, though. He used to shoot recurve as a child, but the rise of available compound bows combined with the intensity of his schedule drove him to make the switch, because he’d heard that compound required less practice (it’s true; training wheels are a thing). He usually finds an out-of-the-way corner at whatever tournament venue they’re at and sets up shop. Only Holster is allowed to talk to him once scoring starts. At practices he’s a lot more laid back. He still parties and he still knows everyone on campus, which has been instrumental in growing the archery club and also getting them finances.

 Holster had a couple vague memories of shooting an uncle’s—or was it a grandpa’s?—bow at a cabin some distance from his house when he was younger. He’d describe himself as having limited archery experience, but he managed to pick it up pretty quickly once he started shooting regularly again. His size initially made him think about recurve, but once he realized that Rans was shooting compound, he went out and bought the same bow. The two of them usually share a bale during practice.

  Chowder shoots barebow recurve. At practice, he’s very happy and a joy to shoot with; it seems like just hitting the target is enough to please him. At tournaments, though, he turns into a quiet, cold, arrow-busting machine. Nobody wants to share a bale with him at outdoor tournaments, because the middle is his, and he will have no qualms about shooting your arrows and possibly breaking them if they’re in the way. (Indoors, you get separate targets). Like Jack, he picked archery up at a young age, but has never been interested in ‘upgrading’ to have sights and a stabilizer. He’s just in it for the fun of it.

 Nursey picked up archery at Andover, just like Shitty. However, where Shitty opted for compound, Nursey chose a recurve because he preferred the feel of the bow. Nursey has a tendency to fiddle with his equipment just like he does lines in his poems, which can sometimes cause more harm than good. It’s a universal team rule that he’s no longer allowed within ten feet of the bow press, for fear that it will explode—again. He claims to be the best at the mental side of archery of anyone on the team because he knows how to chill (that title belongs to Chowder). However, when he’s on his game, he’s unquestionably on his game. Because he and Dex shoot the same division, they often end up shooting next to each other at tournaments—they’re a great support group for each other.

 Dex started looking for scholarships for Samwell, and then discovered the archery club. He qualified to join the team in his very first semester, because he used to shoot every summer before he was old enough to go out on the fishing boats. He shoots with a recurve because the equipment is generally cheaper and the basics are a lot more customizable. He’s the team’s bow tech; he and Ransom are the only ones who can understand the technicalities of the Easton tuning guide, and Ransom’s generally too busy to mess with things. He and Nursey squabble a lot because the riser he shoots is one that Nursey used to, and Nursey assumes that he knows it better. Despite this, he usually ends up shooting next to Nursey at tournaments. They get along and have a great time.

  Parse became Jack’s friend while they were both cruising the international archery circuit as children. He toyed with both compound and recurve, settling on compound once he got his first official sponsorship. He and Jack shot the same line times throughout the entire qualification rounds of the 2009 Vegas International Shoot, and qualified with the same 900/86X score. However, when they reached the shootoff rounds, Jack had his bout of target panic while Parse went on to win it all. Now he’s got a comfortable job out West at a starter bow company while also enjoying the immense payout from Vegas. He gets time off every year from his job to continue competing in the biggest tournaments around the world.

 Bad Bob was a Canadian Olympian in ’76 and ’80, winning the men’s individual gold both times. ’76 was particularly important, because it was only the second Games after 1920 that archery was contested, and it was held just outside of his hometown of Montreal. He earned his nickname after he blew two ends on the very first day of qualifiers; one of his competitors started mocking him until he came back stronger than he had before.

 I still plan to add the tadpoles and the girls of Check, Please! (bc this team is sadly unbalanced rn) but it shall be a work in progress. 

Anyway, tell me what you think! 

[the-cryptographer]

FEBRUARY MARCH CHALLENGE!!!

Yay! I did the thing! Below the cut you can find some silly answers and silly ms paint artwork~ It’s been forever since I’ve drawn and even more forever since I’ve drawn anime, so everything sucks but be kind, okay~

1. Favourite Character

This guy!!! I remember liking him immediately when I first watched in gradeschool, so he’s a longtime fave. I wish I remembered the basis for my affinity all those years ago, but it’s been lost to the tides of time. Now I kind of think about how his character works on two levels for me:

(1) On a kind of surface level, he’s just really fun to watch. His voice and his dialogue. The comedic expressions. The stupid accent in the dub. He’s temperamental and hammy. And, unlike a lot of the other characters, when he’s upset or unhappy, he’s generally driven towards being more active rather than being more passive - so instead of introspective scenes where he’s retreating into himself, you get all these scenes where he goes out and starts doing really dumb shit. He’s one of the few characters I pretty much universally enjoy watching for the theatrical value.

(2) And on a kind of deeper level, I just find him really inspirational. He’s far from a flawless character - there are so many ways he acts recklessly and makes mistakes, so many ways he can be grating and even cruel, and so many things he’s really not that good at. But he’s just so resilient and determined and such an aggressively good friend to Yuugi. I think especially with all the darker subtext in the manga, you can see the really bad places he’s come from, and how he’s been met with so much failure along the way - but he’s made it so far~ I wish we could all fall and get back on our feet as easily as Jounouchi.

2. Runner Up Character

Put-upon Egyptian Cult Leader!! Who I don’t believe I talk about enough.

He’s an exciting villain, imo!! He puts Yuugi & co in a lot of tight spots, and in a lot of ways didn’t seem to leave the story on the same page as them, but he comes through his arc just devastatingly sympathetic in my mind. I think it’s easy to sympathise with the way he’s at war with himself and his lot in life.

There’s kind of a lot of exciting attributes collected around him too - mind control and alternate personalities, Tomb Keeper politics and Rare Hunter politics, an uneasy partnership with the big bad of the series, and a really poorly established relationship with his brother Rishid that switches between master-subordinate, patient-caretaker, and older-and-younger siblings.

On a personal level though, I appreciate the way he’s willful and clever and lazy and manipulative and NEVER STOPS LYING. I appreciate how much he fights and loses hope and is renewed in his fight against his more insane tendencies. I appreciate that he doesn’t seem to develop genuine fondness for the protags so much as come to realise they’re his way out of this mess and pragmatically follow through on it. And I appreciate how he’s revealed to be fiercely caring towards his siblings in spite of all faults. And it feels so real and tender and angry and human, I even temporarily forget how awful he’s been mere hours before.

Admittedly, I don’t exactly have a clear picture of his fanon existence and what I’d like from it. Especially since I’m not super into the thiefship scene. I’d kind of like to read more about him though. Especially about him and his siblings, or him and Ryou, or him and Yuugi.

3. Favourite Protagonist

Cutie baby~

I guess... Yuugi and I... are maybe... kind of... alike? I’m like a tall, shitty version of him, lmao.

He is a passive pacifist sweetheart with too much self-doubt in his heart and too much porn under his mattress. I like how he grows into himself in the series and learns to be more assertive - but remains the calm, friendly, and trusting person he always was.

4. Favourite Villain

I guess this would be Malik again? Who even counts as a villain in ygo? All of them get redeemed.

I’m just gonna say Kaiba. Kaiba’s tried to kill enough of the protags to be a villain, lol. He’s weaseled his way into a central role in the series tho~ Mr. Popular~

I think I’ve talked quite a bit about why I like Kaiba - but he’s just so damaged and so weak and so strong. He builds death theme parks and shuts down weapons production. Compared to us average humans, he’s more capable of doing good and more capable of doing evil both. Also I project onto him like a mofo.

5. Favourite Yami

I guess this would also be Malik again - Malik’s disturbing split personality.

Naw, tho~ My new favourite Yami is Yami!Isis. All bow down to the cold, all-seeing Priestess.

6. Favourite Series

Season Zero. Or idk, I still have to watch Season Zero but I love manga Season Zero so I assume. Um, the manga? Or am I just supposed to say DM? I still haven’t gotten to watching GX at length but I will.

7. Favourite Arc

Season Zero

A different game every week. Mundane school life in Japan spiced up with pyromania. lots of character focus. Thug life. But I already kind of answered this for the last question.

Maybe Duellist Kingdom?

I like the duels in DK a lot - I know they didn’t follow the rules, but they’re kind of snappy and satisfying. And it has a lot of my favourite Seto moments and Mai moments. And I like the straightforwardness in the arc’s setup, the goals of the characters, and how it built up to the finals. I feel like there’s not a dull moment building up to the confrontation with Pegasus from the meeting with Seto before the castle - the way Atem lost to Seto, and then Seto getting his soul pilfered, and Tristan and the others climbing around the castle, and the Atem-Mai and Jou-Keith duels were some of the better ones in the series.

But my cracky id loves DOMA?

It’s stupid and I know it’s stupid. But the silly villains. REAL MONSTERS. Mai having PTSD complications. Roadtrip in the USA. All the polarshipping. stfu - I can like DOMA if I want to like DOMA.

8+9. Favourite Quote & Runner Up Quote

I am so bad at remembering quotes. I mean, you can’t beat the Yuujou pun, I guess.

I suppose I like the speech Anzu gave Kaiba during DK, about the chip of life, and how Yuugi saved him. I don’t like Anzu’s speech in the dub, but for some reason Kaiba snapping back at her What do you have? with ‘I have all that I need!’ has really stuck with me - I have no idea why(??) But I even used that line in a fic.

I also like when Jounouchi goes on the date with Fake-Virtual-World!Mai. “Anywhere’s fine, so long as it’s with you.” Aww~

I’m not sure any of these are my favourite favourite, but I liked them all.

10. Funniest Moment of the Series

When Kaiba dropped a key into the ocean and somehow Jounouchi didn’t die, lmao

Okay, for reals tho, I’m not sure. But it was funny when Jounouchi almost fell off the balcony in Duellist Kingdom. And the potato song. And when Jounouchi called Kaiba on the phone and Otogi did the Kaiba imitation during DOMA. And when Kaiba and Mai got into a street race - NEVER FORGET!

11. Scariest Moment of the Series

OMG. When Bakura as Honda confronted Yuugi about giving up his wish, and Yuugi tearfully admits his wish was to have friends. Raw. Terrifying. I died.

Okay, again for reals. I guess that’s my admission that the series never managed to make me really fear for the characters. There are times when I scare myself thinking about how empty Kaiba must feel at times though.

12. Favourite Moment Overall

*plays Mystical Refpanel* “Jounouchi-kun… Daisuki da.”

13. Runner Up Moment

Mai giving Jounouchi the entry card during DK.

Mai’s so elegant. But, geez, this must have taken a lot out of her. She just lost her own duel - was just crying herself - has never really had friends before by her own admission. She does this with such seeming ease but she’s really putting herself out on a line here - and Jounouchi probably even doesn’t understand that - but he does all the right things anyhow <3

Yes all my favourite moments are people being nice to Jounouchi - shut up!

Other runner up moments are Rishid’s speech to Malik at the end of Battle City. Kaiba sacrificing Obelisk to summon the Blue Eyes during his duel with Isis. And I also like the very end of Duellist Kindgom and how Mai gets last minute invited on the helicopter ride. Which leads nicely into the next question.

14. Favourite Romantic Ship

Mai/Jounouchi/Kaiba.

Mai and Jounouchi are my favourite proto-romance in the series. Jounouchi and Kaiba are my favourite duo in the series for interesting and revealing character moments. All together they make the greatest ship of bad decisions ever invented.

15. Favourite Platonic Ship

There aren’t many things I only ship platonically. And for things I ship romantically and platonically – there are a ton. But shout-out goes to MaiKai for being the platonic bros of my OTP. I told you - NEVER FORGET that time they got into a street race.

I feel like there’s a lot to work with here though. High society. Introversion and the desire for isolation. Rigidity vs flexibility. Maturity and competence vs pettiness and complete and utter stupidity. Mai beta testing Legendary Heroes. Mai giving Kaiba ‘grown-up’ advice. Learning to trust. They will be drinking buddies. They must become drinking buddies.

16. Runner Up Ship

Honda & Otogi & Serenity.

I like them taking the train together in the manga, but it’s mostly an anime ship. I enjoy watching Otogi and Honda fighting each other for Serenity’s attention and getting completely wrapped up in each other in the process, lol. There’s a level of transparency to it that I find amusing. And it’s sweet the way they all move in to cover each others’ backs during the duel with Oota. They have their missteps, but it makes things feel rewarding when they come through for each other in the end. And, lol, this moment-

In the context of a romantic ship, Honda’s so romantically idealistic and Serenity’s so naively unindulgent - they’re both very stubborn in their own way, but I feel like Otogi is capable of bringing in the realism to mediate that situation. I think my headcanons are heavily influenced by this writer’s work. Even outside of a romantic context though, I want them to be an adventurous trio of friends, lol. I hope they all grow up and manage it in the future~

17. Another Runner Up Ship

Second runner up could be so many things, but this stands out as something I want to see more of - and also have a drawing:

Mai & Vivian.

Okay. But seriously. I want Great Wall of China fataleshipping adventures. I want them to be super catty friends. Please give me more of Mai postcanon female friends and femslash.

18. Favourite Monster

Dark Necrofear!

I talked about most of the cards in this post, but I’ll refresh your memory. (I haven’t made it far in Reshef, but Duel Links has left me feeling more or less the same regarding favourite cards.)

19. Runner Up Monster

REMEMBER WHEN KISARA WAS A CARD~

AU where Kisara is the Happy Queen of the Duel Monsters parallel universe, and Kaibaman is her dimension hopping servant.

20. Favourite Spell

One of these two.

21. Favourite Trap

Hahaha. Fuck Kaiba >:(

22. Design Your Own Character

No. I drew Asuka from GX instead.

23. Design Your Own Monster

I’ll do it one of these days~ But not today~

24. Favourite DSoD Moment

Idk, when Yuugi told Kaiba off? When Otogi and his dad showed up? When Jounouchi wrote his initials on his Duel Disk? When Honda and Yuugi rode a motorcycle and went to save Jounouchi? When Jounouchi and Honda rode a bike to school?

WHEN KAIBA WATCHED YUUGI PUT TOGETHER THE LAST PIECES OF THE PUZZLE AND HIS FAAAAACE D:

25. Favourite New Character in DSoD

MANI! SO CUTE! SO SWEET! SO CRAZY WHEN HE PUTS ON THE RING!

But Shadi also gets points here for being different enough that I can imagine him as a new character.

26. Least Favourite New Character

Sera.

27. DSoD Could Have Done _____ Better

Lots of stuff but I’m not in the mood rn. I liked the film overall.

28. Favourite New Card From DSoD

REMEMBER WHEN MAHAAD WAS A CARD~

OMG! That’s the end of the meme! It took forever, right? But thank you if you read all this way <3

[erin-the-awesome]

Descriptions of my DR characters

To help you choose to who pick for my story as protag, here's a brief description of each character! 

Sayuri - A shy girl who appears soft spoken and hesitant around boys, but terrified around girls. Is the Ultimate Botanist, and absolutely loves plants. They help to calm her perpetual anxiety. Still, if you manage to get to know her she'll be a real sweetheart to you. 

Makizou - A boy with a ratty hoodie, short stature, and perpetual look of annoyance. He'll tell it like it is and won't dance around topics, but isn't particularly social. Has a great memory. Is the Ultimate Sketcher, an artist specializing in black and white drawings. Was surprised to be invited to the school as he's not terribly famous. 

Hikari - A girl who's somewhat assumed to be shy because she's quiet but is actually just happy to let others talk and observe them. Seems dreamy, but isn't lazy. She's the Ultimate Astronomer, and stars and space are her passion. Though, it's surprising how interested she is in culture and social aspects of stars given that isn't her field. 

Jurian - Acts "nice" most of the time to the girls, is a bit of a jerk to some of the boys, and seems to have a strong sense of pride. A bit of a stuck up hipster tbh. He's not one to let someone's even minor failings go without a snide comment. The Ultimate Radio Voice, a well known radio show host of various programs on the air. Is actually a huge dork with a superiority complex. 

Eiko - She's a real go getter, a person who likes by an "anything is possible if you give it enough effort" philosophy. She knows how hard their situation is, and wants to provide the others with a person to turn to in hard times. Is the Ultimate Music Producer, which means she's got an eye for talented musicians who she works with to turn out hit singles and the like. (Believe in your dreams~) 

Satoru - He's another very shy seeming kid who doesn't like to socialize at all. He'll begrudgingly do what seems to cause the least hassle, however. Thinks almost everyone (louder ones especially) is annoying and hates bullies. Is the Ultimate Robotics Engineer, meaning he's spent a lot of his time working on robots and even competing in robot battles. Can't really program complex AI. 

Ayano - A girl who thinks a lot about philosophy and their situation. She's typically level headed, but ultimately isn't sure of what to do at all in their situation, and is perpetually trying to decide. Seems to have maternal instincts for the others. Is the Ultimate Tattoo Artist, and loves the self expression tattoos can put out. 

Shinzo - He seems to have an inflated ego and boisterous personality only around large groups. When talked to one on one, he's incredibly awkward and clumsy. It seems the more people are watching the more competent and confident he is. Is the Ultimate Magician, a performer of illusions and trickery~! 

Kaoru - She isn't afraid to say what's on her mind. Can come off as a bit screechy. It seems that the more embarrassed or angry she is the louder she is, which doesn't help her situation. Still, she's incredibly motivated and will confront any problem head on. Is the Ultimate Stunt Double, a talented person who can preform any dangerous feat and who is skilled in being able to look like anyone. If not for her voice, she could have been a talented actor as well. 

Ren - He seems a bit creepy/cryptic, but is really just extremely awkward. Really wants to make friends, but has no idea how to do this and attempts he makes are very draining for him. Unfortunately this hovering on the peripherals of people seems very stalkerish to them. Is the Ultimate Horror Author, a writer specializing in the disturbing and gruesome. Doesn't help him socially. 

Miyo - A girl who isn't sure how people their age usually act, and is trying to find out. She's prone to copying how the others interact with each other. Really wants friends. She's always been homeschooled and never properly interacted with other kids. Is the Ultimate Acrobat, a high flying trapeze performer (and other types) who's elegance and skills draw crowds. Extremely flexible.

Daishi - He’s quite reserved most of the time, but will speak up if necessary to help as best he can. Is mostly concerned about getting in people’s way. Isn’t easily swayed to go against his strong morals. Very protective. The Ultimate Surgeon, who can preform a wide range of operations and techniques, as privately instructed by his family. The one thing he’s not confident on is neurosurgery. Will use medical knowledge to help trials. 

Haruka - She’s generally optimistic and encouraging of the group. Of them all, is 100% the most likely to be talking about Hope. However, she also is pretty awkward in her encouragement sometimes, and some others may find it too cheesy to take seriously. Is the Ultimate Game Designer, known for beautifully and intuitively designed indie video games with clever plots and mechanics.

Yuo - A spunky boy with boundless energy and a puppy like personality. He has a hard time sitting still and loves moving around. Is very friendly and pretty amicable. Surprisingly to most of the other characters, he’s actually very intelligent and good at learning things.Is the Ultimate Marathon Runner, an athlete known for his seemingly endless stamina. He may not be the fastest in the world (tho he’s still fast), but he can essentially sprint for extremely long periods of time.

Tsukiyomi - A very small girl who is polite and formal most of the time. Has a strong wish to be taken seriously and respected. Doesn’t take people looking down on her well. Doesn’t want to be seen as a child. Has a very strong will. She is the Ultimate Flutist, a musician known for her beautiful playing of the flute, though thats not the only traditional instrument she can play phenomenally. She has impeccable hearing and voice recognition. 

Numa - He’s a mysterious character to be sure. It’s often hard for the others to tell what he’s thinking. Internally, he’s very analytical of their situation, and even curious or amused. That said, he can also be serious about it as well. He’s extremely interested in the other students. Claims to be many things, but doesn’t answer what his ultimate title actually is. Ultimate ???

So do you guys have any ideas about who you want for protag? This WILL effect the types of choices you get btw, so choose wisely~! 

[dromjournal]

2019-10-30

There's a small country/island in north africa where two groups of special people lives. They live together harmoniously but there is still a huge rivalry between them. They have snake-blood in them and through the millenias they have turned out looking more or less human, but they have these kind of super powers (though not really) that makes them stronger, faster and more flexible than "normal" humans. For them this physical prowess is normal though since they're surrounded by it. One part are the white snakes, and the other are the black snakes.

The "main characters" are two guys in their mid to later teens. The younger (by a year or so) guy got brown skin and curly black hair hanging in his eyes. His mother came from Spain and his father from Korea. He’s a white snake.

The older is pale, with red-blonde almost pink hair, with his bangs split ugly in the middle. He seems to be able to change the color of it by will, but this is his standard. He is quite tall, almost a head taller than the other. He is also a trans guy though that isn't really something that matters. He’s a black snake.

They are best friends and always hang out. The rest of the kids don't like them much because they don't take things seriously and clearly don't care about the rivalry they're supposed to have. They are mostly by themselves which is fine by them.

All kids (teens) are being sent away to “compete” in a great test, where they will find the new king of the clans among all of them. It feels a bit Hunger Games except they’re all career-kids. It's only every 50 or so years this ritual test/try out is being held, and to the clans it's a great matter of pride if they are "the ones in power". This title is given "by divine powers" and allows them to take the shape of a snake among other powers that set them apart.

The main characters are part of this ritual, since they're the right age, and like all the other kids they have been prepped for this their entire lives with loads of training to be the physically strongest and quickest and just in general fittest. The Pink-haired guy is actually really good, like definitely in the top candidates though the other kids doesn't like to admit it. The Black haired guy is more average, but he's fast and got good reflexes from playing with Pink all his life. The other kids are all very serious about wanting to win, which is one of the reason they don’t really like how good Pink is.

All the kids of their blood is being sent away in buses to compete. They are divided into Black & White, so the friends can't be together. We follow Black, who is kinda insecure on his own and feels very lonely. None of the other kids are interested in talking to him and he just stand to the side. This turn out to be a good thing, as they’re thrown into the test and it turn out to be a lot more dangerous than expected.

They’re basically thrown into an indoors/inside maze with Indiana Jones-style traps and video game style dangers. There's no time to be surprised or scared, and the one wrong step gets you killed. Black just starts running in panic, because the first "room" start going up in flames. He doesn't dare to stop running, just tries to avoid getting caught in the traps and not to be crushed by falling stones and stuff. Due to being so fast on his feet, he manages to outrun the others.

He can see the end of the tunnel, but then a stonewall fall down in front of the exit at the last moment. He don’t have the time to stop, instead he jumps and press himself through one of several small holes in the wall and get out of the maze. But he is still in full panic and isn’t stopping, still running as soon as his feet touch the ground though there's nothing chasing him anymore. The surroundings are brighter now and it looks almost like a mall. Then Pink comes floating up next to him from somewhere on like, a dish that's sliding on the floor like a skateboard, and he’s keeping up with Black. His presence actually get Black to come back to his senses and instead they somehow end up racing until they’re forced to stop because the building reached it’s end. And then they just fall apart and start laughing. In relief maybe, as he's finally safe, but it's pretty weird and a contrast from the panic from just minutes before. Pink got black hair and eyes, kinda punkish and edgy like he's making fun of the whole test. (He is). Normal people are doing normal people things all around the mall and looking at them now as they ended up outside a café.

Suddenly they are surrounded by people being happy and yelling, important powerful people in their community as well as the other kids. They had all seen Black in the maze, and he had (though he had not realized) transformed at the last wall. Not into a snake and more like just a general shape but, you know, showed promise of being able to shapeshift. The White Snake kids (that survived....) celebrate and are happy. Black is just confused and don't understand, because he were just running for his life and also he just never in a million years thought he'd be chosen. He doesn't really want to either. Pink seem kind of conflicted. Especially since they are now sort of forcefully separated again by all the people that want to get close to the new king.

As a celebration they are all going to a movie in a big city. They are out of the country for the first time so people are excited. Black is sort of trying to be left alone again like before, but everyone's attention is on him anyway.

A girl who is his cousin claims out of nowhere that she is pregnant with his child from bathing together in a pool. She is like 14 and don't even know how one gets pregnant, and Black is denying it obviously because it's not only untrue, it's also stupid as heck. Still because it's him, an adult sit them down with everyone else watching and have a Dr. Phil talk with them, where he make sure not to put blame on anyone or taking anyone's side, speaking in hypotheticals. Black is just painfully annoyed at that and don't see how anyone could believe his cousin.

At the same time Pink is really dogged and conflicted. The black snake king is with him, telling him they have a plan ready and he should just be ready at the cinema. Pink keeps a straight face.

When Black leaves the bus they've all been in Pink grabs him and take him to the side. No one questions that since they're friends, and they're all excited to get into the cinema.

Pink tells Black that they need to run. He doesn't explain further, he just pull him with him as they are inside this mall/cinema they can't get out of without someone noticing, into a cellar which have been marked as not in use and hide under the stairs. Black is angry and feel like people won't listen to him, including Pink. He starts telling him off when they hear people fighting just above the stairs. It's the black snake king and some other higher ups. The king is furious, and suddenly a giant black snake moves down the stairs. Pink pulls Black behind him and then he transforms himself somehow, covering Black with his body. When the black snake looks right at them he can't see them due to whatever magic it is that Pink is doing, but they're not invisible. They're only invisible to the other snakes and if someone else come down they'd be spotted.

The snake king leaves eventually and goes back up to the foyer to continue his search. Black isn't asking any questions now, he trust Pink.

It's just that it's a secret fact of the ritual that not one, but one of each clan will be "chosen". The last king have been a black snake. He's kind of a crooked guy. He have designed it as such that the black snake-clan will assassinate the white snake before he even know about the others existence, and then pass it off as an accident. Just like he did it. Possibly what the guy before him did. People think it's just one person chosen and they become the new ruler, but the people in power have just kept the second part - where they actually fight to death for the power - hidden from the public for a long, long time.

They get to a more hidden away room, a backroom/supply closet inside what looks almost like a class-room, and Pink finally feel like they're hidden well enough that he can tell Black the full story. Pink have known about it for some time now, and he have known he is the black snake for even longer. Before the try-outs even. And he had tried to turn a blind eye to the unfairness of it, but when his best friend ended up as the white snake he couldn't and he didn't know what to do. So finally he just ended up trying to run away with him. He never really cared for the crown anyway, the only thing that really mattered was his friend. It's just that the other black snakes wouldn't like that much and it would put them in danger no matter how they played it.

Then Pink gets an idea and basically goes "fuck me" to which Black responds "uhm wtf no." But Pink is desperate and sort of forces himself onto Black at first, who pushes him off and is angry. The thing is, Pink finally explains, that if they have sex (or possibly it is about pregnancy/the even chance of pregnancy which is why it matters but-not-really that he is trans) they have basically formed a Marriage in the eyes of the gods according to tradition and no one can break it or have the right to disapprove (the whole point of the cousins weird thing where really she just wanted to be queen). They would just become the new royal family and their people wouldn't be able to get rid of either of them in an attempt to push the other forward.

They’re not romantically inclined in any way but they do love each other more than anything else in the world and it’s just worth it in general. They probably do it.

[nitemice]

Hey, here's my latest post over on my main blog:

In 2017, I only had one New Year’s resolution: to document a highlight for each and every day that year. Not only did I managed to keep the resolution, I’m still doing it to this day, and I can’t see myself ever stopping!

Tracking my daily highlights for over a year has been a really interesting experience and I’m pretty proud I’ve been able to “not break the chain”. It’s also an idea I think more people could benefit from, so in this post I’m going to try to give you a bit of a rundown of the what, why and how of daily highlights.

What is a ‘daily highlight’?

Basically, at the end of each day, I take stock of everything that happened that day, and I chose a specific moment or occurrence that was the highlight. That is, the best part of the day.

What does that look like exactly? Well, it could be anything! Something simple like “biting into a mushroom burger”, or silly like “noticing a woman whistling to herself as she walked down the street”, or specific like “capturing the flag twice in a single game in ‘Overwatch'”, or vague like “having a weird conversation with colleagues”, although I generally try to make it as specific as possible. To help with this, I will often write some extra notes to give a bit more context to the situation, so it’s easier to remember and understand when I come back to it.

Sometimes, if I’m struggling to think of something, I use the prompt “What moment from today do I wish could have lasted longer?” That’s not exactly what I’m looking for, but it makes for a good starting point if I’m stuck.

Conversely, some days I know my highlight immediately after it happens, and will write it down straight away. Even on those days, I will review the day at the end, to make sure nothing else came later to trump what I already wrote. If there was something, the original highlight usually just becomes a note of the usurping highlight.

When multiple highlight-worthy events happen in a day, I nominate one as the primary highlight of the day and make a note of the rest. This allows me to keep each highlight fairly specific, rather than writing something broad or vague to try and cover everything.

Why do this?

Documenting a daily highlight for the whole of 2017 was an idea that I had somewhat in the heat of the moment, late on the last day of 2016. But it was a culmination of a number of thoughts that had been bubbling in my mind throughout the year.

Earlier in 2016, I had been reading a number of articles about the benefits of journaling, and it intrigued me. But I didn’t want to commit to such a high level of detail and it seemed pretty time-consuming, so I put that thought on the back burner. Also around this time, a friend of mine began meaninglessly documenting the event of her day on her digital calendar. She wasn’t writing down highlights, so much as just blocking out how she’d spent her time that day in a very broad sense. When I asked her why, she didn’t really have any sort of explanation except that she’d started and didn’t want to stop. These two ideas together served as the inspiration for my daily highlights resolution. I decided to draw a line somewhere down the middle: not full-on daily journalling, but not just recording events without meaning.

One of the aspects of journaling that most interested me was its use as a memory tool for later reference and reflection. Recording a highlight each day gives me a date-stamped list of memories that should be easier to recall, and make it easier to remember when things happened. My memory is not the best, and I hoped writing things down like this might help me to improve, or at the very least give me a tool to lean on when someone asks me what I did last week. Writing down a daily highlight also forces me to take a moment each evening to reflect on the day. It’s a step towards a more mindful way of living, appreciating the good part of each day, rather than just focusing on the things that didn’t turn out.

The most enticing aspect of my friend’s time-blocks calendar was the potential for statistics. With all that data on how she was spending her time, she could work out what she was doing often or rarely. The only problem with this is because everything she did was recorded, it’s hard to derive any meaning from it. By recording a highlight each day, the value of the event is intrinsic: they are all the best part of the day. Therefore it’s easy to know what you want to do more (or less), given the statistics.

Another side-effect of daily highlight tracking that I didn’t really foresee was the way it encourages me to get out and do stuff every day. If it’s nearing the end of the day, and I haven’t done anything highlight-worthy, I feel a push to try and do something exciting. That said, the reverse can also happen when a clear highlight occurs earlier in the day, muting my motivation to do anything to compete.

How do you do it?

Being date-based, I decided that a digital calendar would be the perfect way to document my daily highlights and keep them organised. So I created a new calendar in my Google Calendar setup, just for this purpose. With this, I also set up a daily task on my phone with a reminder notification at the end of the day. This is to make sure that when I go to bed, I remember to jot down a daily highlight, if I haven’t already.

For each highlight, I create an all-day event, with a headline summary of the highlight as the event name, as well as an optional location and any further notes I may need for context in the body of the event.

Using this system gives me a lot of functionality and flexibility for little to no effect. For example, I get cross-platform access and cloud synchronisation, meaning I can add and view daily highlights from any of my devices, although I mostly use my phone. That said, it does have some shortcomings. For example, being in a Google Calendar, it’s hard to get at the raw data, making things that I’d hoped to do, like statistics, much more difficult. For now though, it’s the simplest and best way I’ve been able to come up with, and is what I would recommend to anyone interested in adopting the practice.

Some interesting statistics

After (over) a year of highlights, I have plenty enough data for deriving some interesting statistics, so below are some stats that sum up my 2017:

45% of highlights were at home

25% were at work

4.5% were travelling between work and home

16% were at one-off locations (i.e. places that only appeared once)

20% of highlights involved watching TV

14% involved video games (mostly playing, but also watching)

13% involved doing my job

12% involved having conversations with friends/others

10% involved eating

9% involved music/dancing

4% involved shopping

Less than 1% involved alcohol

79 days (22%) had multiple highlights

Hopefully this post has made clear what I’ve been doing, and why. And maybe it’s even convinced you to take up the challenge of documenting your own daily highlights. If anything is unclear, or if you have any questions or thoughts about any of this, leave a comment below, or drop me a note via the contact page.

TTFN,

Nitemice

[scottadcox]

TLDR Version

Got up early.

One kid went 1-2 for a first and a second.

Other kid went 2-1 against a single opponent for a first place.

I went 2-1 with a first and a second.

Had a lot of fun. Learned a lot.

Long Version

We headed out for Jacksonville at 5:30 am the morning of the event, stopping by to pick up Coach Frank and The Hurricane along the way. Parking and check in went really smoothly, and man…UNF is a really beautiful campus! I was competing in my very first competition, as were the two oldest girls, and all of us were right on the cusp of a weight class, so we went for a quick urination break and came back to have our weight right on.

All I’d had that morning was a half cup of coffee and a boiled egg, so I was ready to eat. Luckily, I wasn’t competing until the afternoon, so I had plenty of time to get food and water in me.

Bug was first up in no-gi, and the girl she went against was awesome! I was glad we’d entered her into the Novice bracket with no submissions. She’s been exposed to BJJ for 10 months or so, but she really hasn’t shown any kind of spark until the first of this year. I think her opponent’s aggression was a little bit of a wake-up call for her. Bug would escape mount, but end up getting swept every time and was unable to pass the girl’s guard. On one hand, it was tough to watch. On the other, it was awesome to see her continue to fight (and fight and fight) a losing battle.

Her next match was against the same girl, and we were really proud of her for going back out there knowing what was coming. She showed more aggression this time and scored a few points herself, but the result was the same.

Second Place Novice No-Gi

After those first two matches and the podium pic, we found out she still had another match. This one was a different story–the little boy she was grappling with seemed to be much more on her level. She did a great job of listening to Coach Frank throughout the match and executing the moves he was calling out. She ended up winning, and to our surprise was awarded first place in that division (a sword). I’m not sure how NAGA brackets for kids, but we thought maybe her first two matches with the more experienced girl were just to give her opponent some matches in a bracket that was empty…maybe? Dunno, but she was really happy with the experience (and getting to pick the color of her sword), and we were really proud of her for not giving up in the first match and being brave enough to go out for another whoopin’ in the second.

I hope she found a switch inside herself she didn’t know was there before. What a great confidence builder to know you can fight through and survive difficult situations and come back for some more!

First Place Novice No-Gi

There were a couple of other kids competing on our team, and they did great as well. It was awesome to see the kids cheer for, console, and congratulate their teammates. This is the first time any of our kids have ever competed in a sport, and I loved seeing and feeling the nervous energy, excitement, and comradely come out of them. It was palpable.

Pea was up next in the gi division. While we had a good idea going in how Bug was going to respond, Pea was more of a wildcard in my eyes. She is really focused and serious in training, but she hasn’t really felt that feeling of being dominated by an opponent before. How would she respond if she was put in the same situation Bug was in during her first two matches?

She was pretty evenly matched with her opponent, and won the match with a take down, sweep, and mount points. But it was a really good fight and a challenge for her. She ended the match stretched out on the mat and tired. They were the only two girls in their division, and in order for them to get two matches they had a second with each other. Different story this time around–flipped script. They ended up needing a rubber match to decide the winner of the division.

Pea was ahead on points with about a minute left and was controlling her opponent’s posture from guard really well. The other little girl started crying, but she didn’t quit. It was hard to watch, but I was so proud of that little girl for hanging in there and fighting, fighting, fighting to break that guard. I was even cheering for her a little bit when Pea went for a sweep and the girl defended it.

I was proud of Pea for not letting up while the match was going on, but I was even more proud of her when the match ended. She let her empathy for her opponent come out and started crying as well, hugging her and telling her she was sorry and hoped she was okay. They got up on the first place podium together for the awards photo, which I think was appropriate for their three hard fought matches.

First Place Beginner Gi

Plenty of downtime between the kids competition and mine. I’d heard lots about anxiety and nervousness for your first competition, but I didn’t think it would be a huge deal for me. True, I’ve never competed in wrestling, judo, or any sort of combat-type sport, but I have enough experience competing in general that I didn’t expect to be very rattled. I’ve put my body in harm’s way against guys who were out for blood countless times, and it’s not like these guys were going to be punching me in the face or anything.

It’s the gentle art.

The last time I was truly nervous before an event was in 2006 when I was ill-prepared for a triathlon, didn’t believe I could do the distance, and didn’t even want to be there. I’m usually pretty good about believing in the work I’ve put in during training, having a game plan in mind, and feeling comfortable tweaking it midstream if I feel the need.

Honestly, watching the kids was much more nerve wracking that competing myself.

My plan was to get on top and stay on top–passing if I’m in the guard, and taking any submissions that were presented to me without trying to force my way into them. I think I was pretty well prepared for the most part, realistic about my ability in the take down game (average at best), and confident of my ability to maintain a dominant position once I got there.

I was not prepared for the difference in competition and training in the gym. Yes, the intensity is definitely amped up, but I was ready for that; even counting on it. I felt that my conditioning would probably be better than most people in my divisions, and my “calm-before-the-storm” level head would keep me from adrenaline dumping the way others might.

The difference I wasn’t prepared for was the amount of time white belt matches spend in closed guard. I very seldom use closed guard in training for any extended period of time,mostly because it just isn’t very fun. We play King of the Mat a lot, and I always choose open guard because it’s more dynamic and energetic. If I could change one thing about my training, I’d have drilled the crap out of three or four options from my back and been able to cycle through them on auto-pilot. I had a definite plan for passing closed guard from the top, but should have spent more time thinking about the bottom.

More about this in summary of my last match.

My first match was no-gi against the only other competitor in my division. He carried a lot of his weight in his upper body–shoulders and neck, not gut. More of my weight is in my lower body. Pre-match pep talk from Coach Frank was, “Get in a dominant position and get heavy, squeeze, and start looking for submissions.”

Exactly what I’d been planning.

I’m not very confident in my take downs, but I attempted a double leg. I wouldn’t call it a “shot”, just a half-assed attempt. My lack of confidence was probably apparent. I was, however, confident in my ability to defend and my cardio. He had his arms near a guillotine, so I thought he may go for it, and as I was thinking that and grabbing his arm to defend it he pulled guard and attempted it. One point for him and encouraging for me–at least I didn’t lose the take down, I’m on top, and am ready to start working a pass to take the point lead.

I got my head out and started to build my posture, getting mentally prepared to work my higher percentage passes.

Credit to my opponent for this–40-49 year old beginner weighing ~190 pounds immediately goes for a gogoplata!!! Dude was game!!!

Luckily for me, The Missus also trains and is super flexible. She loves that gogoplata type stuff, and I’ve had lots of practice with her trying to get it on me. My hand instinctively came up and defended my neck. Another point for him for the submission attempt, but I was able to push his leg away and create a scramble situation, settling in half guard.

I’ve been working on half guard a lot, from the top and the bottom, so I went into auto-pilot mode here–established cross face and the under hook on the open-leg side and put his back to the mat. As I flattened him out and glanced up at the time to see there was ~2:30 left. This is where I wanted to be–on top with lots of time to work. I knew I was down by two points, but also knew all I had to do was pass this half guard and we’d be back to even. Then I’d be a submission attempt away from the win.

I know it’s boring to watch and probably more boring to roll with, but I pretty much just grind. The difference between training and competition is that in training I try to adjust my pressure to the opponent–just enough to make them give up something to work with. In competition, the plan is all the pressure the whole time. I was a little concerned that the matches would only be 4:00 long, but there was plenty of time left in this one, and I liked my chances and told myself to be patient, conservative, and methodical.

He went for the lock down on my trapped leg (exactly what I would have done without the under hook), which was an issue for working my preferred pass. Bells went off, but it wasn’t a ton of pressure on my knee, so I doubled down on the commitment to pressure and started trying to work my leg free. He bailed on lock down and I could feel that I may have an advantage in leg strength, remembering how we sized up before the match. I decided to go for a more conservative pass than my original plan, which would put me into mount instead of side control.

As I started working my leg out I felt some wiggle room there. Maybe I should have exploded through and gotten mount earlier, but I just kept inching until my leg was clearly through and flopped down to the mat. Then I squeezed.

And I heard Coach Frank yelling, “SQUEEZE!!!!”.

I sprawled my legs to the closest I could get to a grapevine and squeezed harder. I was thinking that I’d go for an Ezekiel choke first and get a point, hoping an arm presented itself. I like that option because I wouldn’t have to give up a ton of pressure to go for it, and if he were to try to bump out I could just bail and post–pretty conservative.

I never got to attempt it though. I guess I had a pretty good amount of pressure and squeeze because he tapped. I was a little surprised because I didn’t think I was in a submission position–hard to know what was going on.. Not really the way I’d have chosen to win. I’d much rather have been able to do something more technical, but I guess I’ll take it either way. I have a feeling if I rolled with this guy regularly we’d have a lot of fun.

[EDIT]: Todd left a comment on Facebook that the tap was due to a smother. Ugh. Very unsatisfied with that. That’s one of those that you want your partner to tell you about in training because it’s just inadvertent and brutish. Yeah…it’s a competition, and you’re supposed to be trying to submit however you can, but if I’m going to win with a smother I’d at least want it to be intentional.

First Place No-Gi Directors Beginner Light-Heavyweight

In the gi division, I was bumped up a weight class, but it was cool–the other two guys only weighed in at ~194, and I was probably close to that after eating and hydrating, so there wasn’t a huge weight discrepancy. They went the full four minutes, and I got the loser. If I win, I get the winner of their match, if I lose, I’m third place.

Pre-match advice was, “Just like the last match–position and control!”

I didn’t get to see their match, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. I set up my “insurance policy” as soon as the match started and we both worked gi grips. I got the sense that his stand up game was about on par with mine, so this would be 50/50. Somehow, I ended up standing belly to back and controlling him. The first thing that popped into my head was, “No suplexes!” I didn’t want to risk being DQ’d, so I sort of drug him to the ground.

Two points for me and a good position.

He was in a loose turtle so I attempted to jump on him without getting too high and get my hooks in for the back take. He threw his legs up to defend the hooks and sort of rolled to his right side. I landed on my right side with my left leg over this shoulders and neck and both hands on his right arm. I had an arm and could control his posture!

I started looking for a way to an arm bar.

Coach Frank was giving me directions, but I didn’t do a good job listening here. Not exactly sure what he was even telling me to do, but I solved the riddle by sliding my right knee behind his elbow and using both hands to keep his wrist in place as I pressed my knee in for the tap. I kind of wish this one could have lasted longer because this guy was bigger than me and we never got a chance for any sort of back and forth.

Next up was the championship gi match. I learned a lot in these four minutes.

I expected this opponent to be technically better than the guy I’d just faced since he seemed a little smaller, but had earned the victory. When we locked up, he immediately went for a throw, which I defended. That should have been a cue for me to pull guard–that his take down game was going to be better than mine. If I’d pulled guard I could have locked up closed guard without losing any points and gotten an advantage point at least for attempting submissions. Again, I’m confident enough in my strength and cardio to think I could hold a closed guard against most people at my skill level for four minutes without much of a problem, but I haven’t practiced this as a competition tactic.

As I type this, I’m thinking about one of the biggest lessons I learned in competing–the SPORT of jiu jitsu and the ART of jiu jitsu are entirely different things. I have another post swirling in my head about this matter, but here’s the spoiler: I much prefer the art.

Long story short, he went for another throw and got it, and passed to side control for a total of five points. I didn’t have a lot of trouble working my way from side control to half guard. That was the good news–I’m pretty comfortable in working my way to the top from half guard, and I work on it a lot. The bad news was that I had half guard on my stupid side. I established the under hook and tried to work my way up using my favorite move to the top from half guard. He was able to fight that off, but I moved on to plan B. This move is even weaker on my stupid side, and he was able to base out and stop it pretty easily.

This should have set off another alarm in my brain–this guy had a solid base and was not going to be easy to sweep.

From there we got into an under hook pummeling contest, which I thought he’d be happy to do for the rest of the match since he was ahead. I felt like I could keep him from smashing me no matter what, so I started setting up a baseball bat choke we’ve worked on from half guard. There’s some risk here, because I’d have to let him pass to get it. Maybe I didn’t commit to it as a should have because of this risk. I actually heard his coach yelling, “Watch the baseball bat choke he’s setting up!”

It didn’t work, but I was able to re-establish my guard before giving up any points. Is the reason it didn’t work because I didn’t fully commit to it…worried about points? I’m not sure, but I don’t get it a lot in training either. Nevertheless, I gave it a shot. My thought from here was to get to closed guard (still plenty of time left), sweep to mount for six points, and grind like I’d done in my no-gi match.

But, duh, this guy wouldn’t be easily swept.

Once I’d made the decision, I got to closed guard pretty easily. I felt like he was being conservative and was happy to take that position knowing he didn’t have to pass, just hang on. I’m sure if he’d been down on points it would have been tougher to get. Replaying the match in my head, this guys definitely made good decisions.

There was some grip fighting, and I almost caught his arm once, but he got it pulled back. We were pretty even on the posture fight as I remember it, but we were playing two different games because of the points. I was finally able to get my knee in to attempt a scissor sweep. At this point I had “sweep and mount” on the brain, and that’s what Coach Frank was yelling for too. My first attempt at the scissor sweep was not very good technically, but it ended up being as close as I was going to get. I could hear Coach Frank yelling for me to focus on the knee with the sweep, and I thought I did a better job with that on my next two attempts. But he based out even harder and I know after talking to Coach and The Missus after that I was missing a key detail–something to work on this week!!!

Time was ticking down, and all he had to do was keep a solid base and hang on for the win. Coach Frank was yelling out the time left, and I knew I was going to have change tactics. I was able to get into position for a triangle attempt with 20 seconds or so left. My best shot at it was in the first few seconds, but I wasn’t able to get a full figure four with my legs, and I couldn’t move his arm across. Something else to work on. I heard his coach yell, “TEN SECONDS….YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TAP TO THAT!!!”

Haha…that didn’t mentally defeat me, and I kept trying my hardest, but it crossed my mind that if I heard my coach yell that at me, I’d get choked out before I tapped, and it takes about 6 seconds to get choked out when it’s in tight.

This one wasn’t in tight.

Time ran out and I stood up with a huge grin on my face. Even though I lost, that was, by far, the most fun match of the day, and I’d love to have the opportunity to train with this guy day in and day out. Tough guy who played hard, played smart, and was friendly both before and after the match. He could definitely help me get better, and seemed like the kind of guy who’d be happy to do so.

2nd Place Directors Gi Cruiser Weight

A pretty good haul for our family at our first competition–three first places and two second places. Having been involved in running MUCH smaller rugby tournaments, I think the organization of the competition seemed to go pretty smoothly, especially when you consider the dynamic situations with that many divisions being run.

We all had a great time and learned a lot, but it was a long day for a whole family to compete.

[gymfanconfessionsnac]

What are the top 5 most common injuries gymnasts have and what are the risk factors/skills that are more likely to cause them?

I can’t say these are the five most common injuries in gymnastics - I don’t have the stats - but they are five injuries that are often career enders or require major downtime for elite gymnasts:

- Achilles injury (strain, tear, or ruptue): This is generally caused by landing a backward tumbling skill (often a DLO) at the wrong angle, overflexing the ankle beyond the tendon’s capabilities. It can be prevented through stretching and strengthening the ankle joint to improve its resiliency, or by taping or bracing the foot to ensure it cannot flex past the tendon’s breaking point. Learning to land properly (with correct angle and absorbing shock by bending the knees) can also help, as can training on a modern floor - older equipment had some resonance issues that made Achilles tears more common.

- ACL injury: generally this is caused by situations where “your knee goes one way and your body goes the other”... in gymnastics it typically results from twisting into the ground, but it’s also been known to result from more freak-type accidents such as falls or even just running with a sharp turn. Prevention includes balanced conditioning of the thigh (i.e. being sure that you train the flexor-extensor pair of hamstring and quad to equal levels of strength), learning to run and hurdle with good form, and not putting twisting skills to a hard surface until you can control them and complete the twist before you land.

- Back injury (strap in, this is a long one because it’s important): This is typically a repetitive stress injury, meaning it’s caused by basically every skill involving flexibility of the back (which you may recognize as “basically every foundation skill in gymnastics”). It’s also VERY dangerous to a career once you get it because most back injuries are chronic - once you get one no amount of pig cadaver ligaments or physical therapy can really undo the damage completely. Luckily, they are mostly preventable, because there are two parts of your back that you can bend: the upper back and the lower. Upper back bends are fairly safe, and look like this:

Notice how this person’s shoulders are pushed out over her hands, how she is straight or even a little behind vertical through her shoulders, and is carrying most of the bend in the upper third of her back. There is basically a straight line from the bottom of her ribs down her lower torso and to the floor. Her hips are even with her shoulders. This picture of me from a few months ago is a good example of how this should look in someone whose back isn’t as flexible:

I did not have my weight in front of my hands at this point, but my shoulders are straight, the bend is still mostly in my upper spine and my legs are straight. (It’s nearly impossible to keep your knees straight in a bridge and bend your lumbar spine at the same time; if you do you will generally get a pretty sharp pain that is your body’s way of saying Hey Don’t Do That Bro.) Also a lot of the arching you’re seeing is not skeletal, it’s just fat that the previous example doesn’t have. My hips are even with my shoulders.

Here’s an example of a bridge with excessive lumbar flexion:

Note how most of the bend in this bridge is in the small of the back, and she is using her knees to get around what her back can’t. Her hips are the highest point of this bridge, well above her shoulders. Progressing to more advanced skills without fixing this technique issue will set her up for injury later on.

All young gymnasts should be taught correct bridge technique from their first day in a rec class. If they lack the flexibility to perform one correctly, this should be accounted for by elevating the feet on a mat or block and progressively lowering them as the gymnast gains flexibility, not by allowing the gymnast to learn incorrect and dangerous technique. Additionally, a compression stretch like a bridge should be sandwiched between two extension stretches - before going backward, the gymnast should stretch tall and long to open the back, and afterward, she should do a tuck hollow rocker to round the back out again. This also applies to advanced dance elements with a back flexibility component, such as ring leaps and sheep jumps.

- Shoulders, particularly the rotator cuff: this mostly comes from eagle-grip pirouette work on bars, but can also be caused by things like German giants. Katelyn Ohashi, Nastia Liukin, and Chellsie Memmel all had trouble with this at one point or another. The body is perfectly capable of gaining the flexibility necessary to avoid injury when training is taken slowly and carefully: develop the flexibility first, THEN learn the skill. For eagle work this can be accomplished by hanging from a bar for a minute or two in eagle grip, starting with the hands spread comfortably wide and progressively bringing them closer as the gymnast gains flexibility. (For very tight gymnasts, it may help to begin with the gymnast’s weight partially supported to avoid overstressing the joint.) For German giants, you can do the broomstick stretch, again starting with your hands spread wide and bringing them progressively closer as you gain flexibility. (By the way, if you’ve ever been curious how jams are possible, go get a broomstick, put your hands very wide apart, and do that stretch, forward and backward. You will almost definitely be capable of it even if you have never stretched that joint in your life. Human bodies are weird.)

- Stress fractures: these can occur many places in the body, but the most common are probably back, lower legs, and maybe forearms. These are just repetitive stress injuries, caused by too many reps on competition surfaces and not enough rest, recovery and conditioning. Gymnasts basically biting the bullet and competing on stress fractures at major championships used to be a depressingly common occurrence, but as conditioning has improved and more gyms have adopted smarter-not-harder training strategies they seem to be happening less. On the other hand, they’re one of the easiest major injuries to keep on the DL and it often doesn’t come out that a gymnast was dealing with one until well after the competition occurs, so recent occurrences may just be underreported, I dunno. (I do know Jordyn Wieber had one at the 2012 Olympics, but I can’t think of any gymnast since that I know for sure had one.)

- leotardsanity