#+ mati looks like he's straight up missing an eye.

[drewsbuzzcut]

Standing On The Sun And I Don’t Feel A Thing

mat barzal x model!fem!reader

a visceral in doses fic

warnings: hospitals, miscarriages, mentions pain, nausea, and blood, mentions abortion, mentions panic attacks, grief, anger, some angst, and mat being kind of mean, also mentions trying for a baby and I think that’s all (pls let me know if I missed any)

this takes place september 2030

“Where are the kids?” You ask, voice hoarse and eyes puffy.

“Shhh shhh. The kids are with Bev. Baby, what happened? I got a call from the hospital and I went straight to drop the kids off, thank god Beverly was home,” Mat takes a seat next to the side of the hospital bed. He brings your hand into his and you can tell he’s been crying.

“I-“ you start but stop as you start coughing.

“You need some water,” he presses the call button that alerts the nurse.

After a few sips of water, you close your eyes to try to gather your thoughts about all that you could remember.

“This morning, after I got to the photo shoot, I started feeling nauseous and my lower back was in a lot of pain. I just thought I was about to start my period. I don’t really remember anything after that. I think I remember seeing blood and then everyone started freaking out. Eventually everything went black,” you recall the foggy events that led you here.

“Do you know what happened? Did the doctor come to talk to you?” He asks but tries to hide his frantic state.

“I just woke up. I’m still in pain. I don’t know what’s going on. I’m scared, Maty,” you grip his hand really tight, bringing his palm up to your cheek for warmth and comfort.

“It’s going to be okay, baby. I love you. I’m here and you’re going to be okay,” he whispers against your forehead, willing his tears to go away.

A knock sounds on the door and Mat tells them that they can come in. The look on the doctor’s face makes you go pale.

“Is everything okay? Am I okay?” You ask warily.

“It’s nothing too serious, but I regret to inform you that you’re miscarrying at the moment,” the words fade out, your head fuzzy and heart pounding.

“I’m sorry what?” Mat says in shock.

You try to take deep breaths but everything feels shallow.

“Mrs. Barzal, you’re going through a miscarriage which is why you are experiencing severe pain and were bleeding earlier. We do, however, want to perform an ultrasound to confirm,” the doctor says in an eerie tone.

Tears spring to your eyes and you shake your head. This cannot be happening. The nausea returns and twists at your abdomen.

“That’s not possible,” you whisper.

“It’s what your blood test is telling us. We’re going to take you to a different room for your ultrasound,” the doctor says along with some other information before they leave the room.

“Oh my god,” you cover your face with your hands and throw your head back.

“I love you,” Mat kisses your forehead.

“This can’t be happening,” is the only thing you say.

An hour later it’s confirmed that your body is going through a miscarriage, and you feel like everything beneath your feet has been taken from you. You feel so empty and you didn’t even know you were pregnant.

You close your eyes and force yourself to fall asleep, but even then your mind still reels at the events of the day. Not even Mat’s hesitant touch can help you feel better.

“Y/n, wake up,” you hear Mat whisper softly in your ear a couple hours later.

You blink your eyes, the blinding light of the room making your head hurt.

“The doctor said that you will be discharged in about an hour,” he informs you, but you honestly just hear static.

Everything from that point on is a blur of unshed tears and horrific thoughts. The shrill sound of your babies wanting to be in your arms when you get home momentarily distracts you, but that emptiness lingers. You try to distract yourself with being a mom and setting up dates with your close friends. You move throughout the house, cleaning every surface over and over again to keep you sane. You go through about 4 wooden pencils as you write and write until you’re snapping each pencil in half with your strong grip. You take extra long showers to wash away each trace of grief that may be left on your body.

After a week of feeling like a robot, you start to feel every emotion you’ve been trying to push down come back up. It doesn’t help that Mat pulled himself away from you. You don’t remember the last time you had a full conversation that didn’t revolve around your kids or random topics that warranted a 30 second talk. You cancel all plans and lock yourself in the guest bedroom.

The empty feeling spreads from your stomach all over your entire body. How could you not know you were pregnant? Why wasn’t your body strong enough to keep them alive? Why did you feel so alone despite Mat being a father and a mother all while he’s trying to help you?

You sob your eyes out and twist in agony, because each time you feel like you might be okay, you’re reminded that your body failed you. No one prepares you for what it feels like to lose something you didn’t even know you could lose. You hate yourself for feeling this way, because it’s selfish when you already have kids and a husband. A family that’s already felt complete, but now it just feels broken.

It takes several phone calls to your therapist before you feel like you can function without your heart aching every second. You realized that you need your babies’ hugs and kisses. You needed to feel some kind of love.

You attempt to put back all of your broken pieces by playing with your children or napping with them. Simply just being around them puts a smile on your face. You start to feel yourself come around more. You start hanging out with friends again and laughing and feeling anything but sadness. You try to be more positive in situations you’d automatically become upset with.

The only thing that’s keeping you down is Mat. He’s become really good at being just a roommate. He’ll work with you when it comes to the kids, but other than that the space between you both feels like miles rather than inches. You’ve let him keep to himself, because you’re not sure how he’s coping with what happened- especially because you’ve locked yourself away for the past week or so.

Eventually you get tired of his silence and pressure him into talking to you.

“What’s going on?” You ask one night when he’s just getting out of the shower.

“What are you talking about?”

You stay silent for a minute and just watch him. His face conveys nonchalance, but his body is rigid.

“You know what I’m talking about, babe. Why have you been so distant with me? Is it because I’ve been sad? I’m better now and even if I wasn’t, you can still talk to me,” you say, walking up to him and putting a hand on his shoulder.

His body stiffens and he slowly moves away from your touch.

That really hurts.

“It’s not about that, Y/n. Believe it or not, I’m not feeling this way because you were or are sad,” he blurts out.

He continues to move around the room, getting dressed and putting on lotion.

“Okay. So what’s wrong? Why are you being pissy with me?”

“Like you don’t know,” he says.

“Obviously I don’t. Why do you think I’m asking?” He’s really starting to make you mad.

“How could you not tell me?” He finally asks.

“Not tell you what? I’m so confused right now,” you tug on your hair and shut your eyes, trying to come up with the missing details.

“How could you not tell me that you were pregnant? I had to find out by seeing you in the hospital because you were having a miscarriage,” he just about shouts and it makes you flinch.

“I didn’t even know I was pregnant. I was just as in the dark as you were. I would’ve told you if I was pregnant. I can’t believe you’d think that I’d keep something like that from you,” you explain with your voice and head low.

“Shit. I- I’m sorry. I just assumed that you knew and I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry. I love you,” he gathers you in his arms and just holds you.

“I’m sorry I pushed everyone away. I just needed some time to think about things and to be sad,” you say through tears.

“It’s okay. I love you,” he kisses your temple.

“I love you.”

Later that night you’re both in bed, cuddling and basking in the comfortable silence.

“Mat?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“I think you should get snipped,” you voice your most recent thought.

“What?” He questions because he’s not sure if he’s hearing things.

“I really think you should get a vasectomy,” you reiterate.

“Wait… why?”

You adjust in his grip so you can fully face him. Your hand goes to rest on his cheek and you thumb at his skin.

“I think I’m done with having babies. We have 3 and I think that’s enough,” you say.

“No. That’s not what I meant. I mean why do I have to be the one to get the procedure done?”

“Well why not?” You ask back.

“I can’t get that because I have to be sharp for hockey. I can’t spend weeks just lazing around during a recovery period, you know that. You should get your tubes tied,” he explains and you let out a scoff.

You move away from him and get off the bed in favor of pacing around the room.

“I’ve held each of our babies inside of me for 9 months. I breastfed all of them. I just had a miscarriage for a baby I didn’t even know existed. My body is constantly changing. That’s not always an ideal situation for my career, especially because my body is an important aspect of my job. Hell, I’m practically art! So, no, I’m not going to be the one to get my tubes tied,” you rant, eyes squinted and a frown wrinkling your forehead.

“I thought that’s why you started taking classes at Pratt, so modeling wouldn’t be the only thing you have going for you?” He replies, subtly putting words in your mouth.

Your every feature turns down in a sad and disappointed pout. You honestly didn’t see this conversation going in this direction. The whiplash is unreal.

“That’s not what I was aiming for when I decided to take some classes. You’re being a real ass right now,” you bite.

“I’m being an ass? What about you? You just assumed that I don’t want any more kids. You know, I want you to at least want one of them, because if you haven’t noticed you really didn’t want either of them,” he spits out, face red as a tomato.

That makes you cry. That assumption that you never wanted your kids makes you die on the inside.

“At first, you wanted to get an abortion with Nolan,” he says when you stay silent.

You cross your arms over your chest and cock up an eyebrow, daring him to continue.

“You didn’t really want Angel. I remember you saying that you didn’t want any more kids after Nolan,” he adds.

You glare at him in return.

“Lastly, you said you didn’t really like the timing of Sloane and I can’t blame you, because you went and broke up with me and then hid it from me. No wonder I thought you hid this one, too,” Mat rips into you, voice laced with venom.

“You listen to me, Mathew Barzal, if I really didn’t want to have our kids, I wouldn’t have had them. Believe me when I say that. Of course I wanted our kids. Was I scared out of my mind each pregnancy? Yes! Would I take them back? Hell no. I love our babies, so for you to say that really sucks,” you respond, wiping away your tears.

He just shakes his head in return.

“I’m scared of pregnancy. I just lost a baby and you expect me to want to try for another one? I don’t know if I can do that for you, for us,” you correct your last couple of words before he can turn them into something else.

He watches you, staying silent as you fall apart at his feet.

“Is this going to be the end of us?” You ask.

“Why is it always a breakup with you? Is that what you really want? Deep down, do you really not want to be with me?” He accuses.

“No! I just feel like you don’t love me, so I’m not going to beg you to stay if that’s not what you want. I can’t even give you a baby, so there’s that,” you admit.

“I lost the baby, too,” Mat points out.

“I know that, Mathew. I know, but you don’t understand what it’s like as a mother to go through a loss like that. My body should be capable of growing a life. Then you go and say that I didn’t even want my kids. You don’t know what it feels like to feel so utterly empty and alone. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t know that they existed, because as a mother, I should’ve known,” you whisper as your voice starts to become strained.

You feel your chest start to cave in on you and the lack of support makes your knees buckle. You go straight to the floor, tucking your knees into your chest for some kind of stability. You’ve never seen Mat so upset. You’ve never been on the receiving end of it. Part of you is mad at him for the way he’s talking to you, but another part of you understands. This whole miscarriage has turned your world upside down. You’d be naive to think that it wouldn’t affect him too.

“Baby, don’t cry. It wasn’t your fault. I love you, always. I promise it’s going to be okay,” he wraps you in his arms and squeezes you to his chest. He beats himself up for the way his words caused you to crumble. Seeing you break after already being broken down snaps him out of his anger. His word vomit just spewed out, but maybe it was a good thing because everything was out on the table.

You don’t blame him, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

He doesn’t know it, but the beat of his heart does wonders to calm you down before you can have a panic attack.

“Do you hate me?” You lock your hands behind his neck, desperate to have him pressed to you in any way possible.

“Never. I’m sorry I made you feel like I did. I swear I would never hate you,” he rubs your back.

“You said I didn’t want our babies,” you get out through the remnants of your cries.

“Do you really feel that way? Be honest,” you speak again.

“Part of me used to feel that way, but every time I see you with our babies, I see how much you love them. You’re the best mama bear to our little loves. I wouldn’t have had kids with you, if I felt certain that you didn’t want them. I was just being an asshole,” he whispers into your temple.

You sniffle at his response, feeling another bout of tears ready to fall because you never knew he felt that way.

“Are you sad about the miscarriage?” You need his feelings to be transparent.

“Yeah. A lot more than I thought I would be. I’m also angry, because you shouldn’t have had to go through that. I should’ve known you were pregnant, maybe things would be different,” he answers honestly.

“It’s not your fault either. This is just a really sucky thing,” you try to comfort him, but you can see the tears in his eyes and the way his bottom lip wobbles.

“I’m sorry for being mean. I can’t take it back, but just know that I love you so much,” he finally cries.

You pull him closer, hand caressing his neck and back and you kiss his cheeks.

“We’ll work through it. We always do. Do you really want another baby?” You look into his eyes.

“I do. One more baby barzal, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to because I made you feel bad about an insecurity I have,” he admits, thumb wiping away your tears. His forehead leans against yours and for the first time in a couple of weeks, you feel whole.

“Insecurity?” It’s the first you’re ever hearing about it and it shocks you to your core. For as long as you’ve known Mat he’s always been the secure and stable one.

“I sometimes thought you were just having kids to please me and not because you were ready to have them. I guess I was feeling insecure about our age gap. I finally got somewhat of an understanding of what you used to feel like,” he explains and you feel guilty for never realizing.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me? I could’ve soothed your worries a long time ago. Like I said, I had our babies because I wanted to.”

“I thought I could get away with it, but I guess it just bubbled up until I couldn't hold it in anymore. I promise to come to you whenever I get an insecurity, or just any little problem really. You’re my wife, I need you all the time,” he pulls you in for a kiss. You try to kiss every single one of his worries away.

“I would like to purposely try to make a baby, but I don’t know when I’ll be ready. Just have some patience with me,” you say into his mouth.

He shakes his head.

“I don’t want to pressure you into having another baby if that’s not something you want to do.”

“Mat, baby, you’re not pressuring me into anything. I’ve been having some baby fever lately. Miss Sloane is getting older, so it’d be nice to have another baby,” you assure him.

“Whenever you’re ready, I’m ready,” he says, pulling you into a kiss.

“I love you. We’re going to get through this,” you promise him. And you will,, no doubt about it.

Being riddled with grief and guilt- that can only come from the way you both acted towards each other- will make you both stronger in the end. Stronger as individuals, as a couple, and as parents. You’re just glad you’re going through it all with your husband by your side. It’s Mathew or no one, and it’s safe to say that he feels the same way.

a/n: Looks like mat and model!reader have some therapy and lots of talking to do before they fix everything. As always, hope y’all enjoy!

[barzysunflower]

his jersey

mat barzal x reader

word count: 1486

smut! 18+ only

A hat trick. A fucking hat trick. And you missed it.

You had just gotten back from grabbing a few drinks with some colleagues and were just able to catch the last minute of your boyfriends hockey game. Normally you go to all home games, but since switching jobs and not knowing the people you work with very well, you immediately agreed when they finally asked you to go out after work. You had been keeping up with the game throughout the night, but you didn't want to be on your phone the entire time so your attention to it was limited.

mat: thank you <3

mat: you did? :(

you: I'm sorry!!!

You felt bad for missing it and started thinking of some ideas of how you could make it up to him. Pretty quickly it came to you and you jumped up from the couch, heading straight to the bedroom. You stripped off your clothes and pulled one of Mats jerseys over your head. You took some revealing pictures in it and sent it to your boyfriend.

you: to hopefully make up for it:)

He never responded, but shortly after you could see his location moving towards home. When you finally heard the keys wiggle in the door lock, you walked to the door to greet him, still wearing the jersey. Nothing but.

"Hi." He didn't speak when he saw you, but his eyes practically devoured you as they traveled up and down your body. You had a short staring match across the small entryway hallway. "Gone mute?"

With a deep breath, Mat finally moved after dropping his things on the floor. He looked like a animal ready to hunt his prey. The anticipation grew with every step he took and you backed up until you hit a wall behind you. His hands pressed against the wall on either side of your head and the way his eyes darkened made you gulp audibly and you heart beat faster. "Maty." It barely came out as a whisper, but you felt like you were going to die.

His lips twitched and he finally lowered his head. His nose and lips grazed your cheeks, moved down to your neck, giving you what you craved so badly, without giving away too much. Then one of his hands slipped down to the back of your thigh and his calloused hand traced up your body and under the jersey. When he realized you really weren't anything underneath, his nose pressed against the crook of your neck. "So fucking lucky."

Your heart warmed and you gained some of your confidence back so you grabbed his head in your hands and pulled his lips to yours. Your tongues danced to the same rhythm your hips ground against each other. "I'm so proud of you! I wish I could have been there," you said in between kisses.

"Me too."

"Can I make it up to you?," you asked with a smirk on his face, reaching for his belt. He raised an eyebrow and his swollen lips broke out in a smile.

"I think that might help." So you quickly got to work on his belt and pulled down his pants and boxers as soon as they came lose. You simultaneously dropped to your knees. "Open." You complied with the request and watched as he tightened his fist around the base of his cock, pumping a few times.

"Look at you. On your knees for me. Warning my jersey." His other hand reached down to your head, holding the side of your face. You stuck your tongue out as he brought his hard cock to your mouth. "You're gonna take all of it?" You nodded eagerly and moaned when you tasted the salty taste of him on your tongue. You wrapped your lips around the top and sucked gently, to which he let out a grunt. Wanting to hear more of him, you leaned in, taking him until he hit the back of your throat. "Good girl."

The hand gripping your jaw moved to the back of your head and his other slammed against the wall behind you, as you took control, wrapping your hand around the base and moving it in rhythm with your mouth. You moaned and gagged and looked up at him with watery eyes, not wanting to miss his reaction.

His head fell back with satisfied grunts as his hips drove forward, sliding deeper down your throat. His stomach muscles flexed as his thrust got harder and sloppier, the closer he got to tipping over the edge. "Fuck! Fuck, baby," he moaned when you cupped his balls gently with your free hand. His hand tightened in your hair as he spasmed, sending thick ropes of cum down your raw throat. You swallowed everything he gave you with pleasure and used your thumb the clean up around your mouth once he finished.

"Better?" He smiled gently, looking beautiful with his glossy eyes and cheeks flushed with the post-orgasm glow. He helped you up and answered with a kiss, "I love you."

"I love you," you mumbled back against his lips. "So proud of you." You deepened the kiss quickly with need. His hands roamed your body, exploring every inch he could reach. You rubbed against each other, needy and desperate. Then, he picked you up and pressed you against the wall. He barely gave you space to roll your hips against him, making you whimper and moan in frustration. But he made you hang on longer, while he took his sweet time exploring your body. His teeth scraped across your necks and if you weren't wet already, you were dripping now.

Finally, he started teasing you with the head of his dick at your entrance and when he took too long, you gave him some motivation: "Come on, baby. Fuck me like the first star you know you are." With one swift thrust he slammed himself home, knocking every last breath out of your lungs. Mat's fingers dug into your ass cheeks, using his grip to fuck you even harder. All you could do was hang on to him, as the sound of slapping skin, grunts, and moans filled the apartment.

The orgasm hit you out of nowhere, but he didn't stop. You cried out and fell against his shoulder, twitching uncontrollably experiencing pure euphoria. When you finally calmed down, he grabbed your legs one by one and slipped it up his shoulder. "Such a tight pussy. Who does it belong to?"

"You."

"Me. It's mine." Your fingernails scratched his shoulder blade and your head fell back against the wall when he hit your g-spot.

Suddenly, he ripped you away from the wall and walked into the living room. You were a little dizzy from the high he was giving you, so you didn't realize what he had done to you, until you were face first bent over the edge of the couch. He teased you a few times, running the length of his cock through the slit of you pussy, before entering you again with a hard thrust. You held on to the couch cushions for dear life since he seemed to be fucking it out of you.

You moaned, when he slapped your ass, causing a sharp sting to spread across your cheeks. He smacked it again, knowing how much it turned you on. "You like that, don't you?" But you couldn't answer. At least not with words. So he smacked it again and pulled you up flat against his chest. "I asked you a question."

"Yes," you finally answered, so out of breath.

"Yes, what? Tell me how how badly you need me buried inside you," he growled in your ear.

"I need it. Please, Maty. I'm so fucking close. Please, I need it." He eased you back down, a hand on your back to keep you in place. He started thrusting again, slowly and torturous at first, but being close as well, he quickly sped up the pace.

His hands griped your hips, squeezing them tightly, while you clenched around him tighter and tighter until fell over the edge. You screamed into the cushion as you tremored and twitched beneath him. "Yes! Yes!", you mange to pant out, not wanting the high to end. He too, was chasing his high and seeing the jersey you were wearing only made him reach it faster. It was his number on your back. His name that you proudly wore and screamed in bed. Mat's thrust got sloppier, until he was only grinding his pelvis, pushing his cock as deep as physically possible until it was pulsing deep inside of you. This sent a mini orgasm through your body, which sucked and milked every drop of cum he was giving you. "Mine. Mine. Mine."

"Yours."

[miracleonice87]

juliaswinterwriting challenge, pt. 2

1. “Take another step and I can’t be held responsible for my actions.” with Mathew Barzal

a/n: finally! my second of two submissions for @wondershawns winter writing challenge. 6.6K. also features Mat’s boyfriend Beau lol. 

summary: Mat has been falling for Beau’s cousin Genevieve since the day he met her. the main thing standing in his way? her. 

warnings: swearing. alcohol. a smattering of angst. mentions of sex (not explicit). a healthy dose of fluff.

_____

Mat couldn’t have heard his best friend correctly. Convinced of that, he shook his head and tried to snap himself out of his stupor.

“Wait, Beau… what?”

“Yeah, Genevieve’s moving in with me,” Beau repeated casually, slapping a puck into the back of the net. “Finally convinced her. She just broke up with that idiot and she’s gonna go to NYU.”

The guys were on the ice at the practice facility for the first time since arriving back in New York after a long summer. They were conducting an informal skate to get their feet under them again, but most of the time had been spent simply catching up with one another — shooting pucks, yes, but also shooting the breeze. Mat had enjoyed the laidback nature of the on-ice session thus far, but he felt an undeniable jolt of electricity in his every nerve when Beau said that name — the one that elicited a thousand different feelings all at once.

Genevieve.

The girl who shared her cousin Beau’s big blue eyes and endless charm, but had a sassy wit and tender heart all of her own. The girl who was more like his teammate’s sister than a more distant relative. The girl who Mat had fallen for the very first day he met her, when Beau invited him to his family home in Quebec for a visit, now three summers ago. The girl who he’d been hopelessly, helplessly entranced by ever since.

Suddenly, a rubber disc was flying at Mat’s feet, the product of Marty dishing him a pass from the opposite side of the zone, expecting Mat to tap it into the goal as they’d already done a dozen times that afternoon. Instead, Mat let it whiz past him, only giving the puck so much as a glance when it bounced off the half-wall.

“Barzy!” Marty yelled from the far boards with a surprised chuckle, smacking his blade on the ice repeatedly. “Fuckin’ pay attention, kid!”

“You hockey much?” Beau teased, furrowing his brows at his teammate’s blank expression. Beau thought to himself that it looked as though Mat had just seen a ghost. “What’s’a matter with you?”

Mat turned to see Marty, Beau, Ebs, and Anders all looking at him as if he were a creature from a different planet. He cleared his throat and hunched once more overtop his skates, gliding in a tight circle before he faced them again.

“Nothin’,” he said nonchalantly, with a sniff. He put his stick to the ice and readied himself, trying to push Beau’s revelation to the back of his mind and focus on the task at hand. “Let’s go again.”

“Wait,” Marty said, putting a gloved hand up to halt the skating men around him. “I forgot. Isn’t Barzy, like, in love with that girl?”

Beau slowly turned his head toward Mat, who swallowed hard, trying to will his cheeks not to redden. Anders and Ebs chuckled, hands resting atop the knobs of their sticks.

“Shut up, Marty,” Mat nearly pleaded, anxiously tapping his stick on the ice. “Just... let’s go again. Come on.”

_____

In the three years since they’d first met, the math broke down pretty simply: Genevieve had had a boyfriend for all of those three years, until a month ago; Mat had kissed her exactly once on the forehead after putting her drunk ass to bed during a weekend visit to Beau’s; and they had made exactly zero progress toward becoming what Mat had always wanted them to be. Together.

One more number was soon added to the equation, not long after she moved to the city — the number one. Sponsored by the number of times they’d now had sex.

Genevieve’s twenty-first birthday fell right after she started at NYU as a junior transfer, when the Isles boys had just started camp. After a night at the club celebrating her, in a vodka-induced haze, with Tito’s attention wrapped up in a pretty blonde, Mat and Genevieve snuck away from the group, into an Uber, and off to his apartment in Brooklyn.

Mat realized immediately that he’d never felt a high like the one he did when she was kissing him, and he chased it all night long. He lost himself in her in every way as they melded together between his sheets.

He truly thought that her birthday was going to be the start of something between them. Something real. More than just a childish crush, stolen glances, and timid, blushing stares.

Which is why his heart broke when he awoke the next morning, after their passionate night gave way to dawn and the effects of the alcohol had faded, to hear Genevieve speaking quietly on the phone.

“Yeah, yeah, I went home with someone... No, you don’t know him. Just a guy from class.”

Mat felt a tightness in his throat and tried to swallow it.

“Shut up, Anth,” Genevieve said with a lighthearted groan.

Shit. Of course it was Beau.

“Brunch? Uh... yeah. Yeah, I can do brunch. I just have to come back to your place and change first... No, no, I’ll just grab an Uber. Yes, I’m sure.”

She was leaving. She was trying to sneak out of his place, while he was presumably still asleep. Despite that, pathetic as he felt for it, he didn’t want her to go. That was the last thing he wanted.

“Okay. Yeah, that’s fine. Okay, see you then. Bye.” Genevieve ran a hand through her dark locks and blew out a long breath.

“Who was that?” Mat muttered in a sleepy voice, making Genevieve jump. Despite trying to ignore it, he couldn’t help but notice the way she pulled his sheets tighter around her naked body at the realization that he was, indeed, awake. His chest clenched at the sight. Genevieve cleared her throat, stalling, before answering.

“That was Anth,” she said, tossing her phone on the bed in front of her. Mat watched the way her bare spine hunched as she sighed and then looked at him over her freckled shoulder. It took everything in Mat not to lean over and pepper her soft skin with warm kisses.

“He wants to go to brunch. The three of us. He’s gonna text you and invite you. He doesn’t know I’m here...” she spoke, wringing her fingers.

“Okay,” Mat said quietly, sitting up on an elbow. “Well, I’ll drive you back to his place—“

“No, no. I’m just gonna order an Uber,” she said hastily, followed by another long sigh. He wrinkled his brow, confused.

“We can’t tell him, Mat,” Genevieve said sadly, tossing him a forlorn glance, her fingers pressing into her temple. “We just... I can’t. I’m sorry.”

His heart broke a bit right then. In his mind, they would admit the truth about last night to Beau this morning, he would chirp them about it endlessly but be happy that they were happy, and they would all live happily ever after.

Evidently, Genevieve had different plans.

“So I’m gonna go, and then you can meet us at the cafe. Okay?” she asked, turning to face him straight on, seemingly so that he saw as little of her nude form as possible, despite having seen all of it last night.

Mat nodded, swallowing again. “You’re sure this is what you want?”

They both knew he wasn’t talking about the Uber. He was referencing something much more consequential than her ride home.

Genevieve pressed her lips together, looking down at her lap before meeting his eyes again. She nodded slowly.

“I just... I don’t think this is a good idea, Maty. I just got out of a relationship, and I don’t know how Anth would feel about...” She gestured between the two of them. Mat tried not to flinch, though he nearly did just that.

He nodded. Genevieve noted the pain in his eyes and averted her own to avoid being crushed by the knowledge that she had singlehandedly inflicted it upon him. Eventually, he found his voice again.

“Okay. Fine. I understand, I guess. I think you know how I feel about you, especially now, but it’s... it’s whatever you wanna do, G,” Mat said.

Genevieve blinked at him a few times, and for a fleeting moment as she opened her mouth, he thought she might change her mind.

His hopes crashed down in front of him as she shifted uncomfortably under the covers and requested, “Can you maybe just... look away while I get dressed?”

That time, Mat flinched.

_____

Mat couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw who was calling as he made his way home from the rink after practice on a snowy Monday nearly three months later, in early December. He pressed the green button on his dash display, said hello, and her fluttering voice filled his car.

“Mat… hi! Are you busy?”

Even if he were, Mat would’ve lied.

“No, no, not at all. What’s going on, G? How are you?” he asked as he switched lanes, fingers suddenly drumming on the steering wheel as nervous energy coursed through him.

Since the morning after they’d hooked up, the most they had communicated directly was texting half a dozen or so times, with Genevieve congratulating Mat on a good game or Mat asking if she knew where Beau was. Occasionally they’d bump into each other after a game, the ones she could actually make it to given her insane class schedule, or at the bar, and they’d both hug awkwardly and inevitably blush like schoolchildren. Mat missed her like hell, and he gently reminded her of that each time they touched base, but he respected her decision, even if he wasn’t fully convinced it was the right one.

Little did he know, Genevieve wasn’t fully convinced, either, but she willed herself to stand her ground, despite the sway he still held over her, without him even realizing it.

“I’m good. I’m good. Listen, um, I know this probably seems out of the blue, but… would you wanna meet up for coffee?” he heard her ask.

Mat’s brows shot up at her inquiry. He had long ago written off any chance at spending alone time with her and was caught off guard by her invitation.

“Sure,” Mat answered, though somewhat hesitantly. “I’d love to, you know that.”

She must have heard the surprise in his voice because she followed up with, “It’s just, I really miss you… and besides, there’s something else I need to talk to you about.”

Mat couldn’t keep the smug expression from his face. “Oh yeah? Other than just how much you miss me?” he asked arrogantly. He could practically hear Genevieve roll her eyes as she huffed into the phone.

“Just shut up and come here, you egomaniac,” she giggled. “I’m at my usual spot.”

“Alright, I’ll be there in fifteen. See you then. And, G?”

“Uh huh?”

A smile twitched at Mat’s lips as he replied.

“I’m glad you called,” he said, sincerity dripping from his words.

He heard the smile in her voice when she remarked, “I’m glad you answered. See you soon.”

_____

When Mat walked into the coffee shop minutes later, Genevieve was holed up at a corner table, notebooks and loose papers alike strung before her in a mass of organized chaos. She touched the tip of her tongue to her top lip and squinted at her laptop screen through her thick, tortoise-shell framed glasses.

Mat had never seen her wearing glasses before. Though he didn’t even think such a feat was possible, he fell a little more in love with her and became a little more tortured by her right then and there.

He approached her slowly so as not to startle her. As he came nearer, she didn’t even look up, deep in concentration as she typed. When she finally glanced away from her screen and toward a notebook across the table from her, Mat playfully crouched into her line of vision, tilting his chin upward as he waited for her to spot him.

Eventually, her eyes met his and immediately glimmered. She flushed slightly, putting her hand to her forehead with a groan.

“Oh, god, Maty, how long have you been standing there?” Genevieve asked, an apology in her tone.

Mat smiled and tried not to dwell on the way his pulse quickened when his nickname fell from her lips. “Long enough to observe that you might need your glasses prescription changed. You’re not supposed to squint at your screen like that, G,” he warned, approaching her and scanning the multitude of documents before her. “What is all this?” he asked, letting his gaze drift back to hers.

“It’s for my event this weekend. That’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about,” Genevieve responded tentatively. “But first, coffee,” she said, reaching for her wallet tucked inside her bookbag.

Mat reached for her hand, pushing it away and shaking his head.

“No, c’mon,” he insisted. “Let me. What can I get you?”

Genevieve looked at their touching fingers as he slowly pulled his away, then she gave him that killer half-grin of hers and breathed a sigh, giving into him since she knew trying to protest was useless.

“How ‘bout a peppermint tea? I think I’m overcaffeinated at this point anyway so I should probably take it easy on the coffee,” she admitted with a chuckle as she tucked some hair behind her ear. Mat nodded.

“Smart girl. Tea coming right up,” he promised with a squeeze of her shoulder. Genevieve thanked him and watched as he sauntered to the counter to stand in line.

His hair was longer, and she thought it made him look even more handsome, if that was even imaginable. He caught her ogling at him as he turned the corner to wait for his order, and she simply pursed her lips into a tight smirk and tried to refocus on her notes. He tried to refocus on anything but her. They both were clumsy in their attempts.

When he returned, he placed a large paper cup before her and she wrapped her hands around it with an appreciative hum.

“You’re the best,” Genevieve praised. He waved her off as he took a sip of his cappuccino.

“So why have I been summoned here, G?” Mat then asked, teasing in his question.

Genevieve bit at her full bottom lip and Mat tried to force his eyes not to linger there as she snapped her notebook shut and readjusted herself in her chair, clearing her throat.

“Okay, so you know I’m taking this event planning class this semester? It’s part of my major. And our final project is to plan a large-scale event,” she began, and he nodded as he sipped at his coffee, amused by her bubbly mannerisms as she spoke. “Well, so… a friend of mine in class kind of accidentally let slip that I’m Anthony’s cousin, and it turns out that the prof is friends with some Isles execs. She suggested that I plan a gala to benefit the team children’s foundation, and obviously since the professor fed me that idea, I couldn’t really say no. Especially since it’s 50 percent of my final grade, and obviously because it’s for such a great cause.” Mat nodded again, already seeing where this was going, but not exactly minding it.

“So since you guys don’t play this Saturday night, Anth had originally told me that he would go and kinda be the face of the team for me, but he backed out this morning,” Genevieve said, playing absentmindedly with her fingers in her lap. Mat was getting ready to take another swig when she added that last little tidbit, and he narrowed his eyes at her as he lowered his cup.

“What do you mean he backed out? What the hell else does he have to do?” Mat didn’t try to hide his annoyance — Beau had practically begged this poor girl to come and live with him and go to school in New York, and now he was jeopardizing her academic future?

“I don’t know,” Genevieve shrugged. “He said some girl he’s been talking to bought him tickets to the Nets game on Saturday night and he—“

“Oh, you gotta be fuckin’ kidding me...” Mat spat, then noticed the disappointment in her features, and immediately softened. “So, what can I do to help?” he asked, deciding that he would deal with the Beau issue later.

She leaned forward, elbows resting on her knees, and drew a deep breath as she summoned the courage to make her request.

“I was wondering if... if you’d go with me?” she eventually mumbled.

Mat was certain he had misheard, just like that day months ago on the ice. He licked his bottom lip quickly and sat back in his chair.

“Say again?” he deadpanned.

“I was wondering if you’d come with me,” Genevieve spoke, clearer and faster this time. “I know I don’t even deserve to ask you a favor like that, and you probably already have plans anyway, and I—“

“G, stop,” Mat interrupted dryly.

“It’s not like you’re my second choice or anything,” Genevieve continued, talking with her hands just like Beau did when he got flustered. “I wanted to ask you — really, I did. Trust me. It’s just… I was afraid Anth would be weird so—“

“G, stop,” Mat laughed, his voice firmer this time as his hand moved to rest on her knee. “I don’t need an explanation. Of course I’ll come with you. I’d be honored.”

Genevieve finally exhaled, throwing her hands over her face in sheer excitement and shaking her head back and forth.

“Ugh, Mathew Barzal, I could kiss you right now!” she exclaimed before she could pay a second thought to her words. She covered her mouth then, eyes bugging behind her glasses. Mat couldn’t help but giggle at her reaction.

“Well, I wouldn’t be opposed to that,” he quipped softly as he raised his coffee to his lips once more, smirking pompously at Genevieve as she breathed a laugh.

As she launched into the details of the event — what he should wear, what she would need from him, when he could pick her up — he found himself spacing. No detail she shared much mattered to him — not really. It didn’t affect his decision. No matter what this would cost him, literally or figuratively, he was all in.

All in on the gala, all in on Genevieve. All in.

She was letting him in, however little, and he planned to take full advantage of the opportunity. 

Mat insisted on giving Genevieve a ride to Beau’s apartment after they’d finished their drinks, convincing her that she needed to take a break from working and get a change of scenery. Surprisingly, she complied. He realized as she sat in his passenger seat just how much he had missed the way he felt in her presence. The world seemed to be in full color only when Genevieve was by his side.

Sadly, the drive was a short one, and soon Genevieve was hurriedly pulling her bookbag into her lap as Mat pulled over to the curb near the building’s entrance. Preparing for her to jump out of the car without giving him a second look, Mat was surprised when he felt her fingertips grasp his jaw. She placed a lingering kiss to his cheek, closer to his mouth than could be called chaste, and smoothed her thumb across the stubble on his chin.

“I really have to go, even though I don’t want to, but thanks a million, Maty,” Genevieve said, beaming at him as she pulled the straps of her bag onto her shoulders. “I can’t wait for this weekend. Bye.”

With that, she was scampering off, throwing him one last smile before disappearing through the doorway.

With a pursed exhale, Mat rested his forehead against the steering wheel and tried to talk himself down from the clusterfuck his brain had just launched into at her actions.

_____

The week dragged on for Mat. When Saturday finally arrived, he took far longer than usual to get ready, even FaceTiming his sister for her recommendations on the best tie and shoe combination to match his navy suit.

When Liana furrowed her eyebrows, curious why he cared so much about what he wore to what seemed to her to be a fairly routine team event, Mat knew what was coming and braced for it as she opened her mouth.

“Is this like a date or something—“

“Goodbye, Liana. Thank you,” Mat said curtly, cutting her off and quickly ending the call. Of course, it rang again immediately, but Mat chose to ignore it and tucked the device in his pocket as he gave himself one last glance in the mirror.

When the phone rang yet again, he huffed, prepared to answer and then immediately hang up on his dear, annoying baby sister, when he noticed it wasn’t Liana this time.

Stepping into his closet to choose an overcoat, he smiled and tapped the green button.

“Don’t tell me you’re cancelling on me now, G,” Mat said, half in jest, half in masked terror. “I just got dressed.”

To his dismay, Genevieve sounded panicked on the other end of the line.

“Uh, no, quite the opposite, actually,” she said nervously. “I’m kind of — okay, well, completely — freaking out over here, and I was wondering if you could maybe come over early and convince me not to call my professor and tell her I’m sick so I don’t have to see what a complete disaster this night turns out to be?”

Mat had pulled on a coat and flicked off the lights in his closet while she was talking, and he shifted the phone to his other ear to respond once she stopped rambling.

“Don’t do that,” he said firmly. “I’m leaving now. Sit tight. I’ll be right there, okay?”

Mat heard her breathe a sigh of relief. “You’re the best, Maty,” she said. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

His smile widened — he was always happy to play the role of knight in shining armor, but it meant more to him to be able to play it for Genevieve. His chest puffed with each word of her gratitude.

“You’re welcome, love,” he said before he realized the pet name that fell from his lips. But he couldn’t regret it, refused to even try, so he bid her goodbye for now and headed for the parking garage to ride away on his white stallion — er, Cadillac.

Ten minutes later — after navigating a route that should have taken at least fifteen — he was on her doorstep, the dozen red roses he had bought that morning in hand. Mat tried to act as though he wasn’t surprised to find her still in a set of Beau’s Isles sweats, donning her glasses, with her makeup half-finished and her hair not yet fixed. He glanced at the clock above her head that indicated only about forty minutes until they needed to leave the apartment, but decided to ignore that minor detail.

“Hi, gorgeous,” Mat said charmingly, extending the flowers to her. “These are for you. For good luck.”

Genevieve’s lips turned up momentarily into a grin, then folded into a frown, and she looked as though she may burst into tears at any moment. Forcing his way in the door, Mat set the bouquet on the entry table and gathered her into his chest, resting a hand on the back of her head and rubbing small circles on her back with the other.

“Hey, hey,” he soothed. “What’s goin’ on, G? Talk to me, baby.” Oh, shit. Another pet name. He really had to stop doing that.

Genevieve seemed unaffected by the term, though, and drew a shaking breath before squeezing his waist tightly and stepping away.

“Everything! This event is gonna crash and burn and it’s all my fault,” she cried, flinging her hands skyward for dramatic effect.

“What do you mean?” Mat inquired. “And while we talk, why don’t we go to your room so you can keep getting ready?” he added, placing a gentle hand to her hip. Thankfully, she nodded, despite heaving a sigh. As he turned them down the hall, she let her swirling thoughts erupt.

“The caterer called an hour ago and said they didn’t put in an order big enough for tonight so they’re gonna have to supplement the food with basically whatever they can find,” Genevieve began as they entered her room, motioning for Mat to take a seat on her meticulously made bed, which felt far more intimate than he was prepared for, not that he was complaining. She sat on the vanity bench nearby and hurriedly applied eyeshadow to her lids, prattling all the while. As she spoke, Mat glanced down at the dress laid out on the foot of the bed on a hanger, and he swore he forgot his own name for a moment as he gaped at it blankly.

“And I specifically ordered peonies, not poppies. Like how the fuck does a florist mess that up! I just—“

“Wait, sorry to interrupt, but this is what you’re wearing?” Mat choked out, sliding the shiny fabric between his first two fingers and thumb. Genevieve nodded, hurriedly fastening on a pearl cluster earring smack dab in the midst of her blush and bronzer routine.

“Yeah, Anthony insisted on taking me shopping and made me buy the most expensive goddamn dress in the store for some reason,” she grumbled. Mat made a mental note to thank Beau profusely. “I told him I couldn’t accept it but — wait, why? You hate it, don’t you?”

Mat’s eyes bugged at her question before he swallowed hard, shaking his head furiously. “No, no, it’s just... you’re gonna look so unfair,” he chuckled. Genevieve gave him a disbelieving look.

“Hardly,” she disagreed, apparently not noticing how gone he was at the moment. “Anyways, it doesn’t matter what I wear because it’s going to be an absolute shit show.”

She threw a fluffy brush into her makeup caddy with a clatter, and Mat approached where she sat fussing over herself anxiously in the mirror. She couldn’t help but notice the way her breath caught in her throat when his long fingers came to rest on her shoulders, stretching to her collarbone as he gazed at her intensely in their reflection. She felt herself relax under his touch.

“I know you’ve convinced yourself of that,” Mat began, his voice low, slow, sincere. “And that probably nothing I say will change your mind. But even if the food is wrong and the flowers are wrong and it doesn’t look exactly how you pictured it, it’s still gonna be a success. Because you made it happen. And you’re the most organized, most dedicated, hardest-working person I know,” he said as she finished applying her lipstick and sat up straight with a long, calming breath.

“And you’re the sweetest person I know,” she admitted airily. Mat beamed, squeezing her trap muscles. “Thank you,” she added, her hand finding his and bringing it to her lips, their eyes never straying from one another’s in the mirror until she stood up to face him.

He threw her hair over her shoulders and gawked at the perfect placement of her makeup, however much she had rushed its application.

“Makeup,” Mat spoke, drawing a pretend v-shape in thin air. “Check. One thing at a time.”

She snickered a bit, her hands ghosting across his suit coat for a moment, enchanted, before she snapped back to the task at hand.

“Okay, I have to go curl my hair, and then get dressed. And then, I’m ready,” she promised as Mat nodded and slowly returned to his seat on her bed. As she pulled a pair of strappy heels from underneath the bedskirt, he smiled down at her so fondly, and she realized she wouldn’t mind having him sitting right here more often.

Certainly wouldn’t mind.

She tossed Mat a wink as she picked up the dress, too, and hustled into the bathroom, suddenly feeling much more confident than she had without his presence — his reassurance.

Fifteen minutes later, after chattering with Mat through the door while taming her hair, she pulled on the dress and smoothed her hands over the skirt of it, tugged on her heels, and pulled open the door.

Mat stopped abruptly in the middle of a story about razzing her cousin at practice and stood to his feet, neither moving an inch.

Finally, Genevieve sighed and motioned toward her attire.

“So?” she spoke simply. “Acceptable?”

Mat scoffed, literally scoffed, and repeated, “Acceptable?” He rubbed a hand over his mouth and couldn’t help the boyish giggle he let out. “More than acceptable, G. You look... wow. Incredible. So incredible.”

Genevieve could admit to herself that she was pleased with his reaction — in fact, she couldn’t quite seem to detach her eyes from his face as his stare roamed her figure. She leaned against the doorpost and smirked.

“Remember what I said earlier this week? About how I could just kiss you right now?” she asked mischievously. He nodded slowly, eyes still studying the way her dress pulled tight in exactly the right places, then finding their way back to hers. “Kinda feeling that way again right now,” she added.

He exhaled sharply, standing up straighter, as she took a couple of paces toward him.

“Is that so?” he teased. She nodded, chewing at the inside of her cheek. Mat hummed in anticipation as she came ever closer. “You sure about that?” he asked firmly, extending his arms with his palms out toward her, trying his damnedest to keep her at a distance.

She only nodded again, a gleam in her eye, and paused just a couple of feet from him, waiting for his approval.

“Take another step looking like that and I can’t be held responsible for my actions,” Mat warned, giving her one final out.

A small laugh passed through Genevieve’s nose, and she looked down at their feet as she daringly moved forward.

“I’m okay with that,” she whispered as she looked back to his face. Mat only quirked his brow in response.

“I think it’s time I focus less on pushing you away, and more on just…” Genevieve tenderly wrapped her arms around Mat’s neck. “Just finally letting things happen the way they’re supposed to,” she spoke.

Mat froze for a moment, then broke into an enormous grin. “Yeah?” he asked in awe.

She bit down on her bottom lip and nodded, driving him insane. He pressed her lower back into his body as she assured, “Yeah. This is what I want.”

Mat barely let her speak that last word before capturing her lips in a searing kiss — all the nerves and anxiety about avoiding this melting away in a heartbeat as she moaned softly into his mouth, eliciting a smile from him against her skin.

“You’re beautiful, G,” Mat whispered when he finally came up for air. “You know that?” Genevieve blushed and tried to hide her face in Mat’s chest, but with a roll of his eyes, he caught her chin between his thumb and index finger and angled her face toward his own.

“No, none of that,” he said. “I’ve waited this long to be with you, G. Just let me look at you and tell you how gorgeous you are.”

Mat felt the warmth of her cheeks as he caressed them with the backs of his hands, losing himself in her criminally blue eyes.

“You are something else, Maty,” she said, letting her hands rest on his taut stomach as she leaned into him. “Now we really have to go, or we’re gonna be late.” With one last kiss pressed against his lips, Genevieve spun away from him, grabbed the pearl clutch from her bed, and tossed him a particularly wicked glance over her shoulder, laughing at his dumbfounded expression as she drifted out of the room.

And as he watched her walk away from him, hips swaying beneath the satin of her dress...

Mat knew he had no choice but to follow wherever she led.

_____

Whether she was aware of it or not, the girl knew how to command a room.

As Mat watched Genevieve engage the many high-profile sponsors and potential donors in the ballroom, he found himself thinking that he really didn’t even need to be here. She had this in the bag, and he was just arm candy for the night. And he realized he didn’t mind a bit.

Even so, he couldn’t help but swell with pride when she regularly turned away from conversations throughout the evening, searching the many faces in the crowd until she found his, her shoulders relaxing and her eyes flashing with affection when she finally did.

Finally, Mat sensed that the peace he had long ago found in her, she now felt in him. Nothing could ever make him happier than that.

Despite having different food and flowers than what Genevieve had planned, the event was a smashing success. She learned from her professor near the end of the gala that they had raised a quarter of a million dollars for the Islanders Children’s Foundation in this single night — a figure which made her nearly choke on her champagne and subsequently back Mat into a coat closet to reveal privately. Only he was more excited about the triumph than she, clutching excitedly at her sides as he pulled her to himself for a fiery kiss and gleefully congratulated her, both of them trying to stay as quiet as possible to remain undetected. When they regained their composure, they walked regally arm in arm back into the ballroom to say their thank you’s and goodbyes.

As they waited outside for the valet, Mat held Genevieve from behind, his arms encircling her waist under the grand stone archways of the old building. In her ear, he whispered her praises, pressing a kiss to her temple or jaw between each adjective as they awaited their ride.

“Smart. Beautiful. Capable. Stunning. Perfect. Worthy. Mine.”

That last one prompted her to spin in his arms, unashamed of who might see, and grasp his face for a firm kiss.

“Yours,” she whispered back dreamily.

_____

Soon they were back at her apartment building, rushing down the hall hand in hand, fully prepared to take advantage of Beau’s night on the town. Mat was mouthing hungrily at the back of Genevieve’s neck, from one side to the other, as she squealed and clumsily unlocked the door — a feat which took approximately five times as long as it normally did, considering the distraction hanging off of her, snaking its long arms around her torso as she finally tumbled through the doorway. Mat held onto her hips with a laugh to prevent her from falling on her face onto the tile beneath them, pulling her upward to resume their makeout until…

“Don’t you two look cute.”

Beau’s voice rang from the couch, startling both Mat and Genevieve as she pushed him away to create some distance between them. Mat cleared his throat as he unceremoniously gathered his footing beneath him. They both stood motionless in the entryway for several moments before Genevieve blinked at the basketball game playing on the television.

“Wait. What the hell, Anth… you’re watching the Nets game on TV? What happened to your date?” Genevieve asked as she took a few steps into the living room, tossing her clutch onto the couch so that she could put both hands on her hips and aim as much attitude as possible at her cousin.

“Yeah, I lied about that. The Nets are in Boston tonight, you geniuses,” Anthony informed them casually, taking the last swig from his beer bottle and placing it on the coffee table as he leaned forward.

“What do you mean, you lied? What the fuck, man?” Mat asked, incredulous.

“I did it on purpose!” Anthony bellowed, before the two gaped at him. “You two goons haven’t figured it out on your own by now, so I figured if I ditched, forced you into some alone time, bought G a pretty dress, maybe you’d see yourselves for what you really are. Hopelessly, disgustingly in love with each other. And apparently, it worked.”

Mat ran a hand slowly through his hair, tugging on his locks with a quiet laugh. Genevieve stood still, a hand suspended in mid-air, and whispered, “You planned this?”

Anthony rolled his eyes. “Of course I planned this,” he confirmed. “You really think I would just bail on you at the last minute for some girl? No! I knew you’d ask Mat, and I knew he would come to your rescue, and I knew you guys would have a great night together. Win, win, win.” Anthony rested his back against the couch once more, propping his feet up on the coffee table and folding his hands behind his head as he waggled his eyebrows. “I’m good, huh?” he remarked.

Mat took four quick strides toward his best friend and made a show of grabbing Anthony’s face and pressing a lip-smacking kiss to his forehead, which Anthony giggled over and wiped away, shaking his head.

“You’re my hero, man,” Mat spoke as he returned to Genevieve’s side and tucked her beneath his arm. Timidly, Genevieve asked Anthony, “You mean you’re not mad?”

Anthony’s big eyes grew even wider. “Mad?! My best friend and practically my sister are finally making each other happy. I’d be crazy to be mad! Or I’d be the Grinch. And I’m not the Grinch!” he assured as he pointed towards them.

Genevieve beamed, walking his way and placing a kiss to his cheek, squeezing his arm.

“Merci beaucoup,” she whispered when she pulled back from his face, only to see that he was smiling from ear to ear. He gave her a solemn nod. 

Genevieve extended a hand toward Mat which he accepted gladly, then she turned back to her cousin.

“Well, on that note, since your plan was such a success, and so was my event, Mat and I are gonna go celebrate,” she informed him with a grin. Anthony chuckled and lifted his beer bottle in their direction.

“Cheers to that,” he said. “I’ll just turn up the volume.”

Mat and Genevieve laughed and said goodnight before making their way down the hall. Mat couldn’t close the door fast enough before spinning her and pinning her against it as she smirked, her form melting into his as he kissed her fiercely. For several minutes they stayed there as one, with their parting lips and their breathing the only sounds in the room. Soon, Mat pulled back, both his hands holding Genevieve’s face as he searched her eyes.

“Promise me this is really what you want, G. Promise me you won’t push me away again,” he implored, his voice sounding needier than it ever had. Genevieve felt the stab at her gut upon remembering once more that she’d really almost fucked this up.

She sifted her fingers through his long, coal black hair of his and looked into his green-flecked eyes, which begged her for reassurance. Mat swallowed thickly as she cupped his strong jaw.

“I promise I won’t, Mathew,” she whispered. “I won’t. I can’t. I need you.”

With that, she squeezed his cheeks between her fingers and smothered his lips with her own. Mat tasted the sweet champagne on her skin and moaned.

“Mine,” he said again, gruffly this time, into her ear as he trailed hot kisses down her jaw.

“Yours,” she repeated breathlessly.

[devil-in-those-eyes]

Reasons- Mat Barzal smut

Alright, so.... This is like REALLY dirty. And I like never post smut on tumblr, because I’m always worried about overdoing it. I’ve seen some dirty things on here, so I’m hoping it’s good. 

~~

           Your hands moved up Mat’s suit collar and into his thick hair, feeling a shiver dance through his body as his tongue dragged down your neck as you two stumbled into his apartment, his hand slamming his door shut over your head.

           Was this really happening?

           How could this be happening?

           No, this was really happening and you knew exactly how you got into this position with Mat. It had everything to do with a fundraiser and running into your ex-boyfriend. Remembering that you and Mat have been over for four months, you pulled your neck from his lips.

           “Mat, we shouldn’t,” you breathed, your voice hoarse. There were reasons why you two broke up and there were multiple reasons as to why this was a really bad idea, you could start naming them if he wanted you two.

           Mat pulled back and gave you those hazel eyes that were dark with heat, his lips swollen from your kiss. His cheeks were flushed and his hair was already tousled from your fingers, but it was safe to say you missed this look on him. The one he got right before he slid deep inside you.

           “I really don’t want to stop,” He said, his voice dropping a few levels. His fingers reached the side zipper of your navy blue dress. You could feel the dress slowly falling away from you, his dark eyes followed the dress as it fell to the floor and leaving you in nothing but your lacy strapless bra and matching underwear.

           He groaned at the sight of your swelling boobs almost falling out of the cups, “I’ve fucking missed you.”

           All those reasons went out the window as you stepped into him, kicking off your heels and pressing your lips together. Your hands clashed with his as you pushed his suit jacket off of his broad shoulders and started unbuttoning his shirt, placing your lips on his neck and suddenly thankful he had started keeping the first few top buttons undone.

           Mat groaned at the feel of your lips against his skin and you could feel everything that beautiful sound did to you, from the heart pounding harder all the way down to the ache in your pussy growing.

           Soon enough, Mat had your bra unclasped while you had him standing in only his boxers. It was happening so damn fast, but both of you were needy and desperate and missed this, so neither of you wanted to slow down. You hissed when Mat dipped down and scraped his teeth over one of your hand nipples before his hands grabbed at your thighs and picked you up.

           He tasted like bourbon, making your tongue tingle every time yours tasted his mouth. His hair felt smooth between your fingers and every time you tugged on it, he gave another delicious groan.

           “God, I’ve missed kissing you.” He murmured after he walked you two into his bedroom.

           “Yeah?” You teased, attempting to rock your hips into his waist.

           “Don’t tease me, baby,” Mat warned, his voice thick with lust.        

           You smirked and bit his bottom lip, his hands squeezing your ass in his big palms. When you let his bottom lip go, you pulled back and looked at him right before he dropped you onto his bed, smiling as you laughed softly.  

           “Haven’t you missed me?” Mat asked, his eyes going round for a second.

           You laid flat on your back with his knees pressing into the side of the bed, his hands trailing up your smooth legs. You wanted to tell him that your break up was the hardest thing you’ve ever had to deal with, that you pretended that every guy you spoke too was him. Every time your phone pinged with a text, or someone was calling you, you wished it was him. Every Instagram like he sent your way sent your heart fluttering. You missed him like hell, but right now he was saying he missed the physical aspects, not the meaningful stuff.

           “Maybe,” you smirked, attempting to be playful and letting your hands tease your own nipples, basking in the heat of his eyes and the zing of pleasure that was sent straight to your core.

           “You don’t think about me every day?” He asked, wearing his own smirk, a hand reaching up to touch his growing scruff. He leaned down and kissed the inside of your knee, eliciting a gasp from you. Your body was already on fire and he barely touched you.

           His warm fingers pulled your underwear down your legs and left you completely bare for him, when he pried your thighs back open he was met with the sight of your wet center, just begging for him.

           “Do you think about me every day?” You countered as he kissed the inside of your thigh, inching upwards.

           Mat didn’t answer until his breath was tickling your sensitive skin, his dark eyes moving up to rest on you. “Baby, you’re the only thing I’ve thought about.”

           You wanted to respond, but nothing but a moan fell from your lips as his tongue took a lick at your clit. He groaned at the taste of you, the vibrations and his hot breaths made your thighs quiver. He wrapped his lips around your clit and sucked, your hands flew to his hair and tugged, “Oh, fuck, Mat.”

           “God, I’ve missed this,” he grumbled before diving back in, stretching your thighs out and flicking his tongue over your clit, watching your eyes roll into the back of your head.

           It was clear that Mat still knew your body like the back of his hand, he still knew how to pleasure you better than anyone ever could and you told yourself that it was because you spent the better part of two and a half years together. It didn’t take him long at all to get your orgasm to tighten inside your stomach, the slow drag of his two fingers sliding deep inside of you had your legs shaking around his head.

           “Close already,” he observed with a smirk. “Someone a little desperate?”

           He gave a suck to your clit as his fingers curled upwards, nudging your g-spot and causing the knot to tighten even further. “Oh, god, please, Mat.”

           He hummed and you thought you were going to ride out your orgasm on his tongue, but he quickly pulled away and pushed his boxers down, the sight of him stroking his cock while his other hand touched your thighs.

           “Still on the pill, baby?” He asked, his lips wet with your arousal.

           You nodded, unable to form words at the sight of his body. His abs tightening with every stroke of his cock, his sun kissed skin flushed a deep pink.

           “Good,” he murmured before moving over you. He covered you with his body, his hands pressing into the space one either side of your head. His weight felt familiar and comforting, something you’ve missed for so long.

           He rubbed the tip of his nose against yours and breathed across your mouth, “Put my cock inside you, Y/N.”

           You could’ve died right there, but you were able to fight through the haze and reached between the both of you. You watched your ex-boyfriend’s face, his eyes staring into yours but the second your hand brushed over his dick, his eyes fluttered and he moaned quietly. Your stomach swirled as a rush of wetness filled the space between your legs as you gave a slow stroke, feeling his soft skin but relishing in his heavy it felt in your gentle touch.

           Mat dropped his head to your neck, his hips slowly moving to meet the slow gesture of your hand. Your thumb brushing over the tip and swirling the drops of precum that were leaking out. Mat turned his head so his lips ghosted your ear, “Baby, please. I’m dying to feel you.”

           You whimpered at his words, then whimpered again when you brushed the tip of his dick against your clit until he was at your entrance.

           You and Mat both loved the first thrust. The first glide inside you. It was always the sweetest pressure between your hips and always sent your heads reeling, hearts pounding. Mat may be in dire need to come inside you, but he also wanted to prolong this, so the first thrust was the slowest. He pulled back just in time to watch your head lull back to dig into his bed, your mouth parting in mind numbing pleasure.

           Wet warmth wrapped around him like a glove and as he watched you, his heart filled with something familiar.

           There was no doubt in Mat’s mind that he was still utterly in love with you and he hadn’t succeeded in getting over you, not one bit. So, as he stared down at you, filling you until there was no space between you, and watching you take him so well, he wondered why he ever let you break up with him in the first place.

           “Baby.” His words got caught in his throat, ready to blurt out the three little words, but he knew that as soon as he did, the moment would be ruined and he just wanted this with you. So, instead, he moved his hips slowly, fighting off the urge to rush.

           Your legs wrapped around his hips, forcing him to stay close. He dropped onto one elbow and placed his hand on your sweaty neck, pulling your mouth to his and feeling a wave of pleasure wash over him as you parted your lips for his tongue.

           “It feels so good,” you cried into his mouth as the knot began forming again.

           “You gonna cum on my cock, like a good girl?” Mat groaned, slowly losing his grip as his thrusts snapped quicker.

           Your nails dug into his back and he moaned, loving the sharp drag of your nails as it mixed with his pleasure. You reached between the both of you and started rubbing your clit, feeling it swollen and wet. Your moans got higher and louder and Mat smirked down at you, “Atta girl, cum on my cock. That’s it.”

           “Maty, please!” You cried out and Mat felt his heart stop.

           The air between you two thickened and even though he didn’t stop moving, you got the impression you said the wrong thing so you opened your eyes to see him straining above you, wondering if using the nickname he used to love hearing off your lips was too much.

           “Say it again,” he demanded. His fingers reaching up the back of your neck, twisting in your hair and angling your head up to him.

           “Maty, I need to cum.” You begged, watching his eyes glaze over.

           “Ah, fuck,” he groaned, dropping his mouth to yours as he felt his orgasm wash over him. “Again.”

           “Maty,” You whimpered, the feeling of him swelling inside of you and the warmth filling your center from his cum sent you straight over the edge. You gave one last loud cry of his name as he fucked you through your orgasm, only prolonging it with every strong and slow thrust.

           As the pleasure slowly subsided, Mat relaxed onto your body and you snuck your hand from between both of your hips to run along his sides. You had come back to earth quicker because you were waiting for his body to react to you touching his ticklish spots and he did with  a jerk and a soft chuckle.

           Mat pressed another kiss to your mouth before pulling out of you and moving to lay beside you, both of you panting with heavy breaths.

           “Oh, fuck,” Mat exhaled.

           You silently agreed, rubbing your thighs together as you felt the discomfort start to settle in. Neither of you said another word and as his breathing started to even out, you wondered if you were overstaying your welcome.

           “I should head home…” you whispered, while sitting up, covering up your naked chest, even though he just saw you naked and coming around his dick.

           “What?” Mat blurted out, his hand reaching to grab your wrist. “Wait, Y/N, you aren’t going to stay?”

           The words why would I danced on your tongue but they seemed harsh inside your head but as you looked back at Mat, his waves falling over and sticking to his forehead, he could see it inside your eyes. We broke up, Mat, remember?

           “Just,” Mat breathed, his eyes round. He sat up and brushed your hair off of your shoulder. “Just stay the night, Y/N. We need to talk in the morning, don’t you think?”

           You wet your bottom lip with your tongue before sinking your teeth into it. Your heart was begging you to stay, and slowly, your heart was wining.

           Mat lifted a hand and touched it to your cheek, brushing his thumb over your cheek bone. His eyes were begging you. “I haven’t slept good at all these last four months.”

           Neither had you, so you found yourself slowly nodding. A relieved smile touched his face and he leaned in to kiss you softly.

           All those reasons why you broke up didn’t matter anymore, not when you were getting the best sleep of your life.

[generallybarzy]

forgot

an: anon asked for the prompts: “Do you even care anymore?” and “Where have you been?” from a prompt list, and I got all of this finished in 3 hours. 

word count: 1.6k

song inspo (of many others): make it up to you, imagine dragons

Of all nights…

Of all nights, tonight was the night Mat went out. Tonight was the night he didn’t come home to you, but left you waiting on the couch in your pretty dress, fancy new heels tossed to the side, sipping wine and staring ahead at reruns of The Office- the show you always watched with Mat- before turning the TV off completely, tears in your pretty eyes, mascara smearing. Tonight was the night he broke his promise. 

You liked to think you were lenient. You knew Mat liked to go out with his friends after games, especially when there was no practice the next day, to have a few drinks and have a bit of fun, and usually you were there with him. But even the nights you weren’t there with him, you let him have his fun. There was no harm in it, he never drank too much and always got an uber home and climbed into bed with you, even when he was drunk and waking you up in his tipsy stupor and giggling at how “Ugh, you’re such a cutie. God I’m so lucky to have you. Missed you baby.” and peppering kisses along you next and shoulders. But tonight was the one night you needed him to come home, the one night he promised he’d be in your arms minutes after the game, and even as it neared midnight, he was nowhere to be found. 

Tonight, only two hours after the Islanders game ended, was the night of a special gala you and a handful of classmates had helped coordinate for one of your college classes, and Mat was supposed to be accompanying you. He promised. You were all dolled up for him, your dress getting wrinkled and your makeup getting smudged from hours of laying on the couch and crying. You were lucky the professor didn’t require you to be there for full credit, and all your friends understood when you told them why you couldn’t come. Your heart, which you had slowly but surely built up the confidence to open wholly to Mat after years of heartache, was broken and bleeding. Because of him.

He promised never to hurt you. 

The doorknob rattled and you realized just how long you’d been lying there, waiting for him. You didn’t have the energy to sit up, to look at him. You knew a fresh wave of tears was coming, and all you would want to do was to fall into his arms, so you stayed where you were, staring at the TV. 

A key turned in the lock, the door opened, and you could feel Mat’s eyes find the back of your head.. “Babe, I thought you were asleep, the door was-”

The door was locked. He never came home to a locked door- you always greeted him with a smile and a kiss and a congratulations, no matter how the game played out. You weren’t there tonight. But before he could finish, you spoke up from the couch. 

“Where have you been?”

“Out with the team?” Mat seemed confused, his voice was soft and you could practically hear his happiness to be home deflating immediately. You knew he always tried to do his best, but you were trying not to be sympathetic. You wanted to be angry, but the only thing you felt was sadness. You could tell he was uncomfortable, still standing only right inside the doorway and glancing around as if he didn’t feel right in his own apartment, trying to figure out what he did wrong. “Why? Did I…..”

So he completely forgot. 

You stood from your spot and turned to face him, realizing that his face had fallen into a worried pout like you expected it to. Like you could already see in your head before he walked in. When he spotted the beautiful navy blue dress he had bought for you that matched his favorite suit, his own words came back to his head.

“We’re gonna to look like the cutest couple out there.” His hazel eyes, gleaming with pride and adoration, caught yours in the mirror, smiling when they did. You were wearing a dark blue dress, sleek and long with a pretty slit up the leg, and a sparkly necklace that Mat had bought for you. He was sporting his own brand new navy blue suit and a bowtie that you insisted was adorable, and wrapped his arms around your waist, kissing the side of your neck. “All your friends are gonna be so jealous.” 

“Thank you for agreeing to go with me.”

“Anytime.” And you knew he meant it. He never let you down. “You worked so hard on this, and I’m so proud of you.” His face split into a huge grin when he saw you smile bashfully in the mirror, and he pressed a chaste kiss to your lips. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Fuck…” 

“Remember yet?”

“Fuck, fuck, oh my God, I’m so sorry baby.” He took a step forward, reaching his hands out to try and pull you in, try to comfort you. When you shook your head and stepped back, he froze in his spot, lifting his hands to fist through his hair. “I- I can’t even… I’m so sorry… I-”

“I reminded you this morning. How did you forget? Do you even care anymore?”

Mat’s eyes were wide with panic. He’d never forgotten a date before, you’d give him that, but you were just so upset that it had to be tonight. “Of course I care, oh my God, baby, I care so much. I- I don’t… I guess I was so focused on the game I just…” He let out a shaky breath, balling his fists up and squeezing to try and calm himself. “I’m so sorry.” 

“It went great, by the way. I asked my friends. They missed me tonight.” After a moment of silence that neither of you could find the right words to fill, you turned towards the bedroom. 

“Baby?” 

You said nothing to him as you closed the door to change out of your dress. You weren’t mad, you weren’t about to fight with him, and a part of you felt bad for making him feel so guilty, but you were so upset with him. You were gonna let him feel bad for a bit, and you were gonna let yourself stew in your emotions. You knew he didn’t mean it, you knew he felt bad, but knowing your plans were that easy for him to forget, that hurt. Once you were dressed comfortably and your face was wiped clear of makeup and the only sign of your previous crying session was the red around your eyes, you opened the door to the bedroom.

Mat was sitting on the couch quietly, doing nothing but staring straight ahead, lost in thought and bouncing his knee, and you assumed he was prepared to spend the night out there. As much as you were upset with him and how bad he had made you cry, you couldn’t sleep without him.

“Mat, get in here.” 

His eyes snapped up and he stood before you could change your mind. You climbed into bed while he changed, and then he stood by the bed. “Can I sleep here?” 

“Of course, Mat.” 

He cuddled down under the covers, watching you with sad, gentle eyes, and not moving from where he lay, as if he needed your permission before doing anything else. 

“I’m not angry, Mat.” 

“You’re not?”

“I don’t want to fight, I’m just sad.” Mat nodded, looking away from you for a moment. The light in his eyes was dim and blurry, and his breath was uneven as you turned your body towards his. “Any other night, I wouldn’t care, you know that. But tonight… you promised to be here.”

With a soft, shaky whisper, he spoke up. “I’m sorry.” The tears streamed sideways down his face, dripped off the tip of his nose and onto the pillow, and you couldn’t help but sniffe as well. Abandoning the cold exterior you’d tried to keep up, and the coolness you tried to keep about you, you scootched over and wrapped yourself around his warm expanse of body. His face pressed into the top of your hair, breathing in your strawberry shampoo and wrapping his arms around you to try and ground himself, to silence his sobs. “I’m sorry, I- I wanted to go, I promise I did, I’m sorry, I’m- I love you. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I don’t- I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“I love you, Mat. I know you didn’t mean to forget, I know you’ve been busy this season, and I get that it’s probably easy to forget stuff, You have a lot to balance.”

“That doesn’t excuse what I-”

“Maty, I don’t blame you, alright? It just hurts.” You ran your hands up his cheeks, tilting him up to look at you. “I know you love me, I know you wanted to be there, I’m not going to hold this over you, alright? I’m just a little sad right now.” 

Mat took a few more deep breaths to calm himself. “Baby.” He pressed his forehead against your, eyes boring into you intimately. “I swear I’m going to be there for you no matter what. Okay? I’ll- I won’t ever let this happen again. I’ll make this right, I promise. I’ll take you out tomorrow, all day, we’ll do whatever you want. I’ll get you a chance to wear that pretty dress again. I’ll make it up to you, I’ll- you just gotta believe me, baby, I- I love,. just, tell me, please tell me we’ll be okay?”

You stroked his tear-stained face with gentle touches and leaned in to silence him, pressing a kiss against his lips, a gentle kiss, filled with tenderness and care and apology and forgiveness. 

“We’re okay. We’re okay.”

[butgilinsky]

10 angst w mat

a/n; UPDATE MADDIE YOU CHANGED MY LIFE W THIS READ MORE THING ✋😩 anyways enjoy mwah ily

10. Today I drove through the suburbs and pictured I was driving home to you. - Olivia Rodrigo (driver’s license)

he remembered the laugh that tumbled past your lips when he told you to sit back down, that you were being unsafe.

“you’re only going like 10 mph, maty.” the nickname he once hated sounded so sweet dripping off of your tongue. it was one of the things that easily allowed people who knew mat to realize just how fucked he was for you. he had never let anyone else ever call him that, claiming it made his skin crawl. now he thinks it was just the universe’s way of warning him. if she was the one that was supposed to use it everyday, maybe that’s why it sounded so horrendous coming from everyone else.

“10 miles over the speed that warrants no seatbelt!” you rolled your eyes but smiled. mat was a worrier, and you had trouble recognizing when things were more dangerous than you made them out to be. you sat back in your seat to please the boy who was anxiously chewing on his tongue and pressed a firm kiss to his cheek. he’d return it, but he was watching the road to make sure no kids or animals popped up out of nowhere.

“i love you. even if you’re a worry wart.” he rolled his eyes but accepted the affirmation and easily slipped it back to you.

it hits him like a truck every now and then, that his passenger seat is empty and he has nowhere to actually go. there’s no one to point out brick houses that stand out to them or to make up scenarios that will most definitely never happen. he wants someone to lay their head in his lap despite the fact that the cup holders are digging into her back and it’s hard to avoid the fear shift. he misses you, misses your laugh that easily filled the air and never failed to bring a smile to his face. he misses feeling your hand rest on the back of his neck while your fingers thread themselves in and out of his hair.

he misses you, and i matter how many times he thinks of calling you or wishes your name will appear on his phone screen, he knows it’s a lost cause. he remembers the picture he recently saw on his instagram feed where your smile practically lit up an entire room while your arms were wrapped around someone that wasn’t him. he remembers the pair of hands that sat on your hips that didn’t belong to him and the caption that suggested you were as happy as ever.

and though that may be true, mat can’t help but miss you lying beside him while he looks up at his ceiling with a bottle of jack in his hand and your favorite record spinning on his turntable.

the ringing sounded far away as mat slipped into a state of distance, a state where the phone sounded miles away from him or like he was sitting underwater. he wasn’t surprised to get your voice mail, in fact he would’ve been more surprised if you had picked up. so he waited for the beep and started talking.

“hey, i know it’s a friday night and the likelihood of you even seeing this call is ridiculous. even if you did, i didn’t expect you to pick up. you never pick up anymore. i miss you. i miss you more than i wish i did, but i just can’t help it. i cook enough food for two and always end up staring at the left overs with a heart heavy enough to fall straight out of my ass. today I drove through the suburbs and pictured I was driving home to you. and then i got here and you weren’t here, and it hit me. you’re not coming back. no matter how much i sit and wait and stare at the front door, you’re not going to come home. the bed feels cold, and the sheets are never as soft as they used to be. maybe i do the laundry wrong, or maybe it’s just because you’re not here. everything feels wrong without you and i don’t know how to-“

it wasn’t the first time he’d been cut off by a second beep, a way to tell him that he’d rambled for too long and he’d filled your voice mail box with tens of messages you probably don’t listen to. mat stared at his phone and wondered if he should call again or if the blurry vision he was sporting due to the build up in his eyes was a sign to put the phone down and sulk all on his own.

he’d fall asleep that night with a lump in his throat and wet cheeks, wishing you were the thing propping his arm up rather than a half deflated pillow. he’d wake up in a confused state where he almost thought you were the noises he heard outside of the bedroom only to be let down by the fact that it was the tv that he forgot to turn off.

he’d drive through suburbs again and again after that, figuring that it was a healthy way for him to cope with the fact that he’d never buy one of these houses for you. you’d never wake him up by tugging open the curtains and presenting him with a bright smile and a cup of coffee. it was a harsh realization, one he was still working through, but he was trying. he was trying to move on and one day, driving through the suburbs didn’t make him feel sick to his stomach.

[yunmengslotuspond]

" What the hell are you doing!"

" Give me a moment, Captain! I may be Cambridge polished but as your officers say I still smell like Ganga mati...I know my tactics!"

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Hotel Strandhill, Aritar

1965

They say you need to have Sun jades on your fingers before planning to search for routes in Drenjong. One bitter turn in the moods of the gods governing the valleys and you prepare yourself. However calculations you do, at the end of the day all that matters is your luck. Better wear auspicious stuff than hiding your woolents under your raincoat and cursing each other for choosing the wrong place at the wrong time to travel. You don't want to end up gathering so much knowledge in nephology after all. 

Even the Four Square between my fingers felt damp. I opened the window and a gush of fierce wind slapped my face. The weather that was just cloudy yesterday had turned into a mountain storm within 32 hours. I threw the cigarette out of the window and it landed on a pool of water. 

Meanwhile someone knocked on the door. 

" Come in", I shouted. 

The door opened and there stood a man with a face dark with disappointment, way darker than me. I couldn't resist the desire to mock.

" Ah, Michael ,my friend! So, what's our next plan?"

" Buddy, just don't start please. I am tired", he collapsed on a chair in front of me. I pitied him. 

" Have any cigarettes?", he stretched his hand.

I looked out of the window next to my bed. A few cars filled with unlucky tourists like us entered the hotel. 

" In a series note, what's our next plan?", I asked Michael as he released rings of smoke that ascended to the crafted wooden roof. 

" We have to wait for another 12 hours, Sam", he said more with disgust than disappointment, " The locals say either the weather condition will improve within this time lapse or…"

We sighed simultaneously. 

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" Sam", he said from the door.

" Hmm?"

" Sorry for dragging you here-"

" What rubbish you are talking about! We decided to come here together", I protested. 

And he shut the door leaving my room. 

I wasn't the one blaming him though. What would I blame him for? That he was the one to drag me out of my 'cozy' shelter in London and now we are stuck here, a part of northeastern India which is known to be a tourist spot now showering incessant rains to welcome us? He was in his own whimsical mood of having a world tour as he had had multiple times before as a photographer. Unlike other times, this time I was the one to accompany him. Not like I had that wild intention of tolerating tropical heat or needed sunburn on my English skin but there was something that hit me strangely when he said that he was going to visit India. Something in me that time spelled in my ears that I should not miss the opportunity to visit the country and I agreed to his proposal. Now, sitting in my hotel room, viewing the thunder play demonstrated by cumulonimbus through my window I pondered who was more whimsical among us. Michael had a reason to come. What was mine? Certainly I wasn't a man led by divinations. Nonetheless I wouldn't deny the the fact that me landing on Bagdogra airport was the result of that strange attraction towards India I harboured  for last couple of months. 

I shook my head to wipe off those thoughts. I had come to travel and the monotony and disgust from sitting still in a hotel room was  growing inside of me. I took a book out of my bag to distract myself.

" Dinner ready hain, sahab" a voice came with a knock at the door. 

I wasn't even feeling hungry at that time but the idea of spending time talking to other people rather than rotting alone in my room felt more appealing. So I stood up. 

Wrapping a chaadar I headed to the dining hall. 

Taking a turn near the stairs that led to the ground floor I entered the hall. In comparison to the other day, there were much more people talking and gossiping there. Number of people sharing badluck with us had increased in a few hours. I spotted that Punjabi Singh gentleman more by his signature laughter than his green turban. He clapped on the back of that young Nepalese lad, Temang and I was pretty unsure if he had survived that. Mr. Choudhury was talking to the manager, placing a little map on the table. I noticed Michael  on the right corner gossiping with that Belgian, Matthias and it wasn't that hard to guess what they were talking about by looking at their partially dissatisfied faces. Then there was that overenthusiastic Chinese man ( I forgot his name) who was chatting with that french Indian couple, Adrian Dupont and Claire Dupont. There were many more new tourists, both Europeans and Indians. I recognized a few. 

As I walked to them I could see the faces of new people with more clarity. I was a few feets away when I stopped all of a sudden.

A chill ran down my spine.

I found myself uttering something foreign involuntarily but couldn't even figure what I was blabbering. An intense migraine followed by nausea shattered my balance. My vision blurred, my head spun and the last thing I could remember was Michael shouting my name. 

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" Don't be shy! Consider this as a treat from me. Never in my life have I thought that one day my fellow policeman would fishnet a criminal!"

" The first thing I thought was to restrict him by any means and there was only one thing that was handy at that moment. Can you name it?"

" What?"

" The net. I told you, Captain"

" I don't remember when you last called me 'captain'"

" Oh please, answer my question!"

" I don't want to present myself as a clown by pronouncing that terribly, Suren, you know that."

" It's Vyashal. Now you owe me Whiskey."

" Thikache, Sir!"

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I woke up with my head pounding a bit. But I woke up. My vision was still blurry to recognise those leaned faces so I closed my eyes. 

" How are you feeling, Mr. Waltham?", Dr. Choudhury asked while checking my pulse. I simply nodded. 

" I don't think it's anything severe", Dr. Choudhury said, " Temang, please bring these medications from any nearby store. Don't panic, Mr. Evans, your friend will be alright after a good night's sleep. But for now, make sure he takes paracetamol after dinner."

I heard footsteps as one by one everyone left my room. Only Michael was left who voiced his concern,

" Are you feeling okay, brother?"

I gradually moved and sat on my bed. Michael handed me a glass of water. I drank it in silence. 

" Brother, what exactly happened?"

I sat straight. 

" I think it was acid reflux." 

" Hmm. Doctor said something of that kind. Did you drink any kind of local liquor without telling me?" 

I again remained silent.

" Mate", he put a hand on my shoulder and gently said, " be careful here", he chuckled, " These Indians once wiped us off this country. Not all things available here can be digested by your English stomach!"

Sikkim was Indian protectorate at that time but I couldn't help laughing at his statement. 

A few minutes later he got out of the room to bring my dinner. 

Then I closed my eyes. I needed to ponder…

There was a man, bespectacled, with shiny black hair who joined them in the dining hall. By his complexion he looked like an Indian... perhaps Bengali. He had looked at my eyes when my head started spinning. I knew those deep brown eyes. That countenance was unforgettable... something in me said that I knew his name.

I sighed. Maybe the doctor was right. I needed rest. 

After my dinner I was taking medicine when Michael seemed like a goofy child who just got his candy.

" What?", I asked.

" Look out of the window."

As I looked I realized there was no storm like before. It was drizzling, making the softest sound to soothe the mind. 

" I hope by next morning it will just be cloudy. Then we will go by our plans."

It was really good news and boosted my mind for such an extent that I forgot whatever the fuss I had created before. 

" Take rest, mate. You will be completely fine tomorrow morning. Good night." and he left. 

I spent the night swaying my head with a trail of thoughts coming and going like a mountain breeze. I saw many things, felt many things and those felt like important phases of my life, though the people I saw, the places I traveled never happened in my 30 years of life in London. My body ached with a feeling that I was missing something but my brain was going on its own route. 

I woke up. 

From a good dream or a nightmare I couldn't tell. 

It was early dawn. The first rays of the sun was yet to touch the valley. 

I opened the door and walked through a passage that led to a balcony. I halted. 

There was a man standing there holding a cup of hot chocolate. I didn't know for how long I was standing there because when I looked at him again consciously , a part of his face and hair was tinged with the first rays of sun. 

" Gentleman..."

The man turned towards me. I didn't get why I called him. I didn't even know what I was going to say next. 

" How are you feeling now, Mr. Waltham?"

There was a pause. None of us spoke for a moment. I wasn't feeling nauseous. I needed to stay strong. My gut feeling said I had to confront him. 

" Bose, Sourendra Bose. I should have introduced myself earlier. " 

( Idk where this is going...I have no idea lol. But @satrangee-ray , believe it or not I got this idea while talking to you...so : p. Golper naam i ba ki debo Janina...)

[leftenant-sinani]

Tales from Grudgewill - Love of Our Lord  Chapter 2

Here it is, maties. Yall waited long enough for this to go public, eh? Either way, third chapter is ready, but i still need to check it if there are some critical mistakes, just in case, yknow. Dont know when i will make fourth chapter.. probably this weekend, as i want to continue in it and include another love interests in it. Perhaps i will get drunk again tonight just to get inspiration like with the first paragraph. :P  I also thank you all for the support on the first chapter, i love you all. And lets not forget about the main individuals who help me to get through this thing : @witharsenicsauce, @avengercommander, @smixcom and @myrddinderwydd

Chapter II : A Long Boring Day

Valnin woke up from the dreamless sleep, but didn't open his eyes yet. He rolled on the right side of his bed, wanting to continue in his precious sleep, but he couldn't. He knew that he had a lot of responsibilities, and the kingdom wouldn't move a single step without him. He still felt overwhelmed despite the fact he was already ruling this kingdom for two years now, and yet, it was still too much on his shoulders, especially with all the recent events. All those runners from other provinces and the Empire itself were making him annoyed at best times. Sometimes, he had an inkling that he would just create that magic portal again and go back to the land where he came from. But it wasn't that easy, he made a deal with that damned Watcher that was surely eyeing him right now from the void, watching his every move. The Lord had no idea why it HAD to be him of all people who got to speak with an entity that has maybe even more power than the gods he knew from his world. "Oh, Azura. Why have you forsaken me, and left me to the Watcher's mercy?" He said in weak and tired voice. He wanted to curse aloud, but knowing it would interrupt his peace he still has, he rather did not. He sighed, continuing to think about this whole mess he got into. Valnin knew that his life was in danger back in Morrowind, and the only choices he had was taking that cursed offer. Of course he wanted to live when he barely lived one quarter of his life. Oh, how naive he was when he thought that he can finally enjoy his life more than he ever did now that he got a second chance. "Ruling a kingdom, heh. You've surely couldn't get me a worse job than this." He scoffed quietly. Nevertheless, he finally opened his eyes. He immidiately covered his face before the sunlight that was shining into his pale visage. He then rubbed his eyes, so he could see clearly. He was just sitting there for a while, thoughtless, scanning his room. It was funny to him, he slept countless nights in this very room, and yet, he still sometimes paused and curiously watched the room. It felt like it wasn't really his own, despite the fact was that this whole castle was his, and he still couldn't believe it. To him, it almost felt like he became a ruler yesterday when realized how much he still has to learn. The Lord finally woke from the trance, and got out of bed in slow motion. His bare feet touched the wooden floor, not too cold, not too warm, it's tempeature was just fine. He stood up, feeling kind of broken from that endless sitting in his throne. Valnin looked into the mirror he had right next to the bed, studying his own reflection. The first thing he noticed, like always, is how wild his hair is looking after every night. No wonder though, his black hair was reaching almost the lowest part of his back. He sometimes thinks about cutting it, but then he always says to himself, that it is not that long yet... For Elf at least. His eyes then fixed on the overall look of his. All that he had on him, was just those black "pants" he was always wearing for sleep, which left top of his moderately muscular, light blue body completely revealed in its full beauty. He sighed on the sight of those Telvanni paints on his upper body, realizing that he still missed his world a lot. "Oh, to Oblivion with you, Watcher" He said to himself, hoping that his "rescuer" was listening right now.

Lord Valnin was sitting in his throne, wearing his usual fancy robe, waiting for runners, people to be judged or someone who needed help with something. Three hours had already passed, and yet so far, only one runner came today, which was odd to Valnin, since most of the days were just endless talking to someone, judging or helping somebody. Today was calm however. Way too calm. Valnin had his suspicions that maybe there are closed borders because of the plague. Empire has history of being careful, so they probably ordered a strict traffic by putting dozens of patrols on every possible way to Icestand. The option sounded a little bit harsh, but it was possible with the state this province is currently in. Nevertheless though, he enjoyed the peace he had been thirsting for the day before. He waited five, then ten minutes. Nothing. He was getting more and more bored by every minute that passed. In the meantime, he was scanning the throne room, sometimes playing with his hair or checking his nails. "Well, I've waited enough." He said to himself. He got up from his throne and turned to his protector who was standing by his side the whole time "You stay here, my loyal servant. If something happens, I'll be in gardens." the guard just nodded but stayed quiet, his face not moving one bit, as if he was made of stone. Valnin smiled at him, and was on his way.

The gardens were were one of Valnin's favorite places in his whole castle. The sweet smell of all the fruit trees and bushes was like a harmony to his nose. He could spend hours in this place: relaxing, taking a walk or even just doing nothing. The Lord was softly smiling the whole time as he slowly strolled through this beautiful place. It was like a magic. A magic that calmed his soul, and with the light wind caressing his face and of course the wonderful smell... he was feeling numb, but in a good way. However, something caught the corner of his eye. When he took a look into the gazebo, he noticed that there was someone fighting. He took a closer look, and it was no one other than Master Assassin Vallinor training her young human student. Curious, he got close enough, so he could see it fully but without interrupting them. He leaned against one of the pillars that was serving there as a decoration. He barely managed to register everything that was happening; the Student was quick with his moves, trying to dodge or block every attack from his Master, however Vallinor was even faster than him. The poor boy didn't stand a chance, and yet, he continued to fight bravely, even though he was slowly losing. His chaotic counter-attacks had almost no effect as the Master managed to dodge most of the attacks and parry the rest without issue and it was obvious that the student didn't know what to do to defeat her. The Lord couldn't help but to notice how smooth Vallinor's moves were... almost like a dance. Still, while the boy was way more clunky, he was holding his ground as he could. It was going like this for a good minute until the Assassin got to hit a strike which completely set the Student off-balance, and in the blink of an eye, Vallinor managed to grab him and do a foot sweep and the poor kid was on the ground. The Master held her blade close to the Student's face which seemed to made him freeze a bit. Her face then softened as she smiled "I must say, this time it was better, my young apprentice". She helped him on his feet again and once they both were finally standing straight, the difference in heights between her and the boy was evident. The Student was probably about 185-190cm, and Vallinor was nearly 240cm tall, a truly astronomical difference. Not to mention the looks... the Master was, according to her words, a human before. Until her former masters did change her into this... creature which only resembled human. Blue skin which was almost of the color same as Valnin's, glowing magenta eyes, sharp teeth which looked like little blades when she smiled, those strange markings on her head, unnaturaly long body which made her so tall and a voice that was hypnotising on one hand, but also creepy on the other. "So did I do well, Master?" The boy asked. The Assassin rose her head "You did good enough since the last time, Curnol. But you still need a lot of training.". The Student looked kind of disappointed, but then his Master gave him a sharp smile "You have what it takes to be a great swordsman in the future, my student. That inner fire which makes you the true warrior. And one day, with enough training, that fire will be strong enough to melt metal, and bright as the sun itself." A smile has shown on Curnol's sweat-covered face, it almost looked like he is going to shed a tear. But before anything else happened, Valnin has stepped forward. When Vallinor noticed her ruler approaching, she quickly dropped to one knee and her student did the same right after her. "My Lord. It is an honor to see you here." The Assassin said with sincere tone. Valnin smiled "The honor is mine, lady Vallinor". Vallinor got up again, so did her apprentice "What can I do for you, Lord Valnin?" she asked. The Lord's smile never left his face "Well. It is more of a... personal matter, Master Assassin." The Master nodded and turned to her student "Curnol, get some rest, you've earned it. Just don't forget we will be training again tomorrow." "Of course, Master." Curnol said while bowing, and then left.

Lord Valnin and Master Vallinor were standing in the gazebo, side by side, talking while looking into the snow land of Icestand as the gazebo was in pretty high position. They were like that for an hour, yet it felt like just 10 minutes to Valnin as he was enjoying this little yet long conversation between him and Vallinor. The Master was smiling all the time while talking to Valnin, sometimes wide enough to reveal her sharp teeth. She felt relaxed when she was near her Lord, almost as if Valnin had some magical aura around him, unlike her previous masters, her own "parents" who created her, who pretended that they had love for her, no, this was way different. Her new Lord was kind, honorable, good-hearted and even somewhat attractive. However, she couldn't say anything like that in front of Valnin, as she was shy to admit any of it. Either way, she was mostly talking in this case, Valnin was just listening to her, nodding here and there while looking into the distance. "... And so, my brother, Tessura, drank six shots of local strongest alcohol. You cannot imagine how noisy he was, your Lordship." She said with a slight smirk on her face. The Lord was surprised to hear all these little stories about her and her brothers, and it made him feel like they really WERE humans before "I see. So your brother did win the bet?". Vallinor smiled yet again "He did, but he was too drunk to actually remember that it was a bet, so he didn't get the coin nevertheless." They shared a moderate laughter, the combined sound of Assassin's raspy voice and Valnin's strong yet soft tone was slightly echoing in the chilly air of this frozen land. Then the laughter stopped, and there was a quite long moment of silence between them, the only sound that could be heard was the wind flowing calmly through the leaves of trees and bushes in the garden. Lord Valnin then broke the silence "I'm proud to have you as one of my masters, Vallinor. You and your brothers are making excellent examples for your students." The Assassin felt more than flattered, she felt honored which made her blush slightly "I thank you, Lord Valnin. It is an honor to serve under you and to have an apprentice of my own". Then her face morphed into expression of concern "Also I do not want to doubt your judgement, your Lordship, but my brother, Tessura, is not very good example with his behavior sometimes.". Valnin just smirked "He is special, my good lady. It is making him more human than he thinks.". The Master looked at him with a slight confusion, and the Lord continued "Which reminds me, my dear Vallinor... were you and your brothers truly humans before your previous Lords transformed you into this?". She sighed, and nodded "Indeed. At least my two brothers remember being human, I, however... do not remember anything from my previous life. It sometimes feels like I was truly just created by the False Gods.". Valnin didn't know what to say for a second, but then his iconic smile came back to his face again "Perhaps you were human, perhaps not. However, it does not change anything about that you are one of the best warriors, both cunning and beautiful.". Vallinor felt her heart skip a beat when she heard that last word. Did her own Lord really just call her beautiful? She never heard such compliment from anyone besides her big brother, but that was just a sibling love, this on the other hand felt like an actual love... but maybe she was just overthinking it, Lord Valnin is known for his kind words after all. "Once again, I am deeply honored to hear this from you, my Lord." She said while bowing. Valnin nodded while smiling as brightly as the sun of this planet. "Well then, if there is nothing else, I will be on my way agai-" Before he could finish the sentence, Vallinor quickly grabbed his arm with such might that Valnin even got scared for a second. "No, please..." She whimpered. Realizing what she did, she quickly got her hand off Valnin's arm. She then started to apologize in stuttering manner "I-I deeply apologize, my Lord... I-I... I just reacted and-" Valnin quickly stopped her "You do not need to apologize, Vallinor. I admit, I got a little bit scared at the moment, but I do not blame you for doing so.". "I should be more careful with my actions, your Lordship. I am really sorry for what I did, it was a reflex, I swear." She continued in her apology, her face one big look of concern. "Once again, I do not blame you, dearest Vallinor... however, I must ask, what was the real reason behind it?" Valnin curiously asked. The Assassin started to blush deeply, her blue cheeks turning bright purple, her eyes focusing on everything but Lord's blood red eyes. She had absolutely no idea how to say it in some professional way, but she couldn't care less for that right now, she just wanted to be honest with Valnin "Your Eminence, I want to confess to you. You keep saying amazing things to everyone, but you're the real one who deserves compliments the most, my Lord. I must admit, at first I was worried that you are going to be like my previous Masters and I was skeptical about this whole thing of starting a new life. Instead though, I got life I've always thirsted for; Living happily with my dearest brothers, having a free will, a Master who would be fair and kind, and even having a student of my own. I got all of this just because of you, Lord Valnin. There is barely anyone else I would want to serve under more than you.". This reminded Valnin of last evening, and he couldn't help it. Jaal's speech was more than sweet, but this one felt more honorable. Still though, both were good with words, and he already couldn't choose between his dear Captain or this charming Assassin. "So... you do feel something towards me~" Valnin said with bit of a flirty tone. Vallinor froze on a place where she stood, blushing ever so brightly that it almost hid the blue under it "Does that mean...". "Yes, dearest Vallinor. You passed my little test." The Lord said. "A... A test?" The Master asked, thinking about what that meant. "Indeed. A test to determine if you care for me" Valnin said happily. Vallinor stayed quiet, her magenta eyes obviously full of questions. "But... I do not kno-" She was interrupted by her Lord again "Do not hide your emotions, Assassin. It is clear as this day that you have eyes for me~" He told her with playful voice. She still had no idea what to think about all this. Her own Lord caring about her more than just a soldier or friend? On one hand, it was a big shock for her that someone like Valnin would care for her, on the other though, she was more than happy inside, knowing that someone truly loved her, it almost made her cry if she would not hold the tears back. Valnin was smiling as always, feeling happy that she was happy. He hugged her, and she hugged him back. Despite the fact the Lord barely reached Vallinor's chest, it was still a lovely sight. "Os e ohth." Valnin said. Vallinor didn't understand him, but she liked what he said nevertheless, it felt so mystical, mysterious and magical. When they released each other, Valnin started to speak again "Well, now I really need to go, but do not worry, my lady... I will be back.". Vallinor planted a kiss on his forehead "I am looking forward to it, my Lord.".

The day has flowed like a river. Today was a very boring day for Valnin, as barely anybody came. He was enjoying the peace, however, it was still suspicious to him. Almost every day was full of talking with runners from other provinces or the Empire, judging the people who have commited a crime or just dealing with servant's matters around the castle.Today however, was barely active, and all that Valnin had to do, was dealing with one runner from the Second Kingdom of Icestand and... that small precious moment with Master Assassin. The Lord was daydreaming almost whole day, thinking about Captain Jaal and Master Vallinor. However... there were still others who he did not encounter yet this week. Azura knows if they will share the same feeling. He honestly had hoped that they will not, as it would make this easier for him, but he also couldn't deny to himself that he felt something for them, and the feeling always gets on top when he is near those he seeks to be in love with. His head already was making the scenarios of what could happen if it all worked out. Some people would call it insanity to love six people at the time, but Valnin did not care much for judgement of the others who did not experience such thing. He always believed that if someone wants to do something to make them happy, then as long as it does not hurt anybody, they should do it no matter if it will be odd to others. As Valnin looked around the throne room, he realized he might check on his dear Captain, assuming he is still awake.

The Lord was wandering through the right wing of the castle with his hands behind his back. He liked walking through his castle at night, there was such a peace in the air, like he was there completely alone in the whole building, and the dim lights from the torches were adding to the peaceful atmopshere. It surely was not as good as the gardens, but for head clearing, it was good enough. As he approached to the Jaal's office, he straightened his hair a little, so he would look at least more normal, but he could not really control it, the hair had almost life on its own with how long it is. "By Azura, I swear I will cut this blazed hair one day." He cursed under his breath. He then knocked on the door, patiently waiting for the response. As he was waiting, he realized that the hair probably does not matter that much, because after all, Angara do not have hair... who knows, perhaps he likes it this way. He sighed when he realized that he was thinking about something completely irrelevant again, but it is still easier to get lost in his own head than doing actually what he has to do. Then he focused on the door again... no response. It was impossible that Valnin would not hear it, and even with his thoughts constantly interrupting him, he would've heard it since he has good ears, not to mention that if the Captain would notice that the door would not open, he would check it himself most probably. So, it is how Valnin thought it would be. The Captain is already asleep. "N'chow... Just my blazed luck." He said to himself. He wasn't sure what he is going to do now... Jaal was asleep, and knowing Vallinor, she was definitely asleep too during this hour. The Lord sighed as he was about to leave to his chambers. Then he paused when he saw a weak light coming from the room at the end of the corridor. "Wait... was this door opened when I got here?" Valnin asked himself quietly. He wasn't really sure if they were or not, therefore his main attention was somewhere else those few dozens of seconds ago. He got one step closer, then another, curious if there was actually someone there. When he was just one step from the door, it was just quiet, like there was no one there after all. "Perhaps someone forgot to blow out the candle..." he thought. That however changed when his eyes caught a glimpse of someone sitting on the other site of the table the candle was on. Valnin thought his heart jumped into his throat for a moment, but he did not move at all, as he was frozen on the place he was standing on. "Did we got lost in our own castle, Valnin?" The person said. The Lord immidiatly recognized the voice. It was Evfra de Tershaav. The Commander of the Royal Security. As he spoke, he shifted forward in his chair, so Valnin could see him clearly... at least part of him. His blue, bitter face was recognizable at first glance from other Angara men. Valnin already could see the judgement in Commander's eyes. He knew that Evfra was a closed person, and sometimes even cold from what Jaal has told him... which made him one of the best leaders. Still though, just his presence was already making the Lord feel somewhat uneasy. "Oh, no I did not, my loyal Commander." Valnin quickly responded. Evfra just answered with bitter "Hmph.". Valnin was getting slightly nervous from that response. "Tell me, Valnin... What was your original purpose here?" Evfra asked almost coldly. The Lord was getting more and more nervous by Evfra's every word, he then answered with slightly shaky voice "W-well, I just wanted to vi-visit Captain Jaal and-" Evfra then interrupted him "I know why too well, 'Lord' Valnin. You are seducing my best soldier." the Commander said slightly angrily while crossing his arms. Valnin started to feel really anxious. It was only three sentences, but each of them did hit like a dagger to the stomach. "You didn't think I would let that slide, did you?" The Commander continued. "B-but... I could not-" The Lord was trying to defend himself but Evfra interrupted him again "Don't even try. I bet you do not even know why I am angry at you.". This made Valnin freeze again, as he was quickly scrolling through his mind what was this about. He then ended up wide-eyed as he realized what was going on. By Azura, how could he forget about this? "Wait, don't tell me you are angry because-" He then stopped mid-sentence as he saw Evfra slowly nodding. "I thought you wanted to be with me, considering what all you did for me, Valnin." Evfra said with a sign of sadness in his voice. "Not to mention you even fell for that... woman, Vallinor." The Commander continued in his speech. Valnin then looked at him with horror in his eyes "How did you get to know this?". "Two years, and you still don't know that word travels too fast here, Valnin?" Evfra gave him a look of disapproval. Valnin thought for a minute, then he sighed "Well... we can still make this work, dearest Evfra". Evfra looked at him with unbelieving eyes ".... Are you serious? With Jaal and Vallinor in our way?". The Lord tried to smile "They do not have to be in our way necessarily. I can make time just for you~". The Commander frowned "Do you really think that would work now, Valnin?". Valnin tried to get a little closer to him, just so they could see eye to eye "It could. Just trust me, please.". Evfra's eyes fell down for a moment "Hmph. You know too well that you are probably the only alien person I would trust if anything.". Once Valnin got close enough so he could at least see into Evfra's eyes properly, he putted his hands on the table, his left hand not far from Evfra's "I know. Just know that I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, if you simply do not want to because of others being in my life aswell, then don't do it.". Evfra sighed deeply "I am not really sure with anything in this world, but you... you are different, jetevre.". A smile has finally appeared on Lord's face "I hear that a lot. But from you, it sounds so warmly, that it could melt an ice~". Evfra's lips seemed to have shifted into a slight smile until he got to talk again "Just... don't expect me to be like this in public, dibellen.". "I will not, Commander. You have my word on it." Valnin said with confidence in his voice. Evfra was looking at him, no longer with that death stare, but with affection, even when it could be barely recognizable in his face, since he couldn't really move it because of that uncomfortable-looking scar across the whole left part of his face. Evfra did not say anything, he just slowly reached for Valnin's hand with his own. They were like that for a while... just looking into each other's eyes, holding hands... Until the Lord said "I should go now. I will catch you later though, Evfra. Good night.". The Commander was just sitting there wanting to wish him back, but all he could at the moment, was kissing Valnin's hand. Valnin blushed as Evfra did let his hand go. "Now go. You need that sleep far more than you think." The Commander said with a warm voice. The Lord smiled at him as he was leaving, and then closed the door behind him. Evfra sighed one more time, hoping that this will really work as his Lord said. And with that final thought, he finally blew out the candle.

[lunanight2012]

Descendants 2 with Harry Hook x Cindy Luna Charming

Just a heads up, this version of Cindy is a bit of a sad one, Chad doesn’t care about her, her mother is the only one that cares about her, her only friends are the vks.

warning: rape almost happens

I couldn't believe Mal went back to the Isle! Of course I went with them to go get back Mal. I had grown close to all the Vks. And of course Eveie had made me an Isle outfit. Light blue leather. Never realized how much I loved it.

We stood outside of the hide out. I was pacing, waiting for Ben to come back down. I took a look down the path we came from and saw a red scarf fluttering against a board. I headed down the path, taking the scarf in my hands, freeing it from its trap in the wood. Suddenly a cloth was put over my mouth, silencing my screams.

"Take er to the ship, we'll grab the king. This princess might come in handy." A scottish voice spoke. 

I couldn't see anything as I was gagged,  blindfolded, and had my arms tied behind me, but I could feel the cold metal from what I could assume was a hook, which both scared me and…. Thrilled me.

"This one is mine." The Scottish voice stated, close to my ears, causing me to shudder.

I was suddenly thrown over someone's shoulder and was carried away. The rotting smell of the Isles waters smacked me in the face. I felt myself being carried onto a ship and brought down some rickety steps before being thrown onto the wooden floor, my blindfold being roughly torn off my face but the gagged remained.

A man in black pirate getup cackled from the other side of the bars of my cell. "I can't wait to see what Harry does to ya." He exclaimed before walking away.

That was the last straw, I scooted over to the farthest corner and cried into my knees. I was scared. I began to shake from fear when I heard a commotion uptop. They were keeping Ben upstairs.

I began to shake even more. Especially when slow footsteps sounded at the stairs. 

"Well well well…. Damn it Bonnie! He was supposta leave ya in my room unharmed!" The scottish voice growls as he enters my cell and walks towards me.

I cower in fear, shaking with fear.

"Hey, lassie, it's ok. I'm not gunna hurt ya." He explained in a softer tone.

I slowly looked up at him and allowed him to remove the gag from my mouth.

"W-what do you want with me?"  I finally managed to get out after he walked me to his cabin and had me sit on his bed.

"To know ye a bit more." He explained as he rummaged through his drawers.

"Why?" I asked looking down at my lap.

"Because Luna, I have been watchin ya on the tele. And I think ye are amazin." He stated before smiling as he turned around, holding a bandaid in his hand.

"R-really?" I stuttered with a blush as he placed the bandaid on a cut I didn't even know I had on my cheek.

"There ye go. Oh wait let me free yer hands." He exclaimed, cutting the rope that tied my hands together.

I rubbed my wrists a bit before setting them in my lap. 

"May I ask what your name is then, since you know mine?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Harry Hook." He introduced with a slight bow.

"Harry! Uma's lookin for ya!" Another voice called through the door. I recognized it as the son of Gaston.

"I shall be right back my lovely." He bowed again before quickly leaving the room, locking it behind him.

Whether that was for my safety or not was beyond me. I was still slightly scared. I knew the group wasn't going to risk rescuing me. What was the point. Ben was more important. He was the king after all.

I was the youngest of Cinderella's kids, only by a few minutes but still.

The VKs were my friends. But even if I was them I would leave me behind too. Maybe Chad will get over it. My parents certainly will. Momma might miss me but papa and Grandfather always wished I was more proper and ladylike. They wouldn't miss me….

I began to scratch at my arm, something I did when I was sad, anxious, or worried.

I heard a noise and quickly hid in the corner, scratching my arm worse and trying to make myself seem small.

I heard fighting up on top of the deck, I looked out the window and saw a hook go underwater then Harry diving in after it. My scratching became worse the moment the fighting stopped.

My arm was on the verge of showing more muscle than skin at this point. I heard footsteps stop at the door and I could feel myself shaking in fear as my scratching stopped.

The door opened to reveal a very wet, very annoyed Harry. He went wide-eyed when he didn't see me where I was when he left.

"Luna??" He asked worried.

I made a sort of squeak noise which drew him to the corner that I was huddled in. He noticed my arm and frowned, helping me to sit back up on his bed he rummaged through his stuff again. 

"How did ye get hurt? I made sure no one would hurt ye." Harry grumbled as he continued looking for bandages.

"I-I did it to myself." I whispered, looking down in shame.

Harry stopped and looked at me. "What??" 

"I scratch when I'm scared, nervous, sad, worried….." I explained, expecting him to turn away in disgust, like almost everyone did when they found out about this horrible habit I had.

"Luna. That's something I'm gunna have to break ye of. Ye shouldn't feel that with me. I'm gunna protect ye, no matter what." He explained before going back to his search.

We stayed quiet as he found a good sized bandage, putting it on my wound. He stood back up and grabbed a dry pair of pirate clothes. 

"Imma go change in the chip shop I shall return shortly." Harry explained, leaving with a bow.

I sat on his bed, think about how Chad is gunna react when I'm not in my room….. or is he even gunna notice that I'm gone? The door handle began to turn and I looked up, expecting to see Harry.

Only for it to be who you presumed was Bonnie. "There you are lassie~~! I was wondering where Hook was hidin ya! You're coming with me~~!" Bonnie chuckled, grabbing my hurt arm roughly.

"H-Harry!!!! Help me!!!" I called out with tears in my eyes as I was forcibly dragged down the hall.

"He can't hear ya lassie, he's not even on the ship! Which means I get to have some fun!" 

You were pushed onto a horribly stinky bed to which I tried to climb off of, only to be slammed back onto with my hands trapped above my head.

This Bonnie guy was kissing my neck, I started to cry as I felt him reach his hand up my skirt. No no no no! Please no!

"Oh, lassies a virgin. All the better~~!" 

"Harry!!!! Help me~~~!" I cried, squeezing my eyes shut as I braced myself for more unwatiled touching. 

It never came. I opened my eyes to see a hook at Bonnie's throat.

"Ye are gunna let me girl go or I'll make sure ye are swimmin with the fishes!" Harry threatened.

Bonnie released me and moved away, I scrambled to get up and hid behind Harry, shaking like a leaf. He held me close and walked me out of the room.

"I'm takin ye somewhere safer than here." He explained, taking my hand and running with me out of the docks and to a familiar place.

"Mal's hangout?" I asked, looking at him curiously.

"Yea. I dropped a hint to Jay about findin ya here." Harry admitted.

"Ye'll be safer back in Boredon then here." He stated, throwing a rock at the sign, causing the door to open.

"Go on." He gestured.

"First… tell me one thing about yourself.." i stated.

"Huh?"

"You wanted to get to know me, well first you have to tell me something about you."

"Oh um well, I'm the son of Captain Hook, the drunkest pirate in all the land, he even beats Captain Jack Sparrow in that." Harry frowned.

"I'm the daughter of Cinderella and Prince Charming, I am the youngest twin. My full name is Cindy Luna Charming. My father and Grandfather don't care about me. I have 4 friends, Mal, Evie, Jay, and Carlos…. And now you!" I smiled and kissed Harry's cheek before quickly running up the steps. I whistled at Harry and dropped the light blue scarf I had rescued.

"A gift from me to you." I said with a wink.

20 minutes later, Jay rushed into the hideout to see me spray painting my own design onto the wall.

"Luna~~!" Jay whistled, causing me to jump.

"Jay!" I exclaimed, hugging him.

"Come on, we've gotta get you ready for cotillion." He exclaimed.

We headed through the barrier, I couldn't help but look back, wishing I could see Harry again.

~~~~~~Cotillion~~~~~~

Of course Chad didn't even notice I was gone. He was too busy using Carlos and Jay's 3D printer. And then I learned he ran off to go help Audrey? Yea so I went to Cotillion alone. Kinda sucked but I smiled as the cameras took my picture on my way into the party. My dress looked just like my mom's old dress that her step  sisters destroyed. I walked onto the ship and went straight to Jay.

"Hey Jay… I have a question." I stated, looking up at him.

"Whats up Luna?" He stated smiling down at me.

"D-do you think that if Mal goes back that you can take me with her?" I asked hopeful.

Jarly lifted in eyebrow in curiosity. "Why? The Isle is dangerous! You almost got hurt!" Jay stated, keeping his voice low.

"I don't care. I left someone back there who deserves a chance at this life." I stated, looking back at the Isle.

Soon Lumiere announced Mal's arrival. Looking back at her I smiled at how pretty she looked. Although those colors didn't really match her style.

I walked over to where the VKs were and smiled at Mal. Ben's arrival was announced and stuff went down hill.

Uma had arrived. At least I'm assuming that was Uma. 

~~~~~The Chip Shop~~~~~~~

~~~~~~3rd Person POV~~~~~

Harry watched the crappy tv as Uma appeared. Smirking as he knew what her plan was. Suddenly the camera panned to the VKs, and Luna. Oh did she look amazing.

"Hey ain't that the lass that Harry had?" One of the crew questioned.

Harry grabbed his hook and pointed at their neck. "Ye best shut yer mouth right now!" Harry threatened.

He went back to his seat and watched as Ben announced that Uma was going to be his Lady of the Court and that he was going to take down the barrier.

"Maties, WE RIDE WITH THE TIDE!" He exclaimed and the crew cheered.

~~~~~Cotillion~~~~~~

~~~~~Luna's POV~~~

I couldn't believe it. Uma spelled Ben. Everything seemed to be a blur. Mal broke the spell, Uma jumped overboard and became an octopus person. Then blackness.

~~~~~3rd person POV~~~~~

Evie shouted when she saw Luna get smack and knocked unconscious by Uma's tentacles. Mal got mad and turned into a dragon, and well you know how the fight went.

Uma gave Ben back his ring before diving under the water.

Luna finally woke up, sad that everything was done and that the barrier wasn't actually coming down. So she left to go sulk in her room.

~~~~Chip Shop~~~~~~~

Harry frowned as he realized he wouldn't be free. He wouldn't get to see Luna. He frowned and tied her scarf around his neck before sauntering home.

He walked across the ship, whistling a tune. Suddenly stopping he walks towards the camera. “What? Ye didn’t think that was the end of the story did ye?” He asked, rubbing his hook across his face before walking away, whistling the pirate’s life song.

[hanging-shadow]

The fact that he was in her arms, that her chin was resting above his freshly picked hair, was comforting to her, it made her squeeze her thighs which were locked on either side of his right hip. Even though the thick quit she could feel the soft rise and fall of his chest. It was even breathing, as if he was nearly relaxed even with all of the chaos that the outside world held. Maybe it was because the world, as disturbed as it may have been, was streets away. Because their family was locked behind the farmhouse doors without a real worry about what went on outside of them. “you’re worried” his melodic voice filled her ears and she shut her eyes for a moment, taking in the silence instead of responding. “everyone’s home safe, you don’t have anything to worry about.” she could have listened to him talk for hours. It felt like so long since she’d heard it. a caramel hue popped open as she looked down at him, his own eyes stuck on her, “this is going to be nothing soon, we’re all going to get through this.” Had he not learned that despite his smile, his gentle tone, she could see through him? she knew that he worried more than he’d let on. that he knew that the moment he stepped outside of the house for anything all of the devastation and loss would hit him like a ton of bricks falling off of a meek bridge. He always tried so hard to be the tough one. Tried to pretend like his gifts didn’t crucify him where he stood. she countered his words, “I’m okay” she replied softly, index finger reaching out to trace his bottom lip as she felt his arms tighten around her, slipping under the blanket as his rough pads grazed her skin just enough to sooth her. it was then that she exhaled a deep breath, the cool feeling of waves on the beach engulfing her, lulling her chest to unlock, her shoulders to drop as the feeling of sunshine kissed her forehead and the soft breeze of a tropical paradise balanced her out. when his touch left her she could see a dark taint to those coffee eyes. “I told you, nothing to be afraid of. i’ve got you squeak.” for years now she’d been trying to decide if the comfort that his gifts brought were worth the strain that it put on him, even when he argued time and time again that if it was relaxing her, it was worth whatever it might have been doing to him. she didn’t believe it. but if there was one thing she’d learned not to do through the years, that was argue with elijah. those were battles she’d always resoundingly lose. with a light laugh and a chin lifted to kiss the tip of her nose, she felt a burst of sunshine behind her eyelids for a fraction of a moment, “so what do you think? will your brother and key finally stop playing their game of hide around the hedge?” a brow quirked at his words, “first of all, you sound like an old man …and second I don’t understand where you ever get that from. if she had a thing for boston I’m pretty sure she’d tell me.” that was one thing that key had never mentioned to her, they told one another everything. “whatever you want to believe miss vee.” not that she would have had a problem with it …if it were a thing. because nothing would have been better than her brother and best friend being happy. If anyone deserved that it was the two of them. “you need to get back down there and check on them. before they start to think you snuck out squeak.” he was right and she didn’t want to admit it. she didn’t want to have to open her eyes. “can’t I just stay with you? They’re fine down there for a little while longer.” the difficulty she was having lately was growing increasingly worse. avelyn knew it was because the pills were beginning to dwindle. once the pills were gone she wasn’t sure how she was going to get the high that would take her away from everything, that would replicate the feeling of him being right there with her. she’d be in trouble then. “go ahead squeak, open your eyes. It’s okay.” although a stronger part of her wanted to relent, to hide in the moment with him longer and pretend that the world didn’t exist, she found her eyes slowly blinking open to the paint splattered walls of her bedroom, the sun kissing her cheeks from the windows. shifting from her position on the floor to sitting up straight against her bed took effort, bones cracking from stiffness. running the base of her palm against her eyes she heard the clatter of the key she used to crush the pills into powder clatter to the floor beside her. how long had she been out? cheeks were crusted with dried tears, sweatshirt was still damp with emotions …it couldn’t have been that long. with a final stretch she counted the pills in the bottle, 12 left. she could last 12 more days without losing her crutch, without the burning need eating her alive …12 more days that she could escape to find him in that lucid conscious. prying away the floorboard beside the window she dropped the pill bottle, straw, and key that were wrapped up in one of elijah’s old tee shirts. with so many knocks and cracks in the floor that space had become her hiding spot, the area that she figured none of her housemates would ever think to look for anything. avey stood up from the spot on the floor, running her hand through short matted waves. it was time to get back to the new normal of life, time to harass key into watching a movie or boston into ordering them dinner… or if she was real lucky getting maty into a lucky charm war with the neglected marshmallows she’d put aside from the morning in case a new game was needed for entertainment. anything to try and force a smile out of what was left of her family.

[fuukonomiko]

A Question of Faith (Images and a short story by me)

A little story that I was inspired by when I was coloring these images.

Apologies for any major disruptions in canon!

Art by me.

Story by me. 

Colors by Paintschainer.

“You do know...that the accusations against you are not light?” 

The Inquisitor seated across him had a stack of folders before him, flicking through the pages in rapid succession. “Consorting with the enemy...Heresy...Conspiracy....treason...” The older man paused, glancing at the imperial officer across him. “For a man as decorated as yourself, these are not complaints we can just brush aside, Tempestor Prime. Do you know the punishment...the sanctions for these things?” 

He leaned back on his chair, crossing one leg over the other and locking his fingers across it. “This is why they sent me here all the way from Terra and not let just another local official take care of your case.”

Tempestor Prime Barran briefly glanced at the stack of folders before switching his gaze to the Inquisitor before him. Matis Vilkas was every bit his namesake. The Wolf, as he was known in the inner circles, and only those who needed to know were aware of his existence. 

A member of the Ordos Hereticus was not someone Barran had ever worked with and to say he was surprised when he showed up at his office this morning was an understatement.

He met the Inquisitor with a leveled gaze. “I am many things, Inquisitor.” he stated. “A liar is not one of them.”

Tempestor Prime Barran sat up straight, leaning forward on the desk, his brows furrowing. “I am with a woman named Fuuko. We have been seeing each other for a few years now.” He paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. “She is aligned with the entities of the Immaterium, yes.”

Silence reigned over the small office, the ticking of the single clock being the predominant sound, the undertones being that of tensed breathing on both men.

“Is that a confession?”

Barran did not like the accusatory tone of the Inquisitor, and he had to summon the calm he exercised during battle to stop himself from losing his temperament.

“A confession of what, Inquisitor?”

“Of your crimes.”

Barran’s fingers curled as it sat in repose on the desk. His demeanor remained composed despite the emotions brewing in his chest. “Are we punishing men for falling in love now?” he asked, a corner of his mouth lifting.

“That’s not what is being discussed here.”

“Of course it is.” the officer of the Imperium now crossed his arms over his chest. “You are grilling me for dating a woman who just happened to be on the opposite side of the fence.”

A flash of irritation appeared on the Inquisitor’s features. “You are committing treason, Tempestor Prime.”

“How am I committing treason?” Barran’s brow rose. “Name one battle I have led for the last three...not even.. five...five years that I have compromised our position. “

Inquisitor Vilkas leaned back. He had reviewed the Tempestor Prime’s record prior to his arrival. He had to admit he was rather impressed. “None.”

Tempestor Prime Barran stood to his full height, leaning forward to meet his accuser eye to eye. “All my life I have served the Imperium, Inquisitor.” he began. “I have dedicated every single day that I live to this cause.” His vision narrowed. “I made an oath...a promise...that for as long as I draw breath I will rid the imperium of threats so no  child would have to suffer the fate of being orphaned in a cruel universe....like I did.” 

“A very noble thought.” the Inquisitor nodded. “A very noble one indeed.”

It was at this time that Barran shifted his gaze, his eyes focusing on his helmet that sat across the room. “I met her....I met her in very unusual circumstances...and I knew....I...I knew what she was. Who she was. What she stood for. “

He took a deep breath before continuing. “I did not see a demon, Inquisitor Vilkas. And as hard as it may be for you to believe it... I saw a woman. A beautiful, caring. kind woman...who gave me a chance to save my men, to rescue those who I considered my family. I...I never expected that.”

The fist that was curled on his sides slowly unfolded. “That...that was all I saw. In all the years I had known her...it is all I see. A woman. Not a demon, not a power hungry, malevolent spirit who desires power or thirsts for blood. Not a force who wants to bring the imperium down or kill innocents. She is none of that...”

“She is a woman. She is my woman....and I am her man.”

The Inquisitor had cleared his throat. He started making an entry on his dataslate as Barran watched him quietly.

“You may interpret it as you please, Inquisitor Vilkas.” The Tempestor Prime spoke at last. “But since the time we had been together, there have no daemon incursions on Caelum or any of its surrounding planets where we hold trades. No innocents blood has been spilled in any of my campaigns....and not once...were our offensives ever been compromised.”

Matis Vilkas said nothing as he finished his entry and stood up.

“Have a good day, Tempestor Prime.”

The door closed as the Inquisitor left.

Barran’s gaze was nailed to the now vacant chair across from him.

“I will accept their judgment.” he spoke to no one in particular.

“Here is my report.”

Inquisitor Vilkas handed over his findings. 

He sighed as he watched her skim through the paperwork.

The stillness of the room was deafening.

It took him several weeks to completely investigate the charges againstTempestor Prime Barran of the 66th Regiment in Caelum. He had done other interviews, revisited records and researched battle reports. 

He hoped it was satisfactory.

“In conclusion, as to the crime of treason, there is NO evidence that Tempestor Prime Barran has committed such against The Imperium of Man.”

Her vision shifted from the paper she read and turned towards the old Inquisitor. “He is innocent or is there just no sufficient proof that he did betray the Imperium?”

“Both.” he replied, the weariness reflected in his voice. “To quote the man...the only thing he is guilty of is falling in love with a woman from the opposite side of the fence.”

She laughed, quite loudly, snorting in the process. “He actually said that?”

Inquisitor Vilkas shrugged. “Something like it. My memory for cheesy one liners has long since deteriorated.”

“You’ve done it too, Vilkas, no need to deny it.”

“Never said I haven’t.” he laughed a little. He looked at the report she had now placed on the desk. “Are you just going to leave that there?”

“I’ve seen the content.” she stood, walking towards the Inquisitor and hooking an arm around his. “The rest of the world should find it and take your word for it.”

He sighed. “True, true. Do you suppose they will stop investigating once they read my report?”

“They highly revere you, Inquisitor. I’m sure they’ll buy your story.”

A tear in reality started to materialize in the Inquisitor’s office. He took one last look back at his desk, gaze sweeping the room and committing it to memory.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to miss this hellhole.”

“I am a bit of a sap, I have to admit that.” he turned towards his companion and smiled. “But I’m sure all the debauchery at the Eternal Vaults would make me forget.” He tore off any evidence of his service to the Inquisition, throwing it into the void.

“The goddess always stays true to her promise.” 

As the two of them stepped into the darkened path, the Inquisitor closed his eyes and allowed her to guide him to their destination.

“That boy is in love with you, you know.” Vilkas said. “Positively smitten.”

“I know.” Fuuko smiled. “Love is a beautiful thing, isn’t it?”

“It definitely is.”

@tempestor-prime-barran @pholcidae @tzeentchs-secretary

[angledmirrors]

On what turns them on.

James is the type of bisexual that bisexuals hate to be mistaken for: horny on main, will fuck anything that does it for him without any fuss, no matter what he finds when clothes fly. He’s up for it all the time. Oddly, he can go without getting laid for a long time without missing it.

It doesn’t usually happen, really, since willing partners seem to materialize in front of him as a general rule, and the whole thing with Cristian was probably the fourth or fifth time he went without getting laid for a period of time. But when for some reason, he does go some time without getting laid, he happily and creatively gets himself off, and he actually likes taking his time about it. He has a stash of toys but he mainly uses them with partners. Alone, he’s more about touching himself watching porn or thinking about someone he wants. When that happens to be someone out of limits, it doesn’t bother him. Not even fantasies about Anita bother him. When it’s Ani’s boyfriend du jour (and Ani tends to pick really good looking guys), it bothers him even less. It’s just fantasies after all.   It’s the same with Cristian, until he realizes that the fantasies are as enduring as Cris’ presence in his life, and as time passes, they turn more sensual than sexual, and then romantic, and they longer.... That’s when he freaks out.

As for acts in themselves, he likes everything. He has his preferences, of course, but mostly he goes for whatever the willing partner tickles in him. Oral sex is go, penetrative sex too. He’s versatile and likes getting his partners off. He can be dominant, but he’s so accomodating that he finds dominant partners extremely arousing. So, regardless of the sex act, he tends to fall on the submissive side.

When he was younger he was after looks, and while he was never very picky, he preferred men taller and bigger than himself, because it didn’t happen very often, being 1.85mt tall himself by the time he started exploring his sexuality. He’s into hair: he likes long hair, or very short hair. And give him long haired guys or short haired girls and he’s SO IN. He also likes body hair. In women he finds it extremely intimate, and he just loves hairy guys. Soft, hairless skin he likes clad in lingerie. He likes lingerie so much he actually owns some, which he’s happy to find Cristian and Ani are very much into. 

Edited to add: when he came out, he said bisexual to Cat. But to his mother he said GAY. Sarah is not stupid and she knows it was James telling himself her that he and Cat were a write off for good. And it wasn't difficult to hide the few women in his life after Cat, because they were so few. James will sooner pretend it's sheer misogyny than admit this, and will for the rest of his life claim it's because he was secretly in love with Ani all the time, but the truth is that while guys just fall at his feet, women.... Don't. Some run away when they find out about his bisexuality, some see him as the gay friend (which he's always seriously wtf about), most don't take him seriously. There's a last attempt at dating a woman with his goddaughter's godmother, but he was already too deeply in love with his best friend's boyfriend at that point and he just didn't feel a thing. There was a revealing moment for him when he discovered that given the choice between going into Mica's house and having sex with her, and going back to sit at home and be a third wheel between Ani and Cris, he'd choose the latter for the rest of his life.

Ani is, above all, a woman. So, the matter of attraction is carefully reigned within the limits of the “acceptable” first, and the “safe” later. She’s straight to the point of frustration because, with the whole James history on her back, she so wishes she could choose to just be sexually attracted to women, who, after all, she gets. She does have a slight romantic thing with some women, but she never found a chance to have to decide whether to act on it or not. 

Her sex drive is healthy and entirely independent of whether there is someone to direct it to. 

She doesn’t kid herself: she knows both James and Cristian are very attractive, perfect examples of their types. But James is an exception for her usual tendencies: she likes big masculine men, dark hair and brown eyes. So much so that when at first she decides Cristian is not attracted to her, she has to purposely decide she’ll not drool at the guy. It’s not hard, really. It’s just a matter of not being crude with him like James is with her. She’s not above getting herself off to fantasies of a guy, but she also knows that if she doesn’t feed it, the attraction will dull until only the actual relationship remains. (Worked with James, after all. Nevermind the whole kickstarting it all again a decade later)

If she's completely honest, it sucks, really, that when she’s horny she can’t just bang some stranger without taking some risks she’d rather not take. She fell in love with Cristian's personality first, granted. But the fact that they were so compatible in the bedroom was probably a huge reason why they grew so close and intimate. They talked about sex as much as they actually had it. Which was frankly a lot, even for first year relationship standards.

Her stash of toys consists of exactly three vibrators, which she bought at different times, mostly because she was trying to improve on the last purchase. The third was the charm: it’s her go-to, every time. She likes porn. Oddly, pretty much anything does it for her. She thinks that the fact that straight porn is usually so cringy, that two guys going at it does it for her as much as two girls going at it. Or any combination of three, four, or a dozen people. Her fantasies are very much vanilla, and she only used her vibrator alone until Cristian showed interest in watching her get herself off, then the dirty talk started, and from then on, they started expanding the limits of their foreplay until they could get off without fucking, and eventually discover together the wonders of pegging Cristian. Didn’t stop them from having god ol’ fashioned missionary sex from time to time. What they do get is super verbal during sex. By the time Cristian starts having sex with James, he’s very much not vanilla at all, and it takes James some time to wrap his mind around how kinky his two partners are. The fact that they both talk so much during the act drives him crazy, in the very best sense.

That time Ani and Cristian had that huge fight and wouldn’t get over it, and James took matters in his hands and shoved them both into the bedroom and dominated them both into getting it over with at once, bringing both Ani and Cris to the point of thorough satedness exhausted him so much that he slept for a whole day afterwards.

Cristian is a wonder. He's by far the most sexual of the three, which makes it hysterically funny to both James and Ani that he wondered, once, if he might be asexual. 

Attraction to him was always... fickle. Once he found himself staring at a strong stubbled jaw while queuing at Starbucks, and the sensation surprised him so much he realized he hadn’t had any sexual contact whatsoever for almost a year. That was when he was 25 and since then he started to make an effort at balancing his general “hands-off” carefully crafted image, and purposely trying to get to know people he had a general good feeling about. 

His sexual awakening was late. When hormones hit him at the tender age of 12, he started getting himself off, and the problems started when he couldn’t relate to anything his friends talked about. Porn mostly put him off, except for the dirty talk that maybe got to him. When he fell in love with Amelia he found relief that he was actually attracted to girls. Or at least he was attracted to this one girl. When they broke up he thought he’d miss having sex with her, but mostly just got himself off when he felt like it. Sometimes to thoughts of his best friend, which was a whole crisis, and when that died off, finding porn online, but even that proved to be an endeavor, since he was as picky with his fantasies as he was with his actual partners. 

He hasn’t had many, really. There was Amelia, and another girlfriend he dated for about a year. The rest were fuck buddies: women he thought of as casual friends he was comfortable with and were attracted to him enough to make an effort at seducing him. By the time he met Ani he hadn’t gotten laid for about six months, and he was happy just jerking off mechanically when he found himself horny. 

The whole bisexual thing, except for the part where it would be a dealbreaker with his family, if he ever needed to purposely find one, never made him lose sleep. If he ever found himself in the Mati situation again, he promised himself he’d be brave and fucking ask, because, he reckoned, gay men might be willing? With him?

Cristian can be endearingly clueless.

So the gay thing brought up the whole sex ACT question. After Amelia, he was never really, truly close to any partner until Ani. With Amelia he was young and scared, so he never brought up the part where he liked his ass played with, lest it brought up the doubt and he'd had to say it out loud. Until Ani. In the meantime, the act of stimulating himself was an exploration reserved for the sporadic times when he got himself off. And yes he knows NOW that it's unrelated, but say that to a 22yo guy wondering what the fuck is wrong with him that not even the most attractive men or women turned him on.

As for looks, he never cared. He could always tell when people were attractive, but in the same way, someone can tell another person is tall, or short, or tired, or... whatever. For him, it was always about that chemistry with someone who made him laugh, and....got him. Anita and James were so obviously beautiful people that he got instantly, and who got him back that... sometimes he wonders what happened that he didn’t just fall for both at the same time. Maybe he did? He doesn’t devote a lot of time to useless questions, but he reckons it’s just that he connected with Ani first, and that started its own chain of events.

His memory of the day he met them is perhaps one of his favourites. For the rest of his life, he’ll think of that day as love at first sight.

[bitcoingape]

Bitcoin Breaking Past $5,000 Could Confirm Bullish Trend Reversal

New Post has been published on http://bitcoingape.com/bitcoin-breaking-past-5000-could-confirm-bullish-trend-reversal/

Bitcoin Breaking Past $5,000 Could Confirm Bullish Trend Reversal

Ethereum Catalyzed Latest Crypto Rally

On Sunday, the crypto market began to rally out of nowhere. While some analysts expected the move, with one even calling for Ethereum (ETH) to undergo a “major shift,” most were caught off guard by this move. So, what caused it? According to Mati Greenspan of eToro, who recently appeared on BlockTV’s “Cryptonomics” segment, the recent rally, which pushed Bitcoin (BTC) past $3,800, has a lot to do with Ether.

#CRYPTONOMICS: Deep Diving Into #Crypto Surge. The one and only @MatiGreenspan helps make sense of the latest market spike. Check out full analysis at: https://t.co/BKNkSgHyol pic.twitter.com/kolYM3KasH

— BLOCKTV (@BLOCKTVnews) February 19, 2019

Greenspan noted that on Sunday, Ether suddenly spiked. While such a move was initially contained, other cryptocurrencies began to spike as well, thus leading the eToro in-house crypto trader to note that Ethereum practically catalyzed the rally. The reasons for Ethereum’s drastic and sudden move higher was covered in a previous report from this outlet.

After discussing the latest rally, BlockTV’s host asked Greenspan about his thoughts if this uptick could be continued in the coming days. While he was hesitant to give a prediction, Greenspan did note that a further move to the upside is a possibility. He explained that if Bitcoin clearly breaks above $5,000, with volume and community sentiment, that would confirm that a reversal had occurred and the bear market could be coming to an end.

As of the time of writing, BTC is pushing $4,000, finding itself up by 0.8% and situated at $3,980. Altcoins have also posted gains, with ETH, XRP, among a handful of others being up by 2%.

The Ever-Important $5,000 Range For Bitcoin

Greenspan isn’t the only analyst convinced that the $5,000 zone is an all-important level for Bitcoin to test in the coming months. Financial Survivalism, a notable crypto trader that recently bet Murad Mahmudov 0.1 BTC that Bitcoin will hit $1,165 before $10,200, noted that if the cryptocurrency continues to run, it won’t be easy. More specifically, the insurance agent turned full-time markets trader, noted that he is currently keeping a close eye on the $4,600 to $4,800 range for Bitcoin, as that’s where the essential 200-day exponential moving average and long-term bear trendline have found a home.

I’m looking at the $4,600 – $4,800 area where the 200 EMA and bear trendline awaits pic.twitter.com/t5vKDDuh90

— Financial Survivalism (@Sawcruhteez) February 18, 2019

For those who missed the memo, the 200-day EMA has long played an important role in crypto, along with legacy markets. In 2017’s bull market, this measure acted as a line of support on multiple occasions, especially following the so-called “China FUD,” and also as a strong resistance level that pressured BTC lower during 2018’s bear market.

Thus, many have argued that if the leading crypto asset breaks convincingly above that level, further highs would be more than likely.

Leading crypto analysis unit Bitcoin Bravado echoed Survivalism’s astute points. The team took to Twitter to remark that as there is a “lot of confluence” near the aforementioned technical level, there is likely to be major resistance around that level, currently situated right around $4,800. Bravado added that $5,000 will be a psychological level of resistance, especially due to the sum’s round nature.

But, it was tacitly hinted that if BTC breaks the two aforementioned prices points, further highs would make sense.

And while some would say that Bitcoin breaching $5,000 is somewhat of a quixotic dream, analysts argue that it’s possible. Even prior to Sunday/Monday’s sudden buy-side influx, Mitoshi Kaku, a notable technical analyst, noted that he wouldn’t be surprised at all if BTC was to run to $5,000, noting that the “conditions are present” from a chartist standpoint.

I wouldn't be surprise at ALL, if the price goes straight to $5K in the next 10 days. The conditions are present TA-wise. Obviously that sort of move would need a strong catalyzer, but anything is possible when it comes to price action. $BTC pic.twitter.com/Usdpub8LNj

— Mitoshi Kaku

(@CryptoSays) February 9, 2019

But will it? That’s the question that reminds on the minds of crypto investors at large.

Title Image Courtesy of Descryptive.com Via Unsplash

The post Bitcoin Breaking Past $5,000 Could Confirm Bullish Trend Reversal appeared first on Ethereum World News.

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Kathryn Budig Shares How She Finally Started Living the Life She Actually Wants

Taking us with her on a profoundly personal journey, Kathryn Budig reflects on everything that’s led her to now—the most authentic place she’s ever been.

It is New Year’s Day, 2018, and I open a dusty journal last used exactly two years earlier. The last entry is dated January 1, 2016.

It is New Year’s Day, 2018, and I open a dusty journal last used exactly two years earlier. The last entry is dated January 1, 2016.

I start to read.

I’ve branded different sections: Love. Work. Health. Under each, I’ve listed the hopes and desires for that part of my life. My eyes flutter over my words. The dreams I have under “love” are the most honest I’d ever asked for (more on this later). My desires for work are punctuated with sky-high expectations. Nothing specifically wrong with that, but I notice that much of what I had hoped to accomplish that year was outside my control, and I’ve since worked hard to untangle success and happiness. My health, thankfully, was back on track.

I’ve opened this journal to do a similar exercise, but before I put pen to paper, I can’t help but flash back to 2016. My brain rolls through the timeline of everything I’ve experienced in the last two years. Everything that has led me here, to this place where I feel like the most real version of me. We’ll get back to this—love and realness—but first a little background.

Figuring out what all the yoga had really been about for me

I was just a kid when I started yoga. My experimental practice evolved into full devotion by the end of college. Every afternoon, you could find me sun saluting in the Ashtanga room—and then after teaching classes in the morning and before teaching clients in the evening. I was madly in love with my mentor, Maty Ezraty. I was a junkie for the practice. I got my high from tackling a pose that most people wouldn’t even attempt, from sweat pouring from my body for two hours straight, from the gentle yet firm hand giving me discipline and purpose.

I wasn’t addicted to yoga. I was addicted to the sense of belonging. But, like most young people, I couldn’t see that truth at the time. So I threw myself so deeply into the practice that I eventually burned out, experienced multiple injuries, and after years of trying to keep up my practice and full-time travel schedule—I fell apart. My passion for the practice was gone, and aside from the dynamic moments of connection with my students, I felt numb. I had worked so hard to get to this place, and all I heard was the sound of nothing and my own mind asking, what on earth do we do next?

So I altered my path. Instead of marching down the well-trodden path of yogic success, I scrapped the blueprint and started fresh. I took a break from my practice to nurture a wounded shoulder, explored the tangential roads that yoga had led me to, and came back feeling more connected to my voice and who I am as a teacher.

See also The Future of Yoga: Maty Ezraty's Musings on the State of Yoga Traditions in Modern Times

Figuring out what relationships had really been about for me

My story of love is quite parallel. I was a young woman who desperately wanted to be loved. And because of that, I found myself caught in a pattern: meet handsome person who showed me kindness, fall madly in love, paint perfect future together, then quickly watch my (projected) dreams crumble. Rinse and repeat. Each time, I was surviving off the leftover breadcrumbs of affection.

Then, after one particularly bad cycle, I met a man who was the complete opposite of anyone I’d dated. He seemed to adore me, and I was eager to feel safe. He checked few of the boxes I had traditionally looked for in a partner, but I convinced myself this was genius. After all, the partners I’d chosen before had failed me. He was completely different, but that was good. I told myself I had finally matured, evolved, and now understood what a real relationship looked like. Love and marriage isn’t a fairy tale—it’s a union between two adults who want to share a foundation. All the other stuff I had always dreamed about wasn’t real. So I let go of my belief in that kind of magic, convinced I was emotionally evolving.

Truth is, the passion wasn’t there. But, hey, that’s not real, right? And who has passion after the first year of dating, anyway? Our dreams and visions couldn’t have been any more different, but he was the yang to my yin, and I told myself we didn’t need to share the exact same value system. That first year of marriage, I kept repeating a phrase I’d often heard: “Well, they do say the first year of marriage is the hardest, so…”

Even thinking back on it now, I wonder how I had gotten to that place—where I had lost my way, lost my fire, and lost all the stories and magic that I held so dear my entire life.

See also Kathryn Budig's Heart-Is-Full Flow

Figuring out how to get back to the real me

The realization that I wasn’t happy hit me a mere year into the marriage after meeting someone who totally flipped my world upside-down. This person made me take a long, hard look at myself and the relationship I had grown numb in. I honestly hadn't known it all along.

When I woke up to it, it felt like breaking through the surface to take my first deep breath in a long time. How could I have been so blind, caused so much pain, endured so much pain, then, ultimately…failed. I had failed. I had settled. And the marriage wasn’t working.

Growing up, I loved the story of Snow White. I loved the concept that true love’s kiss could pull someone back from even the deepest depths of despair. But I had buried that story. And I wanted it back. So I closed my eyes and let myself fall off that precipice. And when I landed, I didn’t fall into pieces—I fell into me.

I filed for divorce. 

I experienced the most challenging year of my life while simultaneously falling in love in a way I had only dreamed was possible.

And this is where yoga comes in. Yoga has resuscitated me, again and again. I have broken my physical body only to recover through mindful diligence. I have lost my passion only to step back and reassess what truly matters to me. I have let go of what I projected other people wanted to see in me to discover what I wanted from and for myself.

I allowed myself to choose what felt right without fear of the response.

I close my journal freshly inscribed with my newest intentions and take a sip of my coffee, pondering what I want to write next. How can I share my story and use storytelling to fulfill my intentions for 2018? I look at the amazing woman sitting next to me, doing the same, and smile.

See also Unf'withable: A Two-Hour Yoga Playlist to Empower Yourself

Don’t miss what Kathryn does this year. Check out her podcast, Free Cookies, co-hosted with Kate Fagan. Visit www.kathrynbudig.com for her travel schedule and check out her newest program fusing recipes and yoga from Yogaglo.com this March. 

from Yoga Journal http://ift.tt/2DAZ66y