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dearmantis · 1 year

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Back from the dead

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/The Darkling x Reader

Summary: As a new servant hired to help out in the Little Palace you have a bit of trouble finding your place in the new, unfamiliar environment. It doesn't help that some of the people there seem to know you.

Warnings: mentions of death/dying alone, bleeding out

Word Count: 4k

Authors' Note: I have written something. Congrats to me. I'm not sure if I like it. This isn't edited and I'm not a native English speaker.

"Who is this for? There's no name." You ask with a frown, holding up the dark brown wooden hanger. Usually, the clothes you're supposed to deliver to the Grisha have their name and order on the hanger, but this one is empty.

The other servant in the room with you, Mira, who is currently busy hanging the Kefta of a Tidemaker onto a dark blue hanger, looks up, eyes scanning the wood before her face contorts into a grimace.

"That's for Baghra. She prefers to wash her clothes herself, but once a month, the General asks us to steal her clothes and wash and repair them. Small warning: she's probably going to yell at you when you give them back."

You pull your eyebrows together, a deep wrinkle forming between them. "Wouldn't it make sense to just put them in front of her house in a basket or something instead of giving them to her personally? Or waiting until she's out again to bring them back inside?"

Mira shakes her head quickly. The movement makes her hair look like the most expensive black satin available.

"She has definitely noticed that someone took her clothes while she was out training the kids. She's waiting for someone to return them to let out some of her anger. There's no way Baghra is leaving her house until her clothes are back and she got to verbally abuse someone. I'm sorry."

Her attention goes back to the Tidemakers kefta, her long fingered hands carefully smoothing any wrinkles out of the material while her gaze checks the clothing item for any loose threads before hanging it up on the clothing rack next to her and moving onto the next item, a cream coloured cotton blouse with some beautifully carved wooden buttons.

Your hands dig slightly into the dark fabric of the dress you're holding, trying to determine if Mira is just trying to mess with you for fun or if she's seriously trying to warn you. You've only started working in the Little Palace a week ago and rumours about Baghra quickly found your ears as well, but you foolishly assumed that you would never have to interact with her after finding out that she usually only terrorizes the kitchen staff who bring her her meals.

Carefully looking through the other clothing racks for other dark brown, unnamed hangers, you end up with eight items before you finally leave the room, Miras "good luck!" following you through the halls like a death sentence as you move to leave the Little Palace.

You want to get this done quickly, trying your hardest to talk some bravery into yourself. Getting insulted by the old woman is basically a rite of passage according to some of the things you've heard over the past few days, like getting scared to death by the General or one of his Oprichniki randomly appearing behind you, getting into a fight with a servant from the Grand Palace after they said something mean about the Little Palace, and slipping on the stairs that lead to the kitchens.

You will survive this. Many have survived this before you, and many will continue to survive this after you.

The sun is slowly disappearing behind the palace, dipping the sky into a lovely shade of bright orange, pink, purple and grey-ish blue, reminding you that you will probably be done with work soon after this delivery. You will eat dinner with the other servants, who will probably want to gossip about Baghra with you, and then you will go to sleep for the night. It'll be a nice day, maybe, after you're back.

And then a new day will begin, and hopefully, someone else will be tasked with bringing her clothes back next month.

Of course, there's still the risk of being asked to steal her clothes, but you'll simply try to avoid joining the group scheduled to collect dirty laundry, at least when it's time to sneak into her house.

You've never been a fast runner, and you can't run for long either. She would catch you and beat you to death with that stick you've heard so much about before you even realise that she noticed someone breaking in.

When the house finally becomes visible, you can feel your muscles stiffen, but you force yourself to keep going. This is your job, after all. It's already a big miracle that you got this position in the first place, considering you have no training or experience as a servant. You really can't afford to run back into the palace and cry that you're too scared of the old woman to bring her her clothes.

And saints, what if she finds out you're that scared of her? Your mother always said that people only bully you to get a reaction out of you. They find the fear in your eyes amusing.

And that's what the old woman is, right? A big, old bully who kicks the children she's supposed to train around like pebbles and verbally abuses everyone who gets a bit too close to her.

You can't be weak in front of her. You won't be weak in front of her.

You can't see the woman, but you know she's waiting. You can feel her, somehow. She's lingering in that house, waiting for you to step closer, for your shadow to come just a bit too close to her door, and then she'll rip it open before you get a chance to knock to scare you as much as possible.

It's predictable, simple, and childish, and for some reason, it feels exactly like something Baghra would do. Which is weird because you don't actually know her. You've only heard what the servants and Grisha have gossiped about in the halls of the Little Palace.

But you feel like you've known her. Back when... when you were a child, maybe? No. You grew up in a village so small that the testers don't even bother to go there anymore. You would remember a woman like Baghra, just like you remember everyone else who has ever lived in the village.

Readjusting your hold on the old woman's clothes, you finally get close to the house and take a deep breath, waiting for her to rip the door open. Your steps become heavier and slower a few metres away from the door, hopefully catching her attention before she slams it right into your face.

The plan works. When the door gets thrown open, it misses you by two whole steps. You only feel a bit of air move against your face when an older woman steps out of her home, her dark eyes focused on the clothes bundled up in your arms.

Her thin lips open, ready to begin her verbal attack and insult and ridicule everything about you, when her eyes finally move up to your face.

The words get stuck in her throat and she simply stares at you for a few seconds, eyebrows pulling together as she looks you over.

"I have your fresh laundry, Miss." You announce, trying to make your voice sound as even and calm as possible.

She. doesn't. scare. you.

You might be scaring her a bit though.

A deep frown appears on her face, quickly turning into a scowl when you hold the clothes out to her.

"Did he hide you from me for all this time? Or did you hide yourself from both of us and decided to come back because he has more power now?"

Now it's your turn to frown, confusion written all over your face.

Baghra rolls her eyes, clearly already tired of you and whatever game she thinks you're playing. You try to prepare yourself for some other speech, some explanation of whatever she believes is your plan, but then she says your name, the name you've never given her, and any form of control you had over your body seeps out of it like water through a cheese cloth.

"You supid child. Faces reappear through history, and so do voices. But both? Together? And exactly the same as the first time? Impossible. I'm not gonna fall for your schemes. Take what you need and leave before he sees you. I don't need to hear his pathetic sobbing again. I had enough of that when you first died."

Her thin arms reach out to rip the clothes out of your graps before she moves to return into her house.

"Or, well, didn't die." the old woman murmurs, her gaze finding yours once more. "You really should just stay dead."

Slamming the door shut behind her, she leaves you to stand in front of her house, completely speechless.

What just happened? What was that?

You slowly turn around and walk back to the Little Palace, unable to tell if you can actually feel Baghras eyes following you, her gaze burning itself into your back, or if its a wave of paranoia making you think that that's what's happening.

Of course you're scared. Someone who's not supposed to know your name knows your name. Nobody knows a servants name – except other servants, of course – because no one ever bothers to learn their names. That's just how it is. You're background characters who clean up and take care of the main characters. Nobody learns the name of a background character because they don't matter.

You don't matter.

But why does Baghra know? The only explanation you can come up with is that she harassed some other servant to find out everything about the new servants in hopes of scaring the absolute shit out of them. But why bother with that? For fun? Is she that bored?

Huffing quietly, you slip back into the Little Palace and go back into the basement, simply letting out a deep sigh when Mira asks you how it went. She smiles encouragingly and promises you to give you half of her desert at dinner tonight in hopes of cheering you up a bit.

You have trouble sleeping that night, and it doesn't get better the next night, or the one after that. Instead, you dream more vividly than ever before, waking up completely exhausted rather than well rested like you should be after six to eight hours of sleep.

You never remember what you dreamed about.

"You didn't have to..." You say quietly, carefully cradeling the fresh herbs.

"Well, if you don't want them-" The man playfully reaches out to take the bundles back, but you move them out of his grasp quickly, accompanied by a bright laugh. "Come on, I can give them to someone else. I bet my mother would appreciate them."

"You are not going to re-gift these, Sasha! They're mine now." You giggle. "I have some flowers you could bring your mother though! I doubt she's going to openly appreciate them, but she might like them. You know, in her own way."

He smiles and takes a slow step forward, his face hovering directly over yours.

"I will bring them to her later. Right now, I just want to focus on you."

A soft smile paints itself onto your lips and you wait for him to lean down and press a kiss against them.

Your laugh echoes loudly through the house when he finally catches up to you, his arms wrapping tightly around you.

"Caught you," He huffs, his head bending down to lean against yours. Your hands move to his, holding onto them tightly as you let yourself sink down onto the soft carpet in your living room, pulling the man down with you. He sits down before you get the chance to, pulling you onto his lap, his lips pressing small kisses onto your shoulder and neck.

You lean back against his chest and soak up the warmth his body gives off. "It's not fair. Your legs are longer than mine. Of course you're faster than me."

"You were the one who suddenly ran off and yelled you'll have to catch me first! when I asked you for a simple goodbye kiss." The man laughs, and you can feel how the amusement and joy you felt before disappear slowly.

"I don't want you to go, Sasha."

You don't like admitting it. It makes you feel weak. A voice in the back of your mind whispers that he would never miss you the way you miss him. It sounds a bit too much like his mother, and you wonder when your inner voice of self-doubt started copying her voice. Since when do you even care what she thinks?

"I know, lapushka... But I'll be back soon, I promise. It'll be fine. You won't even notice I'm gone. Everything will be alright. I would never let anything happen to you, I swear it."

You can't hear anything.

You can't tell if it's actually that quiet or if your body is starting to give up and you lost your hearing. Hopefully, it's just silent. It would be a shame if you could never hear Aleksanders voice again.

But silence isn't good either, you think. There are supposed to be screams around you. If they stopped screaming, that means they're dead. That means you're next.

But you can't be next. Aleksander isn't here yet, and he promised he would be back. He promised, and he never breaks his promises.

He has to come back. He swore he would make sure you would be safe, and while you told him that that's a stupid and impossible thing to promise someone, you did believe him when he said it.

But where is he?

How are you supposed to keep your own promise if he's not here to save you?

You said you wouldn't leave him behind, but you can't keep that if they burn you. You're not strong enough to withstand flames and endless torture. No one is.

It's shocking how bad he is at cooking. He's completely devoid of any talent.

Sure, simple broths and soups are no issue, but as soon as the recipe requires a bit more thought, he is suddenly helpless.

Of course you would never tell him that. Not when he always tries so hard to help you, eyes wide and pleading as he begs you to let him take over some of the work.

"Please. I promise I won't mess up."

He always does, but you love him anyway.

He is a fantastic baker though. Every loaf of bread he works on, every cookie and every cake, turns into something perfect. As soon as sugar is involved, he suddenly becomes the most gifted man in all of Ravka.

Probably because he doesn't want to waste precious sugar, no matter what shape it comes in. Honey, fruit, berries, it doesn't matter. If it's sweet he loves it. That's just how he is.

He has a big smile on his lips when he shows you the freshly baked loaf of bread he worked on that day, already talking about what he's going to pair it with later when it's finally cooled down.

You know you should tell him not to eat so much sugar, to instead pair the bread with some of the cheese you still have in the house, but his smile is such a rare sight nowadays. You can't bring yourself to ruin his good mood.

Your head is resting on his chest, ear pressed against his skin to listen to his resting heartbeat. His face is relaxed.

He looks younger like this. Every time he is awake he looks and acts like the fate of the whole world rests on his shoulders, but when he's stuck in the world of dreams he is completely calm.

He looks like the boy he was never really allowed to be.

You're glad that he managed to find rest relatively quickly considering how outraged he was after his fight with his mother just an hour before, his loud voice booming through the small abandoned house you're hiding in.

"Who does she think she is to keep trying to force her opinions down my throat? I don't care about what she thinks. I get to choose who I want to spend my life with. She has no say in this. She doesn't even know you! You would never leave me, right?"

A quiet mumble leaves his lips, his arms moving to wrap around you, pressing you closer to him before he rolls to his side and presses his face against the space between your neck and shoulder, his warm breath brushing over your skin and pulling you out of your thoughts.

You try your hardest not to flinch at the sensation, no matter how much it tickles you. Instead you start to brush your hands through his hair, carefully massaging his scalp with your fingernails. His body tenses slightly, just for a few seconds, before he fully relaxes again, letting out a content sigh that sounds suspiciously like your name.

Smiling weakly you press a kiss onto his neck before closing your eyes as well.

"I promise that I won't leave you behind. I'll stay with you until the end of time if you let me. I swear it, Sasha."

Baghra is oddly possessive of her son considering she clearly doesn't like him.

That's the only thing you can think about as you watch her fuss over the boy she has tried so hard to keep hidden from the rest of the small Grisha village.

You want to talk to him. Everyone your age wants to talk to him. There aren't many teens in the village and while you all like each other, you're getting a bit sick of each other as well. Having someone new here to talk and play with could help soften the rising tension.

But that woman... she just shoos you all away as soon as you get too close to her precious son. You can't help but notice that he doesn't seem particularly happy about her behavior either.

He always looks so sad when he watches you and the other play and train, desperate to join you and have some fun instead of helping his mother wash dishes and fix clothes.

Most people would've fought back at some point, would've tried to defend themselves against their mother, but he just sits there and takes it as she scolds him over something stupid again. It's always something stupid, and he just listens to her words with that sad look in his eyes before his gaze begins to wander in hopes of finding something else to focus on, his face flushing from embarrassment.

This time his gaze find you, and even from several metres away you can see how his ears turn red. You try to give him an encouraging smile, but his attention snaps back to his mother before he can see it.

You really need to get him away from her, at least for one night. Maybe you could convince him that you could hunt together or something. He deserves some normal interactions without his mother hovering around him like a bird of prey.

There are screams again, and you're almost glad. Almost.

It's cold now, and it keeps getting colder with all of the blood seeping out of your body, stealing all of the warmth from your limbs and spreading it on the dusty stone floor you're laying on.

You're not sure if its just the exhaustion making you hallucinate or if the shadows are truly moving in your little cell. It would make sense. Aleksander always draws pictures and scenes onto the walls or floor when you can't sleep. Nothing relaxes you more nowadays, except maybe his voice and touch. If your body wants you to stay relaxed as you slowly die, it would probably show you that, right?

You can feel how your powers try to put your body back together. The familiar, almost tingling sensation spreads all over your body, but the blood is still seeping out of you like a small river.

You will die here, you realise. Aleksander hasn't come back and you will die, leaving him behind. He will be on his own again.

You both broke your promise.

Your mind feels like a glass bottle, ready to burst at any moment. You feel fragile and weak, disoriented and somehow... misplaced. You're not where you're supposed to be and you don't know how to get back to your original position.

Where do you belong?

Your physical health deteriorates further as well, alongside your mental health. You're often confused and lost, and your body never stops shaking, forcing you to wear the long, three coloured scarf you used to wear back when you still lived on your families little farm. It's against the uniform guidelines, but no one ever says anything because of how pitiful you look.

Mira compares you to her little siblings a lot, which is always followed by a sad sigh. Both of them are sick, which is why she works at the Little Palace, so far away from home. She sends the money she makes home to make sure they get the medicine they need, and now she takes care of you, giving you easy tasks like repairing small tears in clothes, sowing buttons back on and, of course, bringing the clothes back to their original owners.

You're never asked to go to Baghras hut again though.

"It would just exhaust you more, and you already look like you can barely stand. I don't want you to collapse."

That is Miras' official explanation when you asked why she didn't want you to go, but you're starting to question that reasoning now. If she really wanted to protect you from fainting, why did she send you to bring the General his clothes?

That seems a lot more exciting than being yelled at by the old woman again.

The basket filled with his clothes is also quite heavy and hard to hold with your sweaty palms, a lot harder than the eight hangers that you could simply hug against your body, letting the clothes drape over your crossed arms.

But you really don't want to tell Mira that you don't want to bring him his clothes. It's already embarrassing enough that you are officially no longer allowed to bring clothes to Baghra because of your illness. If you now say you can't bring the General of the Second Army his stupid socks, you might as well resign from your position and go back to your families farm in the middle of nowhere.

He's probably not even in his office. He's a busy man, after all. You will just swoop in, place his laundry basket on the floor next to the door, and take the basket with his dirty laundry back to be cleaned.

A simple job. You're scared for no reason. And even if he is there, he never interacts with the servants. You haven't seen him once since you started working in the Little Palace, and you know several other servants who have been here for longer and have never seen him either.

It'll be fine.

You repeat those words to yourself over and over until you finally see the dark, beautifully carved wooden doors that lead to the Darklings quarters.

The oprichniki standing in front of them eye you suspiciously, but they knock and open the door for you anyways, stepping aside to let you in.

They close the door behind you as soon as you're inside, and your gaze automatically swoops up to the man sitting at the desk at the other end of the room. You planned to just drop the basket off and get the dirty one, but now that you're actually here and in front of the General, you can't bring yourself to move.

There's a tingling sensation at the back of your neck, like your brain is trying to dig up a memory that isn't there anymore. Like you've seen this man before, but you don't remember where.

He's bent over his desk, his dark eyes reading through a thick, several pages long letter, paying you no attention while you shamelessly stare and try to remember where you could've possibly seen him.

He has definitely never been to your village. He is the Darkling.

A sigh leaves his lips after a few agonizing seconds, but he does not look up.

You're starting to get a headache now. The bottle feels like it's going to burst.

"Drop the basket off at the door. The dirty laundry is in my bedroom. Simply go through the door on the right and you'll find it."

You take a step backwards, your back hitting the door as you try your hardest not to drop the basket. There is a name right on the tip of your tongue, demanding you speak it into the silence lingering in the room.

The headache is now a sharp pain, right at the base of your skull. It feels almost like a warning. Like your body is begging you not to say it. To simply get the laundry and leave and never come back. To not let the botte burst.

"Aleksander?"

He looks up, eyes widening when his gaze finds your face. He whispers your name so quietly you almost miss it.

The bottle bursts.

#aleksander morozova x reader #general kirigan x reader #darkling x reader #the darkling x reader

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where-theres-smoak-2 · 1 year

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Shadow and Bone 2x06 Review

Ok well again, like with 2x05, I didn’t particularly enjoy this episode. Though I would say that some of this could be because I have read the books so some of the big reveals were things that I already knew, also the reveal was one I disliked from the books so obviously I also disliked it here too. I mean it was an ok episode, some of the crow stuff was interesting but over all it wasn’t my favourite. Also here’s your standard spoiler alert warning if you’ve read any of my other reviews then you know what I am about to say next, book spoilers will be between 2 *.

Darklina

So I am switching things up this time and I am going to talk about darklina first. I was really nervous going into this episode because of that interview from Jessie and Ben that talked about a choking scene. To be honest though having watched the scene, its not that bad. I mean its not good, obviously, but not as nasty and brutal as they made it sound in the interview. And I am sure I’ll have antis screaming ‘ab*se apologist’ at me for my next comment but I could understand why Aleks was doing this and where it was coming from, that doesn’t mean I agree with it, just to be clear, just that I understand where his anger is coming from. And it was clear that there was a shift in this episode when it came to the anger he feels towards Alina and I do think that was a direct result of her manipulating and tricking him in the last episode. I mean its the first thing he said to her when he appeared in Morozova’s workshop, that her little plan didn’t work. That she didn’t know him well enough, which is kind of true because whilst we know all about his backstory and what he lost, she doesn’t. She still believes that he created the fold deliberately, for one thing. She doesn’t truly know all the things Anastas and his men did either and she doesn’t know about the events of Demon in the Woods.

*Speaking of Demon in the Woods we did get another reference to it in this episode. When Aleks has Alina pinned against the wall and she confronts him about threatening children he talks about how he was a child once until he was betrayed and nearly died for it. Obviously this was about Annika and how she tried to kill him for his bones. It did get to me a bit when he said innocent no more, because what Annika and Lev did to him, and him then using the cut on them in return, really did steal his innocence from him and I think it set the course for everything that came after. This was the event that was the catalyst for him making his oath to spend his life protecting grisha and finding somewhere safe for them.*

I mean some of the reason why this scene didn’t seem that bad to me could be because of the way it was edited, it was interspersed with other scenes of violence showing the crows fighting Ohval, including Nina being choked. So it wasn’t one long continuous scene where its building in intensity, there are moments when it breaks away from it. Also I don’t think it was really all that more violent than all the other scenes we’ve had so far of darklina fighting each other, like her trying to burn the stag amplifier out of his hand or him pushing her back so that she hits her head on the floor in the last ep. Or their fight in episode 4 when he attacks the spinning wheel. This was just two people who were clearly feeling very betrayed and wounded by the other and whose anger was now boiling over. Alina even when pinned to the wall was still antagonising Aleks because she was pinned and couldn’t fight but still wanted to hurt him and so was doing so with her words.

Also it seemed more to me that Aleks was attempting to restrain Alina, when he first approaches her when she is at the table he puts a hand over her mouth so she can’t alert Mal and Baghra and then traps her hand, I am assuming so she can’t use her summoning powers. It’s meant to incapacitate her more than it is to hurt her. Its when she breaks free and begins to fight back that he quickly restrains her again by pinning her against the wall and again trapping her wrist. Again it doesn’t seem as if he really does want to hurt her but more keep her in place. As his anger flares he does have moments where he tightens his grip on her throat, which not ok dude, chill out, loosen the grip a bit or even better remove your hand from her throat all together. But I do have a theory as to why it is he is restraining her. I don’t think Aleks has full control over his nichevo’ya.

This is linked to the scene he has with Baghra after she enters the mind tether, because apparently that is something that can be done now. There is a moment when Aleks says ‘please don’t threaten me’ but the way he says it doesn’t sound like a returning threat, it was almost like he was begging her not to, like was scared. Then Baghra produces the cut and Aleks startss begging, stop, he repeats it over and over, but he’s not just talking to Baghra he is talking to the Nichevo’ya who have appeared. The way these Nichevo’ya behave is intriguing because not only does one grab Baghra, another grabs Aleks and retrains him when he tries to save his mother. Like it doesn’t want him going near the threat. Its almost as if the merzost is a living thing, that has a mind of its own. There are other instances as well when you look back at other episodes in the season. When Genya was tending to Aleks’ wounds and he cries out in pain, suddenly a nichevo’ya appears and advances on Genya. Aleks had no reason to want to hurt her in that instance, so now I am thinking that was the merzost acting of its own accord in response to what they thought was a threat. In ep 3 when David is talking to Aleks about the nichevo’ya, Aleks says they are always with him but seem to appear when he is under threat. Then in episode 4 he draws Alina away from the fighting because his nichevo’ya can be unpredictable. So now I am wondering if the reason why Aleks was restraining Alina wasn’t just out of anger but because he also had some concern that if the nichevo’ya believed her to be a threat they may attack and kill her, and as he doesn’t have full control over them he might not be able to stop them, just like he couldn’t when they attacked him mother. I do wonder if as time has gone on he has less and less control over them. Though to be clear I don’t think it was necessary for him to restrain her by the throat, but I guess that part was fuelled more by his anger at her.

If I am right and the merzost and nichevo’ya do have a life of their own then it opens some really interesting possibilities as it calls into question every action Aleks has taken involving merzost and the nichevo’ya, because how can we know for sure how much of it is Aleks’ decisions or whether its the merzosts influence, whether it has some control over him and is making decisions and choices of its own? Its actually a really scary and disturbing thought, that merzost might be a living entity.

Baghra and the Firebird

So when it comes to Baghra I already knew her backstory about the swan toy and how she killed her sister with the cut etc and also the reveal about Mal being the descendant of her sister and the firebird, so it wasn’t some big reveal to me. Mal being the firebird and a morozova is one of those things that I hated from the books because it just didn’t make sense within the lore already created. When Ilya Morozova made the amplifiers he did it by bringing them back from the dead and fusing them with his own finger bones, but this also turned both the stag and the sea whip immortal, yet when he does the same to his daughter she doesn’t become immortal and instead passes it down the bloodline, which makes no sense in the books and still no sense in the show. Then there’s the whole issue around numerous grisha touching him but never sensing that he is an amplifier. But anyway I’ve talked about that all before in other posts, so moving on.

Obviously Baghra’s backstory is really messed up and I can’t imagine the effect something like that would have on you. But it did seem like in this episode after sharing the story with Alina and Mal that she came to the decision that the only way forward was to completely rid the world of anything related to morozova that she could, burn the workshop down, kill Aleks and herself and Mal would die too when he becomes an amplifier for Alina. Baghra's death scene actually did make me cry. Just Aleks’ reaction to it, how distraught he is at losing his mother. I mean for the longest time she was all he had, his one constant and now she was gone, its hard enough losing a mother but in this situation where is also means a literal eternity of loneliness it must be a hundred times harder. They way he whispered he was sorry, I really did believe him in that moment.

It was also pretty messed up that she cut his hand off, like I got the reason behind it, to disconnect him from Alina but still, what is with all the amputations in this show this season, Baghra’s finger, Adrik’s arm and now Alek’s hand, oh and how could I forget about that first army soldier’s head from the first episode. But I don’t know how I feel about this whole idea that the link between darklina could be severed because that definitely wasn’t a book thing, because the link in the books wasn’t created by a piece of the stag in Aleks’ hand. It was something between them that was inescapable and always there, it wasn’t something that could be broken and that was the whole point of it.

I will also admit I was a little irked when Baghra says ‘know that I loved you and that it wasn’t enough’, because like, well duh, of course that wasn’t enough, some proper and healthy parenting alongside that love may have been a good contribution there Baghra, you know instead of burning down villages as if that won’t mess a kid up and give him a warped idea of what love is.

I am curious about the whole using Baghra’s finger bone, magic, fairy dust to amplify himself and how that all works. Because it makes sense that it will amplify Aleks as technically it was his Nichevo’ya that killed her, so technically he did kill her which would give access to her amplification, but he also clearly didn’t have control over the nichevo’ya, so I don’t know how that would effect that amplification process as can you really say he killed baghra if he clearly didn’t want to and had no control over that which did kill her? I have so many questions. Also that Alchemy grisha sort of tattooed some of Bgahra’s bone dust onto his hand in some kind of experiment, so does that mean now that Baghra is dead this guy is also going to be amplified? How does that work exactly because I know that with the stag Kirigan was the one who killed it but it was alina that was amplified by it and having the piece in his hand connected them so he had control over her powers, so will he now have control over this alchemist’s powers? Again so many questions. But either way it is through taking this amplifier that Aleks is able to see his mother’s last memories and learn that Mal is the firebird. I am curious as to what he’s going to do with that information.

The Crows

The crows storyline was a bit more interesting to me as I didn’t know what was going to happen having not read the books. It continues on right from where it left off last episode with most of them trapped in a room with hallucinogenic gas that is killing them. Each of the hallucinations they have though are really interesting and tells us alot about each character.

Kaz has a particularly traumatic vision where his brother is taunting him while also trying to drown him. But there was the part where the vision is talking about Kaz thinking pain was a weakness and that vengeance was the answer but that he is still drowning and asking who he is without that vengeance and without anyone to fight for, which I think was giving that message to Kaz that going on this path of vengeance isn’t going to fix what’s broken inside of him, that’s not going to help him heal from the wounds left by his past, it will only drown him in regrets. Then he gets that image of Inej pulling him up out of the water clearly symbolising that she is a life raft for him, someone who can pull him out from beneath the waves that are pulling him down. I do think when they are discussing the heartbeat that can be heard in Ohval’s home and he says that he believes that Ohval built this almost fortress, it was to protect that heart, that this is very much a metaphor for Kaz and how he has built this fortress around his own heart.

Inej’s vision I think shows that which she deeply desires. She imagines Kaz asking her to stay, she imagines him telling her he wants her. But she also imagines him taking off his gloves, which are like his armour, and being able to touch her. She wants him to come to her open and vulnerable and honest. Its actually kind of sad because I think she also knows how deep Kaz’s trauma around touch runs. It’s what makes her realise that this isn’t real and that she is hallucinating due to the poison, which helps her snap out of it. When she gives him the butterfly to eat you can see this conflict as she knows she has touch him to save his life but she also knows how triggering that is going to be for him when he comes to. She is so gentle with him though and she tries to comfort him by stroking his face and she whispers forgive me and sorry. I imagine it must be really hard to be in inej’s position where someone you have feelings for and who you deeply care about is triggered by your touch.

I do wish they had explored Tolya’s vision a bit more, we see that he sees his sister wounded by a blade and when he asks who did she says it was him. So it seems like Tolya has this fear around losing his sister and it being his fault. But they don’t really explore it beyond that. Tolya is able to keep his heartrate steady enough that he keeps conscious long enough to warn Wylan about the situation. Also side note but I do find it funny that whilst the other four are slowly dying inside and having these vivid visions, Wylan is just out side watching the butterflies. Like that juxtaposition was so bizarrely funny.

Jesper’s vision compared to the others was actually somewhat peaceful as he is seeing his mother. Through the vision we are able to learn more about his backstory and why it is he hides his grisha side. His mother was a durast like him and she helped a girl who had poisoned by drawing the poison into her own body which killed her. After his father made him promise to hide his grisha ability so no one would ask him to risk his life to save them. This plays further into what Nina was talking about in last ep about how she wasn’t given a choice in swearing loyalty to ravka and this idea that the grisha really are forced into service. But also how often they are used for their abilities. I do think this vision with his mother has Jesper heal some wounds and gain an acceptance of his grisha side.

There was a bit of a reveal when it comes to Ohval and that is that she is the Saint that created the sword that they are looking for, Neshyenyer, and who fought for three days and nights to stop a unkillable army, Sankta Neyar. I do think it ironic that they’ve spent two seasons talking about how Aleks and Alina are unlike no others, that there is no one else like them and there never will be and then in this episode there like oh and here’s another immortal grisha who has been alive hundreds of years. Though to be fair she still isn’t like Aleks and Alina in the sense that they have very unique powers whereas Ohval/Neyar is a Durast, just a very powerful one. Also I couldn’t help but notice that she says she’s been alive for 400 years and I am also sure Mal mentions that Aleks messed around with Merzost and then they got the fold for 400 years so it seems like Ohval/Neyar was born around the time the fold was created, I don’t know if that is significant but it is still interesting. I do think that they use Ohval/Neyar as a foil for Aleks. When she is giving the speech about how she has lived a long life and watched them all die, her family, all her loved ones, taken away by time. It shows that shot of Aleks just lost in complete grief and it really makes you understand how much of a burden his immortality has been to him. Also how this is what awaits Alina who will also never age and have to lose her loved ones. But I also think when she talks about how for hundreds of years she closed off her heart this is another comparison to Aleks who did the same after losing so many of his loved ones. Then she talks about how when you guard against pain you guard against joy, here I think this shows how Aleks is doing this, but also how Kaz is and how Jesper is by hiding his grisha side. Buy denying themselves love to protect themselves from pain they are also denying themselves the joy of love. This was something Ohval learnt over the years, honestly I think Aleks might have benefitted from meeting Ohval she might have been able to teach him a thing or two. I am glad that she gave that speech to Jesper about his durast abilities as I think he needed that final little push to accept who he is. Also that blade really does look beautiful and very impressive. I love how right after the conversation Jesper ran out to speak to Wylan and that whole conversation was adorable but also really relatable like when you see something extraordinary or rare etc and there’s that person you immediately think of who you want to share it with, for Wylan and Jesper that person is each other.

Extra Details

There was one other thing I wanted to talk about but didn’t really know where to put it. There was a scene where Nikolai and co go to a first army base camp and when they arrive it is obvious that there is some concern about having grisha around first army, which I didn’t mind as that seemed realistic to me, there is fear of the other on both sides. However what I did find highly unrealistic was how quickly and easily this issue is resolved. Nikolai gives a speech, David introduces himself to a first army sniper and gifts him some special made bullets and Genya heals an injured soldiers hand and all of a sudden our fear is gone we all like each other now. This is actually one thing I think they did better in the books. *In book two when at the LP Alina and Nikolai try to unite the first and second armies by having them interact with each other, but it takes time there is tension between them for a while before through working together and eating meals together they are able to get used to each other and get to know each other. Its a process not a sudden change of heart.*

We also get introduced to Nikolai’s friend and learn that disturbingly The King used to have this boy whipped as a way to punish Nikolai but that they actually became the greatest of friends. They clearly have a strong bond and I would like to know more about their story, I do love a good bromance.

And so that is another episode done, we are getting through them, only two more to go.

Favourite Quotes

‘What we do while we’re alive, who we are, our truth, that is all we can control. That is all we have. Hiding who you are won’t save you.’

‘You contain so much goodness, my son. The world deserves to see all of it.’

‘I, too, was a child once. A boy named Aleksander, who was betrayed and almost died because of it. Innocent no more.’

‘Four hundred years I’ve been alive. I’ve watched them all die. My family, all my loved ones. Taken away from me by time. Hundreds of years I closed my heart, as if that was the solution to ending all pain. What a safe way to live. What a small way, as well. You guard against pain. You guard against joy. But when you allow yourself to be blindsided by love two worlds make a universe. He’s not my weakness. He’s my universe.’

#shadow and bone #s&b season 2 spoilers #darklina

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