#<- adding this because i've seen a lot of 'you must be crazy to identify as a cat!!' and... haha... 😐

[countrymusiclover]

10 - Erik and JFK

Part 11

Battle of Heart and Mind

Tag list - ask to be added (in my ask box please) @aintinacage @hiraethrhapsody @mostlymarvelgirl @importantgalaxyrunaway

Leaving from the place I was moments ago I heard the three make voices now in the office downstairs. Entering the room Hank stood by the desk, Logan remained near the doorway and Charles was laying on the couch drink in his hands. “We need your help, Charles.”

“Need his help how exactly?” I came and sat down beside him on the couch seeing him finish what content he had in that glass.

Logan turns his head to me. “Bring the X-Men together. Stop Raven from killing Trask which starts the war.”

“So you’re saying they took her power and what…weaponized it?” Charles got up from the couch pouring himself another drink.

Logan nodded. “Yup.”

Charles plopped down in his desk chair downing some alcohol. His demeanor and physical appearance wasn't what I recalled it to be. Hank and I had tried our best to pull him out of the dark but he's just fallen over the edge now. "Now what exactly does Raven and Addi have to do with all this...saying that I...that we choose to believe what you are saying is true."

"In the beginning, the sentinels were just targeting mutants. Then they began targeting everyone. They began identifying the genetics in non-mutants...who would eventually have mutant children and grandchildren. Many of the humans tried to help us but it was a slaughter. Leaving only the worst of humanity in charge. I've been in a lot of wars but I've never seen anything like this. And it all starts with her and Raven." Logan began explaining looking between the three of us where I could see his whole body stiften at the horrible memories he must have been having.

“Raven won't listen to me.” Charles chuckled dryly looking over in my direction thinking back on Cuba. “Her heart and soul belong to someone else now.”

Logan put a hand on his hip throwing his other hand away from his side. “I know. That's why we're gonna need Magneto too.”

“Erik, you know where he is right?” Hank asked the man from the future who said nothing.

Charles got up from the chair stomping around the table and out the door. “He's where he belongs!”

“Charles!” I called his name forcing myself to my feet regaining my balance for a moment.

Logan tilted his head. “What the hell happened to him? Am I going crazy or are you two together or something?”

“We were…until the day I found out I was pregnant.” Looking over my shoulder I explained softly. “The war in Vietnam destroyed everything. Teachers and students were drafted. Hank attempted to help with his legs but…I'm gonna go find him. Charles!”

Moving towards his bedroom he had the door only cracked open slightly. Pushing it opened he lifted his head up sniffing through tears. “Charles, can we talk?”

“What do you still see in that man, Addi?” He sniffed through tears, wiping them away with his sleeve.

Coming to sit on the edge of the bed with the former telepath professor I laid my head on his shoulder. “Because of what he did the day JFK was assassinated. The part of the story you choose to forget.”

“He's not right for you or the baby, Addi.” Charles weakly responded, reaching down, intertwining my hand in his. “I just don't want you to get hurt. Even if you never truly love me the way I love you. I still want to keep you safe.”

Touching his face with my freehand he leans into my palm. “I know how you feel about him after what happened in Cuba. But this means helping Raven…and apparently saving humanity and mutants from an all out war. If you won’t do it for Logan’s tall tail then do it for Raven…do it for me.”

“I'll do it for the both of you.” He whispered, laying his head against my chest and I kissed his forehead just holding him for a moment. The relationship that Charles and I had was comfortable for sure. He was there for me throughout the pregnancy and with my mother. I did love him but it would never compare to my feelings for Erik.

November 22, 1963 - Dallas

Erik and I made our way through the abandoned building that was on the same street that the president was supposed to be driving down since he was visiting for something. Erik peaked his head out the window with me leaning against the wall beside where he stood. “I got word that the assassin is somewhere in this building with a gun. I can feel it somewhere.”

“Do you want me to go looking for it?” I questioned him, figuring that I should help him in some way.

He shook his head no, focusing his attention back towards the busy street. The president’s car came around the corner following the secret service cars that were behind it and in front of them. A gunfire sound blasted through the air where Erik raised his hand about to stop the bullet but the door downstairs got busted open. “Search the entire building!”

“Erik.” I called his name while watching the commotion from the streets below us. The bullet that had been fired hit the president in the back of the head and his wife reached back trying to help but he was already dead. Everyone in the cars and on the streets surrounded the car and I knew the men in the building must be service men.

He moved away from the wall grabbing me by my shoulders with a serious look in his eyes. “You have to go now before they find me up here.”

“Are you crazy? I am not leaving you here to be captured. How could you even consider such a thing?” I spat at him wearing a dark orange coat with some black jeans and combat boots. I had put my hair in a braid.

He was wearing a green turtleneck underneath a brown coat. His gaze remained on mine and I felt him pressing his fingers into my shoulder blades. “Addison, this isn’t a joke. Those men are looking for the man who just killed the president and they most likely will blame it on me if they can’t find the guy who actually fired the shot.”

“So we run and get out of here before they do. We stick together like we promised.” I snapped at him not wanting to leave him here like this.

He threw his head back, sighing in frustration where we heard a bunch of boots coming up the stairs meaning we were running out of time if we were going to run like I wanted him to. “We don’t have time to discuss this, Addi. I can’t let them capture you too.”

“So what am I supposed to do while you’re stuck in the pentagon…besides coming to visit you if that’s even possible.” I asked, gripping the material of his jacket almost closing the gap completely between us.

Erik pressed his forehead against mine and we just stood holding onto each other till he whispered. “You go see your mother or go find Charles. I need you to promise me.”

“There’s voices upstairs!” One of the men downstairs said to his fellow men and they started to be heard coming up onto the floor we were on.

Erik turned his head back, pouring his attention down to me. “Promise me, Addi.”

“I promise….and I love you.” I blurted out having the elevator door opened and the men started running towards us.

Erik grabbed my arm and we ran towards the old staircase that we had used to get up here. He holds my face in his hands, kissing me quickly. “Don’t get caught while I’m gone, Addison.” He rounded the corner holding his hands up in surrender while I peaked my head around the corner watching the officers arrest him on the spot.

“I'll help you get her.” Charles and I had left his bedroom seeing Logan was still talking with Hank. “But not for any of your future shits but for her.”

Logan nodded. “Fair enough.”

“Tell you this, you don't know Erik, that man is a monster, a murder. You think you can convince Raven to change, to come home.” Charles gave him a half smile. “But what makes you think you can change him?”

Logan admitted. “Because you and Erik sent me back here together.”

“The room they're holding him in was built during the...2nd World war when there was a shortage of steel. So the foundation is pure concrete and sand, no metal.” Hank had unrolled a map onto the large table in the library that revealed the inside layout of the pentagon from what he could find.

Charles rested his hands on the table. “And he's being held a 100 floors beneath the most heavily guarded building on the planet.”

Logan raised a brow. “Why is he in there?”

“What, he forgot to mention?” Charles couldn’t contain his laughter while I just stood back biting my tongue.

Hank said. “Uh JFK.”

Logan finally figured it out. “He killed.”

“What else would explain the bullet miraculously curving through the air.” Charles shakes his head glancing over at me silently for a moment knowing how I felt about what he had just said. “Erik's always had a way with guns.”

Leaning my back against the wall I rested one hand on my growing stomach looking between the three men in the room. “Never thought I'd say this but let's go break into the Pentagon.”

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[manie-sans-delire-x]

Currently thinking about trauma and abuse recovery. Some people seem to think that you should go back to how you felt before the trauma happened. And that you need to rediscover your innate trust in the world or whatever. But I think that’s counterproductive? Trauma teaches a person that the world is dangerous and that’s an important lesson to learn. I think it’s important to become deadly. To learn how to fight and to become mentally strong. Recovery shouldn’t be exclusively soft imo.

I half agree with that! I actually have a lot to say about this, both from personal experience and recent class topics!

I agree that it's not necessarily a good goal, or even possible, to "return to before" the trauma happened. You can't un-experience something, especially something as impactful as trauma. I think it's a healthier goal to work towards accepting the trauma as a part of yourself and your life, and moving past it, knowing that it doesn't have to define you and can be a smaller part of who you are as you grow larger and expand as a person. I also agree that recovering and healing, or being mentally healthy, doesn't equal being soft and naively trustful, that's dangerous for anyone. Being soft isn't always a good thing, and being hardened isn't necessarily a bad thing.

On the other hand, trauma can cause people to develop a hardened mindset which often comes with unhealthy beliefs and worldviews. I personally call this being in "trauma world", because it really does feel like being in a different world from untraumatized people. Everything is viewed differently. I've heard psychologists refer to a similar or same concept as a "war zone mentality" and "urban survival syndrome" and it's related to PTSD.

----

People in this “war zone mentality” often:

-Have a tendency to over-identify potential threats, which often leads to justifying preemptive assault, when really there might have been no need for it  

-Have an inability to regulate emotion and over-react to present, non-traumatic situations that trigger unprocessed emotions from previous, actual traumas (rage, fear, humiliation, rejection) 

-Have a belief that people are out for themselves and will hurt you for their gain

-Have a belief that most people are manipulative and you are either the manipulator or the manipulated, the predator or the prey

I added these myself, from my own beliefs, but I think it also includes:

-Have a belief that life is short, death can come at any moment without warning, tomorrow is not guaranteed, so indulging in/aiming for instant gratifications is actually smarter and more logical than investing in the long term

-Have a belief that money is equal to life- liquid life- so killing for it is ok and justified (this pertains more to organized crime but it can be individual too) 

-Have a belief that most people are unhappy and trauma is normal 

-Have a belief that life does not have much value, due to their own unhappiness and inability to see their own life as valuable, so killing is not that bad 

-Honor culture- feel an obligation to respond with violence to defend self, family’s honor when you feel disrespected or challenged. Belief that this is the morally right to do and should be expected by the offending party. Failure to do so is cowardice. 

-When you make a threat and it is challenged, you must follow through with the threat, or lose respect and be seen as weak. Following through is the right thing to do and should be expected. 

----

There’s more but I think you get the idea. These beliefs are often internalized and the person may not even realize that they believe this. But basically traumatized people can have a sense of right and wrong that is different from “normal” people. To them, many acts of violence seem unprovoked and like “crazy” choices, but through the “trauma world” mindset or lens, it makes complete logical sense. 

From my textbook:

When a person has this mindset, it interferes with relationships and can cause the person to get into legal trouble, as well as put their own life at risk.  

It’s hard to heal and move away from this mindset, because as you pointed out, its an important lesson to learn in many environments, and if the person is still in that environment, or if they ever get back into it, they need this mindset to survive. Learning these things was painful and if you heal away from this mindset, you’ll have to experience the pain of learning and breaking your mind into this mindset again. It’s like a broken arm- if you heal it, there’s always a chance of getting it broken again. So it’s a hard situation. 

To heal, I believe a person needs to be:

a) out of that environment

b) have trust that they will not find themselves back in that environment