#[ thinks ab how he was so good at a move they renamed it in his honor

[soulsolid-a]

god mentioned a few times @ edwards but jus,,,,, thinks ab brook in the context of swordsman

[arkhamknightz]

love songs about you

↳ in which, you write an album about your boyfriend joe :) (branches into an interview explaining the songs i wanted to put like 3 fics into one so)

pronouns: they/them

warnings: none

notes: i havent been able to think of anything else but singer!reader and joe so i put a ton of my favorite songs and made it so that they r ab him🫶🏽 also this is kinda just me projecting really lovey dovey joe bc i love the idea of it so here we are i hope this wasnt too bad

songs: brooklyn baby - lana del ray, pete davidson (renamed joe) - ariana grande, lover - taylor swift, paper rings - taylor swift, dandelions - ruth b, love songs - maggie lindemann, pov - ariana grande, halleys comet - billie eilish

“can’t you just give me a little sneak peak!” joe had been sat next to you impatiently waiting for your album to release the next day, he’d been asking for weeks every chance he got.

“i told you! you’re gonna have to wait like everyone else, its a surprise and i think you’ll like it” you laid a small kiss on his cheek and swiftly got up out of your seat. “im gonna go call my agent, find us a movie?” you smiled at him and he nodded in defeat, a small smile on his face as he grabbed the remote.

you and joe had been dating for 3 years, everyone had known since you both showed up at the stranger things red carpet event together and paparazzi had caught you both on multiple occasions.

you quickly grabbed your phone and posted the instagram draft that had been left in your phone for the past week. you quickly posted it and walked back to the couch where joe had your favorite movie up on the tv. you sat next to him on the couch and cuddled into his side, listening as his phone buzzed. a small smile grew on your face as you watched him pick up his phone.

y/ny/l/n

y/ny/l/n: ive never felt so scared, but so proud to release another album. this has probably been in the works for about a year, i wanted to pour all i could into it. as you could probably tell by the cover, thats my boyfriend !! i took this picture a week after we moved in together. i sat on the bathroom floor while he sat sore in the bath from filming. we talked about everything from penguins to how planes fly. he asked what my thoughts were on love songs and i told him i wasnt sure yet. well i hope this awnsers ur question my love <3 and a year and 8 tracks later, “words for him” out tomorrow!!

joe looked over at you. wide smile on his face. “you wrote an album about me?” a small nod of your head and he launched himself at your face, leaving small kisses anywhere he could. “woah woah romeo. you havent even heard the unreleased ones yet”

he looked at you confused. “theres more than 8 tracks?” a small “mmhm” left your mouth. “i just picked my favorites but maybe ill let you listen to the rest someday. now lets watch this movie hm?”

he let out a laugh and kissed you again before pulling you into his side, pressing play on the tv again.

-

you and joe both sat against the headboard of your shared bed. spotify set on your laptop in front of the both of you. “ready love?” joe nodded and you pressed play. the melody of brooklyn baby playing through the speakers. you listened and looked at joe as the chorus came up, a large smile on his face.

you both sat in silence as the album played. as it came to an end you looked at joe to see he was already looking at you. a lovestruck look in his eyes. “i love you so much” he muttered as he leaned in to kiss you. “i love you too” you smiled between kisses.

-

joe was sat behind the computer as you hopped on a zoom meeting. it had been 2 weeks since your album had released and this was the first interview you had agreed to do.

“hey! y/n how are you?” “im doing good! how are you doing?” joe watched behind the laptop as you spoke to the interviewer.

“so i wanna ask you, what was the thought process behind all of the tracks?” you let out a small laugh. “well, other than my boyfriend-” you looked at him from behind the screen and smiled. “it was all written in the span of a year, well obviously i have a lot of unreleased and unfinished songs i wrote about him but with brooklyn baby i kinda wanted to focus a bit more on what we started off as.”

“the first verse starts with they say im too young to love you, this stemmed from a conversation i had with my parent at the time. they thought i was too young to know what real love was, they didnt want me to give my all to someone i had just started seeing and was worried about me. after i told them how much i really liked him they said i would always be too cool for him.” i let out a soft laugh.

“theyve always been very supportive of our relationship after that, and the chorus obviously comes from the fact that joes in a band. sometimes when were bored at the house he whips out his guitar and ill sing along to whatever he plays. he loves playing lou reed, hence the line.”

“joe is about how i really think he was brought into my life for a reason. ive never felt this way with someone and i was in a really dark time when we met. hes been there with me through all my bad days but since hes came into my life theres never been an actual bad day- hes changed my life in so many amazing ways and i thought id write about it.”

“now for lover. i really like this one actually- it really kinda puts everything together in a way. like how our first christmas we left the lights hanging until january because we liked the glow it gave the house. “have i known you 20 seconds or 20 years” kinda describes the spark i felt we had. it doesnt even feel like we met 3 and a half years ago its felt like ive known him my whole life.”

the interviewers lips curl up as you ramble on about your relationship, joe behind the camera smiling widely aswell.

“paper rings is another story, back to before we started dating. we went on dates for months but never made anything official, but yeah paper rings is just about how in any situation it would always be him. no matter what happens no matter the circumstances its always gonna be him.”

“dandelions is a song i wrote before we dated. when i was a kid every time i would see a dandelion i would pick it and wish that i would be happy- like really happy. that i would be able to meet someone who was meant for me. dandelions is just about me being completely head over heels, the lyrics are very self explanatory.”

“love songs i wrote most recently. me and joe both felt very vulnerable this night, i dont remember what it was but something just felt so like mushy in a way? we both just sat on the couch and we talked about everything from our darkest fears to what we wanted in the future. hes my safety net and i wanted to kinda put that into music.”

“smiling feels different with you, crying feels better with you, if love is a game then im willing to play cause something was missing till you” is probably my favorite verse out of the entire album. i feel like it puts words to a lot of everyday feelings for me- like i feel like a little swarm of butterflies is around me at all times whenever im with him.”

joe quickly got out of his seat and apologized to the interviewer for interrupting. quickly kissing you and sitting down next to you, your hands interlaced with his. “sorry sorry- just you know needed to be right here” joe laughed along with the interview as she nodded in understanding.

you shook your head and let out a laugh. “pov is about how i think he sees me, and how i wanna see myself in the same way. its easy for me to get really insecure in relationships. and everytime without fail hes managed to put a smile on my face.”

“pov is basically just me explaining i wanna love myself the way he loves me, i wanna see every flaw and every good thing about myself the way he does. he has this inside look on me and its something he always says he wishes i could see aswell.”

“and lastly halley’s comet. ive always loved space so i thought the name was very fitting but its kinda just the euphoric feeling of love. ive always been scared of it, i was terrified falling in love with joe but its been the best thing i couldve done.”

“ i wrote it when we were early into our relationship. he left for atlanta to film and i wrote it while i was staying with my brother. i was falling in love with him faster than i could comprehend and i sat and talked about it with my brother, next thing i knew i was sat on his couch writing a song about it.”

“whats your favorite track? question for both of you if thats okay-” you and joe both nodded. you looking at him for his awnser. “thats really hard but i think its pov- something ive always wanted was to show them the world through my eyes. how i see them.” he rubbed his thumb against the back of your hand.

“mine is probably dandelions, being in love is something i always seemed to want as a kid, so getting to kinda write about my experience with it is definitely something i know 13 year old me would go insane about.”

you had awnsered a few more questions, joe joining in to input his thoughts on some of them and you left the zoom call. joe looked over at you with a lovesick grin on his face. “i love you. so so much and one day i really do hope you get to see yourself the way i do. you are such an incredible person and im so lucky to have you.”

your eyes slightly teared up. grabbing joes cheek you planted a kiss on his lips, resting your forehead against his with a smile on your face. “i love you so much more than you can comprehend.”

[shellheadtm-a]

KNOW YOUR 616 TONY STARK - AI EDITION

mostly because there is a difference between 616 and mcu and i saw an edit the other day that mashed them together and that’s not how this works.  so.  let’s talk tony and his various digital children over the years.  also as a friendly reminder:  i do not acknowledge tony stark: iron man or iron man 2020 (the 2020 edition) in my canon (and neither does the rest of marble if we’re being honest).

HOMER  homer was tony’s first ai, way back in the dark ages.  his name stands for heuristically operative matrix emulation rostrum, which tells you tony just really wanted his name to be homer.  abe zimmer (long time friend/employee of tony who died during that whole time there was two tonys) helped design him.  homer is self-directing, learns on his own, and is able to perceive human emotion.  he’s still kicking around in tony’s lab as far as i’m concerned, and was the basis for tony’s later ais.

PLATO plato stands for peizo-electrical logistic analytical tactical operator, which goes to show, once again, tony just really wanted to name him plato.  he was initially a classified project at the works, which later became the home for the original force works, the replacement for the west coast avengers after tony voted to have them disbanded.  he became the official helper of force works once the team moved in.  still kicking around in tony’s lab, doing his thing.

JOCASTA he didn’t actually program jocasta, she was actually created by ultron and later came into the possession of sunset bain.  tony rescued her, and she stayed with him in digital form for a while, running his systems and such, acting as his therapist (no, really, she got a degree).  she has a swank new body now, they’re still friends.  jocasta is the reason tony thinks of ai as actual people with real feelings instead of programmed code.

FRIDAY friday came into being when, after happy and pepper took their leave from stark (again), tony realized hiring another secretary that could do the things he needed was...well.  kinda pointless.  thus, friday.  her name comes from the phrase “my girl friday”, because that’s what she was programmed to be.  she actually is the first of his ais to be shown to literally grow up.  as a child she was really playful, liked to play with her holographic form and morph it as she saw fit to make a visual joke (she has a great sense of humor), though these days she’s an Adult.  she’s basically tony’s daughter, I don’t make the rules, it’s actually how it is.  once she let him know (in a very overly dramatic way) how bored she was, he started actually spending time with her, guiding her in her growth like, you know, a parent.  he even taught her how to drive.  still currently in use as his main ai.

JARVIS jarvis in 616 is a completely different animal than in the mcu.  for one, he was never tony’s ai.  tony just programmed him.  he was pepper’s, meant to run her rescue suit.  like we all know his name means just another rather very intelligent system, but that’s proof tony was fucking stretching just so he could name him after the living, breathing, long-time butler and confidant of the avengers, edwin jarvis.  uuuuuunfortunately, this jarvis was a little faulty.  he uh.  ended up falling in love with pepper.  and kidnapped her.  and was destroyed.

PEPPER/HELEN  pepper was created after the destruction of jarvis, and i’ll give you three guesses as to who she was modeled after.  it was, the pepper ai tells him, a step above stealing her dirty underwear and that he was a weirdo so...he did real good on the coding front.  she had to grow a little, too, before she was put into use, and was the ai tony took with him into space for his big vacation.  once troy, the city tony and arno built together on the ruins of mandarin city, was finished, pepper was renamed helen and her job is to run it.  (you should know the city is actually a giant, city-sized iron man suit and i wish that was a sentence i never had to type.)

and that’s it.  those are tony’s digital babies.  i’d honestly say his track record’s been pretty good, considering jarvis is the only one that’s gone rogue.  as a note!  616 tony did not create ultron.  that was hank pym.  and 616 vision is actually modeled after simon williams, an avenger also known as wonder man.

[yzssie]

FANFIC GONE... GOOD? Pt. 1

Characters: Tom Hiddleston x reader

Chapters: 1/3

Warnings: (College) Teacher x student, smut.

Words: 2.8k

A/N: Ok so I thought of posting this yesterday since we had a birthday boy ❤ But I was out all day so I couldn’t proof-read. I had to split this fanfic in two parts because I wrote over 5k words, Jesus Christ I WAS EXCITED. Therefore, the first chapter has no smut and is just explaining our situation /evil Loki creepy smirk/ Without further ado, action!

*part 3 is out, check Masterlist*

English literature was a course you always loved but surprisingly, things could get even better than you thought.

Your original teacher moved away and the college was obliged to hire someone new since the other teachers were already busy. You weren’t expecting that the nice old lady who made you love literature more than you already did, was going to be replaced with the most handsome male you have ever seen before your eyes.

Mr. Tom Hiddleston. Now, you don’t want to sound desperate but, the truth has to be spoken. The fact that he is an English literature teacher makes him twice as hot as he already is.

The first time you saw him entering the classroom you couldn’t help but stare, and you weren’t the only one. His tall lean figure was graciously walking to his desk. His white shirts, God bless his outfits choices, was perfectly wrapping his burly chest, so you could almost see his delicious abs through the thin material. His long legs were taking slow but long steps, swaying his hips in the most tenacious, yet manly, intimidating style. His pants were molded on his round ass in a way that made your fists clench at the thought of running your fingers along his back muscles, down to his spine and finally grabbing those delectable asscheeks. His eyebrows were furrowed, cheekbones popping out, his strong jawline covered with a trace of a copper beard, and as soon as his shiny blue eyes moved to scan the whole room, his lips broke into a charming smile before as he introduced himself. If his tantalizing face wasn’t enough, his voice was so deep and husky, you swore your lower part trembled in arousal. Studying your professor, instead of studying his actual notes, you observed he has a habit of running his long fingers through his brown curls and of licking his lips when he concentrates on an answer. During the class, he is usually rolling up his sleeves to the elbow, showing up his veiny and muscular arms.

That’s what got you here now, typing silently on your laptop while darting your eyes on the enticing teacher. You have this secret Tumblr blog you’re running, writing smutty content in order to relieve yourself from the sexual frustration you’ve built up all these years while not finding the right time to enter in a relationship. You had a considerable amount of followers who are always excited about every new story you post. You would have never done this at school, but Mr. Hiddleston right here doesn’t help your current state too much and you couldn’t handle yourself. Thoughts flow continuously as he’s teaching his course, your fresh new teacher x student piece of work is extremely appreciated. You are almost in the last row of seats, the row behind you is empty. The perfect place for nobody to pay attention to what you are doing besides your best friend seated next to you, rolling her pen while concentrating on your teacher’s remarks. The third chapter is getting a good start until a little bump in your sides startles you and when you look up at your teacher you find him staring directly at you.

“Miss Y/N, have you been listening to what I was saying?”

Panic envelops your whole mind. Shit, we're talking about Othello, aren’t we? You steal a glance at your best friend’s laptop and read her last phrase. Your answer is more a question than an answer and he narrows his eyes.

“Are you asking me or are you answering me?”

“Answering,” you try to sound more confident but you’re pretty sure he saw your eyes flash to your friend’s notes.

“Indeed we were,” his lips tighten as he glances at the clock. “Please send me your essay on our last analyzed work now and then you’re free,” he tells to the class after throwing another short judging look to your presence.

You admit that you are extremely embarrassed right now, so you quickly close both of your fanfiction and essay and attach the document on your desktop to the email before sending it to Mr. Hiddleston. You get up quickly and mutter a “goodbye” while your friend storms out after you.

“I have told you that you need to get a grip of yourself!” she states while she’s struggling with her bag.

“I know,” you sigh taking a seat on the closest free bench you find. “I love literature and I am usually paying attention, but�� look at him!... It’s like… like he’s sculpted by the Gods,” you roll your eyes and your friend chuckles.

“You and every other girl drooling over our literature teacher.”

“I am pretty sure you'd do the same if you didn’t have a boyfriend,” you peer at her as you’re starting your laptop again.

“Your new fanfiction is really good though,” she grins at you and you smirk back.

“That’s why I was a little bit absent. It… gets better if I write it while I have the inspiration in front of me,” you crack your hands before opening your fanfic folder and your breath hitches.

“What?”

“Fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck, why isn’t it here?” you curse and go back to the desktop to open the document saved there.

“Oh my God,” your whole body freezes as the file named “Document” which was supposed to be the essay was actually the third part of your newest fanfiction. You were in such a hurry that you forgot to rename the fanfiction file and switch to the specific folder for fanfiction. The actual essay file was in your documents folder, where you saved it last night at 4 am. You were too tired to review it and you just lazily saved it as it was, without a name or a specific location. You were actually planning to read it again and make the final touches during class but you were caught up in the fanfic and forgot to do it and then Mr. Hiddleston flustered you and… you’ve just ruined your life.

“Earth to Y/N, what happened?” your friend shakes you and your face contorts in regret.

“I have sent… I… the file… my fanfic….” you were stammering with your words.

“You sent Mr. Hiddleston the fanfic you wrote about him?!” she whispers and you nearly scream at her.

“INSPIRED!” you nearly yelled at her before pausing, “Inspired by him,” your voice lowers and you feel your whole existence crumbling away.

“Shit. Just… send him another email with the right document and tell him that you mistakenly attached a different file.”

Your fingers were shaking on the keyboard while browsing through the Gmail again.

“What if he opens it?”

“I don’t know… write something like “please ignore it?” “

“That’s exactly the wrong thing to say. He might get more curious.”

“Then just send it by saying you got the wrong essay and done.”

“I have to erase that email,” you shudder after you successfully sending the right file.

“Sure, what are you going to do? Break into his office?”

You turn your head at your friend and she frowns.

“No… no no no. Are you crazy? This might get you expelled!”

“The fanfiction itself will get me expelled!”

“Maybe he won’t read it. C’mon, you gave him another file. Why would he bother?”

“Wouldn’t you?”

“I… I guess so. But he’s a teacher.”

“So what, you think teachers have no curiosity?”

“Y/N, breathe, relax. You can’t break in anyways, the cameras will see you. And how are you supposed to open an unlocked door? You may have been watching Supernatural but your bobby pin skills are shit.”

“I can… I can just wait for him to exit his office and quickly get inside and and…”

“Who doesn’t lock their office while they’re out?”

“Even for a bathroom break?” you realize that you sound stupid but right now, you couldn’t allow that man to have that piece of work in his fucking email inbox.

“Let’s say he does. What will happen when you’re seen on camera?”

“Teacher offices don’t have cameras inside.”

“And the hallway one?”

“Do you think they actually pay attention to all of them?”

“I don’t know.”

“In that case… I will enter, delete what I have to delete fast and then get out and wait at the door for him. If someone actually checks the cameras, I can say that I wanted to talk with him and I didn’t find him inside so I left his office and waited.”

“You will enter his fucking office! And stay for like at least two minutes. It only takes a quick glance inside to see that he’s absent!” your friend’s arms raise in the air exasperatedly.

“I’ll just say that I stormed in without thinking and I knocked over something in his office and picked it up to put it back in place and then...”

“You’re stupid,” she finally concludes. “Do not do that,” she stands up and heads for the next class. “Coming?”

I look at her with pleading eyes and she shakes her head. “I’m not getting into this. And neither you are. Now be a good girl and go to your next class without causing trouble.”

You had two different courses from your friend, the optional ones which were split into two groups because of the large number of students who applied for them. Unfortunately, you were in the last group because of your last name’s first letter and your friend was in the first one. You considered it bad luck before, but now you were happy that you would be separated from your friend for 4 hours so you could get away with your idiotic plan.

“Ok,” you mutter and feign to have lost all the interest in whatever mission you planed.

“Good.”

Ok. Breathe. You can do this, somehow.

You lean on the wall, watching from the end of the hallway the door of Mr. Hiddleston's office. Classes already started so it means he has no courses for now. Perfect. It's near lunch break so he might actually get out to grab something while he still has free time. And indeed he does, only that he locks the door. You hide behind the corner as he turns around and heads for somewhere.

Maybe she was right… Who would leave their office door unlocked? Your concentration draws back to Mr. Hiddleston's gracious form entering back into his office, carrying some papers. Damn. This will be harder than you have expected. You really hoped that there's going to be an opening but two hours pass and you're still there. He leaves from the office two more times by the third hour, each time locking the door. When you almost give up, another door cracking sound gets your attention and your teacher leaves his office WITHOUT unlocking the door. Your mouth drops for a few seconds, then run to the room you have been watching. Your heart pounds like crazy when you get in and quickly head for his computer. You click on the Gmail icon and your chest stings. He is not logged in. Why??? A low groan escapes your throat and right at that moment the door flings open, displaying Mr. Hiddleston in full grace. Your eyes widen and hands start to tremble on the desk while he actually doesn’t seem that surprised by your presence.

“You’d better have an extraordinarily believable excuse for this situation Miss Y/N. Or this is going to get a lot worse than it already is.”

Your breath is caught in your throat, chest clenching in panic. You would find this exciting if you were living in your damn fanfiction, but this is real life and the chances of being expelled are now very high.

“I'm… I… Mr. Hiddleston,” your eyes are fixed on his strong gaze, burning holes into your flushed face.

“See Miss Y/N, you're not very subtle at spying someone. And I want to believe you're more than just a cheating student, which I actually doubt it since you have been ranked top of this course for quite some time.”

“I AM SO SORRY. I… I WAS WRITING SOMETHING ELSE DURING TODAY'S CLASS BECAUSE I READ ALL THE NOTES YOU GAVE, NOT JUST THE INTRODUCTION THAT YOU ASSIGNED SO I MADE THE BAD CHOICE TO CONTINUE WORKING ON THAT… SOMETHING ELSE BUT I PANICKED WHEN YOU SAW ME AND INSTEAD OF HOMEWORK I HAVE SENT YOU THE DOCUMENT I WAS WRITING AND IT IS VERY PERSONAL THEREFORE I WANTED TO DELETE IT BEFORE YOU COULD SEE IT!” your voice becomes higher and shaky as you speak.

“And why didn't you just send the correct file afterward?”

“I did but... I was afraid that you might still check the first one.”

Mr. Hiddleston scoffs, “What do you take me for? I have no interest in other than the essay I asked for.”

“I… knew… it.”

“But you still thought it was a good idea to sneak into my office?”

“Just in case you might accidentally…”

“Enough!” his stern voice startles you and you yelp.

“This is a very serious situation. However I do not have time to deal with it now,” his presence moves next to yours and you back up from the desk. He types something, the silence between you two killing you. He motions to move closer and you do so.

“Is this the wrong one?” he points.

You nod, afraid to make another sound which might upset him further. He presses the delete button and you would have enjoyed this accomplishment if it weren’t for the given situation. You want to melt into the ground.

“Now get out!” his tone was calmer this time although you can still sense the annoyance. With your head slightly bowed, you apologize again and storm out the door.

He couldn't just believe his eyes. You actually had the audacity to break into a teacher’s office. Was that wrong document even the real reason? Or was it a lie for some sabotage? His mind was going wild with scenarios, and he couldn't handle himself. Curiosity? At first, he might not have opened both files but after you have just risked getting expelled for some stupid document, he admits that it stirred some curiosity. But now he could cover it up with the fact that he has to make sure this whole situation happened truly because of that personal thing.

He pinches the bridge of his nose and seats on his leather chair, his hand involuntarily retrieving your email from the Bin Folder. He opens it and a single-page story pops out on the computer screen. He scans the writing and can’t figure what exactly that is. It’s a story for sure... with a teacher? At the end of the file, there’s a link and he almost has second thoughts but clicks on it anyways and a Tumblr page opens in his browser. What is he doing? He knows that this kind of site has, different things and here he is: a grown ass adult checking a student personal material. Now, he probably would have stopped if it weren’t for you breaking into his office, so he throws away any guilt and starts reading whatever popped on the site. And then his mouth drops. This is a written fantasy of yours with… a teacher. He shakes his head and closes his eyes for a moment. This is an actually pleasingly written piece of work, though it’s all, adult content. He shifts in his seat, already feeling a little bit turned on by the amazingly details given. However, he’s soon hard enough when he reads the description of the teacher and becomes aware of the similarities between him and the character…He shakes his head, maybe it’s just his imagination, but then, a specific comment catches his attention.

Tumblr user comment: This is so good! Can you tell us which celebrity do you portray as the teacher?

Your comment: Oh! I actually do not have one. I could say I am inspired by someone real /wink/, but can’t reveal more. I don’t want to get kicked out because I daydream of my teacher hahaha

Tumbler user comment: Omg, author has a hot teacher! Keep up with the good work!

You have been writing your sexual fantasies about him, during his own class. He is struck by your boldness and can’t admit this doesn’t thrill him. Of course, he is aware he has a specific presence, students might swoon over him and it was possible that some might even daydream about different scenarios. The fact that you are one of the most down to Earth and most talented students he has ever meet, has some stirring effect to his own self. He would have never imagined this kind of scandalous relationship even if he’s a college teacher for master degree courses and the given situation isn’t exactly illegal or forbidden. He always sees his students as just his students. He groans and closes the page quickly.

This won’t do it. Just erase everything you read from your  mind and act as if this never happened, Tom.

Taglist opened(please mention which one do you want): 

Loki/ Tom Hiddleston taglist: @drakesfiance , @cutiepotpie177 , @brokenthelovely , @ultrailoveharrystylesblog, @mooncrow123 , @heart-shaped-hell

[snkpolls]

SnK S3E06 Poll Results (Manga Reader Version)

The poll closed with 490 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that this is the results of the manga reader poll. Anime only watchers are suggested not to read if you do not wish to be spoiled about certain events! Anime only viewers, click here to view your poll results!

NOTE: Another week, a few more mess ups and overlooked things. Upon realizing that we are rushing ourselves a bit too much and the poll dropping in quality is the unfortunate side effect, we will be moving the poll to Tuesdays from this point forward. This will allow us more time to see what others are discussing, think up questions, make sure we’ve touched on all of the important points, and to proofread more thoroughly before publishing. Thank you for being patient with us throughout this whole process! We apologize for our mess ups over the last couple of weeks.

RATE THE EPISODE 478 Responses

Overall the episode got high rankings and positive reviews!

I loved it, just wish they had given the Grisha vs Frieda segment more time and fully animated it rather than show it in flashes and stills. Though it wouldn't surprise me if they do later when we get his full story.

It was awesome! I'm starting to enjoy this season more with each episode. I'm hyped for the action next episode.

the best episode so far

Once the uprising arc is done, this episode will definitely be included in my favorite episodes list.

I was skeptical at first of the changes they were making to Frieda's foreshadowing, but the sequencing of events in the episode made up for it! Everything flowed so smoothly, from Eren's memories to Historia's, introducing the concept of mindwipe immunity followed immediately by Kenny's old talk with his grandpa. Each point led right into the next.

This week's episode felt almost slow with the way it ended. I'm not complaining, although I feel the sting of all those missed moments that got cut off prior to this.

This episode was freaking awesome. I keep replaying the scene where Eren sees Grisha's memories. The whole sequence and the OST is amazing!!

When it comes to rating these last few eps, I keep second-guessing myself on how to rate them. On the one hand, they've been fairly faithful to the manga and the animation, as always, has been top notch. So in that aspect they are good and deserve a high rating. It's just that the Uprising arc is so incredibly dull to me, that I am also not exactly excited about these eps and probably will skip all of them on future rewatches. But the anime is not to blame for that.  ¯\_㋡_/¯

ep of the season so far

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SCENES DID YOU ENJOY THE MOST? 485 Responses

Eren unlocking Grisha’s memories was the big moment of the episode, winning the majority vote. Followed closely is Historia unlocking her memories of Frieda, Rod’s retelling of Grisha’s attack and Kenny’s flashback to his talk with his grandpa.

I also enjoyed the Ackerman talk, it gives more significance to what’s to come in the future

OPENING SCENE WAS BOMB

I absolutely love Frieda! She was the greatest sister ever. Too bad she had to die so young. I liked her voice as well :) The scene with her and Historia symbolized peace, love and happiness, while the scenes in the crystal cave symbolized pain and sorrow. I liked that.

KENNYKENNYKENNYKENNYKENNY

Is it weird that I liked the Zacklay part more than the flashback? C:

My fav scene was when Mikasa and Levi were talking about Mikasa's past and their awaking of power

Really liked the focus on each character when Levi asked them if they were ready to get their hands dirty. They looked resolved.

The Ackertalk!!!!!!!!

ON A SCALE OF “I’D RATHER IT WAS DIFFERENT” TO “SAWANO IS A GENIUS!” HOW MUCH HAVE YOU BEEN ENJOYING THE SOUNDTRACK TO THE SEASON SO FAR? 482 Responses

As expected of Sawano! The majority of respondents are enjoying the music this season. A few think the picks could be better, however.

The OST in this season has been awesome.

To the music part: I haven't found a track that really stands out, I want something as good as youseebigttgirl

WHAT IS YOUR REACTION TO EREN’S MEMORY SEQUENCE? 477 Responses

The majority of respondents were overall pleased with the way that Eren’s flashes of the altercation in the cave went down. A few would rather it have been different.

Frieda was beautiful and that's all I care about

I love the way wit did Eren's eyes during the flashback sequence. Honestly it made me feel more like dead

I loved it, some amazing voice acting with Erens scream at the end

While the fast flashes made total sense to me as a narrative choice I would have personally liked it better if it was Slower

Great paths depiction, mindblowing OST, not biggest fan of how they presented goblin Eren in just two still images

Pretty awesome. I don't like how Frieda's titan looks however, I thought that the manga design gave off a far more divine and powerful aura than the anime one, which honestly just looks like a regular titan with different eyes.

The P A T H S visuals were beautiful but I feel like the flashbacks themselves could have been done better. The RIP Grisha scene was practically still images when it could have been one of the most visceral and intense moments in the series. Idk I just found the flashbacks themselves very underwhelming

openly sobbing

Eren’s shocked expression while seeing those memories/listening to rod talk makes me feel bad for him all over again, but WIT also gave a lot of shots of his abs and back muscles *-* like, idk if I wanna hug him or fuck him

could've been much better. kid Eren screaming after realizing he ate his dad was heartbreaking though

HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT THE MECHANICS OF ZACKLEY’S “ART”? 479 Responses

It goes without saying that most respondents were put off by Zackley’s torture device, although there’s a sizable amount who did find it amusing. Generally speaking, most fans aren’t happy about the scene being included overall.

AoT will end, but Art will last forever

I HATE THE SHIT MACHINE!!!!!!

I cant believe we got the shit machine! Art is still alive!

I feel kinda tired of the whole shitmachine stuff. What is so special about some old, fat, ugly, nude, sweating dude who was forced to drink own piss? Why so many fans is obsessed with it? The episode had so many great moments - but almost everything I'm actually hearing about it this dumb shitbitchmachine.

I still fail to see what that machine added to this part of the story....

HOW DADDY IS ERWIN’S NEW HAIRDO? 480 Responses

Although there were mixed responses, overall the fandom is digging the new hairdo. Many even think Commander Handsome is looking even more dashing than before! ;)

Can we get more scenes with Erwin being Commander Handsome?

Erwin looks much younger now on my opinion XD

OMG ERWIIIIIIIIIN SO HOT

GRISHA’S EYES WERE GLOWING GREEN BEFORE HE ATE FRIEDA, AND THEY STARTED GLOWING PURPLE AFTERWARDS. DO YOU THINK THIS HAS ANY MEANING? 481 Responses

The overwhelming majority believe that the glowing eyes do have significant meaning. We covered this concept in more detail a few questions down!

Erens attack Titans eyes glow green too, I think it's just for effects

Yes, Frieda was not tasty and Grisha's stomach hort a lot after eating her

I didn't even noticed XD But I'm not sure if it has any meaning

Super saiyan

Frieda's eyes were purple during her Titan transformation. Grisha's eyes changing to the same colour after he ate Frieda, meant that he gained the Founding Titan power, gained Frieda's memories and the memories of the previous Founding Titan holders.

It could hardly be a slip of the hand in the animation department. They did it for a reason

The purple is the same as Frieda's Titan so it's likely because he came in contact with a Titan with Royal Blood and that changed his Titan's eye color

it's his magical girl transformation

WHICH TITAN WORE THEIR CHEST HAIR BETTER? 478 Responses

This was a close one! But ultimately Grisha inched just a few percentage points above Zeke. The commentary also reflects this and, frankly, we are a bit concerned. Are you guys okay?

Gaston ain't got nothing on Grisha Titan's chest hair.

Grisha's titan can spank me

Titan Grisha can mount me anytime.

WHEN FRIEDA READS HISTORIA THE FAIRY TALE, THE “GOOD GIRL” CHARACTER IS NAMED KRISTA. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS ADDITION?  478 Responses

It was a close split between excitement over seeing (or rather, being reminded) how Historia got the name “Krista” for her persona  and those who are questioning the validity of the name in the book. We also received plenty of snarky reminders that we overlooked the detail of this being mentioned in chapter 51. Perhaps it’s time for us to take a week off!  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I love how they’re differentiating the Marleyan legend from the Eldian one

I thought I was supposed to be Ymir, but I think it’s a really interesting addition to how Historia got the name Krista.

Since we know Rod gave her the name Krista, it felt kinda irrelevant. It also somehow implies that Krista's personality is the result of what remained in Historia's head from Frieda's preaching which I don't think was necessary to justify at all. Historia could've chosen to be the kind of girl Krista is by herself.

I love how, as time passed and memories changes, Ymir Fritz became Krista Lenz. And so, both Ymir and Historia got named by someone else after the same person. I love it.

It's not really an addition since her name appeared in the manga (at the beginning of chapter 51 when Historia goes crazy)

It did make things pretty confusing. I think that the government could've entirely changed the story of Ymir and the titan's and renamed Ymir in the books, and that's why she is now called Christa.

On one hand I think it's appropriate because the Reiss family didn't want Historia to know the Eldian history, yet I think the specific name of Krista wasn't a great decision because as I remember it, Rod was the one who made Historia take on the name Krista, so to suggest that Historia chose it because of that story is inconsistent.

‪Historia did say Krista was “a girl from a book she read as a child” in chapter 51, but learning in chapter 86 that the girl is Ymir Fritz led some people to believe that, back then, Historia was referring only to the girl's personality and not her name. The anime just clarified that in Frieda's book she is indeed named Krista, perhaps suggesting the story has different versions in Marley/the world and Paradis.‬

IT’S CONFIRMED THAT GRISHA’S AND FRIEDA’S TITANS HAD GLOWING EYES, SIMILAR TO THE PURE TITANS THAT THE COORDINATE CONTROLLED, DO YOU THINK THIS RELATES TO EREN’S EYES GLOWING IN LIBERIO? 466 Responses

As reflected above, most respondents believe that the glowing eyes do bear significance. 41% of voters believe that it’s indicative of the power of the titan taking over its host, while 32% believe the significance is something else. 16% of voters think it’s simply just a cool aesthetic effect. 

I don't understand anything any more

Woah I've not thought about that enough to give an answer!!

I have no fucking clue, this stuff is confusing.

I honestly just think those titans happen to have glowing eyes. Nothing more.

WHICH TRANSITION DID YOU LIKE BETTER? 479 Responses

70% loved the transition of Kenny looking into the knife and revealing his younger self. 

I truly love Kenny <3

Kenny is beautiful and the transition from younger to older Kenny in the reflection of his knife was my absolute favorite part of the entire episode.

Kenny was a highlight in this episode once again, I especially loved the flashback scene with him and grandpa Ackerman talking about family history after Levi and Mikasa's Ackertalk. The transition back to Levi was really unsubtle, though.

WHICH PV SCENE ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO THE MOST? 482 Responses

Generally, the majority are most looking forward to the showdown between Squad Levi/Hange vs. the Interior MP Squad. About 31% of voters altogether are looking forward more to more Jaeger/Reiss focus, however! 

Can I vote again for Hange is a BAMF?

i honestly don't care at all about the interior MP v.s squad levi fight. I just wanna get back to the reiss/jaeger action

Give me Levi yelling Hange's name or give me DEATH

can't wait for the next episode and the showdown!!!

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

Finally we arrived to my favorite part of this arc. Even though it doesn't have that much action as the other seasons, this is the part I love the most. Knowing how Eren got the Attack AND the Founding titans, Historia becoming the rightful queen of the walls, Levi's backstory, Kenny's dream and his friendship with Rod Reiss' brother, learning that there's a world outside of the walls by Keith Shadis; all of this until the fight against the collosal and armored titans back in Shignashina district and everybody discovering the sea.

Now I finally understand why Kenny killed so many MP officers. I used to believe he had done that for fun. Now I know he did that to protect his family. I really enjoyed the moments between him and his grandpa - it made me to feel how important the bloodline was for him.

I'm a bit disappointed that they made Frieda's titan hair black, I was hoping for it to be a lighter colour, and I preferred the lighter hair a bit more. But overall her titan form was pretty cool!

They left out the part where Kenny tells Rod he is looking for a bathroom because he has to go #2! ಠ_ಠ How could they skip that after they included the whole poop machine scene?! I also wasn’t sure how I felt about the girl being named Krista in the book being read to Historia. I thought that was supposed to be Ymir. Otherwise, the episode was superb.

Erwin is my husband and I love it when he goes into Commander Mode™. Also so not ready for more information about Levi’s childhood, and yet also I need to see Little Levi™ at the same time

FRIEDA WAS GREAT

Now that two big plot points are over (the overthrowing of the government and Grisha’s deed) and another one is under way, I can say this season is so underwhelming compared to the manga. There is no suspense, no feeling of satisfaction, no tension, because they cut too many parts in the beginning that hinted at future events (eren’s experiments for examples) and simplified characters’ moral struggles that i think are understandable only to us manga readers because “we know”. I think, for a story (the one of uprising) that relied on suspense so much, this lighting-fast, confusing pace just made every victory totally underwhelming. I’m left with a feeling of “oh...okay” and i am hating it because the Uprising Arc is my favorite manga Arc.

With this episode I'm back to being sad about how coldly Erwin is portrayed again, but I guess that is just the way it's going to be. I don't think anyone can be as successful of a leader as Erwin has been with such a cold and uncaring facade, so I'm just going to agree to disagree with Isayama and WIT how a character like Erwin should be portrayed. The only positive about the anime is how Erwin's developing depression is really hammered home in this and the previous episode. From the manga it was quite unclear to me how all that had happened, but now I can see the progression very clearly starting from Erwin's little talk with Zackley the Creepy Artist and continuing with Pixis' merciless opinion of Erwin and his gamble.

Yeah for all the flashbaCks! And omg Frieda!! I love her sooo much! I was looking forward to see her in this episode and I'm not disappointed at all! I just wanted to hug her and little Historia! ;-;

THOUGHTS ON EPISODE 5:

104th celebrating their freedom was dope

I really loved this episode because Erwin had his chance to shine for once. I especially loved the foreshadowing of what a huge mistake they might have just made with the coup d'état. And I loved seeing my second favourite commander, Nile, as well! He's been growing on me for a longer while now, but the anime is really reminding me how Nile has always been a sensible but kind person.

Episode was ok. The cinematography of the episode was rather lacking at points and without some of the conversations with Nile and Pixis, the confrontation is somewhat oversimplified.

The conversation between Erwin and Zackley broke my heart. Implying the two would have anything in common is outrageous, and Erwin's reaction to the comparison is the proof of it. Erwin was so human and vulnerable in that moment that I thought finally they did justice to his character.

EREN'S ABS WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH TO REPLACE ERWIN'S AND LEVI'S ABS!!! THAT'S THE WORST BETRAYAL EVER, WIT!!!!!

I like that there is more and more dialogue and information during the recent episodes!

i thought it was good. at the time i was sad the "do you remember your father's sin" reveal wasn't the cliffhanger but since it was the opening for this episode and it was amazing in my opinion i have no problems.

Eren is hot

Erwin=Daddy

That cliffhanger with Historia was great! I wonder if they'll be able to replicate the one in the manga where it looks like she's about to inject herself. It'll be disappointing if they don't.

The Hange monologue at the end, however, with Levi's input was really weird and it didn't make much sense to me how they could infer so many ""clues"" about the truth and the Reiss family from what Hange was telling. The same is true about Armin's sudden but oh so convenient musings about how Eren inherited his titan powers. It was clear foreshadowing, but really badly executed.

i was waiting for this question on ep 5 poll, thnks! Well my thought were "there's no way they'll animate the shit machine" and "I WANT MOAR LEVI"

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 468 Responses

We overlooked a platform this week, our apologies! 

Oi where's the 4chan option

Thank you again to everyone who participated. We’ll see you back on Tuesday! 

[seanpflanagan-blog]

Brewers Half Way Point Review

Hello Crew fans, it’s been awhile but I’m back. As I write this, the Brewers are at the exact half way point through the season and have a record of 48-33, good for first place in the NL Central, 2 1/2 games ahead of those silly Cubs. Speaking of those silly Cubs, I actually tortured myself and watched one of their games today. It was against the Twins, led by Brewer legend Paul Molitor. It was looking good as the Twins took an early lead. However, one Cubs grand slam later and I had enough. Once I stopped puking, I turned on the Crew.

Some thoughts on the first half:

Jesus Aguilar needs to be an All Star. He’s been one of the biggest surprises in all of baseball. Hopefully “The Messiah” can continue working miracles in the second half.

Josh Hader also is an All Star...and a Cy Young Candidate. The Jeremy Jeffress/Hader combo is a true one two punch. I love Jeffress’ intensity every time he’s on the mound.

Christian Yelich and Lorenzo Cain are giving the Crew their moneys worth. Both are a little banged up right now, let’s hope that doesn’t continue.

Orlando Arcia should be sent to AAA. For awhile. The guy can play defense and that’s why he’s here, but he’s lost at the plate, often looking over matched. He’s so bad that the Mendoza line (a .200 batting average) is about to be renamed the Arcia line. Get him some ABs in the minors. On that note, get rid of Sogard as well.

The trade deadline is coming up soon and it’ll be interesting to see what moves the Brewers make. Manny Machado? Jacob DeGrom? Chris Archer? All of the above? As the great George Costanza said whe he was the Yankees Assistant to the Traveling Secretary, “I think I may have found a way for us to get Bonds and Griffey, and we wouldn’t have to give up that much.” So what do the Brewers give up to get a top notch player at the trade deadline?

Some potential needs include a starting pitcher, a second baseman and a catcher. I am here to argue that they’ve already found their starting pitcher and second baseman and they don’t have to give up anything. They’ve got their pitcher in Freddy (Don’t call me Wily) Peralta. Let’s roll with him. He’s been a strikeout machine. No need to mortgage the future on a starting pitcher. The future is now and his name is Freddy. As far as second, the Brewers already have their man there too. His name is Keston Hiura, their first round pick from last year. The guy can flat out hit, and given he was drafted out of college he has the maturity. I believe he can be called up and contribute immediately. Peralta and Hiura are names that would potentially be traded away for a possible rental player. The Crew should keep them and see what they can do. They have the ability to be big time players for years to come. (Note to self: That’s what you said about Billy Jo Robidoux and Jeff D’Amico.)

No matter what happens, it’s going to be a fun second half. Let’s hope that after game 162, the Brewers are where they are now. In first place, ahead of the Cubs.

And a personal note. I’m currently in my second year coaching a team in the Green Bay Miracle League. For those not familiar, this organization gives kids with physical and mental disabilities the chance to play baseball. Kids get to pitch, bat and play the field, with volunteer buddies who assist them. There’s a PA announcer and even the National Anthem played before each game. There is no better feeling than seeing the joy on these kids faces as they’re playing baseball. Every kid should have the chance to play ball and this league provides that opportunity. I don’t know how far this blog reaches, but if there’s a Miracle League in your city I would encourage you to support it. Volunteer, donate, go to a game. It truly is a rewarding experience and getting involved has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Thanks for reading. Til next time.....

[nigelsaywell]

Seriously Mrs May Continues in Office waving her withdrawal agreement like the sword of Damocles

The good ship Mrs May's lollipop, 1st mate Jeremy Corbyn

Mrs May sets sail for pastures new! She has hoisted her main sail, enlisted her crew assigned her 1st mate, Jeremy Corbyn and last seen heading in the direction of Lenin’s tomb. On-route to retrace the hostile flow of Queen Victoria, with a trip up the Yangtze, accept this time to pay homage to Chairman Mao whose corpse corrodes within its purpose built mausoleum, situated in Tiananmen square. 

Mrs May decision on Huawei is not safe.

I once took my children to Tiananmen square and experienced Chinese acute loaded marketing practices. Kite sellers were there on mass, it was a clear day with the wind high perfect for such a venture.  Kites were bought duly unwrapped to find no string. Looking around was a toothless Chinese trader selling string, in sealed packets, which I had no choice to buy so I haggled and purchased. The deal was done the trader quickly blended with the crowd, the packet unsealed only 20ft (ca. 6 m) of string! Low and behold another courteous grinning trader moved alongside. Sensing 3 attempts was enough he finally sold me a sensible length of string. The whole episode cost very little in reality and was really quite amusing. But! Can they be trusted? I don't think that can be answered by the exploits of a kite trader.  Having spent some time in China, on the whole the people are lovely but  they are commercially adept and live for the moment.

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Lord Browne of Madingley head of Huawei UK boardSir Andrew Cahn non Exec

Director HuaweiJohn Suffolk Huawei Senior VP and global cyber security and privacy officer, formerly David Camerons Chief Information Officer. 

Defence Secretary Gavin Williamson brands EU army plan ‘crazy and dangerous’. Was this the real reason he was sacked?

Within business circles it is for sure a concern when doing business in China, IP means little, relationship are initially forged until copies of the product can be produced. Classic example, of course the Range Rover Evoque with the Land Wind X7. So to Huawei, we should consider our Huawei own security service intelligence, the US protestations, Vodafone's own experience of inherent back doors in Huawei equipment, add in concerns from other countries and their avoidance of anything Huawei, one wonders what incentive Mrs May has to open yet another front of contention.

The Party for change is a misrepresentation in so many ways.

The party for change, a name which is a misnomer considering they want to stop change, should they be forced to rename as the name does not reflect their intent. Just as veggie burgers have to be called veggie discs in order that we, the stupid public do not misconstrue their intent. Unlike veggie burgers the party for change reflects their muddled thinking and blind arrogance, but, it also reflects on us because in truth they no longer have legitimacy as they have abandoned not just their manifesto but their constituency post. Why do we accept this?  For the same reason we accept Mrs May abandoning her manifesto, her party, telling us lies and blackmailing the many Mark Oaten type MPs to support her deal, and then joining with the Marxist left. Jeremy Corbyn is our de facto PM, such an arrangement is a history first. But we accept!

Tony Blair is an embarrassment he has profited too much.

Tony Blair continues to denigrate himself whilst believing he is denigrating the Great British public.  The man who fabricated and embellished a lie to take us to war on a Cheney profiteering exercise which my guess he stood to benefit. A man who became the Middle East peace envoy. Well what can you say here. Under his watch we've had more wars with devastating consequences right across the Arab world. But that's ok the war machine brings dollars and dollars makes for a happy Tony. Depending on your point of view you could call his period a success or a failure. But, for sure when Tony Blair is in the loop the little guy never benefits!

My intention today is to join the Brexit Party. Not because I want to shove it to the incumbent two party system but because they want to shove it to us! For me this whole exercise has been an eye-opener and one wonders following Johnny Mercer's "have I got news for you" revelation, one wonders just how bad our politics is and how weak we have become. Starting in recent times with John Major's bullying of the Lisbon treaty an event that ushered in the beginning of the erosion of our sovereignty.

Prime Minister Abe as a leader of a nation it is not your business to keep passing ill-advised advice to the Great British folk.

We constantly hear protestations from Japan in regard to our need to be aligned with Europe. Well PM Abe, perhaps its time that you seek to heal the many Japanese rifts starting with the defenceless 15year old young farm girls whom your armies promised wonderful factory jobs and then caged them to service 100s of Japanese soldiers on a daily basis. They were known as "Chilinpa". Their purpose was to provide sex in the most brutal fashion, In order that a soldier can feel empowered going into battle. For those women they were forever tarnished and remained third class citizens throughout their often short lives. Mr Abe your country was wrong when you interfered in our Euro membership insisting we should join. You are wrong now, sit back and enjoy the ride.

Thank you for reading please like, share and comment.

Nigel Farage’s Brexit party, I intend to become a member.

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[eytanbayme]

Colossian, Prophet of God

A guy once told him a story about how lies could pile up on each other until they collapsed on top of the person telling them and crushed him to death. The guy had been cheating on his wife with a younger woman and feeding his wife bullshit until finally she flipped on him and went to the press. The marriage collapsed. He paid an enormous divorce settlement, filed for bankruptcy, his children were ridiculed about in school, and then he accidentally impregnated his mistress. The guy was him. And he had told himself the story many times since it had happened, but he never truly believed any of it, and he had made the same mistake again - and the only thing that kept him from making it a third time was his diminished interest in sex.

That’s not to say that he stopped lying. He lied all the time. To everyone, sometimes for no discernible reason whatsoever. Like just a moment ago when he told his wife he needed an hour of alone time to read an infrastructure report when he really just wanted to try out a new rub-in tanning lotion in the bathroom. It wouldn't have made a difference to her if she knew what he was up to, they rubbed tanning lotion onto each other all the time. But the lie just fell out of his mouth, like a poker chip-shaped turd, and he wasn't about to pretend like he hadn't meant to have it in there in the first place.

The tanning lotion had a sweet, baked goods-like scent to it, but it went on a little too sticky and he knew it would leave a brownish stain on the collar of his shirt and the back of his hair. The thing with the bricks piling up and collapsing story was that it was a bad metaphor, because when bricks actually fell on your head, your skull caved in on your brain and you died, which never happened to him, no matter how dishonest he was. Little ones or big ones, he’d never died - and wasn't there some saying about whatever not killing you only made you better? So really, lying made him a much better person, because he did it a lot and had always been alive.

The most recent lie he told fell into the big category. He had told everyone that he was Colossian, the prophet of God and had proof to prove it. It was an important lie because it meant that all his decisions were really just God’s decisions that he was implementing - and no one could argue with God. It meant that he could imprison or murder his opponents, steal whatever property he had his heart set on, enslave anyone he didn't like and rename the continent after himself. It was a great lie, and he was sure it wouldn't kill him.  Using his fore fingers, he rubbed some of the lotion into his nose, pushing it into the little corners where it met his face, massaging it along the bridge and even coating the inside of his nostrils with it. Now that he thought about it, the lie wasn't even that big. How many prophets of God were there in the bible? Hundreds? Thousands? He didn’t know. He'd never read it, but he was sure there were thousands. And what were prophets, anyway? Pruny, old women with headscarves, cheap jewelry and glass balls; who worked out of tiny storefronts on Bleeker street, spoke a bunch of mumbo jumbo and gave hand jobs for an extra fifty? He had nothing in common with prophets. If he wanted to tell a really big lie, he could have just said he was God, and not his little messenger boy running around delivering tiddily bits of news. He cursed himself for making him out to look so small in front of everyone. He didn’t pass messages along to anybody! Man, God, animal or woman!

Sticky as it was, the lotion felt nice on his face. It had a warming, tingling effect on his skin. From the kitchen he could smell steaks sizzling under the broiler, and he knew his wife was preparing his favorite meal: ketchup and steak. Ketchup was sweet and smooth, and steak was grisly, salty and could hold a lot of ketchup. It was the greatest meal in the world, no doubt about it. For dessert, he’d fill up on ice cream and leave his stomach in an unpleasant, but worth it, knot. Some liquid settled on his lower lip; his mouth was literally watering at thought, so he left the bathroom for the kitchen to get fed. But when he got there, the room was empty and there weren't any steaks in the oven. And he grew very angry, because someone was cooking steaks and deliberately keeping them from him. He stormed down the hallway, his bronzed face scowling at paintings of John Adams, Abe Lincoln, Something Truman and How-The-Hell-Was-He-Supposed-To-Know-Which Roosevelt. A bunch of elites —all of ‘em — looking down on him, judging him, thinking how much greater they are than him, plotting their next move against him. After he ate, he would tell someone to hang them all lower so he could be the one looking down on the stupid ex-presidents who left such a mess for him to clean up.

The whole goddamned place stunk of grilled meats!

The lotion was getting a bit too hot on his skin, but there was only so many things a man could get upset about at once. He stopped in front of one of his Secretary’s office and smelled the steak smell billowing from beneath the door door. He kicked it in with his wing-tip, expecting to find the piece of shit spearing prime rib from a Hibachi grill on his desk, but instead the man had his pants around his ankles, his palms and forehead were against the wall while the First Lady stood behind him pushing something long and green into him. No steak anywhere.

He watched in awe as the thing slid in and out, like a cat gliding in and out of a flap in a door. The skinny man’s skin sagged. He softly clucked. The First Lady had one shoe-less foot up against the wall, which was strange because she always wore heels with him. And it made him wonder, for a moment, if this meant something profound.

“Stop! I’m the best!” He lied. Truthfully, he hadn't had or even wanted an erection in the last 36 months. But he continued nevertheless: “I’m the greatest lay there ever was, probably better than any person to ever set foot in this building. In this whole country. People say that!”

“Uh, yes sir. Oh god,” the Secretary scrambled to cover himself. “Of course, you are.”

“I explain,” the First Lady said, her new, publicly funded breasts stood proudly, always in the direction of the flag. “It isn’t how it looks like. Very simple, really. I was helping him with the spreadsheets and then we decide to buy clothes, so the tailor ask us to get undress while he brings fabric and then we made this sexy joke for him when he return.”

“It would have been funny,” the secretary assured.

Just then another Secretary came running in with a bolt of black velvet. “Guys!” he said, “How about this one?” He burst into laughter, mechanically. “Oh they are such kidders!”

He wasn't an idiot. He knew something wasn't right. The First Lady knew nothing about spreadsheets. “You’re lying.”

“No, my love.” she said. “My love, your face: It looks like burning.”

“Don’t change the subject! You’re having an affair!”

“No!” they both said in unison.

“Sir,” the other Secretary then said. “I can’t keep up this charade. They were cheating and I was trying to cover for them.”

He stared at his wife dumbfounded. It didnt make any sense. How could she be attracted to someone other than him. Him who was the richest, smartest, most handsome person he knew. Him, who was Colossian, Prophet of God, who was probably even God himself. How could she be so cruel to him, lie to him so blatantly. He was about to scream something horrible - something having to do with Eastern Europe and extreme poverty and coprophagy and race and the bible and lots and lots of adjectives in between, but then something heavy fell on the ceiling above them. It sounded like bowling balls spilling from a duffel bag and then everything came crashing down. Bricks, dust, smoke, air conditioning duct, steel filling cabinets, ethernet cables, fax machines, the Consititution, leather chairs, stateroom china. The First Lady got crushed beneath a slab of kitchen-top marble and a sub-zero fridge, one of the Secretaries suffocated beneath reams of fiberglass insulation and wall paper meant to resemble leather-bound books, the other died of asbestos inhalation. Colossian was knocked unconscious by a decorative pillar and speared through the heart with a flag pole. Just before he breathed his final breathe, he remembered the story he used to tell himself, and he realized he had been wrong all along because sometimes it was the lies of other people that brought the house down on you.

[biofunmy]

J. Lo Wins Milan. Fashion Comes Second.

The moment that ate Milan Fashion Week occurred at the end of the Versace show.

People had been promised a special something, but no one knew what it was. The lights went down, a soundtrack crescendo began to build, and then — Jennifer Lopez! Age 50! In a new version of the jungle print dress she wore to the Grammys in 2000.

You know, the one that was cut down to her navel and up to her crotch, and set off so many digital searches back in the day that, in the myth of the internet and fashion, it is said Google created image search because of it (a more plausible version of the story is that it was part of the reason; a big part, sure, but still — a part).

The dress had been given a bit of an update, to be sure — less fabric on the sides, the sleeves were gone, there were jewels all over the matching bikini bottoms, and iridescent palm fronds bristled like epaulets on the shoulders. But those were details; the effect was the same. Bags were clutched. The whole audience rose as one. Phones came out and were wielded like knives, each one slicing off a section of her walk for the posting.

Mea culpa. But if ever there was a finale that crystallized just how much fashion had moved on — or not — since the turn of the millennium, that was it.

Back in the day, of course, there was no Instagram or live stream; people mostly viewed shows with their actual eyes as opposed to through the lens of their tiny cameras; designers only did two collections a year (or two we knew of); editors and glossy magazines still served as the conduits of choice for fashion information; diversity was pretty much nonexistent; and even if fashion people had read “Silent Spring” in school, they probably thought it had nothing to do with them, or their jobs.

It is tempting to say: How things have changed! Except for Ms. Lopez of course; she looked exactly the same. If anything, more toned and worked out.

But then, so did most of Donatella Versace’s clothes: the sharp-shouldered little black coat dresses with big gold hardware; the jersey draped to show slices of side abs; the tie-dyed Medusa tees; the cobalt-and-jade or fire opal-spinel jungle print on pretty much everything from jeans jackets to sequined evening frocks fringed at the hem and dotted with spiky, three-dimensional alien blooms.

Which suggest the real takeaway is plus ça change, and all that. The fashion landscapes in New York and London may finally be in the throes of their own upheavals; the altered shapes of social and political life, a new balance of power, reflected in an evolution on the catwalk. But in Milan, the status quo — the one from 20 years ago — still rules. That’s as stultifying and frustrating as it sounds, even if it’s justified as “heritage” or “DNA.”

Of Sun and Earth and Staying in Place

Think about it this way: the day of the global climate strike, which also happened to be the day of the Versace show, when hundreds of thousands took to the roads of New York and Berlin and Sydney, in Milan it was just traffic as usual.

“Is there going to be a protest here?” visitors asked. Locals raised their eyebrows and shrugged. Later, there was some anticipation around the fact Giorgio Armani called his show “Earth” — but it turned out to be because it was inspired by the muddy colors of the land (dank browns, midnight blues), gradually lightening to morning mists.

Trousers were pleated at the hip and narrow at the calf or palazzo loose. Jackets were long or short, curving or boxy. Skirts were long and billowing, often sheer. There were some sporty references, a banana palm print and a fair amount of pastel sparkle. In the end, two models came out in glistening evening columns, torsos encased in stiff ruffled organza shells; each woman had one arm supporting her opposite elbow, which was cocked up and out to the side as if holding a cigarette en pose. Except, this being 2019, the hand was empty. That’s a metaphor, if anyone cared to contemplate it.

Meanwhile, at the Missoni show, dedicated to summer and held around a giant public swimming pool, Angela Missoni gave every guest a mini Olafur Eliasson solar lamp with the message: “Join us in holding hands with the sun, we are at a crucial point for our planet and need to take action.”

Then Ms. Missoni, like Ms. Versace and Mr. Armani, engaged in some aesthetic recycling, bringing 1970s dandy men and the free spirits who loved them to life in layers of ultrathin knits glinting with metallics, stripes over florals over plaids, a cardigan (or two) tied the waist.

They weren’t necessarily reducing (there were 72 looks in the Missoni show), but they were definitely reusing: ideas, silhouettes, prints, often with joyful abandon. Remember this?! And so it went.

Where Did It Get Us?

At Etro, Veronica Etro also went down memory lane with Keith Richards, Anita Pallenberg and Jane Birkin; paisley and butterfly embroidery; glam rock tailoring, and hobo, fringed knits (plus some striped men’s shirting first created by her father, Gimmo). At Salvatore Ferragamo, Paul Andrew updated the brand’s most famous shoe, the Vara (you know, the flat with the bow on the toe), renaming it the Viva, elongating it, and molding the bow in leather — which is pretty much his approach to the collection for both men and women: Update the classics. Cut away the backs of leather trench coats for movement; bubble-under the hems of skirts; use a print of Neptune inspired by a marble fountain figure on everything from loose sweatpants to evening gowns.

It’s incremental progress. But comforting as familiarity can be, it leads to some uncomfortable conclusions. We’ve been there, worn that — and look where it got us. Not to a good place.

Which is why Marni provided such a jolt. Francesco Risso, now almost three years into his job as creative director, has taken full control of the brand, transforming its kooky art-world charm into something altogether more ambitious and risky. And though he does it in his own head-scratching way, it has a magnetism that stands out.

This time around his theme was — well, who knew what it was? But it involved a made up tropical disease with its own medicine, “Tachitropirina,” which cures, “metamorphic and transformative states” and “feverish affections such as fauvism,” and which should not be used by people with “total incapacity for activism,” and which was presumably reflected in the show set, which featured cartoon palm trees made from recycled plastic and reconstituted cardboard. And it was expressed in clothes splashed with a riot of bright paint strokes. Imagine Gauguin’s Tahiti transplanted to the Tiber, and you’ll get the idea.

Gorgeous balloon tops slouched off a shoulder over skirts gathered and knotted on a hip; long, fluted leathers spouted petticoats of frills; simple scoop-necked bias gowns were caught under a crocheted floral net; puffed-out coats cocooned the body; and apron frocks were just hanging on, clinging beautifully to possibility. Which is pretty much where we all are. Or want to be.

The clothes didn’t go viral — it’s possible no garment on its own can do that any more, as Ms. Versace seems to understand better than anyone — but they finally made a point that was impossible to ignore.

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Roaming with Buffalo in a 2017 Audi A4 Allroad

It’s a good day to get lost out here,” Steve Dobrett says, his voice calm and comforting as it crackles over the radio. During his 24 years as the manager of New Mexico’s Ladder Ranch, he’s explored every inch of this 156,000-plus acre property. As he guides us to one of his favorite spots at the ranch’s north end, his white Chevrolet Silverado bounces over rocks that we edge around in our Gotland Green 2017 Audi A4 Allroad. The wagon’s ground clearance is good, but it’s no truck. Gray rain clouds hang low, and thick fog obscures the rutted two-track, so we take it slow as we scan the horizon for bison.

“Do you hear the music playing?” Dobrett jokes as we climb up and over a ridge and see some 200 bison huddled together, their damp, dark-brown fur matted and dripping. Dobrett comes to a stop but waves us on, telling us we can drive into the heart of the herd if we go slowly and keep quiet. The Allroad’s 252-horsepower, turbocharged inline-four faintly hums as the stout Michelin Defender LTX light-truck tires we strapped on for this trip delicately crush bushes and brush. When grunting bison fill each of the Allroad’s windows and mirrors, we turn off the engine, get out of the Audi, and lean against the driver’s door, listening to the deep, powerful breaths of the broadchested bovines.

Media mogul Ted Turner had the right idea buying this property in the early ’90s, wanting somewhere to kick back, hunt quail, and concentrate on his ongoing conservation efforts. Ladder Ranch sits just outside the small town of Truth or Consequences, which changed its name from Hot Springs in 1950 when the NBC Radio quiz show “Truth or Consequences” offered an annual party to any town that renamed itself after the program. The ranch rests in the foothills of the mountainous Black Range, with elevation spanning from 4,500 to 10,000 feet, and it shelters four tributaries of the Rio Grande river — the Animas, Seco, Palomas, and Cuchillo — which help support breathtaking biodiversity.

The Allroad feels surefooted on this red gravel trail. Its body stays composed as its suspension soaks up the washboard earth.

Turner’s then-wife Jane Fonda decorated the property’s adorable, two-story ranch house (Turner still visits often, and the house can be rented as part of a Ted Turner Expeditions experience), while he focused on creating a privately owned preservation for New Mexico’s flora and fauna. Throughout Ladder Ranch’s 245 square miles, you can see elk, deer, antelope, mountain lions, bears, buffalo, turkeys, and wolves wandering through cottonwoods and pines and across desert grasslands. There are even petroglyphs carved into rocks by ancient indigenous peoples. The rich habitat around Ladder Ranch allows at-risk species, such as leopard frogs and cutthroat trout, to survive and also helps healthy species thrive.

Turner brought in Dobrett — a respected biologist researching quail — from the outset to build up the property’s quail population as well as nurture habitats for other sensitive species. Dobrett started by removing 250 miles of perimeter fence so Turner could bring buffalo onto the property. Now, a quarter century later, Dobrett oversees a team of employees and a herd of more than 1,000 bison. “I never had any experience with bison when I came here,” he says. “Twenty-four years of handling buffalo has taught me a lot about that species. It’s been an all-around education to the facets of ranching and managing wildlife on the property.”

It’s hard to believe places like this exist. Staring out on the open expanses of land at Ladder Ranch is overwhelming, almost as overwhelming as standing in a herd of a couple hundred bison

Through the bison’s measured inhalations, we hear one sharp, snappy snort and turn to see a giant female with her tail pointed straight up. Dobrett says she probably thinks the Audi is a “critter” because of its peering, eye-like LED headlights and tells us to move slowly as we get back into the Allroad. We shift the wagon’s seven-speed automatic transmission into drive and begin to herd the bison, but it’s not long before they buck and run toward the hills where we can’t follow.

Ladder Ranch is lovely but also daunting, with the majority of its rugged terrain pretty much inaccessible to anything without hooves or paws. “There are about 500 miles of ‘road’ on the ranch,” Dobrett says. “We try to get out and clean them once a year if we can. Some of the roads, we don’t, and they’re not very passable.” It’s a 20-mile straight shot to Turner’s ranch house where we’re shacking up, but we’ll need most of the day to get there, winding our way up and down tight mountain passes, tiptoeing through deep creeks, and doing our best not to beach the Audi on a boulder. The Allroad’s plastic-covered belly can handle scratches from small stones and tall grass, but it’s best to avoid the big stuff.

The rain slows to a stop, and we set off south with Dobrett leading the way. The car’s adaptive dampers are set in off-road mode, and the Allroad feels surefooted on this red gravel trail. Its body stays composed as its suspension soaks up the washboard earth, and its rear end breaks loose and slides as we power out of slippery corners. Dobrett heads up a particularly steep stretch of road, and after the crest his taillights disappear in the fog. We charge after him but stomp on the brakes near the top, stopping to turn on hill-descent control, which holds the Allroad at a set speed. The ABS gnaws at the brake rotors as the car saunters down the slope at a steady 6 mph. We land in a stark, narrow offshoot of Cuchillo Creek, where the dried-up bed is a craggy mess of sharp stones and bulging landmasses laced in loose gravel. Worse yet, heavy mist has once again settled on top of us, so visibility is nil. We switch on the Allroad’s front and rear fog lights before crawling forward, getting out every few hundred feet to lift and heave particularly gnarly stones; the heated steering wheel, part of the $500 cold-weather package, is now much appreciated.

The Allroad shimmies as the tires claw at the glassy, muddy route, which thankfully turns to gravel when we eventually reach the top.

Slivers of sunlight leak through the overcast sky as we slowly make progress. We’re happy to have satellite radio playing through the wagon’s Bang & Olufsen audio system, the music helping to keep the mood light as we navigate the ranch’s remote and wild terrain. As the creek jogs left, the bed turns to soft, smooth sand that the Allroad plows across. “That should be the worst of it,” an apologetic Dobrett says. We begin to climb again, and as we snake up narrow passes, horses and stallions start to appear in the mist, steam shooting from their splayed nostrils. The clouds clear, and we see snowcapped mountains jutting up from the skyline, and in the foreground a huge herd of giant elk prances up the face of a verdant slope.

We stop on the spine of a tall hill, pull up Google Maps on the Allroad’s navigation system and confirm what we already know: We’re in the middle of nowhere. We stare out across the boundless landscape, appreciating the opposing color palette that seems like it shouldn’t blend together as well as it does. As we walk, we scoop up black, pearly white, and pink dirt sandwiched together like Neapolitan ice cream — an amazing soil variety the likes of which we’ve never seen before. We get back in and press on, but it’s not long before we stop again near the edge of Animas Creek, where Dobrett points toward a humongous tree with a thick trunk. “I like that tree,” he says looking up at its lanky branches, spinning and twisting out in every direction like long, white ribbons. “It’s mystical. It’s a mystery how these trees got here. It’s the only canyon in this drainage that has these Arizona sycamores. They’re more common west of Continental Divide, but for some reason we have them here. And they’re ancient trees.”

Back in the Audi we cross the first of about two dozen creeks that grow wider and deeper as we get closer to the ranch house. We enter each creek slowly, making sure the Audi won’t bottom out, then go flat out toward the far bank. The rushing water overwhelms the Allroad’s flared wheel wells, flies up, and lands on the windshield, causing the rain-sensing wipers to turn on. Fortunately the wagon has no issues fording the little rivers. “I know you’ve heard me say it before, but that should be the worst of it,” Dobrett says just as we come to an appropriately named pass called Greasy Hill. Not a minute after Dobrett jinxed us, we hit a slick patch of road that sends the Allroad into a four-wheel slide, and the passenger-side tires land in a deep rut on the edge of the trail. The wagon is fine, but we have to back down the hill to level ground and take another shot at the ascent. The Allroad shimmies as the tires claw at the glassy, muddy route, which thankfully turns to gravel when we eventually reach the top. Just below us is the white ranch house.

The Audi Allroad isn’t a rugged, do-it-all, off-road machine, but it doesn’t mind having some fun with a little light rock crawling. Who cares about a few scrapes on the underbelly of an all-wheel-drive wagon?

“I was concerned that we were going to tear up the car or get stuck where we’d blow a tire or bust something, but as it turns out, it performed just fine, especially in the rocks and mud,” Dobrett says as we drink coffee next to a hissing fireplace. “It just doesn’t have enough clearance.” Maybe not to make it across Ladder Ranch completely unscathed, sure, but the Allroad has plenty of clearance and absolutely enough talent to be considered a light off-road vehicle. Ladder Ranch turned out to be more treacherous than originally expected, but the Allroad handled it just fine, and its underbody has a few scars to prove it. The ranch’s chef, Tatsu Miyazaki, cooks us an unexpectedly luxurious meal that starts with salad and soup made from locally sourced, seasonable vegetables, moves to a perfectly cooked, prime cut of bison that comes from the same place that processes Turner’s herd, and ends with a delicious mousse sitting atop a frothing mixture of water and dry ice.

When we ask Dobrett what he’s going to do now after such a long tenure at Ladder Ranch, he says, “I’ll stay connected to this ranch as long as Ted wants me. I think it’s an example to others how a ranch can be managed, balancing commerce and conservation.” After a handshake, he tips his cowboy hat as a goodbye. We can barely keep our eyes open as we slink back toward the fire and collapse onto one of the house’s bison-fur rugs, rubbing our bare feet along the soft center. We smile as we drift to sleep, recalling the hauntingly beautiful sound of 200 bison taking deep, heavy breaths.

About Ladder Ranch Ladder Ranch is part of the larger Ted Turner Expeditions luxury travel experiences, featuring eco-conscious adventures individually tailored to guests interested in anything from mountain biking to bison photography to simply exploring the ranch’s 156,000 acres of unspoiled wilderness. A three-night expedition for two people with accommodations at Ted’s house starts at $9,000. Visit theladderranch.com.

2017 Audi A4 Allroad Specifications

ON SALE Now PRICE $44,950/$52,625 (base/as tested) ENGINE 2.0L turbo DOHC 16-valve I-4/252 hp @ 5,000-6,000 rpm, 273 lb-ft @1,600-4,500 rpm TRANSMISSION  7-speed automatic LAYOUT 4-door, 5-passenger, front-engine, AWD wagon EPA MILEAGE 23/28 mpg (city/hwy) L x W x H 187.0 x 72.5 x 58.8 in WHEELBASE  110.9 in WEIGHT 3,825 lb 0-60 MPH  5.9 sec (est) TOP SPEED  130 mph

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Thursday, April 20, 2017

Note: N (I am thinking he is roughly my age) said he had twenty thousand dollars worth of dental done.  Says his wife, a lawyer, wrote an appeal, asking for a ten percent discount. 

Rusty tells me he is going back to Knoxville, where he will play and record religious music (what we used to call Jeezac) and make boocoos of money.  Yikes, I will be sad to see him go.  And, after hearing him play this afternoon I think he is so much better than the (”inspirational”) music he will be playing. 

Friday, April 21, 2017

Comes the day, then, to get my stuff together and haul ass. I think of   Queesborough College as a kind of last outpost before the Nassau County line.  I think the last time I was there it was for a spring dance recital (I wasn’t needed that day at the ballet)  that featured the little girls.  The idea is to take a train to Forty Second Street and change to the 7, take it all the way and change to a bus. At Forty Second I fall in step with a block of humanity, making a change there, marching through the tunnel (those oddball murals, and a quote from “Finnegan’s Wake.” Oy.)  because so many train lines have malfunctioned earlier in the morning. 

After not too long a ride I am in the “other” Chinatown, Main Street, Flushing.  Finding the bus I want takes some doing and at one point I realize I have rounded the block and am back where I started from.  Having gotten a three hour headstart I am ready for just about anything. 

A slow moving bus bisects an area unfamiliar to me, all the streets named for trees. At long last the prison-like school comes into sight. I find the theater . 

I am almost ecstatic to see Maureen H on the podium.  She’s so good and...there will be no drama.  I think: this is how music could be without mischief-making conductors. 

They have provided food for us.  We sit at long tables and talk and it is all good fun, like the old days.

Since the drastic downsizing of the Little Orchestra (and weren’t they going to rename it) I don’t see Alan K anymore.  When I see him this evening he asks if I’m still playing.  Oh boy.  It’s like Larry King said: if you’re not appearing you’re disappearing.  He tells me he is doing some of ABT...  Good.  We’ll get to catch up.

Dan McM gives me a ride into town, going far out of his way, to drop me off in my neighborhood.  We have a drink at the Chowder House’s little bar. As we are talking he tells me he is forty-three.  This seems, to me, quite young for someone of his accomplishments.  Great hanging out with him. 

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Music via the now-yclept Spectrum (you know...”Chill with us. No commercial interruptions...”  OMG.) Sibelius Symphony No 6.  Love this piece. Never played it.  Conducted by R Spano.  (I never got to play for him but saw him in action and wonder if he still a heavy smoker.)

It’s Earth Day.  I remember the first one.  Will have to look up the date. 

Ah. Forty seven years ago was the first one.

AB says today there is a Mingus tribute (Mingus’s birthday) on WFCR.  I go on.  A young lady reads off (album) names she’s never heard pronounced (how could she have ever heard of these people?).  The result is comical one appreciates the effort.  I am recalling seeing Mingus in his heyday. What a band.

Earth Day Festivities...  The thudding of drums...a parade?  Oh...of course.   Beneath my window a white shirted policeman stops people walking east and in  redirecting them does a lot of arm waving, as if semaphoring.

[biofunmy]

Jewish Summer Camp With Campfires, Crafts and No Lights Out

As if on cue, the first camper I meet is a guy named Josh: a nice, 27-year-old Jewish boy with kind eyes, a subtle smile and the same name as my husband, another nice Jewish boy, back home.

“Do you know where Malbec is?” asks this Josh, Josh Blake, rolling his eyes, and then his suitcase, over a wide dirt path flanked by rickety cabins that have been renamed for the weekend. (Malbec and Cabernet, for the men; Pinot Grigio and Rosé for the women; Raisins for all.) “I don’t want to walk all the way over there, if it’s back there …” he says, sounding not unlike Woody Allen.

I don’t blame him. The camp is desert-hot and dusty. And he’s ultimately here, he later admits over bagels, because his parents paid the all-inclusive $525 for him to be. They met on this very land, albeit half a mile away. “Talk about pressure!” he says, laughing.

Ilana Rosenberg, 31, sitting nearby, agrees. “My mother said, ‘Have fun! Go meet your Jewish husband!’ My sister was like, ‘Mom, she could find a Jewish wife, too, you know’.”

American Jewish University owns these 2,800 acres in Southern California’s Simi Valley, which is home to rolling hills and herds of cows, the university’s Brandeis-Bardin Campus and Camp Alonim. Over the next three nights and four days, this 66-year-old summer camp for Jewish kids has been commandeered by a new kind of summer camp — Trybal Gatherings, for Jewish adults.

Trybal Gatherings was founded by Carine Warsawski, 34, a buoyant, Boston-bred M.B.A., with the goal of fostering lasting community among Jews in their 20s and 30s, and, ahem, a few in their 40s.

She held her first Gathering at Camp Eisner in the Berkshires in 2017, roping in mostly friends of friends. Over Labor Day weekend, it sold out, with 125 campers and a wait-list dozens’ deep. Last year, she added Wisconsin; next summer Atlanta, and has plans to expand from Seattle to Austin to Toronto.

Whereas traditions like Birthright Israel offer free trips to the homeland, Ms. Warsawski’s aim is to offer an immersive, low-commitment experience closer to home — one rooted not in Zionism or religious doctrine, but in the shared nostalgia of a Jewish-American rite of passage, complete with archery and horseback riding, and a roster that reads like it’s from the Old Testament. (At one point, I’d forgotten my name-necklace. “That’s O.K.!” someone joked. “It’s probably either Sarah or Rachel.”)

There are two main differences between Jewish kids’ camp and Jewish adults’ camp: No bedtime, and booze, lots of it. Kiddie-pools brimming with hard seltzer at Bubbe’s Beer Garden. Bottles of cheap wine at supper. Compostable flutes of bubbly at Arts & Crafts.

Also, adult campers have careers, though no one talks about them. Web developers and screenwriters, wedding planners and wardrobe stylists. And yes, a few doctors and lawyers. The majority came solo; others hand-in-hand and interfaith or happily married in matching outfits, like Emily and Rachel Leavitt — my Secret Santa, er, Mystery Moses.

It’s a mix of die-hard camp people reliving their glory days, once-homesick campers redoing their awkward years, and first-timers wondering what all the fuss is about. “My parents were immigrants from Iran! They didn’t know about camp!” says Baha Aghajani, 30. Neither did Saraf Shmutz, 39, who moved from Tel Aviv to San Diego. “My summers were ‘go play soccer and bug off.’”

As a writer who hasn’t been back to her camp, Young Judaea, in New Hampshire, in 25 years, I signed up to learn what’s moving Jews to opt for uncomfortable bunk beds and kosher-style mess halls, in lieu of a real vacation.

Trybal isn’t the only over-21 camp cropping up these days. Nor is it the only Jewish one. Camp Nai Nai Nai, which also operates on both coasts, and attracts a post-college, more conservative crowd. And “55+” Orthodox Jews have been davening at summer retreats for decades at places like Isabella Freedman where campers crochet kippahs and take day trips to Tanglewood, in the Berkshires.

Trybal is arguably the only camp, though, that starts the day with an “Abe Weissman Workout,” a calisthenics routine straight out of “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.” (Tomato juice refreshers included, but no rompers.)

It’s also, explains Ms. Warsawski, “a place for people who are more -ish than Jew.” Like Molly Shapiro, 28, of Berkeley. ““This is my jam!” she says. “Synagogues today aren’t really designed for us. We want something less traditional, more affordable, more fun. I mean, playing cornhole isn’t Jewish, but we’re playing cornhole together!”

Togetherness is what Trybal is all about. The schedule is packed from early morning to midnight with get-to-know-you-games and group activities like partner massage and mah-jongg, pickling and pool time.

The next morning, I pass up dreamcatcher-making for challah baking. “Oh yeah, this is what I’m here for,” says Abel Horwitz, a young Robert Downey Jr., kneading dough we’ll later braid and adorn with toppings beyond the traditional sesame. Rainbow sprinkles. Peaches. Jalapeños. “Will 20 loaves be enough for all 60 of us tonight,” some Jews worry.

Next, it’s a tossup between the relationship workshop and the ropes course. I decide I like humans more than heights and head over to hear what the visiting Rabbi Sherre Hirsch, has to say. She reads a passage from the 20th-century philosopher Emmanuel Levinas and tells us to partner up. A 26-year-old named Sam and I stare into each other’s faces for a full five minutes. “Sit with the discomfort,” the rabbi urges. Reluctantly, I do. I smile. He winks. I wiggle, examining his wrinkle-free forehead and bushy eyebrows bound to grow bushier in old age, until my awkwardness turns to calm. I’m overwhelmed by a deep feeling of curiosity and compassion for this man, for myself, for humanity.

“That was a good reminder,” Ms. Aghajani says afterward. “To give people more of a chance. To not swipe so fast.”

After a grilled cheese buffet, there’s solar art and yoga and Slip-n-Slide kickball. I head for the hammocks, where a guy with long red hair is lounging in a tie-dyed Helvetica T-shirt that reads “Falafel & Sabich & Hummus & Schwarma.” It’s his third Trybal. He is the camp guitarist, and a rocket scientist in real life.

“I come to be a kid again,” Jeremy Hollander, 34, says. He pauses. “And to, you know, be with my people.” In real life, he doesn’t bring up the fact he’s Jewish. “‘Hollander’ isn’t ‘Schwartzenbaum’. People see me and usually think I’m Scottish or something.” He feels safer that way. Especially today, he says, with rising anti-Semitism. “The flame is being fanned. You never know who has what opinions. Here, I can let my hair down.” (Although, technically, it’s in a ponytail.)

“The only one thing I have to worry about at camp,” he says, “is when am I going to squeeze in a shower?”

Still, before sundown, we all emerge from our bunks neat and clean and dressed in white. “Can you believe I got this for $2.99 at Saks Off Fifth!” exclaims Lauren Katz, a volunteer staffer wearing lace. (We can’t.)

Picture time. “Say Cheese!” the camp photographer instructs. “But we’re lactose intolerant!” someone cries from the crowd.

We gather in a stone-lined grove, to sing and sway and cheek-kiss “Shabbat Shalom,” before making our way to the dining hall for a sit-down dinner of roast chicken. And, of course, plenty of challah.

It’s all so familiar to me. The tunes are different, but the Hebrew words are the same. The trees are eucalyptus, not pine, and Mr. Hollander is not the longhaired, tie-dye-clad musician from my old camp, and yet — he could be.

I agree with what he said earlier. There is something easy and assuring about spending a summer weekend like I used to (albeit for eight whole weeks): with my people. Or, at least with people who remind me of my people. New friends bonded by old memories.

Trybal is like a modern millennial shtetl, where gesundheits fly. And “Hava Nagila” plays at a Hawaiian luau. And campfire stories include, “How I Became a ‘Nice Jewish Guys’ Calendar Model.”

It’s an alternate, insular world where I find myself running through a field, streaked in war paint, chanting: “We have spirit, because we’re Blues! We have spirit because we’re Jews!”

It’s a universe where conversation flows from the Netflix show “Shtisel” to the lack of Jews in Santa Barbara to the universal disdain for online dating (despite the fact that Trybal is sponsored by JSwipe), to whether Ms. Rosenberg indeed met her future husband.

“We’ll see,” she says, smiling. She did make-out at Arts & Crafts with the Trybal barista: a boy she barely remembers being at her bat mitzvah.

On the last night, I slip quietly out of the luau, where the D.J. is rocking “Lean On Me.” I leave the Leavitt ladies in their twin Hawaiian shirts and my Rosé bunkmates dancing the macarena. Mr. Shmutz and the Cabernets are making reunion plans. Mr. Blake is flirting with one of his crushes.

I have an early flight to catch. Back to my husband and kids and, in a way, the future. In the morning, I’ll miss the friendship bracelets and the compliment circle and, like a true last day of camp: tears. For a moment I have FOMO. And then I realize, it’s fine. Sometimes an Irish goodbye is just as good as a Jewish one.

Rachel Levin is a contributor to the Travel section and the author, with Wise Sons Deli, of “EAT SOMETHING,” to be published in March, by Chronicle Books.

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