#[and i'll make a ship focused call post a little later] | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

reading-stains · 5 months

Note

hello!!do you have skk fic recs?

Introduction

Yes, I do. I’m sorry it took so long to give you a reply, but I wanted to give you a comprehensive list and was busy preparing for my last day in high school, and then I got a job 12 hours later, and then I traveled to New York for a couple Broadway workshops. But now that today’s been dealt with, I have my wonderful notes.

So here’s the gist of it. I have three focused reviews on some of my favorite Soukoku fanfics ever, but I felt like copy pasting it would kill you a little, so I’m going to use a simplified format that echoes what I once did for two other ships years ago.

Canon Space

Here I compiled four fanfics that take place in main canon spaces (so not BEAST). While I encourage you to read, I also ask you to make sure to check the tags of the actual work for any possible triggers. Furthermore, the styles these characters are written in, and the way they are portrayed, vary from writer to writer. Some are more “canon” based than others, but they all carry the essence of this ship. And if they don’t in your eyes, then you’re just reading a great novel with Japanese names.

i'll bleed out for you by StarshipDancer

Synopsis: After getting impaled together, basically dying in each others arms in a joint mission with the Port Mafia and the ADA, and getting brought back by Yosano, this shattered Soukoku is asked to go into hiding. In this time, things seem to start healing. But the impending call asking them to return to their positions in their groups haunts them, and when it arrives, things fall apart all over again.

Tags: Caretaking, PTSD, A Singularly Important Rat Is Present, Canon-Divergence, Post-Port Mafia Days, Love Confession, Pet Co-Parenting, Angst

Word Count: 71,848

Notes: Rattata is the best character. I remember reading this fanfic between the airport and my flight, and when chapter four ended, I had to board the plane, with my shaking hands and quiet sniffles. Please read this one.

If you kiss me (I might let it happen) by encsiimomo

Synopsis: Chuuya’s done watching this. Dazai’s literally dating a new girl every week. He dates based on who asks him first that Monday, he breaks up with them that Sunday, and it goes on again. And again. And again. It’s driving him insane. So he does the only thing he can think of to earn himself a break – He asks to date him for that week’s cycle. Dazai’s surprised. Chuuya’s exhausted. But once the sparks fly, they’re unable to be put out.

Tags: Canon Divergent & Kind of Canon Compliant, Dark Era, Smut, Mutual Pining, Light Angst, Silly

Word Count: 52,127

Notes: I loved this fic because it encapsulates a pretty carefree tone that isn’t associated with Dark Era. It’s pretty smutty, but it’s really lovely to read them. It’s not a reflection of what these characters canonically represent. And while it definitely stays as a loose interpretation of these characters, it keeps the essence that makes this ship so sharp and wonderful. I loved Oda’s appearances too, they made me laugh.

A Doll's House by Abyss_In_WonderLand_likes_sexy_cannibals

Summary: After coming to contact with an ability-powered artifact, Dazai and Chuuya are forced to work together to overcome the ability’s trials, and face the bubbling sentiments they keep trying so hard to ignore.

Tags: Teamwork, Ability Loss, Poisoning, Denial of Feelings, Confessions, Light Angst

Word Count: 45,288

Notes: While definitely not a character study, this fic goes and shows how wonderfully warm a Double Black fanfic can be. You’ll giggle in some moments, be entranced in others, and it’s just fun. This is for those that aren’t scouring for the angst. This was the first fic that sunk me into a skk fanfiction hunt all throughout the winter holidays.

On Deathless Feet by AbsoluteNegation

Synopsis: Chuuya always knows the monster can get out of control, but it doesn’t get any less surprising when Arahabaki powers through him. For a while though, it’d been comforting to know Dazai could always reign it in, make it go quiet. Because he did when they recently met, when they rose through the ranks, and at the brink of their end. But after years of disconnection, and the consistent waves of betrayal, is Chuuya capable of trusting him? And is Dazai capable of letting him?

Tags: Caretaking, Controlling Arahabaki, Port Mafia, Post-Port Mafia, Mistrust, Non-Linear Storytelling

Word Count: 71,848

Notes: This story is just breathtaking. The writing style is incredibly vast and detailed, which may seem scary when described, but it flows so easily when you read it. You cannot negate AbsoluteNegation’s incredible skill. The story takes place in an event where Chuuya loses control of Arahabaki in a Post-Port Mafia Soukoku time. But because of its non-linear style, one gets to understand their past experiences with each other in a manner that contextualizes and weighs in the events of their reunion.

Fanon Spaces

Before I begin, I’d like to note that there are so many AUs in this fandom, that I had to really search for the canon ones in my list. So understand that if you want more of these, I DEFINITELY have more of these. Also, again, while I encourage you to read, I also ask you to make sure to check the tags of the actual work for any possible triggers.

I’ll crown your inner child with laurel by acuteguwu

Synopsis: Chuuya has worked in a Michelin Star restaurant. So he really has no place in losing this cooking competition. But a sudden newcomer, who seemingly has no previous experience in the field, seems to want to tell him his bechamel sauce isn’t ready. And really, who does he think he is?

Tags: Chef Competition AU, Character Study, Slow Burn, Chuuya Is A Blunt Perfectionist, Dazai Is A Culinary Genius

Words: 197,090

Notes: I read this in two days, and I finished by waking up at four in the morning to finish up before going to a drag queen brunch. So really, my experience was incredible. You get to really know these characters, who are very themselves, and it’s lovely. Please read, it’s so worth it.

music for our funeral by itotypes

Synopsis: Dazai has always been lost on what exactly he wants to be. Chuuya knows exactly what he wants. Working with such incredible differences proves to be a difficult challenge, ending in at least a little bit of violence multiple times, but they make it work. Because their music sounds beautiful. Because they’re better geniuses beside the other. And maybe because once it started, they can’t seem to process this journey can ever end.

Tags: No Smut, Angst, 70s, Musicians!AU, Drug Abuse, References to Child Neglect, Lowkey Pretty Violent, Emotional Cheating (w/ Main Ship)

Word Count: 67,723

Notes: Look, there’s a whole genre of Soukoku music AUs. And I could tell you to read the famous “still, still, still” by icedlightroast, or the even more famous “I Was Screaming Your Name Through The Radio” by ElectricSplatter. Which really, they’re both INCREDIBLE fics that I think you should read (IWSYNTTR literally inspired me to try and write music, which led me to do an album for a school project, so I’m not kidding when I say they’re life changing), but I also know that these are famous fanfics that you can find in almost any big skk reader thread. So disregarding the following recommendation, I try to give you fanfics I found through a long scrolling process.

Everything or Nothing by Wellthathappened (Cataclysmic_Calamity)

Synopsis: Chuuya has never been able to experience much. So when he meets Dazai on the night of orientation, he lets himself explore. So as lips sink into his, and as he lets himself be free, Dazai lets him know how unimportant he is by walking away when kids walk in on them. Cut to a month later, they’re paired as roommates, Chuuya’s gotten what Dazai insists is a douchey boyfriend, and Dazai Osamu has to recognize it wasn’t true. It wasn’t a night’s fluke. He really, definitely isn’t straight.

Tags: College AU, Pinning, Chronic Illness, Creation & References Of Illegal Panini Rings, Confessions, Miscommunication, Past Sexual Abuse, Bad Parenting, Cute Dates, Dazai’s Really Rich

Word Count: 264,937

Notes: I recognize I just put in my notes that there’s no major point in recommending these big fanfics, but I just read this because the person that introduced me into the fandom in the first place really loves this one. And it’s incredible. Worth every moment. I laughed a lot, and cried a lot. It’s those pieces of work that resound with you that keep you engaged. This one builds off of that.

Inseparable by milwritescausewhynot

Synopsis: Dazai and Chuuya have been joined to the hip since day one. But they’re not best friends. Or enemies. Or, worst of all, lovers. They are, however, great at pranking each other. Until one goes close to dangerous, and things begin getting complicated afterwards.

Tags: High School AU, Pranks, Light Angst, Denial, Pining, Confessions, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Crazy Kouyou, Childhood Friends, No Smut

Word Count: 107,804

Notes: I hadn’t saved this one in my compilation, but I couldn’t not find it. This fic is so charming, and I most enjoy how the characters move through the story. You can feel the way they're in-tuned from the get go. Definitely recommend.

In Conclusion

Again, I’m sorry for such a late response. I’m literally falling asleep right now but I felt too guilty leaving this for tomorrow morning. If you have any questions, notes, or looking for something specific for your reading, we can talk about it.

Anyways, thanks for asking! Hope you love them, and sorry for any mistakes

#soukoku fanfiction #skk #dazai osamu #nakahara chuuya #soukoku #bsd #bungou stray dogs #fanfic recommendations #skk fanfiction #double black #bsd chuuya #bsd dazai

43 notes · View notes

unknownanomoly · 5 months

Text

Welcome to my blog!

Welcome, call me Mistaken, I'm a omnisexual trans masc living in the USA, my birthday is January 18th.

Fandoms I'm in:

Rainworld Cult of the Lamb Warrior Cats Sans aus SCP Magnus Archives

Some things about me:

-> I have a partner named Ivory (@decaying-collector), their amazing. -> I have suspected Autism and ADD, not diagnosed yet. -> If you want you can get into contact with me whenever, my messages and asks are always open on my main blog. -> Sometimes I won't post for a while, please don't be too concerned, I'm most likely alright, if I need support in some way I'll ask for it. -> This place is a LGBTQ+ safe place, no homophobes allowed, or transphobes, or any LGBT+ phobes, go away, you don't wanna be in here anyways, there's a lot of gay shit that happens here.

Some other random shit:

-> Mistaken Community Discord!: Server (Peepy counter: 13) -> Commissions: ~~ Will open sometime later ~~ -> Requests: OPEN -> Ask Box: OPEN -> Artfight Link: Mistakens_art

My other blogs you can check out:

-> Rainworld OC Ask blog: @ask-the-other-side -> Void apocalypse AU blog: @voidapocalypse -> SCP foundation blog: @this-is-a-scp-blog -> My OC Andys ask-blog: @andysaskblog

My AUs focused on:

-> Forgotten Bonds: (COTL) ~ Characters (Haven't finished) -> Mistakens AU: (Rainworld) ~ Characters -> A Journey ahead AU: (Rainworld) ~ Characters 1

Current Games: (PAUSED)

Ship bingo ~ Rules (On PAUSE but may finish up the asks) Give the Gremlin Things ~ Rules (On MAJOR pause)

I am nothing, I shouldn't exist... my father has already told me I'm never gonna make it in life... don't hate on him, he's a good person, he is! I am just a mistake, he said it himself! I was never planned to exist in the first place, I am here as a roll model to my siblings, a roll model of what not to be. I can't be who I want to be, cause I am no one. I am here to do what is told of me, and once I'm old enough I can leave... forever, to a place no one will find me... I hope Ivory will find me there someday, but maybe she will go out more peacefully. I never deserved to live in the first place, I am a mistake, a thing mistaken to be a child, but little does everyone know, I am nothing. My father told me I was nothing, and that's how I know I am nothing! I am mistaken to think I was ever to be a normal child, I am just a doll to be used till I break. Don't hate my father, he is a good person, I promise, he has never hurt no one in his life that hasn't deserved to be hurt. He's a good person. He goes to church so he is a good person. He's changing... He's stopped drinking... he's becoming better... he is... he is better... he is a good person.... he is... i promise... i promise... I'm the wrong one... I'm always wrong, he's always right... I have to do what he says... I have to be what he says.... I am nothing, I'm a mistake... I'm nothing. nothing. nothing. nothing... I don't exist, I am nothing...

#mistaken

10 notes · View notes

unknownkona · 5 months

Text

absolutely tweaking rn, so rant incoming about the horror fandom, specifically tcm lol. mostly writing this because of a post i've seen today and some recent events

content warning for triggering topics and the discussion of antis and proshippers

both antis and proshippers are two sides of the same coin, and both are driving me up the walls. antis don't know how to defend their cause and proshippers are gross. my god, when i hear the argument of "you're fine with murder but draw the line at x?" holy shit dude. and usually x are those taboo, problematic topics but the ones i'll be focusing more on are incest and necrophilia.

breaking down that argument, last time i checked, no one actually thinks murder is okay. where's the horror in horror if violence is portrayed as a good thing. it's more tolerated than incest or whatever, why? because murder can have a reason— necrophilia, sexual assault, incest, etc, cannot. do any of those reasons make it okay? absolutely not, but there's the possibility of an explanation. in the case of texas chainsaw massacre, they're doing it to survive. maybe not johnny (which is someone i'll come back to later), but they're planning to eat their victims. they could've turned to a less drastic option, yeah, but hey it's fiction. whatever's necessary for an interesting plot.

speaking of fiction, the argument of "it's fiction not reality" also sucks in its own right. fiction usually has elements we take from reality, most things we make are based off of reality somehow. again, we have the antis that harass people that enjoy villains being villains and we have proshippers that actively romanticize incest, pedophilia and shit. gotta tap the sign that says "people that enjoy villains and evil characters do not condone their actions" for antis and the sign that says "whatever you support in fiction is a reflection of who you are as a person, a person based in reality" for proshippers. besides, do any proshippers have siblings? i really hope they don't as someone who has a brother lol

and it's not that you shouldn't write anything with problematic topics, it's all about the delivery and intent. write toxic relationships, but don't act like it's a healthy couple. the post i've seen that prompted me to write this bullshit down mostly had the coffin of andy and leyley context to it and well�� it's clearly written to be fucked up. does it make it good writing? depends, to me it comes off as incest written solely for the edgy shock value as of now but who knows. want a good example of problematic topics written well? go look at lolita by vladimir nabokov or something

anyway back to johnny, i've seen him being called a rapist, a necrophile, even being shipped with sissy. leave the bastard alone LMFAO. i can't deny that johnny being a rapist doesn't seem like a farfetched assumption, but at the same time, what the hell happened to boundaries? i don't care if people are into it, it's a problem when it's tossed around like canon lore and shoved into people's faces instead of treated as a private nsfw headcanon. surprise, people can enjoy horror without having their boundaries ignored just because they like horror.

getting a little petty here, but the whole necrophile drama really grinds my gears because a) it doesn't really make sense to johnny's character and b) it started because someone got the definition of necrophilia wrong. johnny's a narcissistic asshole that kills for fun— there is no power in sexually assaulting a corpse. the fun's over when a victim is no longer able to cower in fear and give any pain response. being turned on by killing people isn't necrophilia, hope this helps. even searched up on the classifications of necrophilia (insane how there's classification for that) for how they described johnny being a necrophile, and none of them fit

anyway that's basically everything, we'll see if i get pissed off enough again to rant about new dumb arguments

#tldr stop being weird #god forbid this hits the wrong audience #i've been wanting to write something like this for a while though #so uh it is what it is i guess #media literacy is dying #rant #tcm #tcsm game #tcm game #tcsm #texas chainsaw massacre game #texas chainsaw massacre #horror #slashers

8 notes · View notes

gorgojijijijito · 2 years

Text

im gonma make bride of discord relevant againt i sweer

anybody else remember bride of discord (and daughter of discord) by that disneyfanaticbunchofnumbers on youtube? yeah i freaking loved it as a kid. still do now honestly, it was honestly one of the cornerstones of my childhood and it's my favorite thing to listen to while i work. i call it my soap opera.

that being said 90% of the morals are AWFUL holy shit. i still appreciate it because it's heartwarming as a passion project and comparably more mature piece of fanwork considering the my little pony fandom at the time; but the toxicity between discord and fluttershy? the homophobic undertones in the sequel?? the treatment of rarity as a character??? THE APPLESPIKE??????

that shit has GOT to GO. so im writing a fix-it-fic for my own self indulgence lmao. i'll be posting my progress and some tidbits here, but i'm not even halfway done with transcripting the episodes and planning out my changes, so it'll be a long while before the final drafts are ready to post. when they are, they'll be posted on archive of our own, but until then, everyone and anyone is more than welcome to offer changes that they would like made, or factors of the story they'd like to be kept. theres no guarantees that they'll be included, but it's still so fun talking about this thing with other people, and it's always good to engage with others in this phase of the process. below is a list of major to minor notes i've already got in mind.

I want to keep the serious tone of the story. By far I think the thing that kept me attached to this series for so long is how the mood differs from so much of the fandom back then. the stakes in the beginning were legitimately high, the conflict took itself seriously, and the production quality was through the roof. this is the audiodrama's hallmark, it's iconic and must be kept in mind when contemplating changes.

Many smaller changes must be made to the Fluttercord plot in order to make it healthier and more natural: the infantilization of fluttershy, discord's overbearingness and harrassment, literally nearly all of episode 9. red flags. i think the biggest issue is that the character arcs are based more on shipping and tropes than the actual characters. there's nothing wrong with this in moderation, but in this case, the relationship is unbearably toxic. the arcs in the rewrite will be a lot more character-focused.

Instead of applejack and spike being the secondary romance, i'm going to make it applejack and rarity. yes i do ship rarijack, but this decision was primarily made in order to get two birds with one stone with applejack and rarity's depictions in the series and its sequel. free my girl rarity and leave my boy spike alone :(

Take pinkie pie more seriously as a character. this isn't just a problem with BOD but also the actual show FIM. she just gets annoying sometimes and her lack of depth really irked me in BOD.

GET RAINBOW DASH AWAYYYY FROM SOREN GET THAT OUT OF HERE

i feel like fluttershy's "tragic" backstory explaining her hesitance as being adored is kinda underwhelming. so is her insecurity, her insecurity not expanding beyond the "doesn't know she's beautiful" trope just rubs me the wrong way, she deserves more depth than that.

discord. discord. the relationship is so one-sided to discord that i think i can only name 2 things he legitimately done for fluttershy's happiness (both of which he lowkey ruined not a day later. most of their "bonding" scenes are just him trying to distract her from her tragic reality and her desires by doing stuff he wants to do, which btw is a manipulation tactic so GET THAT OUT OF HERE)

theres quite a few weird undertones and stereotypes. the pedo and "nice girl" stuff with applespike is the most obvious one, but theres also some lowkey misogynistic quips thrown in there and, although this might not have been an issue at the time, zecora does fit the "wise black woman" trope that's been pointed out many times in recent media, so i do need to adjust how she's portrayed.

another problem that FIM also commits, but rainbow dash just feels so mischaracterized as an element of loyalty at some points. i want to make her loyalty more prominent, to the point of putting her career on the line because she couldn't abandon fluttershy or her friends when they were breaking down. that would be real sweet.

i dont know if im also going to rewrite daughter of discord, i might consider it after im finished with this one, though. also i promise i write way better than i do here when i try lol

#bride of discord #my little pony #mlp fim #mlp #fluttercord #rarijack #bride of discord rewrite #ive been working on this for 3 months already :(

153 notes · View notes

diabelskoga · 8 months

Note

acesan!!

Send me a ♡ plus a ship and I'll tell you... ( accepting! )

𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝙰𝚂𝙺𝙴𝙳 𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝙾𝚄𝚃 𝙵𝙸𝚁𝚂𝚃? I wouldn't blame that Ace would've been the first. He's bold. He has no shame whatsoever. Sanji is still dealing with various versions of Bisexuality Panic around Ace. ( Which there's no doubt that Sanji had questioned himself and his own sexuality. )

𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝚆𝙴𝙽𝚃 𝙸𝙽 𝙵𝙾𝚁 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙵𝙸𝚁𝚂𝚃 𝙺𝙸𝚂𝚂? I want to say Sanji ... It's a spur of a moment, perhaps drunk. But you know how intoxication can make you commit to things that you wanted to do forever now.

𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝙶𝙸𝚅𝙴𝚂 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙾𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚁 𝙽𝙸𝙲𝙺𝙽𝙰𝙼𝙴𝚂? Both of them, but surely Sanji because that's simply just him. Calls him Spades when the hat is off. ( 'cos Sanji likes to be funny! ) Calls him Paprika. If he wants to be cute, Piri Piri to embarrass Ace.

𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝙲𝙾𝙾𝙺𝚂 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙼𝙴𝙰𝙻𝚂? Sanji, definitely. No one enters his kitchen. No one attempts to cook, unless they're allowed. If Ace wants to cook, there's supervision.

𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝙷𝙰𝚂 𝙱𝙴𝚃𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝚃𝙰𝚂𝚃𝙴 𝙸𝙽 𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙸𝙲? Ace, for sure. Because Sanji doesn't listen to a lot of music? But he'd probably like jazz.

𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝙷𝙾𝙶𝚂 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙱𝙴𝙳? Both of them. Maybe Sanji more, but Sanji would likely end up hogging Ace all to himself rather than the bed. Since Ace is like a personal heater.

𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝚆𝙰𝙺𝙴𝚂 𝚄𝙿 𝙵𝙸𝚁𝚂𝚃? Sanji, body clock getting him up around 5-6 in the morning. He's practically used to waking up at that awful time. Because everything needs to be prepared as Sanji wakes up around that time to really dedicated himself to breakfast for the rest of them!

𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝙼𝙰𝙺𝙴𝚂 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙲𝙾𝙵𝙵𝙴𝙴? Maybe Ace, because Sanji might be a bit more focused on the cooking than the beverages.

𝚆𝙷𝙾'𝚂 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙱𝙸𝙶 𝚂𝙿𝙾𝙾𝙽? Sanji sometimes, Ace definitely. But Sanji likes both positions. But to be the little spoon and have someone warm and safe around you is what Sanji likes. But also to be the big spoon and wrap your arms around such beautiful warmth and feeling safe nonetheless.

𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚈𝚂 𝚄𝙿 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙻𝙰𝚃𝙴𝚂𝚃? Ace, for sure. Unless Sanji is on watch. Probably because Ace could be used to staying up late.

𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙲𝙷𝙴𝚂 𝙵𝙾𝚁 𝚆𝙷𝙾'𝚂 𝙷𝙰𝙽𝙳? Ace first, and then Sanji later. Sanji would be more hesitant pre-time skip. But more bold post-time skip!

𝚆𝙷𝙾'𝚂 𝙰 𝙵𝙰𝙽 𝙾𝙵 𝙿𝙳𝙰? Honestly? Both of them. Pre-time skip Sanji would've preferred it behind closed doors. Post-time skip Sanji is different. Though, Sanji is likely a bit touch-starved that now I think about it.

𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝚂𝙽𝙾𝚁𝙴𝚂? Ace! You know it, I know it. He's a loud snorer.

𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝙶𝙴𝚃𝚂 𝙰𝙽𝙽𝙾𝚈𝙴𝙳 𝙼𝙾𝚁𝙴 𝙴𝙰𝚂𝙸𝙻𝚈? Sanji, obviously. It's just natural for him. But over certain things. Like Ace trying to melt the lock for him and Luffy so they can have a midnight snack.

𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝙸𝙽𝙸𝚃𝙸𝙰𝚃𝙴𝚂 𝚂𝙴𝚇? Ace likely??? Ace is bold, would make Sanji turn putty into his hands with how he deliver certain lines.

𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝙰𝚂𝙺𝚂 𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝙵𝙾𝚁 𝚃𝙷𝙴𝙸𝚁 𝙷𝙰𝙽𝙳 𝙸𝙽 𝙼𝙰𝚁𝚁𝙸𝙰𝙶𝙴? God, I want to say Sanji. He'll plan it out, because Sanji could easily see a future with Ace. Plus something about Ace really connects with him. Perhaps due to their childhoods. Their doubts of being born and such. But both being like: You were born to meet me. Born to dream.

𝙼𝚈 𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙴'𝚂 𝙵𝙰𝚅𝙾𝚁𝙸𝚃𝙴 𝙼𝙴𝙼𝙾𝚁𝚈 𝙾𝙵 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁𝚂: He should hate it, but anytime Ace falls asleep in his meal. It's funny how a guy like Ace could easily just sleep without a second thought. And he can't hate it, because Ace will always finish his meal.

𝙰 𝚁𝙴𝙶𝚁𝙴𝚃 𝙼𝚈 𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙴 𝙷𝙰𝚂 𝚁𝙴𝙶𝙰𝚁𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁𝚂: I'd say like, failing to say: I love you, if Ace's death happens. Though, a death like his. Sanji will have many regrets. Or failing to say it again and again.

𝙸𝙵 𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚈 𝙲𝙾𝚄𝙻𝙳 𝙲𝙷𝙰𝙽𝙶𝙴 𝙾𝙽𝙴 𝚃𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙶: Ace's Death. He wishes that he himself was there to prevent something like that from happening.

𝚃𝙷𝙴𝙸𝚁 𝙻𝙾𝚅𝙴 𝙻𝙰𝙽𝙶𝚄𝙰𝙶𝙴𝚂 𝙰𝙲𝙲𝙾𝚁𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚃𝙾 𝙼𝚈 𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙴: Definitely Physical Touch and Acts of Service for Ace. Sanji can see it easily.

#pareidolah #[ ANS ] ── * ORDER UP ( 𝘥𝘪𝘢𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘬𝘰𝘨𝘢 )#( sobs over acesan rn )

4 notes · View notes

lokishivaze · 1 year

Text

My DeviantArt days were full of learning from negative and positive events.

I wish to clear the air for some of the negatives.

I saw a few fox artists, foxes are one of my favorite animals and I decided to join fox loving groups so I can share my love for foxes with others who are in the same boat. Drama then started and I was accused of a lot of things which were unintentional on my part. I didn't realize what I was doing wasn't the right thing. I also tried to fit into the furry fandom. Heck, I made a fursona. Her name was Raika and she has not been drawn in forever. I've been told my stuff was sub-par, I was accused of tracing and being an art thief which I never was. Like every fandom, there were trolls in it as well. I was even called one which I am not. I am an art appreciator. I was then told I can't favorite things that some have favorited, I can't be in the same groups they're in. I have more than one favorite animal. My number 1 favorite animal is the horse. It has always been that way since I was little. Were some of my reactions and actions not the best, absolutely. No doubt in my mind. Some were unintentional, some were not, but I learned and moved along. Heck, some have been still accusing me and reporting me constantly trying to get me permanently banned.

Then there's the Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler fandom. Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler has gotten me through something. I had a stomach virus and I honestly was having a really bad time since I rarely get sick. Even though I was throwing up and confined to my residence, Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler was RIGHT THERE, ready for me to watch, which I did and hearing J. Michael Tatum's Sebastian Michaelis just really helped ease me in terms of not focusing on this stomach virus I had. A bit later on down the road, I created a Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler OC. She was different from other OCs in the fandom due to the timeline, what happened to her and she isn't shipped with ANY Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler characters, not even Sebastian, the Black Butler himself, because I knew that tons of people have done that already and I didn’t want to go down that path. Despite some people assuming and/or thinking she was shipped with Sebastian, I kept to my rules and made the relationship between my OC and Sebastian Butler to Master, Teacher to Student and Fatherly Figure and Daughter. Like every fandom, drama was there, I tried to avoid confrontation, but alas, I was accused of sucking up to artists, trying to get free art, etc. I was even accused of one-upping someone else's OC due to me submitting my OC after their's was posted in groups of the fandom. I am in so many groups, it's hard for me to keep track if certain pieces were in there or not. And for someone to say that one constantly throws up every time they saw my OC, that's exaggerating. Also, people in that fandom wanted to be in their own little isolated cliques especially around a certain ship and to me, that is really isolating and hurtful to those who make the effort of trying to say hello despite them not feeling comfortable doing it or being shy. I know I am for a fact. I may not look it on the outside, but I keep it all in. I'm neutral when it comes to Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler ship pairings. There was even a time where someone stated on a piece I traded something for that they wouldn't be drawing any Black ButlerxOC pieces for anyone anymore, which I can respect, but then they said in a replied comment on my piece that stated, "Oh, I'll still draw this for you, them, them and them" and that's what honestly hurts. If you want to only do that for certain people, note them instead of making a public comment reply on someone's piece because someone is just bound to see it. That's what saddened me. Not to mention someone else said on a different piece, "Ooooh since your OC, isn't impressed with their OC, I wonder what they think of mah OC," That's just a little not nice. When I posted a forum stating that I was looking for commissions, but was looking for specific things, a Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler example was one of the specific requirements. Because that series helped me so much that an example from the series represented trust. I didn't wish to make a gamble on one who didn't have the specific examples I was looking for and it isn't something to take personally. I still LOVE Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler to this day, but I have also moved on to other interests.

The forums on DeviantArt were both good and bad in some ways. I listed specific requirements like a specific budget I would prefer to be in that range as well as due to being taken from in the past. The commission I wish to get involved a series that has helped me through a difficult time and I didn't want to gamble on someone not having examples from that certain series. Hence why I also asked for examples from that specific series. Some people didn't really read what I was looking for carefully and just posted whatever they wanted and say "I can do this." I even said that an example from a certain series could be a sketch or a doodle. I have also stated that it was written on my post clearly that I am looking for certain things. Yes, I have looked at forum posts and commented on them without reading everything carefully. That's my bad. Now, I have been criticized of wanting to see specific examples from a certain series and one user did this and then listed their commission sheet which had no examples from said series, not to mention that the commissions were out of my budget range. My forum post was then posted on an artist commission group journal and I would get comments from users who are in that group and get criticized even more. A senior on DA who was also a member of that group blocked me. My forum post was removed from the group journal thank goodness, but the person who put my post there in the first place also blocked me which I never asked to happen. Someone tried to rope me into signing a contract when they didn't provide me one specific example that I put down as a requirement. An artist who labeled themselves as a professional came on to my forum and replied to one of my replies and called me profanity names and used profanity on me which to me, is FAR from professional in my eyes. That honestly hurt. If the company, Riot can ask for specific art examples from candidates, why can't an individual do that when they're looking to commission something? Someone who I used to follow on DA said to me that I don't appreciate the time and effort artists do on every piece. They said this because I had a set budget and I wouldn't be able to purchase what I'd like to get done. This would have to do with additional characters costing extra. I respect that more than one character would cost more, but that doesn't mean I have to commission them despite my budget requirement. I clearly state my budget requirement on my forum posts.

There are still fandoms that I am well-connected in today and I wouldn't trade any of those for the digital realm!

The Anime and Video Game fandoms where I know people in real life from as well as on DA, Instagram and such.

The Fantasy fandom that has my friends, Grimmi, Geekgirl8, Maria, Pumkinkiller777, Jack, Kita, Sleepy, Iruka, TheNobles, onenerdtwonagas, Bellawella, Taylor, Konnichibot (BFF IRL), CrystalHannah (BFF IRL), NuclearZombie, AnimeMangaBerserker, Nessa and many other friends and artists who draw Nagas, Hypnosis, OCs, Fantasy, etc.

The Is It Love? fandom is the fandom where I met a bestie of mine, Victoria. It was via the IIL RP. I love and care about her to pieces.

The RP/Motionless In White fandom where I kept up with Victoria as well as made some new friends like Cass and an admin behind a Magnus Bane RP account and in all honesty, I'm very grateful for being in that clique.

The Marvel Loki fandom is another that I feel I'm starting to fit into. The majority of who I've been talking to have been kind and understanding to me. This wretched wretched pandemic was a spark to what got me to re-awaken my love for Loki. I loved Loki when I watched Thor The Dark World back in 2014. Tom Hiddleston and the Loki Series helped me through this fricked up pandemic. It was ready for me to watch and it helped me to keep my sanity up. It was also an aid to help me take the smiley face mask off and finally say, "No, I'm not okay. I'm not okay at all." My love for Tom and Loki connected me to fans and artists who love to draw the characters. I even met a couple at a convention or two when it was okay for conventions to happen again. My love for Loki is up so much, that whenever I post about looking for commissions on Instagram (Which didn't get a lot of bites), Tumblr (also didn't get a lot of bites) and Twitter (Twitter, I will honestly never do again), I list the same requirements as I did when looking for Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler commissions on DeviantArt. That's how much I love Loki and I am not willing to commission someone who doesn't have the specific examples I'm looking for. A Loki example done by the artist who is offering a service to me represents trust. When I did a search on Twitter, the majority of what I got were those who didn't read, tried to push to get money out of me and sent me Loki examples that were AI or done by another artist and not by them. That to me is honestly disgusting and it just backs me away from doing anything else with said person, especially if I'm looking for a specific style and all they show me are examples of a different style that I'm not interested in.

I am still alive and on DeviantArt. I'm more active on other platforms. It has been quite the learning experience for me.

#loki comfort

1 note · View note

spideymichelle · 2 years

Note

is there by any chance good mj fics? idc if it’s spideychelle or a different ship, i just want some more mj povs and stuff :)

hey nonnie ofc i can rec you some good mj focused/pov fics it's literally my favourite genre like the mcu ? who ?? i only know the MJCU

time & spaces. by @promiseofthepremise literally obsessed with fic like it is so good and it had me tuning in every week "irondad but make it MJ"-- Post-Blip Meta Edition

to stand on your feet and dance by blondsak, Klloggs, thesemovingparts - a homecoming au, a very interesting approach to mary jane watson and michelle jones and i absolute adore it "Mary Jane Watson is seventeen years old when she has a baby girl and calls her Michelle. They watch each other grow."

bright star (would I were stedfast as thou art) by @seek--rest, blondsak - it's literally a love letter to michelle jones watson like !!!! "a celebration of MJ, as told by those who love her."

got my heartbeat (skipping down sixteenth avenue) by cosmicwritings - literally one of the cutest fics i have ever read - everyone knows peter and mj have been dating for months. except maybe mj.

Continuing on, down the list of things I should know by @abc2411 - written by one of my fav writers <3 - After getting her memories back, MJ starts to panic that she and Peter might have jumped into things a little too soon. Feeling as though she doesn't know the man he is today, she takes a step back.

Did you think I wouldn't hear all the things you said about me? by @abc2411 - model!mj i will always be your advocate - It is a truth universally acknowledged that Peter Parker will find a way to stumble over his words and start on the wrong foot. Michelle learns how to come to terms with that.

other fics that i have enjoyed from them are We could be the way forward (and I know I'll pay for it), One of us has gotta try to keep a promise and it's nice to have a friend

Rarely Pure and Never Simple series by @seek--rest, @promiseofthepremise - one of my favourite series in the fandom - A month of politically-motivated capture and torture leaves Michelle Jones with a lot to sort through, but a lot of people to help her do it.

one heart broke, four hands bloody by @i-lovethatforme - what can i say i adore villain!mj - Peter lost everything. They know that - they don’t even know who he is under the mask, no one does anymore. But everyone knew that Spider-Man lost his wife. Lost his true love. And everyone noticed the difference in his fighting style when he finally left his apartment thirteen months later.

the monsters creep into your house by @i-lovethatforme - this fic literally broke my heart like soulmate aus aren't supposed to hurt like this

growing together series by @coykoii - i absolute adore this series like it is just such a nice read - the fos squad growing up from high school freshmen and into adulthood as seen by michelle’s pov

these are just some of my recommedations you can go through to any of these authors works because they are all top notch

#spideychelle #fic rec list #petermj #michelle jones #michelle jones watson #mj watson #asks

52 notes · View notes

gloriousmonsters · 3 years

Note

Do you have any XueYao thoughts or headcanons? I'm interested in this ship and plan to write for it but it's a rarepair so i don't have much existing content or meta to wrok with

To start off, I think a particularly fascinating aspect of the XueYao dynamic is JGY's patronage of him at the Jin sect initially, especially wrt JGY giving him his courtesy name--this is a pretty interesting post about that.

Even though I love the relationship, I actually haven't focused on the XueYao leg of the murder trio nearly as much as I have SuYao or even SuXue, so I haven't got a ton to offer 😅 but I'll try! (also, disclaimer: these are my thoughts pertaining to a more ambiguous/intense friendship type of relationship, since I'm aro af and tend to write them as having a not particularly 'romantic' relationship.)

My thoughts are mainly... I think that while Jin Guangyao didn't offer the same unconditional kindness that Xiao Xingchen did, unknowingly, and didn't offer Xue Yang that chance to simply be a person without any strings attached, Jin Guangyao was the first person to show Xue Yang consideration and friendship, and that counts for a lot.

Like (going off the book, I honestly don't remember the CQL arc of things early on as well) JGY is mentioned as personally recommending him, JGY signs him up for the Jin sect as a guest disciple, JGY gives him his courtesy name... and, most importantly, JGY just. Treats him nicely! He doesn't act like Xue Yang is trash or less than human, and while I think he has a healthy respect for Xue Yang's knife happiness, he's not really afraid of him either. He thinks he's funny and has almost indulgent-older-sibling vibes toward him in the Villainous Friends extra (buying him dumplings and giving him the Yiling Laozu's notes when he's frustrated). And while Xue Yang, still beholden to his bad bitch reputation, doesn't let it show too much, I think that means a lot to him. He's not stupid enough to trust it (at least at first...) but he just might cut a guy's tongue out if he calls JGY a whore's son. Hang out with him while he retrieves his dad from brothels. Participate gleefully when it's time to kill his dad, etc.

And, assuming that JGY and him parted ways, but JGY wasn't responsible for him winding up in a ditch... Xue Yang going back to him after Yi City was, largely, to get back the access to the materials and resources he used to have, but I imagine that part of him was also desperate to see the first friend he'd had, the one he knew was not going to judge him for anything he'd done, after things had gone so spectacularly wrong in Yi City.

On JGY's end... I think he just likes Xue Yang; finds him funny and enjoys verbally sparring with him; feels fond and protective of him. I think the fact that they began working together again later in canon speaks to that affection and feeling of responsibility--working with Xue Yang again is a risk, another thing to keep secret, and it's not like Xue Yang is in any position to blackmail him or otherwise hold leverage over him. I personally see their relationship as being less defined by the benefactor/benefactee dynamic in later canon, with JGY treating Xue Yang more like simply a friend and Xue Yang assigning a little bit more stability to their relationship, and therefore allowing it to grow more important to him. And on an essential level, Xue Yang is one of the only two people JGY discloses significant amounts of his secrets to.

I think both of them are a bit bemused by the choices the other makes (if JGY wants sympathy for his success-in-society goals, he needs to go talk to SMS) but generally respect them. JGY accepts at a certain point (when Xue Yang takes off to kill the Chang in the book, possibly, which is now making me wonder if he indicated to JGY that he was going to do this and whether JGY tried to talk him out of it at all--or, more realistically, was like 'okay but remember, don't wear the sparks and snow and NO witnesses') that he's not going to elevate XY in society, and XY accepts that while it's fun to needle JGY about it sometimes he's Not going to go apeshit because apparently he genuinely likes party planning. Weirdo (affectionate).

Oh, and this has nothing to do with headcanons but the moment in the donghua where NMJ just tries to behead Xue Yang on the spot and JGY hangs off his arm like a maiden trying to save her lover from the executioner lives in my head rent free.

#this is not much or coherent but... i tried lol #xueyao #replies #anonymous

17 notes · View notes

ourmondobongo · 3 years

Note

I have to say even though levihan was my favourite ship and probs the only I really cared about, I find it a little difficult to wholeheartedly be as into it because the more snk content I see the more unnecessarily rude, insulting and insensitive Levi seems to Hange and they don't deserve such treatment when all they've been towards him is kind. Like, I know Levi as a character is very much abrasive but he's been more empathetic to the rest of the main characters and even strangers.

This isn't ship hate, I don't even ship them with other characters and still love them but I just wish he was acting a little softer towards them. Isayama I think intended them to be romantic but up until the end he basically set them up as a good friendship a little onesided maybe. I am not sure if that's how he writes romance but, logically wouldnt the person who is in love be a little more.... indicative that they're in love? Even subtly like, lovey dovey Levi would be ooc yet still we know he's capable of showing emotion why exclude the one person you're supposed to be in love with? I know there are moments he's good to Hange but I guess personally him not insulting or cursing them would suffice enough. Sometimes I say he's the rudest to them because he loves them the most and in their world where dying is a frequent reoccurance it's just him trying to distance himself from them even if he loves them so their death won't hurt when it comes. But that's all headcanon, I wish isayama worked more on them two.

Hey!

Yeah, I kind of understand what you mean...

I definitely agree that I really wish Isym had worked more on Levihan's relationship. It didn't even have to be romantic tbh - just seeing a bit of the last two living veterans sorting one or two things out together would show smoothly how they were still paired up with supporting each other as human beings and not only tools to achieve Paradis's freedom or the vow fulfillment. Unfortunately, Isym was running, and things ended up how they ended…

As for the "unnecessarily rude, insulting and insensitive Levi seems to Hange" snk content out there... I can’t really think of any other than the "hentai" line in the Erwin x Levi smartpass that really made no sense until Tsuki-no-ura explained a few things about Japanese language (and that explained he was not calling Hange "sexually perverted"). I'll come back to this later though.

Now, I don't know if my answer will help you or not, though, or make it worse for your heart, but I think it might give you a bit of perspective shift regarding the main purposes of Levihan creation. (And if you are a hard-core LH shipper, there goes my little warning that you might want to stop reading this post here…):

First and foremost, generally speaking, AOT is not a work focused on romance. In fact, AOT works on so many relevant philosophies and impactful Humanity's issues at the same time that I think seeing it end with Mikasa and her tragic romantic story with Eren is one of the many reasons why many of us got disappointed in the end. Until today, many of us still can't swallow down that all the disgrace of their World was due to Ymir in her freaking and cursed 2000 years of love obsession with a monster that never did a thing for her...

And so, as Isym doesn't seem to like much the common shoujo idea of people "destined to be" that normally the mangakas depict, I don't really think that Isym created Levihan intentionally to really be endgame romantic in the manga either. Because if it was, I feel like he would have dropped clear hints before 126. Like, there were many subtle opportunities open everywhere in the main manga - from a simple confirmation that Levi was wearing Hans's jacket, to a minuscule panel of a shared horseback ride after the RtS battle, or… well, anything believable and not contextually OOC.

Instead - and using the most neutral reader lenses on -, Yams just mostly focused on their professionalism and commitment to their duties in the manga, and apparently let WIT and everyone else indulge in many other Levi ships without being more ``hey, look what Levi and Hanji have here!". At most, before 126, he left possible hints with open or multiple interpretations, including letting people read it as best friendship or adult comrades in army fighting for humanity side by side as the perfect complementary devoted to duty pair they are since chapter 9.5.

On the other hand, though, I personally feel like Isym did intend Levihan to be the ultimate endgame pair on the portrayal of real and ideal heroism philosophies and ideas Isym explored in AOT. They clearly were made the Wings of Freedom fully devoted to their duties to humanity - expressing the power of righteousness, of taking action, selflessness, dedication, self-sacrifice, and hope. Everything they did in the manga was always thinking for the sake of others. And in depicting it, Isym did a good job (though he could have been more clear sometimes, especially with Hans's narrative).

Then, it's also nice to remember that Isym created Hans to be a unique character, with "mad scientist" and unhygienic "Titan otaku" vibes, mysterious background and no gender disclosed; this makes me think he was more interested in what their character would offer as playing the role of an eccentric (and comic) SC scientist than a "standard" possible romantic pair with Levi or anyone else. Of course, Levihan fits perfectly the "opposite attraction" theme, as we have the "clean-freak" and the "I don't have time to bath" workaholic one, the listener and the talkative, the brawl and the brain, etcetera. However, their main narratives were way, waaaay beyond this. Not to mention the depth of their bond...

As for Levi’s abrasiveness, yes, there are some times (and pretty much mostly on extra content) that do seem to leave an harsher tone in the way Levi treats Hans. The one which comes to my mind is the "hentai" original line in that smartpass between Erwin and Levi. That really baffled me because Erwin was right there exalting Hans's unique geniuses, and suddenly Levi seems to gratuitously call them "sexually perverted" - like what?? That makes absolutely no sense contextually nor like Levi?! And then Tsuki explained that in Japan there are other meanings to "hentai" other than the derogatory we non-Japanese speakers know. And it clicked to me - language/culture barrier is both a subtle and major issue in understanding how rudely Levi can express himself.

In fact, it is. By the many translations and explanations of words used in Japanese in Levi's text bubbles, the simple uses of "you" that he uses with many people (Erwin included) is expressed in a derogatory way, and that is completely lost in the English translations because English is really… simplistic. So it's not like Levi sounds only harsh with Hans - but more like many rough nuances of Levi's speeches seem to get lost in the adaptation to English/other languages, making his roughness to be clearer mostly when it is actually screaming clear. Which mostly happens when his personal translator, Hange!, is involved.

But to me, this Yams used to show that, in fact, not only Levi might be hard with words but it's not what he feels like, but that Hans is really good at understanding all kinds of people, interpreting their intentions and expressing them properly without bias or prejudice. Something that happens in chapter 127 too, as Hange calms Jean down after expressing the unspoken astonishment that Magath feels seeing that the Devil's of Paradis are trying to help save their worst enemies.

As for Levi’s character, I think Yams had not grasped how big of a character he would become also due to the cruel and unforgiving life he had in the Underground. The fact that most difficulties that Levi went through from childhood to adulthood were left to our imagination is what makes everything more heartbreaking and painful because we can only fill up the gaps of his life with the worst of the worst ideas. Humans are worse than animals. That Levi got out with such selflessness drive and precious heart from one of the dirtiest depths of Humanity’s man-made hell is something really from the exception of the exception of all the exceptions. But as no one comes out of an experience like that unscathed, Yams certainly saw Levihan's dynamic paired up perfectly again: before any romantic idea any reader might have, Hange treats Levi as a human being.

So while Yams uses Hange's character to let Levi show this raw, harsh, and intrinsic Underground part of himself, it is always with Hans not feeling bad or judging Levi, and usually answering to the moment with a special type of kindness or going along with his shitty jokes. Interestingly too, is that for each time Levi seems to be rougher with Hans than the others, there are mostly worrisome situations happening, strong underneath feelings involved, or Yams trying to make them a comic duo. This is indeed an abnormal relationship dynamic that wouldn't be able to be explored if Hans weren't such an uplifting and understanding character, and if Levi had suddenly suppressed 25 or more years of rough life in the Underground to himself with no space to be a bit more exposed…

This all said… idk, I feel like there is a love root deep inside shipper hearts that wished to see a more smooth intimate depiction of Levihan's relationship that actually could be undoubtedly read as more definitive in their "love classification". But both Levi and Hanji were mature adults around their 30s, fighting maneater monsters and then the whole world for their people to have a chance to live in peace and some dignity. Their bond is much more built of many kinds of love than just the idea of one above the other. And as their quest in snk was NOT about romantic love being placed above what was right (like Mikasa and Ymir's quest), Isym really didn't make Levihan possible romantic feelings for each other the endgame point of their narratives.

I know though that there are especially dishonest people using some of Hans and Levi's interactions to say "Levi hates Hans", he didn't even like her, and whatever. But I think nothing can prove Levi sincerely loved Hans the most than chapters 126, 132, 133, 136 and 139. And while many people also say sometimes we read too much in a simple drawing, I fully doubt that Yams would draw Levi on the verge of crying and so emotionally vulnerable if not feeling Hans's loss with his heart too.

One last thing is that beyond the aspects mentioned in the guidebook about Levi's inspiration in Rorschach (from Watchmen), Levi really seems to have some "rough with words'' reference from him too. Contrary to Levi, though, Rorschach is a sociopath who seeks to punish evilness at all costs, and is a brute detective traumatized by growinp up witnessing the prostitution life of his mother, abandonment of his father, evilness and darkness of humanity. He does say things really in a raw, gruffly way, because of his background and life experiences, so as his character is written in English, it makes me wonder if his way of wording himself would be a little bit closer to how Levi's speech could be translated to English if it were more faithful to the Japanese...

I hope what I wrote made some sense...?!

#answering devoted hearts #i hope this made sense

31 notes · View notes

dweetwise · 3 years

Note

Can I request some Zarina x Adam pretty please? I know you write about them a while ago but if you have some extra headcanons about them (maybe post entity) I would appreciate it 🙏 (Also thanks for the incredible content, I'm starting to write myself thanks to your riconti fics and hcs)

aaa i can't believe you remember this little rarepair! here's a drabble for you, sorry it's on the shorter side!

(and i'm more than happy to provide the ricontent! thank you for your support and good luck with your writing <3)

word count: 800

Zarina X Adam: Better together

"Did you book the flight?"

The question left Zarina’s lips as soon as she answered the call, knowing full well the person on the other end wasn’t expecting needless pleasantries.

"Yes, I should arrive in Mangalore on Thursday evening," Adam replied without missing a beat.

"Neat,” Zarina said, already starting to plan their next step. “I'll wait for you in town and we can take the ship to the islands together. Unless…"

Maybe she could head out in advance; scout out the place, do a little groundwork, ask some of the locals...

"Don't do anything reckless," Adam chastised.

Zarina almost laughed. He knew her too well.

"I didn't say anything," she tried.

"You're not going on your own,” Adam said sternly, before his voice softened. “We don't know what's waiting for us on Dyer island. Let's just stick to the plan."

"Yeah," Zarina admitted. "You're right. God, I just—I need to know—"

"I know," Adam said. "Me too."

Zarina let out a breath and felt some of the tension in her shoulders release. Of course Adam knew; he knew better than anyone what she was going through. The nightmares, the hundreds of questions that had no answers—

And the need to make sure what happened to them never happened to anyone else.

"You don't have to come, you know," she felt the need to mention.

"And you don't have to keep reminding me," Adam shot back, his voice teasing. "You're not the only one who is curious."

And just like Adam understood her, Zarina understood him. She sure as hell couldn't have gone back to a 9-to-5 job and a normal life after what happened to them, so it was no surprise that Adam didn’t either. After all, his hunger for knowledge was exactly what drew her to him in the first place.

"Sorry," she said. "I've never worked a case with someone else before."

It was strange, having to account for someone other than herself. Adam had struggled to get his personal documents in order after the Japanese authorities had presumed him dead. While Adam struggled with endless paperwork to get a new passport, it had taken all of Zarina’s self-restraint not to fly out to India to investigate Dyer island on her own.

"Did you read the files I sent you?" Adam asked, once again proving that she made the right decision in partnering with him for the case.

"Only half before you called, I still need—" Zarina paused, glancing at the clock on her motel wall. "Shit, that'll have to be later. I need to pick up some stuff for the camera," she realized, already reaching for her jacket.

"There wasn't much except the trade records of substances I assume were for the lab," Adam said. "It seemed to be most active around 1840, which would correspond to the first opium war.”

"There's gotta be something shady there, why else would they try to keep people out so bad," Zarina said, balancing her phone between her shoulder and cheek while she shrugged on the jacket. "Anyway, I'll call you when I land tomorrow—"

"Oh, and one more thing," Adam interrupted.

"Yeah?" Zarina said absent-mindedly, grabbing her keys.

"I love you."

Zarina stopped in her tracks. A smile spread on her face, the sweet words a much needed reminder of just why she was doing this. Being so focused on the practicalities and the mission, she sometimes forgot just how lucky she was to be doing this together with Adam.

"I love you too," she said while leaning against the wall; the camera could wait for a few minutes. "It's weird not having you around."

"Being stuck in eternity together did have its upsides, I suppose," Adam said, and even though she couldn't see him, Zarina could hear the smile in his voice. "A few weeks have never felt so long."

Three weeks apart; three weeks since their escape from the Entity, three weeks of trying and failing to adjust back to normal life. Instead of celebrating their reclaimed freedom or going on a well-deserved vacation like she'd heard some of their friends do, Zarina and Adam were diving right back into potential danger.

But then again, she always knew they were different from the others.

"I can't wait to see you again," Zarina said.

She missed Adam. It felt like a piece of her was gone when he wasn't by her side, like he'd been for the worst years of her life. She missed his gentle touches, his carefully thought out words and his endless compassion.

“I’ve missed you,” she simply added, afraid that saying too much would make the distance between them feel unbearable.

“I’ve missed you too,” Adam said. “So much more than I could have ever imagined.”

Zarina smiled to herself. It didn’t matter what difficulties or dangers they faced; as long as they were together, she knew they could overcome anything.

#dbd fanfic #zarina kassir #adam francis #dweetwrites #dbd #dead by daylight #zarinadam #request #dumb-post-cowboy

22 notes · View notes

wendystales · 3 years

Text

Memories - lrh (Chapter Six)

Memories (also on Wattpad)

Chapter Five ※※※※※ Chapter Seven

“Problems in the fairy world: After almost two years, Luke Hemmings and Marnie McGonagall break up”

“The lovely couple of 2020, the model Marnie McGonagall and the singer Luke Hemmings, break up after almost two years of relationship”

“Shaken structure : After an accident and amnesia, Marnie McGonagall and Luke Hemmings puts an end to the relationship for a year and a half ”

After a week in peace and serenity, or something like that, my second one started with the internet breaking at the end of my relationship with Luke.

All the tabloids, renowned newspaper sites, gossip sites. All social networks. All radio stations. Everyone was commenting on.

All articles were based on “someone close to the couple”. Who? I have no idea, since after a slight spurt of distrust, I realized that none of my friends would do that. According to Noah, this was just the media playing, hoping to see if Luke or I would take the bait.

With my good leg beating at a fast pace, signaling my nervousness, I keep staring at the TV in silence, while Noah paces behind me, trying to control everything. The doorbell rings and I watch him go to answer. When Luke comes into view, I get up quickly and walk over to him, hugging him.

I close my eyes, feeling safer. I don't know how to deal with half the Los Angeles media behind me for a statement, or expecting a slip-up to attack me. I release all the air trapped in my lungs, in no hurry to break that hug.

“Are you okay?” he whispers and I just shake my head as if it was okay, or something close to it. “Great, that's what matters.” he leaves a kiss on my shoulder, before letting go and greeting Noah right.

“What's the order?” I see my friend question.

“The usual. They don't want me to say anything, but I won't be quiet while they attack her. I never stayed and it is not now that I will.” Luke replies, decided.

“Are they attacking me?” I ask approaching the two, who look at me without knowing what to say.

Since the headlines came out, Noah planted a lookout here at home, because he is the one who woke me up, and since then he hasn't let me see anything, just the TV and the mute yet. I knew he was protecting me, but I didn't know what.

The two look at each other and Luke approaches me again, sitting on the couch. As he tries to find a million ways to start, I interrupt him.

“Why do I feel like we already had this conversation?” I ask suspiciously.

“Because we already did, before we tell the media.” he scratches the back of his neck.

Once again, before he starts, Noah's cell phone rings and he leaves, leaving us alone.

“So?” I incentive to continue.

“There are a group of people, who like the band, but don't like our relationship and well …”

“They attack me.” I say, shortening for him. Luke states awkwardly. “How and why?” I don't know if I really want to know, but I know I need to.

Luke scratches his forehead. I feel bad for having to pass it on or go over it.

“They say bad things about you, about your job, about us. But nothing, nothing, is true.” Luke stresses "nothing" already knowing that most likely I would have that in my head. “Look, no matter what we do, there will always be people wanting to get in the middle and think they know more than the two of us, so just ignore it. Let them talk to themselves, they stop and go on to another topic. OK?” his face lowers, trying to meet my eyes, which were focusing on the pillow between us.

“OK!” I look at him with a weak smile. Luke gives a weak smile too, before giving me a kiss on the forehead and going after Noah to post his text.

In his tweets, Luke explains what happened between the two of us. He tells about my amnesia and how we both talked, and together, we decided to take a break, until I got used to my life or until I remembered everything. In the sequence, he also made clear all the affection and respect that we still had for each other. In addition to pulling the ear of whoever was attacking me or blaming me.

I don't know where it would be my fault. After all, I am the victim. Not to mention that none of this would be happening if it weren't for the accident. I would probably still be with Luke, together and happy.

I stare at the rug, hoping and praying for some memory to come, but my brain ignores me. I sigh, sinking into the couch. I look at the balcony, seeing the two talking. Luke is too perfect, it is not possible. I wouldn't have all that maturity.

This is not just maturity ...

I close my eyes, trying to silence my conscience. I know what it was, but not talking or thinking makes it seem like it’s not real.

Who am I kidding?!

Soon Luke's tweets were on TV, with several photos and videos of appearances, and everyone was commenting. Apparently the text was well accepted by the media, which changed the focus of the relationship a little and went back to talking about my accident. I hold my breath when the accident video is played again. I get up calling the attention of the two, who return to the living room and turn off the TV.

“Are you OK?” Noah asks attentively. I just nod.

“I need to go. I'm sure someone will show up at the studio to discuss with me. Later I try to stop by or call you.” Luke warns, coming towards me.

I hug him again, feeling safe. I apologize for getting him into this mess.

“It is not your fault and what matters is your well-being. And remember.” he holds my face, making me look into his blue eyes. “Nothing they say about you is true, don't let that take your head. I'll call you later.” he kisses me on the forehead and leaves.

“Oh, it is so difficult to see you like this and know that you are not together.” I turn to Noah, who is sitting on the sofa, looking at me in pain. I throw a pillow over his face and sit back down next to him.

“Believe me, I know.” I watch one more picture of us on the screen. “We are a beautiful couple.” I give a sad smile.

“Are?” Noah comments with a hopeful smile. “Can I start to ship again and create expectations?” he nudges me.

“First of all, did you ever stop to ship and create expectations?” Noah gives a weird smile. “Second, even if you haven't stopped, no. Despite everything, I still don't feel anything for Luke.” I sigh.

Perhaps "nothing" was a very strong word. I have affection and gratitude, but that I also have for Noah, Kyleen, Mike, Ashton, Calum and Leah, that is, it didn't mean much. What I needed was not there yet. However, I still hope to happen.

[...]

“Doesn't he look beautiful dressed like that? You have to see when he uses the overalls.” Calum sits next to me, provoking Ashton who was sitting on the floor, moving in his garden.

“Old Ashton had a farm, ieieo.” I humming with Calum, continuing the provocation.

I take the water bottle from Calum's hand, watching Ash dressed in faded jeans, a dirty T-shirt and a wide straw hat. I give a short laugh, watching Ashton glare at Calum. Apparently, his hobby in gardening was pretty funny.

“I already know what to give you on your birthday.” I get on the joke with Calum.

“You already gave that.” the two talk together, scaring me.

I look at them both with wide eyes as they laugh. This is already getting boring, it seems that everyone has some advantage over me. I see the idea of the garden kit for kids going down the drain. I didn't know what to give, now then.

“Then I will need your help with this.” I whisper to Calum, who just nods.

“So, you stopped when Luke left.” Ash reminds me.

After yesterday, with my name and Luke's in everyone's mouth, today I didn't want to stay at home, I needed to relax, so the two ladies went to pick me up to spend the afternoon here at Ashton's house with them. Especially because they wanted to know how I was doing and I wanted to hear from Luke.

“Well, everything was fine. Everything calmed down, as far as possible, until the intercom rang.” I give a discredited laugh, remembering yesterday. “When Stephen appeared at the door of my building.”

The two looked at me in astonishment.

“You're kidding, right?” Ashton even got up, approaching me.

“Go for me, I would like a lot, but no. He knew about Luke and me and wanted to try the chance. Little does he know that I already know everything.” I comment the last part quietly, not wanting to focus on that.

“This guy is unbelievable. How does he have that courage?!” Calum comments outraged.

“Did you tell Luke?” Ashton asks, after walking around as outraged as Cal.

“No and I don't know if I'm going to tell.” they look at me alarmed. “I don't want Luke to feel like he has to have any responsibility to keep Stephen from me and I know he will.” I confirm my theory when Cal shakes his head, agreeing with me. “Nothing happened either, Noah went down and ran him, it was just an isolated case.” I shrug.

I didn't expect Stephen to show up, not after the hospital, however, if he ever had the courage to show up for the first time after everything I experienced (according to my diary), the hospital misunderstanding was nothing for him.

I can't hide that I was very tempted to go down and break my cast on his head, but Noah was quicker, locking me at home and going in my place. According to him, now was not the time for an aggression scandal. Do what?! He's right.

“I understand you, my love, but as a friend, I advise you to tell.” Ash sits next to me. “This will end up getting to him, like it or not, so it better be for you.”

“Yeah, no need to go into details, but tell him.” Hood reinforces.

“I don't know if Parker's party is an appropriate place, but it may be easier to relax afterwards.” Ashton shrugs, wanting to help.

“Ah, I heard about this party. He's Noah's fling, isn't he?”

“Don't let Noah hear that.” Calum laughs, catching my attention.

But it was Leah who told me about them.

“Noah and Parker resemble you and Hemmo very much at the beginning. Everyone knows something is going to happen, but you guys play hard to get”. Ashton explains. I open my mouth to defend myself, but according to my diary, that was it.

I don't help myself.

“Well, regardless of his status, I won't.” the two look at me surprised and upset. “ I'm not ready for parties yet, sorry, but I don't want to sit all night on the couch without being able to dance or having to drag it up and down.” I point to the orthopedic boot on my foot, irritated by that thing.

“But what are you going to do over the weekend then?’ Cal asks.

“You will laugh and judge me.” I answer with a pout. I may not know them well enough, but enough to understand what they are like.

“Calum quite capable, but I don't.” Calum opens his arms, visibly offended by Ash's comment, making me laugh. “You laugh at that fall of Mike in the London show until today and it has more than seven years.”

It was Ashton talking about this show that Hood started to laugh, agreeing that he was the most likely to laugh at me.

“I still have the video.” he comments after a sigh, stopping laughing.

“Tell me.” my friend asks me, turning my attention to him.

“ I'm going to throw myself on my couch, with a lot of junk food and watch makeover programs and maybe some movies. This is going to be my weekend.” I tell after a sigh.

“This is so depressing that I can't even laugh.” Calum says shaking his head in denial. I look at him indignantly. Come on?! It's not so bad.

“Really, M&Ms? Is this going to be your weekend? On the couch clogging up with food?” Ashton is more indignant than I am with Cal.

“ I'm not in the mood, I'm sorry. But don't worry, Kyleen told me about your birthday party and I will, I swear.” I raise my right hand, as if I were in court.

“You are not even crazy to consider not going. I bring you by the boot.” he counters by returning to the vase he was stirring before.

“Was he always that delicate?” I ask Calum, who spits half the water.

“Oh, Marnie, you need to spend more time with us.” he pats my knee, like an old man telling about his childhood.

“Well, changing the subject a little, and Luke, how is he?” Ashton and Calum look at each other to get my attention.

“He's taking it. He has been busy with some compositions, he has lived in the studio.” Calum replies, going around the mouth of the bottle with his finger.

I look at Ashton, who was still thoughtful. Luke is probably not as well as they try to pass me, or something else is going on.

“He'll be fine!” Irwin reinforces, trying to keep me calm.

I decide not to poke the situation anymore and focus my thoughts on the conversation we were having when I arrived, which was to recall some more facts from the last few years.

“Wait, and you got stuck in the room? And the girl is gone?” I question Calum, very lost in the whole story of how he met Kyleen.

“Yes, the girl locked me there and I don't know where she went, but Kyleen came and released me.” he explains.

“You need to find more normal girls, seriously, you have a serious problem in choosing someone.” I tell them. Serious! Emery, this girl now, my God, what a rotten picker.

“After that we went out a few times and she became part of the team. Shortly thereafter, we met Noah and Leah. That's been six years. Something around there.” Cal finishes.

“Went out?” I widen my eyes. “Have you and Kyleen ever had an affair?” I approached him, shocked, seeing him nod. “ Oh my God!”

“ It's really fun to tell her things, isn't it?” Ash laughs, seeing my reaction.

“Yes, but it came to nothing, it was more fun and in the end, it started to get weird. So, we decided to just be friends.” Hood responds. Once again, I look at Ash with my mouth open, making him laugh.

“She didn't tell me that. What a bitch.” I lean against the wall, indignant.

After the fun afternoon with Tweedledee and Tweedledum, Calum took me home, since today I was having dinner with my father and Meredith for the first time.

“Anything call me, okay?” Hood speaks before saying goodbye. “Especially if Meredith brings that peach pie with homemade whipped cream.” I watch with wide eyes, he close his eyes dreaming of the pie. “I can even taste it.” he finally sighs.

“Do you want me to keep a piece?” he quickly nods, smiling. “Okay, bye, Cal. Thanks!”

I get out of the car laughing. I couldn't ask for better friends.

I keep imagining a million scenarios while I get ready and wait for them to arrive. I know that Meredith and I know each other and get along, but that doesn't stop my anxiety from attacking.

The doorbell rings and I almost cry, regretting not having canceled before. I open the door to find Meredith fixing the collar of my father's shirt, which held the so famous pie. I watch the woman with medium dark hair and a long jumpsuit, opening a warm smile. My father steps forward and gives me a hug.

“How are you?” he analyzes me.

“Well, every day better.” I give a nervous smile. Then the time came. “Hey!” I open my smile a little more to receive Meredith.

She takes a step towards me, shy and extends her hand. I squeeze willingly and give passage to the two of them. We sat at the table and stared at each other for a few seconds, until I realized that I didn't put the dish on the table.

“Sorry.” I mention getting up, but my father takes the lead.

I understand that he wants to help, but being alone with Meredith, even for two seconds, was still not comfortable.

“So …” I start. “I saw that you are going to publish a second book.”

“Ah yes yes. Next week, I can't wait.” she responds excitedly.

Her first book was about toxic relationships and to my amazement, I helped out on some points. The second book would be about the new beginning, the emotional and financial freedom of women. She was not a Jane Austen, because the genres are different, but she is well known.

“I know I'm suspicious to talk, but it looks incredible. Your mother read and loved it.” my father comments the last part in a natural way. However, Meredith notes that I was a little uncomfortable and changed the subject.

I discreetly thanks. My parents' divorce and their friendship is something that I am still absorbing. I accept, but I am learning to cope.

We started talking about my father's trip to Japan and how he fumbled over there. It didn't take long for me to get comfortable with Meredith over there, she's as funny as my dad and very kind.

Meredith must be my mother's age, but she has an energy that makes her look much younger. She wears colorful clothes, always has a huge smile on her face and a contagious laugh. It is good to be close to her. I discover that her first husband was her high school boyfriend, but unfortunately he died of cancer.

Then she started dating an organic food store owner, but he was not a nice guy. It was from this relationship that the first book came out. I admire the courage and strength she had to put an end to it. In return, she had Kendall and Samantha, who look adorable.

“Ah, before I forget.” She takes some papers out of her bag. “The twins made some drawings for you.”

I open those papers with a huge smile. The paintings contained various hearts, flowers, Petunia in various forms and even their self-portrait with me. Everyone wished me well and said that I was the best sister in the world.

“I do not even know what to say.” I am touched. I always wanted to have siblings and since I knew them both, the desire to meet them only increases. The only issue is the fear that they won't like me.

“They are dying to see you, but we said they need to wait for you to be ready. I know there is still a lot to assimilate and absorb.” Meredith says calmly. I am grateful that they do not press anything.

But like everything, I needed to face this. Being afraid of two five-year-olds is not going to help at all. In fact, it will only make me miss them more.

“Yes, you commented on the interview that Meredith will give on the afternoon program, on Wednesday. If they want, I can take care of them.” I suggest nervous, after all, I have amnesia, a broken arm and a leg in the orthopedic boot. I don't know if I'm reliable.

They both look at each other and shrug. For them, I wouldn't have the slightest problem, and certainly not for the children. So it was agreed, Wednesday, I would find my brothers, and may God help me.

“Who's up for pie?” Meredith opens that smile again.

I end up laughing again, remembering Calum earlier. I send a photo of my plate to him, who responds with crying emojis and a huge audio, begging to keep his piece.

28 notes · View notes

silverarmedassassin · 4 years

Text

Home For the Holidays (1)

Bucky x Reader | Words: 8,608 | Warnings: None

A/N: Happy holidays and happy December 16! This is my holiday submission for @wonderlandmind4 Fall/Winter challenge. My prompt was: B is very enthusiastic to introduce A to all their traditions, but tries to be sensitive when A seems like they’re struggling to fit in/enjoy themselves.

I’ve been working on this guy for so long, so I decided to split this up into two parts. Part two will be posted this weekend! I’m so happy to finally be sharing this bad boy with you all! If you feel so inclined, I would love to hear what you think. Happy reading!🎄

From the time he was a young boy, Bucky has had an aversion towards the elderly. Which is ironic considering since, technically speaking, he is the elderly now. It’s not that he doesn’t like old people; it’s just that they make him uncomfortable. Which is why, on a balmy Sunday in October, when he walks into the Brooklyn Manor nursing home, he feels his skin crawl.

This trip has been a long time coming. Two years on the run, a voluntary deep freeze, a universal war, and the obliteration of half the earth’s population and its subsequent return, to be exact. But no amount of time would ever prepare Bucky for the visit he was about to make. But it was “essential to his healing,” as Sam so often liked to say. This, along with therapy and the establishment of a place of his own outside of the Tower, was meant to help him move past what had happened to him, help him see that he was a victim and that people still loved him despite what he was forced to do for all of those years.

"Good morning," a cheery redhead says from her spot behind the front desk. "Can I he-" She cuts herself off when she looks up from the computer screen and sees who is looming over her.

"Er, hi," Bucky says, suddenly convinced this is a terrible idea. He should expect nothing less, considering his line of work, both current and past. "I was told Rebecca Proctor lives here..."

It took a second for the woman to register what Bucky had said, but then she jumps into action and begins to type into her computer. "Of course! Are you a relative?"

"Brother."

Her eyes go wide for a second before it clicks. "Oh my goodness, of course." The woman grabs a sticky note from the pad next to her keyboard and scribbles down a series of numbers before handing it to him. "Her room number is 117. This is the code to get into the residence portion of the building. If you need help finding the room, there should be a nurse's station in every hall."

Bucky offers a tight smile and nod of appreciation as he takes the slip of paper from the woman. As he makes his way deeper into the facility, he can feel his nerves waxing and waning with each step. He shouldn't be nervous. It was just Becca, just his little sister, one of the last living ties to his life before all of this. But it had been so long, who knew if she would even recognize him?

When Bucky recruited Sam to help him find out where, or even if, his sister was living, he figured it would be a fruitless quest. He was surprised, however, when Sam came to him a week later with the address of the building he was currently attempting to navigate, shyly dipping his head every time he would pass an older woman in a wheelchair or a group of men concentrating on a board game. Sam had managed to hunt her down with a little help from his Avenger title. The nurse couldn't give him much information since he wasn't a relative or listed on her medical files, but what she could share broke Bucky's heart.

At 102 years old, technically a little less since she was a Snap victim, Becca's memory was less than stellar. Her children had made the tough decision to place her in a home after her mind had started to slip, and she was no longer able to care for herself. It makes Bucky feel guilty because he wasn't around to help.

But today, hopefully, that would change.

After a little wandering and a helpful point from a nurse, Bucky finds himself standing in front of the oversized, thick oak door with a golden plaque in the center proudly displaying "117." He waits a moment, listens for any sign that someone is in the room, but all he hears are the general noises of a nursing home just after lunchtime. He raises his hand to knock but stops short of making contact. Should he knock? What if she’s sleeping? He wouldn't want to wake her. He decides to slowly press the door open instead.

He enters the room slowly, unsure of what he will be greeted with when he reaches the end of the short hall blocking his view from his sister's bed. What he sees, however, thoroughly surprises him. Instead of finding a small, frail body lying in a too-sterile hospital-grade bed, he finds his sister sitting in one of the two armchairs in front of her window, quietly looking out into the garden just outside. After a moment of shifting back and forth on his feet, Bucky clears his throat in an attempt to catch Becca's attention.

The woman slowly turns her head to eye the intruder, and, to Bucky's amazement, a slight look of recognition flashes across her face. Despite her age and sunken appearance, her bright blue eyes still shine as brilliant as they did when she was a little girl. He focuses on those eyes as he slowly crosses the room to her.

"Hey, Becca. Do you," Bucky grimaces as the falter in his voice caused by the tears that are starting to form in his own blue eyes. "Do you know who I am?"

To save his sister from having to crane her frail neck to look up at him, he settles himself into the chair across from hers. The smooth velvet is cool on his overheated skin, and he could sink into the feeling of comfort it gives him. Another piece of home, he thinks as a picture of his family's home flashes across his mind, the two chairs nestled in a similar position to how Becca has them now.

Rebecca studies her brother for a moment before a thin but bright smile spreads across her aged features, and Bucky lets out the breath he didn't realize he was holding. "You're from the pictures. Just over there."

Bucky watches as a boney finger points to the dresser, the top neatly cluttered with picture frames and trinkets, a sign that his sister had lived a full and happy life after he'd gone. He gets up and makes his way to the piece of furniture to better look at the mixture of black and white and colored photos scattered together. It's strange, he thinks, seeing his sister's life play out across the years in the span of just a few short seconds. When he lands on a black and white photo in an aged frame, he freezes. Smiling back at him are his parents, Bucky himself sitting in front of them on their home's front steps, and Becca nestled snugly in their mother's arms. From when they first brought her home, Bucky thinks to himself as he reaches out and caresses the delicate glass. He moves on to another older photo, this one depicting the two Barnes children dressed in their Sunday best with a scrawny Steve Rogers thrown into the mix. Bucky shakes his head at the sight of his best friend, remembering all the trouble he used to get the two of them in.

The last photo he sees, though, causes a lump to rise and settle in his throat. Frozen in time in the cracked and fading film is the last time he ever saw his family. Bucky, Rebecca, and their parents stand on the dock just in front of the boat he was to ship off on. Becca and his mother have a tight grip on him, and his father only offers a tight smile to the camera. Looking at the image of his younger self, not too different from what he looks like now, is a heart-wrenching moment. The man in that photo has yet to see death first-hand, feel the visceral need to kill or be killed. That man was still innocent, naive to the world, and convinced he was invincible.

Bucky remembers that day and how, despite the nerves, excited he was to see someplace other than dinghy Brooklyn. Yeah, that war wasn't one he signed up to fight, but he'd made a promise to himself he would do what he needed to keep his ma and sister safe.

As he reaches for the frame, a soft knock on the door startles him from his thoughts. "Mrs. Proctor!" a sweet voice sing-songs as the door is pushed open once again. "I hope you didn't fill up at lunch. I brought-Oh!"

Standing in the doorway, both hands full of reusable bags filled to the brim with goodies of all sorts, is a young woman. Her smile, one of the prettiest Bucky's ever seen, he thinks, falters just a little when she sees his towering form taking up so much space in Becca's room. However, she recovers quickly and nudges the door shut behind her as she makes her way deeper into the room.

"I didn't know you were expecting company this afternoon," the woman says and deposits the bags onto the bed. "Who is this?"

Bucky studies the woman in an attempt to figure out who she is to his sister. She couldn't be a daughter or granddaughter, right? She looked nothing like them. Plus, she was calling her Mrs. Proctor. Bucky also felt confident in his ruling that she was not a nurse or staff member at the facility, considering she wasn't wearing scrubs or donning a facility badge.

The only indication that she even belongs in this facility is the sticker she wears proudly just above her heart, with "Y/N" scrawled in bright red letters.

"The pictures," Becca finally says with a smile, pointing towards Bucky. "He's from the pictures."

Their visitor looks between Bucky and Rebecca with a soft look somewhere between pity and a faint sense of joy. "Bucky," the frail old woman says, and Bucky instantly feels the lump that had settled into his throat not ten minutes earlier begin to grow again.

Y/N must sense the energy shift in the room because she quickly pulls out a few homemade goodies wrapped in cellophane and places them on the rolling table next to Becca's bed. "Well, I'll let you be with your visitor, Mrs. Proctor," she says as she shoulders her bags again. "I'll see you Tuesday evening, okay?"

Becca simply nods as she watches the younger woman make her exit, then shifts her attention to Bucky as he steps back towards her and crouches down.

"Bec, you remember me?"

She says nothing at first but brings her hand up to rest on Bucky's freshly shaved cheeks, a fresh set of tears gathering in their twin blue eyes. "You came back."

Bucky sits with his sister for two hours after they reacquaint themselves. The nurse that spoke with Sam was right; it was difficult to be around her, as she often slipped up with her memory. She couldn't remember the names of her grandchildren, nor her great-grandchildren, but when she saw their smiling faces looking back at her in the pictures, she knew they belonged to her. Her fragile mind, however, seemed to favor older faces and memories. She could recall events from when she was a teenager and even got some details right from when Bucky shipped off. The remembrance came with a repeat of the same stories two or three times, but Bucky didn’t mind. He was never around to bear witness to some of these stories, and it was just good to hear his sister’s voice again.

It's around 3 o'clock when Rebecca begins to grow tired, and so Bucky takes that as his cue to take his leave. He helps his sister into her bed for a pre-dinner nap, then quietly makes his exit when he is sure she is fast asleep. For a visit he was hesitant to make, he can't think of a better way to have spent his Sunday afternoon.

As Bucky makes his way back through the winding halls of the facility, a jaunty tune he recalls from his teenage days plays through his head, and he feels like he could face the world if needed, which is why he finds himself doing the unimaginable as he reaches the redhead at the front desk.

“Excuse me,” he says with a renewed sense of confidence that had been absent earlier in the day. “I don’t know if you can give me this information, but there was this woman...Y/N I think her name is. I don’t think she was a nurse, but maybe someone else that works here? Would you be able to tell me if she was still around?”

The woman smiles gently back at him but shakes her head. “We’re such a large facility, I’d need to see a face to know exactly who you’re talking about.”

There’s a momentary lapse in his confidence, realizing just how weird the question could come off. He’s suddenly very glad she had no idea who he was talking about and hopes she doesn’t mention it to anyone else.

“Uh, thanks anyway,” he mutters as he gives a small nod. “Have a good rest of your day.”

Oh well, he thinks to himself, at least I could make it out my door this morning.

The Snap impacted each and every person differently. While most think the Vanished had it the worst, people tend to forget about those left behind. Many lost their jobs due to closures and shortages, others were evicted due to insufficient funds for rent. The uncertainty of it all, the not knowing what happened to family and friends, not knowing when you’d find your next job, if you’d have money to buy groceries this week, took a harder toll on some than others.

You had been a relatively fortunate one. Since moving to the city, you hadn’t quite made a large group of friends yet, which meant there were fewer people for you to lose. Your family had somehow lucked out as well. Due to an abundance of workers suddenly gone without a trace, you’d been able to snag a corporate position that you managed to hold onto even after the Snap was reversed.

However, the one downside was the aftermath of families coming back to their homes only to find that someone new was living in their space. That, unfortunately, happened to you. Two days after everyone reappeared, you had a knock on your front door. When you opened it, you found a lovely couple who had just been married before the Snap and had just started renting the apartment you were living in. And, even though you’d called this building your home for the past five years, you did what any half-decent individual would do and moved out. Goodbye state-of-the-art gym and central location, hello paper-thin walls, and a forty-five-minute one-way commute.

At least you were able to take a few days off of work to get your belongings out of the old apartment and into the new one. Most of the larger furniture had been the couple’s, which meant you only had to carry a few pieces into your second story Brooklyn brownstone apartment. The problem, however, was that there was no elevator in this renovated building, which meant you had to find a way to carry your low-quality Ikea TV stand up the too-narrow stairs without busting a wall or your furniture. The only thing you were close to bursting was a nerve because it was turning out to be more of a two-person task, and you were the only one participating in this moving process.

“Fuck you,” you groan as one of the stand’s legs gets caught on the stairs again. Despite the chilly breeze that was blowing in from the building’s front door you had propped open, you were perspiring more than would be deemed ladylike. With the rate you were going, you would need to need to take another full day off just to get your stupid furniture into your apartment.

“Do you need some help?” a voice calls from above you. You peek over your shoulder to find a rather tall, rather bulky man standing at the second-floor landing. It hadn’t even occurred to you that people might actually need to use the stairs to, you know, go about their daily lives. What doesn’t go over your head, however, is the fact that the man standing at the top of the stairs was not a complete stranger like you originally thought, but someone you knew almost too well for not actually knowing him at all.

“That would actually be wonderful,” you huff out a laugh, attempting to be nonchalant about the fact that Bucky Barnes, the Winter Soldier - soldier turned assassin turned Avenger - was standing just feet away from you for the second time in twenty-four hours, this time in your new apartment building. Maybe this place wasn’t as safe as you had thought?

He makes his way halfway down the stairs, and you attempt to shimmy out of the way so that he can grab the corners you had been holding up. “If you could just get this thing back down the stairs, I could-” Your meager offering of help is cut short when Bucky manages to slot his arms into place and life the entire piece like it was nothing. A metal arm will do that to someone, you suppose.

You awkwardly direct him to your apartment, shoving open the door to 2B and waving your arm to give him a vague idea of where you want the stand. “Thank you. You’re a lifesaver. I thought for sure I was going to have to take the thing apart to get it up here.”

“It’s no problem, really,” Bucky says as he stuffs his hands into his jacket’s pockets, the stiff leather shifting and rubbing as he does so. When he looks at you for the first time, his bright blue eyes light up even more with recognition. “Hey, you were visiting my sister’s place the other day.”

“I was,” you laugh as you extend your hand. “I’m Y/N.”

There’s a brief moment of hesitation before a warm, leathered hand slips into yours. “Bucky,” he says as if you wouldn’t already know who he is. "Do you, uh, need help bringing anything else up?"

You watch him as he slowly glances around your small apartment, void of much except for a few boxes and the stand he just carried up and your mattress you've yet to shimmy into the bedroom. “Oh! No,” you laugh, realizing how pathetic your new home looks at the moment. “I have movers bringing the rest of my things from storage tomorrow. But thank you, I really appreciate it.”

“It’s really no problem. If you, uh, ever need anything, I rent the unit above you. Not sure how often I’ll be home, but for whatever it’s worth,” he shrugs as you follow him back out your front door.

“I’ll keep it in mind. I guess I’ll be seeing you around?”

Despite his nod of agreement, you don’t see Bucky for another two weeks. You try not to let the unexplained but forewarned absence weigh on your thoughts. With the exception of listening for the creaks of his floorboards that never come and the brief visits with his sister, you find yourself doing everything you can to not fixate on the Grecian god of a man you have somehow come to call a neighbor.

It’s not until you receive a call from Rebecca’s daughter that you finally admit he was home.

“Oh, I’m...I’m so sorry…” you choke out when Mary informs you her mother had passed away in the early hours of the night. Despite having no real relation to the Proctor family, you’d known them for a handful of years due to your time spent at the nursing home. In that time, they’d come to be like family to you, so their loss affected you just as strongly as the passing of your own family member would. “Have you told her brother?”

“No. We have no way to contact him. I know he’d spent some time with Ma at the nursing home, so I left a message for them to pass the news and my number on if he came in or called. But I haven’t heard anything.”

“I actually have a way to reach him. I’ll tell him to give you a call, okay?”

When you get home the following day, you’re greeted by the sound of Bucky’s shower turning on. Five minutes later, it shuts off. You give him another ten before you make your way up to his apartment. The idea of telling this man, a practical stranger who you knew nothing about other than what you’ve read in books and seen on tv, that his sister passed away leaves you feeling nauseous. This isn't exactly what you pictured when you said you’d see him around.

He’s quick to answer his door. You’re taken off guard when his door is pulled open to reveal his broad chest covered in a blue Henley that is clinging to his still-damp skin. It takes you a moment to gather your thoughts and remember exactly why you were here.

“Is everything okay, Y/N?” he asks as you drag your eyes up to meet his own.

You clear your throat and shake your head in an attempt to gather your thoughts. “Uh, yeah. No? I’m sorry to bug you, but I, uh...You haven’t heard from Mrs. Pro-er, I mean Rebecca’s daughter, have you?” When he says no, you sigh. You knew that was the answer you were going to get, but a part of you still hoped you weren’t going to have to be the one to deliver this information. “Mary called me yesterday. She, uh...She wanted you to know...uh...Rebecca passed away...early yesterday morning…”

You can visibly see Bucky shift through several emotions - shock, grief, anger, to finally an almost expressionless mask. You unintentionally stiffen at the sound of metal shifting and grating together, which seems to break Bucky’s haze. You can tell he’s struggling to find words in that moment, so you continue on, hoping a coherent sentence will come out.

“I know I’m probably not the person you want to hear this news from, but I couldn’t really give her a way to contact you and...Here!” You shove your hand out towards him, the small piece of paper you wrote Mary’s number down on resting in your palm. “I told her I’d give you her number. So you could call her or whatever.”

Bucky just looks at the slip for a moment before you clear your throat. “Listen, I’m really sorry. I wi-”

“Thanks, Y/N,” he cuts you off and grabs for the paper. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to go call her.”

Before you can respond, Bucky is turning his back. “Yeah, okay,” you whisper to the dark oak of his door before making your way back down to your own apartment.

“The service was beautiful, Mary,” you say as you hug Rebecca’s daughter. “She would have loved it.”

“It’s all thanks to Bucky. He paid for everything.” Mary says as she sets her gaze over your shoulder. “Or, I guess Uncle Bucky is more appropriate to say…”

You turn and follow her gaze to where the man in question is, his great-great nieces and nephew using him as their personal jungle gym. You can tell, even from across the room, that his face is absolutely glowing, eyes crinkled in the outer-corners with delight as Bridget, the youngest of the bunch, wraps her tiny arms around his neck and demands a horsey ride.

“I’m glad they’re taking it so well,” Mary says as she watches her grandchildren. “It’s almost like he’s been a part of their life this entire time instead of just appearing out of nowhere.” There’s no hostility in her voice when she says this. Rather, she sounds remorseful. “I went my entire life hearing stories about my uncle. My dead uncle. Yet, after all these years, he shows up looking exactly like he does in the pictures I’ve been looking at since I was a little girl.”

You felt for Mary and the rest of the family. You couldn’t begin to comprehend how difficult and confusing it must be to find out that the man you’d come to know as just a ghost story was alive and real and more than willing to be a part of even the most difficult moments in life. It’s a testament, you think, to how good of a man Bucky really is. Despite the horrors of his past and the apprehension he’s likely still faced with every day, he’s still willing to put himself out into a world that has been less than kind to him.

As if your thoughts summon him, Bucky looks up and over to where you are standing. When he catches your eye, his smile grows. You’re sure there has never been anything as beautiful as Bucky Barnes flashing a megawatt smile at you. “At least you’re in good hands.”

You decide not to stick around for the luncheon after the service so, after snagging a few refreshments and a quick chat with a few of the family members you recognize, you begin to inch your way closer to the exit. You hadn’t seen Bucky since you’d spoken with Mary, and you were in the middle of trying to figure out why that left you with a hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach when you’re abruptly stopped on your way to the doors.

“You can’t leave before I get the chance to apologize for the other day,” Bucky says, a small smile gracing his face. He cleans up well, you decide as you get a better look at his lightly stubbled face. He has his hair tied back in a neat, low bun, which allowed his eyes to stand out more than they usually did, and a black-on-black suit is stretched just right over his broad chest. If you didn’t know better, you would think he was a model on loan to add some cheer to the rather dreary day.

Bucky quirks his head and shifts his body weight when it takes you a bit too long to answer, and it’s only then that you realize you’re ogling him. His sister just died, Y/N, you chastise yourself, this is not the time to be checking him out.

“I, uh,” you clear your throat, hoping he can’t feel the heat that is rapidly clawing up your neck radiating from you. “I don’t want to intrude on family time,” you say rather lamely. It was true, but for whatever reason, Bucky left you feeling almost guilty.

He lets out a humorless laugh and crosses his arms. “If anyone is intruding, I think it’s me,” he says as he looks over your shoulder back into the banquet room the rest of the family is in.

You turn to follow his line of sight and can’t help but smile when you see one of his great-nieces twirling around, showing off her dress. “Nah, don’t say that. The little ones seem to love you,” you laugh, hoping to lighten the mood just a little.

Bucky chuckles and then sighs. “Yea, but I just...don’t feel like I belong.”

Hearing Bucky, this man who had his entire life ripped from him multiple times, who, after spending just a few short hours in total with, you ardently believed deserved every good thing in the world and then some, say that he feels he doesn’t belong among those who are supposed to love him most broke your heart. You know that it’s likely untrue that Rebecca’s family was anything but unwelcoming, but that Bucky even felt that way caused a pit to open in your stomach.

“Oh, Bucky…” you say softly, trying to avoid sounding full of pity. “I’m so sorry this all has happened to you.” He averts his gaze and shrugs. “You know what? I could probably stay for a little while longer…”

At that, Bucky looks back at you, eyes as bright as when his own sister recognized him on that very first day. You knew then that, no matter what, you’d do anything to keep that look on his face.

“I promise it won’t be for nothing. They have a ton of food, and I guess there are some famous deviled eggs that, not to sound awful but...are to die for.”

You stifle a laugh and shake your head as Bucky leads you back into the banquet room, excitedly rambling on about the various food items his relatives have to offer. After piling your plates full and grabbing a coffee, you follow Bucky to a small table conveniently tucked away in the corner. Over the next hour, you watch Bucky’s perfectly constructed walls begin to crumble just a little. You quickly uncover which topics make him uncomfortable, particularly those revolving around his current line of work and those he can talk about endlessly. You learn the ins and outs of what it was like being friends with Captain America before he was the size of a brick house. You also discover that Bucky is someone you could listen to talk for hours on end.

“I don’t think it ever came up,” Bucky says as he takes a seat back at the table, two fresh cups of coffee in hand, “how did you know my sister?”

You hum your thanks and take a sip before answering. “Well, a few years ago, or I guess a few years before the Snap, I started volunteering at the nursing home. You’d be surprised how many families just shove their parents or grandparents in those homes and forget about them. They get lonely and just want someone to talk to that isn’t a nurse or whatever. It got worse during those five years. Rebecca never really needed me to sit with her; her family visited all the time. However, she was still one of my favorite residents.

“She talked about you all the time, you know. Even when she couldn’t remember her own children’s names, she always had a story to tell about you. She was immensely proud of you.” Bucky grunts, and you playfully roll your eyes at him. “She was a good storyteller. Sometimes it was hard to tell if she was trying to pull my leg or not. She...she was something else, but she’s going to be dearly missed.”

A somber sort of silence falls between the two of you then. It’s not uncomfortable, but it’s the kind charged with a unique sense of melancholy. It’s so strange, you think, to share a common heartbreak with someone you still barely know. Loss and grief have a curious way of bringing those once unknown together.

“Uncle Bucky,” a high-pitched squeal cuts through the moment and brings with it the excited, flushed face of an excited great-niece. “Uncle Bucky, I made you something!”

Bridget worms her way up onto Bucky’s lap, a piece of paper with her hand traced to look like a turkey in its center. “To Unkle Bucky, Luv Bridget” was written sloppily across the top.

You watch as Bucky’s expression goes from one of strain to that of absolute joy. “Thank you so much,” he smiles as he takes the paper and examines it as if it were a piece on display at the Louvre. “I know exactly where I’m going to hang this as soon as I find a frame.”

The little girl, who bears a striking resemblance to her long-lost great-uncle, beams as she wraps her arms around his neck and squeezes. You catch Bucky’s eye, causing him to break into an even wider smile. You hope he can see how truly and unconditionally he is loved.

You watch as she scrambles off back to where her brother and cousin are sitting, coloring away. You nod at the sweet drawing. “Planning on spending Thanksgiving with them?”

Bucky smooths his hand over the paper in front of him and thinks for a moment. “They invited me. I guess they, we, have family in Indiana that they usually visit for the holiday. I just...I don’t think so. I don’t want to be that far from where I’m needed most, and I think meeting a whole new set of family would be a bit much, ya know?”

You hum in response, fully understanding the dilemma. It’s unfortunate, though. “Well, I’m sure I could never compete with a real home-cooked meal, but I’m staying home because I don’t...really agree with the holiday and will be heating up a nice frozen turkey TV dinner if you would like to join. I might just throw in a pumpkin pie, too.”

Bucky looks up then, a soft, small smile turning up the corners of his lips. “Thanks, Y/N, really. But I’m not sure. Might not even be home,” he shrugs.

“Well,” you say as you look at the time on your phone, “the offer stands just in case you change your mind. But, hey, I think it’s time for me to leave for real now. I have some work to catch up on before I go back to the office tomorrow.”

You can tell he’s disappointed, but Bucky offers to walk you out anyway. He wants to stay and help his family clean up, or he would offer to walk you home. You make your rounds to say goodbye to the family you were familiar with and, when you reach the kiddie table to say goodbye, Bucky’s great-nephew Jackson refuses to let you go.

“Will I ever see you again even though we can’t come to visit Grammy no more?” he wails as he buries his little face into your stomach.

“Jackson, please,” his mother says as she comes to diffuse the situation. The little boy lets out one last sob into your dress before letting his mother pull him into her arms. “Y/N will still be around,” she smiles mischievously, directing her gaze over your shoulder to where Bucky waits at the front doors. “I’m almost sure of it.”

You can feel the heat of embarrassment as it claws up your neck, and you quickly give another round of hugs and goodbyes to the children before heading back to Bucky. “Is everything alright,” he asks as he hands you your coat.

“Fine. Jackson is just…” you slip on your coat and refuse to meet Bucky’s probing eyes, “dramatic sometimes.”

The weeks following Rebecca’s funeral saw Bucky locked away in his apartment. Calls from Sam and Wanda went unanswered, and the curtains were scarcely opened. He’d even ignored your attempts of delivering some semblance of comfort. The pasta dish you dropped off was left mostly untouched in his fridge, and he’d only managed to eat half a slice of a pumpkin pie you’d left for him on Thanksgiving. He knew that hiding away was doing nothing for his mental health, would do nothing to help him move past the loss and pain, but it was all he knew. How he reacted was all he could control, and Bucky liked to be in control.

His control, like most things in his life, came to an end far too quickly when Sam decided he’d finally had enough. Bucky knew that he couldn’t hide from his friends forever, but he would have liked to come out on his terms.

“Man, I know you’re in there,” Sam shouts as he knocks on the door of Bucky’s apartment. He’d been there for five minutes now, and, at this point, Bucky was testing to see how long he could keep the man waiting. “Seriously, Buck, open the door, or I’ll use Redwing to knock it down. And I won’t pay for repairs or reimburse your security deposit.”

Bucky sighs before hauling himself off of the couch. “What?” he deadpans as he opens the door. It takes everything in him not to slap the toothy grin off of Sam’s amused face.

“I was beginning to think I was going to have to call the Smithsonian - tell them to get your exhibit ready because, as far as any of us knew, you were dead,” Sam says as he pushes past Bucky into the apartment.

“What do you want?” Bucky asks again as Sam looks around the scarcely decorated apartment. From the discontent on his face, Bucky could tell Sam was less than thrilled with the state of his apartment. It was dark, the only furniture being a couch, a small coffee table, and an old TV he’d stolen from the Tower. Not exactly what one would consider a "space of their own."

“Listen,” Sam says as he moves to push open the curtains, “you’ve spent enough time locked up in here. You need to get out, see the sun, get some air. Plus, Wanda misses you, and that spider kid has been coming around asking for you.” Bucky grimaces at that. Peter Parker had asked his fair share of questions about his arm, and Bucky didn’t feel like entertaining the teenager anymore.

“Don’t give me that look,” Sam continues as he flops down on the couch. “Go get dressed. You can hang out with the crew for a few hours today. I promise if you have the worst time of your life, I’ll let you sit in your own filth and wallow for the foreseeable future, okay?”

After a moment of contemplation, Bucky agrees. Despite his dwindling interest in seeing anyone outside of his own reflection, he knew that seeing his friends - his chosen family of mix-matched misfits - would make him feel at least a little better. So, he allows Sam to tidy up the apartment, put away the dishes Bucky has been neglecting, and open the rest of the windows while he goes to get dressed. Bucky will never admit, however, just how much lighter he felt when he emerged from his room to the man he reluctantly called his best friend, smiling back at him.

December creeps up in a flurry of deadlines and personal obligations. The two-week break your company gave you every holiday season was a welcomed reprieve to the daily hustle and bustle of life, but it also meant long hours at the office in the weeks leading up to the holiday. Plus, the holidays were always a sour topic around the nursing home, as many of the residents were left to their own devices instead of being a part of family celebrations. That meant, in addition to staying until six or seven o’clock at work, you were spending hours afterward crafting decorations, cards, and personalized goodies for each of the residents you visited each week. This all, understandably, left you with little to no free time.

So, when the first of the month came rolling in, and you were yet to have played a single Christmas song or even thought about pulling your tiny table-top tree from storage, you felt deflated. You’d never been so thankful for online shopping and overnight shipping because, by Saturday afternoon, you had a brand new artificial Christmas tree waiting for you on your building’s front steps. In your excitement of getting into the holiday spirit, however, you completely overlooked just how you were going to get this tree up your narrow stairwell. It was like moving day all over again, except for this time you were sure a knight in shining vibranium armor was not going to show up to save the day.

To your dismay, you hadn’t seen Bucky since his sister’s funeral a month ago. It’s not like you hadn’t tried to make contact. You had prepared him a small meal the day after and had even left him half of the pumpkin pie you picked up from the market down the block. The only way you could tell he was even inside his apartment was the fact that, when you went back up to check, the items were gone. That or one of your other neighbors had taken them for themselves. Either way, you were missing Bucky. Even though you’d only had one proper conversation the entire time you’ve known him, you enjoyed just knowing Bucky was around. The thought of him suffering to any extent made your heart twist into unmanageable knots.

You sigh as you prop the building’s front door open, bringing your attention back to the task at hand. You were strong and independent, and you were more than capable of getting this hefty box up to your apartment. With that mindset in tow, you’re pleasantly surprised to turn around and find Bucky and another man making their way towards the building.

“He’s alive,” you exclaim, unable to hide the smile that blooms across your face. You’d feel embarrassed at the overexcitement that laced through your greeting, but you were genuinely happy to see that he had been out of his apartment and with a suspected friend.

“Uh, hey, Y/N,” Bucky says as he looks down to his boot-clad feet. Despite his quiet demeanor and tendency to be closed off, you’d never seen Bucky so...shy.

So you turn your attention to the second man standing in front of you. “I’m Y/N,” you smile as you bound down the stairs to the men, hand out and waiting for Bucky’s friend to shake, “Bucky’s neighbor!” You hope that whatever icy tension that had settled over Bucky would thaw if you directed the spotlight away from him.

“Sam,” the man says as a toothy grin breaks across his face. “Bucky didn’t mention he had neighbors.”

“It’s an apartment building, bird brain, of course I have neighbors,” Bucky mumbles as he buries his hands in his jacket pockets. He looks at you then or rather looks past you at the tall box leaning against the brick building. “What’re you up to?”

“Well, I just got a new Christmas tree delivered,” you say as you bite your lip and try to hide your desperation for help. “I was just getting ready to take it up.”

Bucky looks from you to the tree before settling his gaze on you. “Do you need some help,” he asks coyly.

You don’t even attempt to mask your smile as you guiltily nod your head. As Bucky turns to look at his friend, Sam puts his hands up. “Nah, man, I was getting ready to leave. Plus, heavy lifting is more your thing,” he says before looking at you. “Plus, Bucky is still learning how to play nice with others. And it’s my day off.”

You chuckle and playfully roll your eyes. “You better go relax, then. I’m sure a day off is rare for a superhero.”

As Sam starts backing up towards the way they came, he nods. “I like her, Buck. She really gets it. It was nice meeting you, Y/N!”

“Bye, Sam,” you wave as you watch him make his way down the sidewalk. “He seems really nice,” you say as Bucky hauls the tree box over his shoulder.

“He’s a pain in my ass,” he grumbles as he nods towards the front door.

All you can do is laugh and lead the way to your apartment.

“Thank you so much, Bucky,” you say as he finishes up pulling the faux tree from its too-small confines.

“It’s not a problem,” he shrugs and takes a step back to look at the tree. It’s in pretty rough shape, but once you’re done with it, no one will ever be able to tell it’s lived most of its life in a cardboard box. “You know, I haven’t had a Christmas tree since 1942.”

You stop shuffling around in the bin of ornaments and turn to look at him. “You’re joking,” you say, absolutely appalled. When Bucky shakes his head, you make a decision. “Stay and decorate with me, then.”

This obviously takes Bucky off guard, and before he can even attempt to come up with a reason to say no, you’re busting out your best pout, absolutely determined to share some holiday cheer with him this afternoon.

“Fine,” he sighs, but you can see the hint of a smile twitching on his lips.

You put Bucky to work immediately, pointing at boxes and bins full of ornaments, tinsel, and other holiday goodies. To your delight, he has quite the eye for placing ornaments, a skill he attributes to having a best friend who forced him into art classes and design lectures as teenagers. You’re almost certain he’s enjoying himself, a suspicion that is all but proven when he starts cheerfully humming along to the Christmas station you have playing on your phone.

“I’m really happy to see you out and about today,” you say as you hand him a sparkling orb to hang on one of the taller branches.

Bucky falters in his movements just a little before delivering the ornament onto its new home for the season. “I’m sorry I disappeared for a little bit…”

“Oh, Bucky,” you say as you place a hand on his metal forearm. You'd been surprised when he took his jacket off to reveal his metal arm with little more than the sleeve of his t-shirt covering it. You try not to think of the implications behind the small but seemingly intimate action. “Never apologize for how you grieve. We all process and deal with things differently.”

A moment passes in silence, though it’s not awkward. It’s simply a moment where both of you seem to process what was said. Surprisingly, it’s Bucky who breaks the silence. “That pasta thing you left me, that was really good,” he chuckles.

“Remind me, and I’ll write the recipe down for you. It’s one of my favorite comfort foods.”

Time passes easily with Bucky. Despite what Sam said early, Bucky is an excellent companion to decorate with. He cracks jokes every now and then and comments on your collection of antique ornaments. You even manage to get him to try some of that crockpot wine you had attempted to make earlier in the day. By dinner time, your tree is fully dressed and situated in its corner, and you’re tipsy on holiday cheer and alcohol. As you make your way towards the couch with a fresh glass in your hand, Bucky begins to hum along to Bing Crosby’s “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” as the beginning notes start to float through your apartment.

“God, I remember when this song came out,” he says quietly as you take your seat. “They played it nonstop at camp. Dunno what they were trying to do, raise our spirits, maybe? It just made me think about how Ma and Becca were going to be all alone that Christmas.” He pauses then, likely lost in the memory. You’re about to say something to pull him back from wherever he drifted off to when he adds, “I couldn’t help thinkin’ that this was a song I’d ask a girl to dance to, too.”

“I didn’t know you could dance,” you laugh as you set your wine glass down.

“Oh sweetheart, I had girls lining up outta the hall to dance with me back in the day. I wasn’t always so…” he turns to look at you and gesticulates with both arms to make his point, whatever that may be.

You squint your eyes in a challenging glare and stand. “You have to show me these moves, Bucky Barnes.” He opens his mouth to protest, but you quickly cut him off. “I’ll sing along if you don’t. I know you can hear the concerts I put on for my shampoo bottles in the shower. Save you and the neighbors the show, come on.”

Bucky gives you a mock grimace before giving in. You’re not sure if it’s the wine that’s causing time to feel so slow or if it’s the fact you want to savor the image of Bucky standing over you, flesh hand outstretched for you to take. You don’t question it, though, and simply step into his warm, welcoming embrace. It’s all too easy to melt into Bucky’s arms and allow him to guide you around your tiny living room.

A few moments pass with little more than Crosby’s melodic crooning drifting around the two of you. You hope that, despite how close you are, Bucky can’t hear how rapidly your heart is beating. When you finally muster the courage to look at him, you find that he was already looking at you. He squeezes your hand a little and gives you possibly one of the most tender smiles you’ve ever seen.

“Nice to know I still have it,” he exclaims as he winks, and you smile and shake your head before resting it on his shoulder.

When the song ends, Bucky ends his effortless glide across the antiqued hardwood floors, and you pull back from his chest enough so that you can look into his eyes. If your gaze lingers a little too long on his plump, pink lips, you’ll never admit. Despite the impossibly low lighting of the room, you can see the way Bucky’s crystal blue eyes sparkle and dance when they catch the lights from your tree.

“Thank you for helping me today,” you say, barely above a whisper.

“‘Course,” Bucky replies and, as the seconds pass, you’re pretty sure that he begins to lean towards you, eyes flicking between yours and your lips.

Just as you’re about to close the small distance, a disorienting ringing begins from somewhere. Bucky pulls away, irritation quickly taking over his expression. “Goddammit,” he practically growls as he pulls his phone from his pocket. “What, Sam?”

You watch as a range of emotions flash across Bucky’s face before a seriousness shadows his features. He barks out a gruff, “See you in a few,” before quickly ending the call. “We’re, uh, needed. Immediately.”

“O-oh,” you mummer, disappointed that he has to leave so quickly. You watch from where Bucky had stopped the two of you as he gathers his jacket and scrambles to put his boots on. He’s almost to your door when your brain finally catches up to what is going on, and, in that moment, you’re appreciative for how small your apartment is because you’re able to get to him before he is fully out of the apartment.

“Wait, Bucky,” you call as you grab for his arm. When he turns to look at you, you almost back out of what you’re about to say, but you persevere, knowing that the world will continue to turn if he rejects you. “Come to Christmas with me. My parents only live two hours away. We’re pretty low-key, no big party or anything. Please?”

Bucky considers you for a moment before he visibly softens and nods. “You know what, sure. That...that sounds great.”

You smile so wide when you hear him accept the invitation, something you thought for sure would be for not. Before you can even consider your actions, you’re leaning up to place a chaste kiss on his rough and prickly cheek. “Stay safe out there,” you say gently. Bucky simply nods, a blush begins to work it’s way up his neck.

You stand in your doorway until you hear the front door of your building click shut behind him. You’ll never confess to it, but when your own apartment door is securely shut behind you, you do an excited, happy dance.

#bucky x reader #Bucky Barnes x reader #bucky x you #bucky fanfic #Wonderland4SeasonalWC

70 notes · View notes

aros001 · 3 years

Text

Going in blind: Watching season 1 for the first time. Random thoughts.

This show is kind of nice because I have no memories of the original She-Ra show, or even any of He-Man, honestly. I'm not sure if I ever watched the original, so I have no frame of reference for how the series is "supposed" to be. I can just take it and judge it as is.

Of the bat, all I know is that supposedly She-Ra and Catra get together as a romantic couple later, but I'm also a huge My Hero Academia fan and the fandom around me ships every character with every other character, so for all I know that might just be shipper wishful thinking I've been seeing and hearing. Given fandoms for Gravity Falls, Thor, and Supernatural ship even siblings together, I've learned not to trust anything except for what I see in the series for myself.

By the way, this isn't a review, just random thoughts and comments I'm having as I'm going through season 1 for the first time.

Episodes 1 and 2: Right off, I really like Catra's "No duh" response to Adora about the truth of the horde. She knows they've been lying to them and have been doing terrible things, she just doesn't care. If she and Adora play their cards right they could end up being the ones in charge and then they'd have all that power. Not necessarily to make things better but enough to where they could do whatever and live however they want. That's a good build for an antagonist. Not ignorant to the fact what they're doing is wrong, just simply so selfish that they don't care.

Episode 3: It really feels like there was no good reason why Glimmer didn't just outright introduce Adora to her mother and every reason she should have known it was a bad idea to try and hide her for a surprise. Being a former horde soldier she'd probably get treated with hostility if Glimmer brought her to the front gate but you'd almost guarantee Adora would get arrested or outright killed if she got caught while no one else knew she was there.

On the other side, we have Hordak being pretty intelligent in promoting Catra. He probably knows Shadow Weaver already doesn't like him, so it's not like he's losing anything making her upset with him, and it's clear she favors Adora way more than Catra, so that little bit of advancement towards Catra probably goes a long way in earning her loyalty to him and a person on the inside with Shadow Weaver.

Also, I'm not the only one who saw Madam Razz and immediately thought Adora had found her Yoda, right?

Episode 4: I don't know how it was in the original She-Ra and He-Man series but I kind of like She-Ra being this title from legend. Adora is not the first She-Ra, given what Razz was talking about with a Mara, so instead of being something new, impressing everyone with abilities they've never seen before, and creating the legend, Adora is placed in a position WAY over her head where she's having to live up to what came before her.

Episode 5: Calling it now, as long as her personality is genuine I think Scorpia is going to be one of my favorite characters in this show. She's...endearing, I think is the best word. She's like a mix of Kronk and a nicer Shego.

For a little bit I thought Mermista was voiced by the same actress who played Poison Ivy in the Harley Quinn animated series. She's not but they do have the same kind of Daria-ish inflections, thus by confusion. Given the prom episode, Sea Hawk feels kind of like her Kite Man.

Episode 6: Okay, now it's between Scorpia and Entrapta who are likely to be my favorites by the end of this. She's fun and quirky.

Episode 7: Quite the lore drop. Shadow Weaver was once a Mystacor sorceress known as Light Spinner. I like to imagine we'll get more on that later. Her haunting Adora reminded me of the Teen Titans' episode where Robin was similarly haunted by Slade. This didn't go as far as that but that's probably for the best, since TT had two and a half seasons to build that dynamic up with Robin and Slade while we're only now halfway through the first season.

Episode 8: Well dang. Again, I don't know for sure if Adora and Catra do end up together but boy do I buy why they're shipped together after that dance. Also, good on Bow for standing up for himself. It's clear that he'll always be Glimmer's friend and this won't change that but that doesn't mean he has to just accommodate her. I understand where her issues stem from but I am still glad he gave her a reality check. It helps him feel a little more like his own character.

Also, another nice little bit of lore and worldbuilding. Scorpia's a princess, the horde landed where her people lived, and they seemed to join them willingly.

Episode 9: Surprisingly don't have a lot to say about this other than I don't buy for a second that Entrapta is dead (EDIT: She's not). This was mostly action.

Episode 10: Not going to lie, this one kind of annoyed me a little, at least the first half. The conversation between Glimmer and her mother saved it a bit. It was a bit of a trifecta. You have the alliance breaking apart, saying that the loss of Entrapta only happened because they were all together...even though Entrapta only "died" because of her own machine obsession that caused her to deliberately walk back into the purging chamber. You have Entrapta who might be turning to the horde's side because she feels abandoned by the other princesses...even though they thought she was dead, and again it was her fault they got separated. And you have Glimmer refusing to tell her mother that Shadow Weaver's dark magic has caused her powers to go on the fritz and is causing her great pain. It just feels like none of this would be an issue if most of these people would stop being self-absorbed for three seconds and talk like any normal person would. It feels very CW drama, like something I'd see in a bad season of Arrow or The Flash. The only person whose issues I buy is Adora, who is basically a soldier who was never properly raised to deal with emotion or loss and is already struggling with the burden of being She-Ra, the legendary savior. I get why she's beating down on herself for not being able to do more even if nothing that happened was her fault.

Episode 11: JEEEEEEEEEZZZZ, that was such a good episode! Focused entirely on Adora and Catra and their past together. Like, just showing someone this episode alone could probably get them to want to watch the series. That was everything you needed to know about their dynamic and history together.

Also, that moment when Catra and her past self are looking at each other, while obviously Catra takes the opposite lesson, it reminded me of this fanart I'd once seen of Jason Todd, the Red Hood, looking at his past self as Robin. The past says to the future "You ruined everything". Catra could be happy but, ironically for someone who hates Shadow Weaver, she's probably going to be a lot like her, sacrificing everything for power and ambition.

Given the way she looked, I'm guessing Shadow Weaver is either addicted to the power of the Black Garnet or she suffered some kind of past injury and its power is the only thing keeping her going. Or both.

Episode 12: I'll be honest, Swiftwind being able to talk kind of gobsmacked and I needed a moment to recover. What a great voice they chose for that character.

So She-Ra is kind of like the legendary heroes from Rising of the Shield Hero, coming from a long line of people chosen to wield the sword. I tend to dislike chosen one types of stories because I think prophecy takes a lot of weight out of the character's actions, so this and Avatar are more what I like. The MC is special but not the only one who's ever been special and they can still easily fail. Their destiny was only to be able to use the weapon, not that they would succeed in any specific purpose.

And dang, Catra's turn against Shadow Weaver happened faster than I thought it would but I'm not complaining. That great "This is what you've really been preparing me for" speech and Hordak, again, being an intelligent villain. "Oh, this experiment could net me a MASSIVE gain and all it could potentially cost me is this rock I already gave away to someone who lately hasn't been producing any results and has been consistently disobeying me. Yeah, I'm going to let this play out."

Episode 13: That was kind of a brutal fight between Adora and Catra. Not the worst I've ever seen even in other shows for this age range (Samurai Jack, for example) but those punches are connecting and those claws are leaving marks.

Also, maybe I'm just misunderstanding the exact situation but shouldn't the good guys' side be called the Resistance instead of the Rebellion? Being a rebellion would imply they are rebelling against an established power or rule over them, but the actual conflict we are shown is the established power and rule that is the kingdoms of Eternia resisting an outside force that wishes to establish a new order over them.

Season 1 verdict: I'm into it. I'm definitely more invested in the villains' side of things but that's not a fault of the series, that stuff is just way more geared towards me than the current princess stuff. I actively am at attention whenever the horde main characters are on screen. For the good guys it's mostly Adora and the She-Ra stuff I'm invested it. That isn't to say I have any real dislikes for that side. Bow especially I'm liking much more than I thought I might. He has kind of this gravitational pull around him. You will be his friend regardless of how much you might want to resist. He's definitely the rock for everyone else to hold onto.

Minor side note, kind of like Korra in Legend of Korra, I love how even when her powers aren't active Adora is shown to still be pretty strong physically with how easily she was lifting people up at the prom.

And I was right, Scorpia is my favorite side character.

On to season 2!

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/PrincessesOfPower/comments/nyll2e/going_in_blind_watching_season_1_for_the_first/

#she ra #she ra spop #random thoughts #reddit repost

5 notes · View notes