#[sobs now bc that song went SO HARD]

[noxtivagus]

i love love ffxiv sm fr (to the edge)

[cowboybarzy]

you’re losing me — mat barzal

ok so I definitely impulse wrote this after listening to the song one too many times! (still listening to it, still sobbing about it) definitely check it out although it may be a bit hard to find haha taylor pls just release it

spoiler: this is a HEA bc I am incapable of writing/reading sad endings. my life sucks enough, my fictional world doesn’t need to either lol so not all aspects of the song are used/it’s not exactly the same as the song, it’s just inspired by it

word count: 3.9k warning: angsty, with hea

"I need a break."

"From what?"

"Us."

—————————

When you started dating your boyfriend Mat seven years ago you thought you were going to get married. Even with his busy schedule he was the most attentive, caring, and loving boyfriend you could have ever dreamed of. When he moved to New York, of course you were extremely happy for him. Playing in the NHL had been his dream since he was a kid, so you were very supportive, but you couldn't help but feel heartbroken over him moving across the country and leaving you. But ever since the day he landed in the city, he begged you to come live with him and eventually he convinced you. You transferred university to one in New York, lived in the dorms for a couple of years until Mat and you got an apartment together. You finished your undergraduate degree, then started and finished your masters. Mat had always been just as supportive of you as you of him. He made living away from your family easy. He made living easy. Date nights in all shapes and forms, luxurious vacations, and just him making you happy with all of his little quirks. Your relationship was something straight out of a movie. It was perfect. Until it wasn't.

You don't know when things began to change in your relationship, nothing really caused it, but one day you started feeling unhappy. Mat changed. Or maybe you did. But you weren't the same two people you once were. When you came home from work, you got a 'hello' and a kiss but the passion behind his eyes were gone. He barely asked you about your day anymore or told you about his. Just enough before you fell back into silence. You didn't used to mind the silence. Sitting comfortably in silence was a sign you truly felt at peace with a person, but when the silence got uncomfortable for you, you knew something was wrong. The amount of times you two went out alone decreased to the point where you could count on one hand the amount of dates you had been on in the past two months.

He just stopped making an effort and any effort you put into the relationship was rejected or gone unnoticed. Like making him dinner or doing his laundry and him not at least thanking you for it.

His love language was most definitely touch, but even that had slipped away day after day. He kissed you in the mornings, at night, and when either of you got home, but the spontaneous make out sessions or random quickies throughout the day were basically nonexistent anymore. You had sex after his games or when he got home from a roadie, but somehow that had started to feel like an effort.

You missed the old Mat that always had some part of his body touching yours. At dinner, sitting next to each other, he usually intertwined his pinky with yours, only breaking to use his knife. Or he always held your hand or had an arms wrapped around you when you were out of the house, like he was afraid to lose you. That stopped and now you were the one afraid that you had lost him.

You had just gotten too comfortable with each other. You knew each other so well you could anticipate what the other would say or feel that you didn't need to tell each other anymore. You still wanted to that, you were still interested in what he had to say, in hearing his voice, but after countless efforts being rejected, it was easier to say nothing.

The worst part was that you couldn't even blame his schedule and just wait for the season to end. It hadn't changed. You had made it work that past few years before, even with you being busy with school, so why now? You were starting to question your self worth, because what else could it be?

The last few months had been hell for you, silently and lonely suffering. Because every time you brought up the subject of your relationship, he said everything was fine and that we'd just hit a little rut that would resolve itself.

You wanted to believe him so badly. You wanted to believe that everything would be okay. You didn't want to throw the last seven years away. You had worked so hard to be here. You had experienced so much together, made so many memories. Was it really worth throwing it all away?

But you were sick of waiting for it to stop. Sick of your efforts being lost. Sick of Mat not seeming to care. You hit your breaking point.

And that's how you found yourself on the verge of tears standing in front of Mat in your kitchen in which you had made so many beautiful memories. "I just can't sit around waiting for you do something anymore. I gave you so many chances for you to do something, say something, risk something for me, but you did nothing. You're losing me, Mat, you don't even seem to care."

He blinked. A blank expression on his face. Just like the last few months. Some part of you wasn't surprised, the other ripped your heart into shreds.

"I just– I need a break."

"From what?," he finally asked, already knowing the answer.

"From us." A tiny, very tiny, weight lifted off you when you said it out loud. You had been wanted to say it for months and although you weren't happy about the situation, you were proud of yourself that you did. "I'm going back to Seattle for a few months. I just need space from you right now."

"When? For how long?" That's probably the most he'd asked about you in a while.

"I haven't booked a flight yet, but probably tomorrow." He nodded, pressing his lips together. "At least until the end of your season. Until you have some free time to figure out if you still love me or not." You lips were shaking, tears threatening to flow freely. You didn't want to say it, but a part of you felt bitter.

"(Y/n)–"

"No!," you stopped him. You couldn't hear it. "If you tell me you love me right now I'll stay. And this wasn't an easy decision but a necessary one. I'm weak for you, Mat. I'd do anything for you, but I don't feel that from you. So, please, just stop. I made up my mind. This has to happen. Maybe in a few months we can work it out, but right now I need space."

He gave you another nod then turned around and left. You heard him rustling around in your bedroom and a few minutes later your front door slammed shut. He was gone. A part of you was angry at him for not putting up a fight, but then again you had asked him not to. But just once, you wanted him not to listen to you and tell and show you how he felt. You guessed you had your answer.

The next few months were rough for you. A different kind than the few months before, but still difficult. You missed Mat terribly. Countless of times you came close to booking a flight back home to New York and burying your face in his chest. But it wasn't your turn this time. He had to fight for you.

But you missed him nonetheless. You had almost called him when Anthony got traded just a couple weeks after you left, but you didn't. Then again when not shortly after he got hurt in a game against Boston. You wanted, but you didn't. Not until he did. But he never did.

It took a while, but you started to be able to breath again. You got a small job at a café, since you took a leave of absence from your big girl job in New York and still needed some money. You made some new friends, most of your old ones having moved away or gotten too out of touch with, and developed a new daily routine. You started feeling better, but the whole inside you was reserved for only Mat to fix and would probably take years to mend if he didn't make a move soon.

Weeks, then months went by and not a single word from Mat. You couldn't even see him on TV for his games (which you still watched) since he was injured and his social media was a bust too. Your friends and his teammates (also your friends) checked in every once in a while, asking how you were and telling you how miserable Mat was. But unless you saw that for yourself, you couldn't really believe it.

Then, by some miracle the Islanders made it to the playoffs and Mat was scheduled to be back to playing. You tuned in, but almost had to turn it back off when you saw his face. His beautiful face that you loved to kiss and touch and simply just look at. Now though, it was riddled with frown marks, dark under eye circles and his unshaven scruff that took you years to like. He fought more on the ice, too. He rarely took penalties for righting but during these next few games he collected them like trophies. He was short and snippy in his post game interviews, again, something usually unlike him. He was miserable, you could tell. But then why had he not made an effort to get you back? Had you pushed him too far away when you left him? Was that the wrong thing to do?

You fought with yourself day and night. You wanted to go back to him and fight for him, but then you remembered that you did. You did fight for him countless of times. In your head you used to screamed at him to do something, say something, risk something, but he never did. So stayed put, waiting for his season to end and see what he would do.

A couple weeks later, your parents were out for dinner, you were home watching a movie with a big glass of wine when the doorbell rang. You didn't feel like answering, but who rang the doorbell after six pm? Your ex boyfriend who just showed up without a warning from across the country did. Or current boyfriend?

He stood there, outside your door with his grown out hair, unshaven beard, and sad look on his face. You started at him, processing. He was here.

"Mat? What–"

"No! It's my turn to talk now! (Y/n), you left. You just fucking left me without a warning." When you opened your mouth to protest, he held up his hand silencing you. "I know, I probably should have seen it coming, but you left! That hurt like hell."

He rubbed his face with his hands, also combing through his hairs before he went on. "I don't know what happened. I swear. I felt something change, yeah, but I just got comfortable. I didn't fall out of love with you. Never. And I'm sorry. I just assumed you felt the same and I shouldn't have. I should have checked in more. I'm sorry for taking for granted what I had. You. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I totally understand if you're done with me, because no one should take you for granted. (Y/n), I love you and the way you care for people, for me. You light up any room you walk in, you make everyone smile, you're– god, you're so so beautiful."

He took a deep breath, fighting his tears. You had given up holding them back pretty much the second you opened the door. "What I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry. I've been such a jerk and I realize that and take full responsibility. These past few months have been hell for me without you there. Our apartment feels so cold without you. But it gave me some time to think about everything I fucked up and everything I will do better if you're willing to take me back. Please take me back, (y/n), I don't know how to live without you." He shook his head and tears away, collecting himself. "No, wait. I came here to apologize and give you time to decide whether you'll forgive me. The 'I want you back' speech will come later. If you'll hear it."

You were speechless. All these months, even before you left, that's what you had been hoping and begging for to hear. Why couldn't you speak? Or move?

Moments passed with the two of you just staring at each other. Mat hesitated to say more, but he couldn't read your face. Did you want to hear more or slap him in the face and tell him to leave? "Alright, uhm, I'm gonna go. Don't really know where, but I'm sure there's a hotel open around here." He got ahold of the suitcase next to him. "Uhm. I guess, text me? Or call? Whenever you're ready."

He waited a few more seconds for you to move, but when you didn't he slowly turned around and walked out of your driveway. Seeing his back turned, him walking away from you again when he had just come back made you snap out of it. "Maty!"

You sobbed running up to him and into his arms that had opened for you the second you yelled his name. You buried your face in the crook of his shoulder, inhaling his scent while you clung to him. He held onto you just as desperately. His hand I'm your hair at the back of your head, the other around your waist holding you tight to his body. You felt like home again after months and months of searching for it. You heart expanded and pounded swiftly for him and him alone.

"Fuck, baby, I missed you so much." He had let you down, but now both of his hands held your cheeks as he looked at you. He dropped his forehead against yours. "I'm so sorry."

You weren't ready to forgive him just yet, but you were so ready for him to kiss you. "Kiss me." And boy, did he. His mouth attacked yours with that intoxicating passion you had missed so much. Your tongues danced their dance without a hitch as he claimed you as his again.

You must have stood out there for minutes before breaking apart and coming up for air. You pulled him into the house, you had given your neighbors enough of a show. You settled on the couch, but put a pillow in between the two of you so you could talk things out before you did something you'd regret. That didn't stop him though from reaching his hand out to you. First, he took your hand then let it wander up to your face. "Come back home with me," he whispered. His sad green eyes were begging, too, a look that was very hard to resist.

"I want to," you whispered back, your voice starting to shake with emotion again. "But I can't just go back like nothing happened. Mat, those few months were extremely painful for me, I can't just ignore that. I'm so happy you realized it now, but I need to see some action. Your words, as happy as I am to hear them, aren't going to fix it alone."

He nodded, then dropped his forehead against yours. "I'm sorry. I'll fix this. I promise."

"We'll fix this. I don't want to throw us away, I want to work on this, but we need to do it slowly."

He nodded again and brushed his lips against your nose. "I have to go back to New York tomorrow. I have a few meetings and exit interviews and stuff, but after that I can come back here or you come back and I'll live with Wally or something for a while so we can work on this."

You nodded and threw the pillow separating you to the floor. You'll hash out the details later, but right now you just needed his big, warm hug. You sat like this for hours, not saying much, just enjoying each others company after you had been away from each other for so long.

The next day, he really did leave to go back to New York but he came back just a few days later. He stayed at a hotel, which did feel weird, but it was for the best. You needed to trust him again and doing it slowly would result in the best outcome. You spent a few hours together every day, catching up and talking about your plans to rebuild your relationship. At the end of the day, he'd bring you home and kiss you for a few minutes, then leave. Every time you wanted to run after him and go with him, but you could already feel the hole in your heart fixing itself, so you didn't and just trusted the process.

The day you told him you were ready to come back to New York was one you'd never forget. He spun you around in the middle of the park you had decided to have lunch at and kissed you like nobody was watching. It felt good, like the beginning again.

You celebrated his birthday a few days later and the day after he left to go visit his family in Vancouver for a few days while you tied up some loose ends here in Seattle. You'd meet back in New York in your apartment.

After an exhausting cross country flight, you were surprised Mat had sent an Uber to pick you from the airport instead of picking you up himself. But when you finally walked through your apartment door and the lights were off except for a few lamps and candles that you had carefully collected over the last few years, you knew why.

Mat, dressed nicely, stood in the middle of your living room surrounded by flowers and lit candles. Little Polaroids and pictures of the two of you were laying across the floor and furniture as well. You approached him slowly, taking his outstretched hand until you stood directly in front of him. His other hand slid into his pants pocket and pulled out a small red velvet box.

"I promise I'm not doing this out of desperation to get you back. I've had this ring since last year. I've been thinking about doing this for a long time. I've just been waiting for the right moment. I didn't want to propose during the season because I wanted to celebrate and do it right. And I had planned on taking you to Africa or the Maldives or somewhere more fun than our apartment but, you know... And I can't wait any longer." He smiled, then chuckled. "But, I'll still take you wherever you want to go."

"Maldives sound good." Why that was the only thing you were answering to you weren't sure, but with a chuckle he kept going.

"Good. And that probably also means you're not going to say no to my next question, but I'll ask anyway." He lowered down in front you onto one knee with his hand still holding onto your left. "(Y/n), for the past seven years, there is not one second that I haven't loved you. I know I haven't always shown that, but I promise you that won't happen again. You are the most important thing in the world to me and I promise there won't be another day where you will question that ever again. There's no one else I want to spend the rest of my life with. It's you, babe, it's always been you. Will you marry me?"

You dropped down to your knees and grabbed his face to kiss him. "Yes," you repeated over and over again between kisses that tasted salty due to the tears running down your face. He got emotional, too, when he finally slid the ring on your finger. It was exactly the one you wanted and had dreamed of getting your entire life. It was perfect and so was he.

And he did keep his promise. Now and every single day there after.

*******

a few years later

"... the end."

"Again!"

"No, it's bed time now, honey."

"No! No sleep! One more book." Your three year old son jumped from your lap and dove towards the bookshelf to pick out another book to read. You checked your phone to see if your husband would be home any minute and in fact he would be, so you agreed to one more book.

"There you guys are." The door opened and Mat walked in with a big smile on his face.

"Daddy!" Your son, again, jumped from your lap into his fathers arms.

"Hi, buddy. I missed you." They hugged dramatically while your son told him all about his morning. Mat eventually put him down and took the couple steps need to get to you.

"Hi, princess. I missed you, too." He picked up your almost one year old daughter, who was also sitting in your lap, and hugged and kissed just as dramatically as he did with your son. Her sleepy eyes lit up with excitement and she filled the room with adorable baby giggles.

"What about me?," you pouted as you stood up.

"You have no idea." His arm wrapped around your shoulder and his lips gently touched yours, but with two children demanding your attention, the kiss was kept short.

You all hung out in the room for a bit, catching up on what Mat had missed while he was away for the last few days on his hockey road trip. Then you put your kids to bed, although putting an exited toddler to bed was no easy task, but eventually he did fall asleep.

"Hi," Mat whispered after you finally closed your sons bedroom door. You turned to face him and his messy hair made you smile. He aged like fine wine and you were thankful every day that he was yours.

"Hey." His hands took ahold of you and slowly pushed you against the hallway wall.

"I missed you," he whispered against your lips before claiming them. His hands roamed your body to find all the places to squeeze and touch while shoving his tongue in your mouth for an amazing kiss. How he went from fun goofy dad to horny teenage in a matter of seconds, you didn't understand, but you also didn't mind.

"Mat, not now. It's the middle of the afternoon," you said between kisses when you could tell this was going to be more than just a make out session.

"So?" He sucked on and kissed your neck. Yeah, what was the problem?

"So? They're both asleep. Hurry up and take me to bed." He didn't need to be told twice and a second later you were up in his arms and enjoying some much needed adult time.

[dishsaop]

i like the Hunger Games a lot but im always gonna be a little bitter it took off when her Underland Chronicles never did. those books were so good and so fucked up. snippets of spoilers for a 20 year old book series for middle schoolers ahead:

cockroaches the size of horses who talk and are actually super chill and great babysitters for human toddlers. these books are the only reason i dont have nightmares about cockroaches anymore

cannibalism happens a lot. at one point a rat the size of a bison says "man go ahead and eat your dead friend, we wont judge" to a spider, who then proceeds to eat her dead friend. everyone but the rat judges.

another rat, who is still relatively a baby, is found later eating his babysitter's liver in an attempt to hide the body.

dude, pandoras death was so fucked up. "wow an island! im starving im gonna have a snack. brb guys" flies a little bit over, is immediately devoured in seconds by bugs and her skeleton crashes into the jungle below

plague book! humans try to commit genocide and blame it on bugs

hey. hey eleven year old. kill this tiny baby screaming for his mother. he sounds just like your baby sister you think just died horribly. kill this baby with a sword. you didnt? you didnt kill a sobbing baby who watched his mother die? we're putting you on trial for treason and will execute you

baby rat gone insane, now 15' tall and leading an army, ripping the head off of his friend/gaslighter, immediately heartbreakingly asking where she went, and then finding the head and accusing a twelve year old boy of doing it

dude gregor is eleven and in the first book willingly leaps off a cliff to his death (despite it being his worst fear) in the hopes itll stop his two year old sister boots from being graphically torn apart and eaten, like he has seen happen to others

thalia's death. they dont just kill unnamed children (they do absolutely kill a lot of unnamed babies onscreen) they also kill beloved named children

"the fireflies had to gnaw ares' claw off of his corpse bc you wouldnt let go of your friends claw. its been almost three weeks and the viscera has dried and glued it to your grip. we cant get it off without breaking your finger. you gotta let go of your friends corpse, twelve year old boy"

twitchtip.

forcing the twelve year old into a prophesied battle where he will die, and making him dissociate so hard for months he blankly allows others to make him cause/be complicit in war crimes

HAHA HEY THE SAPIENT, INTELLIGENT MICE DYING BY THE HUNDREDS SUFFOCATING ON POISON GAS WHILE A TODDLER SINGS A NURSERY SONG ABOUT THE MICE DYING.

the six year old boy losing literally everyone hes ever known and cared for over and over again

just so much violent gore and death for middle schoolers, man. i love it.

hey that was objectively a good and well done ending. and i also loved it. but "hey gregor my husband was in the war. he had ptsd that will never go away just like you" hey hes twelve :( someone help him

prim's death in the hunger games has nothing on the shit collins pulled in the underland chronicles this is like a tiny chunk please read them

[bookinit02]

bookinit’s byler fic recs

happy new years! to celebrate, i’m posting a list of some of my favorite fics of this year, sorted by word count. i tried not to include a bunch of super well-known, commonly-recced fics, and of course, there are SO many more that i didn’t include just because there isn’t enough time in the world. but i really wanted to lift up some amazing authors, my friends included, as well as some more underground fics. happy reading!!🥳

my top byler fics of 2022

1 - 10k

- it’s a choice (getting swept away) by @wiseatom. i just skimmed this again to see if i wanted to include it, and even just SKIMMING, i was having goddamn heart palpitations. there is something so special about healthy communication and resolving misunderstandings with emotional intelligence and kindness instead of anger. don’t get me wrong, big dramatic blowups are lots of fun to read, but this one stands out for how quiet it is. how gentle. not only is the willel done FANTASTICALLY, but byler here is so soft and tentative, and i was eating up every minute of it. as always, with thea, a phenomenal read. (categories: post s4, mileven breakup, painting conversation, getting together, willel)

- the body is a blade by inblue. this author is severely underrated—incredible prose, such unique fics, and so much genuine emotion in such a short space. i sincerely recommend all of their works!! phenomenal, and despite their short length, they’ve stuck with me since i read them—this one in particular. (categories: poetic, unique, character study, will byers needs a hug)

10 - 20k

- i’m caught up in you by @wiseatom. the first half of this is genuinely novel-worthy—beautifully written & crafted, to the point where i couldn’t stop writing down sentences as inspiration. the second half kicks you into an apocalyptic adventure, filled with byler banter, miscommunication, wound tending, a Painting Debacle™️, and literally everything you could want out of byler in the upside down. thea’s byler is SO much fun to read—they absolutely are best friends, and they don’t let you forget it! the banter is so realistic and snarky and fun, and i’ve read this a million times over at this point. infinite kudos always💗💗 (categories: byler in the upside down, miscommunication, angst & fluff, tension, wound tending, will has a gun)

- i hate accidents (except when we went from friends to this) by blackdeathmamba. a classic, and for a good reason. great tension & pining, super butterfly-inducing, with a twist at the end that simultaneously had me yelling and giggling into my pillow. ADORABLE. so, so wonderful. (categories: pining, miscommunication, college byler, roommates, fluff)

- running up that road by @smoosnoom. i had a really hard time trying to figure out which of moon’s fics to rec bc i feel like all of them, in general, defined my 2022. and of course, everyone and their mother has recced tearing you asunder! but going back over the fics, i think this one truly had the biggest impact on me. first of all, it was the first fic i ever read while listening to the accompanying playlist, and that experience literally changed my life. it is so hard for me to read without listening to music now😭 but seriously reading this w/ moon’s song choices felt like watching a movie. second of all, i really got inside mike’s head here. his character was great, and the fic displayed some of his more unpleasant qualities that some people might shy away from, like anger or resentment. this was just a very real portrayal of byler, and of mike in general. and a lot of the scenes in here—specifically the beginning and end—have stuck with me since i read them. overall, incredible experience, and i’d read it again in a heartbeat. (categories: post s4, character study, mike centric)

20 - 30k

- the gaps and the silence by delusionaltogether (whyyyyy) aka @parkitaco. i read this last night and cried my heart out—not big dramatic sobs, but more of a silent & continuous cry that would pop back up without warning. this was just so exquisitely written—the best of parker’s work that i’ve seen, which is such an impressive feat because i love absolutely everything they publish. the resolving of miscommunication, the healing of byler’s fractured relationship, the responsibility taken on both sides, and the love that still persists through all of it—this is a masterpiece. it is a triumph of human emotion, and a truly excellent mark of good writing. cannot recommend enough—along with absolutely all of parker’s other works. (categories: angst, miscommunication, reunion, college byler, first dates, mutual pining)

- mike wheeler’s guide to falling in love with a superhero by @smoosnoom. this was my first introduction to spiderwill, and i loved every minute of it. this is fun, fast-paced, a little crazy, and just SUCH an enjoyable read. plus, i get a cameo as bagel girl, which in my opinion, is the best part!! but fr this was honestly so well done and even as i’m writing this, i’m getting the urge to read it again. loved, loved, LOVED. (categories: spiderwill, fluff, light-hearted, energetic)

30 - 40k

- you can hear it in the silence by @astrobei. there is truly not enough praise in the world for suni’s fics, or her writing in general, but this one was really something special. mike in this fic is one of my favorite mikes ever, and i think about his big conversation with robin at least once a day. this is truly just a magical coming of age romance. it is so soft & tender & real, and i genuinely could read it every single day and never get bored. also, as someone who worked in food service, i appreciated the accurate portrayal🫡 but also. never again. customers can suck my dick. getting off track here :) (categories: coming of age, friends to lovers, mutual pining, soft)

- i know, i know, i know by aude_sapere. season 4 rewrite!! the writing of this is incredible, the plot is fantastic, and it was one of my first really notable reads in this fandom. really gives will his main character moment, as he deserves!! (categories, s4 rewrite, main character will, pining, action)

40 - 50k

- i’ve come home, i’m so cold by @astrobei. this one is just. ohhhhh my god where do i even start?? this is my ideal college byler fic. it’s literally so perfect, start to finish. will’s narration is incredible, and additionally the plot is just so, SO interesting?! there’s something about suni’s writing that i just can’t get enough of. she writes exactly the way i think and it results in prose that flows effortlessly and is so much fun to read!! i am just chomping all of her fics up one by one and i am still hungry☹️ i think suni needs to write just for me forever & always actually. (categories: college byler, mystery, pining, best friends to lovers, roommates)

- boys don’t cry series by @padmedala. this series is so special to me, specifically the first installment. it was one of the first works i really read that focused on will’s queerness in other terms than his relationship with mike! there was so much queer joy & healing & growing up in this series, and it was really beautifully explored in a way that left me crying, but still unable to put my phone down. really, really wonderful, and criminally underrated. (categories: coming of age, season 4-5, queer joy, healing, romance, pining)

50 - 100k

- chiron in gemini by babydraygen. this was one of the first season 5 fics that i read, and i still think this is a REALLY interesting take on it. eddie’s alive, mike is kind of a dick, and the apocalypse is in hawkins, but everyone’s pretty chill about it. i think the characters here were so complex and interesting, and i was honestly hooked the whole time. (categories: season 5, coming of age, angst, getting together)

- there is a season by ghostlin. yet another s5 fix-it, mike-centric this time. really well written, great character development, and truly so much fun to read. to quote my original bookmark: this is, without a doubt, one of the best fics i’ve ever read. writing is impeccable, everything (EVERYTHING) is perfect, and i cherished every single word. this is my season 5. if you are reading this right now, stop and read this fic. yes, me too. read it again. (categories: s5, character development, slow burn, apocalypse, drama)

- i’ll find a new place to be from by @andiwriteordie . clearly i have a thing for s5 fics, but this was honestly so amazing!! i think about it a lot, and am definitely pulling inspo for my own eventual s5 fic (hopefully coming next year!) andi has written so many (and i mean SO. MANY) wonderful fics for this fandom, which is a gift in itself. but there’s nothing that i think about more than this one. (categories: s5, drama, will byers has powers, getting together)

100k +

- you are the heart by touchthesky. i spent months reading this one, chapter by chapter, as it uploaded, and i don’t regret it one bit. this was such an interesting, complex, and well-done take on season 5. there were some really shocking plot twists, gripping moments of turmoil, and satisfyingly resolved arcs for every single character. the action sequences are god-tier, the internal dialogue is fascinating, the worldbuilding is INCREDIBLE, and i honestly just cannot say enough good things about this fic. will probably be giving it another read soon! (categories: s5, angst, the full package, slow burn, will pov, intense worldbuilding, main character death)

again, there are SO many more—and yall are always welcome to search my bookmarks on ao3—but those are the ones i was thinking about today. here’s to more great fics in 2023!!🥳🥳

[awsugar]

best mcr songs and why

ok well my top 5: heaven help us, boy division, deathwish, vampires, famous last words

only the first two are in specific order

heaven help us has been my favorite mcr song for a looooooong time and it’s like. MY song. everyone i know knows what is my song. when i listen to it in the car, before the tour even started, i envision myself on barricade hearing it live and i CRY!! every time, like i’ve cried in a full face of makeup listening to heaven help us on the way to work multiple times. it’s the best….it’s everything. the first time they played it live on tour in europe my friend who i had never spoken to on the phone before CALLED ME AT WORK to tell me about it and i had to go hyperventilate in the bathroom. i held out hope all tour hoping i would get ut at one of my shows and i DIDNT!!! when tour was like over and they played it twice in la i literally was sitting in my bed SOBBING! at like 2am on the east coast…but listen i’m putting out the energy for them to play it at wwwy….surely they will have the time to play the bsides! or at least one of them. i’m serious like ok yes, hearing tbp live in full twice is going to change the trajectory of my life all over again!! i cant even imagine me and all my friends together hearing the heart monitor start without thinking well surely someone is going to projectile vomit…like. it’s that. it’s that serious. i’m going to rethink and grace and shit my pants and cry and scream and i may need to be airlifted out of the las vegas festival grounds. but heaven help us….i cant die until i get heaven help us!!

boy division just. fuck. it slays. i remember when it leaked. like the night before it came out there was a preview of it on like german amazon or something 😭 and i remember i kept listening to those 30 seconds over and over again and CRYING!!!! like sobbing, if i could get my og macbook to turn on i have really embarrassing pics of myself bawling on photo booth FHDEIKEK. but also i remember thinking, when it came out, i ALWAYS thought like oh my god this is going to go so hard live. SO HARD. and then they broke up and every single time i listened to it i thought about how we would never get to hear it live and what a damn fucking shame that was. and then they reunited and i went to the shrine and they played make room and i was like ooooooh. well now there is a REAL chance that i could hear boy division one day. i manifested it for the 2.5 years between that show and the tour and when i saw the eden 1 setlist leak before the show and boy division was on it i actually like almost shat in the office at work. and then yes they played it at my first show on the tour mk1 and like at least half of my shows on the tour i swear i made that happen by sheer force of will.

deathwish. just always been one of my favorites, it goes SO hard, it’s so fun to sing, it really like the melody of it just pulls on my heart it tugs it makes me so melancholy so. i don’t even know what feelings it invokes it just makes me FEEL. this big bubble in my chest. and the lyrics are so good like it’s really a quintessential mcr song for me. no one else writes music like that.

vampires is just like. idk the iconic. the first single. it “locked in that darkness” i remember when they played it for the first time in philly, bc we were all camping for albany which was the next night and we were watching the stream around a someone macbook in the queue and when vampires started ohhhh it was over!!! they played it at my first show in 2011 and even though i have like a horrible memory especially for my childhood/teenage years and i don’t REMEMBER my first mcr show i always like remembered the fact that vampires was like the best live performance of a song i’d ever heard, and i have been to a LOT of shows and i’ve seen a LOT of bands and vampires never fails!

and flw, listen…i know people like to hate on it!!! idgaf. it will never get old. i will never tire of it. it will never not hit me so hard. i remember being a depressed teenager and laying in bed at night not able to sleep just listening to flw over and over and over in order to make it through. plus hearing the crowd sing the bridge at every show ever…it’s the most magical thing in the world to me!!!!

[twokinkybeans]

Hmmmm let’s do 69 😈

I knew that at least one person would request this! Help. Okay so... Here we go!!! 😈

It's time foooooooooorrrrrr... "Amok Time" by Five Year Mission! (Idk what’s worse about having to write a Starker fic based on this song; 1) the fact that it exposes my obsession with Star Trek TOS even through my taste of music, 2) the fact that it’s AMOK TIME on the 69th place bc of the homoerotic content of the episode the song is based on, or 3) the fact that I went like “I can totally write a realistic drabble about Starker in Space lollll. Either way… Enjoy this Starker/Star Trek/Fuck or Die thingy… I guess? ;P)

#69: Amok Time (listen here!)

Peter was the youngest Starfleet Captain to have ever existed, and rightfully so. He’d superseded the outstanding legacy of Captain James T. Kirk with his quick thinking and creative solutions to the issues at hand on the USS Avenger. 

Later, after this whole incident was over, Peter knew this might be one of the most creative ideas he’s ever had to ensure the safety of his crew, but right now, he could not think about it even if he wanted to. Stark’s cock in his ass sure managed to take over his ability to think straight. 

“Stark!” Peter cried out, panting heavily underneath the man. Stark whined, a low grunt rumbling from the depths of the Vulcan’s throat. 

“Mine,” he hissed, pounding his Captain harder. “You’re mine, Peter.”

Peter didn’t know if Stark would still feel the same way once his blood fever passed, but at this moment, Peter couldn’t care less. He nodded desperately, his nails clawing at Stark’s back hard enough to draw green droplets of blood. “Yours, I’m yours!”

Stark started to fuck him harder, hips snapping back and forth with such strength that for a second Peter was scared he was gonna get seriously injured, not that Banner wouldn’t be able to fix him, but… He didn’t think he’d ever get plowed this hard. It was so goddamn hot, though, the way Stark was all open and raw, panting, claiming him. 

“Peter, Imma-!” With a loud, animalistic cry Stark came, his alien dick pushed deep inside Peter’s ass. Peter gasped, clenching around him as he felt the cum fill him up. Yours, he thought again, and Stark as the touch telepath he was, moaned, body shaking, and then- oh god. Peter’s eyes flew open wide when he felt Stark’s cock swelling inside him rapidly. Jesus. 

“S-Stark- what’s that? Oh, fuck!” 

Stark’s face broke into a wide, playful grin. He moved his hips slightly, pushing the swollen nudge even further inside Peter. Peter’s eyes rolled back, and he sobbed happily. It felt so good. Too good. 

“You like my knot?” Stark inquired, still breathing hard. Peter nodded, eyelids heavy. “It was made to keep our cum inside our partners for as long as possible. It takes a while to go down, though my blood fever seems to have faded… Want me to care of your cock darlin’?” Peter nodded again, knowing that if he spoke there wasn’t much he could say, and he gasped loudly when Stark’s fingers wrapped themselves around his cock. He jerked him fast, squeezing in all the right places. Peter gasped, rocked his hips up, and gripped at the sheets beneath him when he felt Stark’s knot move inside him, and yet, at the same time, it held him in place. Stark chuckled darkly and leaned in to kiss his Captain.

“I’ve always wanted to do this,” Stark murmured hotly against his lips. Peter keened with pleasure, catching Stark’s lips between his teeth and dragging him down in a hot, messy kiss. It’s too much, too good, and before Peter even knew what was happening, Stark flicked his thumb past his cock one last time, and Peter came with a loud cry. 

Peter rode out the waves of his pleasure, enjoying the way the Vulcan cradled him in his arms and peppered him with kisses all over his face, his neck, his chest, until finally, his knot seemed to shrink. 

Stark grunted when he pulled out and collapsed on top of Peter.

“Did it… Help?” Peter asked softly. Stark nodded.

“Yeah, the blood fever has passed. I… Thank you, Captain. You didn’t have to do this.”

“Mr. Stark…” Peter sighed. “If I hadn’t done this, you would’ve died. I could not bear the thought. Besides, we… had fun, didn’t we?”

“Fun, Captain? Vulcans would never describe the Pon Farr as a time of fun.” He paused. “I suppose you humans would see it that way.”

“Oh shut up, Stark.” Peter laughed and shoved him a little. He didn’t miss the playful sparkle in Stark’s eyes, but it was clear that now that the blood fever had passed, Stark would go back to his old insufferable self. Peter smiled. Ah well. He loved him like this, and he knew they’d get their chance to talk. They would.

SEND ME A NUMBER BETWEEN 1-100, AND I'LL WRITE A DRABBLE BASED ON THE CORRESPONDING SONG FROM MY SPOTIFY WRAPPED! (Numbers 3, 4, 7, 22 and 69 already taken!)

[boy-bug-ghoul]

Things in take me back to eden that make me go feral

so it's my first time listening to tmbte fully after putting it off bc i knew i would be so excited i wouldn't be able to regulate my emotions HDSKSHD

and my ttrpg discord server had to witness me have very very live thoughts and reviews about the album and vessel's voice and vessel's new mask (which i plan on making!)

so here's some of those under the cut!! (i might continue to edit this as i listen again and again)

(i hope this is how you make a cut this is my first post)

Chokehold:

I was listening to per aspera ad inferi by ghost and plugged my ears so that the music was like fully reverberating around my skull and it was. such a good experience.

my hands over my ears, like rattling my eardrums

i did that with chokehold. fucking incredible bro it was. insane. so good.

the light piano noises?? juxtaposed with the SUDDEN HARDNESS AND THEN THE VOCALS AND AHSKDJHFS

The Summoning:

i don't have much to say about the summoning /pos. it's a classic. i think the first song i listened to from sleep token.

I've been listening to it a little more recently. the whole thing is so good especially like the middle bit where it goes so hard and the guitar goes "bleep bloop" (i read from somewhere,, the blog name evades my memory), THEN transitions into the ethereal flowy bit before iii starts bassing the house down

OH AND MY LOVE, DID I MISTAKE YOU FOR A SIGN FROM GOD

i love listening to the drums in ST songs as well. this is one of those crispy delicious drum songs

Granite:

i sing this pretty angrily. "if you had a problem then you should have told me" etc etc yk?

after that part it's sooooo easy to vibe to because of that underlying melody, its so satisfying i listen to it over and over again

"abstract toxicity" ben says

has been in my on repeat playlist for a while now haha

Aqua Regia:

i'm such a nerd about aqua regia. the first verse goes hard. the second verse goes hard. it all goes hard without having to go musically hard.

BECAUSE THE LYRICISM IS SO GOOD. "between teeth on a broken jaw, following a blood trail, frothing at the maw" "putting down the roses, picking up the sword" "oxytocin running in the ether" JUST TO NAME A FEW

THE ENTIRE BRIDGE. THE ALARM BELLS LYRIC. yeah.

also on my on repeat

Vore:

it's like the "gods" of tmbte yk? (it's because he starts out screaming. and i love it.)

but after that like, "will we remain stuck in the throat of gods" onwards,, it has something to it that makes me want to cry.

"there is always something in the way, i wanna have you to myself for once" there's so much yearning

so good. i feel bad for ignoring vore for a while before tmbte came out bc it really is. so good

Ascensionism:

i like the "oh woahs" at the start of vessel rapping

"half of a rhythm, half deity, glitches in the cold or gaps in a strange dream" HIT ME IMMEDIATELY. I HAD TO PAUSE IT BECAUSE IT WENT SO HARD. because it is basically what vessel is. oh my

"make it real" he sounds so good singing this fml!!!

"lipstick, chemtrails" onwards is SO VIBEY like all the lyrics as well!! the blood references interest me!!

vessel whispering "diamonds in the trees, pentagrams in the night sky" gave me chills. in a gay way? yeah probably

I DO APPRECIATE HOW THE SONG IS 7 MINUTES!! LONG SONGS CHEF'S KISS

Are You Really Okay?:

i had many. many feelings about this one. it's still hard to put it into words right now

i said to my server, "im gonna start violently sobbing actually. bc its SO VERY CLEAR what it. hrgh"

it was a lot. cried, definitely. i bet it hits close to home for a lot of people.

also weird music moment i was like. noticing shdfkd i was like "damn they did this song in C major and I'm still crying" (or at least i think it's C major, it was so odd bc that's one of the brightest key signatures yk)

The Apparition:

gave me twinges of high water in emotion, but it's because i am projecting too heavily onto the first verse sdhfd

the instrumental after the first verse fucks.

the chorus as well!! the lyrics i keep talking about THE LYRICS on this one "let's make trouble in the dream world, hijack heaven with another memory"

i love the instrumental the whole time, again with that underlying melody

DYWTYLM:

THIS SONG MAKES ME SAD GO AWAY HDFSHDF

i read this descriptor on fake out by fall out boy, but i feel like this song is so "grit your teeth and smile"

"can you ever forgive yourself?" comes for my kneecaps.

"i cannot hope to give you what i cannot give myself" wrrrr shut up bro shut up D:

"smile back at me, please" SEE THIS SONG DOESNT GO TOO HARD MUSICALLY BUT THE LYRICS GO SOOOOOOO HARD

Rain:

the first song i listened to off the album! it is. not because it shares a title with a ghost member... i swear...

THE ENTIRE POST-CHORUS. "refracted in light, reflected in sound" really hit me the first time!!

i love how it gets INCREASINGLY HARDER

ben, to his discord server: "darling will you saturate?" 1. CALLBACK TO AQUA REGIA 2. saturate my [redacted] vessel

i listened to rain for an hour on repeat. it slaps so hard.

Take Me Back To Eden:

right off the bat, 8 MINUTES AND 20 SECONDS. AND ALL OF THEM ARE SO GOOD.

the first take me back to eden refrain when vessel does that high note. ascending.

i love the chorus so so much. i had so many feelings relating to the chorus. and the harmonies ohhhh my god.

"THE CHORUS KEY CHANGE MAKES ME LIKE SHAKE" "theres so many key changes im freaking out right now im going insane right now" "THE CHORUS IS SUNG 3 TIMES AND EVERY TIME ITS A DIFFERENT KEY IM GONNA LIKE CRY IM GONNA FUCKING CRY"

i had many feelings related to the key changes. the first time i experienced all three choruses i had to pause. hyperventilate for a bit.

"and i don't know what's got its teeth in me but I'm about to bite back in anger" very high water!!!! the mouth of infinity fr

WHEN I REALISED THAT NOT ONLY WAS THERE A LYRICAL CALLBACK TO CHOKEHOLD BUT THE INSTRUMENTAL AS WELL.

and the ending goes so hard i love it when vessel just starts screaming

clearly. my favourite. there's a lot of thoughts abt this.

Euclid:

the lyrics again. all so good. the night terrors. the yearning and reverence. this is my shit

the "call me when you get the chance" etc. initially i was like "this sounds so much like the night does not belong to god AND OH BOY! WAS I IN FOR A SURPRISE

"euclid is fucking insane,,, and they call back to their first ever ep AND their first ever lp and imlike hrgndnksfnrhsn" this was me before the ending right

when i heard "the whites of your eyes" my jaw dropped. i was overcome with emotion.

"THEY CALL BACK TO THE NIGHT DOES NOT BELONG TO GOD AND I ALMOST STARTED CRYING. THEIR FIRST ALBUM!!!!! oh god oh jesus"

every time i listen to it i feel like crying. I'm like gonna cry. it's so good. what a perfect ending.

good lord. what a trip this album was. thank you for reading i still have to recover from this hahahaha

[thekidsarentalright]

Oh god you’re a BABY! Preh stories! I heard sugar for the first time sitting at my kitchen table doing my homework when I was 14 and drinking fresh lemonade. I’ll always associate that song with summer. How would I know that this band would ruin my life??? I went to warped tour that year and saw them live way in the back of the crowd. I got a fueled by ramen mix tape that featured paramore and (I think) gch. My bff went and saw the black clouds tour and took terrible sidekick footage so I could see fob and from first to last. There’s an old interview that I can’t find of Pete wentz and sonny Moore (then from first to last, now skrillex) at that previous warped tour where Pete draped himself all over the back of sonny’s bicycle and refused to answer questions. A family friend got tickets to the wild things tour but I had a volleyball game so I couldn’t go. They got me a t shirt. I checked the old fob website every day along with my usual MySpace, songmeanings, and blog stops. Pete used to have a bit where he’d have fans guess which song off of FUCT wasn’t about sex but I’m pretty sure every song had a sex reference. So basically when they kept talking about nostalgia for their teasers this album cycle, I feel like sobbing lol. I’m old as hell but I love this dumb band so much.

i am a baby yeah 😭 which feels weird to say bc ive been a fan of fob for 7 years, which is a while! but not comparatively to a Lot of fans fjrkfk anyway god those are all suchhhh cool stories to hear, i feel so much like unwarranted nostalgia for the 2000s and reading that all is just soooo like. what a time to be alive genuinely im sad i missed it 😭 some of these things ive never heard before!! like pete quizzing fans!! i love to hear new stuff sm, and god i'm sure all these teasers are bringing up so many memories!!! the fact that those teasers are for all fans but like, especially hitting hard for u!!! fob is literally everything, doesn't matter how old u are or when u became a fan truly

[margolovescoffeeandbooks]

hi margo!! i hope this isn’t too much of a bother but i started watching daisy jones & the six, even thought i haven’t read it yet. i have so many thoughts :’) and i know it’s one of your favourite books so i thought id come to you!!

i was going to wait to watch it, but i was too excited and i also have so many other books on my tbr i didn’t want to wait so long. but like — idk i’m sobbing right now 😭 camila is such a beautiful character i love her so much. and i love daisy too. she’s amazing and complex which i really appreciate. i love all the songs so far (i’m on episode 6), but i just went on tiktok and saw the most gut wrenching thing ive ever seen :’) it was an audiobook of camila confronting daisy. i lost it 😭 i’m not even that far in the show but idc anymore. apparently they cut that scene from the show?? how could they do that???? that is such a powerful scene, and it just screams sisterhood in a way i have never heard so beautifully. and then i read the comments and people say they really sort of “ruined” daisy and camilas relationship, and made it seem like high school drama which it never was and now i’m like— should i just listen to the audiobook first?? i’m so upset that i won’t be able to see that moment between them on screen :( idk what to do 😭 all i know is i love camila and daisy and simone and karen like :( any scene between all of them makes me want to sob bc the sisterhood is just so amazing 😭 anyways. i had no idea id feel so drawn to this book / series but i’m so glad i decided to give it a try.

do you have any advice on what i should do? 😭 would it really make a difference if i read it before i finished watching it??

hello! no worries, you could never bother me! i love getting asks from you and all my mutuals! i've just been struggling with finding enough free time to respond to them lately... school's been particularly hard in the past few months and i'm trying to spend less time on tumblr for the sake of my mental health. but i promise everyone here that if you send me an ask, i will surely respond to it! you just have to be patient with me.

yes, it is one of my favourites! and i've finished the show about two weeks ago. it was an absolute rollercoaster of emotions, both positive and negative (mainly negative though).

i totally understand it! i would've probably done the same if i were you. i absolutely agree. camila's awesome. she's one of my favourite characters of all the time. she's so kind and wise. i aspire to be her! and daisy's great as well! she's fierce and charismatic. i really love her! the album is probably the best thing about the show. even my mom said she loved it and she grew up with fleetwood mac and other 70's band. besides, she's kind of a music snob (in a positive way). her taste is immaculate so if she said so, it is definitely true. yes, they cut it! i was so furious, you have no idea... i made everyone, my mum, my friends, listen to me complaining about it for days. they replaced that beautiful, powerful scene with a whiny, high school argument over a guy! they ruined many things in this show, but them erasing that conversation between daisy and camila disappointed me the most. it's been a while since you send me this so i don't know if you've already made the decision, but if i were you, i'd listen to the audiobook first. the book is way better than the show. yes, i adore them! it's an amazing story. i'm so glad you gave it a try!

[degreeofdisorder]

young royals s2e5 live reaction

I am feeling far more optimistic at this moment

bitch did you just keep that sweater? did wille never wonder where it went?

NOT THE FISH

you traumatized the fish simon

IS HE MAKING A SANDWICH AGAIN

"because I'm a complete idiot..... and because I wanted to" AYEEEEEEEE

I only like morally corrupt choices when they mean it's my otp doing it for their own sake

cheating? sad and wrong. simon cheating on marcus w wille? a+ 10/10 would watch would repeat

"but you're not in love w marcus"

SARA THIS IS NOWHERE NEAR THE SAME SITUATION

HE DIDN'T STAY OVER AYEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I love sara so deeply she's so weird and fucked up but that's MY little weird and fucked up baby girl

okay now suck jan-olof's dick if you love him so much

mi amor usted aquí no es nadieeeeeee

lmao how hard for simon to stare directly at wille at all times

that's such a fuckin power couple though, right? simon as the choir soloist that everyone adores and then followed by his boyfriend, the crown prince of sweden

now this is when you go up to your boyfriend and tell him to pull rank on jan-olof

yeah that's fucked up lmao

HE WAS MAKING A SANDWICH FOR SIMON AGAIN I'M SOBBING

bitch? who else is gonna pull rank on jan-olof but his literal boss wilhelm?

don't be like thaaaatttttttttt

oh murder me

"simon that's not my fault" oh that's SUCH a good one you should say that to him more often

THE SONG IS ABOUT YOU

AAAAAAAAAAA

"you haven't felt the consequences?" WHAT??? HE ALMOST GOT KIDNAPPED????? HES GOT THE ENTIRE ROYAL COURT UP HIS ASS?????? WDYM

it's not the same consequences as simon but to say wille got out of it unscathed is so fucking low

YESTERDAY WAS A MISTAKE

OH MY GOD HE TOLD HIM

HE TOLD HIM HES TELLING HIM

OH MY FUCKING GOD

oh that was fucking low

oh that was so fucking low for literally any standards but especially for simon standards

I'm sitting here mouth agape I cannot believe he just told him "you're exactly like your mom"

oh lmao who is he texting

because in case you don't know, sara saw him

and she's sleeping w him anyway

oh my god was wille just taking deep breaths instead of having a panic attack? oh my god

jan-olof having more input than kristina or ludwig is kinda fucked up

and there we go

rosh baby you gotta be smart about this. all of you HAVE to be smart about this

THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUUUUTTTTTTTTT

she's telling him? kristina is actually telling him?

"or if you renounce the throne"

"we'd risk upsetting the entire system of government" AS YOU SHOULD!!!!!!! BURN THE MONARCHY TO THE GROUND WILLE

"nobody is getting rewarded" isn't he? isn't he getting rewarded?

"i won't force you. and I shouldn't have to either" ma'am did you or did you not let them make august next in line? isn't that a way of forcing him?

so it's either wille steps up and becomes king or the person who literally LEAKED A SEX TAPE OF HIM AND HIS BOYFRIEND (BOTH OF THEM UNDERAGE) gets to become king?? like how can wille live with this?

fuck kristina fuck this entire system

"who's most likely to get revenge" sara? sara who's fucking the guy who fucked over her brother? that sara?

is sara gonna run away with the horse

did he make boris tea? that's so cute wille

me: do you? boris: do you really?

he went to malin? I thought we agreed she was a traitor

is sara going to august bc she feels she can use him to betray felice because felice [checks notes] did not resist when her parents (who have all the input) sold rousseau to people sara didn't approve of?

do you think august is realizing sara cares more about the horse than him

but also that's just

god they're so cute. in a really fucked up way but they're so cute

HE DID GO TO BJARSTAD

he's really doing this in front of rosh and ayub?

wille you really gotta stop thinking about what you have to do to be with simon and start thinking about what you have to do to be okay, just like. in general.

also do you think simon is gonna be like "ooh okay so you can abdicate and be with me and then the man who Ruined My Life™ will go on to be the next king of sweden? great awesome let's do that" like baby that's.... you gotta drop the idiot ball sometimes I'm just sayin

"you have to do what feels right for you" maybe you can turn that one around and shove it up your brain honey?

"did he just say he'd give up the crown for you?" OH FUCK ME UP

it's like. I know this we as an audience all know this but rosh and ayub sure fuckin don't know that

and most importantly simon sure fucking does NOT know this

BUT NOW THEY ALL DO

SIMON IS AWARE WILLE WOULD ABDICATE FOR HIM

oh my god

I am not feeling sympathy for august

but if he just did what I think he did??????

oh. my god august is in love w sara

oh my god he's in so fucking deep he bought the horse and now he's like...... oh my god

oh my god august is in DEEP

QUEEN SARA

WHAT THE FJCKKCKGJXKGJFLGKGK

THEY'RE SO CUTE I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF I HATE HOW MUCH I LIKE THIS

"i sold her baby"

I'm gonna have to read this book aren't I lmao

can't you just FUCKING TALK

simon: ok but malin grew up w these ideas. wille: ok but she can be her own person tho. simon: ok but she's been forced tho. me: OKAY CANT YOU JUST GET IT OVER WITH AND FUCK ALREADY

simon: and we don't know what happens at the end of the book (wille marry me). sara: well she committed suicide :)

that was beautiful

te quiero mucho linda

nvm no seas así linda

IS HE REALLY

oh my god sara better get her shit together about this

really? REALLY?

oh he really wanted to get out didn't he 😭

I get both perspectives and they both make me so sad I'm so sad

okay he's going to his room you better close the curtains now

SIMON NOTICED THE SNOWGLOBE

okay bitches you better TALK NOW

I'm not even kidding I'm going to cry

HAVEN'T YOU LEARNED? CLOSE THE FUCKING CURTAINS

god they're fucking beautiful (and they're beautiful when fucking ehehe)

DID HE JUST BITE HIS EAR

HE CLOSED THE CURTAINS SKFJDKFJSKGJ

AND THEY'RE LAUGHING ABOUT IT

I'M CRYING

I'M CRYING SO MUCH THEY'RE SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

I LOVE EVERYTHING

oh my god this feels like home no one talk to me

[butterknobsblogs]

𝑮𝑨𝑹𝑫𝑬𝑵 𝑺𝑶𝑵𝑮 (𝐀 𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐜)

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Eddie Munson

THIS IS PART ONE OF A MULTI PART FIC

‘Garden Song’ will also be available on AO3 here

Synopsis: The year is 1991 and Steve Harrington is getting on with his life- a much quieter life since he finished helping save the world. Little does he know that Eddie Munson is about to come back into his life with the force of a human tornado, years after their last unresolved encounter, and under some of the worst circumstances imaginable.

Warnings: Throw the canon out the window, literally pretend vol 2 didn’t happen, canon-typical violence, sexual references, drug use, a car crash resulting in major character injury, this part isn’t explicit but further parts very much will be, Eddie has one leg lol, angst and major mutual pining, slow-burn

General content: named after the Phoebe Bridgers song bc I saw a Steddie edit to it that destroyed me, Eddie and Steve definitely have some kind of unresolved tension in this, Eddie being lowkey bad at reading social cues, Robin is featured a fair bit in this part, Eddie and Steve are great pseudo parents, lowkey a slow ish start but I promise it picks up in the next party sorry!! This is quite long and not 110% proof read so forgive me pls lol

If you enjoy this pls interact <3

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Someday I’m gonna live in your house

up on the hill

And when your skinhead neighbour goes missing

I’ll plant a garden in the yard then

They’re gluing roses on a flatbed,

You should see it, I mean thousands,

I grew up here til it all went up in flames

Except the notches in the doorframe

|Phoebe Bridgers- Garden Song|

Steve Harrington was always prepared for the worst case scenario.

Always.

Which is why when Robin Buckley called the landline phone of his small rental apartment on a Tuesday afternoon in mid June, he was relatively unphased by the state she was in on the other end of the line.

“It’s Dustin,” he managed to make out through the illegible sobbing mess she’d become, the words like a swift kick to the pit of his stomach.

“What- what d’you mean? What about him?” Though the gravity of the situation was apparent by Robin’s inability to even catch a breath through the noises she was making, there was a jovial undertone to Steve’s words that stripped them bare of the worry he’d been struck by. “Robin what’s happened?” He could hear a female voice in the background of Robin’s end of the call, trying to coach her through her breathing which was now coming ragged through great, heaving sobs. Steve was fairly certain he could hear her fighting the need to blow her nose.

“There was-” a gulp of air in, “God Steve. They cut him out-” a shuddering exhale, “Out of the car but they don’t know if- and he’s, he’s in surgery and- but, you he put you down he wanted you called if anything happened to him Steve”.

While Robin spoke, Steve had woven himself and the phone as far away from the wall as its tether would allow him, hooking the receiver under his jaw and against his shoulder while he patted himself down in search of his car keys. He’d spent the majority of his morning on the hunt for supplies for his first teacher’s assistant gig due to start in a week- life skills, a local high school, nothing overly fancy like his parents would have expected of him- and he was dressed simply in worn light wash denim jeans with a grey and green polo shirt tucked in. He’d cut his hair since growing up, though he wasn’t entirely sure when the growing up had occurred, just that it meant his hair was now slightly tamer than it had been in his late teens and smelled faintly of the much too expensive gel that inhabited his top drawer. A few days worth of a 5 o’clock shadow darkened the angle of his jaw, the swoop of his upper lip.

“Okay Robin- Robin,” Steve swung his keys around a finger by the loop they hung off, trying hard to make himself heard over his friend’s understandable hysteria. “Robin, I'm leaving to drive down now. You got my mobile number if anything changes while I’m in the car yeah? Yeah- okay”.

And so Steve Harrington, prepared for anything, began the 4 hour drive back to his hometown in Indiana with nothing but his shitty Nokia, a tiny collection of underground albums and the half full bottle of Jack Daniels that lived in his back seat for company.

/-/

Nancy had been the first to move away from Hawkins after everything was finally done. Followed swiftly by Jonathan, and then, one by one as they got accepted to college or made other paths for themselves, the kids. Max had been the last of them to fly the coop, but it had taken her longer to figure out the logistics of leaving for herself, switching the locations of numerous kinds of physical and occupational therapy she endured for years. Eventually Robin had gone to college in New York, choosing to pursue arts. “Meet lots of other boobie loving lesbians like yourself doing that” Steve had joked, much to her behest. Hopper and Joyce hadn’t moved far, just to a larger house with land that ran the border between Hawkins and the next town over; a fixer upper Joyce had called it when they’d brought a lonely Steve over to show him.

And then it had just been Steve, because Eddie…

The last time Steve had seen Eddie Munson, it had been 1988. All the Chrissy Cunningham shit hadn’t blown over as smoothly as the government had been hoping, but Eddie had fought hard to stay in Hawkins when they’d been forcing his hand to try and get him and his uncle to relocate under new names. Steve was under no illusion that things had been looking up for Eddie, still branded a killer by much of the town despite being proven innocent, but he hadn’t wanted to leave the kids.

Until one day, late October, Eddie had appeared on the doorstep of Steve’s parents’ house- a monolith up on a hill, much too big and eerily quiet- Sabbath shirt and roughed up black jeans doing little to protect him from the bitey Fall chill, and had told Steve he was leaving. Just like that. Their goodbye had been bristling and brief, to say the least. Neither had kept in touch.

Finally, Steve had pried himself out of the clutches of Hawkins Indiana in ‘89, cutting all contact with his parents and relocating to Michigan where he’d been convinced by Robin to pursue the qualifications to become a teacher’s aid. “And who knows then? Maybe you’ll become a history teacher or a basketball coach- the possibilities are endless Stevie!” She’d spun to him over dinner one night. In the end leaving Hawkins had been like ripping off a bandaid. Momentary stinging, and then, nothing but a phantom itch every now and then to remind you that once upon a time it was there, a part of you. He called Jim Hopper once or twice every other week to check in, and that was as much as he had to do with the town where he’d become a man these days.

Now Steve sat in the front seat of his car, hunched over the wheel in a way that had his back crying out in protest, the Hawkins district hospital looming large in front of him. Robin hadn’t called once on his way down- or if she had she’d been calling the wrong fucking number- and he wasn’t entirely sure whether to take that as a good or bad omen.

Steve wasn’t entirely sure he believed in omens really. Omens, or God, or fate, or luck. Not anymore. Perhaps because he’d spent much of his time in Hawkins misinterpreting them. A “good” omen had more often than not meant someone would end up dead, or close enough to it. Like Eddie-

“Oh thank Christ you’re here.”

The passenger side door opened and Steve jumped a little, knees bumping the underside of the steering wheel. It was dark outside now, and he flicked the interior light on so he could clearly see Robin sitting across from him. She’d dyed the ends of her short, light hair a vibrant shade of red on a whim (during a drunken phone call neither of them could really remember all that much of) and she smelled faintly of weed. Her eyes looked swollen and bloodshot from crying, and she sounded congested.

“He’s still in surgery but we don-”

“Robin what the fuck happened?” He pushed some of his brown hair back from his face.

“Dustin and I, we’re down visiting Joyce-”

“I know why you’re here Ro, I don’t- ugh? No, what happened with Dustin?” He pinched the bridge of his nose and waited for her response.

When Dustin had left to go to college (and what a boozy send off that had been) he’d been accepted into Columbia. It was just his luck that Robin was in her second year by that point, her apartment in prime location and on the search for a flatmate. Hence why the pair had been visiting Hop and Joyce in Hawkins together and Robin had been able to make the call.

“He was on his way to his mom’s and there was a drunk driver in a fuckin Honda- he’s dead so good riddance, but Dustin’s seen better days”

“Yeah no shit”.

Steve rubbed his hands up and down his face in disbelief, not quite feeling real as he sat there trying to process what his best friend had told him. It felt, overwhelmingly so, as if he was waiting for the other shoe to drop somehow.

In silence, they sat for a long time. Robin took Steve’s hand in hers, leant across to his seat and rested her head against the rough shoulder of his polo, placed their joined hands on her chest. Steve snaked his free hand up to her head, looping his fingers softly through the back of her hair to try and bring some semblance of comfort to her day. He wasn’t sure how long they stayed there for- a lifetime, an eternity- holding each other in the quiet without moving, but when they finally broke apart and stepped out of the car both their bodies were stiff.

Too fuckin old for this shit, Steve thought to himself, though 24 was not old.

Robin led him through the winding, sterile corridors of the hospital hand in hand, both of them husks of the people they’d been that morning before everything had happened.

Steve was vaguely aware of a niggling, scratching thought at the back of his mind- a memory more than anything. Himself, battered and bandaged, confined to a small section of this same hospital, keeping watch of Max Mayfield’s lifeless body like a dog standing guard, day in and day out. Jim Hopper coming to sit with him, telling him the feds and the government were handling everything with as little grace as they’d all expected, explaining the process to him thoroughly like a father might his own son. The way he would sneak into the small, too cold room they’d shoved Eddie in every waking moment he wasn’t with Max, huddling over his hospital bed and often falling asleep with his head resting against the foot of the hard mattress. Had keeping them all alive really been enough in the end? When it had been his job to keep them all safe. He still couldn’t answer that question.

He found that the feeling of waiting at a hospital hadn’t changed all that much in five years. Just that now, Robin was with him and he was not as afraid as he’d been back then. The plastic chairs were still just as unforgiving on his body though.

Together, Steve and Robin, prepared for everything and nothing always, sat stoic wrapped around each other into the early hours of the next morning, until a doctor came and told them it would be “hours yet at least” before Dustin was out of surgery- if he made it out of surgery- and to go to wherever they were staying and get some rest until a call came through. And for all the times they’d been drunk together since reaching adulthood, they both thought on the winding car trip to the Hopper-Byers residence that there had never been and never would be a time where they were less lucid than now.

/-/

“Oh no Mrs Byers, I’m good thank you”

Slowly, Steve rolled back into the river of consciousness, the living room couch almost swallowing him whole in his attempt to sit up.

“You can call me Joyce, you know? I don’t bite” Joyce was bustling about in the next room- the kitchen- the warm smells of fresh brewed coffee and sizzling bacon wafting through to spark Steve’s senses awake.

“Hmm, reckon I’ll still call ya Mrs Byers though”.

Steve knew that voice. Male and light, never without an antagonistic edge to it. He frowned as he swung his bare feet over the couch edge and stood, a headache pounding violently behind his eyes.

Suddenly laughter erupted from the kitchen, Robin’s husky giggle and Joyce’s full belly laugh- along with the soft, deep chuckling of someone else, getting closer to Steve as he stretched out his arms behind his body and-

“Oh. You’re up.”

Where Steve had changed his appearance to feel more grown up, Eddie Munson had metamorphosed into a 25 year old version of the freshly post-teen man he’d been the last time the world had almost ended in ‘86. The unruly mop of his shaggy hair had remained stagnant, however in the light of the living room it looked a shade or two darker than Steve could recall it being- like seeing someone for the first time in decades and realising the picture you’d painted of them had been wrong all along. Oddly, he found, it stung.

“Coffee?” Eddie’s eyes had always reminded Steve of those of a deer, wide and the kind of dark that made him feel like they might swallow him whole any second. As they held each other’s gaze- Eddie just over the living room threshold, and Steve right by the couch- Steve found they had the same effect on him even now.

“When did you get in?” A small look of defeat played across Eddie’s soft features as Steve pushed straight past him, striding barefoot into the kitchen and ignoring the steaming mug held out in those long, ringed fingers like an olive branch.

“About 4. Hop picked me up. Still in bed now ‘cause of it,” Eddie offered by way of response.

“It was the both of you,” Robin said, staring straight down into her plate of maple doused bacon and golden brown French toast as though it might hold the power to remove all the tension that had cropped up from the room, “Dustin wanted the both of you called, if anything ever happened to him, I forgot to mention yesterday- you know how he always had that joke? You guys were like mom and dad?” She huffed a small laugh, though she didn’t really find any of it amusing.

“More like mom and dad in the middle of a bitter divorce settlement- fuck me” Eddie mumbled to himself more than anyone else as he set Steve’s cup down on the bench in front of him a little too loud and moved a little haphazardly toward the refrigerator.

“Anyway,” Robin always knew how to fill an awkward silence by talking, “The hospital called this morning, Dustin’s surgery went fine but he’s not doing great yet. Reckon he’ll be in for a long haul recovery”

“Not surprising,” Eddie spoke around a mouthful of food as he bumped the fridge shut behind him with his ass.

“And where exactly are you these days Eddie?” It was as if Steve was watching himself speak to Eddie from outside his body, screaming no no no don’t do this shit to no avail as he ploughed on, “Because I don’t recall having heard much from you since you left Hawkins”.

Robin had her head in her hands at the kitchen bench, and Joyce had long since taken her leave and fled presumably to lay back down with Hopper in their room on the other side of the house. It was a cozy dwelling, despite its large size- the first homey house Steve had stepped inside that was bigger than a three bedroom. When he and Robin had arrived last night, bleary eyed, Hop had given them a brief tour, showing off the rooms they’d decorated tailored to each of their ‘kids’. The dedication and love that permeated every surface of the home bore deep into the marrow of Steve’s bones, a reminder that he may have found comfort for himself amongst these people, but he would never erase how unwanted he’d been by his own parents.

“Well Steve,” Eddie’s voice held that same antagonistic edge it always had, “I’ve been writing a lot these days and last night I flew in from LAX so, without further ado I’m gonna take a fuckin’ shower”. He wove out of the kitchen and down the hall to the right, booted footsteps heavy and loud as he went, slightly irregular as they receded. Steve downed his coffee in six quick, large mouthfuls, ignoring the way it burnt his throat on the way down.

Somehow he’d thought seeing Eddie again would be easier. Perhaps it was because he’d never thought it would happen- though he supposed that was ridiculous thinking. Inevitably the kids would get married, start families. There would be birthdays to attend, weddings, funerals- they were fated to cross paths in a bizarre do-se-do this way for the rest of their lives. You cannot delay the inevitable.

Over the years Steve had come to terms with his sexuality like he was unpacking a box of old clothing. Trying pieces of it on one at a time until he’d worked the whole ensemble out together. Robin had been there, of course, to help and to console, and to spend far far too many nights drunk and rambling with, and she’d been the one to ultimately introduce him to the label of bisexuality. Steve had never, however, come to terms with the unresolved attraction he’d had in those last few years in Hawkins for Eddie. He’d told Robin of it only once, which he had little to memory of doing thanks to three quarters of a bottle of tequila and a sizable amount of cocaine someone from the Columbia arts department had gifted him for his 23rd birthday. He still had the Polaroid evidence that the night had ever occurred stuck to his fridge door back home.

“I don’t know what’s wrong between the two of you, but either promptly rectify it, or shove it literally so far up your ass that you can forget about it long enough to actually be there for Dustin when he wakes up, because I’m certain he did not leave strict instructions to call you both only for you to be bickering like this the whole time” Robin, still dressed in last night’s clothing, pushed back from her spot at the bench as she spoke, hands flailing expressively in her annoyance. “Also, I’m seeing Vickie today, so it’ll be up to you two to man the fort at the hospital Steve.” She stormed away down the hall, Converse squeaking on the floorboards.

Steve could count on one hand the amount of times Robin had been mad at him. The time he’d left her stranded at the Family Video Store because he’d forgotten to pick her up for four and a half hours after her shift. The time he’d almost broken her leg in the Upside Down. Potentially the time they’d been stuck in the Russian elevator but he was yet to confirm that with her.

Still bristling, Steve poured himself a second cup of coffee, then a third, and added another notch to the tally of how many times Robin had been mad at him in his lifetime.

/-/

The people of Hawkins, Indiana still looked at Eddie Munson like the town pariah. Chrissy Cunningham’s killer. No matter that the government and Hopper had tried their damned hardest to make all that go away as smoothly as possible- it turned out it was actually a lot harder than anyone had apparently anticipated to make years of predetermined judgement fuelled hatred disappear, regardless of someone’s innocence- people still hated him. Eddie hadn’t really been too surprised at the lingering distaste. He had, however, been surprised when Steve Harrington had intentionally attempted to rile him up over breakfast that morning.

Surprised may be the wrong word, all things considered. When Eddie had left Hawkins he knew he’d been the last in a long line of people Steve had cared for who’d simply up and left him. Knew his parents never called when they weren’t home, and were rarely home as it was. Avoided him like a pathogen when they were. Knew that though the kids had all gone off to college, to have the lives they’d all fought to allow them to have, that their absence remained a festering wound in Steve’s life, like a parent left iced out. And yet he had still left all the same. Standing on that doorstep, a chill biting into his body and his right leg fucking aching from the effort of walking all the way there, Eddie had still told Steve he’d be gone from Hawkins two days later. There had been no trace of the man he’d gotten to know so intimately at the end of the world when he’d searched Steve’s face for a response.

Eddie had kept in touch with all the kids, all the adults too. Dustin and El- surprisingly- spoke to him most frequently, Dustin emailing constantly and texting and calling, organising a small handful of DnD campaigns over the years that the kids, all long since adults now, had all attended. The others would call every now and then, but what he loved most was when they all saw him in an interview or saw his work in a store and called him just to extend their fondness.

It had been six months after leaving Hawkins that Corroded Coffin had made their break into the underground music scene, the other members choosing to follow Eddie out of their hometown when he’d pitched his musical scheme to them drunkenly one night in Jeff’s garage, and what a glorious break it had been. By the time Robin was calling Eddie, hysterical, to fly down to be there for Dustin after his accident, he and the guys were working on their second full studio album and had signed on with a major recording company. He’d put it all on hold the second he’d picked up Robin’s call.

“How’s the leg?” Steve was driving them to the hospital, what Eddie thought might have been his fifth cup of coffee of the morning wedged haphazardly into his dashboard cup holder. The younger man hadn’t even showered before they’d made their way to the car together that morning, and he didn’t appear to have any spare clothes on him- just a half empty bottle of Jack, Eddie had observed in his peripherals as he’d climbed awkwardly into the car.

“Hm?”

“Your leg,” Steve mumbled, “How is it these days?”

“Still gone,” Eddie found himself answering jovially, though his ring clad fingers ghosted softly over the spot under his jeans where flesh met metal, just above where the ball of his knee should’ve been. Once was. “Apparently they don’t grow back, so”

“It doesn’t seem to, yknow… hurt you as much anymore”.

When the demobats had literally torn off the lower segment of Eddie’s leg he’d almost bled to death. Obviously. He still had vague recollections of looking up at Dustin’s face above him as they both cried- the boy hysterically, begging whoever else had been there for help, Eddie softly and quietly as he accepted his fate- that drove him from sleep sometimes. No one had ever described it to him, but the small flashes of memory were enough. Dustin with his hands near black from the amount of Eddie’s blood that coated them, the otherworldly chill that had seeped into his bones as darkness lay under him, arms open and waiting to pull him under. The scream that had tore through him as the others had lifted his body up roughly, hands all over him keeping his insides inside of him and clamping down hard on what was left of his right leg. “Can’t feel my foot” he could remember slurring “s’it gone?”. In the end it had been Robin who’d looked at him, unflinchingly calm and said, “Yeah Ed, it’s gone”.

As it turns out, hospital staff are less likely to suture off your fucked up leg stump neatly when they think you’re a cheerleader killer. Eddie had learnt this the hard way upon waking up. It had taken months for the mangled, raw end of his lower thigh to heal enough that Eddie no longer woke multiple times a night, sweat soaked and vomiting from the pain that burnt through his bones and flesh. The government had paid for and sourced him a brilliant transfemoral prosthetic, the black metallic contraption taking him years to be able to use comfortably thanks to the botched repair job that had been pulled on his body. He still fumbled walking on it even now.

“Yeah it doesn’t,” Eddie confirmed for Steve as they pulled into the hospital parking lot, “Doesn’t hurt so much anymore”.

Hospitals made Eddie feel sick.

“Well let’s hope Dusty Bun is still all in one piece hey? One Party cyborg’s enough” Steve exited the car, cup of coffee in hand, and shut the door a little too hard behind himself. Just like Eddie had placed his cup down a little too aggressively that same morning. Vaguely, Eddie had the sense that he’d been called the Party Cyborg in the same tone people used to call him the freak, stepping out of the car and adjusting his worn leather jacket and well loved Iron Maiden shirt in an attempt to appear neater. It didn’t work, and oddly, what Steve had said stung like scraping the heels of your palms against pavement.

The staff overseeing Dustin’s care gave the two men the basic rundown of what to expect before they were allowed through to see the kid. Completely shattered femur, removed his spleen during surgery last night, extensive but now controlled internal bleeding, minor facial injuries, broken wrist, still waiting for the anaesthesia to wear off, please don’t be alarmed by his appearance- he’s not out of the woods yet but he’s certainly better than when we received him yesterday. It hit Steve worst when they entered the room, left him doubled over in the far corner with his hands braced against his knees, Eddie could see it written all over his face. How did they all almost die only to end up back here? How the fuck was that fair?

“Fuck man,” Steve breathed, straightening and stepping toward Dustin’s bedside, “fuck!”

The kid’s appearance hadn’t changed much since he’d been a teenager, though the throes of puberty had left him looking almost mannish in the same way they did to everyone when they were fresh out of teen hood. He’d been stripped of his clothes, his bottom half covered by a sheet and the rest of him ensnared in the labyrinth of wires and tubing that exited and entered various parts of his body. Butterfly bandages held together a split on his lower lip and another through his eyebrow, sutures woven through a puffy, angry looking slash just below his hairline. A steady and sure beeping from the monitors at the bedside was the only assurance that Dustin Henderson was still alive.

“Fuckin’ Honda drivers man,” Eddie said and instantly knew he shouldn’t have. Steve glanced over at him wide eyed and open mouthed, exasperated.

“Shut up Munson”.

Eddie wasn’t entirely sure when everything with him and Steve had gone so terribly wrong. Not that there had ever truly been anything established about the two of them. For a long time, while the world was ending, they really had cared for the kids like mom and dad, they’d shared clothes and weapons and shifted their sleep schedules to dance around each other’s, and they’d trimmed each other’s hair and shared cigarettes and joints by the fire a lot. They’d touched a lot too, casually, in a weird timid way at first that gained comfortability as it became more common, until it was a daily occurrence. The kids never spoke about it, though they were nosy little fuckers- still were even in their adulthood- and neither had Steve and Eddie. The latter would have been lying had he said he’d never felt anything for Steve Harrington, but then lying had been second nature to Eddie his whole life. Eddie leaving Hawkins had been the final act that unmoored them from their tether. He knew that much.

“I’m gonna go…grab us some chairs,” Eddie said finally, chewing on his fingernail as he spoke before spinning on his heel (the real one) and exiting the room. It was more surreal than anything he’d ever felt, being the one waiting by the hospital bed. Roles inverted from the last time they’d all been here. The feeling curdled sickeningly in the pit of his stomach.

It took Eddie longer than anticipated to find a pair of chairs, though being only a medium sized local district hospital, he supposed that wasn’t necessarily the most surprising thing. When he finally returned, limping a little with the extra weight of the chairs and his still choppy prosthetic skills, he stood by the door just watching through the little window for a moment. Watching Steve knelt at Dustin’s bedside, carefully grasping his cannulated hand in his own and speaking. Eddie couldn’t hear what he was saying, but he didn’t need to. Steve was the mom. Always had been.

When he finally dragged the chairs in with him, they set them up either side of Dustin’s body, taking a hand each- carefully, so carefully because although the kid wasn’t awake they were both all too aware of how much of a bitch the pain of having shit probing in and out of your hands was- and just sitting with him in silence. It was a heavy silence, and Eddie found himself hating it, but he wasn’t like Robin. He couldn’t fill a silence just by talking and have people not hate him for it. So in silence they remained, for so long Eddie thought it might bleed into his bones. All the bones he still had, that is.

There was nothing pleasant about being stuck in a too small hospital room with Steve Harrington, who everything had gone so totally wrong with in ways Eddie couldn’t even remember. Didn’t even understand. But together they endured it, for now at least. When Dustin finally woke up and they could all breathe easier though, Eddie was going to crack Steve open, spilling him wide onto the pretty floors of Joyce and Hopper’s house and find out what made him tick. What made him hate him so wholly these days.

For now though they waited, dutifully, like dogs, at Dustin Henderson’s beside in silence.

[crowleys-right-eyeball]

okay HELLOOOOO SBZ FANS I FINISHED THE GAME!! below the cut they go, pretty long and just rambles lol

- alan is SOOO FUCKING CUTEEEE BUT ESPECIALLY IN THE END HELLO???????

- I LOVE HOW HE STANDS HE’S JUST SO EXPRESSIVE WITH EVERYTHING

- anyway so i took a shit ton of screenshots but the game deleted my save files before i could export them so i’ll have to either replay the ending or go on youtube but i don’t wanna do either of those now. but that sorta ruined my mood with the ending so thank u unknown worlds for designing ur game like that 🙏🙏

- so anyway. you know how they’re making subnautica 3 right. did you notice in the ending that there’s a fucking???? architect city?????? LITERALLY THERE COULD BE A CITY FULL OF ALANS IN SUBNAUTICA 3

- as for the game itself. it was ight!! it was like ten ish hours shorter than subnautica but maybe that was just me being insanely impatient and googling all the coords out of frustration lmfao

- i give it a 7.5/10!! a ton of the credit goes to the stupid kickable brit and the absolute gilf but everything else was pretty okay!! characters aside, it really wasn’t as scary or as like. immersive as subnautica imo? someone pointed this out on the subreddit and i totally agree but having the seatruck being the only vehicle you need made the deeper parts feel way safer, which sorta just made all the scary parts jumpscares rather than actual terror which i did not love

- now i don’t know if i’m like a total idiot or not with this point but this game felt very. unguided. like once you find alan it’s just a free for all and you have to either wait for him to tell you hey here’s a thing that doesn’t help you at all OR you just wander around aimlessly until you stumble upon something. to be honest though, i started subnautica maybe three ish years ago and i genuinely have no memory of it. i have no idea if i watched a playthrough and knew everything first or went in blind so maybe that’s how the first game is too and i’m just an idiot lmfao, but i googled the coords for everything like i said, and speaking of which tonight’s playthrough should have been way shorter except that i literally could not find the fabricator base or the gate so *shrug*

- this is a minor note that i thought was goofy but my dumb ass did not find outpost zero until i was looking for the gate and i fucking. entered the base and alan started talking to me even though he was already out of my body LMFAO (either the devs did not find this plothole or they did and didn’t think anyone was dumb enough to find it)

- umm what else. i could go on and on about alan and marguerit but i will not bc that’s a post on its own

- hot take: should have been deeper

- thank u unknown worlds for putting my funny youtuber songs into the game love you sm

- the music fucks so hard

- OH i wish the biomes were more significant because a ton of them are SO COOL but i literally only entered them like once for one thing so i do wish there was more diversity with where the story progressed (however i also like how they kept the same subnautica style with how it progresses, as in there’s more the deeper it gets, i just wish the biomes were more diverse with that i guess)

- EDITING THIS BC I FORGOT TO WRITE THIS DOWN!! i LOVEE alan’s character progression throughout the game!! at the start, he’s mostly just confused with robin’s discomfort and he doesn’t really wanna get involved with anything other than his body, but as the game goes on he asks robin questions about humans and he learns stuff like sarcasm and hope and he states his feelings more clearly and i just ;;;;;; melts and sobs and collapses he’s so fucking cute i’m crying

- IDK WHAT ELSE TO SAY AND I’LL PROBABLY EDIT THIS LATER BUT YEAH!! MY INCREDIBLE TAKES!!

- next i post about this game will either be if i feel like grabbing and uploading my screenshots OR if i draw a silly little alan and robin drawing heehee

[7ydiada1ly]

1/6/24

im 15 min late..

actually left the house tofay 🔥🔥

went to the park with izzy emma myah gray and some dude who i didn't know but now i do but yeah it was fire and we blasted slipknot and falling in reverse on a speaker

then i watched the garfield movie at the cinema bc i wanted to and i cried SO HARD idk why i was genuinely sobbing

bro garfield's cat dad was genuinely trying to get food for him and he tried so hard to get baby garfield a tiny fish and garfield thought he abandoned him bro i was crying so much

here's a snippet of my awful crying face 🐺🐺🔥🔥🔥

and then i went n played darts with people from my mma n i didnt know most of them

found out i'm really bad at darts umm 🙁

me and izzy looking stupid becuade taking pictures backwards is hard guys i promise i don't usually look that bad 😔😔😔😔

(idk why this is so long if ur actually reading tbis then that's nice ty :3 )

song of the day is

day 3- 7/10

[whataphantasia]

ugh ok that poll i reblogged made me listen to UUFO again and i didnt realize it's been like a few months since i listened to it in full FKKEDN (ok this got long so it's under a cut now)

every song ive just been going "OMG I LOVE THIS SONG" DJAKDJEK IM NORMAL IM NORMAL

i know its cringe to like a camellia album this much but uufo is like. a culmination of a LOT of the things i like, and all of camellias experience leading up to that point yk.. and so much love and effort went into it from so many different people.. auuuughhh

every part of the album comes together... i LOVE albums with a theme and this one is PARANORMAL OCCURENCES and URBAN LEGENDS and shit ITS EVERYTHING I LOVE!! the different pieces of album art... ufo girl... wauuuu wauuuu cries sobs

idc if its uncritical and cringe to love every song i do what i want. i dont rly care abt if a song is structurally good as long as it makes me happy it goes hard (and all of them make me happy)

the website.. so pretty...

ok im gonna go to bed after doinf this but heres a few tracks i want to ramble abt (i wish i could do all of the tracks but i wont (FOR NOW...))

for the longest time buzzbox was my favorite song LOL. it was one of my first songs on the album and the russian bass/hardcore mix is just SO good. idk why i liked it so much honestly, its not rly what i LISTEN to yk. i have a fond memory of making my geometry teacher listen to it in 10th grade and she never let me pick a class song again. SHE LIKED EDM TOO I THOUGHT SHE'D GET IT </33

obviously ghoul is amazing. no notes. everyone loves that song.

OOPARTS IS A BONUS TRACK ON THIS ALBUM. OOPARTS. OF COURSE IT'S GOOD

speaking of the muzzle facing.. god idk. the melodic metal undertones. i LOVE a big variety in musical textures and this song just SCRATCHES my DAMN BRAIN. the part where it goes *metal guitar riff* *oingo boingo ass scratching noises* ANDJWJDJEJD IM NORMAL (at 1:37)

POLYBIUS GB IS SO GOOD. the way every section of the song builds on eachother AUGH. the final drop with the chiptune/extratone. CAMELLIA AND HIS EXTRATONEY FINAL DROPS ARE SO GOOD WAUUU WAAAA

a lot of what i feel abt polybius gb ALSO applies to final blenderman!!!! except final blenderman has WAYY more electric guitar YEAHHHH!! camellia final drops. the shift from rock guitar to chiptune melody, and an extratoneish finale,, reminds me a bit of million pp actually? haha. it miiiight be my favorite song? it outranked buzzbox a while ago but tbh this place might be slipping for like, the muzzle facing.

i actually didnt like myths you forgot as much as the other tracks when i first listened to it.. idk why? maybe bc it was a little slower? past me has no taste bc this track is so layered. and good. thanks toby fox

artcore is usually an "eh, its good" for me (i have a lot of artcore i enjoy, like fallen symphony) but #1f1e33 is different.. just felt like pointing it out (esp since this album has a longer version of it) like! i never felt BORED! every section builds! and has interesting auditory textures! lol. ig thats how u keep my attention (not that "being boring" is inherently bad ofc)

i have really fond memories of listening to microwave-proof cat in like, 10th/9th grade... sighh that song is so fun. the main melody's texture is just so bouncy. kisses it.

OKAY. DAMN. its 3. i need to go to bed. i'd love to continue rambling abt this though. maybe later.

as of right now my favorite camellia song (outside of this album) is parallel universe shifter :3c yeah, like, his most recent 7 minute song. of course its good. idk just.. it has all the things i like in it. i'd love to be able to one day make music like this song specifically. but point is, it has all of my favorite musical things.. in it. idk how to explain it. the name too. its super personal to me LOL. and the references and callbacks in the song. so tasty

ig another 8+ track edm album i like is also good evening hollowood... can you tell i love paranormal/halloween themed albums. JK LOL the songs in that album have nothing to do with that. while im talking abt t+pazolite i like ponko2 girlish too.. maybe ill dedicate a post to that if i get bored.

OK FOR REAL NOW ILL STOP. BYE

[seobstarr]

HIII KEB

this is probably gonna be a long message bc i have a lot to catch up on but 😭 I ALSO CAUGHT UP ON OTC ITS SOO GOOD they need to fall in love and get married now!!!! is it bad that as soon as i saw a picture of jiung with a volleyball i thought of otc..

ALSO WE GOT PIWONS FIRST WIN!!! im so proud pf them i may or may not have cried im so so so happy for them when intak cried i broke down instantly omgggg

and one more thing but how did u actually start posting?? 😭 like i have so many ideas but my writing is dookie and im so scared to post it and idk how to do layouts nd all but UGHH IM RAMBLING

N EE WAYS i hope ur having an amazing day and stay safe and dont get sick and make sure to eat well and LOVE U ❣️❣️

-🦦

ITS BEEN SO LONG ITS LIKE IM TALKING TO UR SPIRIT LOLLL 😭

y/n and theo will BE TOGETHER SOON‼️🙌 TRUUSTTT but what’s a fanfic without a little miscommunication 🤭 i have big plans muhahaha but omg wait i think ab my fics?🤭🤭 ur making me blush helpppp

STOPPP BC WHEN THEY WON MY MOUTH WAS ON THE FLOOORRR LIKE THE GASP I LET OUT WAS INSANE!!!! I CANT BELEIVE WE GOT A FIRST WIN FOR THEM IM SO PROUDDD. For me it was when i went on twitter after and saw all of us rejoicing that i finally sobbed my eyes out😭 i was literally bawling, 4 years in the making and i’m so glad we got to give them this for all of their hard work but let’s keep winning for the other comebacks!! this is ONLLLY the beginning

TO BE HONEST WITH YOU…I WAS SO SCARED TO HIT THE POST BUTTON ON MY FIRST WRITING ON THIS APP😭 I did not have any confidence in my writing at all bc i came from wattpad (which is literally the badlands for literature💀) and if ur writing or your plot is bad then you won’t get any views like fr…

so when i published my first theo ff i literally just basically said “fuck it we ball” counted down from 3 and hit the post button with my eyes closed 😭 so safe to say that method checks out to be amazing 👍💀

FOR THE LAYOUTS THOOO i took inspiration from the other writers in my community’s and tried to replicate that! for me my long fics have a poster form (sort of like how otc has one big poster) and my shorter fics have a 3-picture style, where i put 3 pictures with the same color scheme in one row of text (kinda like how star-shaped keys have two pics that fit the aesthetic of the fic and one kyo pic that fits the color scheme of the other two pics!) from there you’d wanna put the basics which are the title, the genre, the warnings, so if ur fic has profanity or smut or anything like that and do notttt forget the description of the fic bc who would want to read a fic blindly??🤨 and any extra things you’d want to share!

for me i share a couple of songs from my playlist to help set the mood or list any songs that match the vibe of the story :P

OKAY WAIT NOW IM RAMBLING 😭 I HOPED I HELPED U OUTTT

[hwiyoungies]

Yes que si hablo español JAJAJAJA I just thought it would be weird to straight up start talking in spanish but I really needed to reference that meme (and here’s the moment where I’m unsure which language I should keep using WJDIEBD) y no me molestaría que me compartieras el video<3 bc I don’t mind shipping!! I’m not hardcore either but I love the dynamics too so it’s hard not to agree with a bunch of ships lol

NO ACTUALLY FAIR tbh I did skip some flashbacks back in the first season (see: Syrup Village) and if it’s dragging too much bc of that I do skip the flashbacks

Fr no one can convince me these guys don’t curse, I love they decided to show that side of them AND how it is unique for both of their personalities (see: Zoro saying ass and Sanji saying arse) but yes a documentary about the process would be *chef’s kiss*

NADIE SE MUERE JAJAJA I just finished the Alabasta arc (thank gOD) and I lowkey cried for Pell juST FOR HIM TO COME BACK??? I’m glad but wth they’re going to make me desensitized/skeptical with future ‘deaths’ atp bc most of them seem to come back anyways

Zoro literally just said “Sorry, but…I’ve never once prayed to God” and I was like “holy sh*t that’s hot” just for him to freaking scream like Tarzan while swinging on a vine minutes later LMAO and two things: 1) is this a good lose my mind or a bad lose my mind?? and may I know if it’s during the 100s?💀😭 2) I’ve seen people saying pre time skip a lot!! Is that like a canon event that just happens and we don’t see that ‘time skip’ (kinda like the blip for the avengers) or is it like a time travel thing or something?? If the answer is too much of a spoiler I’m fine without knowing it, just sounds confusing LOL

I have my fair share of songs that I didn’t think I listened to them that much so I get it 😂😂 my #81 song is Not Fine by Day6!!! which feels kinda fitting to me rn ngl JAJAJAJA

AJAJAJ the constant struggle of wait what language do i speak in now. i tend to always go with english because i'm aware of how Chilean i am and sometimes people don't understand what i'm saying, so whatever makes you feel more comfy <3 this is the video it's SO stupid but it made me cackle and i couldn't sent it to my friend that's watching it because she hasn't reached alabasta or ace yet

the one thing i will complain about one piece (well, one of the things LMAO) is the flashbacks like yeah i do love how fleshed out all the characters are but man keep it short and sweet

i LOVE that sanji is the only one with a different accent in english from the straw hats, like it makes so much sense for his background this is all i can say without spoiling anything (y weno en español también acento canario de taz mi amado)

NO BUT SAME i was fucking sobbing over pell and then they were like teehee actually he's not dead 😋 there is a reason for that tho i think it had to do with 9/11 no i'm not joking LMAO

SKYPIEA ZORO MY FUCKING BELOVEEEEEEED everytime he says that when someone is like "omg you're gonna make god mad!" i went a little insane because yEAH MAN TELL THEM, and him doing the tarzan scream he's just a little guy he's feeling goofy and silly and we love him for it. also!! are you watching it in japanese or dubbed? because luffy sings an iconic song during this arc that everyone loves LMAO. it's a uuuh it's a mix LMAO and it's in the 300's i think. the only thing i will say about the time skip is that it's a canon event and nothing more because it's more entertaining that way teehee

ooof man now that's a song LMAO it could've been zombie which i would ask all good dear is everything ok (obviously the answer would be no)