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#^ just finished a video essay abt trans stuff and is having a Moment™
chisatowo
·
2 years
Text
Watching videos essays abt political stuff is fun except for the fact that it's abt real life and it's not fun
#rat rambles
#^ just finished a video essay abt trans stuff and is having a Moment™
#Im ok just kinda emotional
#and filled with rage abt everything ever but yknow when am I not
#I rlyyy need to see if theres any lgbtq originisatons in my area
#if theres one close enough maybe I could start vollenteering? idk
#Im just anxious abt not being considered queer enough yknow the usual sorts dhndhdjhdjd
#but honestly its more so abt my lesbianism since I have a very complicated relationship with ulit
#like it makes me feel like if I bring up my acearo identity it makes my lesbianism less ~real~ somehow
#like idk I wanna meet other queer ppl irl and I want more queer friends and I wanna be able to experiment with stuff
#but idk why Im so scared abt the idea of having to explain myself
#I know ppl probably wont care but ig Im just scared that if other queer ppl reject me then Ill have nowhere to go
#or maybe itd go great and I could get a girlfriend like fuck man thats the problem xhdkgsksh
#it could be the best thing thats ever happened to me but Im so anxious abt trying
#Ive been so lonely and fuck man I dont trust myself to not let myself get trampled
#sorry this got real personal real fast dhdkgdkdh again Im ok just emotional
#now that I brought up the girlfriend thing tho I am going to be having gay thoughts while I shower so oops dhkdhkdh
#idk Im still so unsure abt how I feel abt dating no romantic attraction asside like
#again Ive never been able to experiment? and I also just dont know if theres anyone Id be willing to date in practice
#like it might just be lonliness but it also could be me forming a stronger sense of self and better existing outside of relationships
#and as such feeling more comfortable abt the idea of having more deep relationships with ppl even outside of dating and such
#but again its all theoretical rn 😔
#anyways I need to shower bro its so late
#rat vents
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