#but honestly its more so abt my lesbianism since I have a very complicated relationship with ulit

[chisatowo]

Watching videos essays abt political stuff is fun except for the fact that it's abt real life and it's not fun

[birdbrainedboy]

I’m obsessed with this show and fear a hyperfixation anyways here are my thoughts on every character in the show

Edwin Paine: forever my favorite, even back before the show when I read the comics! I think it’s funny that basically every man in the show wants him? I’m intrigued by his character arc throughout the story regarding his sexuality as despite dying in 1916, he seems to have had time to slowly become more accepting of gay people (I’m guessing in part due to Charles, who is pansexual), to the point where there’s only mild internalized homophobia if at all, which just exhibits itself in him denying any possible feelings for Monty. I love how face-value and logical he is while still being a sweetheart

Charles Rowland: he has a pan flag pin on his jacket which confuses me bc can ghosts only wear clothes they would’ve worn when they were alive, or how do ghost clothes work? Because he died in 1989 and I’m near positive he didn’t wear that pin back there. Anyways I do love him but I wonder about some design choices, like the one earring (not sure why it just kinda annoys me). That was more a rant abt his design than his character, which I have nothing notable to say abt since I LOVE HIM he’s so real

Crystal Palace: sometimes she was a bit annoying the way she was trying way too hard to pry into everyone’s lives, but honestly that was just momentary annoyance since nothing could make me hate her. I love how her past was slowly revealed (as someone who already knew it from the comics) and how she came to terms with the person she used to be vs the person she is now. She’s so cool!

David the demon: honestly kind of caught me off guard at first bc the person I’m dating is named David but I actually enjoyed his character. LOVED when Crystal dealt with him in the end. He was very interesting

Niko Sasaki: I love Niko, but I have some problems with her character. First of all, I feel like ditsy anime-loving cutesy Asian girl with dyed hair is a weirdly common trope? But whatever my main issue is that it feels like characters who normalize the fetishization of gay men are so common. Like if Niko had been a guy obsessed with lesbian manga evb would be weirded out, so why is it different? If we ignore all of this tho I absolutely adore her and I’m actually praying she’s in the next season bc she was one of my favorites (esp her relationship w Edwin)

Jenny: She is so hot and cool and funny I’m in love with her

Esther: oh my god words cannot come close to describing how much I love her character. She felt powerless and weak in the past and now she’s become obsessed with making sure nobody has that power over her ever again. She was so fun and I loved her attitude! I’m sure she won’t show up next season, as she was the main antagonist of s1, and while I love her, I kind of hope she doesn’t since I think her arc was finished.

Monty: His personality was like 2020 “soft boy” who acts nice and dumb but is lowkey a manipulator. So obviously this kind of made me like ☠️ bc why is he acting like that… but I still love him to bits because he’s just a crow guys he didn’t ask to be human,, Anyways yeah his personality annoys me but also I love him so much so? It’s confusing. ITS COMPLICATED. I will cry if he’s not in s2

Kingham and Litty: I honestly thought they were annoying but I can’t lie they were so fucking funny. Every time they were on screen I laughed.

Cat King: oh my god. He is so camp. I love him. There’s honestly not much to say he is simply iconic. Love how he’s afraid to be alone so chases after other people, he’s so real AGHH I love him

Night Nurse: Ruth Connell the woman you are… 😍 she reminds me of Muriel from Good Omens, in a way, and I love her! I really hope we get to see more of her in relation to the guy in the fish, and see her get to better understand human emotions and why they choose to cling onto the human world rather than pass on!

[somanypetals]

ok ok ok. are you a spuffy fan? i feel like i've seen spuffy on yr blog and if that's not true then please ignore but i've been thinkin recently and i'm very interested in what you think/how you reconcile spike's attempted rape?? bc as a spuffy fan i love them together but i also can't ignore this part of their history in good conscience. was it ooc? was their relationship building to a horrible climax? i'm just very interested in what people think abt that writing decision

omg I’m sorry for taking so long to answer this, I wrote like half an essayand then firefox crashed and I got grumpy about it for a few days lol ;___;

anyway in short: do I ship it? yes. is my relationship with the shipcomplicated? fuck yes. can I reconcile the attempted rape? on a base level, no.on a character level, I am able to move past it but not look past it. on awriting level, I don’t reconcile it at all. was it ooc? yes and no,which is the interesting part

this got really long and I’m hoping that I can remember everything I wassaying before I had to start all over again (rip) but I’m sorry it got so longunder the cut

so I do still ship spuffy, but I have a really complicatedrelationship with it. I’ve shipped it since I was a tween, before I reallyunderstood the unhealthy parts of it (rape scene aside, which I was very clearon), and I’ve come to see those in a new light the past five or so years, butI’m still also someone who is very adamant about people being allowed to shipwhatever the fuck they want in fiction whether it’s unhealthy or not becauseit’s fiction, and at the end of the day I’m shipping something because I findit entertaining or interesting, not because it’s the paradigm of relationshipexamples. in fact most of the time it’s not, because I find most of thoserelationships boring on screen. so like, I do still ship it, but not the way Iused to?

 anyway, was it ooc? in terms of mythology canon I don’tthink it was ooc at all. spike had no soul, he was at a base level evil. I don’t think this excuses theattempted rape at all, nothing excuses it or forgives it, but it does explain abit how the spike who dressed buffy’s hand wounds at the start of the seasonwas the same spike who flipped a switch and attempted to rape her near the endof the season. spike never became “good” when he had no soul, he was like aferal animal on a leash. he learnt to play relatively nice with others andbecame fond of some of his owners, but he still wasn’t cured and if you tookthe leash off at the end of the day he would have bitten them. yes, spike lovedbuffy in his own soulless way, but he still had a literal, animalistic demoninside him (we even see in angel in over the rainbow etc. what the actual demoninside vampires is like at its base level) and no soul to control it—only theintellectual knowledge that some actions would get him in buffy’s good booksand some would get him in buffy’s bad books and so he kept it under controlbecause he wanted her and he also wanted to not be killed by the scooby gang.again: this does not excuse the attempted rape at all. nothing forgives it. butlike, it does explain why buffy and many viewers are able to move past it. Idon’t think that on a mythology canon level it was ooc at all, I think thatpeople just forget that spike was stillevil when he was being nice to buffy or dawn or joyce. I think that’s partof the reason it’s so hard to piece together whether spuffy really could workor be good as a ship, because the show never separates spike with a soul fromspike without a soul the way they did with angel. with angel it’s so clearlytwo different people, but with spike it’s a muddy mess of the same thing and ifyou don’t write spike with a soul differently to how you wrote him withoutone—how are viewers supposed to forgive him for what he did?

 was it ooc on a character level though? that’s a wholedifferent thing because that opens the can of worms of spike being ooc ingeneral. the spike we see in season four onwards is drastically different fromthe spike we see in season two, and I do think part of that is just plain oldcharacter development but I also think that part of that is due to them wantinga slightly different character when he became a regular? spike was almost woobified by his own writing team? I don’t thinkit’s anything like the character assassination of britta for example, and Iwouldn’t even call it character assassination, but I do think that at somepoint late during season three or early season four they decided they wanted aspike who was funnier, a bit more sympathetic, and a bit more worthy of being afan fave. it's less like character assassination and more like characteradaptation? I feel like they saw that james had this excellent comedicpotential and wanted to use that, and I’ve seen that with other characters onshows too. I think they had to bend spike a bit along the way to get the spikethey wanted and who they could have fun with. he went from spike the genuinelychilling villain, to spike the comedic relief, to spike the stalker, to spikethe coping mechanism, to spike the love interest…and it definitely wasn’t astraight line of development. they definitelyhad to bend the character along the way and lose some of what was thereoriginally and add some of what wasn’t there. and like, it’s not necessarily abad thing, like I fuckin love comic relief spike and I can totally understandwhy they might’ve been like “fuck this james guy is good we want more of that”,but I do think that on a character level they ended up with something that wasquite frequently messy. if you’ve taken this villain and woobified himyourself, then even if he is still evilit’s not surprising that people are surprised or find it ooc for him to attemptto rape buffy because they made him a puppy with a temper instead of a wolfwith a playful streak, and then suddenly his fangs come out again. andobviously to a degree that was the point of it, to remind viewers that he wasevil and he wasn’t good and buffy forgot that, the scoobies forgot that, everyoneforgot that, but at the same time if you woobify a character that much doesthat point land? or does it just become ooc? I think a spike in love with buffyand protecting dawn and getting flowers after joyce died could be consideredjust as ooc as a spike who attempted to rape buffy. he became a bit of a messycharacter if you really think about it for too long, and they never separatedhis soulless state from his soul-having state enough to keep track of it

 so anyway, on a character level I’m able to move past itbecause I think at the end of the day…spike didn’t have a soul when it happenedand he was written kind of weirdly over the course of the show but I still likehim. I move past it as a viewer because I wantto move past it, and because I find the spuffy relationship interesting (yet Istill want more/better for buffy always? man, I said it was complicated hahah)

 NOW, FROM A WRITING STANDPOINT

 bullshit bullshit utter fucking bullshit.

 why though? well apart from the reasons I’ve already mentionedabout kind of messy character writing and it being impossible to tell whichparts of spike are ooc or not…………the attempted rape scene was not about buffy,before during or after it happened

 they wrote it as a gateway to spike’s redemption arc. theytraumatised their main character, this beautiful female character and one of mytop favourite characters of all time, to boost a man’s redemption arc, andthat’s just fucking awful and we’ve seen it too many times and buffy doesn’t deserver that bullshit.

 now I don’t know whether there’s a solid answer on whetheror not spike went to that demon at the end of season six to get his soul or toget his chip removed, but it also like…doesn’t matter, lol? I personally alwaysread that scene as he went to get his chip removed so he could kill her, andthen the demon was like lol psych herehave a soul! which I think also makes it easier for me to move past theattempted rape, because then it didn’t literally lead to him choosing to go have a redemption arc andbecome a better man for her, but like a lot of people do read it the secondway. and either way!! it’s a crock of shit!!

 not only did they put in this scene so they could kickstartspike’s redemption, instead of picking some other non-rape or non-violence againstbuffy related plot point to lead to him getting a soul, but then they sort ofmade it all about spike in season seven too?

 they do address bits and pieces of buffy’s trauma afterwardsand how it impacted her, but way way too much of the focus was placed onspike’s guilt and spike’s wanting to fix it and how it impacted spike etc., sonot only did they have buffy almost raped to kickstart a man’s storyline, butthey barely focused on her trauma over the “trauma” of spike and that’sjust…fucking awful. like it makes me so mad and it makes me feel so gross.

 as a writing decision I think it’s sexist, disgusting, lazyand unforgivable and the biggest fault with what is literally my favourite tvshow of all time lol (you wouldn’t think it is from this rant?? but it is?? andI like spike and ship spuffy??? god this is a mess) and I think it was probablythe worst fucking writing decision on all of buffy (and this is the show thatkilled tara, a literal lesbian angel)

 and honestly……the fact that I am aware of and think it’s theworst writing decision possible almost makes it easier to move past from acharacter standpoint? because it was a bad writing decision, it takes some ofthe weight off of spike’s actions for me and I’m aware that it was stupid and grossand it would’ve been better if spike tripped and accidentally fell into a gravethat had a stray soul in it that he inhaled.

 I don’t know if that makes sense, in fact I don’t know ifany of this makes sense…but it’s like: spuffy is interesting. to me they havechemistry, they have narrative and trope appeal (even though it wasn’tfulfilled, or wasn’t fulfilled right), they are two characters I likeindividually, and so…I continue to ship it and enjoy it despite the horriblefucking bad writing decisions that went down in season six. I know that evenwithout the attempted rape season or even without season six it’s still anunhealthy ship and it’s problematic (and I want better for buffy at the end ofthe day), but it is at a base level to me entertaining, and that’s what I likefrom my ships

 god this is almost two thousand words I’m so sorry I have alot of thoughts and I had to rewrite half of this so it’s really, really scattered and confusing butlike…yes I ship it, no I don’t think the attempted rape was a good writingdecision, no I don’t excuse or forgive it but I do move past it

 and in answer to what other people feel about the scene andship….it’s really divided lol, a lot of people feel like I do, a lot of peopleprefer bangel, a lot of people prefer spuffy, a lot of people can’t look pastthe rape at all, a lot of people look past the rape too easily, and a lot of people probably don’t know what to thinkor have no strong opinions lol

 god

this is two thousand words I’m sorry

[vixen-vangogh]

polyvore was being a pain in the ass no matter how many words i tried to censor so here’s the life update i meant to put in that set

- have been living in a somewhat stable housing environment for almost a year and four-ish months now which is WILD and a huge record break for me.

- kind of have a partner? we're def QPPs and have been nomadic vagabond companions since like 2015 and have been sleeping in the same bed, cuddling, making life plans together hardcore since then. when i try to explain our relationship to others i explain that we are like Bert and Ernie from sesame street. it's not romantic but it's definitely a very serious thing and there is nothing i could forsee that would face our future that would not be faced together as companions. i was kind of chatting with a buddy the other day who was asking abt stuff and i was mentioning how an aphobe asked, 'how is this different from a best friendship, why do you need to call it a queerplatonic relationship?' and my instinct was to be all, 'well idk i mean i think most best friends don't stick their tongues in each others mouths' but like that said, some best friends do that and its totally legit but the main difference is we call it this because it is more accurate to the intricacies of our relationship.

a best friendship implies different things and a QPR is what we have been calling ourselves for some time.

- have come across the term alterous attraction many many moons ago and have concluded that more or less, this has been the basis for all the experiences of 'attraction' i have thought i felt in other categories. turns out i just love being pro/miscuous and cuddly and affectionate with people and it doesn't necessarily have to have any of the other attractions present. it's just an expression of my alterous attraction. and idk it just seems to make way more sense. someone said it was a commonplace for pre-questioning lesbians to make up to themselves crushes on boys with calculations involved about why this person is attractive.

i think maybe i do experience other forms of attraction but they're seldom enough that it's more anecdotal. and i'm going to call them crushes anyway bc it doesn't matter what i say or do - people are going to be confused by me and who i am and i shouldn't have to sacrifice the nuances involved in who i am and how i live my life to try and get smaller minds to understand it.

and nobody has to understand either. i don't even understand. that's heckin ok bro

- i've been on them 'ro/ids (testosterone) on and off for three months in spring/summer 2016 (androderm) and then the injections for some amount of time this year and there's been a lot of body changes. but mainly i'm looking at nu/des of other people on hormones and realizing like... what if I'm actually inters/ex? it makes no sense for my di/ck to be bigger than people a year on hormones in half the time, does it? like what's up there? and my body is signif hairier in a way that is noticeable to me and my QPP.

last week when I got the inje/ctio/n the nurse (who is a really nice lady? like smiley very friendly maternal type) asked me "how did you know?" without other context or anything.

I didn't really know how to begin because honestly no one had ever asked me that before and it's the one question I needed somebody else to answer back when I was like, 15/recently 16 and needed help finding myself. I wished future me could visit past me and tell me like, "hey jsyk this is what you concluded, here's the answers, and here's all the stuff I've realized about our past experiences that were actually Signs that you're #genderqueer"

and I think, another thing, I wish I could have told the past me, that the laws were going to rapidly change in my lifetime, and also to avoid any cis person who suggests therapy "for hormone starts" because that's what led me to like, 2 years of rather unhelpful talk therapy that turned into lowkey conversion therapy.

No one should ever make you write a sob story about your past before they allow you the autonomy to make decisions about your body.

I gave a little backstory of timeline and told her how my mom kept saying things like, "why are you so offended at the idea of being a woman?" etc and how we don't speak anymore, how I came out in 2011 and every day for the longest time I had to explain to other trans people who the heck I was. how my nonbinaryness was seen more as a delusion despite the fact that I found the wikipedia pages and message boards and I knew there were other people like me out there. I didn't know of another #nonbinary person until 2013 and even then I only met them in passing at a panel they hosted. (we ended up roommates for a bit around 2016 but that's another story)

I stopped having to give #genderqueer 101s to the LGBT+ community around 2014.

And I feel like after that Laverne Cox paved a lot of way for us, and Facebook started putting other genders on there (which I'd signed petitions for years before and considered to be a hoop dream)

and there's been corrective r/a/pe I've gone through and so many tears I've cried and sui/cide attempted and hospital visits

and things are definitely still horrific and I can never afford groceries. I don't eat enough to sustain myself and live on welfare and am too medicated and disabled to work and have tachycardia and PTSD and other complications of my own forced resilience

but I'm on testosterone or whatever and I look at the changes that have gone on and I know that I was a part of that

but I'm never going to get credit for it and it pains me how much I'm suffering because I started advocating earlier than the majority of trans people out today.

if I had come out to my mom years later, would we be speaking?

it doesn't ultimately matter, because if we kept speaking I still would have ended up d/ead. coming out and having her react like that, topped with her steal/ing from me when I was homeless, years of sui/cide baiting, physical + emotional + etc a/buse my whole life, it's miraculous I ever made it out alive

it's so painful but I just have never had the privilege of choice.

- I've been thinking to go back to school maybe and that I need to actually go at it full force with passion because I think I have gotten way too down on myself for the results that have come from my own halfa/ssery of it all. And my own procrastination etc.

I wish I had access to medical care as a child or counselling or something more than I ever did have because maybe I would have excelled in school instead of suffered to try and keep my head above water. I mean, I graduated honours (equivalent).

there's too much about my life to be angsty about.

- also idk if i mentioned this but i got ar/rested for protecting indigenous folks at a thing and it was in the news and im not going to talk much more on it bc of privacy but i'm happy to dig up the video of the pol/ice dragging me away and the crowd shouting (and gendering me right ;u;) "LET THEM GO, LET THEM GO" and i was a pathetic mess thru the whole thing and just had the wrong emotions the whole time and like 3+ reporters tried to get a hold of me for interview but I forwarded them to the indigenous leaders of the ceremony instead

we prayed inside the arre/st tent and put down tobacc/o and held ceremony and the c/ops were horrible and took so much personal offence to everything we were and every reality that happened that they wanted to deny. they banned us from the public land we were arrested on and it was horrible.

it was in the news and justin tr*deau showed up for a photo op and the organizers weren't allowed in their own tipi. he wasn't invited.

those with the land claim to the area made an official statement welcoming us and condemning the go/vernme/nt for arrestin/g us.

nothing was ever done about that bit other than them releasing us and i went to the hospital the next day to get my wrist checked because i couldn't really use it and the handcuf/f bruises and the bruise on my knee was massive. it's been two months and it's only now faded.

twitter blocked the image of us in the a/rrest tent holding hands in prayer with the hand/cuffs on our wrists. they said it contained "sensitive content"

tumblr did the same, calling it "NSFW" (weird bc literally photographs of my actual na/ked body with links to where u can buy videos of me jerkin is not labelled NS/FW automatically lol?????)

i asked tumblr to review that and they still labelled it as such.

it's just so blatantly a genuine broach of free speech and freedom of religion. it was a crimi/nalized religious ceremony and i got between the co/ps and a woman praying.

- i saw Against Me! in march and the mosh pit was extreme and I fell down at some point and like seven people pulled me up and that and the getting arre/sted thing has really hecked up my knees ! i feel like they're mostly healed since but i've not even been kneeling on my mattress for even a second to make sure of this. otherwise it's just been sudden pain for months but as i said, i think they're a lot better now.

- i came forward abt a pr/edatory ex and a few others of their victims came to me to say that they had gone through the same and that they were even more pre/datory than had been with me. i lost quite a lot of friends in the matter bc what i accused them of was extremely serious and came across as vicious on my part.

i'm going to take it as alright though, because i know that i've put what i said out there, and if they have read it at all, they can at least have these ideas in their mind going forward and take precautions. this ex was confronted publically and directly on social media about it and there were several witnesses and screenshots i had to things they did and said. i'm hoping that serves as some kind of warning for them, about their actions that they have confessed to with several people, and how these things will come back for them. that they cannot evade accountability, that i am a force of nature and if you wrong me or do a wrong in my witness with no remorse on your part or apology, i'm not going to let you live it down.

i care and i am tired of hearing horrible stories about them from others. others who came to me saying that i had been painted as an abus/er. because i know ! people see me standing up for myself as threatening all the time. they worry they aren't allowed to make mistakes around me.

no matter how many times i say it or prove it, there's always those people who are too cowardly to admit when they do make mistakes and who go to great lengths to protect their pride and entitlement.

i know we are all growing. i seek environments of mutual support and growth. i am now in a phase of life where i am not giving the time to people who have no interest in these environments. anyone can be my friend, if they are ready for it. but i don't owe it to anybody and anything wrong i have done i am at a point where i feel like i am in touch with my own humility.

and if someone tries to milk it because they think my vulnerability isn't also strength and something that comes with at least some ferocity... well, that's not my problem.

- my rabbit Snicklefritz is doing fine. he's shedding like the dickens this season and mischievous as usual but hopefully one day I can afford to make him an enclosure again and I can let him out only when I can keep track of him.

he's ruined a lot of sketchbooks and a lapdesk my QPP got me for the winter holidays that we are both heartbroken about.

- I am trying to become less attached to material belongings and it has helped me a lot when it comes to coping with all the sentimental items left with my mother or in the various times I've been homeless or left exes etc over the years.

My memories are in my heart and not something that needs to be placed externally, in an item.

Have also trying to go zero waste (like, becoming someone who produces no garbage, just recycling and compost) and it's really been noticeable all these small differences. I buy way more bananas, lettuce, etc. And I've been making bread and spaghetti and whatnot and having windowsill gardens.

- I'm not cured of anything or whatever and I'm angsty 24/7 and broke as heckaroo but there's enough of The Little Things In Life (gardening, youtube videos, kisses, etc) to help me get by in the meantime.

- three days ago a friend (who I consider(ed) chosen family) I had purposefully cut out of my life a year ago showed up on my doorstep to tell me I was right about everything and to apologize for all the wrongs. That they reread conversations we had around then and that they have grown and grown into a better place. They were 18 then and 19 now. We were from the same hometown and they're still there but moving to my city in December. I missed them so much and they stayed with me a few days. I feel a bigger sense of home in this city knowing they're going to live here soon too.

- I've been Really Intensely looking thru my DNA and geneology stuff since last winter. For some reason Indian (like, South Asia) shows up in my DNA and some southern Europe/Northern Africa/Middle East kind of region. My father was adopted via a stepdad and I figure this comes from his bio dad. Or maybe it doesn't, I don't really know. My maternal haplotype is supposed to be one that's generally found in African populations which throws that whole theory. My mom and me also had to use hair picks (afro picks) when I was growing up because our hair was so naturally thick and the waves really tangled up. Every time we went to get my hair cut in that white rural town the hairdressers would comment how they'd never seen such thick hair before etc. I'm still struggling greatly to find answers because everybody's last name is phoenetically weird except for my dad's mom's line which has an extremely Cornwall last name and anyone with that name is definitely part of that family.

Doing research to find what I was told growing up (that I was Kanien'keha:ka via my maternal grandmother's grandmother) has been very difficult because I'm not sure which grandmother of hers it was, and one of them seemed to remarry several times and I cannot be sure of any of the surnames being a maiden name. It's also really hard to know what the spelling was supposed to be because it was written phoenetically. But I think that one's likely English anyway. The other one I haven't reached yet but my grandmother's father's father seemed to be from a Metis community outside a reserve where I remember being told we had ancestors. It seems we're descendants of some really famous anglo Metis folk. I've not figured out the specific links to lock the names all into place properly in my family tree but it's the surname and the small community that are an exact match and on the message boards.

It's a lot to think about. I've been struggling with my racial identity for a long time and regardless of nuances and ethnic identity I feel like I'm just doing this research to seem special or more interesting or to branch out my activism. DNA is not ever going to tell me who my ancestors were, just the locations a small handful of random specific ancestors lived. Family trees are going to help, but they're not going to help me too much as someone who doesn't actually have blood family I'm in contact with really.

I might see if I can get in touch with an older cousin I have on Pinterest because she seemed to be the only one (besides my younger cousin) who really ever sent me vaguely kind gestures after I came out. She was the only one who seemed to be supportive when I did my grandma's eulogy. (Aside from my sibling who went up with me. But I don't speak to my sibling for other reasons.)

I have a paternal cousin as well but we're more half-cousins as my dad's mom had a few different men in her life and I don't actually know if he does have full bio-siblings. I don't really know if it's worth it to reach out to her because with all the technicalities and separations and adoptions and half-relatives I don't know whether I can ask her to ask around, or if I can just ask her, or what.

Anyway whatever it's just easiest to explain my ethnicity as being Metis because talking with others and stuff it seems like maybe this is the best way to label myself, to explain my complicated history and acknowledge that my blood ties are not what makes me me, but rather my ethnic ties. I have traditions and beliefs and ancestors I'm reconnecting with and trying to find.

Not all my ancestors were great people. But it is interesting as heck to learn about them. (Especially seeing pictures and some of the weirder resemblances from like, 5th great grandparents.)

Also one of my greats of grandparents crossed the US-Canada border several times in his life and near the end of them the border agent wrote "seems odd" on the thing and I haven't found any explanation for why he was crossing the border either lol which is pretty dang interesting imo.

- anyway idk I think I'm good ?? have been getting a lot of new interests and hobbies lately which feels good, feels right

i'm getting muscles because of them hormones and probably eating healthier or whatever and drinking more water and just livin life as best i can

could use some more dollars however but what can u do when welfare doesn't go up to match minimum costs of living haha :)

[chisatowo]

anhane and tsugusayo?

Ok! Um! Starting with tsugusayo I do indeed adore them, but I am also VERY picky with them since a lot off ppl chose the most boring version of them in the universe to make stuff for since its usually a very one directioned dynamic to a lot of ppl if that makes sense? Not one sided but like it's more abt one side than the other (Sayo lol) which even if that wasn't the case I'm also pretty picky on Tsugumi characterisations so in general I kind of just sit in my lil corner and ignore most of everyone else lol. Anhane is more complicated for me ngl, I will say upfront that I do like them, funnily enough in a very similar way I enjoy parechu gotta love the canon gay ppl, but dear god has the fanbase kinda. Soured them a bit for me. Like Ive said before the sekai fandom is very incapable of being normal abt them (or lesbians in general but you don't need me to tell you that dhsngdkdh) and I think a large part of it is that they're in the same unit as two of the guys which often leads ppl to writing their relationship to "balance out" Akito and Toya's relationship. While I do have complicated feelings on them, I will defend their canonness to the death since I'm rly rly tired of seeing canon lesbians get erased because of bad translations by the english team and almost comical ignorance from the english community. Obviously no one is obligated to ship them it's fine, this is more so abt ppl who say shit like "oh they don't even know how gay this looks" or make "they're dumb stupid uwu baby lesbians who don't even realise they're gay for eachother" jokes those just drive me up the wall lol. I just feel very protective of them since it rly feels like ensekai has been more like thorough than I thought they would be even when I first realised they were gonna get no homod a bit? Idk at least with parechu I mostly just feel like it's sloppy translation since they've been ok with other honestly almost more explicitly gay stuff in the past, but with ensekai Im legitimately not sure if they're being actually homophobic or not lol