#{ It makes me think of the plant zombies from Resident Evil though. }

[yuichiroswife]

Design your dream home and I'll tell you what haunts it

Creeping Vines.

You let the vines grow into your house for longer than most people would have. But when you finally decided to cut them, a vine curled around your wrist until you dropped the trimmers. The air in the house seems to always be damp since they joined you here, and your dreams have gotten a little stranger and more vivid, but at least it's nice to have the extra greenery.

Tagged by: @crxstallium​​

Tagging: Go ahead and steal it from me if you wanna do it, just remember to tag me.

[yesloverboy]

You and Michael playing PC games in the Sanctuary. Everything was okay until Michael decides to play the infamous "Cat Mario". That fucking fan made game that you can even past the first level. His rage level just explode with this game. I took inspiration from that youtuber named "Rooster Teeth".

listen y’all this is pure crack, but it was super fun to write. thanks so much for such a hilarious idea! 

…  

When Michael finally brought you to the Sanctuary, it was everything you dreamt it would be. Your new home felt like it existed on an entirely different plane of reality; a little slice of what you imagined heaven would be like, yet it was so much more. It was better than heaven, all because Michael had created it, and he created it just for you. It certainly wasn’t a complete picture of what yours and Michael’s new world would be, but for now, it was everything you could ever need to enjoy your victories and plan for the future.

 The Sanctuary itself was like an oasis in the desert, overflowing with lavish gardens, ornate palaces, and artful sculptures that were seemingly derived from all the rococo masterpieces you could recall from the previous Earth. The sun always shone brightly, and it only ever thunderstormed when you were tucked safely inside; a blanket wrapped securely around your shoulders and a book in your hands. 

 Best of all, Michael seemed relaxed, more relaxed than you ever remembered. The scowl he had adopted back in the Outpost had melted away, his mildly cherubic face becoming one of ease, the soft look in his eyes making your heart flutter. He still maintained his elegance– after all, he is the son of Satan and heir to Earth’s throne –but now, Michael was free to breathe a little. As the days went by, he became the playful boy you first fell in love with, indulging you in movie marathons, ruthless game nights, and impromptu dances in the kitchen. 

 As elegant as your Sanctuary was, it wasn’t long before you and your beloved ventured back into some of the more nostalgic creature comforts of your previous lives. You’re unsure how, but Michael managed to save the remnants of whatever the human race had left of the internet before the nuclear fallout. 

 On a particularly lazy day, you find yourself in Michael’s study, diving deep into the rabbit hole of PC games from your childhood. You’re halfway through Resident Evil 2, when Michael strolls in, the sound of him humming softly under his breath drawing your attention away from the computer screen. His hair is pulled back into a loose bun, and a pair of beige linen pants hand loosely on his hips. You smile to yourself as an image of Michael in crimson velvet flashes in your mind, and you feel proud of how much he’s let himself grow. 

 Sure, he’s still the antichrist, but now the darkness inside of him doesn’t have to fight for space anymore. There’s no good half or bad half, human or nonhuman– there’s just Michael. Your Michael. 

 “What are you up to, my love?”

 You open the game menu, pausing your progress for a moment. “Oh nothing, just rotting my brain with the old Resident Evil games. You remember these? God they used to scare the shit out of me.” 

 “Language, darling,” he teases, poking fun at your casual mention of the Lord Almighty. “Mind if I join you?” 

“I thought you’d never ask!” you giggle. “Now pull up a chair so I can kick your ass, pretty boy.” 

 Michael drags one of the plush lounge chairs over to the desk, all the while chuckling to himself. “Someone’s feeling feisty, today. Why don’t we find something we both can play? I wouldn’t want to inhibit my baby’s progress in her crusade against the undead.” 

 You playfully shove Michael as he flops down beside you, the chair squeaking against the wooden floor as he stumbles into it. “Hey, you don’t have to make up excuses, I’d be intimidated by my zombie-killing prowess, too.” 

 Michael just rolls his eyes, a coy smile tugging at his perfect lips. “Oh yeah, that’s definitely it. Now hurry up and pick something before I change my mind.”

 You save your progress on Resident Evil 2 and close its window, promptly opening your folder of games you filed away for later. You had all the classics: the rest of the Resident Evil series, Silent Hill, Doom, Super Mario Brothers, Super Mario World, and a few indie games you had yet to try. 

 “What about this one?” Michael asks, pointing to a game labeled Cat Mario.

 The game looks innocent enough. Based on appearance alone, it seems to be the exact format of a regular Mario game but just a little more homemade. Rather than having the adorable Italian plumber you know and love being the game’s main protagonist, a little white cat stands in his place. The instructions are in Japanese, but everything about it is virtually the same game– how different could it be?

 “Sure! I mean, I haven’t played it yet, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t love a good Mario rendition.” 

 “Game on,” Michael grins, “Why don’t you go first?” 

 You happily oblige, and select the only available stage on the colorful screen. It may not be a true Mario game, but the delightful pastel blue sky and white little clouds make you feel right at home. 

 The first thing you notice as you move the little white cat is how much slower everything is. No problem, you think. Maybe it’s just a little hiccup in the developer’s design. It is an indie game, after all, so you can’t expect it to be perfect. It isn’t until you reach the first green pipe that you realize something is terribly off about the whole thing.

 Rather than your adorable little cat character hopping inside and materializing through another pipe, the cat sinks within in and the pipe flies off the top of the screen, effectively wasting your first life. 

 “Whoa, what the fuck?” you look over at Michael, but his confused expression is just a mirror of your own. 

 “Yeah what the fuck is right,” he murmurs, “Are you sure you’re doing it right?”

 You scoff indignantly, “What do you mean, am I sure?”

 “Here,” he smiles confidently, “Let me give it a shot.” 

 Pushing yourself away from the desk, you allow the office chair to roll you out of Michael’s way, wondering what he could possibly do that would be any different from what you were trying. 

 Annoyingly enough, Michael gets farther than you did on your first attempt, quickly correcting every mistake he had observed you making. 

 “You know, the controls may be slow, but once you get the hang of it–” Michael starts, but is immediately cut off by the sight of a floating platform falling from the powder blue sky and onto the little white cat. 

 “Are you fucking kidding me?!” Michael growls, “That’s never happened in a Mario game before, has it?”

 Even though you’re just as perplexed as Michael, you can’t help but be amused by just how much he hates losing. “I don’t know, boy wonder. Has a green pipe ever flown off-screen in a Mario game before?”

 Michael just turns his attention back to the screen, his teeth clenched tightly in frustration. “Whatever, I’m trying it again.”

 This time around, Michael tries to make the cat jump and punch a question block, only for it to soar upwards and out of his reach. 

 “Please tell me you’re seeing this shit, and I’m not going crazy.” Michael whines. 

 “Oh you’re going crazy, alright,” you smirk, trying your best to bury the laugh that’s starting to bubble in your throat. 

 Michael continues on a little further, dodging green pipes and avoiding slow-moving enemies like the plague. You’re just about to tell him that he might be out of the woods when suddenly, the little white cat jumps up to hit a series of hidden blocks, only to be immediately boxed in by every single one of them. 

 You don’t have to look at him directly to know that his face is bright red with aggravation. In all the years you’d been with Michael, you’ve spent enough time with him to know that it’s taking him everything within his power not to smash the PC to bits with the wave of his fingers. 

 “This isn’t happening, this isn’t fucking happening.” Michael huffs, his eyes darting between the pastel-colored screen and your face, trying to gauge your reaction. “Listen, I’ve seen a lot of evil in this world– hell, I’ve done a lot of evil –but this is something else.” 

 You let out a hearty laugh and plant a firm kiss on his anger-flushed cheek. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I’m sure that whatever internet troll invented this horrible thing probably perished in the blast.”

 “Kicking and screaming?” Michael inquires, a hint of humor returning to his velvety voice. 

 “Kicking and screaming,” you confirm, “Although, I can’t help but wonder what that kind of evil genius could have done for the new world…”

 Michael looks at an empty corner of the room thoughtfully, his brilliant eyes sparkling. “Well, we could always do a good old fashioned blood ritual later tonight…maybe bring the bastard back. You know, for old time’s sake.”

 You grin, feeling an overwhelming sense of affection for your competitive husband. He may be the son of the Devil, but he had all the competitive fire of a Greek God, scorned and beautiful all at the same time. 

 “It’s a date.”

[vegetacide]

Whump●tober - Explosion

Veg-notables:   For whumptober. This one kind wrote itself and I wrote it a$$ backwards starting with the end and filling in the rest.   It ended up longer than I expected so I apologize in advance for the word spewage - The boys wanted to banter so I let ‘em. 

As always,  thanks to @gumnut-logic for her help hashing out the plot. 

Obligatory whumptober stuff: @whumptober2019 @la-vie-en-whump

Blanket warning:   Its gonna get hot. 

Characters:  Virgil,  Alan, Scott and Johnny. 

Whumptober - TaG universe

2. Explosion

Enjoy...

oOo

“Thunderbird Two to command”

“Go ahead, V. What’s your status?”

“Hey, we’re almost done on the South end of the factory but it’s slow going. The smoke and the super structure of this place is screwing with our scans so we’re having to back track.”

“I’ll see if there’s anything John can do on his end to clear it up. Find anything?”

Virgil shook his head before he realized that Scott couldn’t see him. “It’s what I haven’t found that disturbing me. What the hell happened to the fire suppression system?”

“Not sure. Both John and the GDF confirmed this facility was registered as meeting requirements on its last inspection.  It’s a question I am going to be posing to the CEO once he’s done showboating for the media hounds.” 

“Well, wait for me.  I would love to hear the answer.”

He got a chuckle from the other end of the open comm. “I’ll see what I can do.  Get back at it and check in with me in five.. Or if you find anything.”

“Will do.”  The comm channel clicked off and Virgil turned as his youngest brother appeared in the doorway at his back with a tote bag full of suppression grenades.

They were making their way through what was left of a chemical manufacturing plant that had seen better days.  They’d received a request for assistance in the early hours of the morning as flames has shot some fifty feet above the roof line. The noxious fumes of the burning cocktail of who knew what  that wafted out had been pushed by a North Eastern to the neighbouring township.  Forcing the local services to call for the immediate evacuation of the 8, 962 residents.  

During the course of the evacuation Scott had been roped in to help shuttle while Virigl and Alan had stayed behind to help with containment.  For the most part the fire out due to their specialized gear and a fire retardant foam that Brains had concocted for just this scenario.  

Now though they had to pick their way through the smoldering remains to search for survivors who could be holed up in any of the emergency fire shelters that were scattered around the confusing maze of corridors that made up the complex.  

The installation of a mobile ventilation system was doing it best to clear out the contaminants and particulates polluting the air but the smoke was still hung heavy over the hulking, burnt out husk of a factory which meant that Virgil and Alan had to do the majority of the foot work themselves. 

The place had to be cleared back to the GDF before they would risk the lives of any of the local crews on clean up.    

“How’s are inventory?”  He asked by way of greeting and turned to focus on the holographic schematics of the building that were hovering above his wrist unit. 

“Depleting but we should have enough.”  Alan dropped the bag at his brother’s feet and started redistributing the spherical concussion bombs  into Virgil’s bag.  “We’ll have to start using these sparingly.” 

Virgil rubbed a hand over his sooty visor, “Well looks like the fire is contained in this section. Should just be a matter of snuffing out hot spots to prevent flare up from here on out.  

Alan nodded in understanding and pushed up to his feet. His eyebrow cocked when he noticed a look passed over Virgil’s face. He stepped closer in inquiry. “You get something?”

Virgil’s brows furrowed in concentration. “Not sure,  think I saw a blip over in the North East corner, back by the biochem labs.”

“We went through there though.”  His brother stated. “The area was clear.”

“We must have missed something.”  Grabbing his bag off the floor, he flung it over his shoulder.  “Better go back and check it out again. This place had a lot of staff and the numbers haven’t come in from the department supervisors yet.  We can’t be sure everyone got out.”  

Alan managed to just barely suppress a pout and Virgil bumped his shoulder brotherly as he stepped around him.  “Come on, Rocket Boy. Sooner we get this done the sooner you will be back home killing Zombies and scarfing down veggie sticks.” 

Virgil grinned as his brother grumbled out.  “It’s Rocket Man, thank you very much.”  

“Hey Squirt, when you can see over the dash of Two I’ll start referring to you as ‘Man’.. Until then,  your stuck.”  He dodges a swat from his baby brother.  Friendly ribbing aside they had a job to do but it helped relieve some of the stress. 

Back on task, they headed out back down the blackened corridor, ducking under hanging ceiling lights and stepped over fallen ceiling tiles and other assorted debris.  

The track back across the rat’s maze of hallways and cross corridors, through disengaged mag-locked doors and over a rather rickety catwalk that spanned  ash covered vats; their tops having blown off during the blaze, took far longer than Virgil would have liked.   

He knew they were running low on time with the GDF circling outside looking for answers and the local authorities eager to start their investigation into the cause of the fire Virgil needed to find a way to pick up their pace.  

Stopping to orient himself, Virgil check his wrist comm again. “This place is way too complicated for a private sector supplier.”   He said this offhandedly and wasn’t expecting a response back in kind from the blonde at his six.  He got one anyways. 

“Maybe it’s a top secret government think tank where they brew up all sorts of crazy potions for world domination.”

Virgil snorted and nodded off to the left. “Down here.” Flicking on his shoulder mount, the high powered beam lit up the windowless corridor.  “Ya right. Do you honestly think the Black Suits would let us in here if it were. Even with our affiliations with the GDF we would be lucky to get within ten miles of this place.”

“Cover up.”  Alan tossed out with a shrug. “Who really knows how these government spook organizations work.”

Virgil shook his head and turned down a short set of stairs and stopped abruptly at a large set of blast doors.  “You spend way too much time surfing the conspiracy sites.” 

“Everyone needs a hobby.” 

Rolling his eyes, he tapped his comm line open. “Scott, we got something.”  

“10-4.  Talk to me ”  

Virgil knew his brother was following their progress from his ‘bird along with John floating around up in space.  “Looks like another fire proof room but I can’t find it on the schematics.”  

John’s voice cut in with no preamble. “Those were the ones that were provided to the local planning board with the factories last retrofit.  They should be up to date.” 

“Well, from where I am standing,”  Virgil rapped a padded knuckle on the heavy door, “They are inaccurate and I can’t get a read on what’s on the other side. ”  

“One moment,”  John sounded a bit peeved.  Virgil knew he hated inaccuracy and the ineptitude of lazy people not doing their jobs, making stupid mistake drove him bat shit crazy. 

Virgil inspected the door and the surrounding area and pointed back down the corridor.   “Check around the corner and see if there is an electrical closet would ya? Or a service panel?  Door this big is magnetically sealed so a power relay is needed. ”  

“Like it would be on this side of it? Wouldn’t that defeat the purpose?”  Alan asked 

“If it’s not in use it will be powered from out here for maintenance purposes.  Once activated though its self sufficient and it disconnects from the external source for preventative reasons.”  Like opening up to a massive blaze or a toxic chemical spill. 

Alan zipped off around the corner, his comm line active so they could keep in communication with one another as per S.O.P when on site. 

“What do you think is in there?”  Alan’s voice sounded in his ear,  he was still close enough that it echoed a bit with a tiny time delay as it went through their secure network.

Virgil tweaked the volume and went back to inspection the door and the coded palm reader that was a charred mess to the right of it.   “First guess is it’s another fire room but considering its not on spec…who knows.” 

Scott’s voice chimed in,   “I’m done playing taxi.  Last patient has been dropped at the next closest hospital.  I’ll have a word with the CEO and Colonel Casey when I am back on site in ten.. Get us some answers as to what the hell is going on.” 

“Roger that.”    

Alan appeared back at his side.  “Nothing.”  

Virgil frowned at the door and ripped the charred panel from the wall to expose the mass of surprisingly undamaged wires behind it.  “This isn’t adding up..”  

Pulling out a network access key from his baldric,  Virgil started pulling wires.  “Hey Johnny,  I got a hack job for you if your done angrily tearing the local civil servants a new one.”

“Patch me in.”

“Yup, working on it now. “ Stripping a few wires, he tested to see if there was power to them and hooked them up to the small device. “You find the idiot that misfiled those docs?” 

“Not yet,”  Came the disgruntled sign of annoyance.  “Eos is working on it.”  

“Ouch.. that’s gonna hurt.” Virgil could hear the evil glee in the red heads voice and almost felt sorry for the poor bastard that was going to get steam rolled once he was found. 

The small device in his hand flared to life and just as suddenly the door before him hissed as the locking system released. “Wow, that was fast.”

“That wasn’t me.” 

Virgil blinked and locked eyes with Alan.  “Understood,  keep an eye on things for me would ya? We’re going in.”

“Be careful, Thunderbird Two. Picking up weird anomalies from the other side.”

“Roger, stand by.” 

It took both of them to pull the heavy door open, boots finding little purchase on the foam slicked floor.  Braced against the wall with one final heave the mighty steel portal swung up just wide enough for them to pass through one at a time.   Standing in the opening,  Virgil peered into the space beyond, eyes narrowing when a curious distortion caused the air to waver 

Virgil’s eyes widened as what he was seeing registered with the still smoldering remnants in the corridor.  He only had seconds to push Alan out of the way before all hell broke loose. 

The ensuing conflagration of heat knocked the breath from Virgil’s lungs as he was tossed like a rag doll through burning ozone.  The sudden and abrupt stop as his body met wall caused pain to burst across his whole nervous system and left him a whimpering heap on the floor.  

The world grayed out around the edges but one thing kept him just his side of blissful oblivion,  the thought of his little brother.   

By sheer force of will  he commanded his lungs to start working again and with a reserve of energy he didn’t know he had, he lifted his torso off the floor, stars flashing across his retinas.

Coughing,  he dragged himself across the floor ears straining against the buzz of a million bees as he called out for his sibling. His voice hoarse and tinny to his whirring ear drums.  

“Alan!! Thunderbird Two to anyone!”  He was panicking and he knew it wasn’t helping but he had to find his baby brother.  “Alan, god where are you?  Answer me”

The visibility was completely next to none existent as smoke billowed out from whatever the room behind the blast doors had been.   Flames scorching and white hot licked with renewed strength up the previously foamed walls with a growing intensity that he could feel through the protection of his fire gear and sweat trickled down the length of his spine.  He had to get them out of here. 

Oh god, where was his brother?

“Scott?  Scott, I can’t find Allie…”  Padding around on all fours as close to the ground as he could he reached out in every direction. Pushing singed debris and refuse out to the way as he search.

Coughing again, a fine spray of blood peppered across his visor but he wouldn’t give up, he couldn’t.  

The hand that landed suddenly on his shoulder had his heart stuttering to a stop in his throat. The flash of red and that grabbed at his helmet kick started it back over again.

“Allie, oh thank God.”  

“I’m okay but my comms are down. We gotta get out of here.”

Virgil nodded his agreement. Pushing up to a crouch, hell fire raining down around them, he look left and right to try and gauge the best direction to take. He gave his head a shake when the world greyed out around the edges of his vision and shot a hand out to brace himself against his brother’s shoulder.  

“You okay, Virg?”

An odd expression passed over Virgil’s face as time seemed to crawl to a stop. The flames of the fire all around them stilling, the heat fading away and an odd, surreal chill slowly encompassed his body, radiating up his torso and slowly suffusing his limbs. 

His thoughts grew distance as the center of the chill started to thaw with an excruciating burn and he looked down.  What the…?The echo of confusion cut off abruptly as his gloved hand came away dark and wet.

“Oh god. Virgil, hang on..”  Were the last words he heard before Earth reared up and hit him hard. 

oOo

Next part HERE

The Master List of prompts can be found HERE

[demansiabites]

So, the 2010′s are over, what the fuck is up with that one? I spent more time in video games during the 2010′s than I probably spent in school, so I’ve naturally been trying to rank 10 games as my favorites of the decade. Of course, I’m a dumb bitch so I couldn’t think of anything past four or so games that I loved during the decade. So under the cut, here are my top 10 games that I played during the decade ranked in idunno an order I guess:

Number 10: Far Cry 3 (November 29th, 2012), aka the worst fucking game I’ve ever enjoyed. Far Cry 3 is a video game, that’s one of the few things I’m certain of, so naturally it has video game elements. Story, gameplay, characters, some vague semblance of doing something. If someone asked me to describe how well it did any of those things, it’d probably go something like this: “The story was fucking garbage, there was one good character that they killed halfway through, there was like one good mission in the entire game, and the gameplay was passable for a first person shooter”.  So then what the fuck, why is it this high up? I don’t know, but for some reason I kept playing this god damn game at least once every year for the past few years. Even though I had to use uPlay, even though the characters are unlikable as fuck, even though the story feels like it was written in one night long bender including some combination of Vodka and Red Bull that probably resulted with at least one person in the hospital, I kept playing this fucking game. And I think I might have figured out why, it’s just fucking stupid. There are very few games I would consider a “survival” game where it doesn’t actually have survival elements, and Far Cry 3 is one of them. The entire map itself wants you dead honestly. Including a cast of tigers, giant birds, pirates, bears, giant cliffs, and sharks, there’s no safe place on the map. Getting from one end of the map to the other will include at least one fight, no matter what you do. The game gives you the stupidest tools I can think of to get you across the map. There’s literally no reason for them to give you a flare gun, but they do because why not. A wingsuit? You get that shit like, 60% of the way through the game, and that last 40% is mostly me fucking around with the added mobility they should’ve given me from the start.  I fucking hate this game so much, purely because I enjoy it more than this game has the right to make someone enjoy. I give it a 4/10. If someone asked me of any good survival games, I would recommend something else then remember Far Cry 3 a couple hours later when taking a shower. Then I would probably play it myself, because it’s the guiltiest of pleasures.

Number 9: BioShock (August 21st, 2007), aka I never said all the games came out this decade, I just said I played them. BioShock is one of those games people consider a “masterpiece”. It’s got an amazing story, revolutionary gameplay, fantastic characters. I may agree with that, but that’s not why it’s here. I bought this game and for the following three days I stayed up playing it from 8 PM to 7 AM because I kept getting so fixed into the game that I lost my passage of time. If that’s not top 10 material I don’t know what the fuck is. BioShock is a 9/10 game, play it if you know you’re not doing anything for the next 3 days because you probably won’t realize how long you’ve been playing it. Also it’s actually pretty scary sometimes, so be warned.

Number 8: Mount and Blade: Warband (March 30, 2010), aka the game where I said I was going to take over the entire map then spent 60 hours getting 33% of the way through that goal. Mount and Blade: Warband is a perfectly accurate simulation of the days under the feudal system, because everything takes 8 years to fucking happen. Travelling across the map takes minutes at a time, battles take minutes, starting a castle’s siege takes 3 in-game days, then the siege itself takes anywhere from 10 real life minutes to an hour based on how mean the game is feeling. Do I dislike this? No, not at all, I love how large scale this game. As a matter of fact, it’s one of the largest scale games I’ve played ever. Battles can have hundreds of troops at a time, the world is dominated by kingdoms with actual politics, there are hundreds of named NPCs in the game almost every single one of which you can fight or ally with. It’s fucking insane. Mount and Blade: Warband gets an 8/10 from me, it’s not at all for everyone but it’s certainly for me.

Number 7: Resident Evil 4 (January 11, 2005), aka “wait the same person that played Leon Scott Kennedy also voiced the Merchant?” I don’t think I have anything new to say about Resident Evil 4, so I’m not really going to bother trying to critique this game. I will say I beat it at least 4 or 5 times throughout the decade, having only owned it for a few years, and that I also played it with my significant other during that time and after that they bought it to play it themselves. The only other thing I feel worth mentioning is god damn did they make Leon Scott Kennedy fucking THICC. You may think the artillery are the guns you’re carrying around anymore, but nah, them cheeks could fucking fracture a skull. Resident Evil 4 gets an 8/10 from me, I would buy it at a high price. Also I love Ada Wong.

Number 6: Danganronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls (September 25th, 2014), aka the reason I would never recommend somebody to follow me on this fucking website. Danganronpa is by far, the best series I’ve ever seen have so many crippling flaws in it. Thankfully, Ultra Despair Girls manages to avoid those flaws by being just straight up a different game entirely. Most of Danganronpa’s flaws comes from how many characters they have. Ultra Despair Girls manages to fix that by not having as many characters, but expanding heavily on the characters that it does have. The motherfuckers literally made the hyperactive serial killer my favorite character in fiction, I don’t know what y’all expect of me at this point. Also, the game manages to have gameplay that is actually suited for someone such as myself. I absolutely adore the class trials in Danganronpa, but visual novels aren’t my thing most of the time. Danganronpa is certainly an exception, but Ultra Despair Girls’s third person shooter gameplay holds my attention like a vice, that shit was made for me. Danganronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls gets a 7/10 from me, it’s certainly not the best game but god damn if it didn’t ruin me.

NOW ENTERING, THE LARGE LADS, WHERE RANKING MATTERS

Number 5: Plants vs. Zombies (May 5, 2009), aka the sentiment from the memories I have playing it is enough to put it on here. I played Plants vs. Zombies one time in the past decade, and that was just last year. But, I played it with my significant other while I was in England visiting them. We bought it for 1 pound from a game store, and played it almost every. single. day. after we bought it. We beat the main story at least three times, and one of those times I played. Honestly, it’s still a really fucking fun game, and I wouldn’t go back and change a second of the time I played it. Plants vs. Zombies gets a 9/10 from me, it’s an incredibly polished game and the memories I have of it means it’ll hold a special place in my heart for a long time to come.

Number 4: Fallout: New Vegas (October 19, 2010), aka 234 hours of my life I will never get back. Fallout: New Vegas is a special experience that I’m certain will never have a replacement. It’s reached a place in my mind where if I ever want to experience a game like it again, there is no “other game” to go to, I just go back to New Vegas and play through it all again. I give Fallout: New Vegas an 8/10, it’s incredibly buggy, but I’ll never be able to escape its grasp.

Number 3: The Outer Worlds (October 25th, 2019), aka wait there’s another Fallout: New Vegas, damn that’s rad The Outer Worlds was introduced to me through this trailer, upon which everyone was hyping it up. The game was made by the developers of Fallout: New Vegas, it looked like it had way more polish, and it was a space adventure. So naturally, with all of these positives, I was fucking horrified at what we were going to get. I was so unbelievably afraid that Obsidian was going to release the game and it was going to be bad. Well, I bought it a couple weeks after release, and let me tell you what the days after were like: BioShock, it was fucking BioShock again, god DAMMIT. The Outer Worlds is a fun, amazingly written, anti-corporation, fuck you Bethesda, space adventuring, really fucking fun game. I’m pretty sure I did almost every side quest, only missing on a couple companion quests, and I did everything I could to get the ending I sought after the most. I wanted nothing more than to topple the Capitalist Assholes, so I did. Not only did the game let me do that, but it has LGBTQ+ characters, and holy shit are some of them comparable to the UV Rays the sun is trying to fucking end me with.  The Outer Worlds receives a 9/10 from me, and I should play it again.

Number 2: Fallout 2 (September 30th, 1998), aka wow this game is the most dated piece of media, can I play it forever? I honestly have no fucking clue why I fell so in love with Fallout 2. It’s got some real problematic elements, homophobic NPCs, some of the worst parts of society, literal slavers? Literal slavers? But for some reason, I’m happy playing a game with them, because there is almost no consequence to just wiping them the fuck out. Every time I play through this game, it’s just routine for me to kill the slavers, the drug producers, the Scientologists. It’s like, the most selective experience ever, I could probably do quests for these people, but nah, I wipe them out and the game just stands there with its hands in its pockets not saying a word. It doesn’t try to stop me, it doesn’t give me some stupid negative trait for what I did. So long as I survive the encounter, I’m free to just move on with my day. On top of that, it’s also got amazing characters, and an amazing story. You can tell the story’s amazing, because in Fallout 3 Bethesda tried to do it again, and failed miserably. Fallout 2 gets an 8/10 from me, it’s a buggy piece of shit, but with a mod that fixes it it’s a way for me to spend another 90 hours.

Number 1: OneShot (December 8th, 2016), aka the best video game experience. OneShot is one of those special game experiences where I have nothing that I dislike about it. The main character is one of my favorite characters ever, they are an absolute baby. Every other character in the game is likable, as well. I have honest to god tried to come up with something I dislike about OneShot and I just can’t think of it. I may not replay it multiple times, but I don’t need to. I’m so in love with OneShot, I don’t need to play it multiple times. As a matter of fact, I don’t need to play it. I don’t own OneShot, my significant other does, they bought it at my recommendation. OneShot will never stop being one of the most special experiences to me.  OneShot is a 10/10 game, and I genuinely, with all my heart, recommend anyone who has even slightly similar tastes to me to play it. It’s one of the most lovable games in gaming, has exclusively likable characters, and I will always adore Niko from it.

[mareebrittenford]

Space Zombies #4

So far in the story: (part #1 and part #2) (part #3) Lyse, looter and scavenger of abandoned and destroyed space ships found herself on board a ship that had supposedly been overrun by a plague. Except the sick are still walking around and seem to want to eat her.

She managed to escape back to her own ship with the friendly dog she found on board. But that’s just the beginning of her problems…

This is a weekly serial. It’s the result of me putting an urban fantasy concept in space. Sort of space opera with a twist, and lots of fun tropes. So please, check it out!

“Say, I have a great idea!”

Finally Felipe decides to get involved. The way his voice grates against my nerves means he’s dialed his ability up to maximum. He can’t charm his own children, but the use of his abilities still jar my senses some how.

The officer turns slowly, almost as if he’s fighting it. But in the end he can’t resist the compulsion. Felipe beams at him.

“Have you fellows ever had the pleasure of visiting Aptar Station? It’s not called the gem among the stars for nothing! I assure you, it’s the best place in the galaxy for some young men like yourselves to spend your precious shore leave.”

The officer blinks, probably confused because so much charisma is being laid on but Felipe hasn’t asked him to do anything yet. “I have heard it’s exotic.”

Save me please from being exotic. But I paste a smile on, prepared to play my part in the little scene Felipe is playing out.

“Indeed it is! And since you’re going that way, perhaps you could give us a wake ride? And perhaps on the way you could contact young David’s family, and they could meet us on Aptar and we can all raise a glass together to celebrate my daughter's wedding.”

It’s an excellent solution. Probably one that the officer would have agreed to even without the ridiculous amount of power Felipe is laying into his speech.

There’s only one flaw with this solution.

There might not be a way I can get out of this without actually marrying David.

It doesn’t worry me nearly as much as it should. He’s my soulmate, so it’s probably inevitable that I make some sort of formal bond contract with him eventually, but I would like to have at least one private conversation with the guy before I get tied to him for life.

I’m fairly sure that Felipe’s devious brain could’ve come up with a solution where I had a little more flexibility at least on the timeline. But I have no doubt he’s honed in on what to him would be the most salient point of the entire encounter. The money.

David’s family has posted such a large reward for his safe return that instead of destroying our ship an entire squad of soldiers and their commanding officer have decided to ignore their orders and risk zombie contact for the chance of collecting it.

David’s rich. And my father wants to get as close to that money as he can.Even selling his own daughter out for it.

----

The flight to Aptar, which would’ve taken us several days under our own power is accomplished in a matter of six hours riding the wake of the more powerful ship.

I have a hundred questions whirling around in my head, but no chance to ask them. The officer who I now know to be Jr Lieutenant Taylor has left two soldiers on board with us. Probably so they can remove the explosive charges they placed earlier-- which I appreciate-- but they have a dampening effect on conversation. All the questions I want to ask David can’t be asked when there’s any possibility of being overheard. Because of course as his betrothed I should already know all about him.

And wake riding always makes me nervous. Yes it’s fast, but it also requires giving over control to the lead ship. Full navigational coordination is vital to make it work. The other ship would be in just as much trouble as us if they mis-navigated. But I still don’t like the loss of control.

I spend most of the trip in a tense silence watching David eat. And boy does he eat. You’d think that the dehydrated meal packs he’s chowing down were the most delicious food ever created.

His ratcheting anxiety feeds into mine.

By the time we drop out of transitional space near Aptar I’m wound to a blade edge of tension, ready to snap at anything.

But the sight of my home station soothes me a little. I always love view coming up on Aptar. Seeing it’s sparkling silhouette hanging in space always gives me a twist in my heart. Not just because it’s my home and one the places I feel safest in the galaxy, but because it’s beautiful.

When humans first began to live in space-- not just visit for short trips-- a need was seen for permanent way stations. They were built in the most efficient way possible. Hideous boxy things created by stitching together a few freighters and then building them out into permanent habitation. Ugly on the outside, depressed on the inside. I’ve heard the suicide rate among long term residents is ridiculously high. Whispers of course. Most of them are owned by large corporations that tend to hush up that sort of information.

Aptar is completely different. Our founder, the first Premier Streeter, was a spatial, and he designed the place after extensive study of aesthetics, architecture and everything that was then theorized about what humans need to thrive in a nonplanetary environment.

“Wow,” David gasps. I glance over at the two soldiers and they’re gaping too. I guess we’ve got three newcomers.

“Pretty amazing huh?” I whisper, tugging David a little closer to a porthole window.

I’ve heard Aptar referred to as dew covered spider web floating in space, mostly by planet born types. I can’t see it. Phil says it’s because their eyes aren’t used to distinguishing the subtle tones of black on black that you get used to in deep space. Or perhaps they spend a lot of time looking at spiders when they’re on planets.

To me it looks like some friendly tentacled creature, happy and alive in the depths of space, it’s many slender arms sparkling with pinpoints of light. And it’s reaching out to welcome us home.

The CM crew transport tows us into the main dock, instead of our own private berth where we’d usually head, but at least we’ve made it here. I’m home and I’m safe.

As soon as we enter step off the ship I can smell the change in the air. Ship bound air always smells stale compared to this. Even here in the main customs area, which mostly smells like grease, fuel exhaust, and travel worn bodies there’s still that warmer texture to the air and the shadow of a taste of green things growing.

The military are held up at customs. None of them seem to speak spanish, so they need an official translator. David is also held up. The Jr Lieutenant is claiming he’s their prisoner, but of course they have no proof, and he has no identification with him, having arrived on our ship as a wolf. He’d probably have to sit there for hours while his identity was certified and his status was sorted out, so I call in a few favors and use my connections. I claim personal responsibility for him and and demand to speak to the Premier privately. It’s not something I’ve ever done before, so it gets things moving rather quickly.

Felipe has disappeared, probably trying to avoid fallout from so blatantly manipulating a military officer, but Phil hovers as I wait for my escort.

“Go home Phil. Say hi to your mom for me.”

I know he doesn’t want to, he wants to stick around and see what happens. But there’s too much that’s dangerous and uncertain going on here. I want him well out of it.

He groans, but nods. “I’m coming by your place later to find out what’s going on though.”

It only takes a few minutes for the escort to show. It’s the Premier’s personal assistant, and daughter, Alexis. She’s a few years older than me, but we basically grew up together. Sending her means I’m not in trouble. Yet.

“Hey Lyse,” she says. “What have you got yourself mixed up in this time?” Her eyes flick over David curiously, but she knows better than to ask for details before her mother has gotten all the information first.

“Oh this and that, you know how it is. How’s the family?”

“Same old same old. My brother is still imagining that one of these days you’re going to give up on adventuring and come home and marry him.”

Amusingly David slides his hand into mine. Okay. So he’s not completely against this whole fake betrothal thing. That’s good. Because with how things are rolling there’s a fairly high chance of it turning into a real contract within days.

Alexis doesn’t miss the gesture, and her eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. I should introduce David, but I can’t explain anything until Devonda gets first crack at this information.

“I’ll explain everything, later, okay?” I hedge. We both know that ‘everything’ is really ‘everything I’m allowed to tell you.”

But she nods and grins. “I cannot wait to see my brother’s face.”

“You’re evil.”

“Nope. I just love saying ‘I told you so.’

I do not want to think about Lionel and his expectations right now. I have enough to worry about.

We’re lead through the twisting maze that surrounds the government offices. A security measure. And a show of wealth and power. I just think it’s beautiful. The promise of plants and water that I could taste at the entry port is fulfilled as the smells of earth and flowers and herbs roll over me. The lighting is all designed to simulate earth sunlight, and there’s gardens and fountains everywhere. People say it’s like being in a particularly beautiful old earth city. I can’t help reaching out and plucking a bright red geranium from a window box, and inhaling the bright green scent of it.

Alexis just shakes her head and smiles.

I smirk. “Sorry, was that one of yours?” The apartments in this section are far beyond my price point, and most other peoples. But I’m sure Alexis could afford to live here if she wanted to. She doesn’t, instead choosing to live in the same slightly shabby area that do.

I’m glad of David’s hand in mine, he keeps getting distracted, staring around him. I pull him closer. “Is it true? Is this what earth looks like?”

He shakes his head. “Not where I’m from. But maybe Greece, or Lebanon.”

It’s all too soon that Alexis leads us into a small private chamber announces me by my full name and bows out, closing the door silently behind her.

Rare, pointlessly expensive orchids line the window that overlooks the market districts, their flowers the only hint of decoration in the spartan space.

Devonda is already seated at the desk. Poised to intimidate any unwanted guests. Her blue tailored jumpsuit is a world apart from my baggy beige one, and somehow the cool color brings out the warmer tones in her dark skin.

I wonder for a moment if this was the best idea. Then Devonda leans back, the beads in her braids chiming together melodically, her dark eyes roaming over David. “What have you brought me this time?” she asks, sounding unimpressed, but she’s grinning at me.

I have to admit, David doesn’t look very impressive at the moment. He’s only about 5’7” when he stands up straight, and he’s not doing that now. He’s hunching in on himself and refusing to make eye contact. You’d think he was terrified. But while I can feel some anxiety and uncertainty, it’s almost as if he’s just being-- submissive?

“This is David Smith, and he’s my soulmate,” I say. No point hiding that from Devonda. And hey maybe she’ll stop hinting that I marry her son already.

Her eyes widen in surprise, and I suppress a smile. Surprising Devonda isn’t something I get to do very often. But this isn’t really the time for feeling smug.

“And also?” I continue, because he’s the least of it. “There’s something very very bad going down that you need to know about.”

------

It doesn’t take long to fill her in about hearing about the huge cargo ship that was ghosted, and me and Felipe deciding to check it out. Devonda shakes her head at me over that. She is aware that some of what Felipe and I do isn’t strictly legal, but I don’t usually tell her so bluntly. But I feel like in this situation full disclosure has more value than plausible deniability. Well, mostly full disclosure.

“How were you able to escape?” she asks.

“Because David’s extra,” I say. “He’s as fast as me, possibly faster.”

I determinedly don’t look at him. Devonda’s abilities aren’t empathic, she’s spatial, but that doesn’t mean she’s not gonna read a dodgy reply if I show any sort of tell. Yet for some reason I feel the need to hide the full nature of David’s abilities. Changing form the way he does isn’t something I’ve ever even heard of before, and after what he said before I feel like that’s something that he should get to decide about revealing or not.

“He’s also extraordinary? What type?”

“Agility as far as I saw.” I squeeze his hand. He squeezes back hitting me with a wave of gratitude and relief.

Devonda turns her attention to David, frowning. “You’re an agility type?”

He glances at her briefly before he goes back to staring at the floor. “Ahh, I guess? I’m fast and good at jumping and climbing? I don’t really know. I just thought I was a freak. I didn’t know that you guys existed, or that I could come here?” His voice rises up at the end in a question. He’s not sure if he really is welcome on Aptar.

Devonda chooses to ignore his implicit question, so I squeeze his hand again and try to project welcoming vibes.

Devonda steeples her hands and rests her chin on them , watching us thoughtfully. I feel like I’m ten years old again, and caught in some sort of misbehavior. I know that lightning fast brain of her’s is moving us around like chess pieces in four dimensions. She studies David for a moment before returning her attention to me.

“Why did you cross the plague line? Even for you that seems foolishly reckless.”

The question feels irrelevant, but I know that coming from Devonda it’s anything but. So I consider it for a moment. Yes I’d been interested in what that massive ship could hold, but that wasn’t really the reason.

“I think David was calling me. I felt like I had to go in.”

Devonda nods slowly. She’s been married to her soulmate for more than forty years, so guess she’d know if that’s normal.

Her eyes going back to David. “And you young man. I don’t believe for a second that it was an accident that you were on that ship. An unknown extra, suddenly appearing in such a volatile situation? Especially since your name isn’t on the manifest as a passenger or crew. What were you doing there?”

Forget wondering how on earth she has access to that sort of information. I gave up asking that a long time ago.

David mumbles something and hunches into himself even further, but he doesn’t let go of my hand.

“What was that?”

“I’m not at liberty to say ma'am. I’m sorry.” He sounds miserable. I would be too.

“How would I go about getting you permission to talk? I’m assuming you’re not working for the CM.”

David is silent for a moment, considering.

“You might start by contacting Svetlana Scheren.”

Devonda straightens and swears. She spins in her chair, making the rapid hand motions to open an external channel.

“Out, out, take him away Carlyse. But stay in contact and don’t let him leave the station. I will need to talk to both of you again soon.”

I’m not going to stop to question her. The name David gave her obviously means something to her. As we hustle out the door a woman appears on the com screen, blinking and yawning, clearly just been woken from sleep. She looks sort of familiar, like I’ve seen her before, but never registered her as important. She’s blonde with pale skin, perhaps forty or so. “This better be good Devonda, otherwise I’m going to cancel your override priority.”

“Good morning to you too Svetlana, and perhaps you’d like to tell me why you’re hiding extras from me. Do you want me to tear up our contracts?”

Oh boy. I do not want to be in the vicinity when that level icy death is in Devonda’s voice. I close the door behind me quickly.

Alexis is hovering on the other side. I dodge around her, still towing David by the hand. “Devonda is on an important call, probably best not to disturb her,” I say. “You know how to get hold of me if she has any more questions.”

What a joke. I’m going to be back on that carpet within a few hours.

Alexis wants to pump me for gossip, but is an hour or two alone with David to just talk so much to ask?

“Do you maybe want to go somewhere and talk? I guess you’ve got questions.”

Or perhaps he wants to get as far away as possible from the crazy woman who drags him around and is just as bad as everyone else trying to stake a claim on him.

“Talking sounds good. And um, sorry, but I’m kinda hungry. Can we get something to eat around here that doesn’t taste like reconstituted cardboard?”

[secretradiobrooklyn]

HALLOWEEN RADIO | 10.31.20

Secret Radio | Halloween special 10.31.20 | Hear it here.

Artwork by Paige, Liner notes by Evan except * means Paige

1. Sam the Sham - “Little Red Riding Hood” *

I had to make the case to Evan that this was a Halloween song, but I justify with the fact that 1.) this song uses the phrase “spooky ol’ woods” and 2.) many years ago, Sleepy Kitty played a festival on Cherokee Street that wasn’t a Halloween show but it happened to be the Saturday before Halloween. Recognizing our responsibility, we scrambled to throw together costumes and realized that if we just got a wolf mask and paws we already  had everything in our wardrobes to throw together the Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs LP cover drawing of Red and the wolf. Evan says he doesn’t like Halloween but it’s only because once he commits, he commits completely. One of my favorite moments of the night was spotting Evan that night, several hours after our set in the afternoon, having a completely serious and sincere conversation with a friend – wolf nose and paws still intact. This was pre iPhone days, but I tracked down an image and I’m gonna put it on our fake radio insta. Thus, Little Red Riding Hood is in fact a Halloween song. 

2. Roky Erickson - “I Walked with a Zombie”

Every year, reliably, Paige’s dad Ned tells us we should cover “I Walked with a Zombie,” and each year we somehow don’t do it. So this live version of the song is for him, just in case this is the closest we ever get. 

Halloween tag

3. Steve Martin - Little Shop of Horrors soundtrack - “Dentist!”

Sure, an alarmingly large and hungry, sharp-toothed plant is scary. But is it as terrifying as a dentist who delights in the pain he inflicts? “I thrill when I drill a bicuspid” — shiver!

4. Hocus Pocus soundtrack - “Sarah’s Theme”

Our definition of a good Halloween movie is way less horrifying than it is lightly spooky, so “Hocus Pocus” is just about ideal for our purposes. This is the sound of Paige’s delighted Halloween youth… though we also just watched it again. Holds up! 

5. The Beatles - “Mr. Moonlight”

Paige pointed out that this is essentially a religious song to the moon — a song of praise, devotion, and submission to a greater power. 

6. Quasi - “Ghost vs. Vampire”

I know that Quasi has had a long and illustrious career, but my fandom is frozen at this pinnacle of mystical bummerness. I learned so much about being creatively sad from Sam Coomes.

7. Rocky Horror Picture Show - “Sweet Transvestite” 

8. The Velvet Underground - “The Gift”

Didn’t realize this was a Halloween song until tonight. If Hitchcock is proper Halloween, which I vote a definite yes, then “The Gift” is ultra Halloween.

9. Bauhaus - “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” 

I feel like I have to say psychic hello to my friend Joseph Grady, who first introduced me not just to the coolness of Peter Murphy but to the allure of vampires generally. I wore my nails and my coats long. We talked about what the vampires were up to that night. We had some truly perfect nights together.

10. The Bitter Tears - “Murdered at the Bar”

An invaluable prize from being in a certain scene in a certain set of years in Chicago with the School of the Art Institute crowd — grad and undergrad. We all loved this song, and 15 or so years later, “we all” turns out to be a very specific and much-loved crew of people I miss and love. Except for Chris Shea, who I love and get to hang out with here in the city. This song is for him especially. 

11. Phantom of the Opera - Korean cast - “Point of No Return”

We had this epiphany accidentally. As I recall, we watched the movie version of “Phantom,” and I was distinctly not impressed, but then Paige put on the French-Canadian version and we were both fascinated by how different it was. That led us into Phantom Internationalé, wherein we just looked up versions from all over the world. It is amazing: each version is both militantly like and distinctly unique from the others. The Korean Phantom emerges as the most singular from among the versions we heard, and “Point of No Return” an emotional height.

Meet Me in St. Louis - “Tootie the Horrible”

One of the greatest Halloween scenes in the history of cinema in our book. 

12. Donovan - “Season of the Witch”

13. “The Dweller of the Cave” * I Found this tape at my parents’ house this summer while we were delayed in Illinois between March and whenever the van got fixed and we drove back. Rediscovering this tape may be why you’re listening to this whole fake radio spooktacular tonight. Hi to Stewart and Jill. 

14. Science Fiction Double Feature *

15. Dr. Who Theme Song*

16. Red Dwarf Theme Song* 

The previous 3 songs were woven into a medley for Sleepy Kitty’s KMNR Freaker’s Ball. It’s one of life’s great pleasures for a band to play Freaker’s Ball, we literally wound around a wooded road to find some Elk’s Lodge or something full of college kids DECKED THE HECK OUT in EPIC COSTUMES ready to freakin’ get down. Never have I been closer to being the band in the prom scene of a 90s movie than at a Freaker’s Ball. We met some rad folks through the KMNR scene, and if I’ve ever told you about my custom vocal pedals, Colin of CroyTone Audio was one of those rad folks we met one of those magical nights. Also, raise your hand if your love Red Dwarf!

17. Ghostbusters 

Paige: “I had this reflector, this flat reflector that was some scrap of something that Ned got from Honeywell. I would play Ghostbusters, and I was like: ‘This is a ghost trap.’ It was SO REAL to me. It was this flat reflector, like a bike reflector, and I would like, like, set traps. And I’d be like, ‘Don’t move my ghost trap!’ I would set the ghost trap, and it was like fishing for ghosts. But that was me playing. I would, like, wait. …I don’t know if it worked or not.”

“I’m not sure if this is me imagining this or not, but I’m pretty sure there was a day where I was like, ‘I feel like this trap’s not working.’ But I also feel like I was like, ‘But how would I know? They could be all inside. This is either full — or empty.’”

Vertigo soundtrack

18. The Fall - “Frightened”

“I don’t wanna dance, I wanna go home” — Fri-dund! 

19. Goblin - “Zombi” Title Theme

20. Karen Elson - “The Ghost Who Walks”

I think we got this record at Third Man Records when we were playing in Nashville. Sean’s new residence! 

Paige: “Karen Elson is tall, beautiful, an interesting musician, AND she has red hair. That’s crazy. What are the chances that you would have all of those things? Talk about a blue moon!”

21. Eartha Kitt - “I Want to Be Evil”

“The only etchings I’ve seen have been behind glass.” 

22. Jeffrey Lewis & Los Bolts - “The Pigeon”

“Old skies you flapped through are no more.”

We would like to give a heartfelt hello to Yona Schimmel, mostly out of reach for now. We mourn every missed knish.

23. Scott Walker - “The Seventh Seal”

Paige didn’t know this was a movie, she thought this was just a cool song about a guy playing chess with death.

24. Groovie Ghoulies - “(She’s My) Vampire Girl”

I love that he puts two Bazooka Joe jokes right in the middle of the song.

25. Black Sabbath - “Paranoid”

Sometimes you need priests to summon spirits. 

26. Fantasia - “A Night on Bald Mountain”

This is a song that seriously disturbed Paige when she was young. She thought that they did this whole demon thing every single Saturday. For me, it made such an impression that, when each of my young friends and I improvised who we were — “I’m Darth Vader!” “I’m a Cylon Raider!” my take was “I’m Night on Bald Mountain”! And I would open my arms wide and pretend that I was an entire sharp mountaintop transforming into a giant demon with wings, and I would always be the biggest and baddest and scariest creature of all, no matter what they thought. Bald Mountain beats Batman every time.

29. “Jump in the Fire”

Or as I say whenever the occasion warrants: “Jump in the show-AHH!” 

28. Rogers & Hammerstein “Pore Jud Is Daid”

29. Barry Adamson - “Something Wicked This Way Comes”

I cannot recall what brought this album to my ears… I suspect it was something I got in my inbox when I worked at The Rocket. This whole album is full of heavy musical grooves and heavy mental movement. It’s a rare pleasure in 

30. Screamin’ Jay Hawkins, “I Put a Spell on You”

This is straight-up one of my favorite recordings of anyone ever. And when I eventually saw it enacted in “Stranger than Paradise,” I was blown away by how fundamentally Eastern European it sounds. Every sound he makes with his voice creates new characters. 

31. The Shining, “Midnight, the Stars & You”

Happy halloween my friends, I wish we were all at an otherwordly dance together.

[odogaronfang]

Zombie apocalypse aus are neat. Tell me more.

oh thank you so much for asking!!!!!!!!

okay this might get long so prepare, uhhh where do i start

so basically. henry is my main character. in this au, the risen are the zombies, makes sense yknow. difference is, while most zombie media tags zombies as slow to move, slow to act, and without capability for higher thinking, the risen are still, on some level, fundamentally human. (this kind of stems from the risen’s capability to fight in awakening, and from of a support between ricken and henry; see “they’re just like us, but dead” (((: ) given, the risen are slow and not all too strong, they’re dead and decaying and atrophying- but the fresher risen, the recently turned, can in some cases rival a healthy, living human. i’m still thinking on what caused the pandemic, i’ll be honest, no haha-no-one-knows cop-out, i’ll get back to you on that. but no one knows of any cure yet, of course, or this au wouldn’t exist.

so. in a world of the living dead(?), where being a mage translates to being a gunslinger, cut to henry. was this an excuse to make henry dual wield handguns? maybe. will i apologize for it? absolutely not.

i digress. henry is the chaotic neutral/neutral evil gunslinger with incredible aim and a questionable at best moral compass. i’ve actually got a sketch of him somewhere, of him pointing a gun at someone saying “give me your stuff. or die! i win both ways!” ‘course i didn’t draw the other person, but it gets the message across. he’s generally just kind of desensitized to things. he comes from a neglectful but wealthy family (as he does in canon), so he never had much of a mentor or anyone to guide him in what’s right versus wrong. mostly he’s just interested in self-preservation, and the preservation of his birds; he’s been rescuing wounded birds (read: crows) since he was old enough to know how, and he names them bird puns and keeps them as pets, and now he’s got what’s basically a murder of loyal crows at his beck and call. they feed on the risen (and humans) he kills, and warn him when something is approaching. he trains them well. he’s the pavlov of corvids.

gaius is a slightly more morally responsible survivor, who probably raided a bass pro outdoor shop/renaissance festival as soon as the pandemic broke out. he’s got a sword, and throwing knives, and some daggers, and a bow (before it breaks and he doesn’t know how to fix it). the good thing about it is that he doesn’t spend time looking for ammo- the bad thing is he has to do a lot of maintenance on them. he is a thief, steals from encampments and sleeping lone wanderers, but he isn’t killing anyone for supplies, usually. except candy. he’d probably kill for candy if he liked the brand enough.

the shepherds are a survivors’ group dedicated to assimilating, training, and protecting fellow survivors- think alexandria, hilltop, or the kingdom from the walking dead, if you know it. their HQ is an abandoned castle, a historical landmark, that they filled with traps and alarm systems, and is practically impassable if you don’t know it. chrom founded the group, along with his (boy?)friend robin (that’s actually his nickname, because of his fighting style, not his real name).

-lissa is chrom’s little sister, an aspiring general surgeon and the current medic of the shepherds alongside maribelle, her close friend since VPK.

-frederick is a good family friend to chrom and lissa, and by extension the rest of the shepherds- he’s a war veteran and former hand-to-hand combat instructor, and does his part by training new recruits, and often acting as chrom’s and lissa’s bodyguard.

-sully is my wife also a veteran, was actually trained by frederick while still in active service. she leads a lot of patrols around their HQ, and interrogates new recruits. just to make sure.

-stahl is the resident herbalist/apothecary, it was his father’s trade and he grew up learning it. he’s often an assistant to lissa when she needs it, as he can make the salves and ointments and medicines that she needs to treat injuries. he also sometimes helps in the kitchen, because of his extensive knowledge of plants.

-miriel is their sniper, and hobbyist historian. the historian part doesn’t matter so much, but she likes to talk people’s ears off about things if they’ll let her. she’s pretty okay with math and science too, so she’ll help stahl with measurements, ratios, etc, but mostly she likes history and shooting things from 200+ yards.

-ricken is the baby boy of the shepherds. “it takes a village to raise a child” they say, and he’s the village’s child. everyone looks out for him. everyone is his parent. he is well loved and being trained by miriel in the art of sharpshooting. (he’d rather be with stahl learning how to make things.)

-donnel is their agricultural expert, and directs all their non-specialized workforce in the maintenance of their fields. he’s very strict about their schedule, about how things are planted and pruned and fertilized and harvested, about how croplands are rotated for optimal yields, but damn if the results aren’t better than anything they could’ve gotten at a market pre-apocalypse.

-virion is their bowhunter. they could use guns, but it wastes precious ammo and is loud and attracts attention, so he trains archers and leads them out on hunts when their tame livestock are running low or they feel they can risk the venture. it’s more sensible to take from the wild than their personal resources, robin says, and robin’s advice seldom fails them…

-panne and nowi are in charge of livestock (and nowi is a herpetologist on the side. she loves reptiles. she has a pet python.) panne hates to see any animals killed, but especially her babies, as she calls the one she raises, and fully supports virion and co’s ventures as long as it spares the lives of her animals. she recognizes necessity when she sees it, however, and if an animal needs to be killed for whatever reason, she does it herself, to make sure it’s quick and painless. she’s not the most social, but she and donnel get along well, and when henry joins their number she takes quickly to him and his avian following.

-generally, their guards/patrols consist of vaike, gregor, cherche, kellam, basilio, flavia my other wife, lon’qu, and say’ri. they’re alternating shifts on castle patrol, two to each group, one pair on each side of the castle, east and west. they’re always up late but they’re allowed to sleep in as compensation.

-cordelia, sumia, and libra jump around a lot, help a lot with donnel’s farming but also with out-of-camp ranging, as they’re skilled riders. cordelia helps tend to the horses, and ricken sometimes joins her.

-olivia was an aspiring actress before the pandemic, and before she became a single mother- now she’s practically a secretary, keeping their records of harvests and hunts and slaughters and rangings and patrols. she’s mentored by miriel, who adores that kind of boring work. olivia is also an excellent liar and if they ever need to negotiate with other people, she’s their go-to.

-tharja is also a sniper and everyone’s favorite hot topic membership cardholder. she and miriel like to have cynical conversations about the state of the world and complain about men with sully. the three of them definitely have a girls’ club going.

-inigo (the only child character i bothered to include) is olivia’s son to an unnamed father. his interests have always been in the performing arts field, but as that isn’t realistic anymore, he spends a lot of time with everyone. sometimes he’ll go and sit with ricken, and they’ll browse the castle library for fairy tales and folklore and read it together, and sometimes they’ll try and write their own and then perform it for everyone else, on stormy nights when the mood is dismal. they’re always stupid but they’re funny- they both have a gift for dramatic comedy- and everyone looks forward to their shows.

i feel as though i should warn people that it’s henry/gaius, though that isn’t the focus of it. it started as a bad shitpost and now it’s a ship so… [wattpad voice] don’t like don’t read, you feel

[shyguycity]

GOTY 2017

Hey y’all, it’s time for my third annual game of the year list. I hope it’s not too boring or longwinded. I also hope you don’t go into this expecting reviews of each game; with very few exceptions this list isn’t going to go into deep dives about individual game mechanics or plot beats, and I also don’t bother explaining highly specific video game terms and genres that the lay person isn’t going to be aware of, which is more down to this seeming too long already rather than apathy on my part. Discussion or questions are very welcome! Anyway, before we get into the actual top 11, here’s a couple games that didn’t quite make the cut that deserve to be talked about, as well as some housekeeping as to why some pretty big games aren’t included elsewhere on the list.

Some friends and I are also looking into doing a podcast later on to talk more in-depth about our lists, as well as maybe some other year end awards-y type things for other categories in games. Anyway, here we go.

Games I haven’t gotten to yet: Ruiner, Pyre, Prey, Yakuza 0, Hollow Knight, Hellblade

Don’t @ me I’m sleeping: Resident Evil 7, Persona 5, Mario + Rabbids, PUBG

Special shout outs that didn’t make it to the actual list but are still good, quite good!:

Snipperclips: Cut It Out Together (Switch) - Absolutely everyone that owns a Switch and has someone to play co-op games with should buy Snipperclips, be it significant other, child, sibling or roommate. It’s a game where you each play as two pieces of paper that have to cut each other into different shapes to solve various puzzles, and it’s even way more fun and goofy than that description makes it sound. If I had been able to put more time into this game it probably would’ve made the actual numbered list.

Wolfenstein 2: The New Colossus (PS4/Xbox One/PC) - Wolfenstein’s story about an alternate 1960s where Germany won World War 2 and occupy America was so absolutely fucking bonkers and fun while at the same time bleakly sad and interesting. It’s a shame the actual game isn’t very fun to play, but this absolutely deserves mentioning somewhere. Get fucked Nazis.

Horizon: Zero Dawn (PS4) - Horizon has maybe the most interesting and well told story in any big budget, non-indie game I’ve ever played. It’s also maybe the best looking game I’ve ever seen, especially running in 4k. It’s a shame it released so close to Zelda and Nier, since I feel it’s going to be overlooked in a lot of other GOTY lists, but it’s absolutely worth playing. Also the main character, Alloy, is really fun and tells weird kings to fuck off when they try and hit on her.

Aaaaaaaand here’s the actual list this year:

11. Night in the Woods (PS4/PC) - More games should address mental health. I think the medium is especially suited for not only discussion of the matter, but potentially as a teaching tool as well. It’s especially neat in Night in the Woods because of its slice of life, shitty rustbelt town in fall atmosphere. The main character, Mae, is an unexplained college dropout that returns to her hometown to hang out with friends, and discovers that they’ve all started making progress towards various goals in life while she has largely languished. It’s a very personal and sweet story about reconnecting with your roots and rebuilding connections with loved ones, all while surreal shit is going on in the background and it’s always kind of unclear what Mae is actually suffering from.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that, much like Life is Strange (PS4/Xbox One/PC) before it, what starts off as a very simple and charming slice of life game eventually strays into much bigger, cosmic scale ideas, and it kind of feels out of place. Still, I was never bored or driven to the point of rolling my eyes, and I’ve never played a game with more realistic dialogue between goofy and awkward punk rocker friends. The fact that everyone is an anthropomorphic animal for no reason other than to make it look cuter is a huge boon as well.

10. Shovel Knight: Spectre of Torment (Switch/PS4/Xbox One/Vita/PC/Wii U/3DS/PS3/Xbox 360) - The original Shovel Knight was a very cute, very charming, very ok game. It never blew me away the way it did for other people, despite the fact that it seemed tailor made for me, but it was still pretty dang good. The two expansions, however, have been far more interesting games, and Spectre of Torment in particular is a love letter to the original Mega Man X (SNES), a game which has weirdly never had its formula and feel replicated or expanded upon. Having full freedom to select which order to complete stages, as well as finding hidden doodads within that let you purchase new weapons, really maximizes the replay value. Add to that a completely remixed soundtrack that’s way more fun and melody driven than the original, and you have maybe the best action platformer since Mega Man 9 (Wii/PS3/360).

9. Destiny 2 (PS4/Xbox One/PC) - I think Destiny 2 represents pretty much everything I hate about modern game design - approximately 8,000 unique currencies all with their own uses; different classes and subclasses that in broad strokes don’t feel any different from each other; no real sense of progression aside from seeing a set of numbers arbitrarily rise; needlessly large worlds that aren’t fun to explore; a heavy emphasis on story when the story is complete fucking trash; etc. And yet I still put dozens of hours into the game.

It’s a dumb game and I am a very dumb person. That said, despite the constantly online, shooter focused nature of the video game industry, there really aren’t any other shooters so devoted to cooperative play on a scale larger than team versus modes. I can’t think of a game that’s had more fun co-op in recent memory, and that’s enough to make up for the mediocre pomp and frills surrounding the actual game. Who cares that Destiny is borderline predatory when my friends and I are throwing lightning grenades at shadow emperor space worms?

8. Metroid: Samus Returns (3DS) - At one point in time I’d have considered metroid my favorite game series period, so watching its decline over the past decade has been particularly painful. I wouldn’t say this half remake, half new game is an unmitigated success. But for an outsourced, low budget, sidescrolling entry in 2017, a time in which the indie scene has completely taken over the space metroid used to occupy, Samus Returns is an admirable experiment.

Unlike most, I think making the game more combat focused than any previous metroid is actually a wise move, especially considering the developer pedigree; Mercurysteam, despite any other faults, has proven that they can handle designing engaging combat mechanics. And weirdly, even though the main heroine is a 6 foot tall amazonian space goddess with bird alien power armor and a cannon arm, the series has never had engaging combat encounters before this. The game definitely lacks some of the atmosphere that the series is renowned for, but it’s hard for me to fault the game too much for what it isn’t when what we have is an interesting interpretation of a classic game and a new entry in an amazing series that has been dormant for too long.

7. Sonic Mania (Switch/PS4/Xbox One/PC) - Sonic was never really that good, even the Genesis era games that people hold in such high esteem. I’m actually of the opinion that, prior to Mania, Sonic Colors (Wii) was the best game in the series - the gameplay possibilities added by the wisps felt right at home in a Sonic game, while not feeling like a cheap gimmick. Generally speaking, the original Sonic games feel far too simplistic in terms of the verbs available to you to compete with anything like Mario. And while Mania doesn’t give Sonic any new verbs besides a variation on spin dashing, the level design is so creatively above and beyond anything previously seen in the series that it feels like an entirely different beast. Honestly, chemical plant zone alone has more creativity in its two acts than the entirety of any previous 2D Sonic game, and that’s before it culminates in a freaking Mean Bean Machine battle against Robotnik. I liken Mania the most to Donkey Kong Country Returns (Wii) in its ability to capture everything that the previous entries in the series were known for while still being able to modernize its design.

Despite all of that, the best part of Mania is its unflinching devotion to its aesthetic. It truly looks like a long lost Sega Saturn game. And while the soundtrack isn’t quite as slavish to what came before, I don’t think I’ve had a more dumb grin on my face this year than when I heard the calypso style Green Hill zone remix for the first time. Mania is a celebration of all things Sonic the Hedgehog, which means different things to different people. To me, what the game most loudly celebrates is the untapped potential of a tragically mishandled series. Consider this game  the fulfilment of a promise the series originally made nearly 30 years ago.

6. Splatoon 2 (Switch) - If I’m being completely honest, Splatoon 2 is making it this high on the list almost solely for how fun the new four player cooperative mode, Salmon Run, is. You get stranded in various locations to take on hundreds of slimy zombie-esque salmon while terrifying horror movie music plays and you send out unheard pleas to the universe that you were paired up with players that actually know how to use the charger weapon (Splatoon’s equivalent to a sniper rifle that apparently takes more skill to wield than an actual real world sniper rifle based on my dozens of hours playing).

Salmon Run is fucking incredible. The rest of Splatoon 2 is also really quite fun to play. However: Nintendo is still so stubborn or incompetent or both when it comes to online play that any amount of fun you have with friends outside of Salmon Run is usually punctuated with spikes of rage the likes of which I’ve never experienced.

You can join your friends and play turf war (the standard Splatoon battle mode) pretty effortlessly at any point.

That’s good!

Every single match you play assigns you both to random teams, meaning you’re not always actually playing on the same team as the friend you’re attempting to play with. In fact, I swear there’s some kind of algorithm going in that actually assigns you and your friend to opposing teams more often than not.

That’s bad!

There is a mode where you can play with a dedicated team of two or four people, paired up against other groups of two or four.

That’s good!

It’s actually a ranked mode which is where all the professional Splatoon teams that stream on Twitch for hours everyday hang out, so you’re more than likely going to be facing off against a team of people who are so good at the game they make money off of splatting.

That’s bad!

Every few weeks there are big game-wide events called Splat Fests where each person chooses between two options, and then represents their selection and are paired up against players from the opposing team. These can range from pretty basic, such as cats vs dogs or ketchup vs mayonnaise, to the extremely goofy like Spongebob vs Patrick. Also, the music and backdrops of levels completely change during Splat Fests; all the levels are changed to take place at night, and you’re treated to ‘live performances’ of squid pop music. You even get exclusive in-game t-shirts based on the team you picked.

That’s good!

But your ability to play with friends during Splat Fests is even further restricted, limiting you solely to the aforementioned ranked mode. It’s to the point where it almost feels like Nintendo would just prefer you to play by yourself against strangers in some weird joyless, lonely world, which feels entirely counter to the kinds of games the company makes.

………..can I go play Salmon Run now?

I hope that this entry doesn’t come across as too negative, because despite all my personal frustrations with how Nintendo completely mangles their own online modes, the game is an absolute blast to play. And Salmon Run really is good enough to make up for a lot of these shortcomings! I just hope a Splatoon 3 really changes pretty much everything about the interface surrounding the game; we could really have something absolutely amazing if that were to happen, instead of a really fun game that has to be talked about with asterisks.

5. Steamworld Dig 2 (Switch/PS4/Vita/PC) - In a year that brought us the first new Metroid game in the better part of a decade, I never would have expected the best metroidvania style of game in 2017 to be a sequel to a pretty lowkey indie game that seemingly flew under the radar of the vast majority of both the industry and fans. I played the original and enjoyed it for what it was, but I never would have imagined that a sequel would be hanging so high up a game of the year list. And yet, it’s the best one of these in quite a few years, handily beating out recent darlings of the genre Axiom Verge (which was pretty ok) and Ori and the Blind Forest (which was really great). This mostly comes down to the new abilities you get in Steamworld; they’re not trying to subvert your expectations and knowledge of metroidvanias like a lot of recent games. Nope, you’re getting a damn grappling hook and jetpack. But these are the most satisfying and friendly grappling hook and jetpack mechanics in video games in a very long time. The game just has a very friendly vibe in general, from it’s warm, beautiful visuals to its amazing soundtrack. Even its upgrade system is extremely pleasant and forgiving, allowing you to swap out upgrade cogs with no fuss or punishment.

I’m also fully aware that Steamworld doesn’t quite fit into the metroidvania bubble; you’re constantly digging downward as opposed to exploring and re-exploring labyrinthine spaces looking for missile expansions, to the point where it’s almost a sidescrolling dungeon crawler. However, I think calling it a dungeon crawler is doing it a disservice due to certain connotations with that term. All you need to know is that if you’ve already finished Mario and Zelda on your Switch and are wondering what’s next, you can’t do any better than this.

4. Super Mario Odyssey (Switch) - It actually hurts my soul that a brand new 3D Mario game isn’t even in my top three games of the year. Especially since it’s a really good Mario game! Most of that is down to just how stacked 2017 has been, but it’s also down to some disappointments I have with Odyssey. Let’s just get it out of the way - there really isn’t a whole lot of high quality platforming in the game. I went in expecting this from the moment the game was announced as a return to the exploratory style of Super Mario 64 (N64), but even adjusted expectations couldn’t assuage my disappointment in those regards after playing the game for a few hours; Mario is so fun to control in Odyssey, and has such a wide array of moves at the player’s disposal, that my soul aches thinking about a hypothetical version of this game with devious platforming on the levels of Super Mario Sunshine (GameCube). Despite all of that, you can dress Mario up as Don Draper and ride a moped as a t-rex chases you down an alley.

So the level design never even begins approaching manic perfection of Super Mario 3D World (Wii U). It’s hard to be too upset about it when you start to realize just how dense with content every single area in Odyssey really is. When you first touch down in each kingdom, you can barely take 10 steps from your ship without stumbling onto a handful of moons. And what the game lacks in regards to its dedicated platforming challenges, it makes up for with the fever dream of creativity that is allowing the player to throw Mario’s cap at dozens of different creatures and possessing them, each with their own unique controls, movement and abilities.

And look. Even though I’m sorta full up on nostalgia for 8 and 16-bit games at this point, I absolutely am ready for nostalgia for Playstation 1 and Nintendo 64 games, which Odyssey is hopefully kicking off here. I was six-years-old when I played Mario 64 for the first time, and as hyperbolic (and maybe sad) as it sounds, I consider clumsily using an analog stick for the first time to try and make Mario climb trees outside of Peach’s castle to be one of the defining moments of my life. Without spoiling anything, there are a couple moments in Odyssey that brought me hurtling back to that time in my life that nothing has been able to previously. It’s absolutely worth buying a Switch for just to experience Odyssey, despite my opening volley of complaints. Just feel free to stop well before you find all 880(!) moons if you want to leave with the best possible impression.

3. Nier: Automata (PS4/PC) - Generally I don’t consider myself a particularly intelligent person, at least in the grand scheme of things. But by and large, talking about games, especially the kind I like, is a pretty straightforward affair (“Kirby pilots a mech in this one!” “This is a dual ghost fairy type that dresses itself up like Pikachu to trick humans into loving it. Oh wow.”). With Nier though, I find myself mostly feeling intellectually incapable of talking about its story and themes in any meaningful way beyond that a game has never made me feel the way this one did. And maybe not being tempted to make a fool out of myself by talking about things above my education level is for the best, because I would consider being spoiled on such an amazing game in some idiot’s end of year list to be a true shame.

Nier might look like typical anime goofiness on the surface, what with blindfolded french maid sexy butt android fighting wind up toys with a katana. But the game is fully self aware of every single trope it uses, including all of the questions it asks about existence and humanity. It goes some places and has some things to say, man. The one message I feel comfortable in talking about that the game espouses: being human essentially means being in a community and taking care of one another. This is exemplified in what was, for me, maybe the most stunning moment I’ve ever experienced in a game, and during the end credits no less.

This has been a very hard year to be a human living on planet earth. And though Nier is unflinchingly bleak, the overall message of hope and positivity beneath the surface was something that I personally needed. There has never been anything else like this game, and though there are certainly better playing games in 2017, I don’t know if anything will emotionally stick with me the way Nier has.

2. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (Switch/Wii U) - Not since I was a teenager with nigh unlimited free time have I been so enraptured with a video game like I was with Breath of the Wild. I put 60+ hours into the game in the first week it was released; it was like Zelda became my second job, only I was being paid in korok seeds and bloodshot eyes. And I say all of that as a person that considers the Zelda series pretty low on my personal Nintendo franchise totem pole!

What Nintendo was able to do with the open world genre, a type of game they’ve never touched before, is nothing short of remarkable. Most ‘open world’ games are open world only in the sense that there’s a lot of empty space to drive around in to get to an arbitrary objective marker, with no mechanics to give players a way to actually have fun in all of that space. Zelda lives and dies by how the world reacts to everything the player (and enemies) are doing. Sure, there’s simple examples like rolling a boulder down a hill to kill an unsuspecting group of enemies. But getting into a battle with enemies shooting fire arrows at you on a grassy plain, having the hill catch fire, and then escaping after realizing that the wildfire has created warm air that can push you on your paraglider up and out of harm’s way is one of the most amazing moments I’ve ever experienced in a game.

There are definitely issues with the game. For a game with so much time spent in menus, you’d think Nintendo could have come up with a far less cumbersome menu navigation method. And I do very much miss having full length Zelda-styled dungeons (though I do think breaking them up into 120 individual puzzles is a very interesting design decision that totally fulfils its intended goals). It’s easy for me to ignore a few rough edges in a game that made me totally forget what it meant to live life away from a TV screen for an entire week, though.

1. Cuphead: Don’t Deal with the Devil (Xbox One/PC) - I hesitate to call many things, in any medium, “perfect”. And when I do, it’s things like Shaun of the Dead. No, Shaun is not high art in the slightest, but I can’t think of any other movie that so deftly delivers on its intent while making it seem effortless. With the way modern video games are developed, my ideal of perfect (besides being as subjective as it can possibly be) seems nigh unattainable; how is a consumer product that’s touched the hands of hundreds, if not thousands, over the course of years of development supposed to sustain a singular, unified vision across the entire experience? Even the two best games of the past few years, Bloodborne (PS4) and Super Mario Maker (Wii U), really fall flat on their faces in certain regards, albeit in completely different ways. Make no mistake: Cuphead is the perfect video game, as well as the best game in maybe the best year for video games ever.

It’s not just the game’s tireless devotion to the “rubber hose” era of animation. Nor is it just how the game’s biggest video game inspirations, Gunstar Heroes (Sega Genesis) and Punch-Out!! (NES) are in and of themselves two perfect action games. The combining of a long dormant style of art with a (mostly) dormant style of games is genius in a way that makes everyone else seem dumb for not thinking of it first. Cuphead feels like something that came from an alternate timeline where polygonal games never became the norm, but art in games continued to grow and evolve, unlike other contemporary retro-styled affairs. Which isn’t meant to disparage games of that ilk, but rather emphasize how Cuphead somehow manages to succeed as a game that owes a lot to works that came before it, while also not relying on direct references to, and nostalgia for, those inspirations. The references and nostalgia are there of course, but aren’t needed for the game’s accomplishments to be appreciated by just about anyone.

Put all of that aside though, and what you have is a really fucking fun game where you get to shoot anthropomorphic waffles with magic finger guns. And it has cooperative play! In fact, the only bad thing that can be said about Cuphead is that the second playable character, Mugman, is relegated to player 2. Maybe ‘perfect’ was a tad hyperbolic.

[aion-rsa]

Stephen King: 10 Best Supernatural Villains

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Know the terror and madness of Stephen King's 10 greatest supernatural villains!

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The name Stephen King conjures up images of horrific creatures, monsters, places, and some of the most enduring villains in fiction. These are beings of unimaginable evil that test the limits of the protagonists' will to survive, and some of these villains have gone on to become almost as famous (or infamous) as the writer himself.

While many King villains are monsters of the human variety (serial killers, power hungry despots, nihilists, etc.), his most memorable are the supernatural ones who use their dark powers to twist the orderly world around them into chaos and pain.

Pennywise the Clown isn't the only monster you need to fear at night. King has created plenty of other horrific things that go bump in the night. Here are just a few of his best supernatural madmen and monsters...

10. Gage Creed and the Pet Sematary

Pet Sematary (1983)

“Don’t go beyond, no matter how much you feel you need to, Doctor. The barrier was not made to be broken. Remember this: there is more power here than you know. It is old and always restless. Remember.”

When Louis, Rachel, Eileen, and Gage Creed moved to Ludlow, Maine from Chicago, their cat Winston Churchill in tow, they wanted a peaceful new life in the more rural locale. What they got was a descent into death and madness almost unmatched in modern horror fiction. In the novel, the Creed cat is killed. Louis fears telling his daughter and buries the beloved pet at a nearby “Pet Sematary,” an old Micmac Indian burial ground. The cat returns home, much to Louis’ shock and delight, but it’s not the same friendly animal. It’s a listless, mean, half-alive creature that does not have a fondness for life.

Further Reading: Every Stephen King Film and TV Adaptation Currently in Development

When Gage is killed by a truck, overcome with despair, Louis buries his son in the Sematary. What comes back is a true horror of epic proportions. Gage is such a disturbing villain because he once existed as an object of purest affection. The once totally innocent soul is now corrupt and ridden with supernatural darkness. The Pet Sematary itself is rumored to once have been a burial place for cannibals, and the spirit of a Wendigo dwells in the soil.

Now, Gage is back with the most ancient of curses coursing where blood once flowed. Every father’s nightmare turned even darker. King felt the book was too dark even for him and shelved it until his wife, Tabitha, and his friend, the author Peter Straub, encouraged him to share his bleak vision of paternal loyalty with the world.

9. The Leatherheads

Under the Dome (2009)

“God turned out to be a bunch of bad little kids playing interstellar Xbox. Isn't that funny?”

Much more frightening than typical villains, the Leatherheads are an alien race responsible for the construction of the Dome that covers Chester’s Mill. They are in the same vein as H.P. Lovecraft’s cosmic horrors, beings much older and more powerful than humanity. The mere sight of them could drive a man mad. They are beings with the power of gods but no connection to or feelings for humanity. Just cold observers that exist on a different layer of reality.

The Leatherheads construct the Dome the same way a child makes an ant farm, out of a morbid curiosity to watch how lesser creatures exist. Their casual disregard for humanity makes them truly terrifying because, unlike some of King’s other antagonists, there is really no way to fight them.

The Leatherheads are mentioned in King’s chilling short story N., but it is in Under the Dome where readers get to experience the sheer paralytic terror that would occur if an alien species of ancient intelligence turned their attention towards our little backwater planet.

Read More: It Chapter Two Easter Eggs and Reference Guide

8. The Raggedy Man

Cell (2006)

“What Darwin was too polite to say, my friends, is that we came to rule the earth not because we were the smartest, or even the meanest, but because we have always been the craziest, most murderous motherfuckers in the jungle.”

Fans of The Walking Dead need to recognize. King does zombies too, and they are sphincter-tighteningly scary. In Cell, a pulse travels into cell phones all over the world. Anyone on their phone at the fateful moment is turned into a zombie. These villains are a different breed than the popular Romero clones, as the pulse also unlocks latent powers of the human mind like telepathy and levitation.

The Raggedy Man is the leader of the zombies. He thinks, organizes, and commands. He has all the nihilistic hunger of a zombie, but he has planning skills and foresight which make him a truly frightening antagonist. His goal is to spread his people around the globe and take the planet for his horde. He sees humanity as a threat to his people and seeks to destroy them to protect his new race, which could make him literature’s first sympathetic zombie villain. He is often seen wearing a crimson Harvard hoodie giving the creature an atypical zombie air of intelligence and capability.

The name of Harvard’s sports teams by the way? The Harvard Crimson. Well played Mr. King, well played.

Read More: How It Chapter Two Differs from the Book

7. Kurt Barlow

‘Salems Lot (1975)

“That above all else. They did not look out their windows. No matter what noises or dreadful possibilities, no matter how awful the unknown, there was an even worse thing: to look the Gorgon in the face.”

King’s only foray into vampires (the classic ones, anyway), Barlow was the writer’s way of getting the whole mythos right the first time. ‘Salems Lot was King’s second published novel and his first of many novels centering on the idea of a preternatural creature releasing the beast inside of regular people. It was also his first small town novel, a setting King would return to many times over the decades.

Barlow’s story mirrors that of Dracula, from the shipment of his coffin and native soil from overseas to his arrival and reign of terror in a contemporary setting. He even has his own personal Renfield, Richard Straker, his own gothic mansion, his own legion of dark minions, and a twisted grip on the residents of ‘Salems Lot.

Further Reading: 10 Best Stephen King Horror Novels

Barlow was more of a catalyst, using embraced residents as pawns to tighten his grip on the town, but his very presence on the page was accompanied with a sense of urgency and dread.

In a 1995 BBC radio drama of ‘Salems Lot (that is well worth seeking out), Barlow is played by Pinhead himself, Doug Bradley, which automatically gives the vampire tons of villain cred.

6. George Stark

The Dark Half (1989)

“Cut him. Cut him while I stand here and watch. I want to see the blood flow. Don't make me tell you twice.”

Stephen King once wrote under the pseudonym Richard Bachman and published some of his more experimental works like The Running Man, The Long Walk, and Thinner. His experience as somewhat existing as another person inspired King to write the Dark Half and inspired the creation of one of his most cold-blooded killers, George Stark. 

In the novel, Thad Beaumont was a successful author who wrote violent crime novels under the pen name of George Stark. After revealing to the world he was actually Stark, Thad and his wife stage a mock funeral for the author to symbolically cut ties with the violent crime fiction Beaumont wanted to leave behind. This is where King brings the terror.

Further Reading: Stephen King's 10 Most Terrifying Human Villains

The novel started with a flashback that dealt with the removal of an eye from the brain of a young Thad. It was the eye of a twin that was conjoined in the womb to the writer, an incident Thad had all but forgotten about. It was actually the eye of George Stark, who later rises from the mock grave the Beaumonts planted him in to go on a killing spree that leaves even the most seasoned reader with PTSD.

Stark is the embodiment of the darkness in the hearts of all men. The most frightening part of the book is that, even though Beaumont is desperate to rid the world of Stark, part of him is attracted to the freedom evil gives Stark and the realization that the evil is a part of him.

5. Rose the Hat

Doctor Sleep (2013)

“She's the Queen Bitch of Castle Hell. If you mess with her, she'll eat you alive.”

Rose the Hat, an immortal energy vampire from the 18th century and the leader of a cult of killers known as the True Knot, is one of King's scariest villains to date. Manipulative, ethereal, beautiful, and hungry for the "steam" -- psychic energy -- that keeps her and her band alive, Rose will whatever it takes for her next meal, even if it means torturing little children and killing them. 

In Doctor Sleep, the sequel to King's The Shining, Rose becomes obsessed with hunting down Abra Stone, a young girl with a powerful Shine, which puts her at the top of the True Knot's list of potential food sources. Rose hatches a plan to kidnap Abra, but the girl proves elusive, especially after she teams up with Dan Torrance, a survivor of the horrors of the Overlook Hotel with his own Shine. Together, along with some help from some friends and one surprise guest from the afterlife, Dan and Abra are able to fight back against Rose and the True Knot.

But the road to the end of the book is soaked in blood, as Rose claims victim after victim. She might not look like a monster but Rose is as monstrous as they come. 

4. The Overlook Hotel

The Shining (1977)

“This inhuman place makes human monsters.”

If there is one thing King’s constant readers have learned after decades of nightmares is that places can be as evil as people, an idea that is personified in the Overlook Hotel, the setting of The Shining. On the surface, The Shining is a classic haunted house tale, but beneath the surface, it is so much more. It is a deep look into the fragility of fatherhood, the bond of trust between father and son. As Danny Torrance, the psychic child who journeys to a secluded Colorado hotel with his caretaker father and loving mother discovers when the father he trusted is transformed in a raging madman by the power within the Overlook.

Further Reading: How The Shining Examines the Immortality of Evil

The novel’s most riveting sections feature past accounts of other times that the Overlook weaved its dark magic, transforming good men into monsters. The walls of the Overlook can barely contain the rage within the heart of the hotel, and as The Shining plays out, readers discover just how corrupt the place is. Make no mistake, it may not have arms to swing an ax, or legs to chase down its victims, but the Overlook is a hungry sort of evil that demands to be fed. Just try staying at a Motel 6 after reading King’s classic. I dare you.

3. The Crimson King 

Insomnia (1994), Black House (2001), The Dark Tower series

“I am the Eater of Worlds.”

The Crimson King is often mistaken for It, and it is not completely clear if they are the same monster, but the regality and level of reverence the King’s minions hold for him seem to suggest that he is different than the sewer-dwelling eater of children. This beast is the embodiment of evil in King’s shared fictional universe. He is first introduced in Insomnia, where he tries to kill a child prophesied to topple the rule of the King forever.

The King is later revealed as the monster behind the events of the novel Black House, and he is the overarching villain of the Dark Tower series, the monster responsible for trying to bring down the structure of reality.

Further Reading: A Reading Guide to the Stephen King Dark Tower Universe

Stephen King suggests that all his villains, supernatural or otherwise, are pawns of the Crimson King. The name itself carries some great metatextual flavor as, of course, Stephen King himself is the one truly responsible for the evil in his worlds. The half of the writer that creates and is responsible for these horrific monsters is also named King. Stephen King is the writer, father, husband, and Red Sox fan. The Crimson King is the dark overlord of the fictional universe and the monster maker.

2. Pennywise the Dancing Clown

It (1986)

"Float?" The clown’s grin widened. "Oh yes, indeed they do. They float! And there’s cotton candy..."George reached.The clown seized his arm.And George saw the clown’s face change.

Every twenty-seven years It rises to devour the children of Derry. It awoke when a homosexual couple was beaten by a gang of thugs in 1984 to again reign terror on the children of Derry. It was put to rest by the Losers Club, a group of misfit teens, in 1958 only to rise again, decades later. It killed the leader of the Losers’ (Bill Denbrough) little brother in one of the most hair-raising prologues in horror history.  

It is another of King’s manipulator villains, as It controls the darker residents of Derry, such as bully Henry Bowers to do Its bidding. It is a cannibalistic clown that lives in the sewers, a leprous mummy, a giant spider, or a series of orange lights called the Dead Lights that drive people mad when gazed upon.

Unlike the similar creature, the Crimson King, It does not commit evil for glory or power. It devours because It hungers. The lives of innocents exist only to fill the void of It's being. And let’s face it, nothing, NOTHING is freakin’ scarier than a hungry clown in a sewer.

Read More: It Chapter Two Ending Explained

1. Randall Flagg

The Stand (1978) Eyes of the Dragon (1986) Hearts in Atlantis (1999) The Dark Tower series

“My life for you.”

Not so much a single villain, but the archetype of all villains, Randall Flagg is King’s greatest singular creation of evil. Flagg first appeared in The Stand, the Dark Man who gathers the worst of humanity to rebuild a new civilization in his own dark image. The Walkin’ Dude had a propensity for crucifying any whose beliefs ran contrary to his.

Flagg is the greatest of King’s manipulators, able to inspire loyalty in those with dark hearts, as seen by the Trashcan Man in The Stand and even Mother Carmody in The Mist. All they have to do is say “My life for you,” and mean it, and Flagg will be there to inspire their dark deeds.

He was revealed to be the main antagonist to Roland in the Dark Tower series and is the ever-present evil in all men. Flagg is walking the back roads of reality just waiting for a chance to whisper in humanity’s ear and stir up some good, old fashioned chaos.

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TV

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Marc Buxton

Nov 11, 2019

Stephen King

Horror Movies

from Books https://ift.tt/2ZWR727

[crzcorgi]

Broken Angel

Negan x OC/Reader/You

Warnings - Angst, possible trigger in tags

I’m tagging some people, if you don’t want to be tagged, or want to be tagged, just let me know!

Under a cut for length - 1,460 words

   She isn’t one of my wives. Sure, I fucking asked her to be, not long after she came here to live.

 “You’re a nice guy, Negan.” That was definitely not something I was fucking used to hearing. “But, you know, I’m not into the whole ‘harem’ thing.” Stretching up on her toes, she pecked my cheek, waltzing off.

 So, we kinda became 'friends’ a fucking new concept to me. Yeah, before the apocalypse I had plenty of male friends, never women. And I certainly don’t have any fucking friends of any freaking gender now. Shit like that doesn’t work.

 I’m not ashamed to admit, that I was fucking taken in by her. She was like nothing I had ever met. Maybe because she was the opposite of me, so happy, carefree, just so fucking good in a world only filled with evil. I needed to be with her, around her.

 She worked the gardens, though she decided on her own to fucking flit around the Sanctuary.

 “I love it out here, Negan, the sun, the warmth, the birds. The smell kinda leaves something to be desired.”  And then she would scrunch her nose up in disgust, always making me smile. “But, hey, I’ll take what I can get, even if it smells like a skunk with gas crawled up a zombie’s ass.”

  Making my rounds, I would go out each morning to the garden. She said she preferred mornings because they weren’t as hot and the smells weren’t as bad.

 “Nice day huh doll?”

 “It sure is Negan, smells at a ‘5 out of 10’ ,  I would say. Although the sounds coming from the fence are a bit more annoying today. Guess it’s one or the other.” She looked up at me from under the sunhat I had found for her on a recent run.

 “What are you planting today? A big fucking juicy steak would be nice.” I was always making stupid little jokes like that with her, it always made her laugh, her whole face lit up, so fucking beautiful.

 “Oh jeesh, Negan! That’s getting old!”

 “Made you fucking laugh though, right?!”

 Sometimes I would join her for lunch in the mess hall.

  “Doll, did I just see you using some of your points for someone else again? You know that shit doesn’t fly here.”

 “Negan, that family has 4 kids and the mom can’t work. Leo is doing all he can for his family. They deserve some fresh fruit once in awhile. I’m sorry.”

 How could I be mad at her. Shit, she’s what’s right in this fucked up world.

 Some days she would make rounds with me, she made the residents a lot more at ease around me, wasn’t sure about that. I told her I needed them to respect me, not to be so fucking familiar.

 “It’s honestly a good thing Negan. People are much more likely to comply with rules if the ruler is not a tyrant.” She then looked up at me, such a fucking sweet smile on her lips. She began softly rubbing my arm. “You’re a good man, Negan, remember that.”

 Yeah, sure thing doll.

 Other days I would have to seek her out, sometimes she was in the nursery or schoolroom, she was always so happy doing that. I don’t know, maybe she had a family before the fucking end. I just never felt comfortable asking her.

 She also loved helping in the kitchen.

 “I hate cooking, you know. But I freaking love to bake!”

 “What the fucks the difference doll? It’s the same fucking thing.”

 “You know, bake, like breads, desserts!” She slapped my chest with a hand covered in flour, laughing her fucking head off.

 “Fuck, doll, my jacket! I’m going on a run.”

 She picked up a damp towel, quickly cleaning me off. “Better?” Smiling, she patted my cheek.

 “Much, thanks sweetheart.” Sighing, I turned, leaving her but wishing she could come with me.

 She became more than a friend to me, but it just couldn’t be. We had an almost silently understanding.

 “Do you ever think about how we might not be alone in the universe?” I had found her on the Sanctuary’s roof, watching the stars.

 “Well, if we aren’t alone, some government assholes are probably kicking themselves for not fucking funding the space program before the shit hit the fan.”

 She rolled over, laying her head on my chest. “Thank you, Negan.”

 “Why the fuck you thanking me doll face? Have you been stealing my fucking liquor again?”

 Lightly tapping my cheek, she giggled. “No silly, that was one time! And it was for your party!”

 “So, why the thanks then?”

 “For all that you do, for me, for the Sanctuary. For all survivors. You are the future, Negan. You are truly a hero.”

 “Fuck baby girl, you did dip into something!” I tickled her side, lightly kissing her head. “I’m no fucking hero.”

 She looked up at me, those gorgeous eyes sparkling in the moonlight. “You’re my hero, Negan. More than you’ll ever know.” She leaned up, kissing me softly. “Let’s go downstairs, I’m sure one of your wives is missing you.”

 “Whatever you say doll.”

  Then the day came when I couldn’t find her. I checked her usual places, the gardens, the kitchen, the kids. I even checked unusual places, the garages, I had seen her there once, fucking making friends with the horny grease monkeys. I hated it, but she let me know in no uncertain terms that I had no fucking right to be upset.

 “I don’t know why you’re upset, Negan, I’m not one of your wives. I work for points, so I am a productive member of the Sanctuary. You have no hold on me.”

 “You need to not be so…so friendly with everyone. Most of those fuckheads only want to bang you baby girl.” She frustrated me to no fucking end.

 “That’s sweet Negan, but they won’t touch me, they know we’re friends!” She winked at me, taking ahold of my hand.

 I checked the armory, she did go there sometimes for target practice, doll was a fucking crack shot, beat me a few times.

“Haha!!! I gotcha! Lookie there, a fucking bullseye!” She started dancing around me, coming around to the front, grabbing my hands while swinging our arms.

 “Listen to that fucking mouth on you doll! Woohoo, didn’t know you had it in you!” I picked her up, swinging her around.

 “Negan!!!”  She squealed, trying to get out of my arms.

 Nowhere. How the fuck could she just disappear? I unlocked the door to my room, stepping inside when I noticed a paper on the floor. Picking it up I realized it was a note addressed to me.

 My heart started racing. Swallowing hard, a million fucking things going through my mind, I slowly opened the letter.

 My dear friend, Negan,

   I don’t even know where to begin. I knew this day would come, I just thought it would have been a lot sooner. You have made my last few months some of the best in my life. Yeah, even better than before the end of the world, amazing and kinda sad at the same time, huh?

 You made me laugh when I wanted to cry. You made me trust when I thought I could never trust again. You made me enjoy living without being scared, you made me feel safe after years of living in fear. You became my protector, my confidant, my love.

 Yes, I loved you. I know, we said no, just friends, but I couldn’t help it. You’re everything I ever wanted, every dream I ever had, but it wasn’t to be. But I don’t, won’t, ever regret one moment I spent with you.

 Please don’t blame yourself, just be that self absorbed asshole everyone thinks you are (but we know better). Just move on. I’m truly in a better place. This isn’t the world for me, wasn’t before, most certainly isn’t now.

 It’s hard being broken in a world where you need to be whole. I was doomed from the start. I had hope, for the first time in my life, that I could be fixed, put together whole. You, Negan, you gave me that hope. But unfortunately, I was too broken to fix. Even by my hero with a baseball bat.

 Continue being that badass, take no fuck, leader that I know you are. And know, that wherever you are, a part of me will always be with you. You know, those moments where you second guess yourself? That’ll be me. I’ll be that tiny angel on your shoulder.

 And whatever you do, don’t forget to take the time to smell the flowers and watch those stars.

I love you Negan, my superhero.

 @mypapawinchester @kijilinn @may85  @mamapeterson @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash @negandarylsatisfaction @rapsity @strangersangel9 @wickednerdery @hannibalssweaters @ladylorelitany @angelak72081 @scarygoodfanfics @superpinkkcat @gageef @ericas-negan77 @miss-nori85 @ali-pennell @smuttwd @purplejellybean @concertxjunkie @magical-spit  @jotilpip @thedeadwalks @negantrashlucille23 @pandainfinitely @xdaddy-neganx @almostinwonderland  @lauryphelps1d @texasgal2222  @rizflo-blog  @negans-network  @melodicdolls @ohmyneganimagination-twd  @kitcat44  @jmackie1983 @bulletscrossbowpie @astrangegirlsmind @negans-dirty-girl @theatricalbride @jasoncrouse @neganscatleesi @yesfangirlfan @jdmsgal @sherrilynn67 @cherieann-2001​

[filmfrancais101-blog]

Survival Movies - The Cream of the Crop and Those That Didn't Shine

Tactical Movies, Best to the Worst! The popularity of survival motion pictures has really grown over the past couple of years. I have rated these shows in three different categories. The categories are: realisticness, survival value and entertainment factor. Each of these is on the A - F Grading Scale with A being greatest and F being worst. These ratings are all depending on my opinion so you may not feel the same. Waterworld - Realisticness - D Survival Value - D Entertainment component - C+ The Earth is now filled with water, but some folks believe there is still dry land on the earth. This is one of the numerous survival movies about the fight over resources. As in numerous movies, this is a fight between the protagonist (Kevin Costner) as well as the antagonist (Dennis Hopper) and his cronies (called the smokers). This movie is fun to watch but I avoid feel it was realistic or offered much in the way of emergency value. The Postman - Realisticness - B Endurance Value - C Entertainment factor - B Personally i think the reviews of this movie by critics don't perform justice. In this film, the United States is a very different place along with little order. Many people have gone back to a dark age groups style of living with no electricity, very little law, and a tyrant thug (Will Patton) trying to gain power. The leading part (Kevin Costner), a drifter, finds a way to make a difference on the planet even though he is originally only worried about his own livelihood along with well - being. This was a very long movie, but I truly enjoyed it and liked its sense of wish. I thought this movie offered decently realistic insight about what could happen with a breakdown of society and numerous years of lawlessness. It had a few areas that I think gave it a few survival value, but overall, it was just one of the entertaining coping movies. The Road - Realisticness - A Survival Valuation - B Entertainment factor - C While I did not feel this was one of the survival movies that lived as much as my expectations, I feel it accurately portrayed the psychological rollercoaster that an end of the world situation would create. The actual characters in this movie were not able to trust anyone surrounding them, and they lacked the resources necessary to carry on a normal life, that could be an accurate outcome in a real societal breakdown. I believe this movie, while being boring in some spots, sensed very realistic and showed the dreary outlook from the main character (Viggo Mortenson) in a post apocalyptic globe with no hope. On the survival value front, I thought there have been some topics to take away from the story line that would be within real life. I felt that this film streaming allowed me to understand that striving for happiness and wishing to live life towards the fullest despite terrible circumstances is key to beating the finish. I am Legend - Realisticness - C Survival Cost - B - Entertainment factor - B This is certainly another of the survival movies that I think showed fantastic emotion. The main character (Will Smith) and his dog try to survive throughout this film despite the constant threat involving zombies. I will say this movie has one of the saddest scenes in any movie I have ever seen, which makes the entire movie worth watching. This survival movie really demonstrates how important a companion is when you are lonely. Other than the value of companionship, there were only a few survival lessons to be learned. Guide of Eli - Realisticness - C Survival Importance - C Entertainment factor - B I believed Book of Eli with Denzel Washington and Mila Kunis was worth the watch. This survival movie revealed how important being aware of your surroundings is. Also in a catastrophe ridden world it shows how there will be people that will require power any way they see fit. The use of religion to control men and women is what the antagonist (Gary Oldman) uses to gain energy. If you are a Christian or are religious this is definitely an important flick to watch because it shows how people can use religion plus the Bible for good as well as evil to push their own motives. However, in the end, this movie didn't show the Bible or Christianity in a bad light. I thought the lesson of being conscious was the best survival value it gave. Jeremiah Manley - Realisticness - A Survival Value - C Entertainment factor - B Jeremiah Johnson (Robert Redford) is one of the best survival movies. This movie is about a person who wants to live as a hermit living off the land, who also wishes to be left alone to do his own thing. This is actually the oldest movie on my list and also one of the best. I believe they have great survival value and is quite realistic. In one picture, Jeremiah Johnson finds a man who has been dead for some time with a note on him saying, "I, Hatchet Jack port, being of sound mind and broke legs, perform hereby leaveth my bear rifle to whatever sees it, Lord hope it be a white man. It is a great rifle, and killt the bear that killt me personally. Anyway, I am dead. Yours truly, Hatchet Jack. inch How can you not love this movie with a scene like this? This movie is great at depicting how to live off the actual land and be self - sufficient. Castaway - Realisticness - B Survival Value - C Entertainment issue - B Castaway, starring Tom Hanks, is a family members survival movie. There is some survival value to this video clip like starting a fire or taking an abscessed teeth out with an ice skate. The main character is associated with a commercial UPS type plane crash that leaves your pet stranded on an island with no other survivors. It shows how ingenious people can be when they do not have the conventional resources for survival. Into the Wild - Realisticness - The Survival Value - B Entertainment factor - Udemærket Into the wild is the true survival story of Captain christopher McCandless (Emile Hirsch) who gives up his ordinary living to roam the US and live in Alaska. This is an greatest adventure movie that shows how Christopher lived simply by himself in the Alaskan wilderness with only what can carry on his back. This film offered good medical value, and it taught me something very important: never consume wild plants unless you know exactly what they are and if they are secure to eat. Zombieland - Realisticness - D Survival Benefits - D Entertainment factor - A - It is really a comedic approach at the survival and zombie type. While there is really no realisticness or survival value in order to speak of it, is very funny. This survival movie stars Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, and Emma Stone. During the motion picture, they all come together to help each other survive a zombie infested world. In my opinion, one of the best cameos of all time occurs during this picture. Just watch and see! 28 Days Later - Realisticness - B Survival Value - C Entertainment point - B 28 Days Later is a survival movie starring Cillian Murphy (Batman Begins). After a virus baby wipes out almost everybody on the planet, a few survivors come together to try and look for a safe place to live. This was a good movie that described what could happen if an epidemic were to spread very quickly. This particular survival movie does not have tons of survival value, but it nevertheless provides insight on the possibility of a nation or globally epidemic. Mad Max/Road Warrior/Beyond Thunderdome - Realisticness instant D Survival Value - D Entertainment factor tutorial B Mad Max, The Road Warrior, and Beyond Thunderdome are very entertaining and fun survival movies to watch, but are very unrealistic. Mel Gibson stars as Mad Maximum, a man who lives in a post apocalyptic world who have also tries to improve life for himself and others. Generally there really was not much survival value in these movies, but you will find cool vehicles with many types of weapons, which makes them enjoyable. Red Dawn - Realisticness - B - Emergency Value - B Entertainment factor - A+ Red-colored Dawn is not just one of my favorite survival movies, but also among my favorite movies It has quite a few stars before they were home names (Patrick Swayze, Charlie Sheen, Lea Thompson in addition to Jennifer Grey). The Russians and Cubans have taken portion of Colorado and are rounding people up, whom they believe to become threats, into camps. A group of high schoolers get together plus live in the woods. They badge themselves the "Wolverines" trying to take back the land that was previously theirs. This is a wonderful movie that provided survival value in the way of outdoor residing, hunting and fishing. The other thing I love about this film, that others have also expressed, is that when you finish viewing this movie, you feel extremely patriotic and proud of the fantastic people that live in the United States. Rescue Dawn - Realisticness - A Survival Value - B Entertainment factor -- C This survival movie is the true story connected with Dieter Dengler (Christian Bale), a German American jet fighter pilot whose plane is shot down over Laos during the Vietnam War and captured. I believe this video gives you a picture of how the living conditions in prisoner campements were. Additionally , it shows how important having a strong : will is when you need to get out of a seemingly lifeless end situation. There are many scenes in this film that have survival value, especially when they escape from the camp and should live outdoors and survive in the wild. Alone Throughout Australia - Realisticness - A Survival Value rapid B+ Entertainment factor - B+ This is survival documented is not well known, but still provides pretty great survival worth. The only reason I saw this was because I attended a little independent film festival in my town. This is the story with Jon Muir and his dog that set out on a trip throughout Australia with only him, his dog, and what he could carry on his homemade cart. This is a great look at success and has the highest survival value out of any of the survival dvds I have reviewed. Out of all the movies I've ever seen, this particular film probably has the saddest scene because what occurred in the movie was what happened in real life. In case you get a chance, definitely watch this documentary. The only concern is it is difficult to find and usually expensive because of its rarity.