#’but rob!!! what about university!!!!’ well in uni they actually treat you like a person I’ve heard

[crabussy]

ROBBY MY LOVE MY DEAR. CONGRATS ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ 💜💜💜💜

THANKYOU!!!! I AM BEYOND ELATED TO FINALLY BE FREE. my school was from ages THREE TO EIGHTEEN. THREEEEE. no longer do I have to trip over toddlers to get to class or try and complete an essay while small children shriek outside… the only kid I’ll be around is my lovely baby cousin who I am so excited to see ^_^ he is the sweetest

[supernovaa-remnant]

I know other fans like to talk about how aro-coded lovejoy songs are and all that, but I am a firm believer that "It's All Futile! It's All Pointless" is the most aro-coded song of their entire discography.

This is one of my favorites of their songs, and I have analyzed it and am now deciding to share this analysis with tumblr.

This is gonna get long, so everything will be under the cut:

Let's start with Verse One:

To start with, university is seen as this place where you learn more about yourself and find your people and overall discover yourself as an individual. However, despite the idea of finding your own path at university, there are still societal norms that people just expect you to experience.

In our society, romance and sex are two of the most fundamental milestones in a person's life. At university, people expect you to forge romantic relationships and sometimes sexual relationships, and the only (in society's eyes, acceptable) reason to not be doing so is because of focusing on studies. I, for one, expected that I'd inevitably experience some romantic interests at university, before I realized I was aromantic, like, a month before going.

Point is, it's expected, and it's often just treated like a given.

Now, I've seen other people talk about this, but there's very particular word choice with "datelines" and "sextant." Taking a geography course to learn the datelines and maybe use a sextant can also be read as going to university with the expectations of going on dates and maybe having sex (because, for all that sex is considered a societal norm, there's also a lot of stigma around it with purity culture, but that's an entire other discussion).

But sometimes that just doesn't happen. And, this isn't a unique aroace experience (and some aroace people do date or have sex at uni), but the point is that, sometimes, aromantic people go into uni with the same expectations that society tells them to have, and then that doesn't happen. Or it does happen, but it goes badly. Because sometimes self discovery leads to realizing you don't experience these feelings that are so often attributed to being human.

Continuing on, later in this same verse societal expectations are brought up again.

This is essentially just a list of what society tells you adulthood is. This is the future in store for you. There's references to the Nuclear Family dynamic as well—where there are two parents in a romantic relationship and their kids. In the line previous to the one above, the romantic partner is mentioned, so it's safe to picture this as the Nuclear Family model.

But, you'll notice that the line very specifically talks about having to do these things. You have to reproduce. You have to get married and have kids and be in a romantic relationship and maybe have sex, but not too much because, again, society often views sex as something dirty.

But no where is there any indication of wanting this future.

(It should be noted that some aromantic people do want this type of future, and some do not. Aromanticism is defined by little to no romantic attraction, and it is experienced in vastly different ways by different people. There is no one way to aro).

Onto the Pre-Chorus!

Now, this line can be interpreted in different ways, but this post is about looking at this song through the lens of aromanticism, so that's what we're focusing on.

This line is talking about not actually missing the person with whom you've had romantic relations, but, rather, the thought of that romantic relationship.

The thing is, society practically promises kids a happy ending in the form of romance. Romance is the happy ending, and, without it, it's a sad ending. Because of this, there are a lot of aromantic people who feel almost robbed of something that was promised to them. This can lead them to pursuing romantic relationships anyway, even when that's not something that will actually make them happy. So, they're missing the thought of the relationship rather than the person it was with. It's them missing the thought of this promised happy ending.

(Again, there's no one way to be aro, and this is far from everyone's experiences).

Let's quickly jump to the second verse (we'll get to the chorus last—that's my favorite part and the part that you may find most interesting).

These lines very much read to me as specifically an aroallo experience. It's showing preference of the sexual aspect of the relationship rather than the romantic relationship.

But the partner wants that romantic aspect. The partner feels the romantic attraction that an aroallo person might not. So, he's picking a lock he doesn't go into, because this person isn't going to reciprocate those romantic feelings and are more interested in sexual relations. (But it can be difficult to have a no strings attached sexual relationship, especially with alloro people who might fall in love).

Anyway, this line is pretty straight forward to me as an aroallo experience, but feel free to ask for clarification.

The bridge:

This again goes back to society essentially telling people that they'll be unhappy and alone without a romantic relationship.

Being aromantic can be an incredibly isolating experience. Especially when you're at university and you're in a period of such great change within yourself and in those around you. This isn't true for everyone, but being aromantic and seeing everyone around you get into romantic relationships can be scary and can bring forth so many negative emotions.

Because of this, sometimes aro people decide to pursue romantic relationships even if they don't necessarily want to because they feel like they'll be left behind and end up unhappy if they don't.

But it's okay as long as it makes them feel less numb and alone.

Finally, the chorus, which is the most fascinating part imo.

This is the chorus as it appears in Lovejoy's version of "It's All Futile! It's All Pointless!" However, what some people don't know is that there's a slight variation in the original version of the song which was released in 2020 in Wilbur's "Maybe I Was Boring" EP (essentially the songs that didn't make it onto ycgma).

Whilst the chorus is the same the first time it is sung, the second time the chorus is played, there's a change.

Now, on it's own, it may not seem like much.

"Stella! How are you connecting this to aromanticism?" Patience, dear reader.

For the life of me, I cannot find this reddit post where this was originally commented, but Wilbur said that the line was originally supposed to be "it's a strategy to ensure I remain (in love)," but that last bit was never recorded.

However, it is so interesting to me because, yes, it can be interpreted in an allo way, but it can also so easily be interpreted in a number of different aro ways.

Option A) This aromantic person has fallen in love. It's under specific circumstances, it's the exception, whatever, but they want to stay in love. Why? Well, admittedly, sometimes I think it'd be easier to be alloro. Because, as previously mentioned, being aromantic can be such an isolating experience.

Option B) This aromantic person wants to stay under the illusion that they're in love, even if they're not. Why? For the reasons above, or because that way they can feel less broken.

There's a plethora of different reasons why some aro people sometimes want to be in love. And a lot of the time it ties back to society hyping up romance for basically all our lives, and then suddenly being confronted with not getting that. Not to mention the whole relationship hierarchy thing where romance is placed at the very top of the pyramid, and, well, sometimes people just want to be someone's first priority like a romantic partner would be.

Bonus:

There was a stream at one point where some chatter said something along the lines of "us aromantics are going to steal your songs" (I saw this clip in an edit earlier today which inspired me to make this post, but I cannot find the clip on it's own so I haven't included it </3).

Wilbur then goes onto say "you aromantics need to read my lyrics. you should read It's All Futile! It's All Pointless! Figure out what it's about." He of course then went on to briefly mention Perfume and said something about most of his music, but he said iaf!iap! first.

And, honestly, combined with everything in the song itself going all the way back to the original version of the song, I just think it goes to show that this song is the aromantic-coded lovejoy song of them all.

Why do Wilbur's songs have various levels of aro-coding? Idk. Tbh it's probably none of my business. I just think it's neat.

Anyway, thank you for coming to my TEDTalk. Please go listen to both Lovejoy's version and the original version of "It's All Futile! It's All Pointless!" and remember to stream wu&io!

(All four songs of Maybe I Was Boring is in one track of the same name on Wilbur Soot's spotify account if you want to listen to the original version of the song).

[antebunny]

April 27: games

A sequel to archer and bridge, an identity porn extra of a modern cultivators Olympic sports AU.

Note: this is from the perspective of an NB OC named Elaine Chao who uses they/them pronouns. I did this because 1) the number of NB people I know has exponentially increased in the past year, and they all use they/them pronouns so I wanted to make myself familiar with using they/them pronouns to refer to a single person. I chose the name Elaine Chao because that’s the name of Mitch McConnell’s wife and I think I’m funny.

Elaine Chao is taking a class on cultivation, which is a new class offered at their university and also not very popular because cultivation is supposed to be a dead practice now just used as a sport. So it was expected to have like five students, max. The professor is an expert when it comes to the culture and history of xianxia, and now decided to also offer her skills and knowledge on cultivation, which she is also an expert on, despite having previously just taught the history/culture of that era. Then suddenly at the last minute, the class gets six new students. Initially, this isn’t the weird part. With an eleven person class, the students interact somewhat, but for a while all Elaine could tell you was their names.

Soon enough, their professor goes on a tirade about the international cultivation competition. She hates it because 1) it makes a mockery of the original purpose of cultivating, i.e. night hunts and defeating monsters oh and also war, and yet it still 2) puts the lives of the competitors in danger. Not in the way that sports usually do, in that there’s a risk for injury which can sometimes be permanent, but the competitors are all world-class athletes and generally don’t come to harm. But in an active, monsters-are-trying-to-kill-you sort of risk that has led to severe/permanent injuries recently, but no (recent) deaths. And the professor hates that the lives of these teenagers and young adults are so blatantly being put in danger for entertainment. She also hates how gamemasters pass their roles to their kids, who are usually competitors themselves, and so on. So the professor rants about the international tournament and these competitive cultivators and how much she dislikes it.

Then she mentions the last international competition, which everyone has heard of just because of how wrong it went.

The recent competitions have been rife with controversy anyway; there was that whole thing with gamemaster Wen Ruohan where he was favoring his sons and almost got the other competitors killed, and usually the other gamemasters would vote him out but Jiang Fengmian (and his wife) passed away from disease recently, and Jiang Cheng was his nominal replacement since it was assumed that Jiang Cheng would be too old for competition by the time Jiang Fengmian retired, and Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian were skipping that year’s competition anyway because of jfm and yzy’s deaths, but then Jiang Cheng was dragged back to vote Wen Ruohan out. That all worked out in the end, because the Wens were just removed from the competition.

But last year’s competition was the final nail in the coffin. Basically, one of the gamemasters (Jin Guangshan) rigged the game for his own purposes. Since Jiang Cheng was still competing, Jin Guangyao was chosen as the new gamemaster. When only five contestants were left–the same five as the previous years–the monsters suddenly stopped dying and their time-out flares suddenly stopped working. This maybe would’ve worked except that Jin Zixuan was surreptitiously warned at the last moment that the game was rigged in his favor, and immediately told the others once he found them. Then they realized that they were stuck in the arena with monsters that wouldn’t die and no way to get out. They had a collective come-to-grace moment in which they realized “hey maybe putting our lives on the line like this isn’t healthy or normal just because it was what our parents did”. (Meanwhile, the other two grandmasters are panicking because their little brothers are out there jgs I’m going to wring your neck–) Then Wei Wuxian goes “actually I think I can control the monsters using ~demonic cultivation~” and the others go “it may be against the rules but we’ll back you up”. So that was last year’s competition. It was even more controversial because Wen Ning died as a consequence. His sister, Wen Qing, the best cultivating doctor in the world, who has treated all of the competitors in the past, literally hit the ceiling. She treated the five returning contestants and then promptly quit. That would be a problem because there’s no other doctors willing to treat all the cultivating contestants after a competition. But the bigger problem comes when Wei Wuxian, who should have gotten first place, gets banned from competitive cultivation for breaking the rules. They try to award first place to Lan Zhan, who promptly refuses and also vows to stop competitive cultivation because they banned Wei Wuxian. Then they try to award it to Jin Zixuan who refuses because he doesn’t ~deserve~ it and he’s wrecked with guilt that all the others went through this just because his dad wanted to make him win (and also wanted to kill the others). They go to Jiang Cheng who takes one look and goes “you’re kidding, right” and everyone knows that Jiang Cheng is suffering from an inferiority complex due to Wei Wuxian constantly upstaging him but Jiang Cheng is like “if you think I’m going to take a first place prize when I should’ve been fourth and you’re robbing not only the first three but also my brother by banning him from the game that almost killed all of us just because you think I have some stupid complex then you have another thing coming and also fuck you.”

So next year’s competition is canceled. Suddenly, these professional athletes have nothing to do. The five of them sit down and say “maybe we should learn more about our supposed profession” since the only reason they survived was because of Wei Wuxian’s demonic cultivation. Jiang Yanli brings up the university class, and the next thing they know, all six are enrolled in the class.

When Elaine overhears Wei Wuxian needle Jin Zixuan about something to which he responds “that was years ago!”, they can’t help but ask, “do you know each other?” And Wei Wuxian glances nervously at the professor and says “we’re…uh…family friends!” (That brick wall Lan Wangji is glaring at Wei Wuxian because he doesn’t like lying, but Elaine can’t tell because Lan Wangji is a brick wall. In more ways than one). Basically, while they didn’t have any intention of hiding, Wei Wuxian panics when he remembers how much the professor hates competitive cultivators, and everyone else gets sucked into his lies because of him.

And then it all comes spilling out: Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng, and Jiang Yanli are siblings, Nie Huaisang is high school friends with Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng, Wei Wuxian is dating Lan Wangji (and that much was already obvious from the very public pda), and Jin Zixuan is Jiang Yanli’s fiancé, and his family is friends with Jiang Yanli’s family, which is how he knows the siblings from earlier. It also comes out that all six of them aren’t regular students at the university, they’re just taking this class in particular. Their answers aren’t particularly enlightening, and Elaine doesn’t understand why they’re being so dodgy on the question. Well, if “dodgy” means Jiang Cheng snapping “none of your business” and Lan Wangji staring at you until you walk away nervously.

This is how Elaine gains perspective on their classmates. Jin Zixuan is an arrogant rich prick who can’t last a conversation without mentioning how much better he is than you. Jiang Cheng would be cool (and maybe even cute, Elaine notes) if he wasn’t perpetually angry, even with the people he supposedly got along with. He’s polite enough with strangers but any personal comments and he acts personally offended. Wei Wuxian is nice enough, but he’s also an annoying troublemaker who’s always late for class, and has the social skills of an agoraphobic lobster. He constantly inserts himself in conversations and gets on the professor’s nerves. Well, the professor appreciates the questions and knows that Wei Wuxian is actually interested and also really really smart, but. Nerves. Lan Zhan is handsome, and a model student, but that’s about all Elaine can say about him. He has the emotional capacity of an old shoe, and rarely offers more than one word answers, as if talking is beneath him. The only exception is Wei Wuxian, and that’s a whole other can of worms, because Elaine cannot for the life of them figure out how those two are dating each other. It’s clear they’re the most in-love couple to ever being in love, but that doesn’t answer the question why. And how. And what. Nie Huaisang is nice enough. He actually has some social tact and can hold a conversation, but he also has zero spine and isn’t interested in anything but art and procrastination. Elaine doesn’t understand why he’s even taking this class. He’s not in uni anyway, why is he here.

The only acceptable person is Jiang Yanli, and that’s because she’s a human person with actual feelings. She’s always nice, but knows that her siblings are not, and she has interests besides ??? and none. She actually goes to university and is majoring in political science, which is how Elaine learns that she is a debate champion, and already managing a business left to her by her recently deceased parents. Elaine brings up their parents once and then Jiang Cheng the aggressive angry grape starts yelling and Wei Wuxian turns downright vicious all cold and dark and Elaine never brings it up again. So Jiang Yanli is the only one that Elaine actually likes/considers a friend. The only thing is that Elaine cannot understand why she associates with the people that she does. Siblings are understandable, but why is she engaged to that rich brat Jin Zixuan? The terrifying thing is that Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian agree with Elaine and think Jiang Yanli could do better, and Elaine knows this because they’re so vocal about it. Like are they trying to ruin their sister’s engagement? Actually maybe they are.

So that’s Elaine’s university class experience.

[seulementpourlesamoureux]

obnoxiously long essay re: mental health and recovery

personal anecdote: retrospectively, I think my depression symptoms started really, really early. Like 5-7 yo. I’ve always had a negative cognitive bias, and it did not help that I grew up in a misogynistic, oppressive culture and had a lot of adverse events such as emotional, physical and milder forms of sexual abuse; a culture where no one ever spoke about mental illness and if they did it was only talked about in an extremely derogatory tone. They’re “cray” or they’re “selfish and didn’t think of anyone else” (if they committed suicide). By age 10, I was in a full on spiral that I am definitely sure did not end till maybe a few months ago. At age 22, I had spent more than half my life being extremely, extremely depressed. 

Do you know the kind of toll it takes on a person’s brain? No one paid attention to me not just because of the mental-health unaware culture, and my abuse mother who told my cousins in my full hearing that I was cutting myself because I’m “mentally weak”, and continues to tell me to this day that I’m depressed because I’m “selfish” and only think of myself. More than a decade, and all of my critical, formative years, I spent in what can only be describe as a chaotic black box. It feel like you have no direction nor sight but things keep slamming into you and scratching and beating you up and you have no way to defend yourself or cope.

“Why didn’t you just go to the school counsellor or someone and seek help?” I didn’t think that was an option. And here comes the bit that I’m going to be brutally honest about that many people with mental health issues aren’t going to like me saying. Sometimes, staying in the familiar darkness, no matter how terrible, is easier and feels safer than the light. Sure you could come out of that black box. But do you know how to deal with the things you’ll see? Hmm? Those things that slam into you an hurt you are still gonna be there! And now you’ll have the added “benefit” of seeing them coming!

You know why I put “benefit” in quotes right? Because you don’t see it that way. Seeing the problems don’t teach you how to cope with them. And then you’ll have to learn skills within a very short time that you should have learned over many years during your formative period, during which your mental health issues most likely came into play.

That’s scary. That’s hard. It’s easier to let yourself get beat down because you’re used to it. It’s more comfortable. Here’s where you take on the mantle of “I have depression/anxiety/insert-mental-disorder-here” and just use that as an excuse instead of trying to treat the symptoms at least. The damage that has been done to my brain is insurmountable and almost every week I think about “what if I hadn’t lost those years to depression+anxiety?” “What is someone had noticed I was suffering and offered me some help?” “What kind of damage has already been done that is irreversible and will forever impact the way I think and behave?” Will I ever be able to reach my fullest potential despite being robbed of some key years during my developmental period?

I think the answer is probably no. Scientifically, based on most neurological studies, the answer is no. But you can improve quite a bit. A lot of bits actually.

But it’s hard going. I went to the university mental health center first year of university, and it was hell. Looking back I know why. I didn’t do any of the mental health homework. I made no effort to try and be better or try to actively modify my thought-patterns. In the sessions, I’m sure for my counselor, it was like pulling teeth. I was already too emotionally closed off and I wanted to do zero of the work involved in become a sorta-functioning healthy adult. I left after that and for 2 years I did absolutely nothing to improve my condition. Later in my 4th & final year of uni, I had a relationship that was helpful for me, but due to my mental health issues, became a huge burden for my partner. Looking back, I wish there were many times I had been better, that I had tried to be as good for him as he was for me. But I was so absolutely buried in my own shit that I couldn’t see the shit my partner was going through, and ultimately it came to the point that he felt guilty that he couldn’t take care of me as well and it was adding to his mental health issues as well. It’s like 2 pigs rolling in a pile of shite except neither of us are particularly happy about it.

How do I see these things so clearly now?

Last year when I finally went to a doctor about it (I had initially gone for a physical ailment and my mental health issues were noticed by a particularly observant and inquisitive doctor and I am very grateful that such doctors exist.) That was the beginning of digging myself out from the endless, endless hole I had been spiraling into since I was 9 or 10. I slowly began to attend semi-regular counselling sessions with a community practitioner who offers sessions for free (after a small intake fee for assessment). I’ve replaced a lot of my harmful coping strategies with more useful and healthier coping strategies. I’ve begun reaching out to my friends and surrounding myself with positive influences.

The thing is, even with medical intervention and all of this help and changes, undoing the damage is incredibly hard. Sometimes you relapse and it’s really hard to get back into track again. But it usually only takes one thing. One thing to get back on that pony. Take a shower. Or a bath. Or go through a period of 1-2 weeks just fixing your sleep schedule - force yourself to go to bed and get out of bed at set times and resist the urge to sit/lay down in bed. It’s a continuous recovery process and I can understand the impulse to just say, “nah fuck it,” and be satisfied with putting “sorry karen I can’t be neurotypical” out there, like that’s supposed to be an excuse. But for your own sake, you gotta try. Depression is a disease. Anxiety is a disease. Mental illnesses are illnesses not identities. Doesn’t mean you’d treat people with them any different, any more as you’d treat ppl with a broken bone or diabetes any different insofar as making accomodations so they can still function somewhat healthily. But it does not mean you just decide to lay down and be ill. 

For your own sake, you gotta at least try. The long term repercussions are so bad and if you’re young you still got time and energy you should try. You should at least try. Please.

[patheticphallacy]

Another month, another wrap up.

My second year of University is finished, basically. I’ve submitted my dissertation proposal, am in the middle of all my essays due end of April/early May, and have a new flat for third year.

How time flies!

And I’m 20 in two months! Yay! Exciting stuff!

READING WRAP UP

After the Rain by Jun Mayuzuki [3.75 stars; I have a review for this one, it has it’s issues but I’m hoping it’ll improve as the series goes on]

The House at Pooh Corner by A.A. Milne [4 stars; A.A. Milne came in to my house and purposefully ripped my heart out of my chest from beyond the grave]

RWBY Volume 1: Red Like Roses by Various [3 stars; this has some ISSUES I’ve had with other RT productions, I still love it despite myself tho ]

The Isle of Pines by Henry Neville [1 star; A lot of uhhhh incest in this one]

I Hear the Sunspot by Yuki Fumino [3 stars; this one was quite disappointing, in all honesty, although it is still a cute read!]

Measure for Measure by William Shakespeare [3 stars; this is my first Shakespeare of the year as I work my towards reading all his plays by 25! I was confused at moments, but the reveals were so satisfying, although the ending….]

Sweet Blue Flowers by Takako Shimura [4.5 stars; this is the lesbian manga I’ve been waiting for all my life, everyone! I wasn’t living until I read this]

My Immortal by Tara [1 star; thank you to my friend Zara for finally getting me to read all of this finally!]

The Man in the Moone by Francis Godwin [1 star; this was boring as HECK]

Belinda Blinked 1 by Rocky Flintstone [1 star; FINALLY finished the first part of the My Dad Wrote a Porno podcast, so I’m marking this one as read]

Labyrinth Coronation #9, #10, #11 by Simon Spurrier [4 stars- nearly at the end now! I’ll miss this series, honestly, it’s been consistently great and it’s been so entertaining]

Sparrowhawk #3 and #4 by Delilah S Dawson [3 stars; not a spectacular series, but only one issue left, so I may as well finish it when #5 comes out!]

The Unsound by Cullen Bunn [4.5 stars; this is very disturbing and graphic in terms of self harm and gore, but I loved it? Apparently my brand is loving all the bizarre and gorey comic series people HATE]

Saban’s Go Go Power Rangers #15-17 by Ryan Parrott [3 stars; would consider giving these issues 4 stars purely for Skull and Kimberly, and also Bulk for how cute he was protecting Skull’s heart from being broken]

The Wall of Winnipeg and Me by Mariana Zapata [3.5 stars; a difficult one to rate, as I loved the first half, but once these characters realise they like each other/the one Mariana Zapata Sex Scene happens that is part of her brand, I just get tired and feel like she should have ended it 50 pages before]

On the Death of Peter Stubbe by Scott Wolf [1.5 stars; read this bad boy for Uni and it was actually bizarre]

The Last of August by Brittany Cavallaro [3 stars; I was… very disappointed with this one. The ending was very rushed and confusing, I had to go back and re-read to understand what had happened, but I still love the characters and look forward to reading book 3 in April]

A Midsummer Night’s Dream by William Shakespeare [3.5 stars; this was a laugh and would have been rated higher, if not for that whole final scene that just felt like Shakespeare was STRETCHING]

Book Scavenger by Jennifer Chambliss Bertman [4 stars; this is SUCH a good first book in a middle grade series that follows a girl who goes on a scavenger hunt after the creator of the hunt is hospitalised! It sounds darker than it is, I swear]

Kulti by Mariana Zapata [3.5 stars; THIS COULD HAVE BEEN A WHOLE ASS 5 STARS  FOR PLOT if Mariana didn’t insist on ending it the way she did, and also didn’t use lesbophobic slurs and weird possessive undertones between the MC and the LI as well as so much girl and slut shaming like… Winnipeg definitely wasn’t this bad]

The Woods Volume 4 by James Tynion IV (4 stars; this series is finally starting to improve for me and I’m so happy!)

Neverworld Wake by Marisha Pessl (5 stars; I loved this book so so much I’m so glad I finally finished it after 2 months of having it on hold)

The Hating Game by Sally Thorne (3 stars; I didn’t really enjoy this much as expected, it definitely has issues that I’m surprised aren’t discussed more like how violent their relationship is before sex ? The MC genuinely thinks she’s going to get murdered by the LI at first)

The Walking Dead Volume 1 by Robert Kirkman (3.5 stars; after putting this down before I’m so happy I ended up enjoying it!)

Wait For It by Mariana Zapata (3 stars; in terms of more problematic material, this is definitely Zapata’s best. I do still think she has pacing issues though, and her sex scenes are so badly written I cringe every time I read one)

Sunstone Volume 1 by Stjepan Šejić (4 stars; another really great read; the art is beautiful, characters are so fleshed out already, and I can’t wait to see where their relationship goes!)

AND MY APRIL TBR JAR PICK ISSSSSS……………………………………….

IT ONLY HAPPENS IN THE MOVIES by Holly Bourne! One of the picks Annie made for me in my ‘Best Friend picks my TBR’ post!

ESSAYS/ARTICLES I READ THIS MONTH

Chubby Rat Gets Stuck in a Manhole: this is the only piece of literature that has ever mattered to me

Authors voice alarm after sharp drop in sales of YA fiction: a very solemn and worrying piece, but I’m hoping the conversation this brought up will continue and this is something UKYA publishers and readers alike can work on to improve the sales and keep YA sales in the UK alive!

When words fail: A possible interpretation of Isabella’s silence in Measure for Measure: This is a response to Isabella’s silence at the end of Measure for Measure, which I read this month. I think it has a tragic ending for Isabella, honestly, and this is a really great interpretation of that scene

The Gay Love Stories of Moomin and the Queer Radicality of Tove Jansson: I can’t be the only person to have noticed the sudden influx of Moomin hype on Twitter, and I am digging it. Reading this is fascinating, and I think it’s incredible how much of Jansson’s life and experience as a queer woman can be seen in Moomin!

Openly gay pro strongman Rob Kearney marries his boyfriend: I will love and support gay athletes till the day I die. This article is so cute.

The Night Country: Melissa Albert previews her next Hazel Wood novel: The Hazel Wood was one of my favourite novels of 2018, so the sequel coming out so quickly is an absolute treat. This has the cover release- American, unfortunately, so I still have no clue what the UK cover will bring- but it does have the first chapter! I love and adore Sophia Snow and I cannot wait to have a new book girlfriend!

TV SHOWS/MOVIES/VIDEOS I WATCHED

Ryan Hollinger’s video on the horror of Coraline. Coraline is one of my favourite animated films, I’ve watched it so many times, and I love seeing people’s analysis of it!

I went on a bit of a Ryan Hollinger kick this month and also watched his Texas Chainsaw Massacre video where he analyses the presence of daylight in the film, unconventional in the horror genre

Karate Chopsticks plays a lot of Professor Layton games, so when I have some downtime where I just want to relax I’ve been watching him!

I watched a video on How Guillermo del Toro deals with trauma in his films that I found fascinating! It specifically talks about The Devil’s Backbone and Pan’s Labyrinth 

With my friend Zara, I started the K-Drama BOYS OVER FLOWERS, which I’m honestly loving. It has some issues, but it’s basically a staple k-drama and I’m loving watching it and talking about it with her

MUSIC I’VE BEEN ENJOYING

Sucker by Jonas Brothers [I never really cared about these guys coming back but I’m glad they did, this is a really neat song]

SOS by Jonas Brothers

Big Time Rush by Big Time Rush [a TUNE]

Just in general I’ve really been enjoying The Band CAMINO, my favourite song by them is definitely Daphne Blue!

REVIEWS I POSTED

In Other Lands

Heartstopper

Starry Eyes

Four Film Reviews: The Village, Holes, Stardust, 13 Going on 30

Netflix Thriller Reviews

Three Manga Reviews: After the Rain Vol 1, RWBY Vol 1, Sweet Blue Flowers

OTHER POSTS I MADE

Music Monday: Music I’ve Listened to Lately

Graphic Recommendations #1: Contemporary 

Top Ten Tuesday: Standalones that Need a Sequel

Top Ten Tuesday: My Best Friend Picks My Spring TBR!

Top Ten Tuesday: Books that Should be Podcasts

Currently Reading #1

My Study Positive April Announcement!

March Wrap Up & April TBR Jar Pick Another month, another wrap up. My second year of University is finished, basically. I've submitted my dissertation proposal, am in the middle of all my essays due end of April/early May, and have a new flat for third year.