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#“sorry for my parents who got such a shitty worthless kid. im so sorry so sorry so sorry for being alive”
iamfuckingsorry · 4 months
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what are you sorry for
I was very sorry for just about everything back when I made this blog in like 2013
#i've talked about this at some point but it took me like a full month to come up with my tumblr url#and then one afternoon i was sitting in french class and i wasn't having a very good day#and i was trying my best to look like i was normal and doing just fine (though i did probably cry a little bit lets be honest)#but the only thing going through my mind was.#“im so sorry for what a failure i am. so sorry for everyone who has to meet me and deal with me.”#“sorry for my parents who got such a shitty worthless kid. im so sorry so sorry so sorry for being alive”#just like on repeat. for the entire class. i was just sitting there blinking aggressively not being able to think of anything else#and i was like. yeah. that's the essence of who i am as a person. i am sorry. i am a sorry excuse for a human and i fuck everything up#it'll be a good tumblr url.#needless to say my entire adulthood's been a breeze compared to that shit lol. so there's good sides to it too i guess#like it hasn't always been good or easy. but no matter how bad stuff goes i can always look at how i was doing at 13#and go#“you're nearly 30 and you're still alive. you have a job that pays your rent. you don't cry yourself to sleep on most nights.”#“your 13-year-old self would be so fucking impressed. i'm pretty sure she'd think you were making shit up if you tried to tell her.”#“you're doing better than you could ever have hoped for my friend. keep it up.”#herr's personal tag#noelleaxolotl#ask
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evilpredefined · 3 months
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I think I posted about this before but genuinely where the hell do you even go to get help anymore.
all the shrinks are just hacks who play the same shitty tricks that barely help and if it does help its only people who've barely got problems, or you have to suck their dick for months on end for them to finally admit that this CBT garbage is literally worthless for anyone with more than mild depression. alongside this they cost such a ridiculous amount of money it isnt even fucking worth it
pyschwards are just institutionalized abuse buildings designed to hurt people from the inside out and give sick fucks a power fantasy. propping itself up by tricking people who think it might help and ruining their fucking life, throwing people in there like its prison, or being an out for dogshit worthless parents who are sick of their kid and would rather have them completely deconstructed than act like a human being for more than 5 fucking seconds
my meds and all the drugs you can get from your doctor help a whole lot in all honesty but theres a point where that just doesn't work anymore. plus it hurts your fucking wallet out here in the US hotlines are just worthless attempts for politicians and organizations to pretend they care while all the operators can do is just read off a shitty script and go "oh im so sorry you went through so much" the only reason one of those hotlines stopped me from doing anything is that It kept me on that shitty line trying to get the operator to literally say anything of value to the point i fucking blacked out
my hobbies feel worthless and this constant climbing financial pressure makes me feel less and less human hanging out with my friends feels like wasted time and usually doesn't get more of a reaction out of me than just a kind of dry stinging in the back of my head. knowing my art wont go anywhere due to a lack of dedication and interest stings, knowing that im not disciplined or privileged enough to snake my way into a STEM career hurts, knowing that shit is just gonna get worse in my lifetime fucking hurts to
I'm not gonna kill myself before you give me that annoying condescending bullshit. and before you say "oh being open and loving your friends and blah blah blah blah" like 65% of the abuse i've gotten hit with and an instance of me getting raped has been from those people I thought I could be open with so fucking excuse me for being jaded with this constant toting of """"community"""" while half the people in so-called community just see me as a fuck-toy cause of my presentation and the other half see me as a fucking reprehensible monster. go fuck yourself im so sick of so much shit
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alitaimagines · 5 years
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“I loved your A/B/O fic with Rin!! I was wondering if you could do another one with BNHA? Idc the plot or the character! I really love your angst and when the reader ends up rubbing it in the face of another character so maybe that again?? im so sorry if it’s repetitive!!”
Alpha’s bakugou katsuki, mirio togata x fem! Omega reader
fandom: boku no hero academia / my hero academia 
note / song recommendation: i know I always use bakugou for my shitty characters and i apologize for that but he’s so good to use! / hold up, best thing I never had. - beyonce 
“Well I’m sorry for being such a shitty Alpha!” Bakugou exclaimed sarcastically as the two of you stared daggers at each other. “You know how hard it is for an Alpha to be courting an Omega for the first time!”
You gave off a tired sigh. “It’s not fucking rocket science, you complete dumbass! I know it’s hard! You think it’s easy for an Omega? Especially when their Alpha is basically non existent in the relationship?” You yelled back. “No but I’m tried and I am done with it. I’m done feeling like shit and I deserve to be treated better as an Omega.” 
The entire 1-A dorm watched the two of you argue back and fourth. No one was expecting this argument to happen, especially in the public. Even the top three, Mirio, Nejire, and Tamaki, watched the argument go down. They had originally came to the 1-A dorms to ask Midoriya a question but felt uncomfortable to leave during such a heated time.
“I know I’m not perfect but I refuse to feel this worthless as a Omega.” You continued. You turned to Uraraka and she could tell that you were on the brink of angry tears. “I don’t want to lose my pride but I’m gonna fuck me a bitch.” You marched up the stairs of the dorms until you got your dorm. 
You ravaged your dorm for everything Bakugou had ever given you during the time he courted you and put it in a bag. You were able to tell that everyone was still downstairs watching Bakugou as he remained in place, stunned. 
Once they heard you coming back downstairs, they seen a semi large bag in your hand. 
“I know the Omega is supposed to be the ‘submissive’ person in the relationship but look at us now, Bakugou!” You screamed through your now angry tears. 
“I look like the Alpha now! So, you know what? Everything you ever gave me during the time we courted is in this bag. If I find something of yours, I’ll give it to a beta. From now on, don’t look at me, don’t speak to me, don’t even go near me! Because the next time you do, I promise you, I will fuck you up. Trust me, I know this isn’t Omega behavior but when an Omega is tired of being treated like shit, this is what happens! So to all the Alpha’s in the room, don’t be a Bakugou!” You whispered as you looked at Shoji, Kirishima, Todoroki, Iida, Mirio, and a few others. 
The Omega’s in the room were able to feel your heartbreak and your anger. Everyone knew the two of you were courting but they had no idea how bad the relationship actually was. You gave one final look to Bakugou before walking to the elevators. 
“Woah.” Was all Mirio whispered to Tamaki and Nejire. 
She gave him a sharp look that indicated to shut up. “Don’t be insensitive, Mirio. You have no idea what an Omega is going through.” They quickly told Midoriya goodbye before leaving the tension filled 1-A dorms. 
-
You had called yourself out sick for a few days. You claimed that you had a really bad case of the stomach flu so when Recovery Girl checked on you, you were able to fake the symptoms enough to get out of dorms for a few days. 
You had went back home and got yourself together, after you explained the real situation with your parents. Once the few days were coming to a close, you asked your mom, a fellow Omega, to help you get back on your feet before you left. 
She suggested that you pamper yourself and offered to drive you to get your hair done and get a complete makeover. 
It wasn’t that Bakugou didn’t let you dress up or anything but once he courted you, you didn’t realize that you let yourself go. You hardly wore makeup, when you didn’t have to wear a uniform, you were leggings with a sweater or interchanged them with sweatpants and a big t-shirt. 
Once you got back to campus, you came back with a new haircut, freshly colored hair, and a bit of your confidence back. The first person who greeted you was Momo, who was taken back by the sudden change in your style. 
“You look great!” Momo said as you followed her to the kitchen. “It hasn’t been the same since you’ve left.” 
You gave her a sympathetic smile. “I know but you know I couldn’t be around Bakugou. If I had seen him during the time that I was gone, I think he might’ve been dead.” You heard other voices coming down the stairs and seen it was Midoriya, Tsuyu, and Kirishima. “Hey everyone!” 
Tsuyu gave you a wave as the Alpha and Omega stood wide eyed. You gave them a quick wave to face. “Midoriya, Kirishima! Hello!” You exclaimed as you snapped your fingers in their face. “IZUKU, EJIROU!” Once they heard your screamed, they zoned back in. 
“Wow, I thought you had the flu.” Kirishima mocked as he sat in the chair across from you. “I’m just kidding, you look great! I’m assuming you’re coming back to classes now?” 
You nodded as Izuku gave you a big smile. “That’s amazing! How has everything been?” You asked the four people in front of you. They looked at each other as if they were having a silent conversation between themselves. “Uh, everything is good! We’ve been doing the usual routine.” 
They were lying, you could tell but you knew not to push it. “Well, I need to go to my dorm and unpack the few things I brought back. See you guys at dinner?” They all nodded but as you started leaving, you seen Midoriya running towards you. 
“Hey, I need to talk to you really quick!” Midoriya exclaimed. You gave him a look of confusion. “So, you know Mirio right?” You nodded. “Well, he was wondering if you could talk to him about something tomorrow. I don’t know about what but he wants to see you.” 
“Uh yeah, sure. Did he say where?” You asked. “Oh yeah! During lunch! He said it’s important!” You gave Midoriya one more thank you before going to your dorm room. 
-
You woke up in the morning and took a shower before getting dressed and making coffee. Being that you had gotten up early enough, you made a spare cup for whoever you seen first. That person was Kaminari. 
“Denks! Want coffee?” He nodded enthusiastically. “Let’s go to class, I’m sure Aizawa needs to give me all the work I missed and I know I’ve missed a bunch already.” 
He shook his head no. “Not really. We’ve been training most of the week. You’ve missed maybe three assignments?” Kaminari explained. “Great! Second question, do you know why Mirio asked to see me during lunch today?” 
Kaminari knew the reason why but didn’t say why. Kaminari was lucky enough to act dumb and get away with it. “No but I can’t imagine why he’d want to see you. Maybe someone at the company he interns at wants you to become an intern as well?” You shrugged as the two of you walked into the classroom. 
After talking to Aizawa for a while and getting the work you needed, you turned around to see half the class already in their seats. One of them being Bakugou. You snuck a quick glance as you were able to see that he was staring dead at you. Being that you were privileged enough to sit across the room from him, you didn’t bother to look back at him. 
You sat in your seat as Aizawa started the class. For the most part, it went by agonizingly slow and all you wanted to do was get to lunch and figure out why Mirio wanted to see you. 
Once lunch came, you walked to where Midoriya told you to meet Mirio at. You waited for the most part about five minutes until you seen the big three walking down the stairs. You were able to see that Nejire and him were arguing with each other and Tamaki put in his opinion every so often. 
Mirio noticed you standing at the place he asked Midoriya to tell you and immediately his face was plastered in a blush and a huge smile. He waved bye to his friends before running over to you. 
“Hiya, ( your name )!” Mirio’s scent immediately washed over a sense of comfortability over you. “You look different from the last time I seen you!” Mirio muttered as he scratched his neck nervously. 
You gave him a sheepish smile. “I know. I’m sorry you had to witness what you seen a few days ago. I didn’t mean to cause such a scene in front of upperclassmen.” 
Mirio waved you off. “It’s not your problem. An Omega has needs that need to be attended too and I understand that as an Alpha. That’s also what I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.” Mirio muttered the last part even more nervously. 
“About me being an Omega?” You asked confusedly. “I don’t get what you’re trying to tell me.” 
He gave you another nervous smile before explaining why he had you waiting for him. “Sir Nighteye’s company is having a dinner to celebrate third year interns on their future graduation and we’re allowed to bring dates! It’s at his company and since you’re now a single Omega, I was wondering if you’d like to come with me. You’re totally allowed to say no since you just got out of a courting situation but I thought I’d be willing to give it a chance.” You couldn’t help but laugh at his rambling. 
“Mirio, relax!” You exclaimed. “Of course I’ll be your date! Is it casual clothing or should I go out and buy a dress?” 
Mirio let out what was in between a squeal and a manly shout of victory. “No, just business casual. No need to go all out. But thank you for saying yes! I appreciate it!” 
“No problem! Now want to catch lunch? I’m sure you’re just as hungry as I am!” You asked as he nodded in agreement. “Well, let’s get to the lunch line or maybe Tamaki and Nejire will let us cut the line.” 
“We’ll cut the line so let’s go!” Mirio exclaimed as he grabbed your arm and ran towards his two best friends. 
-
The dinner he asked you too was on a Sunday afternoon and you were a bit nervous to say the least. It had only been a week since your outraged argument with Bakugou but after a few of the Omega’s in your dorm told you it was completely okay to go out, you knew it was fine. 
You were going out on a date, not like Mirio asked to court you or anything! You were happy to finally be out and hanging with friends again, which you hadn’t done in what felt like forever. 
“Hey guys! Are you guys coming to the dinner as well!” You asked Nejire and Tamaki. They nodded yes. “That’s awesome! I had no idea all of the agencies were having it together!” 
The four of you hopped on a train to get to the agency. It was exactly like Mirio said. A bunch of interns, heroes, and their friends and family. It was a relaxed enviornment for Omega’s to be around as you noticed that Tamaki was just as relaxed as you were. 
All of you got a table together, along with the heroes they were training under. You could tell that Fatgum must’ve been one of the funnest heroes to intern for while Nighteye would take getting used too. 
While you were up getting dessert with Nejire, Nighteye whispered over to Mirio. 
“Is she your date?” He asked. Mirio nodded shyly as they watched you talking with Nejire happily. “Not like you’re looking for my approval but I like the two of you together.” 
Mirio gave him the cheesiest smile as you finally sat down at the table. After a while, all of you mentioned to get a cup of coffee and while the heroes denied it, the four of you excused yourselves and went to the shop a few blocks down. 
“So, if you don’t mind me asking.” Nejire said cautiously. “Do you mind explaining why you and Bakugou broke up that night? The two of you were mated for a while so we were all surprised when all of that went down.” 
You sighed. “Well, we had been going strong for a while but after our two month anniversary, I felt the connection between us wasn’t as strong? The only time we would be around each other was during my heats and his ruts. Other than that, he would take me out on a date once a week, maybe if that. It shouldn’t have blown up in the way it did but it happened and I’m over it. I just hope the next time someone decides to court me, the Alpha knows the responsibility that comes when courting an Omega.” You gave Mirio a small quick smile before returning to your coffee. 
Nejire nodded. “I’m sure your next Alpha will be the one you mate for life with! I can sense it!” Nejire joked as you choked on your coffee. Mirio followed as Tamaki and Nejire started laughing. One of the barista asked all of you to hush down which caused the four of you to continue giggling. 
Once all of you were finished with the coffee, it was decided to finally head back to UA. Mirio offered to walk you back to the dorms and while he did, he wrapped his arm around your shoulders. A part of you squealing that you would have Mirio’s scent on you and vice versa. 
He walked you to the front of the dorms and the two of you chatted for a bit. 
“Would you like to do this again?” Mirio asked nervously. You nodded as you seen him holding the cardigan he was wearing in his hand. “When you get back to me on our second date, you’ll be getting this back.” 
“Fine, you won’t be getting your necklace back until then either!” 
He gave you the typical Mirio smile before yanking the necklace off your neck and running away. You rolled your eyes jokingly as you walked into the dorms. Everyone was in bed and you knew the next morning, you would be bombarded with questions. 
-
“So, how was the date?” Jirou asked with a relaxed tone. You were glad that Jirou was a Beta and not an Alpha or Omega who would’ve hounded you down for the answers. 
“Great, he actually slipped a note in my locker this morning mentioning that he was taking me lazar tagging on Friday!” You managed to say before Kaminari decided to blurt it out. “Really! Are the two of you courting already! Is that why you have his sweater and he has your necklace!” 
You pushed Kaminari off his desk as everyone who heard, gasped. “Shut the hell up, Kaminari!” You screeched as you hid into the sweater and covered your face. 
Everyone stared at you before Aizawa called attention to him. Every so often, someone would ask you a question but you gave them a one word answer until lunch time was called 
The class immediately ran out as you swiftly put everything into your backpack and grabbed your lunch out of it. You were meeting Mirio at one of the benches outside of the campus to have lunch. 
“So, you and Mirio?” You heard Bakugou ask. Your body stiffened in place as you turned to look at him. 
“Yeah.” You muttered. You were sure that Bakugou could smell Mirio’s scent but you weren’t really worried about that at the moment. “Why do you ask?” 
“No reason, just wondering.” 
You nodded as you grabbed your lunch and walked out of the class to leave Bakugou to his own devices. Mirio was waiting outside of the class and overheard the conversation. 
“Was he bothering you?” Mirio asked as he put his arm around you and held you close so his scent would emanate more. “Because I can handle it if you’d like.” 
You shook your head no. “No, it’s okay, Togata. Let’s go to lunch before we run out of time.” You knew that Mirio would eventually end up your Alpha and having someone like Mirio sounded a lot better than Bakugou. Bakugou would have to work on himself before he even thought of going for another Omega. No Omega would deal with him for as long as you did and every Alpha deserved to live a happily ever after with their Omega. 
ALITA 
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Hey! This is me and my friends joint account and this is our first post so here are some prompts you can send us with a descendants character(s) and we'll try to write a one-shot about it! Thank you and go follow our personal tumblrs at @blue-freckels @07-18yess
“I already see it now, you weren't built for backing down”
“You have to understand that The one I killed is me Changing what I was For what you wanted me to be”      
“You'd probably punch my arm right now If you saw this tear  rollin' down my face hey, man, I'm tryin' to be tough”
“my high school ring will have to do 'Til I can buy a wedding band”.
“She couldn't be at home in the night time because It made her feel alone, but at that time she was too young” 
“I met you in the dark, you lit me up you made me feel as though I was enough”
“Hate to ask, but what's it like to leave me behind?”
“ I won't be like you” 
“I'm more than my body you can pack your things up, buh bye, just go” 
“If you see the boy I used to be could you tell him that I'd like to find him And if you see the shell that's left of me could you spare him a little kindness”
“I know you think I got it all figured out 'Cause I walk around like my head's in the clouds but I'm just a boy with his heart pourin' out of his head”
“But I'm causing you so much frustration and you only want the best from me” 
“Youre trembling…” 
“Youre ignoring all your problems” 
“Dont do this to yourself” 
“Stop pushing everyone away!” 
“Youre a monster” 
“Its midnight, where the hell where you!?” 
“Where did all those bruises come from”
“You really need to stop drinking, im serious!” 
“Sometimes i wish that i could just fall asleep and never wake up” 
“They cant do anything to me, i have nothing left” 
“Put that knife down…” 
“Youre either with me or against me” 
“When was the last time you ate?”
“Why arnt you eating?”
“What were you thinking!” 
“Im starting to think that you want to get yourself killed…” 
“I love you” 
“I hear you talking but i still dont have my coffee” 
“Youre bad for me, but ive always liked junk food” 
“Were from two very different worlds” “so lets build a bridge” 
“I hate You!” “aww i love you too” 
“Youre gonna hate me if i tell you” 
“Youre my best friend” 
“Im sorry” 
“You cant fix me” 
“Fucking Magic” 
“You have no idea what im going threw” 
“Fuck you” 
“Are you with me” 
“ i drink to escape the pain” 
“Youre all i have left in this shitty world” 
“Im scared” 
“Stay with me” 
“Looks like ya got a problem friendo” 
“Im always by your side” 
“I cant let you do that” 
“I love you to much, to leave without you loving me back” 
“Why the hell would you do that to yourself” 
“Im a monster” 
“Did he hurt you…” 
“No dont touch me” 
“Why did you flinch…..” 
“I would never hurt you” 
“The scars make you who you are” 
“Are those….new” 
“Made a wrong turn, once or twice Dug my way out, blood and fire” 
“We made these memories for ourselves”
“I swear it will get easier”
“They think i hate them” 
“Im not scared of you anymore” 
“You are not my father” 
“I hate everyone” 
“Sing with me” 
“Your hair is really soft after you wash it” 
“Stop fussing, im just brading your hair”
“If you steal the blankets im gonna put my cold feet on you” 
“You are my new pillow” 
“Ive known you since… forever, i cant imagin my life without you” 
“If it wasnt for you i would be lost, im so lucky you came into my life” 
“Youre my bestfriend, youre suppost to deal with the second hand embarrassment”
“You dont have to deal with everything alone”
“You know me better than anyone” 
“Ugh-  youre sweaty get off” 
“We should run away” 
“I have no sympathy for a criminal” 
“I wasnt planing on asking you but it acured to me that life is short so will you marry me “were 16” so?”
“The dog loves me more” 
“Can you stop playing connect the dots with my freckles” 
“Together we can do anything 
“Who wouldnt be angry, you ate all my cereal” 
“I hope you know my name is actually_____”
“Doll~” 
”stop touching my neck” 
“Where were you when your father told you Boys don't cry,”
“An if theres a next one i hope that she can love him the same”
“Then we won’t make it along, but hey, I guess    that��s love”
“But ill leave a message so i’m not alone”
“The day that they took you i wish it was me instead” 
“Diamonds they dont turn to dust or fade away”
“I should be happy of course” 
“But tomorrow makes me scared”
“I’m ready to forgive you but forgetting is a harder fight”
“I've been praying for forgiveness, you've been praying for my health”
“Does it ever drive you crazy, just how fast the nigh changes” 
“Scream and we shout we make up the same day”
“Every jewel on my crown you better believe i earned it”
“I hate you I hate you but i was just kidding myself”
“It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless”
“Too tired to fight”
“I gave what i could and the rest was stolen”
“This city never sleeps at night”
“Remember that night” 
“I can speak to you by saying nothing at all”
“too young too dumb to know things like love but I know better now”
“What did i do wrong this time, thats parents for you”
“Please don’t come after me”
“We’ll always love you no matter what”
“you'll understand when you love someone”
“An we just pretend i can take it back”
“It didn't always hurt this way”
“Am i messed up, forever flawed, beyond repair, but forever yours”
“You’ve got you peace now, but what about me”
“One last word, one last moment”
“I see my future in you eyes”
“I am not afraid to walk this world alone”
“Nothing you can say an stop me going home”
“Awake and unafraid, asleep or dead”
“You wanna be a loser like me”
“Ill get yo back when im your boss”
“Cause with all  that has happened  think that we both now the way that the story end
“I got an idea, and i know that it sounds crazy”
“She expected the world”
“Life goes on it get so heavy”
“On the edge of paradise”
“I don’t love yo im just passing the time”
“But who could love me i am out of my mind”
“Beg you to stay”
“Don’t know if you love me or you want me dead”
“Sometimes when i look at you i see my wife”
“Don’t be his friend  you know you gonna wake up in his bed in the morning”
“We need you, i needed you”
“That i was nothing but a kid who couldn’t understand it”
“If you really cared for me then why you acting”
“Never planned that one ay i’d be loosing you”
“We made a pact”
“In another life, I woul make you stay”
“I begge you to want me, but you didn't want to” 
“know you're in a better place but it's always gonna hurt”
“He's waiting. Hides behind a cigarette” 
“I'm your weakest link” “but you're still a part of the chain” 
“ mini bars, expensive cars, hotel rooms and new tattoos, and the food Champagne and the private planes, but they don't mean anything, cause the try to truth is out” 
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