#“thats not how that would work i dont think...” Let Him Be The Anime Protag That He is OK?

[bloodtwin]

in puck's canon, the companion that gets kidnapped by orin is iago because of course it is. when he finds this out, he has a breakdown &, in his awesome rage, (where is your anger rise RISE!!!) destroys everything in his room at the elfsong tavern.

he has very little regard for his own physical well-being & bashes his head into the vanity mirror during this scene. despite the fact that all of his wounds always heal, this one does not & leaves a scar over his left eye where a shard of glass cut him. bhaal said "ok thats sick as hell you can keep that one." <- that is not the real reason. it is because i said it looks sick as hell.

[tumblunni]

Brainstorming about my yokai watch ocs: Dimmy and Gorgeous Ambassador, the most cutest family

* My Dimmy's name is Blythe and they are nonbinary. Gorgeous Ambassador is male and i dont have a name for him yet. I was thinking maybe try and make up a dub name for kageusuo (anime exclusive pre evolution) that sounds like it could have been his nickname as a human? Cos his story is that he used to be a wandering mercenary in ye olde ninja times, i feel like itd be fitting.

* Blythe is the main partner of my protagonist in my yokai watch lp, basically the jibanyan of the anime of my heart. Their personality is mostly similar to the Dimmy in the anime, but i feel like theyre maybe older and more powerful than the average Dimmy? Like a weak low evolution yokai thats stayed unevolved for centuries and is actually more skilled and world weary than you'd assume. Protag just got lucky that she bumped into this one super magikarp, lol! Also i like to draw them looking more teenage age by just taking the regular Dimmy design and making the tail extra super long. They stand roughly twice as tall as the protagonist and can wrap around her shoulders like a scarf :3 Blythe is however totally unaware of their super powerful mega skill and is very self depreciating and low confidence. But Mallory totally sees them as a cool older sibling mentor figure and is always trying to figure out ways to make their tol squiggle friend feel included and valued :3

* the way Gorgeous Ambassador comes into the picture is that he was actually the same sort of figure to Blythe! Back in the ninja era Blythe was partners with another human, but he passed away in tragic circumstances and it led to their current depressed self. However he actually reincarnated as a yokai and has been trying to find his lil sibling ever since! I feel like he was a failure samurai who tried to protect people but was so weak he never could. And he was always broke and starving and begging to do any sort of miscellaneous jobs for anyone or even let them punch him in the stomach for a few coins. And he had just as much self confidence issues as Blythe but he coped with it by becoming a compulsive liar instead, always boasting and trying to sell himself as some legendary hero to keep from facing the truth. Since Blythe was a cute lil babby yokai at the time, they always believed their human master's tall tales and looked up to him, which made him feel really guilty and try harder to work on becoming someone this kid could be genuinely proud of.

* Blythe was first born as a household spirit. Cos i was thinking about what Dimmy would be before it became a ninja, since the medallium description says it 'got a job as a ninja to put its powers to use', so like it isnt really a ninja yokai but just a yokai thats a ninja? I guess?? I figured that the idea of being an invisible shadow supporter fit with household spirits/domovoi/zakishi warishi (probably mispelled that) and the various other similar creatures in mythologies all over the world. Just the idea that theres some sort of being that protects your house and if you give it offerings and take good care of the place it will protect you and your family. So yeah its my headcanon that thats how Dimmys are born, and that theres probably many variants wearing different outfits inspired by whatever type of humans they guarded. Tho yeh ninja is a job that works really well with their abilities so it makes sense itd be the primary representative of the species in the games.

* Human-dude-who-would-become-gorgeous-ambassador first met Blythe when one of his various failed attempts to get a job happened to cross paths with the family Blythe was guarding. This family didnt believe in such old suspicions and never gave offerings to their household spirit, so it stayed small and weak and was almost fading away. Baby blythe didnt know why their humans didnt love them, even though they tried so hard to bring good luck and clean the fireplace and stuff. So they felt a sense of kinship with this poor failure samurai who was begging for food on their doorstep. The humans of the household spat in his face and turned him away empty handed, but the tiny yokai snuck some rice from the pantry and gave it to him. They were surprised that he was able to see them, and he gave them the first thank you they'd ever had!

* Addendum note: i feel like gorgeous samurai was cursed with being able to see yokai from a young age and its part of whay made him so determined to become strong enough to protect people. Perhaps his biological family was killed by an evil yokai and nobody ever believed what he saw? And he wandered japan trying to save other people and always failing and being blamed for what happened, since nobody could see the real culprit. This reputation of being a liar when he wasnt = he ended up actually lying about how he was totally fine and not sad and also great and not hating himself. Its not really something he can control anymore, its like a stress response and it keeps getting him in trouble but he cant stop. "Yes sure i can save the day, i'm awesome!" only makes things worse when he inevitably loses again, whic only makes his self confidence worse and traps him further in the lies...

* so anyway, he became friends with this lil babby yokai and kept coming back to visit them and tell more tall tales of his grand adventures. And eventually he managed to help Blythe come out of their shell a little and agree to leave this house where they were only fading away. Haunting him instead, the lil shadow soon flourished back to full health from being loved for the first time. And their new big bro would always give them the biggest share of all the food even when he was starving, and always wasted his money buying things for them, and knitted them lil scarfs and just HE WAS A GOODEST BIG BRO! They also made a great team, and he was finally able to fight evil yokai with a yokai of his own helping him out. Things were good for a few years!

* Eventually though, they faced a foe too strong for them to defeat. (Not sure yet who it is, cos it could be cool if they faced it again in the present day for a rematch?) Blythe's human friend ran into a burning building to save the people being attacked by this yokai, but because he was already gravely injured he didnt manage to make it out in time. And blythe was just a tiny bab who wasnt strong enough to carry his unconcious body to safety. So their last memories of him are of crying and begging him to wake up as the house fell apart all around them, and eventually the flames swallowed him up. the tiny yokai just ran and ran away from their shame, and never saw an ashy figure rising from the ruins and calling their name...

* eventually after years of struggling alone and lacking meaning in life, Blythe had a chance meeting with our protagonist and thus begins my yokai watch 1 lets play! At the same time their yokaified big bro is still out there searching for them, and maybe one day theyll meet again...

* also i wanna go with the pre-evo the anime added of Gorgeous Ambassador evolving from a sad depressed vampire lookin dude. Even if the whole circumstances here are vastly different! But we dont really have any info on what kageusuo's powers or stats would be, so i guess i'm free to mess around with that? I like the idea of it being vampiric just cos i feel it looks like that. But instead of drinking blood maybe its a hunger for shadows? Which is actually beneficial to humans and makes them less overshadowed aka the opposite of Dimmy's power. So if you ever feel that you're radiating charisma with perhaps a slightly lighter shadow, maybe youve been inspirited by this guy! And then the evolution into Gorgeous Ambassador doesnt actually change anything at all, except just looking more fashionable and confident (which is absolutely a lie). His power already made people more fabulous while being unable to affect himself, he just worked a bit harder on himself to try and catch up with everyone else. Self care vampire!

* oh and in this interpretation the way that kageusuo would be integrated into the gameplay is that Gorgeous Ambassador would get a new ability that lets him switch forms in battle, rather than it being a separate yokai. (Tho would still have a separate entry in the medallium just for conveinience of being able to view both character models whenever you want) Stuff that causes low confidence would make him poof between forms, and itd just be something like more attack based vs defense based, or maybe having two separate personality stats so its like his AI is slightly more versatile than the usual frustratingness of most yokai? Srsly im still so annoyed at so many yokai that have two mutually exclusive moves and the ai is stupid about using them at the wrong time to cancel each other out. Like how Dimmy can be given the AI personality to focus on attacking and thus take advantage of its auto-skill to be good at dodging aka a glass cannon. BUT also one of its skills gives that same status to an ally instead, which by definition takes it away from itself cos 'dont target this other guy' means there arent many other options. So you cpuld alternatively play dimmy as a supporter who exclusively protects others with that ability BUT the annoying part is that even when you set an AI profile to one particular move it still only makes it LIKELY to do that and not guaranteed. So every now and again your attacking dimmy will cancel its own buff to protect an enemy, or your supporting dimmy will forget to support abd instead buff itself despite not having the attack stat build to take advantage of it. Plus you cant have both and switch between modes mid battle, so thatd be REALLY useful if one yokai actually could do that, and also could change stats to fit! Im not sure how to give it a trigger condition thatd let you sorta change at will but also not be 100% easy and overpowered. I was thinking tying it to his confidence could mean missed attacks turn him into kageusuo and critical hits turn into gorgeous? But thatd be TOO uncontrollable...

* oh actually i think maybe i'll nickname him Amber! Just cos my brain just mispronounced gorgeous ambassador and It Kinda Works??? Also its a kind of name that sounds very pretty but also has connotations of gentle shyness, i think. Matches the duality of his fake boastfulness vs his true self doubt.

* Oh and i also thought of maybe having Blythe evolve into Casanono, even though you cant do that in canon. I feel like turning into a pretty humanoid would be a good way to symbolize their growing confidence ans casanono/casanuva has a big nonbinary aesthetic in my opinion. Plus of course the fact casanono is a variabt of a confident yokai thats actyally shy. Originally older brother dude was gonna be a casanuva to match, until i heard about Gorgerous Ambassador and decided it fits him better (especially with that new anime form!) So now im thinking maybe have Blythe be both casanono and casanuva at once, similar to their bro's form switching? But itd be more like casanuva is a rare super saiyan esque powerup when they experience rare moments of confidence. Im pretty much just doing this because SADLY casanono is a joke character who is literally mechanically forced to be useless in battle. Its ability makes it harder to catch yokai which ia already goddamn difficult, and it wastes a skill slot too. As opposed to Dimmy who has a similar personality of always being ignored and depressed but its abilities are actually beneficial. Itd suck to go from Blythe being my mvp to being unable to use them at all, so this would be a way to still always draw them as casanono in comics to match their actual personality, but using casanuva in battle cos.. Well.. Yeah its the functional one of the two. Level-5 if youre listening please make casanono useable in future games!! Casanuva is absolutely the worst one personality wise so it sucks that the game agrees with his ego that he's great and also punches his depressed counterpart into the bin of ignoreness DESPITE BEING SUPER SYMPATHETIC AND RELATEABLE AND ALSO CUTER COLOURSCHEME

Anyway thats all the thoughts i have so far. Except oh also itd be funny if throughout the whole story blythe keeps talking about their dead brother as if he was the super best most serious hero and then when the protagobists actually meet him he's this gaudy dork XD

[cottonsecurityblanket]

So I watched Citrus ⚠SPOILER WARNING⚠

And I have issues with it. Now Ive never read the manga a day in life. Ive seen fan art of it however and knew it existed but never what it was about. If im missing out on some parts message me and explain please. I’m not going to hate the show. I don’t hate the show at all. I just have issues with it. Now here’s my thoughts.

Note there’s only 5 episodes on Crunchyroll but here’s my thoughts so far

So Mei is the Class President and has been since she was a first year. Her grandfather is a Chairman of the school and Mei’s father marries Yuzu’s mother and they move to another district. For some reason Yuzu’s mom forgets to tell her that she’s got a younger step sister and for some reason Yuzu’s never seen her new stepfather. But Im gonna ignore that.

Yuzu wants to fall in love and get a first kiss and get a boyfriend. Nice plan for a high schooler. So she walks in and this girl with springy pig tails named Momokino gives her shit. Mei comes up and feels up and down Yuzu to get her phone from her pocket. Later on in the day she meets her friend Harumin. Harumin explains to her that everyones not outgoing and follows the strict rules. Oh and um everyone looks EXACTLY the same. Black and/or purpley hair, beige top, greenish plaid skirt, all shy and reserved.

So it’s implied all the girls in this all girl school fuck each other before they get married off to someone after high school. So fast forward and Yuzu finds the hot teacher and Mei kissing and later it’s said theyre supposed to be married to each other. Later in the day Mei goes to Yuzu and her moms apartment and then Yuzu making an effort to talk to Mei and get along as step sisters. Mei ignores her this entire time so Yuzu has to talk about a subject that’ll strike a nerve to get conversation. Mei takes her down and kisses her.

At that moment I do the Oprah gif where she’s squinting. It’s not incest cuz they’re not real sisters but I’m sure a good majority would argue it is and I can understand that but lets ignore the incest is wincest meme right now.

At this point Im sure Im missing a lot of aspects in the anime and manga. I know that there’s a good following for the manga but i haven’t seen much for the anime cept a few screenshots and comparisons to the manga. This is what I think about the characters and plot watching it blind I guess.

Mei….bothers me. Characters like her I have an issue with because they always initiate the first move like kissing them or some shit and then are always confused about why the Protag is so confused and can’t control their emotions. I don’t usually watch romance anime like this in fact the only one I liked was My Little Monster and Sakura Kiss but that’s another thing. I get it Mei you and your dad have a bad relationship and haven’t seen him in five years and you live alone. Alright I get it but that doesn’t give you the right to fuck with Yuzu like that.

I’ve seen a post that Mei is literally sexually assaulting Yuzu and that it’s a toxic relationship but I don’t wanna go that far. Ill just chalk it up to anime being anime. It’s not the first time we’ve seen characters force a kiss but back to the topic on hand.

Mei in the anime is such an unlikeable character. In Episode 3 Yuzu sees that Mei’s stuffed animal is ripped and she sews it back together as if nothing happened. Later in the episode when Yuzu has to stay at school late to clean the bathroom Mei goes through her stuff and finds a Manga named Peach Sisters and confronts her about it saying stuff like “if someone saw you with this theyd be disgusted” or “you should be ashamed.” so Yuzu kisses her and says all this is happening because she kissed her.

Finally we address the situation. Yuzu is absolutely right. All the shit that Mei detests so much is all her fault. She could’ve engaged in conversation and at least put in the same effort Yuzu was putting in and they would’ve bonded making the “romance” between them understanding. But no. Mei just completely ignores Yuzu and gives her the short end of the stick.

In episode 3 Mei says the only reason why she kisses her multiple times in the other episodes is to shut her up. But in episode 2 when the two girls fall in water Mei kisses and licks Yuzu’s neck while Yuzu is thinking about why she kissed her and Mei says “You looked like you wanted me to touch you.”

So what’s the truth Mei? Are you taking advantage of your older sister or are you not?

I hate Sasuke so much. Mei is starting to get close to that amount of hate. Yuzu is doing mental backflips to figure out her feelings and what to do while Mei is doing everything except thinking.

Oh yeah in episode 2 when Yuzu AGAIN tries to make an effort on what’s going on with Mei offering to help, Mei throws her on the bed and starts ripping her clothes off only to be caught by Old Grumpy Gramps. Yuzu is expelled and Mei does fuck all about it while in other times Yuzu stood up for Mei. In the begining of episode 2 while Mei gets chewed out by gramps Yuzu stands in front of her and says “if you want to get mad at someone get mad at me. She has nothing to do with this.” Gramps doesn’t listen and at the end of the episode gramps has a well deserved heart attack. And who helps him? Yuzu.

I think I’ve ranted about Mei enough now onto Yuzu. In the first episode she monologues to us about how she talks about having boyfriend’s and kissing them when she hasn’t even had her first kiss yet. I did the same thing in high school and Im sure others have too.

Yuzu is a likeable character. She’s blonde and has personality and very well rounded I guess? I don’t have problems with her. If anything I feel bad for her because of what Mei puts her through. It’s not only Mei. Is this other girl too. I can’t think of her name. Like this has taken me a few days to write when it shouldn’t. I think her names Kono-something but well get to her later.

Harumin is Yuzu’s friend in the situation and has NONE of an idea pf what’s going on with Yuzu and Mei however she’s there to help and is a pretty good friend. In episode 5 they share an indirect kiss when Harumin feeds Yuzu something from her lunch and they do it so naturally. As platonic as the relationship may be I prefer theirs over Yuzu and Mei’s SOOOOOOO much more. If this show threw a curveball and ended with Harumin and Yuzu being a thing I would NOT be upset and id accept it as such but that’s not gonna happen.

Now onto the friend. Her name is Kono or Kokno but for now let’s just call Kono. So she’s got purple hair with girl pigtails thats in curls and she’s the vice president. She’s known Mei for what seems like maybe Kindergarten? I dont know which school years are similar to ours (Im from America) but that’s just my guess. So Kono has this disdain for Yuzu because she doesn’t conform to rules and is all of sudden getting close to Mei. So after episode 3 in episode 4 she keeps asking Yuzu what the two did some conference room or what not and Yuzu doesn’t tell her so in Kono’s….trial to assert dominace over Yuzu she goes and licks and touches Mei’s ear. That turns into Mei moaning and then Kono slides her hand under her skirt and the scene cuts away to the afternoon sky. Later in the episode Kono tells Yuzu to meet her at a cafe or something and the two talk and Kono says they “crossed a line” which DOES NOT sound good by the way. Im not sure if that’s the english translation of what she said or what but it doesn’t sound okay (Im watching Sub). So Kono lies and says Mei wants NOTHING to do with Yuzu and never wants to see her again. Yuzu’s already thinking “but we live together”.

This whole time Im thinking the two might’ve fucked or something BUT in the episode 5 Mei tells her Kono made advances at her and she told her no or something. Kono sees the two walking outside of school and Mei tells her to stop putting weird thoughts in her head and Kono is sad and stands there.

In episode 4, Mei tells Kono that she and Yuzu are step sisters FINALLY and anytime Yuzu tries to be a good older sister Kono sees it as making advances on her.

I don’t like Kono. She’s very annoying. Im not sure if she was like that in the manga or not but again Im going in this anime blind.

She’s honestly very annoying and that’s just how I feel. Gets in the way and just don’t like her character.

Mei and Kono? Can’t stand Mei. Kono is…slightly tolerable.

Yuzu and Harumin? I like them. They have better chemistry than the romance intended.

I cannot stress how much context Im sure im missing and I WANT to read the manga and know stuff but sadly that’s just not possible. If ANYONE could link me to translated versions of it online great. Now Im gonna talk about the plot of this.

I don’t watch romance. The only two I watched and liked was Sakura Trick and My Little Monster. In the show My Little Monster there was plot. However little it was there was still plot but it kept it entertaining to watch. Sakura Trick barely had plot at all but it had a storyline and had lots of lesbian kisses. More than the entire anime industry combined and that’s where the show got it’s charm.

Another show I watched and liked called Yuru Yuri. The girls start a club. That’s it. Don’t ask anything more of them.

Citrus? If you asked what the plot was…I couldn’t give you a simple sentence answer. Im not sure…where this anime is going. I know they’ll end up together dispite them being step sisters but for the plot right now I have no clue what or where it is. I think it’s just me being stupid but right now I can’t really think of a plot. The closest I can think of is “two step sisters who have some things to work out.”

I don’t have any….comments on the animation. Modern. Clean. Looks nice for 2018 animation. Nothing really striking except when Yuzu is in uniform she’s very pleasing. Color scheme wise I mean. It’s no Ancient Magnus Bride so….I guess I mean….animation is okay I guess.

Overall, I don’t hate the anime. But I don’t love it. I have issues with it and Im going to continue to watch it cuz I want to see where this will go. I want to see Mei’s character growth and I want to see plot. I want to see this get good and I want to like this anime and Ill stick around as long as I can. After a few more episode’s Ill do a part 2 on what I think.

For now….3 outta 10. I’d have to have a lengthy conversation with someone before recommending this to them.

So those are my thoughts on the anime Citrus. If you wanna talk about it with me just DM me. If you’ve read the manga and what to give me context great. Thanks for that.

Considering doing anime reviews as a thing.

[cheswirls]

i have so many thoughts and its about 430 am so lets get started before they get scrambled.

i decided to read red potter and the middleground, but because i finished one so early in the morning, i had to hold off on the other for a bit, until this -past, i guess- evening. i had read for sure a chapter of the middleground previously, maybe two, but i’ve read too much now that the recollection isn’t coming to me like it came in small bursts through reading through chapter one again. i think it was another instance when i got extremely busy and had to put it down, maybe tac2 took over, dunno, but i got back to it now bc im still on the post-playthrough-of-white high and anything deep in unova is good and lu is fantastic so i knew this would be fantastic and is was right.

it’s a very dark read? unexpected, then again, its centered around a war, so also i shouldve expected it. the realization hit me around the third chapter, i think, when the nimbasa incident happened. very dark and very good. and emotional, i dunno how many times ive cried tonight but its been a night/twilight. the whole story basis with the center legend of unova and all the olden history is really good, its all really boosting my unova high like this is exactly what ive been needing to find, and all the characters it brings in despite the animeverse of it all -benga, n, touko!!- and the roles they play just really made it better, its kind of shallow but i like it even moreso because of the additions and though the story kept me highly entertained and drawn in there were a couple moments when i wished like oh man i hope the story has n in it bc n man jus n i need n content and then bam mentioned and now hes officially in it sort of i mean yeah he is. in the story. and this was early on like during the first few chapters so i had to hold out but it was worth it like, the story is interesting with the anime characters and i knew it was gonna be aniverse going into it and it was good and fine and still is good and fine. 

i dont remember when i started wishing for touko but man oh man it happened and i was like damn this could happen i wish she was kinda here bc i think i had begun to pick up on something and then later i really picked up on it which i will get to later and them bam another happy revelation and i am still like. touko. shes here. shes a part of the story. this is awesome.

anyway before this gets too long to massively too long, this is basically going to be a big analysis and happy-rant post, so if you have not read the middleground by the amazing @pkmncoordinators, you should do so here but then like leave this post until you do and then come back, that would be good. the rest is under a cut to save peoples dashes, sorry this is mega long already aha.

i played ghetsis’ battle theme through a chapter and it mustve been a shorter one bc it lasted me -30min- near the entire chapter. maybe the one beginning w the drayden and alder talk? or the dragonspiral tower one? or maybe theyre the same, its been a long night of binging this entire work. anyway. it set the mood for whatever chapter like i intentionally was like oh this theme is a little foreboding lets play it. and i had it down so low sometimes i could only hear the percussions to it, but it was still there, setting the tone.

otherwise, i found myself only keeping to n music. maybe there were a couple plays of unova e4, way in the very beginning of the first/second chapters, maybe, but for the most part, i kept with n’s songs. the bridge, some, the castle and battle theme, a lot. some renditions of such in b2w2 style. i tried to play through the music of n’s room in the castle, but i had to stop after a little into it, maybe ten minutes, because it was getting all these feelings out of me and i felt like if i played it all i would ‘tire it out’, so to speak, even though that hasnt happened w any of the tracks thus far, but i really want that to be a special one i  have on to draw inspiration from. later into the night/morning, whenever, i did decide to try out a remix of it via the b2w2 track of the same theme. the tune is in a slightly different pitch, but more than that, it gets distorted, almost corrupted, throughout and differentiates itself that way from the original, so i did end up playing through that no problem. i cant recall now if i ever played a theme back to back, i think i switched after the 30min was over, which, understandable, it’d been looping for half an hour. but i think i did play it again maybe once, which is fine. good.

but enough with music meta. its interesting, maybe thats where the draws of ‘where’s n?’ came from, but its not the focus.

oooh boy lets talk about various things that i will address here bc its 5am now and i need to not lose track. the n thing. um. the touko revelations. remember liberty, because the truth will set you free. the hero of truth. the opening chapter remarks. the possible sourgrapes. the viewpoints thing. there is probably more i will get to later in a different post but these are the current things for the morning.

first i wanna talk abt touko, hilda, whatever. small note so i dont appear brash, to ppl who dont really follow my content, i just dont really like the names hilda and hilbert. hilda is slowly growing on me, but missy always called the protag touko, and it really grew on me, and i live the name now, so thats what i always defer to her as. jus a preference thing.

so, i had no idea and i had every idea. oh my god. lu, you are so good at the foreshadowing stuff, serious. a master at it. i didnt pick up on the nimbasa trainer mention, or maybe i did but its been long ago now and i dont remember it. if she appeared before then i already dont remember the callback to it, oops. anyway. it was after that, for sure, if not before, that i did pick up on the brunette trainer and thought ‘damn if that was touko tho thatd be so rad’. really thinking it was in the electronic store in striaton, but that seems so far away from nimbasa like there mustve been something in between but i dont think so? so that. and then in the next, black city? abt the brunette trainer watching the tv, and i think i had the same thought except it was during ghetsis’ speech so between both moments brunette trainer was mentioned. i think i picked up on the repeated mentions of brunette trainer when she and iris locked eyes to see her also packing to leave the center. it was a thought more along the lines of ‘brunette trainers seem to be standing out to me more or are i guess being detailed more than other trainers’ than out of suspicion. i was picking up the repeated characteristic, but more of the notion that it was being named over and over, instead of anything real behind it. like, okay, there are a lot of brown haired trainers around, that works.

it was maybe in icirrus if that was the next thing, i tried to look and think i confirmed that was the next thing based on the recall conversation, so yes. in icirrus, my memory is really failing me sorry!!, somewhere, the first mention or maybe if that first mention was the brunette trainer across the hall in another room, my mind clicked. and it was like, oh, this brunette trainer might actually be all the same person. and i started to think again, wow, what if that person was touko bc i was really passionate abt it and i couldnt come up with who else bc i didnt have the focus i was still actively reading the store yknow? if was nothing about the being followed, i had to wait for the others to catch on and tell the reader before i got that aha. but i did! get! the touko part. it was when iris woke up from the comatose and all those scenes started playing out, maybe she mentioned not disturbing the others or cilan when they were talking, or georgia when she ran off, or something abt the trainer in another room, or a revelation dawned i guess somewhere in those scenes. and i was like oh my god that has to be touko god wow. im really losing my original train of thought i apologize. still recovering from sickness, and the whole long night thing. so something along that thought, but then it sorta got forgotten bc shit got real w virgil and the truth seekers being there, and i didnt recall again until she approached cilan during the counter sheidl -niiiiice throwback, by the way- training, and i was like !!!!!!!!!!!! that HAS to be touko and then she led him away and the whole scene played out and i remember scanning the page briefly, jus flicking my eyes over to see if i saw the namedrop and didnt, so i got entranced in the scene and then benga was like ‘hilda get the other three’ and TOUKO!!!!! WAS THERE OMG!!!! like confirmed, in the flesh, it was great its great what a great thing to add wow. and then the recall conversation happened and i began to pick up and was like wow they were being followed and didnt even remember the brunette trainer mentioned in nimbasa, barely remembered someone with a samurott led the charge to put out the fires, so that was a surprise. of course, that was such an intense scene, and i remember having a small breakdown around then bc burgundy said something about how she couldve been in one of those rooms and that chilled her and it sent me wild bc it was scary to think about, it really was chilling, this story really is dark che wow. 

so i was proud of myself for picking up on that, the touko thing, but i probably wouldve been in the dark completely had i read it and not recently played through white and mind being constantly on that region and those characters right now. 

that was super long. um. next thing is liberty bc i can remember it. the line is, im pretty sure, just remember liberty, because the truth will/can set you free. and its really only because im so into unova right now, but back at the first chapter today, my mind immediately picked up ‘oh liberty island’. except its not island, its liberty garden-island, thing, but still. the liberty just connected, and i had it, and so like when iris busted out like hey we’re not flying to nimbasa we’re going to liberty garden i was like yh guys cmon take a hint. but i really think it was probably creative and thought-provoking to others, a bit of a twister, to liek other readers like this isnt a callout on an easy riddle, jus a notion i picked up on easily. actually i remember the castelia thing confusing me, but there was also some disconnect because the liberty line want being used, it was just being mentioned that everyone seeking the seekers was heading to castelia, like the two were never paired i dont recall of. and it happened every time. i was like okay yes theyre at libery garden, then castelia was mentioned and i was like okay theyre at castelia. they never really crossed so they never crossed in my mind. it wasnt until the group landed in castelia i think that my mind connected, ah yes, liberty garden is off the coast of the city. i do wonder how plasma figured it out though. i think earlier speculation was on the touko-n relationship compromising the location, though im not sure how that would work in the first place, so it seems more likely someone jus picked up on the insinuation like i did, jus made the connection, tho i dunno who.

really quick hero of truth revelation thing. it took me a couple reads to grasp, like iris realized something cilan didnt but he went away and it took me, i had to read it over a few times because she realized something so therefore the readers have to realize as well, and then i made the connection that cilan was related to the hero of truth therefore making him the hero of truth. that couldve been phrased better unless cress and chili are somehow included which i think not, too many motifs, but the point comes across. i might not have made the connection had i not read earlier in the day about iris slipping cilan reshiram’s pokeball, something i stumbled upon before i started reading the entire thing oops so maybe that was a giveaway that helped me work through it, maybe i just connected based on the ancestor stuff, dunno. 

i still havent figured out whos writing the chapter intros and its getting to me!! i dunno if we’re supposed to know yet, at first i felt like cilan, and then a vague collection of others, maybe trip with the camera capture in black city, and then maybe touko at the end tho i feel like something was mentioned that was confidential and that she wouldn’t have known about. then again i suppose sharing stories and then recounting could come into play, in which case benga could also be writing them.. i dont’ feel like its someone currently irrelevant, tho. like, i don’t think it’s luke, or bianca, or someone kinda disconnected like that. its probably a spoiler for you to say whom, which okay, fair, but i hope someone signs off on the intros in the last chapter, or that theres something to pick up on to discover it ourselves, or maybe its not important, but i really gotta know eventually.

someone mentioned days ago about something like not being into wishfulshipping and then something about sourgrapes was mentioned, i really dont remember that well, but i started to pick up on it throughout, especially with all the camping scenes, and remembering you liked sourgrapes so much, and is it possible to confirm that thats a ship in this fic? or, has a possibility? i think i’m picking up on it, but it could be friendship, im not sure.

these next two are the last two for now i think. first, viewpoints, because this story delves into such a cast of characters and i think the same story told from the viewpoint of others would be so interesting, like told through the eyes of benga or touko, or even elesa possibly, and if you ever like wanna divulge in that or after you get done wouldnt mind someone taking a shot at it and working with for accuracy reasons, that would be pretty cool. and you have your first volunteer.

second and last is the n thing. i think a little is just meta, which i want to make a full post on later in time, so this may or may not tie in not sure. just, real brief, isn’t n such an interesting character? i really just, i dunno if i like him like i like others, but i really find his dynamic interesting. keeping it short, bc meta, the boy really grew up differently than a “normal” human. the proper socialization was there, sort of, because he can walk and speak and was educated like hes a math geniusa nd stuff, but he wasn’t socially educated. a lot of people dont realize the two are different, i didnt until i took an intro to sociology course this past fall semester. anyway tho. he really wasnt socially educated, and you can see that through all representations -cant speak for spe actually i havent read the arc yet- even in the anime, though far less likely than i would have liked, having rewatched the n arc a few days ago. the disconnect from people is there. n had tutors, but other than that he was in a room with his only company being pokemon formerly abused by people. that was it. not even normal pokemon, but those he had to gain the trust of first because they were misled by trainers. he doesn’t really know how to act with people. he talks fast, hes very blunt, he doesnt know the meaning of personal boundaries, et cetera. he was, practically, raised in a cult. led to believe only the cult’s beliefs. and its only through getting out of his room and around unova, at least in the game, that he begins to develop his own thouhgts and ideas and morals, that he begins to doubt what hes been preached his whole life. this is getting a bit like so im gonna cut, but i just, n is such an interesting character. the tie in. already, in the tv announcement, his voice is ethereal and i could picture it, could play the sound in my mind based off the anipoke and the gens voices, because both of those are genuinely how n sounds to me, i can see it perfectly it just works like there is no other voice for him. i could picture that when he spoke. and already, with the dreamy, far-off gaze, and it hardening, i can see his characterization is going to be so great in the middleground, and im so excited. i recently finished a fic where his characterization to me was absolutely perfect, and even as it evolved, that standard didnt diminish, because the evolution was so seamless and good that the changes to him felt right, felt realistic.

im realizing now this sounds like a do-good-or-there-will-be-consequences thing, which is not my intention. im just, i really wanted a story with n, one i knew would be good, and the middleground is it at the moment. and i know youll do a good job because i liked tac so much, which featured n, and already its the little things with middleground!n that are already so good, and this was really just me saying thank you and i cant wait, and so thank you and i cant wait for more. i cant wait to see more of n, no matter how small a role, or how big iunno, he plays, its already so good for such a complex character with such a grey background. morally grey, ethically grey, realistically grey, just grey. 

all in all, the middleground is amazing so far, i love it so so much, and once again, i cant wait for more. thank you for such an amazing piece thus far, lu. its past 6am now so its taken me a bit to get through this post, i hope the majority makes sense. and i cant wait to see what comes next with the story.

[sol1loqu1st]

hi i want to talk abt foi bc its legit among the coolest things ive done; this is long as Fuck but the book is longer i just really wanna talk,, abt this,,

it’s a high fantasy set on the northernmost side of a huge desert (a sea borders its northern side; beyond the sea is a country filled with plains and forests)

there were seven tribes (i still need to look up definitions and see if thats the most accurate term for what im goin for; im thinking abt just using ‘city’ tbh but yknow) in the desert:

-the riches tribe, whose people could shape gemstones and metals (think metalbending but add precious stones in the mix; each person can only control one thing and ur power is usually decided by the stars or some shit)

-the elements tribe, who could control the forces of wind, fire, water, or stone (now LITERALLY think atla; powers are passed down genetically and a few people can control two elements if their parents controlled different ones)

-the land, sky, and sea tribes, who could control animals related to their tribe (land tribe ppl can also learn to turn into their favored animal, sky tribe ppl grow wings as toddlers, sea tribe ppl can breathe underwater & usually live in the sea on the northern border of the desert bc they dont do well on land; powers are decided based on the animals’ preferences – e.g. if ravens had a specific affinity for a kid in the sky tribe the kid would grow raven wings and be able to communicate with and eventually control ravens)

-the time and space tribes, who destroyed each other 60 years ago, and have the power to speed, slow, or even stop time during the hour of their birth, or manifest physical objects from glowing blue energy that makes up everything in the world (also can see in the dark, i guess?)

60 years ago, a huge war happened between the seven tribes, wiping out the space tribe completely (except for one person; more on that later) and destroying all but 200 of the time tribe, who repopulated to about 1,000, and ruining a Lot of stuff in the other five tribes. for the most part the remaining 5 tribes (minus the time tribe for Reasons) have rebuilt themselves but hints of the past war linger. no one is aware that the time tribe survived (they rebuilt their city FAR from the original location). the time and space tribes faded from public consciousness pretty quickly since all their historical records were destroyed; most of the knowledge about them now is legends and myths

in the present day, 5 children (one from each of the remaining tribes) who lost various loved ones to the same glowing blue knives (created, ofc, by the surviving member of the space tribe, ebon (…courtesy of 2012 me’s genius naming skills, they’re all gonna be like this it’s part of the aesthetic), though the kids dont know that or even recognize it as a space tribe power) are approached by an old man (guess who! its ebon) who claims to be the last surviving member of the space tribe and apparently has evidence that the time tribe is plotting revenge and theyre the ones that killed the kids’ families and he speaks of a supposed prophecy that 5 kids who the time tribe had stolen from are gonna defeat the time tribe once and for all

the kids (and at this point, hopefully the reader too) are the wrong kind of genre savvy, and believe they’ve been approached by gandalf or some shit, and each end up Accepting The Call

(meanwhile back at the time tribe, the king and his rebellious teenage son talk about the future of the time tribe. teenage son, midnight (heyy GUESS what hour hes able to use his powers) learns to use Time Powers that are suspiciously dissimilar to the ones ebon was talking abt the ppl from the time tribe being able to use. midnight uses his powers to get more sleep bc his dad kinda overworks the shit out of him bc like the future of this horrifically unstable and tiny city is in midnight’s hands, basically, and we learn that Its Dangerous bc if u get stuck slowing down/speeding up time after ur 1 hour is up u basically become Time Tobias and ur trapped like that Until You Die)

if uve made it this far i think its time for a proper introduction to the 6 protags of part 1 (another is added in part 2 but we’re not there yet)

-eagle, from the sky tribe, a Massive Fuckin Jock Who Loves To Sport. shes 14 and pretty athletic but tends to chicken out when shit gets tough and so never makes it to the Fly Sport Playoffs. shes a Massive Optimist at first but then she finds her parents dead (hint: it was ebon). she deals with this throughout the novel i hope im writing her well lmao because i wanted it to have a Legit Impact on her character and not just be angst. A N Y W A Y she instantly pegs ash and emerald as The Rich Kids (ash is legit a rich kid, emerald is just from the riches tribe where they traditionally sew gems and shit into their clothes) and judges em for it

-snake, from the land tribe, a 13yo, Lonely Autistic who loves reptiles. (ok i mean. this is high fantasy and im really not sure if autism is a diagnosis in high fantasy. ive done my absolute best to code her as autistic and she is in fact autistic i just dont say it in canon bc idk how to bring it up) ppl dont like her at first because she comes across as cold but actually shes like the most adorable fuckin dork youve ever seen shes great. she doesnt talk hardly at all unless shes Super Comfortable around the people shes with, which is a challenge for me to write but tbqh shes my absolute favorite of the bunch,, also her only friend ever was a thief named lore who was (supposedly) killed by GUESS FUCKEN WHO

-ash, the 14yo daughter of one of the 4 ruling families of the elements tribe. her family’s genetic power is fire but she could never figure it out (later she discovers her power is actually water; im…..still figuring out how that works genetically she might just be adopted lmao) ebon brought her the news of her parents’ deaths and managed to kill her little sister while her back was turned; somehow she does not suspect him. shes kind of a snob and doesnt really /get/ the rest of the group and comes across pretty rude at first. (also, she and eagle deal w their very recent grief very differently but idk her exact Grief Arc yet)

-emerald, who i think is? 12? 13? i cant remember but somewhere around there; shes from the riches tribe, was orphaned as a toddler and raised by supposedly extinct desert dragons (which are basically 12-20ft desert iguanas), which were all wiped out horribly by more of ebon’s shit space weapons. she lived with ash’s family for a while when they were years younger but eventually emerald got blamed for ash’s lack of control over fire and was forced to leave, she found the riches tribe and discovered that she could metalbend emeralds lmao. shes a storyteller and raises money for orphans now i guess

-shark, a scrappy homeless 10yo from the sea tribe who will steal anything shiny enough. he has pointy teeth and an eyepatch (which covers a golden sphere in place of his eye) and hes reckless as fuKC. he was too young to remember his parents but when questioned about it he remembers blue knives (GUESS WHO). hes pretty unaware that sharks are infact chaotic neutral sea predators who do not give a shit about him even if he can communicate with them and he starts the novel with a Pretty Serious Bite Injury™. he takes a lot of shit apart and puts it back together in horrifying ways. yknow sid from toy story? basically thats shark if sid lived underwater and was portrayed as a fundamentally good person

-midnight, the 16yo prince of the time tribe, a Rebellious Teen™ who doesnt want responsibility and has Horrible Insomnia. he thinks his dad is Evil And Controlling and probably listens to heavy metal behind his back (meanwhile his dad is actually pretty decent just busy as Fuck trying to keep the time tribe from accidentally inbreeding collapsing and trying to show midnight how to lead; hes overprotective but not evil). he broke a pattern of various people born at midnight/noon alternating every century and people think hes Destined For Greatness™ or some shit; he is having absolutely none of that will someone let this child sleep instead of waking him up in the middle of the night to practice magic

anyway yea thats p much all ive edited so far and tbqh i dont remember a whole lot of details but That Is My Book!

[flyingcookierambles]

forgot if i already talked about it but i guess i honestly didnt like wolf children/boy and the beast that much lol and i think i finally figured out why

ok so ill have my original post and short convo i had with this one guy and then write about my feelings after those two that provide some context.

ok real quick so wolf children and the boy and the beast are both from award winning anime director mamoru hosoda!

wolf children has a single mother with 2 kids who are werewolves/shifters since they can change whenever they want. she’s a widow because her husband was walking around the city in wolf form, scared ppl, and got killed by animal control in tokyo. she and her kids move out to the rural boonies on a small homestead where she farms and stuff so that her kids can have space to be their wolf forms and run around without fear.

the boy and the beast has a human child fall into the hidden magical parallel furry world and get raised by this beast/bear furry? i...forget what his adoptive dad’s species is lol, sorry its been a long time since ive seen the movie.

spoilers for the ending but. here.

wolf children - yuki, the daughter, decides to stay in the human world with her mom and go to high school. ame, the son, decides to live his life as a furry/wolf boy protecting the forests.

boy and the beast - adoptive father sacrifices himself for protag, fuses spirits/hearts/whatever with protag so that they’re not really separated even in death, then the protag and dad defeat the antagonist and the protag decides to stay in the human world with his human girlfriend.

soooo. yeah. the movie ends with the families splitting up and the two cultures of mundane humans and magical creatures separating forever.

(og post) original post from my kitsu:

“ok, so like after watching wolf children tonight, im left with a bunch of questions and, idk maybe i dont understand the ending, but like. what. i also have a copy of the boy and the beast and watched it a while go. and like. i feel like, out of his two movies, they were overall very good. however, the endings always leave me with a ton of questions and mixed feelings? is mamoru hosoda just going to be “that guy” for me? you know, “that guy.” like, he’s an ok dude but you have mixed feelings about him? is it still worth watching his other movies, the girl who leapt through time and summer wars, at this rate? idk???? edit: …. i realized i also borrowed mirai from the library, am i going to watch the whole thing and then be like. what.“

response to this one guy, pseudonym:

I didn’t like wolf children and while I overall enjoyed the boy and the beast I did feel it was lacking something. Give summer wars a go though as in my opinion it’s easily his best film, that said I haven’t seen Mirai.

my responses:

“ that’s interesting. hmm im trying to figure out what i didn’t like about his endings for these two movies and i think it might be the whole separation thing? but the weird thing was that i didn’t mind the family separation thing in maquia, another family drama oriented anime? so idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ????? what about you?”

pseudomym:

“I haven’t seen Maquia. It’s been a while since I watched either film but I just remember Boy and the beast feeling generally a little uninspired and wolf children feeling hollow having nothing going on but cuteness and idealization of the mother character that I couldn’t get behind. It also fell into the annoying and well worn trap of insisting the daughter come to terms with her wolf side as necesary but the boy’s arc is to go reject his humanity and abandon his family to live in the woods as a young teen and the mother learning to accept his really stupid decision. Fuck that, thats a shtty life decision and it should be treated accordingly.”

my response:

i agree with some points! like, i get that the mother was a hardworking single mother who needed to give her kids some more freedom and also isolation in life to hide the whole werewolf secret, but when ame was just like “imma drop out of elementary school,” and hana was ok with it, i was just staring at the screen like “no, why are you letting him do this?” i feel like my issue with the boy and the beast was that ren decided that “humans and monsters need to live in their own world,” and left forever when i was thinking “no man, you can have both, work in the human world on weekdays and just go back to the monster world on weekends or something, you have basically nothing in the human world but this random girl you met and whatever the japanese version of the GED is.”

so. after thinking about it. literally for a few years. i realized. the reason i don’t like these movies, or at least their endings, since the premises sounds interesting enough for me to try them. is probably because im projecting my own weirdo complex identity issues on them. (own ramble lol) (other ramble on kitsu) (transracial tag on main) (racial imposter syndrome with NPR’s Code Switch) (all mixed up what do we call people of multiple backgrounds, also on NPR’s Code Switch)

so. as you can hopefully see. i. am currently in a pretty big identity/culture crisis. and. i think that the endings of these movies rubbed me the wrong way because their solution was to choose one over the other. like. there’s no room to try to make it work, to try and have a balance between the two worlds.

as mentioned above, in wolf children, why the heck not try to make it work? be a furry forest protector and still visit your mom because you’re in the same area. in fact, ame is literally the stupidest kid/literal elementary school drop out because, instead of trying to help the forest with actual laws and such because bc, its sad but let’s be real, capitalism and bulldozers can affect the forest more than one kid trying to larp as the big bad wolf of the forest. and you know how ame could’ve tried to protect the forest in a more substantial way? literally just. finding a balance between the human and magical werewolf/animal world and becoming a botanist/biologist/ecologist/forest ranger. someone who can bring some actual solutions to fixing issues in the forest with science. instead of like. “feeling the forest vibes” or whatever the heck was even happening there.

and then also as mentioned in the boy and the beast, protag-kun leaves behind all his childhood friends and the ppl who helped his adoptive dad raise him, practically his adoptive aunts and uncles, behind for a random girl he met, his birth dad and step family, and whatever a japanese GED is. like. again, why not try to make it work? have two cultures????

you dont have to choose one over the other!!

i’m sure that mamoru hosoda didn’t mean to be like. idk. insensitive to people of mixed races/cultures, etc., esp. since japan is not a very racially/culturally diverse place so he probably didn’t even have this mindset when making these movies, but the message in the movies’ endings that you have to pick one culture, country/world, family, etc., over the other because they’re just too incompatible is just. absolute bullshit. do i care that they’re werewolf and magic furry world culture? no, i think you can and should still try dude.

like. i have. a bunch of intersectional race/culture/adoption issues, but am i going to try to have some balance and learn about all of them and live with them? yeah????? do you realize how stupid it is to me to think about like. having to pick between cultures???? its just like. to me, picking one over the other would be like forcing me to stay with white americans or just like. go back to china. like the boy and the beast protag did or someshit????? like???? i can try to balance them??? tisn’t that the whole point of like. chinese american/ immigrant created mixed culture/experiences, esp. for ppl like me who are transracially adopted and have complex life experiences???? wtf??????

like. i would love to learn more about my birth country and all but im not going to be an absolute dumbass like the boy and beast protag and move to another world/country just because “its where i’m from” or “i have biological family there.” i cant speak the language, i’d leave all my friends and family oceans away, how the heck would i even live??

anyways TL;DR - as a person with some complex feelings about identity, and culture, and a person greatly interested in intersectionality due to my lived experiences, mamoru hosoda’s movies and their bullshit anti-intersectionality messages, again most likely unintentional but my brain read it as this, make me not like his movies.

[tumblunni]

What do you guys think about the names Dustin and Darcy for my protagonists in Let's Go?

Cos i really wanted to play the co op mode thing by myself, just so i can pretend this role in the plot is filled by two siblings and have a bit of fun roleplaying that. But i dunno yet how the co-op works and whether you'd be able to customize the avatar of the second player or if its just the default trainer? Or can you only play co-op if you have two separate games? Im planning to buy the other version anyway once i get more money, so it could be fun to play my first version with sibling one and then the second playthru is sibling two's turn to shine!

Oh and the whole reason i wanted to do this is cos i wanna try out the customization features to make some ocs now that there's no competitive online stuff unless you pay a subscription fee (LOL NO THANKS). Like..i always felt like i HAD to make my character me in xy/sumo/usum, otherwise its like lying online? But of course i cant actually make me because theres no nonbinary option or even remotely ambiguous outfits for either gender. And you cant have wild hair colours while i dye my hair 24/7 irl lol. Its silly cos like 95% of the gym leaders and other characters ingame have anime hair colours yet the player has to be normal? So yeah i cpuldnt really enjoy making this innacurate defanged version of myself yet i didnt feel like i was allowed to just make up a new character either. Closest i could do was give myself white hair like my old trainersona when i was 12, lol. I mean i guess thats my 'real hair colour' underneath the dye right now, if you think about it that way?

OH GOD PIKACHU CAN HAVE A LITTLE TUXEDO AND BOWLER HAT HOLY FUCK IM SORRY TO INTERRUPT THIS BUT I WAS WATCHING THE IGN REVIEW AND THEY SHOWED PIKA BOWLER HAT PLEASE GO GOOGLE THAT VIDEO JUST FOR THAT 1 SECOND OF NEW FOOTAGE OF MY BEAUTIFUL CLASSY BOYE

okay where was i

Yeah! I think sibling trainers could be a good and unique way to handle a rival! Like having them be your sibling already establishes that rivalry. But it can be a soft and nice rivalry! I wanna go with that fun version rather than the full on angry exaggerated sibling rivalries you often see in kids media. Like i know that some people legit dont get on with their siblings and some people can even have a very gary esque full on rivalry thats sorta 'love to hate' or like..tsundere pretending you hate them. But personally i never had experience with that, i can never relate to those 'tfw u hate ur sibling and theyre always an asshole but lolll u love them anyway' posts. I only got to live with my little sister for a little while due to the catastrophe of abusive parenthood that was my childhood, and i lost contact with her forever when she was very young so i doubt she'd even remember me. *sigh* But like i don't think i only love her so much because i miss her! People say newborns and toddlers are the most bratty so like you'd think if i was gonna ever find her 'annoying' i would have done it back then. I was always just mega proud of her and whenever she'd be 'bratty' i'd be cheering her on and trying to protect her from mom. And when she'd try and pull pranks on me or practise play-fighting or whatever i was just like 'lol thats legit funny' and taking play-falls so she felt better about herself. Like we didnt have much power in that household so i felt like encouraging her pretending to be a wrestler would help her feel like she had some sort of control in some part of her life i guess? And just i wished i was allowed to roughhouse and run around and be all 'unladylike' and just enjoy BEING A KID when i was a kid, yknow? I always had legit fun being with her and legit enjoyed it and was legit proud and legit never annoyed. I just dont understand 'yeah she's annoying but i love her anyway'. I was only ever her rival as a play-rival to help encourage her to like.. Enjoy the things she enjoyed. Feel like someone else cared. I only ever acted like 'ha ha baby stuff yeah sure i hate hanging out with my sister" cos i thought i was SUPPOSED TO. I always felt so guilty doing it and so dissappointed cos id rather hang out with her than be a boring stereotypical teen tbh. I dunno, maybe this isnt typical for siblings and its just a sign of how badly we were raised? I was just real fuckin lonely and absolutely loved having a family member who loved me for the first time since my grandma died. Same reason i always used to act all 'i am too cool i totally am not soft for my lil sister' around my lil sister's dad. I really wanted him to love me too! I used to say swear words at him cos i thougjt he would thibk i was Cool And Adult?? I have soooo many cringe moments from that phase of my childhood. Man it hurts to think that i never actually did get to become that positive influence that protected my sister from my mum and let her know she was loved. Cos i was sent to live with my dad when she was like 5ish? And never saw her again and now im too scared to try and reach out to her again because 1: she probably doesnt even remember me, 2: theres a chance she believes my mum saying i was some horrible asshole who abandoned the family, 3: even bigger chance that contacting her could mean my mum finding me again and big fuckin risk of further abuse. Plus the awkwardness of introducing my trans self when she'd remember me as her sister and all. Sigh! All i can do is hope that her cool dad eventually got custody of her, and that he didnt turn out to be a secret bastard like when i met my own dad. He seemed good, but then again i was just a lil kid and my dad seemed good at first. Sighhhhhh...

SO UMM YEAH WOW I MADE MYSELF SAD

Anyway the point is that whenever i write siblings i'd rather write 100% unapologetic super loving love cos its wish fullfillment for me. This is also why in/cest shipping is a massive beserk button for me, good wholesome family relationships are REAL FUCKIN IMPORTANT and how DARE you corrupt that shit! Some people would fuckin KILL to have that wholesome family!!

Anyway lol thats why i'd like a Wholesome Rivalry for these sibling ocs! Like they challenge each other to contests along the way just for fun, and they react all 'wow my sis is the BEST' when you beat them, so hard feelings at all. And you dont JUST do rival stuff but also sometimes just hang out and have fun cos you missed each other. And if anyone threatens your sibling then THAT is the only time you see the Serious Sibling Power! Rival moments: ha ha lol bet ya cant beat me ooo im a scary villain LOL I CANT KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE HAHA! Giovanni punches your brother: *stony cold death glare from hell as tricksy prank sis turns into an unstoppable vengeance engine* Oh, but also the only other time they'd be serious is in their final battle together! Like most of the 'rivalry' is just competing to make the adventure fun and to help each other get stronger. But if sis/bro ever actually legit said they really want to fight to find out who's the best, and its like..important to help their self confidence, then i think bro/sis would respect that and go all out. Taking a fall and letting them win would be the most disrespectful thing of all! Oh, but i do think there would be one kind of battle like that during the story? Like in one of the more low stakes faux-rival fights the sibling actually does try and let you win, and the challenge is to try and lose against all odds. High stakes super failure battle!!! Imagine the evil team in the background like 'wtf' as these two run the most aggressively slow race of all time! XD

Oh and i kinda thought about different personalities for the two of them based on who you pick? Like i did like that aspect about brendan/may in RSE compared to other 'unpicked option becomes rival' characters in later games that didnt even have one personality let alone two. It just sucks that the personalities they decided to give them were 'female rival is super self concious and thinks youre better than her because youre a boy' and 'male rival is super ego and thinks he's better than you because he's a boy'. Boooo!

So instead of that the personalities i was thinking for these two would be less sexist lol. Male sibling Dustin is basically Wally so far? I need to develop him a bit more to make him a bit distinct, i mean its not like every single shy dude is identical. I'm thinking maybe mix him with all the wasted potential in Brendan? Like in the game they slightly hint at him having the ONE non stereotypical trait of liking cute teddy bears, and that made me think about how much better his whole plot would have been if it actually criticized his sexism and said that he only behaves that way cos he's overcompensating for being bullied for being 'feminine', yknow? And then in the manga they actually DO write him as super feminine, and even as a contest star who loves fashion and dressing up his pokemon! But then GAHHH they present it as some sort of fuckin 'character flaw', like he's shown to be selfish and superficial because of it. And the backstory is that him and the female protagonist used to be 'normal' until a traumatic event. Brendan was a Natural Fighting Prodigy until he saved his female friend from a wild pokemon and was so traumatized that he never wanted to fight again, while she wanted to learn to fight so she'd never need to be protected again. But this is not only presented as Wrong Ways To Be Gender but also like.. Fighting their natural instinct which still comes through?? Like male protag hasnt fought in YEARS yet whenever he's forced to fight he's just magically better at it than female protag who's been practising all these years to become his equal. Ha ha silly girl you can never achieve that! All you get is this patronizing 'well if you just tryyyyy girly things im sure you'll like it' plot and then you get rescued by him in the end because OF COURSE you do. Sigh! I cant believe they made me hate that pairing even more than the games did! So yeah i dont really wanna write Dustin as a jerkass who's secretly got synpathetic motives of internalized homophobia/sexism, cos i feel thats a plot very specific to my perceptuons of Brendan and id basically just have to make Dustin a clone of him and he wouldnt be able to shine on his own merits. Instead i'm just thinking of writing him as a 100% sensitive soul, and he still faces predjudice for not being that bigoted idea of an 'ideal man' but really the fact he doesnt bow down to their demands proves that he's the bravest person here.

And then I'm thinking maybe the female sibling Darcy is the older one and is a bit "gary ish"? Like eitjer way you still have a friendly and loving siblingness, but she's a bit more of a sass who is tsundere about admitting she loves her bro. But i dont think she's the cold or grumpy sort of tsundere, more like a trickstery tomboy? Bombastic loki jock sis! She can only be a bit abrasive with her bro cos she wants to teach him to be tough even when she's not there to protect him. But sometimes she can mess it up and make him feel like he has to change his personality in order to be tough, rather than letting him know she supports him in being "unmasculine" and just wants to help him find the confidence to stand up to people who bully him for it. Like she feels like she is 'weaker' than him in the sense that she worries too much about what people will think if she expresses her real emotions, yknow? Like theyre both suffering from toxic masculinity! He's suffering from the standard form where men who are too 'soft' are beaten down into that mould. Ans she's suffering from the problem where 'masculine' girls feel like they have to be '100% masculine' in order to be allowed to be themselves at all. Like back when i was a kid and before i came out as trans i always used to try and pretend to like sports ans like..cliche macho shit where you Cant Admit You Care About Your Friends and also i wasnt allowed to like ANY feminine things at all. I had to either follow the stereotype of femininity entirely or follow the opposite stereotype, i wasnt allowed to just reject stereotypes and like what i actually like. So yeah me realizing i wasnt really a girl has led to me embracing more 'girly' things than back when i thought i was one! So i think Darcy would have a similar arc but like..the cis equivelant? Just finds people who arent such judgmental pricks and stops having to conform to either of those stereotypes in order to keep fake friends who dont really give a shit about her. She can have a plot about both forced feminine and masculine stereotypes being equally limiting, rather than that shitty 'being masculine is a prison uwu every woman will be happier embracing her love of makeup' shit. That dominant narrative just made me feel like i was somehow wrong about myself whenever i didnt like 100% Of Sports All The Time, i must be somehow girly if i liked even ONE girly thing yet i needed hundreds of proofs if i wanted to be masculine. And like i wasnt just allowed to be neither! I wasnt allowed to like parts of both! I wasnt allowed to BE GODDAMN TRANS!!! So yeah i dunno if i'd go whole hog and make this character a trans man or a nonbinary person tho? I think she's just actually a cis girl who happens to be sporty and brash and likes a lot of 'masculine' fashion and hobbies. And she's just been made to feel self concious about it, as if she cant possibly REALLY be that unless she likes Every Single Boy Thing and wins at Every Single Challenge. Does anyone else remember that shit too? The girls have to win Every sports game against the boys in order to be 'one of the boys' but if you lose even one of them it somehow proves that you're inferior. Even though the boys lost 50 billion games to you and that doesnt prove theyre inferior! Like man she has sooooo many 'gary rivals' in her school life, thats why she loves going on this adventure with a kind brother rival who actually respects her! So her resolution would just be her staying the same but being more confident about it and saying fuk u to those fake friends. Same as her brother's plot, just they both face different specifics to the way this sexism affects them, yknow?

Oh but yeah when i did finally learn about LGBT stuff and realize i was trans it was Big Amazing cos even in the rare stories about Its Okay To Be Yourself it still left me feeling weirdly empty when the girl decides that yes she does wanna be a girl in the end. So i get that these plots might come off as queerbaiting if i write them badly? I need to make sure to make it clear that these characters 100% want to be seen as this gender and its just other people being fuckfaces and trying to define what their gender has to mean. I think maybe i'll try and mitigate this potential misunderstanding by adding different sorts of lgbt content. And, well, also cos i just want lgbt content in all of my stories because i am lgbt, of course! I'm 100% sure that Darcy is gay, and i think also maybe possibly Dustin is trans? Like, his plot is about being mocked for being a 'feminine' boy, but its also even more personal for him because he's a trans boy and he feels like he needs to change his personality in order to pass/he isnt really real because his personality doesnt fit the stereotypical image of a man. Like if you'd looked at the two of them back when they were identical twins, you probably would have expected Darcy to end up being trans if you were the sort of person who believes those basic ass stereotypes about 'boys who play with barbies and girls who play with trucks'. Or i mean maybe its the other way around and Darcy is a trans girl who still has a 'masculine' personality according to stereotypes? Or even both of them are trans and both face being told that they arent real because they dont fit the perfect stereotype of a trans person according to cis perceptions? Or maybe i'm overcomplicating things with all of this and it'd just muddy the message i guess. I might just keep it to them both being cis but also both of them like girls. And i can always apply my trans and other LGBT headcanons to other characters along their adventure.

Anyway LOL im rambling too much!

[tumblunni]

Huh! An Idea!

Hey I just heard about a very cool-seeming anime called (I think?) Rehibilitaion Of An MMO Junkie! It seems really nice cos its one of those stories about hikkomori (I think thats the japanese word for it?)- depressed people who stay at home all day and are socially anxious about going out in public. LOL RELATEABLE, AMIRITE? no but seriously beyond just Jokes, this is a very sad modern manifestation of a timeless mental illness, and i know these feelings well and i wish people could have less stigma about this and instead just give these people the help they need. And that’s why i love this anime concept, cos its a sympathetic take on one of these people as a protagonist, and how videogames as escapism can be A Good Thing and how long distance relationships Are Also Good. Like wtf, subverting all the cliches at once?? Its a really cute looking romance story of her meeting a guy online via vidjagaems, and their love being absolutely real and pure, and it rekindling her will to live and helping her find the courage to take more risks in real life and start the road to recovery. And then they work thru all their various issues as a couple and meet up in real life and have a happily ever after! :D

Now okay, that sounds really cool and I ABSOLUTELY want to watch this show and I will make more posts about it when I do! But also it gave me a bit of a story idea so i’m gonna ramble!!!!!

Okay so kind of a wasted potential thing here is how it has a plot about the two halves of the couple playing as the opposite gender online and like.. nothing is done with it? Nothing really creative or relevant to like.. gender. It just seems like a weird way they could invoke LGBT imagery but technically not be LGBT I guess? Like neither character is trans or has any deep reason for playing that character except ‘my fave colour is pink and people would make fun of me if they knew i was a dude’ and ‘i wanna play a hot guy cos i was kinda lonely and drunk when i saw this MMO’. But then a lot of stuff about it kinda feels like the writers were.. not predjudiced against LGBT or anything?? like the lady protag has NO angst about getting a crush on a seemingly female player, it seems perfectly acceptable in-universe and nobody even mentions homophobia. And there’s a pair of characters that for all extents and purposes looks like a gay couple for half of the game its just like a footnote that one of them is female in real life. So like I don’t know if this was someone being overly careful to censor stuff while still hinting at it, or like if it was never intended to look LGBT and it was all a weird accident?? But anyway thats why it made me go WTF THERE WOULD BE SO MUCH POTENTIAL IN AN LGBT MMO ROMANCE and hey here we go!

THE IDEA TIME what if there was an anime about someone who plays a (presumed) cis dude in an mmo who is actually a trans dude irl? so you could have the same plots about keeping a secret and having a big difference between real and internet personas, but also it could be a wish fullfillment persona and the plot could be less about ‘i’m lying about myself’ and more about ‘the only place i can be the real me is online’. And how sad that is and then how triumphant it could be at the end to be able to be himself in the real world too! and also like... its already coincidental enough that two people would fall in love in an mmo and then end up to be living in the same neighbourhood in real life. so if this anime has me have to believe that silliness, its not too silly to say that two trans people could bump into each other in an mmo! have a trans man and a trans woman who meet as their online personas without knowing either of them is trans, and then their adventures online forming their relationship, learning about each othr, and like meeting a bunch of other LGBT players and forming a guild to fight discrimination in the mmo community?

Also it could be interesting to maybe combine this with the ‘trapped in an mmo world’ genre? Like it’d be extra cool to be a trans dude who’s like.. one of the only people who doesnt want to escape the MMO world. And people could think he’s just a childish jerk who’s addicted to the fantasy life, not knowing about his secret reason he loves this new life. So maybe his personality could be a very ordinary and cute looking dude whose personality is like.. absolutely fearless monster battle man! Like everyone else’s mmo avatars are all super idealized cliche buff and hot people and his is just as close as he could get to his real self but post transition. So he’s five foot tall and chubby and has big ol soulful dragon ball Z krillin eyes and then his job class is something unfitting like gladiator or barbarian with an axe twice his body size! And then in retrospect that’s the most cliche masculine class so maybe the female lead could be a not cliche feminine class, so it doesnt seem like I’m making any statement? cos ‘youre not trans if you dont act stereotypically your gender’ is a real issue within the community, sadly. Oh! Maybe! Maybe theyre both buff classes! But like he could be a tank type that protects his allies and she’s just a regular warrior with no extra functionality. Or another DPS class like thief or black mage? But I like the idea of two very shy and adorable people who both prefer buffness, and then having kind of a badass hero role amoungst their guild and the plot itself. Like, winning the actual battles against bosses is less of a challenge than conquering their various real life worries and being emotionally ready to return home at the end of the journey. Its like a slice of life hiding as an action show! Except you still do see action, its just all comparatively effortless like one punch man. Oh and maybe while male lead made his avatar look just like himself but post transition, female lead’s avatar is kind of an exaggerated ideal stereotypical female thing? Because she’s self concious about being very tall and not very curvy and stuff, even post transition. And like she’s angsting about being forced into further cosmetic plastic surgery that she doesn’t really want, to get a body that she doesn’t really want, but feels like she HAS to have. Like maybe she has some sort of friend in real life who’s like a Fedora Wearing Fake Nice Guy who keeps trying to get her to give in and date him like ‘you’ll never get anyone else’, and trying to make her change herself. Negging champion of utter hateability!

And then female lead could be kind of a mentor role to male lead because she’s post transition, and motivates him to believe that someday he’ll be able to transition too and he doesn’t need to stay trapped forever in a fake world in order to be himself. And he could also be the same mentor role to her because he’s like... happy? Well, obviously he isn’t 100% happy because that’s his whole problem, but he doesn’t have the same social anxiety issues and he’s more confident in his anxiety without worrying that he’s wrong and he really is a girl, etc etc. Like he’s at peace with being trans and his obstacle is just feeling like he’ll never pass successfully without surgery, and never be able to get that surgery. It took him ages to even get on HRT, possibly because of something like being trapped in an abusive family that didnt aknowledge his gender? or possibly just because of being in a country where he’d need a lot of money to get the treatment he needs, or because of struggling to find a good doctor? So anyway now he’s just started HRT and he expected everything to be okay now, but he’s getting frustrated how long it’s taking to have the amount of visual change he needs to be respected by his coworkers and stuff, and now he’s had some sort of other money emergency and he may not be able to get top surgery in the end. So at the time of starting this MMO he was really un-optimistic about his future and looking for an escape. And she was looking for a similar escape because she didnt have any support group while transitioning, and had got trapped into an abusive relationship with this other dude that was making her feel like a fake woman who’d never be loved by anyone except him. So she was considering giving in and falling into his trap, and that’s her reason to be terrified of going back to the real world... And so they both are all OH MY GOD YOURE SO AMAZING I’M SO TRASH about each other, and they help teach each other two different aspects of self love that they were missing, and they make a bunch of other friends in the LGBT community, and generally find the love and support they always needed! And then in the end they could go back to the real world and move in together and slap negging man in the face, and keep in touch with all the other guildmates and create a better community for all queer folks playing this game! Woo! And also maybe the final scene could be like ‘wow we havent seen you guys for ages’ ‘yeah we were so busy with the wedding, we couldnt play!’ and then the guild’s wedding gift to them was saving up for a rare ingame item that lets you re-customize your character, and female lead makes one that looks closer to her real life appearance cos now she’s happy with herself! and then we pan out and see that male lead now also looks totally identical to his ingame self, and he did manage to transition in the end! ...and then i dunno, cliche anime everyone looks at the camera and jumps and the theme tune plays, lol