#⁺ 𝐉𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐎𝐋 ₊ / meme.

[duskterrace]

🥚 what's the strangest dream you've had?

" the strangest one i've had was . . . i guess around seven ? watched an american cartoon called courage the cowardly dog for the first time with my dad and it spurred a series of these weird reoccurring lucid dreams. one of them was where this monster chases me around my primary school screaming 'return the slab' at me. chased me up and down the halls, in and out classrooms, the works. the . . .what . . . third time i had this dream ? i hid in the bathroom stall but when i thought the coast was clear and came out, i'm suddenly falling from the sky in the middle of this tornado and the monster is trying to reach out to me but i didn't grab his hand at first because i was scared. he takes off what was apparently a monster mask and it's scar from lion king and for some reason that got me to trust him more ? the dream cuts out when i grab his paw but when it continues, we're eating school lunch together and we somehow became best friends after that. "

[duskterrace]

[ sumi ] 🎁 :~)

━━ STRANGERS AGAIN.

a study of the ' i like who i am with you ' to ' i wish i never knew you ' pipeline.

a small playlist to depict the emotions felt ( partially ) during and after the few months sumi & jinsol 'hung out'. all from the moment jinsol felt something to the moment they wished they didn't. click the title for the link !

SNEAK PEEK (O5/17) !

OO1. would've been you by sombr. OO2. strange by celeste. OO3. strangers by kenya grance. OO4. haunt me by rini. OO5. half of my heart by josh makazo.

[duskterrace]

🌿 🍒

🍒 : LAST TEXT

( ✉️ )   SMS    →   SOCIETY’S MENACE 

read / 21:25 pm ✓✓ › new open house dropped. built in the richest neighborhood in gangnam. open in 30 minutes ›  for the record thats like ›  … idk a three story house being built in tokyo

delivered / 21:36 pm ✓ › [speech to text] alright eyebrows, I'm leaving in 10 so… message me back if you plan to join becau- DUCK. what the hell are you doing outside my door you gave me a ducking heart attack–  make a sound next time jesus shit

[duskterrace]

[ sumi ] ✉️🌿🍒🥀

✉️ : LETTERS TO SANTA

TO YOU,

I’ll be honest ( since I don't have any other choice ). I missed you. I missed your warmth. Your laugh. The way you’d squeeze whenever we hugged. The way my name dripped from your supple lips. I missed the late night texts. I missed sneaking around. I missed..those impromptu outings that strictly weren’t dates. And the way we’d sneak into empty classrooms together. Losing you has probably been one of the most confusing losses I’ve had to come to terms with to date. It was so abrupt, what we had, that I found myself grieving something that could’ve been instead of what once was.   It’s weird because I didn’t have feelings for you but I feel like I could’ve. I feel like just a month or two longer and I would’ve slipped and fucked up the agreement. And honestly, a part of me is glad you ghosted when you did. I can't help but imagine how much of a wreck I would have been if we went any further. How broken your absence would’ve left me. It’s been months but I continue to grieve the loss of a person who I still see everyday and that in itself is surreal. Because you aren’t gone. You’re within an arm's reach in the hallways, or a phone call away but… I can't bear to be the one to reach out. I can't bear to look that desperate. My pride could never allow it. But I want to mention, at least once that… just because I lost you as a trusted confidant, doesn’t mean you gained me as an enemy and I hope you know this. I’m still in your corner, sooms. Despite it all? I hope you still eat regularly, even if it’s not at my table. I hope you find happiness and success, just not at the expense of my own. I hope you get the closure you need. More closure than you’ve given me. Which… isn’t much. Or anything at all.  I hope for all the good things in life to happen to you. I do. I, uh… don’t blame you either. Not like I’m told I should. I think that’s because I’m incapable of seeing you as a person who used me. I can only see you as the girl with unexpected insecurities. The girl who wanted to turn the lights off every time. The girl who secretly enjoyed a passionate kiss or two after. The girl who pretended she hated the corny jokes. Actually—  I think it's because I still blame myself for you leaving. I keep telling myself that I must’ve done something wrong. I must’ve said something to you when we last met that didn’t sit well with you. That it was my fault for not noticing. That I should’ve checked on you after the last break ended. I’m sorry I didn’t by the way. I hope there’s no hard feelings. You are no longer in my life, and I no longer have the urge to reach out like I did a month ago. But the universe makes sure I’m aware that I can’t just cut you out of my life as easily as you did me. Things still remind me of you, honestly. I always search the area around me when I smell your perfume in public. I think about you on your birthday. When I’m shopping, I still reach out for small items you mentioned liking. It’s so easy for you to cross my mind, even after all this time. But for my sake, I hope you stop soon. Please.

Hesitate to reach out, Jinsol.

P.S — I saw you at the gala with some guy. I can't tell if you guys are together or not, or if he’s the reason my days are so much colder, but I hope he’s good to you. You seem so happy.

🍒 : LAST TEXT

( ✉️ )   SMS    →   SOOMS

read  / 08:23 am ✓✓ › woah? › I get that we agreed on no strings attached and secrecy but ouch sooms, what was that just now? › y’know you could’ve waved back at least,  i doubt people would look into it that much.

read / 17:10 pm ✓✓ › cool, so you’re just gonna ignore me? no reply or anything? › are you mad? › wait, did I forget something again? ᄒᄒᄒ

read / 21:47 am ✓✓ › wow, left on read again. › noted but could you at least tell me what I did? please?

delivered / 23:55 am ✓ › cool, fuck it ig. whatever.

🥀 : 3AM DRUNK TEXT

( ✉️ )   SMS    →   SUMI

delivered / 03:25 am ✓ › tis made me think ofv you ( insert tiktok link ) [ message unsent / 03:54 am]

delivered / 03:25 am ✓ › y’know yu couldv just said you were strickly strait frm the start ?? › i naver told you i was a man? › you saidd you were a fan soo you obviously would’ve k nown if that was the case › but i gu ess since you were a fan you were only after one thing after all right? › thats fair.  we promised to screw & scram, yu were just holding upp your side of the promise. › … srry for missing the memo. › if i did something too upset you during that time…i’m sorre. [ messages (7) unsent / 03:54 am]

delivered / 03:27 am ✓ › just talk to me one mor tiem › pls? [ messages (2) unsent / 03:55 am]

delivered / 09:12 am ✓ › sorry, hyeseong hacked my phone as some sick joke. forgot I still had your number ㅋㅋ

[duskterrace]

🥚 if you weren't part of samjoko, which other house would you have signed up for?

"hm ? ahh- you mean which house i'd donate some skill to, to prevent them from getting demolished ? thats a tough one . . . mm but . . . maybe pulgasari ? "

[duskterrace]

[from notkitsune]🌿🥀 :)

🥀 : DRUNK TEXT ( ✉️ )   SMS    →   TAILS

delivered / 03:25 am ✓ › wierd questin delivered / 03:26 am ✓ ›  you porbably get this often ›  or maybe you don? ›  whyt does it feel like being scratched behindthe ear?s ›  do yu only transfom when angry or can i pay for emotional supprt fox hours and not be mawled?

[duskterrace]

✉️🥀

tw: long ass post. ✉️ : LETTERS TO SANTA

Raffa,

Heads up this is kinda lame, but I was told to be honest so this is me, being honest for once.I don’t really know how to start or end these, so I guess I'll start with a quote that I read lately that reminded me of you. “meeting you was like listening to a song for the first time knowing it would be my favorite.” This one stood out to me for a while, and I couldn't quite figure out why. Maybe I wasn't exactly sure how to do that. Because it would mean that I would have to be honest with myself about how I felt about you. Because it would mean that the second I am honest, I'll have to let those harbored feelings go. And I can admit…I didn't want to let them go. No one really wants to give up on a crush they’re harboring deep within themselves. Sometimes because they’re afraid a small piece of them will break off along with the person sized chunk they tore out of their chest. Other times because there's always that residual feeling of hope that one day, just maybe, if you try hard enough, that person will find space in their heart for you too. But that's not the case for us. For me, I mean. To give some back story ( excuse any typos because my hands are starting to get shaky hah ), I met you through Noa and Jaehyun so many times and thought you were just… so, so cool. At first it was awe, like when you finally find someone you can look up to. Someone to aspire to be like. It wasn’t love at first sight, in fact I didn't feel anything past platonic feelings. But then, that one…weird night when I was at my lowest ( mentally ), you came to the rooftop while I was up there doing my ‘pretty dorky’ studies on planets. We both knew you were searching for Noa and happened to stumble on me but, you being the nice person you were, noticed i wasn't in the best mood and you stuck around. I don’t know what that night did to me, but despite it being below 60 degrees… I was oddly warm talking to you that night. I, a person so….detrimentally afraid of falling…fell so hard in less than 3 hours and it shook me to my core. Achilles and the words he said to Patroclus had nothing on the things I wanted to say to you. And what…made me fall so hard, you might ask? You made a dumb fucking joke about the stars, and your smile just….messed me up from then on. The stars themselves couldn’t compare to it. And the rasp within your deep laugh was like the knife i twisted within myself, because i knew i was genuinely…fucked. I started looking forward to seeing you around. I started, despite knowing that this –that feelings– never usually end well for me, started looking forward to simple interactions between us after that. At first just noticing that weird flutter in the pit of my stomach when you’d pop up, to full blown waiting for my next fix of you as if I was addicted to the butterflies you gave me. I’d cherish those fleeting occasional texts, the “ hey’s ” or nods in the hallway and the random tiktok’s you sent about…fuck knows, but they made me laugh. I…fuck, this is beyond embarrasing. Why did it have to be you? I don’t know why my heart skipped a beat when it came to you, and i can’t lie, i tried to will and pray the feeling away. But, you were like that karma I wasn't ready for. Your name furiously etched itself into my heart in a way that no one else’s ever had and before I realized it, before I could erase it to save myself from the doom that was welcoming me, it was practically tattooed there.

Don't get me wrong … I’ve had my rib cage broken into and left empty countless times. So I know the routine by now. It’s very fond of me, so I almost welcome it. Fall, break my own heart before anyone else can, tell myself it is what it is, give up on feelings for a bit, hyper-focus on my studies, meet someone again, rinse and repeat. Over and over. And I did that with you. Twice. Broke my own heart to give it some relief from being painfully aware you wouldn't see you the same way I saw you. But you’d come back with that dumb smile again and – oh how fast i’d realize i was putty in your hands. At some point, i was almost 100% sure I was just infatuated. And I probably was. I hopefully was just simply pining for you for superficial reasons but… whenever I sat down to sketch to just clear my mind, the only face that came to mind was yours. The way the sun catches the slope of your cheek, the deep grooves of your jaw, the crook in your smile, the warm undertone in your skin, and the shapes your mouth makes when you're yelling to a friend from across the common room. On countless occasions, I closed my eyes to imagine the personification of beauty itself, expecting to see Aphrodite and the only image behind those veils of black that I created–– the only thing that ever comes up–– is you. You and the way your lips round out to pronounce my name, the rich color of your eyes when light is reflecting in them, and how shadows will literally bend to your frame like my will bends to accommodate yours. I know it probably sounds weird to hear ‘one of your boys’ tell you this ... so I feel like I have to mention that it's been months since that day and I do everything in my power to distance us so that these feelings fade on their own. But there are those days where everyones hanging out and I can't just avoid you, and there it is again, the idea that maybe one day. We could be something. Simply because you sat next to me. Simply because you asked about the stars again. When I'm with you…it's so fucking weird. I get homesick for arms that have never held me. Arms that honestly, probably definitely never wanted to. Sometimes i feel like this is the curse that comes with my power. Not feeling like I'm enough in either gender. Not being able to be permanently female when I need to be, nor permanently male when it's asked of me. But… I think what I hate most about it–– or really, what I hate about myself–– is that if I could choose who I was and I had a shot with you? I know I’d do it 10 times over for a single chance to have you look at me the way you do her. And that’s not healthy. My powers always manifest as however i feel and lately when i'm with you, by default, i’m always….female. Almost as if I'm teetering between wanting to be what you like and being heartbroken knowing these actions to make you want me won't be permanent. I know it won't happen, but I can't help but…hold out hope. Anyway i’m just fucking around and wasting your time huh? I’ve bottled these feelings long enough to know that wishing for you would only make one of us happy, so the one thing I really want for Christmas is to see your smile for as long as I can. That and to q u i c k l y get over you because jesus fuck, man, this pining thing isn't a good look. I’d like at least a pinch of dignity in 2024. Um…so yeah. I think the hardest thing I'll ever do is walk away despite still being head over heels for you. So, despite the fallen tears slipping down the back of my hands as I write this. Despite every bit of my soul wishing to hold onto you for just a moment longer– for just a single milli-second longer. I think this letter is me giving you up, officially. Maybe… in another universe, or in another lifetime, there's space for you and me, but it’s not this one. You aren’t mine. And I have to make peace with that. Also– Feliz Navidad, btw. Heh, Duolingo coming in clutch, once again huh?

Sincerely, Nasa Nerd.

[ this letter was left in drafts. ]

🥀 : 3AM DRUNK TEXT

( ✉️ ) SMS → PA RAFFA THE RAPPA

delivered / 03:25 am ✓ › you caillou built assh bitch where tf is my phone i saw yu take it???

delivered / 03:30 am ✓ › i hope a roach crawls across yur forehead tonitghte 😒

delivered / 03:40 am ✓ › nvm i founfded it. my bad.

[duskterrace]

🌿 + 🥀

✉️ : LETTER TO SANTA ( decided to do them tgt )

Buzz,

This one might be a bit difficult. I feel like we talk about almost everything, so searching deep down to find something I haven’t yet vocalized is kinda hard.  I’ll give it my best shot, but … sorry if it gets a little rambly at some point. You're a breath of fresh air. You’re a blessing I never knew I was searching for. You've helped me through countless issues– though, let’s be real, you’ve also been the cause of most of those issues. But without that added dose of chaos in my life, I'm not sure I would've made it as far as I have. I won’t go and be dramatic or anything but, the day you were assigned as my roommate is one I look back on fondly, because it's the day that I met that… one really awkward guy who swore my computer was talking to him ( aka you, if you didn’t get it ) . I think for one, I've never gotten a chance to say this to you face to face but …thank you. Genuinely. For consoling me at night when you notice I'm stressed or on rare occasions, if I'm imbalanced and am probably scaring you while switching back and forth because of a sudden panic attack. Thank you for also making me laugh. Albeit, most of that laughter comes at your expense because you're so bad at skateboarding and always choose to do it inside the dorm room, but it really helps me destress most days. I normally keep away from people because I never know who i can befriend since a few people in the past have had nefarious intentions after figuring out what my power entails but you’ve always been overly respectful of boundaries, even of ones I wasn't aware I had. And that makes you so special. You’ve earned my trust and let me tell you…that's…pretty rare. To sum it up…I hate to admit it but  those nights where you’re overwhelmed by technology are quickly becoming my favorite over the past few months. Because, frankly, I enjoy the idea of turning off all of our technology for one night and just doing whatever chaotic list of shenanigans comes to our minds, just because we can. It’s the one day in a week where i can let loose and not feel like i'll be judged switching 10-20 times during out conversations based off of emotions or…thoughts. Also…?  Racing up to the roof to just sit in a childish blanket fort and stare at stars that would otherwise elude us, is a plus. I never knew I was lonely in that dorm room, until you moved in. Now I find myself waiting for you to come back from classes just to have someone to ignore me for the better part of the day. Not sure why… but silence is so much better when you have someone to be silent with. Okay sappy shit aside. You're pretty cool. Thanks for being my roommate, blah blah. I’m writing this letter by hand to give your brain a bit of a tech break, so you're welcome. Read it too much or get too happy about it and i'm burning it. Ps. thanks for trying to figure out how to charge my phone, i hope you figure it out soon bc i broke my charger...again.

Sincerely, Jinsol. 

🥀 : 3AM DRUNK TEXT ( ✉️ )   SMS    →   BUZZ  

delivered / 03:10 am ✓ › i mayu or may not be be drunk but..serious quest chin (?)

delivered / 03:19 am ✓ › queschion › queschien › [voice note] hey siri spell question oh thats not- › [speech to text] hey siri spell question › [speech to text] spell question › [speech to text] quest in › [speech to text] no spell question › ayeeee it didit › wait fcuk wat was my questchin againn?