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meshkol · 2 years

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Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Thanks....

Hello there! I absolutely don't mind this question. I love this question, actually, and I've never...actually answered it before, at least not on this blog in an open forum with all my favourites. So this is actually cool and made my brain go oooooooooooooh. Thank you so much for this ask <3

I've answered this briefly on fandoms and faves, specifically just listing them by names, but haven't really gone into why I love these disasters, mostly because I'm long-winded af and English isn't my first language. This is the tip of the iceberg and do not include real-world individuals (that would have to be a different post entirely). Anywho, here goes, I suppose, and I apologise in advance for the length LMAO. Seriously, this is, like, 5k. (It’s also formatted weird because tumblr doesn’t like paragraphs in bullets, but it still looks a little wonky to me??)

Anyway, here are my ten favourite fictional characters and why I love them, in order. Actual content is beneath the cut because it is long.

(1) Thranduil Oropherion [Tolkien's Legendarium]. My first introduction into English was Tolkien's Legendarium. I had read The Silmarillion, The Hobbit, and The Lord of the Rings in French and had them read to me as a bedtime story before I could even read myself, but it was literally the first series of books I picked up myself when I was a tiny little thing and was like “I’m gonna figure out what all of these weird little letters mean in this weird bizarre language so I can read it in its intended language by Professor Tolkien!” So yeah, literally my first introduction into English, before I was put into official tutoring, because I was so hyperfixated by this legendarium. This fandom is still my One True Fandom to this day.

The Sindar in general were my main focus of study and fixation, even though Tolkien had a gigantic hard-on for the Ñoldor (literally and figuratively, probably, considering Galadriel, but I digress), and even though Thranduil wasn’t even named in The Hobbit, I distinctly remember tunnelling on his parts as a toddler who couldn’t even fucking read yet and asking to hear his portions of the story instead of the dwarrows. He is the sole reason why I hyperfixated on the Sindar despite the criminal lack of content on their kind, and why I started to learn English long before I was required to do so for education’s sake.

He was just so kind and generous and understanding and brave and wary and tired and strong – nothing like what the films did to his character, don’t get me fucking started on that utter rot, the films did Thranduil dirty...though Lee Pace played him dishy af and I still enjoy the films as a separate entity from the books, kind of like how enjoy the MCU as a separate entity from the comics – and I needed that in my life. The elves in general were those things, but Thranduil was my first introduction to that, and he was a hell of a first imprint to my young, impressionable mind, especially in the environment I grew up in. I needed a father like he was, who was kind and generous and understanding and brave and wary and tired and strong, not the father I had, which was pretty much every other father Tolkien described in the books lol. I latched onto him to an almost extreme amount of insanity and that has persisted to this day. I love him so much that it’s damn near pathetic. You don’t see it much on this blog but whew, on my other blog(s) back before LiveJournal, FFN, and the overall internet imploded?? Yeah, it was nuts. So much fanfiction, I swear. Probably published about two to three million words before the purges on private servers and LJ. I will never stop being bitter and devastated about that. ao3 is king, all hail ao3.

(2) Tony Stark [Marvel]. So there’s a lot to say about this disaster of a human being and I don’t even know where to start, because there’s a lot of baggage associated with the beginning of my love for him.

There’s an echo of my English beginnings with him too, since I practised my English with those comics, and that’s tinged with some bittersweetness too. So for some background that is open knowledge on this blog: I hate my biological father with a burning passion. He’s an awful person and I hope he fucking dies a horrible, painful, awful, embarrassingly humiliating death. But weirdly enough, despite the extreme conservative household he ruled over with an iron fist, he...liked comics?? He hated that I loved Tolkien – my maman, before they got divorced, read those stories to me – but when he realised I was beginning to read things in English, something that was heavily encouraged in our household because "English is business" as he liked to say, he actually would give me Iron Man comics to practise reading with. Not Batman and Superman and Captain America (he hated Captain America LOL the height of irony) and Spider-Man, but Iron Man, a C-list-at-best superhero. It was probably because Tony was a billionaire industrialist who saved the world and my father was gamely ignoring the multitude of issues Tony has, but whatever, I latched onto Tony like a leech nonetheless because of those multitudes of issues Tony has.

I think my father liked to think that he either was similar to Tony or could be like Tony one day – they were both businessmen, after all, and were both outwardly pompous pricks to the public. My father was very pleased when I adored Iron Man/Tony Stark and clearly expected that I would start being amendable to him because of that adoration, except I started waxing poetry about how Tony was so much more than those surface-level masks. He was complex, and full of survivor’s guilt and just plain-old-guilt, and hated his father, and loved so deeply, and cared so deeply, and wanted to change the world for the better instead of destroying it, and he was a socialist, and he believed in women’s rights and was probably bisexual and got pegged by Gamora and-and-and—

Yeah, my father didn’t like Tony Stark very much longer LOL, especially once I got old enough to understand what socialism really was. Worked out for me because I got to nick all of his comics when he tossed them all out in a rage, and a lot of them are worth loads of money now that the MCU is a thing. But anyway.

It's kind of funny, actually, especially since I’m taking something that my biological father weirdly enjoyed despite his extreme conservative puratism and writing extreme BDSM porn about it all the time. I find it very therapeutic and a fun little Fuck You™. What can I say, I’m a spiteful queer. <3

But anyway, I really love Tony for a lot of different reasons, even if the origins for it are a little bittersweet and come from a place of spite lol. He’s just...very complex and I just feel him on a very deep, personal level. Tony is the only character on this list that I can empathise and sympathise with on almost every aspect of his person: he had a horrible and abusive father, had problems with drugs and alcohol, has crippling self-doubt and anxiety, is almost certainly neurodivergent, masks on a daily basis, deals with survivor’s guilt, etc-etc. The only thing that I can’t empathise with is the liking-vagina thing (I am way too queer for that sort of thing haha, though I’d be alright with a woman if she had a prick, hence why I identify as ‘queer’ instead of ‘gay’; trans and NB people are sexy af) and the RT (arc reactor for you MCU fans), but then again, half of my rib cage is metal and my leg is full of pins so...meh??

(3) Hatake Kakashi [Naruto]. My first real introduction into Japanese fandom lmao. My brother and I had watched Dragon Ball with a few classmates but outside of that, I’d had no real exposure to anime or manga because my father banned that sort of thing from the household, and I’m too old for what the younger kids these days are exposed to, like ATLA and Yu-Gi-Oh and all that. I ended up getting a translated sub of the Naruto anime from someone online when I was in university, watched it for the lulz, and ended up tunnelling on the weird half-masked dude who went batshit when his lil baby students were threatened. As you do.

Another one of those events where my lovely little ND brain went nuts. By the time that I had discovered the fandom, Shippūden was just starting to air, but I am incredibly impatient, hate filler episodes, and also hate American puritan bullshit, so I just...decided to scoff the anime and read the manga instead because I read faster plus new languages! Didn’t really anticipate how hard Japanese is though LMAO. Mercifully, translations come out pretty quickly, but I still sort of threw myself into language courses and study and so this fandom is sort of credited for me learning a new language. Can’t really speak it very well, since I never bothered to focus on that avenue and I still haven’t watched the anime haha, but I can read it (albeit with the occasional glance at unfamiliar kanji when I come across it, cos there’s a lot of fuckin kanji holy shit) very well. Language is weird.

Anyway. Kakashi is just awesome and gives off lazy does-not-give-a-fuck energy until someone fucks with his peeps, in which he goes to 9,000 in about half a second flat and decimates everything that moves. And I think that’s very sexy of him. I also have a thing for angst and tortured backstories, in case that wasn’t completely fucking obvious by my everything, so when I tunnelled on him within the first six seconds of watching that first episode and began researching his character, obviously I was like, “Ah shit, this one is gonna be fascinating to read and write fic for, think of all the whump possibilities.” Especially in the Naruto universe, where they send literal toddlers to war, which is batshit crazy and fucking nuts to the extreme – to be able to dig into that sort of worldbuilding and find out how characters would adapt, grow, and develop resilience in that sort of environment is like crack to an angst and smut demon like me, and combined with a backstory like Hatake Kakashi (and Uchiha Itachi, who’s coming up soon enough)?? Yeah, it was inevitable.

Doesn’t exactly help that he also gives of hurt/comfort vibes with all his charges too, and I also tend to gravitate towards those types of characters just as much as ethically grey but morally good characters and/or people with fucked-up backstories. You combine all the above with an aesthetically attractive character and you’ve got yourself a real winner lmao. I’m predictable af.

(4) L Lawliet [Death Note]. L is batshit nuts, let’s just throw that out there early. The manga and manga had been released fully by the time I had registered its existence and, if I recall correctly, I had only picked it up because I saw a piece of fanart on tumblr back in...shit, it must’ve been late 2009, since I started writing my first DN fic after the new year and published the first chapter soon after (that remains my most reviewed fic to date by an obscene amount lmao; don’t even look or check reviews anymore because I’m old and bitter now, but ten+ years ago?? That sweet, sweet validation before fandom imploded and ao3 sprung into existence out of pure necessity and self-preservation by fandom?? Yeah, that was a hell of a time to be alive).

Saw a creepy-looking, but also paradoxically attractive-looking frog man eating sugar cubes and cake like it was covered in bacteria in a ridiculously well-done piece of fanart circulated on the wild-wild-west tumblr, because I’ve been on this hellsite since forever on various blogs (and I’m never fucking leaving it, no matter how hard staff tries to implode it or how many pricks inhabit it, fuck you staff and pornbots and gay-men fetishisers who flood my ask box asking for nudes and shit, go get a therapist). Anyway, as a person who went to school for a stupidly long period of time hyperfixating on parasites, infectious diseases, and pathogens, and how human beings act and respond to said things, I immediately was like, “Oooh, frog man looks like he’s got germaphobia, that sounds like something that is aligned with my interests, what’s this from??”

Did a cursory search and here lies a fandom of a psycho teenager with a g-d complex who quickly enters university (because I generally do not fuck around with secondary school shit, that squicks me out hardcore) after finding a magical notebook that just straight up murders motherfuckers, who is being hunted by a mid-twenties detective who does have germaphobia and autism (like me!) and probably scoptophobia and is probably riding the line of ethical legality with his investigation practises, and oops, looks like I’ve entered Death Note hell.

Like I said, I like ethically grey characters with a firmly good moral code, and L’s doubly interesting because he’s an orphan with a semi-established backstory, which means that you can take liberties with his character to flesh it out to your whims. Which I did. A lot. With a lot of angst and gay, because obviously. There isn’t anything too deep about why I love him like the other three, and there’s probably a lot of fanon and headcanon interpretation that colours why I love him as much as I do, but that’s about the extent of it. I think of L Lawliet and I think of my mammoth story I wrote for him, and all of the love I received for that story, and during a time when fandom was going through a massive upheaval, it was a bright point that I really needed.

(5) Uchiha Itachi [Naruto]. Aesthetically attractive character? Check. Ethically grey and morally good character? Check. Tragic backstory? Check. Hurt/comfort with his charges? ...er, not so much, because his brother is a tool and I hope that psychopathic, abusive, whiny little bitch dies in a fire. But anyway, that’s kind of why Itachi doesn’t rank higher, to be honest lmao. Love this little freak a lot though (especially when he’s getting it on with Kakashi and/or Sakura, but whatever, I have my OTPs in this fandom and I’m old and tired enough to be pretty blasé about the purity police in American shipping culture, which is hilarious considering Naruto worldbuilding because did they even read or watch the manga?? That shit is fucking awful). He’s very queer-coded, like most ‘villains’ are even in Japanese media, and that obviously is of high interest to me, being queer myself.

He also has the demanding father, high expectations on his shoulders, and was understandably insane before he died, but somehow was loyal to averting war and maintaining peace and prosperity?? If I had been him, I would’ve either retired to the sea or watched the world burn so seriously, he deserved so much more than what he got, which was being murdered by his brother (seriously, fuck that bastard). He was also extremely shrouded in mystery even despite the major reveals within the manga, anime fillers, and novels so it was fun as fuck to flesh out his character in fic, not to mention it was obscenely interesting from an epidemiological prospective to dig into his illness in an effort to identify what it was.

Additionally, Itachi is also certainly neurodivergent too, which was obviously relevant to me, and it was also a very unique portrayal since it wasn’t the ‘uwu smol bean who’s good at mathematics or piano awwww’ or the ‘non-verbal, screaming savant’ autism that is so pervasive in media. He was straight-up brutal and violent on occasion, massacred his clan to save his village and brother, and was the consummate spy and master of mind-fucks, and yet he was kind and generous and did everything in his power to stave off something worse, though he ended up failing in the end because of matters out of his hands and because he was only one man. I don’t know, I have a lot of feelings about this man.

I’m still unimaginably bitter about the truly insane amount of fic and meta about him that I lost during the various purges – though I shudder to think about the plethora of anon hate and comments/reviews I’d probably be flooded in today’s purity culture, though admittedly a chunk of my Naruto fic was written in Japanese and, in a smaller number, French so it wouldn’t have had to deal with as much bullshit from American audiences – because the vast majority of it was about Itachi and/or Kakashi in the Naruto fandom. But what can you do?

(6) Draco Malfoy [Harry Potter]. Oooooh boy, where to even start with this arsehole. So. Despite the fact that I want Joanne Rowling to get lost in a distant galaxy and take her bullshit elsewhere, and despite the fact that Strikethrough/Boldthrough and the shipping wars still give me metaphorical nightmares, I have a lot of fond memories of the HP (and Drarry) fandom, and still obviously write for and read that pairing myself. Harry’s alright, I suppose, but Draco’s got a special place in my heart, mostly because I both see myself in him and see what I could’ve been at the same time, if that makes sense, so my love of him is very personal.

He grew up wealthy and privileged and I grew up like that too, albeit Jewish and brown instead of white and magical like Draco is. He grew up with a demanding shit of a father who wanted him to have a wife and an heir, and I grew up with a demanding shit of a father who wanted me to have a wife and a child. Draco was supposed to be exactly like his father, walk the line and talk the talk, follow the doctrine and never step a toe out of his father’s approved line, never think for himself and to think lesser of anyone who was considered weaker or poor or what-have you, and Draco eventually realised (through self-preservation, ambition, and good old fashioned fear) that he needed to pull his head out of his arse, stop parroting his father’s racist dogma, and go against the grain if he was going to survive. I did the exact same thing. Sure, Draco did it through war and I did it through...a very different type of war, but it was the same sort of concept in my head, and I connected to him in a very visceral way when I was younger.

It was a double hit to the gut when I learnt that his wife died post-books (i.e. post-school), because my husband died post-school. But anyway.

But we both also could’ve turned out just like our fathers if things hadn’t gone tits-up, y’know. If the Wizarding War hadn’t happened and Draco hadn’t been forced to choose between saving his mother and his honour as a human being, Draco would’ve probably been a carbon copy of all the Malfoys before him. If I hadn’t gone through what I’d gone through because I’d been born queer and autistic, I would’ve probably been a carbon copy of my father and his father before him. It’s a very sobering and humbling thought.

He’s not perfect, that’s for damn sure, but none of us are, are we? We all have to unlearn shit that we internalise or are indoctrinated to accept as normal when we are children. Draco Malfoy is kind of my little comfort bastard that I get to use as therapy, because in a way I get to live vicariously through him and expunge a lot of nasty shit I am still unlearning, and I’ll always love him for giving me the opportunity to play around in that sandbox in a safe, fictional environment, just as I love playing around with all my other favourite characters in safe, fictional environments regardless of the fucked up, batshit crazy situations I put them through lol.

(7) Viktor Nikiforov [Yuri!!! On Ice]. Viktor is an interesting conundrum, because he’s an infamous ball of sunshine (with the occasional glimpse of serious melancholy or depression, however rare that may be) and that’s not my usual M.O. of favourite characters LMAO. But I am figure skating trash and when Yuri!! On Ice came out, I was on-the-fuck-board with watching that shit for sure. Like. I have a few major, life-will-hit-a-standstill hyperfixations and figure skating is one of them. So when there was a fucking figure skating anime coming out?? Yes please and thank you very fucking much.

I think the reason I love him so much – outside of the fact that he’s aesthetically gorgeous, that is – is because when the anime was airing, I was kind of in a transition phase in my life and was writing a fic I was getting a metric fuck-tonne of hate for, with pretty much zero support system, so I needed a comfort character who was just...really supportive?? Viktor is really supportive, understanding, and patient with Yuuri, who is a fucking anxious disaster of a human, and I guess I just latched onto that at the time. It also helps that his past is a complete blank slate, so it’s absolute fun to headcanon any sort of angsty shit I want. Or kinky shit. It’s really easy to project myself on him because he is the definition of a blank slate, and he’s down for pole dancing and exhibitionism and all sorts of really fun stuff. I just love a guy who’s up to whatever lmao. (Also, I’ve read so much good fic that has just cemented my love of him, seriously, there is some good shit out there, like woah.)

(8) Hermione Granger [Harry Potter]. Hey look, a woman on this list! No, but seriously, listen. Listen. I love her so fucking much. She’s the only member of the Golden Trio that doesn’t drive me bonkers on a regular basis – I love you Harry and Ron, I do, but seriously, I want to strange both of you on the reg – and she might need to learn tact sometimes but she’s the only one who I think has anything resembling common-fucking-sense in that whole damn series. She’s smart, she’s brave, she’s clever, she’s a badarse, she’s stellar at everything she puts her mind to, she doesn’t give a fuck what you think, she’s passionate, she’s willing to be vulnerable and doesn’t think that makes her look weak, and she’s pretty much the only one keeping those two dumb idiots she calls best friends alive most of the time. She’s an interesting case where she grew up ‘normal’, in the sense that she had well-adjusted parents and a well-adjusted home life, but then got thrown into an absolute shitshow of war and all that, particularly a magical war where her best friend was the main target and she was also a main target just because she was Muggle-born.

Muggle-borns were targeted just because they existed, to be tortured and exterminated, and that makes it even more personal for me because I’m Jewish. Almost my entire family was exterminated during the Shoah (Holocaust) and the Occupation of France – I still remember listening to my grand-mère’s story and the tattoo on her arm is seared into my brain to this very day. I still remember all the stories, from her and all the others, some still alive but most gone now. Knowing what my people went through during the Occupation, what my countrymen went through during the Resistance...it is chilling and humbling to think of the parallels of what Muggle-borns like Hermione must’ve experienced and lived through during the Wizarding War, when they were being rounded up and tried in a mockery of a court, sent to prisons and tortured and murdered. How that must’ve weighed on her, the fear of her life and Harry’s life, her parents. I feel that fear every day even now. The parallels of the Shoah and the Wizarding War are very therapeutic to write about, and it’s a way to get my grand-mère’s story out too, because she’s gone now and there’s no one to tell her story to because no one cares to listen anymore. I get to write justice and victory and closure for her people because my family doesn’t get to have that peace – they’re in mass graves and gas chambers and labour factories where influencers and tourists with selfie sticks grin at their iPhones where my people died.

Anyway, Hermione Granger deserves the world, and that’s the fuckin’ tea.

(9) Sebastian Smythe [Glee]. This follows a lot of the same themes as Draco Malfoy, tbh: grew up with privilege and money, was a bit of an arse, blahblahblah, then had a world-changing moment in their life and altered their life for the better. The difference between the two is that Sebastian isn’t as fleshed out as Draco is – there are seven books and a lot of official and unofficial canon material for HP whereas Glee just had Sebastian for about twelve seconds. Still, Sebastian allegedly lived in Paris, which is gross as a person from southern France but is nevertheless France. In addition, he was also canonically gay, canonically kinky (at least verbally but likely in practise too), canonically promiscuous, and canonically unashamed about all those things, which was fucking insane in primetime television about high school students that was hugely popular amongst mainstream audiences in the United States. Seriously, Glee was massive in America.

I never read or wrote any fic centred around secondary school shit because again, that squicks me out, not really because of age stuff but because fuck secondary school, I hated that time of my life and I don’t want to revisit it even in fiction lol. Also, I didn’t go to ‘high school’ in the U.S. and the idea of doing copious amounts of research on the American high school education system is exhausting, ngl, especially since it seems like every single state and every single country and every single district does it differently. You lot are confusing as fuck. Anyway, I like the idea of taking what little we do know about Sebastian and fleshing out his character based off my own experiences growing up in France – though I grew up in superior half because fuck the north and especially Paris – and then making it more angsty lol. A lot of my love for him is because of self-projection, the ability to headcanon and fill in gaps, and because fanon exists, I guess. It’s kind of funny because I don’t particularly find Grant Gustin, the actor, attractive at all, but I find the character attractive, if that makes any sense. I dunno. Anyway, I ship him with Kurt and they can have a lot of kinky sex in between affectionate bickering and sarcastic bitchfests. Those are the best kinds of dynamics imo

(10) Haruno Sakura [Naruto]. Another woman! LMAO. Nah, but seriously, I love her, despite the epic amount of hate she gets in the Naruto fandom (and the horrible treatment she got in the actual source material, don’t get me fucking started). Forgive the crudeness, but I’m a cis guy who’s into sucking prick or getting reamed by said prick, so I don’t usually focus on women in the media I consume, but there’s something about Sakura that I really jived with when I was getting into Shippūden. She was admittedly annoying as hell and airheaded for a boy in the first arc because she had been essentially brainwashed to think that was what girls were supposed to do (g-d, I hate how girls are practically tailored and bred for boys, it’s awful, as a guy I can tell you that we’re all a bunch of morons) but then realised that she needed to pull her head out of her arse, take matters into her own hands, and protect the people around her as well as start cracking skulls open because men are stupid. Which, again, is true.

Sakura is amazing, hands down, and she is absolutely a one-hit badarse. She gets a lot of flak because shippers of their “faves” don’t like that she’s in the middle of their gay ship and that’s literally the only reason they hate her, which is fucking gross as a queer man who’s sick and tired of being fetishised. She cuts a lot of motherfuckers down with her fists, heals the sick and wounded, is wicked smart, doesn’t take any nonsense from anyone, and is just plain cool as hell. Another one of those interesting cases like Hermione in which Sakura comes from humble upbringings, then ended up on a team with a bunch of fucked-up misfits and got thrown in the middle of drama and then a huge war that she was a cornerstone of, and I love being able to dive into what that does to someone like that. It wasn’t as debilitating as Hermione’s situation was, since the entire cornerstone of the Fourth Shinobi World War was about the jinchūriki (like Naruto) and not people like Sakura herself (in contrast to the situation in HP), but it’s still delicious to writers and worldbuilding angst-monsters like me.

I also like fix-it fics, like, a lot, and I hate Sasuke, like, a lot, and the canon material did Sakura dirty by ruining her character development in one sweep by hooking her up with a psychopath who’s canonically an abusive and a megalomaniac, so. I have a lot of fun with that, despite the sheer amount of flames and death threats I get for writing it. Y’know, because people don’t understand nuance or the Three Laws of Fandom, and clearly haven’t read/watched the fucked-up source material that is the Naruto manga/anime. If they had, they’d chill tf out and find another hobby.

Anyway, that's all for this post, and this is the only the tip of the iceberg as to why I love these (fictional) characters. IRL people is a different post altogether. And this also turned into a novel. And personal. Oops. I hope this answered your question at least somewhat...possibly?? It’s a really difficult question and I don’t really connect with a character unless there’s significant emotional and personal attachment, so it kind of goes hand-in-hand, therefore it’s a long response and a bit TMI and Extra™. I’m also-also sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes; I have to start getting ready for work so I don’t have time to go over it again, English isn’t my first language, and I am in the middle of writing a figure skating AU for stevetony (it’s already at almost 70k and I’m only on chapter two of nine and I’ve only been writing for two months, please send help).

Toodles!

#thanad-zid #ask #rowan answers #sorry this turned into a novel #fandoms and faves #i just really have a lot of thoughts okay??#i love them a lot #thranduil oropherion #tony stark #uchiha itachi #hatake kakashi #l lawliet #haruno sakura #hermione granger #sebastian smythe #viktor nikiforov #draco malfoy #fandom

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nxthero · 1 year

Text

Some Sidony headcanons:

Full birth name is Zidonia Xiadis, but she’s been called Sidony for as long as she can remember. She actually doesn’t have a problem with her surname but she rarely sees a reason to use it, and Henrik has encouraged her from a young age to use Sidony as a mononym because of the circumstances surrounding her parents.

“Sid” is okay. She doesn’t give a damn about nicknames tbh.

She’s the bastard daughter of Lord Kossimir Variano and Lady Neomora Xiadis. Kossimir is the son of a baron and is a well-known philanderer in Cumberland and Neomora is Lord Henrik’s younger sister. Their affair spanned three months and was born purely from lust, and Sidony was conceived by accident. Kossimir never wanted anything to do with Sidony, and Neomora had a lot to lose from having a bastard child. She was betrothed to a different noble (a Duke this time) who promised a high sum to her family in exchange for her hand in marriage, which would provide the money needed to pay off the family’s accumulated debts. In order to preserve her betrothal, she hid her pregnancy and gave birth to Sidony in secret a months before the date of the wedding. Sidony was then left in Henrik’s care and remained so for the rest of her life.

Sidony knows who her parents are. She is in contact with her mother. Outwardly she holds no ill will towards her, but she has definitely repressed a bunch of negative emotions about her parentage.

FC is Marlo Hsieh. I’m going by her tarot and concept art for her appearance rather than what we got in-game because assets were limited and didn’t seem to fit what they had first envisioned for her. Also she just looks so much cooler lmao

Hair is long and curly af. It reaches her hips and is super thick. She washes it well but doesn’t do much else to try and control it; she likes it wild. She does tie the top layer into an updo with decorative hairpins for both the ~aesthetic~ and keeping most of it out of her face.

Body-wise she’s tall but outside of that she’s kind of tiny tbh. Not a lot of muscle or fat in her upper body at all. Most of her weight sits in/near her hips. She’s not very strong physically and doesn’t care to change that since she is not a physical fighter and she can have the dead do tasks for her. She does try to keep in good health for the sake of mobility but other than what’s needed to maintain her current fitness she’s not gonna be doing much training in terms of physicality.

Best magic skills are necromancy (and by extension spirit magic), ice magic, entropy, and force magic.

Uses a staff but is equally adept without one.

Does not use blood magic, but not because she has anything against it from a moral standpoint. She simply does not need blood magic as she already has an expanse of spirits she can call upon without turning to demons, which she views as less worthwhile helpers due to their corrupted natures.

Despite popular belief, she doesn’t actually hate everything, she is just extremely emotionally repressed and doesn’t know how to cope with the feelings she experiences, therefore she tries her best to not experience feelings she isn’t accustomed to.

It may seem like she resents Henrik, and she does resent him to an extent for keeping her so restrained for most of her life, but that dude was basically her father and losing him was her first real heartbreak. She deeply regrets not being able to express to Henrik how thankful she truly was for him before he was killed and hates that their last interaction was her blowing up at him and running away to join the Inquisition, but Henrik knew that she cared and was proud of her anyway. He got in contact with Leliana, who sent reports of Sidony’s accomplishments to him, and he kept every single letter sent to him regarding Sidony in a box in his desk. Sidony finds the box of letters while going through her inheritance from him (since she DID inherit everything from him after his passing) and it gives her closure.

#✧ 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐎𝐍𝐘 ── ❝ Acquainted with Death. ❞ (𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓)

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genderfluid-fujoshi · 2 years

Text

14 years ago a friendship I had just fucked up really bad and very quickly, I decided I was done with their shit when they scream to me on the middle of a hallway when everyone was coming out of class (this was in college). They screamed "I just don't know how to talk you anymore, it's been a week I just don't know". I was mad angry for weeks, I couldn't tell my part of the story because it involved a third party who wanted to remain silent. So, that was just the first occasion they tried to put on display what a nasty person I am. I mean, im not nice. I'm actually a really petty bitch.

But also I was bullied all elementary school, until I got angry enough to fight back.

Anger has always been there to protect me. When I was a teenager I thought I was only able to feel horny or angry... And of course, as every undiagnosed mentally ill teen, sometimes both at the same time.

18 years ago, I had my first queer partner. I was so immature and also very damn naive. Never crossed my mind that my partner on that moment could say or do shit just with the intention to hurt me, to make me feel less than and/or ashamed. They were always quizzing me about the most random shit and of course, making fun of me when I didn't knew the answer. Other of their talents was gaslighting, the fucked up part is that I trusted them. So when they tell me: "You are making such a fucking drama out of nothing" (Eeeeven when I had the right to be mad AF with them). We didn't last long, the aftermath was the worst part, the manipulation, the letters, the desperated tries to regain control of me...

Anger was there, when they tried to ridicule me for crying about a close relative been in intensive cares: "Why are you crying? You are not going to solve anything with crying, if they die, they die".

It was my anger hanging up the call. It was my anger blocking them on every fucking platform. It was my anger burning all their presents. It was my anger again, protecting me.

19 years ago, my partner at the time break up with me because "I had so many damn problems, and they wanted something more simple". I mean I can't blame them, I was a fucking disaster, but the way they behaved when I wasn't feeling good, always made me feel so out of place, too much to handle, so damn sensitive...

I knew they breaked-up with me because they were not honest about not been ok with having an open relationship, months later I hooked up with their partner, I've always been this petty. It was a one-time kind of thing. I don't know if that was my anger, but it did made me feel better.

Today I was feeling very fucking angry at my wife, we are having a rough patch, you know the drill: money and patience shortens at the same fucking speed, or so it seems. I've been feeling really angry, but also very fucking sad. My anger is trying to save me again.

My anger doesn't understand that I have grew, that right here, right now I can be vulnerable. But it was awaken because my wife told me today: "I don't know how to talk you without you making a huge fuss". The other day she told me: "You were supposed to do this fucking thing, are you gonna play dumb to also not do this other thing" It was the facial expressions and the tone... I took a deep breath and told her: "the hell is going on with you?". This days have been hard. And believe me, I'm not trying to excuse that uncool attitude.

I have been thinking about this for days: "How can I make her understand that the way she's speaking to me is unnecessary rude". Then I remembered that song of L.P., "Lost in You"

Hold me like you never lost your patience.

It always makes me tear up.

Don't get me wrong, my wife is my favorite person, my best friend. Been triggered by this things is not her fault, BUT is my responsibility to tell her to watch her words, and speak to me in the same way she wants so be spoken to.

Just because I don't want my anger to protect me from her, I know it will hurt her back. I couldn't forgive myself if I do anything like the shit that was done to me.

In this vulnerability I grow, I flourish, but I also honor my anger, because that bitch had always, always had my back.

#emotional abuse #social anxious #saint anger #fucking empathy #tw depressing stuff #queer relationships #relationship lesbian #gaslightingawareness

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purplemanbehindtheslaughter · 2 years

Text

not a simp

here have something I drew

ok so i know the title is super sus like “ya you are” trust me i’m not a simp for blue fuzzy stick i just like playtonic (i can’t spell ok?) huggy x reader things cuz they damn cute bruh-

so imma write one cuz why the hell not? I don’t see anyone stoppin’ me *shrugs*

FBI OPEN UP

me: Holy shi-

So.

Again, with the factory of playtime co because some rando sent you a sus af letter that was the same handwriting and spelling you had in pre-k.

You were standing here in front of the MASSIVE Huggy Wuggy doll-statue thing. Yeah, you weren’t sure what his deal was, but you really wanted to hug him. He gives good hugs (or at least you assumed; it was his namesake, after all). You stared at him, then at the key in his raised, velcro hand, which you remembered always getting stuck on your clothes when you played with the small plushies. You were the youngest to work at the place, and that made you handy for all sorts of different jobs, but you also got distracted really easy. That never really changed though; no matter how old you grew, you were a child at heart with a soft spot for toys. Probably why you came back.

You pulled the trigger of the grabpack down hard, trying to grab the key in Huggy’s raised hand. It didn’t work though, because even when you did get a solid grip, you would always slip and either let go or the key just refused to leave the fuzzy blue 10-ft. tall creature’s hand. Eventually you just legit gave up, wondering if it would be a better idea to cut your losses and go home. Wouldn’t be a bad idea, and the thought sounded pretty damn stable the more you thought about it. But the moment you stood up to leave, they key, previously gripped tight in Huggy’s hand, fell straight onto your head, scaring the ever-loving shit out of you. It fell into your own hand, which confused you to no end. But now, you had no excuse for leaving, and you weren’t really a quitter when you had a chance. So, you unlocked the door you needed the key for, and was able to fix the wiring, which made everything infinitely better, because now you could see what the hell you were doing! Yay! Except...

it wasn’t

not in the slightest

explanation?

When you returned to the main room, Huggy was nowhere to be found, which creeped you out to no end. He was just a doll, right? He shouldn’t be able to move! You calmed yourself, taking a breathe.

“Okay, maybe someone’s playing a prank on me. Not likely but, it’s more probable than Huggy moving on his own...” You spoke quietly to yourself, remembering all the times you’d his behind the door to give poor Laith Pierre a good scare, despite the poster of Kissy Missy telling workers specifically not to, but hey, like hell were you gonna listen to some sign of a toy you couldn’t ever take seriously. To be honest though, you couldn’t really take any of them seriously, besides maybe Poppy, who’s life-like eyes never ceased to creep the ever-loving shit out of you. Every. Single. Damn. Time.

But all joking aside, this was pretty damn sus, and you were starting to get slightly creeped. You started questioning you sanity and if you were the victim of a cruel, elaborate prank as you continued onwards, going back home through the front door seeming more and more like a great idea. Occasionally you’d think you saw a long, slinky arm retreat behind a door, only for it to be locked, and another time, when you hot the red hand, you could’ve sworn you saw a blue, devilish grin from a vent before it closed, right before you got the red hand of the grabpack. You were wondering why you stayed.

Eventually you made it to the build-a-friend part of the factory, where you pulled a bunch of levers and shit and assembled a catbee toy (more or less; all you actually did was pull levers and the machine did the rest). Anyways you watched the odd plastic (or was it?) hybrid go through the prosses, taking a moment to gawk at it’s flawlessness before putting it on the tray. The sign said “no one leaves without a toy!” which you had laughed at.

“Haha, jokes on you, I’m leaving the damn thing here.” You had begun to march defiantly out the door, when footsteps other than your own made you open your eyes to see the possibly over 10ft tall Huggy Wuggy, walking towards you with a crazed looks, it’s mouth full of razor sharp teeth. Didn’t help that it almost looked like he was drooling.

“Oh HELL nah!” You cried an ran as fast as you could in the other direction, looking for a hiding place until you found your sanctuary in the vents. Thinking you were safe, you sat down with a huff, the initial shock of Huggy walking toward you like that taking more breath than your frantic running.

This didn’t last however, as the convyor belt below you started moving, taking you though the vents. You started cussing loudly when you heard clanging in the vent next to you and looked through the grates to see Huggy Wuggy, who glanced at you before running somewhere down the vent in the direction the belt was heading.

“Ahh shit. Damn toys, why the hell can’t you ever stay where you’re supposed to be?” You complained as you walked down the vent, knowing it was very possible you’d die. You jumped with a shriek and started running in the other direction, slipping into a small vent opening when Huggy turned out to be waiting in a turn the belt was trying to lead you.

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit-!” you cussed under your breath as you ran as fast as you could. Eventually you had fallen out of the vent, onto a nice catwalk. The vent door opened, Huggy Wuggy getting ready to finally end you, when you noticed a big box. If you were quick enough, maybe you could grab it. This slight moment of hesitation was one moment tooo long, as you felt yourself be picked up, hoisted high into the air. You sighed, rolling your eyes as you willingly accepted for the pain of your untimely demise, but were surprised when that never happened. But what surprised you the most was that not only were you still alive, but the big blue fluffy stickman was hugging you, making a sound in his chest that sounded a whole lot like a cat purring. You made a slightly surprised sound, then giggled. He held you out, tilting his head in confusion. It was actually really fucking cute, making you giggle a little more, petting his head. Or at least trying to, but your arms were no match for his, and you barely managed to brush some of the fur on his face. He held you a little bit closer so you could actually pet him, and made content cat-like noises as you rubbed his head.

“Aww, you’re not baddie. You’re just a lonely little kitty.”

So yeah, apparently you have an overgrown blue pet now.

#poppy playtime #huggy wuggy #huggy x reader #platonic #fluff #literally fluffy blue dude #vent chase

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daddywright · 3 years

Note

I have only recently got into the ace attorney fandom, and this story was the first story I read, and I feel spoiled! I absolutely loved every chapter, so I'm gonna word vomit here and tell you everything I love about this!

"She offers him a smile. It’s small, tentative, but it possesses a strength that makes a hidden part of him twist and burn with quiet envy." the first time we see nick's wish to be as strong as mia!

Considering the fact that nick didn't have any prominent figure in his life, it makes sense that he would look up to gregory so much

"Phoenix looks up, and starts walking towards Mia Fey

He doesn't stop for two years."

THE RELATIONSHIP THAT MIA AND NICK HAD WAS PRECIOUS AND DESERVES MORE THAN WHAT THE FANDOM GIVES THEM

"Larry’s arms wrap around him, squeezing almost too tight" People forget that Larry and Phoenix were good friends too, and Larry would help his best friend

"Nobody believed him, nobody but Mia" Maya is what Phoenix is to Mia and I adore that

"He wishes, desperately, that he’d said it while she was still alive. I loved you. For everything you did." Not you absolutely breaking my fucking heart

Also the first AA game felt unnatural in the sense of how seemingly unaffected Phoenix seemed at Mia's murder so I'm really glad you wrote it this way

"Expensive. Thoughtful. Too much." SHUT UP NICK YOU DESERVE ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING

Also quick break to mention how I absolutely fucking love your writing style and i wish I was literally half as talented as you cuz the last time I read something that made me feel this multitude of emotions was ocean vuong. And I practically worship Ocean Vuong. So now I worship you too

"You're a stranger to me // When will I stop hoping?" I never really realised just how badly nick musta been hurt by good ol' bratworth before this fic, but now that I have read it, it would have hurt him so bad

"Is this why you never answered my letters? Because I was a reminder? Because it hurt too much?" Honestly what happened to miles and phoenix's friendship hurts so much because it should have never happened, and miles didn't deserve that.

"Maybe Miles Edgeworth is not the man he thought he’d be, either." yo when I tell you this hurt I mean this huRT

Fun fact! My birthday is on the same day as DL-6 anniversary. Gregory Edgeworth died on my birthday. I feel horrible now

"monster. You were nine years old and he's a monster. " No one has made me feel this much emotion for what happened to Miles in a single sentence other than you. I commend you for that

"I love you," he says quietly. He has never said those words to anyone, except for Dahlia Hawthorne.

Maya sniffs in his ear, crushing him tight. "I love you, too."

He has never heard them back.

PHOENIX HAS NEVER HEARD THE WORDS " I LOVE YOU" COME BACK TO HIM ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME WHY NOW I'M SAD

"Tell me everything. Every detail—" Miles is worried bout nick and why wouldn't he? gods you're so gay miles but tbf if I knew someone like nick irl i'd go ballistic too

"He determined the motive for his own assault...with amnesia. Naturally." My man's smart af and he is king

"Is that what she thinks of me? That I'm like that? That I don't care about who the bad guys really are?" Gumshoe noooo you're hella precious! Also this particular chapter was so well written! loved this soo much!

Also taking a minute to appreciate the pacing! Rarely do I ever come across an author who just hits that sweet spot of perfect pacing and you did! so thank you!

Alright so here are a few thoughts that I felt capcom needed to do which you did for us!

no. 1 - Address the trauma phoenix faced with not only dahlia but also with mia's death

no. 2 - Actually fucking flesh out a good relationship dynamic between larry and phoenix

no. 3 - actually! have! phoenix! be hurt! in bridge to turnabout! istg my man would not have dropped from a burning bridge to a freezing river only to have a cold

AUNT FRANZY AND PEARLS MAN!

THEY CUTE

ok so I have a LOT of feelings for bridge to turnabout and HOO BOY BUCKLE UP

So I always thought that in this fic, miles must have felt fucking awful! I mean he very clearly hates who he was and what that has led to but that must have been doubled over with this case! Phoenix would have died if not for mia and it would have been indirectly miles's fault. I think about that alot

Like he said that he very much regrets whatever he did as bratworth in the phone call with gumshoe but i don't think he anticipated this. poor edgeworth

Also I think this was the final nail in the coffin for miles. Phoenix forgave him, after all the fucked up shit miles did, and that made that man go "how is this guy so fucking compassionate awwwww shit I'm in fucking love with this idiotic brave man".

my main thoughts were "holy shit phoenix must have been feeling awful." like to learn that you were in love with a person who turned out to be a murderer but then not a murderer cuz everything you felt about that was real and just...... it must have hurt. He never fell in love with dahlia. it was iris, always. and WHAT ABOUT MILES DURING THIS!!! Like to learn that the man you love was falsely led to believe that he was in love with a person he rarely met and then learn that his ex who is not murderous might still be in love with him because "that was real. that part was real." like damn. people just gloss over this

also I feel terrible for iris F in the chat for iris lads.

Dahlia literally haunting that courtroom scene. I felt mia's power. I felt her desperation. I felt everything and I am once again in awe of the absolute power your writing holds.

also godsdamn pearls had to go through all that shit huh. also FRANMAYAAAAAA THANK YOUUUU

I too, am a hoe confused as to what I should feel towards diego.

Ok anyways we jump to disbarment now

"He just winks at her and says Maya has other talents, and if Mystic Maya overhears, she puffs up at him like the fish from the aquarium she saw once, the one with all the spikes and silly eyes."

you know what constantly amazes me? your ability to change tones so effortlessly. When writing from edgey's pov, the language is sophisticated. precise. when writing from pearly's pov your language is simplistic, child-like. from phoenix's pov it's natural. grounded

"She never knew anybody who made faces like him, growing up in Kurain, and it’s one of the things that makes him special." Yo phoenix is the most amazing uncle ever and we all know it ok he's brilliant

I'M RUNNING OUT OF CHARACTER LIMITS

PEARLY CALLING EDGEY AT FIRST SIGN OF TROUBLE I'M SOFFFFTTTT

“I think I did something really bad." trucy baby no it's not your fault

pearl and trucy bonding supremacy. my girls would fuck shit up

"She’d meant to do this properly, one day." Thank you for giving importance to maya's feelings. thank you for treating her like a real human being. thank you

“Everything that happened...for what? It’s only gotten people hurt. Pearly. Our mother.” Me. Me." I felt so bad for maya here. I wish I could tell you in precise words about how this exact framing of the sentence is what broke me. "me. me" maya deserved more, but mia did all she could

"What do scared kids need? ...Food." not you breaking my godsdamn heart again. phoenix just knows what's it like being a helpless child, and he'll be damned if he ever lets anyone face that again

“‘Course, Pearls,” he says reflexively, before frowning. “What for?” reflexively. if every man in the world could be like phoenix wright then the world would be worthy of the gods

"Another one?" give it 2 years edgey she'll be your daughter too

"after countless hours creating the man’s living space in his mind from the background snatches he’d seen in the man’s ridiculous video calls." NOT ONLY DO THEY VC FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON BUT ALSO MILES ACTUALLY SPENDS TIME TRYING TO RECREATE HIS ROOM?? BECAUSE HE WOULD ONE DAY LIKE TO BE IN IT??? good gods these bitches gay. good for them

"because just as day is light and night is dark, Phoenix Wright is an honorable man." damn straight. you love to see it (it being a 27+ year old man pining for another 27+ year old man)

also hey miles! how do you feel about the fact that the man you love changed his fucking major and degrees halfway through college just so he could see you again only for you to be incredibly rude to him and make him end up in jail! (i bully edgeworth cuz i love him)

"Wright finishes, shrugging like it’s nothing, like his commitment and belief isn’t the most extraordinary thing that Miles has ever faced." it's more than pining at this point. it's incredible faith and trust. Miles had someone who cared about him even after all those years despite him having changed so drastically, ofc he would be surprised. Miles loves phoenix and so do i.

also HOT DAMN YOU WRITING IS JUST * MWAH *

Also the whole segment where they kiss is just !!!!! miles wants! it's beautiful! THEY'RE IN LOVEEE

receiving poisonous bottles which your ex tried to kill you with. My man can't get a break huh

Miles being chivalrous and protective and absolutely stealing my godsdamn heart (and phoenix's too)!

Klavier being the absolute king that he is we stan

The hostage situation section? gods miles must have been terrified.

Phoenix not being able to promise pearly that he'd always come back home and miles hearing it and like... ouch. my heart. you didn't need to do that (but i love your for it)

GODS THE CLIMAX WITH KRISTOPH WAS SOOO SATISFYING AND LIKE MY MAN PHOENIX REALLY PUNCHED THAT BITCH HUH

klavier baby I am so sorry

ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL!

and thus my comment ends. I believe I have almost used up all of my commenting limits and i leave with these few parting words : HOLY SHIT YOUR AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU!

also I made a playlist on spotify for this fic! here's the link : https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3k8lRHiO8ZXQDLpiTUL7SN?si=fc3b35b4ab064867

gods this was long huh

GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY....WHERE DO I BEGIN...THE FACT THAT YOU BROKE THE CHARACTER LIMIT ON AO3 AND MADE A PLAYLIST? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?

thank you so much for all the amazing things you said....i am crying on a Wednesday morning knowing my writing was appreciated this much. thank you!

#ask tag #long post #my fic #nymphietonkslupin

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makeste · 4 years

Text

BnHA Chapter 286: VESTIGE ANTICS ARE A GO

Previously on BnHA: Deku was all “what’s the record for most consecutive bone breaks within the span of a single minute” and, without waiting for an answer, proceeded to unleash roughly 17 Smashes onto Tomura. Kacchan was all “THAT DOES IT, I’M TAKING THE REINS OF THIS SHITSHOW” and carried Endeavor and Shouto up to where the action was so Endeavor could hit Tomura with a Prominence Burn. AFO was all “Tomura would you rather burn to death or let me take over your body” and Tomura was all “...” and so AFO TOOK OVER and was all “STABBITY STABBITY” and used his Stabbing Quirk to do some Good Old Fashioned STABBIN’. First he stabbed Endeavor, and then he was all “hee and now I’m gonna stab Deku”, but Kacchan was all “SIR THAT’S MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT RIVAL” and so he rushed on in AND GOT HIMSELF STABBED INSTEAD. And so basically THIS PAST WHOLE WEEK HAS BEEN A RIDE, LET ME TELL YOU.

Today on BnHA: Kacchan is all “sup Deku lemme just downplay how I totally took this fatal blow for you just now” before he dramatically passes out and is caught by Todoroki “BTDUBS I CAN FLY NOW” Shouto, who is also carrying his dad because the kids really are just doing it all, here. AllForRaki Tomura For One is all “HAHA BAKUGOU IS PRETTY DUMB”, at which point Deku just LOSES IT ENTIRELY and ASCENDS INTO A NEW PLANE OF FURY LIKE A LITTLE GREEN RAGE BUDDHA. But then like two seconds later Tomura is all “ANYWAY, SO” and FUCKING TOUCHES DEKU’S FACE, CAUSING THE TWO OF THEM TO ASTROPROJECT INTO THE FREAKY OFA/AFO MINDSCAPE BECAUSE THIS CHAPTER IS BANANAS. Vestige!AFO is all “reports of my demise were greatly exaggerated but aren’t you glad I saved your life though, Tomura”, while Tomura is all “!!” because he’s hopefully starting to get A Clue, and meanwhile Deku just stands there watching all “what the fuck.” The chapter ends with SHIMURA MCFUCKING NANA showing up all, “HI, I HEARD SOME BITCHES WERE TRYING TO HAVE A GIRL POWER ARC, AND THEY DIDN’T INVITE ME.” Go on, Nana. Give ‘em hell.

you guys. I’m not normally one to take pleasure in another human being’s misfortune. BUT THAT SAID, there are exceptions to every rule, and so let’s just say certain events have transpired early this morning which have PUT ME IN A VERY, LET’S JUST SAY, NOT-TERRIBLE MOOD which this chapter will hopefully improve upon!!

oh my god Deku’s one non-fucked-up eye that he still has control over is SO WIDE YOU GUYS

hmm I know I shouldn’t be all (゜▽゜) while the two of them are all (； ▼ Д ▼) (⁰ Д゜;) ... and yet here we are. btw I’m worried tumblr’s formatting will ruin those two emojis which I worked so hard to get just right so I’m gonna repost them on another line here just in case

(； ▼ Д ▼) (⁰ Д゜;) that’s them. Kacchan and Deku. my boys

HERE COMES THE CHEESY “JUST GOT STABBED BETTER PLAY IT OFF ALL COOL!!!” ONE LINER OH MY GOD

(ETA: really love how my son, with what for all he knows could be his dying breaths, decides that the absolute most important thing is to preserve his selfish asshole facade so as not to fuck up his status quo with his rival. “LOOKEE HERE I GOT MYSELF ALL STABBED AND SHIT FOR YOU, BUT I TOTALLY JUST DID IT BECAUSE I WAS TIRED OF YOU GETTING ALL THE COOL HERO MOMENTS” yeah, that’s right! SELFLESS MOTIVATIONS, WHAT ARE THOSE sob.

also tbh I’m glad they didn’t delve any further into their feelings right here and now because this really isn’t the place or time for it sadly. WE WILL JUST PUT THOSE ON HOLD UNTIL AFTER THE ARC ENDS, when they are all recovering from their various wounds and traumas and have time to catch up and have some long-overdue heart-to-hearts. it deserves its own chapter or two or three. maybe time to head back to Ground Beta once they’re healthy? “healthy” perhaps being a relative term given their current condition fjsdjkf.)

by the way it looks from here like only the ones through his torso and shoulder actually hit, so that’s something at least. WE’VE LOST ENOUGH LEGS TODAY. I need to conserve my remaining puns

MEANWHILE TOMURA IS HAVING A CRISIS

ARE YOU MAD AT YOUR EVIL DAD TOMURA. HE JUST WON’T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER WILL HE, THAT GUY

anyway so it looks like Kacchan might have caught a break here because AFO/Tomura is pulling the stabby quirk activation tendril things back out! rip, “Kacchan vs. Deku part 3″ theories

p.s. I got ALL CAUGHT UP IN THE DRAMA and thus glossed over the chapter title which is “one among us”! hmmm this is definitely AFO/OFA related, calling it now. ooh lord I am excited

NOW MY SON IS DRAMATICALLY FALLING

THE BLOOD FROM THE MOUTH OOF NOT GOOD AHHHH. DEKU’S FACE AHHHH. HIS BODY JUST WENT TOTALLY LIMP DID HE PASS OUT AHHHH. SOMEONE CATCH HIM!!

BY HIS FOOT, SHOUTO?!

well NOT EXACTLY THE MOST GRACEFUL THING I’VE EVER SEEN, but we’ll allow it because HOLY SHIT BOY. ARE YOU ALREADY CARRYING YOUR DAD ON TOP OF THAT?? HORIKOSHI PLEASE CONFIRM, IS TODOROKI MOTHERFUCKING SHOUTO FUCKING FLYING AROUND UNBALANCED AF ON HIS ONE FLAMEY LEG, CARRYING HIS 500 LB POP AND NOW HIS FLOPPY PASSED OUT BEST FRIEND AS WELL?!? HOLY SHIT TODO?!?!

LADIES AND GENTLEFRIENDS OF THE VILLAIN STANDOM, FEAR NOT, TOMURA’S HAIR IS THE FIRST THING THAT GREW BACK LOL

even before his eyeballs kfldkakjk. which, btw, how does he even know what’s going on right now? “this fight has shed a lot of useless blood” sdkmkjl okay well (1) WHOSE FAULT WAS THAT, AGAIN??, (2) SERIOUSLY THOUGH, HOW DOES HE EVEN KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING. DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO YOU STABBED?? ARE YOU EFFECTIVELY BLIND FOR THE NEXT FEW SECONDS HERE, WHAT’S GOING ON, and lastly (3) I seriously can’t tell if this is AFO or Tomura talking right now. or are they going back and forth?? help this is so confusing

HEY

THE DISRESPECT. I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW KACCHAN ANGST IS NEVER USELESS!!

AND NOW HE’S BACK TO THE STABBING JFKJLKJLF I AM NOT TOO HAPPY WITH YOU RIGHT NOW MISTER

okay and now we’re cutting to some quick panels of the unconscious Aizawa, Gran, and Ryuukyuu, along with the “still conscious but in a very real sense might as well not be counted” Manual who is really having a day, that poor guy

anyway but then there’s also some dialogue boxes being all “if you act out of rage your power will respond accordingly, the most important part is to keep your head clear.” which I’m like 90% sure is Deku/OFA related, but honestly NOTHING ABOUT THIS CHAPTER IS CLEAR SO FAR YOU GUYS. except for the Shouto-is-a-badass part anyway

HMM YEP I’M GONNA GO WITH DEKU-RELATED

it must be a callback to some line I’m forgetting. maybe Lariat explaining Blackwhip to him that one time. probably should have been in italics if it was a flashback quote, but hey. anyways the point is Deku is absolutely, 100% following this advice to the letter (/s)

(ETA: yep I’m almost positive this is the same quote from chapter 213. “listen, when you use this power out of anger, it’ll really start working for you. what really matters is controlling your heart.” which is still one of the weirdest pieces of advice in the entire series, but basically I think he was just trying to tell him it’s okay to get mad, so long as it’s calmly mad. like, controlled fury, as opposed to this white-hot berserker nonsense he’s been running on as of late. anyways I do still love me some shounen rage all the same but Lariat has a point.)

...

it took me a minute to realize THOSE WERE DEKU’S EYES. holy --

AND ANOTHER MINUTE TO REALIZE THAT DEKU FUCKING GRABBED THE ACTIVATION TENDRIL WITH HIS BUSTED UP OFA HANDS AND BIT INTO IT WITH HIS RABID OFA JAWS AND SNAPPED THAT SHIT LIKE A FUCKING KITKAT KLJLKSJDLKJFLK WOOOOOOOO I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING BUT GODDAMN. POWER MOVE

(ETA: this is a two-page spread omg. I didn’t even realize at first. this scan ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT DO THIS BADASS PAGE ANY KIND OF JUSTICE but I can’t wait to see the real deal on Sunday holy shit.)

LMAO

DEKU RAGED SO HARD HE TURNED INTO AN ANGRY GHOST SONIC THE HEDGEHOG FKLSKG

(ETA: he actually looks a bit like the Vestiges/Kurogiri tbh.)

meanwhile Tomura basically has the exact same face I would have had in his position. yeah for real man. I don’t even know

p.s. WHEN will people learn to STOP INSULTING KACCHAN IN DEKU’S PRESENCE. WHEN, I ASK!!

WHAT IN THE CINNAMON TOAST FUCK

if this was a physical page I was holding I would have FLUNG THAT SHIT AWAY LIKE THERE WAS A SPIDER CRAWLING ON IT. WHAT THE FUCK

HOT DAMN. well uh. so that’s SUPER DISTURBING, what a lovely panel of Tomura’s melted face slowly growing back while his ears lag behind, and meanwhile that little scar that had been growing and growing and which at one point certain people (ME) thought might turn him into a BEAUTIFUL BUTTERLY instead RIPS HIS FACE IN HALF to reveal the KINDER EGG AFO SURPRISE UNDERNEATH AHHHHH TAKE IT BACK

THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T LET MAD SCIENTISTS PERFORM EXPERIMENTS ON YOU, KIDS. PSA. JUST SAY NO

-- NO!!!

HORIKOSHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fuck

oh my god. I almost would have rather cut away right after the Kacchan incident than freaking cut away NOW of all times, jesus. THAT’S JUST A BITCH MOVE, IS WHAT THAT IS. if we don’t cut back within the next three pages I SWEAR TO GOD

anyway so GUESS WHAT GIGANTOMACHIA’S DOING YOU GUYS. if you guessed “the exact same thing he was doing last time we saw him” then you are absolutely right, because it was actually PRETTY EASY TO GUESS

anyway but he says he detects “master’s scent”, except that there’s apparently two of them. interesting! one in Tartarus and one in Jakku, right? lol Horikoshi has burned me so many times already with his excruciatingly slow reveal of this that I’m not gonna hold my breath just yet, but I’ll get the hype train warmed up JUST IN CASE

okay so meanwhile in downtown Jakku, the heroes are handing off the civilians over to the police and rescue forces while they prepare to engage with “the villain”, by which I assume they mean Gigantomachia. does this mean Iida and Ochako are gonna fight Machia you guys omg

OOH!!!

“PLEASE INFORM THEM ON FOOT” well I know a certain SPEEDY BOI who would be PERFECT for that job oh my. make haste, Tenyar FastmLeggy

WAIT WHICH WAY ARE THEY HEADING

ARE THEY HEADING TOWARDS MACHIA OR TOWARDS DEKU AND AFO

so rather than answering my VERY PERTINENT question, Ochako is instead spending an entire page thinking about how their complete clusterfuck of a life keeps getting exponentially worse all the time! well but she’s not wrong though

NOW SHE’S ALL “GUYS...!” and, rather than explaining ANYTHING AT ALL, Horikoshi is again cutting back to THIS, OMG AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(ETA: good thing Kacchan wasn’t awake to see his dramatic “I’ll just get myself impaled for Deku’s sake” plan result in this outcome ALL OF TWENTY SECONDS LATER smdh.)

I ACTUALLY PREFER MY DEKUS NON-CRUMBLED, THANKS. ALSO JUST ON A SIDE NOTE, POOR SHOUTO THOUGH. THE LAST NINETY SECONDS OR SO HAVE BEEN ENOUGH NIGHTMARE FUEL FOR A LIFETIME HAVEN’T THEY

so now he’s all “MIDORIYA!!!” because OF COURSE HE IS. his best friend just got impaled, and his dad too, and now he fully expects to see his other best friend crumble to dust right before his eyes holy shit. T R A U M A ™

-- !!!

somehow in the excitement of the moment I forgot his actual goal for a sec lol. meaning I instantaneously switched from HORRIFIED to GRINNING LIKE A MANIAC :D :D :D come on OFA time to show him what’s what

AND NOW WE’RE SWITCHING OVER TO EVERYONE’S FAVORITE TRIPPY DREAM LANDSCAPE FOR ADDITIONAL DRAMA, WELL OKAY

I’M ON BOARD WITH THIS, WHATEVER. also it’s becoming increasingly apparent that Deku is in fact nekkid underneath that mystical cloud bs, so let’s hope one of his remaining yet-to-be-unlocked quirks is a pants-conjuring quirk lulz

“this place...” yeah we all fucking know what this place is son, let’s get on with this. by my count we’ve only got four pages left so PLEASE BUDGET THEM WISELY

OH MY

holy shit. I have so many screaming thoughts about this lol but I just want to keep on reading lkjlkjlkjl okay I’ll come back later and edit them in, how’s that

OR MAYBE I’LL JUST RANT ABOUT THEM NOW GODDAMMIT

shit. okay let me just try and sum this up as quick as I can

so just in case it wasn’t already crystal clear, AFO’s soul being roommates with Tomura’s seems to be just about 100% confirmed now. good for you, All For One For All theory!! the “Kacchan loses his quirk” theory died so that you might live on in glory

AFO does seem to have almost fully taken control now. it looks like Tomura’s still fighting back, but AFO clearly has the upper hand now if their body language is any indication. Tomura on his knees with AFO calmly holding him down and ignoring his struggles... not looking too good for him at the moment

people seem to have somewhat lost sight of this in the midst of the great “heroes vs. villains Who Is Right Who Is Wrong What Are Morals” debate of 2020, but just a friendly reminder that AFO is in fact responsible for 100% of all of Tomura’s suffering from pretty much the moment he was born up till this very moment we’re now witnessing!! like, you can go ahead and blame Nana and Gran and The Complacent Apathy Of Hero Society and whatever the fuck else from here till Sunday, but All for One is the reason Kotarou was orphaned. All for One is almost certainly the reason why the seemingly quirkless Tenko suddenly just magically developed THE MOST FUCKED UP QUIRK OF ALL TIME at the worst possible moment. All for One is probably the reason why no one helped Traumatized Baby Tenko in the immediate aftermath (I can and likely will write a separate post about this in the near future). All for One is definitely the reason why no one helped Tenko at any point after that. All for One is the reason why Tenko grew up all fucked in the head (“HERE’S YOUR DEAD FAMILY’S HANDS, MERRY CHRISTMAS”), and the reason why he grew up blaming Heroes and Society rather than the sole person who was actually responsible who was literally standing right in front of him the entire time. and lastly, All for One is the reason why Tomura has now been manipulated into unknowingly sacrificing his own body and possibly even his mind. so THANKS A LOT FOR THAT. more like jerk for one amiright

basically what I’m trying to say is that Deku and Tomura are not actually enemies here, and they never have been. the two of them have a common enemy, and I’m convinced Tomura’s story is about him eventually coming to realize this. and this looks to be the first step towards that, for two reasons. one, because AFO is finally starting to out himself to Tomura as the rat bastard he has always been. and two, because Deku is catching a glimpse of this now for the very first time. up until now he didn’t have a damn clue lol. but this is now something for him to file away in the back of his mind, and perhaps follow up on at a later date, once all of this craziness finally subsides and he has some time to process

anyway, so that’s basically it! tl;dr AFO is the final villain and unless I’m very much mistaken, this scene is going to finally start to set that up. let’s read on!

OMG

NANA?!?

lKDSJFLKSHGLISHDOGIHOLRKL

NOOOOOO I can’t believe it fucking ended there I can’t fucking believe it, fuck everything

smdh. what a place to end it. didn’t confirm a damn thing. not even whose mental landscape all of this is actually taking place in! like, don’t mind me though Horikoshi, it’s not like THE FATE OF THE WORLD HINGES ON THIS QUESTION OR ANYTHING except oh wait it really kind of does. kljkj

but seriously. because if it’s Deku’s mind, it means that Tomura’s attempt to take his quirk wasn’t successful. but if it’s Tomura’s mind, though... well... hhhhhhkhfff

or it could be both, I guess. more of that “AFO and OFA are the same quirk and thus linked” goodness. oh man. anyways stay tuned for next week when Nana presumably helps Deku out with the rest of that black fog and also hopefully finds him some pants. or maybe Nana can just go fight AFO herself. a little payback for everything he’s done to her protege and to her grandson. either way I CAN’T WAIT omg. VESTIGE ANTICS ARE A GO

#bnha 286 #midoriya izuku #shigaraki tomura #all for one #bakugou katsuki #todoroki shouto #shimura nana #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #never thought we'd be this close to getting to see nana punch afo in the face #please horikoshi I beg of you please let this happen #if this holds up next week pretty much every single lady of bnha will have gotten their chance to shine in this arc #well except for ochako #but things are looking up on that front too!#what a time to be alive

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blonde-toddy · 3 years

Text

Random and Not So Random thoughts while watching Bridgerton: Season 1, Episode 8

So the finale is here.

And baby do we need some resolutions.

This one is titled "After the Rain"

I hope that's a good thing.

Couples montage then lonely Violet. She was blissfully in love with her husband, that's for sure. 8 facking kids worth.

Yes Simon and Daphne are a love match....but they are ripping my heart out right now.

Why are they being so cold?!?!

Way to reference the ruse Daphne. Ugh.

I'm glad that King Granville is here.

Yes push those assholes together.

That shoulder touch. See, irresistible. They are all about each other.

The very picture of devotion, indeed.

Benny and Eloise!!!!

She's wearimg that ugly neck thing again.

No Benny, she thinks Delacroix is Whistledown.

What?!?! Francesca is coming back.

Oh Marina you still pregnant.

Now you shipping Penelope and Colin. That's not weird or anything seeing as you were ready to trap his ass.

Something is amiss!

For Violet to be so wise with her sons, she's awfully thick when it comes to Daphne. I just don't understand.

Daphne is done done done with Violets advice.

I ain't mad at her.

Aww Portia is trying to finesse her way back in. Violet can't stand her.....

Okay Daphne! Let's just hand out all kinds of forgiveness today.

Oh shit. Sir Crane!

Daphne and Portia are GONE!

Ooooh her beloved is dead dead dead.

Yeah girllllllll. All that time you thought he abandoned you. And he was at war.....shit.

What a pill.

I'm glad Daphne has some kind of friend.

Daphne and Marinas storylines are kind of bizarrely parallel.

Jesus Eloise, wtf!

Awww she's trying to save her friend.

I don't think Delacroix is Whistledown.

Oh this is so uncomfortable.....Benny on the low shit.

That shoulder shrug was cute.

"Lock. The door "

Where you going Daphne....what you doing?

Your Graces.

Awww Daphne is still trying.

Damn Simon if she deserves it, step up and give it to her.

Will and Alice ❤

Aw shit Will took Featheringtons bait.

This can't be good.

The deed to the crib?!

This man is out of his mf mind.

Stop it with Anthony and Sienna already!

Simon knows Will is up to something..........

Oh shit he's still there.

Marina you better marry him.

You a damn fool.

Good luck.....you're missing tf out I think.

Right, Portia, right.

Oh she definitely still pregnant.

What are you looking for Daphne?

Ooooh she found the letters he wrote to his father.

And she's reading the mfs.

Oh man.

Yeah girl. It's fucking awful.

Here we go again with hoe ass Anthony.

Under the bleachers. Okay you freaks.

And Will throws the fight.

Featherington is so full of shit and those bookies know he played them. That is going to go horribly. I guaranfuckingtee it.

Simon knows whats up....but he's in no position to judge ANYBODY right now.

Daphne getting serious insight.

I appreciate the relationship between Daphne and Lady Danbury.

She needs someone to be straight with her.

She's giving that mother-in-law type advice and I love it.

You really out here judging him Simon.

Will fucked up but he's still right! Worry about your wife and your life! What's this really about?!

Oh Portia...don't get too excited.

That shits coming back around.

Breakfast together. Is this progress?

Daphne has a peace about her.

She ain't giving up on her man.

To Bridgerton House they go to see Dear Francesca.

Simon is so charming. He is duplicitous af!

Suddenly everyone is just cool with everything. Okay.

Must be the edibles.

Yes girl, look at your hot husband. He is impressive.

Um. Eloise. I think you're wrong boo.

Everybody doesn't have the advantages you have homie! I'm glad Penelope checks her when she gets on that high horse.

Simon with the kiddos just laying it on thick for my girl Daph. Teasing the fuck out of her.

Even Anthony looks all proud and shit.

Delacroix still finds away to shade Portia and it's hilarious.

He lost her mf dowry.

Yes Marina. The bun is still in the oven.

Hastings house is lavish af!

Gawd that picture.

This is not the end. No. No. No.

I share in the doctors exasperation.

Idk what the fuck has happened to Anthony to turn him on his head like this.

Ok mf! You know what, take Sienna to the ball.

Finally giving her the love she deserves from you.

Oh look at these assholes looking at themselves.

"You wound me."

She's light roasting him again and it's lovely.

Come on my babies. Get it together. Y'all are precious.

Also if I ever marry, I want a regal ass portrait like that.

She wants to dance with her man. Same, girl. I want to, and I want you to, too.

Oh we have classic bantering Simon and Daphne.

Come. On. Already.

Fix it.

Fuck....the way they look at each other.

Welp. Party time.

Noooo not one LAST dance.

Ok Will flexed for his baby.

Simon still looking all judgy. Man you better get your own house in order.

Eloise is a living doll, but she's not here for the fellas just yet....or maybe ladies. Or maybe nothing at all. We'll see with her. Just not yet.

I appreciate the evolution of her and Daphnes relationship.

Aww Mr. Finch.

Portia flexing. "The Duchess extended an invitation, personally." She made sure they knew how connected she was.

They're still roasting her wack ass husband though. But fuck him.

Yep he's fucked.

Wtf does Benny do at these balls?

Awe Colin and Penelope.

Penelope bout to confess.

Well Colin killed that. Like dead in the water.

Ya boy is going to Greece.

Sorry Pen. The confession must wait.

Shes devastated. Hell nah she ain't dancing.

Oh Eloise...now is not the time.

Eloise got all that tea!!!!

Hold up this footman looks cheeky. More of him maybe.

Anthony bout to scoop his lady......SIKE.

Sienna pitting an end to this shit.

Anthony you've let her down one too many times.

And Sienna apparently has no desire to put on airs.

Are you sorry though?

And wtf do you do now?

Toss the flowers. Check.

Aww she saved Whistledown.

What a peach.

Come on assholes. Look at y'all looking at each other.

And he still plans on leaving.

Lady Danbury out here dropping wisdom. Listen, Simon, listen!

I honestly do think it's different for them. I think it's different for everyone.

Oh Daphne, Violet is dropping hot ones this time.

What a fucking pep talk.

And now they dance!!!!!

Its that slo-mo smoldering stare for me.

More rain?!

Daphne letting that shit wash her worries away. Go girl.

I mean y'all are cute but this is Daphne and Simons moment.

Cheers to the cane of Lady Danbury.

Danbury put everyone out. Her matchmaking and scheming never end.

At least Simon stayed in the rain with her.

Look at them.....

She told him bout the letters!!!!

Idk man. This love confession is on par with "I burn for you."

She wants to stay with you and love you every day. Man you have a rider. Y'all have dragged each other through the shits. Y'all need this rain.

But there's this lovely thing called a choice.

You really just gonna let her walk away this time and NOT follow her?!

Fucking hell.

Meanwhile at Featherington house.

Oh fuck.

Lord Featherington is dead. I knew that shit was going to blow up.

Fuck. Poor Portia.

Daphne just chilling.

Oh. Ok. Here comes the Duke.

Oh come on Simon. Yes you do. You know EXACTLY what to do.

Nothing else matters when y'all tangled up in them sheets.

They are just so tender!

Yes! Take it to the bed.

Daphne kissing on Simons neck and wanting to give him pleasure and affection >>>>>>>>

A million times over. Its fucking hot. Look at her honing her skillset.

Ride the mf girl!

Ok then! Flip that ass!!!

Out here long stroking the fuck out of her. Got dang.

Oh now you bout to hit that ecstacy.

Is a "congratulations" or "good job" in order?

These beautiful assholes!!!!

I just love them.

All this build up for Simon to ejaculate inside Daphne....but so worth it.

Awww poor Penelope.....

Eloise is convinced Whistledown is Delacroix.

I do love Portia.

Her and Marina grew to an understanding I think.

Marina girl, I think you're making a wise choice marrying your baby daddys brother. Just saying.

Who tf inheriting the Featherington Estate? And have we met them?

Hyacinth is forever in my heart.

Simon and Daphne got that glowwwwww.

Awwe Anthony is all broken up over Sienna.

Ahh yes Anthony, a loving union is the problem. I'm ready for your drama Hoe.

Aha! I knew Delacroix wasn't Whistledown.

Ooooh Eloise!

And you saved her ass.

Really?!?! Pen?!

I can see it a bit.

Aww Daphne is having a baby!!! She got her wish!!!

Simon looks equal parts terrified and amazed.

Aw yall keeping the alphabetical name tradition. How fucking cute.

But you know what, I'm here for it and I find myself satisfied.

And also thirsty!

That's why I went right back and started the series right over again. Yes I did. And I'm proud of that.

Now I will start the books and obsess about season 2.

What a beautiful much needled ride during these times. I feel alive again.

#bridgerton #bridgerton reaction #the duke of hastings #simon bassett #the duchess of hastings #daphne bridgerton #simon x daphne #daphne x simon #anthony bridgerton #benedict bridgerton #colin bridgerton #eloise bridgerton #violet bridgerton #portia featherington #penelope featherington #marina thompson #lady danbury #lady whistledown #mr granville

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transsexualhamlet · 3 years

Text

sherlock holmes reactions part 4 (?) ive lost count already but unsurprisingly ive grown even more attached to him

using this as the cover image because i made him a playlist. cause im awful

no legit this is gonna need a read more because it's SO LONG SHIHEWIESHEFSHIEWHF

Had three mental breakdowns this week and realized i do in fact kin sherlock motherfucking holmes. this does not bode well for anything in my life mentally I've diagnosed him with so many things

Oh boy lol you want the list I think hes autistic (undisputed honestly) plus also adhd but on top of that there's the manic depression and uhhh the bpd lmao I dont even think that's it those are just. the obvious ones

But yeah man's a fucking mess and a shit person but in the same way as me so 👍

Some highlights I thought were very funny:

watson: we are in fact going to be waltzing into a place where people are Shooting People you do not have your gun. this is a problem

sherlock: don't worry watson I have my trusty stick!

watson: visible pain

This clearly happens like every day or so with them

but yeah there were some really honestly sweet scenes with them at the apartment and why am i getting soft over the crusty man being gay

have you considered tho. have you considered them

have you considered sherlock, who usually only plays absolute garbage on his violin serenading watson to sleep when he was tired and in pain and watson being so fucking in love with the man and waxing poetic about falling asleep to his music and waking up to see him fallen asleep on the couch next to him and oh my god them

They're just really sweet together for such a completely dysfunctional couple so much of the time lol I just. Sherlock being like.

Sherlock half of the time: watson you're fucking stupid. no i won't take care of my personal needs stfu. watson get a goddamn life. watson shut up. watson no one cares about your goddamn opinion. no i need to disturb you in the middle of the night it's for science. hey watson mind if i manipulate mansplain malewife

Sherlock the other half of the time: HELLO SIR YOU ARE MY FAVORITE MAN TO EVER MAN HELLO MAY I SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS WITH YOU HELLO I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU WE ARE PERFECT MATCHES I LOVE YOU AND I NEED YOU YOURE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME PLEASE MARRY ME

They're... they certainly are.

ALSO OH MY GOD.

THIS ONE TIME WHEN SHERLOCK WAS JUST PACING AROUND THE ROOM AT 3 AM GOING "IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE >:(((" AND HUDSON LIKE BARGED IN TO COMPLAIN AND THEN WATSON WAS LIKE DUDE YOU GOTTA STOP DOING THIS AND PROCEEDS TO SAY THE LINE "YOU ARE KNOCKING YOURSELF UP, OLD MAN"

BAHGHSFHGRHEWHEWHIFEW

BRB SOBBING

CALLING HIM AN OLD MAN???? KNOCKING HIMSELF UP?? I DONT KNOW WHATS FUNNIER

The main highlight of this part was I have now gotten to see him have a great time watching his homo homie get married

Its so fucking funny.......

I was prepared for a funny reaction by yuumori sherlock's face when he said it lol but. Damn i was really not prepared tbh

watson: I'm engaged!

sherlock: *pained groaning*

watson: do you... not like her?

sherlock: no she's fine she's great you'll be wonderful together bUT I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE HETEROSEXUAL WATSON DO I HAVE TO MARRY MYSELF THEN WATSON? ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME MARRY MYSELF.

watson: yeah... yeah... fair, I feel really bad because you did this whole case and I got a girlfriend out of it and all you got was me leaving you alone fuck man im sorry what are you gonna do without me

sherlock, highly sarcastic: dont worry watson I've always got my handy cocaine! *pulls it out and gets high in front of watson just as he's about to leave*

watson: *in fucking agony*

sherlock: good for you!

I DONT EVEN- THIS SCENE KILLED ME MULTIPLE TIMES OVER WHAT

ITS SO GODDAMN NONCHELANT ABOUT IT SHERLOCK IS JUST LIKE YEAH I WILL IN FACT NOT BE MENTALLY HEALTHY IF YOU ARE NOT WITH ME 24/7 BUT WHATEVER YOU DO YOU /S

I'd like to apologize to watson on sherlock's behalf lmao. man is being a bit too codependent on main

The last thing about sign of four I do need to address is yeah, there's the Horrific Amounts Of Racism in that one and the whiplash hearing it is just ridiculous because they seem to be so knowledgeable in all other areas and fairly... politically correct, taking sherlock's original misogyny as a purposeful character flaw, but then they just mention someone indigenous once and suddenly its all parrotting racist propaganda and just... really awful shit. There's no way I'm gonna speak for the group that just got absolutely hate crimed here but anyone can tell the author just has no clue what he's fucking talking about and it's physically painful.

And I don't know, it's just so bad it seems out of character? Doyle's making these motherfuckers say shit that honestly, Sherlock would know better about. And especially Watson. Come on, you cannot tell me watson is mentally capable of being prejudiced against someone. Please do not make him that way.

I'm not sure how to handle it specifically, or what's the proper way I should handle something like that in a media I otherwise like. Is it ok to say Doyle was clearly a piece of shit on the matter and separate those characters from his bias or is that insensitive?

I don't know, I was Not a fan of it and I'm glad to see they've at least finally shut up about the guy

But anyway yeah, uhhhh onto the short stories because I'm trying to read those before I get to the final problem

Scandal in Bohemia was a fucking ride, first of all, before we even get to Sherlock's girlboss arc we have to discuss how gay the whole situation was and how Doyle's attempt at making them less gay failed spectacularly

Like he's all "ah yes I need to marry off watson and uhhh make sherlock ummmm interact with a woman so they dont look gay" but he does it SO BADLY that it makes them look EVEN GAYER

cause i mean, even the conversation they had about watson getting married back in sign of four was gay af, but how Doyle handled things afterward was in no way straighter.

Cause you know, the man kind of wrote himself into a corner with the fact of Watson narrating these stories. So Watson has to be around to witness them, and to witness Sherlock's own thought process rather privately, so he has to be around sherlock at night, a lot. But trying to come up with a reason for that happening just... it didn't occur to Doyle. He just went. Ah yes this makes sense. And it's Watson just like Sleeping Over At Sherlock's like every other goddamn day and every time his wife leaves town and having them basically still live that cute domestic home life but they have absolutely no excuses for doing it anymore. It's quite funny

Like it was gay already the way they interacted when they officially lived together but it was like, a necessity for them. Now it's not, Watson just comes over because he goddamn wants to, and it's hilarious to me.

LIKE IDK I THINK THEY KIND OF BROKE UP FOR A YEAR OR SO BC OF WATSON GETTING MARRIED AND THEY LIKE DONT HAVE CONTACT WITH ONE ANOTHER BUT ONE DAY WATSON JUST INEXPLICABLY HAS THE URGE TO COME VISIT SHERLOCK ON NO NOTICE AND THEN SUDDENLY THEY ARE TOGETHER NEAR 24/7 AGAIN LIKE BARELY ANYTHING CHANGED AHIEHOEWH

SIT DOWN AND TRY TO TELL ME THOSE ARE NOT HOMOSEXUALS

Watson walks in on no fucking notice after a full year and Sherlock is just. In the middle of some experiment obviously but hes like

Sherlock, carrying around unidenfiable chemical mixtures: W A T S O N you look good you look good! i see you've gained seven pounds!!

watson: uh. thanks??? Hey lol *awkwardly waves* Uh um Wanted to Uhm sEe you

Sherlock: ABOUT gODDAMN TIME AND YES WONDERFUL LOOK LOOK SIT DOWN I HAVE THINGS TO INFODUMP ABOUT

watson: :) ok :) *turns to camera* and we were back to the old days

sherlock: makes a deduction

watson: wowwwwwwwwwwww !! so true bestie !!

sherlock: !!!!!!!!! :))) !!!!! :))) uh fuck im supposed to be smooth Its Elementary Lol

watson: *turns to camera* when i stroke his ego like this and compliment him he blushes like a girl like i just complimented his dress so i do it more because he likes it. this is a homie trait

watson: well i should probably get going! my wife will notice that i am gone my dear buddy bro homie!

sherlock: NO DONT LEAVE IM LOST WITHOUT YOU (pretty much a direct quote lol) your. wife doesn't. get back home until monday. I know this because I am smart and definitely have not been stalking you.

watson: alright :)))))

AND THEN HE FUCKING SLEEPS OVER LMAO FUCKING HOMOS

So yeah they're right back where they were before pretty much and there's a case bc of course there is

And honestly I think this short story specifically was so insane mostly just because of how absolutely fast it all went. Yuumori kind of made me believe the original Irene Adler was more of an important character than she really is? And I think that's. Honestly so funny. Motherfucker shows up for ten pages, girlbosses her way around town, and changes sherlock's entire opinion of the female gender while still keeping him gay?

LIKE NO LOL SHES NOT IN ANY WAY A LOVE INTEREST AND WATSON GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO SPECIFY THE FACT THAT IN NO WORLD WOULD THEY HAVE BEEN ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED BECAUSE. SHERLOCK. DIDN'T DATE WOMEN.

HE WAS JUST??? SO IMPRESSED AND SHELL SHOCKED BY HER EXISTENCE HE DECIDED IT WAS TIME FOR GIRLBOSS APPRECIATION DAY TODAY AND ALL DAYS HENCEFORTH???

AND THEY HAVE LIKE O N E INTERACTION?? God, the power this woman(?) has. Watson looks at her once like. damb shawty 😳 and she's like "no<3" and he's like FUCK

Like yeah it's pretty much just the king walking up like "help girl the whore is blackmailing me" and sherlock being like "ok lol this will be easy" and then it proceeded to not in fact be easy or even possible

sherlock like... posed as a dead body and tried to get her to give up the location of the photo but she out-acted him and skipped the town the next day after doing the 'good night mr. sherlock holmes' thing with sherlock completely tricked

and she just. sends a letter like "dear sherlock holmes. you're a fucking idiot and i think it's funny that you lost. nice job tho mad respect" and sherlock just SHORT CIRCUITS

the king comes back a bit later like "hey Dude where's my Photo" and sherlock's like oh yeah uhhhhhhhhhhh about that and the king is like HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN THAT GODDAMN HARD i would have dated someone more noble if she wasn't so pretty i swear im on a whole different level from her

and then. GIRLBOSSIFIED SHERLOCK HOLMES RESPONDS "from what I have seen of the lady, she seems indeed to be on a very different level from your majesty" ABSEHHESHEFHHFES ROASTED

and the dude just LEAVES

After that I read a few more of the short stories and well the highlights I got from that pretty much were these conversations

Watson: sherlock. honey. have you. eaten anything today

Sherlock: IT DIDNT OCCUR TO ME DEAR WATSON

Watson: ITS FIVE PM

and:

Sherlock: *having one of his Moment Moments at three in the goddamn mornig* GRRRR CRIME ISNT WHAT IT USED TO BE

Watson: MY DEAR SHERCOCK WHAT IS CRIME S U P P O S E D TO BE LIKE ACCORDING TO YOU

Sherlock: no one's original anymore fucking copycats

Watson: so you want the criminals to make things harder for you specifically.

Sherlock, exasperated: yes!

I love them your honor.

#rowan's hyperfixation essays #rowan screams into the void #rowan views moriarty #sherlock holmes

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shimmershae · 3 years

Text

My thoughts on Episode 6--On the Inside

Very appropriate title by the way. Works in a multitude of ways.

As always, my randomness is going beneath a cut again to spare the eyeballs of those of you that don’t want to see it at all and also? Help those of you that have somehow stayed spoiler-free in this brand-new age of early release episodes. It is still so wild to me that I’m a full episode ahead of half the fandom. I don’t know what I’m going to do when we get to the final episode and they decide to make us all suffer together--because somehow I do feel they will do exactly that after spoiling us for the first 23 episodes. It is going to be agonizing.

Anyway. Without further ado, Shae’s stream of consciousness review (of sorts).

Not fair, Angela. Opening the episode with that shot of that big ass spider. I hate those suckers. So naturally, they’re an easy sell for setting the horror scene to me, lol.

Okay. Who the hell’s chasing Virgil and Connie? Walker No-See-Ums?

Barely a minute in and the atmosphere for this episode is moody AF.

What is this? Tara Jr. The Walking Dead? LOL. Where’s the Scarlett for this mini plantation house? Anyway. First three minutes of this episode? Just as attention grabbing as the first five episode openings this season. I don’t think people out there are giving our writers enough love for that. Every episode so far has opened like a mini movie.

With the way the Walking Dead logo keeps crumbling away with each successive episode, somehow it wouldn’t surprise me at all if the Carol and Daryl spinoff was eventually titled The Living and had flowers growing out of each letter, lol. I mean, there would be a certain sort of life-affirming symmetry in a show that’s been promised to be much lighter in tone doing just that.

More Carol and Aaron? Yes, please. I don’t necessarily like Carol staying at home and sitting the sidelines like a figurative happy little homemaker in the B story while the rest of the mains are trying like hell to sell the A story, but if she’s going to be totally prohibited from the main storyline until it’s time to blow shit up? I’m going to continue enjoy getting to see her do what she should have been doing for seasons--interacting with others in the community, especially Aaron and the ladies.

Truly. I really am loving my girl getting some quality Aaron and Rosita time. It’s so long overdue.

Bless sweet Kelly. Riding off to her sister’s rescue.

Why isn’t Lydia shown as part of these plans? For someone that could barely read last season, I doubt that big ass map was a piece of cake for her and it’s all just guesswork anyway without her guidance. I mean, why does it feel like they are cutting some of this stuff that might not seem like much plot-wise but would go a long way toward establishing different character beats? Personally, I would have loved to see her involved in the search and sharing scenes again with Carol and bonding with Kelly.

Virgil be having that “I always feel like somebody’s watching me” feeling. Don’t you hate that, lol?

“You haven’t slept in days.” But how many days, Virgil? I’m going to need a number because I’m confused AF about this timeline at this point. What we’re seeing and what different pieces of dialogue is telling us is not exactly lining up. I’m going to find it awful hilarious if it hasn’t even been two weeks since the cave in. For reasons.

Connie’s spidey senses are clearly tingling.

Alrighty, then. She’s clearly got PTSD. Understandable. They’ve all had it. Some have been treated more sympathetically than others, though.

I mean, it never seems to cross anybody’s mind how Carol probably sees Henry’s head on that pike, Mika’s pale and bloody body, Lizzie crumpled face down in a bed of yellow flowers, Sophia with a smoking bullet hole through her undead head whenever she closes her eyes but whatever.

Okay though. But what if Connie had really shitty, impossible to read handwriting? AKA doctor’s handwriting. What then?

Leah’s face honestly twists my insides whenever I see it, lol. It’s quiet a visceral thing. No, that does not make me a horrible person. Not everybody wants or has to drink the awesome, great, redeemable villainess Kool-Aid. IMHO, she’s got a face meant for a Walker. Perfect makeover idea. Eh. Mostly it’s her expression and the deadness of her eyes.

Anyway. Why is it always the fingers? Eff that.

Listen. If ya’ll can’t tell Daryl’s conflicted AF with the situation he’s landed in, you don’t know how to read NR’s face and eyes. He’s not a masterclass like MMB but he’s pretty darn good when he wants to be.

I honestly feel sorry for Redshirt Frost.

“You do what you gotta do.” Frost knows what’s what and he’s willing to walk the walk for Maggie. Impressive loyalty. I’m left wondering how the current, colder incarnation of Maggie inspired it because I’m still struggling to see it. Anywho. My point is the dude knows the score and just gave Daryl the okay.

Daryl taking off his angel vest before stepping into the role of torturer/interrogator=him shedding the persona/the man Judith and RJ and Lydia and Carol know him to be. Pushing away his man of honor status so he can just survive somehow.

Pope never quits chewing whatever the hell he’s got in his mouth. It’s kind of distracting.

Ohhh. We’re back to the Haunted Mansion. I mean house. Where are the Hitchhiking Ghosts?

All the eyes scratched out of those creepy pictures=spooky.

The good old fogged up bathroom mirror shot. Somebody’s been watching and studying their horror movies, lol. Not gonna lie though. I’m legit bracing myself for the jump scares I know have to be coming.

I’m loving the music/score in these scenes.

Truthfully, I could care less about these Reapers. But they are hella attractive, lol. Listen. Angela knows what she’s doing.

Kelly’s horse is so pretty. Prayer chain for that baby.

More dead horses? Why?

Connie’s slingshot? Sorry. I maintain, no matter how much I like these two, that they have the lamest weapons ever. Endless supply of Virginia rocks or not.

So. Did Virgil and Connie enjoy a little equine for dinner? Did they kill it before the Walkers fed? What monsters! Yeah, no. Not if they were starving even if I personally could not have. The more probable story is they fled the camp in a panic and left the horse behind and then it went down. Sorry. I didn’t exactly study the wounds on the poor animal because it is so traumatizing to me to continue to see them meet such dastardly ends on this show. I don’t know who the hell has such a score to settle with horses but stop it.

Days. It’s only been days. Not weeks. So many times with all that Daryl and Company have had to contend with since the cave in? Those do not exist, lol. They’re just a convenient, appeasing piece of dialogue thrown at a fanbase primed and ready to read everything into not much of anything. There’s just not been enough time for it to happen unless Daryl has literally been up 24/7 for all of them. You know, strategizing how to attack the remainders of Alpha’s horde, figuring out how to defend Hilltop before it fell, healing from the wound he sustained at Alpha’s hand, sitting on that log all damn night with Negan waiting on Carol to come home, having a lover’s quarrel with his best damn everything, taking care of the Grimes babies and Lydia, being the reluctant leader. Kang, why you playing them like that? Daryl’s a super guy but he’s not a superhuman with clones. So many times my ass.

Seriously. Who been watching Connie and Virgil? The MIA Oceansiders? Beta’s Fee Fi Fo Fum Ghost?

Nice. A Michonne mention. Maybe the truth will start to trickle out.

LMAO at Connie’s “I’m not staying here.” Me neither, girl. I would be outta that house so fast.

They really “Quiet Placing” this episode. Honestly? I’m kinda loving it.

WTF was that? I know she can’t hear but you telling me all the little hairs on her arms, legs, and neck didn’t stand the fuck up and say fuck this shit, I’m gone? Pardon my language, lovelies, but that moment had my heart kicking up several beats.

Okay, okay. To be fair to Connie, every hair on her body been doing that since the front door closed. Maybe they’re desensitized.

Gollum’s chasing Connie!!! He/She wants their Precious!!!

The knee jerk reactions about this episode sight unseen are OTT, honestly. And I mean no disrespect by saying that. I can understand completely where they’re coming from because we’ve been burned so long in this fandom. But it’s obvious the spoiler source has their particular biases and reads into things in such a way that don’t line up with what’s actually being shown onscreen. Daryl’s loyalty in this episode and all along quite clearly lies with his family and his community. He’s been playing Leah since the start and is truly just trying to survive somehow.

Awful thought. The Reaper that’s so suspish of Daryl--haven’t quite caught his name or really cared to. I feel like he might try to get to Daryl somehow. When he realizes that Daryl cares no more for Leah than any human would care for somebody (they thought) they used to know? He’s going after Dog. Or Carol should she finally join this story.

I refuse to believe Carol isn’t going to be a part of this story. Because they messing with her mans, lol.

“You’re ever with us or you’re not.” Now where have I heard those words before? I wish I could find that Daryl gif because that had to be one of the funniest things ever, lol.

Unrealistic suggestion to Daryl, Leah? Breathing oxygen seems to piss off Carver. Oh look. He finally has a name for me, lol.

I love how all three of the ladies--Carol, Magna, and Rosita--look at Kelly with such indulgent, adoring “little sis, you alright?” eyes.

They are seriously the most beautiful quartet of characters. I mean all of them are lovely but Carol and Rosita this season? Ugh. The unfairness of the pretty.

Human bones. Terminus callback, lovelies. How it all would have eventually gone down if Gareth and Co. hadn’t met the business end of Rick’s red machete.

So many horror movie homages in this one.

Virgil’s like “let’s leave this Texas Chainsaw Massacre behind.”

Connie and Virgil have obviously bonded, ya’ll. I’m surprised by how much I’m enjoying their scenes together when the character mostly got on my nerves with Michonne. He’s a good actor and the core of his character is sympathetic, but I’m not going to lie. I wasn’t super enthused when he was the one that rescued Connie because I didn’t know how their scenes would play out. But there’s a nice synergy there.

Okay. Does Carver want Leah for himself? Because I’m sure Daryl at this point would love to scream “take her, I know where I fucking belong!”

Daryl’s digging in deep because Carver has shown him Leah’s potential weak spot. Nuance is truly lost on some people, LMAO. He cares about Leah as a human being probably. He’s Daryl, after all. The sweet one. But he sees her as his way outta this and he’s going to exploit it.

It’s nice to have a silent Negan for once, lol. I can pretend he didn’t take my baby Glenn away from me and enjoy JDM’s pretty.

So. These cannibal people were the watchers? Hmm.

I’m really digging Virgil 2.0. Yeah. Nobody’s surprised more than me.

Sweet, sweet scene between Virgil and Connie. His determination to reunite her with her family brings back the sympathy I felt for him when he told Michonne “I promised her flowers. Every day.”

Damn. How many of those creepy crawly cannibals are there?

How brave of Connie to confront her fears to save someone she’s obviously grown to care about.

The Kelly/Connie reunion gave me chills and made me cry. Thank fuck Angela didn’t cheapen that moment by having it focus on literally anybody else. Kelly is the most important person in the whole world to Connie and vice versa. Just like Carol is the most important person in the whole world to Daryl and vice versa. Angela fucking knows. Everybody does. Except the people busy building castles out of sand while the waves of Carol’s and Daryl’s converging stories keep crashing closer and closer to shore.

Such a beautiful moment given to us by Angel Theory and Lauren Ridloff. So authentic and sweet. Kelly and Connie are home to each other.

Poor Frost. That’s all I gotta say about that.

WTF, though. Was Mel just not available or what? I want to see more of the ASZ characters that I care about, not the Reapers. Like I’d be fine with the story if all the characters not named Maggie, Negan, or Daryl weren’t surviving on crumbs during it. Especially the 2nd billed actress on the entire show. Angela. Please. Fix this.

One last WTF. Seriously. WTF has Maggie done to inspire Pope’s obsession? It better be juicy after all this shit.

Overall impression of the episode--

One of my favorites of the season so far. The horror aspects were fantastic, IMHO. I truly didn’t expect to like Connie and Virgil’s scenes as much together so that was a nice surprise. She got the reunion that felt most true and earned for the character and her story and I thank Angela from the bottom of my heart for that.

I would have loved more Carol but I always want more Carol. I’m okay with her taking a backseat because ultimately? This was Kelly’s moment with her sister. Carol and Connie will eventually have their time to sit down and talk. And pick back up their blossoming friendship because I truly do not feel Connie blames Carol at all.

I do wish Lydia had been included with the girl group. Last episode felt like it was leading up to that.

The Reaper storyline continues to be the weakest link because every time we see them the dialogue and interactions feel totally recycled from the time previous. I feel like it would have totally been helped by a tighter focus and less stretching out because 8 episodes of this is really diluting what I feel like Angela and Co. are going for. I’m not here for Leah being redeemed or being a bigger focus in any of the episodes because she does nothing of interest for me. I’m just peeking in on that story for the Daryl of it all.

Speaking of the Daryl? You lovelies out there gotta stop taking that spoiler source’s recaps at face value because it’s obvious to me at least that there’ some bias at work. Every action and word coming from Daryl is coming from a place of loyalty to his family and wanting to protect them, no matter how he has to dirty his hands. Leah is just a means to his ultimate end. She’s not his future. She never was. His future’s already spoken for and 2023 can’t get here soon enough. But like Daryl, we have to just survive somehow.

Oh goodie. More Maggie and Negan next episode and looks like no real follow up on Connie and the ASZ reunions. Hopefully, this is yet another instance of the previews being deceiving but I’m not holding my breath.

Until later, lovelies.

Hope my word vomit didn’t bore you too much.

#The Walking Dead #Season 11 #TWD spoilers #things that make me smile and cry #for reasons #ignore all the typos #with something this longwinded?#LOL #there's bound to be plenty

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be-ready-when-i-say-go · 4 years

Text

Away for a Moment

Here’s a smattering of feelings. It’s self indulgent af and sad. So yeah. No specific race or gender of reader.

Calum didn’t think missing you would hurt this much.

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You weren't gone gone. Calum could pick up the phone, tap on your last message to him and pull up your number. He could call. He could lay in bed with the phone pressed up to his ear and wait for your voice to float in through the other line. It would be easy, so damn easy.

But he knows if he did you wouldn't be able to answer right away. It's barely evening. The sun has just started to caress the horizon through his windows. But you hadn't sent another message to let him know that you had gotten back to your apartment from training. Calum figures that maybe you spent a few extra hours out to get some work done and doesn't want to disturb you.

It's just not the same anymore without you. His bed isn't full like it used to be without you. His kitchen isn't full of music and dancing, and cooing at Duke like it used to be without you. And it's entirely selfish Calum knows the way his fingers ache to craddle your face and the way he wants to tell you to stay with him.

Staying with him would make him miss you less. Staying with him would ensure that the house never feels empty. But having you stay doesn't ensure your dreams. Staying with him means a very real possibility that all the opportunities that you had worked so hard to find would pass you by. Calum can't ask you to stay, but he wishes he had spent more time memorizing the way your shampoo smells fresh from a wash. He wishes he had recorded more of your breakfast concerts.

Still working hard or hardly working? Calum hits send on the text, sitting up on the bed. Everything in him wants you to come bursting back through that door. Everything in him wants to kiss your lips one more time and savor the taste of your fruity gum--a habit you picked up to replace the nervous nail biting.

Everything in him wants his goddamn phone to buzz. But it doesn't.

Calum pads into the music room and office. Duke's still on the couch and Calum's not sure when the old man wondered into the room or why Duke hadn't traveled away from the couch just yet. As he gets closer to the couch, Calum sees what Duke's curled up on--your sweatshirt from your alma mater. The one you couldn't find as you were unpacking boxes and sorting out your closet.

Calum reassured you that you had packed up most of your clothes and that it would turn up eventually. Attempting to move anywhere in a weekend always seemed better in theory, but when training got moved up--you had to get into high gear. Packed to the hilt in his SUV, Calum and you set out for a cross state trip. It was only a few states over. Only put you an hour ahead of him. He could pick you up or you could take the train or a plane for cheap back to LA.

He had already planned to visit you. He said it jokingly to you, but he had cleared his schedule for early October to come visit just for a weekend. He planned that for most of it, you'd be holed up studying or grading papers, but at least for a few hours in the small blimp in time the two of you could sight see and just get fucking lost for once without worry.

Calum snaps a picture of his old man curled up on your old sweatshirt and sends it. I found where that sweatshirt went. I think I'm going to have a hard time convincing him to let me ship it you.

Calum settles onto the rolling chair, staring at Duke and out the window beyond. How could he miss you so fast? It was only a week. Just a week ago he was rearranging sofas and building bookshelves and unfolding your clothes while you put them all on hangers. Just a week ago you were navigating him to the Wal-Mart, Target, Bed Bath & Beyond, Best Buy, Burger King, Chipotle, and Chilis laughing as you confused your right and left for the millionth time.

Just a week ago when you tapped on the wrong Wal-Mart because it was the first one that Maps showed you. Just a week ago the two of you were laughing, curled up under your new bedsheets. "You're gonna leave me for two years, and I can't believe it," he whispered. You had fallen asleep, the fan in the corner of your bedroom blowing a constant stream of cooler air onto the both of you.

And how could Calum say that he couldn’t believe you were leaving him when he left you all the fucking time? How much of a fucking hypocrite could he be to say that?

He tried to reason with himself. Even though Calum left, he always knew he’d be coming back to you. He knew you’d always be there. And now, his home is across state lines. His house doesn’t feel like his house anymore because he had built a home in you and now you’re not here anymore. This physical building doesn’t really mean jack shit to him anymore with you. And sure it was only two years; it was only two years in total that you’d be away from him. And sure the degree was practically paid for, and sure, Calum couldn’t keep you from chasing your dreams.

But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t miss you while you were out there soaring.

Was this how his mum felt when he left at sixteen? Did she have a strange bubbling mixture of sadness and pride? Because that’s surely what’s brewing in the pit of Calum’s stomach. That mixture is what makes his fingertips ache.

There’s still no new message from you. Calum drops his phone to the desk with a clatter, burying his face into the palms of his hands. “God, I should’ve moved with them,” he mutters into the open air.

The two of you had this conversation a thousand times over. You didn’t want him to move because what would the other guys to music wise while Calum was with you? And what about Duke? And would Calum sell his house or keep it while renting something else for those two years? Your life was a little easier to uproot, since you knew you’d be coming back. This is just a step into the world that you wanted and you didn’t know where it was going to take you from there, but Calum couldn’t be his life on pause.

It’s like bile in his throat. The way the tears are stinging his eyes and his throat starts to burn. The tears are silent. Just the upturn of his lips and the sting of hot and salty water down his cheeks. The amount of things that can change a week are unbelievable and Calum’s not sure how he’s going to make it another eleven months and three weeks.

His shoulders shake. The heels of his palms don’t do a damn thing to hold back the tears. You’re not gone. He can pick up his phone, tap onto the last message he sent you and pull up your number. He can call. He can sit in this office chair with the phone pressed to his ear and wait for your voice to float in through the other line.

Calum’s phone finally shakes, it buzzes for a long interval, stops, and then starts again. He’s quick to wipe his hands onto his sweatpants and flip over the device. He taps to answer the call and his phone chimes, the video of you bouncing down a sidewalk fills the screen. “Hey, Cal. Sorry, I hung back to chat with some other student teachers. I think I could shit a brick right now. But I hear a certain old man’s hogging my favorite sweatshirt.”

Calum sniffles, wiping underneath his nose with the back of his hand. “Yeah, that would be Baby Grandpa snuggling up with it.” He’s relieved to see you, to hear the chirp in your voice when previously you cried into your dinner just a week before moving because of the nerves and anxiety.

Calum’s praying his voice isn’t too croaky, that it doesn’t give him away. But he knows it well. And when your pinched brows and concerned flooded eyes land onto the screen, Calum knows you know.

“Babe, you alright? Looks like you’ve been crying?”

“I’m-yeah, no, I’m okay. I’m happy to see you.” If he can change the subject he doesn’t have to explain why he keeps sniffling. He doesn’t have to explain why his eyes are no doubt red.

“Angel, please don’t do that. Tell me what’s wrong.” The white cord of your headphones bounce and he can hears your harsh exhales. And it only reminds him that you’re not here.

“I miss you.” It’s just one sentence; it’s only three words. But it makes his chest feel like it’s been punched in. It feels like someone’s pulling his spine out through his diaphragm.

You pause, taking in his red eyes and the wobble of his chin. And you know. You know he didn’t want to admit it, but there was no way to hold it in anymore. “I’m sorry, Calum. I miss you too. I miss Duke. I miss you grumbling that I’m too happy at seven in the morning.”

Calum exhales a little, a small bit of laughter following after it. “Breakfast sucks with you. And I know this is what you have to do for yourself. I can’t stress how proud I am of you for doing this. But fuck, I didn’t realize it’d be this hard.”

People pass you by. Calum can hear them, the muffled parts of their conversation coming through your mic. You are so far away and it’s killing him. Two years. Two years of the two of you building up a relationship in tiny corners and through handwritten letters and stolen kisses and in text messages. Two years and you had cracked the defenses Calum had and he didn’t want to let you go.

“I’m coming back, my love. There’s weekend trips and school breaks.”

You get it though. There was a year where Calum was just gone. He was bouncing between time zones and when he did come back home he was prepping for the next leg of a tour, the next leg of promotion, the next part of something. And it’s so hard to create a new routine initially. It’s hard to regulate who you are on your own.

“I feel like a hypocrite. Because I left. I don’t know. I feel untethered.”

You nod. “I understand that. It’s an adjustment, a huge one. It’s okay to feel a little unraveled.”

“And I don’t want to add onto your stress. I know it’s not easy.”

“I’m here for you. You know that. Who’s answered your calls at 2 am before?” Calum doesn’t respond. Can’t as another wave of emotion rocks his core and he rolls his lips over his teeth to swallow back down the emotion. “And who do you think is going to be there to answer your call again at 2 in the morning? Or 3? Or 6 in the morning? At noon? At 6:37 in the evening? It’s gonna be me no matter what.”

Calum reclines his head into the cushion of the seat. It’s always been you. You’ve always been there when he needed it. And even if you are miles away, you still responded. You still called back.

“Thanks,” Calum says. His chin still wobbles. He blinks back the rest of the tears. “So tell me about it. What did you do today? We can talk after you have some food.”

The world continues on about you. More people pass you by and you watch Calum. His eyes are still painted red. But his voice doesn’t break like before. It’s a bit of a breeze so you settle onto the bench for the bus even though you can hear it coming down the street. A strong breeze creates static in your mic for a moment before your voice comes in clearer.

“We went over one of the assignments in depth that we have to teach. Met some other student teachers. I talked to my faculty mentor about my course schedule and work schedule and they said that I probably should let myself go easy this first semester.”

“So you did drop a class?”

You nod at Calum’s question. The bus rolls to a stop in front of you, but you don’t look up from your phone. “I did. I was scared to because I really wanted to take that class. But I heard it’s also offered in the spring, so I enrolled for it then.”

“Is it with a different professor? Or the same one?”

“Different one.”

The conversation flows until your bus comes back around again and you know you have to take it this time. But you keep Calum on the line. And he’s just watching, with his elbows on the desk and his head supported by his palms, he watches you. And it’s nothing glamorous as the bus rattles and shakes. Your phone lays in your lap, cradled in your hands. Occasionally, you glance down to cross your eyes and stick out your tongue at him and he hums his laughter.

It’s the little things. Like watching the way your head reclines into the window or how you just know when to pull for your stop. And as you walk down blocks and stop to wave at a dog as the owner jogs past. And Calum knows he’s not there with you. He knows that you’re not walking up to his door, but maybe all he needs are the little things with you.

“What’s for dinner?” he asks as you step into your apartment.

“Literally it might be hotdogs because I’m mentally exhausted.”

“You need a veggie too.”

You laugh, keys hitting the counter. “I won’t forget a veggie. I’ll call you back in a bit, yeah? After I eat and get some homework done.”

“Okay. Can that be a daily thing? Just so I know you get back home safely.” It’s soft as he asks, unsure if it makes hims sound overbearing or not.

“Sure. Once I get my schedule set, I’ll let you know and we can do that. Make sure to send me more pics of Duke though, since know he owns my sweatshirt now.”

Calum stares down at the black screen. You’ve long hung up, no doubts scarfing down the hotdogs you mentioned. And while the ache has subsided, Calum still feels you in every inch of him. He feels the yearning. The sun’s slipped behind the horizon, the last feathers of light won’t last long. And before Calum’s thinking his fingers are slipping over the frets. He bent over the bass, thinking maybe, just maybe the notes will make sense of the feelings in his gut.

Your phone chimes, pushing rubrics and sticky notes to the side, you pick it up. A notification from instagram, from Calum. The video’s completely dark and it’s just him bent over the instrument as its throaty cries swell. Post you blues, it reads. The caption is tiny, almost missable if you’re not careful. But you see it. If you had any other choice, you wouldn’t have left. If it wasn’t your dream, you wouldn’t have left.

I love you. Even across miles and interstates and timezones, I love you.

Calum wants to tattoo the text message to his eyelids, so when he goes to sleep at night or when he closes his eyes to keep form crying, he can see that you’re not gone, just away from a moment.

______

@5-secondsofcolor bc my Sunshine asked me to tag her so she could read it after shleeps.

#calum hood #calum hood fanfic #calum hood imagine #calum hood fic #calum hood x reader #calum hood x reader insert #5sos #5sos fanfic #5sos imagine #5sos fic #5 seconds of summer #5 seconds of summer fanfic #5 seconds of summer fic #5 seconds of summer imagine #h writes #calum 5sos #calum hood blurb #calum hood angst

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