#┇•❁• ⊱ ◦ angel's breath ⊰ hannah musings; ⊱

[kannojo]

@atendersun

[missdawnandherdusk]

The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe

Hufflepuff!Reader X Draco

The tricky thing is yesterday we were just children

But now we've stepped into a cruel world

Where everybody stands and keeps score

So here you are, two steps ahead and staying on guard

Every lesson forms a new scar

They never thought you'd make it this far

Chapter 1     Chapter 2    Chapter 3    

Chapter 4     Chapter 5     Chapter 6

Chapter 7    Chapter 8     Chapter 9

Summary: Planning for something in theory is easy... putting it into practice? That’s where the weak are separated from the strong. 

A/n: Hello my lovelies! So here is the second part to the last chapter!! If I had posted it all at once it would have been over 20k words so... yeah. I split them up. Also, this gets pretty dark and well, we all know how HBP ends... so I guess that’s a warning. And to add, this went in a completely different direction than I planned, but now it’s closer to my original idea so... Let me know what you guys think! Seriously, I thrive on your approval. (Also, I’d like to see if someone notices a MAJOR problem for these two kids... because I barely caught it myself) 

“Oh, my darling boy,” Narcissa crooned, nearing Draco’s bedside. She took his hand though he was in a spell induced coma and could not hear her.

“I’m so sorry Narcissa,” I teared up. “I...”

“Snape explained it all my dear,” She consoled, reaching out for me. “You have nothing to apologize for,”

I all but collapsed in her arms, breaking down into tears as she held me. Though Abby and Pansy—as well as many others including Ernie, Blaise, Greg, Vincent, and Hannah—had comforted me and offered me a solace, it was different having a mother there to hold me and tell me it was going to be alright.

“It was awful,” I sniveled. “I thought... I thought...” I began to hiccup with the lack of oxygen due to my tears.

Narcissa shushed me softly and rubbed my back in a soothing rhythm.

“You’re alright darling,” Her voice was gentle. “Everything’s going to be alright,”

She stayed for the remainder of the night and came back the next day. I was only allowed a day off from classes before I had to return though Draco had still not woken. Though I knew there would be rumors and whispers, and though I expected to have to retell the harrowing story again and again, everyone already seemed to know. And more surprisingly, each student I came across was sympathetic and kind to me and even towards Draco, wanting to know how he was faring. Yet the thing that took me back the most was the amount of Gryffindors who offered their sympathies to Draco, rather than siding with their own Golden Boy. Even McGonagall offered her sympathies.

And for the most part, I completely ignored Harry. The best I could. Which... well. I’d like to say that I did, but I can’t. To be fair, he did try to talk to me on my first day back, two days after his attempted murder.

“Y/n,” He rushed out in the Great Hall as I sat down with Pansy and Abby.

“You need to stay away from me,” I gritted out, glowering at him. “You’re a coward!” 

“Look, I didn’t know what the spell would do, okay?”

“No! That’s not okay!” I stood. “You almost killed him! And you would have! Why in Merlin’s name would you use a spell if you didn’t know what it did!?” Bristling, Abby had to place her hand on my arm before I drew my own wand. Her gentle hand allowed me a moment to take a deep breath and cam myself, ever so slightly. “Just get out of here Harry. Don’t... don’t talk to me,”

“Come on, mate, let’s go,” Ron pulled Harry’s arm back, sensing the rising tension in his best friend.

“You’re... you’re not really going to...” Abby asked softly as we sat back down. “About being the bad guy?” She was almost timid to ask.

I sighed and shook my head.

“No,” I admitted. “I just said it because I was mad and scared. I’m not gonna go off and join the Dark Lord,” a sad smile played at my lips. “I... I feel like I have no choice... This path was forced into me because of Precious Potter and I... I don’t want to be angry. I don’t want to be broken... but I don’t want to be walked on,”

“And you don’t have to be,” Pansy encouraged. “We all have your back,” Pansy nodded to the Hall. “We’re on your side,”

“I don’t want there to be sides!” I dismayed, scrubbing my face. “I don’t want to be divided because we still do have the same enemy and...” I let out a sharp breath in defeat. “When did it all become so complicated?”

Abby said nothing but wrapped an arm around me, soothingly rubbing my shoulder.

“It’ll all work out, you’ll see,” She encouraged, sharing a look with Pansy. “For all of us.”

After dinner, as I always did, I went and saw Draco. His steady grey eyes trailed me as I rounded his cot.

“Hey,” He offered softly as I slipped my hand into his. Despite his many blankets and long sleeves, his hands were still ice cold.

“Hey,” I echoed sadly. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” There was little confidence in his voice. “How’s class without me?” I scoffed and stared at the intricate carvings on the pillars of the infirmary.

“It’s not the same... nothing is the same...” The depressing thought left my lips before I could stop it. “I do miss walking to class with you though,” A small smile played at my lips at my gaze returned to him.

Wordlessly I reached out and brushed a few stray hairs from his face, my fingers ghosting over the pale pink scar that ran along the side of his face. Maybe fortune was on our side because though his skin was marred with scars, the spell hadn’t left permanent damage to his senses. His skin was still chilled under my touch.

“You’re still cold,” I murmured. “Do you want tea? Another blanket? I’m sure there’s a warming potion around here somewhere,”

“I’m alright,” His lips tugged upward. “Pomfrey and Snape said that it might happen, because of the Dark Magic...”

Worrying my lip, I nodded and intertwined my fingers with his pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles.

“What’s on your mind?” His question was soft.

“Nothing and everything,” I smiled. “Little Lotte thought of everything and nothing... but loved most of all, when she went to sleep, to hear the Angel of Music...”

“Haven’t read that one in a while,” Draco mused softly. “I think they’re having a show in London over the summer holiday...”

I wanted to snap at him. I wanted to say that it was stupid to think about the summer. It was foolish to think we’d survive the semester. That going to the opera shouldn’t be a plan we made on some false hope that we’d actually make it.

But I didn’t.

Instead I entertained the idea. Just for a while. Even if it would hurt later.

“You’d take me then?” I mused.

“Well, of course,” Draco smiled, enjoying that I was playing along. “Of course, Pansy and Abby would come with us,”

I laughed softly at the thought. The false memory of the four of us in some opera house amidst twinkling lights, dressed lavishly, laughing and having fun. I could see myself on Draco’s arm as he held his head high, smiling soft at my antics. I could almost hear Pansy scolding Abby for her poor etiquette. I could almost feel the thrum of the music in my soul and the magic of the performance before me as I was enraptured again by another story.

“I’d like that,” I whispered softly, tears stinging my eyes. 

“Then think of it done,”

A silence fell between us.

“Can I stay here tonight?” I asked softly.

“Would you expect me to say anything but yes?” He quirked an eyebrow.

Curled up in his arms, again I thought of everything and nothing, utterly exhausted—mentally, emotionally, physically. Draco still offered a sweet comfort that I had never found in anyone else. A comfort that quelled my anxieties and allowed me to sleep soundly.

“Told you she would be here,” I heard Pansy whisper harshly. “It’s not like it’s the first time they’ve done it,”

“Yes, yes, you’re so smart,” Abby said flatly. “They’re still precious, aren’t they? Even now,”

There wasn’t a response. I shifted through my sleep logged thoughts and blinked my eyes open. Draco was still fast asleep beside me, his mouth hanging slightly open as gentle breaths passed through his lips. Abby and Pansy were forgotten as I watched Draco bathed I the soft morning light.

“Hey Feathers, Dumbledore wants to see you,” Abby nudged my arm. “I don’t think it’s good either.”

Fear and dread struck my heart as I froze.

“Did he say why?” I squeaked out, carefully slipping out of the bed, not to rouse Draco. 

“No, just that it was a serious matter,” Abby frowned at me. “Are you okay?”

“Do you really want the answer to that?” I mumbled. “Please stay with him, tell him where I am when he wakes up. And if he tries to come and find me, make sure he doesn’t. He’s still healing,”

Timidly I made my way up to Dumbledore’s office, a list of a thousand things that could go wrong sprinting through my mind, willing them all true. Those thoughts however, changed and funneled when I saw that I wasn’t alone in his office with him. No, Harry, Snape, and McGonagall were all present along with the old headmaster.

“Miss Y/l/n, thank you for joining us,” Dumbledore smiled kindly. 

“Yeah... okay,” I closed the door behind me. “What’s this about?”

“What happened in Myrtle’s bathroom,” Snape informed with a monotone voice. “Though I have thoroughly explained that what Harry did to Mr. Malfoy was much worse and you acted in self- defense,”

“Uh... okay...” My eyebrows furrowed. “What exactly did I do?” 

“What did you do? You used an Unforgivable!” McGonagall dismayed. 

“You tortured me!” Harry exclaimed.

“You attempted to murdered Draco!” I shot back. “What was I supposed to do!?” 

“As I said, she acted in self-defense.” Snape cut the tension with his calmed voice.

“That wasn’t self-defense, that was malicious intent,” Harry growled. “You have to mean the curse for it to do any damage,”

“Oh yes, and I’m sure your use of Dark Magic is completely justified,” I snapped, crossing my arms. “And are you really going to play the victim when I have every right to loathe you?”

“Miss Y/l/n,” Dumbledore interjected. “We are not here to point fingers, but rather here the entire story. Both sides.”

“Why isn’t Sprout here?” I looked around. “She’s my Head of House... shouldn’t she be here?” 

“This isn’t a House matter,” Snape clarified. “This is a matter of the Order,”

“Of which you are a member,” McGonagall finished. “Now please, your side of the story,”

My mind processed this information then I began my tale.

“Draco was having a panic attack, so I led him to the nearest quiet place that I could find—” 

“Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom?” McGonagall clarified and I nodded.

“I was comforting Draco—walking him through grounding and Harry burst into the bathroom. Draco got defensive of me, drawing his wand, and Harry cast a hex at the two of us... I remember telling Draco to stop... there was water everywhere. And then Harry,” I glanced over to the golden boy who was sulking in his chair. “Cast whatever awful spell that was. I didn’t think. The Unforgivable was the first spell that came to mind...” I paused, drawing in a sharp breath. “Then there was so much blood. Merlin...” I wrung my hands together in a desperate attempt to wash my clean hands of blood that was no longer there. “I did cast the spell, and I’m not going to apologize for it. I’m sorry for hurting you, but not for defending Draco,”

“I see,” Dumbledore nodded. “Well, it seems that all’s well that ends well,” 

Harry and I both sputtered, glaring each other down.

“She should be going to Azkaban!” Harry exclaimed.

“Oh, you should really keep your comments to yourself Potter,” I snarled.

“If I remember correctly Mr. Potter, you also cast an Unforgivable at Bellatrix not last year,” Dumbledore raised an ancient eyebrow at a fuming Harry who instantly fizzled out.

“You cast an Unforgivable and you have the nerve to accuse me! Oh, stars above Harry where does it end with you!?”

“That doesn’t count! She was trying to kill me! She killed Sirius!”

I stared at him in quelled anger. “Funny,” My voice was calm and even. “I could have sworn I did it for the same reasons,” I watched the color drain from his face. “But I get it, I’m not the Chosen One, I don’t get free passes, do I?”

“Miss Y/n,” McGonagall warned.

“Am I free to go? I need to get back to Draco,” I looked to Snape.

He gave a seldom and I rushed out of the office, practically running back to the hospital wing. Abby caught me in her arms, stilling me outside the door.

“Hey, talk to me,” She demanded. “What happened?”

“Harry needs to mind his own damn business,” I growled. “He told that I used an Unforgivable against him after he tried to kill Draco. After he already used one last year! And he has the nerve—”

“Y/n?” Draco’s shaky voice was a lot closer than I thought it would be. It had to mean that he was up and walking.

“Dray?” My anger softened to concern and hope. “Draco what are you doing up?”

“You could have given us more of a warning about how much he would fight us after telling him that Dumbledore wanted to speak to you,” Pansy muttered, Draco’s arm slung around her shoulder.

“Sorry?” I offered, taking Draco’s weight, freeing Pansy. “You need to stay in bed,” I scolded him softly.

“How could you think that I would? How could you just leave?” His voice was trembling and uncertain.

“I know, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking,” I led him back to his cot, setting him down gently. “Forgive me?”

He nodded as I pulled the blanket back over him. Pansy and Abby aided me in getting him settled again.

“This is so stupid,” He groaned. “I should be there with you,”

“A few more days, my love,” I comforted softly, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Then you’ll be back beside me,”

__________________________________

Draco’s eyes met the plated silver. His reflection mocking him. His pale skin was decorated— was that the right word? Ruined, perhaps—with faded pinkish scars.

Of course, his mother had been livid. Visiting him in the hospital wing more days than not until he was medically cleared to go back to class, she was there, pacing, muttering, threatening, demanding.

Your sentiments matched his mother’s but ever since the fateful day that Harry had taken him inches from death, you had gone silent with a cold ruthless fury. A look that only faded from your eyes when they met his. Then adoration was evident. Love and dedication was evident. Kindness.

As he stared at his reflection, the phantom memory of pain danced along his skin.

“Hey there handsome,” Your gentle voice caught his attention. Catching the sight of you in the mirror he turned, leaning against the vanity.

“I don’t remember you ever calling me that before,” He mused, slightly teasing—part of him wondering if you were just saying it to make him feel better.

“I know you Draco,” You pressed off the doorjamb you were leaning against and took his hands. “Self-assured, confident, absolutely gorgeous,” A smirk hinted at your lips. “But I know you’re unsteady right now.” Gently your fingers traced the scars on his hands trailing up his arm making him shudder.

“And what of you?” He asked softly, bringing your hand to his lips pressing a kiss there softly, reveling in the warmth of your skin; something that he had lost, his skin retaining an icy chill with the dark magic that plagued it.

“What of me?” You countered softly. “I’m quite assured that I’m beautiful to those who matter to me... call it vanity,”

A chuckle escaped his lips, your words reminding him of Pansy. “No, that’s no mystery. You are stunning,” Your arms draped lazily around his shoulders as you waited for him to continue. “Are you okay? I know you, and you’ve been... I don’t know. Withdrawn? Distracted?”

He feared the anger that flashed in your eyes until you seemed to blink it away. With the fluttering of your eyelashes the ire turned to sorrow. Your shoulders rose and fell with the deep breath you took.

“I’m tired of being walked on. I’m tired of people underestimating me. Of thinking I’m harmless or weak.” You paused but then your eyes met his pleading, “I know who I am, I really do. I’m just tired of other people not seeing it.”

Draco smiled at you, reaching up and caressing your cheek delicately. “And?” He knew you had more on your mind.

“I’ve had enough of Harry thinking he can get away with anything.”

Draco nodded. Before his prejudices against Potter had been just that—prejudices. Now? Now they went so much deeper. The hurt and pain that Harry had caused to you and him was something that couldn’t be brushed off. Draco’s anger matched yours when thinking of Potter, but maybe the difference was he had never seen it from the outside looking in.

“He almost killed you Draco,” Your voice wavered. “If Snape hadn’t shown up, you would have...” Tears pricked your eyes and you quickly shut them. “I can’t... I can’t lose you... and I never want to feel helpless like that again,”

Draco cupped your face softly, your eyes meeting his as quiet streams of tears trailed down your cheeks.

“And you won’t have to, but my love,” He sighed softly and pressed a kiss to your forehead before drawing you into his arms, “I don’t want you to lose yourself... I know you’re angry, and I know you’re scared... I know you wish it would all just go away, because I do too,” He sighed deeply. “But we can’t lose focus on who we are,”

“When did you become the wise grounded one?” You pouted into his shoulder, earning a small chuckle from him.

“Some girl brought me back down to Earth,” He mused.

“Must have been some girl,” He could hear the smile in your voice.

“Oh, she’s quite wonderful, I think you’d love her. I know I do,”

“Sap,” You accused, smiling up at him.

“And yet you love me anyway,”

“I do,” You pressed up on your toes, your lips brushing against his softly.

The day that he returned to class, as expected, he got plenty of stares. Students gawking at him and whispering behind his back. Not that it was new for him. But maybe you were right—he was unsteady. You still held his hand in the halls though, and still looked at him as you would a piece of artwork. And whenever he became uncertain about his appearance your gently smile and soft kisses created phantom memories that kept him grounded.

“Ginny and Harry are together,” Hannah gave off hand one day at dinner.

Draco’s eyebrows raised in surprised. Your face soured a bit as your eyes drifted over to the Gryffindor table where sure enough Harry and Ginny were sitting together amidst their friends. He pressed a kiss to your temple, pulling you a bit closer. The pout didn’t leave your face, but your focus reverted back to your friends before you.

Draco hadn’t spoken to or gone near Harry since he had been back to class. The only real struggle was Potions, but Harry seemed content on ignoring him, and with Ernie as Draco’s partner, Draco’s thoughts weren’t consumed with Harry. Ernie was actually quite pleasant in class, Draco had to admit. Though he was a bit reckless and impulsive in a childlike manor, but he wasn’t impossible for Draco to work with. In fact, Draco almost preferred to work with Ernie because Ernie didn’t treat him any differently after his near-death experience. It was a vein of normalcy.

“This should work,” You lowered your wand, running your hand over the mended Vanishing Cabinet. “We should be done,”

His eyes met yours. There was hope in your warm eyes. Draco gave a seldom nod and grabbed an apple from his bag. It was the first test. Though weeks ago, the apple had made it to Borgin and Burkes, the live finches you had sent hadn’t survived. You mourned the small birds and buried them beneath your tree by the lake.

The apple was closed behind the wardrobes doors and after counting to thirty, your hand gripped tightly in his, Draco opened the door again and saw that the apple had a slice cut out of it. You let out a steady breath and went to the golden wire cage, with gentle grace setting down the small bird into the wardrobe. You closed your eyes, refusing to watch as he closed the door this time. Thirty seconds again, he opened the door, and the small finch was there, staring up at the two of you, an apple slice in his mouth.

You let out a scream of excitement and joy as you gathered the bird into your hands and kissing its small head before setting it back in the cage to enjoy its treat.

The next was a crow, easily transfigured from a goblet. Draco ser the bird into the cabinet and closed the door yet again. The ruffling of wings faded for twenty seconds until he heard frantic cawing and agitated movements. Throwing open the door, the crow flew out. With a quick flick of your wand the crow was a goblet once more, falling harmlessly into the piles of rubbish around the two of you.

“I have to go,” You breathed out, words that he had been dreading.

“Y/n,” He refuted. “We don’t know if it’ll work for larger animals, Pinnae might not make it.”

“It worked for the crow,” You pointed out. “Pinnae can make it,”

“It’s too dangerous,”

“Draco,” You gave him a flat look. “I need to go,” You took his hands into yours. “It’ll be okay, I’ll be back. If not, I’ll just fly back here from Diagon Alley.”

“You make it sound so simple,” He nuzzled his nose to yours.

“Because it is,” You smiled, pressing your lips to his fleetingly. “I’ll be back, I promise.”

“Please be careful,” Draco dismayed as your morphed into Pinnae, fluttering into the base of the wardrobe.

Then he closed the door, trapping you in darkness. Thirty seconds had never been so long.

There was a knock on the door then it slowly opened. Your smiling face was shining as you crawled out of the cabinet.

“It works,” You breathed out, amazed.

“By Merlin it works!” Draco exclaimed, spinning you in his arms.

You laughed and held onto him tightly. The two of you celebrated with laughter that turned to tears. When the entire world seemed against you two, at least one thing went right.

“I love you,” You sniffled through tears.

“Stars, I love you too,” He breathed in the scent of you deeply, burying his head in your shoulder. “We’re gonna make it,” He was almost hopeful.

“We’re gonna make it,” You affirmed.

“Who’s there?”

You and Draco froze, staring at each other in paralyzing fear. 

“Hello?” The voice called again.

You sagged and let out an aggravated groan. “It’s Trelawney,” Gritting your teeth you let go of him, sighing. “I’ll go see what she wants. You get to Snape and tell him we do this tonight.” There was fierce determination in your eyes.

Draco nodded and watched as you made your way toward the exit. He could hear your faint conversation with the professor. Giving you five minutes head start, Draco slipped from the Room of Hidden Things undetected.

“It’s done,” Draco panted out, catching his breath after nearly running to Snape’s office. “The raid has to be tonight,”

“I see,” Snape rose. “And you’re certain?”

You burst into the office just then, also out of breath. “Harry and Dumbledore are leaving to go find something called—”

“Silencio!” Snape casted the spell on you, proving you mute. Infuriated, Draco drew his wand, stepping between you and the professor. “Calm down, she’s in no harm,” Snape rolled his eyes and lifted the spell. “But be careful with what you speak. It is wise to hold your tongue.”

Fuming, you nodded still.

Draco lowered his wand and took your hand.

“Now, you both know the task ahead of you?” Snape questioned. Silent nods affirmed the question. “Very well. He will be pleased, Draco. Very pleased indeed.” Another silent moment passed. “You have twenty-three minutes.”

Draco took your hand and pulled you into the hallway and along the corridors.

“Go, find Abby. Warn your friends. Warn your house. No one needs to get hurt. We’re already doing enough damage,” His voice was soft and gentle as unshed tears lingered in his eyes.

“I love you,” Your voice broke as he cupped your face and pressed his lips to yours desperately.

The kiss was hasty and despairing. Though neither of you would admit it, you both knew that it was a kiss goodbye. The warmth of your breath against his was the last of your warmth that he expected. The urgency of your fingers in his hair was the last of your comfort that he sought. The taste of your mouth was the last of your sweetness that he accepted. The softness of your lips was the last of your peace that he pursued.

“Twenty-three minutes,” He breathed out before letting you go and heading down to the murky waters of the Slytherin Common Room.

The Mark on his arm burned and Draco knew that Snape had called the others of the raid. A plan set into motion long ago, now coming to fruition.

____________________________

“Y/n!” Abby called my name as you burst into the common room. “What’s going on?”

My friends were all gathered in the common room as Abby tossed to me something small and shiny. A galleon. My galleon. From D.A. I might have cursed.

“How does he even know?” I chucked the galleon into the fire, watching it ricochet a flurry of ashes. My eyes met Abby’s. “It’s tonight,”

She nodded, knowing what it meant, knowing what was expected of her. A plan made long ago, that was now set into motion.

“Okay, this is going to get very bad, very quickly.” My voice trembled as I looked at all of the horror-struck faces before me. “But please, I need you all to keep the younger years safe. I need you to stay out of the halls until Abby comes and gets you.”

“But what about you?” Ernie asked.

“Look, you’re going to hear things. Awful things about Draco and me. And I can’t deny them, nor should I ask for your forgiveness. But please,” Tears streamed down my face. “Believe that everything I’ve worked for... everything I’ve done has been for this family,” I looked around the room. “I don’t have much of one by blood, but you? All of you... you’ve always been my family. And Hogwarts is my home.”

Abby’s arms wrapped around me and I could no longer hold back my tears. Soon there was a massive comfort pile and I was in the center of it. My friends, my family all there, all holding me close.

“So, what do you need us to do?” Taylor asked. I wiped my eyes and stood tall.

“Someone get word to the Ravenclaws and the Gryffindors that they need to stay in their dorm. You all have about fifteen minutes to be completely locked down. Cast protection spells. Silencing spells. Comfort younger years. Distract them. Do not take an order from anyone unless it’s Abby. Make sure she is not under a spell before you listen to her.” I glanced over at her. “This is a grave matter and lives are on the line tonight. One of which is mine. I don’t know what will happen tonight, but I won’t be coming back. Not for some while.”

“But why?” I didn’t see where the question came from.

“It will all be revealed soon. I love you all. And I hope that you all can forgive me after tonight. No matter what you think of me, please, don’t forget: have courage and be kind.”

They all nodded. I rushed up to my room, changing quickly into dueling robes, pulling my silver cloak on.

“Are you okay?” Abby asked, tying her hair back.

“I’ll be fine,” I drew her in for a hug. “Please just get out alive,”

“You too kid,” Abby smiled weakly, taking my hand. “Sister for life,”

“Hufflepuffs for life,” I finished, looking back one last time before taking off through the window and into the night.

With a soft thud I landed on Draco’s floor. He was expecting me. We didn’t embrace another, but instead got to work.

“The Hufflepuffs?” He asked.

“Warned and locked down. Word was sent to Ravenclaws and Gryffindors. The Slytherins?” 

“Secured.” Draco affirmed. “Seven minutes,”

“Okay,” I nodded. “The Mark,”

Draco looked out his opened window and chanted something short and unfamiliar to my ears and I watched as a snake coiled from the end of his wand in a thick green smoke and into the sky merging with a skull. I took his hand, standing beside him.

“I still don’t want to kill him,” Draco confessed. “But I’ll do anything to keep you safe,”

“Draco don’t worry about me. Your mother and I have a plan if things go wrong.” It was an easy lie as I met his confused grey eyes. I smiled softly. “You don’t have to be afraid.”

“The Astronomy tower,” He pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Go,”

I leapt out of his window again and circled the school, patrolling, watching two figures on brooms land on the tower I was destined for. The quiet night was eerily quiet as I landed, perched on a sill, watching Harry and a frail looking Dumbledore. I almost slipped out of Pinnae because of the regret that fluttered in my chest, but it was easily pushed aside.

I watched as Harry hurried over to the door leading to the spiral staircase, his hand just meeting the door as I heard running footsteps from the door opposite to Harry. My eyes trained and waiting for Draco missed whatever had caused Harry to keep fleeing.

“Expelliarmus!” Draco shouted, and I sprang into action, catching the wand in my claws and settling back on the sill.

Standing against the ramparts, very white in the face, Dumbledore still showed no sign of panic or distress. He merely looked across at his disarmer and said, “Good evening, Draco,”

Draco stepped forward glancing over to me then to the empty room. He was making sure that we were alone. I wanted to warn him that Harry was close, but I couldn’t not yet. Draco seemed to figure this out on his own however, as his eyes fell upon the second broom.

“Who else is here?” He demanded.

“A question I might ask you.” Dumbledore eyed me before his attention reverted back to Draco. “Surely you’re not acting alone,”

“No,” Draco said. “I’ve got backup.”

“I see,” Dumbledore said as if Draco’s actions were praiseworthy. “And won’t you join us Miss Y/n?”

Draco glanced to me, panicked. That wasn’t a part of the plan. I wasn’t to be human at all. No one was supposed to know that I was there. Not the Order or the Death Eaters and certainly not Bellatrix.

“I know that it’s you my dear, you might as well join us,”

It was a wildcard neither Draco nor I were expecting. Draco gave a seldom nod, looking utterly defeated. Against my better judgement, I morphed back human, wand in my hand as I took my place at Draco’s side, adrenaline and anxiety threading through my chest.

“You always were such a talented witch,” Dumbledore praised. “I assume you had a hand in this plan, finding a way to get the other Death Eaters into my school?”

“Yes,” I answered, my voice shaking.

“You do complicate things don’t you my dear,” Dumbledore’s eyes fell upon me. “To think if Mr. Malfoy never had you, what would have become of him.”

“I don’t dwell on what might have been,” My eyes narrowed at the frail headmaster. “But rather what is to come,”

“Ah yes, your little job,” A twisted smile curled on his face. “Well, then, you must get on and do it, my dear boy,” said Dumbledore softly.

Confusion flitted across my face. Did Dumbledore know what we were here to do? How long had he known? Why the bloody hell hadn’t he said anything? A tense silence fell between us and I could faintly hear the fighting of Death Eaters and The Order occur somewhere below. I winced at the mental images.

“Draco, you are not a killer.” Dumbledore smiled. The words sounded cruel coming from his mouth rather than mine. Condescending.

“You don’t know what I’m capable of,” Draco snarled, gripping his wand tightly.

“Oh yes, I do,” said Dumbledore mildly. “You almost killed Katie Bell and Ronald Weasley—”

“That wasn’t us,” I interjected. “You really think I’d allow that?”

“Well you are here to kill me, are you not?”

Silently I seethed, gritting my teeth.

“It wasn’t us,” Draco replied coldly. “And we never figured out who it was,”

“Very curious,” Dumbledore mused. “But you were saying . . . yes, you have managed to introduce Death Eaters into my school, which, I admit, I thought impossible...How did you do it?”

Neither of us said anything. The echoes of the fight below were deafening. My blood ran cold, torn between who I needed to win. One to protect Draco and I. One to protect my family.

“Perhaps you ought to get on with the job alone,” Dumbledore taunted. “What if your backup has been thwarted by my guard? As you have perhaps realized, there are members of the Order of the Phoenix here tonight too,”

“The Order is here?” Frowning I met ancient blue eyes. 

“You think I wouldn’t have back up at my own school?”

Betrayal washed through me. I had no idea that the Order was here. That they were the guard against the raid that was merely a plan b. I never wanted them to get hurt. Why wasn’t I told that they were here? Wasn’t I apart of the Order as well? Then it dawned on me.

“You... you manipulated me!” I shouted. “You never wanted me as a part of the Order! You just wanted to keep an eye one me! Never for one moment did you believe in me!”

Draco winced at the realization of my words, as he took my hand, grounding me. 

“Who was I to go against your father’s wishes?”

“My father is dead because he believed in you,” I spat.

“He died for you. Not me.”

I growled dangerously.

“But never mind all of that,” Dumbledore waved the thought as if it were something easily dismissed. “And after all, you don’t really need help... I have no wand at the moment... I cannot defend myself.”

I ran my fingers over Dumbledore’s wand in my hand. It was urging me on, daring me to cast an Unforgivable. Begging me to. If I didn’t get my fury under control, Draco might not have to kill Dumbledore. Because I would.

A silence fell again.

“I see,” said Dumbledore patronizingly. “You are afraid to act until they join you.”

“I’m not afraid!” Draco snarled, though he still made no move to hurt Dumbledore. “It’s you who should be scared!”

“But why? I don’t think you will kill me, Draco. Killing is not nearly as easy as the innocent believe... So, tell me, while we wait for your friends... how did you two smuggle them in here? It seems to have taken you a long time to work out how to do it.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” I hissed. “We had the plan since this past summer. We could have easily done it by Christmas, but Draco and I deserved another year together at our home,” My words dripped venom as they met the crisp air.

“We had to mend that broken Vanishing Cabinet that no one’s used for years. The one Montague got lost in last year.” Draco explained because anger claimed my voice, deeming me silent.

“Ah.” Dumbledore’s sigh was half a groan. He closed his eyes for a moment. “That was clever... There is a pair, I take it?”

“We don’t have to explain anything to you,” I whispered, my eyes closed as I tried to reign in my anger.

“I see,” Dumbledore smiled. “But I suppose that I was incorrect when I assumed that you were not sure you would succeed in mending the cabinet and acted rashly? It does leave me to wonder who did almost kill Ms. Bell and Mr. Weasley.”

Draco’s grip on my hand tightened. He didn’t like the loose end any more than I did. “If you suspected us, why didn’t you stop us then?” Draco demanded.

“I tried, Draco. Professor Snape has been keeping watch over you on my orders —” 

“He hasn’t been doing your orders, he promised my mother--”

“Of course, that is what he would tell you, Draco, but—”

“But nothing!” I interrupted. “I think Narcissa means a bit more to Snape than you do,” 

“We must agree to differ on that, my dear. It so happens that I trust Professor Snape —”

“That’s marvelous,” I deadpanned. “But trust isn’t the same as loyalty,”

“Isn’t it though?” The old professor seemed as if he were having a hard time standing on his own without the help of the railing. I almost offered my aid. “But as for being bout to kill me, Draco, you have had several long minutes now, we are quite alone, I am more defenseless than you can have dreamed of finding me, and still you have not acted...”

Draco glanced to me and a gave a soft smile. The fear and uncertainty in his eyes caused my anger to morph into a fierce protection.

“I see,” Dumbledore went on. “I wonder why Voldemort has let you live so long Miss Y/n. You really do hinder Draco from what is expected of him,”

“Shut your mouth!” Draco snapped. “She is the cleverest, most brilliant witch I’ve met! If anything, she pushes me past what I should be and into who I am!”

“And who are you Mr. Malfoy? Are you a killer?” Neither of us answered. “There is little time, one way or another,” said Dumbledore. “So, let us discuss your options, Draco.”

“My options!” Draco scoffed. “I’m standing here with a wand—I’m about to kill you—”

“My dear boy, let us have no more pretense about that. If you were going to kill me, you would have done it when you first disarmed me, you would not have stopped for this pleasant chat about ways and means.”

Draco’s aspiration to kill Dumbledore might be fading, but my desire for it was growing with each moment that passed as I untangled a web of lies and manipulation in silence about the frail headmaster before me.

“I haven’t got any options!” Draco despaired. “I’ve got to do it! He’ll kill me! He’ll kill her! He’ll kill my mother!”

“I appreciate the difficulty of your position,” said Dumbledore. “Why else do you—”

“No,” The fury in my voice was cold and unforgiving. “Don’t. You. Dare. Don’t you dare make yourself the martyr. You have no idea the hell Draco and I have been through together. Your chosen one almost killed him for Merlin’s sake, and you have nerve to offer a false kindness? As if you were blameless? As if you understood?”

“No, you can’t,” Draco agreed to the weight of my words.

“Come over to the right side,” Dumbledore continued as if I had never spoken, “and we can hide you more completely than you can possibly imagine. What is more, I can send members of the Order to your mother tonight to hide her likewise. Your father is safe at the moment in Azkaban...When the time comes, we can protect him too. Come over to the right side, you are not a killer...”

“Like you protected my father?” I whispered softly. “When will you see we are on the side of good. But we’re not on your side.”

Dumbledore did not speak. His mouth was open, still trembling, as if to find the right words to manipulate us back to his side. 

But suddenly footsteps were thundering up the stairs, Draco and I turned, in fear. We were both buffeted out of the way as four black robes burst through the door.

It seemed the Death Eaters had won the fight below.

A lumpy-looking man with an odd lopsided leer gave a wheezy giggle. “Dumbledore cornered!” he said, and he turned to a stocky little woman who looked as though she could be his sister and who was grinning eagerly. “Dumbledore wandless, Dumbledore alone! Well done, Draco, well done!”

“Good evening, Amycus,” said Dumbledore calmly, as though welcoming the man to a tea party. “And you’ve brought Alecto too... Charming...”

The woman gave an angry little titter. “Think your little jokes’ll help you on your deathbed then?” she jeered.

“Jokes? No, no, these are manners,” replied Dumbledore.

“Do it,” said the stranger standing furthest from me. He had a deep raspy voice and almost barked the words. All of my instincts told me to run from this man.

“Is that you, Fenrir?” asked Dumbledore.

“That’s right,” Fenrir barked, and I understood. Fenrir Greyback, the savage werewolf. “Pleased to see me, Dumbledore?”

“No, I cannot say that I am.”

Greyback grinned, showing pointed teeth. Blood trickled down his chin and he licked his lips slowly, obscenely. “But you know how much I like kids, Dumbledore.”

I choked back a sob, struggling to stand upright. Faces of my family flashed through my mind. Whose blood was on my hands and on his teeth? My world spun as I tried to get it back into order. Draco’s arm wrapped around me, trying to keep me upright.

“Ah, the little harlot,” A familiar voice cooed. “I should have known you’d be the one to stop Draco from his task.”

My eyes flashed up, meeting Bellatrix’s.

“She’s actually helped quite a bit,” Dumbledore interjected. “She has my wand, and she’s the one who made your arrival possible,”

“Shut up you old fool!” Bellatrix sneered. “Now come along little prince, we are short on time,” There was an urgency in her voice that made me hopeful that perhaps the Death Eaters hadn’t won but merely escaped.

“Draco, do it or stand aside so one of us—”

I didn’t take note into who was speaking because just then, from the door that Draco had arrived, came Snape, rushing forward and taking in the scene before him. His eyes met mine then went to Draco’s before settling onto Dumbledore’s.

“Severus...” The plead startled me. My eyes turned to Dumbledore who for the first time tonight was begging.

Snape said nothing but walked forward and pushed Draco and I roughly out of the way. Draco steadied me and we both moved to the back wall, watching the other Death Eaters—even Bellatrix fall back without a word.

Snape gazed for a moment at Dumbledore, and there was revulsion and hatred etched in the harsh lines of his face.

“Severus... please...” Snape raised his wand and pointed it directly at Dumbledore. 

“Avada Kedavra!” It wasn’t my voice or Draco’s. But rather Snape’s.

Time around me slowed. Or maybe I could register everything around me all at once.

Dumbledore staggered back, falling, falling, falling down. Bellatrix cackled victoriously. Draco was a solace beside me, clinging to me as if I was his only lifeline.

“Out of here, quickly,” Snape ordered, glaring Draco and I down, a snarled look on his face.

He seized Draco’s cloak and forced him first through the door, with me trailing not far behind Draco. I didn’t bother to look who was behind me. Darkness fell over me and I proved blind. All I could do was cling to Draco’s robe and pray that wherever this darkness led, that there was a light somewhere at the end.

The darkness lifted as the starry night sky stretched before me letting me know that I was on the grounds of Hogwarts, not far from Hagrid’s.

“Go! Off the grounds and disapparate!” Snape ordered. “Go home!”

Draco and I stumbled as we ran through the dark. I wished nothing more than to morph into Pinnae and fly away, but I knew it was impossible. Just as we were at the outskirts of the grounds, Draco had to pull me out of the way of a bright red flash.

“Stop righ’ ‘ere!” A gruff voice called.

“Hagrid!” I called in relief until I realized I was no longer wanted here.

“Y/n?” Hagrid seemed just as confused as I was. “Wah are you doin’ ou’ wiff a bunch o’ Death Eaters?”

“I’m so sorry Hagrid,” I yelled into the darkness as Draco and I kept moving towards our freedom. “Take care of Steve, please!”

The distraction was enough to let a few black robes step foot off campus and disapparate. I turned back, a mistake, and saw Harry sprinting towards us, malice and torture in his eyes.

“I was right about you all along!” He shouted. “Don’t you dare show your face here again!”

Before I could respond, mostly just wanting to scream in frustration, Snape intersected the two of us, allowing Draco to grab my arm and pull me off the grounds.

“Y/n!” He called. “You need to disapparate! Go back to the Manor!” His eyes were wild and wide.

I nodded and wand in hand, I landed softly into the foyer of the Manor.

Of home.

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chapter 11

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[mysticpetals]

Tempt me

Pairing: the man without a face (devil) × mc (angel)

Genre: angels and demons au

Warnings: dark fic, emotional manipulation

Summary: As a guardian angel, you've been working tirelessly for the humankind's sake. But their actions opposing yours have you doubting your worth.

Notes: This might seem like it's incomplete or started abruptly but it's supposed to be that way. The mc and mwaf have history which isn't completely revealed and that's why they act like that. Lmk what you thought!!

You looked ahead, watching the same people who you'd reconciled an hour ago, shouting and lying to each other's face.

"See?" His smug voice rings from behind you, your wings folding in as if sensing him coming closer. His cold fingertips brushing against your arm made you shiver. His hand slipped dangerously close to yours but didn't touch. You almost wished he had done that.

"They'll destroy each other. Nothing you can say will make them trust each other again," he said, standing beside you, wings as black as night touching yours, the color of clouds.

You didn't say anything, after all what could you? He was right wasn't he? You had just set them on the right path and now they stood before you, walking on their own.

"What do I do?" You asked, voice heavy with weariness and resignation.

"Fall." His answer was simple.

You whirled around in indignation, ready to retort how you could never do that when your voice caught in your throat. Was it the truth though?

He understood your dilemma, the storm inside you and reached out to brush his hand against your cheek but refrained at the last moment. You frowned, not understanding why his incomplete action bothered you so much when you shouldn't be ruffled by whatever he does.

"We both know it's the right choice, my dear," he said before backtracking. Tilting his head to one side, he opened his other hand which was fisted, showing you a grey feather.

His wings were black.

With horror, you extended your own and saw the tips of the previously snow white feathers turning grey. Your breath stuttered as you thought of what it meant, looking towards the man.

He smiled one last time, a knowing smile, and vanished in a blur of inky feathers.

You were left standing there, looking at Hannah and Thomas storming away from each other once again.

—————

You couldn't enter heaven anymore because of the doubts you harboured that had already started affecting your wings. But still, you were trying to help your charges be better.

It was hard, considering that they didn't want to be saved. You were Jessy's guardian but everything happened with the whole group so you tried to fix that, in hopes that Jessy might feel better.

It seemed that your efforts were not giving any fruits because the group was broken. Hannah and Thomas weren't together, Lilly had been keen to refuse contact with anyone other than her sister, Jake had disappeared once again after completing his goal and the rest weren't faring any better.

Jessy was considering leaving Duskwood behind because she didn't want to be reminded of what happened here. She liked Dan very much but she was beginning to think that staying behind for him wasn't worth it. You tried to show her how opening herself up to the people who cared about her was a good thing, yet your subtle hints and messages didn't make much of a difference.

Your own health deteriorating, you went to Dan's apartment, in hopes of finding something that could convince Jessy to stay. Maybe some pictures of her, something Dan wrote to her, something sentimental.

This idea was starting to look more and more bleak until you found a box hidden under his bed that seemed promising. You opened it and your heart almost stopped on seeing what was inside.

Pictures of him and Lilly, dozens of them filled it, dated from when he was talking to Jessy, convincing her to go out with him.

You felt sick, standing suddenly and rushing out of his apartment. How could he do this to her? She was so patient with him, so kind, yet this is what he did to appreciate it.

Without realising where you were heading or your surroundings, you ended up at Aurora's rooftop, eyes stinging with tears and mind in shambles.

Was any of it worth it? You had tried and tried and tried but how did it end? How did it always end?

Gentle fingers brushed against your cheeks, brushing away the tears, startling you. You looked up to see the devil's dark eyes, his expression uncharacteristically solemn.

You shifted a little turning away from him. You didn't want him to know that he had been right all along. A small part of you still wanted to believe that you could somehow fix this but deep down, you knew it wasn't possible.

"I found pictures in Dan's room of him and Lilly," you said. Not for one moment did you think that he didn't know what was happening within the group or what you were doing.

He hummed.

"I'm sorry to hear that," he said. If you could see his expression, you would have known that something was amiss, by the way his mouth curved into a smug smirk. But as you had turned your face away, you had no idea.

"Like I said, people will only disappoint you. Why try so hard for them when they don't want to be saved?"

You blinked back tears once again as you looked at him.

"Because that's all I've ever known."

His face didn't show anything but his hand came up beside yours to squeeze it in support.

"Not with me," he whispered.

You gazed locked with his for a few seconds, minutes, hour, you didn't know. All the while he was gently running his thumb across the back of your hand from where he gripped it.

"I...."

"I'll never push you, angel. Take your time. You know where to find me."

—————

The devil or the man without a face, as he liked to call himself, sat on his throne, judging the life of the souls that had recently entered hell.

Order and chaos had always coexisted so as much as he enjoyed sowing the seeds of chaos, he also had to fix the balance and right now, there were a million places he'd rather be, than subjecting long dead people to their punishments.

He felt, more than saw you coming. Your aura too pure, too bright for this godforsaken place. He smiled to himself as he rose from the throne, making his way towards you.

"But my lord—"

His hand silenced the servant that was trying to remind him of his work, his hollow eyes boring into the servant and the latter bowed his head, trembling in fear.

He walked outside, following your energy and came face to face with you at the doors of hell.

Your wings were almost grey now, only the roots remaining white, your face ashen and defeated. He had to hide his satisfaction as he saw your apprehensive look, eyes trailing around him before they finally settled on him.

You opened your mouth to talk but the words caught in your throat. He seemed to take pity on you and gestured you to come to him, hand outstretched towards you.

You hesitated, just for a second, a thousand thoughts and possibilities racing through your head but you were tired. So damn tired that you finally did the forbidden.

You stepped into hell.

The moment you put your hand in his, the remaining of your wings turned grey, a few inky feathers dotted in between.

No worries though, now that you were here, they'll all turn into black soon, he mused.

He couldn't help but smile at you, satisfaction radiating off of him and you felt his hapiness at your choice. Maybe you did the right thing after all.

He brought your hand to his lips, brushing softly against your knuckles and you shivered under his dark gaze.

"Welcome home, angel."

[pinevalley]

create a playlist that encompasses your muse using only the letters of your url (multi-muses, specify which muse(s) each song makes you think of). post your playlist in a new post!

tagged by: @raichoose (thank u!!!) tagging: anyone who wants to try!

CASSIE —

i couldn’t pick between some songs, so i just included more than one for a couple letters!

pa pa power (dead man’s bones) i wanna be your girlfriend (girl in red) nights with you (mø) no trace (ms mr) epiphany fields (scntfc) virginia woolf underwater (chelsea woolf) andy, you’re a star (the killers) angel of small death and the codeine scene (hozier) lost it to trying (son lux; paper towns mix) last words of a shooting star (mitski) the expanse (juniper vale) your song (ellie goulding)

[SPECIFIC LYRICS UNDER THE CUT!]

pa pa power (dead man’s bones)

Burn the street, burn the cars Pa pa power, pa pa power (Please make me better) Broken glass, broken hearts Pa pa power, pa pa power (Please make me better)

i wanna be your girlfriend (girl in red)

Oh, Hannah, tell me something nice Like flowers and blue skies Oh, Hannah, I will follow you home Although my lips are blue and I'm cold

nights with you (mø)

I assure you I will dye my hair in crazy colors Just to make you smile

no trace (ms mr)

My world split in two I had to prove I didn't think I didn't know I could do it without you Do it without you … Vision beyond the frame Lost in the rules we made to our own game I'd drop myself through black holes To wind up at this door I wouldn't have asked If I didn't believe it wasn't worth fighting for

epiphany fields (scntfc)

[no lyrics!]

virginia woolf underwater (chelsea woolf)

Everything you've owned is gone Everything you've known is wrong Everyone you've loved has left … Never quite knowing where to stay And rest for a while

andy, you’re a star (the killers)

On the field I remember you were incredible Hey, shut up, hey, shut up, yeah … Leave your number on the locker and I'll give you a call Hey, shut up, hey, shut up, yeah Leave your legacy in gold on the plaques that line the hall Hey, shut up, hey, shut up, yeah … 'Cause Andy, you're a star In nobody's eyes but mine

angel of small death and the codeine scene (hozier)

[ major woman in the pickup truck vibes! ]

With her sweetened breath, and her tongue so mean She's the angel of small death and the codeine scene With her straw-blonde hair, her arms hard and lean She's the angel of small death and the codeine scene … In leash-less confusion, I'll wander the concrete Wonder if better now having survived

lost it to trying (son lux; paper towns mix)

What will we do now? We lost it to trying We lost it to trying … Give in and get out We rise in the dying We rise in the dying

last words of a shooting star (mitski)

All of this turbulence wasn't forecasted Apologies from the intercom And I am relieved that I'd left my room tidy They'll think of me kindly when they come for my things … So I am relieved that the turbulence wasn't forecasted I couldn't have changed anyways I am relieved that I'd left my room tidy Goodbye

the expanse (juniper vale)

Don’t don’t breathe heavy Don’t believe the blur The ending’s beginning to give into the turn Don’t don’t breathe heavy Leave behind your hurt Get hit with the magic that overcomes this world

your song (ellie goulding)

[ because sometimes i feel like crying ]

It's a little bit funny This feeling inside I'm not one of those who can easily hide … So excuse me forgetting But these things I do See I've forgotten if They're green or they're blue Anyway the thing is What I really mean Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen … And you can tell everybody This is your song It may be quite simple but Now that it's done I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind That I put down in words How wonderful life is now you're in the world … I know it's not much but It's the best I can do My gift is my song and This one's for you

[ilikebeesandflowers]

Finale? What finale?

That was just the Empty torturing a wayward gay angel... Here’s what really happened after Cas confessed his LOVE to Dean Winchester and was taken to Super Mega Hell...

Unedited, unproofread, unbeta’d- just pure, unadulterated, whiskey-and-rage-fueled fix-it fic. Ps, El Sol cerveza is the official beverage of fake-dream-worlds, and therefore the entire narrative of the finale is sus.

Love Lift Us Up (Where We Belong)

Cas slumbered, but fitfully. Oblivion plagued him with nightmares.

Some dreams replayed memories, even of memories that were not strictly his: one by one, everyone he loved torn apart at an atomic level, rent, poofed to dust. His sleeping self watched on a loop as Bobby, Charlie, Donna, nameless others fell, obliterated.

He saw Michael slay Lucifer, the foregone conclusion so many times delayed.

He saw Michael betray the Winchesters. But how? Why? Michael had changed, hadn’t he? Adam had changed him. Even asleep, Cas knew this to be true.

He watched Jack, his loving and beloved son, fulfilling the promise Kelly had known he held. Jack bringing peace to the world, restoring balance, returning all life on earth to its rightful places. Cas was certain that this dream was true. He felt Jack’s presence, unmistakable lightness and goodness and purity.

The Empty roiled violently, rippling the fabric of its realm.

The dreams changed again to nightmares.

Dean, alone. Sam, alone. Eileen, alone.

The hunters who had died were again whole and alive, walking the earth as if Chuck’s poisonous animosity had never snuffed them. And yet they were all isolated from one another. Oh, the younger children clung to their parents, but the parents drifted from one another.

Charlie, alone. Donna, alone. Claire, alone.

The loneliness of the hunters infected the denizens of the Empty, and the Empty smiled in its sleep.

Cas dreamed that he watched Dean dying, an ignominious death in a ramshackle barn. He felt a wave of revulsion, of jealousy, like he did in another barn, once upon a time, witnessing a kiss between Anna and Dean. What had he felt then, way back when, when feelings were still so new and frightening? Had he been in love then?

The scene repeated, again and again, a horrible parody of what should have been. A confession of love, two foreheads touching, hands held over Dean’s heart. The scene replayed a hundred, a thousand times, Cas viewing from the vantage of the beloved, but Cas never could see who received Dean’s love. He only knew it wasn’t him. He could only watch through someone else’s eyes, hearing and seeing and feeling with intense loathing what should have been his.

Then Dean was dead.

 The scene faded again. Cas saw Sam, living on, without Dean, without Jack, without Eileen, without hunters or hunting. In the space of a human heartbeat, he was married, raising a human child, a son. In another heartbeat, he was old, then dying, then greeting his brother in heaven.

He felt again a tug as if Jack were near. A faint glow.

Cas woke. Two amber eyes shone above him.

“Castiel,” said Jack, “something is wrong. I need your help.”

Cas scrambled to his feet. “The dreams? They were real?”

Jack couldn’t know what Cas had seen, and yet he shook his head and assured him that, no, those were the Empty playing tricks. “But reality is in danger. Heaven and Hell are out of balance. Heaven’s brightest are all here, when they should be up there. We’ll have to wake them.”

The Empty howled somewhere far off, something that sounded like, “Let me sleep!”

Jack stepped briskly in the inky blackness, tapping here and there, naming sleeping entities. “Hannah, you are needed. Duma, awaken. Gabriel. Michael. Raphael, your services are humbly requested.”

Soon, the din of awakened angels, archangels, seraphs, and reapers had summoned a furious cosmic entity of entropy and oblivion. “KEEP. IT. DOWN,” it hissed.

“And what will you do if we don’t?” Castiel asked, raising an eyebrow to the Empty, who stood before them in the guise of Meg Masters, circa 2009.

The Empty stamped its foot. “I took you in. You all died the death of immortals, a death that cannot be rewarded nor punished, but I took you in! And all I ask for is quiet!”

“But why?” Cas continued. “You despise us. Why do you trap us here?”

The Empty hesitated. “They dream,” it replied. “They dream, and so I dream.”

“We suffer nightmares of your making.”

“No-oo. The dreams are yours.”

“You enjoy the nightmares?”

“No.” The Empty faltered. “They wake me up. You stir, I stir; I must sleep!”

Jack spoke softly to the Empty. “Then expel them.”

“Expel them? What, just set them all free to commit chaos?”

“Just the dreamers.”

The Empty seemed to calculate the price of granting the nephilim’s wish. “That would be almost all of the angels and a number of powerful demons. They might return, clomping into my haven and disturbing my sleep.”

“No,” Castiel put in, his eyes lit with a wry smile. “If you expel them, they will be forever banned from your realm. They become subject to Purgatory, not Oblivion.”

Jack smiled at his father. “Exactly!” He turned again to the Empty. “So you’ll do it?” he asked brightly.

The Empty scowled. It nodded once, as if making a decision.

The world went white, then faded to reveal a sunny meadow. Roly-poly bumblebees flitted between fat heads of purple clover. A nest of chickadees chirped. Cicadas droned. A red kite soared above them, the string held by someone a long way off. Cas’ face softened, as if recalling a long-lost memory.

It hardened again as he sensed something amiss. “Jack,” he frowned, “the walls between the human heavens are failing.”

Jack nodded. “Yes, which is why we need more angelic energy. But watch.” He drew a small window in the air with his index finger. He pushed the cut-out, revealing an adjoining heaven belonging to a woman. Cas recognized her as the mother of the man with the kite. Her heaven contained a meadow: the same meadow that surrounded them, rather than the manicured lawn Cas knew from the man’s original heaven.

“They can co-exist,” he breathed.

“Yes. We can break these barriers and open Heaven. It doesn’t need to be a prison. We can fix it.” Jack grinned again, that same old smile he’d worn in life, when he learned the taste of nougat or the softness of a bunny rabbit.

The sight warmed Cas. The summer sky glowed just a bit brighter. “Tell me what to do, my son.”

***

For six days, as Heaven measures time, the angels, the archangels, and the nephilim worked. First, negotiating a truce with Hell and its imperious but righteous Queen, and then building a Heaven for all. On the seventh day, they rested from their labors. They gathered to watch the humans on earth for a little while. Almost no time had passed: the humans had had just enough time to recollect that they had watched their loved ones vanish; those unfamiliar with the supernatural had quickly forgotten the phenomenon, as well. The hunters in the warded hideout had had just enough time to embrace their newly un-vanished friends.

Sam was texting Eileen, only to remember that he still had her phone, abandoned on the sidewalk mid-text. He laughed at himself. “We have to drive to Eileen’s house.”

Dean lay hunched over the table, carving a word into the polished wood alongside the Winchester family initials. Thus far, it read, “CAST,” and he was just starting on the I. “Pack us up- I wanna finish this, but I can be ready in twenty.” They watched as he finished his tribute to Castiel. He put two fingers to his lips, then pressed the finger pads against the grooves.

Cas itched to know how Dean meant the gesture.

Dean hastily scratched the name “JACK” into the table, too. “You done good, kid,” he murmured, patting the letters as he might once have patted Jack on the shoulder.

The angels drifted back to their tasks. Cas stayed, watching his friends. His family. He followed their movements towards Eileen. He witnessed the tearful reunion.

Sam started sniffling long before Dean pulled up behind Eileen’s little red car. He stepped over the sidewalk, where he had first absorbed her death, and a sob escaped him. In a few strides of his long legs, he was at the door. His hand shook as he reached for the doorbell. The second phone in his pocket vibrated: her doorbell notification. How would she know that he was there? He clapped the knocker, stamped his feet.

The door opened. Eileen. A vision, a sight for even Cas’ sore eyes. Sam was overwhelmed. He croaked her name, and she was in his arms. Where she belonged.

Back at the curb, Dean turned his face from the lovers. He fiddled with his phone, but who could he call?

Cas heard Dean think his name. He felt a pang of longing, but it wasn’t his own. Or rather, it matched his own. Echoed his, merged with his, swelling the aching feeling until he felt full to bursting with yearning for something he thought he could never have. Had thought he couldn’t have. Now, he wondered.

He called to his son.

Jack appeared beside him. He followed Cas’ gaze. “It’s time for you to return to him,” he mused.

“Yes, but,” Cas tripped over the words he wanted to say and couldn’t bear to say.

Fortunately, Jack understood. Without another word, he took Cas’ face in his hands. For a moment, their eyes glowed brightly, then Castiel’s dimmed to their customary shade of blue. When Jack’s golden aura had faded as well, he pulled away from Cas. He glanced down at the slim vial now slung around his neck by a black cord. The substance within sparkled, swirled, its hue a dazzling, electric blue-white. It looked like lightning in a bottle.

Cas swept his son into a crushing embrace. “Thank you,” he wept.

“You can always come home,” Jack told him.

Cas pulled back. “No. Where I’m going is home.” He smiled through the tears rushing down his cheek. “Goodbye, Jack. I love you.”

He rather felt than heard Jack’s reply, as he crossed from the celestial plane to the mortal realm. He stood now on that same sidewalk. Far to his right, Sam lifted Eileen, carrying her bridal-style into her home, letting the door slam behind them. To his left, a long black car. He gripped the passenger door handle, pulled it open. The hinges squeaked. He folded himself inside before turning to the driver.

Dean looked every bit as awed as Cas felt. This was right.

Before he could say anything, even so much as a simple “Hello, Dean,” he found himself in Dean’s arms. Where he belonged.

[hms-chill]

9 or 21 from the prompt list, if it's not too much trouble !!

9. “You really thought I was dead?” 

21. “I…I can’t do this without you.”

Alex isn’t sure he’s ever been prouder of his mom. The Lometa long shot, stepping out of a presidential car and back into the town that raised her, to cut the ribbon on a Planned Parenthood clinic that will help a huge area of central Texas. He gets to follow her out of the car, June by his side, and he can tell she’s proud, too. All he needs to make things perfect is Henry, and Henry’s on his way.

Amy and her team fan out to check the perimeter, and Alex follows his mom and June backstage. Henry’s not here yet, but that seems alright. Alex is trying not to worry too much when he sees Cash frown on a call. June and his mom are going over his mom’s speech, so Alex is the only one who sees Cash put down the phone and look toward the family, and Alex is alone when he goes over to ask what’s wrong. 

“There’s been a wreck on 183, near Lampasas.”

“Oh. Is... is everyone alright?”

“We don’t know much right now. But maybe... Henry was coming that way; maybe you could see if he’s made it past?”

Alex feels his heart drop. “Yeah. Yeah, I... I’ll call him.”

There’s no reason to think something might be wrong. It doesn’t make any sense to assume that something’s happened based on something as simple as the fact that there was a problem somewhere. If he assumed Henry is in trouble any time there’s a problem anywhere in the world, he’d spend his whole life terrified about Henry. But that doesn’t help much when Henry’s phone rings, then rings again. 

It’s fine. Nothing’s wrong. 

It rings again. And again. And again.

“Hello, you’ve reached--” Alex hangs up. 

It’s fine. It has to be fine. Everything has to be perfectly fine. He’ll just check Henry’s location to see if he’s close, or past the wreck. 

His phone is stopped near Lampasas. Alex feels his heart stop, then leap into his throat and drop into his stomach all within the span of a second.

“Cash?” He asks, looking up from his phone. His voice sounds distant and strangled. Cash is there instantly, and Alex just hands him his phone, Henry’s location pulled up on it. “Is... is this past, or... do you...”

“I don’t know,” Cash says. “I don’t know where exactly it happened. I’m sorry.”

“Oh. It’s... it’s okay. It’s alright. He... I’m sure he’s fine.” Alex takes a deep breath, trying to convince himself. It’s a twenty minute drive from Lampasas to Lometa. With the wreck, it will take longer. Alex sets himself a thirty minute timer, and he’s staunchly not allowed to worry until it goes off. He goes back to his mom and June, helps June fix her hair a bit and tells his mom she looks great. He doesn’t think about the wreck. He bothers Zahra to see if she’s heard from Shaan, just so he knows if they’re close. It’s not because he’s scared. He’s not worried when she hasn’t, or when she tells him that not everyone is attached to their partner at the hip. 

Alex is, decidedly, not worried.

His phone buzzes thirty minutes later, and he calls Henry again. Nothing. He checks for Henry’s location. It hasn’t moved. And that’s when Alex lets himself start to worry. His mom has her speech in half an hour, but she’s mingling now, and he can’t worry her. June is mingling, too, clearly engaged in a conversation with someone from the clinic. So Alex finds Cash, and he pulls him aside. “He hasn’t moved. His... his phone hasn’t moved since the wreck. I don’t know where... I mean, I know where he is, but I don’t know what’s happened. Cash, what if... what if something... Do you think it would... I can’t go. I can’t go there, but he...”

Cash pulls him into a hug, and Alex tries his hardest not to cry as Cash moves them to somewhere Alex assumes there won’t be any cameras. He can’t fall apart, not now, but he still feels himself starting to. 

“It’ll be alright,” Cash says. But Alex is finally letting himself worry, and all that repressed terror is bubbling up anew.

“But what if... what if it’s not. What if he’s... It’s been thirty minutes. He should have been here ten minutes ago. And he’s not, and Zahra hasn’t heard from Shaan. I don’t... is he... Cash, what if... what if he’s...”

“He’s not. He’s alright.”

“How do you--”

“Alex?” He turns so fast he’s surprised he doesn’t give himself whiplash. Henry’s there, looking like an absolute angel, and Alex is half convinced he’s dreaming. Henry comes closer, frowning slightly. Surely, if it was a dream, Henry would be happy. But he’s frowning as he comes up to take Alex’s face in his hands, gently wiping off a tear Alex hadn’t even realized was there.

“Hen. Oh my god, there was a wreck, and your phone wasn’t moving, and I thought... I thought maybe... I’m just so glad you’re okay. I... I can’t do this without you.”

“You really thought I was dead?”

“I don’t know! You could have been! I... I hadn’t heard from you, and Zahra hadn’t heard from Shaan, and we didn’t know anything. I... I was ready for something to maybe go wrong here, since it’s, you know. But I would have been there. I just... I thought maybe something had happened and you were alone. I... I don’t know if I could handle that. If something went wrong and I didn’t get to tell you I love you. I love you.”

“I know.”

Alex groans, dropping his head onto Henry’s shoulder as it shakes in laughter. Henry rubs his back, and Alex finally, finally lets himself relax and fully believe it’s all alright.

--

This isn’t the angstiest thing I’ve ever written, but my angst muse decided to take some time off, so I hope it’s alright. It’s definitely angstier than my original “they’re playing minecraft” plan, so there’s that 😂

--

Want to support the Hannah Makes Art fund? you can tip me in ko-fi here!

[hannah-deserved-better]

Emotions are dangerous temptations

So this is one of the very first Supernatural fics I ever wrote. I recently came across it and decided to try to finish it. Although I am a hardcore Hanstiel shipper and I don't really ship anyone that gets between that ship, I wanted to step outside my comfort zone for one fic only because I wanted to illustrate how Castiel views love, whether it's romantic or friendship. Castiel has a lot of love to give and this is about his devotion to those he loves. Note that I am not a Destiel shipper so that will not be a part of this fic, although there will be plenty of Dean friendship with everyone.

Castiel and Sam bond while being caretakers for those they love. Castiel is caring for an ailing Hannah and Sam is caring for Dean and the two are later joined by someone they thought was lost forever. As Castiel falls in love for the first time, he soon realizes that he's not just falling in love with one person.

Chapter One

Castiel lay in the dirt where he had fallen, listening to the cries of pain from inside. He squirmed and struggled, using every bit of his strength to try to get up, but he could hardly lift his head. His eyelids felt heavy, every muscle ached. His borrowed grace had been spent, and Adina's beating had sapped what little strength remained. He was dying.

If it were just his life, he wouldn't be so determined. After all, as he told Metatron, he'd made peace with his fate, whatever it might be. He regretted taking another angel's grace to save himself, and now he was paying the price, perhaps he deserved it. After all, it was his grace in Metatron's hands that caused the fall. He didn't know how he could ever forgive himself for what he'd done, what he'd allowed to happen. It seemed no matter how much he tried to help, angels suffered, and perhaps his death would be the last gift he could give them.

But his life wasn't the only one at stake here. Dean, Sam, Hannah. They all needed him right now. Hannah's screams of pain from inside the convenience store reminded him of that. Adina was hurting her. She was taking revenge for what Castiel had done to Daniel. It was yet another thing Castiel had done to his fellow angels. He really couldn't blame Adina for wanting him dead, but he couldn't let her continue to torture Hannah.

"Hannah…" he groaned as another scream came from the store. Then another. Then a louder, more pain-filled cry made Castiel squirm on the ground all the more. Whatever Adina was doing, Hannah was hurting. Castiel couldn't allow it to continue. Would his last moments of life be spent laying here listening to Hannah die in agony?

It was then that Castiel heard the crunch of grass as someone approached. He was surprised with Crowley appeared in his field of vision, peering down at him.

"Hey, Champ," Crowley mused as he looked down at the pitiful sight before him. "Look at you. Talk about roadkill." Castiel groaned as he watched Crowley stride casually into the convenience store, angel blade in hand. Hope surged through him as he watched the demon disappear inside.

Moments later, there was a muffled cry from inside, and Crowley reappeared at the door. He hurried to Castiel's side and pulled the angel up into his arms, almost tenderly. As if he was cradling a dying comrade. He produced the vial of angel grace. Castiel shook his head. He'd not benefit from another angel's death, he refused.

"Yes, it's hers, but she was killing your girlfriend," Crowley assured him, putting the vial to the angel's lips. "Your hands are clean." Castiel finally absorbed the grace, and as it coursed through him, he felt stronger.

Crowley moved back as Castiel healed and got to his feet. A temporary fix, he knew, but for now, he could help Hannah, he could save Dean. He looked at Crowley. He owed his and Hannah's life to the king of hell. He'd never seen that coming.

"You owe me," he said, among other things before disappearing. Castiel turned his attention to the convenience store. Hannah was still inside. Quickly, he dashed to the doorway and surveyed the scene. The little store was destroyed, shelves had been ruined, candy and food littered the ground.

"Hannah?" he called, looking frantically for her. The sound of labored breathing brought him further into the store. He found Adina's crumpled form in front of the cashier counter, the shadow of her broken wings spread out on the floor. He sighed. Another angel was dead — one who had hostile intentions towards them, but still an angel.

"Castiel," came Hannah's pain, hitched voice. She finally came into view from around a fallen shelf. The sight of her alive and standing filled him with relief… that is until he saw her pale complexion as she stumbled to him. He surveyed the wounds on her face and neck, the cuts and wounds on her arms and legs. He moved towards her, holding a hand out to heal her… and as his eyes fell on her torso, he paled. An angel blade was impaled in her side, and the blue glow of angel grace leaked out alongside blood. As he looked closer, there seemed to be a strange green glow illuminating the wound, some kind of substance he didn't recognize.

Hannah promptly collapsed, falling forward, and Castiel caught her in his arms. She groaned softly, pain etched in her face.

Panic and fear gripped Castiel as he tried to remain calm. He lowered her onto the ground. "I need to look," he warned her. She only nodded, whimpering in pain. "She said nothing could cure it," Hannah breathed through gritted teeth. "Castiel, you must leave me… after all, you have other priorities."

Castiel winced at that, remembering his own words, warning her of emotions, feelings, and how they could be distractions. And now his own emotions and feelings were doing just that. "I know," he said. "I know what I said, but… I'm not going to leave you here. Now tell me what did Adina say to you? What can't be cured?"

"Poison," Hannah gulped as Castiel pulled the bottom of her blouse up around the blade so he could see the wound better. "She said… it was poisoned…"

"Your grace…" Castiel murmured as he saw the blue essence leaking from the wound. The blade remained impaled deep in her body, and blood oozed out around it. "I'm no doctor I don't know how to treat your vessel… but your grace is diminishing… this blade must come out, but I don't think it would be a good idea to do it here."

Thinking quickly, Castiel grabbed a rag from the shelf and wrapped it around the wound, pressing hard. He took her hand and placed it over the cloth. "Hold it tight," he said. "It won't stop the bleeding, but it will contain your grace." Hannah nodded. The pitiful whimpering she uttered froze Castiel's very soul. The crippling pain was evident in her pretty blue eyes as she gazed up at him.

Any human would be in a great deal of pain from this kind of terrible wound. But an angel being pierced with an angel blade, even just a scrape, caused immense suffering to the very core of an angel's being. Angels were hard to kill, but they could feel pain, feel it at a molecular level, in a more profound way than humans could.

As Castiel carefully gathered Hannah into his arms, her body trembled with pain. He held her as gently as he could as he carried her out of the store and to his car. "Hold on, Hannah," he implored urgently as he pulled the passenger door opened and lay her down in the seat. She only responded with a yelp as the movement, as careful as he was trying to be, jarred her wound.

As Castiel positioned her in the seat and tried to make her more comfortable, he gently brushed a finger against her cheek and moved her face to look at him. Her eyes, wide with pain, searched his.

"I don't understand," she breathed, confusion in her eyes. "Castiel… you are willing to die for your causes… you'd rather die than go to Metatron or to use another angel's grace. You said your priorities are to hunting the rogues and helping the Winchesters. Yet… your actions and your words aren't the same. Why not leave me?"

Castiel hesitated. He didn't have a good answer to that. The logical angel in him perhaps would have left Hannah in the store if he thought she was beyond saving. He would have put her out of her misery at the very least. But the Castiel who felt things, who had grown to love Sam and Dean like brothers, who had learned what friendship truly meant, who had learned about compassion and loyalty and love, did not want Hannah to die. The last few days spent with her hunting the rogues through his own ailment, seeing her learn about humanity through him and his own actions, it stirred something within him.

"I've reassessed my priorities," he finally told her. "I'm going to save you."

"Why?" she prompted.

"Because you are my friend," Castiel explained. "And if there is anything that the Winchesters have shown me, it's that friendship and family come before all other priorities. Even heaven's. So hold on, Hannah…" She only nodded, and he quickly closed the door and hurried around to the driver's seat, slamming on the gas as soon as he was able to.

Castiel drove with determination and urgency. Not only for Hannah's sake but for Sam and Dean's. Dean was a demon; if Sam weren't able to cure him, they'd have to… Castiel winced. No, they had to be successful. Castiel refused to entertain the possibility that Dean was going to die too. He could lose Hannah; he could lose Dean, perhaps Sam also. His friends, his family. He couldn't let that happen.

[the-ships-to-rule-them-all]

22!!!!!!!!!!!!!

from Greece to London to Los Angeles, it’s been a year of growth and change and I’m astoundingly grateful for everyone who has been here from the highs and lows and the screaming fangirl fits. thank you for making my life better

my favorite people on the planet, the ones who make my universe brighter just by existing

@goodqueenalys Mere you are one of the smartest most genuine humans I’ve ever met. I am in awe of the way you have nothing but kindness in your heart and that at the same time your spine is pure solid steel. your strength in your convictions, your passion, your willingness to educate, your creativity, the way you listen, the way you care. I am so so glad to call you my friend and to have you by my side.

@blyedeeks SOUL TWIN!!! can you believe that we only met 3 years ago? it feels like we’ve known each other our entire lives. Sometimes you meet someone who can understand you in ways that don’t seem real because they get you on such a deep level. I think I said something like that for the past two years but it’s still so true. And you are the kindest more brilliant star in sky Cams. I truly don’t know where I’d be without you, definitely not as confident or as loud. I love you a lot and I am so blessed to have your kindness and positivity on my side.

@marauders-groupie Lana’s words are spun starlight, she just captures something so instinctively human and tender with her poetry. She’s one of the kindest people in the world and she serves the universe. Oh, and she is determined and dedicated and passionate and she just believes so strongly in the goodness of a single person, in her own value that I can’t help but believe in myself more because of her strength and courage and beauty.

@astranautics Caroline!!! my girl, my wonderful amazing girl. I cannot believe that I was your Tumblr crush. There’s such a softness to your words, a willingness to share and that all too familiar desire to love and be loved in return. the fact that you send me stuff about my hockey boys legit has made me cry because you take such an interest in me and I just I feel so warm when we talk, I love that your life is so wonderful and yet mundane, I love hearing about your day and I love watching you believe in yourself

@koridick BABE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the amount that I love you is beyond words. You are so passionate and sweet and if I could save your messages when reacting to my poetry to just constantly brighten my day I would because every time I remember how you react I feel so inspired and worthy. I feel like my life isn’t right when I don’t talk to you and I’m so grateful that we both shipped Poly Rangers and got to sharing headcanons and writing fic and you are so talented and wonderful.  Your willingness to put up with my rants and the way you support me and love me is the greatest feeling in the world. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!

@sometimesrosy there’s something to be said about having someone who has lived a life believe in you. I feel like I can go to you for anything, Rosy. You are so so smart that sometimes I read your answers and it takes me a minute to reorient myself.

@everybodyknows-everybodydies I’m so utterly proud of the person I’ve seen you becoming over the past year. You are so talented, so talented and you are so tiny and cute that sometimes I can’t believe how much passion you have in your body. Your art, your convictions, your passion, it’s so beautiful to see and I love you so so much

@thesnowyswan my darling Rae!!!! you have made me a so much better writer, a so much better person and I love you so so much. thank you for all your support and encouragement and I love talking any and everything with you. you are such an utter badass and passionate and dedicated

@bishops--knifetrick I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH BABE!!!!! we talk almost every day and I don’t even know what I would do without you! you’re so incredible and beautiful and amazing and truly someone special 

other people who are absolutely incredible and whom I adore so so much

@harpermcintyre (Al, babe thank you for always being kind and generous) @scodelariokaya (Nik is brilliant and beautiful and she deserves the universe) @wellsjahasghost (Jade is remarkable and funny and her words are spun gold) @mego42 (Meg is one of the smartest, calmest people on this site and she deserves only good things) @wellamyblake (MJ makes me laugh on the daily and her understanding of nuances is only matched by her passion) @thatonekimgirl (Kim!! when we met at HVFF I didn’t think that we’d end up linking back so soon, thank you for dragging me into the spiral that is loving VirtueMoir) @bellamysprincessa (Katie, I love you. I love that you are so supportive and I adore that we always seem to watch the same shows as you scream about something in the chat) @head-and-heart (Kate is a gem, a smart supportive gem of a human whose tags I live for) @deadshotbellamy (Grace is a gorgeous girl who has two of the greatest urls I’ve ever seen) @tybowen (Jen is a badass, a beautiful badass but yeah, her best quality is that she is strong in her convictions and passionate about the things she chooses to give her heart to)  @bb-8(Cody, you are so talented and smart and genuine and I love you so much) @montygreen (Leila, you are so talented and wonderful and I love you so much and your gifsets are so beautiful they take my breath away) @ohmypreciousgirl (to think that five years ago your blog was one of the first that I followed, that your passion and intelligence were a reason I even joined Tumblr in the first place, the fact that we are friends is incredible. I’m so grateful to you) @cllarkegriffin (Hannah, you are so incredible and I'm blessed to call you a friend) @clarkegriffintitties (Julia, I love you so much) 

the writers who own my heart, whose ao3 pages I’m constantly refreshing, who make me fall in love with these characters all over again

@deadcatwithaflamethrower (HER WORLDBUILDING IS TO DIE FOR, she just is constantly reinventing the universes that she plays in and reinventing my own opinions of characters by making them so much more complex!!!! she’s just so incredible) @so-caffeinated/ @dust2dust34 (their verse of FICON is one of the most awe-inspiring things I have ever read and it’s funny and sweet and action-packed and so full of family feels. I fangirled so much when I met Bre at HVFF, it was great and I just, they are so talented and I love writing poetry inspired by their writing) @rongasm (Rachel creates such works of art for Stydia and Percabeth and they are tender and touching and I could read the Harry Potter au for the rest of my life) @welllpthisishappening (Laura is a master at creating perfect pieces that I didn’t realize I wanted, she’s so talented and passionate and her stories just cause me to have such a massive grin on my face and she definitely reignited my love of CS) @ink-splotch(creates such masterpieces of Harry Potter and Marvel in terms of character study and what ifs and it’s just, I sometimes read them and cry but also rejoice) @lostcap (Phia’s poetry is pure spun sunshine and steel, there’s such a force to her words as though she is channelling the greek muses and the moment that she named me as one of her favorite tumblr poets is quite possibly one of my greatest accomplishments) @jasonsmclean/ @bipercabeth (have created one of my favorite series EVER, and are worthy of all the praise they’ve ever gotten) 

some other amazing people who have made this year spectacular

@bellameblake @bellsblake @bellblake @asexual-mechanic @apirateslifeforsmee @jahaliel  @molliiholmes @nerdybellamy @prosciuttoe @jbuffyangel @turtlejustice @junebugninja   @missemarissa @rashaka @griffndors @grumpybell @kindclaws @weirwolves @dreamcourtrhys @cath-avery @stydixa @ofnailbatsandaxefives @llysandra @whoeveryoulovethemost @impvlsivee @stilesprefers-screamers @readymachine @bellarketm ​ @warriorsaralance

thank you, if you’re reading this, for making my year truly special

[archuve]

Morning Moments

Summary: It’s too early for Amanda to be awake but it was never too early for her to be so softly in love.

A/N: not checked for grammar mistakes, made in phone. It’s the softest shit I ever made for these two so far so I had to show it ASAP

It’s morning. Too early for Amanda to think, for her to move and shift and groan under her breath. There’s a soft rustle near her, an almost invisible whisper but Amanda knew those sounds. She knew those sounds in the same way her lungs knew how to breathe and like a natural instinct Amanda opened her eyes. Like the slow intake of morning air, like the delicate pleased sigh that left her nose, Amanda’s green eyes opened slowly. They fluttered as sunlight peered down on them blinking like camera shutters, not that Amanda minded. There was the perfect muse on her bed, a model of beautiful dark red hair and hazel eyes and Amanda would take as many photos as she could just to capture this ethereal beauty.

“Hey there Gorgeous,” she murmured, words still drawling from sleep as her eyes focused on the sappy smile of her muse. “What are you doing here?” Amanda shifted her head to face her muse properly, to give her the attention she deserved as well as a lazy but mischievous smile. “I thought angels only come dead at night?”

That one earned Amanda a playful slap around her arm and Amanda laughed it up as she began to wake up mentally. Not from the slap but from the playful but chiding giggle that followed. It was fairy like mixed in with fatigue that ended with a slow lazy sigh teeming with adoration. It was a sound Amanda would bottle and get drunk on. “You’re not supposed to be this smooth in the morning O’Neill.”

Amanda chuckled as she edged closer. “No thanks to you miss England, ”she said as she brought one hand to Hannah’s face to play around with her auburn tresses. “I’m barely awake so I have no filter right now.”

Hannah placed a hand over Amanda’s and Amanda couldn’t help but smile even more at the soft touch of Hannah’s thumb brushing over her skin. “So I’m the one to blame for you being smooth?” Hannah asked and Amanda’s eyes moved from their intertwined hands to Hannah’s small smirk and her more wider awake eyes that gleamed with a sense of mischief she borrowed from Amanda. Nines Amanda loved it when she looked like that, looking all coy and smug and ready to play their usual teasing game. She loved noticing all the subtle ways she made her mark on Hannah, the little quirks she influenced, the new habits and small things now added to Hannah’s daily routine- like staying in bed with her where before she would start her day.

Amanda shrugged, terribly acting nonchalant as she grinned. “It’s easy to be smooth when it’s to a beautiful lady.”

Another laugh. Another sound to turn into mental melodies. Another little mark Amanda noticed she made on Hannah. Before Hannah used to blush red at her smoothness, now there is barely a pink tint- as if she was used to it all, because she was used to it all the prospect of Hannah never being not used to it made Amanda’s chest flutter.

But the way Hannah pulled her in and kissed her made her heart calm down and listen to this constant pulse of warmth, safety and home. To breathe in and consume another noticed hidden mark she made on her, the way Amanda can smell a tinge of herself in Hannah’s scent.

When they pulled away from the morning kiss Amanda’s love struck eyes panned over Hannah, memorising every small detail. The slight slower breathing from their kiss, the way thier hands are entangled with each other and Hannah’s red locks, the smallest tints of pink, the way the colour hazel reminded Amanda of gemstones and the light airy giggle from Hannah’s easy relaxed smile made Amanda bottle it inside a ring.

[oveliagirlhaditright]

Summary: Logan convinces Max to get a new catsuit, figuring the Familiars and public know her look too well. What neither of them realized was that this outfit was a trap from the Breeding Cult, meant to get rid of Max's immunity to the comet. And when they storm White's base, this becomes apparent when the suit is triggered and Max nearly dies. But then Logan comes and absorbs the effects.

Author’s Note: This plot is... weird. I'm not even going to deny it. But I had another account where I wrote LoMax fanfiction, but have deleted it. And even though you don't see it on this account, I feel like I exhausted every LoMax idea I could think of on that one. Which means I sort of have to think out of the box now to get inspired for them. And I want to be inspired for them. But despite the weirdness, I hope you'll all find a pretty good tragic piece here.

Speaking of which... I didn't want to kill Logan (and yes, this fic kills Logan. Warning you now), because I love love love him and he and Max are the OTP to rule all OTPs. But this is what the muse hit me with. -shrugs- I blame it on me just watching Wesley's death in Illyria's arms on Angel the Series.

Anyway, happy Dark Angel year! Which was really why I wanted to finally post something for Lomax/the fandom again!

“I don’t wanna hear it, Alec. I don’t wanna hear how it was apparently always wrong for me to love Logan… Because he was just looking out for me again, in trying to find a way for me to stay off the Breeding Cult’s radar—…and for me to stay away from him, if that’s what I really wanted—and he died for it! So save your ‘I told you sos!’”

Max wasn’t sure if she was actually being fair with this. Because maybe in having lost Rachel, Alec would understand what she was going through and know not to go there. When she’d told him about Ben, he’d been silent… Hadn’t he?

Well, even if that was true, Max was too livid to give him the benefit of the doubt right now—or to give him with anything for that matter. She wished they weren’t friends, and that they’d never met. Because maybe if they hadn’t, none of this would have ever happened.

All Max wanted to do was curl up on Logan’s couch and die herself. And she did do the former.

Hours Earlier

“So… Why do you think I need a blue catsuit again?” Max asked, as she slid into said outfit in Logan’s bathroom: somewhat remining her of the night she met Mia. But Max refused to think on that now, since she and Logan had actually been good then—all things considered—and now they weren’t.

Logan sighed—Max could hear this with her cat-like ears—before he rolled closer to the door in his wheelchair, presumably so she could hear him even better.

“Because, Max… The Familiars know too much about you now. And what you look like. The public, too, for that matter. This way, you can hopefully change your look enough that people won’t necessarily notice you on missions. I also bet White and his crew think you’d be too arrogant to alter your suit at all. So they probably won’t even think it’s you in this blue suit for a long time.”

There were a lot of holes in this logic, Max knew. But she wasn’t willing to argue with Logan about it today: not when he was being nice and trying to do something to protect her.

But Max wondered if that was all it was. She got the sense, that—despite everything—he preferred the woman she’d been a year ago. And that by even moreso taking her away from that image, he’d be more okay with their breakup.

And if that was the case, Max wanted to kill him… It wasn’t his fault, of course. He still had no idea that she’d lied about wanting it to be over and being with Alec. But there was a selfish part of Max that had to know how he’d ever believed any of those things from her.

But none of this mattered right now, her inner-soldier chastised her. Breaking into White’s new facility was what was on the agenda… And keeping Logan far, far away from her as she did so.

But still… as Max came out of the bathroom and gave Logan a look, she found she couldn’t help poking fun at him like she’d used to.

“Next you’ll say that you expect me to wear red, white, and blue?”

Past Logan would have responded to that negatively, Max knew, in thinking that she was mocking his patriotism and desire to return America to its former glory… whatever that was. But the Logan who had been more chill this year than he had any right to be, just raised an eyebrow and asked, “What?”

Max laughed… and instantly hated herself for it, as she fell back into the bad routine of sitting on his computer desk while he typed away. “Nothing. You can mostly forget about it, Logan… It’s just that one of the few times I managed to go to school as a kid, we got quizzed about police officers. And one of the questions was if they wore red, white, and blue or not… for some reason. Wearing blue just makes me think of that now. Like, social justice warriors should wear some of our flag or somethin’.”

And while Logan didn’t quite chortle at this himself, he did smile at her as he looked at her the way he had when she’d first told him about OC and Diamond at Crash. “Becoming my field commander more and more, I see.”

Really, Max should have seen Logan bringing back that old joke from a mile away… but she hadn’t. And she was glad that she hadn’t, so she could again feel the kind of warmth she’d been craving ever since she left Hannah’s house.

“…Anyway, Logan… What can you tell me about this place that’s trying to manufacture the comet?” Max asked, once again reminding herself to get back to business. The fates of Logan, OC, Sketchy, Kendra, Herbal, Bling, and even Normal—God help her—depended on it.

And for that reason, Max figured there was a good chance she was going to die on this quest: for all that “a life for a life”, and “the universe needs to stay in balance” mentality. And since those muscle brutes wanted a world to themselves and were willing to die for it. But Max still wanted to be alive and kicking, damn it! There was still so much she wanted to do with her home girl, Joshua, her friends…even Alec, the transgenics, and Logan. Most of all Logan.

Logan’s lips formed into a thin line at her question, and Max could tell he was just as concerned as she was—but she tried not to let it show: deciding to adopt Zack’s sense of phony sentimentality, for just a moment—and it told her that as much as he’d been talking with certainty earlier, about how she would be working for Eyes Only again after this… he wasn’t so sure.

“…What’s there to tell? It’s an abandoned airstrip again. And the articles they’re using to try and manufacture the meteor are nasty. Some of these items were used to try and destroy the world before—via water, of all things—and I really wish you didn’t have to be around them. Bring Alec, if you have to. Joshua too, maybe… and whoever else. You guys should probably enter through a weak spot in the roof, land on the scaffolding and jump down to the operation’s center… There will be a few Familiar guards there I’m sure, but hopefully you can take them. Then destroy everything and get the hell out of there.”

Max didn’t have to be told twice. She nodded once, taking it all in that fast, and walked out on the man she loved once again.

But somehow, Max found herself stopping at the threshold this time and turning around. She didn’t really know why she was saying this now, but she was speaking the words: “Not kissing you the night we took down Manticore was the biggest mistake of my life.”

And then she was riding away from Fogle Towers on her Ninja: Logan’s gasp of breath at her news still greatly on her mind, as she headed the way of his savior. The way of Joshua.

…

Everything went to Hell in record time once the transgenics got to their enemies’ lair: Max, Alec, and Joshua had barely made it down from the ceiling before the water of the device had somehow sprung free and been drawn to Max. And at once, it had her seizing in a way she never had before and made her completely useless.

She tried to fight on—and to ignore the pain and the fear—in focusing on the sort of grim determination Jondy had had during their live ordinance drills from back in the day, but it was mostly to no avail. Joshua and Alec ended up kicking a lot of ass for Max… but all the ass kicking was on normal guards, not Snake Cult. Which told Max that this was a setup from the get-go, but then them outing their location so easily couldn’t have been anything else.

Ames White—the only bastard they were looking for who actually was here—just laughed and scurried away, before any of the three of them could catch him. No doubt he thought she was dead and that they’d won: since no one had extracted her blood yet, and nothing could pass on that cure for the real meteor now.

And wasn’t it her end? Even though Max wanted to punch the sky and say “no”, she was starting to doubt that it wasn’t…

And that was why Alec—via Joshua’s command—called Logan over, so he could come say goodbye to her… Her brothers told Max that they were too afraid to try and move her, in case they made her suffer anymore or so that didn’t kill her if leaving her untouched for a moment meant she would have been fine.

When Logan got there, that was when the strangest and worst thing of all happened.

If Max had thought anything would kill Logan, that was from some sort of allergic reaction… it would have been through the Virus. Of course…

Not through his sucking out whatever was in her new outfit into himself.

If Max wouldn’t have been dyingherselfthis instance—while holding Logan in her arms, and not even caring about the damned Virus because now this illness had somehow been passed to him and he needed to know she loved him—she might have ribbed him, for the fact that it had been hisidea for her to get these clothes…

But Max wouldn’t blame Logan for his own death—she never would—and this ensemble would have possibly helped her in two ways, if things had been different, but that didn’t matter now.

Right now? The catsuit she was wearing was disappearing from Max more and more, and leaving her in some sort of red outfit as what was rest of the blue (that was becoming less and less) seemed to rest against Logan in Max’s eyes

One of the Familiars had gotten the idiotic notion, that if they couldn’t beat her then to join her, Max was realizing now: which was how they’d made this… hoping Max would buy the new uniform—and rather foolishly, she had—and that when she’d put it on, it would render her no longer immune to the comet and cripple her? Surely in looking at her genetic code, and the remains of the last time this harbinger had been on the Earth, they had finally figured out what made her immune to it… and how to change that. They’d just needed one chance to infect her, and they’d found it.

…But they hadn’t been counting on the fact that someone who couldn’tbe healed by her immunity would be right by her side, and touch her, and negate it: since the immunity negater thought that if this person couldn’t be saved—and they couldn’t be—it had already done its job.

The furious part of Max—who hated that the love of her life was dying—wanted to despise him for this: that even in his last moments, Logan was still somehow being too big a person and leaving her behind… almost choosing the world over her. Again. But she knew that was ridiculous and shoved the idea down.

Logan hadn’t consciously decided this, after all, and in his last moments he didn’t need to hear these kinds of thoughts.

No.

Max just focused her attention on kissing every available piece of skin on him that she could find—something that she should have done a long time ago—as she held Logan’s hand.

And she would have even been content to die with him—and maybe she still would—if she didn’t already hear Alec begging her to leave since the police were here, and the anti-transgenic cry was already loud enough… And if she knew Logan wouldn’t come back and haunt her, if she didn’t get away now so she could save everyone.

“Logan… I love you,” Max said, with a tingle tear that landed on his cheek: It reminded her of the one she’d cried at Bennett and Marianne’s wedding, that Logan had seen… how she should have married him even back then! And Max chose to believe that his red face right now wasn’t from the sickness, but in blushing in thinking the exact same thing.

“Don’t ever doubt that for a minute… wherever you go, though I’m sure it’s Heaven. I- God, I never thought I’d say these words. It’s so embarrassing and cliché, but… I love you more than I thought it possible to love anything. And you’re the one who showed me how to love… I only pushed you away this last year because I was afraid of losing you. And I can’t believe it’s happening now!”

Logan squeezed Max’s hand here with a surprising strength. And even that took her aback, since she knew he didn’t have much of it left… as he was now turning purple. If only she knew what was even happening to him!

“I love you, too, Max,” Logan whispered, as tears streamed down his own face… that broke Max’s heart into a million pieces to see.

But at the same time… at least it meant he was taking this seriously. And he wouldn’t get to the Pearly Gates, knocking on God’s door, and only then stop to realize all he’d selflessly given up.

“I always have. Always will. And I’m sorry—But I’ll wait for you.”

And it was at this point that Max began openly sobbing like she had with Ben (because hadn’t the “I’m sorry” part been the exact words she’d said to Logan as she died? But unlike what had happened with her, she knew he wouldn’t come back). Logan reached out a hand to put on her face, but didn’t quite make it as he winced in pain.

“Little Fella, we need to go now!” Even Joshua was urging Max at this point, as he tried to pull her along—was Alec doing so too?—even as he stopped for a moment, stammered a few words, and let out a sad and lonely howl.

“…Max, I’m sorry. I really am. I liked the guy too, but I see White coming back now with a red version of his water thing. And if that’s the real comet they’ve manufactured, we’ve got to get plans to share your blood STAT, and-“

But Max paid the two of them no mind—fighting them both and breaking away just once, like she needed to.

“…Logan, if you—the great and powerful Eyes Only—are going to Heaven, then I don’t know how it will ever take me… But if I’ve ever believed in anything, it’s you. So I’ll have faith in you and wait for the moment we can be together again.”

And like she’d been wanting to do for solong—she leaned down and kissed his lips—enjoying it much more than she should have, since they’d been denied it for so long.

But the moment they’d come alive in this way, for the first time in a long time—perhaps even moreso than they ever had been before. And why did Max have visions of dancing behind her eyelids?—was exactly when life left Logan’s body.

And then all Max was aware of, was numbness.

…

The next thing Max knew after she slept—had she slept? When was the last time she’d ever done that?—was her laying around in Logan’s apartment like she owned the place, and really… she should have. God, why hadn’t she married him again?!—and Alec trying to reason with her… about something. But the subconscious part of her mind had blocked it from there, that was for sure.

That was when the conscious part of her mind snapped at Alec, and Max found herself heading back to Logan’s couch: the only place where comfortableness and truths lied.

And then Alec’s words in her ears from far away: “…I wouldn’t have said any of those things, Max.”

Then after Alec went away, Max heard the closing of the door to an Aztec and she cried.

[kannojo]

What color is your love language?

Result: Canary

Key words: friendship, happiness, light.

A canary's love is freeing, and brings the recipient true and pure happiness. Everyone you love is your best friend in one way or another, whether it's your fiancess, your little sister, your mother, or your favourite English teacher. You're most likely to buy small gifts for the people you love, such as their favourite snack or little trinkets, to show that you were thinking about them. Yours is the love of holding hands, singing in the shower, Spring time and wide smiles. Best matched with: Fern, Lavender, Cerulean

tagged by: stole it from the dash because it was hella cute

tagging: @2op4u​ (for teddy <3) @yokaiix (for arata! :D) @tsukiisms @atendersun​ .

[eurusholmmes]

Can You Hold Me?| Dean Winchester

My first Dean fic, and of course it’s going to be filled to the brim with ANGST. Please give criticism and be gentle. I’ll get the hang of it. 

 I’m just now into the first ten episodes of Season 10, so bear with me here. Requests for Dean, Sam, Gabriel, Castiel, Gadreel are OPEN.

Prompt: When Dean comes to you after having been cured of his demonism, he sees the effect it had on you. Set during late Season 9, early Season 10. 

TW// Demon!Dean in itself should be a warning alone, abuse (which he’d never do but..), ANGST

Song Lyrics come from Can You Hold Me - NF

Let me know if I should start a tag list!

Lies.

  “You wanna know something? Dean’s been screaming at me for a good while, claiming I’m not allowed to touch the woman he loves. Funny thing is.. he never loved you!” 

Deceit.

 There was a common truth to all things from hell - they were experts at lying. Demons, even the King of Hell was an expert at manipulation and lying to humans, even those he cared about. You’d come to respect Crowley as much as you possibly could since meeting him - but next time you met him face to face, you were going to convey just how pissed you were.

You paced the length of the bedroom you shared with Dean, reluctant to step outside of the door after the altercation you’d had yesterday. Castiel had returned to the bunker with Hannah in order to help finish the human blood infusions into Deans body. Sam had been insistent that you remain in your bedroom, hoping to spare you the pain of having to witness the love of your life break in front of you. 

You barely managed a scream when Dean broke free of his bonds, jumping to his feet and immediately lunging outward to slam you into the wall. Your head collided with the concrete bricks in full force, causing black spots to dance in your vision as Demon Dean forced you to look at him. “Man, I can’t understand why Dean would even fall for a woman like you.” He snarled. Your eyes lit up angrily as you struggled to pry yourself from his grasps. “You’re weaker then any of us, y/n. Even Cas is stronger then you and he doesn’t even have his angel mojo!” 

Dean recoiled as you reared your head and spat in his face, spittle flicked with blood as he moved to wipe his skin with the back of his hand. You collapsed on the floor and dug your fingernails into your palm as you struggled to regain the breath stolen from your lungs. You weren’t even fazed by the trickle of scarlet on the ground. “My Dean is a good man.” You snapped, tears burning your eyes as Dean pinned your hands above your head and straddled your waist. “Better then any demon ever could be. My Dean would never-” 

  “Oh, sweetheart. You don’t get it do you?” Dean mused. “This is your Dean with a new darkness in him. You always asked to see his demons?!” Shivers ran down your spine as he extended his arms and grinned viciously. “You’re looking at the new and improved love of your life, y/n!” 

When Sam had seen your lacerations and severely bruised jawline, he’d immediately set you into the bedroom and locked the door behind him. Cas had come in to check on you once - but you had yet to look Dean in the eye since the incident. As much as you hated yourself for it.. You were terrified of the man you loved. 

And little did you know, guilt was clawing its way up his throat as Dean Winchester stood outside his bedroom door with his fingers curled around the door knob. He remembered - He remembered everything he had done to you. The fear in your eyes when his darkness had goaded you on about how his love for you was fictitious, that he’d never love a woman with no strength.. And then he’d proceeded to beat you senseless against the walls of the dungeon. 

  “Y/n?” He called out, cursing as his voice broke under the pressure of his tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. If only John could see him now.. broken and hunched over at his lovers door begging for the forgiveness he didn’t deserve. “Baby.. it’s me.  Can I come in?” 

It feels like a tear in my heart Like a part of me missing And I just can't feel it I've tried and I've tried

Hot tears ran down your face as you pressed your hand over your mouth, desperate to silence your sobs as you listened to Dean from the other side of your bedroom door. That entrance had been the thresh hold to consecrate at the beginning of your relationship, the door entered when nightmares were too real, the door to your safe place. 

And I've tried Tears on my face I can't take it If lonely's a taste, then it's all that I'm tasting Do you hear my cry? I cry, oh

  “Y/n...” Dean faltered, pulling his lip between his teeth as he rested his forehead against the wood. “Sweetheart, you have no idea how much all of this is killing me. I made a promise to myself to never lay an unheavenly hand on you.. to only ever touch you if I was praising the woman I love.” Your chest constricted as you slowly made your way towards the door. “And I remembered all of it because of this god forsaken mark-” Silence filled the room as you waited to hear the rest of his sentence. “I will never forgive myself for hurting you. I’m so sorry. Can-Can I come in?” 

Before he could even react, the two of you were staring at each other through the open door.

Can you hold me? 

Can you hold me?

Can you hold me in your arms?

You straightened your spine as Dean carefully studied your trembling form, shoulders hunched with exhaustion and eyes heavy with lack of sleep as you absentmindedly rubbed at your jaw. A deep purple bruise had blossomed over the left side of your face. 

  “Dean.” You whispered, taking another step towards him and gently motioning him to come into the room. Dean winced as your fingers glided up his chest to rest against the curve of his jaw, a small smile quirking your lips upward as he leaned into your touch. “That thing wasn’t you. It’s okay.” 

  “No it’s not.” He spat, hands trembling at his sides as Dean bit back the urge to sob. “I promised you, baby. I was never going to lay a hand on you even with this Mark.. and I did-” Dean lifted his bright emerald irises to meet your own, your heart sinking as hot tears trickled down his sharp cheekbones. “Can-Can you hold me?”

He’d never asked you to do that before. Sure, there were the rougher hunts when they were unable to save the victim.. Forced to watch themselves fail which resulted in nightmares and shared beds and whispered secrets in the dead of night. But not this - never this. 

You weren’t about to disprove him his only link to security, sanity, and safety in the arms of the woman who loved him. 

Put your arms around me Put your arms around me Let your love surround me I am lost I am lost

Warm hands raked through his hair as Dean allowed himself to succumb to the inexplicable emotional distress coursing through his body, arms loosely wrapped around you as you both sank to the floor in front of the bed. He struggled to find a hold on your body as you softly whispered in his ear, reassurance that even with the Mark Of Cain you had no intentions of ever leaving him. 

  “Hey you,” You whispered, swiveling your head to glance down at your boyfriend as you settled against the foot of the bed with his head resting against your collarbone. Dean made a small sound of acknowledgement as you brushed your lips against his head. “I love you.” 

If I ain't got you here If I ain't got you, I ain't got nothing at all

Dean shifted his weight so his head was just beneath your chin, his index finger and thumb gently tilting your head downward so the two of you were eye to eye. Your heart skipped a beat as you half expected to be staring back into the black pits that had once replaced the stunning emerald you’d fallen in love with. 

But there they were - so green and so guilty.

  “I love you too.” Dean whispered. 

Can you hold me? 

Can you hold me?

Can you hold me in your arms?

[sundrought-blog]

hannah’s super sappy bias list 2k17

☽║☾ OOC. u heard it here folks-- i’m in love w/ all of you....  in all seriousness, it’s been a hard year for me, between  school, work, and family commitments, i felt myself on the  edge of a breakdown all year. truly, it’s only thanks to all of  you lovely angels here that i’m still ready and rearing to meet  2017 head on. b4 i get too sappy and weepy, i just wanted  to say that i appreciate everyone so much!! you’ve all been  nothing but supporting and patient with me even though i’ve  had a very hectic schedule lately. you’ve made me laugh, smile,  and generally, have given me a place and community that i can  truly be happy in. i’ve made invaluable friendships here that i  know i will cherish forever. 

now, i’m gonna give out the bad news before i get to the good  stuff-- i’m officially putting this blog on a semi-hiatus. when university start up again, i will be juggling quite a lot-- between working on my  capstone, preparing myself for a study abroad, general science-y classes,  studying for the MCAT, longer work shifts, and getting ready to apply for medical school, i will need as much free time as i can get. this means i will most likely only be on to rp on the weekends-- however, i will always log onto this blog every day to reply to messages, inbox stuff, etc., so it’s less of me  being away and more that i’ll be even slower than usual w/ my replies.  i’m sorry that i have to do this, but i have to make time for what’s  important in my life right now, and above all else, i have to focus on my  future plans. i do wanna reiterate that i’m not abandoning this blog by any  means-- merely that i will have to take a step back and focus even more on  my studies!! 

and now, to the fun stuff! underneath you’ll find a list of lovelies whom i love  chatting w/ ooc and who make my dash bright and cheery!! *smooches* 

lil’ special mentions: 

@askharukakujo // ELYSE ohmylord are you just the sweetest thing in existence??? i know i say it a lot, but i seriously am so lucky to have become friends with you!! your writing has always been astounding and the amount of love and effort you put into making haruka such a well-developed character is just mind-boggling. thank u so much for sticking w/ me from basically the beginning of this blog!! i love you so much <333333333333333

@viiorels / @edelweissmage // ZACK thank u so much for sticking w/ me for all this time! you have some of the best world-building i’ve ever seen and i sincerely hope you do write a book someday!! i love all of our interactions, and i’ve truly come to love Vai and Mihai so much!! the amount of detail you put into your character’s is amazing and i hope that u have the best year of your life yet!! sending good vibes ur way for, well, forever!! *hugs foreverrrrr* 

@valorandheart + all ur other blogs lmao // JPP you are such an inspiration! you and bun bun are so amazing!! to be writing your own books and everything?? honestly, u guys are one of the reasons i’ve gotten back into writing my novel even tho i had been on a hiatus for like 3+ months. thank u so much for letting me ramble about my novel and listening to me rant about anubis and chet 24/7. you have to be a saint to be able to put up w/ me lmao-- i love being ur friend and i hope that in 2017 you and bun bun complete all ur writing goals for the year!! *insert more gushy words of affection here and a ton of hugs* 

@photographicink // JACKEE *inhumanly screeches* i could go on forever and ever about all the reasons i love you, but it’d take up 99% of this post so i’ll leave u w/ this: thank u so much for befriending me back then!! you were my first online friend and it’s been lovely seeing how much you’ve grown as a person and a writer! i love you for your creativity, your kindness, and overall, for just how awesome you are and how you make me wanna be a better person! i love our oc ramblings, how passionate you are with your writing, and how kind you are! you’re always so positive despite everything going on the past few years and i hope more than anything that 2017 brings you nothing but happiness and good times!! i love you with all my heart!! 

@servusx // MA u are hella cool and deserve all the goodness the world has, okay?? it’s been so awesome talking w/ you ooc and being able to just chat about our muses!! richard has such a special place in my heart-- he’s an absolute sweetie just like you!!!! i hope that 2017 is kind to you and that you continue to grow as a writer! it’s been so great rping w/ you-- ur so talented and it’s always a joy being able to come up w/ different threads/plot ideas. overall, i love how easy it is to talk to you! i really treasure our friendship and i hope we get to rp for many more years to come~ 

@deadmans-last-breath / @badlydrawnphichit // LUKE BRUH *just koala clings forever* you are an adorable boi with so much talent and potential!! you are legit a ray of sunshine on my dash and i’m so happy to have become friends w/ you!! i’m so proud of everything you’ve accomplished in 2016!! know that i’m always rooting for ya and that i love being able to talk to you all the time!! ur an absolute sweetie and that i love all of our interactions!! anubis and arthur are so cute and i’m still squealing over the drawings you’ve done of them ahhhhhh 

@ichorspit // ALEKS you are amazing!!!!!!! i love you and lonnie so much and am so happy when i see you on my dash! ur such a lovely person and i sincerely hope you have a wonderful year!! thank u for sticking w/ me for so long and indulging all my AU ideas and general ramblings! i truly treasure our friendship~ i look forward to rping w/ you more in the future and once again, hope you have a lovely 2017!!!!! *hugs* 

more super rad people who i’m hugging in my mind: 

@xsesi | @unholybloodshed | @agricolor | @wondcrkid | @nightslay | @bxttcrfly | @nymphxllus | @cloudpools | @iimpiia | @electrograins | @carnivoroushowl | @condicionibus | @uiscex | @diamondhortensia | @alicehart | @razalghoul | @phlegmxtical | @pxllidum | @carnivoroushowl | @oplitis | @mulni | @victorianteatime | @lapxus | @omnecosmos | @poppicede | @treurspel | @suncharmed && any others who i may have forgotten!! my memory’s been so bad so forgive me if we’ve interacted and i haven’t tagged you here ;3; 

[hannahhostofheaven]

Treasure Hunters// Castiel muse only//Open RP

Hannah took a deep breath as she came into the conference room. She’d just arrived in London for her briefing and to meet her Archaeology team before they headed to Greece to hunt for some ancient artifacts. None of them knew that Hannah’s true mission was to uncover the things stolen from heaven by a group of rogue angels.

[hannah-deserved-better]

Fanfiction Promo

Just promoting my four latest fan fictions. Two are complete and two are not. Below, you will find a small exert from each one as well as a link to them on AO3. They are also on Fanfiction.net and my user name on there is TruthfulNomad.

Trigger warning: Dark themes! Especially in Grace Exchange, it’s my darkest fic at the moment. Mentions of violence, torture, and attempted assault.

Also... my new banner on my Hannah muse @hannahhostofheaven for Halloween:

Oh and also check out my OC Devorah @xdaughterofangels

From Grace Exchange (https://archiveofourown.org/works/14917332/chapters/34555272) Complete

"Hannah," he said resting his face against the top of her dark-haired head. "You can't… you have to... " Castiel cleared his throat, finding the curious sensation of a lump forming in his throat. He was finding it hard to speak. "I… love… you…" he doubted she could even hear him, but he needed to say it. I'd never in his life uttered those words, and he didn't know many angels who had either, but it felt right to say them now. There was no other way to explain the devastation he was feeling at holding Hannah in his arms, waiting for her heart to finally stop beating.

It was a long night as Castiel listened to each breath, felt each heartbeat against him, scared that it would be the last one. But each time there was a pause when he didn't hear that next breath, when he was sure she was gone forever, somehow, she'd manage one more. And as he held her, Castiel realized that if he lost her that night, he'd lose a piece of himself. And in a way, he had a part of her inside of him- her grace. Perhaps Dean or Sam would say that should be comforting, but it wasn't. He was carrying Hannah's true life's blood, her soul, but he was going to lose her. It made him feel like an empty shell inside.

Angel’s Day Out (https://archiveofourown.org/works/14204379/chapters/32743449) Complete

Tears stung her eyes then, and she tried to suppress them. She blinked, willing herself to control the turbulent passions she was feeling. She squeezed her eyes shut, one lone tear managing to escape, trickling down her cheek. He brushed it away with his finger… and what happened next was a blur of visceral passions. She responded to his touch by kissing him passionately, lowering herself into his arms. He eagerly accepted her kiss, wrapping his arms around her.

The kisses deepened, and the sweet, sensual caresses encouraged them as they both gave into their desires. Somehow, Hannah wasn’t conscious of how or when, they ended up on the bed in their hotel room, passionately caressing, kissing, and touching. Clothes came off, and soon there was nothing between them but raw skin- and raw emotion. Hannah had lost all sense of the world around her, just his touch, and it was electrifying. She needed it, and she touched him with equal fervor.

Purgatory’s Shadow (https://archiveofourown.org/works/16242476/chapters/37971830) In Progress

This strange place was beginning to remind Castiel of purgatory, though with much more extremes in climate. Castiel sighed. He didn’t want to live here at all, but it pained him to learn that Hannah had survived here for so long under such harsh conditions. By the way that she looked, the way she held herself, it had changed her. He wasn’t looking at the same Hannah he had known before. This Hannah was only focused on staying alive. He saddened him to think that this place may have broken her somehow. One of the things he found unique about Hannah was her passion. It was so rare to meet an angel who felt things as deep as she had, and the look she had in her eyes now as she glanced in his direction after stoking the fire bore no signs of passion.

“I still want to find a way out,” Castiel said again. That evoked a harsh glare from Hannah as she narrowed her eyes at him.

“There isn’t a way out,” she insisted, incredulously. “I already told you that. If you keep thinking like that, you’ll die. You should spend more of your time thinking about hunting and finding your next meal and staying alive.”

“Hannah…” Castiel began. She cut him off by holding up her hand and quickly turning her back to him, going behind the fire again, obscuring her features in the dark. A long moment of silence passed between them.

Memories Unforgotten (https://archiveofourown.org/works/16358510/chapters/38279993) In Progress

“I was hoping you two would be watching the Netflix,” Jack said. “And that I could join you.”

Castiel sighed, glancing at Hannah before scooting closer to her to give Jack room to sit on the other side of the couch. He found himself sandwiched between Hannah and Jack. He spread an arm around Hannah’s shoulders prompting her to lean into him, putting her head on his shoulder.

Castiel had to admit, he wasn’t exactly against this scenario. As he retrieved the remote and turned on the TV, he began to feel a sense of desire. Whatever this was, whatever was starting to form between the three of them, he liked it. It was new, different, but it was the start of something he never knew he wanted.

It made him miss Dean all the more because he’d want to talk to Dean about what he was feeling. About why he kissed Hannah, why he needed her close, why it was important to him that she fit into what he had going on here, and why he was happy that Jack had taken to her so well. Perhaps this is what family was, he thought. He thought of Dean and Sam as his family, he had always thought that but what was forming between this long lost angel, the one and only angel who ever seemed to care about him, and the Nephilim he considered his son, whatever it was, it was important.

[soundofawesomeblog]

Loved or despised, the PC Music label has confused quite a few neophytes since launching in 2013. Four years later, the project proved to be more than just a bunch of novelty acts and earned the respect of many major publications. Join us now as we unveil the best songs in the quirky electronic vein of the label.

PC Music started as a label, created by A. G. Cook back in 2013. Because of the niche of the sound made by its artists, the term PC Music has been often used to describe both the label and the new genre it was creating. What helped PC Music’s synthetic pop to stand out was its high-fructose electronic beats, experimental approach and cyberculture-inspired and camp-informed aesthetics.

For this list, we will, therefore, stick to both artists on the label and songs that follow that trend. This is in part because one of the greatest pioneers in the style of PC Music, SOPHIE, has never actually released music on the label, although she has remained close to that family ever since her breakthrough. It also means that in this list, we will include songs from other artists that were produced by the PC Music crew and their friends. 

20. Easyfun feat. Noonie Bao – Monopoly

PC Music artists have been working with outside performers more and more and that’s for the best. On Monopoly, Noonie Bao injects heart and emotion to the bouncy and accessible track.

19. Liz – When I Rule the World

Produced by SOPHIE, Liz channels her inner Gwen Stefani for a commanding yet infectious bratty anthem. Both Liz and SOPHIE sound as confident as ever and make the song sound like a prophecy about to turn reality.

18. Felicita – A New Family

A black sheep in a family of outsiders, A New Family is a surprising collision of PC Music and metal, with its heavy synths reminiscent of buzzing guitars and its buried growls. It sounds horrible on paper, but it has a surprisingly high replay value.

17. Charli XCX feat. Hannah Diamond – Paradise

With some perspective, it turns out Paradise was the real highlight of Charli XCX’s SOPHIE-produced EP Vroom Vroom, with its thundering drop as it proves PC Music probably has what it takes to invade pop music’s landscape.

16. Danny L Harle feat. Carly Rae Jepsen – Supernatural

One-hit-wonder-turned-critic-darling Carly Rae Jepsen is one of pop’s most exciting artists right now and her unrelenting charisma and natural joie-de-vivre bring Danny L Harle’s artificial beats to life on Supernatural.

15. SOPHIE – Lemonade

The McDonald’s-approved track plays on a classic schoolyard chant for an awkwardly enjoyable journey. With its liquid sounds, the song alternates between airy and hard, all in just 110 seconds.

14. Hannah Diamond – Fade Away

On Fade Away, Hannah Diamond changes the usually dreamy and innocent plot by actually facing reality, diving headfirst into the emotions of a slow breakup. “Baby please, just stay, don’t fade away” she begs her love on the otherwise bubbly track.

13. Charli XCX – Roll With Me

Charli XCX’s embrace of PC Music is evident in her choice of producers for her latest mixtape Number 1 Angel, yet Roll With Me is the only song that truly fits this list. SOPHIE’s spot-on production gives the banger a vibe that alternates between lighthearted and dark.

12. LE1F – Koi

Heavily unsettling, Koi sees LE1F doing rodeo, as his rap always feels on the edge of falling apart over SOPHIE’s impossible beat. Yet, every listen allows the song to make more sense, thanks in part to its unusually catchy chorus.

11. Life Sim - I.D.L.

I.D.L. feels less crowded and frenetic than pretty much any song on this list. This is because the instrumental single takes its time to expand and breathe through its six glorious minutes for one of PC Music’s most chilling tracks.

10. Hannah Diamond – Hi

Her catchiest single by far, Hi finds Hannah Diamond musing about her internet crush. She doesn’t know if the person on the other side is real, but she doesn’t care. Her love is pure and her excitement is real, in the closest she’s been to creating a millennial anthem.

9. GFOTY – Friday Night

GFOTY loves to make unsettling, auto-destructive music. Friday Night is an oddity in her discography as it sounds like a legit pop banger. What makes the song though are her lyrics, as she plays the worst superficial, drunk, oversexualized whore on a night out. “In the bathroom, sucking dick/Thanks for cumming, that was quick” she sings as she relentlessly and carelessly starts fires left and right.

8. A. G. Cook feat. Hannah Diamond – Keri Baby

One of the earliest collaboration from PC Music’s label, Keri Baby wraps its funhouse world in just over two minutes. Diamond’s ultra-processed vocals bounce over a frenetic beat as she plays the role of a digital music file.

7. SOPHIE – Just Like We Never Said Goodbye

The closest a solo SOPHIE single has been to a pure pop ballad, Goodbye presents a fairytale of a long-lost teenage love who gives an unexpected call years later to catch up. The processed, pitched-up vocals provide a raw feeling of bliss on a number that is as light as it is gigantic.

6. Hannah Diamond – Pink and Blue

Hannah Diamond’s personality and persona were clear from the get-go. On debut single Pink and Blue, she sings without any pretense to her crush. “You love me, maybe it’s true” she muses, impatient to finally get him to hit her up.

5. A. G. Cook – Beautiful

Cook only needs to repeat the same two lines and the title of Beautiful to make his finest solo single. Its beat plays around chopped and processed vocal samples for a pop moment for ages.

4. QT – Hey QT

Produced by SOPHIE and Cook, Hey QT doubles as a metanarrative-informed song and a commercial for energy drink QT. If the context and package are novel, the high-pitched single lived up to expectations, eventually earning Diplo’s approval.

3. Dreamtrak – Odyssey Pt. 2 (A.G. Cook Remix)

Through the years, the PC Music powerhouse released quite a few remixes, but none felt as essential as when A.G. Cook took over Dreamtrak’s Odyssey Pt. 2. While the work on the beat is interesting, the new processed vocal track stapled on the otherwise instrumental song brings it to another level, creating a monster of a feel-good earworm.

2. Hannah Diamond – Make Believe

Hannah Diamond’s evolution through the years has been fascinating and it’s rewarding how her latest single, Make Believe, also happens to be her best. As synthetic as PC Music is, Hannah Diamond manages to bring honest emotions to the song while revising the artificial manipulation on the low. Both melancholic and sweet on the track, Diamond makes it easy for us to root for her, both in her unrequited love story and in her career.

1. SOPHIE – BIPP

If SOPHIE isn’t technically part of PC Music’s label, BIPP was nonetheless the track that made her adoptive family blow up in 2013. Unsettling, confusing yet addictive and worthy of 10,000 repeats, BIPP has often been interpreted as being about drugs, but it might as well be about PC Music itself. “I can make you feel better / If you let me” might be the best way to present its sugar rush-inducing, “sweet like whipped cream” and unique brand of music. Hypnotic, bubbly and exhilarating, BIPP is the quirkiest manifestation of pop perfection to ever grace your headphones.