#♡. 박나무 ⎯⎯ self para.

[namube]

noraebang in hongdae. during the month of october, namu attends a noraebang competition on his own. he decides to sing magic lily from rebel: thief who stole the people (ref.) "when you give park namu a ballad, he becomes danger" - namu's friends. word count, #1,052.

this was something namu had grown rather used to doing. he loved getting the chance to go to a noraebang because singing is his passion, singing his favorite thing, and it's something he loves to do. one of the places that he got the chance to do it was a noraebang, after all. so, namu was always really sure to take the chance when he could, and with it being a competition; he was kind of excited. namu has never been someone that was competitive, truth be told. he just kind of find competitions exciting, and he would never mind where exactly he would end up on the ranking in the end, if he was being honest. he just found it to be something fun and if maybe he would need to change something about the way that he sings a song. but, in general, he always just had a lot of fun with singing - his very first love, his long-lasting long, something he's going to love forever. he was working on getting the chance to do it for a career and he was going to get there - soon, he knew it. there was nothing he'd let get in his way, for sure.

but, nonetheless, this certain saturday in october was going to be all about noraebang. but, he couldn't quite decide what he wanted to do. he thought maybe he would just do something fun, something that was high energy. he thought about maybe something a bit halloweeny - like little mix's black magic or maybe michael jackson's thriller. but, he wasn't entirely settled yet. of course, he still had some time to actually decide what he was going to do, after all. but, it's a thought that continued to linger as he made his way over to the noraebang that he was going to be singing at today. he might not even decide until he was scrolling through the choices on the main menu - that was something that seemed a lot more likely for namu, truth be told.

he had made his way there, something that actually didn't take long at all, considering namu lives in hongdae, so he didn't have to go that far. which probably made it better that namu was actually out and about by himself, even though that was something that he did rather often. either way, namu gets into the noraebang to sing his heart out. he sits down for a few moments, taking the remote into his lap. he scrolls through for a few minutes, trying to decide what he wanted to do. some of them, he sings to himself to see if he feels like singing said song, and then stores it into his brain, just incase it's something that he wants to go back to; he was simply still deciding. he'd even take a wack at a few, before stopping himself because he decided it wasn't the song that he wanted to do, one that he wasn't entirely feeling right now.

that was, however, when namu decided to go for a ballad instead. he's rather used to singing ballads, it was something that he's done ever now and again - a lot of what he uploads to youtube has been ballads, because he really likes getting the chance to showcase his vocals, truth be told. he always feels really proud of himself - then again, he feels proud of himself when he sings anything, if he's being honest. vocals really are the thing that namu is the most confident in when it comes to himself. it's something that really sits on the top of his list. he makes the decision that he wanted to do magic lily from rebel: thief who stole the people - especially because that's a song that he can sing in it's original key.

namu decides to go with that song. he warms up himself up a bit; considering he was always sure to take care of his vocals over all, before moving on to actually start. it was probably odd - to take something like this so seriously. but, it was like namu to just take singing rather seriously. no one can actually really see him put on an emotional performance, but he was still going to do it, because that's how park namu rolls! he's sure to really place the power behind what he's singing, the range that he needs, and everything else. some people linger outside of the room, though namu doesn't take notice because he's in his own little world - something that usually happens when he's singing, and he doesn't have to focus on anything else. he was just happy, happy to be singing, and singing a song that was a bit hard, but namu could handle it. maybe it was a bit extra for karaoke, and for a competition above all. but, this was really just how namu had fun, in retrospect - taking noraebang going seriously, and hitting all the high notes. he was clearly enjoying himself, even if he wasn't aware of really anything else happening, besides for his own voice filling up the room.

the song has come to an end, and he had some cheers from those that had witnessed him singing, who had managed to all guide themselves to the outside of the room - since namu very rarely fully closed a door - he never did like being closed into a space after all (unless it was the bathroom.) his ears had gone completely red, a giggle leaving his lips, and he bows towards the others thanking them. he's a bit embarrassed - but, he's happy, and he feels good. he's really not expecting any win or anything, but it's still a lot of fun, anyways. he had finished up, ready to go onto the next thing. perhaps, maybe he was going to sing a little more, instead of leaving - especially with the new friends that had lingered around now. though, he knew that he was going to have to eat at some point. but, he was enjoying himself at noraebang a little too much - though, that's always usual for namu too. there's clearly just always a love from him when it comes to singing. he loves singing so much, and it seemed that perhaps that's clear to anyone that happens to be around park namu.

[namube]

cemetery in seoul. during chuseok, namu visits his parents' grave in the early morning on his own - a tradition he carries of performing beolcho on his own. word count, #1,164.

somehow, this was always the hardest part; the thing he had to do before chuseok was in full-blown celebration. but, it was the task that namu was always in charge of, him deciding to be in charge of it. but, he always managed to be a bit sad about it, simply because he always felt like his parents should be here; that he shouldn't be here alone. almost like he was guilty in some kind of retrospect, but not actually guilty - it was something that was always a weird feeling, but he kind of boiled it down to the feelings of grief, something of that nature. but, he decided to sort of his just shake it off and he moves on. that was really the only way, right? allow himself to do things like this and of course, he'd treat it like a normal visit. the weeds and things shouldn't be too bad, considering he does visit during every important date; he knew that was when he should visit, when his parents would really want him to visit.

nonetheless, namu had everything that he had needed. he had even brought some new flowers, some of his parents favorites, that would last until the air turned extremely cold, and they'd be blanketed in white every now and then. he was always sure to bring flowers, always wanting to present them with their favorite flowers because it always felt right. it was what he can do for them right now, right? well, that and chasing his dreams; something that he's for sure, actively doing. he shakes everything off again, before making his way to where they were laying to rest right now.

the air, today, is at least nice, with the cooler air slowly moving it's way into autumn air. he does enjoy the cooler days, the ones where he really gets to bundle up and stay warm. though, today, he's dressed in a sweater, one of the remaining items that he owns from his father. it's a bit oversized, but that's how namu has always liked his sweaters. though, he feels like he likes most clothes that are a bit more oversized, like he's being swallowed whole in some kind of way. maybe it looks odd, but namu likes it, it's rather comfortable to him, and he thinks he looks good that way. but, this wasn't a fashion show, he was here to complete a job, a festivity, to bring in good for chuseok.

he was finally there, at the grave site of his mom and his dad. he knew the way they were buried was rather different, considering most people went with cremation now. but, it always felt more right for them to be out in the open air, to have the sun beating down upon them - the sun was their favorite and maybe that's why they had created the sun himself, in the form of park namu. and there he was, standing before them once again, like he always had. he takes a deep breath, his heart always beating in a certain way. he takes a few moments, kind of quietly conversing with them in his head, and his smile grows a bit. he wanted this to be happy, not sad. at least, he was going to try.

namu gets to work. he starts out with first pulling out the weeds that sat there. he does it in kind of smooth way, doing his best to not pull up too much grass or dirt itself, just the weeds and the roots that are attached to them. he does his best to really just smooth it out as well, considering it disturbed some of the grass after he had pulled the weeds out of the ground. there weren't that many, but they were just pesky, and shouldn't be there. namu wanted to take great care of the area itself, apologizing to his parents if he pulled the weeds up a little too hard - which made him giggle a bit. next, he moves to rearranging the new flowers in some way, and getting rid of any old ones that might not have been cleaned up previously. he knew that there would be more flowers there when the rest of his favorite came, so he had just left it to him being the one to bring the favorite flowers. he smiled a bit softly, maybe a bit bigger, as it was really coming together.

namu really took his time and put a lot of care into doing this; which was how namu always went about everything. he takes his time, he puts a lot of care into things, and he's careful; it's simply the way that park namu carries himself. so, it just makes sense that every little thing that he does in life, no matter what, he does it to his best ability, and everything in between. he continues on with his work, now taking out his brush to begin dusting the dirt, and other things off of the grave itself. he uses precision and does it for a good few minutes, until he feels like it's really just clean. he also takes some cleaning solution, meant for things like this, and sprays it a few times to wipe it down - which he repeats till he feels like it's really good. now his family will be lucky and his parents' will be resting comfortably during the festivities.

of course, namu takes some time to just sit there; sit by himself, and talk to his parents in some capacity. he kind of just talks, allowing everything to kind of just flow off his tongue and lips. it's something namu has always done, enjoying the things like this. he tells them everything that's going on his life, his friends, and everything in between. it was like they were sitting right there, living, breathing, and speaking back to him. but, they weren't, and it was just him talking. but, he knows they're somewhere, listening to him, comforting him in some capacity, and just enjoying his company. he thinks they're probably proud of him too - at least, that's what everyone is always telling him, and he likes to believe it too. maybe he shreds some tears too, because it's another year that he wishes they were here.

finally, he finishes up, and tells them their goodbyes. "i'll be back again soon, promise! when winter comes," he says, smiling a bit softly now. "i'll make sure to leave your favorites on the table during charye too, i'll be sure to make them myself," he says, his words rather soft. his hand runs over the name plate, park hajoon and kim aeji, one last time. he collects the items that he came with, making sure everything was orderly, before he stands up from his spot. he gives one last look, before he turns upon his heels, and heads home to join his uncle and aunt in what they needed to do.

[namube]

lime ent. audition tape; ref. namu's bedroom. namu records his audition tape for lime entertainment, showcasing vocals. he does a cover of iu's/nana's through the night. word count, #1,002.

it's a song that namu already knows, one that sits on one of his playlists; one of the ones that are filled with many ballads, the ones he liked to listen to when he really felt like he needed to relax. it's a song that he's practiced a few times before, but he didn't really full on practice it until he saw the lime entertainment audition get posted online. truth be told, he was incredibly excited by it and knew that it would be one of his chances to do try and get signed; to try to chase his dreams. plus, some of his all-time favorite idol groups are underneath lime entertainment, such as cherish and lightspeed. though, obviously, his all-time favorite is cherish, after all. he used to have an entire forum account dedicated to cherish, where he got to talk about how much he likes their songs and what their songs really meant to him when he was younger. he was almost jittery in a sense with excitement as he thought about the entire possibility. but, he shakes it off, simply because it was time to get serious.

namu had set up in his bedroom, the place where he had always filmed youtube videos for his channel, namu's song forest, whenever he would have the inspiration for covering a song. he gets the camera all set-up, making sure to set up his microphone, and everything of that nature. he tidies up just a bit, though not much really needs to be done, simply due to the fact that namu was always the type to keep his area nice and clean; he could never quite do things in an area that was dirty, so he was simply cleaning pretty often. nonetheless, he grabs everything he needs, makes sure that he's in something nice enough - which kind of just meant one of the many oversized sweaters that are too big for him that looks like they're straight of the 2000s; a style that he seemed to quite like. he fixes himself just a bit, before getting in front of the camera.

he tests the sound for a few moments with the headphones upon his head and when it was all good, namu had reached over to press record on the camera. it felt different from recording for his youtube videos, considering the fact that he was recording an audition instead. he almost felt nervous, but namu was never nervous about auditioning or singing. he mentally shook it off with that usual big smile upon his lips. "hello!" he said, giggling softly before bowing towards the camera. "i'm park namu and i'm nineteen years old, i'll be twenty this december!" he says, his smile growing a bit wider. "in the world of k-pop, i have always looked up to cherish and admired them the most! their music has always meant a lot to me and always could bring me back up after a bad day. i've always really liked their style and i look up to them a lot vocally! i think cherish is really, really cool. i've seen them in concert a lot and they're the reason i want to become a k-pop idol myself! i hope i can follow in cherish-sunbaes footsteps and make them proud in the future as well!" he says, his smile growing a bit more as he giggled softly.

"i've always looked up to nana-sunbae too in her solo career! she's made a lot of really good songs, especially ballads, that i've really loved to sing over my course of being vocally trained since i was young! i've always picked her songs, ever since she came out as a soloist, to learn over time," he says, his smile growing a bit more. "which is why, today i have decided to sing through the night for you!" he says, another soft chuckle leaving his lips. namu had situated the song to sound excellent for himself and to fit the time criteria. which meant he needed to get moving, and so namu did; he starts playing the song itself.

he carries it through beautifully, making sure to hold the notes in that way that he needs to. he sings a lot of the song with his eyes closed, almost adding to the element of the song itself, the emotion that sits behind through the night. a little added high note, just to show off his beastly vocals, his vocal power. but, most of it was... well, to put it simply, beautiful and pretty because namu is really good at emotions. he can do the sad really well and he can do the happy really well, though right now, he was really showcasing the sad type of emotion in some way, the love that's there. he had really wanted to showcase his beautiful voice and he thinks he picked the perfect song for it. plus, it went along with the question of who he looks up to and everything like that - so, it ended up being perfect. he just hopes that those watching at lime entertainment thinks so too. he finishes in the allotted time, chuckling happily when he finished.

"thank you for your time and thank you for your consideration for my audition tape! i look forward to hearing back from you!" he said, before bowing towards the camera again, and turning it off. maybe namu was a little too formal, but it was fine, nonetheless. he opens up his laptop on his bed, plugging in his camera to get the footage, and looking it over. he's happy with it, so he edits the video to start it after he turned the camera on and to end at the end of his bow. the timing was perfect, so he was happy, and he moved to upload it. he really does look forward to hearing back and he wonders if this was going to be his chance to start chasing his dreams.

he's really crossing his fingers here and hoping.