Vent post ahead that may change your view on me and that may sound dramatic (NOT DIRECTED AT ANYONE, THIS IS JUST IN GENERAL) Mostly just to get out my feelings. I only ask that if you look, to be kind and understanding and patient. Also the tags are silly and id appreciate if you read em. id appreciate if you didnt ask me anything on it
I feel toxic sometimes because i can get so jealous i borderline gatekeep things and I always feel so bad because its never intentional but then I end up hating myself because I know its unhealthy and irrational but I cant help it, and I know im so lucky and have a lot in many senses of the word, but at times it feels like they can be taking everything, because when I like someone or something, they tend to matter a fuck-ton to me. Im sorry to anyone ive lashed out at a bit for them wanting what I have, I really am. Its not coming from a place of hostility, rather a place of trauma responses and hyperfixation that stem from my adhd and autism but like when I try something and it goes great, and then someone else is like "OOH thats awesome I wanna do that too" It feels almost like when Im finally happy or excited or proud to have something, someone comes and takes it. Usually Ill play it off as a joke, but in reality, its complete honesty that im trying to soften so I dont upset anyone, especially when its over fiction or a person, because I do NOT own them and I know that, but it bothers me when someone swoops in to do the exact same things or even one-up especially when its really soon after me, and since my self worth is already abysmal, it just makes me feel worse, like I should be lucky to have what I do to begin with, but I feel the need to hold it close to me and protect it so I dont lose things that make me really happy.
Recently Ive even started reverse gatekeeping in response to others, where ill just tell myself I cant or dont deserve to have anything special because I'm not, and only others can enjoy this. But thats why people making me ship content makes me so happy. Its dumb to get jealous over others selfshipping with a character I like. Its dumb to get upset over someone I know copying or taking heavy inspiration from one of my ideas. Its dumb to get possessive over someone else trying to befriend my new awesome friends or wife/wives. I rarely selfship anymore due to my reverse gatekeeping and instead serve the others who simp or enjoy content. I provide since I feel I cant take. It makes me happy and distracts me. But the moment someone else does something similar to what is my toxic coping mechanism for my toxic coping mechanism, it only hurts worse. Thats why sometimes, for example, I get a bit snappy when someone else provides gummybunny (that and also shipping jealousy sometimes). Thats why I get snappy when I make a friend someone else super cool and then another person comes in and wants to befriend them (No darken, this wasnt directed at you, its happened more than once with more than one person but I know how you tend to assume). I LOVE giving but I hate sharing, because all my life whenever I shared, I lost something.
Introduce a friend to a friend? They leave me behind for eachother. Let someone wear my fitbit because they wanted to feel "rich"? It got stolen. Give money to someone in a "rough spot" who promised to repay me somehow? Never saw them again. I was always so trusting and understanding, and I always made excuses for others. Always so naive and gullible. So much so, in fact, that in elementary I kept letting my bullies pretend to be my friends when they claimed they changed, and let them destroy any ounce of worth I had whatsoever. Things that make me happy I CHERISH because of all the things ive lost and all my experiences. Ive never been hit, not once, but the abuse all my life came emotionally and mentally, and I only recently realized through therapy. Now its hard to trust people in certain situations. Sorry for my probably hard to follow and melodramatic rant.
Twas the night ๐ ๐ before ๐ DICKmas ๐โ ๐๐ ๐and all ๐ฏ through the house ๐ ๐ , BIG ๐ฑ ERECTIONS โฌ ๐ WERE STIRRING ๐ฏ๐๐, AS BIG ๐ฑ๐ฉ AS A MOUSE ๐ญ. ๐ฎ๐๐ญ๐ฝTheir SCHLONGS were hung ๐๐ โฌ๏ธ from their groins ๐ with good ๐ care ๐ , ๐ In hopes ๐๐ ๐๐ผ MAGIC โจ๐งโโ๏ธ PUSSIES ๐ฑ ๐ป๐๐ soon ๐ would be there. ๐ฎ๐ฎ The SLUTS ๐ ๐ฆ were all ๐ฏ nestled, snug โฌ in their beds ๐ ๐ด๐ while dreams๐ค๐ญ of RED ๐ด โค๏ธ๐ดDILDOS danced๐ฏ๐in their heads๐๐ด๐ And daddy ๐จ๐๐ in his ๐ฆ G-STRING๐๐, and I ๐ฅ in the SACK๐๐๐ had just settled ๐ down ๐ป for a LONG๐๐๐๐ winterโs THWACKโผ๏ธ๐๐ฏ๐
Only a few โฐ more hours ๐ ๐ฐ til โฌ Santa ๐ ๐ ๐พCUMS!!! ๐๐ป๐ฆ๐ Make ๐ sure ๐ฏ your ๐๐๐ฆ cookie ๐ช๐ณ ๐ช is yummy ๐๐คค โ๏ธenough for him ๐ด ๐ ๐ฟ to eat ๐ ๐! ๐ ๐ Send ๐จ๐ฌ this to 1๏ธโฃ2๏ธโฃ of your ๐๐ฟ SLUTTIEST ๐ ๐ DICKMAS ๐โ ๐ฝCOCKSUCKERS ๐ฝ to get ๐ BUTTFUCKED ๐ต๐ต๐ต by Santaโs XXXtra ๐ ๐พ long ๐ ๐ North ๐ Pole ๐! ๐Have a MERRY ๐ DICKMAS ๐๐๐ป๐ฆ and a SLUTTY ๐๐ฆ ๐ NEW ๐ YEAR ๐๐ ๐๐๐
Oscar Piastri x Horner!Reader
Miami and Imola bring new challenges to the grid. Challenges such as finally initiating the romance part of your potential relationship- oh and being on the podium with your ex-teammate too.
Warnings: swearing ig? idk my usual warnings apply (ALSO REALLY BAD TEXT MESSAGE EDITING LMAOOO)
you're crazy if you can see dates on the tweets (/hj)
series masterlist | previous part | next part
MiamiGP
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redbullracing #MiamiGP the RBR Admin is in love with you ๐
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gerihalliwellhorner I'm convinced that Miami loves you too, Darling ๐ฅฐ๐ฅฐ
-> redbullracing please don't embarrass me while i'm working, Mum!!
-> gerihalliwellhorner Oh you do that well enough on your own
user4599 Thank you for feeding us with all the #OP81 content we could need ๐ซก๐ซก
-> redbullracing ofc! I have to use my power for something right??
maxverstappen1 This is Max Verstappen erasure ๐๐
-> redbullracing anyone ever tell you you're a massive baby??
-> maxverstappen1 not to my face, why? did you hear something?
-> redbullracing only thing I can hear is you whining
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redbullracing Here's Max ig ๐
(shoutout to victoriaverstappen for giving permission for me to post Luka. u a real one fr)
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victoriaverstappen Always happy to give you posting privilege ๐ซถ
-> redbullracing Admin is in love with you ๐ณ๐ซถ
maxverstappen1 thanks ๐
-> redbullracing yw ๐ฅฐ๐
oscarpiastri Luka is clearly the best Verstappen out there
-> redbullracing right?! the only one that comes close is his mother fr
-> victoriaverstappen what a coincidence haha, Luka says you're his favourite rb driver ๐คญ
-> maxverstappen1 I'm still his favourite uncle tho right??
-> victoriaverstappen welllllll.......
-> victoriaverstappen "Who's your favourite uncle, Luka?" "UNCLE OSCAR!!"
-> maxverstappen1 ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
imessage
twitter.com
imessage
3 days later
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yn.horner Everybody welcome the newest #PaddockPet
โจ Honey-Lemon ๐ฏ๐
(go follow her account misshoney.lemon ๐คญ)
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oscarpiastri was gonna say something clever, but Honey-Lemon is just too cute for me to think
-> yn.horner she has that effect on cute boys
-> oscarpiastri does said cute boy have an effect on Honey's cute mum?
-> yn.horner maybe ๐คญ
-> user3216 chat is this real?
-> user8569 1st of all: excuse me? 2nd of all: EXCUSE ME?!
-> user 4568 ooooo i am SO HERE FOR THIS
user5421 OH MY GOD SHE'S ADORABLE
user2268 following Honey-Lemon's acc RIGHT NOW
-> misshoney.lemon You're a ๐ฌ๐ซ (get it? sweet-heart??)
-> user4568 we've only had Honey-Lemon for 10mins but if anything happened to her I would k-ll everyone and then myself
ImolaGP
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imessage
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redbullracing In honour of #Lestappen + Oscar on the podium (again), here are some pictures of Admin's favourite F1 drivers past and present :D
tagged: maxverstappen1, oscarpiastri, charles_leclerc, nicorosberg, kimimatiasraikkonen, sebastianvettel
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user6548 Admin must have a thing for cunty drivers
->redbullracing ๐๏ธ๐ซฆ๐๏ธ๐ ๐
-> user6548 you and me are the same
nicorosberg I'm flattered ๐คญ
-> redbullracing Love you King ๐ซถ๐ซถ
oscarpiastri Why couldn't you pick a cunty pic of me too?
-> redbullracing listen man, sometimes the fans don't deserve the fan service y'know??
-> user5589 DOES THIS MEAN ADMIN HAS CUNTY OSCAR PICS???!!?!?
-> redbullracing ADMIN HAS THEM AND IS HOLDING THEM HOSTAGE
sebastianvettel I'll reply for both Kimi and myself.
-> sebastianvettel I'm honoured to be considered one of your favourites :)
-> redbullracing ok that was you, what's kimi's reply??
-> sebastianvettel ๐๐
-> redbullracing idk why i expected any different
imessage
Here we go, as promised!
(not even joking, planning this and having people ask abt writing for others in f1 has given me so much motivation, this is great)