#''my wife IS a bitch...and i love her so much what r u gonna do about it''

[liaa--qb]

do you think that team black Stans takes this hotd war topic too much And They are very much hypocrite ?? I was new in this fandom and stand with team black. I hate to say this many of them spoil whole fun on Twitter debate.I have seen their jealousy alot at Aemond getting more attention than some of their characters by audience.They made stories about him like he r@ped Alys.They would have hated daeron if he was there since first season lmao. What's your take on team black stans. Don't mistake me as a Aemond wife. I am against team green but admitting I kinda liked his character only as villian. Helaena is the only person I love in team green

EXACTLY ! This..... EXACTLY this.. see firstly m not a team supporter or stan here. I am just enjoying d show till it's tolerable😅. I just want a good show dat's it. I am not on Twitter thankfully, I am well aware what goes on there n you can hate Aemond all u want. He's a villian ofcourse 🙏🏻

Fire and blood was boring but show has chance to be better atleast though if they ever want to try😑... Regarding ur take , it's gonna be bit long now as I don't do this long stuff unless it's a fic😭

lemme tell the truth now.... ik many dumb ones are not gonna like it 😂

yes there are majority of hypocrite team black Stans who would make up these bullshits mainly with Aemond like "they gave Jace's qualities to Aemond, Aemond r*ped Alys". Jace's one was the most random 😂

bitch... like where you thought after reading the book n watching show that they gave Jace's qualities to Aemond 💀😭 ??? Where... I read the book too😂. My friends who actually introduced me to hotd who are book purists too , even they laughed on this theory when I told them.

" Jace and Aegon were adapted exactly the way they were in the books ! " It's a fact Listen I love Tom Glynn Carney too (like how can you not🥵) but sorry to those Aegon girlies who were just saying that they forcefully made Aegon a r*pist. He was like this in the book very much. They both were shown correctly how they should have been in s1.

Both green and blacks were given some good and bad shots equally in show. Bad n good shots for God's sake doesn't mean one is Angel and other one being devil. It's about writing or storyline regarding both teams. N this whole jealousy or hypocrisy towards Aemond of some team black stans is nothing but a childish stupidity to me and it's obvious that Aemond would get alot attention in show than many N y not ? 🤦🏻‍♀️

[ top 3 characters from both teams will get attention. Show will be divided into two teams from Team black it's Rhaenyra, Daemon , Colrys n (someone with corlys) who would be focused more N from team Green it would Alicent, Aegon, Aemond. Majority of Attention would be given to Rhaenyra, Alicent n Aegon as they are main 3 . It should be very much clear to every person who read the book , to me it was as I read only after watching the S1 trailer. Wasn't this very much obvious in the book. ]

Also Aemond never r*ped or assaulted Alys in the book. We never got inside of their relationship in book. He can in the show though🤷🏻‍♀️.... if makers want to. He took her as war prize which was very much common for every guy winning war.

Honestly Alys was far yrs older fucking powerful witch😭 she would eat Aemond alive be fr if she wanted to. She would have killed him way easily in starting itself . Yes there relationship was problematic n it was power imbalance both sides. They both were using each other. Aemond was clearly under her spell or either for her powers and so was Alys. Who was taking her best from Aemond's position whatever she could get from both sides.

If Grrm lit wanted to show that Aemond r*ped Alys he would have done it very well like he does this with his all other characters who were actually r@pists but he didn't. On the contrary side he wrote Aemond as evil goth twink who never wanted to scare the ladies at court n wore eye patch bcz of that😂. Same guy was making out with his floris and fell hard under spell of strong bastard witch calling her 'my lady !'

Let me clear that also Aemond not being a r@pist doesn't make him a less bad person either. He was a sadist tyrant n murderer psychopath in book. This is what made him a villian or bad guy. But the problem with some team black Stans is that they knew that audience will start giving him the ' typical Kylo ren' treatment which he's getting. ( Idk how one cannot see this coming after reading dance of d in FNB, it was very much predicted I knew it). They don't want to give any good points to any team green characters in their silly game. Like as if audience don't hype bad guys more than good guys😑.

Same way when same audience hyped Daemon more than Harwin then they don't have any problem but if audience likes Aemond n Daeron more than team black kids then their ass hate to see this n would write whole new made up reasons for not to like any team green member while cheering any other character which they like for same thing.

Funny thing is that many team black daemon lovers would write how he was right man, he killed all r*pist from city while this is the same daemon who fucks literally little girls who are prostitutes n loves it which is very much written in book. Ofcourse mysaria was with him since her childhood. As prostitutes have no other options. Taking prince like daemon and Aegon was better for their survival.

He is canon p*dophile in book but yes if Aemond is r@pist then Daemon's account of doing r@pe is way higher than Aemond even before when Aemond was born. Now why would those black Stans admit this ? 😂 never....... Believe me when I say that some of them are that level of jokers who would say that Maegor is good and daeron is bad just because he is from team green.

I really like daemon too n daemon had his bad qualities n good qualities both 🧡atleast I like the way he is . It clearly shows that some Stans they cannot even like or hate the character for what they are. They are dumbass kids watching some cartoon fight with two team. They just want to hate one team for any reason n like other team for any random reason

Mind you....many of them even hate Helaena unnecessary but same time would love Laena and for what ????🤡🤡

what I hated regarding Aemond in show :-

now things I accept that Aemond not killing Luce was very much wrong and I hated that too. Because it was not good for plot tbh for me. It's just messing up with already messed up world building. Aemond as a villian got a very much reason to Luce n y should he not ? now that's thing I genuinely think that was done wrong regarding Aemond's character, people hating it is very much justified because it very much makes luc's death stupid rather than sad.

But making up reasons like they gave everything to Aemond like they didn't made Aemond totally bad during drift mark scene as we get sympathy for rhaena n we understood her reason for being angry on Aemond atleast n Aemond insulting her. but in books it's lit Nyra's kids who were not minding their own business n Aemond was just beating them n throwing them far away from him instead of killing them with rock like in the show but ofcourse this wasn't visible to team black Stans. Because in the book honestly Aemond was very much correct during drift mark scene.

They removed viserys's taunting Aemond regarding dragon which was very important.

They showed Harwin beating Criston but we all know it was Criston who took both Harwin and Daemon easily and so many of I started to count regarding team green were done equally wrong.

just see the dumbness and hyporcrisy I once saw Darkling and rhys Stans saying bullshit about Aegon and Aemond 😂😂. Same Darkling who physically assaulted Alina, abused her. The one who gave little girls like Genya to get r@ped by the old hag king for his benefit n

the way LB wrote him I can very say that she hated him as well. And Rhys is whole another level bullshit 😂if started to write. They were not even a good written bad guys. These same idiots would typing whole ass reasons to like them. It's funny that Darkling supporters would hate Otto hightower as if they aren't the same thing 🤣. Otto slays more as compared Darkling.

many of them pretend to care about representation saying that 'Jace should not have Sara n it would hurt baela n would make her unwanted ' while same time giving thousand reasons of there was nothing bet Nettles and Daemon so that it would not harm their Daemyra. So many of them were happy when there wasn't any news regarding nettles. ( It's not only team black , many of team green stans r equally hypocrite here you asked me of team black )

[weirdo09]

ok so i just got back from seeing atsv and just oh my fucking god.

like first of all THE ENDING?! LIKE HOW OUT OF ALL THE (honestly small amount of stuff) SPOILED FOR ME HOW DID NO ONE TELL ME THERE WAS GONNA BE A TBC AT THE END?! I CANT WAIT HOWEVER MANY YEARS ITLL BE TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT LIKE-

and like half the stuff in this film felt like a maaaaassssssiiivvveeeee metaphor for coming out like the “promise u won’t love me any less” (or whatever see said i’m bad at remembering exact quotes) and the fact that during Gwen’s speech to her dad EVERYTHING TURNED FUCKING PINK BLUE AND WHITE like cmon they aren’t even being subtle abt it u guys (@ the ppl who r denying it not u) just don’t wanna see queer ppl in media they literally could not make it more on the nose w/o making it an actual queer coming out story and not a metaphor (also when Miles and Rio were talking and he was trying to tell her “a secret” aka that he was spider-man and he was going all “i- i’m- i’m-” before bailing she 1000% thought he was trying to come out to her like as queer idk what other way she couldve interpreter that like srsly)

also not to be horny in asks but i need Miguel to fucking rail me for fuck’s sake hes hot and usually it’d be more likely i’d be into a mosquito than a muscular guy (it’s normally too generic yk)

and yeah that’s all my thoughts on the movie that’s i can turn into words (final random ones that idk how to format: Gwen and Miles were like extra baby in this one esp Miles + ik he has a wife and all but Peter and Miguel r definitely doing smthn like the vibes r there u cant deny it + Gwen x Miles is one of those ships that i don’t rlly care whether they’re romantic or platonic but i prefer them platonic and unfortunately the writers don’t seem to agree with me (kinda like Jopper except Jopper kinda grew on my entirely because of Willel being siblings bring extra extra canon) + not related to the contents of the film but there were these group of rlly annoying Neds sitting behind me and my friend who wouldn’t stop talking and going on their phones and i only heard one but according to my friend 2 ppl yelled at them to shut up and i heard them stop for like 2 seconds then start being bitches again it was so fucking annoying) and yeah damn that was a kinds long final thoughts thingy but yeah will this become my entire personality? idk we’ll have to see now if u’ll excuse me i gotta remember how to be a normal human again (hope this wasn’t too long lmao) :p

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH(sorry had to let that out) (it’s happy btw)

yes yes the metaphors, made me cry n everythin,, miles n rio were just !!!!!!! i loved it mostly bcuz i wish that was how my mom would’ve reacted if i ever came out to her (spoiler alert, she didn’t and she found out on her own. she was not at all accepting which is typical)

i mean at first, i thought miguel was comical very comical for having beef with miles, who is half his age!!!! yeah after i got out the theater, i wanted to beat his ass 😡😡😡 but then i could kinda see his attractive still not an excuse, i’d still fight him on sight

peter + miguel, i mean mj would obviously approve,,, they’re my poly couple ok??? miguel n mayday get me in my feels,,, 😭😭😭 like i’ve posted before PETER B PARKER AND MIGUEL O’HARA ATE EACH OTHERS ASSES!!!!! yeah great times

miles + gwen, i don’t really see or care for them romantically.. idk i just can’t see their romantic coding… them platonically just seem so much better to me

sorry abt those Neds,,, they seem like total bitches and you make this movie your whole personality bcuz it will be worth it (secretly goin to make the movie my personality again)

[chaoticspacefam]

D'leah: I'm sorry I snapped at you. I think it's the [pregnancy] hormones.

Kissai, without missing a beat: I think you were mean before you were pregnant, but okay.

Source: The Big Bang Theory

[rinadragomir]

2 episode reaction

Episode 1 reaction is here

"Everything sucks" I get you Rose

Please don't fuck please don't fuck please don't fuck I was just talking about things going too fast for both of you, don't fuck, please don't fuck

Mikhail, the light of this show, my baby, I don't care what you do as long as you're on the screen 🥹✨

Book Christian would burn that guy alive, just saying ;)

Alberta was one of the best book characters and she's one of the best show characters. Actually number 2 for me💁🏼‍♀️

Sonya my Sonya, how did they even manage to find such pretty actress? She's fucking gorgeous ✋🏼

Hey you know what, Mikhail/Sonya is the best written couple so far. Tension✅ no cringe dialogues ✅ they act so natural around each other ✅

You can clearly see that Kieron Moor read VA books, the way he portraits Dimitri is very accurate.👏

This episode actually is way better than the first one. Romitri dynamic is really nice

Can someone please fix Christian's lines, they're fucked. "What makes your heart beat?😏" heartbeat is triggered by electrical impulses, you stupid bitch, go and study or I'm gonna bully you instead of that guy and it's not a good replacement for you.

Romitri "straight from the book" dialogues 🥺🥹, thank God they got their dynamic right

More of Mikhail 🥺 listen, as a book fan, I would never think I'd love him so much, he's literally the best character in this show, no joke

"Is there anything you want to tell me Lissa?" B-bitch r u blind? Isn't it obvious you dumb— ... Okay I'm fine about it

I've actually felt Lissa's panic, good scene🫣 I just need more of my girls supporting each other 😭

Divergent is not such a good movie to steal scenes from, but okay, this one was good😑

No but let's talk about it, I loved Lissa/Christian relationship in the books, they were kinda refreshing, but here... There's sth off about them. It's too out of sudden, too fast and they had like 3 scenes together and they never even talked about something's personal, it was all about 1) "hey help me with this book" 2) "hey help me with magic" 3) "hey I'm dumb and I don't know how to say thank you so I'll just act offended till u kiss me"

Yes I'm a hypocritical whore👉🏻👈🏻, yes I SCREAMED MY LUNGS OUT when Dimitri caught his future wife. So what? What will you do?💁🏼‍♀️

Showrunners saw me complimenting Sonya/Mikhail and added "I don't like normal girls" "I talk to birds" dialogue....Im— okay.....

"he carried you here in those big manly arms of his" Lissa, babe just don't fall for her husband, I'm done with euphoria already

Shut up

Shut up

SHUT UP ARE THEY TRYING TO MAKE 2-LESBIAN-BULLIES-COUPLE?! IS THIS WHAT HAPPENING RN?! I'm ready! Gimme it RIGHT NOW I need it, I crave it😭😱

Maybe Rose and Lissa accepted their connection too casually

That strigoi attack scene was too chaotic

I'll give this episode 7/10 cause I'm really kind today

[readbythestarlight]

c2e140

So okay is tonight the last episode? Because people keep saying it is basically and like while I’ve resigned myself to it ending I feel like if it ends tonight it’s gonna be VERY abrupt

I’ve been so distracted by the battle I forgot to type lol

That thing Caleb did with the glaive was intense tho and very clever

[[MORE]]

"I cast Marine Layer!!!" lol

I’m sorry HOW many attacks??

Jfc how is Veth still up

Don’t make her cut through the body of her wife wtf Matt

Oh thank goodness

Veth noooooo

"Lots of cover" says Caleb, who is trapped under a tower

E: "Caleb I need you!"

Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHH

I’m crying

YAAAAAS BABY

SAVING HIS MAN

"Press my forehead to his forehead" FUCKINGGGGGGGS

F O R E H E A D T O U C H

I’m going to cry forehead touches are my FAVORITE form of showing affection and intimacy

jester NO

This is starting to get frustrating as a fight come ON KILL HIM

Both of the clerics going down

Wonderful

Oh thank GOD he had death ward

Holding onto his maaaaaan

Caleb that’s smart very nice

Should have willed her to just live tho tbh

Fuck I need to sleep just as the fight has started to get interesting/stressful

Oh thank god that Cad had a diamond ready to bring her back

Oh no is it gonna fail??

FUCK

that’s the first time they’ve failed to bring someone back

OH MY GOD

MATTHEW YOU SON OF A BITCH

God the clerics are in BAD shape

Please stop picking on my kids

Cant Lucien and the Eyes just die

He’s down fuck

And Essek’s right there with him

Fuck

Oh thank GOD for that heal bless you Laura/Jester

Niiiiiice!

Oh daaaaamn Beau nice move

NAT20 YEAAHHHH

Marisha jumping up and down in her chair lol

Essek Gonna fuck him UP for hurting Caleb HELL yeah

Y’all I’m writing so much Shadowgast in my head

FUCK HIM UP BOIIIIIII

Babyyyyyyy

Plz don’t kill Essek

Essek nooooo

Oh thank god

Not my other BOYYYY

Okay okay oKAY GOOD

HOW is there still an hour and a half to go

Stop trying to kill my BOY

Babyyyy D:

Hey Matt why don’t you tell us what Essek saw

Did he see Caleb reaching out for him

Did he Matt

Did he

FUCK NOT AGAIN

CALEB NOOOO

God dammit

Fucking fuck

NO

he’s DEAD

fucking hell

Essek get back to your man

Of course they can’t see him

Not that it matters because he’s dead

Fucking fuuuuuck

End this fight already I hate this

Come on Laura roll really good

YES

GO LAURA

GO JESTER

YAAAAAAAAAS

Y’all I literally shrieked

Holy shit y’all

Hoooolllyyyyy shit

Oh that’s both spooky and soft

Oh good the eyes are going too I’m glad

Bring him BACK

I’m begging

Revivify

Please oh gods please

(Essek please stand there in the background anxious)

Please god y’all can’t kill Liam’s character at the end of BOTH campaigns

God I was CONVINCED he was going to be perma-dead

“Insight check” I’m laughing through my tears

Somebody let Essek hug Caleb or something idk

What the

No way

I’m with Essek and Fjord here

“Once you’re a member of the Mighty Nein you’re in. You should know that by now.” Okay okay okay

Are we really gonna do this omg

Yoooooo go back for the bag!

Oh no

RIP the bag of holding

Fjord’s priorities are in the right place *nod*

Gonna have to have a one shot to find the lost U’kotoa eye I guess

NAT20 whoopWHOOP

Awww Fjorjester huuuuug they’re so wholesome

I honestly don’t know how I feel about this

Oh my godddddddd

What

Was it a 9???

What was it??

OH NO

A NAT1?? oh jeeze

That

That hurts

To have lost him a second time, basically

Ouch…

Essek now is not the time to be jealous, love

Fjord checking up on my boy

E: “It’s not fair. It’s not fair, you’ve all come so far. It’s just not fair.”

F: “It rarely is. You did more for us and for him than most anyone we know

“I spent my entire life studying with the intent to not let things like this happen to chance. That can’t be it, can it?”

F: “I don’t know, but if you ere to ask my wife friend Cad he’d tell you that life continues on. It changes, it elopes, it grows. I don’t think there’s an end…” couldn’t follow the rest but I’m crying a LOT

“You’ve shown me all I need to see” THANK YOU FJORD im crying so hard y’all

“Caleb Widowgast. Have you ever accepted defeat?”

“Hm. Maybe today for the first time. Or, well, a chance in direction anyway.”

Essek wants to help so bad y’all I’m cryin’

Oh dang Cad

HOLY

oh my god

02%

WILD

MOM

???

“Put it back. I think they’ve earned it. Put it back.”

Oh my goddddd

I feel better knowing it’s Taliesin’s choice

I’m gonna CRY

Oh

My GODDDSS

“I can’t deal with the emotional whiplash” GIRL SAME

“Your eyes open for the first time”

Holy

FUCK

“Bolts up and runs”

Oh my god y’all

Oh

My god

GROUP HUG HIM

Molly

Mollymauk

MOLLYMAUK

TEALEAF

not empty not empty no

Babyyyy

Fuck y’all I’m gonna cry

I’m gonna cry for real

I didn’t think I’d really be so happy to have him back

Holy SHIT y’all

Yeeeeees hug your man Caleb

This is so emotional I’m crying

“Empty” no baby

I’m so glad it wasn’t at the cost of us losing Caduceus

I love Cad so much

“I’m so tired”

“I think you have a bright future ahead of you”

I’m crying over everyone being so sweet to Essek <3

“You’re always welcome at my house”

Y’all I’m gonna BAWL next week

Literally gonna just weep for however many hours it lasts

[rigginsstreet]

Tell us how you'd write fp different from season one if u were in control 📝

ultimately id probably keep season one the same if we’re still keeping it r*verdale and not... parentdale lmao because then that becomes an entirely different show

but i do think he couldve been utilized a little more like we couldve done some things there. 

first and foremost im making that bitch GAY and yes that is very important to his character but i dont need to tell you that. but the layers that would add bitch! the layers! oh but i also wouldve given him and hermione/the lodges a proper backstory because that shit was not explored okay like i made a post about it before how all these people went to school together and then hiram randomly calls fp up one day cuz he needs a plot of land cheapened by his presence ksjgbkjbg and then add on the whole thing with fp hermione and fred. bisexual love triangle i would like to see.

OH and i would like to see his relationship with the serpents explored more i need to see him actually being a leader and making deals and running shit PLUS how joaquin came to be his like.... second in command i mean i know he was being used to seduce kevin but i really need that backstory too lmfao i need to see that conversation and honestly i think fp pulled that from his own experiences like i can 100% see fp in his younger days having to flirt his way through some situations just to gain some knowledge about whatever. but ALSO!!!! if we had a parallel of fp seducing fred to get info for hiram and fp first agreeing to it cuz hes still pissed at fred but then shit gets complicated because obviously hes still in love with him and then fp starts feeling bad and then oh no fred finds out just when he was starting to maybe open himself up to the idea of being with fp again..... we truly couldve done so much. and then you have freds slutty ass being caught betwen his ex girlfriend and ex boyfriend while also being sad about his ex wife still. so much drama

its really not until season 2 that his character fucking derails. I WANTED TO SEE HIM ACTUALLY IN PRISON! HIM RUNNING THE YARD! PRISON FIGHTS! SEXY!

i would have liked an actual sobriety arc. he said he got sober in prison and was attending meetings and then poof. that ended immediately. and fine. we could keep that but like... at least show the struggle and the guilt over it ya know? also he did not struggle nearly enough for coming out of prison for DUMPING A DEAD TEENAGER IN A RIVER like that town truly shouldve been on his ass about that theres no WAY him working at pops wouldnt have caused a scene.

like my main problem with fp as a character is that he truly never suffers any consequences for anything but also hes written to have all these problems that are never dealt with or remotely explored. and for as much as i would love for that bitch to get some therapy i also realize its not entirely realistic for him as a character and thats fine! but i want to see him struggle i want to see him actually acknowledge he has demons to face and work at them in his own way and both fail and succeed. 

ultimately what it all comes down to is he wasnt written as a person. which.... no one on this show is. they all just tick their little boxes of stereotypes and caricatures and its very annoying. if youre gonna give fp a drinking problem, show it! not just him passed out on the couch but him actually struggling. show him trying to get better and doing good for a while only to relapse, show how he actively has to make the choice every day not to drink. have him apologize to the people he hurt. let us see the actual damage it did to not just him but those around him. 

give him relationships with other people that are fleshed out and actually matter. the fact that he never once checked in on fred after he was shot is INSANE to me. gladys was only ever used as throwaway lines that never went anywhere. he had an entire daughter he presumably never tried getting in contact with based on her reaction to see him again like....but yet he has her name tattooed over his heart? so either that was a hollow gesture to appease his own mind or he actually deeply loves her but was so ashamed of himself and what caused gladys to leave that he couldnt even pick up the phone to call them. SHOW ME THESE THINGS!

show us what the serpents meant to him as a kid who got thrown out by his father at 16 and found a family in them instead. show us why he wound up back there after fred fired him. show us why hes so bonded to them. hell, even if he just went back out of desperation because times were hard and no one else would hire him and he needed that easy money.... fucking explore that shit! 

show us him forming these relationships with the younger gay serpents because hes got all this baggage from his own upbringing and he has a soft spot for kids like him and wants to protect them, even if it is through a drug running gang. show us that abuse fucks up your perception of love and how to do it but its all he knows so hes working with what hes got.

fp honestly works best as a tragic character. trying to do good but he can never quite make it. always drawn to shadier things because ultimately its what he knows and its where he feels safe. but he wants to be better at the same time! he just truly cannot help himself. and thats what needed to be explored more with him but not in a way that romanticized it. like he really is a fucked up person when you break him down and the fact we were all supposed to look at him as the hero or something is so bizarre to me and it never worked because we were expected to just forget everything he was. 

hes not an evil guy either hes just deeply misguided because thats just the shit he grew up in and he doesnt know anything else. except for fred and what he saw with the andrews and that shouldve been an important relationship like they really couldve played on how opposite fred and fp are and used that to a narrative advantage, them being best friends. theres SO MUCH to be done with that but fuck me i guess. 

idk i just always think about how fun fp wouldve been if they had just let him indulge in his devious ways like theres no way fp jones wouldve ever taken a cop job seriously and not used it to his own advantage. theres no way he wouldve been that bent out of shape about gladys running drugs when hes done SO MUCH worse. we shouldve gotten more scamming against hiram and him and hermione being in cahoots. 

like hes a street rat. he will always be a street rat. he cannot shake this. fucking play with that! indulge in it! have fun! have him settle down with his husband but he still cant stop himself from living on the fringe of the law

[encrucijada]

FROM THE MOUTHS WITH NO TONGUE by ester cuervos

a re-introduction !

✧ genre: murder mystery, low fantasy ✧ category: adult ✧ pov: second person retrospective in a loose journal format ✧ witches, full latine cast, small town you can’t escape from, horror movie one-by-one deaths, dumbass young adults, lgbtqa+, spanglish, found family, an all-girls boarding school ✧ cw: mental illness, complicated families, suicide, bigotry, death and gore ✧ themes: collective paranoia, “people fear what they cannot understand”, outcasts ✧ tone: eerie, suffocating, whimsical, wary, anxious

a b o u t : small town princesa gloria exists in a liminal space and the warnings about not going into the forest at night are to be believed. marjorie de los ángeles is the youngest member of the local witch family and aside from eating animal tongues she’s just another student of the local all-girls boarding school. senior year isn’t the optimal time to find a classmate hung in the forest. marjorie is faced with the mystery of who is causing these seemingly random murders, all in an effort to take the blame off herself and her family. she is not doing the smart thing and leaving until she convinces her grandmother to do so as well or until she finds the culprit.

c h a r a c t e r s: ✧ marjorie de los ángeles cruz. she/they. demisexual. dresses like the kid whose mum let them dress themself on the first day of kindergarten. has adhd. witch. ✧ archie randall rojas. he/him. gay. marjorie’s best friend and baby daddy (long story). dancer. “talk shit, get hit”. was practically adopted into mj’s family. ✧ lorelai jarros quintana. she/they. lesbian. marjorie’s girlfriend and classmate in boarding school. artist. “hold my earrings i’m gonna kick this bitch’s ass”. ✧ dulce maría de los ángeles ugalde. she/her. aromantic. marjorie’s grandmother. empty nest syndrome so will adopt just about everyone. witch. ✧ ivonne de los ángeles ugalde. she/her. bisexual. marjorie’s mother. hasn’t spoken to her mother in a few years now. thrift store owner. witch. ✧ andrés cruz novillo. he/him. demisexual. marjorie’s father. was taken in by dulce maría similar to archie. “my wife is a bitch and i like her so much”. witch. ✧ xander cruz duarte. he/they. asexual. marjorie’s favourite cousin. half-witch with an acute psychic awareness (to the point of it being worrisome).

aesthetic: spells in your kitchen, animal bones spread on your bed, 2am and watching movies with a new bowl of popcorn, wearing pyjamas all day, a chill in the air that never leaves, digging up graves, steps that follow you in the forest, that contagious baby laugh, skinny love, a mismatched outfit that somehow works, your reflection in an empty studio as you dance, prayers in spanish, crying on your best friend’s shoulder without being judged, saying “i love you” platonically, a family you build yourself, big wreaths of wildflowers, lampposts in the blue hour, pastel skies, a quiet neighbourhood street, butterflies crowding around a dead body, garbage bags that glow from the inside

playlist: boreas / the oh hellos ; c’mon / panic! at the disco ft. fun ; master pretender / first aid kit ; wolf / siames ; the bones / maren morris ft. hozier ; emergency / nothing but thieves ; witches / daughter ; which witch / florence + the machine ; beautiful creatures / illenium ; eat you alive / the oh hellos ; bottom of the river / delta rae ; o death / kate mann ; exodus / ruelle ; permanence / bears in trees ; hide & seek / amber run ; i talk in my sleep / the crane wives ; you / keaton henson ; fast car / tracy chapman ; meet me in the woods / lord huron ; rose / the oh hellos ; in the woods somewhere / hozier

[marlmckitten]

Mr & Mrs Kitty (An Introduction)

A new Blackinnon series by MarlMcKitten and PadsMcfoot

As so many of you know I have trouble letting go of past plots. And I spent three years working on a beautiful Blackinnon one with a friend. Unfortunately that story has come to a close but to keep it alive I want to share it with all of you. But since I also have commitment issues with writing an entire story at once. This is going to be written differently. It is going to be a number of short or long snippets of their lives in no particular order. This first ‘chapter’ is going to be a short, point form introduction to the version of Blackinnon that I will be sharing with you and all the important side characters that come with it. (Mainly bc my new Blackinnon is sooo different and all my plots are gonna shift a little now.) Thank you!

Marlene McKinnon:

your 70′s bombshell

loud, outspoken, unpredictable, wild

she fell in love with Sirius the day he arrived at Hogwarts on a motorcycle, grown out hair, new tattoos and a brand new family (The Potters)

she didn’t admit it for a while though

eventually they fell in love

she didn’t die with her family

but she was devastated

and pregnant

Bellatrix used occlemency to make her believe that it was Sirius who was killing her family

that was what made Sirius go to Azkaban

Marlene ran away, she made her way because she had to, she was pregnant and that was now the last living member of her family and the McKinnon line

she worked in shops, she kept a low profile and she did not tell anyone who she was

she gave birth to a beautiful young boy and named him Lynx McKinnon

the boy looked so much like his father

she would cry watching over him, her mind so conflicted on how Sirius would do that for her when her heart knew he wouldn’t

it was years before she saw Sirius again, but one day she just had to talk to him so she went to Azkaban to visit him

he believed she was dead and she asked him how the hell he could do that to her and her family in her emotional rant she let it slip that she had his son

this prompted Sirius to break out of Azkaban, finding out that he had a child and that Marlene was raising him all alone

Eventually they met up again, and Marlene ended up believing him. She always knew in her heart it couldn’t be true.

This Marlene was so much more grown up, (being a single mother wil ldo that)

They went into hiding again, now at Grimmauld Place. Lynx was terrified of his dad. It broke Marlene’s heart and she did not know what to do.

Years later, the war ended, her family was back together. Sirius never died and she wanted to add to her family.

They had two more children. Halo and Aurora Black.

All Marlene ever wants is for her whole family to get along.

Sirius Black:

such a rebel

such a rebel

but he has a weakness

blondes named Marlene McKinnon

he’s infatuated

you think James is bad? You should see Sirius around Marlene.

he never thought he deserved a happy ending but he got it with her.

Well- for a while. Before she died and he was framed for the murder of her and her entire family.

What was the point of living after that?

He didn’t see one.

Years passed. Nothing mattered and then one day ... “Hey split ends.”

He has a son.

He would not be the same shit parent that his were to him. He has to get out.

And he does and he finds them. It doesn’t take much convincing. His Marlene always trusted him.

But Grimmauld Place and all those childhood nightmares are back. He cannot be a father or anything to Marlene.

So instead he drinks.

A lot.

Too much.

He feels Marlene getting distance. He can tell Lynx hates him but he can’t stop himself. And he hates himself for it.

He dies. Through the veil .

But miraculously he finds his way out. Just in time to save his Marlene and his son during the war.

Him and Marlene lead all the Slytherin children out of the castle, away safely. (Even Pansy Parkinson.)

Marlene never forgives McGonagall for locking her son in the dungeouns during a war, but Sirius knows she was doing her best.

Him and Lynx never get a great relationship.

They’re always rocky. But he gets another chance with Halo.

This pushes Lynx away even more but Sirius can’t help it.

He tries to make peace with it and then Aurora comes.

And oh Merlin how he loves Aurora.

They have a very special bond.

Sirius is a great father to Halo and to Aurora and he tries to be for Lynx too.

It takes so much time.

But he has his wife, his kids and Sirius gets the life he never knew he deserved.

Lynx McKinnon

Sirius lookalike

he hates it

he hates his father

but his mom is everything to him

She works a lot when he is a kid, so he tries to help her out.

One day he pleads her to go to the fair with him. It’s the last day, all the other kids have gone and she promised. He is only 7 at the time.

He meets a lonely little girl named Juliet.

They become instant best friends and for the rest of his life no one will ever matter to him quite like his Ma and Juliet do.

Then he is sent to Grimmauld Place, away from Juliet. And he is so scared.

His father terrifies him. The house terrifies him. He sleeps with his mom most night.

Hogwarts comes and he goes there, an escape. And there he finds Juliet also. She’s a muggle born witch and the world is restored!

He protects her when he is sorted into Slytherin and she is a Hufflepuff.

But he misses his mom dearly.

He befriends an ambitious and beautiful young girl named Valencia Mae.

They also become close. The three of them are happy with just each other.

One day he realizes that he is in love with Valencia and he asks her out.

She says yes.

She comes from a very rich family so he tries his hardest to impress her.

Lucky for him, she has some daddy issues.

He learns that he is a very talented artist.

When he decides to persue his dreams as an artist Valencia dumps him.

He is left devastated.

Lynx drops out of school, he leaves everything behind. He leaves his home.

He’s a little dramatic. (Don’t tell him that he gets that from his father.

But years, and years later, he is reunited with Valencia.

They’ll get a chance at their own happy ending.

Halo Black

such a mama’s boy

but so protective over his baby sister

loves his dad too

really a family guy

from a young age he wants to have his own family one day

he’s a little spoiled but doesn’t know it

doesn’t like Lynx much, doesn’t get why his brother doesn’t love his dad like he does

Lynx tries to tell him that growing up with a single mom then going through a war is much harder than growing up in a mansion with two happy parents and the Black family fortune

Halo doesn’t see it.

He has a lot of back problems.

He’s awkward and so clumsy it could put Tonks to shame

he looooves his (very much alive) Uncle Remus

He wears cardigans and he is a hopeless romantic, after a girl in his year who he idolizes in his head

they are doomed to always be in love but not have anything ever go their way

truly tragic but the love story Halo always wanted

Aurora Black

if Halo is too much of a mama’s boy he’s got nothing on how much of a daddys girl Aurora is

she can’t function without her father

and her brother

oh boy is she spoiled

and optimistic

naive

honestly just not that smart

but has the purest heart and the best intentions

she is always trying to get along with Lynx even though she doesn’t even meet him until she’s about 6 years old

she loves Lynx’s art

she messages him all the time, and never gets a response

she is bullied a lot for being air headed.

And it gets bad.

Some girls play a nasty trick on her.

She is turned into a werewolf.

It breaks Sirius’ heart the most.

She would have been killed if Halo hadn’t have saved her life.

She then keeps to herself more, believing that she is ugly and a monster.

Remus helps and Tonks helps but she thinks she will forever be alone.

After all Remus was until his late 30′s.

But she still manages to keep a smile on her face.

She really loves animas.

Her life ambition is to open a bakery with her father.

She never wants to leave her family

She can even melt Lynx’s heart when she really wants to

but man is she s t u b b o r n

and as sweet as she is she can piss anyone off with her stubbornness to always get her way and not see anyone else’s

Juliet Buchannan:

Lynx’s best friend

not the brightest, but very honest

she keeps Lynx from going too hard, he keeps her grounded

but they both really like getting high together

and talking about aliens

Lynx around Juliet is very different than regular Lynx

she happens to love Sirius, calls him Mr McKinnon and he loves it

Calls Lynx Kitty.

Calls Marlene Mrs Kitty.

She goes wherever the wind takes her

Carefree.

Despite her very lonely childhood.

Her father was abusive and neglectful.

She spent more of her time with Lynx and Marlene

They are her family.

Works in Disneyland when she is older as a face character.

She literally just wants to see everyone happy all the time.

But she makes a lot of bad decisions and always has the wildest travel stories

Valencia Mae:

the love of Lynx’s life

BDE

she gets what she wants

her family exploits muggles to make their fortune

hardcore business woman

loves fashion

never goes anywhere without her Louboutins

she really isn’t that into the wizarding world and hates Hogwarts

but still gets good grades

ambitious AF

dont mess with her

seriously don’t

she will also stand up for Juliet once she is forced to take her in

dating Lynx means dating Juliet as well

really not the jealous type though so she doesn’t care

just a bad bitch in fancy heels

wine

Lyra

the girl Halo is way too in love with

she is not easy to love

she is so troubles Halo just wants to fix her

they are on again, off again faster than anyone can keep track

she has a small thing for Lynx and also one for Sirius

she has serious abandonment issues

the bottom line is she just wants to be loved and accepted but doesn’t know how to be

she does not have a strong sense of self-identity

Sirius really takes a liking to her, and is kind to her, she misjudges that and develops her tiny crush

but it is always Halo she loves

she just doesn’t know how to

she’s there to create the drama without meaning to

Lynx hates her, but she’s good at art so he helps her with that

Valencia and her would kill each other if given the chance

Aurora adores Lyra

Marlene hates seeing a girl break her baby’s heart

Just so lonely.

[2006aquamarine]

imma review tvd 1x15 cuz why not

“nothing matters. not anymore” damon then go die

“i’m gonna go exploit some women in the name of grief” didn’t he do the same thing when he thought elena died in like season 7? and y’all still call this “character growth”? ok!

shit these people make me think that maybe I can be a damn actress. 

nina learn how to act miss ma’am

she’s lucky she’s pretty

i really did like elena in the first two seasons. even though she did help enable damon’s actions

speaking of damon: why should she give a damn about damon and his feelings? i mean i get that she’s supposed to be compassionate and warm but at this point her compassion should drive her crazy. she should be like “WHY am i feeling sorry for someone who pretty much MURDERED one of my childhood friends’ sister?”

matt’s mother. why have child services not stepped in. 

“tell me everything i have missed” YOUR DAUGHTER IS MISSING.

“he murdered my wife WHEN HAS HE BEEN STABLE”

the only thing i dislike about stefan’s character is his love for his brother. your brother is a piece of shit. of COURSE alaric’s gonna hate him. idc how much I like seeing you intimidate people, stefan.

isobel literally just wanted to turn into a vampire alaric. the signs were there. she ain’t give a damn about you.

now people had been drained of blood...and NO ONE suspected it was vampires? not even some “underground” club of weirdos who are obsessed with vampires like in Buffy? GIVE US SOMETHING, WRITERS.

trudie you are so not good at being evasive. 

i feel bad for elena. she just wanted to know about her birth mom. and she keeps getting terrorized by random people.

damon when are you gonna be anything other than be a fuck up. 

“sober’s depressing.’ why though, damon. i don’t see any internal struggle. i don’t see WHY you would have any mental problems UNLESS it’s about a woman. FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO DO. GET A HOBBY THAT DOESN’T INCLUDE TERRORIZING WOMEN.

i like damon more when he’s interacting with other adults. now when he’s in a room with teenaged girls...

sheriff forbes...you ain’t got shit else to do? do you know that this man is preying on teenaged girls? why have you not arrested him yet...(i mean i know why but still)

tvd was almost good and suspenseful.

wasn’t this dude in pll. “lance”?

elena why...are you helping...this man...with his shirt...and why...are you telling...damon...that you found...your birth mother...what indication has he given you that made you think that he’d give a damn. was it when he force fed you vampire blood? when he tried to kill your best friend? when he ABUSED one of your best friends for WEEKS? when he KILLED your childhood friend’s sister? and you don’t care? HELLO? TVD WRITERS?

literally imagine being a Black person in mystic falls...

matt’s mother...C H I L D S E R V I C E S.

alaric i get she was your wife but SHE WAS ALSO ELENA’S MOTHER. GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND BE USEFUL. BE AN A D U L T.

damon looked old as hell. what did they put on his SKIN.

girl the GHETTO.

this is what y’all do in small towns? i hope not.

elena waving at stefan...his lil smile and peace sign at her...

how has no one killed damon yet. literally how has no one killed him yet in his 145 years of being a vampire.

you are stupid, elena. but it’s because of the writers.

damon won’t change like...145 years and he still on his same old bullshit? stefan.

“Kelly Donovan. Lovely.” SKFJDKLSJFDJSFKDLSFKDLS

kelly you are a G R O W N W O M A N. WHY are you talking shit about A TEENAGED GIRL to her FACE.

nina...somebody give this girl acting classes chile...THIS MAN KILLED YOUR MOM. HE DIDN’T CHEAT ON YOUR BEST FRIEND.

isobel is a vampire YES. isobel compelled this man, YES. isobel has no regard for human life, YES. isobel is a piece of shit, YES. just like the man that turned her.

caroline you’re adorable.

alaric stop acting weird with jenna over your bitch ass wife.

isobel why did you get married to him if you didn’t want a life with him. why waste this man’s time.

kelly is such a shitty parent. “please don’t leave me you’re all i have left.” why are you putting so much responsibility on your KID. GROW UP!

people think damon is such a badass but all he does he beat up people that are weaker than him. what’s so badass about that.

“i slept with her because i liked her.” so she cheated, too. great. lovely wife.

now i don’t understand how alaric was able to be friends with damon after...damon slept with his wife, killed/turned his wife into a vampire, GLOATED about sleeping with his wife, killing his wife, and turning his wife into a vampire, THEN KILLED him. I don’t know what it is with TVD and it’s hard on for whiny male characters like damon and klaus but...

stefan you should have killed your brother a long time ago. but i know you would have felt guilty about it so.

isobel gave you the ring to keep you safe, yes. but what does it matter if she was a horrible wife.

paul looked so good...

girl tvd might as well have been made a decade ago (it was but the flip phone shocked the hell out of me).

well that was it.

[sctisfctions]

( emeraude toubia, 28, cis female, she/her ) Have you seen CARINA TORRERO around ? I hear they’re an ESCORT who can sometimes be GREEDY & IMPULSIVE. But I also heard they can be DETERMINED & ADAPTIVE if you catch them on a good day. They’re usually hanging around LA CASA DI MATEO in their spare time. I sure hope they’re alright ! ( mandy )

Hello all! I’m Mandy and this is my child, Carina Torrero She’s… a lot, so bless your soul for finding your way to this intro.

Full name: Carina Cecilia Torrero Nickname: Care, Cari, C.C. Age: 28 Nationality: Mexican and Lebanese  Religion: N/A City of birth: Laredo, Texas The current place for living: Chicago, IL Job title: Eden Escort Married? No Spoken Languages: Spanish, English Birthday: October 30th Does she own a home? Yes

B A C K G R O U N D : ( updated Feb. 25th, 2021 )

Carina is the baby of her family and has always was spoiled as such; showered in gifts. In the small town of Laredo, Texas, the Torrero family was known as the richest family in town. While it was rumored that there were some underground dealings going on in the family business, none of those were true. In fact, The Torreros prided themselves on being the purest and most righteous family in the region. Rev. Torrero owned and pastored a Mega Church that made millions of dollars every week, on top of people throwing money at her parents for their “good work”. But it meant nothing to Carina because she always felt like the church always came before her. Every time they were absent from her biggest life events, a gift was sent to make up for it. 

When Carina went to Drexel University to get her degree in fashion design and marketing, she planned on spending the first year goofing off and exploring what the world has to offer her. In a city like Philadelphia, it was easy to get lost in the hype of pre-game drinking sessions and post-game parties, getting sucked into hook-up culture and living as thought she’d never have a chance to touch this many people all at once. 

Getting out of college and moving back in with her family in Laredo was odd, at first, leaving the sweet life of sin behind and pretending to be the angel the town was so used to. Kidding, of course, she couldn’t leave it behind. She started doing modeling on the side and ended up getting commissioned for a huge gig with a very risqué magazine. Before the photoshoot even happened, word reached her parents church and the rumors spread like wildfire across the town. Her parents looked down on her with shame and disgrace. 

It felt all so overwhelming until she realized it’s all just Texas life. Outside of their region, no one even knows who her family is. She knew the only thing to do was to pack up her things, steal a couple million dollars from her parents ( which was barely a dent for them ), and move to Chicago where she could carry on a life of her own. Within a month of moving, she made friends with some people who worked at a club called Eden. They got her a job as an escort and, to this day, she’s been operating as a freelance designer by day and an escort by night. 

Family:

Sisters or brothers: One older brother and sister Wife or husband: N/A. Children: None. Other important persons: Roommate(s)

Physical Characteristics:

Addictions: control, power Bad Habits: acting only for the good of herself Color of Eyes: brown The color of Hair: black The color of Skin: tan Dialect: american accent Does the character drink regularly? always Does the character have any disabilities? no Does the character prefer any proverbs? “the most important thing is to enjoy your life and be happy” - audrey hepburn Does the character smoke? sometimes Good Habits: open-minded, forward thinking, tidy. Height: 5′3″ Hobbies: reading, working out, instagram, binge watching, skin care routines, healthy eating Is she wearing Glasses? no Is the character healthy or does he have any diseases? she’s healthy What’s the style of the character? (modern, outmoded): sporty and sexy. is almost always wearing a sports bra, leggings, and sneakers.

Mental Characteristics

Education: Bachelor’s Degree in Fashion Design and Marketing Intelligent or not? smart enough. she picks things up quickly. Fears: being misunderstood, spiders Life Goals (next 5 years): get a mansion Life Goals (next 25 years): own a fashion empire Self-perception: idk she’s just trying to keep it all together Assumed external perception: she thinks people think she’s either great or a bitch, there is no in between. Self-Confidence: extremely confident Rational Or Emotional: rational How could you upset this character? compare her to her family

Wanted Connections ( all based on crazy ex-girlfriend/galavant songs )

any of these could be filled with gang affiliates of any kind !! It’d be fun to see how a gang affiliate would spice up these connections !! 

PLATONIC

FRIENDTOPIA: Carina loves very few people on Earth. They’re the Joey/Chandler/Monica/Phoebe to her Rachel. They do practically everything together, as they spend pretty much every waking second together. They’re her roommates (they can work at Eden with her, but it’s not required). 

LET’S GENERALIZE ABOUT MEN: a bitch-type group of friends that get together, sometimes drink, sometimes shop, or sometimes just share gossip and personal thoughts about what the hell is going on around them.

SECRET MISSION: They say the enemy of my enemy is my friend. These people mutually hate someone and often come up with different ways in which they can make this person suffer. But it’s all just in good fun…… or is it?

OFF WITH HIS SHIRT: Any of the men she’s been with exclusively through Eden. Her “regulars” or “visitors”, if you will. She gets paid quite heavily whether she offers sex or just her general company.

MAYBE YOU WON’T DIE ALONE: Carina is the self-proclaimed Hook Up Guru of Chicago, so she’ll definitely attempt to hook you up with that person you’ve had your eye on and it sometimes isn’t subtle. But sex makes her happy, so helping her friends get laid makes her happy too. 

AFTER EVERYTHING I’VE DONE FOR YOU: This person has gone to hell and back for Carina, yet she shows little to no gratitude towards them. It’s only a matter of time before their lid pops right off. 

FACE YOUR FEARS: These are her older friends who help her figure out her shit and she ACTUALLY listens to them because she just trusts them more than anyone else. 

GREG’S DRINKING SONG: Drinking buddies!! A lot of the instances Greg mentions in the song can basically just be different scenarios they’ve gotten themselves in.

ROMANTIC/SEXUAL:

IT WAS A SHIT SHOW: A bittersweet ex-boyfriend. They really didn’t have any choice but to end things. He has some things going on in his life, Carina wasn’t anywhere near ready for a monogamous relationship. They both agree… it was a DISASTER.

SETTLE FOR ME: Someone who, stupidly, has a crush on Carina and he literally doesn’t have a single chance in hell. I just think this kind of energy would be hella hilarious.

STRIP AWAY MY CONSCIENCE: One of the guys that she regularly hooks up/hooked up with. Maybe even dated, but it wasn’t anything more than sex, really. They’re still friends to this day. 

SEX WITH A STRANGER: This is pretty straight forward. All of her hookups. I’m just gonna list them here for data purposes. They coulda been friends before or barely know each other. Honestly, if she avoided everyone she’s ever had sex with, she’d never leave her house. 

ENEMIES:

MAYBE YOU’RE NOT THE WORST THING EVER: Bitter, toxic exes. This was one of her first real and intense relationships that happened in a time when she was the most vulnerable and unprepared. It ended HORRIBLY when they lashed out at each other and it’s hard to let those feelings go. If they can get over their own pettiness, they can at least hope to be frenemies.

JACKASS IN A CAN: People who really just DON’T think she’s all that. They thinks he’s very stuck up and don’t fall for her charming, blunt persona in the slightest. I’d just love someone to call her out on her bullshit.

I DON’T LIKE YOU: General dislike and sworn mortal enemies kind of situation. We can talk over what happened between them, but honestly, it wouldn’t be that hard to find something that she did… or someone. 

WHEW this was long, but go ahead and press some buttons if you like and wanna plot with her!! 

[bow-woahh]

She-Ra season 5 thoughts

A chaotic summary of my feelings/ reactions of each episode! Spoilers. Obviously. 

Episode 1 — Horde Prime

- First of...Adora stop throwing yourself into battle challenge - "You're not She-Ra anymore" — TELL HER SIS - The way Catra was so smug but Glimmer was not having any of it "You're just as alone as I am" if that ain't the truth idk what is - Catra wanting the climb up the ranks? Sis I don't think so let's see how long that lasts - The DINNER pissed me the fuck OFF - Oh yeah here's my obligatory SW FUCK OFF CHALLENGE - Micah, King, glare at her!! Yes!! - The way Scorpia said "Catra thought my singing was annoying" honey - That clone was SO annoying stfu about Prime being omniscient and omnipresent and shit like ugH idC - Bow and Adora are the BROTP - Scorpia stinging Adora to keep her safe - and that's on friendship - The way Prime INSTANTLY called Catra out "Adora means something to you" listen I hate the gay but damn he's smart. He saw right through her act. - "Adora chose her side and I chose mine" that doesn't mean you don't still care Catraaa - Also that was REALLL quick lmaoo the way five seconds she was like "imma climb up the ranks" then in about two secs HP was like "sis I have no use for you" - "What are you going to do to me?" IM CRYING - Adora and those weird flashback PTSD things -- are u okay sis?? - This was the first episode and I already want to cry so....wow

Episode 2 — Launch

- Adora omg she's so fatigued girl S L E E P - Bow getting pissed at everyone for not letting her rest...what a king - Catra disobeying HP and talking back to that clone but then HP took its form...fuck man that shit scary - STOP CALLING HER  LITTLE SISTER CHALLENGE JESUS FUCK - Everyone hates Entrapta wow ouch - Literally Entrapta being horny over robots is hilarious lmaoo - Mermista is a great leader and they worked so well together ahhh! I'm loving Scorpia and Frosta's friendship - Entrapta got the signal!! I'm proud -  Adora stop following holograms and illusions challenge -  Adora being all like "I don't know my destiny anymore but I know I need to save my friend." LIKE YES HONEY -  Glimmer is sO volatile like honey,, did you need to break HP's crystal ball thingy?? DID U?? -  also she knows her dad is alive now and that H U R T S ++ I bet she doesn't know the sword is broken so fuckkl -  Micah as She-Ra?? something I never knew I needed -  SW not being in this episode at all? love that for us - "I reinstate my horray" I LOVE YOU SCORPIA - "Can you stay?" MY FUCKING HEART GLITRA FRIENDSHIP HERE WE COME

Every episode I just feel immense f E AR

Episode 3 — Corridors

- THIS STARTS W BABY CATRA AND ADORA?? NOELLE WHY ARE TRYNA KILL US?? - Catra and Glimmer talking about sleepovers and Adora...damn my heart - Adora and her stupid ponytail 💀 - "I'll never say sorry!" - THE WAY YOUNG CATRA WAS SO JEALOUS EYE— - "There's no one in the entire universe who cares about me." - "Im sorry! For everything." IM SO UPSET WTF -  CATRA IS FUCKED BUT SHE SAVED GLIMMER -  HP GTFO CHALLENGE -  I'm so proud of my baby tho wow... -  What the fuck we gone do now? -  so much happened in this episode so this is a lot shorter because my brain is numb. Catra is gonna get brainwashed?? isn't she?? -  "I want to do that one good thing in my life." IM CRYING Y'ALL

Episode 4 —Stranded

- Adora is like "Catra, Catra?? saved you?? wtaf?” Lmaoo - Bow and Glimmer fighting is hurting my HEART - KYLE HAS A CRUSH ON ROGELIO?? SCORPIA DONE EXPOSED IT AHHH - Swifty tryna contact Adora?? kinda cute - him impersonating everyone was onbrand and kinda funny ngl - The way Adora is like "it's complicated" lmaoo girl everything is w you - I live the star siblings omg yeS - "I have to save someone. Someone I—" omFG ADORA - Adora is S T R O N K - she GLOWED OMFG SHE RA?? IS THAT U?? - BOW AND GLIMMER BEING OKAY?? MAYBE - Etherians really are wilding out here - YESSS THEY JOINING THE REBELLION - "Maybe we'll never be friends like we used to be."  Glimmer...I love her sm - "I can't just leave her there. I have to try." Adora actually cares so much about her!! and I love Glimmer being supportive wow we love a queen! - THE BEST FRIEND SQUAD IS BACK TOGETHER!! LETS GOO - "She-Ra is back." Swift Wind is annoying but thank you. thank you for saying that horse.

I literally threw my hoodie across the room and forgot that I did that wow lmao

Episode 5 — Save the Cat

- My friend who's ahead me said wait for episode 5 now I'm fucking S H OO K - this episode name has me shook I can't - its WRITTEN BY NOELLE?? WE'RE FUCKED - I love Wrong Hordak SM what an idiot - Catradora really is gonna be canon wow - WTAF IS THAT SHE IS NOT MY CATRA SHE IS A CLONE her hair tho?? kinda nice - the way HP said "your Catra." like low-key he said gay rights - "You broke my heart. And he has made me whole again." - "We both know I don't matter"  and "you're and idiot" "I know" THESE TWO ARE MADE FOR EACH OTHER - SHE JUMPED OFF A CLIFF FOR HER - the way she's holding her?? so soft - SHE RA IS LOOKING FLY -- and is she taller?? - "You miscalculated" YES QUEEN I LOVE HER. THAT WHOLE FIGHT SCENE WAS AMAZING - FuCK HORDEP PRIME - Darla is the best Light Hope SUX - the "Hey, Adora" was SO SOFT IM SO HAPPY

That episode really hiT different Catradora is DEFINITELY canon EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU NOELLE

Episode 6 - Taking Control

- Adora. Chill. - Catra's trauma...wow - honestly I have SO MUCH TO SAY and so little at all. - The ending w Catra joining was so cute and all the Catradora interactions are SENDING ME this is the development I need - "Adora. Stay." MY HEART - thank fuck that chip is gone YAY - Entrapta and Catra making up? Catra saying "Thank you and I'm sorry" her least favourite words -- characters DEVELOPMENT - The way Catra blushed when Adora transformed GIRL YOURE GAY - SHERAS POWER IS TOO MUCH SLAY GIRL - Horde Prime FucK off challenge I hate him - Micah tryna be a father figure? cute - the endING FUCK WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT SPINNERALLA??? POOR NETOSSA

okay but where tf is DT, KYLE, LONNIE AND ROGELIO??

my mum is so tired of me screaming lmaoo

Episode 7 — Perils Of Peekabloo

- Catra just SAT on Adora's lap the PDA is unmatched - We love a filler wow - we literally can't trust anyone this shit sucks - SCORFUMA STANS STAY WINNING - Mermista and Seahawk kinda cute tho (the  heart eyes) - DT I KNEW IT   - CASH KITTEN? EYE—JUST SAY SUGAR MOMMA AND GO - NETOSSA DOESN'T DESERVE THIS - MERMISTA TO - EVERYONE is chipped WTF - DT is a theatre gay through and through   - THEY'RE FUCKED WE'RE FUCKED - NOOOO SCORPIA 😭😭😭 - "I'm the muscle, remember?" - SCORPIA'S POWER, HER REACH, IT'S AMAZING - everything is going downhill FAST - "Happy Anniversary" EYE—😭😭😭😭😭

well that sucked What the fuck we gone do now?

Episode 8 - Shot in the Dark

- The soft smile Catra gave Adora while teasing? love that - loving this new squad - the wAY HER TAIL FLUFFED UP SHES SO SCARED MAN - Wrong Hordak is my main g - the LAUGHING!! THE BLUSHING!! EVERYONE CAN SMELL THE GAY TENSION - omg Catra being the brains of the operation?? yes please - "Catra's first mission" THEY'RE SO OBNOXIOUS I LOVE THEM - "I'm going to kill your friends." "Please don't." we are ASCENDING - Casta? Strike her down anyway please 🙏 - Adora is SO WHIPPED the way she blushed at Catra making the door - "It's such a cute sneeze" BOW KNOWS IT CATRA IS CUTE AND THATS THE TEA - literallyyyy I hate SW GTFO CHALLENGE get OFF my screen 😡 - CATRA WHY DID YOU LUNGE AT THAT THING?? - OMFG MAGICAT?? (Nope dumb bitch) - "I'm coming!" "Hurry." - "I'm sorry. I got angry. It's something I'm working on" ADORA GLOWED AND SAID "You are?" WE LOVE SELF GROWTH AHH - It was Catra's hand OMFG IN THE TRAILER - Adora and cat thing being magic? we love it - MELOG IS SO CUTE and Catra can talk to it?? wowow - they love taking strays lmao - Wrong Hordak's character arc is the best one in the show - CATRA HAS AN IDEA?? YES - Preach Casta shut Weaver up - "That about sums it up, yes." I love them as a team - the hand holding? so cutee Catra don't pretend you're not whipped - oml Glimmer kissing Catra before Adora? EYE— Glitra shippers gonna be so happy at that one moment lmaoo - THEY'RE HOMEEEE

ahhh we're getting close to the end nooo

Episode 9 —An ill Wind

- oh god oh god - Catra is so badass with Melog i LOVE HER EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL  - having to fight your own wife? that shit sucks - Erelandia? it's free - omg HP is angry asfff - FROSTA CHILL SHE PUNCHED HER HARD - Adora and Catra are soft 🥺 that's all I have to say

Episode 10 — Return to the Fright Zone

- omg are we gonna see Kyle?? Lonnie? Rogelio?? (also nope, stupid hoe) - okay but Netossa getting screentime? YES PLEASE - I love the intro sm ahhhh - also her knowing everyone's weakness? love that shit - ouch Perfuma ouch didn’t have to go so hard on Catra and YET - omg I forgot Bow's dads existed - "Mostly bad memories" 😔😔😔 - competitive gfs for the win - Catra FLEW tho WOW Scorpia is STRONK - the dad jokes are immaculate - "I'm working is being a better friend. That has to count for something right?" - "We don't throw tanks at our friends" sis you don't give flowers to your them at this current time either - "why did I get stuck with the water Princess?" Catra...baby I love you - omg there's a fail safe THANK FUCK I was legit speechless - "There's real power in love and friendship" preACH IT GIRLIE - SCORPIA FIGHT IT YESSS - legit forgot Spinny and Netossa were fighting lmao oof - FINALLY ANGST OVER THE WIVES ARE BACK - omg THE PAN TO ADORA ABOUT BEING VULNERABLE AHHHH - Perfuma is Catra's therapist that's my headcanon - OMFG I FORGOT ABOUT SW FUCK SHIT CATRA BABY IM SORRY

damn I'm stressed out

Episode 11 — Failsafe

- Weaver STFU challenge - them taking about their abuse? we love to see - "We— I could really use your help" KILL ME NOW THEY'RE TOO MUCH - "Not because I like you" she says SMILING - Melog is Catra's affectionate side prove me wrong - Stan Entrapta for clear skin - SW doesn't deserve rights (as per usual) - DONT TOUCH HER BITCH LITERALLYYYY WHYYY - and now She Ra is glitching?? fuck - Catra is so jumpy eye— "Trust Me" MY HEART SBSBDB - Weaver really called her a DISTURBANCE STFU 💀💀💀 - Entrapta and bird horse ftw what a tag team - OMG NO BE CAREFUL - "Did you just jump in fire to save me?" SHE WAS SO SMUG - can SW burn like... now? - "It's none of your business" LITERALLY BUTT OUT  - "Catra, she distracts you, confuses you." WEAVER I FUCKING HATE YOU SM I FUCKING I WILL PUNCH MY SCREEN - Entrapdak being a thing? I do not know how to feel - "Your imperfections are beautiful."  I am.... conflicted - SW doesn't deserve screen time - Catra is an i no cap (I genuinely have no clue what I meant so sorry about that) - i think the fuck not - this episode is so stressful - Catra saving Adora >>>>>>>>> - what an awful reunion for Glimmer damn - "It doesn't always have to be you!" IKR IT SHOULD BE WEAVER - fuck dark magic fuck it all - Catra's upset?? no my baby 🥺 - this whole episode is just traumatising - Adora's heart do be glowing - Catra's LEAVING?? why?? - "What do you want Adora?" - MY HEART BEEN BROKE SO MANY TIMES I DONT KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE 😭😭 - omg this time instead of Adora leaving it's Catra (you are a dumbass DUH) - that H U R T S - ADORA TELL HER YEs QUEEN

omg HEART NEXT???

Episode 12 — Heart Part 1

- I am not prepared for this - Adora...baby I'm so sorry - Glimbow moment with a banjo?? that was cute - Adora really is a party popper - "Adora doesn't want me. Not like I want her." AND THAT'S ON LESBIANISM BUT ALSO FUCKING OUCH  - but really Catra...do you really think Adora doesn't want you? girl are youb B L I N D?? - Wrong Hordak is MY GUY - Stan the rebellion for clear skin - NOOO WHAT THE FUCK MY HEART DON'TPLAY WITH ME LIKE THAT THEY NEARLY KISSED AND IT WAS A FUCKING SIMULATION - real Catra be CAREFUL - "We have to warn Adora" YES SIS WARN YOUR GF  - "I thought I could make my own destiny" U STILL CAN SIS - I'm scared I'm fucking scared - my HEART IS BEATINGG FASTT - I really hate Horde Prime uhhhhhhhgg - for once in your sorry life do something good Weaver jfc - "I can't leave her behind again" - BEST FRIEND SQUAD + MELOG YES - "Bow, I love you." GLIMBOW IS BACK ON AHHH - BUT AT WHAT COST??? (literally what am I saying??) - "You deserve love too." AND THAT'S ON PERIODT - Glimmer coming in clutch!! - Mermista and Seahawk do be cute tho - Micah is actually the worst rn wow - "Goodbye, my oldest enemy" CATRA COME QUICK AHH

the last episode....I'm not ready to say goodbye

Episode 13 — Heart Part 2

- ofc this is written by Noelle - "Hey, Adora" MY HEART - "I'll catch up okay? Get to the heart." - SW ACTUALLY DIED?? THANK YOU MY GIRLS CAN HEAL NOW

andd that's as far as I got before freaking the fuck out with everything that was happening onscreen but THE CATRADORA KISS WAS EVERYTHING and the ending was perfect 🥺💖

—

Thank you Crew-Ra, Noelle for making such a beautiful and heartwarming show, this will be remembered for years to come because what this show did was incredible and unlike anything I've ever watched.

[harryfeatgaga]

Can i just say that I’m soooo glad that Harry is such a good ally for so many groups of people and causes and he genuinely wants to educate himself on different things and acknowledges his privileges. He is just so good and pure he genuinely just wants to learn and be a better person that’s why I bark and snarl at people who try to villanize him. Imagine how excited he was to do vogue & then people talked shit but was reassured because fans & others had his back 🥺🥺

I KNOWWWWW EXACTLY you said my exact thoughts!!!

Anonymous said: anyway watch the @Universe and @Grammys give harry 4 grammys 2 make up for this ugly situation 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

PULL THROUGHHHHH HARRY KARMA

Anonymous said: So thankful for harry on this day 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰And honesty so happy to see all the support Harry got and naturally DESERVES. He is an ANGEL who deserves protection and no hate! 🥰🥰Thank God people are sensible about defending and protecting our bby from rudies and meanies🥰🥰🥰🥰

MOOOOOOOD I LOVE HIM SO MUCH 🥰🥰🥰

Anonymous said: Harry’s just vibing, eating pussy, wearing beautiful gowns, opening arenas, and starring in a psychological thriller. Bitches can stay pressed, bc he’s gonna stay making money and being happy.

TEA

Anonymous said: When will people realize that painting Harry as this evil guy who just has this evil agenda will never work & it’s just ugly. Harry knows he’s privileged he is an ally & he raises awareness for good & to help people & he followed that person who spoke about his privilege. Compared to other celebs who are shallow & don’t care about anyone who isn’t rich and/or white, Harry genuinely cares about his fans & just people can those haters just stop it

HONESTLYYYYYYYY

Anonymous said: lolol everyone who criticised harry for wearing a dress the day the shoot came out has basically aligned themselves with all the batshit conservatives who are criticising harry?! the way so so many public figures are defending harry is blowing my mind, like, so so many people know who he is

LITERALLLLLYYYYYY

Anonymous said: Anyway when the pope heard what happened he was shaking in anger like "THAT BITCH. ???? Manly men fuck outta here with that BS i cant even right now harry son child r u ok rn???????? FORGET THE MASS"

OKDJNFHBVUJIEKRNFHUJVIK

Anonymous said: Ben Shapiro’s wife hiding her “go fuck yourself” Harry vibrator in her bedside drawer after short man Ben comes barging in ranting about Harry in a dress

WDJNBHUIJWKENFHUIJK

[wamiandayne]

season 2 episode 3

klaus but with a sugar mommu

OHHHHH?????? THATS????? OHHHHHHHHHGGHHGGGGG THE SHORT HAIR SHIR

LEVITATION!!!!!! LEVITATION!!!!!!!!!!!! JSJWJWJE!!!!!!!!!!

oh ben is hold8ng him. boring

i want dave :(

lila stan blog

where r u going vee

VANYA. RUN

queen

nevermind

cornfield type shit

QUEEN SHIT

this is an old man wearing a "the end is nigh" sign stan blog

the ikea mafia.....

i am HUNGRY. can this mobster fry ME an egg

howd she get married if she doesnt legally exists in the 1960s

SIBLINGS.... THEYRE SO HAPPY.. love u bitches

HE SHAVED!!!

klaus and allison.... god theyre so good

hello miss handler!!!!

they do be undermining women 💅

allison doesnt have a scar????

hi ben. love u boo

harlan!!!!!!!!

vanyas gonna be super confused for a WHILE

shut the fuck up diego

half the time i say that he has yet to speak

im making fun of diego but ngl id probably try to save jfk too

lila stan blog

lila stan blog

diego hate blog

liego? dila? dila is nice. dila stan blog ig

nah. theyre better as qpps.

elliot is haviny a bad day

old five is so ugly

s1 soundtrack was better

luthers abt to do smth fuckint stupid

hi ray. hope u kill luther.

what 5he fuck is he eating

klaus took this much better

if luther starts crying he will die by my hand

rays probably so goddamn confused. why the hell his wife got so many white brothers.

allison is my queen

NOO. NO . NO....... NO BRO DONT...D DONT ......

IM C4YIN REAL TEARS. IM CRYING REAL TEARS!!!!!!!!

where is MY dave. WHERE IS HE.

this angel child ie NOT MY DAVID

why is ben such an ASSHOLE

klaus... klaus im so sorry sweetie

this hurts

im so goddamn sad

this is the saddest thing ive experienced in my lifetime

why is ben so rude

ben is not the love i remember having

ptsd klaus!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO PLAY DAVES DEATH.

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS

REAL TEARS.

"your little vietnam fling" i am no longer a ben hargreeves stan

the fact that at least he knows he doesnt have a chance with dave....... that he just wants to save him....

e fact his shirt is unbuttoned just above where 'klaus loves dave' is is.... hurting me

rays mad at her huh :(

im heartbroken i literally dont give a shit about luther

i fucking hate cops

just rumor the fucking cop

this shit is too goddamn real

this id TOO goddamn real

allison. love u babe

i literally do not give a shit about luther bro

next season is gonna be them stopping the apocalypse in 2003 . klaus joins mcr. im calling it now

soundtrack popping off

im still broken over dave. i said i wanted him and i got him and it hurt more than if i hadnt.

lila stan blog ?

SHES FUCKING THE HANDLER

THE HANDLERS HER FUCKING MOM????

EYE

[anotheruntitledsong]

So I Started Watching Riverdale

Actually, I started watching Riverdale 2 months ago, and I’m almost done with the third season. But I am watching the first season again with my friend, so I thought I’d write my thoughts on each season one episode, just as a fun little thing to do. So buckle up because this is gonna hurt a little, and this has no structure at all.

This is all my opinion! 

-And we are right in with the cringy emo narration. Fun times.

-The town with p e p

-Dude, I'm sorry but Jason and Cheryl’s relationship is so creepy in every way. One alone is fine but the white clothes on a red car on a boat trip in the early morning? The weird sexual tension even though they are siblings? I just- so creepy.

-Calm down Alice, too soon

- ”Smithers” 

-Also I don’t know why but Veronica’s cute little “Hai” made my gay heart explode

- ”Archie got hot”

-I love how Veronica looks like a cross between Little Red Riding Hood and a witch. If this weren’t Riverdale, I’d think it was cool. But it’s Riverdale.

-Oh my god Archie’s outfit for his first day at school? COMB YOUR HAIR! BUTTON YOUR SHIRT! Jeez.

-Reggie can you please shut up I’m sorry

-I’m lowkey kind of scared that Josie and the other girls are dead. They sound like ghosts that are ready to eat your soul. Not to say they don’t sound beautiful but I’m pretty sure they’re dead. 

-Ashleigh Murray is so beautiful I can’t.

-So I’ve seen this episode like 3 times before and every time Veronica says “I’ve tried every flavor of boy but orange” I think of Cheetos. I don’t know why. I just do. 

-Can someone kill Miss Grundy thanks

-This is a point my friend made during the scene where Veronica’s mom is asking Archie’s dad for a job: Who talks like that? Who’s just like “We’ll have to tell them that we knew each other. And as you very much already know, that we dated for a while.” and then Fred like lists all the things she’s on trial for WHICH SHE KNOWS? like who just- the way they are telling the audience information just annoys me

-What are they eating? I only see an apple and water and it concerns me. Maybe I just eat a lot

-Bro can we give Kevin a personality outside of “being ‘one of the girls’ because he’s gay and gay and did I mention he’s homosexual”? They’re literally free and he needs it

-I shouldn’t ship Betty and Veronica but I do

-There are too many B’s in “Bully Betty Into Being A Bitch”

-I’m sorry but I’m only here for the main two girls, Cheryl and Jughead I don’t want to watch Archie do football

-The confusion on Veronica’s face when Betty asks Archie to come with both of them to the dance made me giggle not gonna lie

-Y E S B E T T Y D A N C E

-I love Betty so much, she seemed so happy when she made the cheerleading team and I want only good things for her 

-I want Alice to shut up, I’m sorry but she’s just annoying. I love her actress though

-Ah yes,  I too just have a giant case of clearly fake 100 dollar bills that I can send to my wife from prison. 

-I really can’t tell if Archie’s dad is mad at him, trying to support him, neither, both, or something else

-I lowkey love Betty’s dress

-Archie not having feelings for Betty is fine but this s t u p i d m u s i c t e a c h e r i want to strangle her 

-To be fair it was pointing to Veronica but they could have spun again

-That closet has like cool blazers and board games it would have been so funny if they just trolled everyone and played Uno or something or had a fashion show

-Why is Jughead drinking coffee at midnight sweetheart that’s not good for you

-The scene outside of Betty’s house where she asks Archie if he loves her is supposed to be emotional but all I can think about is how she had a cardigan that matched her dress, put it on presumably when she got home and kept her fancy dress on under it. At like one in the morning.

-And the corpse was found

Verdict: I actually liked it lol. I like the first season, and this was fun so I can’t wait to do the rest of it. But, Jughead needs to sleep, Betty needs to not sleep in her party dress, Archie is boring, and a lot happened in this first episode.

[itsclownhours]

merlin as tumblr posts again because when i edited a typo in the original it fucked up the formatting

everyone: you have to make time for yourself

morgana: *stays up until 1 am every night crying* me time

.

morgana: ohhhh so the pain is forever and endless i get it now

.

young!mordred: once i learn how to read and write it’s over for you hoes

.

lancelot, in cursive: i can’t read cursive handwriting

gwaine: what does this say

elyan: i can’t read cursive handwriting

gwaine: bitch me neither that’s why i asked

.

arthur, to merlin, about lancelot: is he...y’know…*gestures downard to super hell*

.

uther, straight: hey what’s up guys do you want to go get some food

arthur and morgana, gay: ??????

uther: oh sorry i mean asgdhjdhs guys do you??? want some food??? lmao ashdjdjhs

arthur and morgana: oh! agshdjjshsj yeah lmao agshdj

.

morgana: do you ever associate the word “girlfriend” with wlw so much that you forget straight boys have girlfriends

.

gwen: am taking care of a tiny kitten. have given it an excellent name. dad thinks i’m calling her “minty” but this is actually short for The Government

gwen: The Government bit my finger and pooped on the floor

.

gwaine: peak art is when you were like six and you scribbled all over ms paint and then carefully paintbucketed in all the different shapes in the scribbles to make “stained glass”

.

morgause: forcing my car to commit sins so it goes to hell with me when i die

.

leon, after arthur gives the knights a pep talk: so motivational...time to drill a hole in my skull

.

morgana: i want to be a she really did that!! kind of girl but i don’t do anything

.

arthur: pros and cons of being my friend:

arthur: pro: you have a friend

arthur: con: it’s me

.

gwaine, to lancelot: bro let’s watch a horror movie together...bro you look scared do you wanna share a blanket dude? if you wanna hold hands it’s ok. if you wanna rest your head on my shoulder it’s alright bro...bro if you wanna kiss that’s understandable that was a scary movie...we can keep cuddling after the movie is over it’s alright dude…

.

lancelot: old town road but he just keeps listing all the places he has horses

gwaine: i got the horses in the back

gwaine: horses on the track

gwaine: horses in the shack and i got horses fetching snacks

gwaine: i got the horses in earth’s core

gwaine: down under the floor

gwaine: horses in the store and i got horses on the moor

.

gwaine: died and came back as a cowboy i call that reintarnation

.

morgana: *shows up at college* excuse me will someone please direct me to the leftist brainwashing class? i’m here for the leftist brainwashing class

.

merlin: finally found someone i was more disappointed in that myself: the entirety of america camelot

.

morgause: customer (derogatory)

.

arthur: business major (derogatory)

.

leon: leonardo dicaprio date a woman over 25 challenge

gwaine: thought that said “leonardo da vinci” and was confused since da vinci was gay and also since you were calling out someone who’s been dead for well over 7 years

leon: well. da vinci has been well over 7 years, i’ll give you that

.

morgana: the retirement age needs to be lowered to 25. i’ve had enough

.

gwaine: i’m fucking in luigi’s mansion

leon: who?

gwaine: some italian freak

gwaine: oh you meant who am i fucking. your mom

.

leon: stop setting things on fire because you’re curious about what will happen. what will happen is fire

gwaine: but what if...something else happens. just this 1 time

.

morgause: bored? burn an orphan. who’re they gonna tell? their parents?

.

morgana: due to personal reasons i will be a serial arsonist

.

mithian: fruit (affectionate)

.

arthur: going to the fruit (derogatory) store do you want anything

.

gwen: fruit (salad, yummy yummy)

.

morgana, to gwen: i’m allergic to hookup culture and too weird to participate anyway. die in my arms

.

kilgharrah: i am fast and full of teeth. i will die in a barn fire

.

morgana: not evil anymore i want to be loved now

morgana: evil again

.

morgause: every day i put on my evil little clothes and do my evil little tasks

.

percival: megan thee stallion and timothee chalamet are the same age

gwaine: megan thee stallion 🤝 timo thee chalamet

.

morgana: hey how many swords do you have

morgause: sword of a lot

morgana: blocked

morgause: parried

.

morgana and gwen simultaneously in 1x10: *chanting* girls with swords girls with swords

.

morgana: the more knives you have the more valid you are

.

kilgharrah: blocked. blocked. blocked. you’re all blocked. none of you are free from sin.

.

morgana: seven deadly sins speedrun

.

gwaine: i want 6 pet sloths so i can name them after every sin except for sloth

.

merlin: the eighth deadly sin is networking

.

arthur: online school culture is constantly wondering if there’s a sneaky little assignment you missed...is it tucked under modules or assignments or heaven forbid, announcements? who’s to say?

.

gaius: asynchronous learning

merlin, a clown: mmmnaptime

.

arthur: have you ever just cried because you’re you

.

elyan, to percival: bro, we are teens . it’s ok to cry around me . i’m your best friend . i love you … bro we are kissing now … no don’t stop bro … bro …

.

morgana: mad bc i was told as the bride my wedding would be “my day” but actually where will be a whole other bride there and we will have to share it

.

leon: i’m disgusted every time someone does a gender reveal and it’s about a gender i already know about, what kind of reveal is that

.

leon: gender reveal party??? no, this is a gender repeal party. we out here revoking genders

.

gwaine: you’re laughing. i asked you who sings party rock anthem and you’re laughing

.

gwaine: make no mistake not only am i party rocking but i’m also in the house tonight

elyan: are you shuffling?

gwaine: everyday

.

morgana: lung extensions

morgana: with extended lungs you can: scream longer, breathe harder, brag about extended lungs

morgana: this procedure is not legal but i will do it for you

morgana: do not tell the police or morgause

.

morgana: i’m so sick of dna, i’m going to have all mine removed

morgause: good news! this is a real thing that can happen to you

morgana: perfect, sign me up

.

morgana: if YOU die because i poisoned you...how is that MY fault like i’m sorry you aren’t immune to my poisons i think that’s genuinely something you need to work on. fix yourself before blaming others

.

arthur: my body is NOT a “temple”...it is a CLOWN CAR and NONE OF THESE BITCHES KNOW HOW TO DRIVE

.

morgause: live

morgause: laugh

morgause: l u r k

.

mcdonald’s employee: please sir get off the table

gwaine: I ASKED FOR TWO LARGE FRIES *dumping bag of fried out onto the floor* BUT INSTEAD GOT A HUNDRED FUCKEN LITTLE ONES

.

merlin: i relate to vampires because i too must be clearly and specifically invited in before i have the audacity to try to participate in anything

.

gwaine: it can’t be september, just yesterday is was marchgustuary

lancelot: today’s date: [REDACTED]/[REDACTED]/20

.

gwaine: why are internet friends not normalized. it’s 2020 they’re probably making robots that will wipe your ass for you and i can’t text grace in the uk and tell her to have a good day? fuck you

.

percival: imagine if halsey was in beauty and the beast

elyan: are you insane like gaston. been in pain like gaston. bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like gaston

.

arthur: my dad is learning about pronouns/gender identity and he called me in the middle of the night to tell me he is cis

.

merlin: ough. those first 400 bites of dirt were not so good. maybe the next one will be better

.

morgana: i’m at the dark candy store, buying sorrowful ranchers

.

merlin: i’m surprised no one has ever punched me in the face

.

gwen: i want a gf so i can send her memes about loving my gf

.

morgause: oh to cook with my wife and stand directly in front of cabinets and drawers she needs to open

.

morgause: decided i will no longer be paying taxes. what are they gonna do, tax me more? go ahead. i won’t pay those either. oh i’m going to prison? the one paid for by my tax dollars? sorry, didn’t pay em. now there is no prison. i am at least 3 steps ahead of the government at all times

.

merlin: lab safety but the teacher just wants to you die

merlin: lab safety: 1. drink whatever’s in that beaker. i know you fucking want to

.

morgause: my therapist is selling her house so i’m gonna find the listing online and make her living room my zoom backgrounds before our next session. you wanna get in my head? ok well i’m in your home babe. i’m in charge now

morgana: yeah i see why you’re in therapy

.

morgana: i hate it when people ask me to “explain my thought process” like hell if i know

morgana: what’s going on in that head of yours?” nothing i want to be a part of

.

mordred: hey girls what’s the hot gossip what’s new what’s the 411

morgana and morgause: everything is bad and getting worse by the day

.

morgause: common letter greetings from 1889

morgause: dearest my-soon-to-be-enemy

morgause: salutations and i hope you enjoy contact prison

morgause: i hope this letter finds you in a ditch

.

arthur: *highlights all the wrong and unimportant stuff with full confidence*

.

merlin: i’ve tried opening my mouth and saying words before and i’ve gotta say, i’m not a fan

.

morgana: a large group of humans is called a fuck that

.

website: synonyms for blood: juice

mithian: thank you thesaurus.com, that is absolutely not what i was looking for

.

gwaine: gen z humor was single-handedly cultivated by the zoo wee mama comic and you can’t convince me otherwise

.

morgana: screw this it’s halloween now *turns into a swarm of bats them consumes the moon*

.

morgana: i can’t believe the heterosexuals are gone. they’re gone

uther: we’re still here

arthur: who said that

.

gwaine: no more france

gwaine: society has progressed passed the need for france

.

morgause: girls night out (of body experience)

.

morgana, to morgause: what do you mean “what have i been up to”...i’m out here ruining my own life as always bitch

.

merlin: stop complaining about your life. there are literally people living in camelot

.

arthur, trying to find new knights: oh so you’re a human? name three pictures with traffic lights in them

.

gwaine: we mcfreaking lost her doctor

.

morgause: looking for a wife in the walmart

.

morgause: arrested for visiting www.killing.com/murder

.

gwaine, to merlin: no bro this isn’t a date listen bro

gwaine: it’s bruhnch

.

morgause, to cenred: if you think i’m not interested, you’re right

.

gwen: put a pancake on a girl’s head when she’s asleep to keep her warm and safe

.

morgana: idk what mad scientist needs to hear this today but your goggles and lab coat are incredibly flattering and all your experiments will block away the scientific community who called you a fool

.

morgause: i’m gonna fucking die disease

morgause: symptoms: back hurts a bit too much for a bit too long

.

arthur: if you think i’m annoying now wait until i get over my fear of being perceived as annoying

.

merlin: sorry if i’m bothering you

surgeon: how do you keep waking up and saying that

.

gwaine: home depot needs more small tunnels for me to crawl through tbh

.

percival: hot tip: soup is customizable! go wild but know your limits

.

morgana: brains say “i know a spot” and take you to a traumatic memory from 2011

.

mithian: “can you multitask” yes actually i am losing my mind and chilling at the same time

.

morgana: quarantine schedule to keep you on track

morgana: wake up

morgana: neglect online school

morgana: yearn (ongoing project)

morgana: again!

.

mithian: if cats don’t want to be held like little babies maybe they shouldn’t be roughly the size and shape of little babies

.

morgause: fuck this pandemic i could’ve ruined 2020 on my own

.

morgana: a cute girl told me she has lots of plants in her house and i told her for some fucking reason “damn the oxygen at your place must be mad crisp” and somehow still got her number so. chase your dreams. nothing is impossible apparently

.

morgana: oh to wear a knife strapped against my thigh beneath a silk dress

.

morgana, running off with morgause at the end of season 2: i hate this place i want to go to build a bear

.

morgana, at work: i’m evil

morgana, 1 second after clocking out: not evil anymore i want to be loved now

morgana, the next day at work: evil again

.

season 2 morgana: i am fine thank you for asking! though recently there has been a darkness growing within me

.

morgause: *thinks about love* okay well i am just losing my mind and being insane now

.

arthur: you think you can hurt my feelings? i’ve been the least favorite in every single friendship group i’ve had since i was 8

.

morgana, staring out the window at arthur and merlin: look at them plotting my downfall

.

mithian: i wanna buy clown noses in bulk and start sticking them on every person i see whose mask is pulled too low

.

mithian: oh to be a tiny cat whose biggest concern is the looming threat of being gently picked up and kissed on the head

.

morgana: i deserve to be kissed

.

morgana: did you have a homoerotic friendship with a girl in high school that ended in tragedy and you two are never talking again or are you normal?

.

mithian: just diagnosed with forehead kiss deficiency :/

.

morgana: i think i’ll continue to wear a mask when this shit’s all over, and huge sunglasses. my face is none of your business

.

morgause: my therapist told me that sometimes when a person consumes the same piece of media over and over they may be unconsciously coping with a mental block so now i’m trying to figure out what the fuck i was going through that made me watch ratatouille 8 times a day for a solid month in middle school

.

morgause: opposite of depression nap. depression awakeness. refreshing the same three websites over and over. there’s nothing new on any of them. eight seconds have passed and it feels like a century

.

morgana: very homophobic that my head is not laying on the chest of my maidservant as i am drifting off to sleep

.

merlin: no no, it’s fine, i’ll text myself back

.

morgana: *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns*

.

arthur: i’d have to be a fool not to? being a fool and not doing things are my top two activities

.

gwaine: you think it’s easy to be me? you think it’s easy to get up every. single. day. and be an industrial grade dumbass? well it’s not. but that’s what i do. and i’ll never stop.

.

morgana: ah shit i’m sorry man, my schedule for the week is all booked

sunday: yearn

monday: pine

tuesday: long

wednesday: ache

thursday: sigh

friday: lament

saturday: crave

.

morgana: talents include: being a public menace, denying God’s will, petting dogs, yearning, being dramatic, witchcraft, quoting classic literature when no one asked, napping, befriending a murder of crows, being gay, covering up my emotions by being “the funny friend” when in reality i’m really going through it, wistfully staring out the car window

.

merlin: *doesn’t even do the bare minimum* all in a day’s work

.

cenred: a “period” is not an excuse to have an attitude

morgause: i miss the times when men would go to war and die

.

morgana: the cheap halloween vampire fangs stay ON during sex

.

gwen: maybe i pspspspsp’ed you because i love you. did you think of that? huh?

.

morgana: mom said it’s my turn to hand out the ominous and vague warnings

arthur: that wasn’t mom

uther: she JUST SAID it was her turn

.

morgause: i’m a chill person but if my back doesn’t stop hurting i’m going to take out my spine and beat God with it

.

mithian: one of these days i’m going to say the f word

mithian: then you’ll all be sorry

.

morgause: 3 words every girl wants to hear

morgause: club penguin membership

.

morgana: hmm, yes.

morgana: time to s i p

morgana: some *~crispy~*

morgana: d i h y d r o g e n m o n o x i d e

.

morgause: roll call! raise your hand if you’re in the following fandoms:

morgause: 1. suffering 2. the pain of living

morgana: *raises both hands and a leg*

.

leon: it’s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager

.

merlin: yeah bro hit me up and we’ll cancel some plans sometime

.

morgana: my brain, or as i like to call it, the suffer contraption

.

morgause: my circle so small i almost cut myself off

.

morgause hyping herself up before entering any public area: i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal

.

arthur: today in french we learned how to say “what’s in the bag” and i couldn’t stop laughing because

arthur: swaggity swag qu’est-ce qui dans le sac

.

merlin: even when i am not speaking, know that horrible sentences are raging within me

.

mithian in 5x04: sorry bro i can’t go out tonight. i’m stuck in an eternal state of melancholy

.

morgause: shower gel label: immerse yourself in this new “Me Time” luxury frooty tooty. abandon all sense of identity and dissolve your memories into this soothing chemical broth. one billion melons are in this tube...use them wisely

.

leon, writing a headline about the most recent knights’ mission: local dumbasses knew that what they were getting themselves into and did it anyways

.

morgana: *feels random pain in body*

morgana: kill me

.

mithian: *slowly inches closer to your pet*

.

morgause: *refuses to look at texts* i love conversation and communication

.

arthur: cute gender neutral things to call your partner

arthur: significant annoyance

.

leon: the most unrealistic fantasy trope is the one where half of the pair works in some sort of shop and one is a customer because i have literally never thought about a customer with anything other than contempt

.

gwaine: why is everyone talking about 1d all of a sudden did one of them die

elyan: they’re 10 years old now

gwaine: i wish them luck 4th grade is tough!!

.

gwaine: must i pursue a career? is it not enough to be passionate about tv shows and snack foods?

.

leon, aroace: cool date idea: me eating oatmeal by myself

.

morgana: i have no self of steam

.

gwaine: i hate wearing a mask. i miss being able to gently kiss my trader joe’s cashier on the lips after they ring up my $8 box of blueberries

.

morgana: committing acts of violence today…*pushes morgause’s glass of water off the counter*

.

gwaine: mario will do anything to put a smile on your face

.

morgana: haha we get along so well...our brains just work the same way

morgause, after changing her entire personality to match morgana’s after analyzing the way she talks and texts: haha yeah it’s incredible

.

gwaine: covered in sauce, trembling

.

arthur: *says the vaguest most incoherent shit ever*

arthur: you know what i mean :/

.

[online]

morgana: *screenshots things her girlfriend said to her so she can read it again later* yeah i’m not gay

uther: dude no offence i don’t want to sound like an sjw or anything but if you have a girlfriend you’re straight. that’s just how it works

morgana: i’m a girl

uther: what the fuck

.

morgana: the second you say “family group chat” i know we are not the same

.

gwen: what if early in the morning after buying groceries we got caught in the rain and i used my jacket to cover your head ut we still got soaked and we made a fire at home and brewed tea and sat together watching the rain as our cats hid under our feets at each sound of thunder and we ate stew for dinner and watched tv until we fell asleep on the couch with your head resting on my shoulder

.

gwaine, to percival: hold my hand bro we’re crossing the street

.

percival: imageine if we all just started ignoring celebrities though

percival: i can’t stop thinking about how funny this would be. imagine kyie jenner posting a selfie and it gets 12 likes

.

morgana: this isn’t fun anymore i need a kiss

.

morgause at 1159 pm: life’s great lol

morgause at 1201 am: does anyone really know me? most importantly do i really know me? what if life doesn’t get better than this?

.

merlin: king i needbfjdjgnjfg qldkr snmsmdjgjt ….. .. i need--fjrjkrhgphpqn dd

arthur: huh *dunks merlin’s head back underwater*

.

morgana: i don’t go to therapy or take any pills i just rawdog life and let my brain turn into soup

.

mordred: dark emails

morgause: to whom it WILL concern

morgana: now that this email has found you

.

gwaine: hi waiter could i get the spaghetti i promise i’ll behave this time

.

merlin: the sexiest thing about me? everything hurts my feelings

.

gwaine: how is sex fun if i have to remove my crocs to have it

elyan: if he makes you remove your crocs for sex he isn’t the one

.

morgause: a motherfucker could use an embrace

.

morgana: every night after 10pm my feelings start crawling out, starved, as i beat them with a moderately large stick vigorously hissing “stay back” until i inevitably fall asleep

.

fanfiction: there’s only one room available…

morgause, who specifically chose a rated m and explicit story: oh my gosh there’s only one room they’re gonna share a bed what’s gonna happen next

.

morgana: i can have a little unrealistic romantic fantasy. as a treat

.

arthur: some of y’all weren’t asked out as a joke in middle school and it shows

.

morgana: how is everyone doing. i’ll go first i’m doing badly

.

morgana: being a kid was so fucking funny we’d just go around lying to each other’s faces constantly to impress each other one of the knights told me he was the first person to visit the sun and when i asked him what it was like to prove he was lying he said he didn’t remember because they sent him there when he was a baby and to this day the mental image of nasa launching an unsupervised baby into the sun still makes me crack up

.

elyan: do you wish you were seeing somebody

leon: a therapist

.

morgause: when you see someone from high school and they don’t recognize you that’s the exact opposite of the mortifying ordeal of being known. the gratifying relief of being forgotten

.

[texting]

morgana: you seem hard to kill

morgause: aw thank you

morgause: i haven’t been killed yet

morgana: to your knowledge

morgause: what

.

morgana: just truly bonkers how much i love lying down……..like being horizontal? Unparalleled

.

arthur: when i was younger i really thought that piranhas were going to be a bigger issue for me than they’ve turned out to be

.

morgause: filling out the depression and anxiety checkboxes at the doctors is always so sad but also very very funny

morgause: i am handed a piece of paper. i check off a box that says “every day i wish i were dead”. i hand back the paper. the paper and its contents are never again discussed.

.

morgana: unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, i cannot just “walk up and join the circle of people talking”, but it does sound lovely thank you

.

morgana: if california is so expensive why don’t you move to somewhere like ohio

morgause: full offense but i’d rather be dead in california than alive in ohio

morgause: ugly and uninspiring--review of ohio

.

morgana: staying up late not even fun anymore it’s just sad

.

morgause: everyone should be comfortable in their own skin :)

morgause’s brain: except for you

morgause: except for me :)

.

mithian: please peer pressure me into finishing projects

merlin: do it or you’re straight

mithian: i said peer pressure not threaten

.

morgause: the year is 2030. bakery art is so realistic, literally anything could be cake. the uncertainty has gripped the world in fear. i go to hug my wife for comfort. she is cake.

morgause: i sob in despair as i eat my cake wife. she is delicious

.

gwen: do ladies love stupid men or do they just love men who don’t exhaust every opportunity to feel smart

gwen: “i used to think that melancholy was a vegetable” that’s incredible, let’s hang out more

.

morgause: basically i accidentally listened to a song a few years ago and it led to this

.

morgana: *desperately tries to romanticise her homework*

.

uther: do i have to be pretty? is it not enough to simply be the loudest person in the room with the worst opinions

.

morgana: oh i can’t possibly study, i have allotted the next six hours to yearning vaguely

.

morgause: allow me to de-introduce myself

morgause: my name is [redacted]

.

arthur: i have no good posts today i’m sorry guys

merlin: haha “today”

.

mordred: “do we perhaps use magic because we were bullied and needed blah blah special interest blah blah” shut the FUCK up i use magic to see my anime husband’s big fucking honkers. sorry you got pantsed in front of your crush

morgana: i came here to bully people

mordred: is it because you got pantsed in front of your crush

morgana: no it’s because i’m deranged

.

mithian: pretty sure seven deadly sins is a bit excessive

mithian: just combine wrath and gluttony and make hangry

mithian: sloth and pride make Bottoming

.

morgana: despicable me ruined the word minion whenever i become a supervillain i’m just going to have to call them my homies or whatever

.

gwen: as a bisexual i am attracted to lanky boys with dark hair, girls who look like they could kill me, and anyone wearing vampire teeth

.

morgana: if someone tried to assassinate me that would make me feel so important and valued and beloved

.

gwaine: turn down for whom?

.

mithian: fact: usage of the word “the” has begun to decline. this is because as more and more people become educated, usage of the word “thoum’st” has become more common.

.

morgana, kidnapping mithian in 5x04: truth or dare? uhhh i dare you to………………………………..fall in love with me. haha i’m just joking bro………………..unless…………………………?

.

gwaine: my thoughts are like a clearance sale

gwaine: once it’s gone it’s gone

.

morgana: *pronounces “hors d’oeuvres” as “horse divorce” specifically to piss off morgause*

.

gwaine: do you prefer women or men?

leon: death

.

morgause: honestly no offense but i love falling asleep and sleeping. it’s like. ok goodnight

.

morgause: ngl it’s kinda difficult to be the moody and mysterious background character in everyone’s life when you’re quarantined at home

.

morgause: i need to get laid

morgause: --to rest. put me in a coffin, let my soul ascend

.

gwaine: it takes a lot of heart to be this stupid

gwaine: it takes real strength not to know shit about fuck

.

elyan: what’s your favorite anime?

leon: i’m a christian

.

arthur: just bought this tapeworm from etsy!

lancelot: where are you gonna keep it

arthur: :)

merlin: i don’t like this conversion very much

.

gwaine: i’m home alone with the tv repair man

gwaine: i’m no fool, there are only two possible outcomes of this scenario

gwaine: porn or murder

gwaine, an hour later: apparently there was an unforeseen third outcome where he fixes the tv and then leaves

.

morgause: well tomorrow fucking sucked

.

morgana: dark brunch

morgana: *mixes a mimosa with evil intent*

morgause: this is just what being gay is like

.

gwaine: movie idea: guy finds a stone tablet engraved with a mysterious alien language and gets caught up in a national treasure-esque adventure to decipher its meaning, only to learn that it’s just an alien “live laugh love” decoration

.

arthur: sorry i didn’t mean to open your ig story 20 seconds after you posted i’m just unemployed

.

arthur: why do you say men are objects? that’s not true and hurtful

morgana: men are on sale at the grocery store for a few dollars

OR

cenred: why do you say men are objects? that’s not true and hurtful

morgause: men are on sale at the grocery store for a few dollars

.

morgana: wow would you look at that. it’s already that time of the night where i move the stuff on my bed to my chair. can’t wait until tomorrow when i move the stuff from my chair back onto my bed

.

gwaine: hi i’m bethany with girl defined ministry and today we are going to be talking about how to stan my chemical romance in a God-honoring way

.

morgana: bottom: ,,, !!! ;;; vers: …. top: no punctuation whatsoever

morgause: tops are illiterate

.

morgause: i slept for almost 12 hours but i might still be tired so let’s go for 12 more just in case

morgana: morgause that’s a coma

morgause: sounds festive

.

mithian: i am a simple woman. i enter the kitchen. i eat four servings of bread products. i leave.

gwaine: it’s one serving if you serve all of it to yourself

mithian: i like the way you think, friend

.

gwaine: spencer from icarly and rodrick from diary of a wimpy kid are on the opposite ends of the same spectrum

elyan: the gay older brother scale

.

merlin: i found a rock :)

merlin: my troubles will soon be over

gwaine: parasite (2019) dir. bong joon ho

percival: uncut gems (2019) dir. josh and benny safdie

elyan: cain

.

morgana: social distancing is okay for me bc i’ve been touch starved since the 15th century. i’m used to it

.

mithian: fanfiction hits different when you’re gay and yearning and haven’t experienced an ounce of romance in your life

.

morgause: callout for rude baby seen at grocery store

morgause: i’m calling out a baby (approximately 12-14 months old) from the grocery store due to its rudeness. i’m guessing its age based on appearance, motor skills (atrocious) and whatnot. anyway, i smiled at this baby and it just stared at me. as soon as i began to move on, though, the baby said “no!” and started giggling when i turned back around. this happened multiple times. the baby’s actions were toxic and manipulative. the baby was also manhandling a package of dried fruit which wasn’t yet paid for (quite minor) and was just generally sitting around and not helping

.

gwen: we need to melt down all the pennies and make the statue of liberty a girlfriend

.

morgause: had a realization in a dream i just had that this isn’t real and i can just do whatever i want and so i started shrinking the face of this guy that was talking to me and then once it got real small i woke up sleep paralyzed

morgause: i was given godlike powers over the universe by realizing it’s all in my head and the first thing i did was use them to torment the nearest man

morgause: and the actual God woke me up and put be into a 5 minute timeout to lay frozen and think about what i’ve done

.

morgana: does anyone else feel an awkward tension whenever you see another person your age in the grocery store

.

gwaine: the number 87 kinda looks like a plague doctor

percival: you’ve just changed the fucking game

elyan: [|87

.

morgana: a lonely bitch...a loner...i love isolation AND detachment

.

gwaine: i will not call the judges “your honor”. in america we don’t have titles of nobility. they will get a simple “yes dude” from me

gwaine: calling big bird just “bird” because i do not respect him

.

morgause: *photo of a pizza in a bad* caught the bae sleepin

mordred: now why would you waste a perfectly good pizza :(

morgause: that “waste” happens to be my wife getting her beauty sleep. think before you speak

.

gwaine: *finishes wedding vows* don’t forget to like and subscribe

.

morgana: *is bitter but is also right*

.

morgana: how dare you not notice me when i’m ignoring you

.

morgause, killing cenred: men be like i’m bilingual i speak english and over women

.

gwaine: after i move i really wanna get a used roomba

percival: i love that you’re adopting instead of buying from a breeder

.

mordred: joking about a kink is a gateway drug into developing said kink

morgana: my kink is mental, emotional, and financial stability

morgause: unrealistic, settle for choking like normal people

.

gaius: gay people use halloween props as home decor year round

morgana: shut up shut up this black jar with a raven painted on it is holiday-neutral

.

[texting]

morgause: can you come out?

morgana: yeah gimme a minute

morgana: morgause, i’m gay

morgause: i know that. come out to the car

morgana: car, i’m gay

.

morgause: God FUCKING damnit i’m such a hopeless romantic one day someone’s gonna say “i love you” and i’m just going to let out an agonized scream so horrible that they immediately change their mind

.

gaius: i’m not wearing glasses anymore i’ve seen enough

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morgause: sorry my battery’s on 96% i gtg

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morgause: you hate me? wow you think you’re hot shit and original huh well i hated me first so you can go grab a number and wait your turn

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morgana: don’t ignore me ?? i despise being ignored ?? i mean i’m ignoring like 8 people right now but still ???

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morgana: shoutout to my favorite coping mechanism, isolation

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morgana: the concept of physical beauty is a scam unless you’re calling me cute in which case it is valid, actually

.

merlin: oh, so when other people go outside it’s “good for their health” and “highly recommended”, it’s only when i do it that it’s a “containment breach” and a “high-level threat to public safety and security”, huh?

.

gwaine: a charming photo of young john mulaney, seemingly celebrating the kennedy assassination

merlin: princess diana wasn’t john mulaney’s first kill

.

morgause: hate when i got out in public and the public is there

morgana: it seems the public is no longer in the public

morgause: i’ve won...but at what cost?

.

morgana: girls will see a chance to commit arson and be like “sorry, i have to take this”

morgause: girls will see a building that’s not on fire and say “is anyone gonna burn that” and not wait for an answer

[vxllainoxs]

‟ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ɢᴇᴛ ᴜᴘ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏʀɴɪɴɢ, ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴄᴏꜰꜰᴇᴇ, ᴄʜᴏᴏꜱᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴡᴇᴀʀ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇɴ ɢᴏ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴄᴏʟᴅ-ʙʟᴏᴏᴅᴇᴅʟʏ ᴘᴜᴛ ᴀ ᴛᴏᴛᴀʟ ꜱᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇʀ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ. ᴅɪᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ꜱᴏᴍᴇ ᴋɪɴᴅ ᴏꜰ ᴀɴᴏᴍᴀʟᴏᴜꜱ, ᴘꜱʏᴄʜᴏᴘᴀᴛʜɪᴄ ꜰʀᴇᴀᴋ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ? ᴅɪᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ʙᴏʀɴ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴀʏ? ᴏʀ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴀɴʏ ᴡᴏᴍᴀɴ, ᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛʟʏ ᴘʀᴏɢʀᴀᴍᴍᴇᴅ, ʙᴇ ᴛᴜʀɴᴇᴅ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴀ ᴘʀᴏꜰᴇꜱꜱɪᴏɴᴀʟ ᴇxᴇᴄᴜᴛɪᴏɴᴇʀ? ” 

(  shay mitchell.  27.  she/her.  )   everything’s fine,  OKSANA “VILLANELLE” ASTANKOVA,  you’re in the good place!  do you remember your last days in  KILLING EVE? but don’t worry, your  ( sleek pantsuits for every occasion, a thick russian accent dripping from blunt remarks, a misplaced, childish glint lingering within ice cold eyes, an undeniable and magnetic pull towards a foe, crimson red blood caked within perfectly manicured fingernails. )  will fit perfectly with the rest of the good place, so long as you commit to the  THE FRIGID FEMME FETALE  despite your tendency to commit to  ( impulsiveness )  that the architect of the good place said you were. it’ll just be like a fun acting exercise! just play along and everything will continue to be fun. 

hi hi !! ellie here , and i’m way too psyched to have the opportunity to babble all about my precious baby assassin . i must warn in advance that some parts of the introduction may contain : mentions of violence , death , blood / gore . however , i’ll absolutely try to keep it from being too vivid . if you’re interested in plotting with miss villanelle ( she only bites a solid 80% of the time ) , feel free to reach out to me here or on discord ! ladies and gents , buckle up because this is gonna be a l o n g ride . 

b a s i c s . 

- full name : Оксана Анатольевна Астанкова ( oksana anatoljevna astankova )   call her anything but villanelle and she will stomp on your foot, though.

- alias : villanelle. 

- age : twenty - seven. 

- orientation: chaotic lesbian. 

- place of origin : russia ; specifics beyond that are unknown. 

- fandom : killing eve ( won’t be basing her off of the “codename: villanelle” novels ). 

b a c k g r o u n d . ( did i go overboard ? you bet ! )

- not much is known about villanelle’s childhood; oksana was born somewhere in russia. however, she spent her life as an orphan, never knowing who her parents were and drifting through the system. for the most part, she went through her years relatively unbothered by this. for reasons that are unknown, she refuses to speak her native russian, however, and refuses to be referred to by her birth name, suggesting that she doesn’t embrace her past. 

- from a young age, she showed intellect beyond compare and was considered a gifted student. she held an affinity for learning languages, her favorite of which was french, and was considered the top of her class. her brains, however, did little to cancel out her unnerving personality and her increasingly violent tendencies. 

- somewhere along the line, oksana developed an intense bout of admiration bordering on obsession for a teacher of hers named anna aanmokoba. the woman took her underneath her wing and fostered her growth as a student, something oksana mistook for love and passion. because of this, she would gift anna expensive perfumes, designer clothing, and write her love letters in french, feeding off of the attention she was showered in. anna, however, claimed that the only reason she paid special attention to oksana was because everybody else feared her too much to be around her. 

- oksana eventually grew to firmly believe that anna’s husband was the one preventing them from ever being together. one day, when anna returned home from work, she found balloons and a cake in her apartment, like there was a special occasion worth celebrating. upon further inspection, she also found her husband -- dead. oksana had murdered him in cold blood and, like a giddy child, took great pride in what she had done, viewing it as simply removing an obstacle that stood in her way. 

- after the murder, she was shipped off to a prison, where she spent five years. throughout those five years, she never stopped writing to anna, however, one day, the letters simply stopped and oksana’s belongings had been shipped to anna’s apartment, leading her to believe that she had died in prison. 

- in reality, oksana had been recruited to be a professional assassin by an elusive organization known as the twelve. she was given the codename of villanelle and was aided in completely ditching her old identity. she had been reborn, and she quickly rose in the ranks as one of the organization’s most notorious assassins; her kills were dramatic and brutal, and she spent years leaving officials that spanned across multiple countries scratching their heads. 

- along the way, villanelle had developed a close bond with her “handler” (the one responsible for keeping her in check and assigning her targets), konstantin vasiliev. their relationship resembled that of a father-daughter bond; she grew easily jealous of konstantin’s real family, which consisted of a wife and a daughter, seeking out what she’d been robbed of for most of her childhood. (daddy issues? check.) 

- all was well, until a fascinating, gutsy, determined woman had her in her sights: eve polastri, a british intelligence agent assigned with taking villanelle down. once more, villanelle found herself absolutely thriving on the attention she was showered in, selfishly seeking out more. it was difficult to determine if villanelle genuinely fostered the ability to fall in love with the woman, or if she craved the attention and the adrenaline that came from the chase.

- villanelle’s connection with eve was undeniable and unbreakable, and like a leech, she attached herself to eve and sucked her dry of everything she had; she ruined her relationship with her husband, she was responsible for the death of eve’s mentor and best friend, and she even drove eve to do truly questionable and morally reprehensible things. the two did, however, seem to care for and about one another, and neither could deny the odd dynamic/relationship they shared. 

- the game of cat-and-mouse that ensued between them didn’t stop. not until, after failing to kill konstantin when a hit was put on him by the twelve (in an inexplicable turn of events that likely suggested that he had betrayed them in one form or another), villanelle found eve in her apartment, the place entirely ransacked in an impulsive bout of rage on the operative’s end. 

- they found themselves lying face-to-face in bed, sharing an intimate moment, before eve had pulled out a knife. after insisting that she wasn’t capable of something so violent, villanelle ended up eating her words, because eve had stabbed her in the abdomen. however, the woman’s humanity shone through, because she grew frantic to help villanelle after realizing what she had done. by that point, villanelle had already staggered off of the bad, grabbed a gun, and tried to shoot at eve in her own fit of rage. by the time that eve had returned to the room, villanelle was seemingly gone. 

- in reality, villanelle had managed to make it outside of her apartment, right before operatives sent by the twelve (with a new agenda: to kill her after she failed to get rid of konstantin) ransacked the place. she miraculously dragged herself, bleeding and on the verge of collapsing, to the street and, when she failed to pick up a ride a la the hitchhiker’s method, threw herself in the way of an oncoming cab with the hope of picking up a ride that way. this recklessness, however, proved to be her ultimate downfall and led to her death. 

long story short: i will be basing villanelle around the end of season 1 / the beginning of season 2 of the series, as far as her memories go. everything from season 1 and the beginning of season 2 remains canon besides, of course, the fact that she didn’t survive the stabbing. she’ll obviously be more chill here and, y’know, not kill people, pft.  ( here is her wiki if you’re too lazy to read this whole thing . i don’t blame you, tbh . a bitch do be babbling about her wife . )

p e r s o n a l i t y . 

- ( + ) : intelligent, clever, observant, charming, bubbly. 

- ( - ) : cunning, manipulative, arrogant, reckless, remorseless.