#'isnt it hard to eat casually at other peoples houses' you may ask

[oniongarlic]

can you not eat bread

i have celiac disease so i cant eat anything with wheat, barley, or oats [some oats are gf and i CAN eat those]. youd be fucking amazed how many foods have fucking barley malt in them as flavouring [rice crispies, chocolate, many kinds of sauce]. i will also get sick if i eat food cooked in cross contaminated fry oil or in cookware that has had gluten in it. basically my immune system is holding a gun to my intestines and if a single gluten molecule gets in there its gonna shoot that thing. i can eat GF bread tho, which these days is not half bad.

[shyrose57]

2nd part.

Other: Both groups understand they have different ways of showing affection and closeness. Though Charles does hesitantly ask Jackie if Ran ever shows affection, to which Jackie answers that he does he just isn't a very physical person. 

After Ran first attacks and injuries Ranbob, and once the groups get the two separate, they sit down and talk. The Gladiators go first, saying they've never seen Ran that aggressive and angry before and ask what Ranbob could've done. To which the Fishermen tell them (to an extent. Somethings they leave out as its best for Ranbob to tell them) and after sharing, ask what Ran's relationship with Ranbob was. Where Watson says Ran said before he had a brother, and they then connect the pieces. So in summary, the Gladiators know about Ranbob being controlled by Dream, what Ranbob as done, how it affected him, and what the Fishermen have done to help him out and the progress Ranbob has made. While the Fishermen know that Ran has said he had a brother (Ranbob said it too), Ran having to survive on his own for years, And Ran having nightmare's but don't know what they are about. 

The Gladiators are skeptical of Ranbobs story, but after reading a bit of a dairy Ranbob recorded the experience in when able to, and both picture and multiple eye-witness accounts they eventually believe him. 

He ran from the hunters for around 4 years, he also lived alone and learned to survive during his time, while being constantly on the move. Multiple times the brothers have said something concerning, either jokingly or very casually, but both ways the brothers groups have responded with utmost concern and basically interrogating them until they find out the events behind what they said. Where they then either leave it be, or there's more talking, comforting, and maybe even cuddle piles. 

It happens once during the trip, when Ranbob just isnt having a good day at all, when he relapses he immediately tells the Fishermen (as he has grown to do), who then go to comfort him and do a sort of therapy. Ran immediately uses the relapse as evidence that he shouldn't be trusted and that he is still the same person he was before. While Watson, ignoring him, goes to see if he can do anything to help, while Grievous and Jackie try to lead Ran away to cause less stress for Ranbob. 

It is confusing at first for them, and when their finally able to, they (both groups) ask eachother what different instincts their enderman friend has. And after exchanging it they just kinda leave it be then and accept it. Sometimes Cletus will laugh when he just randomly sees Ran carrying someone around and mocks them, but Ran tends to growl at him when he mocks the person he's carrying, so he doesn't mock em often. 

He was only able to eat crackers, nuts and seeds, and dried out vegetables. So when he first goes to the Fishermen's house he's only able to keep down stuff like soup and again crackers. Though he's able to slowly work his way up to eating meat, which then he's able to keep most things down. 

The gladiators are overwhelmingly happy about no longer following such a strict schedule and can spend their time doing whatever they want. The fishermen are at first a bit hesitant at adventuring, seeing as they never really adventured outside of their home to much before, but are still very excited to see new places and get new items. Cuddle piles are sometimes shared amongst the groups, but strictly when neither of the brothers are nearby, other habits like telling bed time stories and sharing supplies and food are shared amongst the groups. While a sort of therapy sessions type habit are only in the fishermen group. And making and testing weapons are only in the gladiator group. For nicknames, Ran- Tall man/Tall bastard, Jackie- Jack, Shorty(teasingly/jokingly), Watson- Dad, Grievous- Ugly, John, Gri, Ranbob- Bobby, Benjamin- Benny, Ben, Charles- (Just Charles), Cletus- Wildfire, Little shit (Isaac only calls him that, Benjamin doesn't like it though), Isaac- Saac (pronounced as Isaac without the I, or just Zack).

The fishermen live a calmer, more quite life. Where the most active they've gotten is going to Mizu and getting Ranbob and a few attempted robbing. While the gladiators live a very active and fighting filled life, with only a few breaks where they can do whatever they want too. The fishermen are more accepting of outsiders and willing to give them a chance in their group. While the gladiators, you need to prove you can earn a place and are more tight in their group (Which is partly why it means so much to Ran and shocks him when his haunting welcomes Ranbobs group into their group). The fishermen are more freewilled, not having to follow a schedule. While the gladiators do follow a schedule and typically don't get much freewill.

They originally wanted to live in Mizu. But after the discovery of the Dream Mask Benjamin stated that it was far too dangerous to stay, much less live there. So they instead just went and looted the area then left 

As of now I do not plan to add anymore characters. Maybe they'll meet some while traveling but im not positive yet, if they do meet someone later on though it'll probably be either Wilburs decendent, or if I include other Tales I'll include them probably. 

It is very hard to convince Ran for a good while that what happened to Ranbob was the truth, but when he does finally accept it he's horrified. He feels incredibly guilty about leaving his brother and doing nothing during this whole time other than making it harder for him to recover. And immediately does what he can to make it up and help him out. And to the relief of the others, the brothers start to grow closer again, although there's still some problems. It took multiple tales of Mizu and Dream from all around the world, some very old records about how manipulative Dream was and how it seemed he had supernatural powers, and even finding Ranbobs journal and deciding to read it for safety reasons (where its recorded Ranbobs deteriorating mental state and all of the events where Dream came in, and even Dream wrote in it sometimes, comparing it to Ranboos Memory Book.)

Personalities (More may be added later): Ran- Secretive, protective, quite, joking when gotten close too, patient, serious mostly. Watson- Kind, very approachable, the father figure, logical, has a very comforting presence. Jackie- Playful, joking, mean at times, teasing, loud, energetic. Grievous- Very kind, energetic at times, quite, prankster, hard to trust someone. Ranbob- Quite, shy, well-meaning, clumsy, hesitant in things, very eager to please someone. Benjamin- Truthworthy, comforting presence, kind, approachable. Cletus- Chaotic, mean at times, prankster, loud, confident, energetic. Isaac- Leader figure, kind, logical, playful. Charles- Quite, shy, anxious, smart, logical. And idk if you want him too but Porkius- Confident, arrogant, hard headed/stubborn, hard to talk with, but extremely willing to make changes and call off events if serious injury to anyone is threatened. 

Sorry if some answers are dull, I had trouble coming up with answers and wording some of them. But as a bonus I thought of something that could happen while traveling (while they've been traveling for almost 5 months now). Maybe a thunderstorm is coming in and the group is trying to find shelter and they find it mostly in time, but the brothers start to really get into a verbal fight during the searching and so start to lag behind. And just as it starts to storm more Ran screams and yells "YOUR NOTHING MORE THAN AN MURDER! NOTHING YOU EVER DO WILL MAKE UP FOR ALL YOU'VE DONE!"(or something similar) Which just really breaks Ranbob, and the two stand across from eachother in the rain, before Ranbob chokes out a heartbroken agreement and runs off. Ran almost going to chase after him, but deciding not too, and going to meet up with the group.  Also Ranbob having a nightmare about when he first saw Ran again and is terrified in the nightmare, as no one is there to actually stop Ran this time (this happens before the thunderstorm part). So he does actually begin to kill him, and during the dream he keeps seeing glimpses of he and Ran as kids, being so close and laughing and everything. Then just before he wakes up he sees a younger, tween Ran directly next to the Ran killing him, and the Vision Ran's face is frozen in a scream of terror and heartbroken look in his eyes, and his eyes are filled to the brim of tears (which is the exact moment a Ranbob controlled by Dream turns the blade on Ran suddenly). Which just completely breaks Ranbobs heart, and when he wakes up, with tears frozen on his face, he can't look at Ran for days without seeing the terrified face of his younger brother. 

1: So they’re pretty chill about it. Alright. 

2: Fairly skeptical, but still willing to help out, and eventually coming to agree. Interesting. Ranbob has a diary? From before? That must be quite the interesting read. How much did young Ranbob understand was going on? How did he feel about it? Just how much does his diary show of his mental decline? Does he still have it? Were the Gladiators supposed to be reading it, or is it more of a ‘I found this, let’s see what’s inside’ thing? And I know the eye-witness accounts are probably the fishermen, but what are the pictures? Of Ranbob before Dream, back in Mizu? Of Ranbob when the fishermen found him?

3: Casually drops trauma on them, huh? What kind of things have been said? How much of it do these two traumatized gremlins think is the norm? Does Ran have any particular enemies with the hunters? Was it hard for him to settle in one place again?

4: What do these relapse consist of, exactly? Ranbob becoming aggressive? Trying to run? Can’t imagine Ran’s too happy Watson ignored him about it. What was the aftermath of this event? Does Ran know what a relapse means, or does he just overhear and assume?

5: So Ran totes people around, and Cletus occasionally makes fun of them. How long before someone points out that Ranbob, as you put it, follows them around like a lost puppy, in retaliation? 

6: The more I hear about Ranbob, the more I kind of want to wrap him in a warm blanket, give him cocoa, and go threaten Dream with bodily harm. That kind of food isn’t exactly great nourishment. If that’s the kind of thing he was eating, and only once every three days, I’m not shocked the Fishermen managed to force him into a room. Or that his house kept falling on him. Poor guy must be a malnourished noodle-stick. Honestly, he sounds light enough Cletus could probably carry him around. Or a breeze could. Hopefully he gets a little more weight on him, he needs it. 

7: Sounds like the first few days of the trip are probably pretty chaotic, with everyone adjusting. But they sound like they’re having fun, so that’s good. What kind of things are the two brothers doing to be gone long enough for their groups to be able to cuddle pile for a bit? Gathering supplies? Do they just know, and do their own thing for a bit so their hauntings can chill together? And Bobby, huh? Sounds an awful lot like what Ran used to call Ranbob. Who exactly revived the nickname, and what was both Ranbob’s reaction to it being brought back, and Ran’s reactions to hearing it again? 

8: The clash between lifestyles seems to be a pretty big one. The gladiators are a bit more willing to jump into things, and the fishermen are generally more open. Seems like they’ll contrast nicely once things settle down. So it’s kind of a big deal for the gladiators to just welcome the fishermen? You said they have to prove themselves. Do the fishermen ever end up doing something like that, or are they just an exception? Or is it that what they’ve already done proved themselves? 

9: They just loot the place, huh? Do they keep what they find or sell it? What’s Ranbob’s feelings about that?

10: A Wilbur descendant? Interesting. 

11: Oof. Well, at least they’re figuring it out. So there’s records about Dream and such? Do they just happen to find them, or are they led there? Who wrote those records? Does Ranbob notice when they find them, find some himself, or is that part of the trip he doesn’t know about? And Dream wrote in Ranbob’s journal too? Yikes. That must have been terrifying for Ranbob to experience. He compared it to Ranboo’s memory book, huh? Did that mean Ranbob figured out that something similar was happening to his ancestor? If so, how did he feel about it? And how does Ran feel about Dream’s part in all this? What does he do once he finally accepts it? Hug Ranbob? Apologize? Try to murder Dream?

12: Sounds like quite interesting group there. Charles and Ranbob both being shy sounds adorable honestly. Porkius sounds like he knows what he’s doing, and does it well.

13: They don’t seem particularly dull to me. But thank you for the heart-crushing scene, I’ll cherish it forever. Do the fishermen chase after Ranbob? How do the gladiators feel about that whole thing? Does Ran feel a bit guilty about it?

[very-cherry]

Hey. Hi. Big fan. I don't watch half of the shows that you reblog, but your enthusiasm is quality. Um.. this is super personal, so I totally understand if you don't answer, but how did you realise you were nb?

omg im so sorry you have sat through my tags for this long, buddy you deserve better lmao. but no this is super okay to talk about, and ya its personal but im alright with it bc sometimes its nice to talk about?? like its a lot easier to explain over here rather than to my family (rip) but yeah i can get into it. um, itll be under the cut tho bc its a long answer, so if my other followers (or people who may get triggered) dont wanna read like ya theres that

the short answer: i realised last year, bc of everything that piled up and me finally finding the time to sit down and Think About It.

(tl;dr: at the bottom if youre not here for the Super Long answer)

the long answer: gender had never come easily to me as a kid, like i understood that girls played with dolls and that boys played with trucks. but i also was raised in a family where girls could play with trucks too, as long as they still looked like girls. so from the get go i had a v “tomboyish” look about me, and how i presented myself. i found i was v comfy with the tomboy label growing up, bc it meant i could play with the boys but still be sensitive and emotional while the boys werent allowed to feel like that

my biggest stepping stone tbh was (is) my mother. now if youve followed me for a while you probably know that while my mother loves me, and i suppose i love her (still up in the air), our relationship is v v v v Tense. this is due mostly to the fact that she has this preconceived notion of what the world looks like, and how people should act and present themselves. for her, to have me as a child saying “i wanna dress like a boy” “i wanna be a boy” was no biggie bc i was Just A Kid and would grow up to flourish into a beautiful young woman. which, for the most part, i did. but that doesnt mean i enjoyed it. from the age i was allowed to dress myself, my mother and i would fight about my clothing choices (and i literally mean fight. she would refuse to take me somewhere if i didnt dress the way she wanted. would throw my own clothes at me or on the road outside our house etc) and she would dub my clothes “too casual” and tell me to “dress up” and “look a bit more girly, please?” which i now know is totally Gross and not v nice, but at the time i didnt know any better, i hadnt grown into myself. this, alongside many years of condemnation in regards to my interests and hobbies and things i just enjoyed and wanted to talk about, just Didnt Add Up to my mother. she loved having two pretty daughters, pretty daughters who could wear dresses and live out the life she couldnt bc she fell pregnant with my older sister at 19, and thus had to grow up v quickly (no blame on my sister tho, shes my favourite person in the world and shes trying v hard to understand me and loves me v much)

fast forward a couple years: i was 15 when i first developed my eating disorder. quite frankly, it was only upon realising that im nb as to how i figured out what my ed was Actually About. i didnt like my curves. i didnt like being “girly”. i did constant misguided ab workouts and ate three rice cakes for lunch, followed by nothing but a banana until dinner. my sleep patterns were hit and miss bc i would either write away the pain or stay up wondering what this Thing i was feeling was (spoiler: it was dysphoria). i tried super hard to love my curves, to own myself and how i looked, but it never felt Right. i never understood. i would see my psychologist and ramble about my ed and she would pinpoint it and say it was curves and i would always just say “but its not”. bc it wasnt Just Curves, it was the idea as a whole. and it was v confusing and scary, so much like my exploration into my sexuality, i just put it off.

it was combating my ed that helped me most, i think. it was getting over it, and forcing myself back into a natural sleep pattern (so i could actually do year 12 without wrecking myself). i didnt get over it until around april 2016, which was when i fell in love with the idea of self love, and decided to give it a go. i listened to my psychologist, and she was v patient with me, and was cautious with where i placed my blame (”yes its your mothers fault for making you react and feel this way, her words hurt you. but youre the one that decides what to do with that negativity”) and it was so so so helpful. she taught me that i was deserving of love, and positivity, and that loving youself is a process, and it doesnt always work the way you want it to, but you need to find what makes you happy and keep doing that. for me, that tied into my food, my talents, my friends, and my actions. im not going to sit here and claim that fitness is key to happiness, but its part of whats key to mine (to the point that i have been inspired to become a personal trainer and teach other people that being “healthy” isnt just about food and exercise). each person has their own individual things that keep them balanced, and if yours is painting your nails instead of doing sit ups fucking go for it - just make sure you find that thing, because it gives you clarity.

my clarity hit me in the beginning of year 12, when i Sat Down and really had a think. i thought back to how i wanted to look growing up, how i wanted to act, i remembered the day i first had a proper bra bought for me instead of a crop top and the way i cried for hours that night without knowing why. i remember not wearing shirts to bed and then suddenly feeling awful when i started having to. i remembered trying to wear boxer shorts and nothing else around the house and being yelled at. i remembered telling my dad i wanted to look how he did when he was 18, and yelling at him when he said “but dont you want to be pretty like your mum”. i remembered my sister cutting my hair in the dead of night in her bedroom, bc i didnt want to look the way i did. i remembered wearing all these oversized clothes to hide my chest. being uncomfortable when anyone (family or stranger) would say “lady”, “girl”, “miss”, “female”. shrinking into myself when someone pointed out my curves. looking in thw mirror and only smiling when my hands were covering and pushing my chest. looking at the scale and not seeing anything other than a number that meant i was stuck being curved. refusing to go swimming bc it meant having to wear a bikini instead of just board shorts. wanting to play on the mens basketball team, wearing mens clothes, being mad when i suddenly couldnt wear them anymore. overcompensating by wearing midriffs and muscle shirts and short shorts and lacy underwear to impress my boyfriend(s) bc i was their GIRLfriend and this is what I Needed To Do. wearing clothes around my first girlfriend that i was really comfortable in, and her telling me that im still nb even if i have to wear a bra for now, and that she wouldnt ever take my shirt off or act as if my chest ever existed if thats what would keep me comfortable, and me nearly crying bc of how validating and overwhelming it was.

it all hit me at once, and i was struck with the blatant honesty of what this had been all along. id ignored it and shoved it down bc i didnt want to upset my mother, disappoint her. i didnt want to be what she never wanted. but then i remembered that i am deserving of love, even if its only ever from myself. 

so i told my best friend, and she was so wonderful with it, and she asked what pronouns i wanted to use from now on, and she helped me ease into shopping for clothes. and i bought a binder, and it fits v well and i fucking love it. and i told my other friends, and all the ones who matter are v supportive and beautiful (one even offered to make me a suit). and i told my two favourite cousins, and my sister, and they make sure to text me that i should stretch when i wear my binder, or to take deep breaths in case i forget to and its v homey and nice and they want me to be happy. and i blurted it out to my mother and she fucking hates it, and shes threatened to “burn” my binder if she ever sees it, to “rip it off [my] body” if i ever wear it in front of her, that she wants “nothing to do with It” and that “its a fucked up idea” someone has “put into my head”. but you know what? thats okay, bc i Know who i am now. and sometimes things dont always go how you want, and sometimes the people who love you most cant love all of you, and i want you guys to know that if that ever happens, youre not obligated to love them back, okay? love yourself, love those who love All Of You.

tl;dr: years of dysphoria piled onto me when i had a hot ten minutes to fully think about it in between classes.