#'shes failed everyone hasnt she...? / self doubt / but as much as she tries to get back up again... she cant'

[noxtivagus]

emotional over shadowbringers hours again yes

[blookmallow]

so i met the prince of madness, discovered some Weird Shit, and made another character despite never using the second one i already made 

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i was minding my own business walking down an abandoned corridor and suddenly im in this mad tea party in the middle of some spooky woods

OH !!! FUCK

what a LOOK

i had to help a guy dealing with his tiny, tiny personification of courage getting beat up by Self Doubt and Anger i could NOT make this up if i tried 

sheogorath also gave me these clothes apparently bc i had them for some reason. this is incredibly silly 

SO I WENT ON A MISSION WITH FARKAS AND UH

APPARENTLY MY FRIENDS HAVE BEEN WEREWOLVES ALL ALONG. THE MORE YOU FUCKIN KNOW

i legit did not see this coming at ALL but im a lil annoyed that i got tricked into joining the werewolves but seem to not be allowed to join vampires (i know if you get attacked by a vampire you have a chance of catching vampirism from them but like. vampires are mostly just Enemies like bandits or w/e) 

farkas says the. silver hand or whatever they’re called are “bad people who don’t like werewolves” but arent they doing the same thing the dawnguard are doing. i dont understand the werewolf/vampire lore in this at all like

vampires are mostly just enemies, there’s a league dedicated to hunting them who seem to be mostly considered heroes, the guards mention these hunters positively, they recruit openly in whiterun

vampires seem to be pretty universally hated and considered evil

but the companions, a pretty highly respected guild, are all werewolves (it’s probably not totally common knowledge, but they are, ) the werewolf hunters are depicted as the bad guys, every werewolf ive met so far has been a friendly npc / at least someone you can hold a conversation with, while every vampire has been just an Enemy

the companions seem to be able to control their werewolf powers and transform at will rather than randomly, but the guy in falkreath cant control it and murdered a child/is outcast by society 

so i guess “its ok to be a werewolf If you can control it” seems to be the verdict here but then i havent seen anyone claiming its ok to be a vampire if you can control it?? i dont know skyrim’s vampire rules but usually they’re able to survive on animal blood or by like, consensual feeding that doesnt take enough to kill the host. werewolves and vampires both can’t necessarily help what they are but it seems like way more of a choice to become a werewolf. i guess vampires Have to drink blood and werewolves dont Have to hurt people but they cant. help that 

idk theres some weird double standards going on here and as a person who loves vampires and doesnt care for werewolves im just :/ 

farkas might also be in love with me now 

(ive read you Can marry him but he hasnt noticed my amulet of mara despite. saying shit like That :’) im not rly interested in him tho. i like him but i dont Like him like him. hes maybe second on the list of ‘If I Had To Pick A Dude’) 

i found two of the same guy out in the wilderness

like. its hard to see here but it was, im pretty sure, the same model, twice. the same voice. the same lines. it was very strange :’) im guessing theres probably a pool of random hunters/travelers/bandits/whatever you can run into that just sort of get generated into the world and. something went wrong 

i dont remember what we were talking about but i suggested Why Not Simply Eat The Soul Gem and she was delighted by my innovative ideas. im on a quest to retrieve a spoon for her that she somehow lost halfway across the country. i love her

i just figured out who she reminds me of she is absolutely tannis,

then i also made another character despite the fact that i already never use my khajiit but shh

this is amaranth shes horrible and shes on a mission to Wreck Everyone’s Shit 

she has very faint swirl tattoos on her face and i wish id made them brighter, i liked the subtleness of it but you effectively just cant see it ever 

not that it Really matters so much what my characters look like since u cant see them 90% of the time but Listen

i can fix it when i get her to riften i guess though

anyways she wants to be a powerful mage, has No morals, wants to kill every last imperial for what they (almost) did to her, but doesnt really support the stormcloaks either, just supports Herself and Chaos 

shes not trying to just Murder Literally Everyone In Her Path but like. is basically looking for Any excuse to kill someone. doesnt want either side to win. just wants to watch the world burn. probably going to join and betray Both sides

i dont remember why i murdered a guard (i remember it was in belethor’s shop so i probably tried to steal something and failed) but anyway, i murdered a guard, and can just like. walk around town wearing the clothes i stole off his corpse and nobody minds 

they minded very much that i killed him lmao but i gave up trying to fight the guards bc more kept coming so i just took the jail time and now im forgiven, I Guess, 

seems like owning a full set of guard armor, which includes a helmet that obscures your face completely, would be a great way to disguise yourself to do crimes but i dont seem to be recognized as a guard wearing this/people still know who you are somehow 

im not sure how much awareness npcs have of what you’re wearing like i get comments about my stuff sometimes (’lightly armored means light on your feet! smart!’ ‘favor the bow, eh? im a sword man myself’) but then no one seems to care if im walking around wearing vampire armor and a weird cultist mask, so