#( and barb while ya'll are at it. )

[florietiae]

raven, but she's not portrayed as a teenager challenge.

[zamoimagines]

Women of Abbott Elementary - First Date (Headcanons)

A/N: Hey ya'll! I have so much fun writing for these girlies, I love them all so much. If you guys want more of them, please let me know! - Headcanons under the cut - **DISCLAIMER: None of the gifs are mine, all credit goes to the original creators**

Ava Coleman:

If there’s one thing about Ava Coleman, it’s that she loves luxury

Anyone who is with her is bound to know that and she’s more than happy to share the wealth with someone she cares about 

A first date for her is definitely at some hip new bar she found on social media with lots of fancy cocktails and champagne, maybe a few shots here and there

She insists that she pays for everything since she has a lot saved up (surely not for a potential zombie apocalypse, but she could afford to dip into her funds) 

She absolutely spoils you and tells you to get dressed up. She’s definitely in a sleek cocktail dress with a faux fur coat, or maybe a really fashionable jumpsuit. It’s whatever she’s feeling that night. Regardless, she looks hot and expensive 

The whole time you guys have drinks, she’s flirting hard with you. Unlike her other dates, she also spends some time getting to know you and asks you about where you’re from, where you see yourself in ten years, who your favorite celebrity couple is, etc. All the important first date topics 

Definitely calling you every nickname under the sun; baby, princess, cutie, baby cakes, honey, sugarboo, you name it, she’s calling you that 

Also making sure to take plenty of pictures of you, making you pose and encouraging you to be confident in how gorgeous you look

You stop her when she almost tries to make a tik tok video, but she respects you. Just means she has more pictures of you to look at later on her own time 

Absolutely making sure to touch you as much as possible, whether that means touching your hand, lightly jabbing your shoulder, maybe even playing with your hair a little bit

She definitely has a stare that could see right through you and while it’s intimidating, she also knows exactly how to make you squirm without doing anything at all 

After you guys are a little too tipsy, she’d surely take you to her favorite club. She’s dying to get you out onto a dance floor, especially when you both look so damn good together 

As soon as you guys arrive, the bouncers immediately let you through the door and you guys skip the line. She pulls you right out to the floor and encourages you to fuck it up 

The more you let loose for her, the harder she’s simping. More than likely, she’s grinding up against you, holding your hips to hers, rocking with you and making sure to keep you close

God forbid if ANYONE tries to dance with you, they’re getting kicked out of the entire club. She doesn’t give a fuck 

Straight up, she would make sure to put her arm over your shoulder just to be more possessive of you and make sure that everyone knows your her date. She respects you, she just doesn’t like it if someone doesn’t respect you

During a more slow song, she holds you super close so that you don’t get too far from her. She’s much more comfortable being vulnerable with you in a setting like this 

“I had a good time tonight. You’re so cute- Forreal, I can’t keep my hands off of you, baby” 

Right after, she’d lean in really close to your ear and ask you in a very husky voice, “You wanna come home with me, baby? I could take really good care of you.” 

Absolute best sex of your life as a nightcap, Ava is fully on board with having sex on the first date- especially if it’s with you.

Barbara Howard:

Barb is the most traditional out of all of them. After all, she’s a good Christian woman

She picks out the cutest local restaurant that’s not too snooty, but not too cheap. She also happens to be a regular there, but she doesn’t give that away immediately 

She’d meet you there, showing up a little early so she could have the table ready and waiting for you. When you arrive, she stands up and makes sure to give you a very tender kiss to your cheek and a little squeeze to your hand 

When the waiter comes by to ask for a drink order, Barbara makes sure to get a simple cocktail and urges you to do the same since the have the best ones in Philadelphia (in her own opinion)

For a while, you two start to talk. You both talk about work, then maybe move onto other first date topics like favorite movies, colors, foods, etc. Eventually, you both get on a topic in which Barbara tells you everywhere she’s traveled and you learn how much she loves cruises. 

You guys finally order, and you’re still not sure what to order because the conversation has gotten away from you. She most certainly asks for your permission, but offers to order for you to ease your mind a little. You give her your consent, and she tells the waiter exactly what to bring. Absolutely hot to you that she could take care of you in so many different ways like that. 

The more she finishes her cocktail, the more comfortable she becomes. You could tell she was slightly nervous before, but since it’s going so well, she comes into her own a little more. That signature Barbara confidence shines through with vigor and it only makes you swoon more 

She gets as bold as to hold your hand for a moment, and even takes time to gaze into your eyes while she’s speaking to you. When she laughs at your jokes, you could swear that she could be the personification of sunshine 

The food arrives, and you two eat happily to which you compliment her decision on picking this restaurant in particular. The food is delicious and she ordered you the perfect meal 

At the end, the chef surprises you both with a cute little dessert that’s sharable. It takes Barbara off guard, especially when they insist it’s on the house. You both feel like giddy teenagers in that moment, but you share it anyway 

Barbara would notice that there was a little speck of something on the corner of your mouth and would say, “Oh- Sweetheart, let me get that for you-” 

She’d take her napkin and start to wipe it away, but your heart would race at how close her hand was to your face. She’d notice how close she was too when the napkin slipped out of her hands 

There’s a moment where her hand is literally just caressing your face and neither one of you can move, completely swept up by the moment 

Once she snaps out of it, she apologizes to which you tell her not to worry. Secretly, you’re hoping she’d touch you like that again 

As you two finish up, you grab out your wallet to pay but she insists you put it away 

“I invited you out to dinner, darling. Let me take care of it.” 

You know better than to argue with Barbara, and so she pays for the whole meal. When you two leave the restaurant, she walks you right to your car to make sure you’re safe and taken care of. 

“I had a wonderful time with you, dear. Thank you for coming. I’ve been looking forward to this all week, and it was even better than I imagined it would’ve been.” 

Which is so cute to think about Barbara planning this whole thing just for you, and you make sure to thank you and assure her that you had a good time as well

There’s an awkward silence between the two of you as she takes in every inch of your presence, just silently swooning over how much she adores you

She cuts through the silence and softly asks, “May I kiss you?” 

You’d nod, but you can’t believe she just asked that question. You never thought in a million years that Barbara Howard would’ve been taking you on a date 

As you’re swimming in your thoughts, she’d lean forward and give you a firm yet sweet kiss to make sure she makes it perfect for you. 

You’d kiss back in an instant (how could you fucking not), and as soon as you accept her love, her hands move to hold your waist as she pulls you in closer, her other hand moves to caress over your cheek

She’d rest her forehead to yours and admit, “I’ve been waiting so long to do that” 

She’s certainly a lady and respects your boundaries enough to not invite you home, but you bet your sweet ass that she’s most certainly asking you on a second date. 

Janine Teagues:

Janine is a pretty classic girlie and takes you to see a movie 

At first, she’s trying to psyche herself up to see a drama or a horror movie, something that is way too serious for her tastes because she wants to impress you

She offers to pay for everything- The movie tickets, the snacks, she even tries to shove gas money in your face 

You try to insist that you can split everything, but she’s incredibly stubborn 

Once you have your drinks and your food, you guys go into the theater 

She made extra careful plans to sit in the perfect spot so you two could have enough privacy but be far enough from the screen to see everything 

The movie starts up and it’s clearly too much for her, you can tell by the way she’s getting tense and how she’s trying to hide her face every five seconds

She gets way too nervous and steps out to use the bathroom, but after she’s gone for so long, you make sure to go and check on her 

You’d use a line like, “You left your purse under your seat” or something along those lines 

To which Janine would completely crumble and let you know that she was acting all out of sorts just to make sure you’d still like her. She’s terrified of being too boring or not being “cool” enough for someone else 

You’d definitely have to reassure her very tenderly because you went on this date knowing it was Janine. Clearly you love everything about her, even her little quirks. You’d have to make sure to tell her that upfront so she could finally relax

Once everything was out in the open, she’d finally calm down. 

She’d say something like “Good- I was kinda hoping we could see Paw Patrol because my students have been going nuts over it. I heard it was a pretty wild time.” 

She’s definitely nervous about admitting that, but as soon as you’re on board, you two refund the tickets for the next showing of the other movie. This time, you make sure to get the drinks and you guys settle in.

You can clearly see she’s more excitable, laughing and being adorable as ever

She’d even hold your hand and make sure to whisper little things to you so that she didn’t get too lost in the movie 

Once it’s over, you guys would hit a little coffee shop and just talk for a while. Really gushy stuff, like laughing about how Janine picked the worst movie for a first date initially, maybe she goes on about how much she liked the actual movie she wanted to see. You guys stay for hours and talk about everything under the sun until the cafe closes.

“Well uh… Guess that’s it then.” She’d fidget a little, definitely super nervous about how to end the night. You’d let her know that you had a great time 

Which would give her enough courage to launch herself forward and kiss you right on the lips

Right after, she’d pull away and blush super hard and start apologizing and rambling like she does

But you’d cut her off and give her another kiss. In return, she’d just melt in your arms and you two could just let yourselves get caught in the wholesome gay vibes that the whole night had been leading up to <333

Then she’d most definitely ask you to come back to her place to hang out and cuddle, maybe play some board games she’s been dying to show someone. Absolutely more kissing- She wouldn’t be able to stop kissing you once she knew it was okay to do so.

Melissa Schemmenti:

Definitely plans a date at her place

Who needs a fancy restaurant when she’s the best Italian cook in all of Philly? 

She’d invite you over and everything would be super casual, she’d probably insist on it just so she could make you comfortable 

But nothing would be quite ready whenever you got there 

In fact, you’d get all dressed up in your best

And Melissa opens the door in jeans, a tank top and her denim jacket she always wears around her house, hair up in a ponytail with a small kitchen towel hanging off her shoulder

“Damn- You really thought you were coming to the Met or something, huh?” She’d definitely laugh it off, but she’d assure you that you look incredible. She’d even apologize for not being more specific or for not dressing up herself 

Her idea of an adorable date is letting you help her cook. Being able to make a meal with her loved ones always makes her feel at home, and you’re no exception to that 

She’d definitely teach you how to make a kick ass risotto and would hold your hand the entire way

If you did something wrong, she wouldn’t be nearly as harsh as she would’ve been with Jacob or Janine. She’d lightly redirect you and even show you how to do it by guiding your hands with her own

And for the most Sicilian thing to do, she makes sure to get out a bottle of wine so you two can indulge in some drinks while the meal is getting prepared 

She has on her favorite tunes in the background, and the more tipsy she gets, she definitely starts to sing to you which is so sweet (even though her voice is completely off key, still super charming) 

Absolutely letting you be a taste tester, offers you the cooking spoons or makes you eat something out of her hand 

She won’t say it out loud, but she loves how you go with it. It’s adorable to her that you’re comfortable enough to trust her and lowkey she thinks it’s kinda hot how your mouth feels around her fingers ANYWAY

Once the food is done, you help her set the table and get all the food set up. She cracks open another bottle of wine so you guys can still drink during dinner 

You literally wanna pass out because the food is so good. You had no idea that she could cook like this, and it’s very clear she takes a lot of pride in her work with that pleased smirk on her face.

She’s also just so happy to see you so happy and in her space being so comfortable, that’s all she wants in a partner and you’re fitting in so seamlessly with her life

You guys talk about everything under the sun; About work, about annoying people, she tells you crazy stories from her family, maybe some about her antics and how she’s run away from the law, in return you’d tell her stories of your own 

Before you know it, dinner is completely gone and so is half the bottle of wine 

You both are much more tipsy than before, but it feels so cozy and warm. Melissa is even gazing back at you with her chin resting against her hand, just taking in how beautiful you are

“Mm.” She’d hum a little bit while she’s just silently staring at you, to which you ask her what’s on her mind 

“Oh, nothin’. Just was thinking about what it would be like to kiss you.” 

There’d be a small pause before she just leans in and presses her lips to yours 

It’s heated almost immediately, because this woman does everything with as much passion as she possibly can- But she’s also so tender and makes sure to hold you while she’s getting closer to you

Melissa doesn’t care about rules, ya’ll are going straight up to her bedroom if you’re comfortable with that. If not, she fully intends to cuddle you on her plastic wrapped couch 

[lavendercharm]

Linger, Chapter 5: Kiss With A Fist/Human Nature

A/N:

Ya'll. Writing this chapter felt like a marathon. But I think I'm ultimately very happy with it. Please let me know what you think!

This chapter is a bit longer, and I think it deserved to be named after two songs because of that. "Kiss With A Fist" by Florence + The Machine definitely fits the first half of this chapter and was one of the first songs I added to my playlist when writing this story, so I knew I wanted to use it for the big public confrontation.

The vibes toward the end are different. I discovered this song earlier this week and haven't been able to stop listening to it, so maybe I'm just reaching to try and justify including it lol. But "Human Nature" by Barrie is what I decided to use for the second half of this. Cause they're spitting facts when they say "Human nature doesn't always come easy" lmfao.

This is far from the end of this story, but it may be a second before you hear from me, depending on how busy the next few weeks are. I say that - watch me turn around and post something this weekend lol.

Thank you to everyone who's stuck with me thus far. I love you and I'm so grateful to know you're along for the ride.

---

Summary: From the moment you meet her, you can't stand Melissa Schemmenti.

Warnings: Strong Language

---

Barbara Howard did not take days off. It was only recently that she allowed herself her first mental health day, and while she could see the benefits, she had been eager to get back to her classroom, her students, her best friend, and even her coworkers. The life of a teacher was unpredictable, and the life of a teacher at Abbott Elementary came with its own unique set of challenges, but Barbara had seen a lot in her decades of teaching. With some hard work, support from her fellow teachers, and the grace of God himself, she had seen and survived it all. Barbara Howard could conquer anything thrown her way.

However, if Barbara had the magical gift of foresight, she might have chosen Monday morning to take her second mental health day in her entire history at Abbott. 

As it was, Barbara could not see into the future, and so she entered the teacher’s lounge at 6:30 AM, on the dot. She claimed her usual spot, made herself a cup of coffee, and began sorting through her lesson plans for the week. She enjoyed her few moments of serenity in the lounge prior to the arrival of her more talkative coworkers. It wasn’t unusual for Melissa to arrive a bit later, especially on a Monday, so Barbara thought nothing of her absence. She politely greeted Janine and Jacob as they entered together; she did the same for Gregory shortly after. As the three younger teachers gathered at their table and discussed their weekends, Barbara continued her work, occasionally reacting to what she overheard. And when you entered the lounge, your first time visiting in the morning, Barbara was mildly surprised, but she shot you a warm smile all the same. She noticed you seemed to be a bit tense, but she chalked it up to the fact that you were still very new. 

Melissa had talked her ear off about you last Monday, of course, explaining your tardiness and the shots you’d taken at her about her age. When Barb pressed her for details about your confrontation and what you’d said to each other, she simply said, “I took care of business, a’right?” 

While Barbara agreed it was unprofessional of you to arrive late, she also knew Melissa better than anyone else in Abbott did; she knew Melissa could take things too far. Melissa was as passionate as they came, which meant she was one of the best teachers at the school. On the flip side, she also had a short fuse. Barbara knew she didn’t have all of the details, but she didn’t think much of it - you were a sub, after all. She expected she’d never actually meet you. 

So when you arrived in the lounge for lunch the day after your explosive argument, she was shocked. While skeptical of you, she couldn’t help but admire your tenacity. You’d come face to face with the wrath of Melissa Schemmenti and still returned to Abbott. You’d introduced yourself, and as far as Barbara could tell, you were perfectly polite and well mannered. The displeasure and hostility radiating off of Melissa was felt by everyone in the lounge, but aside from giving her close friend a pointed look, Barbara chose to ignore it. 

You’d continued showing up the rest of the week, greeting Barbara every day before taking a seat with Janine and Jacob, as well as Gregory, occasionally. The younger teachers seemed to have taken an instant liking to you, the four of you sharing stories from previous schools or discussing the latest movie releases. You’d even had a good-natured exchange with Ava one morning. The principal had leant against the corner with her phone and talked you through her “roster”, whatever that meant. Barbara was sure she didn’t want to know. 

Barbara observed how seamlessly you integrated into Abbott’s social circles - with the obvious exception of the red head who always sat to her right in the lounge. Melissa pretended you didn't exist, which would have been fine if it wasn’t the elephant in the room. Your first day in the lounge, Janine had tried to talk to Melissa about you. She’d turned to Melissa with a huge grin on her face and said, “Man, Melissa, you’re so lucky to have such an awesome sub as your aide.” 

Melissa had glanced at Janine over the rim of her cat-eye glasses, and in a sharp tone, retorted, “What sub?” That’s all it took for everyone in the room to grasp her unspoken message: If you value your life, drop it. The only reaction Barbara saw was a sharp flash of your eyes before you turned your back to the older woman and called Janine over, changing the subject. 

But last Friday, Melissa caught up with Barbara after the school day ended and explained that you’d just given her two VIP tickets to the Eagles game on Sunday. If there was anything that would help Melissa forgive your transgressions, it was that. Once again, Barbara found herself impressed with you - you took the initiative to make amends and you’d knocked it out of the park. She was happy for her friend. She’d told Melissa, “Just think of how much you’ll be able to accomplish now that you and that young woman can work together. Now, you and Gary go enjoy that ball game.” 

A week after your first morning at Abbott, all of the water was seemingly under the bridge, and the staff room could breathe easy again. No one paid much mind to the anxiety radiating off of you. For the most part, the energy in the room was calming as the day began. 

The sudden CRACK of the door slamming into the shelves violently ripped the room’s occupants out of their morning zen. It was enough to cause everyone to nearly jump out of their skin. Heads whipped in the direction of the doorway as Melissa’s furious form charged into the lounge. Her attention was initially on Barb, but as she opened her mouth to speak, her eyes locked on you. The blush of fury rose instantly in her cheeks. She ripped her bag off of her shoulder and tossed it in the direction of her regular table, nearly hitting Barbara in the process, and as her eyes narrowed, you could practically see the steam rolling off of her as she hissed out, “You.” 

And that’s when Barbara knew any chance of a peaceful morning had gone out the window.

—----------------------

As your weekend began, it didn’t take long for it to sink in that you were well and truly fucked. You completely failed to consider the consequences of your little scheme. There’s no way in hell Melissa wouldn’t be out for blood at the start of the next school week. The smartest thing to do would be to never return to Abbott, move to a new city across the country, and change your legal name. You went back and forth between chastising yourself for being ridiculous, and being so ridden with anxiety that you couldn’t eat. You felt so stupid - what did you think would happen? 

Ultimately, you reached a point where you couldn’t handle the crushing weight of what you’d done alone, so you’d spilled to Ava. Her response had been about the least reassuring thing she could have said.

You did WHAT? I didn’t know you were crazy like that! You’re gonna die girl. I’m not even joking. We gotta go out this weekend, cause it’s your last one alive. I’ll make sure you have fun tho. Do you own any latex?

After refusing Ava’s offers to make your last days on earth worthwhile, you spent most of the weekend drowning in anxiety and imagining how Melissa would bring about your demise. You decided you had to do your best to prepare. You literally couldn’t afford to not go back to Abbott, especially after getting your headlights repaired Saturday afternoon. Under the anxiety, you could feel the ember of your rage, still pulsing with a red-hot glow, so you decided to grasp ahold of it. What you’d done was shitty, sure. But compared to smashing headlights? All you’d done was get even.

Seeing as you couldn’t afford to uproot your whole life and leave Philadelphia, the next most logical thing to do was to never be caught alone in a room with Melissa ever again. You were pretty sure this was something you could pull off - you figured you had two weeks left at Abbott tops, and as long as you had kids or other teachers in the same room, you would have witnesses who could recount your violent death should Melissa murder you. 

This is what caused you to arrive at Abbott on Monday morning a full hour and a half before you needed to be there. You’d dithered in your car for about fifteen minutes, debating driving away and then talking yourself out of it. Eventually, you braved the outdoors, darting into the building and down the hallways as quickly as you could. You practically sprinted past Melissa’s classroom door - the lights were out, but even though you logically knew she wasn’t in yet, your mind conjured a vivid image of her jumping out of the shadows like a monster in waiting. You slowed down and tried to control your breathing as you entered the teacher’s lounge, and you were immediately soothed to see how many people were already there. Even better, Melissa was absent. 

As you passed Barbara, you gave her a hesitant smile. You actually liked Barbara, as much as you can like someone who’s polite and whom you don’t know very well. You figured it may be the last chance you get - surely the woman would turn against you once Melissa told her what you’d done. Janine, Jacob, and Gregory were all sitting at your usual table, and after preparing your morning coffee, you quickly situated yourself in a seat, thankfully facing the door to the lounge.

“Hey!” Janine said, shooting you her adorable, slightly gapped-toothed smile. “How was your weekend?”

“Oh, uh… it was fine,” you said, your eyes darting toward the door as it opened. Not Melissa . “Mostly caught up on chores… had to get some work done to my car, fun stuff like that.”

“Car problems are tough,” Gregory said, spooning a bite out of his bowl of plain oatmeal. “What was wrong with it?”

“Uh…” you hesitated, unsure if you wanted to share what was really wrong. It would inevitably lead to questions and the last thing you wanted was for everyone to know the details of your feud. It was one thing for everyone to know Melissa didn’t like you - there were very few people Melissa actually liked in general. But it was another entirely for them to know she’d smashed out your headlights. Something generic - a bad alternator, maybe - would suffice.

You didn’t even get the chance to lie.

Despite the fact that you could see the doorway, the resounding SMACK of the door slamming open still made you jump. Before your brain knew what it was processing, in stormed Melissa Schemmenti, thick heels clacking on the linoleum tiles. She wore a form fitting pink sweater, the neckline questionably appropriate, and skin tight black pants. Her saint necklaces shimmered from their home on her collarbones. You supposed she wanted to look hot when she killed you.

It only took a moment for her eyes to lock on you, and in that moment you knew things were about to get ugly. To your surprise, seeing the flustered state she was in created a feeling of immense satisfaction. She was furious because your plan had worked. You didn’t even fight the smile that began to find its way onto your lips. The anxiety wasn’t gone, but you relished in the triumphant feeling of landing a critical hit. 

“ You,” she hisses, tossing her bag from her shoulder. The tension in the air was thick enough to be cut with a knife. 

Your eyebrows shoot up, feigned ignorance in your voice as you point at yourself and respond, “Who, me?”

She starts toward you, and everyone else at your table scatters. You’re shocked to see Janine step in front of you, her hands up placatingly. “Melissa-”

“Shut it, pipsqueak, and get out of my way ,” she growls, her gaze over Janine’s head burning holes in you. 

“Hey!” You spit out, anger spiking and crowding out your anxiety. You’re suddenly standing. “Don’t call her that!”

Janine turns to you, holding a hand in your direction now too. “It’s fine, she calls me that all the time-” 

“It’s not fine!” You shout, fists balled. Your eyes are glued to Melissa’s. “You think you can say and do whatever you want because no one will stand up to you. Well, I’m not going to put up with it!” 

“Oh my god, please stop this. I will never psychologically recover from seeing your dead body,” Jacob pleads, wedged between the corner of the room and the fridge for cover. 

“Can’t believe I was dumb enough to trust ya,” Melissa growls. “And after all that bullshit about ‘olive branches' and bein’ cordial.”

You smirk. “Oh, right! How was the game?”

Melissa starts forward again and Janine has to physically hold her back. She’s shockingly effective in spite of her small stature. 

“Ya know I didn’t get into the game! Gary and I went all the way to the stadium, but you gave me fake tickets! We wasted our whole afternoon and got harassed by security!” she shouts. 

“So what are you gonna do about it? Beat me up? Call the cops on me?” you challenge.

A deeply offended look crosses Melissa’s face as her jaw drops. “Are you callin’ me a snitch?” she snarls. She surges against Janine one more time, who manages to keep her back again. “That’s low, even for you!” Melissa says nastily over Janine’s shoulder.

“Oh, that’s low?” You ask incredulously. “Low like smashing someone’s headlights out?” There’s an audible gasp from Jacob in the corner, and you feel the heat of everyone’s gaze turn from you to Melissa, the whole room enthralled by your verbal tennis match. 

Melissa glances around her before pointing an accusatory finger at you. “Ya can’t prove that was me!” You thought someone would have to have been born yesterday to believe that; anyone who worked at Abbott knew that’s exactly something Melissa would do. 

“Oh yeah, because everyone else here keeps a bat taped under their desk like a neurotic asshole!” you proclaim, throwing your hands up in the air. 

“I’ll show you ya stronza- ” Melissa hisses, pushing past Janine and beginning to reach for you. Your arms come up to instinctively protect your face, but before she can reach you, a figure closer to your height blocks your vision.

“THAT IS ENOUGH!” Barbara Howard bellows. The whole room comes to a standstill, frozen in time. Even Melissa has been stopped in her tracks, her eyes wide in shock as Barbara looks accusingly between the two of you. You feel immediately ashamed. “Are you both not grown adults? I cannot believe the absolute foolishness I’ve just witnessed!” She rounds on Melissa. “Especially from you!” 

“Barb, she-” Melissa starts. 

“I don’t care if she insulted your cooking to your face, you do not behave like catty teenagers! We are professional, grown people! Acting like this in front of your peers? Disgraceful! ”

She rounds on you, her eyes narrowing. “And you. To think that I was beginning to think highly of you. You went to all that trouble to make fake football tickets, just to get back at Melissa? Have you ever heard the phrase ‘An eye for an eye’ ?” 

The pit of shame in your stomach is sickening as you slowly lower your arms, your eyes unable to meet Barbara’s. Feeling like a petulant child, you couldn’t help but mutter, “She started it.”

“And now I’m ending it!” Barbara yells. You feel her grip the sleeve of your sweater and pull. You stumble after, seeing her grasp Melissa as well. “You are both coming with me!” The rest of the lounge doesn’t move a muscle as Barbara Howard physically drags you into the hallway. 

She marches with both of you in tow, Melissa sending you the nastiest glares she can muster from the other side of her friend. Stopping in front of a classroom full of bright colors and tiny chairs, Barbara turns to both of you. “This has gotten completely out of hand! You are both going to sit in my room and we are going to work through this. I don’t care if it takes all day - you will NOT be allowed out until you can act like civilized adults!” She folds her arms and gestures her head forward. You stare back for a moment, thinking she must be joking, but the woman doesn’t budge. After a moment longer, you enter the classroom. You’re followed closely by Melissa, who stalks to the other end of the room. 

Barbara closes her door and pulls down the window blind. She turns to you both, her eyes closed and her shoulders rising in deep, even breaths. Eventually, she opens her eyes, and commands, “Take a seat.”

You glance around and only see chairs for children. You begin to protest, but the look on Barbara’s face prompts you to simply grab the nearest chair and plant yourself in it. Your knees are comically close to your chest and you don’t know where to put your hands. You settle on resting them on top of your knees. Melissa is pacing back and forth, muttering to herself - you guess she gets to ignore Barbara’s request. 

“Now,” Barbara begins. “We are going to talk out your problems so we can put this whole mess behind us. Your students deserve you at your best, and you cannot be your best when you’re at each other’s throats!” She’s stern, chastising, and you feel ridiculous. “Where did all of this animosity start? Why are you angry with Melissa?”

You can’t help but scoff because the answer should be obvious. Barbara presses her lips together in annoyance and you quickly reply, “Well, where do I begin? Aside from smashing my headlights out, she’s done nothing but disrespect me since I stepped foot in her room. She was insulting me before she even learned my name!”

“I never learned your name,” she pipes up spitefully, and you whip your head around to glare at her. 

“Memory not as good as it used to be?” you retort. A muscle in her jaw jumps out as she clenches her jaw, her face coloring once more. 

Before she has a chance to rip into you again, Barbara cuts you both off with a stern, “Knock it off!” She looks exasperatedly between the two of you before pinching the bridge of her nose. “The Lord is testing me today,” she whispers to herself, shaking her head. She turns her attention to the fiery woman across the room. “Melissa?” 

Melissa comes to a stop, planting herself and leaning her weight onto one hip. She rolls her eyes, gesticulating wildly as she speaks. “If we’re goin’ back to the start, then first things first, she strolled into my class thirty minutes late. Didn’t even have the decency to apologize.” 

“You didn’t give me a chance to!” you protest. “I hadn't even stepped into the room before you were criticizing me. It’s not like I did it on purpose, it was a complete and total accident. And then you started insulting how young and inexperienced I look.” 

“I was just givin’ you a hard time, that’s all,” she says indignantly. “How was I suppose ta know you can’t take a joke?”

Your head whips toward her. “And smashing my headlights? Was that a joke?” you retort incredulously. 

Her eyes narrow and her tone is venomous as she hisses, “Nah, that was for throwin’ away my school supplies, stealin’ lunches, and callin’ me a bitch.” 

You hear Barbara’s sharp inhale and jump to defend yourself. “Those supplies were all broken or unusable! You have so much on your hands with two classes and I was just trying to help you. Also, Janine gave me that lasagna because I forgot my lunch, I didn’t steal anything. You wouldn’t give me a chance to explain myself before jumping down my throat. Not to mention calling me degrading names in Italian!” 

Barbara raises an eyebrow and gives Melissa a knowing glance. “Melissa uses gabbortz quite often, it’s nothing to get offended over,” she says, an attempt to reassure you.

Melissa’s eyes dart to Barbara’s as she huffs, “Uh, it’s gabbadost , Barb. And I mighta used somethin’ more… vulgar.” To your disbelief, the red head practically looks sheepish at this admission. Her arms cross in front of her as she shifts her weight, and your eyes are drawn to how the motion causes her cleavage to swell ever so slightly. Feeling heat flood your cheeks, you dart your eyes all over the room, attempting to find something else to fix them on. Luckily, neither woman seems to notice. Barbara’s eyebrows are furrowed in an inquisitive way that suggests she’s waiting for the shorter woman to elaborate. Melissa lets out a puff of air. “I mighta used the ‘P’ word, a’right?” 

Barbara’s eyes widen as her mouth drops open in a gasp. “The ‘P’ word? Melissa Schemmenti, you don’t mean-”

“Yeah, yeah, the one I save exclusively for Kristin Marie. That ‘P’ word.” You don’t know who Kristin Marie is, but Barbara looks positively scandalized.

Tearing her eyes away from Melissa, Barbara stands and turns away from both of you, hands on her hips and head shaking in disapproval. As she takes her turn pacing across the room, the disappointed silence from the older woman allows the weight of the last week to settle on you, and you find yourself suddenly exhausted. You lean forward, your head in your hands and the shame rising inside of you like a tidal wave. How did you get here? 

“Well, I think you both have been sufficiently horrible to each other,” Barbara says, turning toward you. “Now explain how this has all made you feel.” 

You and Melissa groan in unison. “Come on, Barb,” Melissa starts, but Barbara holds up a single admonishing finger to silence her. The Italian woman becomes subdued immediately, and you notice how different Melissa’s reaction is to being silenced by Barbara.

“How has this made you feel?” the older woman presses, her tone of voice a warning to comply. Melissa leans against the wall, refusing to budge. You all sit in tense silence for what feels like an eternity, and you wish the floor would swallow you up. She was using the same tactics on you that you might use on two fighting eight year olds.

Eventually, you can’t handle the tension any longer and you burst out, “I feel totally disrespected!” You look to Barbara and she gestures for you to continue. “I uh… I feel belittled, and like you don’t take me seriously, but I think the worst part is I never got the chance to prove to you that I belong here… you wrote me off before you even met me. I’ve worked hard, and I love what I do, so to have you disregard me right off the bat, just because I made a mistake and I look young… it felt pretty shitty,” you admit, the confession coming out of you in one long rush. 

“Especially because… I was excited to work with you,” you add quietly. You’re suddenly enamored with the floor, unable to bring yourself to look either woman in the eye. You feel exposed and vulnerable, and you’re majorly uncomfortable with it. 

You’re forced to endure your feelings of discomfort for a few more torturous minutes. Suddenly, your eyes widen in shock as a husky voice meets your ears, and it takes a moment for your brain to process the words. 

“I guess I feel a lot of the same,” Melissa admits. You raise your gaze to meet hers, and she’s staring at you intently, the earnestness reflected in her jewel-green eyes making your heart skip a beat. “Felt like you didn’t really care when you were late. Some a’ these kids? They got plenty of adults outside of these walls that don’t really care. That’s the last thing they need here. And then ya walked in and you look so young… I couldn't resist teasin' ya. But then you got me back and I got defensive, and I shouldnt’a.” She shifts her weight, casting her eyes to the floor. “I bought all those supplies with my own money,” she admits. “So seein’ you throwin’ em away, it really rubbed me the wrong way. But… you were right. I was tryin’ to stretch em when there was no more room to stretch. And then seein’ my lasagna on your desk… I know I can be a real hot head, and I took it out on ya and it wasn’t fair.” 

As you look at Melissa, her red hair shining under the fluorescents and her evident unease at her own candor, there’s a swelling feeling in your chest and a warmth slowly spreading in your limbs. “Melissa,” you say, and her head snaps up to meet you. You search her eyes, waiting for her to snap at you for using her first name. She doesn’t. She simply waits, holding your gaze, and you can’t quite read what’s behind her eyes, but you suspect it’s something far softer than she’s shown you before. 

You allow yourself to swim in those emerald pools for just a second longer before you admit, tenderly, “I’m sorry.” You see her shoulders drop ever so slightly, tension releasing as she allows your words to sink in. “I’m sorry for what I’ve said about your age. I’m sorry for throwing your things away without asking. And I’m really sorry about the Eagles tickets. That definitely wasn’t my finest moment.” You say the last bit with a touch of humor. You pause for a moment, before adding, “I’m not going to apologize for the lasagna, though. Janine insisted on giving it to me, and it was one of the most incredible things I’ve ever tasted.” 

You see her eyes widen, her brows raising in surprise. A genuine satisfied smile graces her lips, and you can’t help but momentarily wish things had been different over the last week so you could have seen more of those. That smile made her entire demeanor change. 

“Well,” she says, eyes flashing with her own humor. She shoots you a sly grin, and you return a small smile of your own. “If I’m bein’ real with ya, I’m impressed. Fake tickets? Pretty diabolical,” she continues, admiration in her voice. Her smile fades, though, and she brings her hand up, pressing a knuckle to her lips briefly in thought. She sighs, murmuring, “I’m sorry too. I shoulda given you a chance before jumpin’ to conclusions. And, uh… I’ll pay for ya to get your headlights fixed.” She mutters that last part, and you notice that she didn’t apologize for smashing them - but you know it’s as close as she’ll come, because you’re not sure she entirely regrets it. You’ll take what you can get.

“Thank you,” you murmur, and once again you suddenly can’t look at her anymore. Luckily, Barbara draws your focus to her as she clears her throat. You both look toward the older teacher as she stares down at you, a smug, triumphant smile dancing across her full lips. 

“Now, was that so hard?” She asks, her voice teasing both of you. For the first time in days, you feel like you can breathe fully again. Melissa rolls her eyes, pulling herself away from the wall, but you detect a hint of relief radiating off of the woman as well. 

“Don’t expect us to hold hands or nothin’ Barb,” she says as she heads for the door. When she reaches it, she pauses and turns to you. She considers you for a moment, and you begin to feel warm underneath her gaze. Finally, she says, “Well, ya comin’? We got lessons to plan for the day. How do ya feel about teaching Science?” Her tone is gruff, commanding, no nonsense. The carefully curated tough exterior of Melissa Schemmenti is back in place. But you’ve seen the slightest glimpse of the human being underneath.

“Right behind you,” you reply, and a tentative grin breaks out across your face as you stand and begin to follow the short woman. You pause briefly though, a thought entering your mind, and you turn to Barabra. Your hands grasp each other behind your back as you rock forward onto the balls of your feet, and you convey your gratitude by giving the older woman the warmest smile you can muster and uttering, “Thank you, Barbara.”

She returns your smile, her own radiant and warm, and you can’t help but feel like you’ve been blessed a bit. “My pleasure, dear. Go on, I’ll see you at lunch.” You nod in agreement, and turn on your heel, following after your lead teacher. You’re not friends - seeing as your time is limited at Abbott, you don’t imagine you ever will be. But you feel lighter, and there’s a newfound respect for the short woman. And for the first time since you stepped foot inside Abbott Elementary, you feel excited for the day before you.

-------

A/N:

Yes, I'm sorry, Gary will be briefly mentioned/perhaps even making small appearances. Stay strong lol. Controversial opinion but I don't hate Gary. Did I think he was good enough for Melissa? HELL NO. Do I think he should have respected her wishes and listened to her when she explained her boundaries? HELL YES. But ultimately he was just a big dumb guy who was infatuated with Melissa Schemmenti, and to that, I relate. Still, I wasn't mad about that split.

Fun fact - if you've watched season 3 episode 4 already, I wrote the Ava roster line before that episode aired. I died laughing when the kids were talking to Gregory about his roster. We don't need to talk about the firefighter exchange... denial is my favorite state.

[sansxfuckyou]

sugar and spice, but not so nice

Summary: Riff's definitely not hurting for a Pop Troll, regardless, Barb offers to lend him a hand in getting Floyd's attention

Warnings: swear words censored when spoken by Pop Trolls cause its funny, there is tension and its almost sexual

Authors Note: the fliff brainworms got to me guys, I couldn't stop myself the second I got a keyboard in hand, it just happened. hope ya'll enjoy, and if you do consider dropping a reblog or checkin' the ao3 port

"Really, Riff? That Pop freak is the Troll you're jonesing for?" Barb asked.

Riff just nodded and Barb had the audacity to laugh, "What's so funny about it?"

"Oh nothing, it's just that he's the epitome of sugar, spice, and everything nice," Barb stated boldly, almost abrasively at that. She looks so very, very disappointed in Riff, "C'mon man! There's so many rockers and you choose a Pop troll! We got Death, we got Punk, we got Thrash- and you choose someone who clearly isn't any of the above."

"He's sort of like, Pop Punk," Riff said, "But he could totally pull a death scream if he wanted too."

Barb scoffed, "He's pink, he's so pink it makes me want to vomit."

"Magenta," Riff corrected sharply, "His hair is magenta and white, we could introduce him to hair dye."

"That's illegal in Pop," Barb said, "He'd be staked if you dyed his hair."

"Then he could stay in Rock, until it faded out, just for a little bit," Riff said.

Barb gave a faux gag and the tuft of her tail puffed up, "You're gross."

Riff props the rim of his toque up with the blunt end of his drumstick, "How about Viva? Isn't she also a Pop troll?" He's pushing his luck, he's pushing it harder than he thought he ever would.

"Let's move onto the next subject," Barb swiftly answered with, quick to defend her own sanctity of being a Rock Troll who definitely isn't out for a Pop Troll. A Pop Troll without any Rock tendencies, because she'll admit it, Floyd has some Rock potential despite everything. "Hair dye. You want to dye his hair for a date?"

"To help him blend in more," Riff answered with, tail flipping back and forth, "I'd really like to perform some music with him."

"I'll pull some strings for you, my shockingly smart friend," Barb answered with.

-/-/-/-

Floyd is the one who chose the song, he's the one who chose the list of songs he wanted to perform. And all of them were shockingly raunchy, shockingly explicit, very unbecoming of a Troll whose origin is Pop. It shocks Barb more than it does Riff, she just stares at the list and reads over them while Floyd looks at her like a puppy.

"Lemme just," She pauses, then speaks, "Nine Inch Nails?"

"If you don't mind," Floyd tacked on before she could further question.

Barb laughed a bit, "Please, I love them, woulda been a fan since day one but I wasn't quite born yet. But the songs?"

Floyd can't quite form a verbal answer, just give this sheepish grin. Barb swears his fringe falls a little further over his eyes and she's bold enough to reach out a paw and bat it away. The bleached section is frail, it feels like hay compared to what still retained that magenta hue she mocked. He almost lurches back, his fur just stands on end, and Barb pulls back her hand.

"Personally, I like them. But singing about fucking someone to feel alive doesn't seem your speed, isn't there a weird Pop language barrier?" Barb asked, "Or that one line from a different song, 'I am a good boy and I will swallow it all,' Floyd, that's an amazing song but jeez."

"I thought it'd be funny, cause whenever I try and swear it just," He pauses, trying to find out how to describe it before settling on just swearing, "F*ck, a$$."

Barb laughs until her stomach hurts at the garbled intentions of swearing that Floyd manages to provide. The Pop swear barrier has never been funnier in her entire life, but the fact he can enunciate enough to get the idea of an expletive across is impressive. Trolls like Poppy can barely say 'frick' without a large censor forcing itself in place, but Floyd? He's almost broken it.

"Alright kid-"

"I'm older than you,"

"Same difference; I'll cue up the songs for you and Riff,"

"You aren't joining?"

"Not unless you want me too, might hog the spotlight, sorry if I do," A small giggle snort, "It would be fun to try and go at it with a Pop Troll."

-/-/-/-

Riff stares.

He stares the entire fucking show.

He can't help it really, eyes stuck on a Troll like Floyd as he just drums out the beats and Barb strums out the additional bass lines. It's a comfort really, having someone in the back man the soundboard for the industrious instruments they can't quite do as a trio.

He holds on tight to whatever sense of sanity he can grasp whenever he gets gifted a glance at Floyd's face. He really is head over heels, he really is deep in this pit, for a Pop Troll of all genres. Albeit, a Pop Troll that's belting out songs of the industrial rock genre with an uncanny amount of ease. But still a Pop Troll, still something he'll be disowned over at the dinner table even if Barb goes public with Viva.

He'll just take this if he can't get anything else.

He'll take performing songs with his two favorite Trolls over nothing any day of the week.

-/-/-/-

Post show jitters reside comfortably on Floyd's fur, splayed atop an amp larger than he is with his tail lazily thumping on the material. His chest is heaving and he's curling and uncurling the mic cord around a finger, painted nail scratching at the plastic so rarely.

"Good show," He manages, voice cracking just a bit with how much he stressed it trying to break the Pop swear barrier for one song. He failed to do so, but he still tried until he felt like he was passing out, vision nearly going spotty. It was more fun than he'd ever had performing with his brothers.

Riff takes a heavy breath, "Great show," He's giving this long exhale that's almost a laugh as he speaks.

"Amazing show, I should go work an after party," Barb mused.

"Aw, is your girlfriend rubbing off on you?" Riff teased, rolling onto his stomach where he lay on the cold, hard, concrete ground. It eased his nerves, they were still on fire, the layers of denim and torn fabric probably didn't help much.

"Girlfriend? Tell me more, Riffy," Floyd said before he could stop himself, glancing down at the navy Troll from where he lay.

"Barb has a crush on Viva," Riff drawled as he pulled himself into a criss crossed position, one leg over the other. Floyd nearly laughs.

"Hey man! We agreed not to talk about her," Barb snapped as she stood up from her chair. She stretched her arms over her head and her tail snapped to punctuate her sentence, "Not like you can talk either."

Floyd raises a brow, "Tell me all about it, Barb," he lets his legs sway over the edge of the amp.

Riff sends Barb a pleading look, a begging look, desperation impossibly clear on his partially obscured face.

She just grins, "Well, our friend here has a crush on a Pop Troll. A fella trying to change genres when no one's looking," She winks at Floyd and watches as Riff tries not to respond to the words viscerally, that would give it away and he's highly aware that Barb is trying to play him like the cheap kazoo he is.

"Controversial," Floyd managed to supply, "But fun, inter-genre relations are still kind of, ya know."

"Yeah, kind of," Riff answered with, "Rock Trolls are wide open to the idea in my experience. We legalized polyamory a hundred some odd years ago. We're working on the papers for inter-genre stuff as we speak."

Floyd laughed, "I should just, live here as a Rock Troll. Pop Rock, Pop Punk, Pop Thrash- I could make it work."

"That you could," Barb said, there's this twisted grin on her face, showing off all of her fangs, "But really, I gotta catch that after party, you two can chat."

It's a segue into a conversation really, a shoe in for them to continue speaking as she leaves. She wants this as much as Riff does, maybe if she gets him with Floyd he'll let her fawn over Viva in peace.

Riff just taps his drumstick on the ground, balanced between fingers and tapping back and forth. Floyd just stares at Riff from the amp comfortably, sort of like a cat on a high perch.

"So this mystery Troll, tell me more," Floyd prompts as he slides off of the amp, "If you want too."

And Riff does want too, he wants to tell Floyd everything, but he bites his tongue. He just shrugs, "Nice guy really, probably heading back to Pop sooner than later."

"Pop? Are you crushing on JD?"

Riff shudders, "No offense, but he's too Country coded."

"Did you just call my brother Country coded?" Floyd asked with this devilish smirk, slowly stepping closer to Riff as he goes.

"Am I wrong?" Riff countered with a nervous chuckle.

"Never said you were, but continue about this Troll," Floyd urged, if he just reached out he could trace his hands across Riff's face. Learn every contour, twirl a finger through his hair, that would be nice, that could also be the adrenaline talking.

"Right, right," Riff stalled, what else he could say that isn't virtually outright saying that it's Floyd? Not a whole lot, "Got a great voice, an amazing voice with even greater range. It's scary really, he just hops on stage and gets into it, like he's a different person."

Floyd's tail flicks just a bit, Riff doesn't notice the tell that the Pop Troll is onto him.

"And then he starts to sing, most Rockers have deep voices naturally, but this breath of fresh air, a blend of Pop and Punk? It's amazing," Riff overexplained, just going off, "I'm talking too much, aren't I?" He looks up to find Floyd much, much closer than before. Red instantly rises to the Rocker's face, a stark contrast to his usual hue.

"No," Floyd said quietly, the flow of words pausing just enough to make Riff worry. He comes to a complete halt when the gap is small enough their knees are almost knocked against each other, "Keep going."

"I would," Riff begins, drawing out the syllables as he stares at Floyd through the blur of black hair and fabric alike. He brings a paw to run through his hair and it knocks back the toque just a bit, "But, I don't know what else there is to say without totally blowing the covers," He pauses, "He's really pretty."

"It's me," Floyd declares.

"It is," Riff confirms.

The Pop troll places a gentle kiss to Riff's forehead, one of the few spots where frizzy black hair isn't splayed over his fur. He rears back just a bit, "That's pretty fuckin' sweet," He doesn't even realize the Pop swear barrier dissolved entirely for a brief moment.

"Pretty fuckin' sweet," Riff echoes back before pushing aside a chunk of Floyd's fringe to return the motion. He almost flinches back from it, expecting the contact to sting or ache with how frail that performance left him, but it doesn't. It just feels nice, a warmth sprouting all over his body, it tingles and he loves the sensation.

"You should go tell Barb, we could pressure her into telling Viva," Floyd proposed, "That'd be fun, no?"

Riff is reeling, it took a moment for it to catch up but he is fucking reeling when it finally does. His eyes widen just a bit, there goes the boldness of adrenaline, "That actually happened," He tentatively places his paw on Floyd's, it isn't shoved off, "Oh my god it actually, it happened."

"Yeah man," Floyd said, pressing another chaste kiss to Riff's face, this time his cheek, "It did, and I'll do it again."

Before he freaks out he manages to collect himself enough to breath, "Let's go find Barb, she's been listening to me talk about you for a while now."

"Oh? So this crush isn't a new development?" Floyd teased gently.

"Not at all. But her thing for Viva? That's new," Riff countered with a laugh, it's nervous, just to fill the silence, "But us, we're a thing, those kisses?"

"Those kisses made us a thing," It's a calm reaffirmation, a promise with the squeeze of a paw.

"See, that's new, newer than Barb's crush on Viva," Riff explained, "Which is why we need to find her and tell her."

"You're freaking out,"

"Oh absolutely, you just kissed me, why wouldn't I be freaking out?"

[misc-obeyme]

while ya'll are making old man yaoi based on solo vs luci

im out there

making om whump of Barb & Mammon-

🙏🙏🙏🙏 sorry i love whump i want to see my guy torture someone lol

OKAY.

Listen, I'm not really a huge whump person, but Barbatos and Mammon are my other favorite crackship a;lsdaflk;fdklj

I lost my whole MIND when they were paired up, too.

And like Barbatos is old and I guess technically Mammon is, too, but Mammon doesn't act old, so yeah no old man yaoi here just my brain running away with me as usual.

I just think they've got such an interesting dynamic because they are total opposites like that. I'm just imagining Barbatos having to constantly go after Mammon for stealing stuff from the vaults, but he's secretly letting Mammon do it. Maybe it starts with him letting Mammon get away with it because he's just being nice... like aww let him score a win for once, even though Barb will just confiscate whatever he steals anyway. But then he's like I enjoy the chase and he keeps doing it and eventually Mammon figures it out and and and-

Okay okay sorry I'm getting carried away lol.

I'm assuming you're thinking more like Barbatos catches Mammon stealing and drags him away to the torture chamber for real~

Cue all kinds of torture devices and demonic shenanigans... does it deter Mammon from stealing again? Nope, probably not lol.

[writing-by-mimi]

Nine Demons and a Baby

Diavolo x F!MC

Chapter 19

Adult content, read at your own risk. Not beta read.

        The awkwardness was through the roof, and poor Levi was a mess. You even held his hand and assured him that it was all okay, though it didn't seem to help a lot.

     "Okay, first order as Queen, whatever is happening outside of the dinner table doesn't matter here at the table. All this tension makes it impossible to eat." Asmodeus frowned.

     "I agree. The stress can not be good for Mc." Barbatos smiled as he set down his cutlery. "Speaking of Mc, I've narrowed down doctors and would like to get everyone's opinions."

      "Do they happen to know demons are real and won't try anything weird? Like, are they good, or just available?" You straightened up in your chair.

      "I've come to three in total. One does know of our existence, one I expect will panic a bit, but with enough money, most humans will come around. The third is absolutely perfect, though having to reveal myself...I feel it could go very negatively... I would like to charm which ever is chosen, just to be safe."

      "Like use Asmodeus?"

      "Correct. He can keep them from panicking and doing anything...untoward to you or the children. An added benefit would be that the Queen could also charm them to secrecy."

      "What about the one who knows about demons?"

      "That one would be my third pick, personally. Though I would still recommend they be charmed, situation as it is."

      "Okay." You nodded. "Though having to charm them feels terrible...but your right. It's the only way to be sure they don't go off the deep end and hurt baby royals."

      "Oh, I'll charm the fuck out of them, Mc. Don't you worry a hair on your pretty little head." Asmodeus smirked as he finally began to eat.

      "I do have paper work on all three of them, if you would like to look it over. I've enough copies for everyone. In the end, it will be Mc and Diavolo's choice, but I feel more eyes on this topic is beneficial."

      "Thank you again, Barb." You give him a soft small as you begin to eat as well.

      "I've also had Lucifer pick up color swatches. I know women use decorating a nursery as a way to bond to thier children while still unborn. The young master can assemble any piece of furniture you would like, as it can also help father's to feel involved as well. After lunch, I can drop the swatches and paper work to you."

     "That would be wonderful." You smiled brightly before a sigh left you. "Usually couples wait to do that type of thing till later.... most of the time they don't even tell anyone or even find out until two or so months in...even then..." you couldn't compete your sentence.

     "You will be just fine, Mc." Lucifer assured, "So far there has been issues, but none we have not been able to over come quickly. You needn't worry so hard. Enjoy being pregnant. I've heard it's a lovely experience."

       "Up until those babies come rippin' outta ya..." Mammon shuddered as he remembered the video. "Like seriously, ya'll need to see that shit. It's fucking terrifying."

     "That is not a bad idea Mammon. It would help for when Mc goes into labor. Myself and Lucifer are working on becoming certified to deliver children ourselves, just to cover our bases, as they say."

     "Really?!" You couldn't contain your smile. "You're really learning how to deliver a baby?"

     "Yes. Barbatos and I have talked at length, and as the God parents it is only responsible we know." The eldest shrugged. "We've already gotten the CPR certification."

      You got up from your seat and hugged Lucifer with all your might. A happy laugh leaving you as you kissed his forhead while still laughing. Moving to Barbatos, you did the same. "Best God parents ever."

       "I will admit, they were a fine choice." Diavolo couldn't help his smile either. The fact the two of them were going so far above and beyond for you and the children made him extremely happy.  "Thank you, both of you. Knowing that you would be available to help if Mc were to need it brings me a sense of peace I think I desperately needed."

      "Well, yippie for them. I am staying seated at the front by Mc. Ain't no fucking way I need to see that shit live in living color." Mammon paled as he burped. "Shits making me sick just rememberin'."

      "Mammon, I've seen you rip witches apart...you're seriously grossed out by birthing videos?" Beel asked seriously as he continued to eat.

      "That's different. Them witchy bitches had it commin' an I was pissed as fuck." He pointed as he held his glass up. "That fucking birthin' video is somethin' else."

       "I wanna see it." Belphegor chimed in.

       Mammon pulled his phone out and dug through his phones history. "Here's the nightmare fuel. When yer done, hand it ta the next sucker who think that they ain't gonna be scared for life."

       Belphegor held it so Beel could see too.

       "Oh, shit!" Belphegor cringed as the woman in the video began to scream.

      Watching Beels face was odd. He kept eating, though his face would twist with confusion or shock. "Is that the head?"

     "It's the head for the next seventeen minutes. In the description, this ladies been screamin' for like, four fucking hours tryina push that fucking kid out."

      "Labor can be very tricky. Some women have it very easy, it only lasting an hour or so before giving birth, there are records of labor happening for days."

     You let a deep breath. "I'm really hoping I get an hour birth. Like they just slide out like a water slide." You made a motion with your hands.

      Asmodeus let out a shriek as he threw his phone to the table. Getting up quickly, he scooped you into a hug. "Oh my fuck. It's so...gross!" He shook in your arms as he rubbed your back gently. "I am going to pamper you. Like a spa day for a week straight." He hugged you harder.

     "Did you even finish the video, like see the baby come out?" Mammon asked as he leaned back in his chair.

     "Ew! No!"

     "Well if I had ta see it, you gotta see. So go march your Queenly ass back to your chair an watch it. It's the least ya could do for Mc."

      "She's been pushing for so long," Beel said between chewing his dinner roll. "This baby is stubborn."

      "I think it more has to do with a watermelon trying to fit through a pop can, Beel..."

      "Okay, Satan, get your phone out, it can't be that bad. These stupid normies are just wussies." Levi stood to stand over his brothers shoulder as he got his phone out.

      "I've no idea if this is the same video, but it is 20 minutes of live birth."

     "Well, one baby versus another birth, it can't be that different." He shrugged and tapped play.

     All Satan could do was grimace. He didn't mind the blood or...goop coming out of the woman, it was more the pained screams and knowing that you'd soon have to do that yourself.

     Levi stared at the video, turning pale. "Oh, shit, Mc...you need to have a good birth. Like five minutes in and out. This is...this is not pleasant to watch." He admitted.

      "Well a five minute birth sounds like a miracle. So snap to it Levi." You laughed as you sat back down.

      "Oh shit! She just broke her husband's nose!" Asmodeus's scream making you laugh harder than you had in a while as the King slowly rubbed his back.

      "Mams, ya gonna make it?" You looked down the table to him.

      "Ya. Just, if ya gotta punch someone real hard and knock 'em out while yer giving birth, please use me." He shook his head. "Like ya. I know it's what ya gotta do to get the munchkins here, but fuck that."

       "Well, I'll try to keep that in mind." You smiled. "And I promise to try and not break your nose." You smiled to Diavolo.

     "I do appreciate that, though I feel it would be justified as I've put you into the position to give birth to start with." He gave you a soft smile.

     "Well, it takes two. So you'll definitely have to hold my hand and be my moral support."

      "This woman's moral support just had his finger broken too." Asmodeus squeaked. "Mc, I love you very dearly, but don't you dare hold my hand. Or make me look at your pussy push a baby out." He swallowed thickly. "I'll stay in the waiting room" He volunteered.

      "Depending on the hospital, they usually only allow like one or two people in anyway." You shrugged.

     "I would prefer it if you gave birth here in the castle." Diavolo spoke up. "We already have all the required equipment. Plus I think our children would be safer here."

      "True. Just bringing the doctor here would work better." You mused.

      Barbatos's phone rang and he excused himself.

      "Oh, the baby made it." Beel cheered as he held his hands up.

     "Fucking gross, it's covered in goop." Belphegor crinkled his nose.

      "Well no fucking shit, idiot." You looked at him incredulously. "She pushed a baby out."

     "Well excuse me for not knowin' how birth works. I thought it came out sorta fucking clean."

      "How?!"

      "Well, ya got a watermelon going through a soda can...I just thought it would squeegee the baby more, ya know..."

      "Squeegee the baby?!"

       "Ya, alright!" He defended himself. "Your pussy, even though it's gonna be all stretched out cuz of the baby, like it just ain't shooting out, sorry for thinking the pussy would be enough to clean it up a bit..."

     "Oh, hey, cesarean section...ain't that where they have to cut the babies out?" Beel asked as he clicked the next video in the playlist.

     "Yes. It can happen for a lot of reason. Complications, or honestly just to give the mom a break from labor and get it done. Especially if they've been struggling for too long, just to make sure both mom and baby are okay." You replied. "Fucking squeegee!" You slapped the table still caught up in his former comment.

      "Okay, okay! I'm starting to see why the babies goopy." He pointed to Mammons phone, the doctor elbow deep in a woman.

      "Awww." Asmodeus coo'd from down the table. "This baby looks like a little cooked potato!" He laughed.

     "Cooked potato? What the fuck?" Mammon stood up and went to his brothers side. "Ya. Okay, I kinda see it, cuz it's all wrinkly an shit."

    "Yes!" Asmo smiled, "That's exactly it!"

     "I swear to everything holy, if you call my baby a potato, I will murder you Asmo."

     "Uh, no! My grand babies are going to be fucking perfect and precious." He scoffed. "Like way cuter than this potato."

     Lucifer couldn't hold back his laugh. "It does look like a potato, Mc." He turned his phone to you to show you the picture Asmodeus sent him.

     "The poor thing was just born!"

     "That's totally a potato, Mc." Beel smirked.

     You held back tears, you knew it was ridiculous. It wasn't your baby...

    "Oh, Mc!" Asmo coo'd. "It's okay. Your baby won't be a potato."

     "It is rather cute, your worry." Barbatos smiled. "Though you have nothing to fear. I believe you and the young master will make beautiful children."

      Diavolo let out a loud laugh, and as you turned to him he put his phone face down and shot you a smile. "I don't know what they are saying. That woman's baby is...I am sure it may be living a happy life!." He kept a straight face that only lasted until you looked away. Letting out a sigh, he stood and moved Asmodeus, embracing your softly. "Even if our children do look like little cooked potatoes, I will love them  regardless. Though I have to say, if they have your cute nose, I do not see how they would even come close to resembling a potato." He placed a kiss to the top of your head. "Honestly, do not worry. They will be perfect."

      "You promise?" You knew he could t do anything about it, but it would still help to hear it.

     "I'll do all in my power to ensure it my dear."

     "I'm gonna command all of you to watch a four hour birthing video. Like a really really weird one." You pouted.

     "Fuck that. No thanks." Mammon held his hands up as he returned to his seat. "I know all I need ta know about babies shootin' outta pussies." He shook his head. "Honestly, that's a lot a work and pain for the munchkins. Then ya gotta take care of 'em cuz their all helpless and shit... I gotta say, the pay off is fucking terrible Mc. Dirty diapers and throw up..." He shivered.

     "I'm stoked." Beel smiled. "Babies eat a lot, so we can hang out and eat snacks."

     "Beel, human babies don't have teeth when they are born."

    "What?" He turned his head to Lucifer quickly. "Then how to they-"

     "Wait a fucking minute, are baby demons born with teeth?" You cringed.

     "Well how else are you supposed to eat?" Beel asked, confusion on his face. "If your babies don't have teeth, how can they eat meat to get protein?"

     "It is a liquid diet of milk until they are old enough to try and tackle solid foods." The eldest laughed. "Honestly, you did not know that human babies did not have teeth?"

     Beel shook his head, a blush taking his cheeks. "How many sets do the babies get?"

      "How many do you get?" You looked to him, confusion taking your face.

      "Beels the Avatar of Gluttony. He grows a new set every year." Belphie shrugged.

      "How the fuck am I just finding this out now? Will my babies have multiples?" You turned to Barbatos.

     "It is hard to say. Humans have a baby and adult set. Most demons have three sets. The ones when they are small, the next would be equivalent to adult teeth, then the one in our  natural states."

      "Demonic form. Okay...Beel, let me see your teeth."

      "Mc, ya don't wanna do that. That's the shit that'll give ya nightmares." Mammon warned.

     "It can't be that bad. Just like some fangs and pointy teeth, right?"

     Diavolo just sighed while flashing a smile. "Adult teeth." He gave a grin, revealing his perfect teeth.

     "I am so jealous, why are they absolutely perfect?" You frowned.

     Shifting forms, Diavolo opened his mouth widely and looked down to you.

      "Hang on." You moved one of the chairs out to stand on it. His hands holding your waist to keep you in place. Grabbing his horns your moved his head around to get better light. "Wow...I guess I never looked too hard at all of your teeth..."

     Another set of hands made you jump, you had been so caught up at looking at Diavolos fangs...

      Closing his mouth, Diavolo helped you turn, Beel standing with his mouth open in demon form. Your jaw dropped. "Beel, these are like fucking shark teeth! Why do you have two rows?" His response was garbled as you hadn't removed your hand from inside of his mouth, tracing the sharp teeth carefully. "And you regrow these every year?" The Avatars head nodded as you drew back you hand. Beels hands moved up to your mouth, pulling you jaw down to look in to your mouth.

     "How do you eat anything, Mc?" His voice full of concern. "Most of your teeth are really flat...you only have two fangs, and they aren't much better than baby teeth."

       "How the hell do I breastfeed a baby that has tiny razors?" You asked Beelzebub.

      "Breastfeed?" He looked at you with a puzzled face.

      "Do you all really know nothing about pregnancy and human babies?!"

     "Dollface, we don't even know shit about demon babies. Weren't exactly born that way." He reminded you.

      "Go back to the breast." Asmo waved his hand in a rewinding motion. "You feed your baby your breast? Like, cut them off?!" The Avatar of lust looked like he was going to faint.

    "No!"

     "See, my squeegee comment isn't so fucking stupid now." Belphie drummed his fingers on the table.

     "Human babies drink milk at the start of thier lives. The stomach doesn't quite have what it needs to process other things, so while the teeth grow in the stomach has that time to develop." Satan clarified. "Breast milk is often used by humans, though they do make formula that is a powder and can be added to water."

       "Mc is gonna produce milk?" Beels excited face turned to Satan.

     "For the children. It is a natural bodily response, regardless of how the children do end up forming."

     "Can I try yo-"

     "Don't you dare even finish that question Beelzebub!" Your face was so hot it felt as if it could slide from skull.

    "Milk?" You crossed your arms over your breast as you flushed, Beel hadn't even hardly paused before finishing his question.

     Asmodeus let out a relieved sigh. "Oh my goodness." He held his chest. "I thought you were gonna be cutting pieces off of yourself or something."

      "No. Nothing so derranged." Satan assured. "Human babies suckle on the female nipple, around the edges are the glands that produce. Mcs breast will grow larger and swell as the time gets closer to birth the children."

     All you could do was cover your face. "And while we are on embarrassing things, if I sneeze and pee my pants you can't laugh!"

      "Why the fuck would you pee if you sneeze?" Belphegors face on of repulsion.

      You let out a growl. "You are all so ignorant about this it's just mind blowing! I'm gonna have two little lives taking up most of my abdomen." You pointed to your stomach. "Their gonna be kicking me and stretching and pushing all over on my insides! And when you sneeze, everything squeezes!" You fumed as you continued to hide your face.

      "Okay, okay. The Great Mammon won't laugh at ya peeing." He promised as he bit his bottom lip to keep from laughing.

     "Although if Mc were to look as if she peed her pants, you should check on her, regardless of the embarrassment." Barbatos reminded. "A water breaking has often been described as looking as if the woman has wet her pants."

     "Someone explain what a water breaking is before I hear some stupid ass question." You buried your face in Diavolo's chest to try and hide.

      "Long story extremely short, the baby is coming and all of the things we saw in the videos will start coming out."

     "Vague, but mostly correct." Lucifer sighed. "I do believe setting up a day to go over these things would benefit us and Mc. We can cover both human and demon sides."

     "I think it a lovely idea." Barbatos smiled.

     "Now I gotta take a fucking class cuz Mcs knocked up? Lame." Mammon sighed. "When do I get to take cute pictures of the munchkins and buy 'em stuff? Ay, Satan, when do baby hands get real dexterous?"

      "Depends on the development of the child honestly. Though if your going to teach the children to steal, your best bet may be to wait until they are old enough to know how to keep a secret." Satan smiled as you glared around Diavolo's torso to the second born.

     "I ain't gonna teach 'em to steal....at least not right away." He admitted with a shrug. "I was more thinking about havin' 'em hold cards and making it look like they were playing baby poker, gambling pacifiers and diapers and shit. It would be cute." His face turned pink as he looked away.

     "While the idea is true, and I am on board, he does intend to teach the children to steal as soon as possible." Diavolo smiled.

     "Mammon!"

     "It's a life skill!" He pointed at you. "As an uncle it's my duty to teach 'em stuff and I reserve the right to be able to teach 'em." He crossed his arms confidently.

     You gave a soft smile. "That's really sweet. Not the whole stealing part...but the fact you want to teach them stuff."

     "Well, I mean, it's your kids, Mc." His blush growing darker. "I'm gonna love 'em like I love you. An I know I ain't got a lot of useful skills to pass on...but I dunno...I just wanna hang out with the munchkins too. Not be known as uncle scumbag..." He quietly trailed off.

     "Mams...you aren't a scum bag." You slowly walked over to him and bent down, giving him a tight squeeze. "The kids are gonna love all of you. I know it. Plus you have plenty of useful skills."

      "Mc is correct. You sell yourself sort." Luicfer couldn't help his smile. Watching Mammon become brighter than a flame was still very adorable to him, even after all of his millennia being alive.

     "See? Besides, you're great at math. That's a core thing kids need to learn. Your the absolute best at it, so you need to teach them math." You gave your best set if puppy eyes.

     All the second born could do was nod and turn his face from the table.

    "Love ya, Mammoney."

    "Love you and the munchkins too." He grumbled.

    "Does the breast milk come out warm?"

     "Oh my God! Yes, Beel. It'll be body temperature." You released the second born and crossed your arms again. "When I start lactating, I am hiding in my room. Last thing I need is to randomly spurt some milk and have Beel trying to eat me." You frowned.

     "I wouldn't eat you, just get a drink." He leaned back in his chair as he continued to read. "Breast milk is supposed to taste good, and it turns out each woman's varies in taste."

     "Well you will never know. None of you." You scowled.

      "Okay, so since you aren't cutting your tits off, how big do they end up sweeling?" Asmodeus smiled. "Like, new wardrobe big, or just trying to avoid an accidental titty pop in tight tops?"

      "Depends on the woman." Beels eyes never left his phone. "Anywhere from just a bit of swelling, up to three sizes bigger is not uncommon. Though diet can affect taste...Mc, eat lots of fruit. It'll be good for the babies and make your milk taste sweeter."

      All you could do was hide your face in your hands. "Beel, you're not tasting it."

      "I should though, I can test the temperature, you have to  pump to have extra when you are going somewhere or we are watching the them, so we can feed the kids. My tounge is the best way to know it's not too hot or cold. Even Lucifer knows that's a fact."

       "It is wildly accurate." The eldest smirked. "Who would have thought such a useless skill would come in handy."

     "You would have to exercise extreme control. While Mc will naturally produce, it is not instantaneous. If you drink the children's milk, it may be hours before they could eat, especially if Mc were to pump." Satan added, a laugh leaving him.

     "I won't! Mc command me, just in case." Beels face fell. "I don't want to take the chance..."

     "Beel, you won't." You sat down at your chair. "Honestly, once you hold them, you'll do whatever you can to protect them. You share your food with my all the time. I'm not worried about you drinking it all up." You were still flushing, the topic at hand was embarrassing, but you trusted Beel.

     "As long as he ain't tryin' to suck Mc tiddies later..." Mammon trailed off.

     "Mams!"

     "Dude couldn't stop himself from goin' down on you! Let alone your gonna be leakin' milk!"

     "Mammon, shut the fuck up!" You could help but squeal as you covered your face.

    "Oh, I got a way you can shut me up." He smirked as he leaned back in his chair for a moment. Before he could stop himself, he stood and grabbed you by the arm, pulling you up and hauling you away from the table.

---

Chp 20 is sweet mammoney railing Mc. XD

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[sneakyneighboururchin]

OK no I don't even GO HERE ANYMORE but I'm mad at all ya'll sticking your heads in the sand. You may not want to accept it but YES the situation with Rooster Teeth is in fact a JK Rowling situation. That means everything. RWBY and Achievement Hunter included. Actually ESPECIALLY RWBY. It's all fucking tainted. Because the people who STILL WORK ON THOSE SHOWS have been named and shamed by some people. And at this point. They're right to name and shame. Because all of you ostrich fuckers always say whenever this stuff happens 'don't blame the crew and the employees' and yes you're right to an extent. Don't blame the behind the scenes crew. Hell have a little patience cos some people rely on that scum company to live and don't have the luxury of leaving. THEY MADE JOKE POSTERS ABOUT ANIMATORS BEING CHAINED TO DESKS. Do you think your faves didn't know? Didn't see? They all fucking knew. And the ones on screen? The popular ones? The ones like Barb and Kerry and Blaine they actually do have more power in that shithole than the others cos they have you dumbasses backing them to the hilt constantly. And they. Did. Nothing. They let it all happen. Shit I'd bet money some of them encouraged it. The parallels between all this and RWBY's Incredibly Suspect handling of minorities in it's writing are there whether you like it or not so you can stop complaining about that too while you're at it. The mask is off now. On the AH front, Kdin literally tried to get them to make change and own up to stuff in 2020 and Geoff, OH YES sweet papa Geoff oh how we love him oh how he can do no wrong, told her no. And he wasn't the only one from what I've read. So yes, this is a JKR situation. Salt and burn the fucking earth, unsubscribe, cancel your FIRST subs and stop supporting that company. Because they have been doing this for years and they have proved time and again that they Will. Not. Change.

[radio-ghost-cooks]

okay so long story short i have a hard time coming up with what to say abt my ocs so i'm just gonna start dumping my ideas on ya'll starting with this:

ghoul AU for my OCs based loosely on Ghost (the band)

tbh the only part of this that connects to Ghost is the concept of elemental ghouls.

it all starts with Leo (as a Satanist priest) finding an old abandoned church with a basement full of black sludgy water. after performing an old ritual, the next day he comes back to find Hajime clawing his way out of the water.

Hajime is a blood ghoul. he kinda follows vampire rules but instead of constantly needing blood, it's more like wine for him. a couple glasses every once in a while is good for him but if he drinks an entire human, he gets all blobby and floppy and spacey. he gets hella affectionate when he overindulges too. he's got ibex horns and a double-barbed tail (like a bee's stinger)

the next one to come is Tarou (he's a fire ghoul). he has horns like a kudu. at the tips of them are little flames. his tail is shaped like a spade from a deck of cards. Tarou can't touch water or else He Will Begin To Die so he came SPRINTING out of that sludge. his fire is fueled by emotion + adrenaline. if he's sad, the fire is weaker. if he's happy, the fire gets stronger. adrenaline overrides the typical happy = strong rule. if he's in a fight or anxious, the fire gets stronger.

finally Hanako comes gracefully swimming out and surprise surprise, he's a water ghoul. he's got your traditional ram horns, but his tail is actually soft and acts like a buoy. it puffs up when he dives underwater so the others always know where he is (somehow, no matter how far down he dives, its always bobbing on the surface...). Hana also has a set of secondary gills meaning he can breathe both water and air

[tinyboxxtink]

"Spring Break 86" *Chapter 17*

Chapter 16

Chapter 18

Funny story:

This was supposed to go up two days ago, but adult life happened and I couldn't do it Saturday, and I worked all day today.

But it's here!

I heard ya'll, you do NOT Like Y/N being a villain!

Also-- IDK if anyone know who "Evil Lady" is, but it's how I picture Y/N In "Villain Era"

---------------

“Y/N, What are you doing?!” Dustin yelled angrily. 

Lucas trying to reach Max, who was writhing and howling in pain from her two broken limbs. One of which you had just caused. 

“Oh wah wah wah,” you rolled your eyes. “Zoomer’s hurt and her little bard is distraught. You’re fucking KIDS,” 

“Y/N!” 

“You don’t know what love is, do you get that? Stupid idiotic god damn teenagers thinking they know what love is when clearly they don’t--”

“Yeah, you’re tellin’ me,” Eddie speaks up, making you look at him in shock. 

“....Yeah, i guess so,”

“Dude what are you doing?!” Steve yelled down to him. “Don’t piss her off more!”

“Ah, Harrington,” Vecna chuckled, looking up at him. “Quite the delicious morsel you are,” 

“Sorry, I don’t go for psychopathic freaks,”

“Yes I know,” he looks at you. “That’s Y/N’s department,” 

“Hey!” Both you and Eddie yell in offense, then look at each other. For half a second you both want to run to each other, forget all of this and just make up. But as fleeting as the emotion was, soon it was gone. 

“He means meal wise, Harrington,” You spit, knowing what Vecna’s thinking at all times now. It was like you were both in each other’s heads now, a mind meld made in hell. 

“What?”

“Mmmmm yes, all that guilt,” 

W-What?

“Oh don’t even pretend to act surprised, Steven,” you rolled your eyes. “So many years of being such a DICK to people, especially women,”

Steve looks down in shame, knowing exactly what you’re talking about.

“Hey! Steve!” Nancy reaches for him. “Don’t let her get in your head, okay? You’re not that guy anymore,” 

“Oh right, Nancy Drew here would stick up for him, wouldn’t she?” you laughed. “Before you do that though dear you should know you weren’t the first girl he de-folowered,” 

“....What?”

“Oh come on Nance,” you chuckled. “You didn’t think you were special, did you?” 

Nancy looks at Steve who has an incredibly guilty look on his face. 

“I bet you thought he was a virgin too, didn’t you?” you smirked. 

“Well, no, but--” Nancy starts in a small voice, but stops and glares at you. “No, I’m not letting you get inside my head like that, you bitch,”

“OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH,” Vecna drags out the word in a singsong voice. “Little Nancy Wheeler, quite the potty mouth on you now, hmm? Who knew?” 

“Shut up,” Nancy growls.

“Let’s talk about your guilt then, shall we?” 

“Oh come on papa,” you roll your eyes. “The Barb thing has been done to death,” 

“Oh, but it’s deeper than that, Y/N,” He smirks, looking at a nervous Nancy. 

“Oh?” you raised a curious eyebrow while glancing at her. 

“It’s really the shame of that fact that….you don’t feel guilty about Barb at all, do you Nancy?” 

“W-What?” Nancy shakes her head. “Of COURSE I do!” 

“Mmmm, I don’t think so, no,” Vecna chuckles. “I think you think it’s unfair that Barb had to go and get herself killed on the best night of your life,” 

“OOOOOHHHH,” You mimic his voice. “Interesting,”

“No!” She waves her hands frantically. “I don’t feel like that….anymore,” 

“Anymore,” you rolls your eyes with a small evil chuckle. 

“Hey!” Leave her alone!” Robin yells. 

“Ohhh yes,” your evil grin widens as you look at Robin. “Robin Buckley, resident lesbian of the Scooby gang,”

Everyone minus Steve and Eddie gasp; Robin’s mouth falls open. 

“You said--” She says softly, tears in her eyes. “You said that was safe with you,”

“Yeah well I said a lot of things, didn’t I?” You scoff. “Like how you’re gonna find someone someday? Lie. I was just trying to be nice. 

You’re never going to find someone, Robin. Y’know why? Because you’re ashamed. You think it’s some dirty secret, you have to hide.! How do you expect anyone to love you if you don’t love yourself, hmm?”

“HEY,” Steve barked at you. “That’s enough, Y/N,” 

“Actually I think it was going quite well,” Vecna smirked. “I can feel the shame and guilt oozing out of all three of you now. But why stop there?” 

He turns his gaze to Max and Lucas. 

“Come on man,” Lucas whines. “She’s already in enough pain,” 

“Yeah, that is true, papa,” 

“Oh now you feel remorse, Y/N?” He gave you a look. “I do believe you were the one who just snapped her arm in two,” 

“Well, yeah but--” You wavered. Vecna could see the flicker of guilt in your eyes, he had to stop this. 

“Well maybe we move on to Munson, hmm?” 

“What?” You turn to Eddie, who has an equally horrified look on his face.

“No,” you shook your head. “No you said--”

“I said he could live, Y/N,” He crosses his arms. “I didn’t say he wouldn’t get tortured,” 

“T-Tortured?”  you whimpered.

“Oh, I misspoke,” Vecna steps towards you, putting his hands on your shoulders from behind you. 

“All i meant was he should pay for what he put you through, don’t you think?”

“The pain i put HER through?!” Eddie scoffs with a laugh, flicking something in you to the ON position. 

“See?” Vecna catches this flash of anger, nurturing it quickly. “He doesn’t care what he did to you, he only expects you to feel guilty for what he thinks you did,” 

“What--No!” Eddie suddenly realizes whats happening. He shouldn’t have opened his mouth. 

“He doesn’t care how he broke your heart that day, that day you wanted to proclaim your love to him,” 

“Stop…” 

“You were going to give up EVERYTHING for him. He was your entire world, didn’t you say that?” 

“W-What?”

“Tell him, Y/N,” Vecna says softly in your ear. “Tell him what you told Nancy,” 

As if being a machine turned on, your eyes went glassy and you repeated the monologue you had given Nancy like reciting lines in a play.

“Eddie was the same as my mother, it seemed like. You know, he went to high school a whole year before me. I was alone in that junior high for a whole year. And he had– He had been my entire world,” 

“Oh God…” Eddie whispered, not wanting to hear this. Not wanting to drudge up the guilt he had for giving her up. 

“So I had no choice but to…’adapt. I started getting good grades, I started joining clubs, I thought that by the time I met up with Eddie he’d be the same and we'd be together again but– By the time I was a freshman he just wasn’t…Eddie, anymore,” 

“No…” he shook his head, not wanting to hear it, seeing tears drip down your stoic face. 

“He had made friends with all of these stoners, who only wanted to get high and play D&D. That’s it. No ambition, no dreams. Just weed and RPG’s. And it scared the shit out of me! He was just like my mother, like– everyone else, telling me the world doesn’t give a shit about you, so why should you give a shit about it?”

Tears started streaming down your face, even though you were still in a trance-like state. It was very disconcerting to watch.

“And then, it made me try harder,” you became angry. “Now I had two people to convince: my mother, and Eddie. My mother might have been a lost cause, but I thought-- I don’t know if I– got to some point high enough, then maybe he’d– he’d…get his shit together,”

“No,” he shook his head harder, getting angry. He wasn’t sure whether it was at himself, you or Vecna, but he was fuming.  

“No, that is NOT what it was supposed to do, Y/N. The whole point of ‘giving you up’ was so that you WOULDN’T have to…’take care’, of me. Why don’t you get that?!”

“But apparently, all I did was shove him deeper and deeper into the belief that he was no good, and never would be. And now he’s just given up completely!”

“THAT’S NOT YOUR FAULT, Y/N!!” He ran over and tried shaking your shoulders to ‘wake you’, but you continued your robotic speech. 

“So maybe…I don’t know, maybe my mom’s right,” You finally finished, Vecna conveniently leaving out the part where you were worried about being killed by him. 

Your eyes slowly returned to normal, looking Eddie in the eyes. His face was relieved, glad you were you again.

Or so he thought. 

It was like something in you had been awaken from that trance, like you had been shoved down and the angry, bitter you emerged to the surface.

“You,” you shoved him off. “You did this,” 

“W-What?” His face went from ecstatic to terrified once again. “NO! Princess I--”

“NO!!!!!” You bellowed, your voice emitting some sort of shock wave. It passed through Eddie like lightning, knocking him to the ground. 

“You pushed me away,” angry tears started to form as you advanced towards him. “You, you became so fucking self indulgent and self involved with your stupid ass games and your weed. That’s ALL you cared about!”

“Th-That’s not true,” he whimpered, trying to get back up. “You know that’s not true--”

“I had to go through my best friend-- my entire world, just shoving me away like I was garbage, and it wasn’t even my fault!!!”

“I know, Princess,” He crawled towards you, tears dripping down his face. “I know, and I’m sorry. I didn’t think--”

“Yeah that’s your problem, Munson,” you growled. “You don’t fucking think about anyone else but yourself,”

“That’s bullshit!” Eddie yelled angrily. “Y/N I have tried dying on you, MULTIPLE times. For YOU. Shit, I just ACTUALLY died!”

“I DIDN’T ASK YOU TOO!!!!” You screamed back. “You-- you left me, AGAIN. You DIED. You-- you took yourself from me, and once again I didn’t do anything to deserve that!” 

“How are you turning my act of love into some--- nefarious thing, Y/N”

“Big word for a three time senior,” You smirked. 

“Bitch,” Eddie blurted out. He hadn’t mean to be so harsh, but he was pissed already and you knew how to bring out the worst in him.

“Oooooooh!!!!!” Vecna laughed evilly. “Now the big man’s showing his true colors, isn’t he-- Princess?” 

“DON’T,” Eddie clenched his fists. “Don’t you fucking call her that. That is not your name for her,” 

“And it’s not yours either,” You spoke up. 

“W-What?” He gasped softly. “No, Princess come on--”

“DON’T fucking call me that,” you growled, getting up in his face while he was still on his knees. “You will never call me that again, do you fucking understand me?”

“NO, I don’t,” he pulled himself to his feet, grabbing your shoulders. “You are my Princess, Y/N. You always have been. Please, hear me. I know the real you is in there somewhere, and I know she knows how much I love her. How much I’ve always loved her,”

He moves both hands to your face. 

“Please, baby,” he begs you, his voice trembling. “Please fight this. I can’t lose you, not again,” 

“Not again,” You roll your eyes with a sad laugh, looking to the sky. “Not again?! WHO’S FAULT IS THAT?!”

“M-Mine, but--”

“I loved you, Eddie. Do you get that? I loved you so completely and with my entire being. But i was terrified to say anything because at least having you as a friend I could…’keep’ you,”

“Y/N…”

“Do you know how much courage it took for me to go to your house that day? Do you know how fucking long I stood in your driveway, just talking to myself? Trying to convince myself that if I laid it all out on the table, that it would-- somehow, bring you back to me?”

“Baby, I’m--”

“And then you YELLED AT ME!” You start to cry again. “You yelled at me, and made me feel like I did something wrong for loving you!!!!”

“I know,” he tightened the hands around your face, still crying himself. “I know, and I will never forgive myself for that, okay? But it’s over, it doesn't matter--”

“DOESN’T MATTER?!” You screamed, shoving him off of you. 

All of a sudden, your eyes glossed over once again. But this time, they were black. All black, like you had completely been lost and the demon had taken over.

“Oh now I do want you to suffer, Munson,” 

“Wha--- Aw shit no--” Eddie groans.

You held out one of your hands and started to clench it, causing Eddie’s throat to tighten. 

“No--” Eddie whimpered, his hands immediately going to his neck, as if he could pry your invisible grip on him.

“Y/N!!!!!” Dustin yelled. “Y/N DON’T DO THIS!!!!!!!”

“Oh right,” You turned to face him. “The annoying little brother,” 

“What?” Dustin gasped in horror. “No! Eddie and I are the only reason you’re like this, Y/N! Remember that?” 

“How could I forget, Dusty Buns?” You chuckled evilly. “You two have caused me the most suffering,” 

“Whatt-- NO!” Steve yelled from up above. “No! Leave Dustin alone! He hasn’t done anything wrong, Y/N!”

“ACTUALLY Harrington,” you turn to him. “You’re proving my point right now,”

“What?” Steve furrowed his eyebrows.

“You HAVE an older sibling, Dustin!!!” You stepped towards him. “Or did you forget that? You’re---you had the audacity to replace me with Steve “The Hair” Harrington? REALLY?!”

“I wasn’t trying to replace you, Y/N!” Dustin yelled. “But-- you were GONE. You’ve BEEN gone, even when you were here!” 

“Oh now you try and guilt trip me, huh little brother?” you scoff.

“I’m not-- I’m not trying to guilt trip you, I’m just trying to get you to understand---”

“Understand WHAT, Dustin?!” You cut him off angrily. “Understand that you went through hell and back again, and you chose Steve The--”

“Can we not use the nickname, please?” Steve asked. 

“...Harrington,” you growled. “You chose HIM to go to battle with? And then THIS loser?!” You gestured to Eddie who was still in your light choke hold. 

“YOU WEREN’T AROUND!”

“I WOULD HAVE BEEN, DUSTIN!!!!!!” you screeched. 

“Do you really think that if-- if you had said something after Will ‘supposedly’ died, that I wouldn’t have been there for you? 

“I mean, maybe--” 

“You didn’t trust me enough to let me! Your own FUCKING sister!!!!” Your decibels didn’t lower. 

“I didn’t bring him into it, Nancy did!” Dustin gestured to Nancy. 

“Y-You just…you closed off, and I let you. And then to come find out you not only opened up to this douchebag, but now you fucking WORSHIP him?!” you growled.

“I do not--” Dustin started to deny it.

“Ohhhhhhh do not even,” You wagged a finger. “Do not even try and bullshit me Dustin. I see how you look and act around him, like he’s a fucking superhero. He’s NOT, by the way. He’s a narcissistic, shallow, selfish ASSHOLE--”

“HE IS NOT!!!!!!!” Dustin was now screaming over you.

“See?” You laugh bitterly. “You run to his fucking defense. But you don’t know him like I do, do you?”

“You don’t know him like I do, Y/N!” Dustin yelled. “He’s changed!” 

“Oh I’m sure,” you rolled your eyes.

Suddenly, Vecna reacts to something, as if he’s being summoned. You feel it too, but you can’t make out what it is. Vecna however, seems to recognize it immediately.

“Hmm, seems we have a visitor, Maxine,” he chuckles. “Come, don’t want to keep her waiting,”

He snaps his fingers and Max goes into her trance like state, before he turns to you.

“I can count on you to finish these peons off, right my pet?”

“Yes, papa,” You nodded sweetly.

“Good,” he snaps his fingers and he and Max disappear. As soon as they’re gone, the remaining four drop to the floor of the trailer, and Eddie’s choke hold is released. 

Eddie immediately takes the opportunity to grab you by the shoulders, looking into the deep black holes where your eyes should be. 

“Jesus fuck…” he mutters, tears coming to his eyes. “Y/N? Baby? Can you hear me?” 

You shove him off with superhuman strength, then clench your fists. As you do, everyone in the trailer begins to choke. 

“I’ve had it with all of you….” You growl, looking straight ahead into nothingness. 

“NONE of you deserve happiness. NONE of you deserve to live,” You’re about to crush everyone’s windpipes with a flick of your wrist when you hear a small voice next to you.

“...I can’t fight this…feeling, any…longer,” Eddie chokes, trying desperately for you to hear him. 

Your head turns, the black in your eyes has blinded your vision.

“Don’t…” you growled, hearing the others struggling to breathe.

“And yet I’m still afraid…to let it show,” He sings louder. 

“STOP,” You growl harder, stepping towards where the voice is coming from. 

“What started out-- as-- friendship--” He chokes, your grip on everyone’s throat tightens as you rage inside. 

You can feel the true you fighting back, your eyes flash to normal, to black, to normal, to black. 

“Has grown stronger--” your voice comes out softly, almost against your will. Like the true you was breaking through. 

“I only wish I had the strength to let it show,” 

“Baby come on--” Eddie grunts. “Fight it, fight for us,” 

“And…I can’t…” You hold your head, your eyes flashing back and forth more rapidly. 

“I can’t…Eddie,” You whimpered. 

“You can, Y/N,” He could feel the grip on his neck loosening.  

He continued to sing to you: “And even as I wander, I’m keeping you in sight,”

“You’re a--” You grunted, your knees started to shake. 

“Candle in the window, on a cold dark winter’s night,” He sang back, reaching for you but you kept him far enough away from you he was having difficulty. 

“And I’m getting closer than I ever thought I might…” he hopped forward, finally grabbing one of your arms. 

Your eyes flicker to normal as Eddie pulls you into him, his choke hold being released. He sings the last line to you, and only the real you.

“And I can’t--” 

You put a hand to his lips, wanting to sing to him back as yourself, but you felt super weak.

“...Fight this feeling anymore, You slur, as you fall to the ground unconscious. Once you do, everyone else is released from their choke hold. 

“Y/N?” Eddie grabs you and sits down on the floor with your head in his lap. “Y/N? Baby?” 

No response.

“Baby, come on don’t do this. Not now,” he whimpers, stroking your blank face.

“Come back to me,” he whispers. 

The rest of the group is recovering, all talking to each other, checking on one another. Dustin quickly runs over to Eddie holding you. 

“Eddie,” he starts to cry. “Is she…?” 

“I don’t know…” Eddie started to cry himself, looking at him.

Suddenly, you began to stir in his arms.  

“Baby?” Eddie shook you softly as your eyes started to flutter open.

“Eddie…?” You looked up at him, tears coming to your eyes immediately as you started to remember what happened. 

“Y/N!” Dustin exclaimed happily, hugging you as you sit up. You hug him back softly, still holding Eddie’s hand. 

“I’m--I’m so sorry,” You whisper to the two of them, before looking at the rest of them. “I’m sorry to all of you,” 

“It’s okay baby,”  He pulled you close. “It wasn’t you,” 

“It was, though,” you bit your lip looking up at him. “I mean…it was stuff I thought,” 

“...Really?” Dustin asks in a hushed voice.

“REALLY?” Steve stomps over. “So you really think that shit about Robin?

“No!” You shook your head, giving Robin an apologetic look. “Not…really,” 

“WOW,” Robin scoffs. “Wow,” 

“Oh come on Robin, you know what i meant,” you tried to defend yourself.

“Do I?!” She yelled angrily. “I know you just fucking outed me!” 

“Oh to who, Max and Lucas?” You roll your eyes.

“Y/N!” Eddie hits you.

“I’m sorry,”  you apologize to her.

“See, she’s still under his spell,” Nancy gestures towards you.

“No she’s--” Eddie stops. “Are you?” 

“What?” your eyebrows furrowed.

“Still connected to Vecna,”’ Eddie said.

“I….” You closed your eyes. You could see Vecna, standing in a gym decorated for a dance. A banner read “SNOW BALL”.

“Yes,”  you nodded, eyes still closed.

“...Do you still have his power?” Nancy asked.

You looked over and clenched your fist at Steve. He started to gag, and you released quickly.

“Yup,” you shrugged.

“Jesus,” Steve muttered. “Thanks a lot,” 

“Sorry,” you blushed.

“So-- theoretically, you can kill him,” Nancy pointed out.

“WHAT?” Eddie gasped.

“I mean, help eleven at least,” Robin added.

“Nah nah nah nah,” Eddie waved his hands. “They’re psychically linked. What if when Vecna dies, she dies,”

“We don’t know that will happen,” Nancy speaks up.

“Yeah, you would--” You stop yourself, you know it’s not yourself.  

“See?!” She’s having none of it. “We don’t know if or when Vecna could just-- take full control of her and kill us all!”

“But what if she can help amp El’s powers? I mean, Vecna/Henry/One is a number, so they should have similar powers, right?”

“No,” Eddie stands in front of you. “No more using the girlfriend, do you hear me?”

“You better tell Vecna that,” Eddie scoffed.

“Baby they’re right,” you put your hands on his face. 

“The fuck they are!!” Eddie yelled.

“Look Eddie,” You made him look at you. “I just almost killed everyone in this room, i think I need to do damage control.”

“But that wasn’t--” he starts.

“Doesn’t matter,” you stopped him.

“If I can help kill this asshole, he won’t bother ANY Of us again. And I’ll be free,” you rubbed his cheek with your thumb.

“Don’t you want that?”

“...Yes,” He put his hands over yours still on his face.

“Alright let’s do it,” You nod at the rest of them, who nod in agreement.

This would be totally easy…right?

-------------

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[jungle-angel]

1. “No, black with white stripes is NOT A KITTY!!!!!” 

I feel like this is Rhett's little girl! I feel like any Lewie Pullman character is a girl Dad.

Oh babes, believe me I feel the same way, and when the boys enter the Abbott family?? That's a whole different story (lol).

Wind River Reservation, Wyoming

October, 2022

Kaya giggled as she placed her father's cowboy had on her head, kicking her little legs as she squirmed in her seat and sang along to Extreme's "Hole Hearted" as it played on the radio.

Rhett and Kaya were suddenly startled by the aggressive snorts and loud, metallic *BANGS!* that erupted from the trailer being towed in the back. "Daddy?" the four year old said nervously.

"It's ok baby, he can't get out," Rhett assured her. "Can't hurt us either."

They were almost there, just a little ways over the hills and they'd be at the Granite Hill Ranch and finally........fucking FINALLY, be able to get the problem horse unloaded.

They turned off at the sign, heading into what could only be described as the deep backwoods of Wyoming, a place where good cell reception was hard to come by, where hard work met even harder living and where the closest friends of the Abbotts had lived for as long as they could remember.

Another loud *BANG!* startled Rhett nearly witless before he saw the big house coming into view. Two boys, age twelve, came darting down the hills, waving to the truck before Rhett pulled to a stop and rolled down the window.

"UNCLE RHETT!!!!"

"Uncle Rhett go up to the barn!!"

"Meet me up there!" Rhett told them.

Up a little further he went, the two boys practically jumping across the road as Rhett pulled to a stop outside the stables. Rhett lifted Kaya out of her carseat and set her on the ground as Wes, his daughter and the two nephews who had met him on the road, made their way to him.

"Tee-tee!!!!!" Kaya screamed when she saw Wes's daughter, Theresa.

The girls ran to each other, practically tackling each other into the dirt and giggling before their fathers told them to go and play.

"Whatcha got?" Wes asked him.

"Got a rescue and he's as ornery as your grandfather," Rhett chuckled.

"Bro, are you kidding?" Wes chuckled. "Nothing could be as ornery as Grandpa."

Wes helped Rhett drop the tailgate of the trailer, the two of them letting the salty bronco into the corral where he bolted, kicked and bucked, cantering in circles all along the fence. Scars were visible all over along with the ribs and missing patches in his coat, a sad sight to see, but one that the Abbotts and Wes's family were all too familiar with.

"How are the feet looking?" Wes asked.

"Awful," Rhett told him. "Dad and I drained a festering abscess on one of'em about a week ago. Should've seen it, it looked like Slimer had popped right out of it."

Wes made a gagging noise along with a face. "I hate when that happens," he said. "The feet are always the worst."

"Think we should let him be for a while?" Rhett asked him.

"Yeah let him be," Wes said. "We'll get Danny and Bear to deal with him at feeding time."

Rhett and Wes went about their chores with hardly a problem, tending to the horses, the cattle and making sure that the buffalo pen was safe and secured, the barbed wire pulled taught and tight to ensure that none of them got out and that no neighborhood punks stood a chance at getting in.

"Still dealin with those punks ya'll told me about?" Rhett asked Wes as they tightened the wire fencing around the bison paddock.

"The sneaky little brats from the rich leaf-peeper families?" Wes enquired. "Oh yeah."

"What'd they do now?"

"Little shitheads thought they'd be funny and try to jump the fence," Wes explained. "Little did they know was that it's the height of mating season and the male bison are kinda like how we were."

"Horny and angry?" Rhett chuckled.

"You bet your ass," Wes laughed.

Out of the corners of their eyes, Wes and Rhett saw their two little girls waddle running all the way back to them with something in their arms. "Daddy!! Daddy! Look what we found!"

"Whatcha got there girlies?" Rhett asked.

"We found a kitty under the porch!" Theresa exclaimed excitedly.

"Oh he's kinda cute I......oh......OH! OH SHIT!!" Rhett exclaimed.

"Whatsa matter Daddy?" Kaya asked innocently.

"Uh Kaya, baby, black with white stripes is not a kitty," Rhett explained.

Kaya looked down when the little critter began climbing up to her shoulder, sticking his tail up in the air. "Uh oh......" she chirped.

Rhett and Wes barely had time to utter another word before the air was suddenly choked with that awful smell they were all too familiar with......skunk spray. They coughed, choked and gagged at the awful smell as the skunk continued to spray the two unfortunate men and the two girls before jumping off her back and skittering back through the grass to the porch nest.

"Oh God.......oh God this stinks," Rhett gagged.

"Ok," Wes said, trying his best not to throw up the lunch that threatened to creep into his throat. "First thing's first, we need a crapload of tomatoes."

Rhett took a few deep breaths as Wes called for Bear, the shaggy haired twelve year old skidding to a halt before the skunk smell caught up with him. Wes handed him two twenty dollar bills and told him to go to the corner store and get as much spaghetti sauce, tomato paste and tomato juice as he could get his hands on.

"You gonna be ok?" he asked, noticing the pale look on Rhett's face.

"I think so," Rhett groaned.

"Makes you think twice about getting Kaya a cat, doesn't it?"

"Oh I fuckin hate you right now," Rhett groaned again, feeling his stomach turn.

Wes cackled as Rhett flipped him off. Giving themselves a tomato bath would be easy.....the two little ghouls on the other hand? That would be a whole other story.