#( world; alab ng puso. )

[angelayag]

Bandaged Damage: An Introspection Behind the Anthology “Lockdown Litanies: Countless Untold Stories”

Oprah Winfrey says, “Turn your wounds into wisdom.”. As we travel through the walks of life, we may fall and get hurt. Life is taking its toll on us, causing damage to our mental state. However, putting this pain into words may serve as a bandage to help us heal. According to psychology, transforming one’s emotions into words has therapeutic effects on the brain. Furthermore, we can observe ourselves as we channel our emotions into literary works. In this paper, we delve deeper into this anthology to identify the author(s) and our own introspective stance as we align the insights from what the author is trying to imply and how we interpret it from our own perspective as we attempt to tie it to songs. 

While reading the first part of the anthology, "Dear Diary,", it somehow felt reminiscing as the author expressed being stuck inside, which could be a metaphor for what we experienced during the quarantine. The author appears to have undergone various events in life over the span of 2 years, which led to misfortunes. It is reflected in the poem that the author falls into a deep despondency. From what I’ve gathered towards the end, the author is now attempting to move forward and recover from these setbacks, as evident from the line "Until then, I’ll forego myself, move away and discover a world on my own." The first poem reminds me of Content, the first song from Bo Burnham's Netflix special "Inside." Similar to the themes I’ve mentioned, Bo discussed the glum he experienced and how he's trying to get back up again, as reflected in the line "And so today I'm gonna try just getting up, sitting down, going back to work, might not help, but still, it couldn't hurt". Both works set the tone for their respective mediums by introducing what to expect or feel while consuming both pieces.

Upon reading the second part of the anthology, "The Tale of a Modern Sisyphus'', the first half of the poem appears to have a resemblance to this year’s election. As the colors of the gown from the poem suggest, it could be a symbol for both leading presidential candidates. Similarly to the election results, the undeserving candidate was declared the winner. It is evident from the lines “Holy! Haven’t seen a woman who’s clearly a ten—let alone the judges; they chose a far less seven.". The second half of the poem seems to talk about the resiliency of Filipinos, as evident in the line "And so we witness a life of a modern Sisyphus not defined by her defeat, but of being gracious—Gracious to push the boulder up the mountain and start once again like nothing happened." and how we, as a group, can conquer the challenges along the way, as reflected in the line "To the human condition, we are not inherently alone. A burden is less felt when carried together yielding a boulder collectively on our shoulder.". The themes mentioned in this poem remind me of the song Di Matitinag by Calix featuring Blkd, such as the unfairness of the competition which is evident in this line "Pagkat lamang mo lang naman ay ang laman ng 'yong bulsa't ngalan", the Filipino adaptability mentioned in the line "Walang alam na sa kalam ng tyan ay lalong tumatapang ang alab ng puso ng masang lumalaban" and the overall teamwork needed in order to progress as seen in the line "Kapit kamay, ang pagbago magsisimula sa pagtutulungan". It seems like I got it all figured out, though I still can’t wrap my head around the last line of the poem, "Only to realize, are we not Sisyphus after all?". It makes me wonder if it’s because of the disappointing outcome of the election or just how we act as Filipinos that we don’t align with Sisyphus.

In the third part of the anthology, "O'Yayi", the narrator appears to be telling the story of this person named Yayi from his point of view. The narrator seems to love Yayi, as reflected by this line: “I picked her up. Married her. Eased her pain. She received all the comfort and luxury a woman could ever get from a loving husband.” it appears that the narrator did not fail as a partner. But she doesn’t reciprocate this love back despite everything he has done for her as she is still hung up on her old lover. If we are to look at it from the perspective of Yayi, her emotions are parallel to those in the song Glimpse of Us by Joji, as evident in the line “Why then, if she is so perfect, do I still wish that it was you?” Though the narrator of the anthology appears to have good qualities for a husband, he cannot compete with her longing for her past relationship, similar to what Joji is implying in his song by referring to his current partner in the third person and his ex in the second.

The fourth poem, titled “Two Red Laces on the Wonderwall”, appears to have sexual innuendo attached to it. The narrator seems to have been manipulated by the person they described in the poem but continues to engage in intimacy, as evident in the line “I fell in your words. You, vindictive. I did what you said and leaned forward” followed by the lines of metaphors about lovemaking.  The use of Two Red Laces in the line "Maybe you should get yourself tested" could have a connotation, as the Two Red Laces could be a metaphor for two red lines in a pregnancy test or being positive for some sort of sexually transmitted disease. But it may be just a farfetched theory that I have regarding the poem. Back to my main point, the overall theme of the poem reminds me of Melanie Martinez’s song Teacher’s Pet, as she describes the protagonist of the song engaging in some sexual activities despite feeling controlled by this “teacher” figure, as evident in the line “She's feeling like a spider in a cage. You liar, you were her desire”. 

Moving on to the fifth part of the anthology, "Umbilical," is a poem metaphor for childbirth told from the child's perspective. This poem reflects the difficulties of motherhood as they attempt to bring another human into this world. As the child sees the hardship on their mother's face, which is draining her life, they plead to save her, as repeatedly expressed in the line "Lilom, Lilom, I beg. Spare her for me." This poem reminds me of XXXTENTACION's song before I close my eyes, which has a similar theme of not letting go and asking for a chance to live, as evident in the line "Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. I hope it's not too late for me".

The sixth part of the anthology, "RE:Paper", feels like an academic research paper transformed into a poem. I’ve discovered here that the K-12 system isn’t even fully curated, but it was insisted upon to be part of the curriculum. It is reflected that students struggle with their studies as they rank below the list of various bodies of knowledge. This poem has addressed the issue in our educational system in the hopes that it will open someone's eyes to the situation that we are in. This poem emphasizes the importance of teachers in shaping the excellence of students, as evident in the line "If we keep on insisting quality education for students, why not allow teachers access quality to their extent? Help teachers help students." We’re All In This Together, a song from High School Musical, comes to mind as I explore the themes of this poem. Reflected from the song lyrics: "We're all in this together. When we reach, we can fly; know inside, we can make it" shows that everything is possible as long as everyone cooperates to achieve a common goal, such as obtaining a quality education. 

Moving on to the seventh part of the anthology, “3 A.M. Awakening”, the poem seems to revolve around Harper as they try to contain themselves. Harper appears to face judgments from others, which is reflected in the poem. As Harper tries to calm down, they count up to ten with each line representing gloominess. This poem reminds me of Mars Argo’s Angry as she describes her pent-up anger, similar to the theme of the poem. The tune of the song towards the end is chaotic just like the counting part of the poem, but in the end, music stops as Mars acapelled the line "Fuck it, I don't feel okay but tomorrow's going to be another day" on which warmth and calmness were felt towards the finale, parallel to the closing line of the poem "Ten— THUD. (Finally, peace will be on its way.)". 

The eighth part of the anthology, "My Frail Lady", mentions metaphors about suicide in such a romanticized way that compliments the source material of the poem "The Most Beautiful Suicide." The connotation of this poem reminded me of the song Arms Tonite by Mother Mother, in which the phenomenon of suicide was conveyed in an upbeat tune. Both have expressed a dark topic such as suicide in a captivating way. It seems like some of the lines from the poem are parallel to the song. One of the lines in the poem "Her suffocating words whispered out of relief tightness ‘round her throat." implies the person was free from her misery as she falls at the brink of her death, which is similarly described in the song lyrics "I died in your arms tonight. I slipped through into the afterlife. It was nice". Both perfectly encapsulate the theme of suicide in a manner that some people have felt going through with it. 

Upon reading the last part of the anthology, the poem has an unusual aspect to it, such as the placement of the first and second verse, which are cleverly written. The poem appears to be inspired by tarot reading, and the narrator seems to be the tarot reader. As a result of this poem, I now understand how tarot reading works. The narrator draws six cards at random, each representing a different personality and future prediction. The poem ends with the line "And so you went in wonder and surprise, for you have seen what lies ahead, through your palm into my eyes." as it concludes the tarot reading, parallel to the song lyrics from Song of the Witch by S.J. Tucker, "Backed with a drop of the future to hand; it's when we are human that you must take care, but wonders will come to you, darling, if only you dare!". It is clear from both lines that we have the freedom to explore as we take note of what the future holds.

Reading all the literary works from this anthology feels like a rollercoaster ride. I read masterpiece after masterpiece. It was all beautifully put together. It goes so deep into every topic discussed that I may just scratch the surface level of each part in regards to my interpretation. Reverting back to the quote I’ve mentioned from the beginning, it was indeed turning wounds into wisdom that can truly appreciate the art of our own struggles. I thought I was the one getting to know the author(s) behind the literary works but it turns out I’m just making an introspection about myself. Every interpretation that I have may have just been pertaining to me as I try to relate it to the nearest song I know. The complexity of this anthology has left me wondering as I look at it through the lens of self-actualization. From this anthology, various human experiences were discussed to teach us a lesson or imply that we are not alone, as some of them hit close to home, causing such damage, but as I tried to piece it all together, it left an impact as I was bondage from the pain of my misery. 

Link of the anthology: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qCTIOjeAeI06_aZ4spcwT6PxOAaCdr9M/view

[alabngpusoarchived]

🚶 (what is liam to aiden?)

Send me a 🚶 and I’ll introduce you to an NPC in my muse’s life. 

“An old friend,” is what Aiden would say when it was brought up. But everyone who’d been at least acquainted with them in highschool knew that it was an understatement. Aiden and Liam had been very popular in highschool. At their peak, they were the Lennon and McCartney of their amateur band - and they had a friendship that everyone envied including their own bandmates. Jackson was a new addition and so he never really minded until years later, but Sienna can vouch that Aiden and Liam’s relationship was something stronger. Like brothers, but something more. Grumpy Liam was just different around Aiden. Softer. A bit more forgiving.

But their friendship had this underlying rivalry. Liam was always second next to the boy genius. Aiden was richer, more sociable, more charismatic, arguably better-looking, and had magic coursing through his veins. While Liam had to work his butt off to at least come in second, and was dreadfully ordinary and mundane. Aiden was well aware of their difference but he never minded that. He was all about the band and what he and Liam could do to change the world using their music. They’ve spent more time together in comparison to the rest of the band, mostly writing songs, sometimes just talking about life. As popular as Aiden was, there are bits of his life that he wanted to maintain very private - and Liam was the only one who knew all about these secrets, about his family - about truths that sometimes even Aiden couldn’t remember anymore. Throughout second year and possibly a bit of their third year highschool, though undisclosed to save their reputations and conform with the norms - Aiden and Liam took their friendship to another level. If anybody knew, one might even call it romance.

Then one day, later in junior year, there was a brawl in the school quad.

The crowd was thick and Sienna Mercado was holding Liam back, and his usually sideswept hair mussed, his upper lip bleeding. Jackson Zielinski was on the other side, his arms locking Aiden’s who had a blooming bruise over his nose and his left cheekbone. To the rest of Morganfield High School, that was the end of Genesis. For Aiden, that was the end of his friendship with Liam Garcia. They haven’t spoken to each other ever since.

It was ten years later when Aiden woke up from a seven-week coma and Jessica asked him about his phone. Particularly, it was about the12 missed calls on the day of his “accident” from none other than Liam Garcia.

[hagikhik]

🚶

people in layre’s life;

Haraya - the Babaylan of Pinatubo in Sambales. She prided on being the only one who directly hailed from the line of the archipelago’s ancestors, the ones who dwelled in the caves of Tabon. She’s beautiful and smart, with her long sunkissed curls and chestnut skin. Legana (Layre’s old name when they’ve met before the colonizers came) always admired her like some sort of deity. She didn’t have any supernatural abilities, but the level of her knowledge about the histories of the archipelago was incomparable. She lived in the perilous volcano of Pinatubo and there she kept the Kalantiyaw’s Code safe, which held answers to most questions in the country.

For years, Legana resided in their little village and they became great friends. However, Legana had to keep her attraction to Haraya well hidden as the woman married one of Legana’s good friends Irok who possessed earth elemental abilities. Heartbroken, Legana left Pinatubo and travelled south.

[alabngpusoa]

🖊🖊🖊

 @dakilain // Send me a “🖊+an OC“ and I will talk about that OC! It can be a headcanon, a fun fact, a small paragraph of backstory- anything!

A tikbalang, a kapre and an aswang walked into a bar - and started working there. So, the Puppeteer - an evil and mysterious villain that severely needed more depth and development - has a personal collection of the Kampon (evil creatures) like some evil pokemon master. And currently, he takes control of the three creatures that were all the last of their kind, chucked them in a bar in Ermita, Manila that was currently managed by a guy called Ponzo (actually a Nuno as in Nuno sa Punso, get it?) and just sent to errands of his own secret personal gain because you know, evil and mysterious.

Elijah Joel Montalban Montenegro, Monty if you’re buddies with him, Eli if you wanna flirt - is a Tikbalang. The last of his kind, born from a Tikbalang dad and a human mom. His Tikbalang dad pretended to be his step-dad (an American soldier) and got in bed with his mom. Big yikes, so you can just imagine how much Elijah hates his horse-dad and despised his horse-genes (no offense to horses). But he eventually used his true nature to help people, until The Puppeteer got hold of a strand from his mane, which made him The Puppeteer because he can control Elijah’s every move so long as he keeps that strand. Layre Magsalin (my girl, you know the one) fashioned him an anting-anting so he can ward off this Puppeteer, and that’s how he finally regained control. Elijah now helps Layre lead the resistance, its camp currently hidden in Mt. Makiling.

Isaac Newton Nakpil Cordero, Iking for short, is a Kapre. He was born out of a bundle of withered twigs, dirt and earth magic, and was taken in by Layre as a baby when she still lived around Arayat. When he grew up (a huge growth spurt that Layre can literally perch on his shoulder), he was separated from Layre and he went his own way for a long time, until he was also collected by this Puppeteer and added him to the collection. Iking is a genius, which earned him the Isaac Newton name - also he loves munching on apples or any fruit, really. Once broken free from the Puppeteer and reunited with his pseudo-mom, he now offers his services to the resistance, being their “guy in the chair” (which is a big acacia tree).

Amaya or Amadeo Macaspac - you have to ask which one or they’ll claw your liver out and chomp on it - is an Aswang. (Thank Bathala for si/siya because pronouns will never be a problem). This creature was initially Elijah’s nemesis, as the Aswang once slaughtered a huge number of Elijah’s fellow Tikbalang in one of the older wars. The resistance had the greatest struggle of allowing them to join in because of their history, but Layre insisted, knowing that if the Aswang was unwelcome then so should a Manggagaway, or any other Kampon for that matter.

[hagikhika]

🚶

@waitsdeath // Send me a 🚶 and I’ll introduce you to an NPC in my muse’s life.

Isra Manansala was one of Layre’s cousins (descendant, if you may) that she lived with during the Spanish occupation around the late 18th century. Layre (still known as Lilliana after the mass baptism in the early 1600s) sold bananas in the town talipapa (market) while Isra sold fresh fish. But during the night, the cousins were part of a small theatre group that held musical plays in an underground crypt of Santa Rita Catholic Church which were satirical propaganda against the Spanish. Layre sang, and Isra danced - and she was a very good dancer, with elaborate costumes designed by another of the members Eris, and accompanied by Maricel (Isra’s sister) on the grand piano. Isra is a single mother, and has raised her daughter Tala (Kristala) with the help of her sister and cousins.

They live in a little kubo up in the mountain and usually away from the guardia civil and the  heated eyes of the fraile, especially with Isra having a child out of wedlock. Tala’s father was an American exchange student in the University of Santo Tomas named Ace Burnham. Her hair was fairer than her mother’s like she’d spent so much time out in the sun and into the seawaters, and her eyes were blue. Ace went back to America and left Isra to raise the child on her own. Well, not necessarily on her own. Eris, a cross-dressing dalaga who designed most of her costumes and the stage in their humble productions, eventually became her long-time lover. Layre was very close with Isra, because she felt they were quite similar, the recklessness, the adoration for music, and especially how easily they could fall in love with another. However, Isra always carried a cheerful demeanour, her eyes the brightest and her smile the widest on and off the stage, unlike Layre’s usual grumpy disposition.

[wishingelle]

WHAT ❓

Today, March 9, 2021 SB19 released their newest song entitled WHAT ❓. The MV is now, as of writing 412k views in just two hours.

Watch the official Music Video here:

Let me talk as an A'TIN.

Sa first part, I didn't expect that Pablo will be the first to start. Sobrang strong lang talaga nung pasok nya. I'm literally shocked nung pagpasok nya. Sobrang lakas ng kabog ng puso ko.

"Di ibigsabihin pag di tinapos, ako'y hihinto na rin."

Next to sing is Ken. As usual, yung lalim ng boses nya sobrang bagay sa kanta. And that "argh" part, just wow. Lakas maka-rockstar.

"Kahit saan man ako mapunta. Lapat sa lupa aking mga paa."

Josh's part really gets me. Dito ako napasabi ng "kapit ka lang kay Pablo." for the first time. Ang galing ng facial expressions nya dun. Mahal na mahal sya ng camera. Sa Alab may ganun din syang part na nakatitig lang sya. Pinagpala ang Josh. Haha.

"Pareparehas lang tayo may pagkakaiba. Di ba?"

Stell high notes andyan parin. Di mawawala! I like also his part that he sing after Justin, the verse before the chorus. Ang ganda ng line na 'to.

"Maniwala darating ang mga biyaya higit pa sa lahat-lahat na nawala."

Sa last part where Justin singing habang may mga kasalubong. Ang lakas ng dating nun. And Justin did it really well. Level up si Jah!

"Wag nyo sabihin sa akin kung ano ang aking dapat gawin. Di naman kayo natutong makinig."

Overall i like it from editing to outfits and concept. Totoong iwinawagayway nila ang bandera ng Pilipinas. They deserve to be heard world wide. 🇵🇭

Disclaimer: Song lyrics is based on what I heard. So maaring di sya accurate. I accept correction. All pictures are all from SB19 Official.

[ayiksahs]

Nasan na yung apoy? Nasan na yung liyab? Nasan na yung alab ng iyong puso? The fire within you doesn't leave, it's still right there— it lives within you. But sometimes, we do things in our own way that tame the fire that God breathed on us. Paano nga ba mabalik yung fire? Paano nga ba makabalik sa laban? It's simple: obey the voice of God. You don’t have to understand His voice to know that it’s for your good. You don’t have to have it figured out His plan to know that it’s the best— JUST OBEY. Every day your choice to obey, to listen and to follow Him, ignites the fire the He set within you in the first place. Do whatever you need to do to keep your fire burning for Jesus, and for this generation and next. When the fire of God lives in you, the fire of culture can no longer destroy you. When the voice of God becomes your drive, the voice of the enemy can no longer control you. The fire burning inside of you is brighter than the fire burning around you. "Greater is He that's in you than he that's in the world." (1 John 4:4) Mag-alab kang muli, kapatid. Ibalik mo yung init ng pagmamahal kay Lord at sa kaluluwa. Your obedience today can affect lots of souls tomorrow. Don't compromise your faith now. There are people connected to your YES. Hindi naman yung "fire" ang nawala, kundi ikaw. Good news is, you can start with God again. Bumalik ka sa laban. Magsimula ka ngayon. There's a greater YOU that the world is yet to see: Ilabas mo, kapatid. #MLNLph #PusoConference #puso https://www.instagram.com/p/B0l1MYlA5TY/?igshid=1eazmd76mkrlh

[ynnmyjourney]

Sa Alab ng Puso series maririnig niyo po yung vision ng puso. But PUSO is fighting for the next generation, generation po na sexually abused, family abused, full of themselves because of the rise of social media, suicidal, and depressed. How? We will gather and empower christians, artists like you, influencers in one place. Ibabalik ang PUSO natin sa Diyos at sa Tao... para kapag nasa kanya kanyang field tayo... hindi tayo nag cocondemn, hindi tayo nakakain ng sistema.. but we will share the gospel to the broken world... But our weapon is LOVE. Hindi condemnation, hindi pukpok ng bible, pero LOVE. LOVE IS THE BRIDGE. ü #pusoconference https://www.instagram.com/p/BzK11X8ALWN/?igshid=13qqywuft9jpf

[themasterlev-blog]

“BESTIELINA”

(World Literature Final Exam from 2016, First Semester)

“Hawakan mong mabuti ‘yang sandata mo. Hindi mo ‘yan pwedeng bitawan, ‘yan lang ang makakasalba sa ‘yo at ‘yan lang ang pupwede mong ipamukha sa buong mundo na may mararating ka bilang isang tao. Bukod diyan, wala nang iba. Sino ka ba kung wala kang pinag-aralan? Sinong maniniwala sa iyo kung nandito ka lang, kung isa kang tambay, kung isa kang walang alam, isa kang mang-mang? Walang kumpyansa ang mundo sa mga taong nakatigil at hindi napapagod para sa wala. Mag aral ka Bestielina. Hanggat kumbinsido ka ng sistema ng edukasyon na meron ang bansang ito, mag-aral ka. Ito ang espada na ibibigay sa iyo ng mundo para balang araw ay lalaban ka para sa kanila o kaya ay labanan mo rin sila.

Nagmamahal,

Papa.”

“Si Papa talaga kung makapag-sulat akala mo palaging mamamatay”, pagsisimangot ni Bestielina. Lagi silang hindi nagpapangabot ng kanyang ama. Tuwing papasok siya sa eskwela, nakaalis na ito ng limang minuto ng mas maaga sa pagdilat ng kaniyang mga mata. Kapag pauwi naman na siya, tulog na ito. Tuwing Sabado at Linggo hindi pinapauwi ang tatay niya mula trabaho. Lagi silang tinatakot ng namumuno sa kanila na tatapusin ang kontrata kapag di sumusunod sa mga araw na kailangan nilang magtrabaho ng walang bayad. Walang pagkakataon ngunit may paraan na makatanggap ng pangaral mula sa munting sulat na iniiwan nito sa tukador kada linggo. Pagkalapag ng sulat na nakaipit sa tukador na dilaw sa dulo ng maliit na kwarto, sunod niyang nakita ang mga kagabi pang nakahandang mga damit na susuotin niya papuntang eskwelahan. Isang maong na pantalon at t-shirt na paborito niya dahil bigay ‘to ng dati niyang kasintahan. Tinatawag na Harvard ng Pilipinas ang isang unibersidad sa may Diliman na may malawak na track oval na kakailanganin mong sumakay ng tren para makalipat ng mga building sa bawat subject. Kung kabilang ka sa kalahati ng populasyon na walang pambayad sa express train sa eskwelahan katulad niya, kailangan mong magpanggap na araw-araw kang nagjajogging tuwing lilipat ka sa kabilang kanto para sa kaisa-isang subject. Lagi siyang may baon na tatlong ekstrang damit dahil bago pa siya makarating sa silid aralan ay tumatagaktak na ang pawis na pinaghirapan niyang gawin sa paglalakad simula sa malawak na entrance ng paaralan patungo sa room nila sa (insert exact location ng mga taga polsci). Bababa na sa unang palapag ng bahay, ayan na si Nanay. 1.. 2.. 3...

“Ano Bestielina? Nagpadala na ba si Tita Karol mo? Di ka manlang magbigay dito ng kaunting pera, dito ka naman kumakain araw-araw, ang mahal mahal ng kuryente dahil sa laging nakabukas sa gabi sa pag-babasa mo, mga walang kwentang libro naman ‘yang nakikita ko, wala naman akong maintindihan! Tsaka yang chhhh chhhh chhh psshh blaahhh bublahhh...(lasts for 30 minutes)”. Magiinit ng bahagya ang ulo ng ating bida dahil sa panlalait sa paborito nyang libro na Kafka on the Shore, ang pundasyon ng kaniyang pagkatao. Ang kauna-unahang aklat na humubog sa kaniyang mga pananaw. Sabi sa pahina “Listen up – there’s no war that will end all wars.”  Dahil naalala niya itong mahalagang sinabi ni Haruki Murakami, napigilan niya ang matinding bugso ng damdamin, kailangan niya ng kaunting pag-iisip, ng kaunting pagkokontrol sa mga bagay na kayang kaya niya at huwag pansinin ang mga di kayang pigilan katulad ng bibig ng Nanay. Walang sigalot ang sasagot sa isa isa pang malawakang sigalot.

Huminga ng malalim. Inipon ang sarili. Hinawakang mahigpit ang mga emosyon na di pwedeng sumirit kagay ng inis at galit. “Wala pa ho siyang nababanggit kung magpapadala siya o hindi. Parang may problema ata sa trabaho nila, di din niya sinasabi kung bakit.”

Isang malaking problema kung magkakataon na wala ng magpopondo sa pag-aaral ni Bestielina. 30,000 php ang pera na kinakailangan niya simula sa matrikula hanggang sa pamasahe sa araw-araw sa bawat semester ng kanyang kurso at hindi kailan man kakayanin ng kaniyang ina na maglabas ng kahit magkano para tustusan ito dahil simula’t sapul , ayaw na niyang pag-aralin ang anak at ineengganiyo niya itong magtinda na lamang ng mga ulam at pagkain sa kanto. Madalas silang mag-talo at minumungkahian siyang ibigay nalang sa pang gastos sa bahay ang trenta mil na ipinapadala sa kanya kaysa ipambyad sa tuition. Pero ito ang kaniyang espada na kailangan niyang protektahan at ipaglaban. Alam niyang balang araw ay siya naman ang ipagtanggol nitong pag-aaral na pinaghihirapan niyan sa ngayon.

Sa eskwelahan matatagpuan ang mga tinuturing niyang pamilya. Si Beso na may makakapal na kilay at mahahabang pilik mata na gwapong lalaki ngunit may pusong babae at si Besha na araw-araw na may suot na makapal na eyeliner at palaging naghahatid ng liwanag at pag-asa sa buhay gamit ang mga positibong pananaw sa lahat ng bagay.

“Bestielina, may pambayad ka na ba dun sa seminar natin na dalawang libo? Nako last day na ngayon, paano ka makakasama sa amin ni Besha?”. Bayarin. Bayarin nanaman. Mula sa pamasahe niyang sapat hanggang sa susunod na araw bago magpadala si Tita Karol, hindi na niya pwedeng iawas ang seminar sa darating na katapusan. Mapapatulala si Bestilina sa kawalan dahil hindi naman niya talaga alam kung saan dadamputin ang pera at hindi pa siya  *tunog ng kumakalam na sikmura* nakakapag-agahan. “Hindi ko alam guys, susubukan kong kausapin ulit si Tita, baka pwede niyang dagdagan yung sunod niyang padala. Hindi naman kasi ako nakakahingi kay Papa kasi lahat ng sinasahod niya napupunta lang sa pambayad sa bahay. Kung minsan wala pa sa kuryente at tubig. Sabihan ko nalang kayo kung makakasama ako o ano---,” sinalo agad ni Beso ang mga susunod na kataga, “Anong ano? Hindi pwedeng di ka makakasama Bestie, requirement yun sa finals, mawawalan ka ng grade! Sige ikaw din, alam mo namang mukhang pera yung professor natin dun, pag di ka sumama malaking kawalan sa kinokomisyon nila yun. Alam ko may kota yun eh, mga 200 na students ay---“, napaawat si Besha, “Nako itigil mo ‘yan Beso, mamaya maymakarinig sa ‘yo dito, baka pahirapan tayo nun sa Thesis sige ka! Basta Bestie, makinig ka sa akin, magtanong tanong tayo sa pwedeng mautangan sa classroom, kaht tig wawanhandred lang, makakagpahiram naman siguro ‘yang mga ‘yan”.

Nagningning nanaman sa liwanag ng pag-asa ang buhay dahil sa mga payo ni Besha. Nilinga-linga nila ang paligid kung may kaklase ba silang pwedeng simulan na utangan at nakita nila si Coleen na kalalapag ng bag sa lamesa, nagaakmang dukutin ang mga make-up na sumusuko na sa kapal ng papagpatong niya sa mukha sa araw-araw na ginawa ng Diyos. Hindi nila madalas nakakausap ito dahil masungit at hindi marunong makipagusap ng maayos. Palaging pabalang at madalas walang sense magsalita. Kapag ngingiti, parang mas nakakademonyo kaysa nakakaanghel sa mata. “Mukhang di magandang idea yung lalapit tayo sa kanila isa-isa tapos uulit-ulitin nating sabihin  na  ‘ uy pahiram naman ng pera para kay Bestielina kasi blah blah blah’, baka mairita sila tsaka nakakasawang sabihin. Biro mo singkwenta’y tres yang iisa isahin natin. Baka naman maubos ang isang subject natin kakalimos.”, pagpupunto ni Beso kalakip ang mahinhin at hindi pumapalag niyang matinis na boses. Isang bumbilya sa ulunan ni Besha ang sumilip, “Alam ko na! Sumulat tayo sa isang papel tapos ipabasa nalang natin sa lahat para mas madali. O! Ako na magkokolekta ng pera, kayo na gumawa niyan!”. 

Habang abala silang tatlo sa pagpapasa ng sulat sa mga kaklase, nakarating kay Coleen ang kanilang mabuting modus operandi at sasamantalahin niya ito para ipahiya nanaman si Bestielina. Tumayo. Pumunta sa harapan. Tinawag ang atensyon ng buong klase na kalahating mayayaman, kalahating nagpupursigi para balang araw ay maging mayaman. Nagproject na isang kumakandidatong senador sa pagkapangulo. “Hello guys! Have you read the solicitation letter from Bestielina and her poor friends about One Hundred Pesos?You should lend her kasi kawawa naman. Walang semester ata na nagdaan na hindi niya kailangan ng pera. And oh by the way! Pakisabi naman sa mom mo na hindi pa sapat ‘yung ipinambayad niya sa mom ko sa utang niya sa amin sa pagpapaospital sa ‘yo last time na nabundol ka ng truck sa katangahan mo. Okay? Please don’t forget”. Nginuya at hinimay nang mabuti ng magkakaibigan ang mga salitang sinampal sa kanila ng kaklase. Nagkakatinginan silang tatlo na para bang gusto nilang isaoli nalang ang tig iisang daan na nalikom nila na pwede na sanang punan ang pang seminar ni Bestielina.­ Lahat ng mata ay nakatingin sa kanila. Ang iba ay naawa, ang iba naman ay kuntento na nakapag kawang gawa at nanonood nalang. Nakayuko niyang binuhat ang bag papalabas. Hindi na kaya ng mumurahin at maramdamin niyang puso ang kahihiyan na dinudulotsa kanya ng malditang kaklase. Hindi niya rin maunawaan kung bakit sa kaniya pa nabubunton ang kasamaan ni Coleen. Madalas na nagiging dahilan kung bakit pinipiga siya ng isipan na huwag pumasok dahil sa kakulangan sa pera at kakapusan sa kumpiyansa. Walang Beso at Basha na sumunod sa kaniya papalabas ng kwarto dahil alam nila na mas kailangan niyang mapag-isa kahit ngayon man lang. Hawak hawak ni Bestielina ang P1,500 na nalikom nila kanina. Kulang parin para sa P2,000 na nakatakdang bayaran ngayong araw. Naalala niya ang bawat sulat na iniiwan sa kaniya ng Tatay Esmeraldo tungkol sa pag-aaral. Ito ang patuloy na pag-asang bumubuhay sa namamatay niyang alab para sa edukasyon. Ang edukasyon na inaakalang mura at para sa lahat ngunit ngayon ay may presyong kailangan ng bayad.

 Sa paglalakad at pagmumuni-muni ng malalim, hindi niya napansin na may motorsiklong pagewang gewang ang papalapit at nasaktuhan na nahagip ang tagiliran niya. Dahil sa kawalan ng ulirat, natumba siya sa gutter na may nakabukas na malalim na imburnal at dahan-dahang namaalam sa kaniya ang tig-iisang daan na pinaghirapan nila ni Beso at Besha. Nagflashback ang kahihiyan na nilunok niya mula kay Coleen at ang ideya ng matalinong si Besha para makamtan nila ang pera. Ang lahat ng ito ay napasa walang halaga. Putikan, braso at tuhod na duguan, luhaan, sugatan, at di mapakinabangan, nagtatatakbo siya pabalik sa class room para humingi ng tulong ngunit wala sila doon. Takbo dito, takbo doon. Lalo pang naiiyak sapagkat di mahanap ang gustong makita. Natagpuan niya sina Beso at Basha sa Canteen na kumakain. Pagkalapit ay parang isang batang nakatagpo ng nawawalang kapiraso ng nawasak na laruan. “Beso, Basha”. Hindi na niya napigilan ang patong patong na pagkadismaya kaya hinayaan na niyang magpaliksahan ang mga luha mula sa mga mata. Punas dito, punas doon, kasama ang mga uhog na di na dapat lumalabas dahil dalaga na siya ay naroroon at dinadamayan siya. 

“Anong nangyari Bestie? Saan mo nakuha yang mga sugat mo? Jusko!?”, tanong ni Besha habang pinupunasan ang mga lupa na naghahalo na sa dugo at pawis ng kaibigan. “Nalaglag ko yung pera sa imburnal kasi----”,bago pa siya matapos na magpaliwanag ay hindi niya inaasahang magtataas ng boses si Beso. “ Bestielina ano ba naman ‘yang katangahan na ‘yan , jusko naman! Alam mo naman kung anong pinagdaanan mo para makuha ‘yung pera tapos hinayaan mo nalang ng ganun ganun lang? Nasaang kalawakan ba ‘yang pagiisip mo ha?”.  Ito ang mga salitang wawasak sa kaniya mula sa kaibigang tinuturing na pamilya. Akala niya ay makakaligtas siya sa panghuhusga mula rito pero katulad ng mga nangyari lamang kanina ay isa lang si Beso sa mga tatapyas sa gadangkal niyang nauupod na pag-asa. Ngunit isasalba ni Bestielina ang kaibigan mula sa mga masasakit na salita na pwede niyang sabihin dito kaya bago pa niya maibuka ang bibig para makapagpaliwanag at makaganti, iniwan na niyang muli sina Besha at Beso na marahil ay napapagod na rin sa kaniya at sa mga kakaibang kamalasan niya sa buhay na walang makakapagpaliwanag. Umuwi. Umaasang maabutan ang ama dahil maaga siya ngayong makakarating ng bahay. Magbabakasakaling makarinig ng boses ng payo mula sa tagapagbigay niya ng pag-asa. Pagkatapos ng tatlong oras na pagkatulala sa sakayan pauwi sa bahay nila sa mataong Krus na Ligas malapit sa PhilCoa, isang supresa ang bumungad sa kaniya. Basag lahat ng gamit. Ang DVD player, gitara, kaisa-isang electric fan na pinaghahatian nilang tatlo  at isang laptop na lumang luma na naipundar niya mula sa isang sideline noong nakaraang dalawang taon ay pira-piraso na at hinding hindi na maibabalik pa sa dating anyo. Nagbabadyang maiyak muli ngunit naaninag niya sa kusina ang Tatay Esmeraldo na  aakmang basagin ang baso at pinggan.

“Hayop! Hayop! Hayop na Dominador yan! Diablong hayop na ‘yan! Kung alam ko lang na tatapusin niya ang kontrata ko ngayon , di na sana ako nagtuloy pa ng isang buwan! Hayop! Saan na kukuha ng pambayad sa ilaw ngayon, sa tubig, sa lahat, sa--”, natigilan ang ama nang makita na nariyan na ang kaniyang anak, nanonood sa kaniyang pagwawala. Ang dating ama na nagpapatibay ng kaniyang loob ay ang tao ngayon na nasa harapan niyang nilamon ng pagkabayolente, tangay tangay ng galit at kawalan ng katinuan. Nasaan si Tatay na puno ng pag-asa? Nasaan si Tatay na nagsasabi sa akin na huwag akong mawawalan ng kakayanan na makita ang buhay sa maliwanag na ilaw. Tinigil ni Tatay Esmeraldo ang pagwawala at napalitan ng kahihiyan. Ang mga matang puputok sa galit ay umimpis at binabawing pilit ang kaninang panlilisik. Pero huli na ang lahat para mabura sa isipan ni Bestielina ang mga nasaksihan. Napalitan na ng takot, ng pagdududa, ng kawalan ng tiwala at ng sama ng loob ang kaniyang sarili. Walo sa sampu katao ang nagsabing sarili ang pinakamahirap na problema ayon sa isang survey noong nakaraang taon, 2015 ng Forbes.com at ilan dito ay 1. Ang hindi mo maintindihan sa sarili 2. Ang hindi mo pa nalalaman at 3. Ang mga alam mo na at nakapundasyon na bilang paniniwala at pananampalataya. Sa mga sandaling ito, lahat ng nabanggit ay naghahalu-halo sa looban ni Bestielina. 

Bakit wala ng pag-asa kung saan ang bansang kinabibilangan niya ay Pilipinas at kilala na nasakop ng Romano Katoliko noong 1521 at mahigit limang daang taon na ang nakakalipas. Ilan sa mga nakasanayan ay pagdadasal at paniniwala sa pag-asa na hindi nahahawakan at nakikita. Bakit ipinagdadamot sa akin na magaral at maging masaya? Bakit walang pera? 20,000 ang normal na presyong kakailanganin para mabuhay ang isang pamilya na binubuo ng tatlong tao na kumakain ng tatlong beses sa isang araw at pare-parehas na nagtatrabaho / nagaaral. Bakit may endo? Ang endo na pinuputol ang kontrata ng isang manggagawa dahil sa edad, kakayahan at iba pang kinakasangkapan upang maging dahilan ng pagtanggal sa empleyado. Agosto, 2016 ang huling naisaad na balita sa pagsisimula ng katapusan ng ENDO or End of Conract. Ang DOLE director na si Benjo Benavidez ay nagsabi na ang agency na sinisimulan niya ay nagsasabatas ng mas teknikal o mas malinaw na pamamaraan para maisapatupad ang pinaguutos ni Presidente Duterte na lagyan ng “endo” ang ENDO. Bilang patunay, hinati nila sa tatlo ang pinagtutuunang pansin sa endo. Ito ay ang pagpapaigting ng mga nakasaad na na mga batas. Pagrerebyu ng Department Order 18-A or the implementing rules and regulations of the Labor Code at ang amendment of the Labor Code.

“We need a clear definition of what constitutes labor-only contracting,” sabi nito.

Bakit may bayad ang seminar? Bakit kailangang magbayad para matuto? Akala ko ba ay libre ang edukasyon sa gustong matuto? Ngayong taon ay 60 billion pesos ang proposal budget para sa mga magaaral at sa pagdating ng mga senior high students. Malaking pursyento ang makikita na nakahanda para sa pasilidad, sa mga klasrum na ipapatayo, sa mga upuan at black board.Pero bakit kailangan paring maningil ng ganito kalaki para sa mga nais lamang mag-aral sa mgandang paaralan? Kailangan ba nating magpadala ng magagaling na propesor sa maliliit na kolehiyo? Bakit walang gustong magalay ng sarili para sa bayan kapalit ay maliit na sweldo?  Bakit may Coleen? Bakit may nanay pero parang wala naman? Bakit mahirap kami? Kalahati sa populasyon ng Pilipinas ay umaaming mahirap tayo at tumatakbo ito sa 12 milyon sa bilang. Bakit wala na akong kaibigan? Bakit ang malas ko? Masama ba akong tao?  Bago pa silang magtagpo sa isang nagbabadyang yakap ay umakyat siya para magkarooon pa ng maraming tanong sa sarili.

(1)   ONE MESSAGE FROM UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF LABOR

Karol Magbanua has been put into jail for the following cases :  Theft and Overstaying without updated Visa

Hindi pa niya napagluluksaan ang mga huling kaganapan ngunit heto na ang panibagong kwestiyon para sa sarili mula sa pagkakabukas ng email sa telepono. May tamang paraan ba kung paano niya ito sasabihin sa mga magulang na hindi sila magwawala o maninigaw? “Paano ko kaya ‘to. Maglipat nalang kaya ako ng eskwelahan? Pero paano hindi ko rin makukuha agad yung mga papeles para makalipat kasi may balanse pa na kailangang bayaran?”. Habang naghahanap siya ng mahihingan ng tulong sa isang social media site na tampok ngayon sa kabataan na tinatawag na Facebook, nahagip ng mga atat na atat na mga matang gusto ng umiyak ng dugo  ang isang advertisement sa pagbebenta ng kidney na nagkakahalagang 120,000php. Sa kalkulasyon, sapat ito sa tatlong semester na natitira sa kanya at ang sobra ay pupwedeng pagsimulan ng panibagong negosyo na kahit maliit lamang para sa Tatay Esmeraldo.

 Walang takot na kumatok sa isipan niya sapagkat sakop siya ng lakas ng loob ng pagsasakripisyo para sa pera. Hindi siya makapaniwala na ginugusto niya ngayong ialay ang sarili para sa kapakanan ng nakararami. Agad niyang binuksan ang artikulo na nakita. Basa. Basa. Basa. Mga kinakailangan para makapagsumite ng application at kung papaano magbenta nito at saan. Kailangan malaman kung alin sa dalawa ang kayang magfunction sa katawan ng magbebenta. Isang buwan na work out, titignan kung kaya ng puso at katawan na mamuhay na may isang kidney lang. Titignan ang blood type, kung mas compatible ang tissues ng kidney mo sa nakararami, mas malaki ang market mo at maaring mas mahal. Pati sa pag-iisip ay may konsultasyon. Maari nilang tignan kung nakikita mo ba ang sarili mo na alam mo ang ginagawa mong pagbebenta. Aabot sa kalahating milyon ang maaring makuha ng isang seller ngunit maaari ring kasing baba ng 120,000 php katulad ng nakita ni Bestielina sa unang patalastas.

7:18 anti meridem. 

Kinabukasan ay inasikaso niya ang maitim na balak sa sarili. “Ma’am ako po si Bestielina Dimakulangan, ‘yung nagsubmit po ng application para po dun sa ano po—“ , nahihiyang ipinresinta ang iba pang papeles ng pagkakakilanlan at ang maliit na kaba. Hindi takot para sa pagkawala ng isang parte ng katawan kundi isang uri ng kaba na baka hindi niya ito maibenta. Naaalala niya na malakas nga pala silang uminom nila Beso at Besha nung mga nakaraang tatlong buwan sa dami ng may birthday nilang kaklase noong hayskul. “Ah oo, nakita ko nga sa litrato, halika maupo ka muna, tatawagin kita para macheck kung qualified ka.” Isang oras at kalahati na ang nakakalipas. Kinuhaan siya ng dugo. Tinignan ang heart rate at lahat ng eksaminasyon sa katawan pati ang pagtingin sa available tissues ng kidney.

“Ma’am according sa results hindi po kayo pwede magbenta ng isang kidney,”. Unang pag guho ng mundo. “Kasi iisa nalang po yung kidney niyo, hindi po ba kayo aware sa operation na nangyari sa inyo sa peklat na ‘yan?”, sabay turo sa marka sa ibaba ng bewang. Ikalawang pag guho ng mundo. Totoo ba ‘to?Isa lang ang kidney ko? Paano yung pera? Hindi. Paano yun nangyari?

Alam ng isang tao na may hindi siya nalalaman sa pamamagitan ng malalaking tanong na manggagaling mula sa labas. Bukod pa doon ay ang mga desisyon na ginagawa ng mundo para sa kanya. Bumyahe pabalik sa bahay na ngayon ay tinatanong niya ang sarili kung matatawag pa ba niya itong tahanan. Naroon at nanunuod ng programa sa telebisyon habang pumapalakpak sa isang nanalo sa  laban o bawi ang nanay. Pinindot ng malakas ni Bestielina ang pihitan para maglaho ang mga makukulay na karakter sa kahon. Gulat na gulat at galit na galit sa parehas na pagkakataon ang nanay niya. “Bastos kang bata ka! Anong kagagahan ba ‘to Bestielina?”, paninigaw nito. “Ako ang dapat magtanong sa ‘yo niyan Ma! Anong nangyari dito?”, sabay turo sa peklat. “Ano bang klaseng tanong yan? Edi dahil sa katangahan mo nung naaksidente ka!”, sagot ng nanay. Hindi alam kung ito na ba ang tamang panahon para sabihin sa iba ang kaniyang mga plano. Natahimik at nanaisin sanang wag ibahagi ang katotohanan ngunit malabo na sapagkat narito na sa harapan ang galit, lungkot at pagkikimkim. 

“Gusto kong ibenta ang isang kidney ko para makaraos tayo sa buhay Ma, pero bakit isa lang yung nandito? Sabi ng doktor, tinanggal yun, di dahil lang sa aksidente”, pataas na pataas nang tono ni Bestielina. Hindi na niya ninais pang makatanggap ng kahit anong paliwanag, ng kahit anong paglilinaw sa pwedeng mangyari, sa bakit nangyari ang iilang maliliit pero malaking desisyon noon at ngayon. “Kinailangan natin ng malaking pera para makalabas ka ng ospital nung naaksidente ka. Nagkataon na nangangailangan ng kidney donor yung anak ni Mrs. Villanueva, yung matalik mong kaibigan, si Coleen. Tsaka marami tayong utang sa kanila mula sa pamasahe ng Tita Karol mo papuntang ibang bansa ”. Sa dinamirami ng tao, bakit sa babaeng ‘yun pa? Iyon marahil ang tinutukoy niyang hindi pa sapat na kabayaran. Kung bakit hindi sumapat ang buhay ni Bestielina ay di na niya alam. Wala ng pag-asa. Wala ng pwedeng makuhanan ng pera. Wala na rin sigurong makakain sa susunod na araw, baka pwede ng mamatay ngayon.

Oo. Magpakamatay. Magpakamatay sabi ng maliit ngunit malamig na boses sa isipan niya. Maulap na mga ala-ala, madilim na pangitain. Sa may palikuran ang pinaka magandang lugar kung saan isasagawa ang malagim na balak, ang pagpapaalam sa lahat ng bigat ng mundo. Sa pagsara ng pinto nang maigi, kasabay niyang tinatalikdan ngayon ang mga susunod na taon na sana ay buhay pa siya at gumagawa ng paraan para sa pangarap niya ngunit ngayon, malabo ang lahat. Dinampot ang matalim na salaming basag na pinakatago tago niya para kung sakaling dumating man itong desisyon na ito. Ang kalaban ng laman ngayon ay isang laman din ngunit sa pagkakataong ito, may matalim na bagay itong hawak. “... I’m bulletprooof, nothing to lose, far away, far away..” , nagwawalang ring tone ng cellphone niya. “Bestielina asan ka ba? Kanina ka pa hinahanap nung prof natin sa Gen Stat, ibabagsak ka na daw kapag di ka pa nakahabol lalo na dun sa 80 php na sinisingil niya.” Nagpapakamatay na nga ako sa bayarin, may balita nanaman ba tungkol sa bayarin. Anong kayang gawin ng isang disinuebe anyos na katulad ko na may maliit at marupok na utak. “Oo, sige ssabihan nalang kita.” Naantala ng isang tawag ang unang pagtatangka niyang kunin ang buhay. Di epektibo. Naaninag niya ang isang bote ng shampoo na nakabukas, iniisip na sa sobrang dumi at dami ng kemikal nito ay maaaring sapat na para magpabula ng bibig at sirain ang bawat lamang loob na di naman niya napapakinabangan nung ninais nya itong ibenta. Tulad ng pagkauhaw sa tubig at alak, tinungga nito ang di bote ng kamatayan.

 Naghintay ng ilang sandali kung anong unang masisirang bituka sa kanya. Nagdilim ang bawat makulay na naaaninag ng kaniyang mata, unti unting binabawi na ang ulirat. Heto na. Siguro ay umeepekto na. Tok tok tok!! “Bilisan mo nga riyan sa CR, nadudumi na ako.”, isang panggigising ng boses ng kaniyang nanay. Lintek. Buhay pa ako, “Oo, teka.” Napakamot ng ulo nang itaob ang bote, sa sobrang kahirapan ay puro tubig pala ang laman nito. Kailangan na niyang gawin ang pinaka sikat na paraan ng pagpapakamatay ng mahirap. Hinananp niya ang lubid na ginamit nila nung kinumpuni ang mga gamit noong nakaraang tangayin ito ng bagyong Yolanda. Inihanda niya rin ‘to sa ilalim ng mga kahon ng kaniyang damit. Kinabit sa kisame ng banyo, hinila hila upang masubukan ang tibay. Mahigpit na ibinuhol at tumungtong sa kubeta. Isang talon lang kailangan niyang gawin para makatawid na sa mas tahimik na kabilang buhay. Bago pa bumwelta ang mga paa, “Bahala na po kayo Lord”, sambit nito. Isa. Dalawa. Talon.

Isang oras na ang nakakalipas, nagaabang na ang mga tagapagbantay ng kabilang buhay ngunit walang Bestielina ang kumakatok sa pinto. Sirang kisame ang tumambad sa pagmulat ng kaniyang mga mata, kaunting pasa sa pagkakalaglag. Marahil sa kawalan niya ng malay sa kalagitnaan ng kawalan ng hangin ay nalaglag ang marupok na kisame.

Napakamot sa ulo. Natatawa ng bahagya. Nawawala na sa sariling katinuan. Bago pa may makapansin sa pagtatangka niyang magpakamatay, lumabas siya ng palikuran, napaupo sa gilid ng kama, nais matulala sa mga bagay bagay na muntik na niyang lisanin.

*cling* One Email from CHED

Isang sulat ng pag-asa. Pinapupunta ang ating bida sa Komisyon ng Lalong Mataas na Edukasyon para sa isang magandang balita. Naaprubahan na ang full scholarship na isang taon na niyang pinroseso kalakip nito ngayon ay pag-asa na hindi na niya kakailanganin pang mamroblema sa pera sa pang-araw araw nila ng kaniyang edukasyon, kahit edukasyon na lamang. Dali-daling inimis ang mga kalat ng pagsisisi, hinanap ang mga papeles na maaring kailanganin niya sa pagkakakilanlan. Wala nang gusto pang sayangin na oras si Bestielina na kanina ay halos mamaalam na sa ating lahat. Ngayon ay balot na ng pag-asa ang kanina ay puno ng hinanakit sa mundo. Kumakaripas na ginayak ang sarili, nagtungo sa departamentong tutulong sa kaniyang abutin ang kaniyang mga pangarap.

 Sa layon na ito, mukhang sunud-sunod na malalaglag ang mga bagay sa tamang lugar at paraan. Maayos siyang nakarating sa establisyimento na hindi naaksidente o nawawalan ng malay, hindi nananakawan kahit pamasahe o nahoholdap kagaya ng nakaraan. Pakiramdam niya ay ito na ang pinaka magandang simula para sa lahat ng bagay, ang makapag aral at gawin lahat ng makakaya para maiahon ang sarili sa buhay kasama ang kamalayan na may kaunting pagiingat tungkol sa natuklasang kakulangan sa sarili. Kakulangan sa kumpyansa at kakulangan sa isa pang kidney.

Pagkatungtong sa gusali, ipinakita and ID na nagpapatunay na siya ang Bestielina na nakatanggap ng pabuya sa kalangitan, sa tulong ng Diyos na Maykapal na ngayon ay pinaniniwalaan na niyang muli. Sa tanggapan ng ahensyang ito na nagaabang sa kaniya, mabilis na naiproseso ang mga papeles na para bang matagal na siyang hinihintay nito ngunit hindi lamang alam kung paano siya hihilahin sa liwanag. Pirma dito, pirma doon. Pakikipag kamay kay ganito at kay ganiyan. Hanggang maiabot sa kanya ang pambayad para sa paparating na semester na kailangan na niyang ienrol sa susunod na linggo.

Salamat. Salamat. Hindi ko alam kung paano saabihin ang Salamat na may higit pang ibig sabihin sa sobrang saya. Nilisan niya ang lugar nang may galak sa puso at baon na panibagong simula. Handang handa na ang kanyang puso na makibaka pang muli, maunawaang paulit-ulit ang kahalagahan ng mga sulat ni Tatay Esmeraldo ukol sa sandata ng edukasyon. Nanonood ang haring araw sa masigasig niyang paglalakbay sa daan nang di namamalayang may nakasunod na binatilyo sa hindi kalayuan.  Sa liwanag ng kalsada, naghintay ng tiyempo sa malayo at medyo liblib na lugar kung saan magbabakasakali itong may makulimbat sa binibini. Hindi nakakaramdam si Bestielina ng pangamba dahil sa maliwanag na pag-asang dulot ng scholarship na kakakuha niya lamang kanina. Hindi niya napansin na may sumusunod at nagmamasid. Sa isang iglap, binangga siya nito nang malakas na nakapagpatilapon sa bag niyang halu-halo na ang laman. Sumabog ang pera na ikinagulat ng binatilyo. Hindi marahil inaakala na mas malaki sa inaasahan niyang kakailanganin para sa pambayad ng tuition, susobra pa kung tutuusin. Nagagawan silang dalawa sa pagiimis ng pera, napunta ang kalahati kay Bestielina at sa lalaki ang iba. 

“Akin na ‘yan lahat, Miss”, “Maawa po kayo, kailangan ko po lahat ito”, ano pa ngaba ang pag-iyak sa oras ng kagipitan. Hindi niya alam kung paano tatayo nang hindi maagaw sa kanya ang pera. Sa kagustuhan na masamsam lahat, sinaksak niya sa magkabilang braso si Bestielina upang mabitawan ang pera. Nagtagumpay ito ngunit hindi nakuntento. Natakot na baka mabuhay ang dalaga at mapigilan siyang ipambayad ang pera sa kinakailangan niyang tustusan ; para sa edukasyon.

Ginripuhan niya ito ng walang awa sa tagiliran. Sapat para maubos ang kaunting natitirang dugo nito. Tangay ang pambayad ng isang semester, iniwan ang isang malamig na bangkay na walang nakakaalam kung bakit sa kalagitnaan ng pag-asa at kasiyahan ay nawala nalang bigla ang buhay. Sa pagitan ni Bestielina ang naglalaban ay hindi buhay sa buhay kundi edukasyon laban sa edukasyon. Dito na tuluyang nagsarado ang mga mata ng ating bida, sarado ng may pag-asa, sarado ng namamaalam na.

Credits to Karla Domingo, Dennis Santor, Kaira Cabarot for the idea

Wordswritten by yours, originally, The Master.

[stuckedfeelin]

Your Presence is Heaven To Me

Sobrang na-LSS ako sa kantang ito. Ang ganda rin ng mensahe ng kantang ito. Yung mensahe kasi ng kantang ito ay tungkol sa 'alipin' na naglilingkod sa kaniyang 'amo'. Personally, eto yung kanta ko sa Panginoon ngayon. Kasi masasabi kong kumpleto ako dahil ang Panginoon ay nananahan sa buhay ko.

Aanhin mo ang karangyaan? Ang kayamanan? Kung wala naman ang Diyos sa iyong puso hindi ka magtatagumpay. Pero kahit mahirap ka - kahit hindi ka mayaman at may Diyos kang sinasamba at namumuhay sa'yong puso, 'yun ay sapat na at higit pa kapatid.

Kaya bilang mga 'alagad' ng Panginoon, manalig tayo sa Kaniya. Maglaan tayo ng oras sa Kaniya, at huwag natin Siyang kakalimutan sa loob ng isang araw. Hindi lang dapat maging parte ng buhay natin ang paglilingkod, dapat maging lifestyle na natin ito in a way na hindi kumpleto ang pagkatao mo nang hindi ka naglilingkod sa Panginoon.

Kaya mag-alab ka kapatid, maging witness ka sa kadakilaan ng Lord. Kung personally na-encounter mo na ang Lord, maging witness ka sa kaluwalhatian Niya. Magbahagi ka ng Kaniyang Salita para marami pang mga tao ang makakilala Sakaniya.

Kadalasan kapag tayo'y naglilingkod tayo'y napagtatawanan. Tayo'y nasasabihan na 'boring' ang buhay natin. Kasi hindi tayo nakiki-'sama' sa kanila e, hindi tayo nakikisama sa mundo.

Ako, personally, nasabihan na ako ng boring. Siyempre na-hurt ako kahit papaano pero God let me realized na hindi ako boring. Papaano magiging boring ang buhay mo kung nagpapagamit ka kay Cristo? Kung hinahayaan mong gamitin ka Niyang instrumento? Kung hinahayaan mong gamitin ka Niyang daluyan ng pagpapala sa ibang tao?

Kaya kung natatakot tayong magpasakop sa Panginoon dahil maaaring tayo'y mahusgahan, kapatid mag-take ka ng risk. Si Paul nga e, nung una pinepersecute niya ang Panginoon pero nung siya ay nakakilala na, siya naman ngayon yung pinepersecute ng mga tao. Pero hindi nagtagumpay ang mga tao dahil si Paul ay alagad ng Diyos at ginawa siyang matagumpay ng Panginoon.

Maraming pinagdaanan ang buhay ni Paul. May mga pagsubok siyang naranasan na pinahintulutan talaga ng Panginoon because God wanted to test Paul's faith. At ano ang sinabi ni Lord sa 2 Corinthians 12:9?

2 Corinthians 12:9, "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

Kaya h'wag kang matakot sa mga pagsubok na maaaring pinagdadaanan mo ngayon dahil mas ma-e-encounter mo ang kapangyarihan ng Holy Ghost sa mga panahong ika'y nanghihina.

H'wag ka ring matakot na magpasakop at magpagamit sa Panginoon. Sabi nga sa kanta, 'nothing in this world can satisfy, Jesus you're the cup that won't run dry.'

Ang Panginoon lamang ang makakapagkumpleto sa emptyness ng heart natin. Marami d'yan, nasa kaniya nga ang lahat ng uri ng karangyaan pero empty pa rin 'yung puso niya. Feeling niya may kulang pa rin.

Kaya let's surrender our lives to Jesus and let Him take over in our lives. 🙏🏻

[thehungrykat1]

Resorts World Manila Holds Coco Fest 2017

Resorts World Manila is welcoming the sizzling summer season with a food festival that is close to every Filipino’s heart and appetite. The main activities for the Madrid Fusion Manila weekend may be over, but the excitement and celebration for our Filipino food culture and heritage continues nationwide as other hotels, restaurants and establishments all over the Philippines share in their own way to promote this summer event. Coco Fest 2017 is Resort World Manila’s contribution to Madrid Fusion Manila, which is undoubtably the biggest gastronomic and cultural experience of the year.

Coco Fest 2017 is happening at Resorts World Manila and Newport Mall every day from April 6 until May 31, 2017. RWM signature restaurants and selected Newport Mall dining outlets have teamed up to present guests and diners an assortment of coconut-infused dishes in a culinary celebration of this quintessentially Filipino flavor. This is also in line with the Flavors of the Philippines campaign which aims to highlight regional cuisines and specialties from Luzon, Visayas and Mindanao. Filipinos have all grown up drinking fresh buko juice straight from the coconut shell and then eating the coconut flesh afterwards, but I have never seen coconut served quite like this before.

The Hungry Kat was invited to get a taste of these creative island cuisine dishes excellently prepared by the chefs of Resorts World Manila and the Newport Mall restaurants. I have been a loyal guest of the country’s first integrated casino resort ever since they opened, even before I became a food and lifestyle blogger. Chef Cyrille Soenen, RWM Director for Culinary Arts and Maîtres Cuisiniers de France, said that Filipino cuisine has so much to offer in terms of technique and flavor. The Coco Fest is one way RWM can deliver a first class Filipino experience through food.

Opening the summer celebration are the Mabuhay Cocktails from Bar 360 which is located at the ground floor inside the casino floor. These fresh concoctions are made with the versatile Lambanog which is a coconut liquor. Three unique variants are available including the Perlas ng Silanganan (blue) with its bubblegum lambanog, peach schnapps and pineapple juice. The Alab ng Puso (red) comes with pure lambanog, Creme de Banenes and pineapple juice while my favorite of the three, the Juan dela Cruz (green) combines bubblegum lambanog, Midori melon liqueur, passion fruit and pineapple juice. 

To start off our summer meals on a healthier note, we were served the Pomelo Salad with Coconut Thai Dressing from Johnny Chow located at the second level of Newport Mall. This salad comes with a generous amount of shrimp and pomelo, but it is the coconut dressing which gives it a comforting and refreshing taste. The sweet coconut flavors from the dressing is a great combination to this fruity seafood salad.

Victoria Harbour Café at the ground floor of RWM’s gaming area is offering the Coconut Milk Rice with Chicken Curry as its Coco Fest 2017 dish. Also known as Nasi Lemak in Malaysia where it is considered as the national dish, this fragrant rice dish is cooked in coconut milk and pandan leaf. The rice itself is already flavorful with a pleasant aroma while the chicken curry and the accompanying side dishes make it a complete everyday meal.

I vividly remember one of our anniversary dates at The Terrace of Maxims Hotel which I have rated as one of my Top 5 Romantic Restaurants because of its unique poolside location. The Terrace takes the summer barbecue to the next level with its Coconut Piña Colada Pork Ribs – juicy, fork tender ribs covered in a tropical barbecue sauce with hints of tangy pineapples and sweet coconuts. 

Summer outdoor barbecues may not be that common here in the Philippines because of the sweltering heat, but you don’t need to set up the grill because you can order this any day at The Terrace which is located on the Maxim Hotel’s fifth level.

My favorite restaurant at Resorts World Manila has always been Impressions, RWM’s multi-awarded French fine dining restaurant. I had a wonderful Valentine’s Sunday Brunch here last February but their dinner service is always one of the best places you can bring your date. Impressions has added a Filipino flourish to a traditionally European dish with the Coco Salmon with Ube Puree and Curry Tuile. The seared salmon filet rests on a bed of mashed ube and coco foam sauce, topped with crispy tuile curry. For me, this is the highlight of RWM’s Coco Fest 2017 with its delightful symphony of flavors. 

RWM Vice President for Food and Beverage, Mr. Hubertus Cramer also took the time to share with us some of his experiences working in different hotels and establishments before ending up in Manila where he has stayed ever since. His vast knowledge and résumé as a chef and hotelier, coupled with his appreciation for the country’s heritage and culture, makes him a great asset in maintaining RWM’s lofty stature in the industry.

I was also surprised to find out that Mr. Cramer initially worked as a pastry chef during his earlier days. That probably explains why the Resorts World Manila restaurants have such great desserts to offer. Café Maxims at the hotel’s ground floor gives a cheesy update to two classic Filipino sweets, the Keso Buko Pie and the Coconut Macaroons. By weaving in finely grated cheese to the macaroons and pie, Café Maxims’ pastry chefs balance out their rich sweetness with the lightly salty taste of cheese. These also make perfect gifts or pasalubongs for friends and family.

RWM’s signature Cantonese restaurant, Passion, gives its own contribution to Coco Fest 2017 with the Sweet Corn and Coconut Cake. This is a perfect combination of Filipino and Chinese flavors with its light and fluffy texture plus a familiar taste we know and love.

One of my favorite desserts that afternoon was created by the chefs at Ginzadon, another of Resort World Manila’s five-star establishments which I regularly dine in. This Korean and Japanese restaurant gives a nod to the typical Asian’s love for rice by presenting its Biko Roll, a tri-color sweet glutinous rice roll with coco jam and roasted desiccated coconut. This heavenly dessert looks like a sushi roll but one bite will reveal its all-Filipino flavors.

Participating Newport Mall restaurants also have an assortment of savory and sweet dishes to show the versatility of coconut as a cooking ingredient. Newport Mall is Resort World Manila’s retail and commercial center which features international luxury brands, state-of-the-art movie theaters, an award-winning, ultra-modern Newport Performing Arts Theater, and highly acclaimed dining establishments like Wolfgang’s Steakhouse and Ichiba Japanese Market. 

UCC Café Terrace at the second level of Newport Mall is offering their Coffee Coco Mango Cake for Coco Fest 2017. Coffee lovers will enjoy the blend of coffee and coconut flavors on this signature cake.

Diners will start dreaming about the Coconut Dreamboat Dessert from Mr. Kurosawa also located at the second level of Newport Mall. This indulgent dessert comes with an Oreo crust plus coconut pudding. That’s all I need to hear.

Lastly, the grandest dessert of all would definitely be the Coco Loco ala Mode from Johnny Kahuku’s Hawaiian Shrimphouse. I really like enjoyed my visits to this shrimp haven and this new dessert should be another reason to come back. The coconut shell is filled with halo halo ingredients plus a giant chocolate-filled buchi then topped with a big scoop of Vanilla ice cream. Now this is probably the best way to end a spectacular meal.

Coco Fest 2017 is one summer dining event that you should not miss. It made me appreciate our local flavors more as I experienced the many ways the coconut was incorporated into these creative dishes. Visit these RWM signature restaurants and Newport Mall outlets this summer and upgrade your dining experience to a whole new level.

Resorts World Manila Coco Fest 2017

Resorts World Manila, Newport City, Pasay City

Visitor Hotline: 908-8833

www.rwmanila.com

www.facebook.com/rwmanila

Other Resorts World Manila blogs:

Maxims Hotel At Resorts World Manila

Business and Leisure Combined at Belmont Hotel Manila Remington Hotel: Affordable Accommodations at Resorts World Manila

Valentine's Sunday Brunch Buffet at Impressions

Delightful Cantonese Cuisine at Passion First Class Japanese Cuisine at Ginzadon

Chocolate & Wine Festival at Resorts World Manila

[alabngpusoarchived]

🚶 for aiden

Send me a 🚶 and I’ll introduce you to an NPC in my muse’s life.

Jessica Marie Loyola has always been Aiden’s happily ever after. They started dating when they were in third year highschool, and they lived under the same roof for nearly fifteen years. Jessica was the adopted daughter of the famous philanthropist and a celebrated cardiac surgeon Victor Loyola. The Loyolas have been friends with the Ruizes for decades, and so when Aiden’s parents died in an unfortunate car accident when he was fifteen, Victor had taken the role of Aiden’s guardian until he reaches independence at the age of eighteen.

Jessica had a crush on Aiden since elementary school, and the people around them always nudged them to be the ultimate pair. The golden girl and her golden boy - to form their golden family and live in a golden house and make golden babies. Everyone thought of her as highly sophisticated, but she can be very casual and can hold her own sass if she wanted to.

Though both her father and Aiden had been inclined towards the medical field, Jessica focused her attention in modelling and and the fashion industry. She started acting in television commercials when she was four years old, attended several pageants, skyrocketed in modelling locally and abroad, ventured on some shows both film and television and eventually studied fashion design and now manages her own clothing line. 

She and Aiden got engaged over Christmas in 2015 and were set to be married on the summer of 2016, until Aiden had another car accident nearly costing him his life, which led him to a seven-week coma. And when Aiden had woken up, she knew that everything was about to change. She was afraid that all that they’ve built together are now in the verge of falling apart.

[alabngpusoarchived]

Muses 1-6

which muse is the easiest to write? sienna definitely. she’s my mood.which muse is most likely to go to jail? elijah. he’s done a lot of bad shit. which muse would be the best parent? liam. he’s definitely the mom friend in this story.which muse is, physically, the strongest? elijah. he has the advantage of being half-beast. but amongst the three mundane, i’d say it’s liam. he’s a buff – all that bread-kneading.

what would your muses be the deities of?

sienna will be the goddess of the underworld being a daughter of sitan (is that cheating?)

aiden will be the god of medicine… is there a god of chemistry? because that’s him as well.

liam could easily be like demeter! god of harvest. of wheat. of FOOD.

elijah can be the god of war - being a soldier and all.

what are your favorite icons for each muse?

they’re all fucking dweebs

[alabngpusoarchived]

🚶 for elijah

Gabriel Bartolomeo Montenegro is Elijah’s little brother. Unlike Elijah, Gab was purely human and was conceived without interference from the Tikbalang. He had always been playful but smart, and he adored his big brother so much even while growing up. He always looked up to his kuya, that when Elijah decided to leave home to take his monster away from his family, Gabriel was fully devastated yet couldn’t find it in himself to hate his brother. After a few years, Gabriel was petitioned to move to the States with their father’s legitimate family, leaving Elijah behind to look after their mother.

Gab pursued political science in Stanford, in high hopes to become a political leader in his hometown someday. He also served in the US Army for a few years before he decided to come home and fulfill his childhood dream of becoming a more progressive politician that would destroy the dynasties and traditions that had been ruining the country’s government for decades. Gab was also highly involved in non-profit organizations and charity work.

Elijah and Gabriel had been in short contact every now and then, just to check if the other’s okay. But given that Elijah hasn’t aged since he left in 1986, it would be strange if they ever see each other again.

[alabngpusoarchived]

someone just asked me how my muses relate with each other so here’s a quick dynamic ramble:

sienna and aiden - highschool friends and bandmates. delia mercado (sienna’s mom) was also aiden’s favourite math teacher in elementary school. when genesis split in third year highschool, sienna took liam’s side, and so she hasn’t really spoken to aiden in ten years. 

sienna and elijah - they’ve never met (yet) but elijah has been acquainted with sienna’s mother and ancestors. 

aiden and elijah - if you haven’t figured out already based on those bios, elijah was the primary suspect on aiden’s attack in roxas boulevard that led to his coma.

bonus: ( @hagikhik )

sienna and layre - they’ve never met, but they’re technically half-sisters, both daughters of sitan. layre is also sienna’s ancestor on the maternal side.

elijah and layre - they’ve built the first resistance up the sacred mt. banahaw when humans began persecuting supernatural beings. layre fashioned elijah an anting-anting that helped him control his own transformations.

layre and aiden - no relations at all, but layre had been acquainted with the ancient maginoo (aiden’s ancestors).

[alabngpusoarchived]

🚶 for sienna

Send me a 🚶 and I’ll introduce you to an NPC in my muse’s life. 

William “Liam” Archibald Garcia has been friends with Sienna since they were four years old. He lives on the next block with his parents Conrado Garcia (a baker) and Alicia Garcia (a real estate agent) and his little brother Warren. Liam was a frequent visitor in the Mercado’s residence, and Delia (Sienna’s mother) was always fond of him, thinking Sienna should have more friends like Liam, who showed prowess in school and interest in entrepreneurship even at an early age. Though they were polar opposites, they’ve been quite inseparable, going to the same schools and classes all throughout, being in the same band in highschool where Sienna was in (he played the piano and has contributed a lot in creating new songs), stayed in the same social circle even up to college and eventually Sienna working as a barista in Liam’s patisserie business Lily’s Cafeteria.  He has a polite face, very likeable and charismatic within traditional Catholic parent standards, like a budding politician or a sociable businessman. But that mode was usually just switched on when he’s around the elders, or his business associates. Sienna was one of the few people who had seen Liam for who he really was - snarky, calculating and foul-mouthed but with a sense of loyalty to his very, very few friends (it’s arguably just Sienna at this point).

Liam’s father passed away when he was seventeen, leaving him a baking legacy passed down from generations. A month later, his mother remarried an American hotel owner Philip Glass, and took his little brother with them. Ever since, he now lived alone in their family home and continued on his father’s baking business. Now at 26 years old, Liam busily manages two branches of Lily’s Cafeteria.