#(( I could use some serotonin so I'll be vibing the best I can. ))

[red-umbrella-811]

Okay, so I wrote this on reddit to a depression doomer, but I want someone who might have an iota of openness to considering it to read it, so I'm posting it here. I assume there will be doomers here too, because depression is depressing. All of these things are things that I've tried, and all of them are things that have made my life better than it was before. All of them I have started in an incredibly janky way and they've still helped. If anyone is interested (or I receive the same combination of depression-based hostility and intense focus), I'll make separate posts on how to actually do the thing.

Things that might make a person's depression improve that don't involved going to a therapist:

Aerobic exercise 4x/week

Membership in a community/close relationships/human touch/human interaction. I'm bundling these together, because in a practical sense, you're making about the same decisions yourself, and the interactions with other people will follow. I recommend finding a "Third Place," such as a sports league or dance community (see exercise), game/knitting/metaphysical store, bar, cafe, meetup group, adult learning class, regular volunteering gig, music venue, RPG group, book club, brunch group...you get the idea. The best ones are open to the public if you're socially isolated or looking to date, because you'll meet a greater variety of people, but anywhere where the same amorphous or literal group of people shows up at a place and time will help you build relationships.

Omega 3 Fatty acids, Vitamin D, Vitamin B-complex, Magnesium: I'm not a doctor and this is not medical advice. They might give you energy and run your body more smoothly.

St. John's Wort: I'm giving this its own thing because the above are supplements that the body gets in its diet, this is a drug™, but you can purchase it over the counter. It inhibits the reuptake of serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine, for which there is some evidence that it helps depression on a chemical level. It has mad drug interactions and PLEASE do your research before taking it.

A lot of things in the cognitive behavioral therapy realm. Gratitude practices, affirmations, I'm sure there are CBT workbooks for depression that one could find. The idea is to reframe your thoughts to make sure they are a) true and b) priming you to feel emotions and take actions that will make your life suck less.

Going outside. Living in a suboptimal space is depressing, and so many of us do it. We do better when we see and hear trees. We do better when we see and feel the sun. We process things when our brains run electricity back and forth between the two sides, as happens when walking (drumming is also good for this, or bilateral stimulation from something else).

Accomplish things. I know. This, even more than the many difficult things I've listed, probably feels impossible, but I'm writing it anyway, because it really does help. If you have small tasks you've been putting off, try and get one done. Break up big tasks into accomplishable steps. Not like "Clean the house" to "Clean the bathroom," like "Clean the house" to "throw all the trash on the couch in the trash can" or "get out all the products to clean the bathroom" (the second kind doesn't vibe with me but some people like it)

You'll notice none of this is going to fix the world, except for the shitty little corner the person doing it is sitting in. That's the point. There is so much wrong with the world, and it asks a lot of us to fix it: our labor, yes, and also our joy. And also, our ability to get out of bed in the morning, our ability to send emails, our ability to check in on each other, our ability to keep ourselves out of entanglements with the state and other institutions. I'm not saying this because it's fair, I'm saying it because it's the way out I see in front of us.

[ageless-aislynn]

Dear ones, I don't want to jinx myself, count my chickens before they hatch or whatever saying might strike your fancy at the moment but... After a week plus a few days of over 30 blue screens of death (8 of them in one hour), my computer has made it a day without one.

I had to finally wipe everything and start over and I finally, after sooooo many hours of research, I can't EVEN, am pretty sure I've discovered the source of the problem that linked my old computer, my dad's computer and this computer to all having nearly identical bsod issues: some absolute DOORKNOB of a person was putting the exact same third-party firewall back on all of them. Who was that doorknob?

🤷‍♀️

In my, I mean, in HER defense, that firewall has served very well for the almost 20 years I've used it. It says it's compatible with Windows 10 and 11 and all of my troubleshooting was blaming the various video/network/etc drivers. However, I discovered that ZoneAlarm took an update at almost exactly the time my other computer started having trouble 3 months ago. But ZA updates "silently" so I didn't know that until I went looking just now for the date of the last build, realized it corresponded almost exactly, and then I went

That said, I'm a little worried that it took me THIS LONG to realize that that was the single program all 3 had in common. I was just so used to using and relying on it that it didn't occur to me that it could be at the heart of all of the problems.

So, as I said before, it all boils down to

Right now, I've got almost nothing on the computer besides the browser and a new set of security programs. It's been an interesting way to see what my priorities are because I want to install one thing, wait a couple of days to verify everything's working fine, then install then next, wait again and so on, putting things back on slowly and deliberately.

BUT I WANT STEAM BACK ON NOWNOWNOW SO I CAN PLAY MY GAMES ZOMGGGGGG.

Apparently, I get actual buckets of serotonin and overall feel-good vibes from playing games because I'm absolutely frothing at the mouth at not being able to play anything at all.

Next will be Word so I can stop trying to read my utterly, drastically terrible handwriting from where I've been working on "15 Minutes" ch7 by hand (I might possibly be writing in Sangheili, I can't even tell anymore 🤷‍♀️😉).

Then eventually, Vegas. I'm worried about that one in particular because my research did uncover a potential Vegas Pro 15 - Win 11 conflict. Some people couldn't get it to work, others have no problem. I've seriously got my fingers crossed that it'll be okay so I can get back to GIF-making and vid editing, in whatever order. 🤞😣🤞

I've spent SO much time seeing blue screens that I find myself staring at the place on the monitor where the error info flashes, my notebook at the ready to scribble down the pertinent messages, just expecting another to pop at any second.

The last couple of times it popped, I was trying to read the debugging info from the LAST crash. And then it would crash again.

However, I can now report that, if you're ever using WinDbg to read your .dmp files and it tells you "symbols are WRONG" (and yes, it all-capped it just like that), I can actually tell you how to fix the dang symbols. It's a weird flex to take but hey, I'm taking it. It wasn't easy to find the answer to that one! 😠😕😉

If all continues on without any further crashes, then I'll hopefully be back catching up on things ASAP. If it resumes crashing while I have nothing more on the computer than a browser and the security programs the pc came with, then I'm just going to

Let's hope for the best, m'kay? Good thoughts, prayers, hopes, well wishes or whatever you've got are appreciated at this point. Love you, friends. I've really missed you all. 🤗💖

[khaleesiofalicante]

THE BABIESSS ARE HEREEEEE

“Hm-hm. You know some people say that Jonathan Shadowhunter was French too,”  this combined with all the references to david looking like an angel/raziel could mean that he's possibly a descendant of the guy🤔?? honestly idk it feels like all these lil hints are leading up to something big and i’m so excited (and nervous) to find out

Alec thinking of max🥺🥺🥺

Not to mention the disturbing rumors about warlocks selling blood.” oh...... no.......

“Amma said only white people call adults by their first name.” ANJALI MY QUEEEN fr tho growing up in a strict honorific using society it always baffles me when people in media just?? call elders by their first name??? like y'all can do that and not get a 3hr lecture about respect??

My AJ he's so sweet 🥺🥺 I am so glad he and lance have each other🥰

"He was a weird man. Alec loved him very much." *intense sobbing* 

the cousins' relationship reminds me of my own like we only see each other once in a while but everytime we do we have a blast 🤩 i can’t wait to see their friendships develop as they grow older🥰🥰

ALSO the "I don't like it when he's sad" line felt really familiar so i went back to ials and: "“Because Arthur gets sad easily and I don’t like it when he is sad,” Lance said." AND JUST. MY GODDD LANCE IS SUCH A BIG 'OL SOFTY FOR HIS FAMILY HE'S THE BESTEST BOY IN THE UNIVERSE AND IF HE DOESN'T GET A HAPPY ENDING I WILL BURN THE WORLD DOWN BEST BELIEVE

ALSO. THIS: “Well, you can still become a princess,” Lance shrugged. “You just need to marry a prince. ” like a certain prince of darkness amiright😏 sorry i'll stop

This got kinda long but honestly after a rather depressing day it was just the serotonin filled distraction i needed 😋 Have a good day/night💞!!

Maybe all white people look the same 😋

Cami and Arjun are going to be the most relatable peeps ever for all the desi and latin bebes (our cultures are so similar yall omg)

HOW DARE YOU ATTACK ME WITH IALS FEELS? HOW DARE-

I'm glad the fluff made your day better. Sending good vibes for a better Sunday 🤍

[darckcarnival]

.

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS | EPILOGUE

💖 story masterlist 💖

This is it. This is the happy ending they deserve. Fluff. Fem!Loki, because we don't get enough of Loki's female form. Some musings about relationships in general, I think. Guys, I'm crying as I'm posting this.

note: I've got two posts of outtakes coming out sometime this week. Snippets that didn't fit in the story but that have the needed vibe, y kno? As well as a new story is coming out soon... Be sure to check out my main masterlist and taglist if you like my writing <3

I want to thank all my readers for this amazing journey. I love all of you, really, like- I haven't figured out how to produce serotonin on my own ever since I hit puberty, and you guys, you are an amazing source for it. I appreciate the time and the patience that it took to read this 120k word thing and I hope you found a little something for yourself in my writing. A comfort, maybe, because everyone deserves to be happy. I love you all 3000.

"You suck," I grumbled in Peter's direction. Luckily, the little shit was out of my immediate eyesight and I couldn't just pelt him with the assorted items that were scattered around me; luckily for him - after enduring hours of non-stop rambling from the spider boy, I was ready to bargain with Stephen for the sorcerer to put a temporary mute ban on Pete. His nervousness was becoming contagious.

"And you swallow," Pietro replied with a snicker as I heard him wrestle with Peter's tie over the pathetic noises of whining and grumbling coming from the younger man.

"I'm lady, ladies don't spit," I rolled my eyes into the skies, catching Loki's appreciative snicker. She - and yes, Loki was in her female form for this event - carefully combed and did my hair, something completely out of this world, all puns intended. I supposed she was feeling generous, because her female form generally made Loki even more moody and unapproachable. But in a hot way. I hope she didn't notice me ogling her like some kind of gallery painting. "You're a goddess, I can't believe you're friends with me," I addressed Loki, watching the careful movements of her slender hands in the mirror.

A small smirk and a dusting of pink over her pale cheeks was what I got, but the silence was so, so loud.

"Stop flirting," Wanda remarked from her spot by the window where she was doing Natasha's make-up with surgical precision. "You already have three boyfriends, leave some for us, Jesus," Her tone was playful.

"Oh my God, like you didn't brainfreeze and run into the fucking wall, forehead-first, when you saw Loki walk in," I scoffed as Loki's blush deepened.

My witchy friend grumbled something rude in Sokovian under her breath but refrained from any more comments, choosing to simp in defiant silence. Well, good for her, because I was about a hundred and five percent sure that Loki was as equally as smitten with her. It's just that neither of them knew how to approach the other. What can I say, idiots in love...

And yes, yes, I can say that because it takes one to know one. My own idiots were somewhere on the upper floors - getting ready in their own rooms, pulling out their brand new suits and ties for the annual Stark gala. It was supposed to be a charity fundraiser but as all of us were quite disillusioned, we knew it was nothing but a pissing contest between people with small PP syndrome. Even Tony himself said so.

Which is why I had assembled all the girls and theys in my room for a mission debrief. My own personal pride wouldn't let me be anything but a star, and to be completely honest, I just wanted to show off my family to the world - even if the delicate parts of our relationship were hidden from the general public, it filled me with immense amount of joy to be surrounded by my very own at their absolute best.

As for Pietro and Peter, they arrived not too long after me, Wanda, Natasha and Loki made camp in the biggest room with the most amount of natural light, surrounded by make-up and other assorted tools. Both boys were bickering but it was obvious that some of the older men had gotten on their nerves, forcing the youngsters seek solace with their peers.

"You know, Vanity Fair better be talking about us for at least a week," I grouched as Wanda helped me into my dress before I returned the favour. "The amount of people I had to actually, physically talk to, to get us these fucking gowns, is frankly disgusting."

"Agreed," Loki admired herself in the mirror, smoothing out invisible creases in her gown. "Although I must say, the dressmakers on Midgard are far more patient and open-minded than on Asgard." Truly, Loki had nearly driven the poor lady crazy. But on the upside, Loki looked like a living doll. Pristine, perfect.

"Our whims are their wages," Natasha piped up with a chuckle.

We stepped out into the main room, taking note of the men scattered on the couches, all of them wearing an almost identical expression of being already done with the formal event - which, I didn't blame them. Having gotten used to the informal, communal-living atmosphere, I wasn't overly keen on being surrounded by random rich douchebags either; as it was unavoidable, I was going to be miserable - but at least I was going to be miserable in style.

Predictably, the menfolk froze and hurried to pelt us with compliments as they surveyed our ensemble - all of our dresses had a distinct vibe despite carrying a sense of individuality to each gown. That was my idea, actually, to present the team as a family - both to satisfy my own need for one and to present a good public image for the press. Call it getting good cookie from the public - in advance.

"Stunning, absolutely beautiful," Tony chastely kissed my cheek, leading my by the arm towards the limo, Stephen and Bruce a pace behind us. "I'm the luckiest man in the world."

"We are," Bruce corrected him mutely. Stephen's smirk was a mile wide. "It'll be hard to keep my hands to myself for four hours but I'll manage," The scientist added, eyes briefly flashing a fluorescent green.

"There are children here," Peter interjected, nervously waving a hand. I gently elbowed Tony, speaking with my eyes rather than words, that Pete was in dire need of emotional support for his first big public event. With a sigh, the engineer relocated to sit next to the spider boy, both of them talking in hushed tones.

"Now, Bruce," I smiled innocently. "Why would I refuse a dance or five to my favourite lab partner in crime?" I winked at him as giggles erupted all around us. "And I'm sure there's a point somewhere about wizards sweeping princesses off their feet," I kept up the banter in hopes that any remaining tension would evaporate before we arrive to the venue.

I, however, couldn't lose all of it for we were absolutely assaulted by the photographers and press as we arrived to the red carpet; it was only sheer luck that me and Wanda didn't stumble ass over heels out of the limo. That luck's name was Loki: her magic delicately helped us to exit the car with grace despite our large gowns. Mental note to buy Loki all the chocolate: add to priority list.

It went about as good as it could. Peter was introduced as a trainee - and nearly had an aneurysm when Tony none-too-kindly corrected the host, calling Peter his protégée and successor. As for little old me? Rising star of biochemical engineering. No titles, no direct titles, but it was heavily implied we were involved.

I could fell the old, white rich men leering at me despite the layers of silk and tulle. Nobody was commenting on my champagne intake so I downed one after the other until I had a comfortable buzz going on. I could absolutely see why female scientists became either reclusive or brash.

Bruce's eyes followed me wherever I went. I had encountered some people I vaguely knew from all the socialite events I had to attend with my mother, so it wasn't as if I was a fish out of the water; it's just that every time I strayed further than ten feet from out group, I instantly grew a tail in the form of one of the Avengers.

"Sam, quit being creepy," I exited the ladies room, immediately spying the handsome man just 'casually' hanging out by a potted plant, glued to his smartphone and pretending to be very busy.

He looked up guiltily, shutting down Minesweeper and pocketing the phone. "Not taking any risks this time 'round, Princess," He offered me his arm, leading us back to our table. "Tony would have my head."

I rolled my eyes, falling into the chair next to Stephen. "My tracker implant is still in and the bracelets Natasha loaned me are actually tasers. Bird, chill," My hand snuck under the tablecloth, blindly groping for Stephen's hand. It didn't take much time for him to respond, cradling my smaller palm in his larger one, offering the small comfort with a tiny tilt to his lips. Both my large skirt and the fabric covering the table aided the secrecy; I felt like a middle schooler sneaking a kiss from my first crush behind the bleachers.

Coupled with the bubbles in my champagne, it made me giddy.

"Sam is just being careful, Princess," Stephen rumbled patiently. "This ball will be over soon."

I snorted, "But Stephen, I love balls," Causing the whole table erupt in bashful snickers.

"Yeah, think to me about it," Wanda downed the remnants of her wine glass, eyes wide, looking to the side. The giggling became a full belly-laugh as I didn't have the decency to play coy. I just smirked because, yeah, I did love me some...

The final hour dragged on forever. My feet hurt from the dancing. I had my suspicions that time would pass faster if I actually move around so I didn't waste the chance and cajoled Bruce into several slow dances with me. The energy between us was electric; I hoped my wife eyes and the red crawling up his neck would be attributed to alcohol. We spoke in hushed tones, about nothing in particular, the words being like sticks we threw into our fire.

Tony wasn't around much, way too busy to do much more than stop by our table every now and then. I both envied and admired him; he handled everything with grace and serendipity. Tony was right there next to Thor and Loki - literal royalty - and I had to pinch myself to prevent myself from ogling him, sighing in lovesickness every goddamn minute.

"If you ever stop looking at him like that, I don't think he'll survive," Stephen's tone was cheeky; his eyes were intense as he looked down at me as we danced. My sorcerer was rarely sappy, but when he found the words to describe his feelings... It was serious.

I met his eyes slowly, letting him soak in the very same admiration and awe I felt when I was with him. I felt his shudder, I heard the hitch in his breath. He wasn't jealous, no, he simply observed. I wanted him to see what I saw. "The day that I stop looking at you all like that is the day that I need to get my head screwed on straight." I wasn't a poet but neither was this a romance novel. "As far as I'm concerned, I won the lottery, the grand prize and the fucking life."

He chuckled. "You have way too much faith in us, Princess," Twirling me as to avoid the out of habit embrace.

Did I, though? I was inclined to disagree. Sure, we had our spits and arguments and sometimes Stephen would stick his cold ass feet under my blankets, Bruce's love for curry was a crime against anyone who slept in the same room as he and Tony routinely flirted with everyone and everything that had a pulse. I had days where my mother's temper surfaced.

Sometimes, one of us would inadvertently hog the other person and the remaining two would pout, roll their eyes or pitch a fit.

I just didn't see it as a big deal. All of those parts were normal - what couldn't be said about the rest of our situation. Compared to couples I've seen around, I thought we're happy. My boyfriends seemed to be happy, too, and if they weren't, it usually was pretty obvious.

So - okay, perhaps we definitely should be working on verbalizing our feelings. That would definitely solve if not world hunger, then at least the world war three that occasionally erupted in Tony's penthouse. And the ups and downs - not the steep kind, but ones not too different from waves rolling ashore - was what held us together. Because, well, our world was hectic and fast-paced and sometimes we needed that gentle rocking motion to sway us back to peace.

Tony's arm on my waist pulled me back to reality, steering me towards the balcony. Bruce and Stephen followed, all four of us power-walking through the inebriated crowd.

"Just so you know, I'm on board with whatever crazy shit you're planning," Stephen raised a palm towards a smirking Tony.

His mouth immediately dropped into a pout I could barely resist kissing. "But... I had a whole speech prepared," The engineer retorted indignantly, discreetly attempting to swat the sorcerer on the ass.

"And I'm sure it was amazing, honey," Bruce placated the upset Tony with a laugh, causing the latter to intensify his pout, eyeing us with mirth over the rim of his glasses, his stupid, lovely face more kissable than ever.

@another-stark-sub @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit @littlegasps @pilloclock @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads @hermione-grangers-wife @individualistfem @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie @mikariell95 @gladiosamicitias @warrior1-19 @toomanyrobins

[survivor-ingary]

Episode 3 - "RIP tribe Jenkins we were too powerful" - Riley

The 3 tribes of Pendragon, Hatter, and Jenkins have been reorganized and condensed into 2 new Hatter and Pendragon Tribes. Tribal immunity is Scavenger Hunt.

The fact I have Brayden and Toph in my merged tribe boosts my serotonin. i have a feeling colin may be someone to keep an eye out for in the future now...

RIP tribe Jenkins we were too powerful. I guess we'll see how Pendragon pans out.

yall doin me dirty putting me with brayden i just hope that by some miracle me him anastasia and ellie can work together? like i still dont know if theyre plotting on my ass vdshibshj i know brayden told anastasia to take me out when this game started oop but lemme see if dis works. i hope riley follows the logic of the old tribe sticking together and thatll be 5 votes. im kinda obsessed with toph like since the beginning of the game he looks like someone i could totally play with so def wanna work on that relationship. ava and nya? i believe? lets say hello and work on those relationships as well. dis is a bit overwhelming but we shall see how it goes

uh... well... i am SCREWED. me and ginny were the only ones separated from the Jenkins tribe... RIP. 4 pendragons, 2 hatters, and 2 jenkins... the main things i see here are pendragon yoinking one of the hatters / jenkins and voting the other off... OR a 4-4 tie... OR they're gonna target one of me or ginny cuz none of us have gone to tribal council yet. this is really dicey, and I need to tread very, very carefully from hereon. (ALSO GINNY BARELY TALKS PLS I NEED YOUR HELP GIRL)

This swap actually turned out pretty amazing for me. I still have Keith and Moth who I worked semi-close with in the pre-swap. Additionally, I've met up with Colin and Babs. A little Raffy magic could keep me very safe on this tribe. I think Kenneth is super fun as he is a newbie AND active. He will definitely make it far in this game. I hope, at the very least, that I can be by his side to make that happen. However, I am wary he might just be making these strong social connections with everyone. As a final note, OG Pendragons have this tribe 4 to 8. That's both good and bad. Good because we have numbers. Bad because that may make people target me very early on just for being a part of it. So, I have decided that if I were to throw any of my OG Pendragons to the wolves it would be Jonathan as I haven't been able to connect with them as well as Keith and Moth. Other than that, I hope this tribe doesn't have to go to tribal all that often between now and the next swap/merge. These people are lovely.

I'm getting a bad feeling about this... Since most of my Jenkins tribemates are on the other tribe, I KNOW they're good cuz we just keep getting W's... so I think there is a good chance we might lose the challenge. I contributed a good amount, so I hope that the target won't be on me if ever we lose the challenge :( I really don't wanna go, and I wanna reunite with Dennis/Ellie and maybe Anastasia and get further in the game.

i worked hard on this confessional

Our tribe did our absolute best in this challenge. I have no idea who is getting targeted if we go to tribal as everyone is so quiet. All I know is that I want to keep Colin, Kenneth, and Keith close to me for this stage of the game. They are the only ones who consistently talk to me. Challenge results: Pendragon wins due to a 10% advantage, Hatter Tribe must go to tribal council the following day.

THANK GOD I FINALLY GET TO GO TO A TRIBAL, ITS BEEN TOO LONG!!!!

Look, before you go to tribal with a group of people it feels like there’s a barrier of game socialization because you haven’t been able to go to tribal with them. But leading up to tribal and after it, a whole new can of worms is available for game talk. Unfortunately it’s an extremely simple vote because Nya has ghosted all of us, but at least we still get to go to tribal so I can talk game with more people even if it’s only a small amount with this easy vote. But who knows, someone might decide to switch shit up!

And also I absolutely love this tribe (Minus Nya cause I haven’t met them) so I’m glad that I get to go forward with this group although I won’t be nearly as happy if we go to tribal again because as I said, I do enjoy this group of people a lot

Moth (Tumblr will only allow me 10 images so player banners stop now, whoops) I believe the only reason I will make it to the next round is because of Raffys advantage. I’d be so screwed otherwise

I like Babs. They got good vibes.

Also I’d kill to know how the other tribe reacted

Dennis in a perfect world i would try to not vote out nya but bdksksksoksks theyve done it to themselves. no need to make waves. unless someone else is secretly plotting on me i think this is about to be an easy tribal. damn one point. miss ellie had her name down on stuff that she didnt do. also overslept that first challenge is she purposey trying to sabotage and play the villain? who knowssss also ive broken my streak of never going to tribe tribal sigh

Toph So what’s happening, I can’t remember the last time I made a confession but the tea yall ?! Soooo the tribe swap happened and my gut was right soooo okay intuition work ! I feel like I really like everyone from the merge and nya as remained inactive since, after losing the challenge it seems like an easy vote but you can never be to safe, I have my little allinnce with Brayden and Ava which is wig and I really dig Ellie , Anastasia, and Dennis too, I’m gonna be so nervous if we have to go to tribal agian because it could be me ! I’m not to sure about Reilly but they seem nice ! I feel pretty good with Anastasia as well and feel we could rope her into an alliance easily, I’m just gonna due my best right now to play the middle, keep my head down and speak positively. I really need to find an idol or something even better just so I don’t have to worry as super much and just plain worry then lol. If anything I’m gonna stay loyal to brayden and Ava the most since there my day one homies. Brayden seems to be close with Anastasia which could definitely help in are favor of having the numbers on are side. But could mean he would easily cut me for her if needed, so that mean I need to get closer with Ava, just to gaurnetee my safety, I have to look out for me this game and only me, making sure the numbers are kn my side I’m constantly on the right side of the vote should help me strageticly float to the end and win my crown thank you very much. I’m also lowkey worried about alliance’s being made right now without me! Everyone seems to be online but my chats are a bit quite but this could be me overthinking things mmmhmm I’m not sure, we’ll anyways it was nice to vent to y’all. :)

Riley Nooooooo I can't believe we lost by just one point. Damn the Hatter tribe's secret bonus point boost >:(

Kenneth I am honestly in such a shock that we won that challenge... Raffy really came in clutch and helped us win AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Now I don't have to worry about being randomly blindsided or targeted for at least a couple more days now pls I just hope we get lucky again and another swap happens where I would be on the right side of the numbers, all prepared for merge domination >:) Raffy Oof. I know the other tribe is MAD because I would be too. Like, we only won because of my advantage giving us a 1 POINT LEAD. That's crazy! Honestly, this works for me as I can still focus o n making strong social connections within this tribe. By the time we go to tribal, I will be so integrated with this tribe that voting me out would do a lot more short-term harm than long-term good. I want to see if Kenneth would start an alliance with me as that is someone I want to work closely with. In this alliance? I have no idea. I'll probably let Kenneth take the lead on that since I want him to feel like he is in charge. Dennis nothing is real

if i go tonight i would applaud it bc i am so sure nya is going. it would be a goop if the vote really wasnt nya but everyone is more or less trying to do the easy thing i think. i just hope she is okay and just too busy for dis.

some time has gone by and im just chilling. im not chilling because i feel safe, im chilling because i dont know what else to do. i cant be all game talk 24/7 because then im an outcast and would get targeted. besides the obvi alliances like a+b and maybe(?!?!??) an e(?!) in there, idk what alliances there are. like there has to be something but i dont have the picture yet. as yall know im not in any alliances in my current tribe besides i guess ellie who i fear is a saboteur lol and most likely working with a+b. a+b are such a double edged sword for me ugh. am i really in their best interests???????????????? am i really in ellies best interest???? do they know about her idol too?????????? likeeeee thats the issue. if im not really in their best interests then im the next to go after nya. i am probs very low if not the lowest on this tribe if dats true. i mean what if i really am in their best interests and theyre all genuinely trying to work with me? idk! if not then im next to go efuhijdhvbf and i fear im probably not.

i really like toph. taurus sun (in the 12th!) gemini everything else king. hes got social game on lock like who wouldnt wanna work with him ?! and hes a cutie ?! ?! ?! but i seen the chart -.- i know what hes doin. i think hes working with ellie. but he reaches out to me and probably others but i like our conversations. (but im sure everyone loves their conversations with toph!! hes great!!!!! friendly ol toph wont harm a fly ?!) i hope he likes me and sees i actually would wanna work with him above all the gorls and chooses me over them too.

ava also knows what theyre doing. saturnian legend. we barely talk but little short bits here and there. i hope its bc theyre busy but im sure ellie is talking to them more than me amongst others too. oop also possible alliance, brayden toph ava who all swapped together. so gotta keep that in mind. but yeah i dont really think im much of their priority esp if theyre on vacay they would hear a name and not stress too much if its mine bc we dont have ties like that.

riley and i talk here and there, had a lil chat today

someone once told me that i just look like someone you cant trust but you can :( sometimes :)

so yeah here i am having lots of thoughts over the last few days.

maybe im not super super invested just yet bc i feel like the rug is gonna get swept out right from under me again :))) also back on my bs telling people im a leo moon. i shouldnt weaponize astrology but hey.