#((but i dont want people to try to tear his delusions from him or get mad at me because they didnt read his app

[depravitymoon]

The Dark Side Of Narancia (cont)

This is part 2 to my Yandere Narancia post. I wanted the previous post to still be considered Safe For Work horror. Now, this post gets more violent and Not SFW. Furthermore, thank you guys SO MUCH for getting it over 250+ notes. I was not expecting it to get that popular. 

Note: Some of Narancia’s dialogue is in all caps. Yes, I know that can be annoying but it’s on purpose because Narancia’s being annoyingly unhinged.

Warning: Violence, Dub-Con, Non-Con, Knifeplay.

Level 7: 

For most darlings, they’d only see Level 6 Narancia. Level 7 Narancia is if you really insist he’s an asshole and to destroy his delusions.

This results in Narancia getting violent with you. He holds you down and warns you to stop being an ass. 

If you continue to resist, he’ll cut you.

If you keep trying to fight him (or worse, start a stand fight), he’ll use Aerosmith to shoot up your legs. Have fun trying to fight/escape him now.

Also, your closest loved ones are now free game to injure (or worse).

“I GIVE YOU MY HEART AND YOU FUCKING BETRAY ME?! Whoever is making you feel this way, I WILL FUCKING KILL THEM!”

Not SFW + Level 7: 

Since fucking solves marital problems in movies….. fucking must be the solution to your behavior!

Narancia loves knife play. Plus being on-edge, he’s sliding that knife against your body. 

To clarify, he’s sliding the flat part against your skin…..unless you keeping fighting him.

Typically, the blade part is tearing at your clothes. Don’t worry! Narancia will pay for more clothes! 

Trust Narancia! He’s gonna make you feel so good! 

He’ll overstimulate you without mercy. You’re relaxed, right? You forgive him, right? 

While he tries to fuck you gently, he's too mad. He ends up fucking you like he hates you.

It's a good thing he still preps you, because his thrusts show no mercy.

C’mon! You’ll never find a lover that can please you like he can! He’s not stopping until you forgive him!

Narancia has high stamina, so it is possible for him to go multiple rounds a night.

You’ll be forced to forgive him if you want the ‘love making’ to end. 

“I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU, MIELO! SAY IT! SAY IT RIGHT FUCKING NOW!” “STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT! I WORK SO HARD FOR US TO WORK! I ALREADY SAID SORRY! FUCKING FORGIVE ME ALREADY!” 

Not SFW + Level 1 to 6:

Narancia's thoughts on consent? OPTIONAL. You're not in the mood? You dont want to fuck Narancia at all? Just let him fuck you and you'll change your mind! You wont regret it.

Knifeplay is still there, but if he’s in a good mood, you can talk him down and he’ll discard the switchblade.

He focuses on getting you off. Oral is his favorite method. He’s always worried his hands are too rough for fingering/Handjobs.

He’ll still overstimulate you and pleasure you without mercy. How can you think about other people when he treats you so good?! 

Only an idiot can't see how good he is to you and he knows you're smarter than that!

He’ll force you to look him in the eyes while you two fuck missionary.

“Mielo! Don’t look away! You have so many sexy faces! It drives me wild!” 

Extra Notes:

Narancia doesn’t like being considered a baby nor cute. That doesn’t stop him from acting like a cute baby to his advantage. Just dont say it to his face. 

Narancia also pays your bills to keep you dependent on him. This is an aged up Narancia, so he should have some semblance of  adult responsibilities.

I still can’t see him kidnapping you. I dont think Narancia really wants that responsibility and I doubt the Bucci gang would allow him to take him that responsibility. Invading your home and paying the bills seems more efficient.

When Narancia doesn’t care about someone, he’s extremely willing to resort to violence.  Even burn down a whole street, remember? Before he tries to hurt you, he will hurt your loved ones. 

In fact, Narancia can unintentionally blackmail you into obeying him. I say unintentionally because he was about to stab your cousin for insisting you dump Narancia, but you doing what Narancia wants distracts him from his bloodlust. 

Conclusion

Narancia may be the cutest yandere of the Bucci Gang, but he's not harmless. As a consequence of being so childlike, he's unhinged and prone to temper tantrums. Personally, I'd suggest manipulating him so his dark side is tolerable. Just dont make it obvious you're manipulating him, because he will take betray harder than anyone else.

[starkura]

overprotectiveness | inui seishu

notes: lowkey dk what to title this soooo (￢_￢;) , also theres a cliffhanger sorry lol, not proofread

ib hidden love cdrama

the night before:

“why? why my sister? you were dating her behind my back?” koko and inupi got into a heated argument after koko found out inupi and you were dating. your older brother koko was very protective over you. no boy ever went near you because of koko. one of the reasons why he didn’t want inupi to date you was because of his lifestyle. koko and inupi’s lifestyle was far different from yours. he would never want you to be involved with the shenanigans he dealt with. koko does his best to keep you out of it. inupi dating you only brought you closer to being involved with their gang.“i’m not messing with your sister, kokonoi.” inupi said sincerely. “she is everything to me.” he added. this only further angered koko. “i don’t care how you feel about my sister. what happens if she gets hurt? what if she’s used as blackmail? what will you do then? not every gang will leave out family out of our matters.” koko exclaimed. “i swear i’ll keep her safe-“

a riled up koko punched inupi across his face. koko hoped it knocked the delusion out of him. “come back and talk to me once you stop living in some sort of fairy tale.” koko then stormed off, leaving inupi alone.

—

in the morning, you met up with inupi since you had a planned date with him. when you see him, you notice a face mask thats covering half his face. it was unusual for him to wear a mask while you two were together. “how come you’re wearing a mask?” you questioned. “oh- it’s nothing. dont worry about it.” he hesitated. you were suspicious and grabbed the side of his mask to pull it down. there revealed a bruise mark on his cheek. without a word, you knew exactly what happened. koko did this. you pull out your phone and called koko’s number. he instantly picked up. “hell-“ koko was cut off by you. “where are you?!” you say angrily, trying to keep your cool. “im at the library. why are you so angry?” he asked. you didn’t answer his question and hung up the phone.

once you arrived, you went to find your older brother. you found him sitting in a empty corner of the library. when you stormed towards him suddenly, you grab his arm in an attempt to drag him out of the place. “what the hell are you doing?!” he tried saying in a shushed voice. koko was confused by the sudden aggression. thats when he saw inupi behind you, he knew why you were here now. “why did you hit him?” you say sternly. you try to hold back your angry tears. “what? why does it matter to you?” koko said. you scoffed. “what? so you can just go and hit people as you please?” your voice was starting to break. “what are you going to do if you get hurt because of him? you cant even fight for yourself.” koko argued. you take a deep breath in and out, trying your best to not snap at him. “so because you want to protect me, that makes it okay for you to hit your best friend?” you were furious. you shakily take a deep breath, trying to compose yourself. “im cutting ties with you. from now on, don’t contact me at all.” you say as tears start to form. before you can start sobbing, you walk out of the library. inupi follows behind you as you storm out.

[jrueships]

anon who asked me to post some of the nba player sun+moon combos that make me feel different degrees of insane.. grah grawh. unprompted and unelaborated for now. will reblog with more later because there is always more

I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL, idk if it's real or not & idc. it is fun & i like feeling like i am right abt things (i never am). leave me to my delusions please. im joking on these but also am i really

kyle lowry: ☀️ Aries, 🌙 virgo

what a bitch combo, people can't staaand you, huh! one moment you're having friends <3 you're having fun <3!! the next you're having a moment where you accidentally snap and regret everything but not fast enough for your friends and now all those friends of yours that made you so happy are gone and in the wind <3 with the only one left to blame being the only one left all alone : you <3 !!!

Ja Morant: ☀️ leo, 🌙 leo

do you even have your own personality at this point if we take away every outside influence youve tacked on to protect it or what. but hey, keep live, breathing, dying to the method acting, right 🥰 ?? cause when they hate you, it's not really hating YOU, huh? it's actually pretty genius !! ... i don't think YOU even know who's the real you at this point anyways, so no one will EVER hate the you you really are inside!! AND!!!!! they won't ever Love It either !

phenomenal acting ja! you're nothing without entertaining, as always 🥰 !! 🩵🩵

Anthony Edwards: ☀️ leo, 🌙 aquarius

'im not like OTHER girls'

* posts video of him being H*mophobic. *

Draymond Green: ☀️ pisces, 🌙 gemini

you could murder someone and still be the victim ( you have . )

JJJ: ☀️ virgo, 🌙 scorpio

the face of a man that would die if he couldn't throw in his stupid two cents into a fountain that specifically has a sign against throwing two cents in it .

Pg: ☀️ taurus, 🌙 leo

outside you're lovable until the wrong person (a person who actually DOESNT want to feed into the luxury of your own ego, WHAAAT😱😱?!??? NO FUCKIN WAY 🙀!!! ... AUTONOMY ⁉️⁉️) spends too much time with you for them to realize that you're actually a piece of immature shit. not even solid, liquid. the worst kind of asshole is an unpredictable asshole. because they can hurt the hardest and get hurt the hardest ( when it's least expected ). BUT YOU DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT TOO MUCH if you actively distance everyonee who DONT automatically feed into your own delusions and only surround yourself with people that do or make you feel secure to the fact that theyll never ever call you out enough for you to actually acknowledge how much your shit stinks!! because you devoted too much loyalty to them for that to even HAPPPENN!!! it's a COMPLETELY HEALTHY and MUTUAL and TOTALLY NOT CODEPENDENT relationship ‼️ they compliment YOU, feed into YOU, you give them what they want, work for them for whatever they want, you provide enough where they feel too weak alone without it.... or at least not Whole thanks to you merging to their side like a parasite BUT A HELPFUL ONE!!!! .. so they have no choice BUT to excuse your gluttony and your selfishness and stubbornness because man!! you just work SO hard, huh :( !! scorpios just HAVE to understand because they work just like you!! virgos too!! and cancers just HAVE to feel bad because you've done SOOOO much for them ALREADY , haven't YOU ? what a good relationship . it's so . ' loyal . '

they can't leave you because that'll tear out too much of the life YOU gave them !! they can't LIVE without you (now)!! and you know that because you made SURE of that !!!!!!! because you ONLY EVER actually try whenever it's what You want. if others end up benefiting from it as well. sure. whatever. as long as it always adds to Your wants and Your demands, they can have their little cookies or struggles or whatever other people face that aren't you .

( i just Know it eats him up everyday that he can't include cancer zodiac dame into his little circle of Close Friends That Are Close Friends Because They Agree With Me. i just Know It. )

double the loyalty with double the selfishness too! but you make sure only to hang out with the people that you KNOW need that loyalty so they can value it while excusing the .. certain cons that come with it. hopefully excusing it to the point of pretending it doesn't even exist!! that would be GREAT 😁😁!! ... considering that's the entire reason you did all this work in the First Fucking Place .

you're such a HEROOO, and if you can't be that... at least you can be mentioned as the sidekick! eitherway, you're getting the limelight you always work yourself (more like others) to view you in! congrats pg ! you really EARNED it.

deserved can be up to debate .

but wait, no actually. because you never let anyone in too deep that ever Dares debate with you! so nevermind . wow . congrats .

Deebo: ☀️ Leo, 🌙 Libra

leave me alone right now (DO N O T leave me alone i will CRY ) i just need some time to myself (WHY ARE YOU LEAVING M E ALONE?????? with TIME !?!?? to MYSELF????? WHOSE PERSONALITY CAN I BASE MINE OFF OF WHEN I'M ALONE ?@???? my OWN??!?!?!???) please just leave me alone or i might say something i don't mean ( please don't leave me alone or i might do something i might not mean ) i don't want to look clingy ( but let's be honest..) don't make me regret ( please )

Kd: ☀️ libra 🌙taurus

Keldon: ☀️ libra 🌙 scorpio

oh i just KNOW that preservation lying is Prominent and Delusional

Lebron: ☀️ capricorn 🌙 aries

all the achievements you already have pale when it comes to chasing after the unattainable. Living and yearning like a Gatsby

[fakeloveaskblog]

(Hi, me again. Sorry I didn’t get the notification telling me you posted. I’m gonna stick both responses in this ask and you can always split it into two by screenshoting the second thing if you prefer.)

I’m going to transport Janus, Logan and Remus back to Rowan’s house and reassure Janus that I’m going to go find Remy and I’ll be back when I have news.

When I find Remy I’m first going to see if their alone if they are I’m going to ask if they are alright, if not then I’ll speak quietly if the people around them aren’t paying attention to them. If they are interacting with Remy then if it’s friendly or casual then I’ll wait until their done talking before speaking to Remy. If they seem to be distressing Remy unintentionally or otherwise then I’ll intervene and ask them to leave before checking in on Remy.

Once they’ve responded I’ll say that Remus got stressed and the others went home and say that Janus is worried about them. I’ll ask if they want to go home (To Rowan’s not Virgil’s). If they say no then I’ll wait until they are ready and do my best to keep them safe until they feel ready.

Glow Eyes

(Dont worry. Tumblr is a bit weird so sometimes notifs and those sort of things just dont work properly C:)

Tw: Talk about past sexual abuse, A bit tmi body stuff

The apartment was empty as the trio appeared in it, Rowan was out of town to work. You had been nice enough to make sure they were all sat on the couch when they got there so they didn't suddenly fall over from the surprise of being moved. Logan's first thought was to reach out to his partner to comfort them. He kissed the top of their head and mumbled out a reminder to breathe.

Janus heard your voice quietly reassuring him. Your voice bounced around inside his head until you were all of a sudden gone. knowing that you were going to look for Remy seemed to calm him down enough to rub the tears from his eyes and focus on helping Remus.

The change of environment shook Remus hard enough to make him look around even though he was dissociated. For a few moments his eyes were wide open and terrified as if he didn't recognise where he was before he saw Janus sitting next to him. Seeing them was like seeing a lighthouse through the thick clouds of a storm.

His eyes met Janus' and they held out their open hand as if to ask if he wanted to be comforted. He flinched away from even the notion of their touch and gritted his teeth together.

His lips parsed as little as possible as he whispered out "I don't want you to see my memories" His voice trembled.

"How- I-" Janus squinted out of confusion "Memories aren't transmitted through touch?"

"I don't want you to see"

"...Right. Of course. I won't touch you don't worry" Janus replied assuming the flashback had triggered some sort of delusion.

He sent Janus an appreciative look while rocking slightly back and forth. He kept glancing nervously over to Logan while clearly trying to hide it.

"I think I have some important business to attend to in the kitchen actually" Lo blurted out "I will therefore leave the room now. Yes"

Remus opened his mouth to speak but no sound came out. He gulped and tried to force something out while shaking his head "...i need air....walk"

Keeping his legs moving usually helped even just a bit with the physical flashbacks. His hands gripped onto the couch fabric, he knew it was just a normal couch and yet it kept feeling like leather. Like the backseat of a car and the smell of Oswald's cologne and the taste of puke climbing up his throat and-

"Want me to go along with you?" Janus asked "We don't have to talk"

Remus nodded and started to look around for his shoes before realizing he was still wearing them. Janus gave his boyfriend a kiss goodbye before holding the door open for his friend.

After spending so long in the crowded bar the quiet evening seemed almost eerie. There wasn't much activity in the fancy apartment complex aside from an old lady walking a somehow snobby looking puddle. Janus gazed up to see a nearly full moon shining in the sky.

He looked over to see if his crush noticed it as well but Remus was walking with his head down, eyes staring at the pavement. His hands were closed into fists lightly hitting against the side of his hips.

"I don't wanna remember any more" He mumbled out "I want the images to stay blurry. I don't wanna know what happened" He gulped back bile "I wish I could just go back to thinking it was all normal. I wanna go back to thinking that was how relationships were supposed to work"

Janus searched for any way to comfort "....now at least you will have the chance to experience actual normal?...I mean a healthy relationship..If that is something you want of coruse"

Remus gave him a quick glance "Thanks Janny" He mustered out the words without any actual energy.

They walked in silence for several minutes until they had walked outside of the apartment area. Janus didn't complain, they let him take them wherever he went. They would follow him no matter where.

"I think I need to throw up" Remus stated it so bluntly like a fact.

"Are you feeling ill?"

"No- No. I just- I gotta force myself- I gotta get him outa me. I need to force him out"

Janus didn't know if he should take it as a delusion or Remus' attempt at trying to repress a physical flashback. He landed on it not being any of his business. Instead he looked around and saw a small grocery store standing open. It's bright fluorescent lightning shone out onto the surrounding road like the halo of an angel.

"...If you are going to do so could you at least do it in that store's bathroom, so it's in a more sanitizes environment. Please"

Remus nodded a bit, his expression still clearly showing how dissociated he was as he quietly followed Janus along to the store and disappeared into the bathroom without another word.

It had completely gone past Janus' mind that they still had their dress and make up on. Though when they looked around the store and gave a greeting to the teen standing behind the counter they quickly remembered what they were wearing. The teen seemed to suddenly have several life crisis started at once just from seeing them. The teen nervously waved at them as the acne filled face went red from blushing, wide eyes going to their dress over and over again.

Janus thought it was cute. They bought a bottle of water in case Remus needed it and a bag of candy that looked like vampire teeth and eyeballs. They thought he'd like it.

"Have a good evening sir uh ma'm uh miss" The teen stuttered out while handing Janus the change.

"Thank you" He sent the teen a kind smile to which the teen took a Very deep breathe to keep the little comepuser left.

While waiting for Remus he checked his phone in case Remy had called him. No new messages. He nervously bit the inner part of his cheek.

Remus looked worryingly pale as he left the restroom. His head twitched a little and his fingers shook. He walked right past Janus while squinting at the bright lights before curling up on the bench right outside the store.

Janus hesitated before sitting down next to him "Feeling any better darling?"

"More present yeah" He replied. When he looked over to them his eyes were steady on him, no longer foggy or seeing right through him. Before he quickly glanced away again. "It still feels like I should have died at Os' apartment. It's the only thing that makes sense"

"You? Never. Only way you're dying is through the most bullshit extra way ever imagined. If it doesn't involve at least 3 sharks and a flamethrower I'm not letting you die" Janus replied which made their friend half chuckle.

"It would be a gross death"

"Of course darling. I love your grossness. Hideousness if you will. Absolute gut-wrenching stuff"

"Really? Even the grossest stuff?"

"Didn't i just say so. Are you accusing me of lying deary"

Remus' trembling hands held onto the slightly damp bench "i think i came from the flashback...just now..." His voice trembled even more than his body like he'd just spoken a dangerous secret. In a way it was "i..i think- either i'm just broken hormonally or i've gotten nerve damage down there but I i didn't feel anything i had just..my body had just gotten excited- from- from thinking- from feeling him"

"I think I've heard that that is quite normal for...people with your sort of experience though?"

"People only ever say it's okay if the body gets aroused during the hurting. No one ever talks 'bout it happening again and again and- And that's the thing- I- my body doesn't work- I can't react like that- I never get aroused. I have tried. I have tried so hard. I tried for him and still- It's only when I have flashback or just- All it takes is thinking about what he did and my body reacts like that. That has to mean something doesn't it!?"

"It means I'm taking a sledgehammer right to Oswald's temple that's what it means. The king cobra flares it's neck flaps when provoked. Your body has just learnt it's own defence mechanism. you're a king cobra you got that!? A gross horrible super threatening and frightening king cobra"

Remus let up into a shakey laugh "King cobra yeah" He repeated. Trembling hands going up to hide his face in his hands "King cobra" His eyes filled with tears and his ears went red from holding them back "I'm just glad no one else got hurt. That's the only silver lining of this whole thing. If Oswald didn't hurt me he would have hurt someone else. At least I took it. I protected someone"

"It's a nice thought" Janus replied.

"I would bet my left earlobe that he moved on immediately. I know I wasn't his first. There's no way I'm his last. I can only hope I was such an irritating annoying gross nuisance it made him decide to never go looking for someone my age again. I just hope"

"Well there is an easy way to avoid having to only hope"

Remus let up into tired smile "Murder?"

"Bingo! Murder!"

Remus held up his hand to high five and Janus gladly high fived the hardest they could. He took the water bottle they had bought and carefully drank from it. Sometimes just feeling anything, even water, in his throat so soon after a flashback could trigger it back.

"I'm sorry you keep having to-"

"I would help calm you down a million times if I had to darling" Janus didn't even let him finish the sentence "I do not mind in the slightest. I get to spend time with you after all"

"I wish I'd meet you sooner Janny. I would have caught a thousand snakes for you. I promise" He mumbled out "I wish I'd meet Remy in high school so they could have found safety in me instead of Virgil. I wish they were here even if that meant they'd also hear me being totally gross"

"The watchers are looking for them" They reminded.

"I still wish I could hold them. Janny they disappear away so easily you've noticed that? If I'm not holding them it feels like I never know where they are"

"Combined we have 4 arms to hold them with. We'll keep them safe okay? They just have to come home and-"

"I love them"

"...Yeah darling....I know...I love them too"

[derflugeldesengels]

((i guess this is an interest check? I dont want to have to downplay licht’s chuunibyo like tendencies but i dont want to have to abandon his muse again out of fear of more reactions like i got when i first apped him. so i guess?? like this post if youre ok with interacting with licht and one of his major character points?

[anxiousnerdwritings]

heya! can you do prompt 8 with jason todd?

8. "A monster? I can show you just how much of a monster I can really be if you keep acting like that."

He was a monster, that's all you ever saw when you looked at Jason. A monster who had taken you from everything that you knew and loved for a life with him. Ever since he brought you 'home' you wanted nothing to do with his delusions yet you were front and center for all of them.

You made it your ultimate goal to escape this hellhole you were forced into by someone who was as unhinged as he was. And that's exactly what lead you to the situation you were in now. You had made yet another escape attempt only you had gotten much further that any time before. You were even able to get help from a couple who had come across you, but that wouldn't end up lasting long or going anywhere due to Jason showing up.

Jason was beyond pissed off when he found you were gone. He was already having a not so good day and seeing you nowhere to be found in your shared apartment, he was more than angry. Going back out in his vigilante gear he was hell bent on finding you and dragging your ass home one way or another.

It didn't take him too long to find you but he is surprised to see you got as far as you did. Especially since you were able to get an innocent couple to help you. Jason kept himself hidden while you were telling them everything, biding his time and thinking of the best way to take care of this situation. He needed to teach you a lesson that was for sure but what was the best way to really get the point across?

Deciding that he's had enough Jason makes his presence known, "Well, well, what do we have here? Little lamb trying to run away again?" Your visible fear would have normally made Jason hesitate further but right now after the day he's had it has him feeling some other type of way. "Jason? What are you doing here?" Your voice is even shaking too, what are you doing to him right now? "Isn't it obvious? I'm here to bring you home." Looking away from you for a second he takes in your new 'friends', "I see you've made some friends? Care to introduce us?" He can see the realization of the threat hanging in the air hit you like a ton of bricks.

Jason didn't give you much more time to talk before he pointed his gun at the couple who had been watching your little interaction. "Please, Jason dont!!" Panicking you try to get in front of the couple and protect them, but Jason isn't having any of it. You need to be taught a lesson and he needs to get rid of witnesses, why not kill two birds with one stone?

He smiled, looking you straight in the eyes as he shot both of the innocent people who were only trying to help a stranger. With tears in your eyes you fall to your knees in shock. After a silent moment you finally speak up, "You're a monster... You're a fucking monster, Jason!" Getting down to your level, he let's out a huff, "A monster? I can show you just how much of a monster I can really be if you keep acting like that. That couple was only the start of what I'm really willing to do to keep you with me. Don't make me show just how much farther I'm willing to go for you."

Picking you up and roughly throwing you over his shoulder he treks back home with you in tow, while you're left to think over the lives you just had a hand in ending. You weren't ever going to be able to get away, were you?

[meanminyxrd]

therefore i am but make it kevin day

alright here’s another song analysis for y’all. it’s kind of a jumble of thoughts, but maybe you’ll get joy outta it.

the song we are evaluating is ‘therefore i am’ by billie eilish. i think it’s a really good song for kevin @ riko. listening to it, i’m sure you’d get why, but i’m going to be extra and explain.

WARNING! will contain spoilers to the series (obvs)

let’s start from the top:

I'm not your friend

Or anything, damn

You think that you're the man

I think, therefore, I am

I'm not your friend

Or anything, damn

You think that you're the man

I think, therefore, I am

according to genius lyrics, this chorus means: “Billie confronts the people who want to control her and makes it clear that she has no regard for other people’s opinions about her.”

so it’s kevin after he’s finally escaped and if riko hadn’t died right after the game. it’s kind of like, a ‘what if’ of if they’d had to continue interacting.

he isn’t rico’s friend, brother, pet; anything. he is no longer forced to be tied to riko. “you think that you’re the man” could also be construed as everyone, including riko himself, seeing riko as ‘the king of the court’.

“i think, therefore, i am.” this part, again according to genius lyrics, is coined from Descartes. Descartes argued that even if we are skeptical about the existence of our physical body and environment, the self-conscious of mind still inevitably exists as “we cannot doubt of our existence while we doubt.”

to me this is a strong reminder to kevin that without riko, he is still someone. he still matters. he doesn’t need riko to succeed. he’s been part of a team for so long i’m not sure he remembers how to be his own person. but he’s learning. he belongs to this earth as the earth belongs to him.

Stop, what the hell are you talking about? Ha

Get my pretty name out of your mouth

We are not the same with or without

Don't talk 'bout me like how you might know how I feel

Top of the world, but your world isn't real

Your world's an ideal

i have no doubt that riko would spit countless bullshit to kevin to try to manipulate him into coming back, (he does it in the books and also most likely would have if he lived afterwards), not to mention lots of rumors would be spread by riko to try and tear kevin down. for instance, the fact that kevin’s hand was broken in a ‘skiing accident.” since we come from the perspective of neil, we know this isn’t true. however, the rest of the world doesn’t know that. so it’s like, “stop. what the hell are you talking about? literally none of this is true.” ie when he says he’s never gone skiing, but would like to someday. “get my pretty name out of your mouth and stop spreading rumors. with or without exy, we are not the same person. don’t talk to me like you understand how i feel, because you don’t.” (like at the interview). “you’re caught up in your own delusion. you’re on top of the world, but your world isn’t real. your world’s an ideal.” the “perfect court” that riko is striving for is simply that; an ideal. something he wants but would never in reality happen.

So go have fun

I really couldn't care less

And you can give 'em my best, but just know

he is finally letting go of the power riko had over him. he is letting riko go. he couldn’t care less what riko does, says, even fucking thinks anymore. the ‘and you can give ‘em my best’ could refer to him saying “oh ya say hi to the mafia for me’ lol, like a jab. sassy queen, we love him.

I don't want press to put your name next to mine

We're on different lines, so I

Wanna be nice enough, they don't call my bluff

'Cause I hate to find

Articles, articles, articles

Rather you remain unremarkable (Got a lotta)

Interviews, interviews, interviews

When they say your name, I just act confused

obviously this whole “splitting up the two exy stars” thing has spread all over the media; that’s why the ravens are able to switch districts. everyone wants to see them ‘fight’ one another on the court. but kevin LEFT. he isn’t a part of riko anymore. “dont want press to put your name next to mine.” the whole point is that kevin day is not #2 anymore, he is his own person. he is no longer defined by a number. #2 is no longer his personality but a number on a jersey; that’s it. “we’re on different lines,” they’ve always been on opposite sides even on the same court, always battling to be the best (yet it always falling to riko by default) but they’re finally on different teams. they have always been on metaphorical different lines, but this time, it’s actual different line ups. “so i wanna be nice enough, they don’t call my bluff” he acts so civil on kathy’s show even though he is literally shaking in fear because he was terrified more of what would happen if news got out. he wants to be nice and polite enough so that the audience doesn’t catch on that something is wrong. he hates to see articles written about them, hates to answer questions about them, because he wants to let go of riko. he doesn’t want his abuser haunting his recovery. “rather you remain unremarkable,” it would be so much easier, though, if riko wasn’t so popular. (then he dies but you know how it goes.)

I'm sorry

I don't think I caught your name

I'm sorry

I don't think I caught your name

i love love LOVE this part. i think it could be such a powerful line to kevin’s growth. riko is now insignificant to him. riko has no part in kevin’s life anymore. kevin can finally heal and become his own person. the ‘i don’t think i caught your name.’ strikes me as a sassy way of saying he doesn’t even remember riko, because riko is that forgettable. he can’t even remember that dumb man’s name.

so that’s it really, lmk ur thoughts!

btw, here’s my kevin playlist if ur looking for more songs i associate with kevin  (: make sure to check my pinned post if u want more aftg character playlists!

[theworldsoul]

Okay so basically... lets talk.

I should've seen this coming. I should've known that after such a long period of happiness, something would give.

I went to pick up my glasses from the dinner table today, because that's where I left them. When I put them on... they wouldnt stay on. I checked and they were missing the two plastic parts that hold the glasses up and still on my nose.

I check the table for them, and I dont find them. Then I ask, like hey, did any of yall touch my glasses? Both the plastic things are missing. My dad IMMEDIATELY assumes that I took them off ON PURPOSE. For some reason. And I tell him no, i didnt touch them, all I remember is picking them up from the table and seeing the plastic bits missing.

Then I spend like an hour telling them no, I didnt break my own glasses, I FOUND them that way. And my dad is like mocking me, going "u always say 'I didnt do it!!!' Like you never do anything huh? I guess you're just perfect." And I'm like... BUT I ACTUALY DIDNT DO IT!!!!???!? and hes like "you never take responsibility for anything, blah blah, you're so fucking stupid, you act like a four year old, stop fucking crying, how dare you ask us if we know what happened, why are you trying to blame us, you obviously did it on purpose and now you're acting all surprised.." and I'm just sitting there. Taking it. Thinking to myself... wow. They automatically assumed the worst in me. And THIS SORT OF THING HAPPENS OFTEN!!! I get blamed for shit I didnt do all the fuckign time.

So I'm just. Crying. Because theres a certain amount of verbal abuse i can take and it's not very much. I'm being interrogated. And its distressing, because I cant PROVE that I didnt do it on.purpose, because i GENUINELY DONT REMEBER WHAT HAPPENED!!! so they just get to assume that i broke my own glasses.

Why would my dad jump to that conclusion so quickly? Simple answer: he literally hates me. He holds back, I know, but hes done this before and he'll do it again, hes shown and said what he REALLY THINKS and he'll say it again and do it again and again and again because his mask is slipping. I dont know what I did to make him hate me but he does. That's just how it is. I can't change that. Man, my parents behave like children.

Anwyays so I'm just very upset, in distress, crying really hard, trying not to say too much so I dont make them angrier but also always telling the truth, which is that I DIDN'T DO IT AND I DONT REMEBER ANYTHING HAPPENEING TO THE GLASSES!!

He asks me, who did it then? I say I dont know but it wasnt me. He said who then, if not you. I said I dont know. He didnt believe me!!!

I hate when I tell the truth and people dont believe it. Like... this is the truth. I have nothing more to offer you. Take what little I give, cos it's my fucking blood.

Anyways in the meantime my mom is checking, looking for the plastic bits. She finds them in my coat pocket.

I am proven innocent. At what cost? Well, now I'm shaking, curled up into a ball, crying, and in actual pain. My brain cant handle so much pain so it transfers it to physical pain. So there I am. A fucking kid. Who's been punished for somehting he didn't do. And theres the proof.

My dad fixed the glasses. Left me there on the couch, still trembling. Gave them to me in a case. Said I gotta be careful. I said thank you. Because, even if I'm upset, I gotta make sure other people dont get upset. He said sorry, but he said it in this huffy way that made it sound reluctant. Then he was like, I said sorry so stop crying.

He wanted a kiss on the cheek and I was gonna give him one because I dont want to seem like a dickhead, he DID apologize... and if you dont accept my dads apologies and move on and pretend that the word "sorry" fixes everything, he gets even more angry and i REALLY dont want to deal with him guilt ripping me over it. So I lean in for a little kiss and... I cant. I cant do it. My face crinkles up all ugly and I start crying hysterically every time I get close. I try a few times but I'm overwhelmed with a feeling of like... oh god. I felt so hurt. Like a scared little rabbit. Oh shit, I was fucking scared. I couldnt do it. It made me feel disgusted.

I said, later I'll do it.

I dont know why he thinks he can hurt me so bad and make me cry, then give some shitty apology and expect me to change my mood entirely and go back to being all happy. That's not how it works. If you hurt someone, they stay hurt. Your shitty little word, "sorry", doesnt make me feel any better and doesnt fix any of the damage.... but I have to pretend like it does because if I dont you get mad, and you say I'm mean for not accepting the apology,,,

Later on, he did come for a kiss again. I was in my room, pretending to be busy so he would ignore me but he didnt. This time, I didnt kiss him but I allowed him to kiss me. I just... I couldnt kiss him. I was holding back tears, and i knew if i tried to kiss him i would start crying all over again and make him upset or angry. So I just sorta... let him kiss me on my forehead. Then I went to the bathroom fast as I could, acting like I had to brush my teeth.

I locked the door, sank to my knees, and cried. Hard.

I just wish that I had a dad who loved me, or who knew how to love me... or who I knew loved me, a dad who knew what he was doing, so I didnt have to debate if he loved me or not in my head.

God. I feel so small. Like I literally feel like a little kid right now. Fucking hell. Looks like tonight I'll be indulging in my delusions, playing pretend.

It's sad that my parents fuck me up, but its sadder that afterwards I dont have anyone to comfort me and help heal me.... only myself and whoever I bring to life in my imagination.

Sometimes when I get overly upset, when I'm pushed to the edge like this, I begin to feel... a lot younger? Like shockingly younger. I'm not even the same dude anymore, I'm a fucking five year old all of a sudden. Which makes the situation even more scary and painful.

Just imagine like, a hurt scared little kid with no one to help him. He's tryna pick himself off the ground and hes telling himself "shhhhh... it'll be okay" that's me. That's literally me and it makes me feel so fucking BAD but its true.

I've been breaking down. Earlier in the day I had trouble on a quiz because I didn't know the definition of a word in a poem and I couldnt answer the question (does character A like character B?) And when I asked they said they couldnt tell me which was bullshit but whatever. Uhm so I got upset. Like, scarily upset. I gave up, wrote that i didnt want to do the question on the paper, guessed at half the answers, crumpled it up and threw it to the ground. Then I just... spaced out for the rest of class because I was STILL upset and fuck them.

At one point I left to go cry in the bathroom, but when i went in there, all the stalls were taken and there was a huge group of guys in there, like maybe ten people in there total, so I ran back out and was like fuck now what. Now I wait. I waited and nobody came out. I double checked and they were sitll there and I ran out again. I dashed to another bathroom down the hall hoping it was empty. I was blasting metal in my ears to try and drown out the FEELINGS, I hate feeling things. Got into a stall, slammed the door, started CRYING, sobbing, talking to myself, all of this with metal music blaring out of my headphones. I composed myself. When I went out of the stall I checked my eyeliner and it was... well, you could TELL I cried. I didnt bother with it tho, i just ran out of there.

Ugh and when I got back I kept doing the stim that usually evolves into literally hitting myself, so that was. Bad. At least this time I refrained from beating the shit outta my own left arm.

God.. I hope everyone who hurts me, everyone who ever fucking hurt me, feels GUILTY as all hell. I hope whatever being made me FEEL all these emotions so hard so strong so fast, ROTS. because nobody deserves to feel so intensely upset that they resort to the worst ways of coping. No one.

I'm just glad I didnt relapse. That's a positive.

[faketextstuff]

Hello! I was seeing who you would match me up with for yandere BTS? I look really scary but I’m actually just a big fluffball. I cry easily and I trust people with my life. I’m stubborn and also in love with bts lol. I’m really shy and I have anxiety from school (physical bullying) and I have really bad pains and I’m very flinch-y. I also have a phobia of vomit. I was called “floof girl” at school because my hair was so fluffy and soft.

I struggled with this because two members would fit you perfectly but I decided to ship you with NAMJOON!

Namjoon was first to see through your 'scary' exterior to the gentle fluffball you really were. He prides himself on being able to read people like books. When he first noticed you it started off as wanting to get to know you past the shy person you were. At first it was a game, Namjoon loves playing mind games with people then exposing them to their fears before disappearing, leaving them a shell of who they once were. It was a sick twisted game he'd try to start with you. However once he saw how much you trusted him after he gained your friendship, you became so much more than a game. He fell hard and fast and he'd be damned if anyone took you from him. He'd use your anxieties and tears to control you, he'd convince you that everyone close to you were only being nice to your face and trash talking you behind your back until you were solely dependent on him and his friendship. Your tears from feeling betrayed were beautiful to him. He would have a hard time breaking your stubbornness but that just made the chase much more fun for him. You made the mistake of telling him about people bullying you in school, it made his blood boil to think anyone would dare hurt his precious angel! Unknown to you, he'd track all your past bullies down and dispose of them in the most brutal way possible, only returning to you with a promise no one would ever thinking of hurting you again....well, anyone but him of course. "I told you, you're safe with me baby." Of course your past made you flinch whenever he tried to touch you, he had to remedy that quickly! He went so far as to pay a thug to jump you on your way home. The plan was for Namjoon to come to your rescue so he could prove himself worthy of your love but the plan nearly backfired when the thug dared touch you, leaving a bruise on your perfect skin that only he was allowed to touch! That was his breaking point, he beat the man to a bloody pulp, his hands covered in blood as he took your trembling body into his arms, kissing your head telling you that you'd only ever be safe with him. You trusted him so much at this point you believed him blindly. "You cant protect yourself alone, let me protect you from the world. It'll be just you and me, baby. I'll keep you locked away nice and safe." Of course after months of being locked away, you'd begin to notice his manipulative ways. Calling him out on it was a HUGE mistake. He'd use his way with words to talk you down, make you think you were going crazy. "See! How can you be alone with these crazy delusions? Where would you be without me? Maybe I should just throw you out there in the cold world, let the scum have their way with you? If you want freedom so bad, there is the door." He'd make you feel so small until your begging for his forgiveness. As punishment for making him angry, you'd be forced out into uncomfortable situations where your anxiety would spike, like a club where people were overly drunk and getting sick before your eyes. This would only make you cling to him, never questioning his love or protection again if he'd just take you home. Namjoon works in mind control like most artists work in paint and clay. He's an expert and has his precious baby right where he wants you. Dependent on him alone. For rewards he'd please you in ways that made your toes curl! "You like that baby? She what happens when you obey? So sweet...I'm going to make sure you never leave my side. All mine, forever. I'll never let you leave, you dont want to leave. Do you?" Of course you didn't! He had right where he wanted you, madly in love and completely dependent on him!

[bleedingout4you]

You’re More Important

A whumpy fill in fic for the pyre scene in Shanarra season 2. Riga captures Mareth and Allanon, and they face the possibility of death together.

@swingrlm suggested this and helped find the movie quotes so this piece could flow.

(gif credit: loisfreakinglane)

Allanon slowly dressed himself. He felt a little light headed, but it was nothing compared to the pain he’d been in earlier. He was about to go out and speak with Mareth when he heard someone call him from outside. “Druid!” It wasn’t just anyone. It was Riga. He could recognize that voice anywhere.

“Where is the Codex?”

He could hear the question sounding clear in his mind even though no one had spoken. He felt as if a lump of ice was nestled in his stomach. He tried to swallow, but his throat felt too tight to breathe. Cold sweat covered his body as he tried to fight the sharp tang of fear polluting his mind. He’d told himself he could take a beating, but all he could see was the torture chamber. He could hear the brand searing the skin off his flesh.

He wanted nothing but to flee, but he couldn’t. His fear of Riga might be crippling, but his love for his daughter was stronger. He didn’t know where she was, but he wouldn’t leave without her. He forced one foot in front of the other until he was out of the tent. He looked at the men surrounding him. All their faces were covered in hatred. He wondered how many of them had lost loved ones to the demons, and instead of finding closure they chose to blame him.

Allanon saw the elf that visited him in his nightmares. The elf that terrified more than he’d ever let anyone know. He paused mid step and rewarded by one of the guards shoving him forward. “General Riga...” He stated the name coldly his voice showing none of the fear that he was feeling. He was weak and outnumbered, and he wouldn’t be lucky enough to escape twice.

Riga stepped to the side. “I believe I have something that belongs to you.”

Allanon saw Mareth on her knees, blood running down the side of her face. He moved forward to rush to her side. Riga slipped his sword in front of him, with a cruel grin.  “I thought that might get your attention. Bring me the Codex or your daughter dies.”

Allanon looked back at his daughter. He closed his eyes and reached out with magic. He wanted to absorb her pain. He could feel the gash on her head and sent a splintering ache through him, but that was nothing to the fear she felt. She was afraid of dying, afraid of losing him, and even more afraid that he would hand Riga the Codex. He rocked forward a little as the connection dissolved. The effort had cost him. He rapidly blinked his eyes refocusing himself.

“Don’t do it.” Mareth shouted. Her bravery was rewarded with a back hand across her face. She was nearly knocked down by the hand of the guard.

Allanon lifted his hand in the direction of the guard. “Don’t touch her.” He could tell the small gesture seemed to scare the man, but the sword at his throat never wavered.

“I suggest you tell me where the Codex is, druid.” Riga hissed. “You won’t like what happens next.”

Allanon looked back to Mareth. She was so strong, struggling to remain composed. He’d been here before. It hadn’t been the same, but he remembered as if it was happening in that moment……..

“Bandon, what did you do to him?” Wil question him.

Allanon was struggling just control his breathing, let alone speak, but he attempted to form coherent words. “....pushed him too hard, went too fast... Was trying to save the Ellcrys...” He managed to get the words out. He struggled to focus on Wil. He was the last person he’d expected to attempt a rescue, and it was clear it wasn’t because he wanted to.

“Someone else you sacrificed for the greater good?” Wil scoffed.

Allanon took the words like a slap across the face. “Bandon strayed off the path, because of me. I accept that. It is the reason I tried to keep you out of this. But destiny is stronger than the wishes of one man.” It had been his hope to stop Bandon by himself, but clearly that wasn’t going to possible. He was running out of time, and this detour was wearing heavily on him.

He looked up as Riga reentered with a cart. He hated to admit it, but a spark of fear flared up in his chest. His heart rate sped up and he looked down for a moment just to compose himself. He’d fought many evil forces; he couldn’t let him get under his skin this way.

“ Welcome Will... I’ve been waiting a long time to meet you.” Riga’s voice dripped with disgust.

“Whatever you think I can do for you, I can’t.” Wil’s response was brave, and Allanon feared for him. Riga didn’t like bravery. He liked to crush it beneath his boot.

“Dont sell yourself short” Riga picked up the device on the cart and stepped up to Wil’s side.

“Riga!!!” Allanon called out, as he was forced to watch him plunge the drain into Wil’s neck. He wanted to beg him to leave Wil out of this, the boy had suffered enough. Why make him go through this? This was his fault again. Riga hadn’t broken him yet, so he would force Wil to suffer.

“With the valve wide open I can drain all the blood in his body within minutes. Tell me, where is the Codex of Paranor?” Riga demanded. He waited for a response, but Allanon didn’t answer. “I guess the longer you live the colder your heart gets.”

“Allanon doesn’t give a damn about anyone. He didn’t care about Amberle, and he certainly doesn’t care about me.” Wil smirked at Riga despite the pain he was feeling.

Wil’s word hurt worse than the touch from the brand. Did the people in his life truly believe that he never cared for them? He knew Wil had hated him, but he didn’t realize how deep the hatred ran. Wil actually believed that he would be fine just watching him die. Wil had been almost like a son to him, and he thought that perhaps they’d come to form some sort of bond. Instead it was clear, that Allanon was alone in this thought. Perhaps this was punishment for all the missteps he’d taken in life.  He’d foolishly thought that rejection would just get easer, but it stung just as much as it had before.

“You can drain me dry, and he still won’t crack.” Wil’s icy blue stare pieced what was left of Allanon’s heart.

  He knew what Riga was capable of. He couldn’t let him hurt her the way he hurt Wil. He had let Wil believe that he could stand by while he suffered and do nothing. He couldn’t abandon his daughter. “Give me your word that you will let her go unharmed.”

“No….no you can’t.” Mareth pleaded. “You can’t.”

“Fine. Give me the Codex, and she goes free.” Riga smirked.

Allanon stepped back. “I’ll bring it to you.” He wondered if Mareth was disappointed, but he couldn’t let her believe that he didn’t care about her. He wasn’t good with emotions, but she was all that was left in this world for him. She reminded him so much of her mother, brave and passionate. He would not fail her.

“I don’t think so.” Riga snapped his fingers and one of his men handed him a collar. “Put this on first.”

His stomach turned over as he looked at the collar in Riga’s hand. He could see blood crusted up the sides of it. It was the same collar he’d worn before. He tried to keep his expression neutral, but his heart was racing. He was afraid that it was about to explode in his chest.

He took the collar from Riga, somehow managing to keep his hand steady. He didn’t want to put the collar back on, to be powerless. He couldn’t go back to that place. He looked back at his daughter. He couldn’t fail her this time. He slowly snapped the collar around his neck. His magic vanished and he felt weaker than before, but he also felt panic setting in. He was back in the Warlock Lord’s strong hold, facing a fate worse than death.

He walked calmly back into the tent, once the flap swung shut behind him his fingers slipped up to the collar trying to pry it off his neck. “Please.” He whimpered, choking back a sob as the steel refused to budge. He could feel his breathing escalating to hyperventilation. He stumbled forward and grabbed the table to balance himself. “He won’t harm Mareth. It doesn’t matter what happens to you.” He stated the words firmly and picked up the book with trembling hands, trying to believe the words he’d just spoken.

“We should have had more time.” He said softly to himself. He wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. He had no delusions about his situation, the Codex could free Mareth, but there was no hope for him. Riga would finish what he started. He could only pray that it would be quick.

He took one last deep breath and walked back out into the sunlight. He clutched the book in his hands as he walked toward Riga. Every part of his mind was screaming for him to stop. The Codex couldn’t be handed to this elf, but he would gladly risk everything for his daughter. If she lived perhaps she could find a way to get the Codex back.

Mareth looked at the book in his hands and her shoulders slumped. “No...” She whispered under her breath.

Riga took the book from Allanon, if he notice the druid flinch he didn’t let on. “At last.”

“You should have let me die.” Mareth shouted, but she didn’t understand. He’d see so much death that he couldn’t watch her die, and Riga would never grant her a quick death.

Riga turned the book over in his hands and smirked. “You are a shadow of your former self Druid, not at all the man I met at Graymark.” His looked up at Allanon with his piercing look, and he knew in that moment that Riga understood just how broken he was.

The guards grabbed him pulling him away from their leader. He looked to his daughter, but she wasn’t freed of her collar yet. “You said you would let her go!” The panic was rising his throat again. He’d always known it was possible that Riga wasn’t a man of his word, but he couldn’t have done this for naught.

“Are you really that naive? She’s as guilty as you are and will share the same fate.” Riga held the Codex up in front of him and smiled. “Thank you for this.”

“You have no idea what you are up against.” Allanon growled under his breath. Riga would surely be murdered once Bandon had succeeded and for the first time in his life, he wished death upon someone. He wanted Riga to come face to face with the thing that he hated the most, and be torn to pieces.

“With your death, I am one step closer to purging the four lands of magic.” Riga announced to his followers, who all seemed keen to cheer him on. He turned to the troops that were approaching them, and listen to their report.

He could barely keep the smile off of his face. Riga’s days were number. If Graymark wasn’t responding he could only imagine why that was. Bandon was close to calling his new master to earth. It was a strange feeling to feel relieve that even though he was to die, at least Riga wouldn’t survive much longer.

“We leave for Graymark at once. Burn the Druid and his daughter at the stake and scatter their ashes to the wind. I want nothing left.” Riga turned back to Allanon one last time giving him a look of disgust.

Allanon looked at Mareth. He could see the free in her eyes, and the anger. He knew she saw it on his face. He looked back at Riga wondering if he knew that he was picturing his death in his mind. Magic didn’t work on the bastard, but he’d never been restricted to the use of magic. He jerked his hand free of the guard and smashed his elbow into the man’s face.

The guard fell back to the ground and he dealt a swift kick to the other guard’s knee. He heard the joint give way beneath his boot. He lunged forward feeling a small thrill of delight at the look of surprise on Riga’s face. The elf had thought that he was completely broken, but he couldn’t be more wrong. His fist connected with the side of Riga’s face.

The general dropped like a fly and his guards surged around him. Allanon spun to the side greeting the first guard with a fist to the jaw. He heard Mareth shout and saw her on her feet fighting off a few other guards. He turned to fight his way toward her, shoving an elf out of his way.

They were being overwhelmed and he felt a since of desperation. If only he could just generate enough magic to push the men back. He tried to use the magic even if he knew it wouldn’t work. He drew on the power of the earth feeling the tightening in his chest. He cried out as his skin tore open at his shoulder and then further down his arm, the skin on the back of his hand shredded as if knives were bursting out of his skin.

He stumbled to his knees unable to keep his balance. He’d suffered all the affects of magic use, but he couldn’t even perform a simple spell. He watched in despair as Mareth was tossed to the ground in front of him. He looked up at the sky above him. The world that he bled to save, was cruel. The cost was too much, and he didn’t want to pay it anymore. He didn’t want Mareth to pay it.

Riga pulled himself to his feet and spat blood across Allanon’s face. “Pathetic.” He hissed, turning his back to the druid.

The guards forced the two of them to their feet and marched them to the pyre they’d constructed. He was surprised he was actually able to walk to his fate. He was almost certain he’d have to be dragged there. He felt a strange sense of calm taking over him. He could stand the idea of his own passing, but he couldn’t stomach the fact that Mareth would die beside him.

They were tied back to back on the pyre, as the guards circled them. “This is all my fault.” Mareth’s voice cracked as she spoke.

“No.” Allanon couldn’t let her blame herself for what had just happened. In the face of death, she was concerned about a dusty, old book. It all seemed so meaningless when you thought about it that way. She was so selfless, and he didn’t deserve to be her father.

“Yes, you only gave Riga the codex to protect me.” Mareth’s anger at herself, made her sob.

“You are more important to me than any book.” Allanon told her firmly. He would do it all again, if there was even the slightest chance of saving her. She deserved a life, free of magic. She deserved happiness, love, and to grow old in the arms of someone who cared about her.

The guard slowly lowered a torch to the pyre. “Will your magic save you now Druid?”

He wasn’t surprised that the guard felt no compassion, the fool was dense. If he took this collar off now, he’d see just what magic could do. In his last moments he wasn’t going to focus on an army of foes. He tried to turn his head so that he could see his daughter. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. It wasn’t meant to end this way.”  

Mareth cleared her throat. “This isn’t the end. ‘Though we die, our struggle lives on.’”

Allanon smiled a little at the familiar words. “Your mother would have been proud.” He had no doubt that Pyria would have been pleased with everything that Mareth had accomplished.

“I guess I can ask her that myself soon enough.” Mareth’s voice didn’t hold any animosity it simply was resigned to her fate.

“In death just as in life....” The words brought a sense of comfort. I’m sorry Pyria. Our daughter is truly the best thing that I ever did. I’m sorry that I failed her, and that I failed you. It’s selfish of me to hope that we’ll be together after this……but I hope that you will forgive me.

“Burn you abominations!” Someone shouted.

Allanon could barely caught the words as the heat of the fire started to burn his legs. His robes were catching, and he knew they didn’t have much longer. Oh how he wanted to take away all the pain that Mareth would feel, he wanted to save her from a terrible death, but all he could do was reach of her hand. He was almost surprised when she accepted his hand. It was the only form of comfort he could give.

He gritted his teeth together as the skin on his legs began to burn. He tried to move his feet a little bit more, but it wasn’t helping. His collar suddenly jolted and fell from his neck. For a second the world seemed to move in slow motion. He watched the collar slowly fall into the fire, and then he felt the magic surge through him.

The flame vanished and he pulled his daughter off the pyre. He still had a little magic left, as he channeled it into her so she could heal herself. He tossed his robe off him tossing the flaming material away from himself. He stumbled back ward peeling the melting boots from his feet. He gasped as the skin of his feet peeled off with the boots.

Mareth was at his side. He didn’t see her run over, but her hands rested on his shoulder. “Let me help you.”

Allanon knew that the burns spiraled up over his calves, but he didn’t care about the pain. He cupped his daughter’s face in his hands. “You’ve done enough for me, little one.” He pressed his forehead against hers. “Just seeing you alive is all the help that I need.”

[tumblunni]

Headcanons for dr maddiman's son Cliff cos i have so many feelings

* ok first off his yokai name is dr nocturne and maddiman's hospital was called nocturne clinic so i guess thats the family surname? These poor guys were cursed to a ghostly fate with a name like that! But also doesn't that mean Cliff is literally using his dad's name as a yokai? Thats so fuckin heartwarming!! I like to headcanon that he kept his dad's old name badge from his job and he still wears it to remember him. Its kinda his "soul item" as a yokai, it stays stuck to his ghostly flame even when he's unconcious and if you damage it it does damage to him. But it also means its capable of magically reforming as he heals up, which is a huge relief! I think maybe he found this out after it got destroyed in a big fight one day? So he was shot down to 1hp but also buffed the fuck out in every stat from sheer rage and smashed the guy's head in. And then as he was crying over losing his treasure his tears touched it and it reformed back together...

* When he was very little he really loved his papa! They used to kinda be the childish duo playfully teaming up against serious mom, who'd go full ham playing the villain character in their goofy games. And he really looked up to his dad's super science smartness, and wanted to be just like him someday! Sadly, as he got older he realised that his dad's childishness also had its downsides, and he started wanting to be a doctor to "defeat" his dad more than to honor him. To be better than him and somehow prove him wrong. But also to try and connect to him now he was always so distant, and then to try and chase after his ghost when he was gone...

* i mean that metaphorically as i dont think Cliff ever worked with yokai like his father did. I think even when he became a yokai and started searching for his father he didnt really actually know his father was a yokai too, it was just sort of a distant hope of a second chance. Like "oh shit i guess dad's weird fairytale conspiracy theories were true, there's probably a very small chance he is also floating around somewhere right now". Just a very depressed dude with nothing else much to cling to. He didnt really believe he'd actually find his dad so he had no plans for what to do when they met, and thats why things ended up being all awkward and sad. Well, that and also he inherited his dad's inability to just talk about his damn emotions, gahhh!!

* Cliff's natural hair colour is red, althrough a more normal ginger instead of the blood red he has in his yokai form. He used to get bullied for it and everyone acted like he was a thug even though he was a straight A student. For a short time in his life (around when his dad became distant and he became disillusioned with him), Cliff used to dye his hair black everyday and try everything not to stand out. He did this even after his mum divorced his dad and they moved back to america where his hair colour wasnt as unusual. He had a lot of trouble adjusting and wasnt fluent in english so he still felt like he got judged as a dumb thug no matter where he was or how hard he tried. After his dad died he had trouble coping with his grief because he wanted to just be angry at him forever and not accept how much he missed him, cos it just hurt so much. So all this pent up anger kinda got channelled into self confidence?? Sorta "i have even bigger reasons to be depressed so its easier to deal with the bullying i suppose". He started experimenting with punk and dark styles, embracing his reputation as a "thug" and beibg like "if theyre gonna treat me this way no matter what then i may as well go ham!" So basically he looked 99% like he does as a yokai now, and he totally never turned back. But even though he dressed more bombastic and had more of a crass way of talking he was still continuing to be a straight A student prodigy and trying to defeat his dad in academic achievement and such. He literally never stopped being just a nice dude who was good at school, he just kept getting assumed to be the opposite cos people are judgy bitches... Poor kid...

* He was born with a heart condition that made his health very poor as a baby. He doesnt remember it much cos he was very young, but his parents were SO SCARED! He was constantly having close calls with death and as his dad was a doctor he was often arguing with his coworkers when they said the kid might not live to see his fifth birthday, and being all "let me do the opertion!" "No you have too much of a personal bias" etc etc. Basically it was really fuckin stressful and you can understand why Maddiman would get it into his head tht he was powerless to protect his family through legal means and had to pursue supernatural theories. The earliest thing Cliff can remember from the time he was sick is his dad making up wild stories about how he was gonna conquer the world to save him, lasso the moon to stop time, fight god with his goddamn bare hands, whatever could keep him from losing his only child! Hearing these stories through a feverish haze helped Cliff hang on to life, and onto his dad's warm hand as he sat by his hospital bed. Of course, he did actually survive, and he had multiple surgeries that helped him be able to live a fuller life as he grew up. He was still always quite frail and got exhausted easily, but from his perspective it seemed like nothing big and his parents were just coddling him too much, cos he didnt remember how close he'd come to death.

* Ultimately, this was what lead to his actual death all those years later. Similar to how Maddiman looks to be 20 or 30 in his backstory but as a yokai he acts like just a 45 year old almost-gramps or something instead of 90-100, i feel like if Dr Nocturne seems in his early 20s then maybe when he died as Cliff he was in his late teens? Like it seems that yokai do age and mature but just at a slower rate than humans. So i thought maybe what if Cliff tragically died in a very similar way to his dad? His obsession to become a greater doctor than his dad meant he was working himself too hard in his last year of high school, trying to get into a good university. And because of his weak heart this was risky, and well.. Yeah... Death by overwork. He just had an attack one day while studying and his mother didnt find him in time. He hates himself for this, he feels like in his desperation to not make his dad's mistakes he just made the exact same damn mistake and left her behind...

* As dr nocturne he haunts the nursing home where his mother is still alive, watching over her like a guardian angel. She's trapped in the delusion that he's still alive, keeps telling everyone how proud she is of her son the doctor even though nobody else can see him. The fact that she can see him probably means she doesn't have much time left... Itd be really great if hypothetically some player character could come along and reunite them all before its too late...

[hellofrom20]

Hey im getting kinda confused abt the timeline of everything (kinda new to the hozier!fandom) could u post a quick recap or something. If u dont want to that's totally cool, i just figure ur the person to ask.

It’s a short one:

Started following each other around August.

She posted a story or two from his house in September which is what got people’s attention originally.

Canary Islands happened, probably, mid to end of October.

Pictures from Canary Islands go up on both their IGs at the end of November, and she deletes her IG after making the you’re welcome with kissy and heart emojis comment on his picture.

Gossip on Tumblr ensues.

Facebook covering their tears with delusion ensues.

Hoztwt trying to act supportive in an attempt to lure him back to Twitter ensues!

Here we are.

If anyone else has other info to add onto this let me know!

[survivor-iceland]

Ep. 1 - “How does one socialize again?” - Dylan C

Maynor

The game has finally started. Let’s see how i do in my last game before I take a long break from playing.

Sierra

As soon as the cast was revealed, it was so exciting! I started looking around, and I really feel like I have a strong tribe. I can't wait to get to know people, hear how they think about the game... and I also hope that I'm able to build some strong bonds, too! My greatest fear in this game is probably getting voted out first. So as long as it isn't me...

Zoe Malzone

Before the challenge I was added into an alliance group with sierra, cormac, and john later entitled "oh, worm?" i also spoke a bit to stephen who congratulated me on not being silent and still being a newbie. I volunteered for the bamboo chopping challenge and got too sweaty and the cup slipped off my finger at eight minutes. However, I did make a little bond with the people I participated with, and the host *didn't* say we could potentially make an alliance with each other, which I then hinted at. Nobody said anything about it, but it's not... not a possibility.

Raffy

Alright, let's get into it. I am getting good vibes from Joseph right off the bat. I feel like him and I are going to get along swimmingly throughout the competition. I think Ellie believes that we have an alliance straight off that bat, but I won't forget how she tried to snake me out. So, I will be cautious of her at best. Other than that, Dylan C. is pretty cool and I am excited to play with them again which is wild. That's like back to my ORG origins right there. I think our tribe is going to kill the challenge, but I had to give up what I wanted to do because someone can't read apparently. But, c'est la vie. I'll try my best with winterbells but I cannot guarantee I'll do well

Keith John

Well I joined the group later, wasnt able to chat due to the time difference. No one approached me with a private chat except for cormac, So atleast I know one person made the effort.

I spoke to Stephen, since we were teamed up for the same portion of the challenge. seemed like I would have connected with him. But I dont know why, he doesnt seem very chatty with me. Since he is the only other one with a big time difference, Im hoping he aint gona use that to try and make me boot number one. 

I am gona try and see if I can touch base with jack, he was nice and accommodating towards me for the challenge. Hopefully il be able to connect with him

John

Ok, so i think i made an alliance last night? I figured having an alliance of at least half the tribe would be a safe move. I’m honestly fearful it’s just gonna blow up in my face somehow but that’s just the anxiety talking hahahaha. TimmyMy arms hurt!! That challenge was a lot, but I’m shocked I lasted for 2 hours. I knew I couldn’t beat Maynor because he’s amazing at endurance comps. I know I’m good at them but i am able to recognize when someone is better than me at something. During the challenge Zoe proposed a cross tribal alliance between me, her, Dylan C, and Maynor and honestly I’m here for it.

Obviously I’m going to work with Maynor, so being able to be in an alliance with him that i didn’t have to make is so convenient. Today I’ll spend time talking to people and making connections, but I hope for now I showed that I can be helpful in challenges even though I didn’t win.

Kieran

Right now, I'm a little worried. I didn't get a chance to make the same first impressions and relationships like everyone else did, so I need to play catch-up.

Kieran

When speaking to Raffy, immediately this person is not someone I think I can trust. I just have a gut feeling about it. 

Raffy

I spent my morning playing Winterbells which is not the most fun experience. However, I do feel confident that I'll carry this for the tribe! Besides that, I've reached out to Keith and Sierra from the other tribe. Keith sort of gives me weird vibes and he isn't the most entertaining to talk to. I have to manage somehow though. Luckily, I'm not on his tribe for the time being. Sierra seems really sweet. I want to see if I can work with her since she also seems nice and active. Those are good ally traits. Also Kieran messaged me today. And his second message to me was asking me if any alliances were made yet. I mean wig. But don't be a crackhead! It's only day 2 with no tribe calls. That's kind of crackhead behavior. I'm obsessed, but I do hope that means that he doesn't shoot himself in the foot. I'll keep my distance for the time being

Raffy

Keith is telling me that people on his tribe are not messaging him which is not a good sign. So, I don't want him as an ally if he's already going to be the social pariah of his tribe

Raffy

And now Keith just told me that he wants to isntantly work together come a merge or swap. It's day 2!!!!! I don't know you!!!!

Kieran

I've been assigned the task of making a cross-alliance with someone from my tribe and two people from the other tribe. I could not be feeling more #blessed right now, because something like this is right up my alley!

Raffy

According to Ellie, she got herself in a 4 person cross tribal alliance with Cormac, Sierra, and Joseph. My threat alert is already on high. An alliance that I'm not a part of is an alliance that is a threat. She says that it was Cormac's idea and that he is being "overly strategic." I'm instantly getting bad vibes from him. He has got to go before he can cause any more damage. My connection with Ellie is already proving fruitful. I hope I can harvest at some point

Raffy

I finally did it. I've messaged everyone in this game. I blame Jay that I have to talk to all these people. It's too much for my small brain. I do not get good vibes from Cormac at all. I think he's a threat to my game for sure. Hopefully, the other tribe sees his bad vibes and take him out. Otherwise, I'll have to do it myself

Dylan C

How does one socialize again? I keep starting a lot of convos with the standard "Hi! How are you?" because I don't want to come off too strong. But on the flip side, I don't want to seem like I'm boring and can't hold a conversation, either. Video confessional with more to come soon.

Dylan C

https://youtu.be/MeQwz9yEPuM

Sierra

I'm feeling pretty good about where I am in the game right now. I have a few different alliances, which puts me in a pretty good spot in terms of navigating the game at this point in time. I feel closest right now to John and Cormac -- both of whom are in two of my alliances and both of whom have approached me for a final two. I've taken a page from Rob Cesternino and Stephen Fishbach's book and said yes to anyone who approaches me with an alliance. However, right now I'm definitely sticking with my first one over anyone else -- Cormac, Zoe, John and myself. We added Keith as a fifth to have a majority, too... but the four is where it's at for me!

Dylan C

me: I'm just being pessimistic but we're probably going to tribal us: [lost the challenge]

I love jinxing shit

Cormac Marek

My frail body shivers in utter delight. A romance brews between the tips of my eyebrows. Who goes into the strange night without protection? Only the few with their shields split between the castor iron. I crackle through the frozen tundra on my broom stick. Powers have ceased to scoot me over the ground. This is not a real broom stick. Yet I run with the branch between my thighs through the snow, cackling like a wild beast. A foot I go. Smoke wanders through the dried leaves above my glowing head. Moonlight reflects upon my smooth skin like a shining river stone. Joyous delight I cannot barely contain! I peek my eyes through the thick of the trees to see the shadowy outlines of Maynor and Stephen. I recognize them by their ignorance. Most say bliss can be found in this state of delusion but I chose a different path. Not one of foolish misdeeds, careless endeavors. My wet tongue grazes my lips in anticipation. Watching them like an owl to a mouse. Snow has turned black beneath my toe nails. Is this a sign from the Gods above? Those retched beings who guide me? Yes, must be. My eyes widen. They must be struck down like sandpaper to wood. Dice are in my pocket. I am ready to roll my numbers. Two fours roll out into the snow pile. I do not know these numbers. Unfamiliar to my mind. My third eye quivers. Oh! I will take the risk even if the dice deceive me. These two figures will be the next to go. Drug limp through the snow as I whack them and go. 

Cormac Marek (code 23)

I am stranded in Iceland marooned on a tundra. This bloody tribe has only built a flimsy shack in the past twenty-four hours. Utter blasphemy. They should all have letters sown into their clothes for this offence. I need comfort. Howling winds ripen my cheeks right up like a banana placed atop a raw lime. Tears roll down my rigid face at the thought of sleeping another night out here. Last moon cycle I huddled up next to Zoe and Jonathan. Our body heat kept us warm. Sierra was wonderful to listen to as the stars shone above. Telling jokes, laughing at our very human humor together as a group. All except Jack. That man of firm muscles. He has been off outside the shack in the middle of the night humming like a mad man. Ridiculous behavior unfit for the royalty that lied within the shack’s walls heaped up like a pile of ash. His mouth uttering obscene things. Jack often rambles about the craziest affairs. How his mother was born in Russia. Her heritage in Romania. How his cousin once cut a piece of his ankle off in a mud fight. Jack was insane. Zoe and I often spoke of this in the shack. Ah! Too simpleton of a name. Shack. Makes me want to puke. I stood in the center of the shelter, spun around ten times in a row, shouted for joyous applause and then sat back down. They all watched me as I deliberated the name of the shack. “It shall be heard on this wicked day of the 16th calendar year that this shack in which we sit in shall be hereby dubbed, ‘Cranklins Buzzom.’ Oh yes! How they all whooped, cheered and hollered. John gave me a necklace made out of rabbit bones for the courage it took me to come up with a name. Zoe threw dead leaves on my bald head to make the occasion sweet like candy. I danced in the middle while we all touched fingers together. We spent the next hour swaying back and forth. Moving our bodies like the dandelions in spring. All but Jack. Wild men do wild things to their own wild needs. He was out once more humming to himself. I could see him through the glorious arms of my tribemates. “Mm Vonderful Everyone!” My voice was cracked now from rampant speeches, shouting on till sunrise about squash soup and the what it means to die. Where do we go when we wake up? What do dreams mean? Zoe has given me supple answers to satisfy my philosophical exuberance. Cormac Marek (code wow)Golden crowns are placed gently over our graceful heads. I sit atop a throne of melting gold. It oozes between my grasp. Silver stretches through my veins like rapids. Those who whisper pleasurable things in my ears bring me great news! I lay back in a beach of three alliances. White sand soft to the touch. Ellie and Joseph have taken me in as their own. Raffy presents me with platters of succulent grapes. My teeth crush the flesh of the fruit for sacred matrimony. Sierra has a seat beside me on the throne made of feathers. Her words float with mine like a bird that takes flight. Zoe is equal in measure, following accordance to the laws I have sown. A core three to dominate the world among us. My strong hands rattle at a steel chain. Links that draw down from my throne all the way to a pit that holds the unclean. Within this dirt pit lies four individuals. They are imprisoned for the time being. Jack’s chain collar around his neck holds him in a firm foundation. Maynor has given up trying to dig his way out of the pit in recent days. From time to time the royalty of the palace gawk over the pit in giggles. Our laughter and pointed fingers at those who do not wish to play. They won’t engage in the grand game! How dare they! Stephen is our jester. Hopping around on two feet. I hold Kieran in my lap, petting like I would a new puppy. Our dinner parties are the most jubilant! My closest allies sit at the front of the long table with me. We throw food at Jack on occasion. “Oh, ha. Ha. Yes! Why my darling do you speak of me?” Justin started to fall of his chair. “I did not say a thing Cormac! Please don’t throw the gorgeous rotten tomato at my body again!” I am furious! Purple faced! “How dare you! You are from Spain! Timmy is hiding there and you refuse to tell me! Take him away!” Spit drools down my chin. John grabs Justin by the ribcage and drags him out of the marble hall. “My week is ruined now you insulant foolish people! All except you my dears.” I turn to Zoe and Sierra to compete in our secret handshake. After which I stand a top the long table to proclaim my frustrations. “Find Timmy! Bring him to me in one piece! Go now! Hurry! My belly can’t wait much longer!” God am I full. Stuffing was thick this morning. Raffy must have put extra butter in the food again.  

Ellie

So, Bitch is a little scared. I didn’t preform well but I was at a debate tournament. Also if we’ve learned anything from my last game it’s that I’m good with persuasion so I’m asking around to get names and Kieran hasn’t really been social or a help in challenges so I’m leaning towards that choice but we shall see

Ellie

I have nothing against Kieran personally, he just seems like the Gigi of this season. Although I hope to god that my tribe is not a mea repeat

Ellie

We’re trying to play calmly this time, I’m letting the names come to me. I’m throwing names out there without actually saying the names and I’m proud of myself, fuck you marie lmaooo

Ellie

I just realized that I’m the only girl on my tribe wtf, I don’t like that. We’ll live tho

Maynor

Its been two days since cup challenge and my arms are still kinda sore. Unloading the truck yesterday was not fun at all. But im glad that my hard effort helped us win immunity. Everyone else dod amazing in their parts. I really like my tribe. Im currently talking to Zoe, Cormac (think i misspelled it, im sorry) and Stephen. Hopefully im good socially that im not an easy out. I need to continue on my idol search

Raffy

I got chosen to participate in Joseph's and Ellie's idol hunts. I am very grateful for the position because it means, out of everyone, they got the best vibes from me. This is a good sign that my social game is carrying me. Hopefully that means I can trust them later. I gave Ellie the advantage path because I plan on working with her in the future, so it'd be best if I had an advantage on my side. Since I do not really talk to Joseph but like him, I gave him a dead end. Better than getting a disadvantage in my opinion. I cannot believe we lost the challenge, but I guess I should believe considering that people didn't seem to try or care. It frustrates me that Ellie and Kieran did not even try on the challenge. That is just so ugly. My vote will probably go to Kieran because he's barely active whereas Ellie is. Plus, I want to use Ellie as my ally for the future. Let's see how that goes. I think the group consensus will be Kieran as Ellie and Justin both have told me so. 

John

oh my god my plan worked. not only did we win, but i didn’t get the clue. i DEFINITELY did not want that target on my back, especially this early. but the downside of all of this is that i seriously don’t know who we would go after if we lose the next challenge, so that’s great. love that.

Cormac Marek (code fisa)

Frivolous swirls of insanity encompass my legs. They run where I tell them not to go, they climb where I dare not go. Storms are a brew in the far horizon. Delightful beckons to the ship’s quarters. Out on this dangerous sea lies two heartfelt apologies. Maynor has come to me in rags. Sweat, mucky, like a swine before dinner time. Slop to the finest hour. I have just caught word that Sierra may have former allegiances to the British crown. Here on our swamp ship of misfits we do not find the posh so delectable. Timmy is still beyond the narrow ocean hiding with his mystical forces. My greatest foe, my closest lover. Two woven in with the other. My chair is plastered with the skulls of those come to perish. Eye sockets whirling with squirming worms. “I thought you knew what I wanted Maynor! I want Timmy’s head on a platter! Get out of my sight before I have to bring Keith into my bedchambers to whip you again! Ten lashes for each word spoken against me!” Maynor retreats off into the underbelly of my ship. “Come here my love, my sweet seashell.” Zoe draws herself behind my shoulder and rolls out a scroll of activity. “Sierra was Timmy’s long-lost lover. I have seen it in my prophesies at sunrise. She knows Maynor from a past life and both of the Dylan folk!” Zoe gasps at the pure horror of her own revelation. I spit out my roast mutton in agony. A bone is stuck in my throat. “I’m choking on my own dispositions!” 

Salt spreads through my open mouth as I stare gaping at the dark sea. Where will this lead our ship? Will a betrayal bubble from below the surface? Will Davy Jones come to imprison me in his locker? Only blood, time, and friction will show the path ahead. 

cormy marek

Gameplay analysis: 

From day one I made sure to message every single person. This would make sure I was in on that first batch of important alliances. 

By doing so Joseph contacted me and brought Ellie + Sierra into a cross-tribal alliance. 

The Worms Alliance consisted of a solid four with myself, Zoe, John, and Sierra.

This made sure I was inside the vote decisions. 

Then I made sure to solidify my alliances with Sierra and Zoe to be made stronger. 

The Frozen Five happened without my knowing. I believe Zoe invited me. This only added Keith to the equation who we need for a majority. 

Then I caught word Sierra already knew Maynor, Timmy, and Dylan from past games. This meant that I had to now connect with Maynor more so he could recommend me to Sierra. He said he had not spoken to her yet but that could be a lie. 

Raffy seems like someone I could drag into our numbers at a swap. Our cross-tribal alliance makes things sweeter. 

I’m trying to pull a Noura so I can be drug into the merge but at the same time engaging in forward game chat with Zoe, Sierra, and John as to not seem like a drifter. 

Right now I am trying to pull Keith closer to me. Jack is in outer space. We don’t know where he is. 

So in Melrakki I am in on the majority, core, and inner workings. 

Jack is on the outs. Maynor might be in cahoots with Sierra. Stephen has not made strong connections yet. 

Kieran, Dylan R, and Timmy are not speaking with me yet. Odd considering we could swap at any time. I need their numbers on my side. 

I shared the clue in One World to put the target off my back and give everyone equal opportunity. I do not want the idol so it works in my favor. We shall see how the next challenge goes. 

Ellie

Seeing as I’m the youngest (well, I assume I am) and the only girl on my tribe I feel like the little sister, and I will definitely use that to my advantage 

Timmy

Ellie literally messaged me hi and the next message was my thoughts on tribal. Like i don’t know you nor would I give you all my thoughts thus far for a name after one hi. Also, I’m about to lose my vote because these slide puzzles are extra.

Dylan C

https://youtu.be/zPAsozK6pqY

Ellie

THERES THREE GIRLS IN THIS GAME WE NEED TO STAY STRONG

Joseph (survivor Iceland Winner)

I made a nice cross-streams alliance with Elle, cormac, and Sierra. I didn’t get to the idol. Poopy. But I have some ideas in the works. But we need to win at least one immunity before I try to get any threats out. Kieran is almost definitely going home. Tonight at tribal, I plan on voting for raffy, because nobody else will. And I don’t want him to feel too safe. Throw some paranoia at him and then I might convince him to join an alliance with me. We shall see. 

Raffy

Ellie is telling me how she's bonding with Zoe over being the only two girls on this tribe. I told her that she should include me in their little alliance that will no doubt be formed between them. Ellie is looking to be more and more of a social threat. I need to keep her close, otherwise I might find myself on the other side of a majority alliance following her.

Justin

So, my tribe is pretty chill. I don't really have anything negative to say about anyone thus far. Besides Raffy kinda gives me annoying vibes. Not sure why, but something about him just annoys me. Other than that, Timmy and I get along pretty well, and I can see myself aligning with him in the future. Ellie as well I vibe with pretty good. Everyone else is pretty meh as of now. As of now, I'm only building connects and feeling the vibes of the others. With that, I want to take out the people I'm least connected to, so that I know what's up with everyone. This might be because I find him kinda annoying, but I want Raffy out soon. He definitely is a talker, and I feel like he will try to take my niche in game of being connected with everyone. However, I think it is too early to go at him since I don't want to call the shots too early, and I'm sure people will object to that as the first vote. So for the first tribal, I want to vote out a person who is least connected to everyone to make the tribe more unified, and make sure I'm not the first one out. That person being Kieran. Everyone I have talked to has said his name, so I'm going along cuz that is not my name. Plus, he barely talks to me too so I don't care.

Raffy

It seems that everyone is good with voting Kieran, unless I am getting blindsided which would not be cute. However, I believe that this tribe won't be messy the very first tribal council.

Keith is so desperate to pry information from Ellie and I about tribal council. Like you do not have to know nor do you have to care. He needs to be careful because his prying nature can give off bad vibes to certain people. Though he did tell Ellie that Stephen seems to be on the outs with his tribe. 

cormac marek

Justin just came to me thinking I was in his tribe when in fact we are on different tribes. His tribe is going to council tonight but I'm safe. He thinks we are voting together when I don't even have his vote! Said as long as we stuck together tonight we should be ok. He is going to gasp when he realizes I am not on his tribe! So they are voting for Kieran! Insider knowledge is great. Poor kid. "We should be good, I think we're safe as long as Kieran goes home. Who are you voting for." I told him I was going to vote for Kieran. ZoeCormac and I got really close this morning, and confirmed each other as trusted partners. We have an order for if things go wrong and we have to vote somebody off, but we're also both feeling confident that our alliance is a strong one. I'm not so sure about Maynor, because I feel like he doesn't talk very much. I can't get a read on whether or not he has aligned with other people, and if he ends up getting an idol clue I'm not sure whether or not I'd be able to pull him in, based on a super short conversation we had during the bamboo chopping challenge about aligning after merge.

Stephen

So guess who didnt make a confessional yet? This guy. Oops. So Maynors in my tribe, yay, love that guy, but also eek, good player. Coin toss on whether I try and work with him this game. Cormac or whoever really weirds me out. Sierra seems really cool though I like them. Also this idol hunt system being full of jigsaw puzzles? Iconic.

Jack

I bonded with all gays, so that was fun. Thinking of starting something with Raffy and Ellie after merge, but Cormac and Sierra  and I seem to be good.

[stormpainter]

wickedPainter: Wicked was standing in the mess tent, hair wild and untaimed, stained with purple blood, helping the clowns with these big chunks of meat he'd brought for the brothers and sisters.

carnivalsOrphans: Ringleader walks in, sees Wicked and immediately starts smiling. Even despite all of the embarrassment of the chat room, he is still so excited to be able to spend time with his moirail. He comes over, envelops the filthy troll in a hug as soon as he's not actively holding meat, and tries to pretend he doesn't see all the knowing looks from the clowns in the tent.

wickedPainter: He knew he was there, of course he knew, he was right where he was supposed to be, and he leaned back into the embrace, a purr rattling up shamelessly in front of all of these witnesses. "Shows over?"

carnivalsOrphans: Any attempt at not blushing is ultimately futile, and he leans down to give the tip of a horn a small smooch. "Yep. Sure is." And then, softer. "You're a damn mess." It's an attempt at being private, but it's really not hard to guess the gist of what he said, considering the purple that spreads down his neck and over the visible part of his earfins.

wickedPainter: The clown smiled a mischevious smile up at his moirail. "Someone probably better ought to clean me up then." He told him.

wickedPainter: "Is't workin?" He asked innocently.

carnivalsOrphans: He gives his moirail a squish, huffs at him. "You know damn well it is."

wickedPainter: "Good" Somehow he managed to make purring sound smug

carnivalsOrphans: He is officially done. Time to lean down and just pick Wicked up, bridal style. "You little brat."

wickedPainter: Arms went around the enormous troll's neck and the completely filthy one snuggled into his arms. "Pretty sure you enjoy it"

carnivalsOrphans: Nothing to do here, time to head out. And it has nothing at all to do with all the people softly cracking up from him being ridiculous. Of course. "I'll enjoy it more once I got you to myself."

wickedPainter: "I'm gettin you all dirty" He noted.

carnivalsOrphans: "Guess we're just gonna have ta shower together, ain't we?" Very flustered clown trying to seem as cool as possible.

wickedPainter: "Guess we gotta, its the only way." he kissed up under the other clowns chin. "do each others hair too."

carnivalsOrphans: He just... Eyes Wicked's fucked up hair for a moment, fuck. How is he supposed to hide his face in that? "You gonna make me walk all the way back to my tent with palebait in my arms, or you gonna just take us to your hive the quick way?"

wickedPainter: "I feel like bein an exibitionist." he smiled with half lidded eyes.

carnivalsOrphans: "You're lucky I love you too much ta drop you," he says with a play growl that doesn't even remotely sound scary.

wickedPainter: "I know I'm lucky. Luckiest damned motherfucker, dont deserve you." he nuzzled up at his jaw.

carnivalsOrphans: He can't help how he purrs. "You're the one who's been takin care of my ass for the past while in there. Don't know how I got so lucky, ta find you."

wickedPainter: "Who the shit knew I'd find someone who needs me?" he leaned his head into him.

carnivalsOrphans: He pretends he doesn't see all the people casting knowing looks at him as he goes through the field of tents. "You wouldn't think I'd be so damn needy, considerin how long I've gone without."

wickedPainter: "Why would you wanna do without when you dont gotta?" He told him, he was smiling his little smile, pleased with all the looks.

carnivalsOrphans: God damned exhibitionist. "You're a goddamn blessing, Miramini, I am glad I got you around ta keep my head on straight."

wickedPainter: "..I like yo' pet name for me." he nuzzle his cheek into him. "..I tolt you I love you?"

carnivalsOrphans: His purr goes from soft to loud at the words. "You mentioned it a few times, yeah." Everything is nice right now, and it's hard to give as many fucks about everyone watching when he's so happy to have Wicked with him.

wickedPainter: "Good cause my memory aint great and you need to know." That purr was so nice, he pressed his ear against RL's chest and let it vibrate through him.

carnivalsOrphans: "I love you so much, brother, don't think I've loved someone so much in a long fuckin time." He wants to pet his moirail, but his hair is crunchy and dirty with blood and salt, and he doesn't want to hurt him. .... Scritch softly at a horn bed.

wickedPainter: He leaned into the touch of fingers on his scalp purr going strong. "How'd I get to be the lucky one?"

carnivalsOrphans: "Dunno. Probably cuz you're my miracle." Finally to his own damn tent, he ducks inside and just flops down for a moment to snuggle and kiss at Wicked's face.

wickedPainter: Wicked cuddled into him, he was perfectly content to be held. "think the gods gave us to each other if thats a thing."

carnivalsOrphans: "Serendipity." Purrrrrrr. He'll head to Wicked's place soon, for the sake of a nice shower that will fit them both and a bit more space to lounge, but he just wants to be alone with him for a few minutes.

wickedPainter: The smaller clown returned all the kisses on his face and pet a hand into RL's hair, leaning his head onto his shoulder. "Might well be. my other two are."

carnivalsOrphans: He tries not to make a face at the thought of him being in the same category as Tarrat, and mostly succeeds. "Yeah."

carnivalsOrphans: The word is curt and a bit clipped but he tries to cover it by kissing at Wicked's jaw more. "Love you brother."

wickedPainter: He frown pulling gently away from the kisses, although he stroked his hair."whats wrong?"

carnivalsOrphans: "Why would anythin be wrong, brother?" He nuzzles in close, purring at his rail softly.

wickedPainter: He scratched his fingers behind an ear and played gently with tiny fins "cause you dont seem to like bein compared to my other quads"

carnivalsOrphans: ... That feels too nice to be entirely fair, and he leans into the touch. "... I like em fine. For the most part."

wickedPainter: "Mm- for the most part?" He tried to coax him.

carnivalsOrphans: "You ain't gonna like this answer," he warns, leaning into the attention while he's still getting it.

wickedPainter: "probably means I oughta hear it."Look at those cute little ear fins, he needs to give these more attention than he has.

carnivalsOrphans: He huffs, turns his head slightly to kiss Wicked's wrist. Trying not to dislodge scritchies.

carnivalsOrphans: "... tarrat pisses me the fuck off."

wickedPainter: Mmmm. He hummed and brushed RL's hair away from his ear. "What'd he do thats so bad?"

carnivalsOrphans: He's just going to pretend he doesn't know tarrats probably watching. "Called Vel a psychopath and referrin ta him as that thing ya brought hive. Can't remember exact words, but I remember the gist."

wickedPainter: "That all?" He tilted his head.

carnivalsOrphans: "And talk about Vels triggers like its just him bein insane. And seemin none too fond of me."

carnivalsOrphans: "... get protective over my little brothers and sisters, and I'm real fond of Vel, mad scientist he is."

wickedPainter: The clown in his arms found one of Ring's hands and brought it to his mouth to kiss it, and spend a moment organizing his thoughts while he nuzzled at fingers.

"Tar loves me. A ridiculous motherfuckin amount. I think some of its cause I'm the only one he has left, but even before that he was my best friend, and more loyal than anyone I've ever seen in my life, short as it may be. He would do anything for me, even if he don't like it too much- cause he wants me to be happy. Like switchin quadrants to flush."

He drew a breath in and let it out slowly. "Vel ain't good for me. Hes a target I brought hive cause he managed to fuck me up, and got fixated on. Hes also screwier than a fuzzy dildo, and its hard to predict when hes going to randomly decide he wants to see what colour your insides are an how they're put together personally. Now I aint.. sane either. Auditory an visual hallucinations, delusions, irrational rage. Donno how much of it is just me and whats because my head was fucked by a terror. .. Donno how much of Vels crazy was what I did to him, an how much is natural for him, either. Tar just wants to protect me, though. Hes seen him try to kill me, an hurt me, an tear me the fuck up so many damned times. We're..workin on it, me and Vel."

carnivalsOrphans: The enormous clown considers his moirail's words, for a long moment. "... Can admire Tarrat, some, for his devotion. And can see where you're comin from, with Vel. .... But he told all that shit to a stranger. And not like a warnin, said it like it was just gossip. How long til he starts Gossipin bout all the shit you and I say? ... Don't it bother you, that he's so intent on draggin Vel? Even if Vel's got a goddamn truck full of issues, don't it bother you that Tarrat's just airin it out goddamn everywhere?"

carnivalsOrphans: "That's what's really botherin me. Just.... Him fuckin not keepin secrets secret. And I know he. Lurks, sometimes." All the time. "Makes me damn uncomfortable."

wickedPainter: "He aint gonna gossip about us." He pressed his face into the hand he was nuzzling. "Hes frustrated with my choice not to keep myself safe, an his livin situation havin to share with Vel. ..an I do love Vel, don't mistake that, hes a tempest but one I wanna sail, whether its good for me or not." He was quiet a long moment. "..I can promise you he aint interested in us gettin intimate but. ..if you want I could turn the transmission feed off. I aint ever done it before, but I could." [:: | Edited :: ]

carnivalsOrphans: He runs his thumb along Wicked's cheekbone, leaning forward to kiss a horn tip softly. "Can.... Understand his frustration, I guess. .... But it still makes a motherfucker bristly." And then, after Wicked's suggestion, he looks over him. "... You know how I feel bout my secrets, brother. ... And bout bein seen as weak. And I love you, and i'll show you all of myself, so long as you're willin to see, but. Him. He... He don't... .... I didn't think i'd be sharin my time with you all the damn time, even if he ain't payin attention. I can't... Know that." He runs a hand over Wicked's crunchy hair. "If you feel alright turnin the feed off, it'd. Make me feel a lot better, bout a lot of things."

wickedPainter: He hesitated and quietly squeezed at RL's hand closing his eyes and opening them. "..do you know what its like to have grown up an always had someone in there, not just him, Them, too. I'm alone an its too damned quiet." He hesitated and decided not to say something else. His god tier would protect him if RL's impulse control broke. "..but I can, for you I will, for makin peace an settlin you, an keepin your secrets."

carnivalsOrphans: ".... Could." ... He clears his throat, softly Considers Things for a few moments. "If you don't wanna have things be quiet. I could..." He pulls from the depths of his sylladex a magic wand made of his own horn. ".... With this, I got voodoos. Could be with you."

wickedPainter: He blinked quietly at the wand and reached out hesitantly, almost touching it but not quite. "aint never shared like that with voodoo. Mines real strong but I aint good at like, subtle shit too much."

carnivalsOrphans: "I'm gonna have two," he pulls out the other, unfinished. "... Used ta be amazin at subtle shit, way back when. Vel said I could have one of the most powerful voodoo focuses in the multiverse. And this one," he hefts the first one slightly, "is for... delicacy. Sublety. ... and if ya get uncomfortable with sharin panspace with me, all ya gotta do is knock this fucker outta my hand. I want you feelin safe around me."

wickedPainter: He contemplated the wand thoughtfully. "if someone was tryin to get control of me or somethin, this'd be how they do it, gettin me to cut off my help, and let them into my head." He put voice to the paranoid narrative running through his thoughts. "A few perigees work, then you got yourself a laughsassin with some programmin he let himself get put there."

He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to the back of RL's hand. "Don't wanna make it sound like I don't trust you, thats just the shit my pan is sayin'"

carnivalsOrphans: His expression breaks a moment, and the wand goes away. It.... Hurts, more than he thought it would, for Wicked to have those sorts of thoughts about him, but he can understand it entirely. And it's entirely true, if that's what he wanted, he could have it about that easily.

carnivalsOrphans: "... I love you. I want you ta feel safe around me. Safe as I can, at least. ... You ain't gotta do nothin you don't want to do."

wickedPainter: "Gon turn off the feed." He murmured. "..but I've had a lot of people dickin around in there, that I couldnt stop from doin that." He glanced up at him. "..guess its a lot like you not wantin me to take your rage to calm you maybe."

carnivalsOrphans: "... I'd feel all hollowed out, and weird. Don't like fuckers messin with my emotions when I can't control it." He kisses Wicked's forehead. "I don't wanna dick around in your pan. I like your pan how it is."

wickedPainter: "My pans a motherfuckin shit show, but I'm glad you like it."He let out a breath quietly. "..me gettin us some for sure privacy help shit with you feelin all upset bout my flushmate?"

carnivalsOrphans: "..." He could say yes, and it'd be over with, and Wicked'd indulge him, and it'd feel Better. ".... If ya just. ... I don't need it off every time I want us ta chill together. I just... ... When I'm panickin, or when I'm tellin you bout personal shit... ... And if you do that, I'll feel better. And I'll try ta make peace with him, cuz fuck knows he probably thinks i'm out ta get him or somethin." For no reason, of course. None At All.

wickedPainter: "its real sweet of you to compromise on that shit" he murmured.

carnivalsOrphans: "... I love you. There ain't a lot I wouldn't do for you."

wickedPainter: "it'd just be nice if some of my quads didn hate each other." he settled his head against his chest. "..me neither." "..things I wouldnt do is vanishinly small"

carnivalsOrphans: "... I like Vel. And I'm pretty sure he likes me. ... And I'll try ta like Tarrat, for you. Sure I can find somethin we get along on."

carnivalsOrphans: He pets Wicked softly, purring at him in some attempt at comforting.

wickedPainter: "He did sue the shit out of the people who had us arrested for you." he murmured.

carnivalsOrphans: "... Which was fuckin fantastic."

carnivalsOrphans: "Pretty sure that was for you, but."

carnivalsOrphans: Details, details.

wickedPainter: "He didn' have to include the carnival in it" He told him mildly.

wickedPainter: "I worry bout him but you dont wanna hear bout that"

carnivalsOrphans: "If it's important ta you, it's important ta me."

wickedPainter: He snorted softly, smiling.

carnivalsOrphans: Plus that puts them on more even terms, on knowing things about eachother.

carnivalsOrphans: He kisses a horntip. "What is it that's got ya worried, brother?"

wickedPainter: "..hes got spark somewhere in there, I've seen it, but ..caint tell if hes depressed or what. he just does what hes supposed to do. lets his sense of time take over, kinda sleep walkin through the motions a lot of the time."

wickedPainter: "..which granted I do some times but his is fuckin all the time"

carnivalsOrphans: "... Did tell him he needs ta get out more, the first time we talked. Make some damn friends, or somethin. ... Much as it's good he adores you so, it ain't really good ta be so fixated on the one person. ... Know some people find solice, in plannin everythin out. In havin everythin planned for em. ... Mayhaps you could just. Ask him ta include ya in some of his plannin? For just fuckin around or somethin. Even if he knows it's comin, takin him out or some damn thing might help him wanna do it more himself."

carnivalsOrphans: "... normally, i'd suggest a jolt of spontaneous, ta see what he does with it, but that don't really work with him i don't think."

wickedPainter: He looked thoughtful. "Could take him out more- we been out a couple of times foolin around on that earth vel likes. need to fuckin ..enter more variables."

carnivalsOrphans: "Yeah, he does have a fuckin spreadsheet or somethin. And hell, if he really likes doin those so much, addin more variables means more time spent doin that, right?" Shrug. "If it's what he enjoys."

carnivalsOrphans: ".... Just. Ask him what he wants to do more. He don't make decisions. Make him make em."

carnivalsOrphans: "... Dunno. That's my advice. He's sorta... Opposite me."

wickedPainter: He hummed softly and nodded against him then murmured. "..salts dyin an itchin like crazy."

carnivalsOrphans: .... Time to pick the boy up, all at once purring. "Jammin done, let's get ya clean. Ya damn exhibitionist."

wickedPainter: He leaned up and kissed him on the chin. "damned straight"

carnivalsOrphans: "Half tempted ta just sling ya over my damn shoulder next time, so we ain't lookin so pallid."

wickedPainter: "you don want people to know?" eyebrows

carnivalsOrphans: He bounces him in his arms. "I want everyone ta know. But I don't want people ta see."

carnivalsOrphans: Let's head over to Wicked's hive at last.

wickedPainter: Time to go and be ridiculous in a shower!

carnivalsOrphans: And then spend a while doing hair and paint and potentially claws and Ringleader softly contemplates letting Wicked polish what remains of his horns.

carnivalsOrphans: .. He decides against that, for now. He'll do that later, when him and Wicked have a full night together.

wickedPainter: ((cuties))

carnivalsOrphans: [[i know it's so gay]]

[icarus-tirade]

4.29.2021

Oh boi, do I have a shit tonight

1.) My mom pissed me off so badly cause HOW ARE YOU GONNA WAIT UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE TO TELL ME THE PLAN FOR PAYING FOR MY HOUSING FOR COLLEGE?! I ASKED FOR THAT SHIR LAST WEEK AND WE WENT THROUGH LIKE A 3 DAY PROCESS (something that should only take 1 day mind you) SO YOU COULD GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!! I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEEDED AND YOU HOLD IN YOUR PLAN UNTIL I FUCKING CALL YOU* AND ASK ABOUT IT AND I FIND OUT THAT YOU HAD DAD DOING IT BUT NEVER TOLD HIM THE FUCKING PLAN?! AND THEN HAVE THE GALLLLLL TO ACT RIMID LIKE IT'S NOT YOUR FUXKIN FAULT THAT NO ONE BUT YOU KNOWS THE PLAN!! AND WHY ARE YOU ACTING BRAND NEW??? Usually what happens when I need money for school is, parents put money on my credit card and then I pay for stuff but this time MOM IS TRYING TO PAY DIRECTLY THROUGH THE SCHOOL?! AND NOT INVOLVE ME, which would be fine IF SHE DIDN'T FUXK IT UP COMPLETELY!!! She tells me it's all been taken care of by dad when I call her today and so I ask to talk to dad cause he sent me some snacks and I wanna say thank you right? So after talking to dad about the snacks he asks me for a link to the school so he can pay for the housing... meaning it hasn't been done yet. And I'm like, well... I'll just type out the convo

Dad: I need a link to the payment thing so I can pay for housing

Me: What link?

Dad: You sent me all your info, and thank you for that, but I need the link too. I don't know what to do and where to go

Me still confused: mom asked for that stuff so I sent it, I don't know why she wanted it and I don't know what link you're talking about

So finally dad calls mom into the room because we BOTH don't know what's happening and that's when mom has a small voice all of a sudden and is like "I thought we could just pay through the school" AND SO NOW IM PISSED AND STRESSED CAUSE IM DESPERATELY LOOKING THROUGH MY EMAIL ANS THE SCHOOL WEBISTE FOR A PAY DESTINATION WHILE TRYING TO KEEP THE ANGER OUTTA MY VOICE AND MY ANGRY/STRESSED TEARS AT BAY DURING MY CONVERSATION WITH THEM BECAUSE THEY'RE STILL TALKING TO MEEEE!!! THEN I FIND IT AND THEY ADD THE MONEY TO MY CARD (my card that's in the truck cause I left it outside by accident) so I put them on hold and run around looking for the keys that papa had in his pocket and Jammie is trying to get me to calm down and explain but I'm pissed and stressed so that's just making it worse* so I pay (and send them a picture of the receipt that mom wants cause I guess she don't trust me now even though I've done nothing to deserve this lack of trust with school money so fuxk her) after getting my shit and go back to talking to dad who I don't wanna talk to anymore cause I'm fed up and trying not to cry

2.) YOU*: they usually call me at least once a week but they been mad silent since last week which is no Bueno cause I need to know if I have the money or not to pay for the fucking fee OR if they have paid for it SO FUXKING CALL ME CAUSE I AINT TRYIN TO CALL YOU! THEY ALWAYS LACKIN WHEN IT COMES TO DOING SHIT FOR ME. I asked mom WEEKS ago if she could get a refill on my medicine and so when I check in today she NOW wants to tell me that there's been complications cause I'm 18 so I kinda need to do it. AGAIN I'd be fine with that IF SHE AINT WAIT THIS LONG DURING ALLERGY SEASON!! THIS IS SHIT I GOTTA KNOW SO WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING THIS LONG TO SAY SOMETHING?!

3.) Worse*: Jammie LOVES to talk about how trash my dad is depressed or bipolar (he's fuckin not so I really wished she'd stop saying that, IM bipolar so I know he's not she doesn't even know what she's talking about and it irritates me). So when she had me explain what's happening and I rant about mom fucking everything up she starts blaming dad??? She says that they planned what to say when I called and how to act and that my dad is orchestrating the whole thing like,,, no? Were you even listening to me??? So I repeat that MOM is acting brand new and dad and I don't understand what's happening but she continues to tell me that it's dad who's the blame. I tell her dad is not the only bad guy and is not ALWAYS the bad guy, I know he's shit alot of times but he's not always bad he was a good dad once and he still has his good dad moments, but she REFUSES to listen to me! And keeps blaming him and I KNOW it's cause she doesn't wanna view mom, he daughter, as a bad person and wants to put all the blame on dad BUT THATS NOT TRUE AND IM TIRED OF HER PRETENDING!! LISTEN TO WHAT THE FUXK IM SAYING AND STOP LIVING IN YOUR DELUSIONS!

4.) Dad and I were talking and it was fine UNTIL HE SAID HIS DUMBASS STATEMENT ABOUT ME BEEING TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE!!! Ever sense I've gotten diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder he's taken that and RAN with it. But he uses it in the sense that sometimes I'm calm and sometimes I'm angry and just negative (disrespectful, argumentive, defiant, indifferent, and rude) BUT THATS NOW WHAT BIPOLAR IS. Its basically on and off depression and mania. But his favorite statement is "I don't know which you I'm getting" LIKE BITCH SHUT THE FUXK UP YOU CANT EVEN TELL WHEN IM SAD EVEN WHEN I HAVE TEARS IN MY EYES YOUR DUMBASS THINKS I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND THEN YOU GET MAD AT ME AND MAKE IT WORSE! He's never said his "favorite statement" UNTILL I got diagnosed so I KNOW IT'S CAP. YOU DONT KNOW ME SO DONT PRETEND YOU UNDERSTAND ME ALL OF A SUDDEN! YOU'RE FAKE AS FUXK! And this was all sparked because I asked if I could watch a show now that I'm 18 and he was like "Wow! She's respectful!" BITCH IVE ALWAYS BEEN RESPECTFUL IM JOT ACTING NEW IM ACTING THE SAME SO WHY ARE YOU TRIPPIN' ??? He said he was surprised I asked because he didn't think I cared about their opinion but literally thats all I cared about!? I acted and behaved in a way that would make them happy and praise me because I constantly wanted validation that I was a good kid, that they loved and cared for me, and that I wasn't a problem and inconvenience because I was alive. SO HE'S FUCKIN STUPID AND THAT PISSED ME OFF AFTER I CALMED DOWN. "I dOnT kNoW wHaT yOu Im GetTiNG" LIKE BITCH AHUT THE FUXK UP!! YOU SOUND MAD STUPID

5.) Broski if you see this, I wanna explain my "cowardice" earlier today. Look bro, I view my rant Tumblr as a diary of some sorts. That's why I changed my little description/bio to a quote joke about Journaling from my therapist cause I view this as my Journaling so I can better manage my feelings and get them out in a way that's not harmful to me. With that being said, announcing "Lets read ______ tumblr" is gonna immediately activate my fight or flight. These rants are private and personal to me. I've literally described it as like take a trip or look into the doors of my mind. Sharing my feelings and opinions are always scary to me because I'm afraid of being looked at in a negative light you know cause childhood trauma. You know I'm afraid to share my feelings bro. Let's uh, go back to the question "How much do you trust your friends" and I trust yall a Hella lot but I don't trust ANYONE 100% with my feelings except me. NO ONE. So with that being said, knowing that'd you he actively reading my rant Tumblr with me there was too much and I didn't like it at all. I find that extremely stressful and it made me wanna instantly draft all my recent shit. The main reason I let you look at this Tumblr is because I DONT KNOW WHEN you're looking at it. You might not see it until weeks later so I don't worry about it, you might forget all about it, but if you tell me you're currently reading it or when you're going to read it, then my anxiety kicks in and I panic and fight the urge to edit everything and hide anything that might stand out as weird or bad to anyone else. So yeah, please never let me know you're about to read my rant Tumblr again unless I tell you to specifically look at a post :) also the reason I didn't text you this was because 1.) I never really planned to explain myself cause I didn't feel like I owed anyone an explanation and it was hard/long to type out or say anyways and 2.) Because of the stuff that happened in sections 1, 2, 3, and 4. I didn't feel like talking to anyone after that.

[alaruine]

I love ... my privacy I love ... my name I love ... my accent I love ... my principles I love ... my style I love ... fundamentalist I love ... my blue dungeon Life is full of hardships and events that affect us in little or no way. To complete our march, we have to take them as a method and a foundation in our lives. Here are the most beautiful thoughts about hope and optimism. Darkness You must see a light that hugs you and ignites within you the hope of action and the ambition of the challenge. We live to make a smile, to wipe away tears and to relieve pain, because tomorrow is waiting for us and the past has gone and we have come to terms with the horizon of the new dawn. Look at life next to bright and happy .. Make yourself happy and repeat that you are happy .. And that you have the reasons for happiness .. Break the despair in words of optimism and joy .. All your despair Mtahm hope hope shine in your heart and shout aloud that you are happy and not a place in your heart. I trust in God a great trust and look to the dove, and the trust entrusted to God and trust in God is his calculation. Smile and let everyone around you smile for you, smile, smile in comfort and health, smile and let life shine to you in bright colors, smile and let joy refresh your soul, smile and trust in God and optimism, smile and remember that after hardship easy. I turned to you and look at him with a bright and optimistic look, you will inevitably find beauty, contentment and happiness. Optimize and resort to God spread your carpet in the darkness of the night and people sleep and calm and sit in the room and insisted on prayer and do not despair. Recite the Quran and ask God the Khashoua when you recite, and read his verses carefully and calmly confident in your chest and your anxiety. Do not make sorrow the title of your day, and do not despair when a problem or an exhibitor in your life, fully confident in the disappearance of optimism and calm your breath and when you come to your Creator is not happy in this world who has no problems, but the real happiness are those who learned how to live with those simple things they have They are convinced. Hope is a candle that illuminates the darkness, and an open book for those who want to learn. In order to bid farewell to a miserable miserable life, we have to live a bright new life filled with optimism and hope is the main address. Man without hope as a rose without water, without him may die before you find someone to save. If man could give hope, he would not give it to people, even if it was a false hope. Man can live without vision but can not live without hope. The flame of hope must illuminate the darkness of despair and the tree of patience must bring forth the fruits of hope. who lives on hope dont know impossible. The ship of life will not sink into a sea of ​​despair as long as there is glory in its name. Disappointment is proof that hope was misplaced. Without hope, the oppressed would not have lived until today. The beauty of the face with his innocent smile. Hope smile is stronger than all obstacles. Do not despair if your feet faltered and fell into a wide hole you will emerge from them, and you are more cohesive and strong .. God with the patient. Do not be sad if a killer arrow comes from the nearest people to your heart, you will find someone who takes away the arrow and brings back life and smile. Do not think that the end of things is the end of the world, the universe is not what you see your eyes. Do not try to look for a dream that you are, and try to make the refraction situation the beginning of a new dream. Do not stand too much on the ruins especially if the bats have inhabited them and the ghosts have known their way, and look for the sound of a bird creeping behind the horizon with a new morning light. Do not be like a heron, this strange bird who sings the most beautiful of his pubic bleeding, nothing in this world deserves your blood one point. Pay your whole life for a sense of truth and heart that contains you and do not pay for a moment for a lover who has runaway or heart abandoned for no reason. Do not travel to the desert in search of beautiful trees, you will not find in the desert non-wild and see the hundreds of trees that contain the shade and make you happy fruits and songs. If yesterday is lost between your hands today, and if today will gather his papers and leave you have tomorrow do not grieve yesterday, he will not return and do not regret the day he is gone and dreamed of the sun shining in a beautiful tomorrow. Sometimes sadness overwhelms us until we get used to it and forget that in life many things can make us happy, and that around us many faces can light up in the dark of our days a candle looking for a heart that gives you light and do not leave yourself hostage to the sorrows of the dark nights. Sometimes we get used to sadness so that it becomes part of us and becomes part of it. Sometimes the human eye gets used to some colors and loses the ability to see others, even though he tried to see what was around to discover that the black color is beautiful, but the white is more beautiful than it, He moves feelings and imagination but the color of the sky is the purest in his blueness. Look for the serenity, even if he is a moment, and seek fulfillment, even if he is tired and hard, and clings to the strings of the sun even if it is far away, and do not leave your heart and feelings and your days for things that have been lost. , And if you do not find someone who shines for you, do not look for another extinguished, if not Grandfather of implanted in your days, and Rose is not nine to those who instill in your heart shares went on, and forgot that in life many things can we are pleased and around many faces can light up in the darkness of our day candle, look for the heart gives you the light and do not leave yourself hostage to the sorrows of the dark Layali. We hope that we can live in the future and continue in our lives and always try to overcome despair, with hope we can with all force to walk the boat of our life whenever we want and wherever we want to move About drowning and slow death. Hope balloon carries us away from the scourge of humans. Hope is a candle that still burns in the womb of darkness. The hope is to see the thorns and delight you with its vegetables. Hope that the paper will burn pessimism. Optimism is a great sense of humor in the heart of every happy and successful, the origin of the fuel of life in the human psyche, and the dangers of mental and physical disorders. Optimism handed over all the light, makes the refractor very tidal and tender, and makes eye blink tears, waiting for some optimism. Optimism and hope make the oppressed always in the patient and perseverance and challenge the difficulties, even if it is a method full of arrows of oppression and fatigue and sadness. Live every moment of your life as the last moment in life, live with love and hope live in struggle and tolerance, and value the value of life and trust in God. What a beautiful life when we look at it next to the bright, and the most beautiful sunbeam when his golden rays shine with optimism. The optimism of life finds happiness. The problem is not to make mistakes, even if your mistakes are serious. The advantage is not to admit the mistake and accept advice, but the great work that really awaits you is that you never go back to error. That people hate you and you trust yourself and respect them a lot less, than that people love you and you hate yourself and do not trust them. Do not stand at the mistakes of your past, because it will transform your present hell, and your future debris you enough of a pause and give you a new push in the right and right way. Do not imagine all the angels angels fall your dreams and do not make your confidence blind, because you will cry on your naivety, many of the delusions that destroy us, especially when we know the truth of who loves us and who is entertaining us. 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