#(When she’s not at . Her new job lol)
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Leader and deputy
[Image description: a digital painting of Squirrelstar and Ivypool from Warriors. Squirrelstar is a small dark red cat with green eyes, standing in front of the much taller Ivypool, a gray tabby-and-white cat with blue eyes and many battle scars. The background is dark blue. end ID]
#i havent read a new wc book in years (They are not very good) but have been keeping up with The Happenings recently cause its fun#when was the last time there was a female leader+deputy? leopardstar and mistyfoot???????#anyway so happy forthem i hope they dont both die immediately#warriors#warrior cats#wc#squirrelstar#squirrelflight#ivypool#art#2023#I have actually been doodling a ton of cat designs like in classes in the last couple months lol#havent posted them because theyre just Designs and so many people post those all the time but if i get one (1) ask about it i can post them#also just have not felt like posting art recently even though ive been doing it. LOL#worried about squirrelstar cause um. i know cat ages have been generally increasing but she is older than her dad was when he died#if wc wiki ages are to be believed#her husband just retired to be an old man and she took his job#well whatever... i dont even read the books... i dont care... tch#ALSO EDITED CAUSE I REALIZED I PUT HER WHITE PAW ON THE WRONG SIDE#the first few rbs will have the wrong version but whatever. its fine. its fine
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Had an idea that was like. Well what if instead of crows glados had 3 baby porygons?? They’re kind of like birds. Kind of. Anyways all you need to know is that she loves them very much
#portal#portal 2#glados#pokemon#porygon#they’re so cute…digital duckies#you can apparently breed porygon (with a ditto) despite them being genderless which is an oddity for these games#i had more that was going go go with this image but like ??? i don’t feel like spending more time on the idea even if it is cute#so I’ll just describe them to you:#basically atlas and p-body were sent to go find chell out on the surface#the reason being….glados cannot figure out how to hatch these eggs she’s like wtf i tried a heat lamp and everything what’s WRONG with them#chell who somehow has knowledge of pokemon says usually they’re huddled between other monsters to hatch#so she gets assigned the sitting-on-eggs job. because body heat lol#glados is super confused when they hatch she has never seen them before in her life. and her internal database has no informat#chell whips out a pokedex that tells them what a porygon is (how she got one i have no idea)#glados is thrilled about her new babies because they’re even deadlier and more dangerous than a regular burd#also yes the two of them end up taking care of the hatchlings together#also the blue one is named mr. chubbygon (:#2023#digital
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i like it when dogs are a little blonde like this who did your highlights little man
#lucky#dogblr#handsomedogs#residents#dogs#ok now. we are snowed in today!#i got a new job doing laboratory and pharmacy work instead of clinic#so i can recover from my major depressive episode lol#anyway doing ok so far! im learning to be a human again:)#lucky leia and i are saying hi :)#still dating my wonderful girlfriend#we are planning to move together to europe when shes done with her things and im done with mine :)soon
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this post-sb ness took me like no time at all to doodle but like. Her autistic aura and buglike nature captivate me. So here you go tumblr
#I will draw her better soon. But know this is like casual house wear….she gets her big jacket spiky mask crop top swag out and about#(When she’s not at . Her new job lol)#I need to write something with 3star ending cause boy do i habe thoughts#fnaf#my art#vanessa sb#vanessa security breach#Runaway au
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guysss I love my job rn 🫶 I’m like getting good at making the drinks?? And like my coworkers and managers are all soooo nice like I get along with everyone? Plus it’s sooooo refreshing and fun working on a farm idc u get to see the animals and the families having fun…
#like tour guiding I’m nervous about LOL#but the coffee barn? I LOVE#we only had one lady hate her drink today LOL#she was like ‘this is disgusting’ and me and my coworkers were like 🧍♂️🧍♂️🧍♂️#VWJSHDHDHXUD#it’s a lil cramped bc we work in a food truck#but honestly it’s fun?#and when it gets busy it’s a lil crazy but#not too bad#ooc.#delete.#I’ll try to write more soon#it’s just starting a new job is harddd
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ada fans must free themselves from the idea that liking ada means shipping a.eon.
#speakerphone!#and. i mean. i get it i guess.#when people hate on ada they do it by addressing how 'horrible' she is to leon. so people defend her by saying 'no actually ada feels really#bad about manipulating him! she loves him! she hates her job and wants to be with him because hes so good! he makes her want to be good!'#and theyll also claim that she never manipulated him which is wild because. we literally saw it happen in 2 lol.#if you have to make an entirely new version of ada to defend the one that exists in canon maybe you dont like ada at all.#if you have to defend ada by 'rectifying' her relationship to a white man maybe you dont like ada!
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my boss is abusive like straight up <3 <3 <3 not even in a "donate to my gofundme to help me escape an abusive living situation and by that i mean my roommate asked me to do the dishes" type of way. like i am literally trapped in the cycle of build up explosive incident honeymoon phase
#WOMEN IN MALE DOMINATED FIELDS!!!!!#she spent literally all day yesterday (which is 12 hours btw bc there are no boundaries in this industry) berating me and making me feel#like i couldn't do anything right and i cried like four times and called my dad (lol) and was genuinely shaking like a chihuahua by the end#of it#and then today she's acting like my best friend and giving me cigarettes and i cried on a call in front of everyone and told her i felt lik#she was hostile to me and she apologized and was like yeah im fighting with my husband so that's why i was feeling hostile#which is like okay but not an excuse to terrorize me like that lol#ugh. i had this moment of perverse relief yesterday when i thought she was basically just looking for reasons to fire me and i was like oka#well at least this might be over soon even though that means i have to start the job hunt again#but now the horror is dawning on me that she wants to keep me here and It's Never Over#like this is insane i need to leave i need a new job
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I snapped today at work, and by snapped I mean I politely commented on a help desk ticket by summing up an mess of an (type of) issue that's come up for at least the fourth time in the 2+ months I've been managing user accounts, and asked the person responsible to fix it (himself for once) because last time I fixed his mess-up it took me two whole days to work out the details with at least four other colleagues from different departments and I really don't want to do it again. there's other shit that needs doing, I've been working 10+ hour days for most of this week already, so I need to cut down not add on more.
(good thing tho - at least we managed to fix the issue where the dataset of a newer employee got mixed up with another one of the same name and therefore wasn't able to apply for any of the access/accounts she needed. technically not entirely my area but it does impact us not being allowed to create an account for her so I figured I might as well track that issue down. took three days and at least three other people, but hey - it should all work out now. yay for that)
#been feeling anxious af ever since bc it's the first time I've been this firm in a reply and idk how they'll take it#there's underlying issues in inter-departmental communication that need fixing that cause these issues to happen again and again#but my boss is on parental leave and his substitute is sick not that she cares or is up for doing her job where communication is concerned#so there's no real sense in addressing that rn esp by me who's only been there since June. but it does frustrate me a lot#anyway. I'm sure I'll get over this too. but yeah.. ppl not thinking things through for the two mins it takes to create an account#or the twenty seconds it takes to check if one already exists before creating a new one#or the minute it takes to check if folks still have an active contract past their time working in your department before deleting an accoun#just jfc. put in a smidge of effort and five mins total and save the rest of us from spending half a day to fix your mistake#oh well. if I get a pissy response I'll just blame it on being new as an intern and being too motivated and idealistic I guess#god forbid I expect people to do their jobs thoroughly or with at least a singular thought..#anyway. I feel like I'm allowed to be grumpy abt this since we are the folks who end up having to fix this shit#and by we I mean pretty much mostly me at this point bc one colleague is sick atm. my boss barely has time for this and is on leave#and my other colleague only works half time so I'm the one who's been handling most of these over the past month or so#which.. is still insane considering how I'm a goddamn intern who shouldn't even have admin rights tbh#but without them I couldn't do anything at all lol so here I am. nice that they trust and believe in me I suppose#that's why I try to do my best. (who am I kidding that's always the case anyway)#but yeah. definitely a 50% staff support job and only 50% of the other important things that need doing rn it's more like 90/10#and it's funny how I still dread my two hours of hotline. but every time the line is too busy I still jump in#we are also only 6 people atm out of 10 and three of us are still in training. and one of the trained folks had to come back in mid time of#next week we'll likely be 4#depending on if our substitute boss lady is back.. not that I'd look forward to it. she's a mess and she's been horrible to deal with latel#sure. she's stressed. but she's either snapping at me when I ask abt shit I can't know yet or she's ignoring me. great basis for team work.#so honestly I'd rather she not return on Monday. esp not if she's gonna spread her germs everywhere#but now sleep. sorry for the rant. it's certainly been quite the month since I returned from my own wisdom tooth rated sick leave..#gotta be up again in 6.5 hrs so I can be at work at 6 to let the electrician in. I'm gonna sleep so hard over the weekend I stg#a day in the life of..
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satyr/demon eris sketch for a silly little au 🖤
#character design#artists on tumblr#demon#satyr#original character#realized i forgot to post this when i made it in november. hi. happy new year#i made a cool logo/signature right before this and i dont plan on using it again LOL i dont like it as much in retrospect#i did this in like. 2-3 hrs i think? was fun :)#btw the au is a monster hunting au kira and velvel are there kira is a monster hunter hiding a secret (werebat)#velvel is a not-so-werewolf that a village hired kira to hunt down and kill because she keeps kidnapping maidens#(the twist is she isnt kidnapping them; they are disappearing into the night with her for sex cuz their husbands suck at fuckin)#its a monster romance <3#anyway. my jobs changing and hopefully ill have more energy to draw in the coming months#im getting paid more and HOPEFULLY its not as exhausting. and i get out earlier#hopefully. hopefully. i can hope.#OC#oc: eris#au#digital
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btw similar to the whole "if you try adderall at a party and it calms you down, get an adhd test" thing, if at some point in your life you try microdosing shrooms with a friend and end up feeling like a functional person for the first time in your life, get tested for depression. like yeah hallucinogens come with elation so youre probably gonna have some "this is the best ive ever felt in my life" vibes regardless, but like. if that in and of itself feels like finally breathing in for the first time in years, thats for sure a sign that something is up with your ability to process serotonin most of the time. feeling better than ever before should be a nice bonus, not a crushing weight off your chest
#fun fact there are currently multiple ongoing studies vis a vis the effectiveness of psilocybin on depression#both on its own and as a companion to ssris#psylocybin targets the 5ht2a serotonin receptors which wikipedia tells me are more numerous in the brains of those with depression#so like. if you spend most of your life feeling like your brain is an aquarium with a leak in it and serotonin is the water and your default#state is 'slightly damp gravel grinding painfully against itself' thats ummm not normal 👍#and on the flipside of that if you have depression that no other med has worked for and know a guy. its 1000% worth it#origibberish#also i say 'wikipedia tells me' as if i just looked it up but that all comes from a long night of spite filled research after i asked my#psychiatrist if we could use the fact that psylocybin worked for me as a basis to like. narrow down which legal antidepressant#might work instead of basically just throwing darts at a board every time#and after several minutes explaining to her that i was not just asking her to prescribe me shrooms but in a legal way she went#'ohhhh yeah no unfortunately theres been no research into that‚ yeah.... sorry......:)'#which. as far as 'lies you come up with on the spot to avoid having to say i dont know' go‚ that is. maybe the worst one to pick#like. 'no‚ thats not an option'? alright fine maybe theres some internal rules or something who knows#'theres no research' though just. immediately tanks any and all credibility 100% even on its own but considering the subject matter?#youre telling me. that humans. the famously curious species that researches fucking Everything. and also Loves playing with drugs. when#trying to figure out how to make drugs that make brains feel good. would not start with the drugs they already knew made brains feel good.#youre telling me that not one (1) singular scientist tried shrooms and went 'oh my god wait. i dont feel like im dying for the first time#ever. holy fuck i need to study this'#complete misplay. absolutely legendary fumble. there were so many ways to fuck it up and somehow you found the worst. congratulations#om the other hand though. really was an excellent setup for the punchline that is the voicemail i have from them saying she'd been fired LOL#they didnt say what for specifically but yknow. based on my own experiences i certainly have theories jebfksbfk#it was annoying in the moment but at the end of the day i have shrooms and she doesnt have the job so. whos laughing now emily KSBFKSBFKDN#this is what i mean though like. rn i feel fine. not on top of the world‚ not like a god#just. fine. i just dont feel like shit. i feel like i can do stuff if i want to‚ or chill peacefully and have it actually be. relaxing.#i dont feel like gravel right now‚ i feel like a person.#and god what a fucking relief it is#really i guess the moral overall is that if at any point you react to trying a new drug the same way an addict craving a hit for days would#then there maybe is something up with your brain chemistry because that means your default state of existence is comparable to that#of withdrawal. a famously shit experience
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oh okay so she can send out an email about staff birthdays but not the fucking schedule. got it. Priorities.
#personal#every single new coworker ive met lately has the same opinion of her that my usual coworkers do:#she should absolutely NOT be in this position. she is bad at it and doesnt listen to any of us#also. i think her hiring was maybe... racist. like shes a white woman. fine whatever#but i was speaking to one of my coworkers whos an older Black woman (one of my new fav coworkers too shes a hoot)#and she said that she and about r or 5 others were on a panel to sit in for the interview process that hired current manager#and she started listing everyone else who was there and i was like huh. every she mentioned is also Black. interesting#and she said not a single one of them picked current manager and gave their reasons why#and it seems to me that all of their opinions were so neatly ignored. so like why invite them? for diversity points? to look inclusive?#to make it seem like we even had a choice?#bc that is not a good look!!!#id say a third to half of my entire coworker group is Black and to find out that a small group of them were ignored when actively asked for#their opinion on a very important decision? yea no that doesnt seem right#and i think when my coworker told me she knew. and im like hmm. makes me wonder what to do#i mean i will be emailing hr soon enough bc current manager is not just annoying and incompetent but also ableist lol#i just need to get together with some coworkers so we can draft one large complaint bc umm. yea fuck this stupid bitch oh my god. ive had it#with her and her antics and the librarys too since they wanna ignore my coworkers apparently!#most of whom are older and retired teachers and actively and always know what the fuck theyre doing#id trust literally any of my coworkers to do managers job before manager. bc i know literally any of them could do it
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ok i am actually so very angry and there's literally nothing i can do to fix it. life keeps going on. she might even be happy. and fuck dude, i'll make sure im happy too, i was a fully developed person before she was in my life and i'll continue to be one without her. but God Damn, the fact that she can just do something so blatantly awful and unfair to me and then run off without any actual repercussions is just so fucking rankling to me.
like perhaps she feels guilty. she said she did when it was all going down. but it was just something she "needed to do". so obviously she didn't feel guilty enough or she wouldnt have done it like that lmaoooo
i really did deserve to have a good solid yell at her. but unfortunately, by the time i did see her in person i just wanted her out of my fucking life. so. no yelling was done, unfortunately.
#speculation nation#the duality of being a deeply resentful and angry person. and being a person that Tries to be mature and peaceful.#like im not gonna actually Do shit even tho i keep wanting to message her just to yell at her some more again#it's like there's a beast in me that keeps yelling for retribution. she wronged me in such a disrespectful and humiliating way#and yet she just gets to walk away like it was nothing? live her life like it was nothing?#be in 'love' with her new 'soulmate' after cutting me off like a rotten limb?#i feel so DEEPLY angry. i want to spit vitriol and fire. i want to dig my claws into her bones. make her really FEEL how i feel.#i want to wander into her dreams and make her experience what i felt. every miserable second of silence.#the humiliation of admitting you might be falling in love only to be told you were never loved at all.#and i want to knee her in the gut and spit in her face and really make her regret ever fucking wronging me#but unfortunately im a stupid fucking pacifist so all the aggression and anger and violence has no FUCKING outlet#ive been. trying to not think about it too much. ive been trying to just live my life. because i dont want her to run my life.#but the anger keeps catching up to me. filtering in when i dont expect it. endless constant fucking thoughts coming back to me#on and on and on and on i live and i eat and i read and i game and i hate and i hate and i hate and i hate and i hate and i HATE AND I HATE#the greatest injustice is that i cannot make her truly feel every single ounce of my resentment and anger#it's so overwhelming i think i could choke on it. and she gets to live her FUCKING happy little life with her stupid fucking 'soulmate'#i hope it collapses around her and she loses her too so she's single and alone and miserable and regretting all of her fucking impulsivenes#she deserves to have it fail after what she did to me. and all i can really do is hope that karma has its fucking kiss for her.#if only curses were real. what i wouldnt give to put some energy into that karmic payback lmfao.#ok . ok ok ok ok love and peace on planet earth. i am shifting out of vitriolic little shit mode.#just had to let some of the steam out. im still angry but i am going to go back to not thinking about it.#i think i should go on a nice long bike ride tomorrow. to decompress and work some of the steam out.#it's something that she can never take from me. something that is so wholly mine. fuck that stupid bitch and fuck her new girlfriend too#...............................ok NOW im shifting out of vitriolic mode. lol#negative/#WAHOOOOOO i am certainly not taking this breakup well. but i dont think anyone would be lmfao.#all things considered i think im doing a pretty great job at handling this breakup.#bc at least im only recounting unrealistic threats and fantasies on my tumblr dot com instead of messaging Any of this to her.#i may kinda want her to read it so that she knows anyways. but i wont message her directly. bc i am Trying to be at least a little mature.#complaining on my tumblr dot com so i dont message my ex with more vitriol. gotta cope Somehow.
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it would be kind of funny if the reason i do get fired which i keep irrationally thinking is going to happen to me is if they see all my blog posts about work. Idk what id do if my boss asked to talk to me and showed me the picture i took of my failed training exam with the cats ass puckered up
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i found out today that i wasn't the only person on my team to get laid off, which makes me feel better. misery loves company etc
#they axed TWO people on my team of FIVE. absolute massacre#the other guy is here on a visa too so he has to find a new job in 2 months or else he gets deported#fucking awful!!!!! at least i can take my sweet time. which i intend to lmao i need a week or two to recover#i get 8 weeks severance and i'm still gonna get my annual incentive in april which'll probably be another month of salary#and i do have savings. if i'm frugal i could be fine until the end of the year#but i obviously don't want to do that lmao i'm aiming for being employed or at least close within 2 months#anyway my work bestie gave me the scoop today. she's taking over my work for me when i'm gone#my last day is the 26th and from now until then all my meetings are with her to ~*~ knowledge transfer ~*~#half our happy hour squad was laid off 😭 our friend who works at the parent company was also laid off#we're gonna go out and get trashed friday night as a last hurrah#work bestie and i are still down to keep the happy hours going lol but we'll see how the other half of the squad feels#m.txt
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When you are thinking of getting a new job but get promoted…
#the way my jaw dropped in my head lmao 😭#like manager just casually asked if I’d consider it#since all I’d be doing is training people but not all time#since we don’t get new people all the time#plus there is pay rise#it’s not a lot ngl but it will help in the long run#plus it would be good to have on my cv#I was like to my manger that I’ll consider it since I’m thinking of getting a new job#obvi I didn’t say that#but I didn’t think I was that good at my job#like I still think I’m super slow#but I’ll probably let her know when she next in#which is Sunday as I’m closing that day as well#since I said to her idk how to close kitchen so if I had to train someone I wouldn’t know how 💀#so I’m gonna be closing kitchen#my coworkers are probably gonna hate me since I’ll most likely take a really long time#but I think it was kind of cool to be consider for a different role lol#gatherrambles
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aaaarrghghgh 😭
#overthinking hurts my head how am i supposed to sleep tonight#why am i so stupid so stupid so stupid#when BC said PANIC PANIC PANIC i felt that lol#yes this is about the job situation again (see my post from yesterday)#i'm fairly hopeful that'll resolve itself when i call them and ask for another opportunity tomorrow morning#(my mom helped me come up with a convincing enough story about why i cancelled the interview lol)#but i'm so scared of my employement agency contact person hearing about this#in the best case scenario i could handle it by telling her i had to cancel due to personal reasons...#...but was lucky enough to get a new interview#and i feel i should contact her first before she notices they have opened that position for applications again#(she knows i applied for it so IF she notices this she might wonder WHY they have re-opened it#because if there's been qualified applicants (=me) they wouldn't have to do that)#in any case i'm so so scared she'll call the place and ask them if i really did apply and if i really do have an upcoming interview#if i do get another opportunity it's not gonna be a problem i hope (unless they tell her why i said i cancelled it#because in that case i'd probably have to actually tell the employment agency person the REAL reason why i cancelled)#in addition i'm scared of what it might look like to the people i'm hoping will hire me if someone from the employment agency calls them#to make sure their customer hasn't lied about applying and agreeing on an interview?!#that's gonna make me look sooooooo good lmao#to conclude. i'm screwed and a fucking idiot byeeee#(this is complicated i know sorry lol)
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