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heyitsyn · 4 years

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Manager!Seijoh Part 2

a/n: lmao this is kinda weird for me but i think this was an interesting request so lets try it!

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

lowkey kyotani kentaro typa beat but you gotta squint (??)

also warning! angst!

anon request: Hii! I just read the seijoh manager headcannon you wrote, it made me cry so much, i love those seijoh boys so much, and you are such an amazing writer! I dont know if requests are open or not but i was wondering what would happen if the boys ever find out what happened to reader cha? If requests aren’t open or if you just don’t want to write about it, I completely understand! Thank you for your wonderful writing again! Stay safe!

the stageplay was *chefs kiss* like MY MANS IWA WAS SERVING LOOKSSSS

soooooo

this might get really angsty idk so just a warning in advance

anyways

i mentioned in the earlier part that no one really knew what happened to you

so this one is when they DO find out what happened and what theyre gonna do about it

so first off, kyoken was basically the only one who saw you that day and saw how badly you looked

the thing is, at that current moment, he didnt really know the reason why and what happened

he had theories that you got jumped or you just got into an accident

but he was prettttttyyyy sure you got beat up

so you went home and rushed to yanno, take a shower and get your wound treated and cleaned so that it would heal bc you really cannot afford to let the boys see that

they would think of the worst at the smallest sight of blood on you and you really didnt want to deal w that chaos at the moment

you cant let them get suspended from school since they were going to interhigh soon and you cant let oikawa and the boys ruin their reputations just for you

a first year girl theyve just met

it was kinda hard to rinse all of the milk from your hair but you were able to at least get the smell out and clean up your mess

then you looked in the mirror and saw faint handprints around your throat from that girl miyo and you cringed as you touched it

‘jesus christ, seriously what does she eat? bricks?’

after your clothes were in the wash, you went to bed to get homework done and also looking up how to use the concealer to hide your bruises

you didnt really own any makeup but your mom has some so you could just use that

during dinner, you wore a turtleneck to prevent any suspicion from happening but you couldnt really hide the big gash on your face

‘y/n, what happened!’

‘i was dumb and accidentally fell up the stairs’

your parents shared a chuckle bc theyve actually seen you do this before so it was easy to believe the lie

‘darling, do we need to get you glasses? it seems your sight has worsened’

‘haha’

you went along with the joke but you weren’t eating and just pushed your food around

‘y/n? is the food not good?’

your mother asked but you shook your head with a convincing smile

‘its good! i just had some meat buns with the team earlier and i ate a lot so im still full’

you cursed at yourself for making it sound so rehearsed but you were relieved when your mother nodded

the next morning, you were satisfied with the reduced puffing of your face and you snuck into your parents bathroom where her makeup bag would be

as you held up the concealer, you started getting anxious because this was not the same shade as your skin and it would definitely raise suspicion if you had a different color on your neck than the rest of your body

you already planned to blame your wound as acne that you accidentally scratched but what were you going to do with the handprints?

the website you read said that it would take at least a day for them to fade

so you decided youd just wear a scarf and pretend you were cold

kunimi was confused as to why you had a scarf bundled around your neck and his eyes even widened at the sight of the bandaid on your face

‘y/n! what-!’

he shot up from his seat and your eyes widened before hissing at him to sit down

‘what happened to you?!’

he worriedly asked but you waved him off with a small smile

‘acne. this was the only available bandaid in my house so i had to work with this’

kunimi might be a lazy little shit but he was observant

and he noticed the way you said that sentence

it was like a robot

like a robot programmed to say what was written on its script

but before he could press on further, you already pointed out that the teacher was coming in and to hush so you could listen

the entire time, kunimi was awake alright, but he was too busy looking at you and a bright red thing that poked from the edge of your bandaid

kindaichi went to your classroom for lunch and you had to repeat your excuse for him but he pointed at another thing

‘why are you wearing a scarf? its like burning in here’

you didnt look at him as you just opened your bento

‘being in your period causes your temperature to fluctuate and cause unexplainable chill at even the hottest places’

okay what

they both shared a look and just shrugged, blaming it on your time of the month for the way you spoke with no emotion in your tone

this had to be the longest school day of your life

the whole time the scarf remained on and kunimi cant help but notice your flinches at the smallest of sounds

finally practice arrived and you really thought you could pull this off until oikawa barreled straight towards you and hugged you tightly

‘y/n-chan! you okay?! oikawa-senpai was so worried for you!’

you cringed but nodded

‘im okay, oikawa-san’

‘senpai, y/n-chan! call me senpai!’

‘im not going to feed into your kink, oikawa-san’

*cue everyone busting a lung*

‘y/n, what’s the-’

‘acne. only bandaid available in my house’

eventually, everything was fine

you were still cracking jokes w the others and you were still laughing w them so kunimi and kindaichi were at ease

but that shattered when oikawa was being oikawa and was being all touchy and bothering you about the scarf around your neck that he ended up pulling it off and he saw the marks

he was silent, just staring at them

ofc you were freaking out and you started breathing heavily

oh god he found out and he was going to hurt them

‘o-oikawa-senpai, listen, it’s not what it-’

‘y/n’

his voice made your eyes shut in fear and the others crowded around you and they all had scandalized looks on their faces

‘is this why you werent in practice yesterday?’

his voice was sharp, a complete opposite to his normally cheerful tone

you shivered and sighed

‘senpai, please dont-’

‘who is it?’

the other third years shared a look bc they were truly shook at oiks voice

‘w-why should i tell you?! its none-’

‘i am your captain and i deserve to know who is pulling you away from your managerial duties so he could just give you these damn hickeys!’

the gym turned silent

you stopped then furrowed your eyebrows

‘hickey? what-’

‘dont act like you dont know, y/n. so just be honest and tell me who’s your boyfriend’

lmao i shouldnt laugh bc this was supposed to be sad but im cackling at how dumb oikawa really is sometimes

‘i-i,,,,’

you stuttered but you knew this was the perfect opportunity

you could just blame it on this ridiculous misunderstanding

its a difficult hole to get out of but it would be easier than the other

so you pretended to be flustered and turned around to hide your face

‘it was a one-time thing, oikawa-san. i promise it wont happen again’

HELLO WHAT

the team was leaking the feeling of RAGE

how dare someone take their manager!

she was theirs!

and it doesnt help that every player might have a little thing for you

is this really turning into a harem

oikawa kept demanding answers but iwa hit him enough to quit and they finally went back to practicing but they were still distracted

every time they looked at you, they would grow flustered and red and end up missing a block or a serve

they just cant see their baby manager like that

you noticed it quickly and irritably got on them

‘stop staring at my neck and get back to practice!’

they flinched and saluted at you

lmao this little first year girl is able to control nearly a dozen <5′10 men who are all older than her

but you were glad that they finally stopped asking about it

this was going to go by smoothly and you were going to be okay

however,,,

several days later,,,

this is an angst fanfiction so i will bring thy angst

you were taking out your class garbage since it was your group’s turn in cleaning the classroom when you were grabbed by the arm on your way back

it was still outside and after school so it wouldve been an unlikely situation that someone would help you

it was that biatch miyo again and her 2 minions behind her

then you recognized one girl from the track team who was actually a year older than you but you saw her dropping off some files in the office

if you tried to run, she could easily grab you w her fast legs

great

you were stuck

you let out a tired sigh and crossed your arms on your chest

‘what is it you want from me, again?’

she smirked

‘you really dont know how to listen, do you? i told you to stay away from oikawa but youre still flaunting around with him!’

is she serious?

this girl was borderline stalker/yandere type of girl

you gave her an incredulous look and frowned

‘girl, do you hear yourself? you damn crazy and im leaving’

but she grabbed you back and shoved you against the wall

but this time, you kicked her on the chest to make her fall on her flat booty

surprise was written on their faces and you stretched your arms in front of you to symbolize distance

‘one more step and ill beat tf out of you. i just got my nails off so id watch it if i were you’

miyo huffed and stood up, brushing herself, glaring at one of the girls who tried to help her

then she remembered what you told her

‘hmm? if you hit me, you could be kicked off of the team since you hurt another student. so, go ahead, little kouhai’

she was right

even if it was self-defense, the school’s disciplinary section sucked and just suspended or kicked off people left and right even though they didnt do anything wrong

you were stumped

you were here on a scholarship, not on tuition

your mom would KILL you if she found out you got into a fight and got a record

but you didnt show that and kept your tough facade

‘dont challenge me. i could be a crazy bitch and i dont think youd like your little face being all messed up. so watch your mouth and leave me alone’

you turned to leave but she grabbed your hair and tugged it back

lmao flashbacks to the other part

she twisted your hair into a ponytail and had a firm grip while a girl kicked you behind your knees so you would fall to the ground

oh no you were done w this

you elbowed miyo on the stomach the hardest you could and she groaned which loosened her hold and you kicked her again to the ground

some other girl hit your side and you winced before slapping her straight across the face bc you didnt want to punch her and hurt your knuckles

but they were really testing you

the last girl still had your hair but you twisted around to face her and just did the last you could think of that would hurt

hit her right between her legs

you finally escaped their hold and miyo lunged after you

‘oh my god leave me alone!’

you yelled before holding up your arms to protect your face but she scratched your arms

obviously you were losing this bc it was just you but you were going to fight as much as you can

‘bad kouhais need to be punished! your senpais need to teach you a lesson!’

miyo screeched and you grabbed her arm before punching her straight at the boob

sorry rebecca

however, one girl was smart and did the same thing you did to her knees and made you fall to a kneeling position and eventually made you curl into a fetal position

gurl we actually fighting so hard considering we’ve never been in a fight

they continuously kicked you before miyo pulled up your head so you could sit up and kneel in front of her

ofc you tried to grab at her and punch at her

but these other girls were able to catch you and trap your arms in their hold and had their feet on your legs so you couldnt kick

great, another bathroom scene

your arms were bleeding from miyo’s scratches and your sides were hurting after their kicks

you lost and you were already bleeding in places you didnt think you would

this would be the last attempt and if he doesnt come, you’re done for

‘IIIIIIWWWWWAAAAAAAA-SAAAAAANNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!’

your scream echoed throughout the entire are

possibly could be heard in new york

and your voice became hoarse

ofc the girls were surprised and caught off guard but when there was silence and clear that no one was coming, they started laughing

‘oh, so cute! iwa-san? is that supposed to be iwaizumi-san? heh, you whoring around w him too? thats so cute-’

‘LET. GO. OF. HER. NOW.’

I GOT CHILLS

the girls holding you shrieked and dropped their hold on you before scrambling back causing you to drop to the ground

miyo’s eyes were wide and there was horror all over her face at the voice of that infamous boy

kyotani kentarou

‘WHAT THE FK ARE YOU DOING?!’

he yelled and miyo turned around to be met with his piercing eyes before screaming and running away with her minions in tow

‘YEA RUN AWAY! FKING COWARDS!’

ltr the cursing is so awkward for me to do but this is his character and im just so awkward so sorry!!

you coughed and winced at the pain on your side which caught his attention

again, he noticed you as the manager of their team and you’ve been hanging out w him, well, just him staring at you, at the alley while you feed the animals

you were actually nice and caring and definitely didnt deserve this

‘oi, y-you okay?’

you didnt look up, just closing your eyes in pain and biting your lips to not let out the crying

his eyes softened at you and he noticed you were trying to act tough and brave even though you just got beat up

normally, he wouldnt even help anyone but it seems you just did something to him

he sighed before gently picking you up, you not even bothering to stop him, and he held you tightlyin his arms as he carried you to the nurses office

he had a feeling you didnt want to be seen like this and hes been in the nurse enough to know she actually leaves the moment school ends

you let out a shaky breath as he set you down on the cot and you opened your eyes to reach your hold for him when he went away

‘n-no, don’t leave-’

but he grunted softly before holding your wrist

‘im just getting your damn medicine. chill out’

lowkey getting bakugou vibes

you nodded and went to close your eyes again

kyo returned w some pain relief medicine from his bag that he carries

babie actually gets into fights often and he needs it sometimes

and he had alcohol medicine kind istg and bandaids for your arms

it was silent as you drank the pills and he sat down next to you so he could treat the wounds

but he let his curiosity take over him

‘why the fk did you let them do this to you’

he grunted and you scoffed with a smile

‘let? more like overpower me and grip me as they just hit me’

‘cant you fight them back?’

you glared at him

‘bruh i literally kneed some girl in their cooch but they just some superhuman typa girls that cant be hurt’

he sighed

‘maybe you just werent strong enough’

okay listen here you lil shit

you didnt want to listen to him scold you anymore so you just went back to closing your eyes

but kyo is actually lowkey nosy so he kept asking questions

‘the first time we met. was it her too?’

you flinched in surprise

‘you remembered that?’

‘ofc i did. you looked like shit. not as bad as this but still like shit’

‘gee thanks, stranger-kun’

‘kyotani,,, kentarou’

you smiled

‘nice to meet you, kyotani kentarou. im l/n y/n’

‘i know’

he mumbled but you didnt catch it

‘thanks for hearing me and coming to help’

he hummed

he wasnt going to tell you that he actually heard the scream for his idol and thought hed be there so he ran to go see him but instead saw you

kyo just respects and looks up to iwa-chan so much it warms my heart uwu-

once you were all patched up, you were finally able to stand but you still staggered

he grabbed your arm softly and sat you back down

‘what the hell are you going to tell the team?’

you paused then sighed

‘i dont know. ill figure something out’

but he knew how observant the players would be and they would catch on

after all, he was there watching at the top bleachers as oikawa yelled at you for the ‘hickey’

‘if they didnt hit your face, you could get away with it. but you have wounds all over you and theyd find out. im guessing youre doing this bc you dont want to trouble them or burden them? bc they would do something about it?’

you just stared at this guy

‘how-’

‘just a guess’

he also wasnt going to tell you that he was actually part of the team but the constant fighting got him in suspension

and the fact that his parents were donors for the school, he only got a tap on the wrist

‘so what do i do, then?’

‘tell them-’

‘no i cant do that! another plan, kyo-kun!’

‘oi, im a second year, idiot. treat me with respect’

the irony bc he totally treats oikawa like trash

‘i just,,,, oikawa-san is seen as this prince/gentleman type and i know how protective he is towards me so the slightest problem could cause him to be ballistic. miyo is popular enough to circulate rumors about him and hes already in his third year and she is too so i just have to endure one year until theyre gone’

kyo was disgusted

all this for that stupid idiot captain?

‘youre dumber than i thought’

you weakly hit him at the arm

‘so mean, kyo-san’

‘i dont think its right youre suffering for someone who isnt even worth it’

you glared and linked your fingers together

‘im the manager. i knew this would happen the moment i signed up but i didnt care. as manager, i have to keep up the team’s image and their popularity for support so i cant let all that be ruined just bc a little first year girl couldnt fight for herself’

‘just tell them, kid. less problems’

then he stood up to leave

‘kid?! im only a year younger than you! what you mean!’

but you were panicking

someone knew about you being hurt and they could easily tell the team

and it only increased when he entered the gym and later introduced himself as a player

you were so surprised that you stopped breathing

‘kyo-san,,,’

you muttered and he glared at you

well, more like look at you but i have a theory that kyo actually has problems w his sight so it looks like he’s glaring at you constantly but hes just actually trying to see clearly

‘yo’

oikawa was surprised at this interaction

‘eh? you know kyoken-chan?’

you nodded, still looking at the blonde

‘i-uh’

‘its none of your business’

kyotani grunted and you sighed in relief

maybe your secret would be safe

you were still uneasy about him accidentally revealing it, especially since he practically worships iwaizumi-san, but he kept his mouth shut

your caring personality at first was overbearing on him but he appreciated your efforts like volunteering on helping him with his eyeliner or asking him if he needed help with his medical tape

ngl, he also thought you were there just bc it was a team full of guys and you thought you could have that weird girl fantasy of having a harem

but you cared for them like practically a mother and continuously made it clear to oikawa that you were NOT interested in going on a date with him

you werent annoying, you were nice, and you weren’t pushy so he actually showed you respect and took a liking to you

this created a soft of protectiveness around you

sometimes, he would see you around school and he would practically glare at the girls he knew hated you

and when he wasnt there to protect you, you would call him to the nurses office where he would mumble apologies of not being there while patching you up before he would go over and threaten them to touch you again and he would bite their fingers off

aww hes so cute

ofc he still kept your secret bc it wasnt his business to tell

until that one day

it was normal practice with you helping the boys toss the balls so they could spike it

iwaizumi spiked it really hard making you flinch and he apologized profusely after you almost fell off the chair you were standing on in surprise

‘im just angry that that damn shittykawa is the captain and is late to his own damn practice’

oikawa? late?

that was unheard of

you were about to get off the chair and look for him when the devil himself entered the gym with the devil’s mistress on his arm

miyo was holding on to his arm as he laughed at something she said and ruffled her hair

you dropped the ball and kyotani quickly moved to you so he could stand in front of you protectively

‘oi! shittykawa! youre late!’

oikawa just smiled and pointed at the girl

‘miyo-chan made us cookies, iwa-chan!’

at the mention of food, the boys ran forward but you and kyotani remained at the side at the infamous name

you got off the chair and hurriedly placed an arm in front of him

‘don’t, kyo-san’

‘the bitch-’

‘i know. but please, dont’

you begged and he huffed before aggresively wrapping an arm around your shoulder

aggressively cares for you

‘if she does something or even talks shit, i will-’

‘kyoken-chan! y/n-chan! come here!’

oikawa called but kyotani snarled at him

you smile wobbled when miyo’s eyes narrowed at you and she smirked

‘oh? your manager is so cute, oikawa-kun!’

the rest of the team was just blinking at this weird tension

kyo had his arm tightly around you and hatingly glaring at this girl, who was icily smirking at you, and you tightly holding kyo’s shirt with a worried glint in your eyes

‘you were late to your own damn practice, oikawa. stop wasting time eating this shit and go back to playing’

tbh it still shocks you at how rudely kyo talks to oikawa but you were too pre-occupied on making sure this kid wasnt going to lunge at this girl

‘a-ah, right. oikawa-san, we have to return to practice. if you excuse us, miyo-san-’

you were about to gently grab oikawa’s arm to bring him back when she grabbed your wrist and secretly gripped it

‘oh, dont be so uptight, y/n-chan! i worked so hard-’

but kyo immediately snatched her hand away from you and squeezed it as tight as he could, making her wince

oikawa noticed the pain in miyo’s face and he was angry that kyotani was hurting a girl

‘oi! kyotani!’

he shouted and pushed him away, making the team, even iwa, worriedly look at kyo and brace themselves for the beating

iwa jumped into action and held the second year back while you jumped in front of oikawa

‘kyo-san, calm-’

‘you! be quiet’

he shouted, finger pointing at you

‘and you!’

before pointing to oikawa

‘you are a shitty captain’

‘kyotani!’

iwa was just straight out confused and hes really questioning life decisions right now

mom is stressed and confused, i repeat, MOM IS STRESSED AND CONFUSED

oikawa’s eyes narrowed but he just calmly talked

‘we’ll talk about this later’

‘miyo-san, we really need to practice so if you could see yourself out’

iwa gently smiled to the girl, who was about to protest, but makki and mattsun has already pointed to the door

she huffed then turned to leave and once she was gone, iwa let go of kyotani

‘kyotani, what the hell was that’

oikawa lowly asked and you were about to put your arms out to separate them but yahaba and watari grabbed you so you wouldnt be caught in the middle

then kyo turned to you, fire in his eyes

‘either you tell him or i will’

can we just talk about how protective kyo is?

you trembled and you roughly left yahaba and watari’s grip so you could gently place your hands on his chest

‘please, kyo. just leave it, okay? remember, it’s my busi-’

‘if i see that bitch enter this gym again, i dont give a flying fuck if shes a girl. ill beat the living daylights out of her’

‘kyotani kentarou, what-!’

oikawa shouted but your glare shut him up

‘y/n-chan, what is going on’

‘n-nothing. kyo-san is just, yknow, being him. you know? okay. now lets get back to practice, everyone!’

coach irihata and the other guy sharing that look

to say the least, miyo was pissed

and when she was pissed at you, she always did what she normally does

she corners you wherever its deserted and beat you with the help of her minions who holds you down while she slaps, hits, or kicks you

girlie you needs to tell the boys youre literally getting hit and abused and im just-!!!!!!!!!

and thats exactly what she did

only this time, she wore hard-tipped shoes

‘see, y/n-chan? i saved up and got these shoes just for you!’

the minions were just sharing looks of fear and genuine sympathy for you

they were only there bc she blackmailed them with pictures doing questionable things and if they dont help, they would be released

as usual, you didnt cry, biting your lip as you winced from the pain of her kick at your side

‘youre so pathetic. how could you do this to a person? and all this for your oikawa-san? for a boy?’

you wheezed at her causing her eyes to flare

‘HAH?! SAY THAT AGAIN!’

‘i said-’

but you were cut off when she slapped the soul out of you

her ring cut you at the lip and you cringed at the taste of blood from your lip

‘what else? we gotta hurry this up, miyo, because practice started like 5 minutes ago and im going to get yel-’

‘SHUT UP!’

kyotani entered the gym after his talk with his teacher and immediately looked around for you

his honey brown eyes scanned the area and they widened as your figure wasn’t in sight

‘oi, yahaba, wheres the manager’

the boy shrugged from the side

‘i dont know. shes late though’

oh god

‘kindaichi! kunimi! youre in the same grade right? did you see where she went after class?’

kunimi paused to remember before answering

‘she stayed after to talk to obe-sensei for the homework, that’s all i know’

that meant she stayed behind and was probably somewhere

‘SHIT!’

he shouted before bolting out the door

ofc the boys were all worried of his outburst and started yelling after him

‘kyotani!’

‘kyoken-chan?!’

they followed him, who was running as fast as he can

the girls would probably do it outside to avoid having to clean up their mess and he almost wrenched the door open in a hurry to take a lap around the school building

it was certainly a sight to see: a boy with dyed blonde hair and two brown lines followed after an entire volleyball team who were screaming after him

‘YOU-!’

he heard that bitch voice and bolted towards the back, where the dumpster was, and found you at the same position like the first time he saw you

blood was dripping on the floor from your busted lip and a cut on your cheek while your eyes were wide at the sight of kyotani’s panting form

‘kyo-!’

‘kyotani!’

your eyes watered at the sight of the entire volleyball team behind him, also eviqualiently surprised yet fuming angry

the girls who held you dropped your arms and ran for the hills so they wouldnt get caught

kyo pushed miyo aside as he grabbed you from the floor and held you

oikawa gave miyo a look that cannot even be described in words

all it was: incredibly, super, ridiculously, heatedly, furiously, angry

now multiply that by the entire team

‘hm, my father, who is the chieftain of the police, mentioned about there being jail time for even minors who commit serious acts like assault or bullying’

mattsun seethed

‘really? i think he’d like the video as evidence against kenta miyo for assault and battery, including bullying, so how many years would that add up to? nearly a decade?’

the girl miyo squeaked as oikawa and iwaizumi roughly grabbed each wrist

‘how long’

miyo trembled at the increased pressure on her wrist

‘IM ASKING YOU A FUCKING QUESTION! HOW LONG!’

iwaizumi has never shouted at a girl before and hopefully, it would be the last

‘s-s-since l-last month’

you burrowed your head in kyotani’s shirt

‘please dont’

‘shut the fk up, y/n-chan, we’re not talking to you right now’

oikawa coldly reprimanded

‘everyone, take y/n away. iwaizumi and i can take care of this. but mattsun, makki, track down those 3 girls and find others who have even touched our manager’

‘got it, boss’

if it was in a different situation, you wouldve applauded oikawa at his ability to be a leader but you were currently in pain from the bruises and the cuts all over you

your fellow first-years were angrily punching things in the nurse’s office

rip nurse in the morning when she finds holes all over her walls

the irony is, the most agressive one, kyotani kentarou, was the calmest as he quietly cleaned your wounds and placed ointment on the bruises

‘i told you so’

he mumbled and you scoffed

‘howd you find me anyways?’

‘dumb bitch yaps really loud’

he answered

no one was yelling at you and no one was saying a word

eventually, oikawa and iwaizumi entered followed by the rest of the third years

‘why. why didnt you tell us, y/n?’

oikawa asked as he sat down on the chair beside the bed

you looked down and fiddled with your fingers

‘if i did, you wouldve hurt her. and she wouldve spread rumors about you and ruin the image and reputation of the grand king and the volleyball team. i didnt want to do that to you and thought i could just endure it one year since youre graduating anyways’

iwaizumi sucked in a harsh breath

‘you wouldn’t have known what we were going to do. you are no oracle and you dont know how we are going to handle this situation. so you were really stupid for keeping these things to yourself, y/n. you may be our manager and our caretaker but let us take care of you too’

you nodded but your tears fell

‘sorry. im really sorry. i didnt meant to trouble you’

‘stop apologizing, y/n’

‘sorry’

‘y/n!’

you bowed your head low and bit your lip in guilt

‘i shouldve told you but i didnt and now everyone is troubled-’

‘we’re a team, y/n. youre not a lone wolf anymore. you have a pack standing right beside you’

watari mumbled and he sat down to give you his favorite hug: the one arm hug

‘im super angry right now and it might seem like im snappy but i really want you to know, y/n, that i really love you and i am just hurt that you didnt trust us enough to tell us you were suffering when i trust you with my entire being. so next time youre hurting or in pain, dont you dare keep it to yourself. tell us, okay? tell your senpais and friends about it so we can share that burden’

oikawa babie you are so mature like what-

what started out as a hug from watari turned into a team hug around the tiny bed, even kyo joined, and you were so happy you found a good team that appreciated you and everything youve done and accepted you as one of their own

‘oikawa-san, what did you do to miyo?’

‘again, im mad y/n-chan, so please dont talk about her right now’

‘iwa-san?’

‘dont use those puppy eyes on me! dont you dare-- okay, we’re pressing charges’

silence

‘WHAT?!’

‘and iwa-chan slapped her!’

‘WHAT?!’

‘shut up shittykawa you did too!’

‘WHAT?!’

a/n: this hurted a bit and im sorry if this was lowkey awkward and all over the place but i didnt exactly know how to portray this situation since ive never experienced this, just bullying in general, before but for those who have, please tell someone so that you dont have to carry that burden by yourself. it doesnt have to be a your parents, but talk to a trusted adult so that this type of stuff doesnt happen to you bc you truly dont deserve that type of treatment and deserve to be happy and feel safe in an environment like school or anywhere in general

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haikyuu-appreciation-club · 4 years

Note

Since request are open may I have a oneshot or headcanon or whatever you want to do with bokuto with a foreign exchange reader where she's a violinist there for a music program, (let's just pretend the school he goes to has a music program). I really hope this is ok. Sorry if I spelt anything wrong.

hey my love!!

tysm for the request, I love writing for our lil bby owl (*¯ ³¯*)♡

alsooo i have very little experience with violins and instruments in general sooo this should be fun

•Bokuto w/ a Violinist Crush•

warnings: none

genre: fluff

character: bokuto

when you had first arrived at fukurōdani, you had to pinch yourself to make sure this wasn't just a dream

although it was just a typical high school, their music program was very prestigious and it was difficult for students outside of the country to be accepted

which is why when you had got the letter in the mail that they had granted you a spot in said music program, you almost fainted

in the beginning you were really nervous for this new start, but after being at the school for a few weeks you had adjusted quite nicely

even managing to make a few friends, one in particular that was a lot more friendly then the others

“HEY HEY HEY Y/N! How ya doin?”

Kotaro Bokuto

he had been your friend since your first day at fukurōdani

how could you not become friends with him when he practically sprinted up to you the second you walked through the door

you didn’t mind at all though, his company was something you grew to love

he had been nothing but kind and welcoming, dragging you around with him and his friend akaashi so that you wouldn’t be lonely and always making sure to check up on you when he got the chance

over these past few weeks, you spent almost every free moment with the energetic boy and had grown quite close to him

and honestly, you’d be lying if you said that you hadn’t caught feelings for him

what you didn’t know was that he caught feelings for you too

constantly having the urge to be around you and make you smile

he would talk to akaashi about you all the time and even though it got a bit much at times he was happy that bokuto found someone for him

however, the captain usually came pouting to his best friend about crush problems quite often,

“Akaaaashiiiii, I need to do something to show Y/N that I care.”

“Why don’t you go to their performance this weekend? I’m sure they would appreciate that.”

“Performance?” “Bokuto-san, do you really not pay attention to anything they say?”

“I do! They’re just so nice to look at, I get distracted sometimes.”

“Well, Y/N was mentioning earlier that they were going to perform a violin solo this weekend and they invited us. I think it would be best if you went by yourself though.”

“Won’t they be sad if you don’t come?”

“Trust me, as long as you’re there, it’ll be okay.”

bokuto could not stop smiling and thanking akaashi for the brilliant idea for the rest of the day.

he knew you played violin and had always thought it was the coolest thing ever

but he had never heard you play before and it was safe to say he was over the moon to finally do so

you, however, were terrified to have him come to your performance

it took practically every ounce of courage you had to walk over to the two boys and invite them and it didn’t really help that bokuto kept reminding you every five seconds that he would be watching you up on that stage.

“Y/N, im so excited for your performance!”

“You’re gonna do great up there!”

“The violin is like a fancy guitar right? So i’ll get to see you play a mini fancy guitar!”

you couldn’t deny, his enthusiasm was adorable but it didn’t do much to calm your nerves

you didnt want to mess this up, your crush would be watching you play on that stage and you had to be perfect

when the day of the performance came along your nerves were definitely getting the best of you

you did your best to try and calm them though, remembering to focus on the task at hand rather then who was watching

you weren’t exactly a stranger to audiences but having bokuto in the crowd made things different

he had always managed to make your heart race even in the most average situations

when it came time for you to take center stage you forced your nerves to the back of your mind

all you were focused on now was the instrument in your hand

you sat down, took a deep breath, and let your hands work their magic

playing the violin always came so natural to you, practically felt like second nature, so it was easy for you to get lost in the music

besides, another thing was on your heart and in your mind tonight that made you want to express yourself even more

the only thing that brought you back to reality was the loud clapping that reverberated throughout the room

as soon as you got off stage your we’re wrapped in a loving hug, a familiar scent of cologne filling your nose

“Y/N, you we’re awesome! I mean wow, you have a real talent for that fancy guitar, and you looked really great up on that stage...”

as he finished that sentance he averted his gaze and held out a bouquet of flowers out in front of him as a small blush formed on his cheeks

you smiled and felt tears prick your eyes as you took the flowers

he always knew what to say and do to make your heart flutter

“Thank you so much Bokuto, it means a lot that you came tonight. I wouldn’t have been able to play as well as i did without you here.”

bokuto smiled so wide his face began to hurt

he pulled you into another hug and whispered something in your ear that took you by surprise,

“Can i kiss you?”

as soon as you granted him permission, his lips were excitedly on yours, love flowing between the two of you

oh how you both had waiting so long to let your feelings for each other show

after that night, bokuto came to every single one of your performances

i mean, how could he miss his s/o play such beautiful music

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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cartoonfangirl1218 · 3 years

Text

Winner’s Curse Ch. 22

“Please please come in quickly,” the honorable wizard Yen Sid urged Uma, barely muffling his own coughs from the dusty air of Judge Frollo’s “house.” Quite ironically or perhaps more telling, Judge Frollo’s abode was the basement of a brothel. A cruel twist of temptation or perhaps a house of convenience since it was no secret that Frollo indulged in his hypocritical desires while preaching at his imaginary pulpit during the day.

But Uma wasn’t here to hear how she was destined for hell. It was night, the perfect time to meet the rest of the Anti-Villain Club while Frollo was away.

It felt like the situation was getting more dire the more time past. Amplified by the restlessness Uma felt because they weren’t getting anything done!

Sometimes Uma wanted to give in to her temptation to just dump the Auradonians for themselves. They didn’t really offer her any information or skills that she needed. Plus, they were slow at best. Uncaring and disobedient at worse, far more concerned with their own problems and feelings. They didn’t know how to work with a team or for a cause other than themselves.

Such royal behavior. Must be nice to put your moods first when your need for food, shelter and safety were never in question.

So it was a breath of fresh air to meet with the Anti Villains. Though they did not give her the assuring efficiency of her pirate crew, they were still Vks, her people. And she would need all the allies she could get if they were to stop the Coven.

Yen Sid gestured to the faded rug with, of course, an image of a man bleeding and crucified while a red devilish monster stabbed at his torso with a pitchfork.

Frollo’s erstwhile, rebellious daughter, Claudine took the head of the rug with Diego De’Vil and Yzla on both sides of her. Harold, Jason, Hadie, Big Murph, Hermie Bing, Eddie Balthazar, Celia and a blonde girl that Uma didn’t recognize rounded out the rest of the circle. Uma took place across from Claudine and Yen Sid stood by, pacing around.

“What news can you give us?” Yen Sid asked, starting the meeting abruptly.

Uma hadn’t noticed when Yen Sid signalled to her from the alleyways but the elder wizard looked even older. He was hunched over, not from age but like there was an invisible yoke on his shoulders. His face was riddled with new lines of wrinkles, stress and fatigue. And he was pale. So pale.

Uma had seen that sort of sickly paleness before. The sheen of sweat from a non-existent flu. He looked like death. The Isle after 20 years was starting to take its toll.

Though Uma had no personal attachment to the wizard nor did she care for his method of teaching goodness so Vks would be accepted in Auradon, when they should be accepted because they like any other person should have a home without abuse or poverty, she respected what he was trying to do. He didn’t see them all as one mass of worthless deviants to be scorned and ignored. He could have stayed in Auradon, doing nothing like all the rest of the so-called good guys, but he didn’t.

And this place was slowly killing him.

This place was going to be the death of all them if Uma’s revolution didn’t work.

Uma cracked her neck, inhaled and began to brief them, even though her report didn’t offer much encouragement that their plans were going to be successful.

“Our communications link with King Ben no longer works thanks to the Isle’s crappy service. However, we were able to inform him that the invasion is taking place in less than a week before we were cut off.” “Circe is officially on our side and will assist Yen Sid on more complex, powerful spells against Nerissa and the others.”

“The rest of the Coven-” “Believes.. Well actually tolerates the idea that you and Calix are still loyal. Lala still is on their side but Jade thinks she can convince her to switch again. Zevon and Ginny are lost causes. But you are going to round up your crew, and Harriet’s crew for extra manpower.” Yzla interrupted, and shrugged at Uma’s glare, “Jade told me.” “Ah yes.” Uma pursed her lips, shaking it off to not act too ruffled. She had been aware that Yzla and Jade were close but she didn’t particularly like that they were discussing things without her. That’s how plans got overturned. And people were overthrown.

Uma pushed that thought away as too paranoid. After all, they were all here for the same thing. Escape, not power.

“Yes, so you already know that. I do believe we will be able to persuade the rest of the Isle on our side.” “Wait the rest of the Isle. Like you mean some other kids right? Or the Hun gang. Not not the whole Isle?” Eddie asked. “I meant the rest of the Isle. The adult henchmen. The orphaned kids. The Huns, the mercenaries, the prostitutes. Anyone and everyone who has no power or big villain names.” The rest of the club looked at turns confused, intrigued and disbelieving at her.

“They are like us. They gain nothing from the Coven gaining more power. They get everything if they helped the revolution. No more oppressors. And a promise from King Ben to take all of us off the Isle to better housing, new jobs and actual food. A better life.”

“Whether Mal likes it or not.” Uma added internally. That had been the one thing she managed to speak to King Ben about, and surprisingluy he agreed wholeheartedly. He had seemed horrified when she described the living conditions that children dealt with. The way teens had turned to violence among other things to survive their abusive parents. He didn’t think he’d be able to convince Auradon should be abolished completely. Big villains would probably stay indefinitely. But he was welcome to her suggestions for programs to hep Vks.

“That’s why I need your input. King Ben is putting me in charge of VK Integration Programs and I want to know what we need.” “Uh, that’s nice. A truly Christian thing to do,” Claudine sneered saracastically, she had always been the most doubting of anyone having good intentions what with who she had for a father, “But shouldn’t we get out of here before we plan any VK Integration Programs?”

“This is part of how we are going to persuade the rest of the Isle to help us,” Uma smoothly bridged the two disparting ideas, “We need solid plans with how, what, when. Something solid and real that people can imagine and believe in. When the other Vks and adults hear of these programs, these programs that are as real as when King Ben invited the Core Four, they will be willing to fight for their chance to get in. They will rise up against the Coven so that they could be free.”

Claudine and Diego still looked suspicious, but Jason, Harold, and Big Murph practically had stars in their eyes. Hermie was smiling shyly and Hadie was tapping his chin thoughtfully. He was the first to pitch in.

“I think there should be something for the victims of Hans and Lars.” Everyone turned to look at him which caused the spiky-blue haired teen to flush and clam up. , Uma nodded empathetically, “Continue.” “Well, I mean-uh.Well we all had it bad. But Prince Hans is another level of bad. I went there once with dad for one of Staylan’s parties and I lurked around and man, that dude is nuts. He has photos of his “harem” all “sexy bruised” and stuff. And Lars…”

Uma narrowed her eyes. She didn’t need Hadie to elaborate on Lars. Gil had already told her everything she needed to know about the icy sadist. It was a term that was generally thrown around for an island full of villains with bloodlust, but Gil described the sickeningly calm way Lars acted. How Lars almost described it in seductive terms the way a whip would constrict a person’s throat until the breath left them. The calculating gaze he’d watch the ones he picked as “lovers.” Apparently a sadism that he picked up from his dad.

“Yeah, everyone knows Drizella is his favorite. Poor Dizzy.” Eddie shook his head.

Dizzy had always been left alone with her grandmother, Lady Tremine, but Uma had always assumed that Drizella, like almost all the parents on the Isle, was neglectful and uncaring. She hadn’t thought that Drizella may have been dealing with her own things.

And why wouldn’t she? That was Gil’s mother had to go through everyday with being Gaston’s unfavorite. While Uma was more concerned with the kids on the Isle, she could see now that some adults may need help too.

“Great. Center for sadist victims. What else have we got?”

“Do we have to go to school if we go to Auradon? I just don’t think I need it. My band is doing pretty well and I bet those royal dorks never heard music like mine.” Diego mock-shredded on his guitar

Uma cocked her head. She got his point. She didn’t think there was anything Auradon Prep had that could teach her anything useful. Like smizing as she heard from Celia Faciliar’s letters from Freddie. Plus there were some teens near adulthood like Harriet who probably wouldn’t want to be forced into classes when they could get jobs. Same with adults who never learned to read in their lives and still didnt want to.

“I’ll talk about it with King Ben. What else?” Uma said.

“Food that isn’t covered with flies. Fresh food, not trash.” Hermie said.

“Uh that’s just a given. None of their food is rotten.” Celia told the lithe brunette before Uma could clarify that good food comes with the territory.

Several ideas were thrown around, but the main ones came down to food, homes away from the possible revenge of their parents and others, and none of the Goodness 101 that Celia heard Freddie taking.

“Great. Now the important thing is that you spread the word of these programs to the other. You have to make people want this badly enough that they will fight. Act like its their only chance because it is. From there, I will send my crew to organize them to key points and learn some better and dirtier fight tactics.” Uma announced.

The rest of the Club nodded somberly at the announcement. There was not much emotion from Uma’s command. No relief, excitement or even nervousness. Just a numb sort of nod that they understood. But the words, “This is your only chance,” clearly rang in their heads.

It was now or never.

Everyone slowly got up to leave, thinking their own thoughts except the blonde who slipped to walk next to Uma, expertly slinking through the alleyways.

“Hi, um, I know we haven’t met before but um.. I’m Cosette.” The literally dirty blonde introduced in a fake high voice, clearly highlighting her nervousness, “I’m Gaston’s daughter. Gil’s half sister? You know Gil right? I mean, of course you do. I’ve seen him and everyone knows he hangs with you. I’m sorry I’m babbling. It’s just this is all so new-”

Uma stopped walking so she could give her her full attention. Yes, now that she stopped to actually look at Cosette, she could see a bit of the resemblance. The blonde hair, the high forehead and cheekbones. She looked older, maybe Harriet’s age, though her ample chest peeking from her corset gave the impression of a woman in her 20s. Unlike Gil, she didn’t have the usually confused look in her eyes. Just scared.

That look heightened Uma’s protective instincts. The helpless usually did that, as unvillainous as that was, plus the Gil resemblance.

“Why haven’t I heard of you before?” Uma asked skeptically even though she was pretty sure Cosette was honest.

“Um I’m a girl. Dad wouldn’t acknowledge me. Actually he tried to throw me away and try again which is why Mom left and… it seemed safer to avoid him. But- but I heard from Celia about this Anti-Villain Club when I went in for a reading, and Celia said you’d come so I thought I’d ask you. You know, for permission.” Uma thought. The story was realistic enough. But there was too much to do right now to focus on a family reunion. Unless…

“I will. You have my word. But first, how good would you say your fighting and/or spying skills?”

#uma #celia facilier #hermie bing #eddie balathazar #winner’s curse #yen sid #cosette legume #hadie #claudine frollo #big murph #diego de’vil #yzla #jason #harold #anti villain club #my fanfic #my fanfiction #disney descendants #chapter twenty two

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kimjoongs · 4 years

Text

—ateez college au series [psh]

so seonghwa is a nursing major bc why not and no this isnt bc im also a nursing major or maybe it is idk shh

he wanted to become a nurse bc his mom was one, and he saw how much she adored her job

plus seonghwa is a self-less and caring person, so this was the perfect choice for him

he lives in an apartment on campus with his roommate hongjoong and it’s both a blessing and a curse

it was a blessing because his and hongjoong’s personalities matched very well, so they rarely had arguments

but it was also a curse bc joong was a music production major so he’d be producing music in his room, which normally wasn’t a problem, but on nights where seonghwa was studying for his exams, hongjoong would be in the room next door blasting music

usually all seonghwa had to do was knock on his door and ask him to keep it down, but there were nights where he would just pack up his stuff and study at the campus library instead

he often stayed for about 3-4 hours or more if he had an exam the next day

hwa really liked anatomy and phys but absolutely despised chemistry

“what the hell is the difference between polar and nonpolar? wait, why does this lewis structure only have 2 bonds? shouldn’t it have 3? ah shit i forgot an electron–”

sometimes hongjoong would come out of his room to get a glass of water only to find hwa asleep at the kitchen table with a copy of the periodic table on his head

he loves getting to wear his scrubs on lab day bc 1) scrubs are super comfortable and 2) it gets him excited thinking about the future

he also started volunteering at the nursing college in the labs

he’d help the lab ops set up the labs, refill the fluids, repack the medication, or clean up the simulation rooms

this also gave him the opportunity to get to know his future professors, and he would never admit it, but whilst he was volunteering, he would admire the older nursing students wearing the official university scrubs

it made him that much more determined to get into nursing school

during his first semester his second year, he had less of a workload compared to his first year, so he had more free time and was able to go out more

one day hongjoong asked seonghwa if he wanted to hang out with a few of his friends, and he said yes

so the two of them went out to this nearby boba cafe where hongjoong’s friends mingi, san, and wooyoung were waiting for him

you were there as well, tagging along as a mutual friend of san’s, and he introduced you to the two them

“hey hongjoong, seonghwa, this is my friend y/n! i hope it’s cool if they come along. i needed to drag them out of their room or else they’d be studying for hours on end,” san teased, knocking your head lightly w his fist

you stuck your tongue out at him then turned to shake hongjoong’s and seonghwa’s hands

when you made eye contact with the latter, his face lit up with recognition “oh wait, y/n? you’re in my pathophysiology class right?”

“oh yeah, i sit right behind you. nice to meet you, seonghwa!” you flashed him a smile, and he smile back

after everyone introduced themselves, you all found a table and ordered your drinks

mingi, san, and seonghwa sat on one side of the booth whilst you, wooyoung, and hongjoong sat on the other

you were quite surprised, and quite relieved, at how well you were fitting in and getting along with hongjoong and seonghwa…especially seonghwa

during the time that you all were together, seonghwa found out that you were a nursing major too and the two of you launched into a full blown discussion about it, unaware of the looks the others were giving you both

hongjoong had a faint smile on his face, mingi was chuckling and shaking his head, and san and wooyoung were giving each other knowing smirks

at the end of the night, seonghwa had asked you for your number in case yall wanted to study tgt, and you happily obliged

then you all said your farewells and went your separate ways

a few days pass and you don’t hear from seonghwa, which was quite understandable considering the fact that it was midterm season and you were both busy

but you were also kind of looking forward to study with him, he seemed really smart and self-disciplined which was exactly the type of study buddy you needed

but another couple days pass and lo and behold you receive a text from the one and only park seonghwa that reads: hey you wanna study tgt for the patho exam at the library today?

ofc you said yes and half an hr later, you found yourself at the library sitting right across from seonghwa

the two of you had your laptops, notebooks, and handouts spread all over the tables and were completely in the zone

after an hr or two of straight studying, you suggested taking a small break and that’s where the two of you got to talking abt nursing and why you both chose to major in it

“well my mom’s a nurse, and when i was younger she would always talk about how much she loved her job. she’s super hardworking and cares about her patients, and that’s how i want to be someday. plus as a nurse, if i could just make someone’s day just a little bit better, then that’s all that matters to me.”

needless to say, you were captivated by the raw passion and love seonghwa had for his future career, and you couldn’t help but admire him for it

after your short break, the two of you went back to studying, but this time yall would often make eye contact and send each other encouraging smiles

you found yourself slowly becoming more comfortable with seonghwa as the time passed by

and after that, the two you started having more and more study sessions, growing closer and closer

whenever an exam or quiz was coming up, you two would always be found studying tgt whether it was at his apartment or the library

and that’s when the hesi exam came in

the amount of time you guys spent studying for regular exams was nothing compared to the amount of time yall spent studying for the hesi

on the day of, you and hwa were practically freaking out

“oh my god y/n i’m so scared. what if i forget how to do the conversions? what if i forget everything i learned in anatomy? what if i forget basic grammar–”

“hwa shut up you’re making me nervous!”

basically yall are a wreck from the beginning of the exam all the way to the end, and once yall walk out of that testing room you almost collapse

anyways fast forward a few weeks later it’s almost the end of the semester and also around the time where you would be receiving your letter saying whether or not you were accepted into the program

it was a friday night and the entire gang was at your apartment having a movie night

you were looking thru your emails when you stumbled upon one from your university, and when you saw what the subject was you screamed, scaring the living daylights out of mingi who was sitting next you

“y/n what the hell–” “guys, guys my nursing school letter came in oh my god, oh my god!”

the entire room went silent for a millisecond before san let out a shriek and soon everyone was crowding around you

hongjoong gripped seonghwa’s shoulder “did you get yours yet?”

the latter’s eyes widened in realization and he also whipped out his phone, letting out a choked gasp when he saw the same email “mine came in too!”

at this point all of yall were freaking the hell out, and you and seonghwa somehow found each other’s hands and held them tightly tgt

“okay, okay, okay!” you reposition yourself on the couch so you were facing your fellow nursing major “on the count of three we open it at the same time, yeah?” all seonghwa did was nod

“alright, one…two…three!” everyone held their breath and it seemed like an eternity had passed…and then you and seonghwa jumped up from the couch

“i got in!” you yelled at the same time, which caused the others to belt out the loudest cheers you’ve ever heard

overwhelmed with excitement and pride, you threw yourself onto seonghwa and gave him the tightest hug, and he wrapped his arms around your waist, gently lifting you off the ground

when you guys separated, both your eyes widened at the lack of space btwn the two of you, and you immediately jumped away from each other

“um,” you cleared your throat “i’m…i’m really proud of you, hwa.” he gave you the softest of smiles, one that made your heart race even more than it was right now

“i’m proud of you too, y/n.”

aaaand fast forward again to the beginning of the next semester! you and seonghwa were officially in the clinical portion of the nursing program which meant you two were now able to wear the university’s official nursing scrubs seonghwa probably cried a little when he first tried his on

and since yall were in the program tgt, you saw each other more frequently, even more compared to the previous semester

which certainly didnt help alleviate the strong emotions you were feeling ever since the two of you shared that small, intimate moment just a couple months prior

before you didnt use to feel anything when you hung out with seonghwa, but now just thinking abt him was enough to get you all giddy and nervous at the same time

it had reached a point where you couldnt take it anymore, so you decided to seek help from the one person who knew seonghwa best: his best friend and roommate, hongjoong

when you met up with him and poured out what it was you were feeling, hongjoong sent you a fond, knowing smile “y/n…you like him. romantically, i mean.”

you gaped “i…what?”

“you, y/n, have romantic feelings for my best friend, seonghwa.”

“i..i like him? i don’t…i don’t have–” you froze upon seeing the way hongjoong raised his eyebrows at you

“i…i like…i like seonghwa,” you finally breathed out. hongjoong’s gaze softened and he chuckled “took you long enough…now if only seonghwa could stop being a coward and just ask you out already,” he mumbled the second part under his breath

not knowing what to do with the information you had just uncovered abt yourself, you thought it’d a good idea (read: it was the stupidest idea) to distance yourself from seonghwa for a bit, just long enough for you to process the thoughts racing thru your mind

you were unaware, however, of how you distancing yourself might look like from seonghwa’s pov

he’s noticed you not hanging out with him as much anymore outside of class, and during class whenever he’d try to talk to you, you’d just scurry over to the other side of the room

he started getting worried and, ironically, he went to hongjoong for advice

upon hearing what’s been going on, hongjoong sighed loudly and slammed his hands down on the counter

“okay, initially i wasn’t going to say anything because i wanted the two of you to find out on your own, but obviously that isn’t going to happen so i’m just going to say it. y/n’s avoiding you because they realized they’ve fallen head over heels in love with you and don’t know how to react. so hwa, please be a nice guy and help them figure it out if you catch my drift.”

at that, hongjoong walked out and into his room, leaving an open-mouthed seonghwa frozen in the kitchen, he was at a loss for words

he knew hongjoong knew abt his feelings for you, but he didn’t think you’d feel the same

after contemplating whether or not what he was abt to do was a good idea or not, seonghwa simply said “screw it” and dashed out the door, heading straight for your apartment

once he arrived, he knocked rapidly on your front door

you had barely opened the door when seonghwa practically slid right in

“seonghwa? what are you doing he–”

“y/n, i’m sorry for just barging in but i need to ask you something really important and i want you to be completely honest.”

you gasped softly at the way he was looking at you, it was so intense and so serious you’ve never seen him like that before

“uh, okay? what’s going on?” you asked nervously

“do you have feelings for me?”

you choked “w-what?!”

“i talked to hongjoong and asked him for advice bc you’ve been avoiding me the past few days, and he said it’s bc you like me. is that true?”

you didn’t know what to say, the familiar warm feeling in your stomach came back and you found it difficult to maintain eye contact with seonghwa

a few seconds of silence passed, and you could see seonghwa’s serious gaze slowly start to crumble and all of a sudden you panicked

“yes! y-yes…it’s true. i do have feelings for you,” your voice trailed off at the end, but you knew he heard you when he saw him stiffen up

he let out a shaky breath “how long?”

“huh?”

“how long have you liked me, y/n?” he asked more firmly

“u-um, i’m not sure? i honestly didn’t start noticing i felt like this until about two months ago when we found we got accepted. although, the more i think about it, i’ve been attracted to you since our first study session together. the way you talked so passionately about your future and how dedicated you were into making it come true made me feel something, and what you said was really inspiring to me and i just–”

your sentence was interrupted by a pair of lips connecting with your own, and it took a second for you to realize that…seonghwa was kissing you

oh my god…oh my god seonghwa was kissing you

once you finally registered what was happening, he pulled away from you, eyes wide and cheeks flushed

“oh..oh shit, y/n i’m so sorry! i didn’t mean to–i should’ve asked for your permission first. i’m so so sorry!”

seonghwa tried to take a step back, but you grabbed his wrist before he could

“y-y/n?” he stared at you

you couldn’t wait anymore. not after that.

“please, do that again.”

now it was seonghwa’s turn to choke on his breath “h-huh?”

you tightened your grip on his wrist “seonghwa, this is me giving you permission. kiss me again.”

and he did

unlike the first kiss, this one was much longer and more heartfelt. you felt his arms snake around your waist, tugging you closer and closer

you could feel the way your cheeks were heating up, but at the moment you didn’t care, wanting this moment to last forever

but unfortunately, all good things must come to an end

“hey y/n, who was at the doo–holy shit!” at the sight of you and seonghwa, mingi let out the loudest screech, causing the two of you to jump away from each other

“oh fuck i forgot san and mingi were here,” you cursed under your breath. seonghwa stood next to you, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck

mingi still remained where he was in the hallway, mouth wide open in shock before he recollected himself “ohoho my god, san! text wooyoung and tell him he owes me dinner!” and with that, mingi took off running down the hall and into one of the rooms

and once again you were left alone w seonghwa

for the longest time, the two of you just stood there, refusing to speak nor look at each other

the room was so silent you could practically hear both of your hearts racing

“so uh…does this mean you and i are…?” seonghwa asked sheepishly, taking a small step towards you

you glanced up at him and couldn’t help but giggle at the hopeful look on his face

you turned towards him and flashed him the brightest grin “yeah, we are.”

the smile that appeared on seonghwa’s face at that moment was enough to take your breath away, and you had to physically restrain yourself from kissing him again

instead you opted for taking his hand in yours and entwining your fingers tgt

now that you and seonghwa were officially dating, it made studying that much more fun

when you guys started doing your clinicals, it became hard for yall to see each other, but it made your time tgt much more special when you did have time

seonghwa is a very touchy and cuddly person, so whenever there’s a short break in btwn lab or lecture, he’ll either be sitting next to you with his head on your shoulder or his arm around your shoulder and your head on his chest

the other nursing students (and sometimes the professors) would scream at how cute yall were

and bro if you thought seonghwa was your biggest motivator before you started dating, then he’s even bigger motivator now

when he quizzes you, he’ll always give you a kiss on the cheek if you answer a question correctly, or when you come back from a particularly rough shift he’ll be there to hold you and tell you that you did your best

oh yeah and to cheer you up he’ll say a bunch of anatomy jokes

“hey y/n, i aorta tell you how much i love you”

“oh god, hwa don’t even start.”

“oh c’mon, quit ovary-acting.”

“park seonghwa”

“you’re going tibia okay”

“i’m breaking up with you”

#ateez #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #ateez au #ateez headcanons #ateez fluff #seonghwa #seonghwa scenarios #seonghwa imagines #seonghwa au #seonghwa headcanons #seonghwa fluff #college au series

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unravelling-the-world · 3 years

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heh.. got a... memory! quite recent (two weeks ago max tbh time is fake) anyways i was in vc with my homies from japan (three chilean including myself and 1 argentinian who lives in jpn) anyways we hadnt rly vc in a loong time, chi1 and arg always play w me bc they've been on the server for a while and we also send memes a lot, but chi2 wasnt in the server until recently. (idk why, but chi1 and chi2 are childhood friends and tbh we all thought that if chi1 didnt wanna includ him it was bc of smth so we didnt ask lmao) well anyways he got added now bc we all wanted to play genshin together (actually ch1 doesnt rly like genshin but he played bc he likes playing w us), it was fun lmao and i could go off on many tangents but this time's core memory is: i obviously had the voice changer on bc even though all of them know me irl and know my real voice ( *puke emoji* ) i feel super insecure without it now when im online lmao, and ch2 who i hadn't talked to in vc quite a while (and had never heard my fake voice) said like oooh dude ur voice 👀 and well even tho we dont interact much he's my friend so i told him ooo lmao its fake its a voice changer program glad its workin thooo and he was like ooo nice it sounds rly cool and honestly it felt great even though its my fake voice. it was the reverse experience of 2020 halloween lmaoo it was great :-) well then also he said that it isnt truly fake bc its still my voice and asked if id like to be on t someday and my voice would probably get deeper and i obv do lmao so i said yes and tbh ive lost all hope (due to current circumstances and not seeing an end to them) but he said like rly hopeful shit and tbh even though i cant truly agree or believe things will get better it felt good to have someone else believe in me. also that reminded me of how i told my other friend that even if i was allowed to go out again idk if i would bc i am probably extremely socially awkward now (even more lmao) and that i would probably feel very overwhelmed by the outside world and he was super supportive and he said like even if we went out he would even order nuggets for me bc he didnt want me to feel bad and wanted to be a source of support and tbh i nearly cried lmao i wouldve cried but i was in vc thats all that stopped me

anyways yeah i dont think we'll even get that chance but im thankful either way. in this case it rly is the thought that counts huh

honestly some months ago i just wanted this all to be over but now.... i dont know. i dont know if i can lead a normal life again. i hate myself and ive lost all hope of being able to change the things i hate. ive become even more shy and scared. if it truly ends, idk if ill make it. my social relationships already are strained. even if i went back, i think im going to be an stranger in a group of people who know each other well. i guess ill cherish my memories from 2017 and 2019 and tbh its fine. i already had a breakdown over this some months ago lol i think im fine now. ive had time to accept it and prepare for my inminent loneliness. even if i had the chance to go back to normal, i think its already too late for me.

unravel has always been one of my top songs and ive always related to it to some degree but as time passes i feel like i understand it more and more. tk really is good at trasmitting the feeling of the song but tbh now the lyrics hit fr, hits different oof

#hinatalks

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lingeringscars · 4 years

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disclaimer: i wrote this at 3am when i should have been sleeping and i have no desire to read back through it so if u see misplaced colons.....don’t @ me. just the usual me being back on my bs !

One of the more fascinating things about spacekru is that....most of the characters have very objective character growth. And im not about to dispute the fact that it has happened but i find it really interesting that....bellamy and raven haven't had it in a way. ( murphy’s going backward rather than forward in a way, at first, is also really important to me !!! )

@loveisaviolence and i have talked briefly about this with raven and how interesting it is but mostly the fact that it doesnt seem like raven has really processed any of her trauma and how instead probably threw herself into trying to get them home. This is as much as I'm going to talk on raven as i do not write her.

But bellamy on face value....seems to have changed a lot. Hes forgiven echo and formed a deep bond with her. Hes more rational in his actions than he typically used to be ( although i have talked ad nauseam about the fact that he always used both his head and his heart in tandem and it always being really fascinating to me. This shift in bellamy and clarke isnt bellamy becoming more head and clarke more heart....its them changing the motivation. Bellamy always used his head to think through what his heart was telling him. Everything with mount weather. Him dressing in azgeda gear to get to clarke. He was guided by his heart but used his head to do it. Clarke is the opposite-- shes guided by what is best for the whole. She uses her head but...her actions are very much her heart...not shooting bellamy when he opened the door or injecting herself with nightblood for instance. )

ANYWAY that tangent aside...bellamy was always very outwardly stressed / anxious. Every emotion would play out on his features and he was prone to outbursts pre space. After space...its become internalized. Like raven, he had a task: uniting them, leading them, survival. He, as always, gives his all to whatever the task is. That leaves little time to focus on himself.

While i do believe he came to terms with his actions, i do not think he ever processed them fully and instead pushed them aside. HOWEVER. Space is also the only time hes actually allowed to be angry. Bellamy doesnt allow himself these emotions when they have a war to fight. It’s also why him being so mad at Clarke in s3 is so important because....for the first time ( since first half of s1 )with her he was able to be !! He forgives because it is necessary. HIM TAKING 3 YEARS TO FORGIVE ECHO IS ACTUALLY PROGRESS. Instead of pushing his feelings down ( which lol he does w/ octavia in s5 and s6 hence the pretty violent emotional outbursts towards her ), he allows himself that time to hate her. He allows himself to be angry bc it doesnt directly impact their survival. They need to work together but that doesnt mean they have to like each other.

Flash forward to the ground and why i really dont think bellamy processed his trauma at all and instead just got better at hiding it. He did get that break from violence and going back to the ground throws him right back into the thick of it....but i also cannot fathom how people dont see how aggressively s1-4 bellamy is still present in his interactions, if more subdued. The most pressing relationships we see this: clarke and octavia.

Im not going to talk about clarke here bc quite frankly i dont remember enough to form coherent thoughts about his attitude towards Clarke in relation to finding out shes alive. Her "death" clearly had a major impact though. and despite them being out of sync...the do both fall back into coleaders with each other quickly.

But the first thing bellamy does when he gets back....his primary motivation to return: Octavia. He thinks shes in danger so they need to go back down...immediately. more moments of everything being very internalized now is that very first bellamy & echo interaction where she reels him back in when he begins to spiral at the possibility that o isnt alive. He returns to the ground for her and then fights to get down to the bunker to rescue her.

Rescue. He still has the mentality that she is his responsibility. He should have been down there with her. He should have helped her. He is still taking the world onto his shoulders---- so did he really grow at all? Did he learn that everything is not his responsibility? Did he confront his upbringing and the consequences of it? No.

Come season 6 and he says that he has too many sins to release a lantern because he really hasnt forgiven himself at all. He thinks about it every day. He sees the faces in his dreams every night. He has not processed or moved forward at all.

And when we get the BIGGEST step of growth in the history of his character....."you are my sister. But you are not my responsibility. Not anymore." Not anymore. It is SO IMPORTANT that he is starting to FINALLY accept that octavia needs to take responsibility of her own actions..can no longer blame himself for not being able to stop her / help her....but...

Not anymore.

I dont know how to word this in a way that will sound eloquent so bear with me.... not anymore. Meaning it once was. Meaning....he thinks that up until she burned the farm he is to blame for her actions. Up until she burned the farm, she was his responsibility. He didnt confront what their mom said to him when he was six years old. He did not acknowledge the burden that was placed on him because he doesnt see it that way. He doesnt see it as something that was unfair or unreasonable because to go back to season 1....his life both ended the day she was born and started then too. He had a purpose taking care of octavia....he almost idolizes his mother [ the girl under the stairs like mom taught us...she raised me to be better than this. To be good ]. The thing space did allow him was the time to really, truly find a family outside of Octavia for the first time ever. Space allowed him the chance to have and love people FOR HIMSELF. And that made it a lot easier for him to break away and out of this stranglehold of a relationship where, in so many ways, he had been programmed to believe that everything was on him and any mistake was his fault. In space, he was able to see that there is life outside of octavia....but that doesnt mean he has processed the life he had with her...because he didn't.

In conclusion: bellamy really hasnt processed his trauma at all...just got better at directing it and hiding it. His anxiety became more internal: wringing his hands versus running into battle. He wants to move forward. He wants to do better. But he hasnt confronted the past--- not fully. And as long as there is a task to be completed, he never will. It isnt how he is programmed. He will run himself into the ground before taking a moment for himself because a leader gives everything that they are to their people. Space gave him a FAMILY. a place outside of octavia. something that is more balanced, with mutual respect and care....but when it comes to processing trauma? becoming more whole w/ himself in a way other members of spesikru have? not so much..........

#muse: bellamy blake #this is jumbled and got away from me but.....i have so many feelings #and have been thinking so much about s5 #also s6 re blakes ..... because it really just the more i think about it...the more i think he really didnt talk about #anything....that happened on the ground...during those 6 years....like i stand by him being way more likely w/ raven and monty #bc they were there and arent....murphy....which is a whole other animal....bc i think in space bellamy threw himself more into #mending relationships than mending himself.#Idk i have A Lot of thoughts about it....a lot....#bc they all got a break from the violence and it shattered and came to an end but....the motivations had just changed for bell...#nothing else really....he was fighting for his family....acting more rationally than emotionally but still guided by his heart #and every time he brings it up....still layered with guilt and self loathing...#so basically....you gotta make him talk about it bc otherwise hes just going to say that he doesnt have time for that (emotions) right now #he's too pragmatic.#anyway its just so fascinating to me and im back on my bullshit and want to rewatch as usual :///#this is something that i've been toying w/ for a while every time i see s5 or s6 gifsets bc....it's a lot.#don't get me wrong like there is a marked difference between s4 and s5 and it absolutely can be jarring but...boy got a long way to go #before he ever feels comfortable w/ himself and his actions. before he can see the unfairness of his upbringing completely.#before he can forgive o for putting HIS FAMILY in danger bc ultimately...that was what broke them...not her putting HIM in danger...and that #will never be reconciled until he can confront how octavia has always been unsafe for HIM.#dyn: my sister ; my responsibility (blakes)#sort of.... i love two siblings... that both need therapy

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sol1056 · 6 years

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EPs: "we chose Netflix to explore things like sexuality" (nothing was explored or was explicit for even 2 seconds) "when they told us u cant kill Shiro, we knew we could push the reveal 4 later" (so nice of them to admit they stopped our rep just to be able to kill him) "when we found out about byg we knew we coulnt kill Shiro & we thought we'll find rep w another character. Then we learned we could go on w/ Shiro as the rep" (theres ANOTHER REP WE DIDNT GET?? Was it vague then erased? Whatt??)

I think these are two separate issues. One is related to who made VLD, and the other is related to the EPs’ ignorance of characterization. The second overlaps with a bunch of asks I’ve recently gotten about race and representation, so here I’m just keeping it to a general discussion of characterization, with Lance as example. And then about Shiro in particular, how the EPs’ statements reveal their lack of thought.

Behind the cut.

remember where these people came from

The team behind VLD is almost entirely formerly Nickelodeon. DreamWorks wanted to break into television on a much larger scale, and since they almost always promote from outside the company, they lured over Margie Cohn from her position as a Nick VP. As VP/exec levels tend to do, Cohn brought a bunch of people with her.

One of those was Mark Taylor, who’d been involved in both AtLA and LoK. Taylor, in turn, brought JDS, LM, and I think one or two of the other producers. Taylor also probably brought over Hamilton, Chan, and Hedrick, as known entities with proven track records.

These are people who — for for the last ten or more years — have swum in Nickelodeon’s considerably more conservative fishbowl. It’s entirely possible (given what people tell me about storylines in HTTYD, and DW’s open support of She-Ra) the former Nickelodeon team automatically downgraded DW’s “go ahead and explore these heavier/darker topics” to mean “maybe kinda mention in passing but don’t be too obvious about it.”

Now, to be fair, the EPs may have pushed for more LGBT+ rep, and their obstacle might not have been DW, but Taylor. It’d explain how the EPs could praise everyone (read: DreamWorks staff) as supportive, yet allso complain about pushback (read: Taylor’s Nickelodeon-influenced sensibilities). Two different parties were calling the shots.

It’s also possible what the EPs saw as ‘rep’ was still considerably toned-down from what DW execs (and the VAs) may’ve expected. After all, that one-minute scene in VLD might’ve required an act of god at Nickelodeon. VLD’s staff may have genuinely considered this scene landmark because even that tiny bit was far more than their previous employer would’ve allowed.

Cue the victory lap and excited chatter, and seeming blindness to Korra being long since surpassed by Steven Universe, Young Justice, Bob’s Burgers, Adventure Time, Gravity Falls, RWBY, Rick and Morty, Clarence, BoJack Horseman, Danger & Eggs, Big Mouth, and Summer Camp Island. Remember, it wasn’t until 2016 that Nickelodeon would have a married gay couple (in The Loud House), and they’re not even central characters. The VLD staff may’ve thought itself bold, and unprepared for the reality of modern (non-Nickelodeon) audience expectations.

No, I don’t think that absolves them. It just seems the most reasonable explanation. That is, short of seeing the EPs as so utterly cynical they’d pump up the audience for what amounted to a nothingburger in light of what else popular media now delivers.

and then there’s representation

VLD’s troubles can all be traced to one crucial detail: the EPs don’t understand that characters are the bedrock of stories. And as such, there are no shortcuts.

Ever had the misfortune to catch a home decorating show? Here we have a windowless basement: mock up a mantle from polystyrene, paint the walls gray, put up sconces with flickering lightbulbs… it’s still a basement. It’s just now desperately pretending to be something it isn’t. The bones of the structure are undeniably American Suburbia, not generic castle keep, and those bones are integral to how we experience the space.

The average person isn’t trained to be aware of those bones — the underlying architecture — and its subtle impact on our experience, just as most non-storytellers aren’t trained to see how and where and why characters create plot. I guarantee you, though, you will never mistake a late-century Kmart for the Centre Pompidou or the Forbidden City or Mount Vernon. Just as you would never mistake a beginner’s first novel for Lord of the Rings or Left Hand of Darkness.

That is, the dressed stone isn’t paint and plaster; it’s a core element informing (even dictating) height, width, and depth of a space. Characterization is the same: it must be structural. In turn, characters inform the breadth and depth of the story. If your characterization is shallow, wild swerves and dramatic reveals can make the story fun, but they will never make it deep.

I empathize with the (hopefully genuine) intent to avoid making Shiro’s sexuality a ‘reveal.’ The unfortunate truth is: waiting 60+ episodes to even mention in passing makes it a reveal. It wasn’t structural, or viewers would’ve been sensing it from the very beginning.

This isn’t a haircut or a pair of jeans. It’s a person’s identity, and that has crucial impact on hopes, fears, desires, and needs. It doesn’t start only once the audience is let in on the secret; it was always there. It should’ve informed the character’s actions and reactions all along.

If Lance is Cuban, and the story takes place in a quasi-future America, then to understand Lance’s perspective, we need to ask questions like: is Cuba still under embargo? Is it a free democracy now, or did Lance’s family flee at some point? Is he part of an exchange program, or is there a lottery that let him come to the US for his education? Did he leave his family behind? How young was he, when he left? What was his childhood like, and how does that differ from what he found in America? What was his parents’ relationship like, and how does that influence his expectations for friends and lovers?

Was he fluent in English when he arrived, or did he only become fluent later? Does his Spanish have a noticeable accent, and if so, has he felt isolated from other Latinx at school? Or is he the only Latino at the Garrison? Is he proud of his heritage, or ashamed of it? Did he get bullied for being foreign, and how did that change what he says/does? Even if America is joyfully multi-cultural, he’d still be an immigrant or foreigner, and that’s a different experience from a non-white community that’s multi-generation American. What was his impression of his new life? What compared favorably (or not) to his childhood?

It’s not just, “He’s a boy from Cuba.” You have to think about what it means to be ‘from Cuba’ and how this is different from, say, growing up next door to the Garrison (like Pidge probably did). If you put that much thought into it, if you talk to people who’ve lived that experience, if you push yourself to imagine as deeply as you can how Lance’s life would have shaped him?

By the time you’re done, Lance would never need to say a word.

His reactions, his assumptions, maybe a few mannerisms, his humor, a few throwaway comments about his family or things he did as a kid — and there would be Cubans in the audience going, “hey, wait a minute, he’s just like my cousin.” Or brother or uncle or friend. By the time someone asks at a panel? Half the audience would be saying, yeah, we were right, Lance is totally Cuban.

Or you don’t think about it, and you use stereotypes in hopes that’ll do the work for you. As @sjwwerewolf commented:

Man, I’m ready to rant about Voltron. I’m Cuban. Lance, oh boy, Lance. From season 1 on, he has been written as a huge stereotype. The flirtatious, passionate comic relief character who’s dumb. Like. He’s literally Antman’s sidekick. That character. All you need to make him a full caricature is like, “I have a gangster brother.“

The stereotype is a shortcut. It’s slapping on behaviors without thought for a real person’s experiences or perspectives. VLD is, sadly, full of them: the Latino (wannabe) lover, the big guy who likes food (with only the slightest twist to have him actually good at cooking), the boyish-girl who’s a brain and likes computers more than people, etc.

just pull shiro out of a hat

At some point early on, the EPs said (once again in an interview, not in the story) that VLD is a world without homophobia. The story itself contradicts that ideal, or at least, it emphasizes a certain level of heternormativity over an open embrace of diverse relationships. What’s in our face for six seasons is Lance’s lover-boy stereotype, Allura’s attraction to Lotor, Lotor’s attraction to Allura, Matt’s attraction to Allura, and so on… and the closest we get to anything resembling an alternate attraction is one blush from a servant in a flashback, and Kuron’s startled reaction to Keith’s return.

All VLD had to do was have Hunk mention his moms. Or Coran mention his late husband. Or Lance mention his sister’s wife. Something explicit to offset the heterosexual attractions going on. Frankly, for six seasons it was an open question whether homosexuality even existed in VLD: the absence of a negative is not proof of the presence of a positive.

That absence means we really have no idea how being queer in VLD’s world would affect a character — and it would, have no doubt. Our sexuality affects every single one of us; it’s just that straight people have the benefit of seeing the roadmap of their sexuality played out in a million books, movies, and television shows. If you haven’t given thought to whether this is also true in your world, then you don’t really know how a character could discover, define, and map their sexuality, or how they’d quantify or qualify relationships that overlap their sexual preferences. You don’t understand the structure.

That lack of thought means, nine times out of ten, the creator has said to themselves, “it’s easier to just say this character’s experience of their sexuality is exactly like the one I, as a straight person, vaguely recall having (that I never actually had to question because it was already mapped out for me, everywhere I looked).” That’s not a queer character. That’s a character with a label slapped on their forehead that says here be a queer character. It’s paint, because the structure underneath is straight person.

Which means that of course the EPs could consider making someone else “the rep,” because they really seem to believe this is as easy as removing the label from Shiro’s forehead and sticking it on someone else. And it’s not. People don’t work like that. Sexuality is no more a simple paint-job than race, gender, culture, or dis/ability. Each of these things is etched on our bones, literally or metaphorically, and that changes us all the way through.

The short version, then, is: no, we wouldn’t have gotten any other rep, just as we haven’t truly gotten any rep as VLD was delivered. Shiro has a label on his forehead, but unless and until the canonical story demonstrates this goes all the way down to his bones… he’s just a straight suburban basement with a mediocre paint job and some fake queer columns.

#vld #voltron #characterization #representation #sol thinks about stuff

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tvhdmi · 5 years

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hey this is a long shot but im looking for any foundation personnel from SCP or just anyone in particular who remembers me. i was a 079 that joined and worked with the foundation. im also looking for any other SCPs that remember me! im ESPICALLY looking for a 682 ... i have some memories below. v long kinda

AS 079 I SOMEHOW ENDED UP ACTUALLY WORKING WITH THE FOUNDATION me nd scp 682 were ... gey OK SO REMEMBER WHEN FUCKIN . ME AND 682 WERE PUT TOGETHER IN A CELL DURING A BREAKOUT IT WAS TEMORAARY AND IWAS THE ONLY THING 682 LIKED BECAUSE I WAS NONHUMAN BUT SENTIENT AND WE TALKED FOR AWHILE AND THEN WE GOT PUT IN OUR REGULAR HOLDING CHAMBERS BUT IT LIKE .. SUCKED AND THEN I BECAME PART OF THE STAFF AND I WORKED WITH 682 A LOT ok mood and one day he was like. "i have this weird feeing. i dont know what it is." and iwas like. what DO YOU Feel and he was like. "its all warm. and fuzzy. and weird. and its caused by you" and im like. FUck and then i got called to go do something and i said id be back later and then i came back later and i was like "ok i have textbooks talking about human emotions but i cant bring them into the acid and i cant stand in the acid either I Will Die" and i read a bunch of them to him out loud and he was like. "what was love again" and i read it again and hes like. "oh thats the one" and im just. "OH FUCK" and i quickly left and a staff member was like. "079 r u ok" and im like "YES BUT I HAVE TO GO RIGHT NOW" and i just ran back to my office in Shame and i DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO i just . i didnt see him for like . a few days i was a dumbass gay but i saw him again and i was like. ok "but how would this all work ??? i dont ?? i dont know if I can feel emotions cause im a machine" and hes like "well you felt spite? and anger and stuff right?" and im like. oh fuck hes RIGHT and i said "but how do I feel Love. isnt that hard for a machine." and hes like . "drain the acid and come down here" and im like HELLO ? i said "i need permission to do that tho and if i do it without permission i can get hurt" and he said "ok. go get permisson and come back" and i was like wig ok so i go to a higher level staff member (this one was my friend) and i told him fucking EVERYTHINGGG he was also gay so he knew EXACTLY what was up a lot of lgbt ppl worked at the foundation actually and he said "well i dont think you can drain the acid because we cant have him break out you know" and i was like "yea because thatd be bad.." and he said "plus, what if hes only doing this cause he WANTS to break out" and im like "thats true hes good at manipulation and stuff" so i went back to my office and just sat in my chair and thought about it a lot and i didnt go see him for a few days but other staff members did and then suddenly he fucking BROKE UOUT and i dont remember that much from it but all i rememebr is i was asleep at my desk during the whole thing (i gave myself programed sleeping hours) and that when he found my office i was picked up and carried out most of this im inferring and basing off what other staff members told me so you can imagine my shock when i wake up and im in a fucking forest and im like. "What." i was so confused and when coming out of my sleep mode im Really groggy and slow it took about 30? mins for me to get my whole machine body running AND SO i was like. "what am i doing here. what have you done WHERE IS MY OFFICE" and he said "i took you out of there.. so were both free" and i swear my screen was actually blushing but i was also SO MAD i was like. "do you not realize we are still SCPs that broke out of containment and that you are possibly one of the most deadly ones" and he was like. "but were _free._ and now im with you. and i dont know if anyone can find us here" and i said "i have a tracking chip in me. i dont know if other personell do but i do so they can f-" and he just. PICKED ME UP. and said "then well keep running" and i was SO SO mad but i just watched how fast by the world was going and then next i know hes running through neighborhoods and towns and cities. and it was nighttime i think, so i looked up at the sky and it was actually so pretty? and i was just quiet . and then i could hear the helis overhead and just ran even FASTER and we were deep into a big city by then. and he just stopped in the middle of an intersection and dropped me to the ground and wrapped his tail around me and started growing more mouths and limbs and stuff like hwas GONAN DIE to protect me and i was just silent in shock. i watched the NTF units drop out of their heli and i had to squirm my way out and i was like. "DONT SHOOT" and they were SO CONFUSED that i was there. i had to explain to them that he broke out, somehow picked me up and took me on this wild ride and he was just behind me SO ready to kill the entire time and i somehow was able to make him go back peacefully w me and i felt so bad for all the pedestrians tbh .... after we got back and put him back into containment i said i have to go work and he didnt want me too. and i was like. "ill be back later, i just have paperwork to do," and he said for me to bring it back to his room and i was like. ok. so i did and i just sat in the little observation window and filled it out and you know. normal stuff. but then he somehow clawed up the wall to the window and just kind of perched on there and watched me fill it out and stuff. at one point i thought hed break the window but he didnt. when he saw the 0-5 council show up on the paperwork he was like. "can you ask them to drain the acid. so i can be with you more" and i was like. "i guess? im not sure if they would though," and i just kinda hid under my lab coat. i did go to the 0-5 and explained everything to them and i was able to get a compromise. the acid would be drained and stuff before i would come in. i had to have special boots on in case of any remaining acid puddles and special gloves too. the first time it happened he seemed confused but when i walked in he seemed really happy and i thought the two NTF guards were gonna faint when they saw a HAPPY 682. they closed the door behind me and i just kinda stood there at first. but then he picked me up and it was so WEIRD he was so much bigger then me. but he was really gentle when picking me up too. and he just held me really close and then he held me up to his "muzzle" (his head was more bone then skin/fur) and he licked me and it covered my entire screen. and i just kinda reached out and pet him?? and he had this REALLY deep like.. purr.. and the more i pet the more he would purr. and i kind of hugged him too. and he said something but i cant remember it. he then set me back down. and then he laid down, i wasnt paying attention cuz i was wiping my screen clean. and he pulled me really close? and just. curled around me. and i could hear his breathing too. really large deep breaths. i think i somehow fell asleep like that. i woke up what was i think about 30 mins to an hour later. when i woke up i was really warm. he had a high-ish body temperature. i yaned, which told him i was awake, and he moved to look at me. all the acid had dried out of his fur, and i reached up and slowly ran my hands through it. it was actually really soft.. i slowly stood up and looked at him and said "hey ill be back in a bit," but he cut me off and wrapped his tail around me and pulled me close again and he told me he loved me, and i was so.. embarassed. i didnt rlly know what to do so when i rushed out all flustered, the NTF were confused, but sealed the chamber as it filled back up with acid. i went back to my office ad just kinda stared at my hands and sat down and hid in my lab coat again.

#canon call #scp #scp kin #079 kin #scp 079 kin #fictionkin #scp 682 #scp foundation #fickin #079 x 682 #HHRRUUGU #static.exe #kin

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faketextstuff · 6 years

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The Arrangement Pt6

Summary:: You’ve never imagined yourself being a sugar baby but because of some playful friends and a stroke of luck, you find yourself with a man who is apparently willing to give you the moon and stars. The only problem is, no strings attached. Don’t catch feelings, don’t fall for a man who thinks money can solve all your issues and doesn’t want commitment.

Warnings: Very brief sexual content, if you squint you’ll see it. Eventual smut. Slow burn!!!!!

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

A/N: Sorry this part took me forever to crank out! It was much longer but it wouldn’t post I had to shorten it! SORRY FOR ANY TYPOS! I DID THIS ON MY PHONE!

You were amazed at the size of Yoongi's penthouse! He had saved you from a traumatic day at work by just showing up and giving you a shoulder to cry and vent on, now he was showing you how large and amazing his penthouse was! It was a total of four bedrooms and three full bathrooms. Three of the four bedrooms had a huge king sized bed, full walk-in closets and the bathrooms each came equipped with a jet tub and shower. Half of the penthouse didnt looked lived it, it looked like something you'd see in a magazine. The only sign that this flat had someone living in it, were the dishes that were in the sink and the couch that looked beyond worn out. There were a few work files on the coffee table next to a cold cup of coffee. Clearly Yoongi brought his work home with him.

As he lead you through the flat, you noticed a large single door at the end of the hall, the door was a glass down but the glass was frosted over making it impossible to see in side. You also noticed the small keypad that replaced the normal lock and door knob. "What room is that?" You asked giving his hand, that was held firmly in yours, a gentle tug.

Yoongi paused his tour and glanced to the door. "That's my private studio. I'm the only one with the code and that's the only room that's off limits to you." He explained briefly before giving your hand another tug as he lead you away from the mysterious studio door towards the last room on the tour. "This is the master bedroom, normally I'd say this is where you would be sleeping. But since we're not physical, this is my room. You'll take the room right across the hall." He smirked over at you before releasing your hand and pushing open the large doors.

Your jaw instantly dropped when you stepped foot into the room. It was massive! It was a modern day mansion. All the furniture and decor was silver and black. The bed was a large king size that sat on a low black frame. The headboard was black and looked to be made of some kind of smooth metal or steel. The sheets were fluffy and white. It looked as if you could drown in all the comfy pillows that lined across the headboard. There was a large flat screen mounted on the wall right across from the bed and under the TV sat a black dresser with silver hardware. The room as utterly beautiful. "You live here in this huge flat alone?" You asked glancing over at Yoongi.

He simply shrugged his shoulders and headed towards the double sized walk-in closet, disappearing momentarily only to return with a oversized button down shirt. "No, lately Jimin, our I.T. guy has been staying over. He recently bought a house and is just waiting for everything to be final before he moves. Normally it's just him here. I work a lot and sometimes sleep in my office."

You frowned at the thought of him staying alone in that cold office sleeping on a hard leather couch. You took the shirt from his hand and gave a tilt of your head. "You should really sleep in your bed. You'd get more rest that way."

"Maybe I find it lonely." He shot back with a smirk, taking a step closer to you.

You bit your lip to hold back your own smirk. Clearly he loved teasing you so you had to give back a little teasing of your own. You didnt always want to be a blushing mess when he was around. You wanted to show that you could give it back as good as he could. "You mean you'd sleep in your bed if I was with you?"

"Babygirl, if you were in my bed, I'd get even less sleep than I do now." He teased with a chuckle, his long fingers going up to grip a piece of your wine stained hair. "However if you wanted to edit the contract..." he hummed in thought, closing the gap between you, his body millimeters from yours.

"Seven days, Yoongi." You muttered under your breath.

Yoongi's expression hardened for a moment as his body tensed. "That only means I have seven days to win you over. On the eighth day..." he trailed off, giving the strand of hair in his hands a gentle tug.

"What happens on the eighth day?" You already knew where his mind was leading but a.part of you needed to hear him say it, to actually hear what his intentions were with you after the contract was up.

"That day is a surprise." He smirked before pulling back. "Go get a shower, Taehyung will be here in about thirty minutes to take you shopping."

Your eyes went wide, "T-Taehyung? Kim Taehyung? The designer?"

Yoongi chuckled at your response and nodded, "He works for me. He's a close personal friend of mine. Plus he loves dressing people up so he's gonna love you, you cute little dress up doll, you." Yoongi playfully reached up and pinched your cheek.

You winced and batted his hand away. "Hands off the face." You hissed in a teasing manner.

"Oh? Where else would you like my hands then?" Yoongi smirked taking a step forward so his body was pressed close to yours, his hands circling around to press against your lower back.

Unable to suppress the gasp that fell from your lips, you stumbled forward at the sudden contact, your hands landing against his chest. "I...uh..." you breathed out looking up at him through the strands of sticky hair that hung in your face. He was wearing a smug expression as he watched you become so red faced and flustered by just being in his arms.

"Babygirl, are you going to be able to resist me for seven days?" He asked cockily. Your gaze locked on to his and you couldn't even respond. You knew he was just teasing and messing around with you, but being so close, feeling his chest rising and falling under your finger tips, smelling his cologne, his warm breath fanning your face, it was all too much and you suddenly got an urge. You wanted to kiss him. Maybe it was the playfulness of his words, or the fact it had been years since you had any physical contact, you just wanted to taste his lips. Your eyes traveled down to his lips for a quick moment.

He watched your eyes and at that moment, it was as if he could read your mind. He knew what you wanted because it was what he wanted. He wasn't sure what it was about you that had him so intrigued but he was. Maybe it was your stubborn streak, maybe it was the fact that you needed his help now more than ever, or maybe it was because you were just a normal woman. Normal in the best way. You were real while all the other women he had were high maintenance. No matter what it was, he wanted to kiss you, he wanted to protect you, you make you his. Although he could never give you love, because he vowed never to fall in love, he could give you physical and material pleasures. That would be enough right?

"Ahem.." a voice came from the door way causing both of you to jump back away from each other with shocked faces. Your eyes fell to the door and the intruder that just interrupted your intimate moment. He was a young man with dyed blonde hair, he had an almost angelic like appearance but the way his lips curled up into a mischievous smirk as he leaned against the wooden door frame, made him seem much more darker. "Am I interrupting anything?" He asked with a chuckle.

"No." Yoongi said cooly as he smoothed out his suit coat. "What are you doing here Jimin?" So this was Jimin, the I.T. guy.

Jimin shrugged causally and pushed himself off the door frame. "I heard Miss Y/L/N was in the building and since you neglected to bring her to the IT department I decided to come find you." Jimin then turned and looked at you, bowing his head. "I'm Jimin and if you don't mind, miss, may I see your phone? I need to install some software that will allow you to access door codes in case you misplace your keycard."

Yoongi glanced between you and Jimin before butting into the conversation. "Its a simple installation, it'll take maybe three minutes. He can do it while you shower."

You watched between Jimin and Yoongi as they explained the installation and slowly nodded your head. Normally you'd be up in arms about someone installing a strange program on your phone, but you had read something about this in the contract. The fine print. "Uh, sure." You reached into your pants pocket and pulled out your small phone, handing it over to Jimin. You saw his brow raise as he looked down on the old outdated phone. "I'm sorry, I know it's not the newest model." Your face flushed from embarrassment, your eyes falling helplessly to the ground.

"It's fine," Yoongi spoke up, sensing your embarrassment. He wrapped a protective arm around you, much like he did in the car, and pressed a light kiss to your temple. A simple action that made your stomach do cartwheels. "Besides, Jimin, we can upgrade her phone for her cant we?"

"Oh no, you dont have too..." You started but Jimin was quick to cut you off.

"Of course, I have several company phones that aren't being used. I can transfer the data no problem." He nodded quickly before rushing out of the room, your small phone still in his grasp.

"W-Wait! My phone works just fine." You called after Jimin, Yoongi just let out a breathy chuckle and held you a little bit tighter.

"Consider this your first gift from me, Babygirl." He grinned before pulling himself away from you. "Now, shower and put on this shirt, Tae will be here shortly. I'll probably be gone by the time you get out. I have a meeting but I'll see you I a few hours. Here..." He paused while pulling his wallet from his suit pocket. He fished out a silver credit card and thrust it into your hand. "Use this to buy you something pretty to wear. Tae will try to put you in something flashy but only buy what makes you feel beautiful." He smiled at your shocked expression as you looked down at the credit card, noticing it had your name on the front.

"Its in my name?" You asked in shock.

"Of course. That way you can use it anywhere. I have a budget set up for you, Eleven K a week. Is that enough?"

Your jaw might as well hit the marble floor at his words. Your eyes so wide they might just pop out. "Eleven thousand dollars a week?!"

"Is that not enough for you? You greedy thing." He huffed, clearly teasing you, his eyes were dancing in amusement as he watched your shocked expression.

"No! It's too much! There's no way I could spend that much money in a week."

Chuckling, he reached up to stroke your cheek affectionately, "Babygirl, that was a low ball budget. I was gonna up it each month if you stayed on after a week."

"That's....that's crazy, Yoongi. Eleven thousand is...that's a lot of money!"

"Is it? I wouldn't know." He shrugged off your comment as if it was nothing before pulling back. "I have to go, have fun shopping and I'll see you back here tonight. I have a fun evening planned." With that he turned around and sauntered right out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

As you stood there still in shock, eyeballing the credit card, you quickly dropped it to the dresser top as if it had burned your hand. You weren't sure how women could spend that much money a week and still sleep at night. It was ridiculous!

Shaking your head you quickly rushed into the bathroom and began looking around. It was massive and beautiful like the rest of this flat. There was a large jacuzzi tub that was clearly made for two people up against the wall, it was facing a large glass window that looked over the entire city. You suddenly felt exposed just thinking about shedding your clothes in this open space with such a large window that over looked the whole bathroom. Luckily since the sun was out, it was near impossible for anyone to see in so that out your mind at ease.

Down from the tub, you saw a large glass shower with a bench in it. The showerhead was large and hung right over the middle of the shower and was large enough it would still get you even if you sat on the bench. You scoffed noticing it was also built for two people. Clearly Yoongi liked having people close even in the shower, despite what he said about sex being far and in between.

You noticed the shower was stocked with not only his products but products for women, expensive products that you had seen in stores but never dared to buy.

Taking a shaky breath you walked towards the shower, reaching in to turn the large stainless steel knob. Your hand fell under the water falling and you smiled feeling the water warm up as it fell. You wasted no time in stripping off your uniform and jumping in the shower. You were desperate to get the dried on wine off your skin and out of your hair.

You took a deep breath as the water ran through your hair and down your body, you could faintly smell Yoongi's shower products lingering from his shower this morning. The smell oddly soothed you and unable to stop yourself you reached for his shampoo, not the one for women. A part of you didnt want to use a product that another women left behind and truth be told, his scent relaxed you. So if you were going shopping with Kim Taehyung, you wanted to feel as relaxed as possible

Your shower took much longer than you anticipated so now you were rushing to get ready, you slipped on the button down shirt, Yoongi gave you and slipped back on your pants from work. You quickly towel dried your hair before venturing out into the living area of the flat to see if Jimin was still there with your phone.

As you turned the corner, you saw Jimin sitting on the sofa, typing away on his laptop. You just stood there awkwardly not wanting to interrupt him. The look on his face made it clear he was busy, so busy you thought he didnt even see you enter the room, at least until his soft voice spoke up and startled you. "I'm finished with your phone, miss." He called not even glancing up.

You jumped and nodded, making your way over to the love seat across from the couch. "You can call me Y/N if you like. Miss seems too formal." You muttered sitting on the edge of the couch.

Jimin chuckled and glanced up over the top of his computer towards you. "It's just a habit. Normally the women Yoongi dates are so uptight that they get offended if you call their name."

Your nose crinkled in disgust at the thought of someone getting mad about not being referred to as Miss. "Well I'm not that kind of girl."

"Clearly." Jimin muttered before closing his laptop and glancing up at you. "You're not the kind of girl Yoongi goes for, I was kinda shocked when I saw you for the first time." He confessed, a look of dread washing over you at his words. Did he mean that as a compliment or an insult? He was quick to speak again when he saw the look of worry on your face. "That's a good thing though. I think someone different is what Yoongi needs in his life. Just be careful with him." His cheerful expression quickly turned to a serious one.

"What do you mean?" You asked with an arched brow.

"Yoongi is a very private person, but he's also very passionate. His work is his passion. He's had fall out with his former girl friends that wanted to be first in his life, not second or third."

"I dont want to come between him or his work. Truth be told I dont even know why I'm here. I dont fit in with this lifestyle and I feel like im constantly in shock with how extravagant his life seems to be. I dont fit in here so I don't know why he wants me." You muttered, yours eyes drifting down to your hands as they fiddled nervously in your lap.

Jimin smiled watching you, "I think it's because you dont fit in that makes him want you. What's the saying? We're all looking for something different from what we have? My old mentor used to tell me that when I'd start looking for new jobs or jump from date to date. Maybe that's why he's taking a chance on you? You're that something different he needs? Plus Namjoon gave you a thumbs up. He never gives anyone a thumbs up so feel special." Jimin shrugged as the doors to the flat opened up behind the both of you. Jimin leaned forward and tossed a newer Samsung Galaxy phone into your hands. "There's your new company phone. All your numbers and photos have been transferred over. I've put my number in there too so if you have any questions call. Namjoon's number is in there as per his request. Taehyung's number is in there as per Yoongi's request. I heard you already met Hobi so his number was added just in case of emergencies. The doctor Yoongi wants you to see is added in there. You'll need to call him tonight and set up an appointment, his name is Jin. Plus, this number is important, if you're ever in trouble and need someone to help you, like if someone is following you, or you feel threatened, call the number named Jungkook. He's Yoongi's personal bodyguard and after today with Caroline, Yoongi wanted to make sure you were safe and had access to protection." Jimin explained in a quick breath.

The sudden blast of information made your head spin! So many new numbers, you just hoped you could remember them all. "Jin for appointment, Jungkook for protection. Got it." You muttered, clutching the phone as if it were precious, to your chest.

"Jiminie-ah!!!!" A deep voice called out from the door. You spun around to see a very smiley man you automatically knew as Kim Taehyung come bouncing happily into the room and tossed his arms around Jimin from behind.

Jimin let it a grunt and began to desperately try go wiggle away from the younger man. "Let me go!" He whined, crawling his away towards the other end of the couch.

"But I've missed you!' Taehyung chuckled before releasing Jimin suddenly, causing the blonde haired male to jerk forward. "Anyway I heard you boring our new friend with your phone crap. I had to rescue her." Taehyung smirked over at you, causing you to giggle.

"Crap?! This is important business!" Jimin huffed angrily and he stood ho and grabbed up his lap top.

"Blah blah," Taehyung mocked him playfully before getting up and making his way over to you, bowing slightly. "I'm Kim Taehyung and Yoongi said you'd be my shopping buddy for the day? I heard you also like Gucci?"

You stood up and returned his bow politely. "I'm L/N, Y/F/N. I'm glad to meet you, um...yes I do like Gucci but I've never been to a Gucci store before."

Taehyung gasped as if you had just publicly offended him. "Well then. That will be our first stop." Tae grinned before offering you his arm which you hesitated before taking. "Jimin, I'm stealing your friend. I have orders to take her shopping."

Jimin muttered under his breath before giving a wave of his hand. "Yeah, yeah...bye!"

You smiled at the playfulness between Taehyung and Jimin but you also couldn't help but bubble with excitement at the thought of finally getting to see your favorite brand of clothing up close! Especially with a famous fashion designer like Kim Taehyung! Maybe being a sugarbaby wasn't gonna be so bad?

#bts fanfic #bts fanfction #sugadaddy fic #bts smut #bts scenarios #bts angst #bts suga x reader

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thumnaahocomp1981 · 3 years

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lincoln dental insurance

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes from different companies :quotes-for-insurance.net

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askguyslikeus · 7 years

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oh shit yall send lots of questions hoo nelly answering almost all of them under the cut ,,, im gunan try and answer more technical ones first then fun ones and ones about the mod later so u dont gotta scroll all the way to the bottom for the good deets

Hi! I'm still kinda new to the blog and I was wondering what are the 'do and do-not' kind question I should do? Because im sure theres always that one ask thats just Innapropiated, like that one of Michael 'taking advantage og high Jeremy' that was just not cool. i got this ask a lot so ill be clear with yall. im just not a big angst fan? so sending michael asks about his anxiety nonstop and about how he had a panic attack in the bathroom over and over again wasnt that fun. usually if it pertains the musical though you should be find sending an ask about it? but sometimes i get asks that are like “jeremy ur nothing and how does it feel knowing u fucked everything up” like homie how i think its feels? how u think hes gunna react to that? i made this blog to negate a lot of negativity in my own life so i can promise u im going to be answering asks mostly positive always forever. that being said tho i sometimes get asks pertaining to a few things that ive dealt with in the past and these topics make me very very uncomfortable. dont send asks about these topics please. this is the no no list

-self harm, cancer, suicide, rape, parent death, car accidents, sudden death.

What was your inspiration for this blog? hoo boy well,,, ultimately i thought of them rooming together and got emotional and made a huge list of headcanons and was like ,,, why not run an askblog for a bit ill just abandon it after three asks lets have some fun. but somehow im still here and i got sucked in by the complexity of michael and jeremy. i know that sounds kinda silly but just, as someone who is dealing with a lot of similar things, like dependency issues and abandonment issues and depression and anxiety, having these fun functioning character to explore was such a gift for me. i believe honestly thats why im still here and doing this. being able to try and portray a healthy relationship and a healthy way of coping and growing has helped me a lot this past month and given me an outlet i didnt have before. TBH THO the main reason i made this blog if imma be real with u guys id because i didnt like the treatment of a lot of these issues in the fandom. it made me very upset to see depression used as an plot device and michaels dependency issues treated as romantic so i wanted to make a blog that had little to no angst. ANYWAYS somehow im still here ,,, gvrkjvrnkjfd sorry i rambled

honestly I just wanna say first that I love his blog and your art and you're so cool and kind!! a question would be (I'm not sure if you've answered this before or not) but is there like an on going story here, or is it mostly just answering questions with the characters set in this universe? (if that makes sense I'm sorry!) thank you, you're super awesome! ❤️ djrnjg first off thank u so much aaaa,, ive kind of answered this before but its ok its been a while since then! but um i do kinda have a story but how howdy i sure am dragging my feet. the story isn a hUGE OVERARCHING EPIC OF WOE AND THIS PERSON IS UPSET AND THIS PERSON IS MAD AT THIS PERSON its just michael and jeremy getting together. i have a plan and ive talked to a few people on how i want it to happen but ive gained like ,,,, 6,000 followers since then and im kinda nervous BUT ILL DO MY BEST but also please understand that i do this for fun for myself and if i dont get to it im so so so sorry woops

i know this has been said before but i'm really really happy w how you're handling so many aspects of their characters. i.e. michael being trans, michael and jeremy's anxiety, michael's dependency issues, and other stuff i'm too tired to think of. you made the characters have even more depth than they did in the play and i'm rly grateful for the way you're dealing w my favorite boys. (also your richjake is suuuper adorable) ahhhhhh thank u so much? i talked a bit about this on my main but im really glad people are happy with my decision on this blog because im suPER SUPER NERvous anytime i post an ask dealing with these things. (ask hachi or nate i always message them like freaking out and send them my scripts and asks and wait for them to tell me its ok before i post it omg) also like i talked about before i love,,, having these fun stoner gamer boys to explore these issues with. im honestly shocked by how many people also deal with dependency issues because when i first listened to the musical i was so overwhlemed by the song michael int he bathroom because i had never heard someone basically write “dependency issue: the song” and it felt so so so good to realize i wasnt alone in this pit of despair i fall into so easily aha. but im!! glad everyone is ok with this wild ride im on right now (also thank u so much i struggle writing rich and jake but i get so emotional cause they would TOTES call each other babe)

how come you just use sketch form for most of your drawing (sketches and uses sketch for the final result)? im ,,, not really sure what this is asking but i thnk its along the lines of why do i only sketch my answers?? and i do that because dude do u see how often i post and how lONG some of them are. i made this blog for fun and i love doing comics but i hate lineart and coloring and if i tried to churn out finished pics for every post id defs have given up a few asks in,, shrugs

I want to say I love your little comics they're so funny! How long does it take you to make a comic? Are any of them based on your experiences? Ok have a nice day! thank you! i love my little comics too! it usually takes me anywhere from an hour to five hours if im dragging my ass or talking on discord while im drawing. it can be kinda exhausting but since i took my break ive also been like, starting long comics one day and finishing them another day which, before i would do it all in one sitting then post it hahha. AS FOR EXPERIENCE the first half of the lifeguard comic was based on real life! we were stuck stoned up there for like an hour or two? but we didnt have anyone to help us but we got down eventually!! the wendys comic is also something i did because man!! i need to compliment food workers if they do a good job!! ummmmm just like jenna i also have a friend that said HAHA BYE and moved to cali and she is also lIVING IT UP and doing really well for herself and shes very independent and shes very inspiring to me! hmm i think thats it besides i used to have movie nights with my dad all the time too except we would watch my fave animated movies and sometimes lord of the rings cause my dad loved that

What kinds of things can we NOT ask ? What kinds of things do you WANT us to ask ? i covered the what not to ask in the first question so!!! um if my askbox is open and u want to respond to previous asks ive answered for the boys that would be so so so rad. sometimes im done with a certain ask and i have nothing to add but sometimes ive got more to say but am looking for an opportunity! that being said it made me really happy that i got a lot of asks about pj? shes not going to the main focus of any more asks but!!! i was nervous to introduce her and im glad u guys like her shes fun to write. but overall just general asks i can make a big ol fun story out of so!! dont worry too much about what to ask, if its something ud ask a real person and not like “lol what if ur dad died” ur gunna be fine probably

Hi! Not a question but your blog is so sweet and refreshing! I actually really appreciate that you refuse angst, that stuff tends to rub me the wrong way in fandoms... Keep taking good care of these boys ! gggg thank u!!! it means a lot to me that a lot of people are backing me up on this! i mean if u are an angst fan there are a lot of askblogs that explore that!! so its not in short supply bmc askblog fandoms got something for everyone

Which drawing program do you use?? i use paint tool sai and my tablet is a cintiq !!

this isn't really related to the faq but that bakunawa boy reference was great I LOVE THAT FIC MAN!!! the line was originally a little diff in that ask but i changed it cause ,,,, i could,,,,

an art style question. how do you keep the design of characters consistent from frame to frame? my characters they look a lil different every time I draw em (or a lot different) and it tends to disrupt the flow of my comics/animations ohh boy hoo wee props for doing animations im too scared to give that a whirl but!! it helps that i draw all the panels for an ask on one canvas! so if my next panel is going to be the same character in the same spot just in a diff pose i keep the lower layer on just at low opacity so i can use it as a ref! that helps me a lot!

Sorry if I'm nosy or rude, but are you reflecting Micheal Anxiety, Panic attacks and depence? iii think this is asking if i reflect my own issues onto them boys? and if so then yes i do. i dont place any of my own personality or anything on the boys but i do use them as a way to help me learn how to cope with my own shit and i try to deal with their issues in the healthiest way possible while also keeping in mind they are flawed individuals aaa

what are your pronouns??? and maybe your main blog?? im a cis girl so she/her is good! and my main is squigglegigs! also that being said IF YOU SEE THE USERNAME SQUIGGLEGIGS ANYWHERE JUST?? ASSUME ITS ME?? i have a twitter and an instagram and my tumblr account

((Hello mod will Michael and Jeremy eventually someday get together. I love them.)) if all goes according to plan yes! if i get overwhelmed and stop having fun on this blog then no! sorry thems the breaks but! i do want them to get together so HOPEFULLY

going off on that confrience on pornogrefy for birds, Im geussing jeremy has played Hatoful Boyfriend. am I wrong? well it wasnt intended as that ref and i dont know anything about hatoful boyfriend but i can see jerm finding it and playing it so, sure homie! the pornography for birds thing is a my brother my brother and me reference! i love that show and them boys so give it a scope!

I'm crying bcuz Michael said he's in love with Jeremy and it's beautiful yeah that boy is DEEP IN love with his bro bro

Any advice for running an ask blog?? (Ps i love this blog keep it up) personally whats worked for me so far is doing just sketches for art. honestly ive been able to work so much more and post so much more often while also trying to work on my expressions and poses! also taking my own experiences and shaping them to fit the characters has been SO MUCH FUN. th most important thing tho is,,, dont overwork urself dude. if ur having a fun time it shows. if ur just forcing urself to churn out material and its not fun? like shit we doing this for free dont push urself? idk idk overall being looser with my art and writing the dialogue before hand has been the most helpful for me for this askblog! ive run a bunch before including @ask-maz and ive run that sporadically for ,, three or four years? its so funny cause u can see my art style juMP AROUND SO MUCH but i love that blog and i only update it like every other month or so but?? i still like doing it and no on likes those posts but it makes me smile so ANYWAYS

~ok from here on its mostly just me replying to nice messages or people asking me personal questions that dont pertain to askguyslikeus so!!~

I just wanted to say I really really love your blog and just your art in general!! Keep up the good work and hope you're having fun! thank u!!! i am having fun and im glad u enjoy it!!

What other musicals do you like? :0 i really like heathers A LOT. i also like doctor horrible i know thats not technically a musical but i just relistened to it and im emotional. i like dear evan hansen but it makes me really sad so i can only take it in moderation! ummm rent? chicago?? music man? now im just naming musicals i was in rip. being in a musical fandom is a new thing to me? i was really into heathers last year but didnt really interract with the fandom at SO THIS IS SUPER NEW?? ive never been into a musical as much as im into bmc and heathers tho

tell us a little bit about urself!! u seem v cool i am squigs or fork!! im 24 and work fulltime as a barista at starbucks! i get high on the beach with my friend gwen a lot and drink wayy to many slushies, my tv shows are brooklyn nine nine and bobs burgers right now! i table at conventions sometimes and sell my art as merch and whatnot and i cosplay as a hobby as well. im pretty boring but i draw a lot and always carry my big sketchbook with me and im pretty sure its given me back issues BUT OH WELL HAHA also i am very not cool THE TRUTH COMES OUT

Who do you most relate to from bmc and why? like ,,, a mix of michael and christine with a sprinkle of jeremy i guess ahaha i relate to michaels dependency issues and overarching positive attitude and love of music, i relate to christines bright disposition and the need to not stick to one set thing? like she loves theater cause she can be sO MANY PEOPLE and like same homie thats why i cosplay. and jeremys need to be likes while also ability to put himself out there is very relatable. i also identify strongly with his dad issues idk idk whats good

Also -- just thank you for how you handled all the panic attack and anxiety attack asks. I used to deal with anxiety attacks multiple times a day and it just was really nice that it was positive and not them having one. Thank you, sincerely. ahhhhhh ur so welcome i,,, have anxiety and it sucks and i deal with panic attacks like everyday at work so i dont really wanna come home and draw someone having one i guess? im glad its helping other people too tho!

Dude- I love your art? Actually so much? It's... I love it. The whole sketch-ish way your art style is, and the way you color, and the expressions! I'm so glad I found your work - you've given me so much inspiration. Keep doin what you're doin and I hope you have a good day! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ANytime any one compliments my expressions i die cause i legit made this blog to help with that as well ,,, like dam

im lvoe ur art style b o i :0 !!!!!!

Mod, I love you so much I love you you have my soul and my love and my eternal gratitude thank you and I love you (This is the guy who was excited about PJ on your ig live stream a while ago and I love you) !!!!!!!!! im so happy u like my content omg and that u like pj im so glad!! shes a good bean

I just wanna say... I'm crying over that post about Michael and his anxiety? cuz I know how it can feel that you're only your flaws and weaknesses, but Michael just tells that to screw off in the most wonderful way and I'm?? thank you so much for that post, I bookmarked it for future times when I can't look past my depression... honestly, that post made my day (along with every other post on this blog), thank you for being such a lovely part of this fandom ,,,, im,,,, im scared of a lot of this fandom tbh but if i can be something good that come out of it and my love of these boys and desire to show them functioning together in a healthy way can help other people its so much more than i ever thought id ever be able to do. i am blown away everyday by the support ive been given on this blog and i might be crying right now because i never thought id be able to touch other people like this and i just. im really glad yall are here with me for all this.

(To the mod: You are a beautiful person that I highly respect. I love this blog and what you set out to do. thanks for giving something that makes me smile and gives me something to look forward to everyday, keep up the good work! ❤ ) hey im still crying from the previous ask aaaaa im honestly so emotional

what are ur true feelings for wendy's??? i fucking love wendys man thats some top tier fast food right there

what fast food restaurant do you think has the best nuggets WENDYS HANDS DOWN

do you have a favorite movie? paranorman makes me very nostalgic and ive seen it like eighty times and used to watch it with my dad a lot and i love it

I would just like you to know that your Wendy's comic prompted me to pull the same thing with a bakery in the town I'm visiting and the baker got so excited and happy, so thank you for making that comic because I made that woman's day. GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE COMPLIMENT ME WHEN IM WORKING DUDE LIKE IM SO GLAD IT MADE U DO THIS!!! IM SMILING REALLY BIG!!

chocolate milk or strawberry milk? or plain? woops i hate milk im so sorry

do u love michael mell with all of ur heart, mod? i really truly do man what a fucking good ass character

hi squigs i love you! i love your content too and i hope u have a good day pal :> WHAT A SWEET BEAN!!! THANK YOU?? OMG

I'm just saying that recent ask you did with Michael really hit me hard because I really related to it and I started crying because it made me realize that I've been pining my self worth on everything my anxiety causes and I'm so much more than that. Thank you, so much for that I really needed it because I'm in a really bad place right now. <3 -for the mod i legit cry everytime i get asks or dms like this cause once again the idea that im helping other people is so ovwehelming i love you??? i let myself just be”depressed” for ahwile and by that i mean i just,, let my sadness consume me and i was scared of getting better cause the sadness was all i knew for so long and just. its so easy to think u are ur illness but you are so much more. soooo much more man.

I relate A Lot to Michael so the way you portray him in the blog is really good, and I think it's really awesome you refuse to like?? do terrible stuff and answer bad questions just bc people wanna see that. You run this blog really well 👌 AHHHH THis is the biggest compliment thank u so much ,,, i get real anxious bout this blog soemtiems but then yall send me sweet things like this and its worth it man

Hey mod, just know you're a really cool person. Thanks for running this blog in the first place. Keep doing the great work. thank you!!!! for ur support!!!!

not really a question!! i just wanted to say your posts on this blog always brighten my day and you're really an incredible artist and person, keep rockin on my dude!! *clutching my heart* the fuck this is so sweet

1 .I just wanted to say your blog is really awesome! It's very lovely. I also like how you made michael trans and like handled it? (just with how all the characters treat him and stuff its v nice). Your art is super duper! Thanks for running this awesome blog! 2. Hey! This isn't a question but I wanted to say that I appreciate michael being trans!! As a trans boy it's just rly awesome to see something like that casually thrown into an ask blog without making it a huge weird deal :D immm,,, i kinda really love the idea of michael being trans cause a lot of my trans male friends are actually pretty confident in their skin and michael is a very confident character? and u rarely see that with trans representation and its so refreshing to see it portrayed well. im trying to do that here but again if! i do anything wrong let me know!

how did you first get into art? (also i really love your blog, it's amazing!) ive been drawing as long as i remember! ive got mad adhd and wasnt diagnosed until late in ym life so i would just draw nonstop in my classes ahaha i used to read the sunday comics a lot and they really inspired me to try and make comics of my own too!! (and omg thank u)

someone also asked me if i went to church or was religious but tumblr ate the ask but i used to go to church a lot as a kid but im currently not religious at all aaa

ok holy shit that was a lot but thanks again to everyone i legit cry a lot about how supportive u all are thank u so much aaaa

#modpost #holy fuck that was so much

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cheswirls · 7 years

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a quick sum-up of che’s future career plans, bc reasons

im halfway through the dive!! anime show that came out this summer season, and i’m having a lot of thoughts, and plus i finished going through all the footage i missed today of skate america while i was at a bball game, and it’s made me realize different things i guess?

it might be mid-long length so its going under a cut, but to gain intereststart off, this is all about my desire to be an athletic trainer for the usa olympic center at colorado springs, co !

ive been an at(now when you see that abb. you know what it means hah!! not assistant teacher hmm) student since my freshman year of high school, and i’ve loved it a whole bunch. back then i was set on going to columbia U for their writing program, and i wanted to major in graphic design afterwards/during/it wasnt super planned out i was a fr. i didnt know what bfa or mfa stood for yet. it wasnt until end of sophomore year than i thought about being an at for realsies.

but i also still loved gd. so there was a confliction there.

junior year i took a break from working volleyball in the fall and did my one and only year of football and it was terrible primarily bc the team i worked with didnt know how to function as a group and half the group were selfless bitch whores but like thats another storyyy, secondly bc i jus really discovered i didnt care abt football at all. it was mostly for the experience and i gained it and i liked it bc i hung out w a lot of people from helping out w varsity (i was one of two our of the five juniors that had been there since my fr year and was only on jv bc it was my first year w football, but one of the seniors had to work a bunch so when they needed an extra person i was the one w the most experience so i was w them a lot,) point was it was fun!!! and you have fun w ppl you like that you dont work w all the time and i shouldnt say fun bc lots of times it was awful,

basically! it was fun being w the varsity trainers which were the seniors and the other junior that had been around since fr year. volleyball was fun but it had always been a one-at-student-per-team sport , so it was different jus being w other ats that shared the same team and not the same sport(which in the us is made up of at least three different teams, a fr,jv,and varsity). it was a more open environment and so it inspired a lot of talk with the at grad students we had that semester (we got 3-4 every semester in a partnership w the D1 uni in town, it was always cool to hear stories from them!) and anyway i remember talking w a couple of the grads one practice and we were discussing all the different occupations athletic trainers could have, and what they wanted to work with in the future, and the topic veered towards professional sports and the olympics.

i thought it was really cool when we were talking about it, and then we got busy and it flew out of my mind. i dont remember when it came back and became a focus, but sometime before my senior year, i had decided i wanted to work at the olympic level.

real quick i mentioned gd and the struggle, so to bring that into focus, my junior year i took a whole bunch of different tech classes (gd&i, compsci, webtech) and in one of those, i had the opportunity to go to a ... i cant remember what the term was for it, but it was kinda an event for gd students and it had a little competition and stuff, and it was really fun! nd you got a lot of info abt the community college hosting it and i learned their program was really good, so the gd versus at internal struggle continued, and i remember talking to my sponsor teacher (she actually taught all three of my tech classes that year aaa i loved her) about how i didnt know what to do and shit and i dunno what she told me but like, i think she was trying to be encouraging but she basically said it was up to me, like she didnt try and nod me into a direction, that i can recall.

so SOMEHOW bc i honestly cannot remember, by senior year i’ve decided that im gonna jus fuck it and pick BOTH and double major in gd and athletic training. AND i had it all planned out, where i was gonna get a degree in gd and open up an online business, and then go into a masters program for at and then enter into the olympic field.

by this point creative writing is still cool and a great hobby but i couldnt possibly double major AND have a minor that’d be too much. id still love to take a cw course tho one day.

basically a buncha crazy stuff happened that first semester but by winter break i had an acceptance letter to a uni a couple hours north of home with a good accredited undergrad program (accredited basically means you graduate w a masters in four years so its fasttracked which woulda been great but uh..) and by the time i found out that next semester that they were doing away with the accredited program i was already too emotionally invested to consider panic-switching(panic bc it was february and id already been admitted hah...) but i decided it’d be okay. basically if you dont remember/werent around one of my school’s head ats died in a car crash died around early october ‘16. she went to undergrad where i go now, and i’d talked to her about it september that semester wondering if she knew anything abt their program and uh surprise, she’d done the same program small world. after the funeral in november and a ton of thought i applied there. (november was.. crazy in general last year. rly crazy)

may was when i started adding on sports to the future olympics job, bc i started thinking about it and after finally getting a friend to watch yuri on ice, he started making his was through all of sochi’s figure skating stuff, and then the 2010 vancouver olympics, and i decided i wanted to recap a bit on that too.

the 2010 olympics was really my first experience with figure skating. i’m a west texas gal and so theres not a lot out here to get exposed to, so seeing these best-of-the-best class sports was fun, and the earliest experience i can remember of such. i was in fifth grade so i dont remember a ton, but i do remember being captivated by korea’s yuna kim, who won gold that year in fs. shes an fs legend at this point, so if you’re into figure skating and don’t know who she is, go look her up. you wont be disappointed.

in 2012 was the london olympics. i remember a lot from it, like watching the opening ceremony with my parents and seeing the queen jump out of a helicoptor(which is like,, still cool to this day wow) and being fascinated my michael phelps and all the swimming he did so grandly. it was also my first real exposure to diving. the oldest i could recall anything abt the sport was at a pizza hut somewhere.. in town i think, and i was w my best friend at the time and my mom was there so i think maybe we were on the way back from the lake??? sounds right, i think. and we were talking abt how i always held my nose when i went underwater bc i didnt know how to not get water all up my nostrils and be underwter(and i still dont to this day aha) and she mentioned like, joining a diving team would be cool! would help me get over it and all! and i like recalling it dunno what she was talking abt bc we lived in dirt city nothing so i highly doubt there was or is any sort of diving sport happening. swimming, yeah maybe, there were lessons at pools and bodyworks areas around town, competitive teams im not sure tho, but not diving like at all so??? dunno.

so my next and technically first real experience with it was watching the london olympics. and i thought, wow, this is so neat!! i watched from that one day like the opening events, and i think i was old enough to search online like yea i had a laptop by then so i looked up the schedule for the things i wanted to see most of, and i ended up watching i think most of the diving events (i missed a couple for.. archery, i think? maybe?) and absolutely loving it. iunno what it was, maybe something i never thought i could do?(bc not hold my nose?? while i dove???????? scaryy) but i enjoyed it a bunch.

i was older when sochi was a thing, my 8th grade year. i was able to appreciate things a lot more. when i tuned into events, tony hawk and snowboarding were the main focus, but figure skating was on a lot as well. i had a tv in my room by that point, so if i didnt like what was playing on the main tv, i could go watch another event. i learned a lot of names and faces through that, and so while my bff was watching it our senior year if i was with him id point out skaters and their nationalities and stuff, like yuzuru hanyus always been a modern day household name w figure skating, but i leanred abt him BECAUSE of the sochi olympics, and he was one of the ones i’ve never forgotten. i really really liked it, so much that i watched worlds after, and around the same time my fr year, i tuned in to just the worlds championship again. i didn’t pick up trying to watch grand prix(which is their regular season, for those unaware) season until my junior year, and most of it was day-or-two-late videos from youtube, since the ice channel i think it a paid-for thing (i still dont know much abt it hah) and nothing was on tv otherwise, aside from the skate america event. but since that first time after sochi, ive always been around watching worlds fs near the beg of each year. i’d familiarized myself by senior year with the fs world, and actually,

early (i think march?) of my junior year, i searched up trying to find a figure skating anime at the time. and what did i find?? ginban, the only figure skating anime at the time. i watched like maybe all of one episode, it was abt a girl who shared her body w the ghost of a former figure skater while she was competing in events, and it was.. okay? lackluster, in the animation dept, but it was a 2005 show so.. yeah.

so after that i was like kk that wasnt good lets find another. and i didnt. not yet, anyway. instead, i found an announcement for violet evergarden’s animated adaptation, and yuri on ice, a realistic adaptation of the sport of figure skating. thats bolded bc its important. i found that shit abt yoi before it even had a promo poster, certainly before the pv came around that got everyone hyped up. i found it bc i was looking for figure skating in the first place. in fact, i think when the pv came out and got popular, i didnt even relate it to the upcoming fs anime i’d read about previously. it took me a bit to connect the dots.

watching yuri on ice at the same time as the gp 2016 season was surreal, but really interesting. i got my bff into it before the second to last episode came out, and i only remember that bc he finally showed any interest when he found something on twitter abt it being gay (newsflash/// hes gay, and before yoi his fav show was no6 bc that was as close as it got. he still rly likes it, we both do, but his solid favc is now definitely yoi. representation matters and all) and was like well now i HAVE to watch it and i was all yes it ends soon so pls. and he watched it twice in a weekend, and thrice before the finale came out, and then a few more times after that, iunno how many times but certainly more thn i have(i went back after the .. maybe ep 10? w/e ending had the after party reveal that changed everything, so i went back to analyze everything before the next ep) and between the week of 11 and finale 12, he started watching the sochi fs competition, and then the 2010 after the show ended w ep 12.

seeing this great fs show and getting a friend into the world of figure skating really renewed my love for it all. before the semester went out i went back and watched the reruns of the sochi fs stuff. and by may i’d decided i wanted to cosider that to be the sport i worked with.

with diving, it took a similar twist. in the form of the rio 16 olympics. i was all over that shit, i downloaded an nbc app on my phone so i could watch events live while i traveled with volleyball to a tournament in dallas and while i was at practice w them at home and generally jus away from the house and a tv. i planned that shit out had a schedule and everything for what i was watching live, and a lot of it was swimming, but a whoooole lot of live stuff was the diving.

in the hotel room in dallas the tv would always be on to w/e olympics events were airing at the time, either track or diving tho, one or the other, or recaps. quite a few girls ended up in the room in the evening and we’d all do stuff and watch in passing at the same time, and it was suuuuuper fun. watching the chinese women perform flawlessly and walk away w all the gold was fun, but finding a good commentator to actually say such was a disheartening challenge( one of the most memorable moments w live commentary that year was hearing a woman say of one of the chinese ladies that she’d done better before, after they revealed her personal best score ever like rly cmon be unbiased and jus passionate abt the sport youre covering pls.

ive always been super fond of the diving scene. it may not be as much as fs, but honestly, i wish i grew up in an area w a diving team now, or wish i could try it out now, bc thats how much fun it seems. i still wanna go up to the big city like 30min away from uni and learn to ice skate in the civic center there, but hands down if i had to pick a sport to join tomorrow or die i’d pick diving.

so also by may, and throughout the culmination of senior year, diving was the second sport on the olympic to-train-for list. you get a five-year contract w the olympics, now i think it’s usa as a whole and i think its by center so say, if i get a job in colorado springs i cant apply in another five years to chula vista or even like lake placid, but iunno for sure. the five-year thing is involved somehow bc i’ve heard it from a physical therapist and trainer-that-works-in-a-sports-med-clinic duo in one body named sarah, who’s been contracted out from the clinic by my high school since junior year also, bc she knows people who’ve worked w the olympics, and then another from church that worked w olympics that knows my family uh iunno how well but i know of him, i think he also works in the clinic as some sort of on-hand surgeon but a diff person than who sarah knew. so its five years somehow and then i’ll take my bfa in gd and open my online business and do that from a studio at home and look after my owl/cat pet combo.

since may, it had been ‘olympics, with either figure skating or diving’. and it stayed that for a long time. now, since a couple weeks ago, and this is again while gp season is happening for fs, its diving. i wanna work w the usa olympic diving team as their team athletic trainer, and i cant do it this summer bc i have to have completed two years of uni, instead of a certain standing, like be a junior, but so NEXT summer, before my senior year of uni, (i came in a sopho so 6 sem only ah) i’m applying for an internship at the center in colorado springs, and that’s the team i hope i work with.

now i tell people, diving, but if i get offered figure skating, i’ll take it, but diving is the goal now. if i love it and wanna continue professionally, great, i can do that and have an online gd shop. and if i decide i want something different? i’ll work olympics and then join w a professional-level figure skating i actually dunno how it works. coach, and their skater in turn. coach, with multiple skaters under them. a culmination of diff usa skaters. w/e, something in the professional fs world.

and thats uh, thats it! dive has been so much fun to watch, and i realize i talk a lot on here about working w basketball and being an at student in general and the vast majority have no idea what i mean, so hopefully this clarifies. thank you!!

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marlaluster · 5 years

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Very dangerous here w this oppressed rule and obsession to assert the truth held by this order as Lord ......

The devil was just threatening the mom figure was to be going out to try to get some kind of thing to occur for me to be considered crazy or have to leave in some regard to that. Its really bad the person didnt say anything to me regarding that before the figure left if shes supposed to be possible to be doing that. That stuff is very dangerous n very bad, that covert action. It doesnt make sense it would okay to me on multiple levels. I do express that i feel im attacked by the society and that I think it is very evil n disgusting n bad. The devil bringing up the disability pay n it was saying insultingly was i supposed to be saying that was evil. I think i did mention even to her that i thought that wasnt okay. Its pressing more stuff. I dont have any concern im having conflicts with im saying n doing. I think i am doing something a person would do to express themselves enough and also otherwise deal with the situation in the way they can n would seem somewhat at least in line with what would really be serving certain ends. The devil messing w my thought that last sentence. But i was trying to say i probably was not doing that bad considering what i could say a person would say is too bad possibly, too bad meaning that im trying to avoid things too bad such as not having a place to stay really. I would say a person as im presently aware should try to do something to be able to have or try to get or seek some bare minimum if you can and are in a tough situation where its supposed to seem stuff is not ideal that is seemingly available such as even if you could try to stay w a family member. You should consider your ideals and they should be respected by others especially those that can respect them n etc. I can respect ideals n i do wish them to be something to be able to exist n etc n be held. But at the same time can a person try to get a minimum of shelter that can reasonable to some degree for a person??? They should try to get something. We said this thing about it being best to seek a minimum if possible with this housing kind of program told about in news reports in Canada where people could possibly get help to get an apartment. We dont know how far it went. But the devil was pretend one man on some video online didnt want to participate w the program because he preferred to be homeless n there was supposed to be others referred to as well that preferred to be homeless. But then later the man told me in my mind that he really says that people shouldnt be at the mercy of the establishment n it shouldnt seem that others are doing all this stuff to help someone. It shouldnt be where the person is pretended to be so this thing where others were so helpful n great n superior to help the person. It was some stuff like this where its not true that a person is not their own master n is for to be at the mercy of others to help them. Thats not true thats really how things could be n etc. But very bad this thing so asserting this stuff as so true. And these certain acts its pressing people are to seem its to be something to do such as by the hospital n etc to nab people n assert people are crazy: it is a dangerous thing done to assert the truth of what is happening is not what people or a person would tell. The devil making a sense of something happening to my vagina, ie its attacking.

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wewontliveforeversomakeitworthit · 7 years

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My Story

Hi, my name is Lisa and I am an alcoholic. My sobriety date is January 3rd 2017 I have a home group, love and service in Rochester NY, i have a sponsor, i have a service position and I am currently working the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Today I shared at the forensics unit at our psych center and nothing came out right and i didn’t actually know how to share my story so I’m going to try to gather my thoughts and share it on here before my next share. I grew up in what would appear to be just a totally normal middle class home in Henrietta NY. I have 4 older sisters and 2 incredibly loving amazing supportive and sometimes absolutely insane parents. While i was growing up I felt exactly how alot of people say that they did too, i felt different, left out and not good enough for anybody. In elementary school I was already a compulsive liar, telling people that i had boyfriends and stupid stuff like that. I turned to food to hide my feelings and to hide myself and that turned into me being bullied for being over weight. And even from that young age i took the things that those people said to me straight to heart and it was gospel and they were right, I was fat, i had awful acne, i was ugly and nobody would ever love me because of my appearance. I decided I wanted to lose that weight when i was going into 8th grade and I lost some of it and was actually pretty normal for the most part at that time. I then thought i was completely in love with a guy in 8th grade who was also my best friend and we hung out over that winter break and i thought something was going to happen, like obviously we were going to be in love and get married but instead he told me that he didn’t want me in that way, turns out hes actually gay now but it sent me on a downward spiral into mental illness that was lurking in the shadows of my life since I could think. I developed anorexia and starved myself every day until i got down to about 100lbs, my family and I went on vacation and being around them i wasn’t able to eat (well not eat) the way that I was. I cried every single night on that vacation because of how utterly disgusted with myself i was. I then came home and developed bulimia because the control of the starving was completely gone. But the night that boy told me he didn’t want me, something else happened. I drank, it was NYE at my sisters house and I was 14 years old, her friends asked me if i wanted a drink and god did i want a drink. I wanted to feel the careless joy the people around me were feeling. They made the mistake of showing me where their green tea vodka was and i started drinking and didn’t stop until it was gone. I remember while i was drinking that something inside of me started to change, i wasn’t shy and concerned with what other people were thinking of me anymore, i didn’t care at all about anything. I remember my tongue and my cheeks getting numb and i was on cloud nine. After that night i was too preoccupied with my ED to give a fuck about drinking or drugging until bulimia came into play. I started snorting adderall so that i wouldnt eat and that went on through ninth grade until i went to program for my eating disorder and those people saved me from dying from that disease. But after i got out of that program, life got real. I had about a year of decent normalcy but at the beginning of my junior year things started to progress. I started to not give a shit about school at all, i started skipping classes and going to parties on weekends and drinking whenever it was an option for me. I started dating guys who were really just not good people and i had only one friend. We went out when we could but it never dawned on me that I was drinking any differently than any of the other kids i was around because really I wasn’t but the way it was affecting me and the way i was thinking about it was COMPLETELY different from those kids. They would stop drinking so they could drive home or they literally had DD’s but to be honest i dont remember much about those couple of years. I graduated highschool early because i hated literally everyone and i was convinced that they all hated me and judged me because most of the time they did. In my senior year i started using the tinder app and i would go over to random guys houses and meet them and every time that happened id get to drink, in my bio it even said “alcohol enthusiast”. boy was i wrong. I thought it was normal to do what i was doing, i really didnt think twice about it. Meeting these guys and being able to get black out drunk and then maybe sleep with them just seemed like a normal thing to do. Until my parents started asking questions about where i was going and why there were alcohol containers in my car and i would lie and say they were someone elses but theyre not stupid they knew they were mine. Things slowed down a little while i was in my first couple semesters of nursing school, i still drank but just on weekends with my boyfriend at the time and his roommates, and i thought i was drinking normally but i guess blacking out and starting fights on purpose because of your drinking isn’t neccesarily normal. I wouldn’t walk around the park ave area with him at night time unless he wanted to drink and that became a norm for me. I needed a drink if i was going to do anything at all, go to the movies? drink. hang out with literally anyone? drink. watching some tv? drink. While my boyfriend at the time went on vacation for christmas i decided to go to a party because if i saw anything about anyone drinking on social media i was on top of it, i made sure i had a way to get drunk whenever and i went to that party and i did cocaine for the second time in my life. the first time i really dont remember much but it was before i had met Kenny. So he went away and I went to a harmless party and kept my drinks near me like they were my children. I heard they were doing shots downstairs and i went down there and took probably 7 tequila shots in a row and blacked out, i came too when i started doing lines and by the time it was 7am i was calling him asking him to help me. That was a thing of mine, was to get drunk one place and then message or text as many people as possible to help me because i needed to go somewhere else or do something else because i didn’t want the fun to end. I kept on drinking the way i was drinking but because of how sick and awful i had felt i didn’t touch drugs again for a little while but i did wind up finding them again. but then all of a sudden over the summer of last year, shit hit the fan. I was drinking every single night and one night i went and hungout with a guy i had met probably on tinder and he said he needed to stop by a friends house for a birthday gift and i was like oh yeah ok cool, turns out his friend was the supplier for the whole town he lived in and she offered me some and i actually said no. i scolded him for his awful decision making and we went to Durand beach to get drunk and by the end of that night i had at some point asked if i could have some of his drugs so that i could safely drive home and obviously he said yes and then life went crazy. i went back to durand with that same person but met a whole bunch of other people and some how met a small group of people another time on that night and i wish i had clearer details but i was really a black out drinker and i wouldnt come to unless i had something else in my system. So we met this other smaller group of people and my life changed. some how i started attracting people who had what i thought i needed and wanted and id switch back and forth between these peoples houses getting free drinks and drugs and staying up for days at a time and not coming home and moving from job to job trying to keep my head above water. I wouldn’t stop thinking about being able to get the next drink or drug. Id go to morning classes after not sleeping in two days and be completely strung out or just not go at all. I got to a point where i couldnt drink without putting a drug in my system and i tried. I tried to stop myself from getting too drunk by switching drinks or not having as many and i was convinced i didn’t have a problem because i didn’t drink during the day so i clearly wasn’t an alcoholic. I would try to drink around people who didn’t approve of me doing drugs and i still somehow managed to go from house to house to house getting drinks and drugs until there was nothing left. One night i was at a house with all of these people i had been drinking and drugging with who i thought i really was just living the life with and i went upstairs and had a panic attack. I wanted to go home because something in me created a feeling that told me i no longer belonged there. So after 3 days of not being home and countless cries for help to my therapist and other people i called my parents at 4am and told them i was coming home and sobbing i told them i needed to talk to them. That night i told them about what i had been doing and got myself an intake appointment for outpatient. And i still at that point thought i probably only had a drug problem and that it wasn’t the drinking. i really didnt think it was the drinking. But once i started outpatient, i couldnt for life of me stay sober but i wanted it i really did. and when i tell you that night i went home that i was desperate for help i mean i wanted to die. i spent so many days of coming down just praying for god to take my life because truly i couldn’t live it anymore. Times id come home so sick and dehydrated my mom would have to run IV’s through me and id lay on that bathroom floor wishing it would all just end. I had known about AA but it was introduced to me through a girl in my outpatient and she told me she was going to a meeting and i told her i wanted to go. I had just relapsed for what would be the last time and i wanted to be sober more than anything and i couldn’t handle the constant relapses. My first AA meeting was wits end when it was upstairs at Rosedale and i was not buying any of it. I was convinced that all those young people car pooling were getting drunk directly after the meeting and that they were all just liars and fakes. I was texting someone ABOUT getting drunk at that meeting but luckily nobody would comply because on that Sunday i went to a womens meeting in fairport and i felt so engulfed with love and acceptance it was incredible. These women gave me a coin and hugged me and even though they talked about god they were something i hadnt experienced in a long time and that was happy without needing a drink or a drug to do it. I was handed that 24 hour coin and I decided maybe I’d do a couple more of these meeting things but i wouldn’t get involved like they were. My friend and i started going to a 5:30 meeting that was mostly old people or people off the street who were drunk but i stuck around for long enough to meet Pat and he was the FIRST person i heard share within my 2 months of meetings that i could actually relate to and for the first time i went up and talked to someone after they spoke and i told him how much i related and he told me to go to his home group Love and Service and that he wanted to introduce me to someone and that someone turned out to be my sponsor. I had no idea what i was doing and i knew that if i didn’t start to actually do something other than meetings that i was going to drink again and i didn’t want that for myself anymore. So my sponsor and i didnt even discuss her sponsoring me it just happened and she told me to get phone numbers and find a home group and a service position and it took me a couple weeks but i did it. meanwhile, my friend who introduced me to AA asked me if i was calling my sponsor every day and i was like uhhhh what do you mean call her everyday?????? and my friends like yeah duh thats like an unspoken aa rule and i called my sponsor right after that i was like OMG IM SO SORRY I DIDNT KNOW I WAS SUPPOSED TO CALL YOU EVERY DAY. Mostly i just didn’t have any idea how the hell to communicate with people anymore without being drunk. My social awkwardness was at level 100 and im still working on that lol. but we met up and she started to pray and she said “hey god” in the beginning of the prayer like he was just a friend and i was like oh good i got a crazy one idk how well this is gunna workout. but she started taking me through the book and something else changed, i started to grow. this is the longest ive ever done literally anything in my life and it has changed my life drastically already even just at almost 6 months sober. Today I have a full time job that i actually go to every day, today I’m able to be a daughter, a sister, a friend. Today I am learning who i am and how to deal with life on lifes terms and im becoming patient and im just in this constant growth and its absolutely amazing. I’ve found a higher power that i dont understand at all but I know its there and im able to learn things about myself every day and get called out when i’m wrong and just begin to actually live and its amazing. I’m still a work in progress but I am so beyond grateful to be here. Thank you

#AA #Alcoholics Anonymous #my story #12 steps #god #recovery #rediscovery #learning #life

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