#(and whether or not that's offensive is for someone else as i'm not autistic and can't speak to that)

[navree]

the weird thing about the sarah hess interview (there are a lot of weird things about that interview but if i talked about all of them this would be the length of a phd dissertation) is that, like, if you want us to give some sympathy to aegon and acknowledge the complexities behind him not wanting to rule but wanting it and his relationship with alicent and his siblings and rhaenyra and all that without the audience getting hung up on him being a rapist, don’t write him being a rapist? you are a writer on the show sarah, you’re the one who decides and this was an easily solvable problem

[copperbadge]

I hope these questions aren’t offensive, you can just delete this ask if they are… Did it help you, mentally speaking, to be officially diagnosed as ADHD? Like, is it easier to know for a fact you’re neurodivergent and not just,,, weird? I’m pretty sure I’m autistic, and only undiagnosed because I’m a girl and I test well (my brother is autistic and has the same tendencies and reactions I do, but he got dx’d at 5), but on the other hand, what if I’m wrong? And I’m also a broke college student, so I’m kinda waffling on whether or not to actually pursue a doctor’s opinion, but I thought I’d ask your advice first, since you’re both a complete stranger and have gone through something similar

Anon, you sent this in SEPTEMBER, my apologies, it got pushed down a bit in my askbox.

The thing is...okay I'll talk about the psychological impact in a minute, but I also feel like it's the least relevant aspect, for me. Whatever a diagnosis did for my sense of self, what it also did was give me a document that impacts everything else in my life.

With a diagnosis I have access to medication that materially improves my condition (which is less the case with autism than with ADHD, admittedly). I have access, should I want it, to accommodations for my disability; those are imperfectly applied, you often have to fight hard to actually get them implemented, but especially as a student you would be given access to things like longer time periods for tests, study aids like audio recordings of your required reading, extra tutoring, pre-registration access to classes, etc. based on need.

This bleeds over into the mental health aspect a little, but I am also more confident in my research on ADHD because I have a medical doctor's opinion that yes I do indeed have it (and evidence of that from the efficacy of the medication).

In terms of whether it helped me mentally/emotionally...research is ongoing, I suppose. It didn't emotionally devastate me the way it did my mother, when she was diagnosed late with learning disabilities, but she came from a different generation and didn't grow up with a sibling who was diagnosed young, so she had different issues than I do. There is some bitterness about my late diagnosis, but that's situational, and I'm old enough to know how to work through/past it. I suppose it gives me more confidence in asking for informal accommodations -- recently at a party I asked someone if we could move rooms because I couldn't process what they were saying over the two conversations happening behind me -- but I was already pretty good at that. I'm having to re-examine some basic beliefs I held about who I am, but that's not a bad thing, just unpleasant to be in the middle of.

So now to the heart of it: "What if I'm wrong?"

First, almost nobody who self-diagnoses is whole-cloth wrong when it comes to neurodivergence. They might have the wrong diagnosis, or might not fully understand what's going on, but when that "Oh, I'm different" light flicks on, it's usually for a reason.

Second, okay, what if you are wrong? It's okay if you're just weird. You won't be punished for being Neurotypical-But-Weird any more than society was already punishing you, so you risk nothing in getting tested in that sense. You don't lose any ground, and you gain some self-knowledge. Might not be the self-knowledge you wanted, but it's not going to kill you.

True, there is the cost to consider, but as a student you should be able to go to the campus health center and at least get more advice on how testing would work, the costs etc. Your school's disability office, if they have one, may also have resources in that regard. It IS important to get adequately tested -- a lot of people miss a diagnosis because their evaluator's idea of testing was "asking combative questions and dismissing the answers" -- but more knowledge is always better than less.

The only downside to testing is that if you do get an official diagnosis, that can follow you for life -- earlier discussions I've had about this have brought up the fact that it can impact job placement, whether you're allowed to adopt or care for children, and other issues surrounding the way we punish people with disabilities for being disabled. A diagnosis of Autism can impact you legally. But I also think it's worth it to know and to have documentation that says you need accommodation.

I mean. This hasn't been the most fun process in the world, but I do think it's been one of the most important things I've done in my life. If you felt strongly about your self-diagnosis I'd say don't bother with the official, just live your life as if you had one, but it sounds like you have a lot of self-doubt -- so I'd work, as and how you're able, to lay that doubt to rest one way or another.

[niuniente]

All right. Asking for some advice here. If you can help, great, if not, that's fine too. At least I asked. So, I'm schizo, so I don't always trust my instincts. I'm also autistic, so I don't trust myself often. But, as an empath, I've been able to feel and see things, but I'm not sure how true it is. This is my dilemma. I often rely on my dreams for contacting certain things. But when it comes to answers, I don't know if it's real or not. Sometimes, I don't contact them. They contact me. As a child, it was more obvious. But now, it's gotten harder without thinking, "Oh, you're just hallucinating." Luckily, I'm on meds and in therapy for it, but it's still hard. Anyways, what I'm trying to get at is... How is one able to tell a difference between what's true and what isn't? Sorry if this comes off offensive or bad. I tried to put it together as best as I could.

Same anon as earlier, but I also been thinking something's trying to contact me, but I'm not sure to believe it. Plus, I don't trust the answer or feeling. I guess now I just kinda think it's only in my head. How do I get rid of that mindset?

----

I'm not in any way specialized in mental health disorders, so I can speak only from the spiritual perspective as the general guidance which we all have. Take what resonates with you and ignore the rest as we all have our own individual journeys, and what might work for me might not work for you, and what might resonate with me might be off putting to you. This is the first step with the connection to your intuition; always trust your gut feelings and how something makes you feel. Not as a strong emotion, but typically as this small "knowing".

It's not easy to trust your gut feelings or the messages you get. You're not the only one with the struggle. A good rule of thumb is that if it makes you feel uncomfortable, then it doesn't come from a good source or from an intuition but might be just your own thinking, fears etc. Even if the message was hard to digest, it should still feel liberating or give you an AHA-moments. That's how I go. Or then the message, the thing, etc. is not for you but it's for someone else.

The Spiritual side and all the helpers there will guide and help you, whether you are aware of them or in a direct connection to them or not. You're always guided, in a way or another. Kind of the same way as when a child is playing, immersed in their own play, and aren't aware that the parent is keeping an eye on them at the same time. My favorite analogue is the small story of a dog, who wanted to have chocolate from her owner, and when she didn't get any, she went to mope under a table. She also was watched over by her guardian, this time the owner, even when it felt unfair for the dog not to get the treat she so much wanted.

I would recommend reading or listening to spiritual books, if possible. Youtube has pick a card channels which might also deliver you the messages you need. And of course, there's always an option to have a personal reading done, where you can get a better answer, just for you, for example from me via my Etsy.

And hey, if you do not want to believe, create an intentional connection, deal with your intuition etc. you don't have to. It's not mandatory.

Do what feels the best to you. Always.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I've avoided posting a lot of clips of the Peacock and Gamble things on Tumblr, because many are so offensive that it seems unfair to clip them out of context and stick them on social meda ~15 years later (that's what I say so it sounds like an ethical stance, when in reality I just don't want to admit to what specific things I've laughed at). However, I have managed to find a bit that's relatively clean (well, I made it relatively clean with some pretty surgical clipping), and that weirdly relates to several conversations I've had recently with several different people. It features Ed Gamble talking about his cousin, who's autistic.

I've said before that I think a lot of autistic people are at one extreme or the other when it comes to competitiveness. This is a theory that I've seen backed up by academic literature just barely often enough for it to count as a real thing, and not as something I've invented from anecdotal evidence. When I was getting my university degree in psychology, and my more recent college diploma in autism studies, it occasionally came up in textbooks, usually as part of a list of traits where autistic people tend to be at either the very high end or the very low end of the scale. Competitiveness get mentioned in conjunction with that, but courses I took never really expanded on that. I'd even tried Googling whether there's research into it, and didn't find much.

Since I started working at this autism centre nearly a year ago, and in the couple of other autism centres where I've done some work before, I've seen a lot of anecdotal evidence of this. And it is often, as Ed Gamble correctly figured out for his comedy podcast, funny when you put the separate extremes together. At work I regularly see scenes so similar to what Ed Gamble was describing there. Board games where one kid is losing his mind when things go wrong, and another kid is sitting there impassively, not upset when he's losing but also not happy when he wins and in fact barely able to remember what he's supposed to be doing, because he could not possibly care less. He cannot begin to understand why anyone else cares. So he sits there and stares, totally uninterested, while Rome burns (by which I mean, while the hypercompetitive kid starts throwing things every time the roll of the dice doesn't go his way). It's fucking funny. I don't mean to make fun of autistic children, but there's an entire genre of comedy about how neurotypical children are funny (kids say the darnedest things), so I think it should be fine for us to say that autistic children are also sometimes funny.

I mean, if it helps, I'm not just condescendingly making fun of hte kids, I'm very much including myself here. I'm an adult who's capable of restraining myself from throwing board game pieces, but I am throwing things on the inside when I'm losing at something, or even in a more general sense, when it looks like someone else is doing something better than me and it's something I care about doing. It was... not long enough ago, when I learned that not everyone thinks this way. A couple of kids I work with have a program where we have to teach them to tolerate losing, and every time, I'm saying "See, we can just tell the person who won that they did a good job and it's okay," and I'm thinking, "I mean I don't blame you for throwing things, I'd be furious too." Another kid I work with has a program for teaching him how to play games, because it's interfering with his ability to make friends, the fact that other kids try to play games with him and he just doesn't care enough to engage. Sometimes these kids play together. It's very funny.

Logically and anecdotally, I can see some reasons why it would be this way. Autism tends to come with logical thinking and being less likely to buy into arbitrary constructs, and competitions are often arbitrary. On the other hand, autism can mean really really caring about having things go exactly the way you want them and getting upset when they don't, hence being hypercompetitive.

I've happened to discuss this lately with a few different people I know, how I wish there were more things I could read about how this manifests and what effect it has on autistic people's lives, because I think it is a significant part of life. Board games are a fairly small part of life, but it's not just board games. Competitiveness looks like all kinds of things, like trying to prove you can do things better than other people in ways that come up all the time. I can see how doing too much or too little of that could have consequences in life (obviously "too much" and "too little" are also relative terms in this case, as I'm not sure who gets to judge what the correct amount is - I guess in this case the "correct" amount would be whatever's most adaptive to serve a person's needs), and therefore, it seems worth researching.

Anyway, I'd never heard anyone besides myself talk about this stark contrast in extreme high vs. extreme low competitiveness in autistic people - I've seen it mentioned briefly when I've gone looking for information about it, and I've brought it up with other people and they've then discussed it with me, but I hadn't heard anyone else bring it up. Until today, when I was sitting in an empty classroom before my therapy session started, deciding what board games I'd use to teach my client how to lose without throwing things that afternoon, and listened to Ed Gamble casually explain the concept to me. That was interesting.

[oncetherenowhere]

Last week, I put my foot in my mouth with the coworker that I was getting along with.

She got mad at me, and now barely speaks to me. She's chatty with everyone else here- even the guy who bullied me- but gets quiet when I'm around.

I didn't say anything offensive. I had to call my mom and tell her what happened to get her opinion, and she was confused, and said I didn't say anything weird.

I don't want to say exactly what I said, because it's very specific, but I basically over-praised a man I once knew, and the coworker got mad, saying that men shouldn't be praised for the bare minimum.

The reaction was very jarring, more so now that she has barely spoken to me all week when I thought we had good rapport. I tried to apologize, then explain, and I got nothing. I struck some sort of nerve, but I don't know why, because she won't say.

It's making me depressed. I thought I had a chance at being friends with this person. I suspect that it wasn't even what I said, not really- maybe I'd been annoying her for a while and hadn't caught on, and that was a convenient way to cut me off. That's happened to me a couple times before.

Now there's only one person at my workplace who is nice to me. I'm paranoid over whether or not this one person will decide I'm not worth it, too.

I've been looking for a new job for months, but there's nothing around. It's worse because I can't drive.

I feel like a failure.

This keeps happening to me...people just seem to hate me. I don't want to be dramatic about it, but it's hard when I keep finding myself in this cycle. H has gotten mad in the past, because he's noticed when people straight up treat me differently. It makes me feel relieved that someone else can see it, at least. He tells me it isn't my fault, but it's hard to believe that when I've been treated badly my whole life.

Even when we went to the concert- I had two random people single me out for no reason, just to be mean. H had two random people single him out for compliments. It baffled him. This happens often, when we go out- even strangers take issue with the way I walk, look, or behave.

I don't disclose I'm autistic anymore, because it leads to worse things...but it seems like everyone can tell anyways. I feel so defeated.

[rielzero]

Why I describe myself as a Person who is Mute

Just random post, because I’ve often come across people using the word ‘’non-verbal’’ to describe situations were fellow autistics cease communicating verbally, and confuse this with mutism.

This is the general meaning for non-verbal: 

It’s not the disability; ‘’Mutism’’ instead its  a word to describe means of communication. In this case as example, non-verbal communication would be sign language. (writing notes is also one.)

A long time ago a friend of mine got complaints from someone who claimed the word mute was a curse word, which is weird because its short for the disability, just as deaf is used to describe someone who is deaf... However I’ve experienced the word non-verbal in infantilizing language and when searching I often find very ableist articles and conversations linking it to Autism. Because of this I experience ‘’non-verbal’’ much more as a belittling bad-word than ‘’mute’’ ‘’hey mute!’’ is not offensive to me? Yeah I’m mute? Okay..? Bit rude tone-wise but it’s not a curse word.

People also tend to use '’non-verbal’’ to view Mutism as a choice.. ‘’Damn autistics refusing to speak!’’ When it’s really not about choice. You don’t choose to be deaf either, like- you don’t choose to lose your arm.

The mis-understanding with this is also.. I can’t speak, but I can make sounds and laugh. There’s fellow people out there who can still grunt and moan as well, or they can speak but sparingly so. That is verbal communication. I can use quick sound ‘’pitches’’ to describe my general mood to folks who refuse to look at me whether I'm shaking my head or not. They sound like growls?

‘‘Going non-verbal’‘ is used to describe autistic folks who freeze up or go into a very distressing situation, being over-stimulated. It’s a way of coping or shutting down, but its also, they lose their voice in the moment or for a while. It’s temporary from my understanding. If you are non-verbal for two years  then you were mute for 2 years. Because you lost the ability to speak, therefore, disability. If it’s 24 hours, I suppose you could say you were mute for 24 hours. But it doesn’t erase my experience, it doesn’t mean every ‘‘non-verbal’‘ person has the ability to just begin talking again.

Mutism doesn’t go away for everyone. Mutism comes in different forms and has different causes, mine is medical. Chronic pain. I trigger migraine if I laugh a little too hard. My throat hurts if I strain my vocal chords to make a noise. I lost my ability to speak three years ago, this was a gradual progress too, it didn’t just happen over night. When I bring this up people try to do the toxic positivity thing and demand I relearn to speak as if my doctor hasn’t already told me that is not a good idea. As if I haven’t tried. ‘’You can train your voice!’’ talking for 20 years in pain made me develop severe chronic pain. You’d be asking me to strain damaged chords more to the point of snapping for your comfort and convenience.

‘‘I can’t picture how you can comfortably live your life like that!’‘ Yeah ok except, that's not my problem? It’s my life, I don’t rely on someone else’s vision to live my life. Society has already put enough limits on me and I don’t just have one disability.

I’m autistic. And I repeat. My disability is because of chronic pain. Aka my doctor told me it’s not going away. I am disabled. I don’t need to justify my disability for anyone. You don’t go out and tell a person with hearing aids to stop being deaf, you don’t go out and tell someone with permanent nerve damage to try and stand on their legs when they can’t do so. 

While I don’t need hearing aids, I use a notebook or a text to speech app. The only thing that really disrupts my life comfort is people telling me I should stop being disabled as if that’s magically going to happen, lol.

You don’t hear from people like me often. There’s usually an overlap with deaf folks who are also mute, but I’ve yet to see a community that openly talks about how stigmatized mutism is, and how infantilized you are when you happen to also be autistic with this wonderful new ‘’non-verbal’’ term or how its being used. I’ve had experiences were people think I’m deaf because I write on my phone to communicate. They either corelate it to deafness or autism.. And in some case.. They assume its a lack of intelligence.... What a joy.

Yes, people go non-verbal sometimes. They can’t speak during that. It’s a dick move to try and get them to speak, that’s traumatizing. Yes, people are mute and may not be able to speak ever. And that’s okay, disability doesn’t mean someone’s broken or needs to be fixed. Disability doesn’t mean you’re incapable of everything. It means that something about you is different than the average ‘’abled’’ society, and makes you less able to live in society’s intended vision. It obstructs you from functioning to the ‘’norm’’ Disabilities are variable, come in a spectrum, and a lot of them are invisible.

Tldr: from experience, ‘’non-verbal’’ is often used in bad context to infantilize folks with autism, I have mutism, can’t speak words but I can be verbal through sounds, which is why I prefer saying I am mute.

Be nice when you meet someone who uses a notebook or a voice app, or sign language, really, that’s all. c: Invisible =/= non-existent

[buzz-lightyear-radical-centrist]

looking at syscourse, just wanted to say

I don't think any endos are, by any means, claiming to have DID/OSDD. It is not about whether you need trauma to have DID/OSDD, it's about if you need DID/OSDD to be a system. And I think system is a really generic word, you shouldn't try to tie that to 2 specific disorders.

It is your right to have a DID/OSDD exclusive space. But, if you're so worried about having your terminology stolen, just use DID/OSDD. (Or maybe even traumagenic!) As a heavily autistic person, I have no problem being referred to as "autistic person", as long as they dont call me an r-slur. (Just gonna repeat, if someone is sending offensive content or saying you're "entitled", you have every right to hate them beyond all reason, just dont associate that with the whole pro-endo community, even if they did it because you're anti-endo.) (I do, in fact, realize, that my analogies of autism with did are flat, because, trauma is traumatic, after all) While i'm on that analogy, someone said that it may prevent people from "getting better". If you actually feel horrible because of it, if you get flashbacks and stuff, then yes, you should probably reach out for help! But if you feel perfectly fine knowing (or choosing blissful ignorance, some people really like that) you have a brain that is different from the majority, that is okay! The only thing that should happen, in that case, is that the person responsible knows what they did wrong. (And possibly goes to jail)

If someone wants to live with their self-assigned coping strategy, and it doesn't harm anyone else, that is their right. Yall's arguing is self assigned. Have you tried blocking the tags yet? Arguing on social medias is really unhealthy, by my standards. Even if for the future generations, just leave it to the people who do want to talk about it.

Reminder that you never have to pick a side, and being "wimpy" isn't the only reason you choose to do that

New reminder: if you are a "pro-endo" who's trying to traumatize people more than they already are because the words on thEiRn pagE DOnt lInE up wIt THE woRd ON yORu page, you deserve every single thing the anti-endos wish upon you. (or just in general, doing bad things in the name of good things, the bad thing usually wins out) I won't say otherwise, no matter if the whole human population gets recreated in my head while im a racist, rich, white guy, raised in that episode of spongebob where he's made to be perfectly normal.

P.S. i don't know if i have trauma or am a system (probably both), but i don't really think that'd change very much and i know for a fact that if i had plurality, it wouldn't be either of those disorders yall keep talking about.

[tenthgrove]

Hey I saw that your requests were open! I'm not the anon the same anon who requested for hcs with LS and autistic reader but it gave me an idea, how about : how each member of LS would react to a non speaking new member finally speaking to them after some time (headcanons)?? You can make it romantic/platonic if you want!! Thank you so much 🦄🦄

How La Squadra Reacts To You Becoming Verbal For The First Time

La Squadra x Reader (GN), Platonic/Romantic, SFW

Formaggio- Having a non-verbal teammate did leave him slightly stumped at the beginning, as a loud kind of guy who uses his words more than anything else to communicate. No matter, he's more than happy to learn new skills for a friend, so he'll be grasping your own methods of communication in no time. The first time he sees you speak it takes a moment to register. He nonchalantly replies to what you said with a casual 'oh sure' before snapping around a moment later realising you actually just spoke. He's shocked- having gotten used to you not being verbal at all, but pleased that you would feel comfortable with him enough to open up.

Illuso- When you joined the team Risotto sat him down to explain that your lack of speech was a facet of your autism and was not to be made fun of or taken offensively in any way. It's a good thing Risotto did this because otherwise Illuso would have made fun of you, but now he knows your silence is clinical he's not going to stoop so low as mocking it. He's not that kind of asshole. Assuming you might also have issues with noise he makes a point of lowering his voice around you, and being more observant than he usually would to pick up your non-verbal cues. Your first words are a shock to him, but a good one. You've come to mean more than he ever expected to him.

Prosciutto- He knows potential when he sees it. Prosciutto would be a fool to discount you just on the basis of the fact you don't speak, and he sure isn't going to be a fool. Out and about, Prosciutto keeps you close, speaking on your behalf with your consent so you don't have to explain yourself to people who may not listen. He encourages you to pursue yourself to the fullest. He knows that non-verbal autistic people sometimes become partially or fully verbal after settling into a new situation, but he manages his expectations with this. Hearing you speak is a pleasure, but doesn't change much in his eyes.

Pesci- Regardless of the circumstance, Pesci is always an easy friend to make when you're a newcomer to the team. It's partially due to how new he is himself. He doesn't mind that you aren't verbal, even if he occasionally forgets from a wandering mind and makes himself look stupid. He is quick to learn your sensitivities and how he can be a good advocate for you. He doesn't put much stock into it if you suddenly speak for the first time, because as long as you sound happy, that's all that matters right?

Melone- You might think that someone so eager to share his inner thoughts would have problems with someone who doesn't talk at all, but it really isn't the case. Melone is well informed about autism from having so many friends with the condition, and would never push a non-verbal person into talking. Instead, he uses gentle strategies to find alternative methods of communicating with you, led by whatever works best with you. Hearing you speak for the first time is met by surprise but enjoyment. He's curious what led you to suddenly open up by this, whether it was something someone said or simply enough time having passed. He's eager to see what he can do to keep you feeling comfortable like this.

Ghiaccio- He understands you very well. Occasionally if he's particularly stressed out he shuts down and goes non-verbal himself, so he knows the struggle. Of course, your situation is different to his given you're non-verbal all the time rather than just once in a blue moon, but it still helps him to appreciate your condition better than most. Hearing you speak for the first time causes him some alarm because he thinks someone must have threatened you into becoming verbal (can you guess what a portion of Ghiaccio's childhood trauma was?). He may need a bit of reassurance to rest easy that this hasn't been the case for you.

Risotto- He doesn't talk unless he can help it either. As long as you can convey to him if there's a problem on a mission he's fine with you on the team. Besides, this man is amazing at non-verbal cues, so regardless of your alternate method of communication, he'll be able to pick it up with ease. The two of you become very close because of how easy it is for you to form a bond without uttering a word, and you are very dear to him. When you finally speak around him, he is joyous, but makes a point not to overreact in case it frightens or guilts you too much. He continues the conversation as he did before, for however long you're able to keep speaking.

Sorbet and Gelato- Listen, these men are going to protect you with their life. Just remember that before anything else. Being autistic himself Gelato has a good idea of why you act the way you do, even if the specific symptom of non-verbalness is not one he's experienced personally. Sorbet just generally feels protective of the team's newcomers and will gravitate towards anyone Gelato does as well. Anybody, in the team or not, who gives you shit will immediately have them to deal with. Your first words to them are treated with a gentle joy. Like the others, they are pleased that you would trust them enough to hear your voice, but would hate to put you off by making too much of a big deal about it.

[avenger-hawk]

Hey hawk, did you observe a pattern among people who participate in Woke-ism culture, they seem to have similar "traits" and "personality"? Dislike the "straight" orientation (usually identify themselves as gay/lesbian/bi and brags they are LGBT every second), they seem to think gender identity is a personality trait etc therefore "I'm holier than thou because I list myself as she/he/they/it". I bet they are gonna scream at me for being whatever "phobic" just because of this post lol

*clears throat* yeah they gonna scream at you but they can’t scream at me because it’s been a year that I am in an lgbt relationship soooo xD

Ofc I noticed this kind of behavior, these woke ppl really like be ‘different’ and tbh the thing I find more irritating is when they define themselves ‘autistic’ or ‘asperger’ or ‘adhd’ whathever other mental illness/condition, because these are serious things that should be diagnosed by a specialist and not an online tests, and usually ppl who have a real problem are not so incredibly vocal about it. Sure they don’t brag with it....”but I don’t have money to take a test and my parents don’t let me!” they say? yeah. could be. but it also could be that you just wanna look special and since you’re socially anxious or shy or just a b*tch, you like to play rude and then justify yourself with those labels, and if someone dares tell you you’re a piece of shit you can call them ableist lol

Same for race or country. Not taking anything away from populations/countries/cultures/religions that have been oppressed, but sometimes I cringe cause some ppl try so hard to fit in this. Like, at some point 99% of populations were invaded by others and oppressed, and I’m sorry for welsh ppl, to just name one (no offense it’s the first that came to my mind cause I read a post recently lol) but if this continues we’re gonna have to seek justice for the victims of the vikings’ raids lolol

Anyway, back to what you were saying. I partly get that lgbt ppl are vocal about what they are bc maybe they can’t tell their families or friends, and they use social media as outlets. but like you said, your personality is not defined by who you f*ck and/or love (It’s not even defined by the fiction you like, actually, but they think so). So while I understand ppl describe themselves in their profile and specify their gender identity and sexuality, for me it’s cringey when they take it too far. Like when they start with all the labels ever, or they make combinations...demisexual panromantic/asexual demiromantic/trans nonbinary aroace spectrum...sounds like a competition of who’s less ordinary. Bonus points if they also add race and illness. Bonus points if they pretend they’re experts and activist and they shit on ppl who ship something or speak of top/bottom bc they’re fetishizing gay mlm/wlw and how dare they, dirty cishets (cause Anon, straight is a too banal word lol).

(also...not to offend ‘aroace’ ppl out there but...when someone is like 12...couldn’t it be that they’re just...too young for caring about sex/love? asking for a friend lolol)

I mean, tumblr has a lot of lgbt ppl and it’s cool, and I know it’s hard to live as an lgbt person cause you can’t do what het ppl do normally, like kissing in public or holding hands or writing cute posts on fb bc someone might bitch or be even worse, so this creates a bitterness and aggressiveness on social media I guess, especially here where minorities are the majority lol. And I too, on my personal blog, occasionally ranted about things like internalized homophobia and queerbaiting, but only very rarely lol and no one paid attention to me, guess I am not lgbt enough hahahah

But, it’s stupid to use sexuality labels as a shield to shit on ppl and then call them --phobic when they react. It actually happened to me a couple of years ago, I wrote something about bottom Sasuke and this self defined aromantic+asexual+autistic+gay american dude attacked me for fetishizing gays. Back then I was in a relationship with a guy so for him I was only a boring straight person I guess, a gross fujoshi who dared like mlm haha. fuck him. If I were the same type of person as him I would have pulled the oppressed card, I could have attacked him reminding him that his country treated italian immigrants like animals, and that they had this veeeery big problem of being unsure about our ‘race’ so in their papers they often wrote ? cause they couldn’t understand if we were poc or not...but it would have been kinda off topic and I cartainly don’t waste time talking about me to ppl I don’t even trust to be what they say.

Also because I was raised by parents who were very politically involved, so I remember them doing activism, like, getting out of the house, going to protests, doing volunteering, even taking me along when I was little. So even tho now everything happens online first, and even tho posts can spread awareness and change ppl’s minds, I still don’t trust when I see those blogs full of angry woke activism, because they seem fake and even those ppl seem fake. It’s easy to scream for justice from a keyboard, in a comfortable house. It’s less easy to protest in the cold, risking to have problems with the police, the government, the pandemic, whatever else.

It’s irritating that wokies want to take the right to like smth in the right way or whatever, telling everyone else who don’t fit in the minority group that they can’t like the thing. Idk, I just wish ppl were like in Eastern Asian fandoms, not making everything about themselves, being open minded enough for whatever ‘different’ thing whether they are into it or not, and if they’re not ignoring it only.

And I do get wanting to fit the minority, as a teenager I was veery punk/gothic, depending on the moment, and I never fit in the majority opinions or habits anyway. And I was kind of fluid with my identity and sexuality, but silly me, I kept it for myself, even tho I discussed with those who insulted lgbt ppl and I wrote stuff where everyone is bisexual by default, thinking that it was how people were born before society conditioned them...I could have bragged but I had no idea about ‘fluid’ or ‘pan’, silly me.

I am so irritated at everything, like the words they use, even the english language that is not mine, is getting on my nerves because it’s the vehicle for their crap, but these periodically trending words are disgusting like these ppl to me.

I migth have gone out of topic again lol.

[rpbetter]

Urgh. Okay, full disclosure, I haven't been on tumblr much over the last week or so, because I was one of the people that Raven initially called out after the COAR mess, and it was in the interest of my own mental health to fuck off for a while so I didn't stress myself out into oblivion. So I'm scrolling through most of this stuff for the first time, and talking to other people who were targeted. And pardon my French here, but I'm fucking disgusted at the lengths Raven has gone to assert themselves as a victim, how many people they've affected, and the waving around of something as serious as suicide for brownie points.

I have sympathy for people who overinterpret things in a strictly emotional and mental sense (actual reactions aside) because they lack the maturity. There's always a reason for that, and it's not their fault. And I have sympathy for people if they legitimately feel suicidal. That, too, isn't their fault. If I hadn't been blocked, I would've reported Raven in case their claims were true as well, because yeah, I don't mess around with that stuff either. But what's unacceptable is how Raven acted on those sentiments and behaved towards others, even after people tried to provide perspective. How Raven claimed to be done with the drama, but continued inciting it; how they claimed to be suicidal and had left tumblr, but wrote what amounts to a "fuck you" in their header and were still putzing around on their blog, and were apparently still editing their posts until as late as today; how they claimed to have deleted but only changed the url; how they weaponized all of this stuff and used it as a tool for guilt-tripping. Like, come on. It's okay if you're down in the dumps, but it's not okay to treat innocent people like garbage, and carpet bomb half the RPC. To me, it really feels like there was an intent to weaponize all of their hurt, offense, anger, and suicidal ideations, despite the possibility it did come from somewhere genuine, and that's so harmful to anyone who is actually struggling with depression.

Every time someone weaponizes mental illness in this way, it just makes people more and more apathetic the next time someone is genuinely just hurting, and saying they feel like they're at the end of their rope. And it makes people suspicious of whether those words are being used maliciously, or legitimately. That suspicion and that association is now there, unconscious or not. And every time this kind of stuff happens, the association gets stronger. What happens if Raven does this again? Some people will still report, but some people might just scoff and walk away - people who might've actually acted before. So in a way, that kind of behaviour impacts Raven as much as it impacts other people.

And you know what? They're not the only one dealing with serious shit. I've been suffering from MDD for the last fifteen years, and I've been in the process of changing medications and having little success for months. I've been going through hell offline. I have a shit list of people I want to yell at because they're dragging their feet on really important things I need to function; I'm constantly running a deficit on spoons. Until a week or so ago, roleplay was one of the only ways I could unwind. So for Raven to bully me by sticking that stupid post in my tags, because they needed to make a scene on COAR, which I was obviously going to comment on (like many other people), then to "like" an unsubstantiated callout about me and other innocent people related to that mess, it's only worsened my own mental health. It sounds melodramatic, but really. Someone else mentioned this too, but the fear of being in another callout, and the fear of that first callout somehow exploding, was in the back of my mind all week, despite being away from tumblr. So that was a little anxiety-inducing, much as I tried not to think about it.

And I'm debating whether to return now, or take more time off, and I have no idea what to do. Because that callout post is still in my blog's tag. I'm freaking out because I was planning on approaching some people to roleplay, which is something I rarely ever do, but now I'm concerned that I'll contact someone, they'll look at my tag to get an idea of my writing/partners/who I am, and see the callout post, and immediately dismiss me because even seeing the word "callout" on its own will send up red flags, by unconscious association with more impactful drama. And as long as that callout is up, these fears are going to be there.

That's just not fair.

And Raven's "apology" is completely unacceptable. Like you and others said, it doesn't reach anyone who needs to hear it, because they've all been blocked. I would fucking love an apology if it came from a place of honesty, but am I going to receive one? Probably not. And even for the followers who can still see that apology, it doesn't address anything. It isn't directed to anyone in particular. It doesn't mention the specific behaviours that were wrong on their part. And miss me with the "my intentions were good" part. No, they weren't; going around blocks and sticking shit in peoples' tags is vindictive and entirely intentional in all the worst ways, and shame on them for pretending otherwise, and by leading with such a poor example for many roleplayers, some of whom are in their teens. One of the people who tried to message Raven (they, too, were called out on Raven's blog) was speaking to a nineteen-year old who was completely clueless about the extent of the manipulation Raven was pulling. They thought all of it was normal and acceptable behaviour. That genuinely terrifies me. And while I imagine if Raven was genuinely apologetic, they would've gone to the callout blog and ask them to delete the callout post (attempt it, at the very least), somehow, I don't think that would've happened given all of their prior actions. God forbid something else is going on there.

Phew. Yeah, I'm angry. Maybe I'm just biased and tired. But honestly, I have a right to be. Raven's apology is a handwave, and they know it. It's a slap in the face to me, to you, and to everyone else who was involved in this clusterfuck. They're not the center of the universe. They affected real people, with real problems of their own. Anyways, I am so sorry for this, argh. Really had to get this out, and I didn't want to dump it on discord or somewhere else; I sure as heck didn't want to go to COAR with it. But hey, maybe people here will feel less alone if I added my own account to the mix. The more, the merrier? In a sense, anyways. Sometimes if you feel like you've been singled out, it's nice to know you're not actually the only person it's happened to.

Sorry for saving your reply for last, Anon. It's such an important one, I wanted to be properly thoughtful!

I think that it is going to make some people feel less alone, and there is always some relief in sharing one's trials. That might be especially true when one has been unable to share them anywhere else. It's not like you can address this on your own blog right now, COAR is definitely not a safe place to do so, it's a very isolating feeling that is made worse for having done nothing.

Coming back and being required to wade through this shit was really damn disgusting to me as well, but at least in my case, I had neither been obliged to distance myself for the sake of mental health nor was I treated to the sickening display of drumming up ideas of victimization from someone who victimized me. What I experienced was just incredulity and disgust, I cannot imagine how incensing this must be for you, I am so very sorry. If it makes me angry having a degree of removal and watching in it real time? What you're experiencing...there really isn't a single word to adequately encapsulate that, I'm sure.

You've still expressed so many of the things I've thought and felt. I found all that initial behavior uncalled for, shameful, yet another display of what's actually wrong in the RPC, but it was increasingly upsetting to me the more I looked into it because it did feel a little (a lot) too reminiscent of the sort of bullying experienced in person. It's really something else to be viciously picked at by someone who keeps upping the game until such point as it begins to cause them trouble, then get to be painted the wrongdoer and punished in some way for it because they're presenting as a sympathetic victim. A more sympathetic victim than you, that's really what I mean, I'm just going to say it.

And that was already in swing by the time I got from the launch point to the smoking crater of then current events. I got to Raven's again after bouncing back and forth between their interactions with others, largely from COAR, yes, and the shit on the callout blog...to see...everyone else being blamed in increasingly drastic ways.

Because on tumblr, unlike reality, if you throw out enough times ahead of time that you have disorders people can get behind, you're more sympathetic, not less. So long as one has set that foundation and has others to broadcast it once convenient, any horrible action one undertakes is given a pass. Anyone disagreeing, anyone not tolerating the abuse, is in the wrong now. In the worst possible way, of course.

This whole thing began with incredibly unnecessary bullshit and every, I mean fucking every, further action taken was a new level of fucked up, but the trivializing of and damage done to the perception of mental health and differences is quite possibly the worst. Are those things that need any more of that? It's already such a problem! I already see suspicion and fatigue with this, every time it's given validation, it grows.

Even if I wasn't mentally ill, with one of the disorders that gets vilified even on tumblr, even if I were not autistic, even if I never knew a single person who suffered worse than I do from the the complications they won by way of being born, hadn't anyone I loved that took their lives, this would be extremely upsetting to me. Using the idea that "whatever I do, it's got to be acceptable because I am X" while not caring that anyone else is X, Y, and/or Z. Weaponizing it for bullying and sympathy simultaneously. Way too much. Incredibly gross and harmful, legitimately fucking problematic.

I want people to be taken seriously when they choose to speak of the boundaries their mental health requires, I want muns to be able to say that they are having a difficult time without it coming off (even to the rest of us with mental health conditions) as a ploy for attention/guilting for whatever action they desire be taken by partners, and I want people to take threats of oncoming, serious harm seriously. How are they to do this, when it is continually used as tool or weaponized against others? At very best, it becomes another thing to ignore and scroll by on the dash.

As we've all had the misfortune to experience or witness so recently, once it is weaponized, it's a problem of priority. I've said in damn near every message I've gotten that Raven isn't the only person involved here who has serious shit going on, but like the absurdity with trying to spin an accident as transphobia, or having the audacity to attempt speaking from a place of peace in a way that might benefit everyone, Raven included, resulting in a callout about being against ND people...it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter that any of us are neurodivergent, have serious chronic mental health complications, or are not cisgender. Raven was swinging that around like a flaming sword to drive off bigots real and imagined before we ever got their attention.

Attention they fucking asked for.

Reblogging that post from COAR was just like posting those rules. The intention was to get attention, and it was asked for with extreme hostility. I have no idea how that is coming off to anyone as simply them defending themselves. It was a great moment to either not out themselves as the person in the confession at all, not engage with it, quietly remove the post, or to reblog it and take responsibility in a meaningful way at that point. Can you imagine what a difference that would have made then? If Raven had chosen instead to reblog it and apologize for doing what they had. Just that. No shitty, snide little comments about how they're sorry, but still absolutely correct and here are five reasons why everything they've misconstrued won't be tolerated. Just an acknowledgment of wrongdoing, an apology for doing so, and awareness gained moving forward.

Their decision to interact with that post in the way they did wasn't just more of the same nonsense, it was actively upping the game. I don't really care if it was intentional bait or just continuing to let malicious impulse run free, it was used as bait. Everyone who interacted with that post was effectively consigning themselves to harassment, and if they happened to interact on literally any other topic that group held a passionately opposing opinion on, they were attacked for it. Curiously, it became necessary for them to be harassed by way of the callout blog, but that is getting a little close to off-topic, so, I'll leave it at that.

So, while I initially really wanted to have the appeal to Raven work because their expressions of regret that I was greatly on the fence about being genuine, I'd say those flags were accurate. I cannot believe that someone who took every opportunity to do the wrong thing is genuinely sorry. Sorry for themselves, absolutely, sorry for anything they did, not so much. This constant narrative I got of "they SAID they were sorry" and "they apologized again and again and took the posts down," including from Raven, is incredible. On that last one, they, yet again, couldn't actually address me.

Appropriate response: messaging me or reblogging that post (you know, the rules snippet I found right the hell there still, despite the claim of it being deleted and the final catalyst of me needing to say something after I saw that, nope, surely was not) with the acknowledgment of a single thing I said.

Extra appropriate response: ^ plus going to everyone who could still be located that they harmed with a genuine, individual, private apology.

Inappropriate response that was had: new post, shitty, childish tone like they at once wanted to argue with me and didn't want to drop the act, restating of this apology that had already been deleted and meant exactly shit while it existed, restating of how they deleted this post and couldn't control reblogs, ignoring that I literally reblogged the original copy from their blog.

Apology neither believed nor accepted. Just as it wouldn't be if my nephew came to my house, broke a bunch of my things, said he was sorry while throwing the pieces at my pet, then threw himself on the floor screaming that he said he was sorry when I told him to go have a time out.

(Yes, I absolutely did just make a comparison to a child, y'all can shit yourselves again. It's not my problem if you want to misconstrue "this person's actions are not befitting of an adult" as "Vespertine said autistic people are children!" Fucking miss me with that. I'm an autistic adult who pays my bills, apologizes, doesn't treat people like shit while trying to excuse it by being ND. You're offensive with that shit, and contributing to the negative perception people have of those on the spectrum. Be a good ally today! Don't valid that! Free ninety-nine offer!)

Again, sorry for yourself does not equal being sorry for what you've done. The former can contribute to the development of the latter, but as I said in a response yesterday, there has been no display of that beginning to transpire. I genuinely hope that will eventually be the case because that would be the best outcome, the only "best" outcome at this point. Even if it was two years from now, if it did happen, I certainly would not be kind to people refusing them any such growth in peace, and I hope that, by some distant chance, I get to prove that.

But...stating "my intentions were good" over any part of this is not remotely promising. When? Where? At what point? Oh, right, when you took it upon yourself to label a random mun you took issue with. That's when your intentions were good. Then, when you vehemently needed to defend that point by callouts and individual attacks under the guise of it definitely not being about your pride, no! It was the defense of everyone else! Defending the community by carpet-bombing it, yes. This is not a "the path to Hell is paved with good intentions" situation.

I am so disturbed about the nineteen-year-old mun, my god. I'm telling y'all, my anger and disgust almost reach what I think is a pinnacle, then there's something new like this.

I don't even subscribe to tumblr's ideology that anyone under twenty-five is an actual infant who needs be kept in a protective bubble and forgiven for all bad behavior with infinite kindness, nineteen-year-olds deserve the agency of the adultier adults they are becoming, but it is a transitional age. Especially today. Most socialization and formative ideas take place online, and by the time younger RPers are entering the adult sphere of RP here, they've already got some really unhealthy ideas. About themselves, about others. There is such a demand for rabidly performative action that gets internalized, it shouldn't be being heartily fed by people in the community they might look up to.

At that age, someone like Raven is going to be a person looked up to. They espouse all the right ideas, and it's an age in which aggressive interaction over those things is seen as amusing and correct, no matter how wrong the actions taken are or the basis upon which they are founded. When these people foster an environment of cruelty for questioning, of course, that is not going to be the natural response. The response is now going to be the requirement of being told otherwise with adequate proof.

I have suspected that many of the hateful anons I've gotten were from Raven's even younger followers who feel like it's normal, acceptable, and that everything they're being told by Raven's sales team over at the callout blog is absolutely true. Of course, they're now morally obligated to come harass me for the things they were told I did! I think it's likely that several of the anons people got were from actual minors, which is so many levels of scary and irresponsible. Really great example all around, yes!

Because whether it is one's intention or not, that is potentially exposing minors, or muns who are still close enough to be more negatively impacted, to who even knows what. As well as violating the rules of blogs who do not interact with minors for good reason, setting those blogs up for yet another callout for treating someone they didn't know was a minor the way they did or having "freak shit" on their blog. Setting up the other party to be treated with full hostility as an adult would be. Very cool, very responsible.

There is just so much here that is unacceptable, I don't think people who were not directly impacted or have never had a callout against them understand the results, and that is one more unacceptable thing you've been good enough to talk about.

Even while taking a break from the RPC, it affects you negatively. Wondering what you're coming back to, your blog is no longer a safe feeling space, and there's nothing you can do to "cultivate your blog" to change that. They've taken away the ability to simply block and avoid others, the thing that keeps all of us comfortable here as well as allowing that to be all of us no matter how disagreeable we might be to each other. Callouts negate adult behavior. Callouts mean that one doesn't know where more potential for harassment might be coming from, or how long we might have to be worried about that.

It would be a major concern for me as well about what putting myself out there to new writing partners might bring. What the success of that might be. It's incredibly unfair that they've made finding new people precarious and more unpleasant than it can be anyway. That puts all of the future of your RP here in question, and if you're like me, just dropping a muse, picking up another, and moving to a new URL isn't going to be a good choice for you. It isn't that simple if you dedicate time to a muse for a long period of time, when that's the case, that's the RP you want to do and have laid the groundwork for.

I don't know if it will help at all, but it has seemed to me, over the past several days, that there are fewer people in the RPC who are inclined to believe or support callouts than there once was. I was hoping that was the case, since there is always so much interaction on my posts against callout culture, but until this crap went down, I had no idea just how many people are not positive toward it. It has seemed to be that the people who are inclined to listen to callouts are just louder.

I've also noticed that those people have the same set of red flags, so maybe sharing that will help you or others?

They don't have simple, basic, reasonable Do Not Interacts. It isn't simply asking that minors don't interact because the mun is over eighteen, that muns writing a triggering topic not interact, or that sort of thing. No, it's URL dropping of specific muns, outright links to callouts or "receipts," and an accusatory tone about any topics or types of muns who shouldn't interact. Such as "nasty ass proshippers" or "pedo apologists shipping incest."

Their rules are reflective this as well. A statement cannot be made that they do not write, let's say, toxic ships and left at that. There will be some morality wank present about normalizing or romanticizing toxic/abusive relationships.

There are less assured flags, but literally, anything that stands out as an interest in RPC or fandom-based activism as opposed to an interest in writing, their muses, or even their friendships with a variety of muns. I don't mean a rounded-out interest in things, I really do mean a glaring predominance of buzzword-laden reblogs and PSA's while they've not written a reply, headcanon, or answered a meme in months.

I'm not saying any of that because I feel like you, or anyone else's, judgment is terrible or that you're oblivious to warning signs! It's just that when we've experienced bad situations, it can compromise our ability to see clearly. It becomes easy to see a potential threat everywhere, and maybe that seems contrary, but it's then easy to fail to see real threats from those we're blowing up. We question whether we're being just as judgmental as the people who wronged us, putting words in other muns' mouths and thoughts in place of their own as was done to us. While we still are afraid to be wrong in giving someone an in to ruining our time again.

So, please, don't feel like I'm questioning your intelligence or speaking from a place of ultimate knowledge, never making mistakes in such a choice! I just really hate that you, and many others, are going through this, and anything at all that I can think of that might help you move forward from this utter bullshit you've been through, I've got to try to grab it.

Because, Anon, like all those sharing their experiences these last few days, you sound like the kind of mun we need in the RPC.

You're someone willing to share with others for the benefit of others. You're being honest about your feelings of anger and even the hopeless sensation of whether it's even worth it to try to return, having your progress on and offline stomped on, while still maintaining a sort of fairness and calm that I know is not easy. Because that's the mature thing to do, it's the right thing, and unfortunately, those are usually the harder things to do as well.

You did the right thing in expressing your opinion and doing what people like Raven's group love to be on about, can only do through bullying: not tolerating it. I'd hate for the RPC to lose someone like you!

Just as your message matters to more people out there than myself, I have no doubt that your choice to not quietly allow this behavior mattered to more muns than you'll ever know. I'm sure that none of them would have wanted this result for you, but so many muns have experienced such toxic, bullying behavior over the years in which not a soul spoke up.

Many of you proved something very important with challenging Raven and the callouts blog, that unlike them, it isn't necessary for good people to even know each other to do the right thing. They have to dogpile and engage in cliquish behavior, what they do isn't coming from a place of inner ethics and strength, but what you all did? It's the opposite.

So, not only do I thank you again for sharing and providing the important support of simply not being alone to others, I thank you for being the example to the RPC that people dealing in callouts and generalized shaming cannot be, no matter their platform.

I hope that, whether you choose to remain, leave, or take a very long break, everything you've been dealing with starts to look up. I know it's easy to say things made hollow for their repetition and flippant use, like telling you not to let them win, or that their bullshit just isn't that important. So, I'm not going to say them.

It doesn't work that way when you're dealing with mental health concerns! You can logically know that this is just petty bullshit not worth being run out of something important to you, but that doesn't stop the worry, frustration, or depression. You can have all the determination in the world to hang in there, even the spite to back it up, but neither is a match for the things you cannot control coming from your brain. That is the cruelty of mental illness on the very best of days.

You have all of my respect, support, and genuine sympathy that this happened to you. No one should be allowed to continually and unapologetically go out of their way to throw a wrench into someone's hard-won progress. You did nothing to deserve this, and the people out there worth interacting with are going to be the same ones who will have no question of that.

Lastly, I also hope that some of the anons sharing their experiences have helped you feel less alone, or like you're not just irrationally upset. Please know that you're seen and supported as well! And that you are always welcome to talk more, vent, share successes here.

Thank you, Anon.

[moreracquetball]

Oh wow, okay, so I'm going to try to get this across in the nicest way possible - the whole "Jason is autistic" headcanon is inherently problematic and just... not great and honestly offensive. Romanticizing mental disorders i.e. Autism or Aspergers is not a good thing to get into the habit of, and it is just not really anybody's place to analyze if a character falls on the spectrum or doesn't. If you want to talk more ab this without a character limit just answer and let me know and i'll dm you

For context, this in response to the Jason is autistic headcanon post that I had reblogged earlier.

Okay well! That reblog was in no way purposed to offend anyone, so I’m very sorry! However, after doing some of my own research and communicating with other people on the issue, I would like to respectfully offer up a new perspective on this issue:

I personally don’t see headcanoning characters as autistic inherently problematic. To say “I think [this character] is autistic” is not romanticizing autism. 

Romanticizing: deal with or describe in an idealized or unrealistic fashion; make (something) seem better or more appealing than it really is.

Based on this definition, I am not “romanticizing” autism. For example, I’m not going “oooohhh,he’s autistic! How cute and quirky!” nor am I calling any of his autistic-indicating habits as “quirky” or “adorable.” 

Paralleling this issue, by headcanoning Trina as depressed/suicidal, I have never trivialized nor romanticized the way that she had said, in the song Love is Blind, “I have a scalpel up my sleeve.” I am not condoning nor “romanticizing” that type of toxic behavior; i am simply acknowledging that it is there within the subtext of the material.

Now, in relation to the headcanon that Jason is autistic, I am simply acknowledging certain aspects of his characteristics/behavior. The phrase “I think Jason is autistic/on the spectrum because [this], [this], and [this]” is not inherently problematic. It is a personal/subjective conclusion based on a series of observations.

 It’s important to acknowledge that Jason is a character that real autistic people can identify with. Of course, it’s not the perfect form of representation (it is still just a “headcanon” as it has never been confirmed or denied by Finn), but Jason (along with many other coded characters!) gives a marginalized group identification and comfort (that is, if they so wish to see Jason as autistic).

In order to gain insight on this issue from someone who is on the spectrum, @upsettoland has also made pretty valid points on this issue that will be bolded:

Common misconception is that autism is often referred to as a “mental disorder,” when it is in fact a developmental/neurological disorder; it sounds pretty similar, but the large and important difference is that autistic people are intrinsically autistic, rather than say, someone who experiences a trauma and subsequently develops something akin to major depressive disorder?

I see that brought up a lot in discussions, where people compare autism to something harmful like depression, when the reality is that autism isn’t necessarily harmful in and of itself, rather it’s other people’s reactions to people on the spectrum, such as refusing to accommodate our sensory needs/etc? Not that like hcing a character as bipolar is harmful or “romanticising” it of course, and people are sometimes genetically predisposed to various mental disorders, but I see people group disorders such as that with autism, and it’s harmful for the reason that aforementioned individuals usually possess the viewpoint that autism is something that needs to be cured/autistic people are a hindrance on society/etc.

Now, as for your assertion that it isn’t anyone’s place to analyze whether a character is autistic or not - well, a “headcanon” is literally analyzing subtext and forming a conclusion based on that subtext. Of course, this can get tricky when you start introducing toxicity and/or problematic beliefs/stigmas into a headcanon, but I do not believe that this is the case for headcanoning a person as autistic. 

I’m sorta against policing headcanons (that is to say: the ones that don’t explicitly contradict canon, defame a character with no solid evidence/reasoning, affect the real people behind the work in a negative way, associate character(s) with stereotypes, etc); as @upsettoland says:  trying to police how people in the fandom interact with the material is like kinda not cool and fun???

Also, @upsettoland puts it: that diction [the question asker] really adds to the whole them viewing autism as some sort of character flaw or hindrance, which ://

So there was my reasoning on why headcanoning a person as autistic is not inherently problematic. However, if you do have more points/clarifications/rebuttals, feel free to spread more awareness about the issue. I realize that this is a sensitive issue that has different perspectives, none of which are “objectively right” because it is not my or anyone else’s right to personally decide whether something should or should not be offensive to someone.

I would point out, though, that you may want to talk to someone more well-versed on the issue. I formulated this response with research, so I was (and still am) pretty ignorant to the sensitivies around this whole thing! Also, you should always phrase your question in a nice, respectful manner. Prefacing the ask with: “Oh wow, okay, so I’m going to try to get this across in the nicest way possible“ is actually not a nice way to get your message across! It sounds very passive-aggressive, condescending, and standoffish - all of which are very detrimental to promoting an environment of free discussion.

[askanautistic]

Hey so since I was like ten my brother has done everything in his power to tear me down and make me feel like shit. He was diagnosed (is that the correct term?) with autism, specifically asbergers a few days ago. I know that asbergers can prevent someone from understanding empathy right? So I'm feeling very conflicted does this mean he didn't know? I'm sorry if this in any way was offensive, and thanks for making this account and being here to answer questions...

It’s possible that he didn’t realise. Many autistic people might not understand social rules, or understand that some things are considered impolite, or that some things might be hurtful. Sometimes we might be completely oblivious to the effect our behaviour has on others, and people might accuse us of being rude or aggressive without us really understanding why they think those things or how to alter our behaviour to prevent it from happening.But it’s also possible that he was intentionally just being a jerk, because everyone has different personalities. And yes, there are autistic people who lack empathy, which might make it harder to recognise and understand the effect their behaviour is having, but there are also autistic people who are empathetic, who would recognise the effect their behaviour is having and would feel bad about it even though they never intended to cause harm.To understand why he treated you as he did, it would be best to talk with him. If that’s too difficult, you could also consider whether he treated you differently before you turned ten, and if so what was the difference (were there any changes in home or school life that might explain things?). Also think about how he treats other people, because if he’s generally more pleasant towards other people that might suggest that he is bullying you specifically.His Asperger’s diagnosis doesn’t make it okay for him to make you feel bad. Perhaps his diagnosis will help him to better understand some of the difficulties he faces if it is a genuine reason for how he has behaved, and might help things improve. It might also help you understand if there are reasons behind his behaviour (for example, if he has been reacting towards you due to sensory issues or something else related to his autism). Your caregivers should have dealt with it better already, and if you are still living together they shouldn’t let those things go just because he has a diagnosis. You don’t have to tolerate being made to feel bad just because your brother is autistic, but if you think that it is genuinely unintentional then perhaps learning a bit about autism and recognising how it has impacted on your relationship will help you to address it.

[tinyhatonapumpkin]

Hey, I saw your post about how non autistic people aren't accommodating to autistic people and was wondering if you had any recommendations of how to be more accommodating? I'm not NT but I don't have autism and I'm not sure what kinds of things would be helpful when interacting with someone with autism.

(Sorry if this is a really late response my internet has been abysmal for the past..... WHILE)

-Make sure that you don’t assume meaning from our actions. That’s one of our biggest frustrations. Allistic people often read into our actions, words, body language, etc. and then make incorrect assumptions. Remember, we’re not allistic, our brains work different, we think different, so the reason WE do something may be very different from the reason an allistic person does something.

- By extension: say what you mean and mean what you say. There are so many times that people get mad at me, say I’m being a little shit or purposefully obtuse, etc. just because... I didn’t get what they were insinuating. Or I didn’t read between the lines, or whatever. Hell it’s gotten to the point that I often over read into what allistics say, because goddamn. You people can’t just be direct. So in an attempt to accommodate, I end up accidentally reading into things that aren’t meant to be read into, or over reading into things, or even just getting the wrong meaning because I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING. Just... talk to us. Don’t hint. Especially don’t get annoyed if we don’t catch what you’re saying.

- Kinda on the same vein, but: If an autistic person doesn’t understand something, even if you think it obvious, don’t ridicule them for it, just explain it. Things that come naturally to you don’t come naturally to us. Our mental skills are elsewhere. Also it’s usually social stuff or figures of speech we don ’t understand, and i mean... that stuff is bullshit anyway. (This isn’t just social and communication btw, this could even be just how to do a task.)

-Speaking of which: don’t force autistic people to conform to your social standards. Don’t force us to make eye contact. Don’t tell us not to stim. Don’t get mad at us for repeating something or scripting.

-If we communicate in a nonverbal way, don’t tell us to “use [our] words!” (ex: pointing and gesturing to something we want passed to us at the table, a hand on your shoulder when we’re trying to get past you, etc.) Because even if we may not be nonverbal at the time, we might be overwhelmed, and so talking uses a lot of energy. Or we just might be very distracted and plain forget to speak. Getting angry at us will only stress us out more, which will only exacerbate the problem.

-Speaking of nonverbal: if someone needs to communicate using an alternative communication method, like writing, typing, AAC, etc. GIVE THEM TIME TO WRITE THEIR RESPONSE. I can’t tell you how many people will just get annoyed and move on, stop talking to me, try (and fail) to guess what I’m trying to say, etc. It’s more frustrating than the inability to use my mouth to talk in the first place. This can also go for people who stutter and/or stammer. Which often happens to autistics too. Just give us time to communicate however we can.

-Don’t spring things on autistics. Plan things in advance, and if they are asking for lots of info about what you’re going to be doing, don’t get annoyed. Shit is stressful for us, so knowing a lot about it can help ease the anxiety and stress. The more we know the better we can prepare. Because the world isn’t made for us, so we have to do a lot to fit into it. But if we know nothing about the situation, we can’t know what we need to do for it. Not to mention we often need accessibility items, so it’s important to know what’s going on so we know what to bring.

-If the autistic person needs things done a certain way, let them have it done that way. It is extremely stressful if one of our constants in our lives is disrupted. Also we have things done in the way we do them for a reason. Whether it be to fight decision fatigue by having routines and sameness, or just doing things a certain way because it makes our homes, clothes, LIFE more sensory friendly, just... let us have our things be the way we need them. Hell even shit like sitting in the same seat every meeting let’s say: it’s easier to focus on the meeting when your SPD isn’t having to process all sorts of new information because you’re seeing the room from a different perspective.

-Don’t judge us in any way for our “weird” behaviours. So this includes “weird” expressions, body language, habits (chewing, sucking, stimming, etc.), body movements, speech, etc. And by judge I mean commenting, funny looks, reactions, etc. Just act like it’s totally normal, because to us? It kinda is.

-Small talk.... just... ugh. So something that happens a lot that I HATE is that allistic people will disrupt my work to just... chat. About fucking nothing. I’ll be doing something and then they’ll just come up to me and be all like “Whatcha doing?” “...working.” “Whatcha working on?” “I’m typing up the minutes.” “...” “...” “So how was your weekend?” etc. Drives me up the wall. You could clearly see I was in the middle of something. If you don’t have anything you actually need from me? Leave me be. I’ll chat later when I’m not busy!! (If you’re not sure, just ask if the person is busy/up for chatting.)

-Don’t be overly condemning/abrasive when informing us that something we’re doing/said/etc. is inappropriate, offensive, rude, etc. Now this part may seem like I’m contradicting the whole “don’t hold us up to your social standards” thing, but being autistic isn’t a get out of jail free card. If we are doing or saying something shitty, it still needs to be addressed. However we may not realize the impact of it. This could be because it’s not a big deal to us and we don’t realize that it is for others, or just because in an attempt to fit in, we mimicked those around us... and those around us weren’t the best people.

For example: I have dermotilliomania. So I can’t stand it whenever there’s a zit on my face, ESPECIALLY a white head. I’d pop that sucker as soon as I saw it. But I didn’t realize that this was more of my own experience, so in my teens, whenever I’d notice one on my sister’s face, I’d point it out. I wasn’t trying to go all “haha you have acne” I was more going “Oh no you have a Bad Thing on your face, you probably want to get rid of it!!” Kinda like when you tell someone that they have something in their teeth or a bit of sauce on their chin. Unfortunately though, she was allistic and did not have dermotiliomania, so to her I was just constantly pointing out something that she was insecure about. So it actually caused a lot of self image problems for her. I didn’t learn the full impact of it until years later.

So in that example, a good thing to do would be to explain: “I really don’t like it when you point out my acne, because you pointing it out all the time makes me really insecure.”

Using myself for an example again: I was raised in a white Conservative Catholic family. So I didn’t understand the allistic world, and the only people I had to base my understanding OF that world were..... well not great. So I had to spend a lot of time unlearning stuff. I’m not trying to excuse anything I did or said that was offensive, but I just feel like pointing out something.

Here’s how intense it can be: my family LOVED making “r*tard jokes”, which were actually autism jokes looking back. I made them along with them, even though I did all the behaviours they were mocking (but in secret). Hell I even threw around the r word in casual conversation, because that’s what I was used to hearing, and what I thought was normal.  I had a good friend begin my education about that stuff, so by the time I found out that I’m autistic, I had already dropped all the jokes and language... and started realizing how terrible they were because they were making fun of me in a way. (I even remember hearing things like “why are you acting like such a r*tard?” and then trying to hide it by acting like I was just doing more of the mocking.)

Now the latter half of this section (or even this section in general) may just seem like good advice in general. But it’s particularly relevant for autistic people, because we often end up with more rude behaviours, and more easily adopt offensive crap... and find it harder to lose because scripts and echolalia and whatnot. So if they continue after you address them, just point it out each time they do it, but in a gentle reminding way, because they probably just are falling back on old scripts, forgot themselves for a moment because of everything else going on, etc. It’ll take some time, but it’ll happen. 

Ok so idk if I went overboard or not, but.... here are some things anyway!! 

(And hell this might just be a good list, so feel free to reblog it anyone reading if you’re just stumbling upon it or whatever.)