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sortasirius · 3 years

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What the Fuck Happened to the SPN Finale?

Okay so here it is, my Charlie Kelly style manifesto.

Before I get into it, I recognize that I will look like this to many of you, and that’s okay, I understand:

Secondly, your personal Takes about the writers don’t interest me, I don’t need to hear them. This, as I’ll explain, is going to remain a writer positive blog, and that’s the end of it.

Third, and most importantly: some of what I’m going to talk about is fact, and some is highly educated speculation. I will notate what is speculation, just so there’s no confusion or hot takes in my inbox that I’m a conspiracy theorist or stirring shit up for no reason.

A list of what I’ll be discussing

The episode in regards to the rest of the season

The episode issues: length, editing

Scene placement and speculation of scenes cut

The scrubbing of Jack, Cas, Eileen

Network involvement and general timeline of when things were cut

Misha: theories on where he was, official company line, why we can’t expect to hear anything directly

The silence of the cast post episode (in Misha’s case, mid episode) and what this might mean

Jensen speaking with Kripke about the ending: why it doesn’t mean what you might think (also why kripke remained positive on the ending)

Walker, and why this episode had a major shift

Why the network would do this or get involved

Why the writers of the show simply aren’t the bad guys here, and what I “want” out of this post, since I know it’ll get asked

This is very long and under a cut, but I hope you’ll give it a read.

The Episode In Regards to the Rest of the Season

So, I’ve discussed this already here, but it’s the most obvious thing to me, and that’s the way this episode simply doesn’t fit with the rest of the season.

These people in this room have, truly, been nothing but consistent when it comes to their arcs, especially this season, and the marked dropoff in quality for the finale episode is just too sus to discount to me. Dabb’s whole focus has been character-based. In his seasons, we’ve moved far away from MOTW and bro-codependency, the found family taking it’s place. Does it really sit right to anyone that that was all thrown away in literally the last episode of the entire show?

This is speculation on my part, but as a writer myself, there is no way I would be happy or willing to stamp my name on something that I didn’t think would, at the very least, wrap up the season+ character arcs that I and my team had been crafting.

And before anyone comes in here saying, “well GOT did that!” Bruh. The writing was on the wall for GOT long before the final episode. You could tell that the showrunners just wanted to be done (not only from the plot, but from the fact that they lobbied for a shorter season). Miss me with that, it doesn’t apply here. Andrew has, besides Singer and J2, been with the show longer than anyone. He cares, he is meticulous and detailed, and this ending feels worse than anything Bucklemming has ever written, let alone Dabb.

Additionally, I’ve seen a lot of people say that Dabb was never behind Destiel, that it was all Bobo and Meredith and no one else. That is reductive to the point of insult of the work Dabb has done to get this greenlit. This man did not write the s13 Dean grief arc to be slandered like this. That being said, YES, Bobo and Meredith were the leads on the DeanCas arc this season, but ANDREW IS THE SHOWRUNNER, TO GET EVEN THE CONFESSION APPROVED BY THE NETWORK HE WOULD HAVE TO HAVE THEIR BACKS. AND HE DID.

Finale Issues

So, now that we’ve gotten the fact that this episode doesn’t hit on any of the major themes the show was barrelling towards all season, let’s discuss the fact that the episode is just...weird.

Not only is it shorter than any other episode (I think with the intro and the credits/crew thing at the end, it was around 38 mins), but it was also...idk, 90% filler?

One of the lovely humans in the POLOL server did the legwork here, and broke it down:

This is weird, y’all. Most series finales are LONGER than normal (Lost, SOA, Longmire are the ones I can think of off the top of my head), and for the final episode to be this? I saw more than one person point out that we only really needed 19 episodes, what was the point of 20? AND THAT’S EXACTLY IT? WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS FINAL EPISODE IF THIS WAS ALL WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET?

It simply doesn’t make any sense, the first half of the episode was rushed, a final monster hunt gone wrong, but in the second half? Nothing really happened? Sam lived his entire life and Dean just drove around. It doesn’t make sense to have all the emotional arcs left unaddressed in an episode that definitely needed some kind of spark.

Here’s the speculation I have: the episode seemingly went through a lot of changes between the initial inception of the final season and when we actually got it, but I think it would have been passable (as in, we wouldn’t be sitting here asking each other why each arc feels incomplete) until the editing room got ahold of it. The only think that makes this episode make sense is network fuckery. Truly, that is the only thing. It explains the weird, cuts, the rushed pacing of the first half followed by nothing in the second half, the double montages of “Wayward Son” back to back, and Dean just...driving around for the last half of the episode.

Scene Placement and Speculation of Scenes Cut

Before I get into this section, the info of the shots in the episode I have come from a source that @occamshipper got a week or so before the finale. She’s talked about this here.

So here’s what Min was given:

1-5: 1 INT MEN OF LETTERS – DEAN’S ROOM Dean is greeted by Miracle

6-10: 6 INT MEN OF LETTERS – HALLWAY/SAM’S ROOM Sam has his routine

D1 1 11-15: 15 EXT FARM HOUSE Establishing

N1 1/8 16-20: 19 Dad’s journal, marker, drawing of masked man in journal.

21-25: 23 INT IMPALA – PMP Driver picks the music

N2 1 3/8 1,2 26-30: 28pt2 INT BARN: A face from the past

28pt3 Sam and Dean say goodbye

28pt4 Shot early for technical reasons, presumably the overhead shot

N2 31-45: 41 INT MEN OF LETTERS – SAM’S ROOM Sam’s alarm goes off D4 1/8 1 46-60: 56 INT N7glasses for Sam, laptop.

So...it all fits right? It all tracks with the actual episode, where it lands, etc. The issue is between shots 29-40 which were apparently “too big to spoil.” Uh. Where are they? And where’s 28 pt4?

After Dean dies, the next scene is Sam burning him, then shot 31, the shot of his alarm going off.

So. Where are those 11ish shots?

PLUS we have the boards, which are scenes we KNOW were actually shot:

As well as scenes for 20 that were shot in 19.

It’s just...weird, it’s weird and again hits on the fact that the episode is so short and like 80% montage.

The Scrubbing of Jack, Cas, and Eileen

So now we have to reckon with the fact that Eileen was last mentioned by Sam after she got snapped by Chuck, Jack’s last mention is that he’s off being God somewhere, and Cas’ last mention is a ~knowing look~ between Dean and Bobby.

I’m sorry, make it make sense:

???????? That’s the end if it? They don’t need to be discussed after this??? It’s just simply not something a writer would do, they would not introduce these characters, these arcs, without thinking there’s going to be some kind of follow through here.

So not only were three major characters (including two leads and both of the original characters’ love interests) completely wiped from the finale episode, it was as though Sam and Dean never even needed them, which just...ain’t it.

So why Eileen and Jack too? Why not just take Cas out of it if they were afraid of the gay? Because, ultimately, the episode went back to Kripke’s original story: just the bros, they only need each other and no one else. They don’t want anyone else, they don’t need anyone else. Easier to go back to something they knew was successful than trust the writers and their audience and take a big leap.

Alex even said he shot for 20 with “some of the guys” here. What happened to that footage?

The complete 180 of it all still shocks me, I still cannot believe that we were essentially at the finish line, and the network just stopped short, and decided to go run another race, at the expense of the arc of this fifteen year legacy show.

Network Involvement and When Things Were Cut

Okay, now into the juicy stuff.

So I’ve pretty well established that network fuckery is clear, but how much did they get involved, what was the original intent?

Well again, we may never actually know what Andrew’s original script was, but I think, at the least, it would involve Dean speaking his truth to Cas and Sam living a life with Eileen.

Now, it seems today, that Misha said that Jimmy Novak was supposed to be in the finale in one iteration of the script, and while initially my brain was like “that truly makes no sense and he’s either straight up lying or telling a half truth,” I think what may be happening is Misha talking about as much as he can right now.

So Jimmy right. Weird as fuck. Why would he been in the Roadhouse and not Cas? My current thought (this is about as reachy as I’ll get) is that Jimmy had no lines, could he have been in the Roadhouse as a red herring, like it said “Jimmy” in the script but it was just Cas in human clothes, a way to get around the network saying Cas couldn’t be in the final scene. Also, you’ll notice that Misha didn’t say that Cas wasn’t supposed to be in the ep at all, just Jimmy in the last scene.

All this to say, there have clearly been multiple versions of the script, getting lighter and lighter with Cas and Eileen as the network pulled further and further back. Remember, Dabb has to get things approved before they get shot, and if the network kept asking and asking and asking to cut Cas and Eileen, he had to find a way to work around it. Granted, I still think that if we had been able to get a Dabb script that wasn’t torn to shreds in editing, it wouldn’t be so bad. It may not be what a lot of us wanted (Dean speaking his truth to Cas and a reciprocation), but doing everything he could to give it to us in subtext or visual clues.

Plus, in all honesty, my man can’t keep his story straight anyway. He said twice in his panel that the Empty and offscreen Heaven ending weren’t his original ending either.

In addition, remember that Jensen did ADR post episode 18, AND said in a meet and greet last weekend that Dean’s reaction to Cas’ confession was “cut down.” (Source here). Many of us clowns got excited when we first heard about ADR, because we thought it would be upping the ante on Dean’s reaction, but I remember being a little sus when it was just crying. My speculation on that is that they cut out Dean actually SAYING something, @winchestersingerautorepair spoke about that here.

The biggest sins were, in my opinion, committed during editing, where the network got too gun shy and sliced the episode until it was nothing but a heartless bro-fest of a finale, not mentioning anything about the other major characters that we all love, and letting the boys just suffer in separation until Sam died and finally joined Dean in Heaven. The editing came by cutting all the major emotional beats between anyone other than Dean and Sam, leaving the skeleton of the story intact, just shorter and less...poignant than it was ever supposed to be.

Misha

We know Misha was in Vancouver, we know he quarantined, but we also know he wasn’t in the final scene, when he spoke about being in the last moment of the show months ago. We were not crazy, he was there, he quarantined, and, in all likelihood (speculation but fitting with the timeline), he actually may have shot something (not much, but something).

I have sources here, here, here, and here showing where Misha was at that time.

Remember, the man was completely open about coming back until they finished shooting (look at this thread). The switch happened, just like everything else, halfway through them shooting.

Please also remember Jake Abel posting his “Where’s Misha” video here. Jake isn’t malicious, he isn’t being nasty here. Misha was there, and everyone that’s trying to convince people he’s wasn’t just...isn’t telling the truth about it.

This is one of the things that makes me really mad, because they’re literally attempting to gaslight people into thinking, “oh we were totally wrong he was never supposed to be there” WHEN HE WAS THERE, WE KNOW HE WAS THERE.

So we’ve already heard from several people (Meghan Fitzmartin, Jay, a PA on the set of 19 (WHO WAS NOT WORKING FOR 20), Misha himself) that this was all down to Covid restrictions. Ultimately, as this post says, we’ve heard FIVE versions of where Misha was. None of it makes sense, but the Covid protocol seems to be the company line that others are repeating.

You may ask: why? Why lie to all of us when we have questions? Why, in Jay’s case, say that we’re all spreading false lies to stir up trouble, when we just have questions and things that do not make sense. Simply? Warner Brothers is absolutely massive. These people have their careers to protect and are likely all under NDAs. They want to work for WB again and don’t want to burn bridges, including Misha. It sucks, but that’s why it’s unlikely that we’ll hear someone come out and say, “yeah we’re lying to you.”

Silence of the Cast Post Episode

So this is...probably the worst part of all this, at least in my opinion.

The guys had all been pretty excited about the end of the show (especially Jared, but Jensen’s panel last week was Jensen as happy and jokey and positive as I’ve ever seen him. He was so excited about episode 18, about what it meant for Dean and for Cas, and I just cannot buy that he would have been that excited unless he thought there was something more in the episode.

Misha live-tweeted the episode, and was watching it with his kids. It’s well known that Misha and the kids don’t watch the show because it’s too scary, and let’s ask ourselves, why would he have them watch an episode that he’s barely even mentioned in?

He also stopped live-tweeting at a very specific point in the episode (Dean’s death) and has not mentioned Supernatural since then.

None of them, not Jared, Jensen, Misha, or even Alex, said anything about the episode for nearly 36 hours, when Jensen posted a salty photo on instagram. It’s just...not what you’d expect for the end of a 15 year show, when the cast and crew are so close to the fans, so close to each other.

My theory? They didn’t know. They thought Misha was, at least, going to be in the episode in some way, and when he wasn’t, they decided not to say anything.

You really think that Jensen “Heller” Ackles would have been so excited about the end of the show last week if he thought Cas wasn’t going to be in it at all? Nah son, doesn’t make any sense.

Even today, in Jared and Misha’s panels, they seemed sad and...more than a little careful, both saying that there were things they couldn’t say, both talking around things that we all have questions on.

Jensen Speaking with Kripke

So this is where a lot of people are getting fodder to take shots at the writers, saying that Jensen hated it from the beginning, but I don’t think so. I actually think I know what Jensen went to him about, and it wasn’t the lack of Cas or the weird pacing or the montages (which I don’t think were there when Jensen got the script); I think it was the manner of Dean’s death.

I know a lot of people were upset about that, upset with how...normal it was, coming off an episode where they literally beat God. I actually didn’t mind it, I thought it was an interesting thematic take to be like: you can be a hero all your life, but sometimes shit happens, and you just die.

But imagine how hard that was for Jensen to read. He would run to Kripke for that, because for him, Dean dying by being impaled by a piece of rebar had to be tough to swallow.

So, why didn’t Kripke say that? Why didn’t he say, “oh well he had a problem with Dean’s death, none of that other stuff was in the script.”

Guys. Why would he get involved? He’s not going to burn bridges any more than anyone else is. He said the ending was good because it’s the easy thing to do, it’s simple, will cause him no problems in his career, and he can just ignore the people trying to engage with him on it.

Walker

Something else to talk about is the major shift this episode had from the rest of the season: the shift from Dean to Sam. I am NOT saying that Sam isn’t important, he definitely, absolutely is, but it was DEAN who really needed to wrap up his arc, Sam just needed to move on, get married to Eileen, become the leader he was always meant to. So what changed? What was with the shirtless scene, the Austin number and random case there, most of the episode being heavily Sam focused, going through his entire life in a montage?

Anyone else notice the 375 Walker promos, or Jared’s little spiel about Walker and how he hoped SPN fans would “come along for the ride.”

It’s...kinda obvious? CW wanted to appeal to who they think the key demographic of SPN and Walker is: rural areas in the South. It would explain a lot, why so much editing, why so Sam focused, the Austin number, the number of Walker promos, all of it.

I’m not saying this is fact, I don’t know that it is, but it is a little suspicious that even in Jared’s panel today, he talked A LOT about Walker and how he hopes SPN fans will watch it.

Why Would the Network Get Involved?

Simply put: $$$

If they think Walker can be the new SPN, and that those crazy SPN fans liked it originally, it’s a lot safer to go with the “original intent” of the show than do something risky (like making one of your two original leads queer).

And? They don’t care. They don’t care that the episode didn’t make sense, they don’t care that all the emotional arcs were left hanging, they don’t care by (potentially) smashing together two of Dean’s monologues (one to Sam, one to Cas) that it came of as...gross. ( @curioussubjects wrote a beautiful post showing how part of that death speech was likely meant for Dean here). They don’t care, they never have, they just want to make their money and move on from the too-loud fandom that fought for representation too hard for too long.

It can’t help but feel insidious, which, honestly, it might be, but it really all comes down to the next cash cow, which, they think, is Walker, even at the cost of the fifteen year legacy show.

The Writers and What I Want

So here it is, all this weird, sus shit laid out on the line. And you know what? To me, there is no way to blame the writers, because they didn’t want this.

I don’t think Dabb and Bobo would have gone ahead with the confession in 18 without thinking that there would be some closure to that arc, they wouldn’t have done that not only to the fans, but for the sake of their own story as well: no writer wants to start something that they can’t finish. (And this applies to both Cas and Eileen).

Here’s a basic rundown of what I think happened: they had a clear arc from 18-20, ending in reciprocation at some level from Dean, Sam marrying Eileen, Hunter Sam as the new Bobby, Dean in heaven with Cas and big roadhouse reunion at the end. Covid prevented a good amount of that. Network had to stare at big gay 18 for six months, got cold feet. Thought about Walker, target audience and alienation of the rural areas if it went full gay. Misha quarantined and likely shot something (not much), he was then cut by execs and went home. They likely added in lines referencing Eileen and Cas to make it clear but more subtextual. They wrap, editing gets it and hacks it to pieces, so we get a shorter episode that’s mostly montages and jarringly bro-centric with nothing else. Arcs are left hanging. Dabb gets episode but it’s too late, there’s nothing he can do. Actors aren’t told so they can continue to do positive PR for the ending, they all found out at the same time we did: hence almost complete silence about the finale.

And you know what? They warned us. I talked about it here, but they’ve been telling us all season that Chuck wasn’t the writer, he’s the network. I don’t think, still, that they thought it would be cut up like this, into something so unsalvageable that it’s been panned by almost everyone, even people who didn’t care much about Dean and Cas.

Finally, a masterpiece can be ruined by editing, and while I’m not sure even the script they ended up shooting on was a masterpiece (due to the network meddling already), but to me it’s blatantly obvious that it’s no one but the network that caused this, that took away closure for Dean, Cas, and even Sam.

So what do I want? Nothing really, there’s nothing we can do, but I wrote this mostly to show people that the writers are not your enemy. In fact, to the people trashing them? You’re doing exactly what the CW wants you to: blame the obvious targets, blame Misha, blame Jensen and Jared, blame Dabb. Scream and yell at them on Twitter and about how the show is ruined because of them. The network keeps their engagement levels high, they don’t get as targeted for their behavior, and just keep moving along.

Just, please, think about who did this, Mourn the show, be angry, but not at the people who fought tooth and nail for this for literal years, not the people who wanted it more than we did, not the people who cannot say anything because of their careers and the NDAs they’re bound by.

Someone is going to spill eventually, but until then, we just have to wait, and continue to be loud.

#my writing #my meta #supernatural #spn #spn finale trash fire #MY MANIFESTO IS DONE

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prettywordsyouleft · 5 years

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The Sex Contract - Chapter 24

Genre: friends to lovers au / friends with benefits / mature content / romance / angst

Characters: Shim Changmin x Kaia Ashton (OC)

A/N: Due to the overwhelming request I have followed your encouragement to bring back one of my older stories. This was back in a time where OCs were everything and writing one chapter in each main’s point of view was the trend. I hope that even though I have edited this drastically, that you can appreciate this story comes from my older style of writing. I definitely still read this often and find it enjoyable so I hope you will too.

Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 - FINAL

Chapter 24 – Kaia’s POV.

The buzz was audible before Kaia even entered the office and she gulped, wondering how bad the news was after her disappearance on Saturday evening. She had already seen the photos of Changmin in the Press pit with Abby, but the girl was keeping tight-lipped about the entire ordeal. It made Kaia concerned and with all the noise as she climbed the stairs up to Korea Star, she became nervous as to what her punishment was going to be. Opening the door, Kaia stopped in her tracks once inside, blinking rapidly. The two figures were still there as she refocused and Kaia dropped her takeaway coffee, barely aware that it had emptied over the floor.

“Kaia!” Keith called her name and she snapped out of her reverie. The visitors to the office turned at the sound and Kaia stared at the taller one with an incredulous look. “Are you surprised at our guests to the office? Come and have a look at what we’re working on!”

“Okay,” Kaia said softly, walking slowly over to her desk and placing down her bag. Still shocked, she looked over at the group of staff and shook her head in attempts to clear the cloud forming in her mind.

“You look stunned.” Sungra smirked. “Even I reacted better when I saw them enter the building earlier than you are right now.”

“So I’m not imagining Yunho and Changmin in our office?”

Sungra pinched Kaia’s lower arm and she yelped. “Apparently not.”

“Kai, come over here,” Changmin instructed, moving over to her and grabbing her upper arms. He prodded Kaia over to Abby’s computer and pushed her gently into a free chair. “We have a plan.”

“For what?” Kaia glanced up at him and he pointed at Yunho who seemed quite pleased with himself. “Yunho?”

“Changmin explained the situation to me about Kaori after the concert. He handled it poorly rushing in to grab your friend Abby here, but the three of us were able to get an idea together to remove Kaori from Changmin’s side.”

Kaia blinked slowly and nodded, snapping her focus to the older man. “You’re what?!”

“Changmin was threatened by Kaori regarding you before going on stage. She told him that she had seen you,” Abby explained and Kaia nodded.

“She told me to be careful and that if she caught me around Changmin again, I’d have no future here, but I still don’t understand what you’re up to.”

“It’s rather romantic don’t you think?” Hyurin commented and Kaia glanced at the Korean in bewilderment. “Though you look really confused, Kaia.”

“That’s because I am.”

“We’re creating a semi-false report right now,” Yunho announced triumphantly. “We’re going to explain that Abby here was witness to a conversation between both Changmin and Kaori regarding their fake relationship. Then we’ve also got an inside report from a member of Kaori’s staff stating that the model was using Changmin for her debut as an actress and planned to drop him as soon as she had established her career. Your boss has agreed to contact SME regarding all this and letting them know before running the story.”

“But we won’t be able to, it’s not a real story,” Kaia rebutted, and Abby raised her hand to refute it.

“Yet I’ve been captured in the company of Changmin. It will simply be seen as his attempts to tell me not to run the story.”

“And thus SME will have no option but to cancel the contract of my relations with Kaori Kimura,” Changmin concluded happily.

Kaia nodded and then looked at the men. “But why are you going to such effort, apart from removing the Witch? Don’t you think this is a little dramatic?”

“It’s drama worthy really!” Keith exclaimed and grinned. “The idol who fell in love with his best friend. It would make a really good story!”

“Woah, what?!” Kaia was lucky she was sitting down, her knees instantly becoming incredibly weak.

Changmin coughed awkwardly. “Ah, let’s go talk somewhere, yeah?”

Eventually, Changmin stopped walking and Kaia took a seat in the tiny park, her eyes darting around the area. “Uh, are you sure we should be seen in public like this? I know it’s empty but Min-”

“I couldn’t say what I have to in another setting. It would seem too, well it wouldn’t be right.” Changmin ran a hand through his hair before sitting on the park bench beside her. “Kaia, let’s talk.”

“We are,” she said with a smile, nudging him lightly. “You haven’t been this nervous in front of me since the first night we attempted to have sex.”

“I didn’t expect to revisit that memory,” he admitted with a chuckle and he seemed to relax a little. “Are you okay though?”

“In what way?”

Changmin cringed. Kaia smiled; he had always been so awkward talking about his inner thoughts. “Are you happy with how your life is right now?”

“Without you in it, I’m guessing you meant to add on.” He nodded sheepishly. “I miss you every day but I just can’t be your friend anymore. The contract, well it ruined that.”

“I don’t want to be your friend, Kaia,” he said and Kaia glanced at him, nodding lightly. Her heart began to pound and her face felt hot. She knew she was going to cry, but she tried not to let the tears form just yet. “Being your friend, well I enjoyed the time we spent together, but you’re right things have changed. It took me a while to realise it had.”

“Oh,” Kaia murmured, clamping her eyes closed and trying to settle her emotions. She nodded once. “Well, I’m happy still.”

“You, you are?” She had thrown him off.

“Yeah, Jaewon has become a good person within my life. I don’t see him often but when I do, well we have fun.”

“Oh.”

Everything fell silent then, and Kaia wondered if Changmin would be able to move on now. She hated hurting him, throwing Jaewon in like a cheap shot, but Kaia was struggling just being in his company. There were so many things she wanted to express and the longer she was around Changmin, the harder it was to suppress them.

Changmin’s phone went off and he held it to his ear, looking dejected. “Yeah hyung, I remember our schedule, don’t worry I’ll be back soon.” He ended the call and Kaia got to her feet, smiling lightly at him.

“Well, sounds like you need to go.”

“Yeah.” He got up as well, nodding softly to himself. Kaia rocked back and forth in her sneakers, hoping he’d leave so she could succumb to the feelings rising within her chest. He stepped away and then stopped, surprising her a little. Kaia had to sniff back the beginning of her tears, blinking the emotion away as fast as she could. Changmin turned back to face her, his dark eyes searching hers for an answer. He then swiftly moved in front of Kaia, grabbing her jaw in his hands. “I have to do this.”

His lips pressed against hers passionately and for a moment Kaia was too stunned to react. As they caressed her mouth she snapped out of it, sliding her arms around his neck and kissing him back. The tears began to fall from Kaia’s eyes, wondering why she was allowing herself to have this last embrace. Eventually, Kaia found the willpower to pull away, covering her mouth with her hand and trying to settle her crying.

Changmin sighed. “I’m not sorry for kissing you. In fact, if I could, I would kiss you over and over. But that’s selfish of me to push my feelings onto you when you don’t want the same thing.”

“What?” Kaia snapped her eyes back to his face and shook her head. “What did you say?”

“Kai, why do you think we’re taking time out of our busy schedule right now constructing my escape from Kaori? I don’t want her coming after you. I don’t want to lose you because of her. I’ve already lost you because I was too blind to see I had fallen in love with you! But there was no way-”

“You, you love me?” Kaia breathed and Changmin’s cheeks flushed with colour. “You actually love me?”

“You said, in the beginning, these kinds of arrangements usually went one of two ways. The pair either split up wanting more from the world or fall in love, remember?” Kaia nodded. Changmin smiled and brushed her curls away gently. “I fell in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for weeks now. I just did-”

She cut him off with her lips, kissing him with demand. Changmin managed to balance Kaia’s attack, gripping her body hard within his arms and meeting her hunger completely. They kissed until breathless and then he leant his forehead against hers.

“I love you too.”

“I think that was apparent by the way you just leapt on me.” He chuckled. “Yunho told me you must have left because I was too blind to see you were in love with me too, but I didn’t believe you did; I thought I had done something to make you hate me.”

“It became too hard to bear the weight of my feelings around you,” Kaia confessed and Changmin laughed. She pouted, and then let out a whine. “Why are you laughing?!”

“Because we are complete idiots, just like Yunho has been telling us all along.”

Kaia rolled her eyes but smiled all the same. “It took you forever to figure it out. You’re more of an idiot than me!”

“Oh really? Why did you just think right now that I didn’t want anything to do with you?” He smirked and Kaia pouted again. Laughing, he pulled her against his chest and held her close. “It doesn’t matter now. I have you in my arms, and I’m not letting you go.”

Kaia snuggled into the embrace, closing her eyes and smiled happily. She didn’t want to let go either.

_________________

Part 25

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echodrops · 6 years

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The Promises I Made (2017-2018)

For the past eleven years, I have spent every New Year’s Eve compiling a list of fifty promises I intend to keep or fulfill over the next twelve months. The results have been truly amazing, and I have kept some promises I never thought I could. This year, for New Year’s, there will be a new set of promises for to me keep, but here are the old ones, for review!

The Promises I Made (2017 edition)

1) I will get a(nother) new job. Or probably just curl up and die. Status: Kept! I got a new job and moved to Texas. 2) I will translate at least one more month’s worth of Regenkatze. Status: Broken. T_T I did a few pages, but I didn’t get far. 3) I will repot all my plants that need repotting. Finally. Status: Kept, amazingly. 4) I will buy actual freakin’ curtains that I like for my house, RAWR. Status: Broken. I bought no curtains this year. D; 5) I will continue to utilize Plant Nanny to track my water intake and keep myself from getting dehydrated. Status: Broken. I was okay at the beginning of the year, but then the usage dwindled. 6) I will complete at least one craft project that requires me to utilize a new skill, like working with a new material. Status: Broken. I didn’t do anything really crafty this year… too busy moving. 7) I will repair the mortar on the fence out front and seal the bricks on the window sills. Status: Broken—ditto the above. Moved out and wasn’t able to really keep any of these promises about my Utah house. 8) I will finish at least 26 books over the course of this year. Status: …I read a lot of fanfiction. A lot. But not too many new published books. Made it to maybe ten counting the readings I had to do for World Lit class but other than that, nothing close to 26. 9) I will trim the grape vine and call the city to see about cleaning out behind the house because the water culvert is flooding into my yard and jeopardizing my garage. Status: Actually kept! It needs to be trimmed again, but yes, I was able to trim it down and keep it from flooding. 10) I will successfully pass Horsemanship II. Status: Kept. 11) I will broaden my music tastes this year by getting into at least three new bands that I have never heard of or in genres that I don’t normally listen to. Status: Kept! I got into a few new K-pop bands and also Spellblast. 12) I will do the laundry at least once every two weeks. I swear it!! Status: Uh… Somewhat kept? At the new house in Texas I have to wear nicer clothes to work so I have to do laundry more often, but I don’t know about at least once every two weeks… 13) I will finish my new Anime Expo costume early and not wait until the last moment! Status: Broken—I didn’t cosplay at all this year. D; 14) I will remove all the rocks from in front of my house because they are hella ugly. Status: Broken; see above about moving out of Utah and no longer being able to work on the Utah house much. 15) I will go to a dentist and get Invisalign or some work done to fix my front left tooth. Status: Broken. I swapped jobs and had to wait for my benefits to restart and then by that time it wasn’t a good time to get dental work done. 16) I will have at least a once weekly “game night” with my roommates. Could be fun. Status: Broken… I think that um… we played a few times. 17) I will replace the battery in my watch, finally. Status: Kept! 18) I will pay off at least half my credit card debt. Important adult thing, yo. Status: Broken, sooooo broken. T_T It just got worse, not better. D; 19) I will learn at least 100 new words in German and document them as I go to keep them fresh in my memory. Status: Broken. I totally forgot that I even made this promise… 20) I will keep up with my new book club as long as it is possible for me to attend (I.e., if I don’t move). Status: Kept. The book club kinda fell apart pretty quick, but I kept up with it until it did. 21) I will be better about walking my dog because I have been slacking lately. Status: Broken, I’m so sorry Kinguin… It’s sooo hot in Texas. 22) I will build a new PC to replace the desktop computer that my dog destroyed. SLFSFJNDFG. Still angry. Status: Broken. Moving sapped all my money away, so I could not afford a new PC. T_T 23) I will get the scratched lenses removed from my glasses and change the prescription on the orange pair of glasses too. Status: Broken. See the above deal with the new benefits not kicking in for 90+ days.

24) Also: I will get my black glasses fixed so that they stop FALLING OFF and flying into the every nearby rock and sharp pointy object… Status: Broken. T_T

25) I will obtain at least one six-star hero in Tales of Link. Don’t look at me like that. Status: Broken—I haven’t played Tales of Link in months. @_@

26) I will design at least ten outfits and post them. (I’m still trying with this one, dammit.) Status: Broken. …I guess I should probably just give up on this one…

27) I will organize my closets, especially the hall closet which looks like a bomb went off. Status: Broken. I moved out of my Utah house which did involve cleaning out the closets, but um… the closets at the new house might be just as bad now…

28) I will actually utilize the stupid Paint Tool Sai that I paid for. At least three fully colored artworks this year. Status: Broken. I was able to draw nothingggg this year. T_T

29) I will level all my battle classes to 70 in Stormblood. Status: Surprisingly broken. I wasn’t able to play much at all after July so my time for leveling just plummeted.

30) I will reach 700 followers on tumblr. You should follow me. I’m only marginally a waste of time and space. Status: Kept! I have 861 followers right now! Thanks everyone for the follows! :D

31) I will learn to make a new (delicious) cocktail or two. Status: Broken. I drank a new delicious cocktail but I didn’t make any myself.

32) I will lose ten pounds. Status: Somewhat kept? I don’t think I made it to a full 10 pounds but I did noticeably lose some weight.

33) I will reach at least 300 species on my birding life list. Status: Kept! I’m at 306 currently, thanks to making to Texas and seeing a bunch of new birdies. 34) I will win NaNoWriMo this year. (But pretend that I didn’t, to not disrupt my blue-purple-blue-purple NaNo site pattern. XDD) Status: Broken. I didn’t even get to like 5,000 words. T_T 35) I will obtain the Astrope mount in FFXIV. Status: HA. I think I’m at like 200/1000 for mentor roulettes. Broken. 36) I will see at least one new bird species in the wild that is not native to the United States. Status: Hmmm, not sure what I was thinking about for this one, but I did not succeed.

37) I will put a storm door on the side door of my house because water is leaking in (due to lack of said screen door) and causing damage! Status: Gonna count this as somewhat kept because I did try to get a storm door installed, but they wanted to charge me $300 just to install the door and I didn’t have the money at the time. But I did fix the gap beneath the door so that it no longer leaks.

38) I will visit Nicaragua. Status: Broken. T_T I had the chance but things were so bad at work I didn’t want to blow my vacation in case I needed it… And I did end up needing it, so things worked out.

39) I will water my plants more consistently and take better care of them—to the point where the one orchid that hasn’t bloomed in years will bloom again! Status: Uh… somewhat kept? Namely, I moved and left my plants in Utah, but they’re being taken care of by others so they’re alive at least still.

40) I will write at least four new chapters of my Voltron fic. Status: Kept!

41) I will get duct work done to bring heat to the downstairs bathroom and side bedroom. Status: Broken… But we did get a bigger heater for the downstairs so at least it was warmer down there this year.

42) I will update my calendar with important dates—holidays, birthdays, etc.—and be productive about sending cards and well-wishes. Status: Uh… broken. I forgot I made this promise too.

43) I will complete my series of posts about Yato/Hiyori. Really. Status: T_______T One day. One day. Broken. 44) I will pamper myself more—spa day at least once a month! Status: Somewhat kept? Maybe like barely kept. I was good at this for the first couple months, but then it tapered off. 45) I will visit my out-of-town friends more often and make better efforts to stay in more frequent contact. Status: I think I’ll mark this as kept. I visited more people this year, anyway, including @rachelwritesstories! 46) I will make sure the lawn stays decently mowed this year instead of being embarrassingly tall and weedy. Status: Hrm… Somewhat broken/somewhat kept? I did move, but apparently the lawn has been at least somewhat consistently mowed since I’ve been gone. 47) I will do some work on my laundry room to make it look less like a dungeon. Status: Broken. The dungeon persists. 48) I will revise TVR, especially the early chapters, and move it to AO3. Status: Broken. I got like maybe 1/3 of the way through revising the first chapter. Um… maybe in time for KH3 or something? :C

49) I will get an electric tree trimmer to make trimming my trees out front much easier. Status: Kept.

50) I will keep these promises. Status: Mostly broken. T_T

Totals Kept promises: 12 Broken promises: 31 Somewhat kept/broken promises: 7

Jesus, I thought I was glad to see the back-side of 2016… 2016 had nothing on the roller coaster of a year that 2017 was. What a literal dumpster fire. While politics and the environment went haywire around me, my job situation grew untenable again (ooh, but hilarious karma—just last month they fired the shitty boss and REHIRED my old awesome boss… Except of course by then I had already, you know, quit and moved across the country to pursue a whole new career field… Well, c’est la vie!) and I ended up packing up everything and completely changing my life once again…

In just the last two years I’ve swapped career fields twice and randomly packed up and moved to Texas of all places. I experienced the drama of prepping for a hurricane and also got to see it snow in Mexico. Life’s weird.

Looking back on these promises, I honestly don’t feel too bad that so many of them were broken this year. I really had no idea what was going to happen in 2017 when I made last year’s promises, and so a lot of the goals ended up not matching up with my reality in the end. At the end of the day though, I feel like I’m in a much better place today than I was at the end of 2016.

I don’t think 2018 is going to be easy, but I do think it is going to be better, and that’s a good feeling to have. Let’s do this! The new set of promises will be up by tomorrow.

#50 promises #new year's resolutions #new year #thank god #good-fuckin-bye 2017 #you will not be missed #IRL stuff

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paradoxicalca · 5 years

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/r/hockey NHL Power Rankings Week 26 Knightfall Edition

/r/Hockey NHL Power Rankings Week Mar 25, 2019 - Mar 31, 2019Thank YouThank you to all of the volunteers doing the power rankings. Each ranker has their own system and have their own reasonings and analyis. It truly is a lot of work.RankersSpoilerOrganizersSpoilerVisualizationThe visualization contains historical data, so you can see how your team has done over time. Hopefully, we can run this for many years in hopes that we can see the rise and fall of teams by /r/hockey opinion.It automatically updates so feel free to bookmark. You can find it hereProcessHow does this work? Throughout the course of the week rankers are able to access an app that will allow them to rank teams. At the end of the period we calculate the average ranking for every team and collate all of the analysis provided by rankers.The app then generates a post that is first proofread and then posted to /r/hockey!Rankings (26/31 Rankers Reporting)Ranking (avg)TeamDeltaOverall RecordRecord This WeekComments1 (1.08)Tampa Bay Lightning-59-15-41-1-0Tampa doesn’t play well after a long break. That has been established quite well this season. There isn’t much more I can say about the Bolts that hasn’t been said I’m going to focus on some baby Bolts. Carter Verhaeghe leads the AHL in points with 75 (30 G 45A), Alex Barre-Boulet is second in rookie scoring with 60 ponts (32 G 28 A), Cal Foote also a rookie has 29 points ( 9 G 20A +16) as a defenseman, Alexander Volkov continues to show strong two way play in his second season (20 G 20A). Taylor Raddsyh is 8th in rookie scoring (17G 26A), Boris Katchouck is still trying to find his footing, Mitchell Stephens who almost made the team out of camp but had an unfortunate injury has played well since his return. Suffice it say there are a lot of good young players developing in Syracuse.2 (3.56)Boston Bruins147-23-91-3-0Oof. It seems neither Toronto nor Boston want home ice advantage in the first round. Both teams are losing to lottery contenders. At least 🍝 got a hattrick against the Rangers and Backes got his 7th goal of the season; passing James Neal.3 (3.88)Calgary Flames-149-23-72-2-0And that is how the West was clinched.4 (4.28)Washington Capitals247-24-83-0-0Starting this week I'm ranking teams based on who I think will win the cup, biases included - Caps are second. We absolutely took it to the Bolts last night, with each member of our old top line scoring twice, dominating them as much as you can dominate that team. I'm fully torqued entering the 'loffs, literally counting down the days like it's christmas. Both Carolina and cum bus scare me, but the post-TDL Caps can beat anybody. Russian machine never breaks babes.5 (7.32)New York Islanders246-26-72-1-0Clinched? Fucking Right! Isles had the chance to clinch on Tuesday night versus CBJ but played awful and lost badly. Thursday they constantly played down 2, chasing the Jets. They were down for about 58 minutes throughout the game, but scored 2 goals with less than 90 seconds to go to tie, and steal the win in Manitoba. They kept momentum from there to dominate Buffalo and clinch a playoff spot before April for the first time in almost 30 years. Lehner looks like a wall in net and is maybe the most loved Islander right now. Eberle has a hot hand scoring lots of goals after a long dry spell, Barzal is finally seeing results for his hard work, and other guys like Bailey are chipping in after a long cold streak. This team looks to be heating up again at the perfect time, looking like they will finish as the #2 in the Metro with home ice advantage for the first time in a long long time. If things play out well they could be playing Washington for the division title on the last day of their season.6 (8.12)San Jose Sharks-144-26-91-3-07 (8.44)Nashville Predators444-29-62-1-0Ignoring the result of the CBJ game (Saros is apparently no Michael Jordan when it comes to flu games), it's been a pretty okay week to be a Preds fan. Fabbro signed on so fears of another Vesey situation were finally put to ease. He even made his debut, not an earth shattering one mind you but it was solid nonetheless. That does burn the first year of his ELC which will expose him in the Seattle expansion, but current speculation is that was a term to him actually signing. In other player news, Arvidsson has tied the Preds single season goal record with only 55 GP. Watson completed his AHL conditioning stint, and it will be interesting to see how he gets slotted into the roster. Turris is... yeah. The Central is up for grabs, with any combination of NSH, STL, or WPG in the top 3 a distinct possibility. The Preds final three games are @ BUF, v VAN, v CHI, games that they should be able to win and go into the playoffs at least lukewarm and potentially with home ice advantage. Key word there being 'should'.8 (8.72)Winnipeg Jets-445-29-40-3-09 (9.52)Toronto Maple Leafs-145-26-71-1-1A tale of two teams in the month of March...Team A was missing two of their Top 4D for basically the entire month of March. Collected 16 of 30 points. Posted a CF% of 44.9%, a xGF% of 44.3%, and a PDO of 103.51...Team B was also missing two of their Top 4D for the entire month of March. Collected 15 of 28 points. Posted a CF% of 54.4%, a xGF% of 55%, and a PDO of 98.7...Guess which of these teams is expected to become a Conference Finalist and which is expected to be bounced quickly in Round 1? TOR is Team B but there's been a lot of "they don't look good" punditry over the Leafs' recent play despite the reality that they've been downright dominant (5th in CF%, 5th in xGF%). Unfortunately, their goaltending fell apart to the tune of a .892 Team SV% in March. It's the kind of thing that can sink ANY team in the NHL, no matter how well the rest of the group is playing. The good news is Freddy and the Buds have one final week to tighten up. Otherwise it will truly be Bruins in 5.10 (10.08)Carolina Hurricanes-43-29-71-3-0The Canes are still finding a way to stay in the thick of it with every game being a must win game. Losses have come from one bad period of hockey against some of the top teams in the league, namely Tampa and Washington. The month of December is haunting the team, 2 points from one of those terrible games would have gone far this month. Previous week went 3 - 2, beating the Wild cleanly, Montreal in OT, and Flyers was alot closer of a game than the scoresheet would show. Washington beat the team for the two losses of the week, both in the third period. The hope here in Canes Country is that those 4 points don't haunt us too. Mrazek is emerging more and more as our #1, but expect the shuffle to keep happening till playoffs come (if and when) Svechnikov has grown into the scoring talent that was promised with the second overall pick (and top forward in the draft) Hamilton continues to show why he is the best defenceman from his draft year with two goals, and continues his streak of games wi11 (10.4)Columbus Blue Jackets345-30-44-0-0What a time to get hot. This Jackets team that we are watching right now is what we expected to see after the TDL. Every line has been playing great as we seem to have finally stumbled on the right combinations. Bob is literally a brick wall and our offence has been just as good. Over the last 5 games the Jackets have outscored their opponents 24-4. This final week is going to be exciting, and we could land anywhere from 3rd in the metro to 9th in the East.12 (10.52)Pittsburgh Penguins-43-25-112-1-0I don't have much to say this week except who'd have thought in December we might finish with more points than the Leafs? We're one game from extending the longest active playoff streak in the NHL. It's been a good season all things considered.13 (11.44)St. Louis Blues-42-28-82-1-0The Blues finally clinched the playoffs this week, and if you told me 3 months ago that we'd be fighting for the division I'd have said "yeah and 25 year old goalies can debut after 6 years in professional hockey and contend for the Calder." Memes do come true i guess14 (12)Vegas Golden Knights-542-30-70-3-1Even the Stone age is not invulnerable to having average goaltending.15 (13.72)Dallas Stars141-31-73-0-1I put the Stars at 8 this week because we earned 7/8 points and we look like the Western team to beat heading into the playoffs. My major concern is that we win too much and end up in a worse matchup against Nashville.16 (14)Montreal Canadiens-142-29-82-1-017 (17.52)Arizona Coyotes-38-33-82-0-1That game against the Avalanche could be the final dagger in this season but as we have been doing we keep clawing our way back. Just need some help.18 (18.08)Colorado Avalanche136-29-132-0-02 Big wins this week! We beat back the two desert teams, to establish our selves in the second wild card. Its not over yet, but we have control of our own destiny. The Captain is back just in time for or final push. On the bad side Rantanen's injury might be a bit more severe than first reported, but he should be back for the playoffs. One final push this week we need at least two wins, three guarantees it. Also Cale Makar is Hype and Avs prospects are showing well in the NCAA tourney.19 (19.68)Minnesota Wild136-34-91-2-0And so closes the window on the Minnesota Wild.20 (20.44)Philadelphia Flyers-237-34-81-2-0Fade us fam. Hail Gritty. Praise be unto Wawa. And screw William Hill commercials.21 (21.52)Florida Panthers-35-32-122-2-0Roberto has turned back the clock again. We still don’t know if this is his final season but if it is lets give him a sendoff that he deserves.22 (21.92)Chicago Blackhawks-34-33-111-1-1The Blackhawks' PP went 3 for 32 in March (29th in NHL), the PK allowed 10 goals in 32 opportunities (also, 29th). Excluding empty net goals, 5 of the Blackhawks' 7 losses this month were by 1 goal. They'd likely be in a much different position playoff-wise if they'd gotten some help from their special teams. DeBrincat (5G, 5A in March) has caught up to Kane (1G, 10A) for the team's lead in goals at 41. DeBrincat is the second-youngest Hawk to hit the 40-goal mark (after JR). That also makes him and Kane the second pair of American-born 40-goal scorers on a team (after Mullen & Stevens, 91-92 Penguins), and the first pair of Hawks since the 90-91 season (Roenick & Larmer). Gustafsson (5G, 4A) scored his 17th goal of the season, the most by a Hawks dman since Byfuglien in 09-10 (also 17). Caggiula returned from a concussion on Sat, while Kampf left with a facial/dental injury. When healthy, Kampf has been one of the best defensive forwards in the league. Sikura still awaits his first NHL goal.23 (23.36)Vancouver Canucks134-35-102-1-0The future is here, sort of. It's here like the era of the electric car is here - there's plenty of flashy things to get excited about, but there's still many, many hurdles to overcome. The arrival of Quinn Hughes allows this season to end on a warm note and leaves many hopeful that the Canucks might secure one of those "young team overperforming" playoff berths next year. It was also pretty awesome to see Edler crack the all-time goalscoring record for a defenceman. Otherwise, the lack of regulation wins prevents this team from moving much either way in the power rankings.24 (23.92)Edmonton Oilers-134-35-91-1-125 (25)Anaheim Ducks-133-37-102-1-0Rakell must not think we are out of the playoff race. He had a natural hat trick against the oilers. Ducks keep on slipping slipping slipping up the standings and out of the jack Hughes race. Best part of the week: Jake Dotchin has to exit the game yesterday because he was technically scratched while playing for an injured player26 (26.52)New York Rangers131-34-132-2-0Georgiev is starting to show why he is the heir apparent to the throne.27 (26.6)Detroit Red Wings231-38-104-0-028 (27.48)Buffalo Sabres-231-38-100-4-1I'm willing to give goaltending a pass for now, given how god-awful our defense has been. This week we lost to not one, not two, but THREE of the four teams below us in the standings. In March we have 2 wins, and neither came in regulation. If you look back further, we have 3 total wins in our last 21 games played, and as I write we are down 0-3 to Columbus. In that stretch we have been out-scored 45-84. If that isn't depressing enough for you, just remember that we were first place in the league at one point this season. Where are we now? Oh yeah, bottom five. Again.29 (28.32)New Jersey Devils-129-40-101-1-1Most of us are either trying to find the "sim to the draft button" or enjoying getting a glimpse to our possible future with our young guns. Some games are decent and competitive like taking the blue hot blues to OT. Others are like like 4-0 to the wings. As long as this kind of play doesn't continue into next season, we should be alright. But Lord do I miss TayTay.30 (28.8)Los Angeles Kings-29-40-92-1-1The Kings self-sabotaged their draft lottery a bit this week- the young guys are doing well and Austin Wagner showed off his wheels with a sweet McDavid esque sprint.31 (29.76)Ottawa Senators-28-44-62-1-0Beating Toronto twice in the span of a couple weeks is probably the best thing to happen all season. /r/hockey NHL Power Rankings Week 26 Knightfall Edition Source

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