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aiimaginesbts · 5 years

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Of Two Hearts: Chapter 2

Seokjin x Reader x Taehyung (ft. Jimin and Namjoon)

Genres: Royalty AU, angst

Word count: 6,112 words

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Read the First Part: What You Never Had

A/N: Thanks Ann @godsavemefrombts for beta-ing this!

Disclaimer/Copyright

Your knees simply gave out.

There was no other word for it. Suddenly all the strength within you vanished into thin air, your legs could no longer support the weight of your body and you crumpled to the ground. “Y/n!” Namjoon cried out and went swiftly around his desk to rush to your aid. When he had you cradled safely in his arms, he turned to the messenger and said, “Thank you for giving us the news as quickly as you could. I have to ask you to refrain from sharing it with anyone else until we can figure out how to deal with it. Otherwise there will be panic.”

The messenger nodded gravely. “Understood, Your Highness.”

“You are dismissed. Make sure you get medical attention for your wounds at once.”

You were only vaguely aware of the messenger’s departure from the room. Any thoughts of Jin and Jimin flew from your mind; the only thing that remained was your father. The news left you in such a state of shock that your eyes didn’t even form tears. Yes, you had been dreading exactly this, but now that it really happened, you realised that you’d never really believed that it would. Regardless of the situation, your father was invincible in your eyes. He would live forever, you’d thought. Outliving you, even. That he would no longer be there, forever, shattered everything around you until you felt nothing.

Eventually, you became aware of Namjoon’s arms tightening around you, and your inelegant position on the carpet. You had no idea how much time had passed; for all you know, you’d only lost your mind for a moment or two, but it felt like forever. It hurt so very badly, that it wouldn’t have subsided in a million years. Yet the sun was still shining outside. It shouldn’t, in your opinion. It was the darkest day of your life, and you were unreasonably angry at the sun for continuing to be so warm and bright. That misplaced rage that should be directed of the faceless men of Zinnis pricked at the corner of your eyes, and it brought clarity. And with it, grief. You clutched at the lapel of Namjoon’s coat and sobbed. It was much more subdued than you’d have thought warranted on such an occasion. Truthfully, you wanted to wail and scream at the cruelty, the injustice, but you couldn’t. The passing of your father left you broken, and you felt weak. Your eldest brother’s support gave you the strength to let out your emotions in continuous but short, soft whimpers, and nothing more. Even though you knew that Namjoon was as stricken as you were at the news, perhaps he was as comforted by your presence as you were by his. Thus, you sought solace in each other, during that small window of opportunity when you didn’t have to pretend, until you needed to go on and be strong for the sake of others.

Unfortunately, that time wasn’t long in coming. News of the King’s passing spread like wildfire through the bordering villages, eventually making its way to the towns, then, the entire country and beyond. All at an alarming rate that you weren’t sure you were prepared for. Amidst the chaos that wracked the castle for the next two weeks came the confirmation that Jimin had escaped the ambush. Apparently, he’d been caught in the attack, but managed to flee with the help of the guards.

The guards. You had bitten the inside of your cheek so hard when you’d heard the message alongside Namjoon, trying to keep your tongue still and your face calm, that you could taste blood in your mouth from biting your lower lip. Relief that your second brother was safe was immense, but what of Jin? You were dying to know. However, that was the least of your worries. On the surface, at least. Even whilst still mourning for the late King, Namjoon had to take over the role — in responsibilities if not yet in name. The people were in a panic, and rightly so. In the castle, the overlapping voices of the nobles were only making everything more confusing, all of them anxious to make themselves heard, each one convinced that their opinion was the only one that mattered.

It was enough to drive you mad. You’d barely been allowed time to grieve for your father before you’d been drowned with responsibilities and your sense of loyalty towards Namjoon. He needed all the support he could get. Heaven knew how he was coping with it all. Even with the news that Jimin had survived, both of you couldn’t be assured of the fact until you’d seen him with your own eyes. It was even worse for you, since you couldn’t even ask after Jin without making yourself look suspicious, so you had two people to worry about.

“His my Royal Guard, after all. Perhaps it would be fine to ask?” You tried to cajole Ji Eun into agreeing with you, but the sentence ended up as a question, rather than a statement. Really, you were just trying to convince yourself. It didn’t even take much reasoning to see that there was no way for you to find out about Jin’s condition. Even if you inquired about him, you doubted that the status of each of the guards that had followed the late King and his youngest son were known. All you could do was worry about Jin all by yourself—

Your head snapped up sharply as you came to a realisation. No, you were not the only one worrying about Jin. Some distance away from the castle, his parents were surely wondering the fate of their only child. A twinge of guilt nagged at you when you remembered that you hadn’t visited since the day you came of age. The day that introduced you as the Princess to the whole world. The day that Jin discovered your true identity. So many things had happened since then. More importantly, sneaking out of the castle became even more dangerous, now that many of the citizens knew the face of their Princess. Thus, you’d stopped your clandestine visits out of the castle, limiting your outings to the ones carried out due to your duties. Clearly, those hadn’t allowed a trip to your beloved’s parents’ house.

Yet now you felt the urgent need to go. As painful as your concern for Jin was, his parents must be feeling it a hundred times over. Your hands fisted in your skirts in anger and guilt, directed inwards. It was shameful that you didn’t remember about it until now. Even though you hadn’t had the opportunity to communicate with his father often, since he was usually out the few times you visited, and the handful of times you did see him, you’d found that he wasn’t one for many words, Jin’s mother had always been friendly and welcoming. Perhaps she knew that there was something going on between you and her son. You wondered if she’d disapprove of your relationship, knowing now who you actually were. Surely the stopping of your visits didn’t help your cause, but you’d like to believe that she understood your position. And you wished that she would have blessed the feelings that you and Jin had for each other.

However, none of that mattered if something had happened to him. It was a moment of clarity for you. Jin’s life far outweighed the love you had for him — the very emotion that had been the center of your turbulent thoughts these past few months. You would do anything if it would guarantee his safety. Which made the whole situation all the more unbearable, since there was nothing you could do. You turned to Ji Eun, wearing a pleading look that put her on guard immediately.

Over three hours later, you flopped inelegantly on your bed and closed your eyes. Exhaustion from arguing with your lady-in-waiting can be felt not just in your brain and throat, but somehow all over your body. Yet it was still far from over, it seems. Neither of you had budged from your initial opinions; you asserting that Jin’s parents needed to be reassured, even if there was no reassurance to be given, and Ji Eun insisting that such an endeavour was unnecessary and out of the question. She’d only agreed to summon Jungkook to your study. When you’d asked her to do so, you’d been hoping that the guard would agree to accompany you on your visit. Yet Ji Eun had agreed to your request to bring Jungkook over quite readily. The right corner of your mouth dipped in a thoughtful frown. You had no doubt that she was browbeating Jungkook into agreeing to refuse any of your requests on their way back to you.

Maybe it was because you were lying flat on your back, but your sigh felt especially loud and heavy. A few moments of silence passed, then your groan filled the air as you sat up and brought your forehead to your knees. Jin’s soft but stern voice sounded in your head, reminding you not to do anything foolish or dangerous. With an unladylike groan, you shifted to press your eyes against your knees, as if that could block out his sensible words. It hurt to think of him when you didn’t even know if he was still alive or not. You had always followed your instinct, even though you knew that it wasn’t the wisest course of action. Yet this time it was your head that told you to go to provide comfort to Jin’s parents, and hopefully, selfishly, gain some solace for yourself, too. However, your instinct remained unmoved, giving no drive for you to move. Instead, you heard — or perhaps remembered, you weren’t sure — Jin’s warning, advising you against it.

Even though you had no idea what it meant, a wave of unease washed over you. All of a sudden, you felt unsure and extremely vulnerable. All the more Jin’s absence left you completely lost. You had taken him for granted, and now only when he wasn’t around that you knew how much you needed him. Remorse filled you as you remembered how you’d avoided him for the past few weeks. It was hardly fair for him to be pushed away while you tried to figure out the obstacles in your relationship. Especially when he’d been fully aware of the impossibility of the situation due to the difference in your stations from the very beginning. It was you who’d been convinced that everything would turn out fine, too short-sighted to really contemplate your obligations as a princess. Perhaps you shouldn’t have pushed him away, even if you couldn’t bear to share your insecurities with him. You had no idea how much you’d depended on him. Jin was the reason you had felt so safe, even when you were doing reckless things. Ever since the first day you’d met him, you knew he was your very own knight. Not just because he was your personal Royal Guard. You just knew that no matter what you did, no matter how dangerous the situation you found yourself in, Jin would be there to save you.

But Jin wasn’t here now. Even if he had survived the Zinnis ambush, there was no way he could come to your aid should something happen. The chaos inside the castle was just a small sample of the state of things outside in the capital; the whole country was in a state of unrest. People were surely anxious and fearful of the fate of their youngest Prince, all the while preparing themselves for a war. It was inevitable now. You didn’t have to ask Namjoon to know that even leaving the castle fully guarded was ill-advised; to sneak out with only one protector would be foolish to the extreme. As it was, you were sure that you were already halfway to insanity, arguing within yourself with someone who wasn’t even there.

By the time Ji Eun returned with Jungkook to meet you in your small study within your suite of chambers, you were already weary from your battle with yourself. Still, you tried to appear collected and authoritative as you sat behind your desk; the way you should appear. You could tell that Ji Eun had already warned him of the request you wanted to make, and couldn’t blame him for holding himself so stiffly, as if bracing himself for something unpleasant. And just a short while ago, you would have gone ahead and told him of your initial request. “Jungkook, I have been told that the Royal Guard Seokjin’s parents live in the capital,” you said slowly, carefully weighing the words on your tongue before uttering them. “Do you know where it is?”

He looked surprised, but nodded, wide-eyed. “I have been to visit before, Your Highness.” Of course; you remembered that Jungkook was Jin’s junior in the military academy. The younger man looked up to him, and so Jin had taken it upon himself to keep an eye on Jungkook. They had gotten rather close. You tried to work the words out in your head before saying them. It didn’t seem like he suspected your feign of ignorance. Your words made it seem like it was just something you’d heard in passing. Perhaps a tidbit that Jin has shared with you himself. He was your Royal Guard, after all.

In the end, you decided to stay as close to the truth as possible. “They must be worried sick about him,” you conveyed your real feelings with words disguised as concern as a princess. “Would you mind checking in on them to make sure they are alright?”

“Of course not. I would be happy to.” Jungkook’s soft sigh of relief followed his agreement, and you had to try hard to pretend that you didn’t hear it. Even though you had no idea what Ji Eun had told him, you could easily hazard a guess; a favour, probably unpleasant, and definitely dangerous to your safety. You bit back a wry smile. Jungkook was lucky that you weren’t being wilful today, you supposed. Truth be told, you really wanted to go — the original request that you’d had for him was to accompany you there. But somewhere between sending a reluctant Ji Eun with your request and Jungkook’s arrival, you’d changed your intentions. You were sure that she would ask you why you’d changed your mind, but you didn’t have a ready answer. It wasn’t as if Jin was by your side, persuading you to abandon the idea, as much as you’d like it to be true. It didn’t matter, anyway. Even if you did go, what could you do, other than apologise for not visiting for so long due to the real nature of your position? How would you even explain that — posing as a commoner and making their son fall in love with you, only to end up in a relationship that couldn’t possibly head anywhere? You knew you couldn’t bring yourself to reassure them that Jin was fine. Not when you were worried and deathly afraid that might not be the case yourself. Your shook your head mentally, forcing yourself to focus on the two people actually in front of you, and off the person who wasn’t even there.

“Thank you, Jungkook. Do let me know if they need anything,” you said with a nod, dismissing him. A part of you debated the wisdom of telling him to relay the message saying that you were praying for his safe return, but you decided against it. Although Jin had probably told his parents who you really were, you weren’t completely sure of that fact. Even if they knew, you couldn’t guarantee that they won’t say something about your relationship with Jin to Jungkook. Best to play it safe and not ask him to say anything about you at all. However, just before he could leave the room, you asked him, “perhaps it would be best not to let others know of my request. I do not want to be seen as having favourites, but I do not know the circumstances of the other men in the group.” It was a lame excuse, since you were playing favourites, in a way. But it was the only way you could think of to inform Jungkook not to tell anyone else. You trusted that he wouldn’t if you’d instructed him not to.

Jungkook nodded his assent, then left. As expected, your lady-in-waiting immediately pounced, insanely curious as to what made you change your mind. You were aware that you were the most obstinate person, which was why she wasn’t completely satisfied when you said it was your instinct. Surely there must be something more, she’d said, and you would have agreed with her if you hadn’t known your own heart.

It turned out that your guts had been pulling you in the right direction, after all. The sun had barely left the skies and the darkness had hardly claimed the night when Ji Eun arrived with a message. She took care to be suspiciously quiet, even though she was visibly excited — her eyes were wide, mouth opening and closing like a goldfish, as if she couldn’t believe the news herself, even though she was the one delivering it. After taking a deep breath, she exclaimed in the lowest voice she could muster, “They are back!”

“What?” You asked cluelessly, never for one second thinking that such news would come at that moment. It took a few seconds for you to digest her meaning, but when you did, you started up from your seat, almost upsetting the tea service in the process. “You mean, Jimin—“

She nodded vigorously in confirmation, and your fingers dig into the soft material of the chair. “What about...” you choked on your words, too scared to bring yourself to finish the sentence. As if stopping in the middle would protect you from any bad tidings. But you didn’t have to, because Ji Eun knew exactly what you wanted to say. She nodded firmly.

Immediately you stood, ready to rush to Jin’s side, but then you stopped yourself. With your brain catching up with the instinctive actions that your body took, everything came rushing to you, and you sagged back into your seat. Relief unlike anything you’d ever felt before washed over you, even as your feet itched to run towards him. Thank goodness you didn’t leave the castle with Jungkook to go to Jin’s house earlier. You didn’t even know where he was, exactly, but you would search every nook and cranny of the castle if you’d followed your heart’s desire. Jin was alive! Just a few minutes ago your heart was heavy with guilt and the uncertainty of Jin’s condition. Right now he and Jimin were in the same building as you. You could hardly believe it. Yet you couldn’t rush to Jin like you wanted to. It was painful to hold yourself back, but you were thankful enough that he was alive. You could almost bear anything as long as he was safe.

After composing yourself as best you could, you started out of your chambers with Ji Eun. You wanted to see your brother. At least that wasn’t out of the ordinary. Hopefully Jin was there with him. However, when you arrived, he clearly wasn’t in attendance, since the only people who were present in Namjoon’s study was himself and Jimin, but upon seeing your second brother, thoughts of Jin was easily put aside. After all, even though you knew that he was alive, you’d been just as concerned about Jimin as you were about Jin. Yes, you’d known that Jimin had survived the attack early on, but that didn’t mean you weren’t worried about him. You wanted to make sure that he was unhurt — at least physically; you were sure that the passing of your father had affected him even more than it did you, since it happened in his presence — and simply to reassure yourself that he was there. He looked haggard, and your heart cried for him. The physical, mental and emotional exertion of the travel and the ambush had clearly taken a toll on him, and even though he smiled the moment he saw you, the expression was tired, almost strained.

With no regard to propriety, you ran towards Jimin, stopping short just before you crashed into him. Grabbing his forearms, you assessed him from top to bottom, eyes narrowed to catch every single scratch. It might not have been a good idea, though. There were more than a few scratches on the younger prince, even a gash that you were sure was the surface of an even deeper wound. He was in one piece, but every single injury on him tore at your heart, making you tremble and envisioning tearing faceless men limb from limb for laying their hands on your brother. For a short while, Jimin indulged in your quiet assessment of his well-being. But it didn’t take long for him to deduce that you’d never be completely assured, and so he runs his thumb gently over the creases between your brows. “I’m fine,” he informed you.

Your lips trembled at his voice; whether it was because you missed it, or because you knew that he wasn’t actually fine — not really — and you threw your arms around him. Pressing your face as hard as you could against his chest, you managed to keep the tears at bay. “Do you have any idea how worried we were?” Your muffled words were more watery than angry, devoid of any actual accusation. Jimin was home, and that was all that mattered. Losing your father had caused you enough grief without having to cry over your brother as well, and you knew Namjoon agreed. After calming yourself down, you and your brothers had a long talk over the devastating incident.

Listening to Jimin’s first-hand recounting was a painful but necessary experience. The gist of it was as you’d heard from the messenger, but Jimin filled in the blanks. He was inside the carriage with the late King, going over the more important issues that they’d hoped to discuss with the King of Zinnis, when shouts rang from outside. The men from Zinnis far outnumbered the guards protecting the carriage, easily decimating the ones from the right of it with hardly any time for your men to sound the alarm. From Jimin’s point of view, the enemy was on top of them before he could even draw his sword. The shock and force was such that he wouldn’t have been surprised if the sturdy carriage had overturned from the sheer strength of horse and men. Jimin had rushed outside to join the men, while being wary of straying too far from the carriage.

Yet it was all for naught. As he was furiously slashing at his enemies, a hand had pulled on his shoulder, and he almost took a swipe at the unwitting man behind as he turned around. “It was Sir Kim Seokjin.” Jimin’s voice remained calm, but his eyes flicked in your direction for an instant before settling on Namjoon again.

The eldest Prince frowned in confusion. “Kim Seokjin?” He asked, unfamiliar with the name.

“Y/n’s Royal Guard.” Jimin nodded towards you, and Namjoon made a sound of recognition.

“Ah. Yes. He was the one who discovered the pirates’ hideout, wasn’t he?” Your eldest brother turned towards you for confirmation, and you muttered your assent.

“He had also protected her on several occasions,” Jimin added, and you looked at him carefully. Was he up to something? You had convinced yourself that Jimin wouldn’t reveal the relationship you had with Jin, but it wasn’t hard to put yourself on guard.

Namjoon shot you a withering look, clearly disapproving of the fact that his baby sister had needed so much saving in the first place, but thankfully he didn’t comment further. Instead, he told Jimin to continue with his tale. After jumping back to narrowly escape Jimin’s blade, Jin had fearlessly approached your brother again, grabbing his arm to urge that he leave at once. You had to bite back a whimper when he’d refused, telling Jin that he had to protect the King. Somehow you’d known, even before Jimin sadly recounted that Jin had shook his head and pointed towards the carriage. In the midst of fighting, they had unconsciously moved away from the vehicle, but they were still close enough for Jimin to see your father lying in a puddle of blood on the ground next to it. Even though days had passed since receiving the news on your father, you remembered the devastation that you had felt — and was still feeling now. So you weren’t surprised to find out that Jin had dragged Jimin, who would have remained immobile in his state of shock, away from the chaos of battle.

“I was completely useless,” Jimin berated himself, hanging his head in shame. Even though he’d confessed that Jin had to fend off the attackers as they made their way towards some horses to escape, you couldn’t bear to listen to your brother’s self-loathing. You moved to sit next to him, enveloping him in a fierce hug.

“You are not useless,” you said firmly. “If you hadn’t escaped, Amaryll would have lost their King and their Prince. And I would have lost my brother, too.” A sob lodged in your throat, so you cleared it to ensure that it wouldn’t escape, composing yourself at the same time. “Our remaining men followed you to make sure that you are safe, and that is why there are as many survivors as there are now. You saved the lives of those men.”

Jimin’s only response was a wan smile, acknowledging your point, but you knew his heart wasn’t able to accept it, even if he understood it in his head. Suddenly desperate not to see his heartbreaking expression for a moment longer, you tried for a change in subject. “How are we to proceed from here?”

If the hushed voices that the three of you were using before was unsettling, the silence following your question was deafening. None of you knew what to say. It wasn’t that no one had the answer. That much was apparent. It was that neither you nor your brothers could bring yourselves to form the words. You nibbled on the inside of your cheek, regret sprouting from asking. However, you knew that it was something that needed to be addressed, and better sooner than later.

Your second brother was of the same mind, because he stated, “tongues will wag, but your coronation cannot be postponed, Namjoon. There will be chaos as it is, when word goes out that Father was murdered. We need to present a confident and prepared front.” After seeing Namjoon blanch at the suggestion, Jimin added, “it can be a simple one, just for formality.”

There really was no way around it, so in the end your eldest brother agreed. The rest of the evening was spent planning the occasion, as well as discussions on the first steps to be taken to prepare for the war. Everything must appear to be in place before informing people on the lower chain of command, as well as the masses. It all went more smoothly than you’d expected. Calmer and orderly. The ministers were clearly distressed by the news of the King’s passing, but you three siblings worked clinically, showing no effects from the heavy loss.

And you were still in the state of mind when (maid) found you later that night — in your night clothes, with your hair brushed down, ready for bed — yet sitting on the edge of it. Staring blankly at the floor, as if detached from reality. Your mind was just a blank, but nowhere ready to rest. Even when she called for you, your “Hmm?” was said out of habit more than anything else. In truth, you didn’t even notice her presence. You didn’t notice anything; not even the soft mattress you were perched on.

“Sir Seokjin is here to see you. I told him that it is very inappropriate—“ Her distressed tone barely registered with you, and when she ended her speech with a question, you simply answered with, “fine.”

“Fine?! But—“ her shrill reply was cut short by soft footsteps on the plushly carpeted floor, but you only felt relief that she’d stopped. You simply couldn’t summon the energy to move, not even an inch.

That was until heavy, comforting hands rested upon your shoulders. It startled you enough to make you look up into brown eyes that were filled with worry. “Jin?” It was hard to believe your own eyes. This was like a dream. Or a nightmare. All of it. Reality’s cruel weight suddenly crashed down on you, leaving you broken, a sobbing mess. The only thing keeping you sane was his arms around you, squeezing you so tightly as if to keep you together. It felt like he was the only good thing in your life at the moment.

“You’re alive,” you gasped, clutching at the front of his shirt. You needed to hold onto him, lest he disappeared like you’d seen so many times when you were asleep.

His response was to tighten his hold on you. Even though his breath that softly blew against the top of your head was warm, his words were more comforting, oddly. “I’m sorry.”

It was just that. He was sorry — for the death of your father, for his failure at protecting him, at the situation you were in now — it might be for one thing, or it might be for everything; you didn’t need to ask. There was no doubt that Jin would always want the best for you, and would do anything for your sake, and so just those simple two words conveyed enough. You nodded, throat still too clogged by your sobs to say anything.

He held you until your tears subsided, then coaxed you to sit side by side on the edge of the bed. Ji Eun had discreetly made an exit sometime after showing Jin in, and you were grateful for that. She was your confidante, but there are things that you just couldn’t share with her. Besides, you had always felt that she had often shouldered more than her share of burden, with your recklessness and frequent (some nobles might even say unhealthy for a woman) interest in Amaryll’s affairs. She also didn’t know Jin as you did, thus you wanted this time alone with him, after so long being apart, to just be the two of you.

“You’re hurt,” was your next, obvious assessment to his well-being. It was all you were capable of at the moment, but he understood the sentiment behind it. There was nothing you could do about him being in dangerous situations, yet you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from worrying. The best he could do was be forthright with you; so you could fuss over him when he was injured and feel genuine relief when he was not. It was better than hiding his pain from you – you had pointed that if you discovered that he was lying, even just once, you could never believe him again if he tried to reassure you that he was fine. Of course, you never wanted him to be hurt, but as long as he was alive, that was the most important part, in your opinion.

While he did not escape the ambush unscathed, Jin hadn’t sustained any serious injuries. After examining his cuts and bruises, you felt slightly more like yourself. It should be unsettling, to see your beloved in this state, but the fresh scars were undeniable proof that he was indeed alive. That simple fact did wonders for your frayed nerves and battered heart. Neither of you talked much. Whether it was because there was not much to talk about, or because you were both physically and mentally exhausted, or both, you weren’t completely sure.

It was comforting, but it wouldn’t last for long. Jin suddenly stopped moving, as if deep in thought. “So, we are at war now,” Jin sighed. You nodded, but you could tell that this was not what he wanted to say. There was also a forbidding feeling that you weren’t going to like whatever it was he was going to bring up. “It’s inevitable, of course, considering what happened.” Not knowing what to add to the one-way conversation, you made a soft sound of assent. “Zinnis may be a smaller country, but they are renowned for their military strength.” That was not news to you, either. While Amaryll is more than twice the size of Zinnis, most of your people were farmers and merchants, not soldiers. Trade was what your country was known for, and with its abundant fertile lands, Amaryll was a prime target for Zinnis. “We will need all the help that we can get if we are going to win this war.”

A part of you had anticipated what Jin was getting at from the beginning, but you were still unprepared to tell him the truth. He laid his hand on yours, and only then you noticed that you were trembling. Your hands clasped atop your lap were almost completely covered by his large one, and the sight fascinated you, for some reason. You just couldn’t look at the expression on his face right now. He called your name in a voice that was so gentle and kind. It was the reason you took his hand the first day you’d met him – he made you feel protected, like everything was going to be all right. Even as the world was crumbling all around you.

“My feelings for you will never change, even if you marry someone else.”

“How could I possibly?” The question was high-pitched with anger and cracked with pain as your head whipped around to finally look at him. Jin’s beautiful features were calm, already accepting the fact, but his eyes were filled with sadness that was more similar to your own feelings. “You’re the only one for me, Jin. You always have been. How could I marry Prince Taehyung?” Voicing it out in front of him for the first time was like finally validating the truth that you’d been trying to deny for so long. Once again, tears formed anew.

Jin raised his free hand to cup the side of your face, slowly brushing away the tears from your left cheek. “I have always known that this would never last. You should have known that too.” Yes, you knew that Jin had thought about this from the start. That was why he had refused to prolong your relationship when he’d found out who you were. Still, you had never wanted to believe that was true. It might be foolish of you. And it was definitely idiotic to want to continue believing that you and Jin still had a chance to be together. Your head knew without a shred of a doubt, but your heart remained unmoved in your feelings for Jin.

He brought your head to rest on his chest, and you went readily into his arms. Even though his stroked your hair softly, Jin had no intentions on letting you continue evading the inescapable. “The Crown Prince of Delphina has military strength that rivals – maybe even surpass – Zinnis. He himself has been known to be a great leader. And he hasn’t treated you with anything other than kindness and respect, has he?”

You cringed at the way Jin had phrased the question. Of course he had noticed the interactions between you and Prince Taehyung. The Crown Prince was admirable, friendly, and you liked him very much; but you had never been unfaithful to Jin. Nor did you ever want to. Just one look at Jin and no other man could compare. None could remain in your mind, not when Jin already had your heart. But your station forced you to listen to Jin’s words. It reminded you of your duty to your country. The position that you had been blessed with is one that made you act on the behalf of your people at all times, even at the cost of your own feelings. An alliance with Prince Taehyung would mean saving thousands of lives. The lives of your people. It could mean Jin’s life.

“No, he hasn’t.” You whispered brokenly.

#bts fanfic #armiesnet #networkbangtan #bts writing squad #bangtan bookclub #hyunglinenetwork #btssunshinenet #noonanet #jin angst #namjoon angst #jimin angst #jin scenarios #namjoon scenarios #jimin scenarios #taehyung scenarios

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cclaudias · 7 years

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it’s too damn quiet now.

Voltron fic you can read at my ao3.

Summary:

Keith wistfully reminisces the hull of the Galran ship. The particle barrier they couldn't break down. The paladin's initial panic projecting on to the others and him making him increasingly anxious.

Then they went quiet.

Leaving Keith buzzing with anxiety, fear, memories he had buried in the back of his mind, and ear-piercing quiet.

Keith felt pissed.

And annoyed, disappointed, upset and kind of shaken.

Yes, Lotor saved his life. But that didn’t change any of the other stuff he did. Nor did it change the fact Keith hated him and certainly did not trust him. He was mad at Shiro for complying with Lotor’s “request” and felt the paladins betrayed him when they agreed with Shiro (they were hesitant, but in the end they too gave in).

The Blade was at the castle, waiting with the paladins for the banished prince to arrive. Keith needed a moment away from the rest of them so he was roaming around the castle aimlessly. He didn’t want to go to the room that used to be his. He wasn’t a part of Voltron anymore, so the room didn’t belong to him. He didn’t want to go anywhere near the training deck either, because it was for paladins.

So he walked towards the room with the star map. The room he was first appointed as a paladin in.

Keith frets back to only a few vargas back – the silence, Matt’s hollers and protests, the silence and then the blindingly white light. He heard the door close behind him as he entered the room and moved across the dimly lit chamber. The star map was turned off, giving usually star-lit irradiating room a dusky, gloomy shade. It seemed rather ironic, the room he chose to walk into reflected his present state of mind.

Leaning against a walk, Keith dramatically slid down to the floor. Throwing his head against the wall, he struggled to organize his thoughts. He didn’t know what the team would think of him if they knew he almost sacrifice himself. Would it make them mad? Would they sympathize with him? Look at him with pity? Would they care at all?

Letting out a consecutive sigh, he squeezed his eyes shut. Memories of the incident flooded back, painting a series of events against the pitch-black of his eyelids.

Keith remembered the huge sigh of relief that left his lungs when Allura wrenched them out Naxzela. He remembered the relapsing dread when he realized that the team’s lives were still in danger. He pulled his legs close to his chest as he heard the memories blabbering in the fear of their possible impending demise. But then they all went quiet.

He reflected on his feelings upon the sudden silence. His thoughts flew back to a three year old and his laughing parents. The child’s cries of protest and fear watching his mother’s back disappear. The quiet that seemed to replace her presence. Keith felt the growing sharpness of the razor in his throat, similar but dull than the one he felt when Lance wasn’t whining or bragging anymore, when Hunk and Pidge weren’t speaking gibberish they called physics, when neither Allura nor Shiro were giving life-saving commands.

They were all quiet, like his father for all those years before even he decided Keith wasn’t worth fighting for.

He couldn’t think then. The silence was deafening and Keith felt a sense of panic he didn’t seem to have felt since he was three. He lost a family once. He was not going to lose one again. His body and mind seemed to be coordinating out of his own accord. They found the best course of action – anything that would save his family – and he felt his hands move, pushing his ship towards the Galra ship. Towards his demise. Towards a secure future for his family.

Then Matt called out to him. Told him to stop. Keith knew Matt was right, he should have stopped - the team wouldn’t want to live a life at the cost of his life. But when he shut his eyes, he watched his mother go, his father recede from view and heard nothing but the deafening quiet. He watched Shiro give him brotherly advise, treat him like his own brother. He felt Allura hug him, laughter bubbling within him because of Hunk, fondness watching Pidge’s grin grow when she figured something out and exasperation at Lance’s cheer.

They were worth living for.

But he had opened his eyes, he heard nothing - felt nothing but dread, fear and a lump in his throat.

They were also worth dying for.

So Keith kept moving.

Now, in the inky room, Keith wondered how they would react if Lotor wouldn’t have jumped in. Keith was upset that they decided to give this meeting with Lotor a shot, despite Keith’s evident malice and distrust towards him. The guy tried to split them apart and take them down one-on-one for god’s sake.

Except that was mostly Keith’s fault alone. He put his forehead on his knees and pulled himself in tightly.

Maybe after you almost die for people you consider your family, it feels like a spiteful betrayal when they choose to give an asshole you hate a shot.

Or maybe Keith was just being miserly.

Keith was also worried about Matt telling the team about what he tried to do. He wouldn’t know how to react if they knew. What if they acted sympathetic? It would kill Keith. But he’d feel even worse if they acted like they didn’t know about it, which was pretty unreasonable on Keith’s part, because he didn’t even know it Matt actually told this to them. A hundred possibilities ran through Keith’s head on their possible reactions, each worse than the previous.

He felt sick.

He tried to think of something else, something less upsetting but the only other thing he could think of at the moment, was his mother leaving. He thought of his father who distanced himself after his mother left, leaving Keith to his own devices. Keith despised his father for that, but still when his father wasn’t there anymore, Keith selfishly grieved.

Then Shiro came along. The highly capable cadet who was loved and respected by everyone. Who loved and respected Keith. Who treated Keith like a brother, who taught Keith the meaning of family. But then Shiro disappeared too, reimposing the quiet around him. Keith spent every day after that looking for Shiro, struggling to silence the quiet, to find the man he could call family again.

It was a quiet then, alone in the desert shack, with no one he could even talk to, with nothing around him to make him feel important or loved. The only thing that kept him going was the need to bring his brother back. Thinking about it even now stung Keith’s eyes, he never wanted it to be so damn quiet again, never wanted to be alone again.

Then the universe decided that it had tortured Keith enough, and gave him his brother back, and even gave him a family. A home. Somewhere he was needed. Somewhere he was important. Somewhere he made a difference.

Somewhere he belonged.

But apparently the universe didn’t like the sight of happy Keith. Or maybe all of this was only to give him love so it cruelly snatch that later.

Shiro disappeared again.

The only person who hadn’t given up on him.

And the other paladins seemed to have given up on Shiro. Keith didn’t understand, they were a family. Why did the team give up on finding Shiro so easily?

They might have, but Keith didn’t.

When the team had seen Keith almost at his limit, they made him realize that he wasn’t really alone. That they were struggling too, they just had different ways of dealing with it, of showing it. They hadn’t given up on Shiro. They considered the team as much of a family as Keith did.

So then why were they trying to force Keith into piloting the Black Lion. He didn’t want to, he had made it very clear. Allura was a much better leader than he was. Why did Black choose him. Somewhere Keith knew the answer, but it only made it him feel worse, so he didn’t think about it. But when Lance – arrogant but capable Lance – told him that he respected Black’s decision to choose Keith, it made him feel better. Important.

Being a leader wasn’t really that bad either. He had a few hiccups along the way, but he knew that leading wasn’t as bad as he had made it out to be. It didn’t change the fact Keith did not want to lead.

Even though he would never openly admit it, having Lance by his side made everything so much better.

Then one day, Lance came to Keith to talk about something troubling him, Keith felt ecstatic. Things started rocky for them, but they were bonding, they were getting there. Lance then proceeded to burst Keith’s bubble when he told him he'd come to him because he was the “leader”. Keith already loathed that word being associated with his name, but if possible he grew to hate it more.

Admittedly, Keith acted a little selfish and inconsiderate then. He was put out and maybe acting a little spoilt. It didn't concern him in the beginning, because this was Lance. He probably wanted Keith to get more comfort facilities for Kaltenecker.

But when he realized that Lance was serious, that this was really bothering Lance, he immediately regretted his behavior. He tried to make it up to him, although unsure if it would help in the long run. Lance’s smile before he left Keith’s room reassured Keith that his comforting had worked - at least for then.

It was after that Keith started noticing little slips in Lance’s behavior and it made him feel realize how wrong his initial judgement of Lance’s character was. It made Keith struggle to make up for his misjudgment by supporting Lance whenever and however he could.

But Keith slowly realized he was getting too attached to Lance. He had been pretty attached to Lance for a while then, Keith had a minor crush on Lance that he would never let anyone – especially Lance – know. But he was growing more attached to him and to the rest of the team. Keith did consider them family, but he’s so often questioned if they felt the same that his growing attachment to them set off an alarm.

Keith tried to let that slide but ever since Shiro had come back, he'd always seemed a little irked by Keith. He would apologize and they’d make up later, but it didn’t ease the knot in Keith’s stomach around the man who was supposed to be his big brother. Shiro’s behavior made Keith’s insecurities grow.

The rest of the paladins would eventually behave in the same way with him, wouldn’t they?

Sure they were different people, in different circumstances, so there was no guarantee they’d eventually get annoyed of Keith.

But there was no guarantee they wouldn’t either.

He thought about how none of the paladins ever tried to ask him if he was alright. No one asked him to stay besides Allura and Shiro. Even they asked him to stay for Voltron. Because Voltron needed him.

They clearly didn’t.

Keith felt the dull lump in his throat grow sharper.

He'd never asked for much. He didn’t want his mother to stay so she could shower and spoil him with love. Hell, she didn’t even have to stay. All he wanted was to know that she loved him. He didn’t want his father to forget all his sorrows and concentrate only on Keith. All he wanted was for his father to acknowledge that he was not the only one suffering, Keith was too, and to let Keith know he loved him.

Unlike Zarkon and Haggar, Keith didn’t want world domination, power or wealth. All he wanted was a family. Was love.

Was that too much to ask for?

He really thought he had a family with the paladins. He called this place home, Allura called him family and none of them left the other behind.

In the beginning, Keith was glad to find a place where he was needed, to find somewhere he had a responsibility and was important. It was for the universe, it was for Voltron.

Then, he grew to love the people he fought for the universe with. He called them family, he was certain they would never leave him behind or alone, not even for the universe.

So why did none of them ever call the Marmora headquarters for a reason that wasn’t saving the universe?

They said they’d miss him. They said it wouldn’t be the same without him. So why didn’t any of them call to check on him once? Why did the universe become more important all of a sudden?

He pulled his knees closer, his thoughts choking him, a sob escaping its grasp.

He thought about their performances. Where everyone seemed happy and fine. Where Lance didn’t seem insecure. Shiro wasn’t agitated. Allura was doing a ridiculous job of imitating him.

He remembered what Pidge called him: loner. Was that really what they saw him as? Was that all they saw in him? A socially inept orphan with anger issues. A socially inept orphan who was kicked out of school. A socially inept orphan who only mattered when he was the rash red paladin, or the crappy leader. Was a moody, awkward, impulsive loner all they saw him as?

They might be right, heck they were probably spot on, but it made Keith angry and miserable anyways.

Keith couldn’t watch their performances after that. He tried but each time he felt a dull, but growing ache in his chest. The kind that would make it hard for him to breathe and twist his stomach into a thousand knots.

He also tried to find a family in the Blade. But after the paladins, he couldn’t. He couldn’t consider the people who were ready to sacrifice others for the universe his family. He couldn’t grow fond of people who seemed to have no relation outside the mission. He couldn’t consider them family because no one in the Blade was loud, arrogant, boisterous but also loving, caring and even insecure. Because no one in the Blade laughed as warmly as they hugged. No one in the Blade had sparkles in their eyes whenever they came across some technology remotely intriguing. No one in the Blade called him family, led like fully-grown mature adult or could talk to space mice. No one in the Blade treated him like a little brother.

So he just missed these people he considered family more. Even when he knew they probably didn’t think of him too much. Even though the person who told him he was her family only asked him to stay for Voltron.

Hot tears fell from the corners of Keith’s eyes, leaving a burning trail in its path. Keith frantically wiped his tears, more sobs spurting out his throat.

He could be with them right now, but instead he was here bowling his eyes out over something childish and irrelevant. He swabbed out more tears, his sobs finally coming to a stop.

He hated this. He hated how his cries were the only sound ringing out in this silent, dead room. He hated how quiet this place was.

He hated how quiet it was in the Marmora headquarters.

He hated how quiet it was in space.

He hated how quiet the castle was when he was alone.

He hated how quiet his ugly desert shack was.

The sobs he thought he had under control gushed out again.

He told himself he’d be okay. This wasn’t the first time this happened, it would pass and he’d be fine again. But the quiet was gnawing at him, choking him, making it harder for him to think, to breathe, to stop crying.

He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to be with them. He wanted to be somewhere someone was always talking, somewhere it was never quiet. He wanted to be with someone who would keep arguing with him. With people who would speak in gibberish they called science. With a man who was too loud and had a ludicrously perfectly shaped orange moustache. With a girl who was incredibly strong and caring and bright and perceptive enough to do things perfectly on her first time. He wanted to be with the person who taught him the meaning of family, who made him realize he mattered, that someone cared. He wanted to be with his big brother, who didn’t always seem agitated with him.

Keith’s spiraling was rudely interrupted when he heard the door slide open. Eyes wide, he buried his face behind his knees, hoping he could pass as asleep. He tried furiously swiping at his tears, the best he could do without making it seem like he was moving.

“Keith?” He heard a warm, comforting voice call out.

Shit, he thought. How did Hunk find him?

“Do you think he’s asleep?”

Quiznak, Pidge was here too.

All he needed was Lance, Shiro and Allura to be present too.

He heard a snort, “Yeah, that makes sense, come to the castle after months, that too for for security purposes and then fall asleep in a random room with no bed. He’s only been gone a few months, I don’t think he’s forgotten the way to his room.”

Keith felt slightly annoyed when Lance said months in an agitated manner, like Keith had done something wrong.

“Lance, he might be tired. Stop being crude.”

Man, Allura too?

Now the only thing left was some input from Shiro. Oh wait, Shiro was too annoyed with Keith to bother looking for him.

Wait, why were they looking for him?

“Hey Keith, buddy?” Hunk again. “You with me?”

If Keith looked up now they’d notice he was crying. If he didn’t they’d come closer and find out anyway.

Keith cleared his throat, to make sure it wouldn’t crack when he spoke. He didn’t lift his head up, but moved so his arms were on top of his knees and his cheek on top of them.

Whatever Lance said about his hair was invalid, at least his bangs covered his probably red, swollen eyes.

“Yeah”, he croaked out and then cleared his throat again. “Just…tired.”

“Keith, we need to talk to you a moment, if that’s okay with you”, Allura said.

Taking in a deep breath Keith began to answer but Lance cut him off. “Oh and maybe if you had the decency to look at us while we talked, or did your time with Marmora eradicate any social mannerisms you had left?”

Keith felt anger boil within him. Why the hell was Lance acting so spitefully?

But Keith knew better than to look up, so he answered, “like I said, I’m tired. You should know. Your fatigue is making you act like an asshole.”

He heard Lance sucking in a deep breath, probably to say something but Pidge spoke before Lance had a chance to. “We just wanted to know if you were okay?”

What? Keith wanted to snort, to scream, to yell, to look at them. But instead he shifted again, his forehead on his knees, his arms wrapped around them.

“For the last time -”, Keith tried to sound exasperated, “I’m tired, Pidge.”

He felt fingertips brush his bangs aside, but that was not what made him look up. “Of almost dying for us?”

Hunk’s question made Keith look up so fast, his fingertips almost poked his eyes.

He watched their eyes go wide taking in his appearance, Lance looking last. His frown turned into a mixture of hurt and surprise, the look the rest of them had when they noticed his tear streaked face.

Keith hated this.

But at least they weren’t looking at him with pity.

Standing up abruptly, he said, “The mission was more important than one person. It wasn’t just you guys -”, such an obvious lie “– there were a lot of lives at stake.”

Lance’s expression turned bitter again. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped when Hunk hugged Keith.

“You’re right”, he said. “Saving the universe is more important. Voltron is more important.”

What?

Keith felt a stab of pain. If this was Hunk’s way of comforting, he was doing terrible.

A pair of smaller arms wound around his chest, as Hunk moved away. “Hunk’s right, Keith. The universe can replace you, Voltron can”, Pidge said.

“But we can’t”, Allura and Hunk said, turning and smiling sadly at each other for a moment, then turning to look at him.

Keith blinked. When full realization of their words - this gesture - hit him he blinked again, more frantically than the first time, hoping to blink away the new wave of tears.

What?

“We know saving the universe is important Keith”, Allura said. “But to us, it’s not more important than you, however selfish that may sound.”

Pidge pulled away to look him in the eye, “Keith, you’re a part of our family, like one of my big brothers, this mission might be important but I don’t want to lose you.”

“None of us do”, Hunk added.

Lance was still quiet.

But then he sighed and moved towards Keith. “The only reason I’m not breaking your face right now”, he said, very clearly still annoyed. “Is because that would be unfair.” He looked away from Keith, down to his side. “Because I may – would – have done the same thing in your position.”

The rest of them nodded, and Keith looked down, trying to blink back tears.

He heard Lance sigh again. “That doesn’t mean we’re not mad at you Keith!”

“Did you really think any of us could go on, knowing that the only reason we’re alive is because -” Hunk’s voice shook a little, “- because you’re not?” His voice cracked and Keith knew without looking that Hunk was crying.

He looked up at them, vision still blurry. “I’m sorry.”

“Keith you don’t have to apologize for anything, you didn’t do anything wrong”, Allura said, as she moved in to hug him.

“Maybe except putting your life in danger for the people who’d rather die than live at the cost of your life”, Pidge stated. “We’re sorry too, Keith. For not telling you this before.”

Allura pulled away, smiling, “She’s right. And this is not just because of my fear at possible survivor’s guilt, I’ve lost enough, I can’t lose you too.”

His heart clenched watching her expression darken. He wished there was some way he could fix everything for her, for the rest of them. He felt a physical ache seeing them hurt.

Allura moved, so her, Hunk and Pidge were standing to his sides, leaving Lance standing in front of him. Keith realized that they were each hugging him one by one so by order that left Lance. Keith felt his heart skip a beat and stomach twist. Lance had never hugged him before and he was wasn’t sure if he’d be able to survive that.

But if Lance didn’t hug him - that would probably hurt a lot more. It’d feel like an indirect rejection to Keith.

Then Keith heard Lance call him team leader in his head. He remembered how Lance supported him regardless of what during his time as the Black Paladin. He thought of what Lance had said when he’d messed up in Thaycerix, “But now we gotta fix it.” We. Keith had clearly been the one who messed up, it was all Keith’s fault but when Lance said that, Keith knew Lance had his back. That Lance would support and help him regardless of what and how many times.

Keith didn’t need a hug from Lance to know he would be there for him. He knew that already.

But when he looked at Lance, he noticed Lance looked unsettled and fidgety. Like he wanted to ask Keith something, but didn’t know how to phrase it or if he should ask it at all.

“Keith”, Lance started, and Keith’s stomach dropped from the sound of his voice. Like he was going to ask something Keith definitely did not want to answer. “I don’t know, man”, he ran a hand over his face, “but…was I – what I asked you the other day – was that even part of the reason you left? I know it wasn’t the whole, obviously, but”, he looked at Keith with a look saying he definitely did not want to hear the answer to this. “Did it have even a small part in this?”

Keith looked at everyone but Lance. Everyone’s confounded expressions. They had no idea what Lance was talking about. Keith wondered if what surprised them even more was that Keith and Lance actually interacted with civility when left alone.

Wait, the way Lance put it, it could be interpreted as a fight.

So they were just surprised that Keith and Lance had a fight that didn’t wake the rest of the castle.

Lance still looked like he didn’t want to know the answer. Keith still didn’t want to answer.

“I guess I thought about it once”, Keith admitted in a small voice, hoping it wouldn’t reach Lance.

But quiznak, the universe really hated Keith. Lance heard his reply.

Rushing to explain, Keith said, “What you said didn’t make any sense.” The shock on Lance’s face persisted. “You’re a vital part of Voltron, and it didn’t make any sense that you thought you should -”, Keith never got to finish because Lance surged forward to hug him.

Lance.

Hugged.

Keith.

Keith would never get Lance. With all that rivalry shit, he was certain Lance would be the last person in the universe to hug him.

“I’m sorry”, he mumbled near Keith’s ear. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask you why you were pulling away from us. I’m sorry I – we – weren’t there for you. I’m so sorry, Keith.”

Lance didn’t really have anything he had to apologize for, but yet here he was apologizing.

Keith had cried enough for one day. Didn’t Lance see that?

He felt three pairs of arms slide around him, making him laugh through his tears.

“You know that you can talk to us anytime, about anything, right?” Allura asked.

Keith nodded, even though he knew they wouldn’t see it.

“It was just -” he croaked out, “- really quiet. All of you had gone silent. You guys were never like that before and all I could think of -”, he couldn’t say it out loud. It was way too scary.

Allura, Hunk and Pidge squeezed him, and Lance shifted his palms so one of them fitted in the small of his back and the other behind his neck, fingers in his hair. “I know”, he whispered, comfortingly, his hands soothing out the knots in Keith's hair.

From the sniffles around him, he was certain Pidge and Hunk were crying, which despite his emotional fatigue, made him want to laugh.

“Just made a mental note to cry out loud every time we’re about to die and one of you isn’t around”, Hunk said, his voice faintly hoarse.

This time Keith laughed out loud.

He could feel them all relax hearing his laughter and Hunk was no doubt beaming at his achievement.

“And Keith”, Lance said, “I know the Blade is important to you. But obviously we are important to you too - more important, I'm sure -, so it’d be really nice if you’d make time for us sometime from your busy schedule of self-sacrifice.”

There. Lance was back again.

He felt someone move their hand to hit Lance, making him giggle. He heard Pidge then, “And since you're obviously important to us – all – too -”, she said, enunciating the all, while no doubt giving Lance The Look. “- we’re going to make time out so we can hang out with each other. It’s really quiet when you and Lance aren’t trying to rip each other’s heads off.”

All of them loosened their grips around him, except Lance, who held on a moment longer to say, “I actually like crying Keith better than your loner persona.”

“Persona?” Keith whined, despite the fire making its way up to his face.

“C’mon, Keith”, Pidge grinned. “We all know you like hugs better than your emo music.”

Keith scrunched his face up in denial. She wasn’t far from the truth, but only because they were in space without any rock music, another thing he'd never admit out loud.

“Wait”, Hunk started, “you all know Keith has a sense of humor right. This guy here can crack jokes that make people laugh.”

All of them except Keith laughed. “Why are you all laughing?” Keith asked indignantly.

They tried to hide their giggles behind their palms, “No reason.”

When they began to exit the room, Hunk and Allura stood by Keith’s side, slipping their palms into his hands.

Although confused, Keith appreciated the gesture, so he let them hold his hands.

“What kind of a Keith joke made Hunk laugh?” Lance asked smugly.

Crush or no crush, Keith wanted to punch Lance right now.

He growled but didn’t reply, feeling too drained to think of a snarky comment right now.

The rest of them kept talking, along the way, not asking Keith to talk but occasionally asking his opinion.

Halfway to the castle’s control center, Hunk and Allura switched with Lance and Pidge. Finally understanding what they were doing, a small smile creeped up Keith’s face.

He really loved these people.

Unlike Hunk and Allura who were still, every time Pidge wanted to tell Keith something or wanted his input, she’d tug his arm down and Lance had been swinging their arms since he’d taken Keith’s hand.

Usually he’d get annoyed, but it made him especially fond today.

Eventually Pidge too let go of his hand but Lance hadn’t. Instead, Keith noticed Lance turn his head toward him from his periphery.

Expecting a jab, Keith turned to face him, but Lance didn’t look like he was going to make fun of Keith. He had an odd expression on his face instead.

Keith noticed a faint red hue staining Lance’s brown skin. “I missed you.”

Keith’s head buzzed, stomach twisting itself into knots. Till Keith remembered what Lance told him before he left. Rolling his eyes bitterly, he said, “I know, Lance. You didn't have any one to make fun of.”

Lance snorted and looked away from Keith, “I guess I missed that too.”

Keith felt his heart stop for a minute there, taking in what Lance said.

Then, his lips turned up in a grin, Lance's admission leaving Keith feeling all giddy and happy all of a sudden.

Lance really, actually genuinely missed him. And he admitted it. Out loud. To Keith.

Pressing down the urge to laugh, Keith answered, “I missed you too.”

They both grinned at each other for one stretched-out special moment. Then Lance looked back ahead, Keith mirroring his movements.

Keith knew that he would spiral back down again. He knew he’d probably have another breakdown when he was alone. But also knew he wasn’t ever truly alone. He had Lance, Pidge, Hunk, Allura, Shiro and Coran. He had his family. And regardless of what he felt at the moment, he reminded himself, that they did in fact care about him. As much as he cared about them.

When they’d almost reached the castle’s central controls, Lance stopped swinging their arms in between.

But he didn’t let go.

#voltron fic #keith pov #hurt comfort #klance #a little #space fam #voltron #vld #myfic

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