#(he's a very perservering man)

[tanely]

What’s really cool about C3 is that Matt is really introducing a commentary on institutionalized religion vs faith, Cult tactics and how it can mimic moderate views, And how those in high places of power will often use whatever they can to maintain it as a sense of control.

Bor’dor went under radar for so long because he was saying the same thing as Prism and Deni$e. He sounded like a person with moderate views! “aren’t you tired?” feels wrong to ask but even Prism goes “no one would blame you if you stopped”. Deni$e and her “they never did anything for me”

The belief that everyone should be allowed to worship what they want. This includes EVERYONE including those with complicated views on the current pantheon. but that with large religion comes power and those in the institution want to perserve their power.

Matt compounded it by having the dawnfather intervene on that one scenario (a limited experience across 3 campaigns), it made everyone go “wait so they CAN intervene they choose not to” when likely the intervention was cause a member of the cult was attacking his temple. But this allowed for even more “the gods don’t care” talk from the limited knowledge of PCs.

Picking the Dawnfather is also a great choice. He’s the most stoic/more straightforward of the pantheon and one of the most revered by the cast plus his involvement in the calamity. He has the greatest impact if he intervenes because it MEANS something.

The way Ludinous has twisted things into the idea that the gods should be intervening at EVERY whim and that they don’t so its a flaw. When in reality if they intervened it would be the removal of freedom of any kind. He doesn’t think the gods SHOULD intervene, he also doesn’t want others ‘free’. he wants control! as Ashton says “I don't know if that's the person I would like around if there's a vacuum”.

The reason for lack of Pro God PCs is because we already have two campaigns of Pro God PCs (or at the very least ok with them). The point was never about “are the gods good or bad” or “should the gods die or not”. The wrong questions keep getting asked.

The point is the person on the other side is willing to control, murder, manipulate, and straight up LIE to people in order to use them for their own means for their own reasons with no consideration to ANY collateral damage and to maintain control. And that’s the problem. This man has done everything to consolidate power. Would you trust that person to make the best decision for an entire world? 

[dearestxiao]

Family dinner with Childe is hell because of his younger siblings. What are you going to do? Break his sibling’s hearts by saying all the horrible things their brother actually does to you?? Your beef is with Childe, not his family. These are innocent kids.

And Childe knows that you wouldn’t break their heart, which is why he can get away with a LOT more than he can when you’re alone

You’re stuck even more than you are when you’re alone. And you’re forced to smile and act happy and like you love Childe, because the alternative is even more pain all around for everyone. -Woof Woof

yes yes yes right!!! you dread family dinners with childe. they're the sole and only nights childe is able to completely back you into a corner and get you to play along into the role of a sweet, lovely couple. childe's whole family can just see how happy he is around you, and that extends to his precious younger siblings, who gleam up at you with bright innocent eyes filled with utter admiration. they've adored you since the very day ajax first brought you home. and he adores how they make you pull off such a good performance.

they're just so happy! they're not blind to just how in love their brother is, far from it. this is made especially so with how childe is able to get away with smothering you with as much love (sweet kisses, an arm constantly wrapped around your waist, big bear hugs, all of the things you'd usually pull away from) as humanly possible due to the fact you can't pull away, not infront of everyones watchful eye. it fuels their curiosity and adoration. they can't help but to ask you so, so many questions at the dinner table as everyone watches. they ask you about how you've met and how you two fell in love. they nail down how loving he is towards you and isn't ajax just the greatest? they ask if you plan to get married anytime soon and ask if you're going to be their sibling-in-law. they even exclaim that you two should be married under the tsarista, that way you'd never, ever be split away from one another.

you feel like a bug being inspected under a microscope, especially as childe is watching you carefully with a soft little smile on his face.

and you (forcibly) descend into an award-winning act while you chat with everyone, smiling and speaking in as gleeful of a tone as you could muster up while you try to hold back showing off your sheer discomfort. you answer every question as satisfactory as you can while still trying to perserve your dignity. the soft squeezes your hand recieves from childe as you speak serve as a motivator, a little reminder that he's listening to each and every word coming out of your mouth. you never stray even an inch away from the script because you know better than that.

they bring you gifts some of your visits, usually small crafts they've made specially for you. they make 'wedding rings' and 'bouquets' for you and ajax out of whatever materials they can find. they draw family portraits with you, their future sibling-in-law, included, little stick-men figures depicting you and childe and the rest of the large family holding hands. you thank them (sometimes awkwardly, usually begrungedly) for each and every little thing that they gift you no matter just how uncomfortable it makes you.

and truthfully, it all hits you right in the heart and hard. childe, of course, loves to take advantage of this.

because how could you possibly hurt them? how could you ever even think of removing those precious little smiles off of their faces by telling them the truth? how could you ruin their perception of childe, who they love and adore more than you could ever even begin to imagine? no, your grievance is with the man himself, not them.

you're less unsure of what to do in this situation and instead more aware that there's nothing that can be done. you wish, desperately, that you could tell any of them, even his parents, of the truth, show them who their son really is, but why would they believe you? he treats you so lovingly, he's practically an angel to you.

what's worse is that you know deep down that it wouldn't even matter if they did believe you. I mean, they haven't seen him this happy since before he had disappeared all these years ago. why would they ever want to take that away from him? the bottom line is, they'd give anything to keep him like that.

(also, truth be told, most of them have probably already catched on but simply do not care).

after the nights over, childe loves to give you a sweet peck on the cheek as he exclaims just how good you've done. but, truth be told, he can't help but notice just how bare that ring finger is. maybe his family is right. maybe he should hurry up and 'seal the deal' already. maybe his precious little siblings deserve a 'sibling-in-law' as amazing as you.

[beevean]

"NFCV's portrayal of Dracula is a masterpiece, it finally gave depth to the character! His sorrow is sympathetic, he's not just an evil guy for evil guy's sake! He's deep, nuanced!"

Is he? Is he, though?

The more I think about Dracula (the games one obv), the more it angers me how the show treated him. In its best seasons, to boot.

Because yes, they certainly put a lot of focus on his grief, and took care to humanize him. And that's the issue.

The idea, on paper, is wonderful. Dracula is a monster moved by human emotions. He's a danger to the entirety of mankind, God's direct enemy, but at his core, he's a man bereft for the loss of his wives.

The very first episode nailed it! He makes an utterly terrifying entrance in Targoviste, as a pillar of fire threatening the people to move out in a year lest they face his wrath. They don't believe him. He keeps his word. He does not hold back.

And he caps it off with this chilling, yet tragic speech:

Kill everything you see. Kill them all. And once Targoviste has been made into a graveyard for my love, go forth into the country. Go now. Go to all the cities of Wallachia: Arges! Severin! Gresit! Chilia! Enisara! Go now and kill. Kill for my love! Kill for the only true love I ever knew. Kill for the endless lifetime of hate before me.

This is Dracula. This is the Devil himself who is absolutely destroyed by the loss of his love, knows that he will never be able to move on, and by all the forces of Hell, he will make everyone feel his misery.

Season 2, by all means, should have capitalized on this. Imagine the great contrast it would be: one scene shows Dracula, in his firey form, sending his forces, the Night Creatures that he forced Hector and Isaac to make all night, to raze an entire village to ashes... and the next, he retreats to his quarters to slump in his chair, speaking in a soft and broken voice, and suddenly, he is a man again. It would show his duality so well.

But the show simply forgot the first part.

The entirety of the plot in S2 is that Dracula has stopped being a villain. This is the crux of the conflict! Dracula spends his entire time moping in his chair, and he's so Depressed™ that he literally loses control of his forces... which allows Carmilla to more or less replace him.

There you have it: Dracula's entire arc in S2.

Dracula gets nothing but "humanizing" moments. He speaks civilly to Carmilla after she makes a fool out of him. He commiserates to Isaac about how no one is his friend anymore, taking care to sit by his side like they're buddies. He doesn't care about anything anymore, thus allowing Carmilla to run amok and play Hector and Isaac like recorders (I would say "like a fiddle" but that would imply talent). His plan gets described, multiple times, including by his own son, as nothing more than a suicide mission that will accidentally take down everyone with him. Most importantly, Dracula is painted as being simply a shortsighted fool, who lied to Hector to hire him and then he's surprised that he's distancing himself, who never thought ahead when it cames to blood perserves, who really, why didn't he just turn Lisa into a vampire, is he stupid?

(he's literally doing a :( face. i cannot make this shit up)

Once again: his death scene, which is at its core him being taken down by his own emotions, is brilliant in a vacuum. But in context, it breaks down spectacularly: Dracula has done nothing but feel sorry for himself for 7 episodes now. Where is the guy who made guts and man-eating demons fall from the sky? This is such a blatant attempt to defang (hehe) an iconic antagonist for the sake of 1) propping up an OC, and 2) because we are such good writers and we will fix the shallow games by giving Humanity to our antagonists, to the point where they're not even So Bad After All! (also 3) because woobiefying the dilf will make our horny fans happy)

But like. You can show Dracula's humanity without painting him as such a sad meow meow.

It is said that there was a deplorable incident. Those who did it, those who saw it, those who didn't stop it, the one who created the world, all are equally guilty.

The pain of loss  Distorted overflowing resentment Unquenchable sorrow  The claws of a trembling fist pierce the palm  Becoming a bloody hammer of violence

Gaining what was lost A power as big as sadness A person who rebels against the creator of an existence that will never be lost

One page has the narration describing Dracula's "unquenchable sorrow" that turns his fist into a "bloody hammer of violence"...

"Please, I beg of you, I’m human too!"

"My nourishment is human life and mistakes. I will disappear when humans perish…"

And the next one will have Dracula severely punish his General for daring to question him in his cruel plan for revenge.

And he'll still show some vulnerability to Isaac, but apparently he was okay with him killing Hector and bringing his head back.

And then there's the ending of SoTN, where Dracula finally asks Lisa forgiveness, but not after nearly killing his son and even swearing to wipe away his "vulgar blood" in Japanese. And then there are the implications, most obvious in Grimoire of Souls, that even Dracula has grown tired of being forced to come back over and over, but shows no sign of remorse.

[...]

It may not be shown in depth as NFCV does, but even if more is left to imagination, the games do a much better job at walking the line between "Dracula is the Devil incarnate, a spiteful monster who only desires death and destruction" and "Dracula is the former shell of a man who was broken by grief and cannot let go of his pain".

So yeah. I'm not impressed by the show trying too hard to make me cry for its ineffective, pathetic, pitiful version of Dracula.

[petallix]

A snippet from polish teen magazine "BRAVO" [nr 13 / 17 June - 2 July 2003]

[eng translation] Metallica - Perserved with beer

Asked for a "recepie of longevity" James Hetfield said one time that: "You have to be moisturized with beer and not wear leather clothes and make up"

"As it seems, the recepie works 100%, because Metallica celebrates 20 years this year! The boys are still in great form, as their newest album just came out and its really interesting, because these gigants of the metal scene recorded it in completley different style till now.

Do you wanna know why?

Just remember one less than wholsome fact form the history of the group. Lars, James, Kirk and Cliff (first bassist), and then Jason, were partying so hard in their early years that they got a new nickname: "Alcoholica" - not a very funny joke in the hindsight, as 1,5 year ado James Hetfield, guitarist and vocalist, went to rehab. He came to the conclusion that it ----. It wasn't fun anymome.

All of these experiences are described - not literally of course - in the lyrics and hardcore tunes of "St.Anger" - ther newest Album.

"Now I have new will to live. I found my new strenght and the band found their new inspirations. We've made music we haven't done before. Robert Trujillo (our new bassist) is with us and we hope that he can stand us for quite some time." Explained Hetfield in one of his recent interviews.

Keep it up, man!" Smaller text

"Robert Trujillo - played with Suicidal Tendencies, Infectious Grooves and Ozzy Osbourne. He proved his worth not only as a bassist..."

"In exchange of shooting a music video in fameous prison San Quentin, Metallica performed a mini concert for the prisoners and gave 10000 $ for prisons baseball club".

[lewis-winters]

would love to hear more about the skinny/speirs confrontation 👀 (I'm sure other would too so feel free to answer publicly)

Ok I did not actually anticipate ppl being interested HAHAHAH but since ya'll asked nicely (@ep6bastogne and @hellofanidea mWAH to you too), here it is under the cut.

Ok so like. Understandably, people are more focused on Web and Lieb when it comes to the mountain top scene and that's perfectly fine. They're the ones I first thought about too. But then the more I watched that scene, the more I nyoomed in on two details: 1) It is implied that Speirs personally gave the order for Liebgott to go up there and deal with the officer, and 2) Skinny is the one who ends up pulling the trigger.

Which brings me to like. This fic I started planning in my head but couldn't quite write down because I am. Lazy. Anyway, it follows several plot points:

1) This is piggyback riding off my meta that Ron had ulterior motives to sending Liebgott up the mountain, which I have outlined in this post. TL;DR Ron used Lieb's anger (and to some extent, Web's too-- in my head, he heard about the incident with the baker in ep9, and he wanted to exploit that, not anticipating that Web's own self-preservation (of both his own person and morals) would get in the way) to do his dirty work, knowing that he wouldn't be questioned because of his position and because of said anger blindsiding all logic Lieb might have.

2) Skinny somehow knows this. He's more intuitive that people give him credit for. If Ron handpicked Lieb and Web because he knew, at least to some extent, that their anger would push them to do what he wants, then what the hell was Skinny doing there?

3) That question will haunt Skinny for awhile. Because why did Ron know, somehow, that Skinny would pull the trigger when either Lieb or Web could not? What anger and violence did Ron see in Skinny that made him think: "ah, yes, him; that's my killer of killers"? And most importantly, why did Skinny prove him right?

This is very much informed by how irl Skinny's PTSD was very much centered on the people he killed as a soldier (as opposed to people he lost). He's constantly cited in his writings and his letters that he felt unforgivable. So it isn't a massive leap for me to go yeah!! that boy killed an unarmed man (albeit a nazi, but I don't think even that could help him justify this) and then was later present when Web says "war's over, anyone would run" which no doubt would add to his already guilty conscience.

Add all of that together, and you have a recipe for a very traumatized lost boy wondering if maybe he's carrying a monster inside of him, and if maybe Ron could see it.

4) the answer, in the end, is that Ron couldn't see it. This was the dialogue I wrote first, and it has had me by the balls ever since:

"So why me? What did you see in me that was so twisted and cruel that you decided I should be up there, huh? Tell me!"

"... Nothing. I just needed a third man."

5) anyway. Ronald does, finally, admit to having used Lieb and Web to get what he wants. But Skinny doesn't care, because all he hears is that he's collateral damage. And that's not quite as comforting as Ron thinks it is.

soooooo. yeah.

**another plot point I have listed but couldn't really put anywhere in this weird ass list: there's also some cognitive dissonance sprinkled in there-- Skinny could justify Lieb and Web's reactions. He'd say Lieb has the right to do it. He'd also say Web's attempt at perserving himself as wise. it's important to note that Skinny went into this with the mindset that he was already unforgivable from the beginning. this just exacerbated it, but also gave him somebody who could probably answer his questions (i.e. am I really unforgivable? am I rreally a monster? am I a murderer? etc etc).

[k0k0-library]

Svarog had me thinking #1

Svarog, our sweet robot dad- wrong!

He is a fucking war machine. Do we, as the HSR fandom even realize what this means? The thing has bloody missiles coming out of his back like fireworks on an NYE! He is able to withstand great damage and time corrosion (as literally stated in the game... unless it's a team of wild teens and adults who were pissed on a bunch of metal-). He is built like a fucking tank.

First, his height is easily comparable to Lady Dimitrescu. I mean, have you seen the damn thing? It's massive not only by height, but his build is very, how we humans say, "muscly", but there is no muscle, only titanium alloy and bolts... and nuts... As we can see, Clara, who is aproximatively 1,63 meters (she's taller than me what the fuck-) barely reaches over his crotch, which gives us the idea Svarog is about double her height at least. Let's say 2,50 meters, because it seems most relevant. And quite logic. So buddy falls a little bit under Lady D’s height.

Anyway, as a dormant relic, he most likely was left in the underground mine by the Architects for the later humans to discover him and get use of then's thechnology. They thought that Belobog would actually get more technologized after their decline, oh how wrong they were. Now, don't get me wrong, after seeing how other places are on Jarilo VI, Belobog is one of the most advanced places with their trams and guns that they use, it's just not as much as the Architects expected of the place to become. And something tells me it has to do with the separation between the overworld and the underground. Maybe, just maybe, separating the main city from the mines which literally give you the materials ain't a good idea.

And Svarog knew that. He just wanted to perserve things as is, to not risk getting humanity to whipe itself out with some damned crazy inventions, as he saw in the past with the architects. He, even as a robot feels emotion, that much is known. (we can conclude this from what Clara says in her hangout "many vergants see them as pets, but i believe they have feelings like us to [...] like Mr. Svasrog here").

Speaking of emotions, the strongest he feels is about Clara and protecting her. As she was the one that found him in the snow and reactivated him, his internal processor viewed her as his creator, as the one that he should obey every command of. Clara, on the other hand just wanted a family, and so Svarog only listens to that command. He's not a mindless tool, but he prioritiseses this before anything else. Par example, if he had to choose between attending Clara’s first ballet class and saving the world, guess what he will do? Good answer: both. But he will first be close to his dancing baby girl.

Scaring us by no means a violent man, or machine, but when put face to face with the destruction of his home as he knows it, he will pick up a fight. His home is his most important mission, providing a family for Clara, so of course he will freak of and fight the Wild Fires. It’s normal if you think about it. What isn’t normal, however…. Is his boss fight in the Simulated Universe. But that one has its own place in another day’s discussion.

[narrativelysignificantturtleduck]

the challenges of trans headcanons

a while ago i saw a post that said something to the effect of "if you're cis don't headcanon characters as trans if they're not that gender in canon". the argument was that it implies trans people are not the gender they say they are - like, if you headcanon a male character as a trans woman, that means you think of trans women as men who want to be women. headcanoning a male character as a trans man is fine though.

i kinda resent any post telling people what they're allowed to headcanon, but i do get where that post was coming from. not just because i know cis people can be transphobic, but because i have perservered in doing that very thing and found out how complicated it is.

like, first off, there's the pronoun dilemma. everyone in canon and pretty much everyone discussing the show is using the "wrong" pronouns, but also, it's a headcanon, so it's not like they're ACTUALLY wrong. and even though you want to use the "right" pronouns you don't want to confuse people if you're talking about the character outside of the specific headcanon. and what if you write fic about the character at a point before they come out, before they even realize themselves? everyone around them is using those pronouns, and they'll even be thinking of themself that way. is that misgendering? obviously, the character won't care (bc they're not real) but people might look at you funny if you say a character's trans and then use the "wrong" pronouns. you've dug your own grave here.

(i've taken a few different approaches. i tried avoiding pronouns entirely, but it was a challenge. no pronouns and trying not to repeat an already-repetitive name too much? blorbo posting hard mode. recently, i've flipped to using he/him when talking about the character in canon and she/her when discussing the trans headcanon or more fanon things. i think it makes sense to use canon pronouns when analyzing canon but i do worry it looks like misgendering. not sure there's any good answers here.)

secondly, it forces you to reckon with being trans in a very real way. you have to adjust to new pronouns and gender presentation the way the family members of a trans person would, and like a trans person you have to make decisions about those changes. you are forced to grapple with what the coming out process would be like, what steps someone would take to transition. sure, you can discuss those things when headcanoning a male character as transmasc, but you know where he ends up. he's the guy you know in canon. headcanoning someone as a different gender than they are in canon - that's uncharted territory, same as it would be irl.

heck, the very fact that this is difficult, that i don't know what pronouns to use in what situation, feels pretty trans to me.

(not that my struggle headcanoning a minor character from a kids show as trans is anywhere near comparable to people's actual lived experiences. but you get what i mean.)

you know how when you write a character for a while they start to take on a life of their own in your head, and any characterization choices start to feel like things they tell you about themselves instead of just what you decided about them? well i've known about the trans jeong jeong headcanon for a while but that post kinda made me...shove her back into the closet. metaphorically. i was pushing nonbinary jeong jeong for a while, because she was very clearly not cis to me but i feared being Bad and Problematic if i said she was transfem. i could even get away with some transfem stuff under the guise of genderfluidity. some days she's a woman. but also sometimes a man don't worry :)

but now she's out. and i don't know who i was so afraid of offending, and why i've had this weirdly personal journey about it. it's a journey similar to my own coming out as bisexual (going back in the closet for fear of pushback) and i had it over a fictional character's gender, about "coming out" with a headcanon.

i don't really know what conclusion to draw from all of this. i don't know what the right answer to the pronouns question is.

things i know for certain -

jeong jeong is a trans woman. it's a headcanon, but the way i feel about it is as if it's a fact i happen to know. you know how it is with blorbos

i am a cis woman, and that means i need to be careful how i deal with trans characters and headcanons. fictional characters might not care, but real life trans people can see the ways i talk about fictional trans people, so it matters what i do.

it's ridiculous that i denied this headcanon for so long

maybe the conclusion is just that hard-and-fast rules about who's allowed to do things are bad. but it's still worth thinking about the implications of a headcanon and its impact on others.

[forumjutsu]

what you mean there was no different ending for sasusaku? I think naruto was a better pairing for both of them

I just think it was the most logical resolution.

I´m gonna try to explain why I assumed it without getting in the ship/romantic scenes (this blogger made an awesome analysis about the whole sasusaku thig, btw), since I undestand that´s kind of subjective.

At the start of the series we are presented a three-man squad formed by two boys and a girl. It was just obvious that there was going to be some romantic plot around them, specially when their (kind of) love triangle was setted up from the very beggining. Therefore, two of them were gonna end up together. Now, this is an early 2000s japanese manga, so (though it´s a shit) the boyxboy was not an option in my head.

As it was, Sakura was gonna be with either Naruto or Sasuke at the end of the series.

Starting from this premise, the easy thing is to ship the girl with the protagonist, Naruto, but there´s this other character, this other girl, Hinata, who has a big crush on him, even though he is hated by everyone. That crush had to be important for the plot in some way, because, if not, why even bother to put it there? It definetely was not for comedy releave. I mean, just think about the difference between Lee´s crush on Sakura´s beauty and Hinata´s feelings.

Anyway, we go through genin period with, I think we can all agree, more shipping moments between Sakura and Sasuke than between Sakura and Naruto. But, even if we pass throug it, the thing is that at the end of part one, Sakura is love-strucked, Naruto kind of stepping back and no other girl has interacted with Sasuke.

In part two I did thought that the dinamics could change, since Sasuke wasn´t in the picture and Sakura and Naruto did grew closer to one another. Now, the issues with this were that Hinata was still longing for Naruto´s affection and, most importantly, Sakura´s feelings towards his teammates had not changed. To make the narusaku a thing there had to be some click in her mind, but she never gave it a thought. I actually think Sakura loved Naruto more than Sasuke in her teens (that´s a highly personal opinion, of coruse), but she did it in a fraternal way. Well, she claimed she was still in love with Sasuke even when she was on her way to kill him.

As for Sasuke, him ending up alone was not in my bets either. This guy spent his whole freaking life (and the whole show) craving for his family. For him to be alone forever, was far too depressing. Even at his lowest point, I thought he would die (which was also too ilogical to become true) before having that kind of ending. It was just too cruel. However, if you don´t agree, it was also really weird to create this whole Uchiha super ultra hyped awesome power and have the line ended with Sasuke. The sharingan would be extint! Maybe it´s not objective, but, come on, the Uchiha clan had to be perservered.

Sasuke did not have romantic interaction with anyone, of course. And, to be honest, I think some people ship him with Karin because she was the only girl there (that´s really subjective, though, I don´t like Karin at all). He didn´t really make bonds with anyone, and the only time he showed some care for Team Taka was when they reminded him of Team 7. So, even if I overlook my personal likings, he had to be with someone who was close to him in his genin time (for thoose were the only legitimate bonds he had). Naruto was not an option for both homophobic and reproductive reasons, so, only Sakura was left.

So, yeah, that pretty much sums up why I always assumed Sasuke and Sakura would end up toghether! Anyway I get we all have different pov and the fact that I ship the two of them, had obviously helped me to get to this conclussions. Anyway these are 2D drawings, let´s just let people like whatever they want :)

How good they look once they get toghether though...

[endlessly-cursed]

HL- Cecilia Balinor

"𝙈𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙢𝙮 𝙤𝙬𝙣, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙄 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙞𝙩 𝙪𝙥 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙗𝙤𝙙𝙮 𝙄 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙢𝙖𝙘𝙝 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚."

Name: Cecilia Denise Patricia Balinor 

Nicknames: Cecy 

Birthdate: 18th of August, 18xx 

Zodiac Sign: Cancer 

Personality Type (MBTI): ESTJ 

Blood Status: Pureblood 

Nationality: English 

Physical Appearance

Hair: Blonde 

Eyes: Black 

Height: 1.65m 

Weight: 62kg 

Body Type: Lean 

Skin Tone: Porcelain 

Distinguishing Marks (scars, birthmarks, etc.): none

Background

Hometown

Balinor House was an spacious, beautiful and big house, though growing up there proved sour. The house was located in Leicester and it showed the splendour of purebloods and was overall dull and cold. 

Family

Mother: Maria Theresa Balinor, neé Burke 

Beautiful, intelligent, tall and ambitious, she was one of the Pureblood Marriage Market, and many proposed, but it was Mr. George Balinor who caught her eye. The two of them married on a lavish ceremony and had twin girls, much to Mr. Balinor’s disappointment. Later, in her 30s, she’d give birth to a sickly child, Evander, who’d die in his early twenties. 

Father: George Evander Balinor 

A concerningly proud pureblood man, he was sorted in Slytherin and was Gryffindor and Hufflepuff’s worst nightmare and always assumed everyone was obssessed with him or wanted to be him/wed him. He was expelled nearly seven times, but his money and named saved him. At 23, he wed Maria Theresa Burke, a beautiful woman who he was sure would give him sons and a good reputation. Much to his disappointment, she instead gave birth to twin girls, Cecilia and Elizabeth. After much awaiting and many failed pregnancies and miscarriages, at 34, she was pregnant and this time, it was the desired boy, Evander. Though he was a sickly boy and his only hope was his eldest daughter Elizabeth, whom he married her into the pureblood circles after his and Cecilia’s fallout. 

Twin Sister: Elizabeth Eugenia Bona Balinor 

The perfect daughter, she was her family’s hope and never once disobeyed any command and always resented and mocked her twin sister for not obeying dear father’s orders and ended up marrying into the S28 to perserve the family line when it was clear that her younger brother Evander could die at any given moment. She was always the perfect girl and never once changed until later in her marriage to Mr. Gaunt. 

Brother: Evander Theodore Balinor 

A sickly boy since birth, he was the only son and heir of his father and his wife, and he was overprotected and sheltered. He never attended Hogwarts and was homeschooled, and was married to a beautiful and very fertile woman of the Bulstrode family. He died two years into the marriage, leaving behind his wife, triplet boys and the Balinor fortune to his sons when he was 24. 

Hogwarts

House: Slytherin 

Best Class: Defence Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration 

Worst Class: Potions, Herbology, History of Magic 

Boggart: To die in a fire 

Riddikulus: Fire turns into fireworks dancing an Irish dance 

Patronus: Crow 

Patronus Memory: Hearing Vinnie’s laugh for the first time 

Mirror of Erised: Having a life of her own 

Amortentia (what she smells like): Smells like strawberries, lemon cake and rosewater

Amortentia (what she smells): Pine trees, old books, cinnamon 

Career

𝟏𝟏-𝟏𝟖: Hogwarts Student

𝟏𝟗-𝟐𝟒: Trainee at the Ministry of Magic

𝟑𝟓-𝟒𝟎: Newbie Hit Witch

𝟒𝟎-𝟓𝟓: Professional Hit Witch

𝟓𝟔-𝟔𝟓: Trainer of future Hit Wizards/Witches

𝟔𝟓+ : Retiree

Personality & Attitude

Priorities: Being free, her brother, Vinnie’s safety from the zealot of her father

Strengths: Cunning, ambitious, individualistic, rational, quick-witted 

Weaknesses:  Bitchy, analytical, questioning, overly opinionated 

Stressed: Around idiots and men, during exams, around her father and twin sister 

Calm/Comforted: In Vinnie’s arms, training 

Favorites

Colors: Gold, pastel green, black and white 

Weather: Rainy 

Hobbies: Training, baking, sewing and playing the violin 

Fashion: Cecilia dresses on the latest wizarding fashion 

Relationships

Significant Other/Love Interest: Lavinia Frances Wakefield ( @gaygryffindorgal​ )

The two women met during first year, when Lavinia was being bullied by a pureblood supremacist and Cecy jumped at her defence and offered to escort her to the Prefect. Since then, both often talked and as years passed, realised they had much in common than both estimated. Love soon sparked in sixth year and went on until the summer before the last year when Cecilia’s sister Elizabeth ratted out the affair and her father nearly hurt Lavinia, but Cecilia stopped him by using the Cruciatus Curse as an act of impulse. Vinnie could run away, but Cecilia was struck with guilt by having ‘stooped as low as he would have’ and her father locked her up and sent her to a muggle ladies’s school. 

Lavinia and some friends of theirs soon rescued her via letters and rendezvouses with Vinnie dressed as the postman. She could make it to the N.E.W.T.S week and aced them all to everyone’s surprise, being accepted to become eventually a Hit Witch. Both women escaped to Lady Gray’s estate where they were provided a small, cute cottage, work to do and protection from the Viscountess, who had become powerful and wealthy in her own right. 

A year after, Lady Gray gave them a small baby who had been abandoned at her door, fully knowing that they wanted to start a family. They gladly accepted her and called her Marigold, Goldie when just the three of them. They raised her away from prejudice and with all their love. They lived a long, happy, blissful life. 

Friends: tbd 

Rivals: Aloysius Breitling ( @cursebreakerfarrier​ ) 

The two of them did NOT start off the good foot. Aloysius was the bully who harrassed Vinnie and since then they declared war on each other. This followed until a few years after graduation, casually bumping into each other, their lives settled and changed. They both laughed off their teenage rivalry and Aloysius bought her a drink to make up for it. They both got along well ever since 

Trivia

She dislikes bigotry

She is normally hated by conservatives and social climbers

Is seven minutes younger than her sister Elizabeth

Always wanted a brother but he died three weeks later

Always knew she never liked men

Is less pressured to marry than Elizabeth

Is half Austrian and descends from a French Earl by her mother

Likes to cause her mother a stroke

She has been taught oratory and the art of the fan since young age

Was to be betrothed with a Black younger brother, but refused his proposal, telling him that she could never marry such a boring, irrelevant and uptight tool

Has a tendency to be in a brothel, talking with the women of the night and even spending the night there

She’s hedonistic, but can control her impulses

Unlike her sister, she’s a polyglot: she speaks Ancient and Modern Greek, Latin, German, Russian and French and is learning Kurdish

Is one of the most desired bachelorettes since her entry at Hogwarts

[ratralsis]

Strings: Mini-Prequel and Mini-Sequel

In the time between my first attempt at writing the story I'm currently calling "Strings" and the version that I just posted, I took a couple of short-story-writing classes from the same school that I then took two longer novel-writing classes from.

Because I lack creativity, or possibly because I thought it would be fun, I decided to use characters from Kevin and Marigold's little story in a couple of the prompts.

One prompt was to write a 250-word story based on the phrase "Love Hurts." This is what I wrote.

Henry tilted his head from side to side, his neck cracking loudly. He yawned, alone in his car with his briefcase and a fast food bag, still slightly warm from holding the dinner he'd eaten while driving. He grabbed the briefcase and walked to the door of his house.

He knocked. After a moment, the door was opened by an older woman who looked almost as tired as he felt. "You can't keep doing this," she said.

"It won't be forever, ma," he sighed, raising his arms for a quick hug. The briefcase made the motion clumsy.

"Until when, then?" She asked. "Until the girls are old enough that you just leave 'em by themselves all day?"

His shoulders dropped. He looked past his mother at the curtains. Pale blue. Emily's idea, bought just over a year ago. Before the twins, when it was the two of them living here. Now it was the three of them. It had never been the four of them.

He swallowed that thought along with a piece of hamburger bun that had been stuck in his teeth. "What do you want me to do? I gotta work. I'm all they've got."

"No, for half the day, I'm all they've got," she said.

"And I appreciate it," he said. "But we're both too tired for this right now. Can we talk about it this weekend? Please?"

"Fine," she said. "They're asleep, God only knows how much longer."

"Alright, ma," Henry sighed. "Good night. Love you."

This is much of a prequel as I ever plan on writing for Marigold. 250 words, all of them very carefully chosen as I pared down a much longer piece until it fit that requirement, about Henry as a young man, and Marigold and Lily as tiny babies who don't even really appear.

Henry's struggling to get by. He's working overtime at the law firm, trying to establish himself as a lawyer or possibly still trying to pass the bar, I'm not really sure myself, at age 26 or so, while the girls are still too young to be left alone. In another year, he'll have remarried, and in a few more, he'll have divorced, and then a decade or so of peaceful days before one of his daughters dies in a car accident.

It's not worth writing more about him. I love Henry as a character, but his story, to be blunt, doesn't interest me much. As a character, he's fascinating, though. He's worked hard and found himself thrown about by fate and chance in a million different directions, and through it all, he's perservered, and worked hard, and done his best to keep his chin up. When we meet him in the main story, he's 47 or 48 years old, still working, making somewhere around $100,000-200,000/year in his day job (but not, like, millions), living in a big house with a big yard, but he's living by himself, and finds himself facing life as an empty nester while also knowing he's going to have to keep working for probably another decade or two before retiring. He's not sure he made the right decisions, but he did what he thought was right, and now things are the way they are and nothing can change the past.

But what's the conflict in his story? If I actually wrote it out, it would just be "Decent, hard-working guy keeps having bad things happen to him and his family," and that's not an interesting story.

So no prequel for Henry, but I absolutely love the 250 words I did write. "It had never been the four of them" is one of the best sentences I've ever written.

A while later, as a POV exercise, I wrote this three-part story. It's a sequel to the main story, and I really enjoy it, too.

Part 1. Marigold arrived home later than she had planned. There was no way to sneak into her apartment after the guests had already arrived. She tried to look on the bright side: this way, she could avoid the suspense of having to wait for them to show up.

She had helped Kevin set up the Christmas decorations earlier in the week, so those were no surprise. The bright paper streamers along the walls were his idea, as was the tree in the corner that took up a bit more of the room than she would have preferred. It did look nice, though, she had to admit. Extra chairs had been placed at the table, but nobody was sitting at it.

She hadn't known what food he was going to be preparing, and the spicy smell of it hit her like a wall as she walked in, guitar on her back. Her heart in her throat, she scanned the front room, hoping to see Kevin first. She saw him, but he was standing near the kitchen, chatting happily with the guests of honor: his parents.

Part 2. "Oh, there you are," Kevin said, turning to face her when he heard the sound of the door. "I was just finishing up the grand tour, such as it is."

"Oh, great," she said, giving them her best stage smile. "Let me put my guitar away, and I'll be right back for introductions, okay?"

Kevin smiled back and nodded. His parents said nothing, staring almost blankly at her. She darted into her music room and placed the guitar case against the wall. She could fuss with it later. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and came back out. Kevin and his mother had disappeared back into the kitchen, leaving his father standing by himself. She walked over, stuck out her hand, and looked up at him. He was as tall as his son--nearly a foot taller than she was.

"So, I'm Marigold, and you must be Mister Stiles."

He took the offered hand and shook it. "Please, just Kevin," he said. "I think we can be on a first-name basis."

"Sure, but, that's also what I call, you know, Kevin Junior?" She kept smiling, though it felt a bit strained at this point.

Part 3. "I'm sure I can figure out which of us you mean from context clues," he said. "So, my son told me you're a musician. Tonight's performance ran late?"

"Um, well, sometimes that happens when I'm playing a reception," she said. "I'm paid by the hour, so when the family is willing to keep paying me to stick around, I… let them. Plus, they're more likely to leave me a good review if I'm a good sport, you know?"

He furrowed his brow slightly and looked closely at the petite woman in the pink dress in front of him. "Certainly. And that's what you wore to a wedding reception?" He asked.

She bobbed her head to one side and continued smiling. He wondered if this was her best dress. "Yep," she said, after a moment. "Sure did. I'll be right back, I'm just going to get a drink."

She was back in only a moment, full glass in hand.

"I like the decorations," he told her, gesturing.

"Thank you," she said. "They were Kevin's idea, actually."

"I know," he said. "I still thought you should know that I liked them."

"Okay," she said, and downed most of her glass.

I can't remember what all of the rules were, but I believe Part 1 was required to have no dialogue, part 2 to be from one character's point of view, and part 3 to be from another's. Part 3 is meant to be from the point of view of Kevin Stiles Sr., though it's not as obvious as I wish it were given how short the story is.

I loved writing this, because I loved showing Kevin's dad as this very uptight and stiff conservative sort of guy who looks down on Marigold's line of work and lack of education (she's a high-school dropout with a GED, remember), sees her as irresponsible (for showing up late to an event like this Christmas party), and wonders if the outfit she has on is really the best she has (maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but it's what she wore to a wedding reception where she played acoustic guitar for just as many hours as her client was willing to pay her to). He's not a bad guy, but he's not willing to meet Marigold at her level or engage with her as an equal. He doesn't accept that she's going to have trouble calling both him and his son "Kevin," because, even if this guy says he'll know who she means, when they're at the dinner table and she says "Say, Kevin," both Kevins are going to look at her and she's going to have to point at one of them.

Marigold also has a rough relationship with alcohol in the original story. After her car accident, she quit drinking. It's the real reason why she refused a drink from Kevin on the night they first met. Her "I don't drink while I'm working" excuse was a lie. She doesn't drink alcohol because the last time she did, she thought it was a good idea to get behind the wheel of a car and her twin sister died. It's based on a guy I knew whose drunk driving accident scared him sober, but I don't know how common it really is.

Yet, in this sequel story, she downs most of a glass of something that presumably has alcohol in it simply because Kevin Sr. is being kind of weird to her and she's having a hard time coping with it. So either

A) She's gotten over her fears of alcohol and now drinks on occasion, B) There's actually no alcohol in her drink and she just finds the act of drinking ANYTHING to be calming, or C) I thought it was funny and knew nobody else in my writing class could possibly have read her story and known she didn't drink.

Take your pick.

While I truly love the character of Kevin Sr. as seen here, as the guy from whom Kevin Jr. gets his serious and boring sides from, a stereotypical no-nonsense German dude (Kevin is 1/2 German, 1/4 English, and 1/4 Mexican, though only the 1/4 Mexican part is specifically mentioned in the story; Marigold's ethnicity was spelled out in an earlier draft as being equal parts South Korean, Syrian, Northern Indian, and Puerto Rican, but I decided for this draft that it was more fun to just leave her as "light brown" and never let the reader actually know), but going on from there, it's not the most interesting story. It would just be Marigold having a very awkward night, and while I did truly love writing from her POV after so long writing from Kevin's, and showing her fears and insecurities for once instead of Kevin's, as well as showing how Kevin appears to her from the outside for once, where does it go from here? Eventually, Kevin Sr. and Mary will leave, and Marigold will sigh heavily and say "Wow, that was rough" and Kevin will say "Haha what" and then they'll… live happily ever after, probably?

Again, there's not much conflict there. I don't want to bring back anything from Marigold's past to threaten the happiness that she and Kevin have together. No childhood friend is going to appear and threaten to get her canceled online. Her probation officer isn't going to show up and threaten to lock her up because she crossed state lines. Her career isn't going to fizzle out and force her to get a real job. Kevin's not going to lose interest in her and find solace in the arms of another woman. They're just going to be a boring couple like every other boring couple from here on out. They'll have ups and downs. Maybe Marigold will eventually be able to have kids, and maybe she won't. Maybe they'll adopt, and maybe they won't. Maybe they'll drift apart in ten years and get divorced, and maybe they won't.

I'm really and truly happier not knowing. I'm happier leaving them just as they are, a young couple starting their adult lives together, unsure of themselves but sure of each other, doing their best to face things one day at a time, just like everyone else.*

*I love this kind of ambiguity in storytelling sometimes. It's why the second chapter ends with Kevin saying that he isn't sure if five minutes will be enough time to make up for two months of not having kissed Marigold. What happens next? Does he give her a little peck on the lips? Does he shove his tongue into her mouth? Do they fuck right there on the loveseat?** It's whatever you want it to be. I'll never tell.

**They probably didn't fuck on the loveseat. They really did only have five minutes, after all. But given that Kevin reflects on how he's seen Marigold's spiderweb tattoo before when she shows it him a few months later, it's reasonable*** to assume that, at the very least, he's seen her in her underwear.

***My headcanon is that Kevin's social awkwardness and Marigold's fear of letting someone get too close to her mean that neither of them has as much experience with sex as they want the other to think they do (it's entirely possible that they began the story as a couple of virgins), but it's not on the page, so it really is just headcanon, and mine is no more valid than anyone else's if it's about things that didn't make it into the story.

So there won't be a prequel or a sequel, because I've already written them, and they were a lot of fun, and there's nothing else to say about Kevin Stiles and Marigold Spade that I want to say.

For now, at least. If I live long enough, I may change my mind.

This is already more of an afterword than I had planned. There won't be more.

[colognedecigarette]

Wooo congrats on finishing LOTR, esp doing the extended cuts as your first time watching! It's one of my favorite movies series (books were great but not a reread for me). I actually just rewatched the movies for New Years. The ending always gets me a little emotional lol

Do you have any favorite moments or characters after finishing?

Deviousdo 🖤🖤 hope you've been well and happy new year!

@thedeviousdo

thank you, thank you~ initially i wanted to just do the theatrical cut and if i like the movies enough do a rewatch with the extended cut, but all the top results were the extended version and i couldn't be arsed to look further so 💀💀

i like faramir a lot!! i was constantly screaming anytime he's on screen after the ... isilgadhir? battle, especially once they started to move on with the burial. i get his dad though, even if man's pissed me off a hell lot by that point he was just so far gone with grief and i think that made the whole burial procession waaaaayyyy more tense because -- you can't reason with him. and it's not even like a "he's so evil and doing evil things on purpose and so set on his evil goal" type of you-can't-reason-with; it was a whole different level of beast. sad he died without ever making up with his kid, though. :/ oh well, there's always another unhinged king!!!

as for favourite moments ... i think i like boromir's death a lot. the whole thing felt like a "character who did Bad redeemed through death" with a twist. of course, considering how old the movie is, this probably wasn't even as solid and overused of a trope back then -- though i also don't really know much about these things, lol. but beyond his actual realisation and regret shortly after trying to take over the ring, the flashback with faramir and the impact he left behind for those who knew him since before the movie started also helped to strenghten that 'redemption through death' thing because -- he's just a guy!! a good guy!!! and with the way his father is also helped to recontextualise his first appearance and insistence on getting the ring for gondor. idk overall i think his death was so memorable to me not only because of what happened at that moment alone, but also everything else that was revealed to led up to that, as well as everything else that was added after the death.

but as a whole i can't get over just ... the simplicity of the premise. it makes me go feral that in spite of all the grand adventure and glorious battles and all that -- the story itself is just about two regular guys being put to a task that ties into something much larger than them. like i've heard people talk a lot about how Mr Tolkien's own experience in the world war coloured the way he tells this story; it's just one of those things where you're like, "oh yeah sure i get it" but you only really get it once you've actually seen the Thing yourself. like i get why this story is so beloved and touched so many people in a way other fantasy adventures couldn't: it's the mundane aspect of Just Some Guy not even being the Chosen One but willingly took the task anyway, then perservered to the end.

honestly i wish i can also say a bit more about the storytelling as a whole but am not much of a Cinema Guy nor have i read the books so i can't even really comment on what's what: like if a certain decision/execution was a Movie Thing following decades of well-established storytelling convention that was also inspired and influenced by the original story; or if that was *that* influence from the legendary fantasy epic adapted wholesale from the book. it's a very solid trilogy of a movie, though. definitely far better than the Hobbit trilogy that i actually watched in theatres because my mum loved them a lot akdjfskj

[uselessboss]

Mistakes(1/3)

He didn’t have a clock. He didn’t have even the sunlight. It was always dark down there, under this pile of rusty, broken and old cars that he called his “home”. It was a tight fit and the condition of the seats that served as his “bed” weren’t the best but at least it was a safe place. No one but him could squeeze between the small and somewhat claustophobic gaps. Him - And whatever supplies he could scavenger, were secured here. He traversed the metal labyrinth with practiced ease, crawling as silently as possible, just in case, always alert and aware to any sign of life outside his small fortress. When the coast was clear he would take one of the cleanest rags he had, submerging it on a small bucket of water and use it to scrub his body clean. It was how he saved his precious water reserves and it felt less chilly to boot. After cleaning himself and putting his ill fitted clothes (finding hand-me-down clothing articles that fit him was pretty difficult) he would go for his hair next. The plastic comb had several teeth missing but thankfully it still did its job so he didn’t have to look for another one so soon.

It was enough for him as long as it worked.

Like the rear mirror of this car. The door was almost falling over, it was dusty, the surface cracked but at least it could be used to check his progress while he combed his hair to a more decent look.

He let out a huge sigh.

This felt like an exercise in futility.

No matter how hard he tried to appear “presentable” there was only so much one could do when you were a homeless orphan that lived on a clandestine junkyard in the middle of nowhere. 

In the eyes of society he wasn’t a kid anymore, young enough to be forgiven for his mishaps and blunders but he was also not old enough to be considered a man and thus worth of trust. It was an unwinnable situation from the very beginning.

And yet still, he foolishly perservered.

Maybe by putting in effort then he wouldn’t be treated as badly. If he lowered his head and shut his mouth he could avoid accidentally getting into conflict with others and maybe it would make him not as hated by his peers.

He was so naive.

Because he knew that nothing would change. Everything was always the same. No matter what he tried. No matter where he was. He would arrive at his job and then be placed in a position out of the sight of everyone else. 

The desolate dump where he lived was far less isolating and lonely in comparison. Sometimes he wondered if it wouldn’t be better to give up. If being unhappy was the only path available to him then why keep this miserable struggle? But he was glad he didn’t give up. He looked at his reflection on the window of one of the cars. He looked taller. His shoulders didn’t sag inwards anymore. His head no longer hanged down and he didn’t have that constant look of a small scared animal. He still had traces of shyness but he looked much better now. He looked happy and hopeful for once. He actually looked forward to spending time in his job now. It was all thanks to them. To Saramsrein, that despite not being even human had treated him with far more kindness, understanding and care than most of said “humans” he once met. To Miller, who, despite his initial reservations towards her, had become someone he grew to immensely respect and look up to. He still remembers how hectic had been when she came to officially check on them and oversee all procedures. He was as nervous wreck, perhaps even more than their first meeting. Being aware of her kindness didn’t help to quell his fears. It worsened them in fact. It made the prospect of disappointing such a person even more terrifying and dreadful. “Before we begin I need to have a better grasp of your current situation” Miller clapped her hands. “Safir, do you remember our brief talk about the “supernatural affinity”“? “That it’s like a “super empathy” of sorts that allows you to feel and perceive the emotions from people and supernatural beings” he slowly nods. “That’s right” she smiles, satisfied. “You can use this ability to pick the emotions not only from living beings but also from objects that have strong emotions associated with them, “mementos” if you will.” He nods to show that he understood her explanation. “I scattered such items inside this house” Miller explains, “I want you to try and find as many of them as you can, you have 1 hour” “Huh?” He blinked. EEEEEEEHHHHH?! He jumped out of his seat so fast he almost got a whiplash. How... How would he find those items? He didn’t even know what he was supposedly to look out for! For all he knew the items could be in plain sight and he would be none the wiser! But he had to do it. Somehow, he had to pull it off. I will be yelled at. I will be yelled at. I will be yelled at. I will be yelled at. “Time’s up” Miller clapped her hands. “Let me see... 4 items of 22″ This was bad. It was SO BAD. He started to hyperventilate. “I-I’m sorry! I am truly mediocre and incompetent!” he bowed, going on a rant and apologizing profusely. “Not at all. Why would you even think that about yourself?” He snapped his head up in surprise. She... Didn’t seem disappointed. Or mad. “Because... I did so badly here?” “Safir, this wasn’t meant to be a test.” Miller shook her head. “You have no prior training to know what to do so to expect you to perfectly pull it off would be totally absurd and unfair” “But... Why then?” “I told you. I wanted to get a better read on your circumstances, to know how we should proceed from this point forward” Miller smiled, her features soft and reassuring. “I can tell this you this much: You have good instincts Safir” She tapped the 4 items in front of her. “You might have brought me only 4 items but none of them are a miss. That wasn’t luck. You didn’t even know what you are supposed to look for so to be this accurate means that you have been using your ability for a while, albeit not consciously. It’s honestly quite impressive.” So he wasn’t being berated. He felt his shoulders drop in relief. “...Saram told me he was teaching you about the procedures necessary to deal with supernatural entities right?” “Yes” “Mind if I ask a few questions then?” “O-Of course” That’s it. This was the real deal. He had to have the answers at ready, because this time it was expected from him to know so. “For the “Hide and Seek Alone Ritual”, how do you end it?” “Find the doll, pour the water with salt on it, say that you win 3 times and then dispose of the doll by burning it” “That’s correct” she nooded. “Now, how about the “No Face Stealer”? What are you supposed to do?” No Face Stealer? Did he ever read about this one before? He furrowed his brows in deep thought. He didn’t know. Perhaps he did it but couldn’t remember? If Miller was asking him then that meant he HAD seen it before right? “I... I don’t know” “How about a spirit that has a “black mark” spreading throught their body?” “...I d-don’t know” He felt ashamed. Not only for himself, but also because he felt like he had failed Saramsrein. He had spent so much time teaching him, patiently going over everything and answering his doubts without complaining or showing dissafaction even once. He helped him so much and yet he had wasted his time like that. “That’s right, you don’t know” Miller nodded. “It’s something very important to keep in mind” “Huh?” He blinked, self-deprecating thoughts screeching to a halt out of sheer confusion and befuddlement. “Out of the 3 procedures 2 you never learned about” she explained. “Do you know why I picked those two?” He shook his head. She wasn’t trying to set him up to humilliate him. He could tell as much. Her voice wasn’t sarcastic. There was no sneer or signs of mockery in her body language. If anything she was very calm, composed and casual in her speech. “No matter how thoroughly we are there’s always a risk of one measure not being covered because there are too many of them for us to remember. It’s something that could easily fly under our radar so you might run in a situation where you lack this vital information in no fault of yours” “...And the second?” “The second case is something that would be impossible for you to handle. Spirits with a spread of a black mark are “tainted” souls that can only be dealt by someone with spiritual power - Me to be more specific” He was starting to pick on her line of thought now. “Might I ask you another question Safir?” “Yes” “If you were stranded in a deserted island what would you do first? Secure Food? Water? What kind of resource would you prioritize?” He didn’t have to think twice to answer that question. “Shelter” “Good. You seem to get it” Miller smiles in approval. “Shelter, or in another words, “safety” should be your priority. You might not always have the weapon needed to fight but you will always have the legs to run.” Having the answers to everything wasn’t important. Knowing what to do otherwise was what really mattered here.

“Your experience is your biggest strength. The fact that you are here, right in front of me, well and alive, is more than enough proof of that” How mysterious. Because of the constant abuse he suffered he had trouble in trusting and believing in anything but what his inner demons told him. It had been his truth and reality for the longest time after all. Then Miller came and easily silenced those metaphorical demons in the same way she probably dealt with the real ones. You could not twist or corrupt her words. There was no uncertainty in her voice, only confidence and a sureness of someone stating a fact. He had no choice but believe in her words and assertions about himself. Safir smiled at the memory. He was truly grateful for what she did for him. Not only for giving him a sense of self-worth but also because...

“Good Morning!” he enthusiastically greeted. “I’m almost done with the breakfast. The only thing missing is the tea” “It’s the water boiling over there right? I will brew it” “Thanks kiddo” The exchange of greetings in the morning, the sounds of cooking, the fragrant smell of tea as hot water was poured on fresh leaves, the low humming of a song as they shared this comfortable atmosphere. It felt homely. This place felt like “home” to him. And to think that this all started with an “unfortunate event” from his part. “Ok, break time you two!” “Ok!” he jumped out the top of the wall, landing like a cat on the floor. Ever since Miller had established the importance of guaranting one’s safety they had been running physical drills to test and improve his agility, nimbleness and skill to use his environment to his advantage. “I had an inkling to be the case, but it’s good that I could confirm it with my own eyes. You are very quick on your feet and wits.” “Hehe, thank you!” He lit up at the praise. Life on the streets was tough. Not only to guarantee your basic necessities but also to be on constant watch for dangers. It’s something you got to learn, how to avoid trouble and to run away from it too if you wanted to survive. “My alarm is telling me that it’s lunch time” Saramsrein interjected. “I... Don’t mind if we keep going on a bit longer” “Resting and replenishing your energies is important too Safir” “I... Er... Forgot to bring my food today” It wasn’t so much that he had “forgotten” his food but moreso that he couldn’t “secure” it. Usually he got some food that was disposed by the local market but it wasn’t always a guaranteed meal. Sometimes everything was wiped bare by people that got there first and sometimes, despite managing to scrap something with a lot of trouble, he was forced to hand it over by people that made use of their size and strength to threaten him with violence if he didn’t do their bidding. “Hum.... I see” Miller cocked her head to the side, but didn’t comment further on it. He hasn’t talked about his living conditions, but he was sure that the older woman was aware of it. She was very smart and perceptive after all. But Miller didn’t comment on it. Besides acknowledging the skills he had acquired thanks to his background she didn’t make a fuss nor brought attention to it. She could probably sense his discomfort over the topic so she tried to respect his wishes and space by not being nosy over it. “Ok, it says it will arrive in 30 minutes” “Eh?” “I ordered some snacks for us” “A-Ah it’s alright! You didn’t have to do this!” He waved his hands, frantically. “I know it’s not advisable to exchange meals for snacks but I think it’s ok to allow yourself some indulgences from time to time right?” She winked. “H-Hum...” “C’mmon kiddo, let’s eat together” “...” That was... A lot of food. “That was... A lot of snacks right? It’s a lot of food for 2 people.” “Oh yeah, I bought a lot so I can have extra to take with me” she waved it off.”I said it was an “indugence” but truth is that it’s probably going to be my dinner tomorrow night” “Huh? Why so?” “Stake out duties. I have to be on watch over a criminal operation so it will probably end up as an all nighter” she groaned. “Wish coffee worked the same, but different from snacks a lukewarm coffee is a disgusting thing to have” “Thermos maybe?” “Yeah, You are right. I should probably stop being so stingy and get a good one already” Eventually he stopped worrying over needless details and just sunk in the cozy and inviting atmosphere. In the small talk, the laughters over a shared meal.

"Let's wrap things up a bit earlier today"

"Ok"

"That said... Hey Safir would you mind coming earlier in the morning tomorrow?"

"Uh? Not at all, but isn't it a work day for you? Would that be alright?"

"Don't worry about it, it will be fine"

"In that case it's ok to me"

"Good, I will be waiting!"

He wondered what she had in mind.

He looked forward to it.

"Get car and put your seatbelt on, we are going to the grocery store"

What.

"Milk, Bread, Eggs, Chicken, Lettuce... Yeah, I think we got everything"

What.

"Safir could you help me carry and store everything?"

WHAT???

"Uh... Miss Miller, what are we exacy doing here?"

"Breakfast for us" she answered as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Er... What?"

"Safir could you pick some eggs for me?"

"Ah, y-yes!"

"Thank you" Miller nodded without missing a beat. " Ah, and while we are on it could you wash the lettuce for me? I want to use them on the sandwiches"

"O-On it!"

He didn't even have time to process his bafflement or think about anything else. He was too swept away in Miller's rhythm to question it.

"Saram!" Miller summoned.

"Uh, yes Miller?"

"Could you help wash the dishes?"

"Sure" Saramsrein obediently nodded as he took the station next to him.

It was such a bizarre development.

His boss, with rolled up sleeves, washing the dishes at his side.

The "boss of his boss" cooking a breakfast for them while she whistled a carefree melody.

It was so weird.

But he kind liked it.

"Ok, I will slice the onions next. Safir, could you shred the chicken in big chunks? Ah and careful, it might be still hot!"

"Sure!" He promptly replied, getting the hang on following her directions.

"Saram you can now set the table and wait for us there"

"But... I can't eat. Or drink"

"It's ok, it's more for the sake of company, the more the merrier"

He couldn't believe it.

"Aaand it's done! The Scrambled Egg Chicken Sandwich!" Miller announced, "Dig in kiddo and tell me what you think"

"O-Ok" he nodded, taking a bite of the appetitive looking sandwich.

"How is it? Are the spicing up to your taste?"

"It's... Delicious"

"Glad to know you like my cooking!" Miller smiled. "Well, maybe should I say "our cooking"? After all you helped too"

"I-I didn't do anything at all" he bashfully denied.

"As far as I know the lettuce didn't wash itself so I'm inclined to disagree" she joked, laughig heartily.

That was the start of his new routine.

"Wow, I can't wait to eat, I'm starving!"

"Did you skip meals again?"

"Hectic working schedule, no time for anything else besides taking a bath and dropping dead on my bed"

And yet she always made time to come and have breakfast with them.

Sitting here, together, made him think of his time in the orphanage.

Back to when he would hide behind the door and watch in envy and longing as the other kids would be adopted and embraced by their new family. It made him wonder how it would feel.

Probably something that he would never have a chance to experience for himself.

...Is what he once thought.

But he was here. Sharing this moment together. Eating a homecooked meal that was prepared specially for him.

He wondered how Miller would react.

What she would think if he told her that he saw her as a mother figure.

"Now I'm off to work, have a nice day boys"

"You too Miller. Good luck in your job" Saramsrein nodded.

"Do your best!" He waved of.

"... You seem far happier now that Miller started to come more often" Saramsrein commented.

"Hum... I guess so." He admitted. "Because I can finally look up to someone for guidance"

"Guidance?"

"I didn't have any role models or people to seek advice while growing up. The adults around me were not the "nicest" people around if I'm being honest"

Worse still, they were demeaning and constantly making him feel like a pathetic excuse of human being.

"... I felt ashamed of who I was for the longest time and I didn't know a way to improve myself" He furrowed his brows. "The people around me...The only thing they showed was how to be worthless"

It meant a lot to him. To have someone finally acknowledge and be proud of him. 

“The thing about figuring myself... I think I am starting to get it, or at the very least it gave me a better idea of what kind of person I want to be”

“The kind of person you want to be...” Saramsrein slowly repeated, furrowing his brows in deep thought as he tried his best to make sense of his words.

Saramsrein tried hard. He truly did.

If there was something he had also taken notice after he got a better understanding of his own sense of self was that his own awareness and grasp of other people’s emotions and thoughts also increased. Specially with Saramsrein, the one he spent time together the most.

His boss didn’t know what he was doing most of the time and was aware of it.

Saramsrein was very self-conscious about his shortcomings, sometimes to a crippling degree. For every mistake, for every time he forgot to account for something he would lose confidence and become more and more withdrawn.

He barely talked and only limited to answer and interact with him when prompted recently. He no longer smiled and if he did it was a nervous and unsure one at that.

It worried him.

‘If there’s something you could do is to stay true to yourself’

He remembered Miller’s words of advice when he asked her about what he should do.

“There are things you only understand when you are lacking in something and that includes needs and desires” she explained “Saram is in the process of figuring himself just as much as you do so you only need space to understand yourselves better”

“... But how should I do that?”

“It’s pretty simple” the older woman smiled in a reassuring way. “Steer him towards his questions”

“Questions? Not Answers?”

“Figuring what you want is the most important step of all. No one has all the answers but if you have a question it can give you a goal that will help to guide your decisions”

“I think I am starting to understand what you mean”

“Good” she smiled, ruffling his hair. “That said, don’t forget to watch out for yourself too ok? If you need anything don’t hold back, ask for help”

“Saram... ‘Boss’ ” he called, touching his sleeve to pull him out of his spiralling thoughts.

“Ah, sorry Safir, was I ruminating for too long?”

“No, not all. “He shook his head. “I had some ideas in mind I wanted to try out but I need some testing to do, would you mind helping me?”

‘Push to try new things’

‘Trust in your own experience’

That’s right.

Doing nothing would be of no help for either of them. They have to keep moving one way or another if a change was to happen.

Besides...

‘...Tell me if I overstep any boundaries and what are your limits, I will try my best to keep them in mind’

He internally smiled.

Everything would be alright this time.

[sanawichsblog]

Random Short Story

In the UK in 2420 every human is perserved after death and they are never left to rot. Their memories and thoughts are kept in a program which is then downloaded into a new vessel, made of metal and wires and not skin and bone like others before. This way you can technically live forever.

As we all know this is something we all want right? To live forever? Most of us fear death. For some the fear comes from not knowing what comes after death, for others it is the fear of being forgotten. So this was the only way humans could make that fear go away.

In this story we have Sara, the first one in the UK who is updated with a new system. In this program you can upload feelings. Every emotion Sara ever felt when she was in her old body. Also this is the first vessel that looks exactly like your old body.

A man comes to visit Sara, he is quite short and wide. He has very neat hair that looks like it has been combed for hours and very groomed facial hair, he was also dressed in a very nice suit. This was Sara's old boyfriend, he wanted to be first one to be there when she is switched on. He seemed overwhelmed with emotion, his eyes were welling up. He seemed like someone who really missed her. He walked up to her and held her hand. He kept staring at her.

The engineers walked in, they were ready to switch Sara on. Everyone in the room was so excited and all for different reasons. This was going to be a moment that will go down in history.

They switched Sara on, she opened her dark brown eyes and cried her emotions were definitely working, she was so happy to be alive again. She looked around the room and tried to say something but couldnt. I guess this was a malfuntion, Sara was mute. She looked frustrated. She then turned around to her boyfriend, she looked scared. He walked up to her and went to touch her face. Sara made an expression that looked like she was trying to scream. She put her hands on his neck and started strangling him. He tried to fight her off but she was too strong for his basic human body. Th enigneers tried to help but she was still too strong.

Eventually the boyfriend died, the engineers were terrified and felt like they failed . They created a monster. They went on their computers. Sara was crying like crazy. They eventualyl got deep into the program and the code and eventually shut her down, then they destroyed her.

few days went by and this time they felt like they had fixed the malfunction and were pretty confident they knew what the problem was. They decided to test the new update on Sara's boyfriend and forget Sara existed.

They were still wondering what happened to her even though it was a possible malfunction that could have happened to anyone. But what made her want to kill so quickly.

There was something they did not know, Sara was murdered before she became the program. She was raped and killed. And the man who came to visit, the person these engineers are now rebuilding. He was not her boyfriend he was the killer

[bowserpunk-vevo]

another fave (but arent they all) is this little guy !!! he’s a smart smart science man, dabbling in all the natural sciences at least a little bit ! very much a fan of flora and the unliving nature, collecting many many *many* things related. for perservation reasons of course :-3 also can draw the anatomy of the human body from memory, and will brag about it at any given chance ! that’s mostly what he focuses on, but he also likes to play the steel drums.

[lagerbergnauvoomission]

Wonderful WONDERFUL Week at Wilford & Phebe Woodruff Home

Peter and I have been TREMENDOUSLY blessed to have begun this week, Sunday, May 22, afternoon! This home is such a HUGE BLESSING to be able to serve in, where we have learned much and felt the Spirit each and every day we've been here. The Spirit is especially strong as we have born witness to the faith, dedication and commitment of Wilford and Phebe Woodruff to our Savior, Jesus Christ, and the building up of His Kingdom on the earth, wherever and whenever they were asked to serve! They perservered through many trials, afflictions and separations all for "Christ's sake." As we have taken people through the Woodruff home, we have had our testimonies strengthened of the truthfulness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and that through small and simple things, great things come to pass.

An interesting experience for me was when Brother Aaron West brought some sister missionaries into the parlor, who are performing sisters here for just a few months, he had a couple sisters read quotes from a narrative representing Eunice Woodruff Webster, Wilford Woodruff's sister. Prior to the readings, as they were going to act out Eunice Webster, he instructed the sisters to strike out the last sentence of Eunice's script, which mentioned always following the Prophet. That was because of the fact that Eunice and her husband, Dwight Webster, didn't follow the prophet but went down the wrong path of the Strangites. I raised my hand and mentioned that Wilford Woodruff was very upset about that, to which Brother West responded, "I don't know that story." I had remembered listening or reading about that in Saints, Volume 2, Chapter 2. It was especially troubling to Wilford Woodruff that his own sister and brother-in-law were apostatising from the Church, since he had baptized his sister about 10 years earlier, after he served a mission to the Fox Islands, off the coast of Maine.

Suffice it to say, after the sisters and Brother West left, I simply didn't think it was a great idea for Eunice to be portrayed in the Woodruff home at all because of the path she and her husband chose to follow. So, the happy ending to all of this is that Sisters Weed and McCarthy came by Friday morning with the GREAT news that no one will be portraying Eunice Woodruff Webster!! Yeah Yeah Yeah!! Instead, the beautiful young sisters portrayed Phebe Woodruff in a WONDERFUL, SPIRITUAL manner to our guests on this Blessed Friday in the sacred space of the Woodruff home, where we've been privileged to serve!!

Whether or not the choice was made not to portray Eunice Woodruff Webster in the Woodruff home because of my comment to Brother West, I'll never know. However, at the very least, I'm grateful that I made the comment because of not liking the fact that an apostate would be represented in such a sacred, holy place. There are too many wonderful things to be said about Phebe and WIlford's faithfulness to needlessly take up time portraying the less faithfull woman, who Wilford himself was "incensed" with, as Eunice and her husband fell away. What a happy note to begin our day today!!

Yet another very happy, fun and unusual things happened with the beautiful young sisters is that we thought an older man was coming in for a tour, but invited us to pick out a drink from the back of his pickup truck :)) He had driven to the Nauvoo Temple yesterday and before going back to his home in Muscatine, Iowa, wanted us to pick out a soda, Gatorade or other zero sugar drink, which we did! He didn't even want to tell us his name, nor did he want us to thank him, which I did anyway in English and then Spanish. Then Peter thanked him in Swedish. That was a wonderful, unexpected and fun experience for all of us!!

In essence, we've had a VERY VERY Wonderful week in the Woodruff home and I'm looking forward to serving there again sometime soon!!

[roguishlyhandsomesecretagent]

Its hard to be vulnerable, but sometimes you have no choice

Rex gave an indignant expression, raising an eyebrow in the process. “As much as there’s any truth to that,” he responded drily, “I highly doubt it’s that simple in regards to my career. Besides, even if there is no choice, it doesn’t mean it’s something I’m willing to take.”

Sure, he had lately been sharing pretty much all of his vulnerability in the presence of the emperor Max, someone who he was clearly very close to, but that didn’t mean he was suddenly open to taking that risk in the field.