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seulrinnie-rinrin · 2 days

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Beyond the Bounty

SUMMARY | When you get caught by Seonghwa, the bounty hunter, for the hefty bounty on your head, you can't help but want to know his story. PAIRING | Seonghwa/Reader GENRE | bountyhunter!Seonghwa, cowboy!Seonghwa, outlaw!Reader, off to the wild west we go, smut with no plot, uprotected sex (wrap it up everyone!), first time, fingering, vaginal sex, oral sex, praising, pet names RATING | Mature LENGTH | 7026 words AUTHOR’S NOTE | They fit the cowboy concept so well. Plus I watched too much westerns the past few days LOL. I actually couldn’t decide which member would suit this story so I let a name pick generator decide haha. And Seonghwa it is~

There was no point in struggling. No point in trying to escape when your hands and feet were tied by the harsh ropes. All you could see was the passing terrain of dirt and grass.

Your body was aching from the uncomfortable position you had been bound in. The bounty hunter that caught you didn't even give you a horse to ride, instead opting to lay you unto his saddle as he steered his horse.

"You know...You'd think that you treat a lady better than this." You muttered to your captor. He scoffed at your remark before starting up his horse again.

"You're not exactly a lady though." The man replied, smacking your ass hard enough to make you yelp out in pain. "What man would treat an outlaw like you as a lady?"

"Ouuu, tough words for the big bad bounty hunter." You scoffed. "Come on, you only caught me for my big bounty and left all these other bastards untouched. It doesn't really seem fair does it?"

"For a woman, you talk too much." The man chuckled.

He rode for hours without speaking another word. You tried getting him to say something else but failed every time. Your captor was a silent man. So you had nothing to do but look at the passing terrain of dirt, grass, the man's boots, and the horse's hooves. It seemed like the endless landscape never ended. It was almost maddening how monotonous it was. If it weren't for the horses hooves hitting against the earth constantly, you might have lost your mind.

After what felt like ages, the man finally stopped. He got off his horse and untied you.

"This ain't no prison." He explained while keeping his grip on the ropes. "But if you don't start being nice, I'll tie you back up until I find someplace we can settle down. What do you say?"

"Whatever you say." You shrugged.

"Good girl." The man said happily before letting go of the ropes and walking away. You watched him walk off into the distance before laying on the ground.

Oh, your back aches so badly. Being bound in the same position for such a long time hurts your muscles horribly. A few moments later, you heard the man come back and he squatted next to you. He lifted a flask of water and gave it to you. You took it from him and drank, glad that the damn water tasted good. When you finished drinking, you handed the empty flask back to him.

"It's getting dark and we're not going to make it to town at this rate. I'm setting camp up here." He started and gave you a look. "If you promise to behave, I'll leave you untied tonight. But if you try to run, I'm tying you back up. Do you understand?"

"Yeah yeah. I won't run." You rolled your eyes. You watched as the man prepared to set up camp. You laid back on the ground and let your mind wander.

"What's your story?" You asked suddenly.

The man looked at you with a frown. "What makes you ask?"

"You're just a lone man traveling around and collecting bounties. No family or friends to speak of. How did you end up doing this? And why are you alone?"

"I can ask you the same question." He asked you back, as he leaned against his saddle. "How did a woman like you become an outlaw?"

"Easy." You answered, rolling your eyes. "My seven brothers decided they wanted to be cowboys, so I went with them. We raided ranches and stole cows. We got chased by the sheriffs all the time and got shot at several times. I helped them hijack a train one day, escaping with a large amount of money and guns. And then we split up after finding out that we had a large amount of bounty on our heads. I was just in town stocking up on supplies when you caught me. And here we are."

"Interesting." He said simply. "So you're telling me that you used to live a normal life?"

"Normal?" You laughed. "Nothing about me is normal! It's probably a miracle that I survived growing up the way I did. I have seven brothers. Imagine the chaos!"

"Seven." The man nodded. "That must have been difficult."

"To put it mildly." You nodded. "If you ever get the chance, tell me your story."

"No thanks." The man shook his head. "I prefer living my life alone."

"What's your name anyway?" You asked suddenly.

"Why?" The man replied with a frown.

"Just curious." You shrugged. "I'd like to know the name of my handsome captor. I'm Y/N by the way."

"Seonghwa." The man told you.

You smiled slightly and nodded. "Nice to meet you Seonghwa."

Seonghwa didn't mutter anything and when you turned your head to look at him, you let out a soft gasp. You never got the chance to really look at what your captor looked like since you were hanging off the horse most of the time. But now that you weren't looking at the dirt, you were able to take in his full appearance.

Holy shit, he was beautiful. From his black hair to his brown eyes, there wasn't a part of his face that you didn't like. His arms were also well toned. Every muscle was defined and showed signs of the many adventures he had lived through. Not to mention his chest was pretty impressive too. Even with the jacket covering it, you could still make out a decent sized pec.

'Damn it.' You cursed yourself silently. 'Now I feel guilty for getting captured by him.'

You quickly shifted your gaze back towards the horizon. You couldn't afford to think about him right now. You had to stay strong. Your past experiences with men made it impossible to trust anyone except for yourself. Even if he treated you well, you couldn't get attached to him because you were bound to be killed eventually.

You did have a hefty bounty on your head.

Sighing, you continued to watch the horizon as you waited for the sun to set. "I've never met a handsome bounty hunter before." You sighed, unable to hold back your thoughts anymore.

"What makes you say that?" Seonghwa inquired.

"You're good-looking, ruggedly handsome, in fact. Most bounty hunters I've seen aren't exactly the best looking." You told him honestly. "You got a wife and kids back home?"

"No." Seonghwa shook his head. "I've been traveling since I was young. Sometimes for months at a time. Other times, for weeks. No attachments."

"Hmm..." You pondered over the situation.

"And you?" He looked at you as you slowly sat up. "Anyone waiting for you?"

"Well..." You trailed off. "I did once upon a time. Before I became an outlaw. But he was gunned down before we could consummate the marriage."

"Damn." Seonghwa cursed. "How awful."

"Yeah, it sucked." You frowned. "I warned him what would happen if he were to stay in my life. And he chose to stay anyway. It wasn't even an hour after we were wed that he got shot in front of me. He was so young. Only eighteen. That bastard never should have gotten himself into such a dangerous line of work."

"Did you avenge him?" Seonghwa inquired curiously.

"Yes." You said simply. "After he died, I joined my brothers. I shot the bastard in the head once I found him. I went straight from being a naive girl of sixteen to a widow in a matter of hours."

"Do you miss him?" Seonghwa asked softly.

"Sometimes." You whispered. "It's been nearly ten years so I can't remember how he looks now. But sometimes I do. It gets hard living my life alone knowing that he's dead."

"You said that you came from a large family." Seonghwa remarked. "Are you sure that you're alright without someone by your side?"

"Of course." You scoffed. "A simple trip across the country isn't going to kill me. Plus, I have a handsome bounty hunter here to keep me company. It's definitely a win-win situation."

"Ha ha." Seonghwa snorted. "Keep joking like that and you'll regret it."

"Really?" You giggled. "Handsome bounty hunter says that I'll regret joking with him. Should I believe you?"

"Absolutely not." Seonghwa told you sternly. "I'm not like those other men. I may be a bounty hunter, but that doesn't mean that I'll touch women without consent."

"Such a gentleman. I like you already. Sad that you're turning me in though." You said before giving him a sweet smile. "Just kidding. Seriously though, don't turn me in. Let's be friends."

"Friends?" Seonghwa raised an eyebrow. "No way in hell."

You let out a sigh as you resumed watching the dirt and grass below you. Hands and feet tied again, you thought you would be sitting upright on the saddle in front of him but he decided to lay you down instead. You could feel his warm hands near your back, holding the reins to keep the horse steady. He didn't say anything. There was no conversation. In fact, you couldn't hear any sound at all. Nothing but the sound of the wind blowing and the horse hooves hitting against the land.

"Back to looking at dirt and grass." You huffed. "Wonderful."

"There are other things to look at besides the dirt." Seonghwa pointed out.

"Like what? Cacti? Rocks?" You suggested sarcastically.

"Sounds about right." Seonghwa agreed. "Tell me something."

"Anything." You answered, trying to glance at him but to no avail.

"Have you always been this bold? Most women I've met don't exactly act like you." Seonghwa said with a slight hint of surprise.

"And how do they act?"

"Most are demure and coy. They don't talk much and prefer to remain quiet. They're happy to stay within their own circle and keep themselves safe." Seonghwa informed you. "They want security and nothing more. They want a nice home, some children, and the rest of their lives will follow suit. You, on the other hand, aren't afraid to challenge yourself and take risks. I mean what woman becomes an outlaw?"

"Me." You admitted. "This woman. So yes, you're correct. I am very different from other women. My parents were both strong people. They raised me differently than others. And when my parents died and I went with my brothers, they taught me to be tough. I've had to fend for myself since I was little. There was never a moment where I felt safe. Even after my husband died, I knew I had to go out on my own. If I wanted to survive, I needed to learn to fight. After joining my brothers, I learned how to shoot, rob trains, and kill. I have to admit, however, I never liked the killing part. But what choice did I have? All I cared about was keeping myself alive."

"I never said I disliked it. I respect your strength. It's admirable." Seonghwa said sincerely.

"Thank you." You smiled, staring at the man who stared at the land with equal intensity. "But let me ask you something."

"Go ahead." Seonghwa said simply.

"Why the sudden interest in knowing about me?" You asked. "You're going to turn me in anyway. What difference does it make whether or not you know my backstory?"

"True enough." Seonghwa conceded. "But I find it interesting."

"Okay. I guess curiosity killed the cat. Ask away." You rolled your eyes. "But first, can I ride sitting up? Laying like this is awkward and it hurts."

"Sure." Seonghwa said. He grabbed the reins and pulled gently to make sure the horse stopped. When the animal compiled, he released his grip, untied the ties that bound your feet and positioned you onto the horse seat. You were grateful to finally be able to sit properly and look around.

As soon as you sat up, you immediately took in every detail of the man that sat behind you.

He wasn’t as tall as your brothers Yunho and MIngi but still tall nonetheless. His broad shoulders barely fit into the leather jacket he wore. Black pants and boots completed his attire. However, his favorite piece of clothing seemed to be the black shirt that he wore underneath his jacket. It was open just enough to show a glimpse of his chiseled chest. It was slightly unbuttoned and made him seem even more desirable.

"Stop staring or you'll go back to looking at the ground." Seonghwa chastised you with a glare.

"Okay. Fine, no staring." You sighed in defeat. "Ask your questions. Or whatever it is that you want to know."

"Your siblings." Seonghwa began. "Who are they?"

"Don't you know the Ateez gang?" You asked curiously.

Seonghwa stared down at you. "Those are your brothers? The seven men with five thousand dollar bounties each on their head? You rode with them?"

"Is it that surprising? I'm surprised my oldest brother Hongjoong doesn't have a bigger bounty..." You paused for a moment before continuing. "If you're wondering, yes I am the youngest."

"I wouldn't have guessed that you were the youngest." Seonghwa commented. "It must be tough having to live up to everyone else."

"It's not that bad. We're actually quite close." You shrugged. "Everyone else has big personalities and we all get along really well. They all became my brothers when my parent's adopted them. I will always be their sister and they will always be my brothers even if we don't share a single drop of blood."

"You must care for them very much. To risk everything for them." Seonghwa said in understanding. "Have you fallen in love again after your husband died?"

"Again? I don't understand what you mean." You replied innocently.

"You fell in love with a man and married him. Have you fallen in love with another man since then?" Seonghwa pressed.

"Uh... What? I never said that I was in love with my husband. But I did respect him. He was a good friend and would have been a good husband." You explained. You turned to look at him. "Seriously. It’s not fair that I’m the only one talking. Tell me about you."

"I...I had a wife and child." Seonghwa said sadly. "She died from childbirth and my son died too from illness. He was only a few months old."

"Oh...I'm sorry." You muttered. Your heart broke a little bit at the sad news. You really hoped that the man beside you wasn't going to turn you in. Because right now, he reminded you a lot of her. Of your past self. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." Seonghwa reassured you. "It's been about five years now since she died. Sometimes it still feels fresh. But I've gotten used to it. Since then, I haven't found anyone else to settle down with. Not because I don't want to. But because it's not possible. I just can't bring myself to trust another person."

"Trust is hard to earn." You murmured. "So I understand why you can't do it. But perhaps you should try? Just one more time?"

"One more time?" Seonghwa repeated incredulously. "What makes you think that I would fall in love again?"

"Well...first of all, you are not alone." You argued. "Second, most of the world is lonely. They may have many friends, but they don't have a companion that they can share everything with. That special someone that is there for them when times are good and also for them when times are bad. Someone that they can depend on to be there through thick and thin."

"Someone like you?" Seonghwa questioned, looking at you curiously.

"Calm down, big boy." You laughed. "I'm not telling you to marry me. I'm just saying that maybe you shouldn't shut off your chances at finding happiness because you're afraid of getting hurt."

"Wise words coming from an outlaw." Seonghwa muttered with amusement. "Alright. Let's give it a shot. One more time."

"Another question for you." You said casually. "Of all outlaws to catch, why me? There were a ton in the town I was in. I don't even resemble my wanted picture. So why me?"

"I don't know the exact reason...but I think it's because you are so unlike any other woman I've ever met." Seonghwa answered honestly. "I know I said that you're different. But it's true. You're not like any of the traditional women out there. You're not a saloon girl and you're not a prostitute. When I saw you standing there next to your horse, I just had this feeling come over me. Like I could tell that you're more than meets the eye."

"You like the mysterious type, huh?" You teased.

"I like it when a woman stands out from the crowd." Seonghwa told you honestly. "I like it when they dare to defy society. I find it very attractive. My wife was like that."

"That sounds wonderful." You breathed out.

Seonghwa watched you intently. Your hair flew freely behind you. For some reason, he couldn't stop staring at you. You stared back at him curiously. Something about him intrigued you. From the way he spoke, to the way he looked. Maybe it was the aura he emitted that intrigued you. Whatever it was, you couldn't deny the fact that you were drawn to him. It didn't matter if you got arrested, turned in, or got a bullet to the face, you had to admit that he was handsome. And charming. He was just...so unlike any other man you've ever known.

In a good way.

After a while, Seonghwa cleared his throat. You instantly snapped out of your thoughts and forced yourself to focus.

"How long until we reach town?" You asked curiously.

"Not long." Seonghwa confirmed. "We'll stop at the nearest inn for dinner and drinks. Then it will take us another day to reach our destination."

"I guess I should get comfortable, huh?" You sighed as you adjusted yourself on the saddle. You looked up at him with pleading eyes. "Since I'm going with you peacefully, can you untie my hands too? Please?"

"You promise not to run?" Seonghwa asked curiously.

"I swear." You nodded.

"Alright." Seonghwa sighed. He removed the rope binding your hands together and loosened the knots on the other side of your wrists. "There."

You rubbed your wrists appreciatively. Now that you weren't tied up, it gave you the freedom to stretch your arms out. In response, Seonghwa wrapped his arm around your waist. You looked up at him with wide eyes but he seemed to just stare off into the distance.

You looked down at his hand resting against your hip. He hadn't removed it yet. Instead, he held it firmly as if he intended to keep it there forever. Without thinking, you leaned into his touch and placed your head on his shoulder.

For the rest of the journey, neither of you moved. You didn't speak. You didn't say anything either.

Both of you just stayed silent, savoring each other's company.

You reached the inn that was in the middle of nowhere. If you looked at the map carefully, it wasn't even a real city. However, it served as the last outpost for food supplies and travellers before they arrived at the main city.

You and Seonghwa walked up to the counter where a grizzled old man stood, watching you both. "Lookin' for a room?" He grunted gruffly.

"Yeah." Seonghwa said confidently. "Do you have any vacancies?"

The old man glanced over at you before answering. "I only got a small room meant for one traveler and not two. Does your pretty wife mind the small space? I reckon she'd prefer the comforts of a larger room."

Seonghwa didn't even correct the man as he looked down at you. "You don't mind the small room, do you sweetheart?" He asked softly.

You shook your head. "We'll take it. After all, it's only for one night."

The old man led you inside the small room. You pulled back the curtain and took a look around. It wasn't too bad, but it definitely wasn't a large luxurious room. There was a bed, which was only big enough for one person, a dresser and a table with chairs. It seemed to be more of a bachelor room rather than a couple's. But hey, at least you wouldn't have to sleep on the floor tonight.

"This room is the cheapest we have." The old man announced as he pointed to the bed. "But I suggest you make yourselves comfortable. Dinner will be ready soon."

He left without waiting for your answer. Once he closed the door behind himself, you turned to look at Seonghwa.

"Wife? Sweetheart?" You asked in confusion. "Am I missing something here?"

Seonghwa sat in one of the chairs as he gestured for you to take the bed. "It's a good excuse for a man and woman that’s together to be in these parts. To most folks, a female outlaw is unheard of. But a man and woman travelling together under such circumstances?"

"I guess...yeah. Makes sense." You mumbled.

"Take the bed." He muttered. "I'll sleep in the chair."

"Why not let me share the bed with you?" You suggested.

"You trying to seduce me?"

"Do you want to be seduced?" You countered playfully.

Seonghwa looked away guiltily. "No, I..."

You placed a finger on his lips, silencing him. "Don't worry about it. I won't seduce you."

"Go to sleep, Y/N." Seonghwa urged gently.

Reluctantly, you climbed onto the bed. Your skin prickled as you stared at Seonghwa who was already sitting in the chair.

You waited until he finally laid down on the chair before you finally relaxed. It was a short wait. Within minutes, you were fast asleep.

This time he didn't tie you up and lay you down on the saddle. This time, he actually put you on his lap as he steered the horse with one hand. As you sat comfortably in his lap, his free arm went around your waist.

You stared out at the beautiful scenery around you. It was truly amazing how vast the plains were and how beautiful the sunset was.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Seonghwa whispered. His breath tickled the back of your neck as he spoke.

Your heart fluttered at the feel of his voice against your ear. You lifted your head to look at him. "Yes. It's beautiful." You breathed out.

"Right now, you don't look like an outlaw. Don't act like one. Be yourself." Seonghwa encouraged. "Enjoy the ride and the view. Just be happy. It's alright if you want to enjoy being in my arms. I'm not going to tell anyone."

His voice made your heart beat faster. You couldn't help but lean into his chest. "Thank you, Seonghwa." You breathed out.

"Y/N. Can I ask you a question?" Seonghwa asked curiously.

You turned to look at him curiously. "Sure."

"I know we just met but...can I kiss you?" Seonghwa breathed out nervously.

"Why the sudden interest in me now?" You questioned jokingly.

"Because I want to." Seonghwa admitted. "I never thought I would meet someone like you. Someone that doesn't follow the rules. Who dares to break away from what others expect her to do. A smart woman with such high morals. And she's honest and has strong principles. I always knew that I wanted to be around someone like you."

You opened your mouth to say something, but all that came out was a strangled sound. At first, you didn't know what to say, but then he pressed his soft lips against yours. Your body reacted involuntarily, giving in to his gentle kisses.

His warm lips felt good against yours.

It felt right.

Everything felt right.

When he pulled away, he didn't look disappointed. In fact, he looked completely content. As if he hadn't been looking for you, but found you anyway. That realization filled you with hope. It may have only been the second day since you met him, but you could tell that there was something special between the two of you. You didn't know if it would go anywhere in the future, but you were glad that you met him nonetheless.

You didn't know what this feeling was. Surely it couldn't have been love. This was your second day of knowing each other after all. Love was impossible. So you couldn't possibly be in love with him. Right?

Still, you couldn't help but smile. Maybe this would turn into something great after all.

As you rode into the main city, you gazed out at the streets, amazed by the hustle and bustle around you.

People were everywhere, running around and buying and selling their wares. Despite the bustle, you couldn't help but think that everything looked calm and peaceful. It almost seemed unreal.

But despite the chaos and turmoil, people still smiled and laughed. Even amidst all the commotion, they managed to make jokes and laugh. You found that incredibly reassuring.

"You're turning me in?" You asked, his chest warm against your back.

"Do you want me to? Or do you want to stay with me?" Seonghwa replied softly.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" You asked him, as his horse trotted along the streets.

"Would you be unhappy staying here?" Seonghwa asked with uncertainty.

"I'd be locked in a cell for the rest of my life. Why do you ask?" You questioned.

Seonghwa sighed. "Because for some odd damn reason, I don't want to turn you in."

Your brows furrowed. "Why?"

"I dunno." Seonghwa shrugged. "It's probably because I'm a soft-hearted bastard on the inside. Maybe I want you to partner up with me to hunt outlaws instead. Heard you're pretty good with a gun."

"You tryna make me one of the good ones?" You teased.

Seonghwa smirked. "Only if you wanna."

"If it means that I won't get hunted down..." You glanced over at him and grinned. "I might take you up on that offer. Thanks."

"Good girl." Seonghwa replied happily as he pulled you closer to his chest. "Let's go rest up in our rooms and decide our plan of action tomorrow morning."

You and Seonghwa decided on one room again but this time the bed was much larger to accommodate a couple. You both took a bath and washed your clothes before settling in to sleep.

As you lied in bed, listening to Seonghwa breathe, you couldn't help but think of your future. For the past few years, all you did was spend money and travel the west with your brothers. You grew tired of doing that. Of taking people's possessions and running away. It was boring. Sure, there was the occasional excitement and danger but you always escaped alive. What else could you possibly gain from living like that? All you had to show for your adventures were scars and bruises.

Now you have the chance to live your life differently. This might be your last chance to do so. Now that you had met Seonghwa, things weren't exactly the same anymore. The path ahead of you was still uncertain, but the unknown was always exciting. What would happen next?

You heard Seonghwa move in his sleep beside you. Then, a few moments later, you felt his fingers lightly tracing your cheek. You smiled, enjoying the warmth radiating from his touch. "Seonghwa?"

"Hmm?" Seonghwa replied sleepily. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." You told him honestly. "Just thinking."

"What are you thinking about?" Seonghwa whispered suddenly.

"About us." You confessed.

Seonghwa's eyes snapped open and he quickly rolled over to face you. He cupped your cheeks with his hands. "What about us?"

"Us as partners." You stated simply. "And lovers."

His thumb brushed against your bottom lip. "Are you sure?"

"Very." You assured him as you leaned forward and kissed him tenderly.

"Have you ever been with a man since your husband passed?" Seonghwa asked as his lips trailed down your neck.

"No. Not once." You replied quietly. “Still a virgin, here.”

"Then I promise that you'll find no better lover than me." Seonghwa whispered against your lips. "Let's leave the past behind us and start anew. We'll see where this takes us."

Slowly, you drew back and nodded. "Alright." You murmured.

Seonghwa leaned in and kissed you passionately. "Do you want to keep going?"

You sighed in pleasure as he nipped at your bottom lip. "Can't stop now. I need to taste every inch of you."

With that, he continued down your neck, kissing you lovingly as his fingers slowly explored your curves. Soon, he was stroking your breasts through your shirt and teasing your nipples with his thumbs.

When his lips returned to your lips, you parted them eagerly, your own tongue reaching out to taste his. Soon, the passion between the two of you increased, intensifying with every passing moment. When he started kissing your neck, moving lower and lower down your chest, you held onto his shoulders.

"You're so soft, baby." Seonghwa breathed out huskily. "Soft as silk and sweet as honey."

"Mmm..." You moaned.

"So sensitive." Seonghwa breathed out as he traced his tongue across your nipple. "I could lick you all night long."

You whimpered as he circled your breast with his tongue, teasing you with the tips. "Seonghwa..."

"You've never been touched like this before, have you?" He questioned in a hoarse whisper. "Touched like this and felt loved."

"Yes." You whispered as you reached out to touch him.

"Have you ever tasted a man's flesh before?" Seonghwa asked curiously.

"Uh..." You shook your head. "No. Despite my flirtatious and bold nature, you'd be the first man I've ever given myself to."

"That's quite a confession." Seonghwa chuckled. "I think it's time that I changed that."

You gasped as he bit gently on your breast, making you arch off the bed in ecstasy. "S-Seonghwa!"

"I love it when you say my name like that. You know that, right?" He whispered against your skin. "I could listen to you say my name forever."

He began to suckle on your breast while tracing his fingers down your stomach. "God, I wish you were naked." He mumbled. "Wish I could touch you. Feel every inch of your soft, silky skin."

Before you knew it, he had undone the buttons of your shirt, revealing your chest. With shaking hands, he removed it and tossed it aside. "Look at how perfect you are." He breathed out. "So fucking sexy."

"Like what you see?" You asked breathlessly.

"Every damn thing." Seonghwa groaned as he caressed your naked skin. His fingers traced down your abdomen, trailing lightly over your stomach, stopping at your hip bones. He tugged at your pants and undergarments until they fell to the floor. "Fuck, you're gorgeous. So sexy and beautiful."

He lowered his head and ran his tongue along your belly button. You sighed in pleasure as he ran his nose up your abdomen, inhaling deeply. Suddenly, he pushed himself up and sat back on his knees, gazing at you seductively. "I want to taste you so badly." He said darkly. "I want to savor every part of you."

Without warning, he reached out and grabbed your hips, pulling you towards him. Then, he lowered his mouth to yours and kissed you deeply. The sensations coursing through your body left you wanting more.

Slowly, he slid down your body, tasting you with his tongue as he went. One hand caressed your thighs while the other trailed lightly up your side. "Beautiful." He whispered. "So damn beautiful."

His lips trailed up your ribs, to your collarbone, to your chin. He nibbled at your jawline before kissing your lips softly. Slowly, he began to explore the insides of your mouth, sucking and licking at your lips. “How are you feeling, my sweet girl?” He whispered against your lips.

You smiled. “Amazing.” You breathed out.

Seonghwa grinned. “Let’s give your body even more pleasure.” He whispered huskily as he stood up and yanked off his shirt. His muscles rippled with every movement as he approached you. Then, he knelt down in front of you and pressed his lips against your thigh. You squirmed slightly at the contact.

“Oh!” You exclaimed softly. “Seonghwa!”

“Shhh.” He soothed as he rubbed his lips against your leg. “Just let yourself enjoy this.”

Slowly, he moved his way up your thigh, giving you goosebumps with every stroke. You couldn’t help but feel excited as he kissed your inner thigh, his fingers continuing to stroke you gently. “Seonghwa…” You whispered softly. “What are you doing?”

“Shh…” He repeated. “Trust me.”

A low moan escaped your lips as he slipped his finger into you, gently caressing your walls. “Ah…”

“Such a good girl.” Seonghwa murmured, smiling at you. “So eager and eager to please.”

His fingers played with your clit while he continued to kiss you tenderly. You could barely contain your excitement as his lips traveled higher and higher up your thigh. Then, he slid his tongue into your cleft and licked up and down your slit, his hands stroking you gently as he went. Your hips bucked up against his face as his fingers continued to work their magic on your g-spot.

Soon, he sucked your clit into his mouth, gently biting down on it. You moaned loudly as you began to tremble. Your legs tightened around his head, forcing his head deeper inside you. He didn’t seem to mind though as he continued to play with your clit.

“Seonghwa…” You moaned again as your entire body tensed up. You couldn’t hold back any longer as you came apart underneath him.

He continued to lick and suck at your pussy, making sure to drink in every drop of your orgasmic juices. He kissed your inner thigh several times before getting up and standing over you. “I want you to take off my pants.” He commanded as he kicked off his boots.

Slowly, you undid his pants and took them off, throwing them to the side. Once you finished removing his pants, you pulled off his underwear, his erection springing free. Your eyes widened as you gazed at his cock. It was already half hard and incredibly large.

"My sweet girl, can you take me in your mouth?" He asked with a wicked grin.

You nodded slowly. "I'm willing to try anything once."

His eyes darkened. "Do you really mean that?"

"Yes." You answered as you wrapped your hand around his shaft and gave him a gentle squeeze. "I'll do whatever you want."

He cupped your cheek with one hand and looked deep into your eyes. "You'll let me fuck your pretty little mouth?"

You nodded enthusiastically. "Of course."

"Oh, baby…" He breathed out, closing his eyes as he imagined the two of you together. You on your knees in front of him, holding his thick member in your hand as you prepare to slide it inside your warm, wet mouth. You looking up at him, your hair cascading down your back as you stare into his eyes, begging for him to fill your throat with his seed. "I bet you look amazing like that. Can you imagine it?"

"Mmm... Yes." You moaned as you felt him sliding his fingers through your hair. "I can definitely picture it."

He moaned in pleasure. "God, I want you." He growled.

He reached down and guided himself into your waiting mouth. As soon as the tip of his dick hit your lips, you closed your eyes and swallowed the head of his cock. He winced in pleasure as you started to move your head back and forth, taking more and more of him inside your mouth. He could hear you moaning in pleasure as you bobbed your head up and down. Soon, you started to take him further and further down your throat.

"You're taking it so well, my sweet girl." He breathed out, leaning forward to run his fingers through your hair. "Is it too much?"

You shook your head. "No." You breathed out. "Keep going."

He grinned. "Good girl." He moved his fingers from your hair to caress your cheeks. "I'll take it slow if you want."

You didn't answer him, instead simply nodding your head as you sucked harder on his cock. You could tell he was enjoying the sensation because his breathing became heavier and faster. "Baby, can you take more?" He whispered huskily. "Can you handle the whole length of my cock?"

"I'll take you as far as you want, Seonghwa." You replied breathlessly.

Suddenly, he thrust himself deeply into your throat, causing you to gag a little. He held onto your head and forced himself to keep going, knowing that if he stopped, you would struggle to breathe. "There we go." He breathed out. "I knew you could handle it."

With every inch of him that entered your mouth, you felt yourself growing hotter and hotter. You were starting to shake with desire as you leaned forward, trying to take more of him inside you. He didn't stop, pressing himself into your mouth and stroking your throat gently.

"Keep going, my sweet girl." He encouraged you. "Take all of me. Make me explode inside your mouth."

As you kept moving your head back and forth, sucking and slurping on his dick, he reached out and caressed your cheek. Your face flushed red as you looked up at him. "You look so fucking beautiful like this." He whispered. "Taking everything I have to give."

He watched you continue to suck and lick at his cock. His breathing was beginning to become irregular as he fought the urge to come. "Oh god... God, I need to fuck you now." He moaned. "I can't take this anymore."

With that, he turned around, pulling you with him. "Come here, my sweet girl." He commanded. "I want you on top."

Once he lay down on the bed, you straddled him, hesitating. "Seonghwa...you're so big. Will you fit?"

"You won't know unless you try." He encouraged you as he caressed your face. "Put me inside you. As much as I need you, tell me if it hurts and I'll stop."

You bit your lip nervously. "Alright." You said softly. "I'll try."

"Good girl..." He murmured as you slowly sank down on him. "Are you okay?"

"Yes." You gasped as you felt him filling you completely.

"It's not too painful?" He breathed out.

"Not at all." You answered honestly. "It feels amazing."

He smiled. "That's my sweet girl." He said as he caressed your breasts. "Feels so good to finally be inside you. To be buried deep inside you."

His words sent chills down your spine as you rode him, bouncing up and down. Every time you bounced, he gripped your hips tighter and held you in place, ensuring that you stayed impaled on his dick. With each thrust, you could feel him throbbing against your pussy walls. He could see how badly you wanted to come, how badly you needed to come. But you knew Seonghwa wouldn't come before you did.

"Tell me what you want." He whispered softly as he stroked your stomach. "Say the word and I will give it to you."

Your pussy clenched around his dick as you bit your lower lip. "Fuck me harder, Seonghwa." You breathed out. "Please."

"Such a naughty girl." He chuckled. "But I love it."

He grabbed your ass and started thrusting into you harder. "This is our first time having sex, you know?" He breathed out. "You're doing so well, my sweet girl. Don't worry about anything. Just ride me and let me give you pleasure."

You smiled as you pumped up and down on him, loving the feeling of his cock inside you. The room was filled with heavy breathing and low moans as the two of you tried desperately to reach your orgasms.

"I think I'm close." You breathed out.

"I think you are too." He agreed as he kissed your neck. "Just let go, sweetheart. Let go and come with me."

Then, you felt an intense wave of heat building within you. You trembled as you reached your peak and cried out loudly, squeezing Seonghwa's hips tightly. As your orgasm ripped through your body, he continued to fuck you even harder, wanting to make sure you came just as hard as he did.

"That's it, my sweet girl." He grunted. "Let it all out. Come all over my cock. Take everything I have to give."

As the two of you rode your orgasms out, you held onto Seonghwa's arms tightly. "Oh... oh god... I don't know if I can take anymore..." You panted out as your body relaxed.

"Hold on, my sweet girl." He replied as he ran his fingers up and down your arm. "We've still got some time left."

The next few minutes were filled with kisses and soft touches as both of you recovered from your climaxes. After a couple of minutes, you opened your eyes and gazed lovingly at him. "Wow... that was incredible." You said softly.

He smiled and brought his thumb to his mouth, tasting you. "Yes, it was." He replied. "And it gets better every time."

"Oh, really?" You asked with a smile.

"Really." He replied as he cupped your cheek. "If you're willing to be patient with me, I promise you that it will only get better and better. And someday, I will give you something you've never experienced before."

You shivered slightly. "Like what?"

"Hmm... I haven't decided yet." He admitted with a sheepish grin.

You let out a laugh, cuddling closer to his body. "Well, that doesn't exactly help me decide whether or not to be patient."

"Sorry, my sweet girl." He apologized as he brushed a strand of hair away from your face. "I'm trying to be romantic, but I'm very rusty at this sort of thing."

"You'd better get used to it." You replied with a wink. "Because I plan on being your partner for a long time."

#ateez #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez fanfic #ateez fic #ateez fanfics #ateez smut #ateez stories #ateez seonghwa #park seonghwa #seonghwa #seonghwa x reader #seonghwa smut

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berryz-writes · 2 days

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Perfectly serious

Summary: Matheo's jealousy and want for you increases after seeing you with Theo to the point where he finally/kind of confesses

Matheo Riddle x reader

His arm wrapped around my waist, bringing me even closer to him. "Come on, let's get you to bed" Theo murmured. I looked up at him confused "I'm not drunk". My head might feel light and I might feel extremely happy and sad at the same time but I was most definitely not drunk.

"Yes you are" He took my hand and led me away from the groups of people dancing together, taking his time to weave us in and around the drinks being passed around. Everyone gave me a smile as I left, Pansy giving me a wink as we passed "I bet he fucks good. Have fun babe!" She said, her words slurring slightly, her voice loud enough for Theo to hear. Maybe if he heard it he would act on it. I wouldn't mind getting in bed with him.

We soon reached my room, the music faded to a low sound coming from below us and the lights softer than the harsh party lights of before.

"Well...night y/n" Theo said.

"You know" I started, my voice low and sultry. "I wouldn't mind if you joined me, made things more interesting. Hm?" I tilted my head waiting for his answer, his eyes searching my face. For what I didn't know.

He gave me a soft smile "Your drunk. And when drunk, your ideas aren't really your own. So as much as I'd like to follow through with your idea, it's best you get some sleep"

I rolled my eyes at him being who he always was. I wished for once he would push the boundaries. "Fine. Night Theo"

"Sweet dreams" He dropped my hand and waited for me to close the door. I could hear his receding footsteps, probably to go up to his own dorm. I was relieved in a way. Maybe I wasn't actually ready to fuck him and it was just the alcohol making me want something more. We were good friends. I didn't want to ruin that for something that I didn't really want. Chocolate brown eyes crossed my mind. Curly hair that would feel so nice running my hands through-. Something that would never happen.

*Potions the next day*

"I didn't see you yesterday" I said to Matheo referring to the party yesterday. Stirring in the crushed up leaves into the steaming potion, I turned to look at him, his eyes were icy and cold as if I had done some personal wrong against him.

"Of course you didn't. You were too busy trying to estimate your chances with Theo. Heads up, princess. He has higher standards"

I ignored the nickname that would usually make me swoon and instead my mouth opened in shock. How fucking rude of him. Was he ok?

"Are you being serious right now?" I stopped stirring the potion and crossed my arms. I could take a joke but come on. He had taken it too far.

"Perfectly serious. Why? Did you think I was nice?" He stood up to tower over me, his minty scent washing over me. His chocolate brown eyes were like daggers into my soul. It hurt knowing someone I was good friends with could switch up so fast.

"No actually, I didn't. Your just like everyone says you are. You get with a girl for your own pleasure, lead her on and then leave her with a broken heart. Your a rude fucking asshole and nothing more"

His jaw clenched at what I said, waiting for me to say anything else. I didn't actually mean it but I would never let anyone disrespect me and not expect anything back.

I realised soon how close we were. If only he were to move slightly closer, I could have tipped my head upwards and kissed him. The fact that I was thinking about that even though he had insulted me was annoying for me. I shouldn't still like him. Not anymore.

"You really mean that?" His voice came out soft, his jaw no longer clenched. As if he understood what I had said. I hesitated. Of course I didn't. How could I? I liked him for fucks sake.

I sighed "I don't know"

He sat back down as if he were tired of our argument. As if he didn't want to argue with me.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said-"

"Let's just forget about it. Ok?" I didn't want to argue either. Maybe he was angry and took it out on me. Fine. I would give him a pass just this once seen as though we were such good friends. (If only we were more than that)

He nodded his head and we worked in silence for the next few minutes. Until he cleared his throat and looked toward me again "Listen y/n. I don't want us to ruin our...friendship for something I've said so let me treat you. Will you be free to come to the diner at eight?"

I paused and raised an eyebrow, smiling slightly "Are you asking me on a date or just as friends?" Confident of me to ask but I wanted to know where we stood.

After a pause he replied with "I'd be happy with either, as long as it's with you"

I thought about my next question "And if I want it to be a date?" I asked quietly.

He smiled "I was hoping you'd say that, princess"

#mattheo riddle x reader #mattheo riddle imagine #mattheo x reader #mattheo riddle fluff #mattheo riddle #mattheo riddle x you #mattheo x y/n #mattheo x you #slytherin

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tanoraqui · 1 day

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Dungeon Meshi Liveblog: I thought I wasn't going to have strong opinions about the Laios-Shuro fight, but...

Laios was right about this! Yes, they had 2 physical fights first, but it's important to note that Laios was right about this!

^ -man who would literally kill to stay in this room and observe this private conversation.

Sir, your unfaltering little wide-eyed, amiable smile while seriously considering topics that are obviously un-smile-worth has charmed me utterly. I wish to study you like an climate-entomologist yearns for the butterfly that causes storms.

She seems fine.

If I start screencapping Laios's and Marcille's faces in this fight, I will never stop because literally every panel is devasting.

Kuro has done distinctly the most damage so far this fight, just stabbing and gnawing, and I think we should recognize and appreciate that fact.

I really miss the animation we got of Rin's lightning blast slicing narrowly past Laios.

I love how fast, if reluctantly, Laios accepts that if - not, that Falin is a true "monster", inhuman and hurting people relentlessly and unapologetically, and thus she needs to be killed before she kills them, like any other monster. I also love that Marcille doesn't accept this. Characters!

+1 to qualification to kingship! Kabru is one again surprised (you can tell by how he's not smiling) (though this might also be due to the significant injuries he just took).

I do have several emotions about how Falin immediately yanks away and kills Kabru, without touching Laios. That's her brother!!

I really like this little cluster because it says to me that Shuro still has very good "do what Marcille says when she abruptly shouts magic-related directions in combat" instincts. He's a mirror of the "You're already on the Christmas card, buddy" meme - more like, "You're still on the Christmas card." Just like Namari: no one really stops being fond of, and battle companions with, these weirdos.

I think the most painful part of this probably is that Marcille isn't certain. Maybe this IS her fault. At minimum, she knows she might have mixed the dragon's soul into Falin's, which enabled this even if it didn't create it. But she can't 100% rule out the possibility that it's more her fault than that - which is, of course, the absolute worst thing to say to all of these people looking at her violently askance for using dark magic.

yeahhhhhh "Lunatic Magician" REALLY lacks the oomph of "Mad Mage"

ANGRY LAIOS! It's such a rare expression on him, it's exciting to see.

Yesss look at my man Chilchuck use available tools in his environment and save this little goober who thinks it's cool to resent adults.

I really like how they show the social consequences of dark magic. Much beyond Shuro's anger: the other mages are now shutting Marcille down, especially where resurrection magic is concerned. She's made herself untrusted by her peers, whether or not the magic she used on Falin is truly "evil."

I really enjoy the, like, narratively obligatory, not actually real (well, maybe to Rin) "will they-won't they" between Kabru and Rin. In the story that this isn't, where Kabru is the protagonist with his quirky gang of found family who are helping him save the island and prevent another bloodbath like in his angsty backstory, she IS the One (Human) Female on the Team who is obviously his love interest - often the first to challenge him, battle mage rather than healer ie a Strong Female Character who nonetheless doesn't use unfeminine brute force, forced by happenstance to kiss...

Alas! Kabru is not the protagonist of this story, so Rin shall remain disappointed.

Also this montage of people healing and reuniting while in the background Laios and Shuro whale on each other remains SO funny. Flawless comedic timing.

Alright, hot take time: I feel like all the debate I've seen about the Shuro/Laios fight depict it as revealing the friendship basically shattered, and never real in the first place. Whereas I'm mostly warmed by how real it clearly was despite everything that just happened?

Shuro is operating on no food and less sleep, desperate to save the woman he idolizes without truly understanding her loves, who is now apparently a monster who nearly slaughtered his most loyal followers. In the past like 2 weeks, Laios has: watched his sister die to save his life (his little sister, whom he is supposed to protect), walked headfirst into a nigh-unwinnable fight to get her back, held her skull in his hands, got her back and held her in his arms, lost her again about 6 hours later in an even more unwinnable fight, which was proven even more unwinnable when the Mage twisted the dungeon itself against them, saw her again but as a murderous monster now (which might be due to the magic he agreed to use to resurrect her), swiftly and sternly resigned himself to fighting and potentially killing her (his little sister! whom he is supposed to protect!), had her recognize him (and no one else!) despite her monstrosity, watched her be killed (again!) in part thanks to him distracting her, except it didn't work and then she fled.

This is an immature, ignoring-immediate-needs (ie, food, healing) knock-down drag-out fight between two men at the absolute ends of their ropes, who, sure, have built-up resentments against each other and the world, and an inciting incident pushing them over the edge - but mostly neither of them can punch in the face the fact that they can't save Falin. So they punch each other instead.

I won't even address the prologue to the fight, where Laios tells him about the black magic and Shuro promptly tries to strangle him then levels a sword at him. Kabru already nailed that: Shuro was worried about Falin - that the magic had hurt her, that the social consequences would be worse. Laios knew this enough that he didn't fight back, then. But now?

The first shove is Shuro demanding, Don't you fucking DARE give me false hope.

I cannot emphasize enough how hard I would also slap someone for suggesting that I wasn't taking the death and monsterization of my younger sibling seriously.

Shuro knows it, too. He doesn't respond to this, he just punches, and Laios punches back. Shuro doesn't speak again until Laios knocks him all the way down, and

Shuro is at his absolute depth. The lowest point he (feels that he) can go. He cannot save Falin. He's shamed himself as a leader and heir by getting his people killed (they got better, but that's beside the point.) He's been beaten in hand-to-hand combat by this idiot northern peasant. He lets down his guard and pride enough to mutter this self-deprecation aloud...and the idiot northern peasant hears, compounding every shame - and it's infuriating especially because he doesn't even hear properly, just like he never hears properly - he's so frustrating in his friendly but oblivious constant irritation and THIS, Shuro can still be furious about, to avoid his grief/hopelessness/self-loathing/shame. This, he can still fight about!

So he does.

They're both wrong in this fight. They're both right. Laios was consistently inconsiderate; knowing this about himself - because it's not like by his early 20s he didn't know that he didn't Get people the way most people Get people - he should've made more of an effort, and picked up any of the hints Shuro was laying down. Shuro was too caught up in his own pride and out-of-place manners: when it was clear that Laios wasn't going to pick up on even the strongest "hint", he should've said something plainly instead of just letting his resentment build until he was effectively lying to Laios about, if not their entire friendship, certainly the shape of it.

But they were friends. They are friends. This isn't the posture or conversation of two guys who don't like each other.

It's two guys who are still, in fact, fucking exhausted, physically and emotionally - but they just got rid of a lot of extra, furious, helpless energy, so they're finally satisfied to just sit. Their posture is relaxed and casual; their conversation straightforward and companionable, if serious.

This is two guys who've sat like this many time at a campfire, in just these poses. Who've kept watch together late at night and stayed awake by talking.

Laios cares about Falin more than anyone in the world, and even after the words and blows they just exchanged, he's still willing to put Shuro's suit to her. Shuro didn't tell Falin he was interested in her until he proposed to her, but he's telling it all to Laios. Admittedly, this is because Laios is, Shuro assumes, the closest he'll ever get to being able to tell it all to Falin...but still. And he admits vulnerability, which he clearly wouldn't have done before, even to his most loyal and loved companions as they urged him to eat and sleep.

Yeah, they're buddies. If I had to describe it, I'd say: their relationship was built on unsteady, false foundations, but they built something sturdy on it anyway, and the sturdy thing survives even when the foundations shake and re-settle.

Lol at Shuro. "I'm going to report you to the local authorities for your crimes because it's the right thing to do. But if you survive, I'll totally use my power and influence to help you flee the country, and live peacefully on my estate beyond where an extradition treaty can reach you."

#dm lb #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #analysis

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aviad1b · 24 hours

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My tumblr feed back in August:

One very specific fandom

Occasional posts talking about how me and everyone I love are somehow genetically inheritally evil and therefore deserve to die through very specific methods, while denying our culture, language and everyday lives

Refusal of creators to address said posts

Me looking at my tumblr feed now:

Jumblr

ישראבלר

Guinea pigs (thanks @aguineapigcouldntdothis)

Even more Jumblr

LOTS of Anakin content (thanks @multifanderlovesanakin / @multifanderwrites)

Jumblr

עוד קצת ישראבלר כי למה לא

פאנפיק על אלי קופטר??

MORE JUMBLR!!!!!!!!

Me:

Me: Yeah. I made the right choice.

#I think what hurts me most about this is I could be a wiki moderator for that fandom #but I didn't want to #because I didn't have enough time #and I helped gather moderators #I was in that fandom since day 1 that it was made #I was there before a lot of those antisemites even knew that it existed #not gonna actually tag this post because tbh I'm not very confident in it and might delete it later #lmao. I used to hate people who would say “might delete this later”#well. maybe not actually hate. but you get the point #sorry for tag spam

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uranometrias · 1 day

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wait for your love, spencer reid (pt. 2)

this is the second part to this. tysm for all the love on the first part, as well as all the new follows. this literally took so long, and i'm literally so sorry. i suck, but i hope you all enjoy it nonetheless. xx

you can read the alternate version for jj right here.

pairing: aaron hotchner x bau! reader | spencer reid x bau! reader | s7 team x bau! reader (platonic)

summary: following the dismissal of the case against the bureau, you're trying to get back into the swing of things. that moment of realization that comes with discovering the love you feel for someone else isn't reciprocates is never fun. but it's a truth you're meant to accept nonetheless, with a bit of help from your dearest friend spencer, you find that through a conversation about the realities of music and their hidden messages getting the courage to move on is not quite as difficult as you might have initially thought. especially when there's someone like spencer reid waiting on the other side. except of course, things always get difficult when it seems now as you're moving on, the past object of your desires is believed to feel the same way you always have.

content warnings: this is the sequel to angst lol. it's still very kind of angsty, but not as bad! it doesn't exactly end with spence/reader running off into the distance together, but i think it has a very bittersweet & sort of hopeful ending, which i felt made the most sense for a storyline like this. sometimes people have feelings for people that don't like them back, and sometimes it's just something we have to deal with.. sad but true. && i didn't want spence to seem like a rebound for reader, so i tried to go the route of her slowly putting the pieces together that maybe spence had romantic feelings for her && going from there. still spencer somewhat confesses his feelings for reader, hints that hotch might actually like reader, jj/reader reconciliation, because it needed to happen soz! she might have feelings for y/n too idk... she's kinda pulling everybody. this feels kinda melodramatic, but also idk i want epic romance vibes so i tried my best xx

i also love how hotch was such a focal part of this story and never physically showed up once... hmm.

tagged the people that asked for part 2 xx

@stvrlitsky , @cocopuff213 , @aaronhotchnerlover , @ofagathachristies , @blurpleuni-squid , @wolf-phoenix-lover , @babyspiderling , @queermaxwooo , @jihyowrrld , @minkyungseokie , @silentjudger , @btskzfav , @barbeddreams , @ah-blossom , @darker-december

It had been about a week since the court proceedings, you'd been more than a little surprised to find that you all managed to walk away scot free. You still hadn't managed to work up the courage to place your resignation papers on Hotch's desk, probably because you still hadn't gotten up the strength to face him or anyone else for that matter. You weren't outwardly abrasive, you'd offer small nods of greeting when you showed up in the morning, waves as you left.

But everyone knew that it wasn't the same.

Penelope had been trying to get you out for a night of bonding with her, Emily, and JJ, and you'd been keen on turning her down. You don't think you were quite there yet, the wound however surface level was still fresh. Looking at Emily, only reminded you of your grief, how much you had missed her. Looking at JJ only reminded you of how she hadn't had the courage necessary to tell you the truth. You'd tried to take their positions into account, look at things through a different view, but it hardly worked. You just wanted to be left alone.

Spencer was still the only one privy to the thoughts you had about ending your career at the FBI, and everyday he seemed to be holding his breath. It had become a habit to catch him staring at you with his face pinched up like he was deep in thought. It was partially why, even as your eyes skimmed over a file, you knew that he was looking in your direction. "Spence." you mutter quietly, eyes not quite meeting his as you highlighted something of importance in blue.

He sits at attention, back straight, eyes wide. He looked like a puppy that'd been caught doing something bad and was waiting for punishment. "You're doing it again." you exhale, and then you finally manage to peel your eyes from your work, eyebrow raising as you take him in tiredly. "Do you need something?" and he bares down on his bottom lip, almost as if he was thinking over his next move. He stands tall, grabbing hold of his chair and tugging it until it was planted on the other side of yours, before he sat down politely.

"Are you okay?" he's talking quietly, likely to salvage a bit of your privacy. You'd become a bit of a walking attraction in the bullpen, everyone seemed to follow every one of your actions with their eyes. You tap your highlighter against your desk, head tipping to the side as you scrutinize the man. You didn't know exactly what was going on with Spencer, but you had a small inkling, it was nothing more than an internal feeling if you were completely honest about it.

Your sister had been asking about him quite constantly lately, and after learning that day in the courtroom that for some odd reason the duo spoke over the phone, it made you pay a bit more attention to the certified genius than before. "I'm fine, Spencer. Just like I was when you asked me yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that." you keep your tone light, not wanting him to think that you were by any means annoyed with him. "What's going on?"

"I guess I keep waiting for you to disappear." he admits, head nodding involuntarily. "You're here right now, and you look fine." he continues, and you like listening to him, even if he was breaking one of the rules, and choosing to profile you. "So shouldn't things feel different? Better at least, like before?" he asks, and you don't expect that. Maybe he wasn't profiling you at all, and instead was expressing himself to a friend. "At least a little bit?" he asks, and you think it over.

"I don't think it'll ever be like before, Spence." and you hate to be the Betty Buzzkill, but it's as true as you can be. "How can it?" and Spencer's eyes jump across the room, landing on Emily who was not so subtly watching the two of you speak. You follow his gaze, and blink harshly when Emily's eyes connect with your own. It forces you to look right back at Spencer. He looks pensive, and you wonder how long he's been working up the courage to say more than 'Are you alright?'

"She was dead... and now suddenly she's not. That's great, but I grieved my friend, and maybe I'm not done grieving the Emily I knew before." and it's the first time you're admitting this aloud. "Our Emily, not the- Interpol Superspy." and you huff. "And look, I know I should be grateful, how many people get back the people they love after death?" and Spencer doesn't answer. "But is she really back? Is she really still our Emily? And how long before she's ready to pack up her stuff and take off? I'm not opening myself up to that again."

Spencer thinks your point is valid, he at one point had insisted that he had the worse abandonment issues on the team, but you had been right there through most of it. You were, in your own way protecting yourself from being hurt again. He couldn't fault you for that, none of them should. "I understand." and truthfully he does, and he's glad that at least you trust him enough to be upfront about it. "There's nothing wrong with shielding yourself from heartache, I just don't want you to close off completely... not from all of us."

You falter, and Spencer hates that he can't just say that he doesn't want you to close off from him. He didn't want this situation to change the way you behaved with him, he couldn't handle losing you.

"I won't." you promise. "And I won't do anything to jeopardize what we do here, I've got enough self control to be civil." you add with a small smile. "I haven't quite decided what a future at the bureau will look like, but I am willing to give things here a chance to get better." and you do love your work, Profiling was something you enjoyed doing, you wouldn't toss it away, unless you absolutely had no other choice. "So you don't have to worry about losing me, Spence." and you hold your breath, mostly because it's a bit audacious on your part.

He offers you a half smile, and you notice the way he visibly relaxes. Still, he doesn't want you to feel obligated to stay somewhere just for his sake, so he feels the need to be honest with you. "I'm not worried." he promises you, and it's a tiny fib, one that could become true if he grew just a touch more confidence. "Even if you did decide to leave one day I would put in the work to keep you in my life." and his smile stretches across his face now, and reaches his eyes. "You're not someone anyone would want to lose." your stomach twists.

"You're not either, Spencer." and you say it firmly, mainly to show just how much you need him to believe it. "I'd just make it my job to take up all your free time outside of work." and his face feels incessantly warm, like he'd stuck his head directly in the stream of scalding shower water. The funny thing about you was that you were oftentimes one of the hardest on the team to read. He figured that because he spent so much time hyper focused on you that he'd get better at it. He still hadn't, and you still managed to leave him stuck.

Comments like the one you just made were common for you, but the meaning behind it always escaped him. Were you flirting with him or were you just being nice? Was it possible that you knew that he had feelings for you? Were you using him as a rebound after the mess you'd found yourself entangled into with Hotch just months ago? The thought of him merely being an emotional rebound made him sad, disappointed, and insecure. But then he's taking in your expression, how despite your confidence you still look shy, and reels it in.

You had never been that sort of person, maybe you were just as oblivious as he was. "I'd be okay with that now." and you look a bit surprised, but also pleased. You nod your head slightly, leaning forward just a little in your seat. Spencer isn't sure if he's moved too quickly, but he's got no room to second guess it now.

"We should do something." it's not at all what he'd expected you to say, and he's surprised, it's more than evident on his face.

"Who? Us? Just the two of us?" he asks, and you find yourself offering him an amused sort of glance.

"Yeah, it could be fun." you insist, and you're not trying to play with his feelings, at least not in the traditional sense. Spencer Reid was no rebound. "It's not often we have days off, you know?" and you lean against your palm, head tipping slightly to the side. "Only if you want." you add, hoping that this addition would make him feel a touch more comfortable. It seems to work, because he untenses just a bit.

"Y-Yeah." he nods his head slightly, hair moving with the action just slightly. "Yeah, we should definitely do something." he agrees, and your smile is bright, clearly pleased at the turn of events. "When would you?" his eyes jump to his watch, and he shakes his head. "Obviously, not right now." he says and you're staring at him a bit bemused, because Spencer Reid was nothing if not a bit unserious.

"There's this music store I've been dying to check out." you say, and you witness Spencer's eyes seem to brighten. "It's sort of right on the strip, if you don't mind going with me to look at some vinyls and cd's for my collection, we could just go-" and you're eyebrows are raised, "And see what happens? There's a lot you could do..." you finish, and Spencer's already nodding his head in agreement.

"T-That's..." and he clears his throat, you think to keep you from acknowledging the fact his voice cracked in his nervousness. "Yeah, I don't mind that at all." he agrees politely. "Did you know that in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, record stores only sold gramophone records, but over time they've sold other formats like eight-track tapes, compact cassettes, and compact discs." his hands curl into one another as he relays this message and you snort.

"Did you know that there's a national record store day? It started back in 2008." and he's a bit surprised that you're shooting him a fact of your own, and one that he wasn't actually aware of.

"Really?" he questions, and your eyes sort of crinkle, smile broadening enough to show off both rows of your teeth.

"Don't tell me that I know something the brilliant Doctor Reid doesn't." you tease, and his eyes roll, though his entire demeanor remains lighthearted. "So, what's your poison?" you sidestep, but just barely, your work ignored as you focus all your efforts on keeping this conversation with Reid going.

"My poison?" and his mind of course drifts to alcohol, a bit of a confusing pivot in the conversation. "I don't really see myself as much of a drinker." he admits truthfully, and he's confused when you're laughing, hand flying up to cover your mouth as his face contorts.

"I meant your favorite music genre." you correct. "And I know you're partial to classical," and you try not to stretch your eyes. "It's great when I need to concentrate, but I wouldn't exactly say I'm dying to put on Bach and Tchaikovsky in a regular setting." you explain, both hands resting against your cheeks as you await the hopefully longwinded answer he'd have to give you.

"What if that's my only answer?" he asks, and you scoff.

"It's not." you deadpan, and he exhales through his nose. "I know you and Morgan have that understanding about music..." you explain, head cocked to the side. "He got you to listen to Nas." you remind him as he purses his lips at the reminder. "And Garcia's always sending music recommendations." you proceed as Spencer shoots you a look that clearly reads 'What's your point?'.

"Are you really telling me that out of every genre of music that's ever been released to the entire world, the only genre that's ever stood out to you is the one where old men sit behind a piano and twinkle the keys to their hearts content?" Spencer's releasing another one of those quiet laughs, this one is clearly full of exasperation though.

"I think they're doing a little bit more than twinkling keys." he corrects you, and you know that. You'd only said it to get under his skin just a little, he was fun to mess with. "Classical music is one of the only genres that seemingly does so little and is able to express the full spectrum of human emotion and life experience." he explains, and you fight your smile, leaning in just a bit more to show you were focused. You weren't sure what was happening or if anything was really happening at all, and it was all in your mind.

But you were finding that you didn't mind just listening to Spencer go on and on about whatever he wanted. You thought a lot about what had happened outside of that court room, how he'd listened to you. Really listened to you, and had never once made you feel like the emotional failure you'd imagined yourself to be. You couldn't say that in the span of a week all of your feelings for Hotch had vanished. That'd be bullshit, because deep down you knew it wasn't that easy.

And sometimes you wished it could be, sometimes you wondered why you had to fall for Hotch when Spencer was right there.

Still, whether or not you were being forced to come to grips with the fact that Hotch was not, and wouldn't ever love you the way you loved him, you couldn't deny that it was nice to have a friend there. Spencer wasn't coming to you with heavy confessions and tear-streaked cheeks begging you to look and see that he was perfect for you, which is why you think you like him even more. You knew a lot of times it was hard, rare even to find someone who would just care for you without expecting anything in return. That was Spence to a T.

"Go on." you instruct, and you find that despite the way you'd baited him into this conversation, it was well worth it. He didn't get a lot of time to just be Spencer, and with no clock over your heads, no rush for time to solve a case, you figured it was the least you could do. Especially after he'd spent the last week trying to show you how much he cared.

"I just mean that in classical music, it's actually very common to have one piece of music encompass an entire host of emotions, experiences, and subject matter." he expresses, and you hum, nodding along. "And it's all because most classical pieces use a similar formula that uses textures, dynamic colors and key modulations to express things certain words can't properly articulate." he proceeds. "That's why certain sounds and notes manage to adduce certain reactions." he seems finished.

"Oh, yeah?" you press and he nods limply, seemingly awaiting the moment you offer some jab regarding his oversharing. "I guess Mozart and Beethoven were really onto something." you mutter, and he snorts. "Still, I'd much rather listen to something a bit more obvious." you admit, not that you had a real problem with Classical Music.

"What do you mean?"

"Well I'm just saying... music's always sort of been the perfect tool for expressing everything you might need to say." you counter. "And while I agree that music in any form does a great job of invoking certain emotions, sometimes you don't want to guess what someone means." you admit, and it's partially (mostly) because you had never been good at reading in between the lines. Things always made the most sense when they were plainly spelled out.

"Or maybe that's just a me thing." you correct. "I've found that I always enjoy things when they're a little more laid out... there's no way to misunderstand when it's spelled out for you, right?" you ask and Spencer's lips curve down into a slight frown. He's not pitying you, mostly just sympathizing with how torn up you must have been about everything. Especially as your eyes instinctively are drawn to the shut doorway of Hotch's office. Spencer thinks that's when reality sets back in and hits him like a brick.

Because he knew something that you didn't. Something that would probably make everything better for you, but would undoubtedly double his heartache. In truth, he, much like everyone else on the team tried their hardest to ignore just how obvious you'd been about your feelings for hotch. spencer more than anyone.

He remembered how things had changed a few months back, how you'd started to move on all for the rug to be pulled from up under your feet. It had been outwardly cruel, undoubtedly. because while everyone else on the team seemed to be just fine with 'don't ask, don't tell', Spencer had been unable to not pay attention to the way Hotch had actually changed too. Did he hate him? Absolutely not... and he knew you didn't either, because despite how idiotic the plan was, he hadn't done much besides give you more attention.

And Spencer guessed the act of giving you more attention had unsurprisingly ended with Aaron Hotchner realizing it was something he actually enjoyed. Hence the sudden change their boss underwent.

He supposed that was the worst part about it all, the fact that everyone had the right to tell you that "nothing had happened", and there was nothing you could do about it. Because in the grand scheme of things nothing really had happened. Hotch was no heartless womanizer, Spencer couldn't even imagine the man flirting with anyone, let alone stringing someone along for kicks. Still, that didn't change the fact that you'd gotten your hopes up, and now you were back to your own harsh reality.

Not because it wasn't a real possibility, more so because Hotch was self destructive, and sabotaged himself and his happiness at every turn. Spencer wants to stay quiet, to bask in the fact that you were slowly on your own terms getting over Hotch, and paying more attention to him, but he can't do that. He'd hate it if someone did it to him. So instead he decides to throw you a bone, push you in the right direction. "Why haven't you just talked to him?" it's not what he had meant to say. He had meant to play the role of the supportive friend.

He'd wanted to pat you on the back, mumble some agreeance that would validate how you were feeling, and possibly give him cool points. Instead, here he was about to push you in the direction of someone else. He supposed that's how stupid love made you.

"What?" you exclaim, and Spencer doesn't know what's so exasperating about his question. It was obvious that you needed to, it wasn't fair that you were slowly deteriorating on the inside whilst trying to maintain some semblance of being a "team player". He said 'screw the team' if it wasn't genuine. And clearly, from the way you'd still been icing out JJ and Emily, it wasn't. Not fully anyway. He'd never rush you to get over it, mostly because it'd make him a hypocrite. He still cringes at the thought of the tears he'd shed to JJ.

But, that was his own problem.

"Hotch." he lowers his voice a little, because it's just now hitting him that the two of you have been slacking off for a while now. Emily wasn't exactly focused in on the both of you anymore, but every so often, he'd find that she still look up every few moments. JJ, Derek, and Rossi had made a habit of leaving their respective offices, eyes glued to what was apparently becoming unit news. "You should talk to him." he says simply as your eyes cross dramatically.

"What's there to talk about?" you ask suddenly distracted by a smudge on the corner of your desk.

"What happened." he says simply. "I mean, don't you think there might be some explanation you might be missing?" Spencer tries, and you curl into yourself just a little bit.

"It's still work hours and he's still Hotch." you deny, and Spencer's lips push to the side, an obvious sign of his slight discomfort about what he was going to say next. "He's not going to want to talk about it." you admit. "And what exactly do you say in a conversation like that? Oh by the way boss, I was in love with you, and it kinda felt like maybe you felt the same, except oh wait, it was just a ploy to keep me from realizing you were lying about Emily being alive?" you say sarcastically. Spencer huffs in retaliation.

"Yes actually, you could say exactly that. Maybe you'll learn something you didn't know before." he deadpans, and your nose curls. You cut your eyes over at the man, who's not amused.

"I kinda thought you'd be the last person pushing for this sort of confrontation, you know?' you admit before you can really help yourself. You watch as Spencer's face seems to set into one of surprise, his cheeks and neck slowly gaining a red sort of tint to them.

"What do you mean?" he questions, and your mouth parts just slightly. And you think the same way he's been gentle with you is the exact same way you need to be gentle with him, so you pivot, head shaking from side to side.

"Nothing." you say firmly. "Forget about it." you say quietly, and then you're looking back at your paperwork. Spencer, embarrassed finds himself fiddling with his fingers, trying to scold his heartbeat back into submission. It suddenly felt way too cramped sitting at your desk.

"You should go after work." he says, and your eyes snap back to him. "Talk to Hotch after work, I mean." he says and your stomach feels a bit tight. "I think it'll be best." he proceeds, and you frown.

"You do?" you question, and you try not to sound despondent.

"Y-Yeah, I do." he agrees despite his stutter. "Things like this don't go away on their own, you know?" and you chew on the inside of your lip, and feel that gloom cloud from earlier making its way back.

"I thought we were supposed to be hanging out today, Spencer." you start and he blinks owlishly, long lashes nearly caressing the tops of his cheekbones.

"We could always raincheck." he says, and you stare at him just a bit blankly. "It's not like it was a date or anything. They were just plans..." he adds, and your teeth chomp down on your bottom lip. He doesn't really know how to read the look on your face, but he knows that he feels like he's being noble.

"Just plans." you shrug your shoulders dismissively. "Right." and then you pick up your pen. "Well if that's what you want, I guess it's fine by me." you add, body curling into itself as you position yourself away from him.

"Isn't that what you want?" he questions, and you cut your eyes.

"Do you think I'd be sitting here if it was?" you keep your voice level, but your leg is bouncing. You're not quite sure why, maybe because Spencer was being Spencer. You supposed your comment that made it clear that you knew that he had feelings for you had scared him. Now, he was trying to protect himself, but you weren't so hungry for a relationship that you'd string him along for the sole purpose of getting over Hotch. You would've made this call had you figured it out or not, and you supposed the fact he didn't get that was what sucked. "I'm not that pathetic." you add with a quiet scoff.

"It's not about you being pathetic." he denies. "I don't think that about you., I just know that you're in a vulnerable place. You had real feelings for him, and I think it'd be best for you to get it all off your chest correctly, before you start projecting all those leftover feelings to the first person you can." and he doesn't mean it in the way it sounds. In fact the statistics about rebounds would sound a lot worse, but as usual, he's horrible at communicating exactly what he feels.

You blink. Once, twice, three times.

"I can't believe you just said that to me." you say, and you're abruptly standing up, mostly because you're about to cry like the fucking baby you were. Spencer's certain this is a new record for how quickly things could go left just because he couldn't shut the hell up. What he'd been trying to convey was that after a rejection, it was much easier to mistake platonic feelings for romantic ones. He had been a consistent shoulder for you to lean on since everything went south.

He didn't want you to think that he was being nice to you only because he had feelings for you, and convince yourself that you felt the same all because you refused to fully shut the door with Hotch. But he'd never actually meant to make it seem like you'd be so desperate, and especially not with him. "Y/N, wait. That's not what I meant-" except you're already leaving, taking in the shaky breath that told him he'd stupidly made you cry.

"L/N?" Emily's calling as you pass her, but you don't respond to her either. Instead you're rushing off in the direction of the bathroom, likely to calm yourself down. Emily's eyes are immediately snapping over to Spencer, and her eyebrows are furrowed. He instinctively looks away, internally cursing himself out.

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"Y/N/N?" you're surprised to hear JJ entering the bathroom, and you're hurriedly moving to splash at your face with water to keep it from looking so puffy. Still, JJ was as perceptive as she was pushy, so it's clear she's already put it together that you're crying. "Hey, is everything alright?" she takes on that motherly tone she uses with Henry, and the rest of the team when they're feeling down.

"I'm fine." you insist, and she doesn't look convinced. She takes a tentative step towards you, standing beside the sink you were occupying. "Seriously JJ, please just leave me alone." you partially beg.

"I know you're upset with me, but you're still my friend." she reminds you. "I'm not going to leave you in here when it's clear you're upset." she exclaims. "So you can talk to me or not, but I'm not going anywhere." she deadpans, and you sniffle, rubbing harshly at your cheeks. They're sensitive to the action, blood rushing to your face.

"You're so annoying." you mumble, but there's no bite. It makes JJ snicker, and it's a step in the right direction you're sure.

"It's my job." she retorts with a shrug, and she leans her back against the sink beside you, legs crossing slightly. "Is everything okay?" she tries again, much more gently as you frown. No, everything was not okay. You hadn't actually expected to be sitting here crying over Spencer's remark, but you supposed that the fact he believed you'd ever use him as a rebound had kind of hurt. You supposed it also didn't help that he'd so callously canceled your plans.

You'd actually started to look forward to hanging out with him.

"Do you think I'm desperate?" you question haughtily, and JJ's eyes widen, surprise overtaking her features as she turns to you fully.

"Of course not." she denies firmly, blonde ponytail bobbing with all her intense animation. "What would make you think that?" she pries, and you cut your eyes just slightly.

"You guys could have trusted me with the truth." you counter, and she falls silent. "And even if you couldn't there were so many other ways to keep me from finding out about Emily. Ways that didn't involve making me look like an idiot to the rest of the team." you mumble crossly, and you blink enough that you feel like your lashes are crumpling into your cornea. it forces you to drag a hand over them roughly, rubbing harshly at your eyes until the sensation left.

"That wasn't what we were trying to do." JJ tries, and it doesn't really matter what exactly she was trying to do. What mattered was what had happened. "You know that." she adds, and you think she's trying to appeal to the part of you that knew the type of people she and Hotch were. The ones that had proven their loyalty to the team for years and years. "Is this about Hotch?" she says and you wince because the problem wasn't that simple.

And you didn't understand why everyone seemed to think so.

You weren't some girl that couldn't handle rejection, what bothered you the most was that Hotch and JJ had felt like they couldn't trust you, and it bothered you that Hotch had felt like he had to play along to some stupid fantasy to ensure you'd play your role. And it especially bothered you that you'd mourned your friend Emily and everything you thought you knew about her, and all anyone could focus on was the fact that you liked Hotch and he didn't like you back. As if your entire world stopped all because of it.

"No, it's not about Hotch." you deadpan. "I wish you guys would just stop being so casual about it." you add on as JJ's mouth parts.

"Y/N... it's not really something that you'd ever really been subtle about. Everyone knows." and she's still trying to be gentle, despite the fact that the words still managed to slice at you.

"So that makes what you guys did, okay?" you shoot back. "Is that really the hill you want to die on?" and you're growing crosser. "This isn't about not being liked back by a guy, this is about me believing that the people I spend most of my days with have my back. How are we supposed to be a team when I can't trust you?" you press. "Because you never would have done that to Spence." you add, and JJ blinks, mostly because she doesn't know how to counter that.

"You didn't have to do it to Derek or Rossi or Penelope either." you remind her. "So what was it about me, about this that made your only course of action rubbing salt in a wound that I was doing a damn good job of healing all on my own?"

"I-I don't know." she admits, and you suppose it was an answer.

"Yeah, well I don't know if I have the patience to wait around for you all to figure that out." you mumble.

"What are you saying?" and JJ's blinking a bit more, eyes misty but not quite showing any signs of shed tears.

"I'm saying that before I didn't know if I wanted to stay here anymore. I love my job, but I don't love how it makes me feel now." you say plainly. "When Elle got like that and ignored her gut it got someone shot." you say, and it sounds melodramatic, but it doesn't feel that way at all. JJ gasps, though it's faint. "I just don't want to wait around for that to happen to me." and you inhale sharply, shuddered breath wracking through you as JJ stares at you clearly gobsmacked.

"But-" and she can't quite grasp the words. "You can't just leave." she exclaims, and it sounds like she's pleading. "Look-" and she's starting to sound just a little desperate. "Look we never wanted to hurt you, okay? And-and none of us..." and she stops to make sure she's staring you directly in your eyes. "None of us want to lose you, Y/N." she insists. "I-" and she's shaking her head again. "Please don't do this." and she sounds the same way Spencer did when he said it. Your nose twitches, "We just got the team back together." she mutters.

"JJ, that's not fair." you huff at her, and she's not really trying to be fair. She just doesn't want you to leave.

"I'm so sorry that we hurt you." and while most apologies that start that way are usually rife with deceit, JJ sounds more sincere than she probably ever has before. "And I'm sorry if it feels a little flat, especially with you already having a foot out the door." she sighs, "It wasn't okay, but-but I know how Hotch feels about you. How the entire team feels about you." she reiterates. "We can't do this without you, we can't." she emphasizes sternly. "And maybe that's selfish to bring up, but we all care so much about you." she promises.

You want to cut her off, but she doesn't give you the chance.

Classic JJ.

"Do whatever you need to! Take as much time away as you need, hate us forever if you have to, but please don't- don't walk away from what you do here." she exhales shakily. "And-and for the record, whether it helps or not... we didn't sit around discussing your... feelings for Hotch." she tells you quietly. "It wasn't some master plan that we composed, and-and I don't know... it couldn't have all been fake." she whispers, and you wonder why she's changing her tune, because just last week she was telling you that 'it wasn't real'

"JJ-" you finally manage and she's shaking her head.

"I'm serious." she insists, and your nose crinkles up again.

"Stop." you deadpan. "You're being really mean." you huff, and you begin to click at your nails just slightly. JJ thinks you're a little bit exasperating. Too stubborn for your own good, but she wont push.

"Could you just listen for one second?" she exclaims, and you're pouting as she grows more overwhelmed at it all. "I wouldn't lie to you about this." she insists, and you wonder why she, and Spencer have taken this sort of stance with you. It should make you hopeful, right? Oh, there was some chance that Hotch felt the same way as you. Except you can't be happy about it, because he's not the one that was sitting here telling you this. It was JJ.

What had you told Spencer earlier? 'There's no way to misunderstand when it's spelled out for you, right', and emotionally exhausted or not, you meant it. Which meant you refused to do the work for him. If he couldn't say it, if he couldn't admit it, than it was as if it wasn't true at all. Which is why you exhale, blinking away whatever bleariness tried to keep itself latched to your eyes. "I love you for trying so hard, but I'd rather you didn't." you instruct sternly.

JJ inhales deeply, audibly expelling the breath from her nose. "That's what you're missing, Y/N." she begins, and she reaches out, hand cupping your shoulder. "I'm not trying to do anything. Everything I've said today I meant. You're important, and you're a lot to lose." she admits. "If you're going to leave, leave because you hate the job, do it because you don't feel fulfilled any longer. But don't let this be what makes you throw in the towel, Y/N." she says and you huff again.

You were doing a lot of that today. "We'll make up for it." she begins, and then she sighs. "I'll make up for it, however long it takes." and you think her pivot from sharing the blame to taking it all for herself makes you feel a little less like you were being ganged up on. She was no longer the spokesperson for everyone involved, and was back to just being JJ, your friend JJ. "Please?" she tries again, and it's not like her to beg, which tells you all you need to know about how serious she was.

"We should get back to work." you mumble, and it's not quite the answer she's expecting, but at the very least it was a promise that you both still had until the end of the day at the very least. She doesn't have the strength to fight her smile, arms looping around you in a move that's much too invasive for your still sour mood, but you don't slight her for it. You instead let her hug you, because obviously it meant a lot more to her than you knew. She'd missed you.

"Alright, alright. That's enough." you tease, moving to lightly push the blonde off of you as she exhales.

"Can you blame me? I thought you were gonna hate me forever." she admits honestly, and you crinkle your nose.

"Guess I'm softer than I thought." you reply, and she waves you off at the remark. Still, despite this slight turn in the direction of your relationship with JJ, you still couldn't feel all that settled. But, you know hiding out in the restroom was by no means the best choice. So when JJ moves to leave, you tail her, surprised when on the other side is a nearly pacing Reid.

"Spence?" JJ exclaims in surprise, the tawny haired man turns to you both. He's immediately looking past JJ to take you in. JJ follows hos gaze and whistles under her breath, deciding that her job was done. She offers you a hopeful sort of look before she continues on towards her desk, leaving you and Spencer mostly alone.

"Are you okay?" he asks, and you're subjectively alright, for the moment. You're better than you were, but not as good as you could be. You're not anywhere near where or who you were before, but you suppose after what the team endured there wasn't much that could be done about that last bit. "I'm so sorry." he's exclaiming, and of course, he means it. He always means it. "I didn't mean to-" and he doesn't really know how to articulate all his thoughts correctly.

He's good with words, knows facts and statistics and data, knows what runs through his mind when he thinks about you, and knows what he wants to say. It's when he opens his mouth that things go awry, because despite all his grand attempts, he always manages to screw up when it came to expressing the emotional side of things. His pep talks sometimes fell flat, and a lot of times he missed the mark when it came to cheering someone up. But, he'd never wanted to be a person who hurt you, so he needed to fix it.

Even if it ruined everything forever.

"I wasn't trying to insinuate that you'd-" and he motions between the both of you. "I don't think that you see me as a rebound." he finally vocalizes. "That would mean you'd have to see me in a potentially romantic way." Spencer's voice is as steady as it often was when he was giving a geographical profile or helping to relay some form of fact or evidence during a case. Which said a lot about his intentions, and how serious he was about you not misunderstanding him.

"I was merely trying to note that a lot of times in circumstances where we're faced rejection from someone we hold to a high regard, it's really easy to misinterpret our own feelings and latch onto people before we really mean to." he expresses, and your chewing on the inside of your cheek, albeit subtly. "For example, because you've established me as someone who you can trust during this time, it'd be really easy for you to misinterpret what you think you feel for me." he says, and your eyebrows furrow inwardly.

"How could I possibly do that? They're my own feelings." you retort.

"Because, the first thing people do after a breakup, is they seek validation, or a new way to boost their esteem and self worth." he doesn't quite lecture, but it's clear he's intent on your knowing all of this. "And that doesn't necessarily mean that you're vying for me as a potential person to bounce back with, but a lot of times when you don't process the end of a previous emotional bond, your view of the entire new dynamic can be warped." he proceeds, and you're still not really understanding his point, instead you're feeling more silly.

"What are you saying, Spencer?" you question quietly.

"All I'm trying to explain is that I don't want you to tell me that you want to go out and listen to me promenade facts unless it's what you really want to do." he says, "I don't want you to feel like you're obligated to play along, because you think we're in the same boat... where we- we love someone that we can't have?" he presses, and he winces once it's out, you think you may have started holding your breath. "Does that make sense to you?"

You nod your head limply, and you take in his words. You find that your little hunch about your dear Spencer was correct. You also note that it doesn't quite scare you the way you'd initially believed it would. "Spence, I wouldn't do that to you." you remind him, and he nods too.

"I know that." he promises. "At least not consciously, but our minds can play tricks on us. You could think that this is what's best, moving on... forgetting about- about everything that happened." he presses, and your lips form into a thin line. "And then wake up in three weeks and remember why you fell in love with Hotch to begin with."

"Or-" and his eyes widen.

"Or?"

"Or...I could choose to stop waiting around for someone to not be afraid to love me." you counter. "I could- I could choose to hang out with my friend, Spencer and be okay with whatever happens after that. I could- We could do that. And it could be okay." you purse your lips. "Because, it's what I want to do. Nobody's entitled to my feelings but me, and you know what that means, Spencer? It means that if you think that you might love me, you need to be okay with that." he looks a bit startled that you're saying it so bluntly, but stays quiet.

"And you need to know that sometimes your statistics are gonna be wrong, and sometimes the guy that's too scared to admit how they feel doesn't get the girl." it's a shock, you can't say that you've fallen out of love in a day, you can't say that you've fallen in love in a day. But you do know that Spencer Reid managed to invoke a hope inside of you that you hadn't managed to feel in a long time. He made you girlishly giddy, and you liked talking to him, you liked listening to him, you liked the way it felt when you'd made plans together.

And maybe there was no such thing as a happily ever after where everyone gets who they want, maybe in three weeks you would wake up and find that you and Spencer were better off as friends, but you weren't going to hold up your life in the hopes that maybe someday Aaron Hotchner would wake up and decide he was finally ready to love you out loud. Not when there was a chance to take your own life, your own emotions by the balls and do with them what you wanted.

"He doesn't?" Spencer asks, and you're not quite sure you can place what emotions are resting on his face and in his eyes.

"We can find out." you offer, and it's not some heady and heavy declaration of unyielding devotion, but wasn't that sort of how every relationship started? With some decision to take a chance. Maybe, you didn't really know. "There's this music store I've been dying to check out." you say, and for the second time that day Spencer seems to brighten right in front of your eyes. "It's sort of right on the strip, if you don't mind going with me... there's a lot we could do…" and the small change is almost everything. It's scary, causes a pit in your gut.

Still, it's a nicer feeling than uncertainty and the hollowness left behind by idleness. "Are you in?" you ask, and Spencer is already nodding his head, smile reaching his eyes as his pretty teeth reveal themselves to you, eyes twinkling in a way that's very very beautiful.

"Yes." he agrees with a simple nod. "I would-" and you think it's cute the way his smile refuses to leave, and sweet the way he's suddenly grown nervous all over again. "I'd like that-" and his voice cracks, and earns him a laugh, your own demeanor seeming to change as your excitement starts to brew in the depths of your chest.

"Good." you beam.

"Good." he repeats, and there's a small moment, a flicker where you're certain you both look nervous, frightful of what came next. But it only lasts a second, because you're both suddenly being called by Derek, a resounding 'Pretty Boy, Pretty Girl' forcing you out of your bubble and back into the fray. With another shared smile you find yourselves in step, making your way back towards the heart of the bullpen where the rest of the team is huddled. It's rare when work is so light, but you know as well as everyone else, you'll all take advantage of it.

When Penelope smiles at you, you smile back, and it's real.

When JJ plants herself on top of your desk, the two of you actually laugh, spilling secrets and trading gossip like nothing's ever changed.

When Rossi calls you Piccola, you relax even more into the familiarity of being surrounded by your teammates.

When Derek slings an arm around your shoulder and plants a kiss to the top of your head, you remember why you loved your job.

When Emily calls your name and waves you and JJ over to the group, you oblige, meeting Emily's eyes with no mirth left behind. When she calls you by your nickname, you feel that familiar swarm of familial adoration filling your chest, and recognize that things with her would be okay. You find that in the grand scheme she is still your Emily.

When you find yourself standing next to your boss, his usually stern and stoic persona shed in the presence of the team he considered family, you hardly bat an eye. When he smiles at a joke you make, you're pleased, but the anxiety, the panic that tormented you is all gone. The butterflies are too, replaced with the respect you remember.

And when you find yourself looking across the circle and meet the pretty brown eyes of one Spencer Reid, you feel it when your heart tremors, just a little bit.

And you think, in the end, you made the right decision.

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 10 hours

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WIBTA for continuing to try and reach out to my half-sibling, even though my mom "doesn't like it"?

So, I (20F) haven't known my dad, as he left when I was too young to remember it and then he died. I don't actually know much about him, or any relatives I have on that side (as my mom won't tell me much), but I know a few names, and specifically those of my half-siblings. One, who I'm calling S, is apparently my sister. I've known about her my whole life, and have wanted to contact her in some way also for a very long time. Well, I found S on Facebook when I decided I wanted to try and find anybody the other week, and have attempted reaching out. It's gone well so far, she's been really nice, but I haven't brought up the related part because I just don't know how. I tried to look up how to go about this, and most things I find just say to "not get your hopes up" and to "ask a relative for help", so... I asked my mom if she had any idea how I should go about that, since I don't know, and she's generally better at talking with people than I am.

My mom instead blew up at me, and told me that she doesn't like that I'm trying to reach out to S, doesn't like that I want to know anything about my dad, doesn't want me doing this, doesn't like me doing this, and that "not everything is about you you're not the only one who was affected by that". When I tried to ask for a reason why she doesn't want me to, all she had to say was that "it's not fair S had a dad and you didn't", and "they never helped or reached out to me even though they knew about you". (Though, I'm unsure how unbiased this statement might be, since she's always had a tendency to blame everyone close to people who have upset her for the one persons actions)

I haven't brought it up, but quite honestly I want to keep talking to S and try to bring it up anyways, but now I'm worried I'll be an asshole for it.

On one hand, I'm an adult and I think I deserve to try at least, and I think my mom's reasons shouldn't be impacting my choices (yeah it's unfair I didn't have a dad, but that's his fault not S's? and yeah no one helped her or anything before, but why does that mean I can't even try to reach out?), but on the other... Obviously this upsets her, and I think me wanting this has crossed some sort of line with her or something?

So... I guess, what do you people out here think? Would I be an asshole if I just ignored my mom and did it anyways?? Because I'm not sure anymore... (and apologies if this is "above tumblr's paygrade" or anything)

#aita #am i the asshole

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starry-bi-sky · 8 hours

Text

"Stillborn? No, no, still born." -- DPXDC AU

Based off a comment I saw where Bruce knew about Talia's pregnancy in the earlier comivs, and was ecstatic to be a father. So much so that Talia feared he'd give up being Batman for it, so when she gave birth she put the baby (Damian) on a doorstep and (seemingly) told Bruce that the baby was stillborn.

Instead of Damian, that baby was Danny! Meet Daniel Brown, the 14 year old foster kid whose been living with the Fenton family for the last two years. He's about two years older than Damian.

His last name, "Brown", was a generic surname given to him because the note he came with didn't have one on it. It just had the name "Danyal" on it, but albeit 'Daniel' was the one that had been put into the system for, I'll be totally frank here, racism reasons.

(I looked it up to make sure, and it's generally not permissible for foster parents to change the names of their foster kids even if it's a permanent residency, and for that reason Danny doesn't have the last name "Fenton".)

Danny's got ✨~issues!~✨ He's been through a handful of homes growing up, most of them terrible for a variety of reasons. Which has, as a result, left lasting scars. He's generally a very sweet kid, just very distrustful and jumpy. He's got the signs of a kid suffering from PTSD, and a handful of other issues including attachment and insomnia. His inferiority complex could rival Damian's, and that's going to make for an interesting mutual hatred for when they finally meet.

(something I'll get into later)

He still has the blanket he was found in. It's made of a very high quality material and is a beautiful emerald green with little golden thread accents, it's high quality as a result has Danny clinging onto a desperate hope that his bio family might be out there, and the only reason they gave him up was because of some outside factor. It's been taken a few times in old foster homes, and he's flipped out each time.

While he still calls Jack and Maddie by their names, he likes them well enough. The bar isn't that high though, and while they're some of the better foster parents he's had, "better" doesn't equal "safest". Their laboratory malpractice. Basically, C- Fenton Parents. They're negligent by virtue of being engrossed in their work, but they do care equally about Jazz and Danny. So he doesn't hold it against them that much.

He kinda prefers it that way, their loud affection is overwhelming and Danny doesn't know what to do with their attention, even if he craves it. It's a bit of a complicated situation.

They took in Danny because they genuinely wanted another child, but didn't want a big age gap between them and Jazz. It was actually Jack's idea to foster, and they discussed it with Jazz beforehand. She was all for the idea. Thus, a handful of weeks later, a ton of paperwork, and inspection later, and Daniel Brown entered their household with a trash bag in one hand and eyes like shards of stained glass.

His relationship with Jazz is kinda strained, but that's by virtue of her constant psychoanalyzing and helicoptering. Like with the parents, Danny's overwhelmed by the attention and also just, straight up doesn't like the fact that she's telling him that there's something wrong with him. He knows that, thank you. He pushes her away when she does this.

Other than that though? When Jazz isn't smothering him and is acting like an actual sibling and not a third parent, they're pretty close, and Danny really likes her. They've hung out a few times on their own volition, and Jazz showed him how to take better care of his long hair.

His school situation,, pretty similar to canon with the bullying, albeit with a few more instances of him blowing a fuse and lashing out against his attackers. He's a rather angry kid, but it's quiet. It builds up, piles on top of itself, until eventually, like a volcano, it erupts and burns everyone within radius.

Danny's got a fire core, not an ice core. Phantom's hair is made of white magma; thick and heavy, setting itself on fire when his anger runs hot. When he gets angry, his skin begins to char and split open to reveal pulsating lava underneath, and he crackles and pops like a raging forest fire.

I haven't decided yet on how he meets the batfam -- i've got two ideas but they're both in opposition to each other, and drastically alter how the rest of the plot goes. But I do know that him and Damian hate each other in the beginning. And it has nothing to do with inheritance or "being the blood son" -- although their blood relation absolutely plays the major role in their disdain for each other.

Simply put, they're jealous of each other for the same thing: thinking that the other was wanted.

Damian hates Danny because, unlike Damian, Bruce knew about Danny since conception and wanted him from the moment he heard about him. He had a whole nursery set up, and still does. He never took it down -- just locked the door. Damian was thrust upon Bruce without warning, and he feels like he forced himself into the family. And while on some level Damian knows and understands that Bruce wants him and loves him as much as his other children, that doubt and feeling of inferiority still remains. He looks at Danny and sees him with what Damian always feels he needs reaffirmed.

Meanwhile, Danny hates Damian because he looks at him and sees him with everything Danny's ever wanted. He hates him because Damian grew up knowing both of their parents, with one of them for most of his life, and then moved over to the other. There was never a moment where Damian was (seemingly) left to doubt his place within the family. Damian was raised with the very same woman who left Danny on a doorstep, with no clue to his identity beyond a little green blanket and a note with only a first name. Damian was wanted everywhere, and Danny was wanted nowhere. Damian is Danny's replacement in his eyes.

(It's the little revelation that Damian grew up with their mother that elevates Danny from being quietly envious of Damian to downright despising him. What did Damian do, that Danny didn't? He could live with Damian living with Bruce -- Bruce didn't know Danny was even alive. But him living with their mom? Are you fucking kidding him?)

Damian never outright attacks Danny physically, but it's not like he hides that he didn't like Danny. Meanwhile, Danny, in all his repressive anger, quietly despised him from a distance until finally one wrong snide side-comment has him blowing up and it becomes a screaming match. They're both just enough similar to each other that when they look at each other they really just see a mirror.

They'll work it out together, eventually. But it'll be ugly and cruel and explosive, and they'll start mending the bridge to become brothers in more than just blood relation in the end.

But yeah, stillborn Danny has... a lot going for him.

#dpxdc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc crossover #danyal al ghul au #danyal al ghul #dpxdc prompt #additions. opinions and brainstorming are encouraged!! i'd love to hear what other people's thoughts on this are and brainstorm with them.#the brainstorming is the best part.#stillborn? no still born au #poc danny fenton #stillborn au #long haired danny fenton #danny isn't surprised by the fact that the fentons were greenlit for foster parenting considering some of the foster parents HE'S had #those two ideas differed in who found out about who first. Whether it be Bruce or Danny. bruce finding out about danny first results in #Bruce seeking him out first and being able to explain his side of the story first without misunderstandings. this is the Happy Version #Danny finding out about Bruce first results in him getting an official DNA test done and intentionally seeking him out to introduce himself #except when he finds out about damian's existence his shit self worth results in him jumping to the conclusion that his bio family never #wanted him in the first place. that they weren't looking for him and instead just up and replaced him. This is the Fucking SAD Version #and includes a conversation where Danny looks Batman dead in the eyes and tells him that he was 'daddy dearest's fucking reject'#danny completely unaware that batman = bruce wayne btw. for the extra angst. bruce has to stand there and take it. rip #this poor boy needs antidepressants. therapy. and rehab. probably. i've thought about him having an old addiction that he was recovering #from prior to the fentons. but its not confirmed yet. if i go through with it its either gonna be nicotine or like painkillers. i need to #wait and think about it when i'm not on the angst train. i have a tendency to go overboard when i am. its the endorphin high #Danny calls Damian his 'fucking replacement' and Damian tackles him.#starry makes another angsty au

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vulpixisananimal · 1 day

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Isapays fluff, the Thrilling Sequel.

"We'll be back in a bit Isa!"

"Alright! Take care!"

(With that, Nille and Bonnie headed off to the farm down the road for some fresh food. That was the nice thing about this little temporary cabin, it was close to everywhere in the little town! You could rent it out for a night, stay in, have a nice dinner and explore around, and then move on! For parties like yours, it was perect!)

(Mirabelle was already out meeting the locals, Odile had dissapeared for alone time, naturally, Ramos was exploring around the town, and Siffrin had yet to come out of their room. That was alright, you were happy staying here. You had your own little hobby to work on. And you were working on it right now!)

(You were working on a hat. It was one for Sif, well, Mal du Pays technicaly. You had started making a few for the three of them, the idea was maybe giving them an easier way to see who's who. But that didn't mean they couldn't be practical! You knew the sun hurt Mals eyes, so, right now you were sewing dark cloth to the rim to make a veil.)

(It had been hard to find a good material, one that was light, but could also blot out the sun. Luckily, it wasn't anything a bit of craft stitching couldn't fix. You had tried mimicing the type that Siffrin had on their cloak, but that was way too advanced. But you made do.)

(You continued sewing. It wasn't that far from done, actually. You could probably finish it today or tomorrow. But, don't rush it. Take your time to make sure it was perfect. It was intricate work, but nice. You continued on for a few minutes before pausing and leaning back where you were sitting.)

(You nearly jumped out of your skin when you turned to see Siffrin was there staring at you.)

"O-oh! Good morning!" (You say.)

(They waved softly and walked over. Oh! Not Siffrin, Mal. It was getting easier to tell who's who every day. Mal du Pays didn't talk, rarely showed up, and was stuck with a resting neutral face, to be polite about it.)

(And, well. You two, had, that one time.)

"Everything alright?" (The other thing you'd noticed was that Mal came out usually when something had gone wrong. You'd been told it does come out casually sometimes, but you'd yet to see it, really.)

(It held up crossed fingers. "I'm ok.")

"W-well. . ." (Oh Change, you still didn't know how to talk to it.) "Well you're free to stick around, if you want!"

(It nodded, and sat down next to you.)

(. . . Change, you were fine! Oh you were really fine! Sure, it had sat with you before like this, but, but it had been a few days since, since that encounter you two had. And you, really had no idea what to think about it still!)

(You continue sewing. Was it. . . Hopeful thinking? That it liked you? Well, maybe it did! It did want to kiss you after all. But, but then it needed to pull away. You knew it was probably just too much touch but, but what if it wasn't? You might have done something wrong, or. . .)

(You feel a gentle poke, making you jolt and turn, Mal was looking at you.)

"O-oh! Sorry! What's up?" (you reply, a little nervous.)

(It looked at you for a second, then held two fingers to their chest, then drew a line above their eyes and clasped both hands together. "That's a veil, for me?")

"O-oh! Yeah, it is! I wanted to make you something nice, Loop mentioned the sun bothers you, so. . ."

(It blinks at you, its face impossible to read. It tapped its temple. "Why.")

"Huh? W-well, I don't want you to hurt your eyes so-"

(It shook its head, tapped its temple again, pointed at you, then made a circle motion with both hands. "No, why do you care?")

"H-huh? Why wouldn't I?"

(It just looked at you. Its gaze felt cold, looking into your soul. It was, really terrifying sometimes. But that was ok! You continue,) "I just, wanted to make you something nice, b-because."

(It's still just, looking at you.)

". . . I just, want you to feel comfortable."

(It pauses, then taps their temple again. "Why?")

"B-because, because you deserve to?"

(Another tap.)

"You deserve to because everyone does! Everyone should be able to feel comfortable."

(It pauses, and considers you for a moment. Then tapped its chest. "Me?")

(You nod.) "Yes! you! I know you guys have gone through a lot, so-"

(It waves a hand, cutting you off. Tapping its chest and wiggling an open palm, then splayed it open. "I can't relax.")

(Huh?) "Why not? You're not in danger right now or anything."

(It's staring at you, you think you see its eye twitch. It turns away from you.)

"Mal. . .?" (You wait for a moment, trying to give it space, but, you're worried. Did you say something wrong? After a minute you lean over to try and see if it's ok.)

(It's. . . Crying.)

"Are you, are you sure you're ok?"

(No response, it's not looking at you, its breathing is getting heavier. You try and very gently offer a hand out.)

(It slaps your hand away and-)

"&$*#%^###$"

(You wince. Ow! It, it talked? R-right, that's why it didn't talk. Island language. You look away and hold your head, Ow ow ow. . .)

(It slapped your hand away.)

(You're looking down at the veil your sewing as you hold your head. It slaped your hand away. Did, did it not want you around? O-or, or did you just take it by surprise? O-or maybe even. . .)

(You feel a touch on your shoulder. A hand. You turn around.)

(Mal has its hand on your shoulder. It's crying, and shaking a lot; its face that was always neutral is showing cracks. It holds up a fist over its heart. "Sorry.")

(. . .You place your hand over Mals.) "I-its, it's alright."

(It shook its head, and looked away. Finally, it tapped its chest, and made a grabbing fist. "Can I trust you?")

"I- O-of course you can!"

(It glared at you.)

"Promise! I promise!! I haven't given away our secret right? Even if some people are relentless about it."

(It stares at you for a long time, as if considering something. It drew a horizontal line, then made a motion like breaking a stick. "Do not break it.")

"I promise, I really do, alright?" (You smile at Mal.) "I, I don't want to hurt you, okay? I promise, from the bottom of my heart."

(Mal looks you up and down. Takes a moment, breathing in, and out. It patted its chest with an open palm. "I'm scared.")

"Whuh?" (Mal? Afraid?) "W-what of? Did someone-"

(It shook its head, it held up a hand, paused, then continued. It patted its chest again, and then made a hand motion from you to it.)

("I'm scared of falling in love with you.")

(Your eyes widen and your breathing quickens. What?!? could that mean??? What could that possibly mean?!?)

"Y-you're. . ."

(It nodded, it was shaking.)

(You were, so, so confused. A-and, worried, and. . .) ". . . Do you, want, to talk about it?"

(It took a minute to reply, taking it's other hand back, it shakily took a hand and tapped its chest, drawing a line, then made a slashing motion. "I don't want to be hurt.")

"You're. . . Worried about me hurting you?" (Why would you hurt it?)

(It placed a cupped hand over the other, open palms moving away. It pauses, then pats its chest, and makes a slashing motion. "I protect Sleepwalker, I'm scared I'll fail.")

(Sleepwalker? Oh Right! That was Siffrin! It was hard to do full names in sign language so, nicknames. It was scared it couldn't protect Siffrin if it. . . Oh.)

(It raises it's hand, stops, unsure what to say. It looks away, shaking even harder.)

". . . Mal?"

(It looks at you.)

"You're, you're scared that, i-if, you and me are, a-a, a thing, then. . ."

(It nods.)

(It wants to protect Siffrin, more than anything. That's, that's what it is after all, right? A protector? Someone who takes care of the body, the host, Siffrin. It's done that job so well, so. . . Personal. It's, it's surpressing everything including you, but.)

(But that's something you can both agree on!)

"Let me help you then!!" (You lean in close.) "I-I, I want to make sure Sif's safe too! I want him to be happy a-and, and not to have to worry about these loops or memories, or anything! So, so. . ."

(It's looking at you, bewilderment having broken through that mask of neutrality. It opens its mouth, and closes it.)

". . . Please."

(It's looking at you, its face, it's, hard to describe. It does so well at hiding it's emotions, even though it's mask is cracking more and more with each word you say. Eventually, it gently claps its hands and holds a palm to you. "Promise?")

(You take its hand and hold it close.) "I promise! I-I promise with all my life! A-and. . ." (Oh Change come on Isabeau, no, don't freeze up now, just say it!)

(Say it! Say it!!)

"A-and, and I'll protect you too!! B-because I love you!!"

(It's shocked, you're shocked too, honestly. You didn't think you'd have, have the courage to, t-to just say that! Here! Now! But now your words are falling effortlessly out of our mouth.)

"I-I've, I've been thinking about when we kissed every day and! A-and about all you went through in Jouvente, a-and! And I don't want you to think you're alone in this!! One of the first things I learned as a Defender was to find someone to have your back. To find someone you can trust a-and-" (Oh Change, you had butterflies in your stomach.)

(You continue.) "I-I want to be that person for you! I want you to, t-to be able to feel safe! Like you don't need to fight the world on your own!! Because, b-because I trust you! And I love you! And I'll always be there to fight the world right by your side!!"

(That. . . That was a lot wow, ok. How long have you been holding all THAT in, Isabeau? You take a second to catch your breath.) "I-I, I know, that, that was a lot, but-"

(It shuts you up with a kiss.)

(. . . . . You, you just forgot everything you were about to say. I-it, it's kisisng you, it, it's kissing you and isn't moving away quite y-yet a and that's MORE than fine by you t-that's, that's, oh you're gonna just die here and now!)

(You put an arm gently on it's side, it flinches, but doesn't move. It puts a hand to your chest, it's cold, but that's ok. Oh, oh you feel so hot, you're deffinatly blushing! Eventually, it moves away, it's mouth hanging open a little, showing more emotion than it ever has before. It pats its chest with a fist. "Sorry.")

(It takes you a moment to register it, you were extremely flustered and still catching up.) "I- n-no! N-nono no need for sorry I, was, surprised, b-but a good surprised like! Like a surprise gift, o-or a-"

(It kisses you again!)

(This time for much shorter but! B-but it still, kissed you! again!! When it moved back again you squeaked out a reply.) "O-okgotitmessagerecieved."

(It smiled at you. Actually smiled. This, this was a first! You were trying really hard not to, well, loose it just a little bit! With one hand, it made a rising gesture from its chest towards you. "I love you.")

"I love you, too." (You say effortlessly.)

(It looks at you, and tilts its head, considering somthing . . . It made a grabbing fist, then tapped itself. "Trust me?")

(You nod enthusiastically.) "Of course trust you!"

(Mal breathes in, and out. It pauses for a minute, then grabs your hand, and lays it out flat, palm up. It does the same with it's own palm.)

(With its other hand, it draws its dagger, and places the sharp edge against its own palm. It looks up to you, for. . . Confirmation? What was it doing?)

(You nod. Mal cuts open its palm, it doesnt flinch, there's blood. It moves the dagger to your hand where it hesitates for longer before cutting your hand open as well. You wince, ouch. Looking up at Mals face, it looked a bit sad that it hurt you. You smile at it, that makes it feel better.)

(You look down to you and Mals wounded hands, an elaborate ritual that Mal Du Pays would want to share with you? Was, was it a wish? If it was, should you just follow Mals example? Should you wish for something?)

(You do, don't you. And you knew what it would be. The same thing you wished for back in Dormont. You wished that Siffrin, Mal, and everyone else who was sharing that head would be okay. That's what you wanted.)

(Mal Du Pays held it's hand up, bloody palm facing you. You do the same back, it nods in approval. A moment, later, your hands are entwined, it stings, but that's ok. Mal closed it's eyes, you do the same. This was where you wished, righ?)

(It was. You could feel it.)

(You wish that they're ok, you wish that they're ok, you wish that they're ok. . .)

(It's. What. You. Want.)

(. . . It, it must really trust you. You knew it was protective of it's memories and wishes. After all, it keep nearly destroying countries.)

(Your hand still stings from the cut, that's ok. You feel a tap on your arm and open your eyes, Mal's smiling at you.)

"Y-you ok?" (It nods, almost enthusiastically.) "h-ha, that was, u-uh-, that was a wish, right?"

(It nods, clapping it's hands and putting a palm to you, then with it's thumbs and index fingers makes a star. "A promise Wish.")

"O-oh!" (You blush a bit more, looking to the side.) "I-I, I won't break it. Promise."

(It reaches you out to you, and gently turns your head back to it. It's smiling, and leans in close. Your heart, you can feel it beat out of your chest. It's. . . It looks so beautiful. You lean in close and-)

(You hear a click from the front door.)

(You blink and Mal was standing a few steps away, face back to its usual neutrality. After your brain catches up to you, you frantically start work on the veil again as the door opens.)

"I'm home!!" (It was Mirabelle.)

"M-Mira! Welcome back!" (You say in your most convincing voice.)

"Hi Isabeau!" (Mirabelle walked into the room.) "Did the siblings go out- oh! Mourning sif."

(Mal waved a hello, then turned and left. Change, it was such a better actor than you.)

"O-oh, sorry, I-I meant-"

"I-its alright, Mira." (You smile, trying to stay normal.) "We're just, all getting used to it!"

"I-I know, just- AAH!!" (Mirabelle rushes over to you.) "Y-your hand!! What happened!!!"

"Wh-" (You look down, CRAB!!! You forgot the cut!! Uh, u-uh-) "O-oh! Oh it's nothing! I-I just cut myself sewing, it's no big deal!"

"Don't be silly! Here, let me see." (She put a hand over yours, and with a bit of healing craft the cut closes. You open and close your hand a few times.) "How is the veil coming along?"

"Well. . ." (Your hand tingles a bit. What a morning is been. . . You and Mal are, well, a thing now! A-and, you made a wish together! Even if, you didn't know what it wished for.)

(You breathe in, and out.) "It's, it's going well! Very, very well."

#I BRING YOU.... ISAPAYS YAOI... 2!!!!!#HEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEH #they're so gay your honor #isat #art #in stars and time #isat art #isat spoilers #isat fanart #siffrin system au #sifstem #isat au #isat mal du pays #isat isabeau #isat isapays #isapays #isat fanfic

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thewertsearch · 2 days

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AA: the entry point for any bubble is always a memory AA: either a memory of the dead AA: or a memory of the living dreamer come to visit!

Doomed Dave never saw his brother’s corpse, so this must the memory of a 'living dreamer' - presumably, Dave Prime. His dream self is alive, so he can't visit a bubble in person, but it seems like his memories are still accessible.

... actually, this could also be Bro's memory. He's a child of Sburb, just like the Players, so his ghost might qualify for bubble preservation.

TG: i dont remember this AA: thats because it isnt your memory AA: this is alpha dave

Maybe this does still count as Doomed Dave’s bubble. Even though he didn't experience this memory, it's still a memory of a Dave. Perhaps ghosts can recall their other lives, Everything, Everywhere, All at Once style.

In any case, it looks like Doomed Dave can spectate on the session after his death. He still has an opportunity to help his friends, by collaborating with other ghosts and relaying intel to the living.

TG: is TG: bro dead there […] AA: […] yes your guardian did die […] TG: dammit TG: what did i do wrong [..] AA: nothing AA: all is well and as it should be

From whose perspective, Aradia? Because I don't think either Dave is having a good time in this situation.

Maybe she's just clarifying that this event is part of the Alpha Timeline. I guess that technically means things are 'as they should be', but all is definitely not well.

TG: whats he doing TG: alpha me AA: what would you be doing there if you were him […] AA: would you be upset TG: yeah TG: sorta

Dave’s clearly not sure if he would mourn Bro. That single 'sorta' reveals a whole lot more about their relationship than he probably intended.

AA: then maybe what you are doing is grieving AA: in whatever way that comes naturally to you […] AA: i could not for a long time AA: but now that i can again im so relieved AA: because i have discovered there is no reason to grieve!

Aradia's completely ecstatic, and I think I understand why.

Her depression was always tied directly to her fatalism. Aradia was a feather in the gale of Paradox Space, powerless to prevent the deaths of the people she loved. All she could do was watch fate do its work.

Now, though, she's seen the afterlife. She's discovered that even deaths sanctioned by the Alpha aren’t absolute - that everyone she knew was doomed is still here. There was no reason to grieve, because her loved ones were never really gone.

Aradia's first emotion upon regaining a body was joy, closely followed by overwhelming relief. It's the least she deserves.

#homestuck liveblog #full liveblog #act 5.2 #s129 #3489 #tldr: feferi for MVP

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winters-rose-daughterofcain · 15 hours

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I've been trying to phrase things eloquently and I really can't so here you go. Part two really felt like it was trying have its cake and eat it as well in a lot of ways, and it really didn't work.

You give Cressida a whole redemption arc and friendship and put her in an impossible situation and humanise and make you sympathise with her, then want me to hate her again?

You show how Pen uses LW as a coping mechanism and how it's not good for her or those around her and not have her drop it?

You want LW revealed to the ton but no real consequences?

You double down on how Pens family treat her only to have them all come together and be forgiven at the end?

You sideline Colin in his own damn season and butcher Penelope so badly I almost wanted less of her as well?

You can't have everything. Not in such a short time span at least, and it really suffer from it. If you wanted to give Cressida more depth and expend on her role why was she tossed away like nothing at the end? Why did Eloise abandon her? Why was she treated as awful in part two after being put in an actual horror show of a situation? I know they needed the blackmail plot but you can't just give her depth, make her the antagonist and then drop her storyline in the drain that's not how that works. That's not complexity that's laziness, and laziness they created mind you.

They didn't have to write Cressida the way they did this season, if they wanted to make it easy they could have had her marry off screen between seasons to a rich man, they could have had Eloise befriending her be a mistake and had a different arc there, they could have had her LW claim be for any number of reasons, and her blackmail because she still has it out for Penelope. They added this to the story, and as much as I was sceptical at first (I have seen far too many botched bully redemptions) I was glad they did it aded a lot of depth and character interaction, it created some interesting parallels between Cressida and Penelope and seeing Eloise in a different, less intimate friendship with someone who, ironically, is a lot more open with her was interesting. Incomplete, but interesting. It was good, or it could have been. But you can't just turn like that and have it still work. You can't just have Eloise abandon her and have it treated as the right thing to do. You can't leave her with that ending and consider it a happy one. You can't have your cake and eat it too. You didn't create a complex antagonist, you created a scared lost girl who was cruel because she was taught to be and you left her to burn.

You could have had Penelope and Cressida talk to each other, could have explored the ways the mirror and the ways they differ. You could have had Penelope struggle, but untimely empathise with Cressida and help her out, she could have forgiven her for her years of torment because she of all people understands why she did it. You could have had her forgiveness mirror Colin and Eloise forgiving her for LW. You could have looked at how Cressida's openness helped her friendship with Eloise and how Penelope might start to incorporate it. About how by nature of Cressida's openness Eloise is learning to see other perspectives and listen more even if she still has work. You could have done so much with female friendship and camaraderie and empathy and you just... didn't.

The Lady Whistledown this season was just... I think I have a thesis which is most of my thoughts on Polin.

Whistledown was meant to be the subplot to the Polin storyline, not the other way around.

Putting aside my own wishes to have her end Whistledown for her character and for her and Colins relationship, and her love of Colin, her continuing it isn't unexpected I was afraid of this and thought it might happen even if it's lazy. If that was it and if it was handled better I think I could begrudgingly live with it. But it's not. Not only was it handled so so poorly it was the whole second part and for what? Part one was Polin. Part two was Lady Whistledown drama with some cute Polin moments sprinkled in-between with some mandatory angst. Tell me the resolution to Colins arc now. Quickly. You can't he didn't have one, we barley even saw him through Episode seven and eight. There is so much romance in your purpose being the person you love, IF and only IF, it's reciprocal. Penelope literally says in season two, when she has been Whistledown for over a bloody year that she hasn't found her purpose yet. They were meant to find each other. To both have their writing as their passion and creativity and fulfilment, not Whistledown, but her manuscripts, his stories from around the word their joint and secret words. But their centre, their purpose, their guiding light was always meant to be each other. It's what kept Penelope sitting at that window, it's what draw Colin to her at every ball. They had all the potential and set up to be the most beautiful, genuine, heartfelt relationship. But no.

Colin deserved to be angry. The woman he loves has lied, has hurt him, has his from him after all the times he was venerable with her and so, so much more. They deserved to argue. Penelope deserved to be more upset over this than crying in the moment and walking past him later. That's the man she loves, who she thinks hates her, who she know if he did hate her she would deserve it and she wouldn't blame him for a second. They deserved time and space and Colin deserved explanations and apologies. They deserved a later, happier wedding, they both deserved to have their feelings heard and said and listened too. Is that not the core of their relationship? Listening to and seeing each other? Would that not lay the groundwork for some really good well earned conflict and a really rewording resolution? The groundwork was all there that's what's killing me. The set up was all there for something so good which is why I was excited. I know screen time is limited, I know there is only so many emotional conversations you can have on screen, but Bridgerton primarily just people talking on conversations, when it's there bloody season surely they can space out the conversations that need to happen in a way that works with pacing. And to be honest, the screen time defence only works when the screen time that they did have was allocated well. And I'm not taking subplots. Even if I think a few could have been trimmed, the screen time Polin did get was just used so so badly. Colin got dust and that didn't even feel like Penelope had the time, just a mouth piece for the writers.

Rapid fire stuff because I need to expand on the above in more detail later lol.

The acting was flawless give everyone on that set their flowers.

I really like the Mondrich's and seem to be the only one who likes seeing them lol, their sweet and always a good time they just need a better storyline, or you know, one that actually has a resolution.

Not what I would have done for Benedict and I still want to see him look at art again but let's hope season 4 is better lol.

Don't like the way Penelope's family stuff was done, specifically Portia but it is what I thought would happen. Disappointed but not surprised. I'm biased tho so I won't speak on it too much. I lose too much objectivity.

Hate hate hate the baby thing tho, it was fine as a subplot with her sisters but her having the boy was predictable and also dear god the girls nineteen for fucks sake. No. Hated that.

Francesca the absolute love of my life. I adore her and John, I liked the conflicted with Violet, loved everything about her storyline this season she was perfect, my favourite part honestly lol. Also Michaela Stirling get behind me NOW. Sapphic Bridgerton fans truly are the bravest soldiers cause istg. Also I don't trust this fandom with any actor or actresses period but especially not a Black actress who's "ruining" your favourite storyline. So I will be greatly enjoying everything I see of all three of them Francesca John and Michaela, while watching with a sharp eye for any bullshit.

Kate, also the love of my life it was so lovely to have her back even if just for a bit. Wish they did more with Anthony especially him and Colin tho, but again, wasn't expecting much more. I do wish they would write them out with a bit more subtly tho it's getting almost funny how obvious it is.

The Violet, Marcus, Lady Danbury plot I didn't actually mind. Could have been trimmed a bit but it was good seeing the adults in more depth, I haven't watched queen Charlotte tho so I kinda feel like I missed some things.

Overall, I liked certain parts of this season I really did, especially if I fully ignore the context, and I'm happy for everyone who enjoyed it truly, but it was have an entirely different ending in my head. I'll definitely write about at some point but who knows if anyone wants to see that lol.

#bridgerton s3 #bridgerton #bridgeton spoilers #penelope featherington #colin bridgerton #eloise bridgerton #cressida cowper #francesca bridgerton #john stirling #michaela stirling #polin #lady whistledown #part 2 #more disappointed than anything even if I'm not all together surprised #oh well #all that's to be done is bitch and complain while writing fix it fics I won't publish and looking forward to the future #they just...deserved better #I knew the attempt to simplify Pen in order to glorify her for the masses would have consequences #knew the sidelining of Colin and the rampant loss of comprehension and compassion for him would come back to bite #Penelope my darling Colin my love this isn't you.#all the spinning was cute tho #I wasn't even that attached to the books ffs I found the show first #I'm 100% fine with changes I don't care less just make them well written

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