#(post)Mormon!Cooper

[offender42085]

Post 1427

Mormon communities of the small towns of southern Utah are known for being tight. The inmate's large support network of family and friends, of which approximately 30 of whom were present in the courtroom for the sentencing.

Kyle Black Jessop, Utah inmate 266774, born 2005, incarceration intake November 2024 at age 18, released June 2025 to probation

Possession or use of a firearm by a restricted person, Possession of a controlled substance with intent to distribute

In November 2024, an 18-year-old Kanarraville Utah man who reportedly shot his friend to death during a violent, drug-and-alcohol-fueled confrontation in July 2024 was sentenced to one year in jail followed by three years of probation.

Jessop was arrested the evening of July 17 after investigators responded to a report of a fatal shooting at a residence in Kanarraville that left 33-year-old Jonathan "JB" Brooks of Cedar City dead.

Early the next morning, Jessop was booked into Iron County Jail on weapons and drug charges.

As part of a negotiated plea agreement, Jessop pleaded guilty to two third-degree felonies: one count of possession or use of a firearm by a restricted person and one count of possession of a controlled substance with intent to distribute. Three other counts were dismissed in accordance with the terms of the agreement.

The prosecutor explained why homicide charges were not filed in connection with Brooks’s death.

“Ultimately, the defendant shot and killed his friend, JB. Based on the totality of the circumstances, the state did ultimately decide it could not meet its burden in regard to some type of homicide charge.” “There was evidence which suggested that the decedent (Brooks) experienced some type of mental episode in which he was very violent and threatening, the same type of behavior he had exhibited when he himself was charged a few weeks earlier in another matter that came before the court.”

The prosecutor said there was evidence that the catalyst for both of these violent outbursts were drugs that Brooks used just before each incident and were provided by Jessop. If drugs were not involved, the prosecutor said it's likely the "tragic outcome would not have occurred."

“The defendant acknowledges as much in his PSI (presentencing investigation) statement, which the state appreciated,” he added.

Jessop also was given a chance to address the court.

“Your Honor, I'm not a bad person,” Jessop said. “I have good intentions but I did make several mistakes, which I do sincerely regret. My worst mistake was getting involved with marijuana and alcohol and getting other people involved as well. These substances clouded my judgment and they led me step after step in the wrong direction, eventually leading to a situation that spiraled out of control and cost someone their life.”

Jessop said he spent years believing that marijuana and alcohol were harmless.

"But now I see just how wrong I was. I've had 124 days to think about the impact that they've had on the people around me, and the effect they've played in my life, and exactly how they’ve played a large part in me being here today.”

Jessop also mentioned his large support network of family and friends, approximately 30 of whom were present in the courtroom for the hearing. Some had written letters of support that had been placed on file with the court. Jessop indicated he has a job waiting for him as soon as he gets out of jail. 

Jessop’s defense attorney, also addressed the court, pointing to his client’s lack of criminal history and his cooperation with the police during the investigation.

“I’d like to remind the court that my client has never asked for bail. He's never asked to be released,” Burns said as he asked the court to impose a more lenient seven-month sentence (210 days) with credit for time already served.

“He is committed to substance abuse treatment,” Burns said of his client. “He thinks that is important, and he'd like to start that as soon as possible.”

In lieu of the zero-to-five-year prison terms associated with the third-degree felony charges, the Judge stayed those penalties and instead imposed a term of 360 days in Iron County Jail, with credit given for the four months already served. Jessop will also be eligible for good time, the judge noted.

Upon his release from jail, Jessop was placed on “zero-tolerance” probation for a period of 36 months, to be supervised by Adult Probation and Parole, the Judge ordered.

5u

[phoenixyfriend]

IDK how many of you remember @professorsparklepants's post about the unintended tragedy implied in Avril Lavigne's Sk8er Boy from a while back, but uhhhhhh it's basically Ballerina Farm.

If you've heard the edges of that drama and are curious but don't want to get in too deep, here's the rundown:

I heard about it in two videos:

Tyler Bender has more focus on the ways that an influencer may be specifically presenting herself for the interviewer, and the impact of Mormonism on the choices (Bender is herself a former(?) member of the LDS church, and speaks from that perspective, and has experience in the field of marketing)

Film Cooper, while I often have issues with his videos, does a lot more focus on just how relevant Julliard and the 'first student in decades(?) to get pregnant' are to the story, and clips of how happy she seems to be when dancing on camera

If you'd rather have a summary in text form, here we go:

BallerinaFarms is an influencer considered a big name in the tradwife community. Mormon, eight kids, runs a farm with her husband. She got a lot of press earlier in the year for winning Mrs. America two weeks after giving birth.

As a result, a journalist interviewed her ,and the 'perfect' image that has been presented to the world has been firmly shattered, and that's after a lot of cracks were showing in the socials already.

(Mrs. American is not a typo. It's not a tradwife pageant, to my knowledge, it's just a Miss America for married women.)

Basic timeline/summary of the article...

She got into Julliard. She was on track to be a world famous ballerina.

She did not want to date this man. She turned him down for six months. He snagged a seat next to her on a plane ride from salt lake city to nyc, by making a call, becaus his dad OWNS JET BLUE. They talked a lot on the plane, and then she agreed to date him. Insisted on a year of dating before engagement or marriage.

They get married after three months instead. She gets pregnant pretty quick. First Julliard student to get pregnant in a Very Long Time because generally, if you get into Julliard, ballet is your life. She was also on scholarship. She was That Good. Performed overseas and everything.

So that's her career ambitions down the drain. But it's Fine, Totally Fine, because she's got a baby, and a husband, and he is moving them to South America for a few years.

She has about one baby a year.

They move back to the US to a semi-isolated farm in Utah, not too far from civilization but not all that close, either.

She does not get to have childcare. No nannies. Babysitters are allowed one night per week (date night) and otherwise not at all. She is also homeschooling the eight children.

She did not get to have any painkillers for the kids… except one, which she only mentioned to the reporter when the husband was out of the room, and says that the epidural was amazing.

She still loves ballet. It's the only time in her videos that she seems truly happy.

Her husband really wants to be a cowboy but, again, his dad owns airlines. He's a billionaire trust fund baby.

This was his dream life. She repeatedly Seems To Stop Herself from saying things about how unhappy she is and how it wasn't her plan in life. (Is this calculated to get enough attention that she can get away? To get more clicks on her videos? Actual slips? Unclear.)

There's a notable video where she's filmed opening a birthday present and she keeps talking about tickets to Greece (clearly something she's been dropping hints about enough for her to assume that he got it for her, especially since she's on camera) and it's... an egg apron.

One of her only requests for the farm was that they would renovate a barn into a ballet studio for her. It is, instead, a schoolroom for the children.

She apparently collapses of exhaustion regularly, from having to look after eight children with minimal help, in addition to the content creation, the cooking--they have cleaners, but she does the food herself--running the farm, homeschooling, and being pregnant more often than not.

It's a shitshow and people are rightfully horrified. I'm sure I missed some stuff but it's really sad.

The snippets of video that FilmCooper shows, and the excerpts that both videos have from the article, paint a picture of a REALLY controlling husband even in settings where you'd think the man would at least try to act like he's not evil.

Explains the title on that Film Cooper video.

(You can also see why this made me think of the Prof post.)

[bluebiblemana]

intro post <3

Hi! you can call me Mana. they/them, and I'm an artist. I'm a lesbian and I like listening to music and writing fanfiction in my head, I never actually write it down though so I forget it pretty quickly lol. I'm currently trying to build my hit list for artfight so drop your user and I'll check it out. My user is https://artfight.net/~BlueMana

Some things I like :)

Chappell Roan, Sabrina Carpenter, Billie Eilish, basically all art, School Bus Graveyard, Valorant, Stardew Valley, Animal Crossing, The Legend of Zelda, lemon candy, Chicken pot pie (the best food in the frickin' world if you ask me.) pasta, chocolate, candles, squishmallos.

Stuff I don't like > :(

homophobia, transphobia, racism, sexism, imagine dragons, AI, berries, tropical fruit, cheese, cleaning, dropshippers, J.K. Rowling, mormons, the bible, being sick, raw tomatos, art thieves, rage bate, fake stories to gain sympathy, and gender dyphoria.

Also:

Free Palestine.

Love is Love.

Reproductive care is not debatable, its a human right.

Fuck ICE.

Fuck Nazis.

Fuck Donald Trump, Elon Musk, Ben Shapiro, Matt Walsh, Jordan Peterson, Brett Cooper, Joe Rogan, Andrew Tate, J.D Vance, Charlie Kirk, Stephen Miller, and any other conservative bigots.

lmk if there's anything I missed.

[misscammiedawn]

Likely TMI and could be deleted later but it's designed to be abstract enough that it shouldn't mean anything to people who are not us... For those curious, the memory list mentioned in the previous post.

This list exists as a prompt to help us look up journal entries and not forget the past. We started writing it in late 2000s/early 2010s and in retrospect it may have been related to the whole dissociation thing. We used to post full versions of this on our 2010s era Tumblr but that seems too self-indulgent and invasive now. Plus we've burned too many bridges.

Index (added when going over the list in therapy - it's color coded for ages but the formating didn't transfer to Tumblr)

(<3) - Very happpy memory (CW<3) - Conflicting emotions (CW) - Bad memories (XCW) - Triggering Bad Memory (Violence, Alcohol, Abuse, Abandonment etc) (???) - Forgotten prompt

""Hey! You with the face!"" (<3)

""It’s your life, do what you want."" (CW)

""The girl I want to be""

"...oh Ted =/"

"17 hours in IMAX" (<3)

"18 year old in the kid’s ward"

"18th birthday (or Noodles ‘n Fight Club)"

"19th birthday (or Green hills and autumn skies)" (<3)

"22nd birthday (or hosting for the big party)"

"25 Superman. 1 phone booth"

"30th Birthday with no one to celebrate with"

"35mm disaster"

"35th Birthday - at the end of all things" (CW)

"50p cinema day"

"76 hours without sleep" (CW)

"9/11"

"A Chelsea fan"

"A long way to Tennessee"

"A new Sister"

"A silly boy who likes rockets" (<3)

"A Transition Tale - Doctor’s visit"

"A Transition Tale - Dresses in public"

"A Transition Tale - Electrolysis"

"A Transition Tale - Recap of Thoughts"

"A Webcomic is born"

"Abandoned experiments"

"Accidental Gay Bar date with Sleepy"

"Accidentally getting contest cheater fired"

"ACen Piano"

"ACen with Tsu"

"Adopting Kyon" (<3)

"Adopting Peko Pekoyama" (CW<3)

"Adopting Special Agent Dale Cooper" (<3)

"Adopting Wheatley" - (CW<3) Content warning, Animal Cruelty

"Alas, my Waterloo. The final morning."

"Alex Westley" (XCW)

"Almacon with friends"

"Almost cracked my head open (Scar story)" (XCW) - Important Event

"Alt Right Asshole Demands a Refund"

"Alton Towers"

"AMC Escape Room"

"AMC Trivia and Quiz sheets"

"Amiga CD32"

"AMV Hell at Youma"

"An argument over my name" (CW)

"An argument that ended everything" (XCW)

"Anniversary Date - Beauty & The Beast"

"Anniversary Date - Hamilton"

"Anniversary Date - The Last Ship"

"Anniversary Date - Time Machine Tour" (<3)

"Apology to the Fort O’Neighbors"

"Apple House Photoshoot"

"Archbishop’s Park" - Distorted Memory

"Art in Chicago (breathing song)"

"Art room security breach" (CW)

"Coworker caught by Caputo"

"Ass wands"

"Astrid and Lee"

"Atlanta-to-Nantglyn" (XCW)

"Auditing classes"

"Auntie Linda" (CW)

"Avenue Q"

"Awake at 6am (or playing by sound alone)" - Concerning Implications

"Azizul’s dirty tackle (Scar story)"

"Back to the Future Date"

"Back to the GR18"

"Backyard wedding"

"Badmitton"

"Bailing out PT Cruiser"

"Barbican Dental"

"Basement Subuteo"

"Battle Royale at Prince Charles Theatre"

"Beating the BioLizard"

"Bedlam Park"

"Beer and Bravado" (CW)

"Beguiled 2022 - Brainbound and Daja"

"Beguiled 2022 - I am holding your hand"

"Beguiled 2022 - Miss Dawn’s weakness"

"Beguiled 2022 - Murder Mystery"

"Beguiled 2022 - Puppet and Miss Dawn perv on their girlfriend"

"Beguiled 2022 - Soiree and hairplay"

"Beguiled 2022 - The Final Goodnight (red bead)"

"Beguiled 2022 - The Practice Room"

"Beguiled 2022 - Tigress and Puppet"

"Beguiled 2022 - WELCOME TO MADISON"

"Beguiled 2023 - Dual Inductions "Hello there"

"Beguiled 2023 - Music of the Night"

"Being told I kicked a classmate" (XCW)

"Bench pressing Cammie’s" (CW)

"BV, the upstairs neighbor"

"Betraying my brother" (CW)

"Bicycles and me"

"Black Panther and Broken Promises" (CW)

"Black September" (CW)

"Black smoke bonfire"

"Blanket Gang. Lupin and Eva"

"Bluebeard’s Bride" (CW<3)

"Bomb threat" (CW)

"Bond with a cosmonaut I’ll never meet" (XCW)

"Book of Mormon date"

"Bradwell"

"Brazillian Steakhouse Valentines" (<3)

"Breaking and Entering" (XCW)

"Breaking Bad Party"

"Breaking into The House"

"British Bulldog" (CW)

"Brought home by the police"

"Brunzwick Zone with Steve"

"Building Gundams"

"Bumped to the A grade in Maths"

"Bumped to the A grade in Science"

"Burning in the backyard"

"Buying a Nintendo Wii"

"Caht"

"Call Center Help Desk"

"Calvin College costume department"

"Calvin College magic show"

"Camber Sands"

"Camberwell"

"Camden and Dad’s worst moment" (XCW)

"Camden Dawn (our new name)"

"Camden Market"

"Camden sucks at tabletop (X.X eyes)

"Camden, Secure" (XCW)

"Cammie Pride Month"

"Cammie’s first cup of coffee" (CW)

"Camp Anti-Christmas"

"Canary Wharf" (CW)

"Can’t climb out from DHS"

"Caputo’s Brawl"

"Car Stories - Catbus" (XCW)

"Car Stories - Crispy"

"Car Stories - Libby" (XCW)

"Car Stories - Stormy" (XCW)

"C - The useless therapist"

"C and BV join the table" (CW)

"Character gifts for Christmas"

"Charlie the dog" (CW)

"Charmed 2020" (<3)

"Charmed 2021"

"Charmed 2022"

"Charmed 2023 - Miss Dawn’s Presence Class"

"Charmed 2023 - Vampire Ball"

"Charmed 2023 - Vendors Hall Blind Date"

"Chelsea vs Liverpool 4-2" (XCW)

"Chesington: World of Adventures"

"Chicago ComiCon - A fated reunion"

"Kistune and I"

"Christmas day car problems"

"City of Heroes"

"Final Therapist and the DID Diagnosis"

"Clay Pigeon Shooting"

"Climbing out of depression 2021. Books and assignments" (CW)

"CoD-to-Acen-to-CoD-and-back-again"

"Coffee Shops and Nelson"

"Coffee steak at Capital Grille"

"Collaring Ceremony"

"Coming out at work"

"Coming out to my father" (CW)

"Como Conservatory and Zoo"

"Coping Mechanisms" (XCW)

"Coraline Book Signing"

"Corn Maze at the end of all things"

"Cosplay Club Hibachi"

"Cosplay in London"

"Counterfeit notes and the FBI.

"Cousin wedding"

"Cousin’s house with scafolding" (XCW)

"Craig comes home (Roof/Listening Room/Aesthetic Room/Spa)"

"Critical hit to the weakspot" (XCW)

"Crying behind the door" (XCW)

"Cub Scouts"

"Curtis"

"D&D with the JJ"

"Dad’s apartment: Abandoned" (CW)

"Dad’s apartment: Cammie style" (CW)

"Dad’s apartment: Bro style" (CW)

"Dad’s episode" (XCW)

"Dad’s mental hospital room" (XCW)

"Dad’s post-surgery hospital room" (CW)

"Daja Visit 2022 - "Fuck It" garage kiss"

"Daja Visit 2022 - Cheese Curds and Sleepy’s Visit (2 Silver Crystals)"

"Daja Visit 2022 - Daja’s Lovely Assistant (Apple Crisp)"

"Daja Visit 2022 - Fond Farewells"

"Daja Visit 2022 - Photoshoot (Sword chin lift)"

"Daja Visit 2022 - The Wedding Day (Coyote)"

"Daja Wedding (Ambush Predator)"

"Daja’s SGDQ Suite (2024)"

"Brother’s big party"

"Brother’s Unhinged Death Threat Video"

"Cosplay Queen’s hospital room"

"Danny-Boy. HELLO!?!" (CW) - Early signs of Dissociation?

"Mum’s gay friend's apartment"

"Demoted to Holland"

"Denny’s Hobbit"

"Dick the Terepin"

"Dictionary to the back of the head" (XCW)

"DID Convention 2023 (Dr. Jamie and The Third Person)"

"DIE Tabletop Game"

"Disc Replay"

"Divorce" (XCW)

"Domestic hypnosis"

"Don’t rock the boat" (CW)

"DragonCon VIP Lounge"

"Drama Class"

"RT extended visit"

"RT visit 2 with added JAFAX"

"RT visit"

"Driving back from a Rush concert"

"Earthquake"

"Electrolysis Chapter 2 - Ms. July 23rd"

"Elephant & Castle cinema"

"Elephant and Castle"

"Endgame Party"

"English Eclipse"

"Euro 96" (XCW)

"Diana in America"

"Diana in London"

"Evalc’s RP"

"Everything is Terrible LIVE (The Great Satan)"

"Exit interviews at two theatres at once"

"Expelled from school" (XCW) - Monster Camden

"EZHack!"

"Fang The Sniper Plushie"

"Farewell to Holland (the failed Civil War party)"

"Farewell Wheatley - The Cries of CamDawn" (CW)

"Faust with Jude Law"

"Fe-" (???)

"Feburary 21st"

"FFIX and Vodka" (XCW)

"Final Thanksgiving with Former Family (Screen Violence)"

"Fire Alarm Madness" (CW)

"Firing regrets…" (CW)

"First day as an American"

"First formal attempt at hypnosis"

"First Impressions, BvS" (<3)

"First kiss" (<3)

"First time - Phantom"

"First time seeing Rush" (<3)

"Fishcoteque"

"FL Studio challenge"

"Fleetway comics"

"Fluffy got adopted"

"Flying on Christmas Eve"

"Forbidden Planet"

"Formula 1 ‘97 and Tomb Raider"

"Fort Alone"

"Fort Party and the Police"

"AMC as a winter shelter"

"Freezing down Haunted Hill"

"Frozen CO2 canisters and other theatre disasters"

"Frozen football in the rain" (CW)

"Fuck you, Acrio"

"Fuck Youmacon"

"Fucking Ultra Magnus!"

"Full Service Shop"

"Funnel Cloud"

"Game night with the family"

"GenCon the First"

"GenCon the Second - Ramen and Mangaka"

"GenCon the Third - Featuring Soviet Escape Room"

"GenCon the Third - LARP and Twin Peaks"

"GJ and the cracked skull" (XCW) - Important Therapy Memory - Monster Camden

"Get a job! (the typing test)" (CW)

"Get out of my hotel room you bloody soccer mom"

"Getting into Gundam SEED"

"Getting into Gundam Wing"

"Gift art at the end of all things"

"Gift art"

"Gift for ungrateful parent"

"Giordano’s Surprise"

"Giordano’s, imagiBROS era"

"Girls at a boy’s school"

"Giving up drinking" (XCW)

"Glastonbury"

"GM Academy - Kansas City"

"GM Convention Dallas (Feat. Civil War)"

"GM Convention Florida - Epcot"

"GM Convention Florida - Tranquility"

"GM Convention Florida - Universal"

"GM Convention Hollywood - Disney"

"GM Convention Hollywood - The longest day of my career"

"GM Convention Hollywood - The Studios"

"GM Convention New Orleans - Mardi Gras, Superdome and parades"

"GM Convention New Orleans - Photos and HG’s technicolor dream coat"

"GM Convention New Orleans - With Ex and the Court of Seven Sisters"

"GM Convention San Diego"

"GM Herland"

"GM Inferno"

"Gonzo Filmfest"

"Goodbye K and Step-mum" (XCW)

"GR Escape Room"

"Granddad’s memories of the HMS Indomnitable"

"Grant Morrison kills a con"

"Greenwich picnic"

"GTA Headache" - Dissociation Evidence

"Hanging on the edge of a cliff" (<3)

"Harley Hyenaholic"

"Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince"

"Harry Potter book launch"

"Haven Resort and the Tiger Club"

"Helicopter landings"

"Hellsing cosplay in London"

"Helping set Zelda to rest" (CW)

"Her jobs. (Hostess and tailor)"

"Hiding from the New Years Party" (<3)

"Hiding in the corn fields"

"High Potential Candidates at AMC"

"Hijacked in the cupboard" (XCW)

"HMS Belfast"

"Holy shit, Lunar 2?!?!"

"Horse/Shoe"

"Hot sauce in the eye"

"Howl’s Moving Castle"

"Hurricane Katrina"

"HYPE and Hypnyoga."

"Hypno Movie Night Discord"

"Hypnosis Study - Featuring Velvet"

"I am the answer!"

"ImagiCon - The lake house"

"ImagiCon 2 - The Movie Exchange"

"Imigration Blues (Shittiest Chicago visit)" (CW)

"Immersion roleplay/character stuff"

"Inception"

"Indoor Scavenger Hunt"

"Intimacy, RP and confusion" (CW)

"Iron Man with JJ"

"AMC J and the heartlessness of capitalism"

"Manager suddenly quits" (CW)

"MoFo and Scott Pilgrim in Schaumberg"

"Job hunt (Hackney flavor)"

"Job interview (America scam flavor)"

"Karate in America"

"Karate in England"

"Sleepy and the Orange Kit-Kat"

"Maryland Hospital"

"Sleepy’s Surgery"

"Keep the kettle boiling"

"K’s party"

"Kessleman Kiss"

"Kicked out." (XCW)

"Kids playing with the video camera"

"King Leer, the play I missed"

"Kitty collar" (<3)

"Kyon’s vet visit" (XCW)

"Last moments of Primary school (or 3 Lions)"

"Last moments of Secondary school (or D in IT)"

"Launchpad"

"Lavender Pond" (CW)

"Leaving a sanctuary for a shoebox" (CW)

"Leaving England"

"Leaving GR (Ferry Ride)"

"Leaving Photography Job"

"Leaving my first job" (CW)

"Leicester Square - From Values to Vue"

"Letting Kalamazoo die" (CW)

"LGBT Panel at Southdale Library"

"Life of Pi Press Screening" (CW)

"Tsu's mom invades"

"LJ’s video game collection"

"Lockdown 2 and the eternal boxes" (CW)

"Lodger and the ambulance" (XCW)

"London Expo friends and the least organized birthday party ever"

"LNS"

"Long day out with dad (Amiga CD32 version)" (CW<3)

"Lord of the Rings all-nighter"

"Losing my hobby in GR"

"Lower Marsh"

"Maggie May’s Breakfast"

"Market Trainer Adventures (CB15)

"Market Trainer Adventures (H8)"

"Market Trainer Adventures (L8)"

"Matrix Resurrections" (<3)

"Ma’am!" (<3)

"MCM Expo and Hellsing"

"MCM Expo and Shaolin Soccer"

"Meeting [first trans friend]"

"Meeting Ru"

"Mega Drive in the cupboard" (XCW)

"Meltdowns at Oikos (Sleepy's Patience)"

"Mental health screening" (XCW) - Important Therapy Information

"Mexican funeral"

"Milkshake by the M25" (CW<3) - Conflicted Feelings

"Photography Job boat trip"

"Photography Job book club"

"Photography Job canal trip (or "holy shit he can run!")" (<3)

"Photography Job Christmas Party"

"Photography Job girl’s night out" (<3)

"Photography Job Lunchbreak discussions"

"Missing Samsam in America"

"Moderator temper tantrum" - BPD Meltdown

"Modes and Facets"

"Hair play by Lucy the Slut" (<3)

"Mom & Dad in the same room at the same time" (CW<3)

"Monster Hearts"

"Monstering in the caves"

"morphE begins"

"morphE ends"

"morphE Executive Meeting" (<3)

"Moving to GR"

"Mrs. Cooper" (<3) - The moment Monster Camden died

"Milton & West" (CW)

"Wilson" (<3)

"MST3K All-Nighter"

"MST3K Live"

"Music Class"

"My best friend’s new home"

"My Lady"

"N64 and Ocarina of Time"

"Namco Station"

"Nan and Grandad’s"

"Nano in the fishbowl"

"NaNoWriMo"

"Nelson in GR"

"Nemmy Likes Cake (and Star Wars)"

"New Years EzChat"

"Newcastle Tabletop"

"Nickelodeon phone-in prizes"

"No privacy allowed" (XCW)

"North Peckham Estate" (CW)

"Not a Prefect" - BPD Meltdown

"Not Adopting Ocelot"

"Not Mexican funeral"

"Obama’s inaugiration" (<3)

"Oikos Abandoned (The Canada Trip)"

"Opening The Matrix" (<3)

"Oswego Hospital waiting room" (XCW)

"Out late with Primary friends" (XCW)

"Owen’s Endless GeneCon (Birthday game)" (<3)

"Packaging team night out" (<3)

"Paintballing (the time I did go)"

"Paintballing (the time I didn’t go)" (CW)

"Parallel parking job"

"Parker"

"Patball"

"Patton Oswalt and Sleepy’s Office"

"Paul and Painting"

"Paul and the Snooker Hall"

"Paul’s head stuck in a fence"

"Peckham concrete canal"

"Peckham friends"

"People Development Award 2018" (<3)

"Persona 3"

"Photoshoot with Cosplay club"

"Picking up Ex-wife, the final time" (XCW)

"Picking up Ex-wife, the first time" (XCW)

"Piercing my own chest (scar story)" (XCW)

"Pitch Perfect melted"

"Pittsburgh 2023 - Fountain"

"Pittsburgh 2023 - Magic Show"

"Pittsburgh 2023 - Pie and chips at Lookout Mountain"

"Planetarium"

"Playbill oragami, Former Family wedding event" (<3)

"Playground games with Lisa"

"Playing Pool with LittleKuriboh"

"Pokebadge"

"Pokemon Go! Michigan"

"Pokemon Go! Illinois"

"Post Office Elastic Band Basketball"

"Power outage and the comedy club"

"Powerwash Simulator *DING*"

"Preparing for the webcomic"

"Primary school phone booth" (CW)

"Primary School Reunion"

"Primary Sports Day" (CW)

"Promoted to Holland"

"Protecting the girls on staff (C-Bomb)"

"Proteges"

"Protest downtown"

"Protomen Live in Chicago (Feat: Cybertronic Spree)"

"Pubs in Peckham" (XCW)

"Pulled into the station at the station"

"Pulling pints"

"Punching Raymond Rutter" (XCW)

"Pushing our Lucky" (XCW) - Monster Camden

"Puzzle games and deep trance" (<3)

"Quarantine at Kzoo"

"Quarantine at work"

"Queen Mom Funeral"

"Quitting Drinking" (XCW)

"R. Pirate shirt" (<3)

"R30 and The Green Man"

"Recognized as Caputo’s on the train"

"Reprocessing with Ru"

"Return to England - "Auntie Lin"

"Return to England - "Karaoke and Former Best Friends"

"Return to England - "Saville Row"

"Return to England - "Stage plays and photography"

"Return to England - "WB Studios"

"Return to England - A 26 hour day"

"Return to England - A Garden in the sky"

"Return to England - A market that shares my name"

"Return to England - Ghosts and Museums"

"Return to England - So weird to be back here"

"Return to England - ‘just here to say goodbye’"

"Returning stolen items" (CW) - Important Event

"Reunion with JJ - Surrogates"

"Ribbon Road" (CW<3)

"Rin and her clique"

"Rock bottom" (XCW)

"Rogue One and Carmike" (CW)

"Rumors and Drag"

"Running from an 8 year old" (CW)

"Rush EuCon 2003" (<3)

"Rush in Birmingham"

"Rush in GR" (<3)

"Safe Words" (???)

"Samsam 2021"

"Saving Kzoo"

"Say my name… but not in anger" (XCW)

"School plays - (Feat. Puss In Boots, Waiting Room)" (CW)

"Secondary Sports Day"

"Selecting alcohol"

"Serialized Killer and the Mansion Photos"

"Shady deals in Southwark" (XCW)

"Shady travel agent" (CW)

"Shameful memory of belittling a death" (CW)

"Shattered Memories in the dark"

"Shingles (Scar story)"

"Shitty Slead"

"Shoe shopping (what could go wrong?)" (???)

"Shopping carts + Lightning"

"Sick and reading" (XCW)

"Sister comes calling" - Significant Event

"Six Flags Fright Night!"

"Skate Park"

"Skipping CDT"

"Skipping rocks near nan’s"

"Slacking off of Graphic Design"

"Slayers and Graduation"

"Sleeping under the bed" (<3)

"Sleeping under the table" (<3)

"Sleepyhead"

"Sneaking around Peckham"

"Snowing at Sears Tower" (<3)

"Sonic & Knuckles"

"Sonic Adventure 2"

"Southampton"

"Southwark Cathedral"

"Spain vacation (or second-hand memories)"

"Sparkling Cider on New Years Eve"

"Special Agent Dale Cooper’s Surgery"

"Speeding bus from Haven" (CW)

"Spider-Man Anniversary Blues" (CW)

"Spooky light reading"

"Stage Show at College"

"Stage Show in Wisconsin" (<3)

"Stamford Bridge tour"

"Stamford Bridge with JJ"

"Starved Rock"

"Stealing"

"S & K's Wedding (The cracks begin to show)" (CW)

"S as Eagle Scout"

"S's Basement Party"

"Sue-Chan"

"Suicidal thoughts and me. November 2020" (XCW)

"Summer Games Done Quick" (CW<3)

"Summer with mom"

"Superman in 3d!"

"Surgery Stories - Baba is heal"

"Surgery Stories - Cammie can’t say goodbye"

"Surgery Stories - Daja’s eyes and pokes"

"Surgery Stories - Dawn turns the tables (4am and the only Sunrise worth seeing)"

"Surgery Stories - Dawn’s fuck-up"

"Surpsisingly good Almacon"

"Suspended from school" (CW)

"Tailored Suit"

"Talk with dad’s psychologist" (CW)

"Tamale Day"

"Tamora Pierce, Surgical Recovery and Winding Circle Cottage"

"Teaching Arc"

"TeamFourStar"

"Tekno’s untimely demise" (CW)

"Tenacious D"

"Tentpole terrorism"

"Terg" (XCW)

"Lake Drive Photoshoot"

"Lake Drive"

"Rockchick"

"The 180 Emblem Challenge"

"The 365 Day Challenge"

"The adventure playground"

"The angriest Meijer’s visit"

"The annual Bristol ComiCon"

"The brakeless bike" (XCW)

"The brilliant night sky" (XCW)

"The Chess Board (movie)"

"The chess club"

"The CIU Club arcade room"

"The CIU Club Pantomime"

"The CIU Club" (CW)

"The Dark Hour Photoshoot"

"The Dark Knight Rises"

"The Dark Knight"

"The day I ate too much ice cream"

"The deadcon"

"The dying embers of marriage. Interactions after the end." (CW)

"The Easter Egg Hunt"

"The Eclipse" (<3)

"The final Bristol ComicCon"

"The final ComicsX"

"The Final GenCon - For The Queen! Maze Hotel." (CW<3)

"The Fine Art’s Festival GR"

"The first Bristol ComicCon"

"The Force Awakens"

"The freshest moment in wedding history" (<3)

"The Genius Game!" (<3)

"The GR18 Dream team"

"The greatest bonfire"

"The Hanged Man battle"

"The Haruhi Home Movie"

"The Jig Is Up (End of Former Family)"

"The Kitty Cup Valentine"

"The lady in #9"

"The lament at iHop"

"The last time I ever spoke to Cosplay Queen D"

"The Lawyer and the Ski Jacket"

"The Limelight Club"

"The LNS library"

"The Logan siblings"

"The looooong drive to-and-from Detroit"

"The magical swanking glove"

"The maid game"

"The Manager of Drive-by Shootings"

"The Oasis Lounge"

"The Penguin is my enemy"

"The photography closet"

"The Pocket Parrot Printing Press" (<3)

"The Primary school staff room"

"The Prism Concert"

"The Rose & Crown" (CW)

"The secret stairs"

"The Sega Bus"

"The shitty dollar cinema"

"The Skyfall Terrorist"

"The soul eating bed"

"The Sportsman" (XCW)

"The Star Wars Holiday work schedule"

"The summer without Ex-Wife"

"The Tails Doll"

"The Thunder concet" (XCW)

"The week the pandemic hit"

"The worst iHop visit ever"

"Theme Park/Hospital"

"Therapy Issues 2022 (Interactive Complexity)"

"Therapy Mk II: Sam"

"Tilly becomes Wynn"

"Time Crisis with dad" (CW<3)

"Tin Foil in the Meijer’s Deli"

"Mum's lesbian friend"

"TNMS Days - Rush Tributes"

"Tom versus Bro"

"Tony Hawks and Dragonball Z"

"Westley's child"

"Toro"

"Tour of Wales"

"Toy Story 3"

"Training Video (Feat. The Backbarbarian)"

"Training BV"

"Transformers the Movie"

"Travel to/from Daja Wedding (Hot Dog Church)"

"Ex at the Symphony Hall" (<3)

"Ex vs Chicken"

"Ex yells at Sue" (CW)

"Ex’s confession"

"Trip to see Aurora in Wisconsin (Photoshoot)"

"Ex controls a woman’s life"

"Truman Millenium"

"Trust Fall Book Launch"

"Tsu’s backyard"

"Tsu’s Pokemon Party"

"Turtle island Beads and the worst drive ever"

"Unreal Tournament"

"Vauxhal market"

"VE Day Celebrations feat: Mr. Motivator"

"Visiting Cosplay Queen D's grave"

"Visiting GR"

"Visual Images/Virtual Vinces"

"Vortex"

"Waiting at Midway. (Overheard conversations)"

"Waiting for Anime Hell"

"Waiting for Samsam"

"Wal-Mart at 3am"

"Walking home from CIU" (XCW)

"Walking out on her" (XCW)

"Watching Watchmen"

"Water Park with dad"

"Water Park with mom"

"Water Park with Ex"

"Wedding Reception or "Do not body slam a Snorlax""

"Welcome to Dad's Apartment"

"West Side Story"

"West Square"

"When you least expect it!" (XCW)

"Where the bad man lives (and a family Christmas)"

"Where the hell is the next Denny’s?!"

"Whirlyball"

"Who the fuck is Summer Glau?!"

"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

"Wicked previews feat: Idina Menzel" (<3)

"Wisconsin Dells 2019"

"Wisconsin night sky (First time)"

"Work Experience"

"Working at 7.20pm on Christmas Eve"

"Working Christmas day"

"World Cup and Wings"

"WWE Smackdown LIVE"

"YOLO Mario Party"

"Youmacon hotel sharing (bonus: down 50 flights of stairs)"

"YoumaIdol"

"Yuiko-Sensei’s backyard party"

"YYZ in London" (<3)

[heathersdesk]

One of my favorite follows on TikTok is Reverend Oliver, a trans pastor in West Virginia whose whole thing is trying to teach leftist people how to shed their worst impulses and inclinations to be better members of their communities. He is a firm advocate for genuine connection, leftist cooperation and community building with those on the right, and the kind of activism that is truly transformative and leaves no one behind.

He made a post, in an ongoing conversation about ways for leftists to identify opportunities to connect with their larger communities, that listed some of the fronts where leftists need to consider society's unmet needs. He included child care and elder care on that list. He also included addiction recovery resources.

Seeing an opportunity for the kind of interfaith connection he's always talking about, I pointed out that the LDS Church has free addiction recovery programs that anyone in the public is invited to attend, regardless of religious affiliation. And unlike other resources like the bishop's storehouse, no interaction with ecclesiastical leadership is necessary or expected. You can just show up, get support, and leave without any expectation of obligation, financial or otherwise, to our church. And honestly, a healthy dose of reality for the program from voices outside of our own community might temper some of the attitudes in our own community about pornography and compulsive masturbation being equivalent to an addiction.

So tell me why a random ex-Mormon took it upon themselves to begin an argument with me in Rev. Oliver's comments about the LDS Church leadership and past animosity towards queer people, that it isn't a safe space for them, that all queer people are forced into conversion therapy (which is false), and people show up in ARP with things that aren't even addictions.

Even after I told that person I'm queer affirming, that I believe these are things the Church can and does need to change, that I have actively been working on those improvements through my church membership since Prop 8, they just kept going. I became the dumpster for their unresolved anger towards the institution, even though I'm a total stranger and have nothing to do with anything they were complaining about. I have never put any queer people into conversion therapy and never would. I'm not Dallin H. Oaks and never tortured queer people at BYU. I think the Church has many sins it needs to answer for in relation to its treatment of queer people. At no point did I disagree or argue against anything that was true. For all intents and purposes, this person and I probably agree about a lot of things.

So why were they still attacking me? I'm actively trying to improve what upsets them without invalidating any of their feelings, and they're still upset with me. Why? What more do they want from me?

I find myself in this position with ex-Mormons all the time. With a tenure on Mormon Twitter that went from 2009-2023, I've seen every form and progression of ex-Mormon sentiment that could ever possibly exist. Especially because I left the Church for a time and did so with heartbreaks of my own. They don't know this when they approach me because they have no idea who I am, and I don't expect them to. But the irony is never lost on me that we could honestly be besties if they would shut and stop making assumptions about me long enough to hear what I'm saying.

And I mean that with my whole chest, and with all the self-recrimination that comes with it: ex-Mormons engage people in fights when they have no intentions of listening, achieving understanding, or engaging in constructive resolution with anyone in relation to the Church. They use people for emotional catharsis, and that's all they want from these interactions. I'm just supposed to sit there and take it. That's what they want. That's what they expect. And when I refuse to engage in the process as a receptacle for their disregulated emotions and the shame they want to make me feel, they get mad at me for not giving them what they wanted from me.

They don't see me as a person. They don't respect me or the work I do. They don't actually want to see the Church grow or improve beyond the ways it hurt them in the past because it means the Church and its people were always capable of doing that, just not for them. And they aren't prepared to feel or confront any of that, emotionally or spiritually. All they've ever wanted is a real apology and real change, but when it happens—when someone from the Church genuinely apologizes to them and tells them they deserved better, as I always do—it's not emotionally satisfying at all. The skies don't part, angels don't sing, and they don't feel any better.

It's like that scene from Malcolm in the Middle where Lois finally apologizes to Francis for being abusive to him when he's not expecting it, he freaks out because he had built up what that apology would look like and what it would accomplish in his mind, and he gets mad at Lois for ruining the fantasy in his mind. She doesn't know what to do, so she asks him if $20 would help. He takes the money in a state of confusion, but clearly still doesn't feel any better because it also doesn't help.

So I'm going to say the same thing here that I did there, for when this inevitably happens here: I'm not going to apologize for trying to make the Church a better, safer place for everyone. I'm not going to apologize for my association with the institutional Church, despite its failures and imperfections. I have made peace with my place here, the good I do, the impact I have, and the changes I am making. This is my church too, and despite what people think, there's room for me here. And as long as I'm here, the Church is a better and safer place for marginalized people because I've committed to making it that way. I don't expect anyone to stay when it's safest and healthiest for them to go, but I'm not going to join them. I already tried that and it was a waste of time for me.

If someone decides to place the validation of their choice to leave the Church on my refusal to go with them, that's not my problem. I don't owe anyone that. And their choice to do that doesn't entitle them to use me as an emotional jizz tissue for their anger at (and grief for) the institutional Church and other people in it I've never even met. Put it in a journal or take it to a therapist you pay for. Don't hand it to me, then get offended when I hand it back to you. It's not mine. If you don't want the nasty end results of your emotional outburst, what makes you think I do?

All of this to say to ex-Mormon folks who do this: have some self-reflection. Do you do this to people? Is it healthy? Does it accomplish any of your goals? Is it helping you to become the person you envisioned you would be when you left the Church? Have you fully formed in your mind who that person is? Have you fully and appropriately grieved for everyone and everything you lost? If not, what impact is that choice having on the rest of your life? And should you be doing something about it instead of arguing with me?

Again, don't tell me. Put it in a journal. Tell a therapist. Or, even better, tell the person who actually hurt you. Because telling me isn't going to make you feel better. And you may not realize this yet, but it's tremendously difficult to be me, too. I'm the one telling your parents, siblings, grandparents, friends, neighbors, classmates, colleagues, co-workers, and other people in your life at Church that they need to treat you better—how to do it and what it looks like. You need me. What I do is important. It's also exhausting. And if you use up all of my energy in an argument with you, how am I going to do it? Do you think about that? Do you think about what it costs me to be the person you've already decided it's too exhausting for you to be?

I say this with all the love and encouragement I have: either help me or get out of my way. But don't make my job harder. Why would you do that? It doesn't serve you, me, or anyone else. It just makes you look bitter, makes me less effective at creating the changes you want, and all Mormons (former and current) look like we don't have our shit together. Because this isn't new. Every religious tradition on this planet has had to struggle and figure out how to create space for marginalized people. Every branch of Christianity has had to figure out their relationship to their own queer people, to stop actively hurting them and to embrace them instead. You're a part of this transition, even once you leave, by whether or not you perpetuate this animosity with people who stay. We all have to put down our weapons. The fighting will continue as long as anyone anywhere is still throwing punches.

If you're an ex-Mormon, be the best one there is. Be unbothered and totally disengaged from the Church and its problems. Create the life of your dreams with nothing from the past in it, if that's what you need. When the people in your life direct coercion and manipulation at you in relation to your spirituality and church disaffiliation, return to sender. Be so busy being your own best self, you don't have time for any of this.

That's what you deserve. That's what I want for you. That's what many in the Church who stay want for you, because we're not all selfish pricks who get our jollies from forced homogeneity and making people suffer. That's not even the majority of us. It's the people you're actually mad at. Stop treating us like we're all guilty by association. Have the courage to put the dog turd of your displeasure on their porch where it belongs, not mine.

[onewomancitadel]

The question of hard science fiction is usually related to whether it is better or worse to write realistic-fantastical settings, to what end realism should figure into fantasy, which is a question without end, but something I think that is less appreciated is whether by fixing particular rules and rules of development in that world, that you open up more and unique storytelling opportunities. It is less to do with realism per se, and more to do with how narrative rules ("worldbuilding") and narrative events interact.

A really wonderful example of this, and the very thing that made me think of this the other day, is in Season 3 of The Expanse (discussing the show in this post, not the books, but moving on) where there are wounded whose injuries won't be able to heal without gravity (due to blood drainage), which has been lost because of the protomolecule reacting to their hostility inside the Ring; and so the solution eventually emerges which is that the captain of the Behemoth chooses to start up its spin gravity for the first time ever, when it had not previously been done so before, because of course this was a ship intended for the Mormons which they had made away with - its build unfinished - during the Eros incident. This also means that Earth and Mars have to cooperate with the OPA, and to trust them with their wounded.

It's a very powerful series of events which are so especially satisfying (one is very excited to watch a ship start up); most importantly, you wouldn't have any of that if you weren't concerned with granular details such as these. To me, I am more interested in the idea that it opens up storytelling opportunities (and tone, and theme, and character, and plot) as opposed to whether some measure of "realism" is superior. Obviously for The Expanse its dramatic concerns, its political theatre, is bolstered by a serious attempt at grounding its science fiction elements - and this is why I've never really understood the distinction between "hard" science fiction (about technology, with "hard" rules) and "soft" science fiction (about feefees, with "soft" rules) when the binary seems false to me - more according to a set of reader expectations, perhaps, than which is more or less the correct way to handle science fiction (and I would say it's probably a post hoc label as well, since a lot of Golden Age science fiction doesn't sort into either neatly; maybe more Silver). Of course that "hard" and "soft" treatment has expanded beyond the confines of its genre into fantasy (thanks Sanderson) and probably beyond it by now. I have complained about this before and I'll complain about it again.

I think that perspective is limiting because it is emphasising the wrong quality which makes it work, which is about opening up different and exciting narrative opportunities; of course you also end up with the attitude that "hard" systems are more serious and thoughtful than "soft" systems or lack thereof and do away with tedious things such as character development and themes, which probably plays a part in the posturing. "Hard" systems are logical, and "soft" stories are illogical - and you can go on for quite a while with the yin-yang qualities so allotted. Or in the reverse - the "hard" genre is boring and too much work, whereas the "soft" approach is fun and light and more accessible. I think both are wrong in their underlying assumptions entirely.

The reason I touch on The Expanse is because it incidentally rejects this too.

[your-coquette-queen]

GUYS IM BACK!

HEY EVERYONE!

I'm sorry for the two year hiatus, I went through a period where I struggled and I really just had to come out the other side finding who I am. However, I am now back and feel so much happier! In case come of you forgot, I'm Ava! I originally had this account and ended up talking mainly about rock bands (notably KISS), Stranger Things, and Star Wars!

However, over the past two years a lot has honestly changed. I still love music, mainly now pop and musical theatre however I do love rock and still love talking about it with people. I love Star Wars still however my main fandom is currently Supernatural. Hopefully I have some Supernatural enjoyers in my audience and we can connect.

I also love 2000's everything and Incorporate into a lot of my style , so just expect to likely to see lots of 2000's core on here

A little UPDATED bit about me:

IT WILL BE LONG JUST NOTE:

Expect lots of music on here! I think I will just have one blog and move throughout fandoms that I enjoy so expect a bit of everything!

I am Christian! Christianity has been a long journey for me but I am so thankful to be in a really positive place with my faith. I left this blog two years ago with a lot of struggles but have come back overcoming those problems! I likely will not post a lot about faith as that is not the main part of the account but it is a big part of my life and something I am proud of. If I have other Christians here, I am always open to talking!

I love makeup!

Favorite tv shows:

Supernatural

ER

Movies:

Ten Inch Hero

Wedding Crashers

Cinderella Story

Legally Blonde

Without a Paddle

Star Wars: Phantom Menace

Star Wars: A New Hope

Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith

Clueless

Hunger Games

Scooby Doo!

Batman: Dark Knight

Twilight

Princess Diaries

She's the Man

Singers/Bands:

Britney Spears

Christina Aguilera

Rihanna

Destiny's Child

Duran Duran

Katy Perry

Beyonce

NSYNC

Nelly Furtado

Timbaland

Frankie Valley and the Fourth Seasons

Simple Minds

Alice Cooper

KISS

Megadeth

Journey

Motley Crue

The Temptations

Dianna Ross

Michael Jackson

Ice Spice

Lay Bankz

Ayesha Erotica

Meghan Thee Stallion

Fergie

Madonna

Nikki Minaj

Jessie J

Marvin Gaye

1 Direction (when I was like 14 but idc their songs still cook😭😭)

Fav Musicals:

Cats

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

Starlight Express

Falsettos

25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

Book of Mormon

& Juliet

Miss Saigon

Rocky Horror

Spamalot

Back to the Future

Guys and Dolls

Suisical

Pippin

Legally Blonde

Ain't Too Proud

Little Shop of Horrors

Guttenberg

Young Frankenstein

Little Women

Music Genres:

Rock(multiple genres within!)

Pop

80's/90's county

K-Pop

Musical Theatre

Opera/Classical

New Wave

Alternative

Actors/Celebrities I love:

Paris Hilton: SHE'S MY QUEEN/ ONE OF MY BIGGEST INSPIRATIONS

Jared Padalecki

Jensen Ackles

Matthew Lillard

Misha Collins

Christian Bale

Ryan Reynolds

Channing Tatum

Hayden Christensen

Ryan Gosling

Pamela Anderson

Heather Locklear

Chad Michael Murray

Mark Wahlberg

Reese Witherspoon

Josh Hutcherson

Elizabeth Taylor

Taylor Lautner

Tom Cruise

Tom Selleck

I will likely update this as I start interacting on here again but I am so happy to be back!

Excited to talk to some of you guys again🤍

[spiffysoultarot]

Find a troll, pick it up, all day long, you have good luck 🪺 —> Pick a Troll

Sorry #3, I started this reading a year ago and never finished it and finally decided to post it cause I didn’t wanna waste effort😬

Pile 1: Spiffy the Sailor//Light Seer’s

🫖 I pulled a tea quote, a quarter and then a movie quote to feel out Pile One’s vibe today:

The quarter is Utah and their state bird is a California Gull aka a seagull.

—> Q1: how does pile one give their power away? King of cups (R)

—> Q2: what can help balance out pile one’s emotions? Annunaki (R)

🦤The seagull is Utah’s official state bird due to saving the State during the katydid (Mormon cricket) devastation of 1848, according to Utah’s website. (https://onlinelibrary.utah.gov/utah/symbols/bird/) The pests were destroying the crops but the seagulls ate the crickets, saving the crops and the town. (

🧺Similar to Tommy Boy in that everyone kinda doubted him. Maybe it was different in 1848 but I know where I grew up, seagulls were sort of looked at as pests. They did not cause harm but were greedy and could pester folks outside.

👯‍♀️ The dynamic between Tommy and Richard is coming to mind. Richard is a “smug, unhappy little man who treats others as if they were idiots” - paraphrasing of course. Tommy is a jovial albeit slightly immature college graduate who has come to work at his fathers company. They went through secondary school together in their small town and were at opposite ends of the social spectrum, and thus sort of did not exist to each other.

⚖️ Ultimately they balance out each other nicely though: Richard has the rigid pragmatism Tommy lacks, and Tommy had the ruthless optimism Richard lacks. 👌🏻Some damn good character chemistry of buddy comedies, if you ask me, but I’m not the remaining 51% on Rotten Tomatoes. The audience is at a 90% though. Most of the pull comes from nostalgia undoubtedly.

9️⃣ The ‘90s is one of the most sought after decades of recent times. I find it interesting that in the 1890’s a similar thing happened and would eventually lead to people referring to that time as the “gay” era in some way as in happy. That is extra interesting because 9’s represent an ending.

🍿 Look at the majority of popular films in the last decade — are not a good portion of them remakes from the 90s?

👹Upright the Annunaki quite literally speaks of how their people created a hybrid workforce that “was smart enough to follow directions but stupid enough to rebel” (Mystic Martian Oracle Deck © Lisa Porter, Rockpool Publishing, 2021) The Annunaki are in alignment with the Alpha Draconians and Reptile Beings mindset, sort of like Emperor reversed energy— power, control, black-and-white thinking, disliking those that mess up the conformity and the audacity to question their authority.

🌅 Reversed Annunaki speaks of cooperation, fairness, compromise, unity, open-minded, progressive thinking. The belief that everyone is equal and deserves to be treated equally. What might help is seeking out like-minded people and/or organizations with similar values.

🚙 Similar to Tommy Boy! I would totally say he’s a 9. Kinda like Amity vibes from Divergent too.

🍷King of Cups Reversed energy can speak of someone moody, temperamental and hasty with others feelings —> Richard in a nutshell, right? It can also speak of old wounds, which he likely carries from childhood. He sort of unfairly treats Tommy due to jealousy from not having the caring, loving father he did.

💍 Fun fact: Sea gulls typically mate for life, equally caring for their chicks. However, sometimes it does not work out between the pair. Afterward they are typically seen as less attractive and left alone for a few nesting seasons as a “sea gull divorcee.” (Source: https://www.birdspikesonline.co.uk/Blog/Understanding-the-seagull-and-its-behaviour)

📕Honesty and being genuine is key here. Patience may be necessary too, especially if you’re resonating more with the Richard side. A need to believe in yourself if you’re doubting.

🌏The Annunaki are from the planet Nibiru, a distant planet that enters our solar system every 3600 years and was thought to have caused the great deluge, according to the Mystic Martian Oracle deck (© Lisa Porter, Rockpool Publishing, 2021). I looked up what the great deluge was and according to Wikipedia (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flood_myth ), it was a flood sent by a deity to destroy civilization in means of divine retribution. I wanted to share the image:

Pile 2: Bunny troll//Rider-Waite

What do you want to talk about pile 2?

Romy and Michelle quote —> one of my personal favorites

Moral of the story? Missouri quarter

Missouris state bird is a cardinal — Missouri and six other states.

Second arch signification today. Utah had an arch in pile one. Arches signify new opportunities or phases in life.

What does pile two need to know?

Five of wands clarified by fourth house

Past energy: four of pentacles clarified by queen of cups

Present: four of swords reversed

Future: Empress clarified by Ace of Pentacles reversed

Hidden money matters can sum it up.

Five of wands actually signifies great wealth and is like a play fight this is the overall context gold, gain, opulence, the competition and search after riches…. And fourth house

I find it funny that Venus came out on the dice for the present energy and that the Empress came out with the Libra dice because that quarter I have is ugly af. I thought that I put the shiny, pretty Missouri quarter back but apparently I put the dark, ugly one in - I had duplicates.

Something is not as it seems here and absolutely hidden. The fourth house talks about hidden matters, death, parents, home.

Given that almost every single card on the spread is associated with finances (except queen of cups), I am going to say this has something to do with money.

The past signifies a fair, honest upbringing that may have appeared nice on the outside. Either material struggle was present or a vital support was missing. Neglect can be emotional too — ignoring your kids and just placating them is sort of cruel because you are not actually seeing them.

The fact that Venus rules Empress and the Libra dice clarified it, is a very good signification. Venus rules Libra so it’s in its domicile. Ace of Pentacles (R) actually speaks of great riches. So the future to this outcome is great. It’s supported on both “ends” too:

5 of wands to left speaks of affluence as does the ace of pentacles (R) so it is confirmed.

Be sure to watch out for the small details to ensure you aren’t being deceived, possibly by promise of great riches.

All that glitters isn’t gold, and not everything is what it seems. Remain vigilant in the present, focusing on loving yourself and doing what brings you joy.

With the taking of the burger (when it’s Romys favorite lunch day!) was unnecessarily cruel and petty in the film Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion. I see you moving AWAY from this energy.

Four of swords reversed can signify a need for greed but also speaks of precaution and discernment.

In Romy and Michelle, they have each other they can trust each other. The queen of cups dynamic is present within them, they have their friendship but not riches.

I am honestly not one to try to fill my audience with false hope to simply garner likes. The cards have spoken, I listened and relayed the best I could.

[nerdragenewvegas]

Fallout fics I've gone and done

Outing myself as Cantique the Ao3 gremlin here I guess. These all contain smut.

A Well Timed Scandal - Cooper Howard/Female Reader. Pre war (will go into the post-war timeline.) No current content warnings but I'll be tagging as I go. Will be multi chapter. Johnny places his cigarette in the carved out groove of the ash tray, leaning in and resting his elbows on the desk, like he’s leveling with you. “You wanna know why we cast Gilda in Empire on the Nile?” He asks. “Because there was one too many rumors about Keith McKinney being a fan of ‘Greek stuff’ for us to contend with. Now, originally, we just wanted them seeing each other,” he admits, “but I’m not gonna complain with the results.”

“So you want me to marry Cooper Howard?”

He shakes his head, laughing under his breath. “Marry? No, no, lets play that by ear,” he seemingly assures you. “What we want — need — you two to do is make it look like you’ve been having an affair.” You must look like you’ve seen a ghost. This is insane. “Explains his divorce, gets people talking about you two as a pair, gets eyes on this movie you’re filming together — now, don’t go outright saying it, of course. We just wanna’ make people read between the lines, get them curious enough to get them into the theater to see the chemistry on the screen.” 

--- Kinda Like a Cowboy - The Ghoul/Lucy, contains spoilers, porn with plot. Please read the tags for CNs but there are definitely CNs. Unhinged stuff involving guns. Currently two chapters but I'm cooking a third.

"I’d be real careful with that line o’ thinkin’,” he warns, raising an arm and bringing it to brace against the wall beside her head, all but pinning her to it. They may not be physically touching, but they’re so close to it and he’s looking at her like she’s a meal (which should be concerning because she knows he literally eats people) and she really, really wishes they were touching right now. “Because I can be nice. Real nice.” His free hand reaches up to her face, and she’s so focused on watching his expression and how close his face is to hers that she doesn’t even realize until his thumb brushes over the barely-healing split in her lip. “…But I don’t think nice is what ya’ want, is it?” More under the cut, they're New Vegas fics fyi~

----

Doctrine & Covenants - Joshua Graham/Female Courier with some Vulpes/Female Courier and Boone/Female Courier. Extremely longform (48 chapters, 286,349 words and still going) fic that I've been working on since 2022. It's imperative you read the tags and heed the content warnings as it does contain some noncon. First chapter is a little rough and I'll rework it one day but the rest is fine. Tells the story of Courier Six confronting her own trauma when she visits Zion in Honest Hearts thanks to Joshua not so much teaching her about God (although he tries) but teaching her about forgiveness and love despite sin. Lowkey a bit of a personal one for me as I'm an ex-mormon myself and it's been a nice avenue for me to kinda work through my own feelings while deconstructing.

“I will not judge you – I understand better than anyone else what it’s like to be willing to do anything to escape your own history,” he explains, “but you are a good neighbor to us. The tribe cares for you, Follows-Chalk and Waking Cloud care for you, and I care for you.” He holds her gaze as he says this, speaking firmly, as though there’s no room to budge on his statement. “And as someone who cares for you, I want to let you know that this is something we can help with if you wish.”

Six doesn’t say anything, her jaw tense as she casts her eyes downwards, and Joshua worries that he’s lost her.

“And as for whatever has happened before you came to us,” he says, “I want you to know that it is forgiven in Zion.”

Six shifts uncomfortably, her eyes glancing up at him, but only momentarily. “I’m not religious, Joshua,” she says. “That’s sweet, but I’m sorry.”

“I know,” he says plainly. “I’m not speaking for God, though. I am speaking for myself.”

“But you don’t even know what I’ve done.”

“I don’t need to. All I need is to know who you are now.” ---

Raze It, Raze It - Joshua Graham/Female Courier. Oneshot, there's smut in here. Honest Hearts bad ending but the Courier is an enabler and basically encourages Joshua to keep going until he's started a holy war. Make sure to read the tags for CNs.

“Bring me Vulpes Inculta alive and I will give you a child.”

He gazes up at her when she says this, in awe of her naked form as she takes him so well, his fingers digging into her supple thighs, the light that pours in through the seams of their tent illuminating her from behind. She is divine. Remarkable. A miracle. And she offers him a child, an opportunity to have the eternal family he had been sure he had lost all right to. At first, he had thought they would go without. He has two decades on her at even his most conservative of guesses, and she is so young and healthy compared to him that if not sent to him directly by God, he’d be sure this was perverse.

But despite his age and despite his burns and past and all that he is, here she is; the most feminine of all forms, joined with him at the flesh, offering to grow and bare his child. All of her, this perfect creature, here, for him and only him.

“Anything,” he finally says. He reaches a hand up to cup her face and she nestles into it, her cheek so soft against his own burnt and scarred palm as she rides him. Oh, she’s so beautiful. He watches her on the battlefield, striking down Legionary after Legionary, a true Holy Host. If Joshua is the sword, she is the arrow.

[cartograffiti]

June and July '24 reading diary

I was so busy in July I simply never did my June post, so it's a twofer!

Way back in May I borrowed all the literary-inspired cookbooks my library had, and the two I finished looking at in early June were The Book Lover's Cookbook by Jensen and Wenger, and The Book Club Cookbook, by Gelman and Krupp. Both have really approachable recipes, with The Book Club Cookbook having the edge on the recipes being inspired by the text and a little more exciting. I didn't find the selection of books featured terribly inspiring in either, and The Book Lover's Cookbook has a prevalence of Mormon literary fiction that explains what I'd loosely thought of as a Midwestern je ne sais quois in the food. Neither book is nearly as good as Kate Young's Little Library series, so! That's that on that, check out Kate Young if you like themed meals too.

An even more disappointing cookbook for me was The Drunken Botanist: The Plants That Create the World's Great Drinks by Amy Stewart. The stories about each plant are less interesting than the same author's Wicked Plants, and there's a real problem with the text uncritically repeating claims rooted in marketing or racism about the quality or appeal of different items. A letdown! I'm glad I borrowed it instead of buying!

An interesting gothic novel set in Jamaica and England, The Confessions of Frannie Langton was pitched to me totally incorrectly as a romantic mystery. I enjoyed what it is very much once I got over expecting an arc in line with those genres! It's a very disturbing story in which a woman recalls her life as a slave and a free servant, including acting as assistant to race scientists, and the overlaps and problems present in sex work, domestic service, and marriage for women in the 19th century. Sara Collins writes gorgeous sentences, the emotional intensity always felt commensurate with the material in any given scene, and she created a really special character in Frannie, who has complex and sometimes difficult to read feelings about her own agency. In particular, this book has the most powerful portrayal I've ever read of acts of racism particular to white abolitionists, and their need for "perfect victims." Collins also narrates the audiobook, which I highly recommend.

A book that was not for me is Y/N by Esther Yi. This is a literary fiction book about a woman who writes self-insert fanfiction about her favorite K-pop idol, and also about the relationship between the viewer and the artist, the lover and the beloved, the artist and the creation, the believer and the religion. It's about identity, loneliness, and searching for connection. It's a funny book, but it's a very cerebral surreal philosophical story, and this is only going to be for you if you're up for meeting the book's high level of effort. For me, the highly stylized and ambiguous sentences occasionally irritated me to the point of physical pain. I wish I could recommend it more warmly!

I also wish I'd straightforwardly enjoyed Rita Mae Brown's Wish You Were Here. This is a Virginia book with a richness of local detail and expression that really tickled me, even though the mystery was a bit too easy. It also has conversations between the adorable pet characters where they promote eugenics and pathological models of crime. I realize this sounds ridiculous. It was really jarring, and I'm torn about whether to read more and find out whether this is the only incidence.

Over Sea, Under Stone by Susan Cooper is one of those major children's books I never read as a child, a nice romp about siblings on vacation in Cornwall trying to find the Holy Grail before nebulous bad guys get it first. Very charming, if not quite engaging enough for me, but I understand it picks up when magic is introduced in the next book. I'll probably read that and find out.

The Star Wars anthology From a Certain Point of View (ed. Elizabeth Schaefer) has some very fun stories, mostly by authors I already knew I liked, and a whole bunch of stories that made me mutter various levels of "Oh, fuck off." I think a) some of these people don't understand how to utilize fanfiction, b) a certain amount of making the Empire characters sympathetic is reprehensible, and c) it is incredible how many writers will invent a daughter (specifically a daughter) for characters to cheaply jerk reader tears. My favorite pieces were Meg Cabot's sweet look at Beru and the two about doing paperwork. I'll probably read the other two 40th anniversary anthologies they did to scan for fave writers and mutter about the same problems again.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is a book I remember my dad liking when I was a kid--and I remember him following the issues with Stieg Larsson's estate, too--and I only sort of knew what it was about. I knew it's a suspense mystery about a journalist and a hacker PI catching rapist-murderers (the Swedish title translates to something like "the men who hate women," which is more appropriate imho). I wasn't prepared for what a nice meditation it is on friendship, isolation, and the ways society fails vulnerable people. I also wasn't aware Larsson was an expert researcher and exposer of neo-Nazi/far right/racist hate groups, which is relevant, too. It's a brutal book, but not bleak. I unsurprisingly love Lisbeth, and while there are some writing choices I truly hate, I love that she's kind of a mess. I will also offer a hot take that I think this would have been a better book without the romance subplot. Still fascinating, and I will read the other two in the series that weren't ghostwritten.

I finished the Lymond Chronicles at last with both The Ringed Castle and Checkmate, and I screamed and screamed and clapped like a seal. Nothing new to say about the series, they're wildly engaging and also frustrating in some important ways, and I'm very glad I read them and more glad I read them with friends.

I also picked back up with reading Jordan L. Hawk's Whyborne & Griffin books with Maelstrom. This is a hugely silly series, which I needed because just look how many heavy and heartbreaking books I've been reading! Monster of the week scares (rats with human faces! cults with unspecific goals!) that appeal to the same reasons I like the Rachel Weisz Mummy movies, great sex scenes, interpersonal problems with heart. Which characters are cartoon characters and which aren't is a little bit scattershot, and that really showed up in this one, but oh well, it was a hoot.

[littleharpethcrossfit]

Thursday, 21 March, 2024

Warmup

A gorgeous evening at the Barn.

4 Rounds

Light Bands

10 Standing Presses

10 Pull Aparts

Strength

Ground To Overheads: 1 / 1 / 1 / 1 / 1 / 1 / 1

Progress To Your Best Today

Larry=215 Chase=205 Robert*=200 Tim=165 Dana/Chad=145 Herb=125 Tom=110 Sue=80 Joe=95 Kayla=65 Jasper=25 Linda/Sam/Coach/Shannon/Anna/Alicia/Tiffany/Sabrina=did it but too shy to post.

WOD

Equipment:

2 Dumb-Bells (50/35/20) 1 Kettle-Bell (70/53/35) Jump Rope ERG ?

5 Rounds For Time

15 Dumb-Bell Push-Press

50 Feet DB Front Rack Lunge Steps

15 Kettle-Bell Swings

50 Double-Under's (100 Singles)

Run 800/Row-Ski 1000/Bike 2000m (Once Any Time)

Jasper=12:20 Sue=20:35 Kayla=20:40 Anna=21:24 Larry=21:35* Tim=23:23 Robert=23:25* Herb=25:18 Dana=27:02** Shannon=27:30 Chad=27:38 Tom=27:45 Chase*=28:04 Linda=28:29 Joe=32:21 Sam/Alicia/Tiffany/Sabrina/Coach=no score posted

Notes:

Alicia brought a friend. Tiffany knows the Rousseau girls and family. I offered Tiffany the Lifetime Free Membership along with the ceremonial LHDF jersey, but unfortunately she just paid up her Iron Tribe fees which were probably over $2000 for 6 months. Adios Tiffany.

The wine and snacks were great but somewhat subdued. Kayla made a huge tray of some kinda burger-buns, Quite tasty. Shannon brought fresh cuke's and dip which I hogged. Alicia brought that warm dip that everyone knows the name of except me. Delicious. And Anna brought a big tray of fresh home-made cinnamon (sp) cookies. There were other contributions I hate to not mention, but I forget. The subdued part was the sparse amount of wine available. There were 2 Rose' wines, a Chardonnay, and a few reds. The wines lasted because players simply weren't playing. Robert, Chad & Miss Linda are pretend Mormon's, and a few others who will go un-spot-lighted only pretended to hold a glass. So that left only about 8 people who seriously contributed to emptying the wine bottles.

Saturday at 0730 and at 0930. The weather is supposed to cooperate. We will be doing a WOD in honor of our famous Bird-Man Joe. I realize this will be about 30 days early, but he is in such demand that we have to fit it in whenever we can. He and Carol will be on a cruise for some of those days.

[pugzman3]

Jonathan Roumie/The Chosen/Mormonism/Jesus Revolution/Phil Robertson/Dallas Jenkins/satanic Grammy's/Greg Laurie/back to Jonathan Roumie

Quite a title right? Guess what, they all connect. Just like the elite clubs of Hollywood, fashion, and music industry, mainstream modern "Christianity" artists are right up in the mix of deception. And I promise, this is just key points. Each one of these can go off into another trail of deception. Here goes.

From Roumie's IG. if you think the templars are Christian, you would be very wrong. If you think Cooper is a born again Christian, go watch live videos with his band Hollywood Vampires.

Guess who helps fund the chosen? Angel Studios

Dallas Jenkins, in another post, thought it would be funny to have Joseph Smith do a walk by cameo appearance while Jesus was on the Cross. Yup, he said that.

Phil gushing over The Chosen. If you think Phil is a Christian, go hear him praising and having nothing but great things to say about Pope Francis. He went on and on about how wonderful he is.

But back to Dallas Jenkins, the creator of the chosen. This was his comment on the Sam Smith performance at the grammys a few weeks ago.

That is about as a political and safe response you could give. It's also cowardly. Probably doesn't want his show pulled from Netflix, Apple + or other streaming platforms. But that was typical to EVERY Christian artist that was there at the Grammys or who should have even had something to say. Below is a video where I guy goes through calling those artists out, as well as showing how THEY (they artist) tried to shun one of their fans for calling them out. Now before you watch that, let.me finish up at the bottom.

Watch "Christians at the GRAMMYs is WORSE than you think 😈" on YouTube

First, I do not know this guy or his channel. I came across the video. And while he is proper in his biblical quotes and usage to call out the hypocrisy, he messed up and named dropped cavalry chapel, big red flag. Here's where it all wraps up. Calvary Chapel is home to Greg Laurie. Greg Laurie is one of the dirtiest pigs in the pen. You can also find videos of him interviewing Alice Cooper and praising him for being a born again Christian. He is also the writer and a main character of the new movie Jesus Revolution (I also did a post on his connection with Rick Warren and Francis Chan and how they released the college day of prayer at Asbury University two weeks before that revival "spontaneously" took place). Greg Laurie's new movie also stars, you saw it at the beginning, Jonathan Roumie.

I went through a lot of disgusting rabbit holes before.i was born again. But honestly, learning about the connections and deceptions of these people that claim the name of Jesus, they rank right up there with the worst. Be careful who you give your ear to. Study your Bible.

[nerdygaymormon]

Hi, I was wondering is you have any advice on being a member of the church and being gay.

This is a wide-open question. If you were meeting with me in person, we could talk about this for hours. I can’t write everything I’d like to say, but I hope what I share is useful.

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A person’s sexual orientation is how they experience the world. It’s how you love and how you connect with people. God doesn’t love you despite being gay, God loves you because you are YOU. God knows this about you, He made you. You are gay and you are known & loved by God and He is rooting for you. I hope knowing this will help you get through some of the tough moments of life.

—————————

It’s easy to focus on the negative. There are also positive things, remember those. 

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Studies show that, on average, LGBT people are creative, have higher IQ’s and higher emotional intelligence (better at social relationships), have more compassion and are more cooperative and have less hostility. Does any of that sound like you?

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The church doesn’t yet have the answers for LGBTQ+ people. The current policies, teachings & restrictions were created at a time when they believed people were made gay because of circumstances in their life and could change to be straight.  

Disregard any pamphlet or talks or advice from the Church on LGBTQ topics that is more than a few years old. The church leaders are slowly evolving and you don’t need to go back to less enlightened days and read the advice made when their understanding was even more behind than it is today

—————————

One day the church will need to rethink the place of queer people in the Plan of Happiness (currently we are absent). As we are unable to complete the highest goals in our church, you have to figure out what a successful life looks like to you.

In Mormonism we’re so accustomed to “knowing,” but the truth is there is no clear path forward for queer Mormons. It can feel wobbly and scary to not be on sure footing, but you have an opportunity to work out with God what your path forward is. When something feels right, trust that and move forward. 

Our pathway is less traveled and not well marked, we will trip and stumble, but we look out for each other.

—————————

Work on becoming more Christlike. Think about what is God doing in the world today and join that work. 

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The Atonement of Jesus Christ means He can heal your heart and strengthen you in the hard times. 

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God doesn’t wait until we are perfectly ready and up for the challenge, we all have to go out and do our best as we are, learn along the way, adjust and try again. We all make mistakes and it’s okay to start over and try again. It is never too late, too dark or too hopeless. 

————————— 

Be patient with your progress. You don’t have to understand everything now.

—————————

Get LGBTQ friends. It’s especially helpful if they’re also LDS because they’ll get you in a way no one else will. Online friends count. If you’re in school, perhaps they have a Gay-Straight Alliance. If you’re at a church university, seek out USGA. When I hang out with queer people I feel normal. It’s nice to step out of the heteronormative world which is always saying I don’t fit.

—————————

Allow people to grow and change. Forgive and try not to carry around all the hurtful things.

—————————

Seek therapy when you feel things getting hard. A lot of universities include psychological counseling in your tuition & fees; you can also be referred to LDS Family Services by your bishop, which is covered by some insurance plans. Another option is to check your insurance and find the mental health professionals in your area that are covered. Try contacting the psychology dept at a local university, perhaps they offer some counseling services to non-students. 

LGBTQ Mormons face much higher rates of mental illness than the average person, there’s no shame in getting help even when you’re not desperate or suicidal.

Studies show being active in church makes us more likely to have higher rates of depression, internalized homophobia and sexual identity crisis. We also have lower self-esteem and a lower quality of life. Most have the symptoms of PTSD and higher rates of suicidality. 

Be aware of these and be proactive in seeking help. 

—————————

It is always okay to take a break from church to improve your mental health or if it feels hard. You can always step outside if people say hurtful things (even if they don’t realize how it sounds to you). You’re also welcome to go back whenever you choose.

—————————

When I hear something at church that troubles me. I ask these three questions:

Does that sound like me, do I resemble that remark? (when they’re talking about gay people)

Is this consistent with the God I know?

Does this fit with the great commandment to love one another?

So often I find the things which trouble me fail these questions. It’s also highlighted for me that Mormons often obsess on things that don’t really matter.

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There will be people who can’t see your worth. Don’t let yourself be one of them.

—————————

Have fun, enjoy life. Not everything has to be tough or serious. 

—————————

You have claim to two great histories and legacies–LDS & LGBT+. Both the queer community and LDS church, in different ways, teach me about being kind and accepting others.

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I’m putting a lot of links here that I think will be useful resources for you:

This is a TedTalk that speaks about some of the reasons why Nature creates homosexuals, and some of the differences in people who are LGBT compared to the rest of the population.

This is long, but is the best write up I’ve seen about the LDS church’s history on homosexuality while explaining what this is like for gay Mormons

Taylor Petrey is a professor who in this article gives me many things to think about regarding gays & lesbians and Mormonism. 

This is a simple to follow explanation of why temple sealings for gay couples makes sense

This is dense, but it’s a listing of all sorts of queer people and relationships in Church history (we’ve been a part of the Church since the beginning)

Affirmation is the oldest organization for LDS/post-LDS LGBTQ+ individuals, family and allies. They have multiple Facebook pages for different situations. If you’re still active in church, a group for you to check out is Affirmation Prepare.

Collection of scriptures useful for queer people to understand - links to many discussions about the meaning of scriptures often used against queer people, includes some hopeful scriptures, too.

Stages of Faith Transitions - Jana Spangler helped me understand the different stages we go through and it helps us understand the faith we have

Biology of Queerness - I summarize a lot of studies done that show biology is what made us queer, not our choices.

Stonewall Inn and the Riots - This is the story of the beginning of the modern queer-rights movement. Because we are raised by straight people, we often don’t know our LGBTQ+ history and this is a good place to start.  

The Payne Papers - This is would be considered the beginning of the gay rights movement inside the Church. The truths and arguments presented still stand up over 40 years later.  

Queer LDS Heroes of the 2010′s - I think it’s helpful to learn about all these people who helped shape how our church membership has shifted it’s views about LGBTQ people because they were brave enough to come out and share their stories.

My Queer Playlist Part 1 & Part 2 - Listening to these songs can help me feel connected to LGBTQ people even when I am alone. 

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Remember G.A.Y.–God Adores You

[poweredbydietcoke]

Favorite books of 2020

This is normally a January or February thing...last year it was November, so May seems fitting in 2021. You can find the last few years here and here...

2020 book totals: 23 audio books 14 Kindle books 10 tree books

47 books total

I shifted a lot more of my reading this year to audiobooks, which I think is a combination of the baby (a lot of time that I could use my ears, but not my hands), more ranch work (got a nice set of ISOTunes bluetooth ear protection for running saws etc), and more solo travel time during the pandemic. I also read a lot more tree books, mostly as a result of some out-of-print titles and some baby-related gifts. And overall my reading dropped a bit, unsurprisingly.

[Reminder: these are all affiliate links, and it all goes to charity at the end of the year]

How to Have Your Second Child First: 100 Things That Would Have Been Good to Know--The First Time Around by Kerry Colburn and Rob Sorenson

When I told Bryan that we were expecting our first child, he insisted I read this book. It was fantastic, as far as parenting goes (targeted audience, obviously). But the basic message is chill out, it's going to be fine. Think about how many people do this multiple times. And all of the things you worry about for the first kid, like making it perfectly quiet for them to sleep aren't going to be possible for the second kid, so why don't you just treat the first kid the same way--it makes everybody more flexible. We've tried to put a lot of this to work with Cooper and at least so far is making our lives easier. No promises how he turns out yet. :)

Age of Ambition, Chasing Fortune in China by Evan Osnos

I’m pretty sure Scott Cannon recommended this to me a while back, I think after some of his time in China, and I really enjoyed it. I've been trying to read and understand a lot more about China these days for obvious reasons. I've started reading Sinocism by Bill Bishop. It's a lot, you have to skim it every day, or just disregard it some days, but it's got a lot of really interesting insight (at least to me) on how China is operating these days. At least I'm trying to build some sort of understanding because it feels as if it's going to be important at some point in our lives. The highlights of this book, for me, were probably starting to understand some of what are apparent contradictions in the dynamism of the entrepreneurial economy there combined with pretty aggressive state control. Sort of the way that the party is different from the state but isn't in many ways; it’s often the same thing “functionally,” at least as I understand it. The other interesting takeaway was the total aversion to a loss of control and the single overarching directive that seems to grip the party, which is no social unrest. I also read China’s Vision of Victory this year, but Age of Ambition was a better read. I’m currently working on Blockchain Chicken Farm, and while the title is better, Age of Ambition still comes out on top.

Expecting Better by Emily Oster

Love this book, and the second book by the same author, called Crib Sheet. This was given to us when we told some close friends that we were expecting and they said “Oh, this woman we worked with at University of Chicago (she's now at Cornell, I believe), wrote these books and they're very scientific, data-driven books on pregnancy,” which obviously appeal to both Lizzie and I. This one was great because it goes into the research and the studies on things like can you drink alcohol during pregnancy or not? What do you think about sort of deli meats vs sushi vs whatever in terms of how it's going to affect the baby? How much should you worry about different prenatal tests, which are the really important ones, which are the ones that have a lot of false positives, and so on. I highly, highly recommend this and in fact, have sent it to a number of friends who are now expecting kids. It really simplifies things in terms of what you need to worry about and not.

Honeybee Democracy by Thomas D. Seeley

I don't remember who recommended this, but I absolutely loved this book. It's a really fascinating (if pretty in-depth) overview of the science on honeybees. Obviously, part of this is appealing to me because Lizzie keeps honey bees here at the ranch. And we love their honey and love learning about them and seeing them in operation. But the thing that just blew me away about this book, in addition to just the detail on the explanations of how these things actually work, was how they did the study design. They would find a big offshore island that had no bees on it and actually go out and do these experiments in a “pristine” environment. Eg how did the bees decide where to set up their new hive? How did they lead or follow a swarm or anything else? And it was just brilliant...as an example, they figured out that bees like to establish hives of a certain volume, not too big, not too small. And so how do honeybees measure volume? It turns out that there are two measurements they frequently do: one is they walk around the circumference of the potential hive site, and two is they fly across it and kind of measure their flight time. And so somebody actually went to prove this and built a hive they had a “treadmill” on one wall, that they could speed up or slow down to change the perceived volume, and that did in fact change which hives were chosen by the bees. Really, really amazing book!

Educated by Tara Westover

Lizzie read this first and really loved it, and has been on my list for a little while. I finally read it and thought it was fascinating. This single story of a woman who's raised in, I think, Idaho in a very Mormon community. Fundamentalist and very conspiratorial/out there on the fringe family. And she ends up going to BYU and then studying in London and doing a bunch of stuff that kind of breaks the mold. But she talks about it as kind of an escape, and rationalizing/understanding how her parents shaped her and both the positives and negatives. One of the biggest things that was interesting to me was, and I've heard it in many ways, but this passage stuck with me: at some point, she made a little bit of money, maybe $1,000 in a single chunk rather than getting paid for a day of work. And she made the point that all of a sudden she'd never felt like that before, because she didn't have to worry minute to minute about where the money was and was going and whatever. Just an interesting reminder of the costs of all these things that many of us are lucky enough not to think about at that level. Year by year, sure, but day by day or minute by minute is a different thing.

Fire on the Mountain: The True Story of the South Canyon Fire by John N. Maclean

I think this one was recommended by Zuni, one of our neighbors. It was another post fire disaster investigation, this time for a fire in Colorado that ended up turning and claiming the lives of a bunch of Hot Shots and Smokejumpers. It was a really well researched book, very descriptive, pretty fast moving, not excruciatingly detailed, but a little bit overly detailed unless you understand this stuff, which I don't claim to. But worth reading if you live in a wildfire zone, as many of us do these days!

The Haywire Heart by Chris Case

Mark Gainey recommended this to me. It’s about how endurance athletes can develop heart conditions, from training so hard and bringing their hearts to such an unusual level in different ways, and the various arrhythmias that come from it. Also how blood pressure can be off because your heart gets so strong at pumping during anaerobic exercise, develops really strong muscles, and then your heart rate goes way too low when you’re resting/sleeping and then loses rhythm. Really interesting. I listened to it in an audio book, which wasn't quite the right format for it because you have to be really paying attention to some of the science. But it was fascinating and made me a little more thoughtful about paying attention to heart rate monitors as I get older.  

Twelve hours' sleep by 12 weeks old by Suzy Giordano

A couple of people recommended this to me, Rick Morrison and Ashley Carroll were the ones that I remembered. For us it was the canonical sleep training book. It was really interesting and really good, but I don't think it works for everybody (seemingly different things work for different people, especially per Emily Oster’s research). But this is how we ended up getting Cooper to sleep well (he was largely sleeping through the night by 8 weeks, but I think that was mostly him and not us). Most of it is simply structured feeding and making sure that you can extend the time between feedings so that they can sleep longer periods of time without being really hungry. There are a bunch of really easy summaries on the web of, and the book itself was pretty tedious. I listened to it on Audible on my bike, and the number of examples like “every four hours, eg, 8a, 12p, 4p, 8p” ... I can do the math, thanks. But the method was two pages and really good. Obviously, again, doesn't matter if you don't have an infant.

My heart is Africa by Scott Griffin

Dennis Pilarinos recommended this book about a Canadian Doctor who goes and flies through Africa in his Cessna 185 (and even more adventurously, he actually flies it *to* Africa from Canada and back). Really cool fun book, some crazy stories like the usual kind of bush plane drama. Only available in paperback. I did order it somewhere random, but it was totally worth reading. Super fast and fun blending aid to Africa with flying and totally worth it. Very, very quick read but great for pilots.

The Billion Dollar Spy by David Hoffman

Alex Yakubovich recommended this to me and as always, his book recommendations are fantastic. This one was about Oleg Tolkachev and his work with the CIA while the Cold War was still going on. And all this crazy interesting information he passed and why he did it. And it was fun. It was like a spy novel that was real and exciting, but not over the top James Bond style.

Flatland by Edward Abbott Abbott

This was actually recommended by Sonia Wong at Sequoia in an interview I read with her. It's really quick and interesting, basically a story about living in two dimensions and trying to understand three- and one-dimensional worlds. How do you think about dimensionality, represented by the rules of these different, theoretical societies, if you will, that live in one or two dimensions. It's hard to describe well, but it was a really fun, interesting book, a very quick read. Even fully understanding the math of N space it was still really entertaining. I don't know if it'd be a good or bad thing for a kid to read, probably pretty good for a mathematically inclined kid. Really interesting.

The Storm Before the Calm by George Friedman

I read a lot of his work through Geopolitical Futures. I find it really interesting, just as an intellectual pursuit of understanding how the world works and how countries interact on a geopolitical level. And I've always thought his analysis is pretty insightful. He's a Polish immigrant to the United States, and a huge “patriot” in the unfortunately anachronistic sense. He writes about the four cycles he sees in US politics (institutional and socioeconomic, most importantly). And his primary argument is that in the 2020s, they're all going to end at the same time. And usually, when one of them ends, there's a little bit of pain and dislocation in the US. Historically, the US grew stronger out of it. It can grow, or it can obviously implode and cause a revolution. He thinks it'll grow stronger, and he thinks it'll largely lead to a decentralization of political power because the United States and its organizations and institutions have gotten way too complex to run centrally. Interesting parallel here to China in terms of the complexity of that organization and country, that's 4x, 5x the size population wise.

[8f6dh4mna7]

Michael Heizer, Double Negative, 1969-70. Excavated earth. 9 x 50 x 457m. Mormon Mesa, Overton, Nevada. • The work consists of a half-kilometre long incision in the side of the Moapa Valley. The cut crosses both sides of an open sandstone slope, towering over visitors who enter. No conservation efforts have been made to preserve the project, with weather and erosion slowly reclaiming the site since 1970. 

• From Los Angeles, allow seven hours for travel and please note the last 45 minutes is on dirt roads. A four-wheel drive vehicle is recommended under current road conditions. Prepare for conditions of extreme heat with no shade (especially in the summer months)—always bring water, a hat, and sunscreen. Use caution, avoid traveling alone, and notify an outside party of your departure and estimated arrival time for safety.

From Los Angeles: 1. Take Interstate 15 North past Las Vegas to Route 169 (exit #93) to Overton. 2. Once on Overton, turn left onto Cooper Street, which leads to the Overton Airport. This will be a sharp left shortly after the Maverick Gas Station, Moapa Valley Community Center and Las Vegas Met. Police Station (on left) and the Post Office (on right). 3. Continue on Cooper Street to Airport Road. 4. Turn right on Airport Road. 5. Proceed up the road to the top of the Western edge of the mesa. As you pass the dump, it will turn into a dirt road. 6. When you reach the top of the mesa, note mileage and continue straight across the mesa (do not go onto the immediate right or left road). 7. After traveling 2.6 miles, keep your eyes to the left and make your first possible left (at 2.8 miles) onto a small dirt road, which is easy to miss. Note mileage again. 8. The road runs to the north, parallel to the eastern edge of the mesa where Double Negative is located (overlooking the Virgin River). Proceed carefully. Pass the first two notches in the mesa and a small U.S. Dept. of the Interior/Bureau of Land Management marker at right. Double Negative is located in the third notch. 9. After traveling 1.3 miles, you will come to a fork, which leads to each cut of Double Negative. Bear right to the south cut. The left fork leads to the North cut.

[a-wlw-reads]

Religious WLW Masterlist

I still like to categorize things and there are so many different ways to break up the LGBT experience, so here’s a list of wlw books that feature religion, split by religious denomination. Again, this is a list exclusively of books I’ve read, and I’ll be continuously updating it as I go along.

AME Zion

Tailor-Made by Yolanda Wallace

Catholic

Don’t Tell My Mother by Brigitte Bautista

Lesbian Nuns: Breaking Silence edited by Rosemary Curb and Nancy Manahan

Hood by Emma Donoghue

Days of Grace by Catherine Hall

Map of Ireland by Stephanie Grant

Ask Me How I Got Here by Christine Heppermann

P.S. I Miss You by Jen Petro-Roy

Her Name in the Sky by Kelly Quindlen

Christian (unspecified)

Kaleidoscope Song by Fox Benwell

Lost and Found by Carolyn Parkhurst

Dress Codes for Small Towns by Courtney Stevens

Our Own Private Universe by Robin Talley

Druze

Bareed Mista3jil edited by Meem

Evangelical Christian

Georgia Peaches and Other Forbidden Fruit by Jaye Robin Brown

The Miseducation of Cameron Post by Emily M. Danforth

Hindu

The Normal State of Mind by Susmita Bhattacharya

Jewish

Disobedience by Naomi Alderman

Bombshells by Marguerite Bennett

Mentsh: On Being Jewish and Queer edited by Angela Brown

Echo After Echo by Amy Rose Capetta

Little & Lion by Brandy Colbert

Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg

Cinnamon Blade: Knife in Shining Armor by Shira Glassman

The Second Mango by Shira Glassman

Sister Mischief by Laura Goode

Finder of Lost Objects by Susie Hara

Challah and Callaloo by La Toya Hopkins

Uncovered: How I Left Hasidic Life and Finally Came Home by Leah Lax

Sappho’s Bar and Grill by Bonnie J. Morris

She Is Me by Cathleen Schine

Rat Bohemia by Sarah Schulman

Pulp by Robin Talley

Speaking for Ourselves: Short Stories by Jewish Lesbians edited by Irene Zahava

Maronite Christian

Bareed Mista3jil edited by Meem

Mormon

When I Was Fifteen I Told My Mormon Parents I Was Gay, And That’s When My Nightmare Began by Alex Cooper

Muslim

The Others by Seba Al-Herz

Moon at Nine by Deborah Ellis

If You Could be Mine by Sara Farizan

Tell Me Again How a Crush Should Feel by Sara Farizan

Bright Lines by Tanwi Nandini Islam

A Map of Home by Randa Jarrar

The Love & Lies of Rukhsana Ali by Sabina Khan

Bareed Mista3jil edited by Meem

I Can’t Think Straight by Shamim Sarif

Pentecostal

Juliet Takes a Breath by Gabby Rivera

Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson

Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal? by Jeanette Winterson