#(post)Mormon!Cooper

[phoenixyfriend]

IDK how many of you remember @professorsparklepants's post about the unintended tragedy implied in Avril Lavigne's Sk8er Boy from a while back, but uhhhhhh it's basically Ballerina Farm.

If you've heard the edges of that drama and are curious but don't want to get in too deep, here's the rundown:

I heard about it in two videos:

Tyler Bender has more focus on the ways that an influencer may be specifically presenting herself for the interviewer, and the impact of Mormonism on the choices (Bender is herself a former(?) member of the LDS church, and speaks from that perspective, and has experience in the field of marketing)

Film Cooper, while I often have issues with his videos, does a lot more focus on just how relevant Julliard and the 'first student in decades(?) to get pregnant' are to the story, and clips of how happy she seems to be when dancing on camera

If you'd rather have a summary in text form, here we go:

BallerinaFarms is an influencer considered a big name in the tradwife community. Mormon, eight kids, runs a farm with her husband. She got a lot of press earlier in the year for winning Mrs. America two weeks after giving birth.

As a result, a journalist interviewed her ,and the 'perfect' image that has been presented to the world has been firmly shattered, and that's after a lot of cracks were showing in the socials already.

(Mrs. American is not a typo. It's not a tradwife pageant, to my knowledge, it's just a Miss America for married women.)

Basic timeline/summary of the article...

She got into Julliard. She was on track to be a world famous ballerina.

She did not want to date this man. She turned him down for six months. He snagged a seat next to her on a plane ride from salt lake city to nyc, by making a call, becaus his dad OWNS JET BLUE. They talked a lot on the plane, and then she agreed to date him. Insisted on a year of dating before engagement or marriage.

They get married after three months instead. She gets pregnant pretty quick. First Julliard student to get pregnant in a Very Long Time because generally, if you get into Julliard, ballet is your life. She was also on scholarship. She was That Good. Performed overseas and everything.

So that's her career ambitions down the drain. But it's Fine, Totally Fine, because she's got a baby, and a husband, and he is moving them to South America for a few years.

She has about one baby a year.

They move back to the US to a semi-isolated farm in Utah, not too far from civilization but not all that close, either.

She does not get to have childcare. No nannies. Babysitters are allowed one night per week (date night) and otherwise not at all. She is also homeschooling the eight children.

She did not get to have any painkillers for the kids… except one, which she only mentioned to the reporter when the husband was out of the room, and says that the epidural was amazing.

She still loves ballet. It's the only time in her videos that she seems truly happy.

Her husband really wants to be a cowboy but, again, his dad owns airlines. He's a billionaire trust fund baby.

This was his dream life. She repeatedly Seems To Stop Herself from saying things about how unhappy she is and how it wasn't her plan in life. (Is this calculated to get enough attention that she can get away? To get more clicks on her videos? Actual slips? Unclear.)

There's a notable video where she's filmed opening a birthday present and she keeps talking about tickets to Greece (clearly something she's been dropping hints about enough for her to assume that he got it for her, especially since she's on camera) and it's... an egg apron.

One of her only requests for the farm was that they would renovate a barn into a ballet studio for her. It is, instead, a schoolroom for the children.

She apparently collapses of exhaustion regularly, from having to look after eight children with minimal help, in addition to the content creation, the cooking--they have cleaners, but she does the food herself--running the farm, homeschooling, and being pregnant more often than not.

It's a shitshow and people are rightfully horrified. I'm sure I missed some stuff but it's really sad.

The snippets of video that FilmCooper shows, and the excerpts that both videos have from the article, paint a picture of a REALLY controlling husband even in settings where you'd think the man would at least try to act like he's not evil.

Explains the title on that Film Cooper video.

(You can also see why this made me think of the Prof post.)

[heathersdesk]

One of my favorite follows on TikTok is Reverend Oliver, a trans pastor in West Virginia whose whole thing is trying to teach leftist people how to shed their worst impulses and inclinations to be better members of their communities. He is a firm advocate for genuine connection, leftist cooperation and community building with those on the right, and the kind of activism that is truly transformative and leaves no one behind.

He made a post, in an ongoing conversation about ways for leftists to identify opportunities to connect with their larger communities, that listed some of the fronts where leftists need to consider society's unmet needs. He included child care and elder care on that list. He also included addiction recovery resources.

Seeing an opportunity for the kind of interfaith connection he's always talking about, I pointed out that the LDS Church has free addiction recovery programs that anyone in the public is invited to attend, regardless of religious affiliation. And unlike other resources like the bishop's storehouse, no interaction with ecclesiastical leadership is necessary or expected. You can just show up, get support, and leave without any expectation of obligation, financial or otherwise, to our church. And honestly, a healthy dose of reality for the program from voices outside of our own community might temper some of the attitudes in our own community about pornography and compulsive masturbation being equivalent to an addiction.

So tell me why a random ex-Mormon took it upon themselves to begin an argument with me in Rev. Oliver's comments about the LDS Church leadership and past animosity towards queer people, that it isn't a safe space for them, that all queer people are forced into conversion therapy (which is false), and people show up in ARP with things that aren't even addictions.

Even after I told that person I'm queer affirming, that I believe these are things the Church can and does need to change, that I have actively been working on those improvements through my church membership since Prop 8, they just kept going. I became the dumpster for their unresolved anger towards the institution, even though I'm a total stranger and have nothing to do with anything they were complaining about. I have never put any queer people into conversion therapy and never would. I'm not Dallin H. Oaks and never tortured queer people at BYU. I think the Church has many sins it needs to answer for in relation to its treatment of queer people. At no point did I disagree or argue against anything that was true. For all intents and purposes, this person and I probably agree about a lot of things.

So why were they still attacking me? I'm actively trying to improve what upsets them without invalidating any of their feelings, and they're still upset with me. Why? What more do they want from me?

I find myself in this position with ex-Mormons all the time. With a tenure on Mormon Twitter that went from 2009-2023, I've seen every form and progression of ex-Mormon sentiment that could ever possibly exist. Especially because I left the Church for a time and did so with heartbreaks of my own. They don't know this when they approach me because they have no idea who I am, and I don't expect them to. But the irony is never lost on me that we could honestly be besties if they would shut and stop making assumptions about me long enough to hear what I'm saying.

And I mean that with my whole chest, and with all the self-recrimination that comes with it: ex-Mormons engage people in fights when they have no intentions of listening, achieving understanding, or engaging in constructive resolution with anyone in relation to the Church. They use people for emotional catharsis, and that's all they want from these interactions. I'm just supposed to sit there and take it. That's what they want. That's what they expect. And when I refuse to engage in the process as a receptacle for their disregulated emotions and the shame they want to make me feel, they get mad at me for not giving them what they wanted from me.

They don't see me as a person. They don't respect me or the work I do. They don't actually want to see the Church grow or improve beyond the ways it hurt them in the past because it means the Church and its people were always capable of doing that, just not for them. And they aren't prepared to feel or confront any of that, emotionally or spiritually. All they've ever wanted is a real apology and real change, but when it happens—when someone from the Church genuinely apologizes to them and tells them they deserved better, as I always do—it's not emotionally satisfying at all. The skies don't part, angels don't sing, and they don't feel any better.

It's like that scene from Malcolm in the Middle where Lois finally apologizes to Francis for being abusive to him when he's not expecting it, he freaks out because he had built up what that apology would look like and what it would accomplish in his mind, and he gets mad at Lois for ruining the fantasy in his mind. She doesn't know what to do, so she asks him if $20 would help. He takes the money in a state of confusion, but clearly still doesn't feel any better because it also doesn't help.

So I'm going to say the same thing here that I did there, for when this inevitably happens here: I'm not going to apologize for trying to make the Church a better, safer place for everyone. I'm not going to apologize for my association with the institutional Church, despite its failures and imperfections. I have made peace with my place here, the good I do, the impact I have, and the changes I am making. This is my church too, and despite what people think, there's room for me here. And as long as I'm here, the Church is a better and safer place for marginalized people because I've committed to making it that way. I don't expect anyone to stay when it's safest and healthiest for them to go, but I'm not going to join them. I already tried that and it was a waste of time for me.

If someone decides to place the validation of their choice to leave the Church on my refusal to go with them, that's not my problem. I don't owe anyone that. And their choice to do that doesn't entitle them to use me as an emotional jizz tissue for their anger at (and grief for) the institutional Church and other people in it I've never even met. Put it in a journal or take it to a therapist you pay for. Don't hand it to me, then get offended when I hand it back to you. It's not mine. If you don't want the nasty end results of your emotional outburst, what makes you think I do?

All of this to say to ex-Mormon folks who do this: have some self-reflection. Do you do this to people? Is it healthy? Does it accomplish any of your goals? Is it helping you to become the person you envisioned you would be when you left the Church? Have you fully formed in your mind who that person is? Have you fully and appropriately grieved for everyone and everything you lost? If not, what impact is that choice having on the rest of your life? And should you be doing something about it instead of arguing with me?

Again, don't tell me. Put it in a journal. Tell a therapist. Or, even better, tell the person who actually hurt you. Because telling me isn't going to make you feel better. And you may not realize this yet, but it's tremendously difficult to be me, too. I'm the one telling your parents, siblings, grandparents, friends, neighbors, classmates, colleagues, co-workers, and other people in your life at Church that they need to treat you better—how to do it and what it looks like. You need me. What I do is important. It's also exhausting. And if you use up all of my energy in an argument with you, how am I going to do it? Do you think about that? Do you think about what it costs me to be the person you've already decided it's too exhausting for you to be?

I say this with all the love and encouragement I have: either help me or get out of my way. But don't make my job harder. Why would you do that? It doesn't serve you, me, or anyone else. It just makes you look bitter, makes me less effective at creating the changes you want, and all Mormons (former and current) look like we don't have our shit together. Because this isn't new. Every religious tradition on this planet has had to struggle and figure out how to create space for marginalized people. Every branch of Christianity has had to figure out their relationship to their own queer people, to stop actively hurting them and to embrace them instead. You're a part of this transition, even once you leave, by whether or not you perpetuate this animosity with people who stay. We all have to put down our weapons. The fighting will continue as long as anyone anywhere is still throwing punches.

If you're an ex-Mormon, be the best one there is. Be unbothered and totally disengaged from the Church and its problems. Create the life of your dreams with nothing from the past in it, if that's what you need. When the people in your life direct coercion and manipulation at you in relation to your spirituality and church disaffiliation, return to sender. Be so busy being your own best self, you don't have time for any of this.

That's what you deserve. That's what I want for you. That's what many in the Church who stay want for you, because we're not all selfish pricks who get our jollies from forced homogeneity and making people suffer. That's not even the majority of us. It's the people you're actually mad at. Stop treating us like we're all guilty by association. Have the courage to put the dog turd of your displeasure on their porch where it belongs, not mine.

[wowbright]

Fic: Reservations

Fandom/pairing: Glee, Kurt/Blaine

Event: December Klaine Fanworks Challenge 2023, day 12: rail

Words: ~ 650 words                                 

Rating: Mature

Summary: Cooper gives Blaine a present and some advice.

Notes: This is part of my Mormon!Klaine universe. It takes place after Out of Eden, which I am still in the process of posting to AO3. It’s among the likely possibilities for their future. It’s sort of a continuation of Proposal, and it's rated mature only for dialog.

* * *

Right as Blaine pulled up to the departure terminal at the Phoenix airport, Cooper made a surprise announcement.

“I know you and Kurt were planning to stay with the family of a friend of some missionary you met in Germany when you go to Salt Lake City, but frankly, that's stupid. I mean, if you really want to meet them, you can have lunch. You two must be desperate for privacy after your crazy homecoming.” Cooper tapped something into his phone. “There. I sent you the reservations. Hotel’s right off Temple Square. Can you believe I was able to get you a honeymoon suite at this short notice? It's even got a view of the temple, since you two still seem to be into that kind of thing. If not, I guess you can always close the curtains.”

A notification buzzed on Blaine’s phone. It was an email from Cooper with all the info about the reservation. Even with it right there in front of his eyes, Blaine was having a hard time processing. "Honeymoon suite?”

“Yeah. It's my wedding present to you.”

Blaine's mouth went dry. This was supposed to be a secret. How many people knew? “Wedding... present?”

Cooper put his hand on Blaine’s shoulder. “Look, I know I shouldn't eavesdrop, and I didn't mean to, but if you don't want people to overhear you, then maybe you shouldn't be talking in the kitchen about whether or not Kurt needs to send home for his birth certificate.”

“It was four-thirty in the morning! Everyone was supposed to be asleep! When are you up at four-thirty in the morning?”

"What can I say? I'm unpredictable. Directors love that about me. But I knew you wouldn't, so I had to go back into my bedroom and hide and not get up until 6 a.m. just so you two wouldn't freak out.”

But Blaine was doing exactly that right now. “Does anyone else know? Does Mom know?”

Cooper shook his head. “If you're asking if I told anyone, no, I didn't. And I'm certain no one else knows, or someone would've called a family meeting about it. You're fine. Just be careful.”

“I'm trying. Our family is just so—”

"I wasn't talking about our family. Screw them. I was talking about when you’re in the honeymoon suite. There's a Jacuzzi, and I know how newlyweds are about Jacuzzis. To those who haven't tried it, spontaneous sex in a Jacuzzi sounds like the best thing ever, but it's really not. The water washes away almost every kind of lubrication, natural or man-made. But if you're that desperate to get railed in a Jacuzzi—or to do some railing, or exchange handjobs, or whatever, I don't want to make any assumptions—you need to get some silicone lube and practice applying it first. If a hole will be involved, maybe even put some in there before you get in the water. A little goes a long way. And not your mouth. Do not put silicone lube in your m—”

Blaine hid his face against the steering wheel. “Oh my gosh Cooper, why are you so—” A car horn blared behind them.

“Guess I should get going,” Cooper said casually, as if he hadn’t just been giving Blaine a graphic lecture on sexual safety in hot tubs. “We can't sit in the drop-off zone all day. Hug for your big brother?”

Blaine had half a mind to kick his brother out of the car without even looking at him. But the other half convinced him not to. Red-faced, he leaned over the console to hug his brother. “Thanks, Coop. Not for the unsolicited sex advice, but … you know.”

"Well, I've got a big trust fund from my first mom that our dad was thankfully never allowed to touch, and I've got to do so something good with it.”

"Not for that. I mean, yes, thanks for the hotel, but also…” Blaine trailed off. He wasn't crying, exactly, but he did have to sniffle.

“I know, bunso," Cooper said, rubbing Blaine’s back. "I know.”

[your-coquette-queen]

GUYS IM BACK!

HEY EVERYONE!

I'm sorry for the two year hiatus, I went through a period where I struggled and I really just had to come out the other side finding who I am. However, I am now back and feel so much happier! In case come of you forgot, I'm Ava! I originally had this account and ended up talking mainly about rock bands (notably KISS), Stranger Things, and Star Wars!

However, over the past two years a lot has honestly changed. I still love music, mainly now pop and musical theatre however I do love rock and still love talking about it with people. I love Star Wars still however my main fandom is currently Supernatural. Hopefully I have some Supernatural enjoyers in my audience and we can connect.

I also love 2000's everything and Incorporate into a lot of my style , so just expect to likely to see lots of 2000's core on here

A little UPDATED bit about me:

IT WILL BE LONG JUST NOTE:

Expect lots of music on here! I think I will just have one blog and move throughout fandoms that I enjoy so expect a bit of everything!

I am Christian! Christianity has been a long journey for me but I am so thankful to be in a really positive place with my faith. I left this blog two years ago with a lot of struggles but have come back overcoming those problems! I likely will not post a lot about faith as that is not the main part of the account but it is a big part of my life and something I am proud of. If I have other Christians here, I am always open to talking!

I love makeup!

Favorite tv shows:

Supernatural

ER

Movies:

Ten Inch Hero

Wedding Crashers

Cinderella Story

Legally Blonde

Without a Paddle

Star Wars: Phantom Menace

Star Wars: A New Hope

Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith

Clueless

Hunger Games

Scooby Doo!

Batman: Dark Knight

Twilight

Princess Diaries

She's the Man

Singers/Bands:

Britney Spears

Christina Aguilera

Rihanna

Destiny's Child

Duran Duran

Katy Perry

Beyonce

NSYNC

Nelly Furtado

Timbaland

Frankie Valley and the Fourth Seasons

Simple Minds

Alice Cooper

KISS

Megadeth

Journey

Motley Crue

The Temptations

Dianna Ross

Michael Jackson

Ice Spice

Lay Bankz

Ayesha Erotica

Meghan Thee Stallion

Fergie

Madonna

Nikki Minaj

Jessie J

Marvin Gaye

1 Direction (when I was like 14 but idc their songs still cook😭😭)

Fav Musicals:

Cats

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

Starlight Express

Falsettos

25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

Book of Mormon

& Juliet

Miss Saigon

Rocky Horror

Spamalot

Back to the Future

Guys and Dolls

Suisical

Pippin

Legally Blonde

Ain't Too Proud

Little Shop of Horrors

Guttenberg

Young Frankenstein

Little Women

Music Genres:

Rock(multiple genres within!)

Pop

80's/90's county

K-Pop

Musical Theatre

Opera/Classical

New Wave

Alternative

Actors/Celebrities I love:

Paris Hilton: SHE'S MY QUEEN/ ONE OF MY BIGGEST INSPIRATIONS

Jared Padalecki

Jensen Ackles

Matthew Lillard

Misha Collins

Christian Bale

Ryan Reynolds

Channing Tatum

Hayden Christensen

Ryan Gosling

Pamela Anderson

Heather Locklear

Chad Michael Murray

Mark Wahlberg

Reese Witherspoon

Josh Hutcherson

Elizabeth Taylor

Taylor Lautner

Tom Cruise

Tom Selleck

I will likely update this as I start interacting on here again but I am so happy to be back!

Excited to talk to some of you guys again🤍

[spiffysoultarot]

Find a troll, pick it up, all day long, you have good luck 🪺 —> Pick a Troll

Sorry #3, I started this reading a year ago and never finished it and finally decided to post it cause I didn’t wanna waste effort😬

Pile 1: Spiffy the Sailor//Light Seer’s

🫖 I pulled a tea quote, a quarter and then a movie quote to feel out Pile One’s vibe today:

The quarter is Utah and their state bird is a California Gull aka a seagull.

—> Q1: how does pile one give their power away? King of cups (R)

—> Q2: what can help balance out pile one’s emotions? Annunaki (R)

🦤The seagull is Utah’s official state bird due to saving the State during the katydid (Mormon cricket) devastation of 1848, according to Utah’s website. (https://onlinelibrary.utah.gov/utah/symbols/bird/) The pests were destroying the crops but the seagulls ate the crickets, saving the crops and the town. (

🧺Similar to Tommy Boy in that everyone kinda doubted him. Maybe it was different in 1848 but I know where I grew up, seagulls were sort of looked at as pests. They did not cause harm but were greedy and could pester folks outside.

👯‍♀️ The dynamic between Tommy and Richard is coming to mind. Richard is a “smug, unhappy little man who treats others as if they were idiots” - paraphrasing of course. Tommy is a jovial albeit slightly immature college graduate who has come to work at his fathers company. They went through secondary school together in their small town and were at opposite ends of the social spectrum, and thus sort of did not exist to each other.

⚖️ Ultimately they balance out each other nicely though: Richard has the rigid pragmatism Tommy lacks, and Tommy had the ruthless optimism Richard lacks. 👌🏻Some damn good character chemistry of buddy comedies, if you ask me, but I’m not the remaining 51% on Rotten Tomatoes. The audience is at a 90% though. Most of the pull comes from nostalgia undoubtedly.

9️⃣ The ‘90s is one of the most sought after decades of recent times. I find it interesting that in the 1890’s a similar thing happened and would eventually lead to people referring to that time as the “gay” era in some way as in happy. That is extra interesting because 9’s represent an ending.

🍿 Look at the majority of popular films in the last decade — are not a good portion of them remakes from the 90s?

👹Upright the Annunaki quite literally speaks of how their people created a hybrid workforce that “was smart enough to follow directions but stupid enough to rebel” (Mystic Martian Oracle Deck © Lisa Porter, Rockpool Publishing, 2021) The Annunaki are in alignment with the Alpha Draconians and Reptile Beings mindset, sort of like Emperor reversed energy— power, control, black-and-white thinking, disliking those that mess up the conformity and the audacity to question their authority.

🌅 Reversed Annunaki speaks of cooperation, fairness, compromise, unity, open-minded, progressive thinking. The belief that everyone is equal and deserves to be treated equally. What might help is seeking out like-minded people and/or organizations with similar values.

🚙 Similar to Tommy Boy! I would totally say he’s a 9. Kinda like Amity vibes from Divergent too.

🍷King of Cups Reversed energy can speak of someone moody, temperamental and hasty with others feelings —> Richard in a nutshell, right? It can also speak of old wounds, which he likely carries from childhood. He sort of unfairly treats Tommy due to jealousy from not having the caring, loving father he did.

💍 Fun fact: Sea gulls typically mate for life, equally caring for their chicks. However, sometimes it does not work out between the pair. Afterward they are typically seen as less attractive and left alone for a few nesting seasons as a “sea gull divorcee.” (Source: https://www.birdspikesonline.co.uk/Blog/Understanding-the-seagull-and-its-behaviour)

📕Honesty and being genuine is key here. Patience may be necessary too, especially if you’re resonating more with the Richard side. A need to believe in yourself if you’re doubting.

🌏The Annunaki are from the planet Nibiru, a distant planet that enters our solar system every 3600 years and was thought to have caused the great deluge, according to the Mystic Martian Oracle deck (© Lisa Porter, Rockpool Publishing, 2021). I looked up what the great deluge was and according to Wikipedia (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flood_myth ), it was a flood sent by a deity to destroy civilization in means of divine retribution. I wanted to share the image:

Pile 2: Bunny troll//Rider-Waite

What do you want to talk about pile 2?

Romy and Michelle quote —> one of my personal favorites

Moral of the story? Missouri quarter

Missouris state bird is a cardinal — Missouri and six other states.

Second arch signification today. Utah had an arch in pile one. Arches signify new opportunities or phases in life.

What does pile two need to know?

Five of wands clarified by fourth house

Past energy: four of pentacles clarified by queen of cups

Present: four of swords reversed

Future: Empress clarified by Ace of Pentacles reversed

Hidden money matters can sum it up.

Five of wands actually signifies great wealth and is like a play fight this is the overall context gold, gain, opulence, the competition and search after riches…. And fourth house

I find it funny that Venus came out on the dice for the present energy and that the Empress came out with the Libra dice because that quarter I have is ugly af. I thought that I put the shiny, pretty Missouri quarter back but apparently I put the dark, ugly one in - I had duplicates.

Something is not as it seems here and absolutely hidden. The fourth house talks about hidden matters, death, parents, home.

Given that almost every single card on the spread is associated with finances (except queen of cups), I am going to say this has something to do with money.

The past signifies a fair, honest upbringing that may have appeared nice on the outside. Either material struggle was present or a vital support was missing. Neglect can be emotional too — ignoring your kids and just placating them is sort of cruel because you are not actually seeing them.

The fact that Venus rules Empress and the Libra dice clarified it, is a very good signification. Venus rules Libra so it’s in its domicile. Ace of Pentacles (R) actually speaks of great riches. So the future to this outcome is great. It’s supported on both “ends” too:

5 of wands to left speaks of affluence as does the ace of pentacles (R) so it is confirmed.

Be sure to watch out for the small details to ensure you aren’t being deceived, possibly by promise of great riches.

All that glitters isn’t gold, and not everything is what it seems. Remain vigilant in the present, focusing on loving yourself and doing what brings you joy.

With the taking of the burger (when it’s Romys favorite lunch day!) was unnecessarily cruel and petty in the film Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion. I see you moving AWAY from this energy.

Four of swords reversed can signify a need for greed but also speaks of precaution and discernment.

In Romy and Michelle, they have each other they can trust each other. The queen of cups dynamic is present within them, they have their friendship but not riches.

I am honestly not one to try to fill my audience with false hope to simply garner likes. The cards have spoken, I listened and relayed the best I could.

[nerdragenewvegas]

Fallout fics I've gone and done

Outing myself as Cantique the Ao3 gremlin here I guess. These all contain smut.

A Well Timed Scandal - Cooper Howard/Female Reader. Pre war (will go into the post-war timeline.) No current content warnings but I'll be tagging as I go. Will be multi chapter. Johnny places his cigarette in the carved out groove of the ash tray, leaning in and resting his elbows on the desk, like he’s leveling with you. “You wanna know why we cast Gilda in Empire on the Nile?” He asks. “Because there was one too many rumors about Keith McKinney being a fan of ‘Greek stuff’ for us to contend with. Now, originally, we just wanted them seeing each other,” he admits, “but I’m not gonna complain with the results.”

“So you want me to marry Cooper Howard?”

He shakes his head, laughing under his breath. “Marry? No, no, lets play that by ear,” he seemingly assures you. “What we want — need — you two to do is make it look like you’ve been having an affair.” You must look like you’ve seen a ghost. This is insane. “Explains his divorce, gets people talking about you two as a pair, gets eyes on this movie you’re filming together — now, don’t go outright saying it, of course. We just wanna’ make people read between the lines, get them curious enough to get them into the theater to see the chemistry on the screen.” 

--- Kinda Like a Cowboy - The Ghoul/Lucy, contains spoilers, porn with plot. Please read the tags for CNs but there are definitely CNs. Unhinged stuff involving guns. Currently two chapters but I'm cooking a third.

"I’d be real careful with that line o’ thinkin’,” he warns, raising an arm and bringing it to brace against the wall beside her head, all but pinning her to it. They may not be physically touching, but they’re so close to it and he’s looking at her like she’s a meal (which should be concerning because she knows he literally eats people) and she really, really wishes they were touching right now. “Because I can be nice. Real nice.” His free hand reaches up to her face, and she’s so focused on watching his expression and how close his face is to hers that she doesn’t even realize until his thumb brushes over the barely-healing split in her lip. “…But I don’t think nice is what ya’ want, is it?” More under the cut, they're New Vegas fics fyi~

----

Doctrine & Covenants - Joshua Graham/Female Courier with some Vulpes/Female Courier and Boone/Female Courier. Extremely longform (48 chapters, 286,349 words and still going) fic that I've been working on since 2022. It's imperative you read the tags and heed the content warnings as it does contain some noncon. First chapter is a little rough and I'll rework it one day but the rest is fine. Tells the story of Courier Six confronting her own trauma when she visits Zion in Honest Hearts thanks to Joshua not so much teaching her about God (although he tries) but teaching her about forgiveness and love despite sin. Lowkey a bit of a personal one for me as I'm an ex-mormon myself and it's been a nice avenue for me to kinda work through my own feelings while deconstructing.

“I will not judge you – I understand better than anyone else what it’s like to be willing to do anything to escape your own history,” he explains, “but you are a good neighbor to us. The tribe cares for you, Follows-Chalk and Waking Cloud care for you, and I care for you.” He holds her gaze as he says this, speaking firmly, as though there’s no room to budge on his statement. “And as someone who cares for you, I want to let you know that this is something we can help with if you wish.”

Six doesn’t say anything, her jaw tense as she casts her eyes downwards, and Joshua worries that he’s lost her.

“And as for whatever has happened before you came to us,” he says, “I want you to know that it is forgiven in Zion.”

Six shifts uncomfortably, her eyes glancing up at him, but only momentarily. “I’m not religious, Joshua,” she says. “That’s sweet, but I’m sorry.”

“I know,” he says plainly. “I’m not speaking for God, though. I am speaking for myself.”

“But you don’t even know what I’ve done.”

“I don’t need to. All I need is to know who you are now.” ---

Raze It, Raze It - Joshua Graham/Female Courier. Oneshot, there's smut in here. Honest Hearts bad ending but the Courier is an enabler and basically encourages Joshua to keep going until he's started a holy war. Make sure to read the tags for CNs.

“Bring me Vulpes Inculta alive and I will give you a child.”

He gazes up at her when she says this, in awe of her naked form as she takes him so well, his fingers digging into her supple thighs, the light that pours in through the seams of their tent illuminating her from behind. She is divine. Remarkable. A miracle. And she offers him a child, an opportunity to have the eternal family he had been sure he had lost all right to. At first, he had thought they would go without. He has two decades on her at even his most conservative of guesses, and she is so young and healthy compared to him that if not sent to him directly by God, he’d be sure this was perverse.

But despite his age and despite his burns and past and all that he is, here she is; the most feminine of all forms, joined with him at the flesh, offering to grow and bare his child. All of her, this perfect creature, here, for him and only him.

“Anything,” he finally says. He reaches a hand up to cup her face and she nestles into it, her cheek so soft against his own burnt and scarred palm as she rides him. Oh, she’s so beautiful. He watches her on the battlefield, striking down Legionary after Legionary, a true Holy Host. If Joshua is the sword, she is the arrow.

[cartograffiti]

June and July '24 reading diary

I was so busy in July I simply never did my June post, so it's a twofer!

Way back in May I borrowed all the literary-inspired cookbooks my library had, and the two I finished looking at in early June were The Book Lover's Cookbook by Jensen and Wenger, and The Book Club Cookbook, by Gelman and Krupp. Both have really approachable recipes, with The Book Club Cookbook having the edge on the recipes being inspired by the text and a little more exciting. I didn't find the selection of books featured terribly inspiring in either, and The Book Lover's Cookbook has a prevalence of Mormon literary fiction that explains what I'd loosely thought of as a Midwestern je ne sais quois in the food. Neither book is nearly as good as Kate Young's Little Library series, so! That's that on that, check out Kate Young if you like themed meals too.

An even more disappointing cookbook for me was The Drunken Botanist: The Plants That Create the World's Great Drinks by Amy Stewart. The stories about each plant are less interesting than the same author's Wicked Plants, and there's a real problem with the text uncritically repeating claims rooted in marketing or racism about the quality or appeal of different items. A letdown! I'm glad I borrowed it instead of buying!

An interesting gothic novel set in Jamaica and England, The Confessions of Frannie Langton was pitched to me totally incorrectly as a romantic mystery. I enjoyed what it is very much once I got over expecting an arc in line with those genres! It's a very disturbing story in which a woman recalls her life as a slave and a free servant, including acting as assistant to race scientists, and the overlaps and problems present in sex work, domestic service, and marriage for women in the 19th century. Sara Collins writes gorgeous sentences, the emotional intensity always felt commensurate with the material in any given scene, and she created a really special character in Frannie, who has complex and sometimes difficult to read feelings about her own agency. In particular, this book has the most powerful portrayal I've ever read of acts of racism particular to white abolitionists, and their need for "perfect victims." Collins also narrates the audiobook, which I highly recommend.

A book that was not for me is Y/N by Esther Yi. This is a literary fiction book about a woman who writes self-insert fanfiction about her favorite K-pop idol, and also about the relationship between the viewer and the artist, the lover and the beloved, the artist and the creation, the believer and the religion. It's about identity, loneliness, and searching for connection. It's a funny book, but it's a very cerebral surreal philosophical story, and this is only going to be for you if you're up for meeting the book's high level of effort. For me, the highly stylized and ambiguous sentences occasionally irritated me to the point of physical pain. I wish I could recommend it more warmly!

I also wish I'd straightforwardly enjoyed Rita Mae Brown's Wish You Were Here. This is a Virginia book with a richness of local detail and expression that really tickled me, even though the mystery was a bit too easy. It also has conversations between the adorable pet characters where they promote eugenics and pathological models of crime. I realize this sounds ridiculous. It was really jarring, and I'm torn about whether to read more and find out whether this is the only incidence.

Over Sea, Under Stone by Susan Cooper is one of those major children's books I never read as a child, a nice romp about siblings on vacation in Cornwall trying to find the Holy Grail before nebulous bad guys get it first. Very charming, if not quite engaging enough for me, but I understand it picks up when magic is introduced in the next book. I'll probably read that and find out.

The Star Wars anthology From a Certain Point of View (ed. Elizabeth Schaefer) has some very fun stories, mostly by authors I already knew I liked, and a whole bunch of stories that made me mutter various levels of "Oh, fuck off." I think a) some of these people don't understand how to utilize fanfiction, b) a certain amount of making the Empire characters sympathetic is reprehensible, and c) it is incredible how many writers will invent a daughter (specifically a daughter) for characters to cheaply jerk reader tears. My favorite pieces were Meg Cabot's sweet look at Beru and the two about doing paperwork. I'll probably read the other two 40th anniversary anthologies they did to scan for fave writers and mutter about the same problems again.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is a book I remember my dad liking when I was a kid--and I remember him following the issues with Stieg Larsson's estate, too--and I only sort of knew what it was about. I knew it's a suspense mystery about a journalist and a hacker PI catching rapist-murderers (the Swedish title translates to something like "the men who hate women," which is more appropriate imho). I wasn't prepared for what a nice meditation it is on friendship, isolation, and the ways society fails vulnerable people. I also wasn't aware Larsson was an expert researcher and exposer of neo-Nazi/far right/racist hate groups, which is relevant, too. It's a brutal book, but not bleak. I unsurprisingly love Lisbeth, and while there are some writing choices I truly hate, I love that she's kind of a mess. I will also offer a hot take that I think this would have been a better book without the romance subplot. Still fascinating, and I will read the other two in the series that weren't ghostwritten.

I finished the Lymond Chronicles at last with both The Ringed Castle and Checkmate, and I screamed and screamed and clapped like a seal. Nothing new to say about the series, they're wildly engaging and also frustrating in some important ways, and I'm very glad I read them and more glad I read them with friends.

I also picked back up with reading Jordan L. Hawk's Whyborne & Griffin books with Maelstrom. This is a hugely silly series, which I needed because just look how many heavy and heartbreaking books I've been reading! Monster of the week scares (rats with human faces! cults with unspecific goals!) that appeal to the same reasons I like the Rachel Weisz Mummy movies, great sex scenes, interpersonal problems with heart. Which characters are cartoon characters and which aren't is a little bit scattershot, and that really showed up in this one, but oh well, it was a hoot.

[pocket-size-cthulhu]

It's been said but some of y'all are nasty about people who are different from you. You'll talk a big game about acceptance but secretly you still feel like it's your right to decide who's "too weird." Y'all don't believe in rehabilitation or collaboration or having relationships of any kind with people who are different from you. Some of y'all are just falling in line with what's ok to say on social media and what's not, but when a demographic that's unpopular with your Group comes up, the mask slips.

I'm Mormon. I know Mormons are a joke to a lot of y'all. I'm not trying to claim that Mormons are an oppressed group, but I am trying to point out that some of y'all are really gross about my religion. You'll joke that you're ok with all religions but you draw the line at Mormonism, or you'll laugh and ask how anybody could fall for such batshit beliefs, or you'll say Mormonism is homophobic or a cult or hoarding wealth or whatever else so your vitriol is justified and ok. You'll tease Mormons about our underclothing, as if that doesn't border on sexual harassment - something you wouldn't do to anybody else. Most of you speak out of really profound ignorance and preconceived notions. I've seen some of y'all compare us to animals and say the world would be better off without our religion.

I'm not here to convert you or to defend my faith. This post really isn't even about Mormonism. I'm aware that some of y'all are laughing and preparing mean replies already.

All I want to say is, if your principles don't carry over into situations where you won't get in trouble for not upholding them, they aren't really your principles.

If you say you believe people should be able to live their lives but draw the line at someone you think is "too weird," you don't actually believe it. If you claim to be all about community and cooperation and rehabilitation but aren't willing to have a conversation with someone you disagree with or who is as "weird" to you as a Mormon, we won't get very far.

I'm not perfect at this either. I'm working on it myself. Some of y'all need to check yourselves as well.

🫡

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk. Here's a couple of notes because I know y'all are gonna come at me. I'm tired and I already regret this post.

1. I'm not even kind of saying the LDS Church is irreproachable.

2. I don't owe you an explanation about why I'm involved with the Church, and I don't appreciate assumptions and accusations. You know where the block button is if you need it.

3. You can't tell me anything about the church/the history/the institution that I don't already know. I know a few people who could tell me stuff I don't know, but if you're thinking of Educating me on the Atrocities and Shortcomings of Mormonism, you're not one of them. Trust me, I know whatever it is you're about to say.

4. I'm not claiming the LDS Church is an oppressed group, especially in majority-White, majority-Christian USA. It's ridiculous to suggest that. It's been decades since we were oppressed in any way that matters.

5. If you're a church member and you want to follow me after reading this... Don't Just know that I rarely post about religion, don't like to, and usually take a critical tone when I do

6. I love chatting about mormonism and am very willing to discuss it with anyone who's interested (without proselytizing bc that's not my jam) - the ask box is open as long as y'all behave yourselves. But I'm not obligated to have conversations with people who are determined to be cruel to me. I'm too tired and I do have feelings. Thanks.

7. It's really not about the mormonism. Just have a heart to heart with yourself that's all. If you wanna talk about mormonism go make your own post.

[pugzman3]

Jonathan Roumie/The Chosen/Mormonism/Jesus Revolution/Phil Robertson/Dallas Jenkins/satanic Grammy's/Greg Laurie/back to Jonathan Roumie

Quite a title right? Guess what, they all connect. Just like the elite clubs of Hollywood, fashion, and music industry, mainstream modern "Christianity" artists are right up in the mix of deception. And I promise, this is just key points. Each one of these can go off into another trail of deception. Here goes.

From Roumie's IG. if you think the templars are Christian, you would be very wrong. If you think Cooper is a born again Christian, go watch live videos with his band Hollywood Vampires.

Guess who helps fund the chosen? Angel Studios

Dallas Jenkins, in another post, thought it would be funny to have Joseph Smith do a walk by cameo appearance while Jesus was on the Cross. Yup, he said that.

Phil gushing over The Chosen. If you think Phil is a Christian, go hear him praising and having nothing but great things to say about Pope Francis. He went on and on about how wonderful he is.

But back to Dallas Jenkins, the creator of the chosen. This was his comment on the Sam Smith performance at the grammys a few weeks ago.

That is about as a political and safe response you could give. It's also cowardly. Probably doesn't want his show pulled from Netflix, Apple + or other streaming platforms. But that was typical to EVERY Christian artist that was there at the Grammys or who should have even had something to say. Below is a video where I guy goes through calling those artists out, as well as showing how THEY (they artist) tried to shun one of their fans for calling them out. Now before you watch that, let.me finish up at the bottom.

Watch "Christians at the GRAMMYs is WORSE than you think 😈" on YouTube

First, I do not know this guy or his channel. I came across the video. And while he is proper in his biblical quotes and usage to call out the hypocrisy, he messed up and named dropped cavalry chapel, big red flag. Here's where it all wraps up. Calvary Chapel is home to Greg Laurie. Greg Laurie is one of the dirtiest pigs in the pen. You can also find videos of him interviewing Alice Cooper and praising him for being a born again Christian. He is also the writer and a main character of the new movie Jesus Revolution (I also did a post on his connection with Rick Warren and Francis Chan and how they released the college day of prayer at Asbury University two weeks before that revival "spontaneously" took place). Greg Laurie's new movie also stars, you saw it at the beginning, Jonathan Roumie.

I went through a lot of disgusting rabbit holes before.i was born again. But honestly, learning about the connections and deceptions of these people that claim the name of Jesus, they rank right up there with the worst. Be careful who you give your ear to. Study your Bible.

[littleharpethcrossfit]

Thursday, 21 March, 2024

Warmup

A gorgeous evening at the Barn.

4 Rounds

Light Bands

10 Standing Presses

10 Pull Aparts

Strength

Ground To Overheads: 1 / 1 / 1 / 1 / 1 / 1 / 1

Progress To Your Best Today

Larry=215 Chase=205 Robert*=200 Tim=165 Dana/Chad=145 Herb=125 Tom=110 Sue=80 Joe=95 Kayla=65 Jasper=25 Linda/Sam/Coach/Shannon/Anna/Alicia/Tiffany/Sabrina=did it but too shy to post.

WOD

Equipment:

2 Dumb-Bells (50/35/20) 1 Kettle-Bell (70/53/35) Jump Rope ERG ?

5 Rounds For Time

15 Dumb-Bell Push-Press

50 Feet DB Front Rack Lunge Steps

15 Kettle-Bell Swings

50 Double-Under's (100 Singles)

Run 800/Row-Ski 1000/Bike 2000m (Once Any Time)

Jasper=12:20 Sue=20:35 Kayla=20:40 Anna=21:24 Larry=21:35* Tim=23:23 Robert=23:25* Herb=25:18 Dana=27:02** Shannon=27:30 Chad=27:38 Tom=27:45 Chase*=28:04 Linda=28:29 Joe=32:21 Sam/Alicia/Tiffany/Sabrina/Coach=no score posted

Notes:

Alicia brought a friend. Tiffany knows the Rousseau girls and family. I offered Tiffany the Lifetime Free Membership along with the ceremonial LHDF jersey, but unfortunately she just paid up her Iron Tribe fees which were probably over $2000 for 6 months. Adios Tiffany.

The wine and snacks were great but somewhat subdued. Kayla made a huge tray of some kinda burger-buns, Quite tasty. Shannon brought fresh cuke's and dip which I hogged. Alicia brought that warm dip that everyone knows the name of except me. Delicious. And Anna brought a big tray of fresh home-made cinnamon (sp) cookies. There were other contributions I hate to not mention, but I forget. The subdued part was the sparse amount of wine available. There were 2 Rose' wines, a Chardonnay, and a few reds. The wines lasted because players simply weren't playing. Robert, Chad & Miss Linda are pretend Mormon's, and a few others who will go un-spot-lighted only pretended to hold a glass. So that left only about 8 people who seriously contributed to emptying the wine bottles.

Saturday at 0730 and at 0930. The weather is supposed to cooperate. We will be doing a WOD in honor of our famous Bird-Man Joe. I realize this will be about 30 days early, but he is in such demand that we have to fit it in whenever we can. He and Carol will be on a cruise for some of those days.

[cksmart-world]

SMART BOMB

The completely unnecessary news analysis

by Christopher Smart

January 17, 2023

GOODBYE JOE, YOU SHOULD'A KNOWN, ME-OH MY-OH

Classified documents discovered over the MLK holiday weekend in a birdcage at President Biden's beach house has thrown the White House into a tizzy. The top secret papers were promptly delivered to the National Archives, bird poop and all, along with Biden's vintage 1967 Corvette convertible that had been employed to spirit them away. Spokeswoman Karine Jean-Pierre said the president is cooperating fully with authorities in hopes he can get the car back quickly. “It's kind of like a security blanket,” she told reporters, adding, “they can keep the birdcage.” Upon hearing the news, former president Donald Trump said, “Hypocrite, hypocrite, na, na, na, na, na.” The controversy is bad news for Attorney General Merrick Garland, who can't very well prosecute Trump without investigating Biden, too. It all adds up to one political cluster (expletive deleted). So it's King's X for Trump — that's the good news. The bad news is it will rob him of a lot of publicity — the kind he needs to rile up the red-hatted MAGA militias who have gone to ground since Trump disciple Kari Lake vanished in Arizona. Meanwhile, Biden continues to whistle past the graveyard repeating the same old tune: “I'm not Trump.” But maybe something else would be more apropos, like “Knockin' On Heavens Door.”

“AS ST. GEORGE TURNS,” THE ROM-COM OF DRAG

The atmosphere may be burning up, there's horrendous flooding, endless drought and fires beyond control. But in St. George they've got real problems — drag shows. This could get dicey. There are F-bombs and C-bombs and who knows what all. It all started last fall when HBO staged “We're Here,” a drag show in Town Square Park that drew some 1,400 onlookers. KABOOM! Satanic worship, cried some. Grooming children, cried others. Cute outfits, whispered some. The dust devil turned into a whirlwind that became a tempest in a teapot. Then the LGBT Student Association at Utah Tech hosted a drag show of its own. What is the world coming to. This isn't New York City where sin is like a plague. This is St. George, Utah, founded by nice, Mormon people who believe women have a special place under God's heaven and they didn't mean hairy men in fishnet stockings and sparkly heels. Who are you going to call — a crisis manager, of course. He will give perverted progressives a taste of their own medicine, with F-bombs and C-bombs and nastiness. Oops! Backfire! Maybe fighting drag shows with profanity isn't exactly the best way to go. After all, one of Brigham Young's sons was a drag queen, Madame Patterini. Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of “As St. George Turns.”

LYING IS NOT ILLEGAL — MAYBE

Hey Wilson, what's the big deal with George Santos, anyway. Everyone wants him to resign from Congress. So what if he told a few lies when running for a House seat from Long Island. No big thing, everyone on Long Island lies. Kevin McCarthy, the new speaker of the House, doesn't care if Santos fibbed about where he went to college and grad school. Getting an education can be a hindrance when trying to think. Kevin McCarthy knows that all too well. Santos may have prevaricated a little about being the grandson of Holocaust refugees. But he didn't say he is a Jew, Santos said he is “Jew-ish.” Get it. He's actually Catholic. But who cares and besides Kevin McCarthy needs his vote: without it he wouldn't be speaker and going forward the GOP holds only a nine-vote majority in the House. And hey, Lying isn't illegal. Is a Burger King Whopper really as big as it is in the ads? Did Bill Clinton have sex with that woman? Did Saddam Hussein have “weapons of mass destruction.” The Washington Post counted 30,573 false or misleading statements by Trump during his presidency. George Santos has got a lot of prevaricating to do to catch up or even be seen as a decent liar. But as long as Kevin McCarthy and the GOP need him the country will be better off. And that's not the truth, either.

Post script — That's a wrap for another wet week here at Smart Bomb where we keep track of the Utah Legislature so you don't have to. Na, we try not to pay attention to those people —.not good for mental health. But hark, they may adopt a new state flag this session. Very important! And then there's the culture war stuff: get down on transgenders, get down on abortion, get down on restricting guns and bring in ice from the North Pole to fill The Great Salt Lake. We can't come up for air until March 3 — or maybe ever. Republicans in Congress are playing the old “we're going to save taxpayers” ploy by making sure the IRS doesn't have needed manpower. The House GOP just stripped $71 billion in funding from the agency. In 2010 more than 21 percent of tax returns reporting more than $10 million in income were audited, according to the GAO — that dropped to 3.9 percent by 2019. In the coming decade the federal deficit will grow by $100 billion in lost tax revenue. And finally this from our “News You Can Use” file — The Deseret News reports when it comes to bagels, Utah doesn't cut it. According to Lawn Love, Salt Lake City is ranked 122 and West Valley is 190th. Lawn Love, it turns out, is a lawn care service. Is this a great country, or what.

Well Wilson, poor old Joe Biden is up to his ankles in quick sand. What's up with the way the White House deals with classified documents. Now, it's the Republicans who are licking their chops. Christmas may have come late, but boy did it come. So get the band to put down their 1040s and play something for Old Joe that he can hum past the graveyard.

Twas in another lifetime one of toil and blood When blackness was a virtue, the road was full of mud I came in from the wilderness a creature void of form "Come in," she said "I'll give you shelter from the storm" I was burned out from exhaustion buried in the hail Poisoned in the bushes and blown out on the trail Hunted like a crocodile ravaged in the corn "Come in," she said "I'll give you shelter from the storm" Well the deputy walks on hard nails and the preacher rides a mount But nothing really matters much it's doom alone that counts And the one-eyed undertaker he blows a futile horn "Come in," she said "I'll give you shelter from the storm" In a little hilltop village they gambled for my clothes I bargained for salvation and she gave me a lethal dose I offered up my innocence, I got repaid with scorn "Come in," she said "I'll give you shelter from the storm" Well I'm living in a foreign country but I'm bound to cross the line Beauty walks a razor's edge someday I'll make it mine If I could only turn back the clock to when God and her were born "Come in," she said "I'll give you shelter from the storm"

(Shelter From the Storm — Bob Dylan)

[nerdygaymormon]

Hi, I was wondering is you have any advice on being a member of the church and being gay.

This is a wide-open question. If you were meeting with me in person, we could talk about this for hours. I can’t write everything I’d like to say, but I hope what I share is useful.

—————————

A person’s sexual orientation is how they experience the world. It’s how you love and how you connect with people. God doesn’t love you despite being gay, God loves you because you are YOU. God knows this about you, He made you. You are gay and you are known & loved by God and He is rooting for you. I hope knowing this will help you get through some of the tough moments of life.

—————————

It’s easy to focus on the negative. There are also positive things, remember those. 

—————————

Studies show that, on average, LGBT people are creative, have higher IQ’s and higher emotional intelligence (better at social relationships), have more compassion and are more cooperative and have less hostility. Does any of that sound like you?

—————————

The church doesn’t yet have the answers for LGBTQ+ people. The current policies, teachings & restrictions were created at a time when they believed people were made gay because of circumstances in their life and could change to be straight.  

Disregard any pamphlet or talks or advice from the Church on LGBTQ topics that is more than a few years old. The church leaders are slowly evolving and you don’t need to go back to less enlightened days and read the advice made when their understanding was even more behind than it is today

—————————

One day the church will need to rethink the place of queer people in the Plan of Happiness (currently we are absent). As we are unable to complete the highest goals in our church, you have to figure out what a successful life looks like to you.

In Mormonism we’re so accustomed to “knowing,” but the truth is there is no clear path forward for queer Mormons. It can feel wobbly and scary to not be on sure footing, but you have an opportunity to work out with God what your path forward is. When something feels right, trust that and move forward. 

Our pathway is less traveled and not well marked, we will trip and stumble, but we look out for each other.

—————————

Work on becoming more Christlike. Think about what is God doing in the world today and join that work. 

—————————

The Atonement of Jesus Christ means He can heal your heart and strengthen you in the hard times. 

—————————

God doesn’t wait until we are perfectly ready and up for the challenge, we all have to go out and do our best as we are, learn along the way, adjust and try again. We all make mistakes and it’s okay to start over and try again. It is never too late, too dark or too hopeless. 

————————— 

Be patient with your progress. You don’t have to understand everything now.

—————————

Get LGBTQ friends. It’s especially helpful if they’re also LDS because they’ll get you in a way no one else will. Online friends count. If you’re in school, perhaps they have a Gay-Straight Alliance. If you’re at a church university, seek out USGA. When I hang out with queer people I feel normal. It’s nice to step out of the heteronormative world which is always saying I don’t fit.

—————————

Allow people to grow and change. Forgive and try not to carry around all the hurtful things.

—————————

Seek therapy when you feel things getting hard. A lot of universities include psychological counseling in your tuition & fees; you can also be referred to LDS Family Services by your bishop, which is covered by some insurance plans. Another option is to check your insurance and find the mental health professionals in your area that are covered. Try contacting the psychology dept at a local university, perhaps they offer some counseling services to non-students. 

LGBTQ Mormons face much higher rates of mental illness than the average person, there’s no shame in getting help even when you’re not desperate or suicidal.

Studies show being active in church makes us more likely to have higher rates of depression, internalized homophobia and sexual identity crisis. We also have lower self-esteem and a lower quality of life. Most have the symptoms of PTSD and higher rates of suicidality. 

Be aware of these and be proactive in seeking help. 

—————————

It is always okay to take a break from church to improve your mental health or if it feels hard. You can always step outside if people say hurtful things (even if they don’t realize how it sounds to you). You’re also welcome to go back whenever you choose.

—————————

When I hear something at church that troubles me. I ask these three questions:

Does that sound like me, do I resemble that remark? (when they’re talking about gay people)

Is this consistent with the God I know?

Does this fit with the great commandment to love one another?

So often I find the things which trouble me fail these questions. It’s also highlighted for me that Mormons often obsess on things that don’t really matter.

—————————

There will be people who can’t see your worth. Don’t let yourself be one of them.

—————————

Have fun, enjoy life. Not everything has to be tough or serious. 

—————————

You have claim to two great histories and legacies–LDS & LGBT+. Both the queer community and LDS church, in different ways, teach me about being kind and accepting others.

—————————

I’m putting a lot of links here that I think will be useful resources for you:

This is a TedTalk that speaks about some of the reasons why Nature creates homosexuals, and some of the differences in people who are LGBT compared to the rest of the population.

This is long, but is the best write up I’ve seen about the LDS church’s history on homosexuality while explaining what this is like for gay Mormons

Taylor Petrey is a professor who in this article gives me many things to think about regarding gays & lesbians and Mormonism. 

This is a simple to follow explanation of why temple sealings for gay couples makes sense

This is dense, but it’s a listing of all sorts of queer people and relationships in Church history (we’ve been a part of the Church since the beginning)

Affirmation is the oldest organization for LDS/post-LDS LGBTQ+ individuals, family and allies. They have multiple Facebook pages for different situations. If you’re still active in church, a group for you to check out is Affirmation Prepare.

Collection of scriptures useful for queer people to understand - links to many discussions about the meaning of scriptures often used against queer people, includes some hopeful scriptures, too.

Stages of Faith Transitions - Jana Spangler helped me understand the different stages we go through and it helps us understand the faith we have

Biology of Queerness - I summarize a lot of studies done that show biology is what made us queer, not our choices.

Stonewall Inn and the Riots - This is the story of the beginning of the modern queer-rights movement. Because we are raised by straight people, we often don’t know our LGBTQ+ history and this is a good place to start.  

The Payne Papers - This is would be considered the beginning of the gay rights movement inside the Church. The truths and arguments presented still stand up over 40 years later.  

Queer LDS Heroes of the 2010′s - I think it’s helpful to learn about all these people who helped shape how our church membership has shifted it’s views about LGBTQ people because they were brave enough to come out and share their stories.

My Queer Playlist Part 1 & Part 2 - Listening to these songs can help me feel connected to LGBTQ people even when I am alone. 

—————————

Remember G.A.Y.–God Adores You

[poweredbydietcoke]

Favorite books of 2020

This is normally a January or February thing...last year it was November, so May seems fitting in 2021. You can find the last few years here and here...

2020 book totals: 23 audio books 14 Kindle books 10 tree books

47 books total

I shifted a lot more of my reading this year to audiobooks, which I think is a combination of the baby (a lot of time that I could use my ears, but not my hands), more ranch work (got a nice set of ISOTunes bluetooth ear protection for running saws etc), and more solo travel time during the pandemic. I also read a lot more tree books, mostly as a result of some out-of-print titles and some baby-related gifts. And overall my reading dropped a bit, unsurprisingly.

[Reminder: these are all affiliate links, and it all goes to charity at the end of the year]

How to Have Your Second Child First: 100 Things That Would Have Been Good to Know--The First Time Around by Kerry Colburn and Rob Sorenson

When I told Bryan that we were expecting our first child, he insisted I read this book. It was fantastic, as far as parenting goes (targeted audience, obviously). But the basic message is chill out, it's going to be fine. Think about how many people do this multiple times. And all of the things you worry about for the first kid, like making it perfectly quiet for them to sleep aren't going to be possible for the second kid, so why don't you just treat the first kid the same way--it makes everybody more flexible. We've tried to put a lot of this to work with Cooper and at least so far is making our lives easier. No promises how he turns out yet. :)

Age of Ambition, Chasing Fortune in China by Evan Osnos

I’m pretty sure Scott Cannon recommended this to me a while back, I think after some of his time in China, and I really enjoyed it. I've been trying to read and understand a lot more about China these days for obvious reasons. I've started reading Sinocism by Bill Bishop. It's a lot, you have to skim it every day, or just disregard it some days, but it's got a lot of really interesting insight (at least to me) on how China is operating these days. At least I'm trying to build some sort of understanding because it feels as if it's going to be important at some point in our lives. The highlights of this book, for me, were probably starting to understand some of what are apparent contradictions in the dynamism of the entrepreneurial economy there combined with pretty aggressive state control. Sort of the way that the party is different from the state but isn't in many ways; it’s often the same thing “functionally,” at least as I understand it. The other interesting takeaway was the total aversion to a loss of control and the single overarching directive that seems to grip the party, which is no social unrest. I also read China’s Vision of Victory this year, but Age of Ambition was a better read. I’m currently working on Blockchain Chicken Farm, and while the title is better, Age of Ambition still comes out on top.

Expecting Better by Emily Oster

Love this book, and the second book by the same author, called Crib Sheet. This was given to us when we told some close friends that we were expecting and they said “Oh, this woman we worked with at University of Chicago (she's now at Cornell, I believe), wrote these books and they're very scientific, data-driven books on pregnancy,” which obviously appeal to both Lizzie and I. This one was great because it goes into the research and the studies on things like can you drink alcohol during pregnancy or not? What do you think about sort of deli meats vs sushi vs whatever in terms of how it's going to affect the baby? How much should you worry about different prenatal tests, which are the really important ones, which are the ones that have a lot of false positives, and so on. I highly, highly recommend this and in fact, have sent it to a number of friends who are now expecting kids. It really simplifies things in terms of what you need to worry about and not.

Honeybee Democracy by Thomas D. Seeley

I don't remember who recommended this, but I absolutely loved this book. It's a really fascinating (if pretty in-depth) overview of the science on honeybees. Obviously, part of this is appealing to me because Lizzie keeps honey bees here at the ranch. And we love their honey and love learning about them and seeing them in operation. But the thing that just blew me away about this book, in addition to just the detail on the explanations of how these things actually work, was how they did the study design. They would find a big offshore island that had no bees on it and actually go out and do these experiments in a “pristine” environment. Eg how did the bees decide where to set up their new hive? How did they lead or follow a swarm or anything else? And it was just brilliant...as an example, they figured out that bees like to establish hives of a certain volume, not too big, not too small. And so how do honeybees measure volume? It turns out that there are two measurements they frequently do: one is they walk around the circumference of the potential hive site, and two is they fly across it and kind of measure their flight time. And so somebody actually went to prove this and built a hive they had a “treadmill” on one wall, that they could speed up or slow down to change the perceived volume, and that did in fact change which hives were chosen by the bees. Really, really amazing book!

Educated by Tara Westover

Lizzie read this first and really loved it, and has been on my list for a little while. I finally read it and thought it was fascinating. This single story of a woman who's raised in, I think, Idaho in a very Mormon community. Fundamentalist and very conspiratorial/out there on the fringe family. And she ends up going to BYU and then studying in London and doing a bunch of stuff that kind of breaks the mold. But she talks about it as kind of an escape, and rationalizing/understanding how her parents shaped her and both the positives and negatives. One of the biggest things that was interesting to me was, and I've heard it in many ways, but this passage stuck with me: at some point, she made a little bit of money, maybe $1,000 in a single chunk rather than getting paid for a day of work. And she made the point that all of a sudden she'd never felt like that before, because she didn't have to worry minute to minute about where the money was and was going and whatever. Just an interesting reminder of the costs of all these things that many of us are lucky enough not to think about at that level. Year by year, sure, but day by day or minute by minute is a different thing.

Fire on the Mountain: The True Story of the South Canyon Fire by John N. Maclean

I think this one was recommended by Zuni, one of our neighbors. It was another post fire disaster investigation, this time for a fire in Colorado that ended up turning and claiming the lives of a bunch of Hot Shots and Smokejumpers. It was a really well researched book, very descriptive, pretty fast moving, not excruciatingly detailed, but a little bit overly detailed unless you understand this stuff, which I don't claim to. But worth reading if you live in a wildfire zone, as many of us do these days!

The Haywire Heart by Chris Case

Mark Gainey recommended this to me. It’s about how endurance athletes can develop heart conditions, from training so hard and bringing their hearts to such an unusual level in different ways, and the various arrhythmias that come from it. Also how blood pressure can be off because your heart gets so strong at pumping during anaerobic exercise, develops really strong muscles, and then your heart rate goes way too low when you’re resting/sleeping and then loses rhythm. Really interesting. I listened to it in an audio book, which wasn't quite the right format for it because you have to be really paying attention to some of the science. But it was fascinating and made me a little more thoughtful about paying attention to heart rate monitors as I get older.  

Twelve hours' sleep by 12 weeks old by Suzy Giordano

A couple of people recommended this to me, Rick Morrison and Ashley Carroll were the ones that I remembered. For us it was the canonical sleep training book. It was really interesting and really good, but I don't think it works for everybody (seemingly different things work for different people, especially per Emily Oster’s research). But this is how we ended up getting Cooper to sleep well (he was largely sleeping through the night by 8 weeks, but I think that was mostly him and not us). Most of it is simply structured feeding and making sure that you can extend the time between feedings so that they can sleep longer periods of time without being really hungry. There are a bunch of really easy summaries on the web of, and the book itself was pretty tedious. I listened to it on Audible on my bike, and the number of examples like “every four hours, eg, 8a, 12p, 4p, 8p” ... I can do the math, thanks. But the method was two pages and really good. Obviously, again, doesn't matter if you don't have an infant.

My heart is Africa by Scott Griffin

Dennis Pilarinos recommended this book about a Canadian Doctor who goes and flies through Africa in his Cessna 185 (and even more adventurously, he actually flies it *to* Africa from Canada and back). Really cool fun book, some crazy stories like the usual kind of bush plane drama. Only available in paperback. I did order it somewhere random, but it was totally worth reading. Super fast and fun blending aid to Africa with flying and totally worth it. Very, very quick read but great for pilots.

The Billion Dollar Spy by David Hoffman

Alex Yakubovich recommended this to me and as always, his book recommendations are fantastic. This one was about Oleg Tolkachev and his work with the CIA while the Cold War was still going on. And all this crazy interesting information he passed and why he did it. And it was fun. It was like a spy novel that was real and exciting, but not over the top James Bond style.

Flatland by Edward Abbott Abbott

This was actually recommended by Sonia Wong at Sequoia in an interview I read with her. It's really quick and interesting, basically a story about living in two dimensions and trying to understand three- and one-dimensional worlds. How do you think about dimensionality, represented by the rules of these different, theoretical societies, if you will, that live in one or two dimensions. It's hard to describe well, but it was a really fun, interesting book, a very quick read. Even fully understanding the math of N space it was still really entertaining. I don't know if it'd be a good or bad thing for a kid to read, probably pretty good for a mathematically inclined kid. Really interesting.

The Storm Before the Calm by George Friedman

I read a lot of his work through Geopolitical Futures. I find it really interesting, just as an intellectual pursuit of understanding how the world works and how countries interact on a geopolitical level. And I've always thought his analysis is pretty insightful. He's a Polish immigrant to the United States, and a huge “patriot” in the unfortunately anachronistic sense. He writes about the four cycles he sees in US politics (institutional and socioeconomic, most importantly). And his primary argument is that in the 2020s, they're all going to end at the same time. And usually, when one of them ends, there's a little bit of pain and dislocation in the US. Historically, the US grew stronger out of it. It can grow, or it can obviously implode and cause a revolution. He thinks it'll grow stronger, and he thinks it'll largely lead to a decentralization of political power because the United States and its organizations and institutions have gotten way too complex to run centrally. Interesting parallel here to China in terms of the complexity of that organization and country, that's 4x, 5x the size population wise.

[wowbright]

Fic: Brotherly Duties

Fandom/pairing: Glee, Kurt/Blaine

Event: December Klaine Fanworks Challenge 2023

Words: ~700 words                                           

Rating: Mature

Summary: Kurt gets a package from Cooper in the mail.

Notes: This is part of my Mormon!Klaine universe. It takes place after Out of Eden, which I am still in the process of posting to AO3. It’s among the likely possibilities for their future.

* * *

Two months before Blaine returned from his mission, Kurt received a package in the mail. “Special delivery from Cooper Anderson,” his dad said, handing it to Kurt in the kitchen. “Easter Peeps?”

It had become a thing with them. For Kurt’s return home from his mission, for Pioneer Day, for Labor Day and Thanksgiving and Christmas and Valentine’s Day, Cooper made it a habit to regale Kurt with Peeps. Kurt’s dad had thought it was a little odd at first, but Kurt had explained it away with, “It’s sort of a thing from our mission,” followed by, “Also, he’s weird.”

Kurt’s arms buckled from the unexpected weight as he took the package from his dad. “That feels heavier than Peeps, Dad.” The package wasn’t heavy, exactly, but it was at least a couple pounds—not the scant ounces that marshmallow and thin paperboard should weigh.

His dad shrugged. “I thought so too, but I didn’t think this Cooper guy knew how to mail anything else. I mean, I know I’ve seen him on TV, but with all these packages you’ve gotten from him, I’ve kind of started to picture him in my head like a giant PEZ dispenser—which I know doesn’t exactly work, Peeps are marshmallows and PEZ are solid, but still … You swear he wasn’t a PEZ dispenser when you met him?”

“Scout’s honor, Dad.” Kurt considered the padded envelope in his hands. Through it, the contents felt stiff and rectangular.  “It’s probably a bunch of signed headshots for me to share with friends and family. That’s his idea of a generous gift.” Kurt tore open the flap, peeked in, and immediately closed the envelope back up, feeling his cheeks betray his embarrassment. “Never mind. I'll open it later.”

His father gave him an amused look. “The head shots are that bad, huh?”

“Something like that,” Kurt said, standing up from the kitchen table and heading toward his room, where he closed the door and locked it and considered putting a chair under the handle for good measure. But no, that was silly. He was a grown adult. This was nothing to be ashamed of. Besides, his parents respected his privacy.

Instead, Kurt pulled the chair up to his desk and sat down, sliding the contents of the envelope out onto the desk. A hardcover copy of The Joy of Gay Sex made a loud thumping noise as it fell on to the surface.

There was a note, too:

Bought this for my brother—I even inscribed it to him!—but then I realized there was no good way to get it to him in Germany. Too high a chance of it being intercepted by someone in his mission, and who knows, customs would probably charge him duties on it anyway. I felt vanquished and without hope. But then I realized this was all for the better. You're the one he's all hot for, and I'm pretty sure you’re going to pounce on each other as soon as you possibly can after he gets off the plane (gets off, get it?), so you really better know what you're doing. This book actually has mixed reviews from my gay friends, but it was the one most of them mentioned when I asked for recommendations, and it’s illustrated, which I think will be very helpful. I hope you don't still have Mormon hang ups about every picture of a naked body being porn. I looked through the book, and I thought the illustrations were very educational and not too raunchy at all. Of course, if you want to jerk off to them, that's your business and nobody else’s. Have fun!

Kurt's face was on fire all the way to the roots of his hair. He put the letter in the shredder and opened the book. And indeed, there was an inscription to Blaine on the title page:

Blainey— Not being knowledgeable in this area, I hand off some of my older brother sex-talk duties to this educational volume. One tip I can give you: you'll probably want to let up on the hair gel a little during times of intimacy, particularly for certain acts in which your lover is likely to want to grab your hair. Trust me on this one. —Coop

[artificial-father]

There were some popular posts back in the heyday of tumblr: that were all: why is timetravel AUs always about WWII? So I’ve come up with 15 novel interesting time related AUs. Part 1/?

Archival-Futurism: the library of Alexandria was never burned down: rife with alternate timelines and events. Imagine Isaac Newton with access to Indo-Muslim proto-calculus.

Babeltongue: Humans never developed a complex variety of language, and instead speak one language comprised of every vocal sound we can make, how does this affect... every human interaction in recorded history? Do we all believe the same thing? Do we cooperate better?

Anti-Dieselpunk: set in a future without the means to achieve an Industrial revolution, trying to achieve the same feats as contemporary humans, but without fossil fuels. Would they still create electricity? Turbines? Solar and nuclear power?

Independent States of America: The States never form a formal Federal government. They can declare war on each other expand, colonize at their own rate. Certain federal events happen drastically different. Would America even resemble itself today with such inner turmoil?

United Negro States of America: At the peak of segregation, separate but equal was actually taken rigorously serious, and the black communities were given sovereignty over their own government coexisting in the space of white people: but culturally, legally, politically, and socially they mutually isolated each other. Development of cuisine, culture, industry, and music quickly started to favor the UNSA over the UWSA, politically and economically. Causing them to be a world power, with strong and amiable allies, leading into the world wars.

The Tribal Nation of America: while America was discovered and Named by Europeans, the Tribal nations were successful in reclaiming all of the colonies immediately following the American Revolution.

Idealized Steampunk: what if Ben Franklin never invented the lightning rod, and electricity stayed this mythical untamable thing? How would Tesla and Edison fared? Would Turing Machines stay theoretical.

Praecox Renaissance: the Black Plague was avoided because Europe adopted Jewish cleansing practices. The Renaissance arrived early, with no romanticizing plague doctors and victims.

Anglo-Revisionism: (subset of an earlier one) Rome never overtook the British Isles, leaving the kingdoms untouched leading to different political ties, motives, and linguistics.

Tardy Migration: humans didn’t leave Africa until after the Ice Age had happened. Instead of diverging with the formation of the Sahara, they all migrated South. This created strong cultural and religious ties to Africa, once development started taking place.

Null X: A world without Christianity, interpret this to your own accord. Would Roman polytheism be triumphant? Atheism? Islam? Judaism? Buddhism? Hinduism? Some other religion filling the vacuum? How so. Think about things like the Crusades and Inquisitions that never happened, no Mormonism. No Evangelion.

Ventuspunk: a world in the near future powered solely by wind power, who are the world powers? How is wind capitalized if at all? Can terrestrial automobiles, robots, cellphones even exist?

Slaughterpunk: the FBI never learns how to properly identify serial killers in the 70s, how is the current age faring? Does the FBI just give up or try to manipulate them from the shadows? 80s slasher films are nonexistent: is this a good thing or bad thing? DNA evidence wasn’t conclusive until early 1990–2000s at best. What is the national pop culture like? I’m imagining Beatlemania every time there’s a killing in a city, because people have grown so accustomed to it.

Perpetual Computer Age: all human attempts to create the Internet fail. Personal computers continue to progress and become more streamline. Is it even worth it? Beyond gaming? Is offline enjoyable enough to hold generational intrigue (probably).

Lunar/Martian Revisionism: What if the moon or Mars were safe to walk on unaccompanied by a space suit? Would we have colonized them by now? What if there was life on them? Would we have created interplanetary travel faster?

[8f6dh4mna7]

Michael Heizer, Double Negative, 1969-70. Excavated earth. 9 x 50 x 457m. Mormon Mesa, Overton, Nevada. • The work consists of a half-kilometre long incision in the side of the Moapa Valley. The cut crosses both sides of an open sandstone slope, towering over visitors who enter. No conservation efforts have been made to preserve the project, with weather and erosion slowly reclaiming the site since 1970. 

• From Los Angeles, allow seven hours for travel and please note the last 45 minutes is on dirt roads. A four-wheel drive vehicle is recommended under current road conditions. Prepare for conditions of extreme heat with no shade (especially in the summer months)—always bring water, a hat, and sunscreen. Use caution, avoid traveling alone, and notify an outside party of your departure and estimated arrival time for safety.

From Los Angeles: 1. Take Interstate 15 North past Las Vegas to Route 169 (exit #93) to Overton. 2. Once on Overton, turn left onto Cooper Street, which leads to the Overton Airport. This will be a sharp left shortly after the Maverick Gas Station, Moapa Valley Community Center and Las Vegas Met. Police Station (on left) and the Post Office (on right). 3. Continue on Cooper Street to Airport Road. 4. Turn right on Airport Road. 5. Proceed up the road to the top of the Western edge of the mesa. As you pass the dump, it will turn into a dirt road. 6. When you reach the top of the mesa, note mileage and continue straight across the mesa (do not go onto the immediate right or left road). 7. After traveling 2.6 miles, keep your eyes to the left and make your first possible left (at 2.8 miles) onto a small dirt road, which is easy to miss. Note mileage again. 8. The road runs to the north, parallel to the eastern edge of the mesa where Double Negative is located (overlooking the Virgin River). Proceed carefully. Pass the first two notches in the mesa and a small U.S. Dept. of the Interior/Bureau of Land Management marker at right. Double Negative is located in the third notch. 9. After traveling 1.3 miles, you will come to a fork, which leads to each cut of Double Negative. Bear right to the south cut. The left fork leads to the North cut.