#(shut up zuzana)

[mal-zoya]

people ask me what i want from next season of shadow and bone and the answer is always the same: let archie grow his hair and dress mal into some hot ass clothes he deserves. i’m not asking much.

[books-of-the-great-leviathan]

Chapter 2- Zuzana

***

"Answer me this, Dima," Zuzana said, snapping shut her spyglass. "How do you make a ship disappear?"

She looked over her shoulder at Dima, her first mate- a fresh-faced young man, brown hair salt-rumpled and eyes yet unpossessed of the squint lines hers had, the ones he'd inevitably bear after serving some three decades at sea.

The bitter wind had chapped his cheekbones red. He grinned. "Sounds like a good riddle, Captain. How do you make a ship disappear? Well, madam, first you find yourself the world's biggest corkscrew-"

"Someday someone'll get sick of you turning everything you hear into a joke and parroting it out like some courtly lady's trained bird."

"-And then if you know where to stick it-"

"You heard that one in a brothel, didn't you? I'll have you know my ship's no place for such iniquity."

Dima feigned a hurt expression. "Hey, I'm just trying to lighten the mood, keep your mind off doom and gloom and foul portents. Give me a little credit."

"I give you a little credit, next thing I know my ship's taking on water and I'm drowning in fish guts." Zuzana began along the gunwale, staring out to sea, her eyes set narrow. The wind off the waves stirred her gray-streaked dark hair and ruffled the thick bear fur mantle arrayed around her neck, dusting it, like everything else, in a fine, glimmering layer of ice crystals.

The whole of her ship, the Vansi, looked like a ghost vessel from some cradle song her mother might have sung to her as a child, its rigging and gunwales remade in glittering ice, the long teeth of icicles hanging from the high crow's nest. The blue and white Vodyani flag hung sluggish from its moorings, weighted down by frost. Even the sky seemed frozen, summer stars turned hard and cold in their settings. Up this far north, east of Vodyenai and deep in the treacherous dark waters of the Ork Roads, summer only meant less cold, not freedom from it.

Tonight, though, something was different.

Something was wrong.

Zuzana was Captain Zuzana Dobrevna of the Vodyani naval ship Vansi. They were a week out from Vodyenai's frozen shores and smoky harbors, the air ever black with the fumes of ore smoke. Vodyenai was one of Buyan's colony islands, prized for its deep mines and forests of petrified wood, trees standing like pale soldiers through the twilit gloom.

It was also the last significant landmass before the Inner Sea became the Outer, and thus a valuable port city for Buyan's naval exploits. The Vansi's mission was simple: a herring trawler hadn't come back to port with its payload, and it was her job to find it, and if the crew was still alive and squandering their haul on wine, women, and merriment, enact justice for the good of the Buyani crown.

It was filthy work most days, hunting desperate men made cowards by poverty, feeble revolutionaries thinking they could stick it in the collective Buyani eye, all of them captured or put down by Zuzana and her crew, and the many other ships like her. Still, she always told herself, on her second or fifth cup of korok, it was a better living than most.

The swells beyond the reach of the running lights were huge as hills, touched with deep, frigid green where the lanternlight struck them. Otherwise the water was dark as pig iron. The Vansi pitched from side to side on the swells, but Zuzana's stride was steady as she walked her ship's length, scanning the waves.

This was the last known location of the herring trawlers they'd been tracking the past few days; Zuzana had sighted them on the horizon, their smoke, the ork-oil streaks they left behind on the waves, and tasted the bitter tang of surety on her tongue. They should be here. They should be right here.

But they weren't.

"Maybe they saw us, too," Dima supplied behind her. "Scuttled their ship and made off with all the fish they could carry."

"A couple lifeboats' worth of herring isn't worth the trouble of scuttling a trawler," Zuzana muttered. She took up her spyglass again and snapped it open, then shook her head. "I don't like it, Dima."

"What?"

"The wind. When you've tasted as much of it as I have, you get to know it. Its moods. Its intricacies. This is a strange one, and no mistake."

"Maybe Sagarozk took the ship," Dima said, an uncharacteristic note of unease in his voice. He reached under his mantle and shirt collar to unhook a long, knotted strand of red twine from round his neck. On its end hung a charm carved from orktooth, clustered amidst chunks of raw pyrite and the needle fangs of some deep-sea fish. It was in the form of a curled beast, teeth bared, flanks crudely striped. "Maybe he opened his mouth and gulped it straight down."

"Your tiger god didn't eat the trawler," Zuzana said flatly.

He shrugged. "You don't know that."

Zuzana didn't hold much stock with gods- she'd heard enough men pray to them without response to form her own opinions on the matter. Dima had a point, though. If a god was about, it wouldn't be the sort to pass out mercy like party favors. It would be a thing like the waves, like the snow, like the stars overhead, cold and hungry and no friend to humanity.

"Captain Dobrevna!"

The call came from on high, up in the crow's nest. Zuzana looked up to where a red storm lantern swung from the upper rigging, the night watchman's shape cut out against the stars. "Past the swell! It's coming!"

"The trawler?" Zuzana called back, turning her attention back to the waves with an unsettling sting of relief. It came too soon. It wasn't the trawler.

The night was a dark one, moons hidden behind the low-hanging clouds, but the starlight provided plenty illumination now. The waves fell, and across the swells, across the whole of the dark sea, spread a river of glistening shapes. Small ones, mostly, bobbing on the water, but larger ones, too, platefish and sailfish, ooshka and rays and the tentacles of squid and cuttlefish tangled like seaweed, the silver streaks of entire herring runs floating belly-up to the stars. It spread endless, countless, on and on and on, a pathway to the horizon. An entire ocean of dead fish.

The smell hit her on the next slap of ice wind. Her eyes watered, throat pulling tight. She pressed her sleeve to her numb face, squinting against the carnal reek.

"What in all Hells is this?" she muttered.

Dima's face was pale. "I...I don't know, Captain..."

"Well? Get me some light."

He turned to shout the order. The running lights brightened, beaming out across the mass, even as the Vansi's bow struck its edge. Shapes thudded and split against the hull as the ship cleaved into the mass. Soon the spray churned oily and red, thick with gore, like the aftermath of an ork-butchery.

"Stop the ship," Zuzana called. "Heave to!"

Her crew obeyed. The sails groaned, filling with wind, and the Vansi swung round, carnage knocking at its hull as it slowed to a standstill on the waves.

Shouts rippled across the deck, but Zuzana was silent. She paced to the bow and looked again through her spyglass, all the way to the horizon, from where the current would have swept this river of dead things. The clouds seemed thicker there, denser and darker.

Pale radiance illuminated them from the inside: a single spear of lightning.

"Captain," Dima said.

Zuzana looked round again in time to see two of her crew hauling a net over the gunwale. Wet shapes slithered across the deck: dead fish. Zuzana crossed to them and knelt over the glistening heap. She drew her knife from her boot and stabbed one of the fish through the gills, then lifted it into the lamplight.

Veins glittered across its scales, prismatic as oil on water, one dead eye turned into a sphere of crystal big as her thumbnail. It was swollen, tumorous, splitting into the surrounding flesh.

A chill coursed through Zuzana's nerves.

The rest were the same, infected with crystal. "Looks like whaleglass," whispered another crewman, an old Buyani with miner's tattoos and fading red hair. He took off his fur cap and twisted it between his hands. "The crystallized blood of the Great Leviathan itself-"

"It's not whaleglass." Zuzana flicked the fish off her knife. "I don't know what this is. Some sickness in the water. We're well close enough to the Great Blue for all manner of horrors to creep in on the currents."

"We shouldn't be here," Dima said. He turned his tiger charm in his fingers, over and over, worrying at it like prayer beads. "Whatever happened to the trawler-"

"Are you suggesting we go back empty-handed? Scared off by a run of diseased fish?" Zuzana straightened, staring him down. "I'd rather have my feet up by a fire with a jar of sugared cherries, too, but that's no bloody excuse."

She knew what her first mate meant, though, and couldn't help but agree with him. First the trawler's disappearance, traceless, sudden, and now this: this desert of carnage, this dying on such a scale, like the sea had poisoned itself. A chill traced her spine as wind swept the deck, tugging the frozen flag high overhead.

Far out, where she'd seen the lightning before:

Clouds, massing. Black and churning.

Lightning came again, and struck the sea, splintering shards of silver across the river of dead fish. Zuzana strode to the bow, her crew at her back, and stared out toward the storm. Her heart pounded in her throat.

"You think it's coming our way, Captain?" Dima asked.

As if in answer, wind came: a blast of it, and with it, scents. Lightning sear, the heat of the vaporized ocean, salt and metal and the raw, hot tang of blood. A high, shrieking, winnowing wind, slicing past Zuzana's face like blades.

"That's no storm," said the old Buyani. "That's old magic. That's whale-stuff, that is. That's the Great Leviathan itself, the bringer of life and death, the destroyer, come to end us all!"

He lapsed into his mother tongue, a babbling stream of prayers. Zuzana rounded on him. Her heart pulsed behind her breastbone, but she fought to keep her face a hard mask.

"What are you?" she demanded. "A child? Stop your mewling before I send you to wait out the storm in the bilge."

He didn't obey, his prayers uninterrupted. Zuzana grit her teeth and gave the old man a hard crack across the jaw; he dropped with a yelp, but mercifully shut up.

Zuzana strode forward, fist stinging, facing down her crew. "This is no time for panic," she called. She looked from face to face. "For any of you, hear me? Get to your posts. Ready the sails for haste. We can outrun a paltry storm-"

The sea groaned, heaving upward toward stars burning like fires in the black. Zuzana grabbed onto the railing as the Vansi was lifted, tilting, bow flung upward on a single, massive swell. The water glassed. Waves dashed bloody froth across the deck; a curtain of sleet struck, a drenching torrent that soaked Zuzana to the bone in an instant. Shouts rang across the ship: crewmen rushing to lines, orders flying like gulls.

Zuzana was frozen. Every nerve screamed at her to run, but she didn't move. All she could do was stare.

The storm was coming toward them. Not slowly, blown on its course, but fast, too fast, and before its swirling, lightning-cracked winds, the sea rose, too. Swells. Waves. Whitecaps, spume, the entire ocean cleaved apart by-

By-

"Is that an island?" Dima cried through the sleet. It looked like one, like the crest of a mountain range arching from the deep, as if pulled from the seabed by some god in one of Dima's cradle songs. Zuzana stared, and the realization snapped in, and the panic roared over her, sudden as a breaking wave.

It was no island. It was a back: the long, curving ridge of a spine arrayed with spikes, huge as a ship, huge as a landmass, parting the waves, coming for them.

The lightning crackled from spike to spike, vast juts of dark bone. Beneath the water, illuminated from within by an unearthly blue radiance, was a form. A creature. It swam, pushing itself along with great, clawed forelimbs, its body long and serpentine. Its head lifted through the storm. Zuzana couldn't focus on its shape. It seemed to shift moment by moment, as if it was constantly in some weird state of warp. All she could see was darkness and lightning, flashes of talons and jagged bone and glistening, scarred black hide.

Muscles rippled beneath vast, gaping blowholes, and jaws parted, opening, impossible, impossible, it could swallow them whole, it could pluck the moons from the sky and crush them in those rows upon rows of teeth.

It roared. The howl of the storm, the shriek of the ocean turned to steam, the boom of thunder, huge as the world. White fractured Zuzana's vision. She felt blood burst from her nose, raw and rich on her tongue.

"Go!" she cried, rushing for the ship's wheel and seizing it in both hands. The currents were strong, but she set all her strength to it and felt it move. "Get us the hell away from that thing!"

The Vansi lunged, sails straining, great arcs of white against the sky. The stars were too bright, too close; they seemed to fall and touch the stormy ocean, filling it with blue light. Sleet pounded the deck, warm as summer rain. The displaced sea swelled again, waves rising taller than the Vansi, so it seemed to crest and swoop along valleys of phosphorescent blue glass.

Lightning split the sky, and Zuzana again glimpsed the monster, filling the sea, filling the sky, coils and claws and ancient wounds.

Surrounding them.

"No," she breathed, terror and wonder, her vision splintering with tears.

This couldn't be the Great Leviathan.

It wasn't supposed to be this way.

Nothing was supposed to be this way.

The monster unfurled, heaving its body from the ocean. Seawater sluiced from it in sheets, raining across the deck. Almost lazily, it batted out with one foreclaw, a solid wall of flesh and starlit water. Impact jarred the entire ship, like a bolt cannon had gone off belowdecks. Zuzana heard sail tear, heard wood split; waves hammered them, glimmering blue, turning the tarred wood and sailcloth to starlight. The rigging began to sway and collapse, bearing down on the deck. Sodden ropes thudded heavy as weights, barely missing her. She looked to Dima, and he stared back, clutching a line, blood streaming from the cut on his forehead.

"Captain!" he cried. "Out of the way!"

Too late.

Something struck her, hard: part of the Vansi's mast, snapped like a twig. She slammed sideways against the gunwale. Ribs crunched. She cried out, but her voice was lost in the scream of the winds, the howl and bellow of the monster as it tore them apart.

Through the pain, through the sound of her ship breaking and her crew dying around her, Zuzana lifted her head.

She saw it, blurred by the churning winds, a vast, roiling shape, its eyes blazing blue and gold through the storm.

She knew, now. Knew there were no charms, no prayers, no holy words to hold in the night. There was only one truth, bright as staring into the sun.

She was wrong. This was a god.

At least we know what happened to the trawler, Zuzana thought as the monster's jaws descended to shear the ship in half.

[prettylittlelyres]

Book D update - 25th January 2021

(Yes, this is being uploaded on the 26th, but that is because I have well and truly scuttled my sleep-schedule, and have stayed up late, writing!)

I’ve managed 1,400+ words on Dorota’s book today, bringing me just over 6,000 words in total. Tomorrow, I’m aiming to hit 12,000 words total (a big goal, I know - more than a little daunting!), so here’s a celebratory excerpt before I hunker down for the final sprint of the night (260 words to go!).

I had no right to be angry with her, least of all for getting engaged, or for not telling me about it until now. Eventually Zuzana had given up writing to me, obviously realising that I had no intention of writing back. How could I write back? How could I put in a letter… what I still had not told her? If either one of us had the right to be angry with the other, it was Zuzana who had the right to be angry with me, because what I had kept from her was even more important than an engagement.

But now she saw in my face that I was hiding something, it was clear that she had no idea what, because she smiled and touched my elbow conspiratorially. “Have you got a little something to tell me, Dorota?” she asked in a whisper, “Is there some chap you’re seeing?”

It was so far from the truth that I had to laugh as I shook my head, but the guilt of hiding that important news from her, coupled with the guilt of laughing at anything even remotely related to my mother’s death felt like a blinding light in my eyes, and I had to squeeze them shut.

“You can tell me. You know I'd tell you! Well, I do tell you, and I have told you, so, who is it? Go on!” She was grinning now, as she had always done when we were younger, and I’d suggested swiping a jar of jam from the kitchen of either one of our houses. It was the grin anyone would wear on sensing that the friend had a secret.

[robertmarch82]

Thousands of Czech women have oined forces via social media to sew face masks at home to help combat the spread of the novel coronavirus amid a dire shortage of medical materials.

A Facebook group called "Czechia sews face masks" went viral after it was launched on Sunday, drawing 24,000 members in two days as droves of women armed with sewing machines signed up to do battle with the disease.

"There's a shortage (of masks), you read about that everywhere, and you can see that many people have joined on social networks and make masks at home," said Alena Vanova, a town hall clerk in the small town of Revnice located southwest of Prague.

- 'Many masks, fast' -

Vanova started to make face masks at home with her daughters on Tuesday, intended to equip her family and colleagues, but also pensioners.

"It has to be fast, made with pure cotton material and I think even a complete beginner can make it," Vanova told AFP.

Many mask makers are women staying home to care for children after the government shut schools to stem infections, while husbands and boyfriends are also threading their needles in the fight.

The technique is relatively straightforward: people typically sew together specially cut pieces of clean bed sheets folded three times and then fit them with strings to tie up around the back of the head.

Zuzana Hrdinova, a former teacher who recently became a dressmaker, says that making masks is a far cry from stitching together stylish clothes.

"I normally use classic sewing techniques -- I sew by hand, stitch, zigzag, while this is mostly about speed, quantity. It has to be solid and you don't really care about design or details," she told AFP.

Mikela Tlusta, a fashion designer, has returned to sewing, something which she left to professional seamstresses years ago.

"It's urgent, we need to make many masks, fast," she told AFP.

"The first mask took a long time and I threw it away. The second one looked weird, but from the third one on, it's been OK.

"This is how I started -- I spent days and nights sewing and now the memories are coming back. I've missed it, so it feels great."

[agentharrisonofshield-a]

ahdgl

ABC fandom meme@brooklynislandgirl

Under a cut for length

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

Setting aside the ships that I RP because I could talk about those for days...

- Lucas/Ros’ canonical brotp (Spooks)

- Harry/Ruth (Spooks)

- Rosethorn/Lark because how often does YA give us not just a healthy, stable, loving, and accepted queer relationship between two women but an open relationship where one person is free to take other casual partners from time to time?  (Tamora Pierce’s Emelan books)  (And yes while the relationship is only implied in the quartets it’s acknowledged outright in the later stand-alone books.)

Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer (Supergirl) aka the whole reason I started watching Supergirl in the first place

Cathrine Hassi-Barahal/Andevai Diarisso Haranwy (Kate Elliott’s Spiritwalker Trilogy) aka the best arranged marriage I have ever seen in fantasy literature but also amazing because Vai sets out to seduce Cat and he does it using food and radical principles and when he gets caught up in forgetting all those principles Cat walks the fuck away and just ugh they are the best couple ever and I love them to pieces

Alabaster/Innon/Syenite (N.K. Jemisin’s The Fifth Season) because it’s not a straight up ‘everyone’s in love with everyone else’ poly ship

Sandry/Daja/Tris/Briar’s found siblings relationship (Tamora Pierce’s Emelan books) 

Karou & Zuzana (Liani Taylor’s Daughter of Smoke and Bone trilogy) because friends who won’t brave the deserts of Morocco with their boyfriend in tow to find the abandoned castle you’re living in with a bunch of monsters because they think you need their help aren’t really your friends at all are they?

Cathrine Hassi-Barahal and Beatrice Hassi-Barahal (Kate Elliott’s Spiritwalker trilogy) cousins and friends for life, who blend femininity, sword fighting, stubbornness, intelligence, and being proud POC.

Okay I’m going to shut up now

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?

That’s hard, because, as you can see, I take a lot of my favorites from books - but the books I read for the most part don’t really have established fandoms, at least not on tumblr (which is why I lump them all under ‘the Sirens fandom’ when I’m talking about them because my Sirens peeps are about the only other people I know who have read most of them).  I’d have several dozen more AUs if they did.

When it comes to stuff I actually interact with other fans on, I’d say it’s maybe 70/30 movies/tv. 

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.

plsdonothatemeDCrpers Kara and Mon-El.  Mainly because if I told a guy I just started dating that I wanted to keep our relationship low-key and it took him less than ten seconds of arriving at our shared work to announce loudly that we were a couple, his ass would have been kicked to the curb so fucking hard he’d have bounced back to his ravaged home planet.

Also not too fond of Roan/Glinda from Emerald City.

Bonus mention of Adam and Ros from Spooks, a ship I feel is so unhealthy I've only written 2,000 words of meta on the subject (so far).

G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?

‘Have I ever had an OTP’ that’s hilarious. 

I’m pretty sure the first OTP I can remember was Leia and Han.  Which I still ship the hell out of some 26, 27 years later.

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.)

Connie James, whether she was lying or not, gave Lucas some much-needed closure on the subject of who betrayed him to the FSB.  And she saved London from a nuclear bomb.  Which was nice of her to do after she’d been selling England down the road to Russia for three decades and may or may not have been responsible for Lucas’ 8 years of imprisonment and torture.

Or, on a note more people may be familiar with:  Kylo Ren has nice hair. 

[gosfordparks]

rules: complete the survey and say who tagged you in the beginning. when you’re finished, tag people to do this survey. have fun and enjoy! 

Tagged by @patsmount 

1: are you named after someone? Literally the character from Lewis Carroll novel? Although I doubt my mum ever read the original novel bc she doesn’t read much, but she had the official Disney picture book, with art from the movie, and she was obsessed with it, she brought it anywhere she went. At least that’s what she told me 2: when was the last time you cried? Yesterday for a very delicate + serious reason that maybe it’s best not to report here since this is supposed to be fun to read. Let’s just say I’m trying to come to terms with smth atm. Also yesterday it was a very upsetting day in general bc I’m trying to make friends but people keep blowing me off 3: do you like your handwriting? I love it even though people laugh at it and they’re are not sure wheter they should be amused by it or be slighly condiscending with it, and I’m sure they find it ridiculous (actually it was someone from this site who called it ‘so funky’; hi Zuzana, love you), but yeah I love it, it’s an expression of my artistic personality 4: what is your favourite lunch meat? I’m a vegetarian?? Also I’m not familiar with strange American terminology when it comes to food, why can’t you just eat pasta for lunch like normal people 5: do you have kids? Ahaha 6: if you were another person, would you be friends with you? Probably not lbr 7: do you use sarcasm? I like how Martina answered ‘not as much as I used to’, I never overcame my Daria-wannabe phase and I don’t have any regrets (ok maybe I have a few at times) 8: do you still have your tonsils? Yes 9: would you bungee jump? Lmao no 10: what is your favourite kind of cereal? Ehrm...plain oats, does that count? Or organic muesley with dark vegan chocolate chips or smth. Again, I’m not sure if these things count as ‘cereal’ but I’m a really boring person 11: do you untie your shoes when you take them off? I never though about this before but I guess I generally don’t 12: do you think you’re a strong person? No, I’m weak in all regards 13: what is your favourite ice cream? Black cherry and dark chocolate 14: what is the first thing you notice about people? Mmm... if they give me good/pure people vibes or if the struck me as being completely self-absorbed and selfish + hypocrytical/fake (I’m sorry guys, I’m all for self love if it’s done to empower yourself and others but I still don’t associate those traits I just described with being good people, I’ll understand if you disagree) 16: what is the least favourite physical thing you like about yourself? Actually I was thinking about this question and I realized I like my body??? Wow, this is a really positive thing to find out lol I mean, I still don’t feel very confident when I go out wearing my natural hair down+ glasses + chapped lips, so I guess I don’t love my natural hair, my dark circles, my skin, wearing glasses, and sometimes I’m concerned about my knees/legs because with the passing of the years my knees are getting more and more turned inwardly and my articulations creek like those of an old lady when I get up, but that’s more of an health concern. Uh, and sometimes I wish I was taller. But like, I don’t love all these things, but I’ve come to terms with them, I accept them, I like them. I like my body. (I like my posture less it’s really bad at all times. I slouch A LOT and get into super weird poses lmao). Also why is this question only about negative traits, shut out to my naturally voluminous, long-ass eye-lashes that I love 17: what color pants and shoes are you wearing now? I’m in my underwear 21: favourite smell? Martina stole my answer, lavender, but also I loove the smell of those candles that ALL the brands make for Halloween? You know the candle I’m talking about, you can find almost the same thing in a 99-dollar stollar or at Yankee Candle, it smells of cinnamon and sugar and other spices and vaguely like burning wood?? Also my favourite perfumes tend to be citrus fragances. Also green tea I forgot about green tea omg scratch all of that it’s green tea 22: who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? My dad, same answer as Martina 23: favourite sport to watch? I find watching tennis weirdly relaxing for some reason. Also years ago I used to do (roller) figure skating and at the time I used to watch (ice) figure competions but now I can’t be bothered 24: hair color? Dark brown + reddish 25: eye color? Dark brown 26: do you wear contacts? Yes 27: favourite food to eat? You can’t possibly ask me this question. All the food 29: last movie you watched? 8 femmes 30: what color of shirt are you wearing? I’M IN MY BRA 31: summer or winter? If I have to choose Winter bc Summer is my least favourite season but fuck both of them tbh Spring ftw  32: hugs or kisses? I want to be kissed on my neck rn 33: what book are you currently reading? I’m still reading Ni D’E’ve ni D’Adam by Amélie Nothomb, even though it’s a 100-page long book, bc I’m going through an intese ‘watching Youtube 24/7 and not reading for shit’ phase. Someone save me 34: what do you miss right now? Mmh... nothing? I’m looking forward to the future more than the past at the moment 35: what is on your mouse pad? I use a laptop with a touchpad so 36: what is the last tv program you watched? Holby 37: what is the best sound? My favourite sound used to be smth very specific, you know the ‘thump’ a bottle does when you uncork it? Now I’m guess I’m watching too much asmr; I’m obssesed with tapping. I find myself tapping on things in stores and people stare at me.  38: rolling stones or the beatles? The Beatles but only bc I literally only know 3 RL songs 39: what is the furthest you have ever traveled? England I think, so not very far lol 40: do you have a special talent? I like to think I can write but it’s unclear if I can still do it + if I’ll ever be able to do it English well enough 41: where were you born? Sicily

I tag my most recent followers: @izzyhuett, @kitscaboodle, @fictionally-teddi, @biancagrieve, @lockbearer, @matildaswan, @misskatekane and @tall-maja, because I want to get to know them :D

If anyone read the whole thing thank you omg

[desertdevils]

past gen + dril tweets

Anthony Bird: WAITER..ive made it quite clear U are not to speak to me until im ready to select the Spice Level of my braised quail dumplings..now BEGONNE

Micaela Bird: another fucked up thing that women will do to all good men and boys is steal their last names, posSibly to leverage their own failing brands

Edward Blackwell: DOCTOR: you can't keep doing this to yourself. being The Last True Good Boy online will destroy you. you must stop posting with honor. ME: No,

Anastasia Teller: done retweetinh husband accounts. it has become Trite, and Obnoxious to me.

Helene Braddock: im actualy, probably, the most superbly relatable and normal person in this jail cell as of right NOw

Michael Calderon: (sniffing a crumpled up one dollar bill i found on the floor of a dog kennel) ah.. thats greenbacks baby

Ariana Calderon: i just looked up the stats and the number of meaningful relationships ive formed is less than the number of public restrooms ive Screamed in

Vincent Calderon: girls always love to telling people not to" Mansplain”

but they do not care of, "Man's Pain”

Rachel Calderon: between the gun & the blade.. throwing knives are the "Best of both worlds" when it comes to eliminating thousands of home intruders at once

Gerald Clarence: Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned Compilation

Elizabeth Clarence: running multiple red lights while listening to the radio jockeys Flawless "dr. evil" impersonation and scream-laughing

Kiefer Marsden: (truyng to stumble across the next big two-word phrase that gets really popular for no reason) udhhu.. bird hell owl. big hell. owl hell

Maria Herrero: The absolute shit Im forced to put up with as a content Producer. Ive sacrificed my basic human rights in order to placate U fucking people.

Anais Fairfax: i regret being tasked the emotional burden of maintaining the final bastion of morality and Nice manners in this endless ocean of human SHIT

James Murdoch: turning my headlights off when driving at night,.. so that my Rivals cannot see me

Daria Murdoch: CHILD: Papa.. tell me once more about WIFE's DUTY PAPA: it is WIFE's DUTY to protect her husband from villains, always

Camila Martinez: ilove the idea of beating the shit out of my Son's rival's dad at the little league game with a suitcase full of cash

David Nelson: If U Ever Contact My Daughetr Again I Will Call My Lawyer And We'll Kick Your Tiny Weird Shaped Head Around The Court Room

Pearl Nelson: Adorn Your Front Door With A Tasteful Welcome Mat Or Shut Dah Fuck Up

Abraham Siska: i am selling six beautfiul, extremely ill, white horses. they no longer recognize me as their father, and are the Burden of my life

Lorelei Siska: mind of a lion.. heart of a Pregnant woman

Andres Sandoval: if you have a problem with my mouth, i’ll be swinging a sledgehammer in circles outdoors for the rest of my life, so come try to do crap to me.

Carmen Sandoval: "son, if you think we deserve better, let me remind you that the large wooden 'H' affixed to our kitchen wall stands for 'Hell'"

Nathaniel Teller: i put years of hard work into getting my torture degree at torture college & now everyones like "oh tortures bad","its ineffective" fuck off

Zuzana Teller: i enjoy a bit of "Humour" every now and then, but people seriously need to sotp tying me to a chair and injecting me with unknown substances

[mal-zoya]

i miss being active here and excited about stuff, anyways how are you all doing?

[mal-zoya]

what if, in this economy, i’ll make malarkling edit

[mal-zoya]

friend recommended me ‘the invisible life of addie larue,’ i googled it and like... babe, i don’t need to read “enemies-to-lovers-version-500.” i can already tell you: henry is my favorite that everyone hates, that henry/luc and henry/addie are the superior ships and that henry/luc/addie should’ve been endgame.

[mal-zoya]

anyways, i am not dead, just super busy with work. last thing i remember was may and now it’s middle of july, so that’s great...

enjoy the summer guys, cause i certainly don’t, and someone should!

[mal-zoya]

i don’t celebrate it and in general i don’t care but it kinda bummed me that none of my friends remembered it’s my birthday

(i don’t say this to get some pitty party wishes btw, just slightly disappointed in certain irl people)

[mal-zoya]

a reminder for myself, to make gifsets for these when i’m finally back on my laptop in couple of days:

malkolina

malarkling

caldagan

alicole

cleon

[mal-zoya]

malina vs darklina fandoms remind me strongly of finnrey/stormpilot vs reylo, if you know you know, i will not elaborate

[mal-zoya]

btw, obviously i’m me - i will be reblogging spoiler stuff from obi-wan kenobi, so if you want to avoid that, everything will be tagged #kenobi series and day or two after new episode i’ll be tagging #kenobi spoilers as well. so please blacklist that if you watch the episodes later or want to wait when the whole season is out :)

see you on the other side folks!

[mal-zoya]

sorry guys i wasn’t around lately, truth is around xmas i was super busy with work and after that i really didn’t have much to share :/