#(storytime of why i threw the girl; anyone? so i was like 13 and this girl in the year above me at school used to bully me

[fingertipsmp3]

Standing at my window and I see two people out on the street staring at me….. Is this going to become sort of fucking The Strangers type of situation

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

i feel like jian yi uses emotion to influence zhan zheng xi's decision. when he talks about his sexuality he is either crying or on the verge of crying which i think softens zhan zhengxi's attitude towards him. i don't get people that are saying zhan zheng xi is demisexual and not interested in girls at all and when his only encounter with girls is xiao hui? who is his stalker. it is very natural for zhan zheng xi to dislike her. i feel like jian yi is very manipulative.

Good evening, dear anon-san!

Before we get any further, I got your another ask that it’s okay if I won’t answer your question. I’m not sure why you felt that way but you had gone through the big trouble of writing your thoughts, so I want to try and give you mine. Also, I don’t talk about Zhanyi too often, so I don’t want to pass chances when people give me a nudge to do so. Anyway, I hope you won’t mind I decided to answer your ask.

You had a lot of things to talk about, so I thought I would give my thoughts some structure by picking up some overall themes.

A bit of a TL;DR: I imagine your interpretation of Jian Yi’s character is very much of an unpopular opinion. And I’m afraid I won’t be agreeing with it very much because I have always read him and his relationship with Zhan Zheng Xi quite differently. That being said, though, I do want to applaud your courage to share your views with us. It makes me feel privileged that you feel comfortable enough with me to be open about your opinions.

Zhan Zheng Xi and Xiao Hui

Let’s start this with perhaps the easiest topic: XH having a crush on ZZX. It’s true she didn’t really hide her feelings for ZZX. She tried to muster up enough courage to deliver her confession letter many times and also approached him directly. However, it was clear ZZX was bothered and felt uncomfortable by her affections. (ch. 51, 52, 98, 99. 102, and 156)

She was quite persistent and forward, but I don’t think she deserves to be called a stalker. Not even close. I think we’re forgetting that middle school is that awkward time in life when it’s starting to be noticeable that girls develop faster than boys. Girls of that age can actually be very open about their crushes while boys feel embarrassed, bothered, and annoyed by them. Nor are boys really interested quite yet. I think that’s very much apparent in ZZX and XH’s case.

A short storytime. When I was in middle school (about 12-13 years old) I had the most intense crush on this boy in my class. My very soul was consumed by how much in love I was with him. And I had no problem being open about it, either; I gave him birthday and Christmas cards publically, forced him to write on my friends book, and overall was quite pushy with him. He never returned my passionate feelings but was rather annoyed, embarrassed and disgusted by them. After two years, my feelings passed. Was I a stalker, though? I don’t think so.

So, yes, it was very understandable and realistic for ZZX to be bothered by XH’s advances but I wouldn’t brand her as a “stalker” and make too direct conclusions about their relationship. Rather I think that’s how it usually goes in that age.

Jian Yi and Xiao Hui’s letter

Overall, JY was in a very difficult position when he found out about XH’s feelings for ZZX. On one hand, he was very much in love with ZZX, and it had been his most precious secret that he’s both wanted to confess and hide. Worst case scenario, his romantic feelings might end their childhood friendship or put them in a position where others could easily discriminate and bash them. On the other hand, XH’s advances put pressure on JY and painfully remind him that it’s not as simple for him to confess and be open about his crush. I have always sympathized with him because being in that position can be very painful and conflicting. (100, 101)

I mean, imagine someone asked you to deliver a confession letter to the person you have been in love with for years. Can you imagine how crushing that would feel? A big part of me, at least, would certainly think my crush was doomed. And it was obvious JY struggle between doing the right thing and doing what his heart wanted to.

When JY agreed to give ZZX her letter on the condition that she won’t come near him, I think that was the most manipulative JY got in that whole story (ch. 100):

And I don’t think even that was very successful. He told her to stay away but... what was the endgame? Was JY’s plan to make her believe he had given ZZX the letter and prevent her from finding out the truth by telling her to keep her distance? But at some point, she would have grown anxious and approached ZZX again, right? The truth would certainly have come out eventually.

I think he hadn’t thought it through at all but rather that “don’t come near him” plan was a desperate attempt to buy some time. I don’t see that as JY trying to isolate ZZX in a toxic way at all but rather him trying to prolong the inevitable. His feelings for ZZX never had the same promise of a future as XH’s feelings - and straight love, in general.

Also, let’s not forget that JY did end up giving ZZX the letter despite his own difficult position (ch. 102):

What ZZX said made him realize it wouldn’t be right for JY to decide things for him. He couldn’t advance his own goals that way and feel good about it. But at the same time, giving ZZX that letter put JY’s feelings at a big risk. Basically, JY came close to watching the person he loved returning someone else’s feelings. I’m not sure I could have done the same if I had been JY, and I bet many of us would have struggled to make up our minds, too. Would that make us toxic manipulators, though?

Xiao Hui’s letter exposed

XH’s confession letter being exposed to everybody was a messy situation for all parties. It exposed so many private and vulnerable feelings for anyone to see and make fun of. And usually, the more we want to protect something inside us, the stronger we react when it’s either exposed or poked at.

Even if I don’t really see JY worrying about ZZX’s reputation as a bad thing or something problematic, I have always wondered about that part (ch. 158):

It always seemed like an odd thing to worry about in that situation to me. But I suppose he just didn’t want ZZX to become the center of gossiping. People were making fun of the letter and both its writer and who it was addressed to. Again, romance is quite a tender topic at that age, especially publically. To be involved in those kinds of things - even involuntarily - would most probably put you in the kind of awkward position that you can never quite live down. So, yeah, even if my center of worries wouldn’t probably be protecting ZZX’s reputation, I still get where JY was coming from.

I also suppose JY didn’t want XH’s crush to be public knowledge because it made his situation that more difficult and an uphill battle. The rumors and gossips would stoke and contribute to the overall rhetoric that ZZX has a girlfriend or that he’s popular among girls. But again, I don’t really see that line of thinking as manipulative. I don’t think he was pretending to be sad or trying to provoke XH to make her look bad in ZZX’s eyes. I’m sure I would have felt somewhat the same in his situation, actually.

However, I do agree that readers (if that’s what you meant by “people”) were too eager to brand XH as a problematic homophobe and hate her guts. What she said was wrong and hurtful but still not that surprising (ch. 158):

She had been publically humiliated and her feelings had been made of by everyone. She was hurt and embarrassed, and when JY blamed her she lashed out and threw the easiest and most obvious insult she could think of. I don’t think it’s fair to judge her whole character based on one moment when she was so vulnerable and humiliated.

What comes to ZZX, I don’t think it was a case of him conveniently walking in when JY had been bashed by XH and him judging the situation wrongly (JY as the victim and XH the villain). The way ZZX handled the situation tells us that he could see behind the emotional escalation and recognized the pain both JY and XH were suffering (ch. 158 and 159):

He understood XH had poked a very vulnerable spot with her “disgusting gay” remark and why JY had gotten upset. Not long ago before the letter incident, he had seen how insecure JY was about his feelings for someone of the same sex and how scared he was of being rejected because of it. It was the last thing JY wanted people to talk about out loud but also where you could hurt him the most.

But ZZX also realized the situation XH was in and why she had lashed out. He was very gentle with her and treated her feelings with respect despite turning them down. He saw his own little sister in her, not a villain or a bad person. I’m sure his reaction would have been vastly different if he had thought XH was out to deliberately hurt JY.

Jian Yi’s orientation and manipulation

I can’t say I see JY using emotions to knowingly influence and manipulate ZZX’s decisions but I do think ZZX has an obvious soft spot for his best friend. It goes all the way back to their childhood when ZZX promised to protect him, and later JY’s special place in ZZX’s eyes is represented by the rhetoric of lifelong promises between them (ch. 97, 127, 159, 161, 169, 285):

To me, that’s pretty much the essence of ZZX’s character. He’s loyal, protective, and surprisingly comfortable being so caring. We can see him treat his little sister very similarly to how he treats JY. So, when he sees his best friend crying and thinking there’s something wrong with him because he’s different from others, it’s his second nature to comfort and reassure JY.

Overall, JY has talked about his orientation or feelings for ZZX three times in the comic so far in a way that has changed the course of the story. (If you wish to read more about how I see the Zhanyi storyline go check out my other earlier answer.) The most shocking and dramatic turning point for both of them was probably when JY’s feelings came to light for the first time (ch. 143):

I really can’t see JY being emotionally manipulative at that moment. I would say his reaction is more than understandable and realistic instead. I don’t know if you have ever had to come out to anyone about your sexual orientation, dear anon-san, but it’s always a nerve-wracking experience. I’ve told about my own bisexuality to my parents and best friend and it was insanely scary both times even if I was confident they wouldn’t have a problem with it. Despite everything, there’s always that little “what if” rattling in your head.

Now, multiply that by XXX and put yourself in JY’s raincoat. He was a teenage boy who had just kissed his lifelong best friend and couldn’t play it off as a joke. The more he tried to run and hide, the more the feelings he had buried for years poured out in a mess of tears and fragmented thoughts. I mean, we had read about how deep their friendship ran for 100+ chapters by then but I’m sure many of us were still nervous and unsure about how ZZX would react.

However, ZZX isn’t unable to set his limits even when offering comfort. I think that was apparent the second time JY’s feeling were addressed when JY was drunk and looking for something ZZX wasn’t ready to give him yet (ch. 165):

JY was genuinely very emotional and in a vulnerable place but ZZX had to reject him. I actually talked about that moment in one of my earlier answers because I have always found it interesting and complicated. JY was so insecure and afraid of ZZX rejecting him that he wanted to push the limits to find out how ZZX felt about him (both being in love with him and someone of the same sex). It almost seemed like he was tired of being anxious and kind of wanted to get it over with. But ZZX wasn’t quite there yet. He had expressed his support when it came to JY liking men but wasn’t ready for what JY was really feeling. Unfortunately, that meant he had to hurt the already vulnerable JY but the bottom line is, he did reject him. He might have a lot of affection for JY but he’s also very in tune with what he wants and isn’t ready for. That’s also a part of him being honest and loyal. If he had allowed JY to have his way, ZZX wouldn’t have been true to JY or himself.

The third and last time was when JY finally, officially confessed and - according to my interpretation - ZZX returned his feelings. Again, I don’t see JY being emotionally manipulative but there is one aspect that has always caught my attention (ch. 209):

JY says he likes ZZX so much he’s about to explode and whether it’s about their past or future, it’s always been and will always be about ZZX. This time JY’s fear of rejection manifests itself a bit differently, though. He kind of rejects his feelings himself before ZZX even says a word. He already knows ZZX isn’t happy about being loved by another guy and his best friend at that, so there’s no need for ZZX turn him down. Also, by seemingly shifting the goal of his confession (you won’t feel the same way but at least I finally said it) JY is protecting himself.

Could that behavior be taken as manipulation? I guess on some level, but I think it’s also a very natural and realistic reaction. It can be used to influence someone’s decisions but it’s also a defense mechanism. One that I - and I’m sure many others - can personally relate to very much. And I don’t see JY saying those things in that situation as a way to try and make ZZX feel sorry for him and return his feelings that way. This was the first time he was completely open and honest about his love for ZZX - confessing while looking straight into his eyes - so it’s no surprise he behaved defensively like that.

Also, I believe ZZX had already made up his mind about what his answer would be before he even asked the question. He had reached his resolve and was comfortable with it. All he needed was for JY to say the words out loud.

Jian Yi, Mo Guan Shan, and He Tian’s money

Okay, the last topics! This was something you only briefly mentioned but I felt like they supported your view on JY that already differed quite a lot from mine, so I thought I would give my two cents about these, too.

I think JY is exactly the kind of friend Mo Guan Shan desperately needed when he was falsely accused of assaulting that girl. In fact, JY is the kind of friend all of us should have: someone who won’t hesitate to stand up for us. Because I don’t think “anyone would have done the same thing” for MGS. Actually, that’s why She Li picked him as the scapegoat in the first place (ch. 178, 186, and 184):

Not only did SL take advantage of knowing MGS was a social outcast at school and people were prejudiced against him so no one would even doubt the things said about him but he also knew MGS didn’t have the kind of friends who would step in. He Tian most certainly was one of them, but so was JY the way he didn’t hesitate to barge into the office and loudly demand justice for MGS (ch. 185):

Let’s remember, when the assault case was going on HT, JY and ZZX were the only ones defending MGS. Not even the teachers seemed to think “innocent until proven guilty” or even entertain the thought that MGS might not have done it.

What comes to JY talking about HT having a lot of money (or being rich or poor in general), I think it’s just a part of him being cheeky and the kind of humor 19 Days has. JY’s character has this obliviously and unapologetically immature side that can be a bit annoying at first but soon becomes one of his most lovable features. I never took this side of him as an offense but rather him just being a 15-year-old boy among other teenage boys that will fire back just the same (ch. 258, 296, 298, 301, and 310):

JY doesn’t really have a filter and he likes to brag a little when, for once, he’s in that kind of position, but there’s no true malice in his words.

A few quick notes that I won’t get into deeper than this:

I don’t know about ZZX being demisexual but overall BL does seem to have this trend of making male protagonists fall in love with each other without identifying as LGBT. BL has been criticized for this because it’s a way to avoid talking about the fact that men who are attracted to other men are, in fact, gay (or bi). In many BL stories, the protagonists are portrayed as straight and them falling for a guy is just special circumstances and they’re gay for just that one guy. And while I don’t personally have a major problem with it, I can’t deny it feels a bit of a cop-out. Does Zhanyi fall into that category? On some level, I guess, but it’s also too early to say. The boys are just figuring out who they are as individuals, so JY, for example, identifying as gay might be said out loud one day. Don’t think that will ever happen in ZZX’s case, though.

I also don’t think JY is trying to isolate ZZX from other people. Now that he’s more secure regarding ZZX’s feelings for himself and their relationship, he’s even included XH to their group.

Phew!

Was that all? I think that was at least the most of it, if not all. If you think I skipped something or would like me to elaborate on something, let me know!

As I warned you in the beginning, I ended up disagreeing with the majority of your interpretation. Hopefully, I wasn’t too harsh with my wording or ways of putting things. Even if our views were pretty much the opposite to each other, your thoughts prompted me to look at JY’s character and Zhanyi from a new perspective. And that’s always a good thing. Thank you again for that opportunity and for sharing your interpretations with us, dear anon-san!

[serren-diamandis]

Storytime

Trigger Warning: this story involves attempted sexual assault.

Summer 2011 was... interesting to say the least...

I had broken up with my bf off and on 2 years (honestly probably a total of 6 months) because he was constantly lying to me about everything and it was difficult for me to deal with that and it being a long distance relationship.

A few weeks later, I was visiting my grandparents up north for a little while and this senior I'd been crushing on since I met him suddenly messaged me.

Now let me give some info about this guy we will be calling... Joe. Joe was friends with nearly everyone I hung out with it seemed. He was always nice to me and I enjoyed his company along with everyone else's in our little group.

Just having recieved my first kiss the year before, I was actually really anxious to talk to him outside of our group hangouts.

We had started texting and figured out the whole timezone schedule since he worked and I was out of state for summer vacation.

Eventually, he asked me out. After confirming that my Birthday had just passed and I was now 17 instead of 16 before I left for vacation. Didn't really seem like a red flag at the time since I'd had friends separated from their boyfriends for similar reasons unless they fell under the Romeo and Juliet laws. ( https://www.theshapirolawfirm.com/News-and-Resources/Articles/Romeo-and-Juliet-Law-in-Texas.shtml )

So we set a date for my return to go see the Green Lantern movie. (Which was terrible and should have been a sign) we got to the movies in separate cars, and just as we get to the counter he tells me he's broke. So I being excited and naïve decided it was fine for me to use the last of my allowance to pay for tickets and snacks.

The movie honestly bored me a bit. The cgi wasn't my shtick. So I decided to lean into my date and zone out. Once I felt relaxed I felt his arm snake around my waist and he poked his fingers into the holes of my jeans. This didn't really bother me. They weren't near any place they shouldn't have been.

The date ended and he kissed me goodnight and said he had fun. And we planned a meetup at the library with some of our friends to play MTG. I had tried to learn from a different ex who of course would also be at the library... we will call him.... Tim.

We meet up at the library a few days later and I had made some cute little invites to my 17th birthday party at the lake for the next weekend. I told them don't worry about gifts or anything. It's more so a last splash party before school started up again. Being it was now about a month after my actual birthday had passed.

The library card game was pretty fun. Tim had been my first kiss and broken up with me for being too unavailable (which he understood my reasoning, but it was still just a little heartbreaking for me.) We were still cool. We still hung out with our mutual friends. The dude wasn't a total dick back then.

My current boyfriend had randomized the pairings with an app so we could play. He lent me a deck to try out, and we started our matches. I was still super new to all of this so I just took my time. Joe and his opponent had finished their matches quickly and Tim, being my opponent, told me to take my time and make a strategy.

Joe didn't like his way of being kind to me I guess and had noticed that I was wearing another pair of Jean's similar to my previous ones except, due to an accidental fall... it also had a hole at my inner thigh inches away from... well you know.

He decided to dig too fingers into the outer holes and laugh saying "look Serren! I'm in your pants!" And this actually seemed to have ticked Tim and a couple of others off a little.

I laughed a little and told him I was trying to focus but he wouldnt stop. He kept pushing himself into the various holes and finally saw the one on my thigh. Now at the time I was still a virgin and honestly was still very much determined to stay that way until I met my future husband. This guy was cute and I crushed hard on him, but I knew he wasn't that interested in me. So I batted his hand away after letting out a surprised squeak. And asked him not to do it again.

Didn't work. He kept trying. So I finished my gave and shook hands with Tim after being totally beaten. I stood up to go to look for something to read since I knew I wasn't going to be able to focus through another game and my ride wouldn't be back for a few more hours.

I went unbothered the rest of the time but could hear his friends telling him off via loud whispering.

My ride arrived so I kissed my boyfriend, waved 'bye' to the others and left.

He texted me that evening asking if I was mad at him. I honestly wasn't I just explained that I wanted to learn his favorite game better but had to focus in order to do so.

Like I said earlier, the dude was really cool and seemed to get along with EVERYONE. Right?

WRONG.

The week before my party I had started to receive several messages from my friends and even some of his telling me to break up with him. I was so confused. Everyone seemed fine when we were together with our group? So what's with the change?

Friends of ours messaged me that he was only in a relationship with me to "pop my cherry". It honestly pissed me off. Because, why couldn't anyone tell me before? Now there are accusations about my bf in my inbox stating that he had date raped other girls and I was so confused and hurt. I said I needed time to think but I couldn't just break up with him over rumors.

The following weekend my birthday party arrived. I had bought a really cute 2 piece swimsuit during my vacation that I'd saved for the event.

I arrived with my family and we had given Joe and his friend.... Henry a ride. Joe compliment my swimsuit and walked me over to the rest of our friends who showed up. Save for 2 of them who didn't want to go because of pure spite of Joe and his intentions. 1 of which... was my future husband.

The party was fun and all but I don't like heights unless I'm in a plane so I stayed out of the chicken tournament.

My family left to go pick up pizzas and drop my little brother at martial arts practice. Joe had noticed this and left the 13 person chicken tournament to swim with me. He was flirting with me as usual, but I just brushed it off giggling.

Then I noticed we had drifted away from the rest of the group out to the deeper part of the lake. (I'm getting a little emotional now) I could swim, yeah, but I was no where near the best of swimmers. So I panicked a little.

Joe pulled me to him in what I assumed was an attempt to calm me down. Everyone was still pretty close but not that close. They were mostly pairing off by then and flirting with each other as teens will do. So I relaxed in his arms and had calmed down. I felt his hand reach into my swimsuit and grab my butt and I asked what he was doing. He replied that he was just "testing the waters". Like some stupid pun. And I said that we should probably get back to the others but before I could even finish my sentence my bottoms were pulled down and he had himself pressed against me through his trunks. It hit me like a ton of bricks what he wanted and I freaked. I said "what the hell are you doing Joe?!" and tried to push away. He held me tighter leaving a red mark on my arm that would later turn into a bruise that I'd lie about for the next week or so.

He started pulling his trunks down and pulled me so my back was against him. I was so freaked I jabbed him in the stomach with my elbow and swam off after pulling my bottoms back on. I didn't want to make a scene when everyone seemed to be having fun.

One of his friends we will call Fred, came up to me and smirked. I just looked at him confused until he asked me "So? Did you have fun?" That's when I sort of lost it. This was a guy I had trusted since my freshman year. One I'd tried helping my friend get a date with, and just kinda thought was nice but over dramatic... and HE KNEW. He knew everything Joe had planned. I stood up and walked off to the bathroom to cry. No one had noticed and I was kinda glad. I threw this party for everyone. Not just me.

My family came back and I plastered a smile on my face pretending everything was normal. Joe pulled me into his lap and I just went with it not wanting anyone to notice what just happened.

After the part I went home and showered and thought about everything that happened. I planned to break up with him in person at school the following Monday. But I of course, have never been the luckiest gal.

As soon as I got out of the shower I checked my shitty little flip phone and saw he had texted me. "Sorry... but I don't think this is going to work. We just don't want the same things." I was honestly in shock... not only... not only had he tried that shit, but he had now taken the small but of power I had left from me. I was going to break up with him and hopefully make him see that what he did was not okay! But that didn't matter anymore. Now I had pretended everything was fine and if I had come forward after all of my pretending, no way anyone would have believed me... I was just another girl looking for attention.

I started to write this because recently I'd seen Fred back in town and could not figure out why I have so much resentment for the dude. But I'd honestly pushed all of this to the back of my mind for the past 8 or so years. It resurfaced this morning when I read someone's post about their experience.

So now I want to try turning this into a warning...

If you are in a relationship with anyone, and they make you feel uncomfortable at any time... please... TELL SOMEONE IMMEDIATELY.

DON'T LET THEM BE ALONE WITH YOU.

And please please if someone tells you their significant other is hurting them or scaring them... BELIEVE THEM!!

Don't let this or anything worse happen to anyone else. Please...