#(this boundary makes complete sense its also fun to bully him for)

[ophanum]

u say u write for charaters that dont get as much recognition, could you please write general and nsfw headcanons for adged up karma akabane? i think hed have so many piercings espescially a tongue piercing and an eyebrow one and he would be such a freak fs fs

LIKE YOU MEAN IT ! - Karma Akabane

ft. Aged up! Karma Akabane x OC

TW: nsfw

note: You can read it the way you want it, its possible. Like probably x reader. The headcanons are genderneutral.

"Fuck me like you mean it, make me believe it. Walk the wire, it's alright." - Epic the Musical

Karma's multiple piercings serve as a significant part of his identity. He has a prominent tongue piercing, a stylish eyebrow piercing, and several ear piercings, including hoops and studs. Each piece of jewelry reflects his bold personality and love for self-expression. He often switches out his piercings based on his mood or outfit, enjoying the playful aspect of accessorizing.

Karma has cultivated a unique style that blends streetwear with punk influences. He favors fitted graphic tees with edgy designs, distressed denim, and oversized jackets. Layering is key to his look; he might throw on a long flannel shirt over a tank top or add a studded leather jacket for an extra edge. Accessories like chokers, layered chains, and chunky bracelets complete his outfits, showcasing his individuality.

His playful personality makes him a magnet for attention. Karma loves to joke around, often finding ways to lighten the mood, even in tense situations. He’s not above pulling pranks on friends or using his charm to deflect serious conversations. His charisma is infectious, and people are drawn to his energy, making him a natural leader among his peers.

After years of honing his skills, Karma has become a formidable fighter, known for his agility and speed. He approaches combat with a strategic mindset, often analyzing his opponents and using their strengths against them. His background in the school’s rigorous environment has sharpened his instincts, allowing him to adapt quickly in any situation. He also enjoys sharing his knowledge, teaching others self-defense in a playful yet effective manner.

Beneath his teasing exterior, Karma is fiercely loyal to his friends. He has a strong sense of justice and will not hesitate to step in when someone he cares about is in trouble. Whether it’s defending a friend from bullies or helping someone in need, he often finds himself in situations where he’s protecting those he loves. His friends appreciate this side of him, knowing they can rely on him when it counts.

Karma thrives on adventure, whether it’s exploring new places, trying out extreme sports, or engaging in thrilling activities. He has a strong sense of curiosity that drives him to seek out new experiences, and he often drags his friends along for the ride. This adventurous spirit makes him exciting to be around, as he always has something fun planned.

With his confidence and charm, Karma is an expert flirter. He enjoys teasing his crushes and has a knack for making people feel special. He’ll drop subtle compliments and playful jabs, often leading to light-hearted banter. His playful nature keeps interactions fun and exciting, making it hard for anyone to resist his allure.

Karma brings his adventurous nature into the bedroom, where he’s always eager to explore new kinks and fantasies. He enjoys discussing boundaries and preferences with his partner, ensuring that both of them feel comfortable while pushing limits together. His playful approach keeps things exciting, as he loves surprising his partner with new experiences.

With his tongue piercing, Karma knows how to use it to his advantage. He takes pride in his oral skills, knowing exactly how to drive his partner wild. The added sensation of the piercing only enhances the experience, making him more confident in his abilities to please. He enjoys experimenting with different techniques, always eager to learn what his partner enjoys most.

In the bedroom, Karma has a dominant streak, but he balances it with a keen awareness of his partner's needs. He thrives on being in control, enjoying the thrill of taking charge during intimate moments. However, he always checks in with his partner, ensuring they’re comfortable and enjoying themselves. His attentiveness makes the experience more fulfilling for both.

Karma loves to build anticipation, often teasing his partner before things heat up. He might drop suggestive comments during casual conversations or lightly brush against them in public, creating an electrifying tension. His playful nature allows him to turn even the most mundane moments into something charged with flirtation.

He appreciates aesthetics, including his partner’s body, and takes time to explore and admire every inch of them. Karma enjoys giving compliments and expressing his admiration, making his partner feel desired and cherished. He believes that taking the time to appreciate each other enhances intimacy and connection.

After intense sessions, Karma knows the importance of aftercare. He’ll be affectionate and attentive, ensuring his partner feels cherished and comfortable. Cuddling, gentle caresses, and sweet whispers are his go-to aftercare methods. He often asks how his partner feels and what they enjoyed most, wanting to deepen their connection.

Feeling adventurous, Karma sometimes suggests a little public play, whether it’s light teasing in crowded places or more daring encounters in secluded areas. He loves the thrill of being caught or the risk of being discovered, adding an exhilarating layer to intimacy. This spontaneity keeps things exciting, as he thrives on the adrenaline rush that comes with such escapades.

-

Karma Akabane leaned against the kitchen counter, the soft glow of the overhead lights illuminating the myriad of piercings on his face. The eyebrow piercing glinted with mischief, and his tongue piercing added a playful flair to his smirk as he watched his partner, Ami, busy preparing dinner.

“Need any help in there?” he called out, his voice dripping with casual charm. The fitted graphic tee he wore clung to his toned frame, accentuating the way he carried himself—confident, yet effortlessly relaxed.

“Just slicing some veggies!” she replied, glancing over her shoulder with a smile. “You could set the table, though.”

“Setting the table? How boring!” he teased, winking. “I’m much more useful in the bedroom, you know.”

Ami laughed, shaking her head. “I’m sure you are, but dinner comes first. And don’t think I’m letting you distract me.”

“Challenge accepted.” Karma stepped closer, leaning his hands on the counter, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Just remember, I’m the master of distractions.”

As he watched her work, he couldn’t help but admire the way she moved—graceful and focused. The warmth of the moment filled the room, but a familiar thrill of mischief coursed through him. He leaned in, brushing his lips against her ear, his breath warm and playful. “I could think of a few ways to make dinner much more... exciting.”

Ami turned to face him, her cheeks flushing a deeper shade of pink. “Karma, not now. We can have fun later.”

“Why wait?” he pressed, stepping closer, his fingers brushing against her waist. “The night is young, and I’m feeling adventurous.”

Just then, the phone buzzed on the counter, breaking the tension. Karma sighed dramatically, rolling his eyes. “Fine, but you owe me after this.”

“Deal,” she said, reaching for the phone. As she glanced at the screen, a playful smile danced on her lips. “It’s Yukari. She wants to know if we’re coming to the party tonight.”

“Party?” Karma’s interest piqued. “Count me in! You know I can’t resist a good gathering.”

With dinner quickly forgotten, they decided to get ready for the night. Karma slipped into a distressed denim jacket, the fabric torn in all the right places, enhancing his edgy look. He adorned his ears with hoops and studs, opting for a choker that accentuated his sharp features.

“Ready to steal the show?” he asked, checking himself out in the mirror.

“More like ready to keep you in check,” Ami quipped, rolling her eyes but smiling all the same.

The atmosphere at the party was electric, pulsating with music and laughter. Karma thrived in the chaos, his playful spirit lighting up the room. He slid through the crowd, a natural flirt with everyone, but his eyes were always drawn back to Ami.

“Having fun?” he shouted over the music as he approached her, his hands slipping into his pockets, the cool metal of his piercings catching the light.

“More than you know!” she replied, her voice bright. “You’re the one making everyone laugh.”

“Just doing my thing,” he winked, his confidence radiating. “You ready for a little adventure?”

Ami raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “What do you have in mind?”

“Let’s find a quieter spot. I want to show you something.” He leaned closer, lowering his voice. “Something I’ve been thinking about.”

Curiosity piqued, she followed him through the bustling party until they found a small balcony overlooking the city skyline, a quiet escape from the lively chaos below.

Karma leaned against the railing, gazing out at the twinkling lights, a moment of calm before the storm. “You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about us,” he said, turning to face her, his playful demeanor softening into something more sincere.

“Yeah? What about us?” she asked, crossing her arms, a smile playing on her lips.

Karma took a step closer, his piercing gaze locking onto hers. “About how much I enjoy having you in my life. And how much I want to explore... everything with you.”

Ami felt her heart race as he leaned in, his breath warm against her lips. She could feel the heat radiating off him, the tension crackling in the air between them. “Karma...”

“Just trust me,” he whispered, brushing his thumb along her jawline. “Let go for a moment.”

In a swift motion, he closed the distance, capturing her lips with his. The kiss was electric—playful yet deep, a blend of teasing and raw passion that sent shivers down her spine. The world around them faded, leaving only the two of them wrapped in a bubble of warmth and desire.

Karma deepened the kiss, his hands finding their way to her waist, pulling her closer. He could feel the weight of the world lift off his shoulders, lost in the moment, the thrill of being with her igniting every nerve ending in his body.

Breaking the kiss, he rested his forehead against hers, breathless. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

“I think I have an idea,” she replied, her cheeks flushed. “But we should probably head back before someone realizes we’re gone.”

“Who cares?” Karma shrugged, a grin spreading across his face. “Let them wonder. I’m enjoying this too much to care.”

With a playful smirk, he leaned in again, capturing her lips for another quick kiss before pulling away and guiding her back inside. The party awaited them, but for Karma, the night had already exceeded his expectations.

As they re-entered the vibrant chaos, he felt a rush of exhilaration. They were tangled in a web of newfound intimacy and shared laughter, ready to face whatever the night had in store—together.

[destinysbounty]

I think the thing that frustrates me most about the Rebooted love triangle is - besides it being super contrived and cliche - that it didn't have to suck. More specifically, it laid down the foundations for some potentially very interesting character arcs that could have just as easily been achieved without the use of a love triangle. But they added in a bunch of needless romance drama anyway, and all that potential was squandered.

To explain what I mean, let's start by reviewing why most people, myself included, hate the love triangle:

It's contrived, and it felt like it came out of nowhere

Cole didn't even exhibit any interest in Nya until Jay started fighting with him over her, and the attempt to build up chemistry between Cole and Nya felt annoyingly rushed

It led to a lot of unnecessary conflict for conflict's sake and overall felt rather pointless/directionless. It didn't even get resolved until ToE, with the tension between Jay and Nya persisting until well into Skybound

It completely derailed the entire season, which otherwise had a lot of narrative potential. Zane and Pixal's little robotic culture exchange, Kai overcoming his distaste for technology, the curse of the golden master, Lloyd bonding with his father, Garmadon's redemption, Wu turning evil, a robot apocalypse, going to space - Rebooted had a lot of really fun ideas, and could've been a really fun season. But pretty much all of that got eclipsed by the love triangle, and everyone paid the price

That on its own is enough reason to be annoyed with the love triangle, but here's the nail in the coffin: it could have been interesting if it wasn't a love triangle.

That...probably doesn't make much sense. But let me explain.

If we strip away the context of the love triangle and all that three-way romance drama nonsense, what do we have left? Well...

At the beginning of season 3, Jay is clingy and at times seems somewhat codependent on Nya, and Nya is beginning to feel claustrophobic in their relationship as a result. (Nya: "What did we talk about?" Jay: "Right. Boundaries.")

Nya has a hard time opening up to others about her feelings, as she feels that vulnerability will threaten her Strong and Independent persona. She's got a lot of baggage and abandonment issues, and she's not very good with handling her emotions as a result. Hence why she's so prone to anger and lashing out. She finds it easier to explode and be tough than to cry and show weakness. Opening up to others, asking for help, admitting she's not perfect, are all some of her biggest flaws. (Nya: "Oh Jay, this is the reason [...] you're the only one I've ever let into my heart.")

Jay, on the other hand, doesn't have as much baggage, and while he probably didn't have a perfect childhood (he was definitely bullied at lot while growing up), he also doesn't have some horribly tragic backstory like everyone else does. We haven't seen much of his past, but we can draw a reasonable conclusion that it was fairly mild compared to everyone else's. As a result, he doesn't have quite as many hang-ups about self-expression, nor quite as much baggage, so being open and free with his feelings comes more naturally to him. We see this through all of his iconic rants and screams and his generally frantic nature. He's got insecurities, and lots of them, but they don't significantly impact his ability to be emotionally vulnerable in front of others

Practically from the very beginning, one of Jay's primary character traits has been his crush on Nya, and a big chunk of his development hinges on his relationship with her (Jay: "Oh, we're saving a girl? Is she hot? Does she like blue?")

When Nya has to choose between cutting the black and blue wire, what does Jay say? "Choose blue! You know blue! You're comfortable with blue!" From this we can at the very least conclude that Jay's understanding of their relationship is one of stability, comfort, and status quo. Those are good and important things to seek out in a relationship, yes, but not when you become dependent on the other person for them. Which, I feel, is why Jay had become so codependent on Nya by the start of season 3

Nya is a very strong, stubborn person, and Jay deeply admires this part of her. He's constantly singing her praises, and it's good to be proud and affectionate towards the ones you love, and this is one of his most endearing traits, but at times it does often feel like he's putting her up on a bit of a pedestal

Because he so highly values her strength of character, I would argue that his crush on Nya pre-Skybound was in part a coping mechanism. He's had a relatively stable upbringing, thanks to Ed and Edna, so all this fighting and conflict is relatively newer to him than the rest of the ninja. He isn't used to this level of turmoil and unrest like they are. He's struggling to cope. And since he sees her as a source of stability, a source of strength, he begins to rely on her for those things. Hence the uptick in codependent behavior we see from Jay in the beginning of season 3. Of course, that's just my interpretation of it

Really, we could spend all day debating the reasons for Jay's codependence, but the fact remains that it's there either way. And he's never gonna work through it until Nya isn't around for him to cling onto

Cole has a tendency to withdraw and act closed off from others, resulting in a lack of communication that leads to disastrous consequences for his interpersonal relationships. It's something we first see a glimpse of in his relationship with his dad (Jay: "I'm starting to see why Cole is so closed off. It's because Twinkle Toes here couldn't deliver the goods. Is that why you ran away?"), and later when he chose to remain at odds with Jay instead of talking things out (Cole: "We should have been honest with each other instead of bottling this up."). Instead of talking things out, he runs away from his feelings

While it's all well and good that Cole was able to make amends with his dad, there's no evidence that this caused him to stop being so closed off with his emotions. The only way to truly shake Cole out of this habit is to force him to face the consequences of his poor communication. Bottling up his feelings and not talking things out with Jay directly contributed to a conflict between him and his best friend, nearly tearing them apart for good

See? All of that is potentially fascinating character dissection, and yet none of this necessarily has to link back to a love triangle. Not once in that whole rant did I ever mention Jay and Cole fighting over Nya because of some contrived matchmaking thing.

With that in mind, here's what I propose as an alternative:

Nya is feeling claustrophobic in her relationship due to a combination of Jay's clinginess and her own fierce need for independence, so she starts growing distant from him. She sees the first signs of impending vulnerability and begins pushing him away. She's scared of letting him into her heart.

Jay and Cole do end up having some kind of conflict, but it's not over who gets to date Nya. This time it's something completely unrelated to romance and Nya in any way, and being at odds with his best friend puts Jay's whole world off kilter. So he turns to Nya for emotional support - but she doesn't provide it. She's not good with emotions or comfort, and the very thought of experiencing something so raw and vulnerable with Jay is rather unsettling to her. So she doesn't help him, and Jay gets understandably upset. And now Jay feels like both his girlfriend and best friend have turned on him. Since he's still kinda codependent on Nya, still idolizes her as someone amazing and perfect, he probably chooses to blame Cole for her betrayal instead of acknowledging that Nya herself hurt him. And this naturally further fuels the grudge between them until it crescendos into something unbearable.

Then Zane dies, and that bad blood between them reaches its boiling point - which results in their ultimate separation. When they fight in Chen's arena, it isn't over a girl but rather the shambles of their own failed friendship.

Cole faces the fallout of his emotional repression in season 4, and he and Jay have to work as a team to piece themselves back together. And to do that, Cole has to stop being so closed off and actually communicate his feelings instead of running away from them.

And then his ghost arc in season 5 would be about putting that lesson to the test - is he going to internalize and learn from past mistakes, or is he going to repeat history again? Luckily, this time, when he's struggling with his new ghostly form, he doesn't close himself off from everyone and he doesn't run away. He communicates his issues. He talks things out, and as a result he's able to reconcile his new situation much more smoothly. Healing and growth and all that jazz.

Then in seasons 5 and 6, we get some actual character development for Nya and Jay as separate people. Jay has to decouple himself from the notion that Nya is some perfect and amazing goddess from which he can derive stability and comfort, and that she's just as prone to mistakes as he is, and that his own codependence on her led in part to their falling out. Now that he can't cling onto her, he has to seek out newer and healthier coping mechanisms. And Nya also has to accept that she's not perfect, that she can have flaws and be vulnerable, and that it's okay to not be strong and independent all the time. It's okay to be weak.

Jay still sees the future reflection of him and Nya together, still has that resulting character arc in season 6. But now we have the emotional context of Jay's past codependence - so this is less a matter of violating Nya's boundaries because it's destiny, and more a matter of him violating Nya's boundaries because destiny opened up the chance of them getting back together and he took that opportunity to cling to past codependent behaviors again.

He does still have his icky incel-like behavior in Skybound, because as unpleasant as it was i do think it was important for his character to experience that kind of ugliness. But now his motivations are a bit more complex and dare I say interesting.

So when Jay and Nya end up facing off against Nadakhan, we can now shift Nya's willingness to let Jay save her into something that makes a bit more sense. It's not because of some "I'm making a choice and I'm choosing for you to save me" bullcrap, but rather Nya finally letting herself trust someone else and accept that she doesn't have to be a one-man army all the time. It's okay to let other people save you, it's okay to ask for help. So she does. She decides to open up to Jay, to trust him, and trust that he'll save her. She decides to let someone save her for once instead of insisting on doing everything herself.

And in this version of events, Jay's quest to save her and stop the wedding is no longer about just rescuing the woman he loves - it's about being apart from her, it's about seeing that she can be weak and vulnerable and choosing to love her anyway, faults and all. It's about proving to her that her newfound trust in him wasn't misplaced. It's about him becoming a leader, growing a spine, and standing on his own two legs. It's about learning how to cope with all the stresses and traumas of life without needing to unhealthily latch onto another person for stability.

This would pretty easily wipe out all the annoying and vaguely sexist bits of the Skybound romantic subplot too, while we're at it!

See what I mean? The love triangle had all the makings of some interesting character development. But I think they screwed it up by making it an actual, y'know, love triangle. Even though they definitely didn't have to. Look at that, it's not even hard! You can give them all interesting conflict and development without falling into a cliche love triangle. You can actually have your cake and eat it too, folks. It's really easy. It only took me like...a half hour, tops, to come up with all that. Imagine what could be achieved by people who are actually paid to think about this stuff.

[haitanic]

Poly Relationship With KamiShin

I adore the idea of being in a relationship with these two, I just think it would be so good and I love them both so much. This ended up being way longer than I had planned but I could have kept going so I’ll probably write more like this.

Masterlist

SFW above the cut, NSFW below

SFW

Warnings: swearing, mentions of violence? (the boys being protective of you/defending you)

This relationship would just be one big meme

You and Kaminari clowning together

You and Shinsou laughing at Kaminari’s dumbassery

Until it goes to far and you realize he’s going to hurt himself and you both frantically go “nOooO DeNKi!!!”

Pranks

These two are in a prank war and you are on both teams

So it’s basically just you messing with both of them

They’d pull pranks on you too but it would always be really little silly things, never to the extent they’d do to each other

Neither of these men sleep

Please god make them go to bed

I mean if you’re someone who also stays up all night then oh god this is just a disaster, the three of you will never sleep 

If you’re someone who goes to bed at a reasonable time please drag them with you

I don’t think it would be hard to drag them to bed honestly, they’re both way to soft

Like if they were gaming together but you wanted to go to bed, they’d try to say they were going to keep gaming but the second you say please and ask them to come cuddle you the controllers are on the table and they’re crashing into bed with you (simps)

They literally can’t say no to you

With anything, literally anything you want is yours

These men adore you and want to take care of you

Truly just two men that I hc as drinking there respect juice

But it’s more than that, like more than respect, it’s adoration

I think when they get into a relationship with someone the feelings are strong, to share themselves with someone like that they’d have to love and trust them so much

They’d spoil the shit out of you, but you better do the same for them

And when I say spoil I don’t mean spend a bunch of money, just bring them little things and do cute things

Like bring Shinsou coffee and Denki snacks

Give Denki a $1 Pikachu sticker and tell him it reminds you of him

Show your love with memes, they will cry, you’re too perfect

Send Denki silly memes and go “dis u?” he’ll love you so muchand think its so cute

Send Shinsou cute, lovey, cat memes, like meme of a little kitten with a sappy message over it

They’re both definitely very teasing S/Os, like you’d all just be making fun of each other constantly but it’s with LOVE

Consensual bullying 

But they’d never comment on something you’re actually insecure about, they know what’s too far and they’d never go there

(If you’re like me and someone who likes to be affectionately teasing with S/Os and friends please make sure you have boundaries established and you know what is ok to tease about and what actually hurts, communication y’all, ok back to your regularly scheduled programming)

I’m gonna be honest, y’all would eat so much takeout, neither of them can cook for shit

actually that’s a lie, Shinsou can cook, he just doesn’t want to

If you can cook and enjoy it please make them meal at least a few times a week

Please teach them healthy habits

Make them go to bed, make them go outside, force feed them veggies and water please just take care of them because they don’t know how to

I mean don’t force them. like please don’t try to change them, but express your concern about their unhealthy habits and try to help if that makes sense

Ok but they are so protective, anyone who tries to mess with you better be prepared to catch hands

They’d both be so goofy with you but if anyone tries to mess with you they are stone faced in a second and ready to rock someone's shit

You are perfect to them and they won’t let anyone say otherwise

Oh and if someone said something about the three of you being together, god help them

Actually don’t, no one help them, they deserve it, not sorry

The cuddles are IMMACULATE

The positions are always changing but it’s always so good

You in the middle either with both of their heads on your chest or facing one and being a little spoon to the other

Shinsou in the middle with both you and Kaminari resting your heads on his chest, you and Kami would be holding hands and you’d all just alternate giving each other little pecks

Kaminari in the middle facing Shinsou with you big spooning him... yes please

You all just want to make sure you’re all happy, it would be so supportive and goofy and just happiness

This relationship feels like sunshine

NSFW BELOW THE CUT. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. 18+.

NSFW

Warnings: dom/sub themes, degradation and praise kinks, sadomasochism and pain kinks, vouryerism, overstim/edging, literally just fucking flithy y’all

Please note that the things I headcannon only apply if it’s something you consent to.

oof

oh god

This is gonna be nasty

But so good

I’ve seen different people say different things but my personal opinion is that Shinsou is a dom (a hard one) and Kaminari is a switch

And yes, Shinsou calls you both his kittens, you cannot change my mind, I don’t care

So there’s a few different ways I see things going

So if both you and Kaminari are feeling like bottoms then Shinsou will gladly dom you both at the same time

Shinsou definitely has a vouyer kink so he would instruct you and Kaminari on what to do to each other while he jut watched his kittens play (stop that felt so filthy to type aaaa)

Once you were both completely worn out then he’d finally step in and have his way with you both

Like I said, he is a hard dom, definitely sadistic

Honestly he’d use telling you and Denki what to do to each other as a punishment, making you overstim or edge each other till neither of you can take anymore and are begging and/or crying

Then he’d come fuck you both into the mattress

This man is going to completely and utterly demolish you (if you’re ok with that of course)

He’d be praising you both but in a way that feels so dirty, he’d degrade you both a bit with words but I think it would mostly be praise, the degrading/humiliating part is what he does to you/makes you do to each other

He’d definitely be pretty rough with both of you (always only if you consent), he’d be manhandling you guys, just throwing you around, pulling hair, choking, a little slapping if you’re up for it (I definitely think Denki is just saying)

But don’t get me wrong, he also knows how to take care of his kittens

Like he can be so soft and giving with you as well, when the situation calls for soft sex this man will give you that and he will give it so good

Just the most gentle, loving praises and soft holds and eye contact and love

Ok, next situation Shinsou and Kaminari both wanting to dom you

ok wait cause there’s actually two ways that could go, if Kaminari is feeling switchy but leaning towards dom then it would be kinda similar to the first situation, with Shinsou telling him what to do to you but he’d just be more dom with it himself and he’d still let Shinsou dom him a bit but not full on, like they’re both domming you but Shinsou takes the lead

Ok but if Kaminari is feeling full dom then god help you

I hope you have the day of tomorrow

Because Kaminari as a dom is also one sadistic mother fucker

I absolutely headcannon Kaminari as being hard and sadistic when he’s domming (I mean he’s a little fucking masochist when hes a bottom)

But yeah if it’s something you’re ok with then these men are going to destroy you

I really can’t stress how ruthless they are when they’re domming together

You’re going to get whiplash from these two because one of them is degrading the shit out of you while the other is telling you the kindest praise

“Look at you, such a filthy little whore for us to use”, “You’re so beautiful, doing so good for us baby”

But you never know which ones going to say what and they’re constantly switching roles

Yeah you’re about to get your shit rocked, there’s no other way to say it

Honestly you’re going to be barely conscious by the time they’re finally done

Alright, last variation is you and Shinsou domming Kaminari

Pretty similar to when he’s domming you with Kaminari but y’all switch places

Just demolishing little subby baby Denki

I talk about how much of a little subby baby he is in my nsfw hcs for him

As much of a sadist as he is when he’s domming completely switches to masochism when he’s a sub

He will cry and beg and he loves it, he will literally beg you two to hurt him like a whiny little boy

Baby just wants to be completely destroyed and fucked out

Gee, can you tell I’m a switch

Regardless of how it goes down the sex would honestly be so good because both of them are very giving partners

I mean don’t get me wrong, they’re gonna tease the shit out of you, but they’re both very focused on making sure all three of you feel amazing

The aftercare, oh god the aftercare

Always so cute and sweet

Doesn’t matter who topped and bottomed

Cuddles and words of affirmation for all of you, just all three of you giving and getting love

If any of you are in subspace or roughed up or out of it or whatever then whoever isn’t will give you everything you need whether that's a hot drink or a nice bath or some lotion or whatever

You all just take such good care of each other because this is a relationship built on mutual love, adoration, and respect

This got a little out of hand, much longer than I thought it was going to be, my bad. 

[lyracasstuff]

Heya!! I actually just found your blog and I would like to say how amazing your writing it! Aaaa it's so cute and you seem very sweet!! <3

I came here to ask for a idv match up! I'm a female, she/her, I'm bi but I do have a preference towards men. Also, I don't mind a survivor or hunter!! Whatever you feel like atm dear. I'm very energetic when you get me in the right mood!! I love baking and editing! I also quite like photography. I'm a very loving person but can get cold if I feel bad so it's a bad habit TwT. I do give lots of compliments to people and it may seem like i like them but I just really like pointing out nice things about people. I love hugs and kisses especially!! I love it if my s/o could give me attention but not too much yknow? Like i want them to be happy with their life with me and their life outside of our relationship. Umm I hope that's enough!! Thank you for making your blog! It is very nice!! You're doing great!! I appreciate you <3 (ps. Make sure to eat and drink enough~)

Thank you for caring about my health dearie~ Honestly,, I could also say the same for you..(｡･ω･｡)

And I'm quite glad that you enjoy reading my blog posts! It means quite a lot for me whenever I hear people enjoying my blog as much as I enjoy writing them..( ´ ▽ ` )

After much thinking,, I've decided to match you up with...

Joseph Desaulnier!!📷

Let's first address the big elephant in the room: Photography..（・∀・）

Since the both of you love photography,, I can most *definitely* imagine you two taking pictures of scenery found in the manor..

As well as *some* of the silly things that happen outside of matches.. Although,, it's more on your end than Joseph's..

However,, I must also remind you that you WILL be bombarded with questions partaining to your "equipment"..(｡･ω･｡)

Whether it'd be a modern HD camera or your smartphone,, it's safe to assume that Joseph will be VERY much curious about these "equipment" that you have brought from the "future" ((even though we call it anything *but* from the future..))

"Are you telling me that this camera of yours can capture pictures instantly??? With just a simple press of a button??? Then, does that mean you won't have to stand for long periods of time to take your picture???"

((Fun fact: the first cameras that were patented require you to stand for long periods of time to take your picture which explains why plenty of the pictures during the Victorian Era were people staying in one position like standing..))

"This "smartphone" can ALSO capture pictures?? Would you mind showing me how, ma chérie??"

"The quality of the pictures are ABSOLUTELY DIVINE! From what time period must you be to access this kind of machinery, ma chérie???"

I highly suggest that you study your equipment thoroughly because Joseph *will* be asking questions about your photography equipment..

Well,, that and Joseph will *literally* fumble with *every* single nook and cranny of said equipment where he might actually break something on accident..

Which is rare for the gentlemanly and disciplined Joseph,, however we ARE talking about one of his biggest passions here..╮(─▽─)╭

Another topic here that is perhaps connected somehow is editing!!（⌒▽⌒）

Joseph is quite astonished when you told him one time that photos can be tweaked from your time period..

Now, on one hand,, he is amused as he sometimes *does* struggle with getting the perfect picture when the environment around him just isn't having it..

But he also can't fathom the idea of people actually editing their photos so much that sometimes,, the unedited version looks far too different than the edited version...

When I say that,, I specifically mean people who probably use photoshop just a *bit* too much..(^_^;)

Not that there is anything wrong about it as everyone knows.. After all,, sometimes we just use it solely for entertainment by making weird, abstract collages of people..

((Like photoshopping a bunch of characters from different fandoms to make some sort of crack-crossover movie poster..╮(─▽─)╭))

It just that Joseph prefers less edited photos as he believes that a photo can shine on it's own when it's taken skillfully..

((Another fun fact: Based from what I can gather, the French in the 1800s preferred a more natural look, which is evident by their choices in makeup like powder for the face or some simple rouge for the lips and cheeks.. Of course,, we are excluding the hair as we all know that big, elaborate wigs were all the rage in this era..))

In fact,, he might even throw a *little* shade towards photos that are super edited...(◎_◎;)

Pls tell him to calm down and not insult people who do something similar to that.. It'll only escelate and get worse in the future..

Okay,, now that we've discussed those, I think we shall head on over to other things, don't you think??（・∀・）

Another reason as to why I paired you with Joseph is because of your upbeat and loving energy!!（〜^∇^)〜🧡

Joseph's life before the manor was already pretty gloomy, and it hasn't really improved when he got into the manor..

So your very energetic and affectionate nature will surely bring in some lost warmth to his life!!（＞ｙ＜）

Although,, please be patient with him for at least a little while.. After all, him *suddenly* receiving love and attention is a bit overwhelming for him to process all at once..╮(─▽─)╭

When he *does* gets used to it, he appreciates it very much..(∩_∩)

With that being said however,, he is still quite disciplined about the time that you two spend together AND the time that you two spend seperately from each other so you won't have to worry about having your boundaries being meshed together..（・∀・）

On the topic of affections,, Joseph will actually be a bit shocked to hear you dish out compliments to everyone in the manor.. And quite frankly,, as well as everyone else that you complimented

((Listen,, we're talking about the Victorian Era,, where modesty is highlighted as a core value..))

I'll be honest in saying that for a split-second,, Joseph *might've* actually thought of you as a flirtatious person

So when you explained to him that that's just how you are and that you just like to point out nice things about other people,, he's confused..(^_^;)

"Wait, but you complimented Mike's juggling act. Shouldn't that mean that you would like to court him??"

"Didn't you tell Victor that you thought he was sweet?? Pardon me for asking this, but are you... Interested in him, ma chérie?"

You're going to have to explain to him that just because you like a certain aspect of a person,, that doesn't mean you actually like them AS A WHOLE...

He may or not have demanded that you bake for him the next time that you two will have your afternoon tea together..(⌒_⌒;)

It's his "apology gift" as he puts it...

Okay,, I know I said that Joseph absolutely appreciates your loving side,, but he also *adores* your more "colder" side..

And no,, it's not because he's a masochist..(｡･ω･｡)

See, as much as Joseph relishes in the feeling of protecting someone he cares/loves.. Even he can admit that sometimes,, it gets too exhausting when your partner is the *literal definition* of a walking doormat..

I don't know about you,, but I kind of picture Joseph as someone who wants to have a partner that, at the *very least*,, can stand on their own two feet.. It gives Joseph a sense of pride,, see???

In conclusion,, I personally think that you and Joseph would work wonders for each other!! Different in your personalities, but united through the same common interest of photography.. I'd say its a decent balance of "opposites attract" and "similarities attract"..

🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷

Author's note: On the topic of people photoshopping the heck out of their photos.. DON'T HARRASS/BULLY/INSULT THEM PLEASE!!! I will be blunt in saying that I frankly do not care whatever your intentions were, because when you strip said intentions away from the grand scheme of things,,

All that's left is a situation where someone insulted/bullied/harassed another person just for editing their photos a bit too much..

And when you put it like that,, wouldn't you agree that it sounds idiotic? Because in all honesty, it is..(¬_¬) After all,, those photos won't be affecting you much in the long run now,, would they??

And even if you said that you did it with good intentions, the way you acted upon these "intentions" was poorly done when it could've been handled *much* more efficiently...

So in short,, pls don't harrass anyone that you know that does these to their photos, it's not only for their sake but also yours..( ´ ▽ ` )

I apologize for ranting like that,, however I feel as though these types of situations are completely meaningless AND avoidable had it not been for the people that continue to stick their fingers into others' honeyjars.. So I personally as though it needs to be said.. Again, sorry if this rant is a bit unsettling and a bit "rough on the edges"..(⌒_⌒;)

Well that's about it.. Until next time,, I'll see you all in my next post!!ヾ(＠^∇^＠)ノ💚

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Syntax6

Syntax6 has 17 stories at Gossamer, but you should visit her website for the complete collection of her fics and to see the cover art that comes with many of the stories (and to find her pro writing!). She's written some of the most beloved casefiles in the fandom. I've recced literally all of them here before. Twice. Big thanks to Syntax6 for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

I’m delighted but not surprised because I’ve written and read fanfic for shows even older than XF. Also, I joined the XF fandom relatively late, at the end of 1999, so there were already hundreds of “classic” fics out there, stories that were theoretically superseded or dated by canon developments that came after them, but which nonetheless remained compelling in their own right. That is the beauty of fanfic: it is inspired by its original creators but not bound by them. It’s a world of “what if” and each story gets to run in a new direction, irrespective of the canon and all the other stories spinning off in their own universes. In this way, fanfic becomes almost timeless.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it? What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

(I feel these are similar, at least for me, so I will combine them here.)

First and foremost, I found friends. There was a table full of XF fanfic writers at my wedding. Bugs was my maid of honor. I still talk to someone from XF fandom pretty much every day. Lysandra, Maybe Amanda, Michelle Kiefer, bugs…these are just some of the people who’ve been part of my life for half my existence now. Sometimes I get to have dinner with Audrey Roget or Anjou or MCA. Deb Wells and Sarah Ellen Parsons are part of my pro fic beta team. I have a similar list from the Hunter fandom, terrific people who have enriched my life in numerous ways and I am honored to count as friends.

Second, I learned a lot about writing during my years in XF fandom. I grew up there. Part of this growth experience was simply due to practice. I wrote about 1.2 million words of XF fanfic, which is the equivalent of 15 novels. I made mistakes and learned from them. But another essential part of learning is absorbing different kinds of well-told tales, and XF had these in spades. Some stories were funny. Others were lyrical. Some were short pieces with nary a word wasted while others were sprawling epics that took you on an adventure. The neat thing about XF is that it has space for many different kinds of stories, from hard-core sci-fi to historical romance. You can watch other authors executing these varied pieces and learn from them. You can form critique groups and ask for betas and get direct feedback on how to improve. It’s collaborative and fun, and this can’t be underestimated, generally supportive. The underlying shared love of the original product means that everyone comes into your work predisposed to enjoy it. I am grateful for all the encouragement and the critiques I received over my years in fandom.

Finally, I think a valuable lesson for writers that you can find in fandom, but not in your local author critique group, is how to handle yourself when your work goes public. Not everyone is going to like your work and they will make sure you know it. Some people will like it maybe too much, to the point where they cross boundaries. Learning to disengage yourself from public reaction to your work is a difficult but crucial aspect of being a writer. You control the story. You can’t control reaction to it. It’s frustrating at first, perhaps, but in the end, it’s freeing.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

I participated in ATXC, the Haven message boards, and the Scullyfic mailing list/news group. For a number of years, I also ran a fic discussion group with bugs called The Why Incision.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I started reading XF fanfic before I began watching the show. I had watched one season two episode (Soft Light) and then seen bits and pieces of a few others from season four. I’d seen Fight the Future. Basically, I’d seen enough to know which one was Mulder and which one was Scully, and which one believed in aliens. An acquaintance linked me to a rec site for XF fanfic (Gertie’s, maybe?) so that I could see how fic was formatted for the web. I clicked a fic, I think it was one by Lydia Bower dealing with Scully’s cancer arc, and basically did not stop reading. Soon I was printing off 300K of fic to take home with me each night. I could not believe the level of talent in the fandom, and that there were so many excellent writers just giving away their works for free. I wanted to play in this sandbox, too, so I started renting the VHS tapes to catch up on old episodes (see, I am An Old). After a few months, I began writing my own stuff.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

I had to be dragged kicking and screaming to The X-Files. I’m not a sci-fi person by nature. I think my main objection is that, when done poorly, it feels lazy to me. Who did the thing? A ghost! Maybe an alien? I guess we’ll never know. You can always just shrug and play some spooky music and the “truth will always be out there…” somewhere beyond the story in front of you. You never have to commit to any kind of truth because you can invent some magical power or new kind of alien to change the story. I think, by the bitter end, the XF had devolved into this kind of storytelling. The mytharc made no kind of sense even in its own universe. But for years the XF achieved the best aspects of sci-fi storytelling—narrative flexibility and an apotheosis of our current fears dressed up as a super entertaining yarn.

What eventually sold me on the XF as a show is all of the smart storytelling and the sheer amount of ideas contained within its run. At its best, it’s a brilliant show. You have mediations on good versus evil, the role of government in a free society, is there a God, are we alone in the universe, and what are the elements that make us who we are? If Mulder and Morris Fletcher switch bodies, how do we know it’s really “them”? The tonal shifts from week to week were clever and engaging. For Vince Gilligan, truth was always found in fellow human beings. For Darin Morgan, humans were the biggest monster of all. The show was big enough to contain both these premises, and indeed, was stronger for it. The deep questions, the character quirks, the unsolved mysteries and all that went unsaid in the Mulder-Scully relationship left so much room for fanfic writers to do their own work. As such, the fandom attracted and continues to attract both dabbling writers and those who are serious craftspeople. People who like the mystery and those who like the sci-fi angle. Scientists and true believers. Like the show, it’s big enough for all.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

I look at it like an old friend I catch up with once in a while. We’ve been close for so long that there’s no awkwardness—we just get each other! I love seeing people post screen shots and commentary, and I think it’s wonderful that so many writers are still inventing new adventures for Mulder and Scully. That is how the characters live on, and indeed how any of us lives on, through the stories that others tell about us.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

I ran the Hunter fandom for about five years, mostly because when I poked my head back in, I found the person in change was a bully who’d shut down everything due to her own waning interest. A person would try to start a topic for discussion, and she’d say, “We’ve already covered that.” Well, yes, in a 30-year-old show, there’s not a lot of new ground…

Most other shows, Hunter included, have smaller fandoms and thus don’t attract the depth of fan talent. I don’t just mean fanfic writers. I mean those who do visual art, fan vids, critiques, etc. The XF fandom has all these in droves, which makes it a rare and special place. But all fandoms have the particular joy of geeking out over favorite scenes and reveling in the meeting of shared minds. It will always look odd to those not contained within it, which brings me to the part of modern fandom I find somewhat uncomfortable…the creators are often in fan-space.

In Hunter, the female lead joins fan groups and participates. This is more common now in the age of social media, where writers, producers, actors, etc., are on the same platforms as the rest of us. Fan and creator interaction used to be highly circumscribed: fans wrote letters and maybe received a signed headshot in return. There were cons where show runners gave panels and took questions from the audience. You could stand in line to meet your favorite star. Now, you can @ your favorite star on Twitter, message her on Facebook or follow him on Instagram. In some ways, this is so fun! In other ways, it blurs in the lines in ways that make me uncomfortable. I think it’s rude, for example, if a fan were to go on a star’s social media and post fanfic there or say, “I thought the episode you wrote was terrible.” But what if it’s fan space and the actor is sitting right there, watching you? Is it rude to post fanfic in front of her, especially if she says it makes her uncomfortable? Is it mean to tell a writer his episode sucked right to his face?

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I own the first seven seasons on DVD and will pull them out from time to time to rewatch old faves. I’ve shown a few episodes over the spring and summer to my ten-year-old daughter, and it’s been fun to see the series through her eyes. We’ve mostly opted for the comedic episodes because there’s enough going on in the real world to give her nightmares. Her favorite so far is Je Souhaite.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I don’t have much bandwidth to read fanfic these days. My job as a mystery/thriller author means I have to keep up with the market so I do most of my reading there right now. I also beta read for some pro-fic friends and betaing a novel will keep you busy.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

I read so much back in the day that this answer could go on for pages. Alas, it also hasn’t changed much over the past fifteen years because I haven’t read much since then. But, as we’re talking Golden Oldies today, here are a bunch:

All the Mulders, by Alloway I find this short story both hilarious and haunting. Scully embraces her power in the upside down post-apocalyptic world.

Strangers and the Strange Dead, by Kipler Taut prose and an intriguing 3rd party POV make this story a winner, and that’s before the kicker of an ending, which presaged 1013’s.

Cellphone, by Marasmus Talk about your killer twists! Also one of the cleverest titles coming or going.

Arizona Highways, by Fialka I think this is one of the best-crafted stories to come out of the XF. It’s majestic in scope, full of complex literary structure and theme, and yet the plot moves like a runaway freight train. Both the Mulder and Scully characterizations are handled with tender care.

So, We Kissed, by Alelou What I love about this one is how it grounds Mulder and Scully in the ordinary. Mulder’s terrible secret doesn’t involve a UFO or some CSM-conspiracy. Scully goes to therapy that actually looks like therapy. I guess what I’m saying is that I utterly believe this version of M & S in addition to just enjoying reading about them.

Sore Luck at the Luxor, by Anubis Hot, funny, atmospheric. What’s not to love?

Black Hole Season, by Penumbra Nobody does wordsmithing like Penumbra. I use her in arguments with professional writers when they try to tell me that adverbs and adjectives MUST GO. Just gorgeous, sly, insightful prose.

The Dreaming Sea, by Revely This one reads like a fairytale in all the best ways. Revely creates such loving, beautiful worlds for M & S to live in, and I wish they could stay there always.

Malus Genius, by Plausible Deniability and MaybeAmanda Funny and fun, with great original characters, a sly casefile and some clear-eyed musings on the perils of getting older. This one resonates more and more the older I get. ;)

Riding the Whirlpool, by Pufferdeux I look this one up periodically to prove to people that it exists. Scully gets off on a washing machine while Mulder helps. Yet it’s in character? And kinda works? This one has to be read to be believed.

Bone of Contention (part 1, part 2), by Michelle Kiefer and Kel People used to tell me all the time that casefiles are super easy to write while the poetic vignette is hard. Well, I can’t say which is harder but there much fewer well-done casefiles in the fandom than there are poetic vignettes. This is one of the great ones.

Antidote, by Rachel Howard A fic that manages to be both hot and cold as it imagines Mulder and Scully trying to stay alive in the frosty wilderness while a deadly virus is on the loose. This is an ooooold fic that holds up impressively well given everything that followed it!

Falling Down in Four Acts, by Anubis Anubis was actually a bunch of different writers sharing a single author name. This particular one paints an angry, vivid world for Our Heroes and their compatriots. There is no happy ending here, but I read this once and it stayed with me forever.

The Opposite of Impulse, by Maria Nicole A sweet slice of life on a sunny day. When I imagine a gentler universe for Mulder and Scully, this is the kind of place I’d put them.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Bait and Switch is probably the most sophisticated and tightly plotted. It was late in my fanfic “career” and so it shows the benefits to all that learning. My favorite varies a lot, but I’ll say Universal Invariants because that one was nothing but fun.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I never say never! I don’t have any oldies sitting around, though. Everything I wrote, I posted.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I write casefiles…er, I mean mysteries, under my own name now, Joanna Schaffhausen. My main series with Reed and Ellery consists of a male-female crime solving team, so I get a little bit of my XF kick that way. Their first book, The Vanishing Season, started its life as an XF fanfic back in the day. I had to rewrite it from the ground up to get it published, but if you know both stories, you can spot the similarities.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

The answer any writer will tell you is “everywhere.” Ideas are cheap and they’re all around us—on the news, on the subway, in conversations with friends, from Twitter memes, on a walk through the woods. My mysteries are often rooted in true crime, often more than one of them.

Each idea is like a strand of colored thread, and you have to braid them together into a coherent story. This is the tricky part, determining which threads belong in which story. If the ideas enhance one another or if they just create an ugly tangent.

Mostly, though, stories begin by asking “what if?” What if Scully’s boyfriend Ethan had never been cut from the pilot? What if Scully had moved to Utah after Fight the Future? What if the Lone Gunmen financed their toys by writing a successful comic book starring a thinly veiled Mulder and Scully?

Growing up, I had a sweet old lady for a neighbor. Her name was Doris and she gave me coffee ice cream while we watched Wheel of Fortune together. Every time there was a snow storm, the snow melted in her backyard in a such way that suggested she had numerous bodies buried out there. How’s that for a “what if?”

What's the story behind your pen name?

I’ve had a few of them and honestly can’t tell you where they came from, it’s been so long ago. The “6” part of syntax6 is because I joke that 6 is my lucky number. In eighth grade, my algebra teacher would go around the room in order, asking each student their answer to the previous night’s homework problems. I realized quickly that I didn’t have to do all the problems, just the fifteenth one because my desk was 15th on her list. This worked well until the day she decided to call on kids in random order. When she got to me and asked me the answer to the problem I had not done, I just invented something on the spot. “Uh…six?”

Her: “You mean 0.6, don’t you?”

Me, nodding vigorously: “YES, I DO.”

Her: “Very good. Moving on…”

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

My close friends and family have always known, and reactions have varied from mild befuddlement to enthusiastic support. My father voted in the Spookies one year, and you can believe he read the nominated stories before casting his vote. I think the most common reaction was: Why are you doing this for free? Why aren’t you trying to be a paid writer?

Well, having done both now, I can tell you that each kind of writing brings its own rewards. Fanfic is freeing because there is no pressure to make money from it. You can take risks and try new things and not have to worry if it fits into your business plan.

(Posted by Lilydale on September 15, 2020)

[varusai]

who do you think is the most dateable dark matter thief?? i know you have an opinion and i need to hear it

sorry for the late response anon i honestly had to think abt this one for a few days lmao, but yeah i have opinions. below the cut bc fr i have opinions, all of them have major pros and cons (based on my characterization at least) and really i just have to break it down for u

Boros, everyones obvious first choice, but certainly not mine.

Pros: rich, tall, pretty, fun af, passionate, will kill for you np, give you anything you want, literally anything.

cons: has a god complex, doesnt respect you, not his number one priority at all, will forget about you once its not interesting for him anymore, probably argumentative/combative af, is very very smart and has no problem manipulating you in all the worst ways, is very entitled so he will never feel bad about anything, cant win arguments either bc he’ll want to settle it with combat, will get offended over little things just to argue bc he thinks thats fun

this is a relationship you’d get into if you literally have nothing to lose and dont care about your mental health. like hes hot but this shit would be toxic af and he will ruin your life and leave you to go fuck around and fight someone on the other side of the universe. this will be the best of times and the worst of times for you and you will never be the same afterward mentally or emotionally. the only way i would even consider it is if i lost my damn mind. The only way a relationship with him would ever work long term is if you were physically stronger than him and were capable of putting him in his place OR you were smart enough, suicidal enough, and interesting enough to him to engage in some psychological warfare and reject him if he asked you. Make him chase you for years, say yes, then decide that /he’s/ boring /you/ and leave him for another member of the squad to just destroy their established hierarchy and humble him to the point that he’s obsessed with you.

i dont have the energy for all that, so i’ll just smash and pass.

0/10 completely undateable

Geryuganshoop, also a probable second choice for many:

pros: cute, nice, tentacle alien (obviously), will respect you np, will also give you anything you want, not antagonistic at all, telepathic communication so no risk of miscommunication, emotionally intelligent and available, loyal to a fault,

cons: horrible boss/best friend that you will have to listen to him vent about for at least 3 hours a day, complete yes man as well so he will not tell boros no or cut him off and you will be stuck dealing with this no matter what, severely mentally ill and wont go to therapy bc he thinks hes handling it well, workaholic, needs a lot, and i mean A LOT of attention

this relationship would be great if not for boros lol. boros sabotages his social and romantic life but geryu has been friends with him too long to either cut him off or establish boundaries. he has no backbone (figuratively and literally) and wouldnt even consider it. he’ll ignore you in favor of his job too, to a massive degree. also i think that while the telepathic communication would be a major plus in most cases, here i feel like i’d have no less than 16 different, never before seen on earth, mental illnesses projected right into my brain just from being within a certain radius of him.

im already fucked up enough in that sense so pass unfortunately.

it would be a yes without boros in the picture tho lmao

so prob like 4/10 iffy datablillity, 1 level increase with each decade of therapy he gets tho so a lot of potential :D

Groribas, my fav girl:

pros: straightforward, realistic, very clear expectations, will not fuck around with you whatsoever like there is no mind games or anything here, will kill for you, rich and non materialistic so she’ll basically just let you do whatever with her money since she doesn t care about it, cares about her job but like...a normal amount. she absolutely has a good work/life balance, highly organized so she will not forget important dates, loyal af and will defend your honor under any circumstances, mean but in a funny way, a ton of fun to hang out with if you’re into that, no eyes so i dont have to worry abt eye contact ever

cons: extremely high expectations, like exhaustingly high, and not even a bit of flexibility there, if you dont meet the cut its a no, she’ll let you know and leave same day, she will also bully you, you need a thick skin and great sense of humor to survive, bad at feelings if you need emotional support???? go elsewhere, shes mega emotionally unavailable, will probably want to share bodies as a form of intimacy

overall its a solid 6.5/10 dateability for me i love the directness and no bs approach, we would def get along well. however, while im not sensitive, shes def gonna hit on some insecurities at some point and it will cause an argument lol. but i mean whatever. it happens. the body sharing would be an issue though, same reason i wouldnt be chill with having a symbiote despite being a major venom fucker. i need my space i cant deal with that. so thats a possible deal breaker if she couldnt get over that lol. and she wont, so we wouldnt work out. i wish it fuckin would tho😭😭😭 i would take whatever crumbs of attention she would be willing to give me

Melzalgald, my fav they/them bastard:

pros: amorphous and shapeshifting aka extremely attractive according to my taste in monsters, tall af but could chose to be a more reasonable survivable size lol, self contained and self-entertaining so they dont need a ton of attention to be happy, funny af, rich, will give you whatever you want and probably a bunch of shit you didnt know you wanted, very fun, built in friend group if you didnt already have friends, extremely emotionally intelligent and great people skills due to living in a collective, stupid af by choice, like some of em are very smart, but they dont claim that, will say fuck work and tell boros to eat shit to spend time with you, will kill for you as well, but only if you ask them to bc their first inclination is to just bother someone to death, very loyal, once they like you they like you really forever, it would take some pretty extreme circumstances to make them dislike you

cons: annoying af and its unavoidable, will talk over you, all of them at once will talk over you and do so loudly, no respect for personal space, they dont even know what that is, will probably accidentally manhandle you, they act stupid but arent so they can be manipulative, even if it isnt bad and they dont really mean to be, impulsive, forgetful of the needs of organic creatures so they will bother you at all hours of the day and night if you arent firm with boundaries, disgustingly extroverted and will bring randoms to your place without asking, or just...make new cluster members and you have to roll with it, will eat or absorb literally anything you have, will antagonize and bother you for fun, major jump scare risk since sometimes the forms are....fleshy

this ones hard for me like theyre hot af and i feel like they’d be super fun and good partners, but god....the noise. idk how long i could deal with that lol i dont like people in my house. it would drive me up the wall, but then again...i can simply kick them out when ive had enough. they arent projecting mental illness directly into my brain or requiring me to share a body sintelligento major plus. creepy thing/symbiote style hot monster without any of the invasiveness so tbh 8/10 dateability

some people date loud annoying extroverts who dont understand personal space that /arent/ rich, loyal, or emotionally intellegent so i’d be winning on a few different fronts lmao

[gothic-safari-clown]

The Mind’s Power Over the Body

PART THREE: REMINISCENCE

Story Summary:  They only ever had each other. It had been that way since high school, ever since Elianna transferred to dreary Arlen and took Jonathan under her wing. They go separate ways for college, and when they’re reunited at Arkham Asylum professionally, Elianna comes to find that they’ve both changed during their time separated. Can she look past the promise of danger and stay by Jonathan’s side as they slide further and further into the darkness while she grapples to come to terms with the truth about herself? Can she accept what needs to be done in order to hold onto the only person who holds any meaning in her life? This is a very self-indulgent AU that draws from several different canons of the DCU and ignoring others, starting in the Batman Begins Nolanverse. This will follow the plot of the movie, although the timeline has been very slightly tweaked.

TW for bullying & choking

Part One / Part Two

Word count: 4427

When her alarm went off the next morning, Elianna awoke with an inspiring vigor for the day, doing her makeup and getting dressed in record time. She was excited actually to start working in a place that needed her; the main reason she had decided to move her career to Gotham—besides Jonathan, of course—was the dire and consistent need of psychiatrists to treat and diagnose the high concentration of criminals with psychological disorders in the city. As crude as it sounded, abnormal psychology had always been her favorite field of study, and this city had the best chance of taking her career where she wanted it to be.

She greeted the parking guard with an excited grin, flashing her new badge, to which he gave an enthusiastic thumbs up and raised the gate to let her in. In a few short minutes, she entered into the lobby of the asylum, picked up her schedule from the friendly secretary, and as she moved toward the stairs, she did a quick scan of the lobby for her friend, and with no sign of him she headed up to her office.

A glance over her itinerary for the week told her that it would be filled with relatively low profile sessions brought to her office for her to speak with. Makes sense; I would probably ease in a new hire too, she thought to herself. However, there was one at the end of the week that caught her attention. A Victor Zsasz, who she would be speaking to in a secure room rather than in her office. A small note next to that slot further stated that there would be two guards accompanying her on the assignment rather than one; she couldn’t be sure if it was that note or something subconscious, but something about that name gave Elianna a sinking feeling of apprehension in her stomach that she found surprisingly liberating.

This sort of high profile patient had been exactly what she had secretly been hoping for in moving to the city. As satisfying as it was to help those in need, such as the people who had come to her office in California, this felt right, and she found herself both terrified and excited for that particular session.

In the meantime, she decided to prepare for the four appointments she had scheduled that day. They were all scheduled for that morning, leaving her afternoon free, presumably for paperwork. In the end, all four seem to go by very quickly, and Elianna easily built a rapport with all of them. Technically speaking, she didn’t truly believe that any of them needed to be in the facility. In this city, having a touch of anxiety was probably better than not. Of course, they wouldn’t have been admitted for illegitimate reasons, so she ultimately decided that she simply didn’t know them well enough to have reached the root of the problem yet.

Looking at the clock, Elianna saw that it was 1 PM and decided to take a break before filling out all of her paperwork to meet a few of her coworkers, and hopefully, finally, see Jonathan.

She found herself chatting with a Doctor Harleen Quinzel, a bubbly blonde with a Jersey accent who insisted that El call her “Harley.” The redhead quickly decided that she liked Doctor Quinzel, even if she seemed a bit quirky.

“I can’t believe they gave you that corner office with the window; it is to die for!” The blonde practically oozed with amicable jealously.

“I didn’t realize it was in such high demand.” El laughed and took a moment to admire her new friend’s good spirit, whose smile suddenly dropped a bit as she caught sight of something over El’s shoulder.

“Oh, act natural, don’t turn around,” Harley said in a hushed voice.

“What?” Elianna was confused and a little concerned. “What’s going on, why shouldn’t I—”

“Excuse me, I’m looking for a Doctor Montgomery?” A familiar voice said from behind the woman in question, and she gave a slow smile—finally—to which Harley quirked an eyebrow. “I don’t suppose either of you has seen her around.” El fought the urge to hug Jonathan when she turned around and finally saw his face.

“Jonathan, you jerk, the look on Harley’s face made me think it was someone important.” She teased, and then hugged him anyway, which he returned.

“Glad to see you still think of me as highly as you used to.” He said smugly as they separated; he seemed to have gotten better at handling physical contact, but she didn’t want to push it. Taking him in, she found herself slightly stunned. He looked…good.

“God, look at you, you’re not a stick anymore, you have color in your face and everything!” The redhead found herself smiling, so excited to see Jonathan—her Jonathan—for the first time in years. He returned her smile with a faint one of his own, telling her in its own way that he was also happy to see her, even if he wouldn’t say it out loud.

“Hold on, I’m sorry, you two know each other?” Harley chimed in from behind Elianna, bringing her back to reality.

“Oh, yes, I’m sorry, that was rude of me. I’m sure you two already know each other, but we actually went to high school together; we were the only two that weren’t complete assholes.” She explained, still a little giddy from the belated reunion.

“I wouldn’t say that; we just had boundaries,” Jonathan teased under his breath and shook Harley’s hand. “Good to see you again, Doctor Quinzel.”

“Wait, I thought you just moved here?” The blonde inquired to Elianna after giving their colleague a courteous nod.

“I did, we actually come from this tiny hick town in Georgia. Not that you could tell, thank goodness.”

“Aw, that’s fun that you’re both here now! In that case, I’ll leave you to catch up; I have an appointment to get to anyway. You two have fun, I’ll see you later El,” Harley gave her new friend a tight hug and a peck on the cheek before sashaying off to where she needed to be.

“Affectionate girl,” Jonathan quipped amusedly.

“Yeah, she’s a sweetheart.” Elianna smiled. “By the way, what did you do to her? The look on her face when she saw you really had me nervous for a second.”

“I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that I have some antisocial tendencies. As it turns out, it makes people nervous.”

“Yeah, most people. By the way, should we get to the part where you admit that you missed me, or are we just going to skip that altogether?” El teased, and Jonathan stood for a moment just looking at her with the faintest hint of a smile before glancing at his feet, and for that split second, he was that scrawny, awkward kid that she had known before.

“I did miss you,” he admitted quietly and suddenly made direct eye contact, and Elianna’s knees almost went weak. What the hell? Had his eyes always been that blue? Of course, he had never necessarily been unattractive, but it had been so hard to see through all of his misery and standoffishness. Well, she thought to herself, he still seems a bit standoffish, but confidence looks good on him.

“I wasn’t sure if you even knew I was here. I wanted to surprise you, actually.”

“Of course, I knew you were here. Who do you think made Sharpe read that essay you submitted in the first place?” He fired back with a slight smirk, and goddamn where did he learn to do that?

“I don’t know. I just assumed that he would read every submission resume he received. Does he not?” Jonathan shook his head.

“I happened to notice your name on a stack of folders on his desk during a meeting, and I made sure he would read it.”

“Wh- you knew the whole time?” She asked incredulously. “And you didn’t even send me a text or anything, you little rat.” Elianna faked upset, but once she thought about it, it actually made quite a bit of sense. Arkham was rather famous after all, and there were bound to be plenty of doctors as crazy as her applying regularly. And, she hated to think it, but the warden had seemed less than interested in taking a chance on hiring people, given his remark about someone else having quit “luckily for her.”

“Aww, you really did miss me, didn’t you?” She winked at him and nudged him with her elbow.

“Don’t make me repeat it,” he replied in an almost joking tone. “You’re still the only person I can actually tolerate.” He seemed to avoid the rest of that conversation by checking his watch. “And as much as I’d love to catch up some more, I also have an appointment to get to soon. Why don’t you come to my apartment tonight and we can catch up? I’ll text you the address.”

“Oh, sure, that sounds great.” He sent her the information, and they exchanged quick goodbyes, and El went back up to her office to finish her paperwork so that she would be ready to leave on time.

.xXx.

Elianna was still somewhat reeling from her friend’s newfound confidence when she left for the day. The last time that she had seen him, she had come to the city to visit for three days during college, and he couldn’t even ask for help on a report, and now he was able to blurt out “come to my apartment tonight” like it was nothing. All things considered, she was proud of him.

On the way to her car, Elianna found herself wondering if Jonathan had really changed that much in such a short amount of time. When she first met him, she had almost thought he was a ghost; he was so reserved. In fact, if she really thought about it, she could recall every detail of that day.

It had been her first day at Arlen High since moving to the town with her mother. Her parents had just been divorced, and her mother had thought that a small town would be a good change to the chaos of the city they had lived in, and Elianna could hardly believe that the spit of  road could be considered “civilization.”  As much as she enjoyed the spacious old home they had been able to afford, she wasn’t looking forward to the surely boring life they would lead there.

She had walked to school, and the whole time she couldn’t stop looking forward to finally being able to drive herself places. ‘Only a few months away.’ She had been immediately pegged as the new girl—unsurprising given the small student body—and had been swooped up by the popular crowd, one Sherry Squires, to be exact. She seemed horribly dull and shallow, but Elianna decided that letting Squires have her way would be the easiest way to make friends and survive the next few years.

However, the skinny, quiet boy with whom she had shared several classes had somehow caught her attention. Very unusual, given that he didn’t seem to speak to anyone and quietly did his work the whole time. Maybe it was the bitterness rolling off of him, or maybe that the lack of socialization in a room full of obnoxious teenagers, but something about him was just��distinctly different.

During the last passing period of the day, while expressing idle interest in whatever the hell Sherry was jabbering about, she had noticed that same boy shuffling through the hall on his own. Before El could ask Squires what his deal was, Bo Griggs, your stereotypical dumb jock, had schlepped over to him and shoulder checked him into the wall, his books tumbling to the floor while Sherry snickered.

“Looks like Ichabod is in for a pounding,” she sounded maliciously gleeful of that fact, and her arms cattily crossed over her chest only highlighted that fact.

“Ichabod?” Like the Sleepy Hollow character? It was a weird name, but alright.

“Oh, his real name is Jonathan, but nobody cares about that,” Sherry had explained dismissively. “His last name is Crane, like the character from that book or whatever, but he’s just so scrawny and weird, we all just call him Ichabod or Scarecrow.” El had nodded in understanding and watched with conflicted emotions as Jonathan did his best to ignore the taunting and shoving directed at him. However, her mind was made up when a particularly nasty push sent the boy to the floor, hitting his head on the wall as he fell.

“Okay, no! That’s enough,” she had spoken up before she even realized what she was doing. Sherry and Bo both seemed equally shocked as they looked at her in confusion, Bo actually stepping away from his quarry. “What the hell is your problem?” Bo’s face had turned red.

“It’s about to be you, new bitch.” He had snarled and took a few steps toward her.

“Sure, I get that, you’re intimidated by my brain cell count, but seriously, is that what the big deal is? You couldn’t find anyone more stupid and pathetic than you, so you take out our insecurities on him? Grow up; I think more people here relate to that than you think.” She snapped with a pointed look at Sherry, who gaped at El as she brushed past Bo like it was nothing. Wasting no time, she gathered Jonathan’s books in a pile with her own and hauled him up by the arm, dragging him down the hall and away from the crowd. If this was to be the only class they didn’t share, she would be very embarrassed.

“Is your head alright?” She had asked the boy—'Jonathan, his name is Jonathan'—as she handed back his books.

“It’s fine.” Hm. Not talkative. Shocker.

“It looked like you hit pretty hard from where I was standing, are you sure?”

“I’ve had worse.”

“Yeah, not surprised, given that bunch.” She had turned to look at him as she spoke; he seemed to have been distancing himself as much as he could without being rude. “I’m Elianna, by the way.”

“I know. You and your mother moved into the house next to ours. And you just ruined any chance you had of fitting in here.” She had shrugged, already knowing the second part.

“So what, I’m used to that. Besides, why would I want to fit in with those guys?” The corner of Jonathan’s mouth had twitched up in some facsimile of a smile.

“Hell if I know.” He had muttered. “But either way, it’ll just get worse if you hang around me, you might want to keep your distance.” He added flatly, all traces of any kind of personality from a second before gone.

Look, I believe you, but I’d rather not. I doubt I can get any standing back now, and you seem much more interesting anyway.“ She had shrugged, to which Jonathan shook his head.

"I mean it. Keep your distance.” He had repeated and sped up, leaving her behind in the hallway with his much longer legs. It had been awkward that period when the teacher had assigned her to sit in the empty seat next to him.

Looking back, it hadn’t altogether been a bad day. She had quickly established herself as someone not to be taken lightly, which had subsequently gotten her into some tight spots with the “popular” crowd. Besides that, even if it took a few extra weeks after Jonathan had realized that she wasn’t going to leave him alone, she had finally gotten him to open up a bit to her. It was strange to think about how far they had come.

Even more so when she pulled up outside of Jonathan’s apartment building, from what she could tell on the outside, each unit was fairly spacious; it seemed that he had done well for himself, although he hadn’t been very picky about his living spaces for the most part. Unsurprising, given the conditions that his grandmother had kept him in. He had dragged himself out of the pits of hell into a (presumably) swanky apartment and a fairly prestigious job; she couldn’t help but be impressed.

It didn’t take her long to find a spot in guest parking, take the elevator up seven floors and knock on his door. When Jonathan answered the door, he was still in his work clothes minus the suit jacket, indicating that he had only barely gotten home himself.

“Hello, love,” El greeted him with a quick hug before stepping inside and slipping her shoes off. She took a moment to take in the living area. It was furnished with that type of sturdy yet elegant old furniture, which suited him well. She had been right; it was a good size on the inside, just enough room for him and his stacks of research books and papers to be somewhat scattered around. Altogether, it built that sort of rustic studious aesthetic that she had always associated with him. “Very nice,” she commented approvingly.

“It’s certainly a few steps up from granny’s,” He agreed as he closed the door behind her.

“Yeah, quite a few,” El agreed. She had only been inside of his childhood home once, and only for a minute or two at Jonathan’s behest; he had been afraid that the old woman would wake up and catch him speaking to someone. “I see you still never learned to clean up after yourself, though.” She teased with a passing glance at a sheet of notes on a patient with severe agoraphobia.

“Please, I was there when you rearranged your room, don’t try to pretend I’m any worse than you are.” He shot back good-naturedly as they sat on the couch.

“At least none of that stuff was important,” she protested, gesturing to the stack of notes and diagnoses she had just looked at. “And is my mind playing tricks on me, or did your handwriting somehow get worse?”

“You hush,” he said, settling into the cushion next to her, resting a hand on her knee when she leaned against the armrest and draped her legs over his lap, both of them acting as though it was the most natural thing in the world, and for them it was. “How was California? Did it meet your expectations?”

“Yeah, for a while, eventually, I just got bored. What about Gotham?”

“Fine. Better than Arlen anyway. A fresh start can be useful, I suppose.” El nodded understandingly. Georgia really had been horrible to him. She supposed that she could attribute Gotham to his success and growth. She laid her head back against the armrest, thinking. “How did we let it get this long since we’ve talked?” She asked and rolled her head to the side to look at him. He’d let his head fall on the back of the couch and was staring at the ceiling as he shook his head.

“I don’t know,” he replied quietly and turned his head to the side without lifting it to look back at her. El found herself rememorizing everything about his face. He had changed so much. Again, it wasn’t as though he had ever been bad to look at, she mused to herself. A little skinny, maybe, but now that his face had filled out to match his cheekbones and could afford to eat regularly, he looked healthier. Even his hair was thicker, and maybe even a little bit darker, which made the blue of his eyes stand out shockingly. She could easily see how his maintained eye contact would be unsettling to someone who didn’t know him as well as she did.

In fact, the only thing about him that had stayed entirely unchanged was the subtle darkness that sat just behind the surface of those piercing eyes, and she knew exactly why.

“Have you been able to keep him under control?” She couldn’t help the soft question that came out. Over the silence of the apartment, her quiet voice sounded like a sin.

“For the most part,” Jonathan replied equally quietly. “There have been some…incidents few and far between, but other than that fine.” He blinked, and after a beat, he confessed, “He wants to talk to you.”

Elianna’s heart sunk to the floor, and she shook her head. The man sitting before her was her friend, but the Scarecrow terrified her. He was unpredictable and sadistic, and he turned Jonathan into something disturbing. “You know I wouldn’t let him,” he reassured El. “I won’t let him slip around you again.” El shivered involuntarily as she remembered what he meant.

It had been during that time that she had visited him during college. She had only been in one class that semester, and the professor had given everyone a week off while the air conditioning duct in his classroom needed to be repaired. Jonathan had seemed stressed during their weekly phone call, and she had some money saved up, so she had taken advantage of this opportunity to fly to Gotham and visit Jonathan for a few days.

As a rule, he didn’t like surprises, but Elianna had been able to tell that he was relieved to see her. He had even hugged her as she arrived and seemed glad to have her staying with him in his campus apartment for a few days.

On her first night there, they had taken a walk around campus after dark, and her suspicion that something was wrong was confirmed when his usual silence was strained, as were his short replies to her questions.

“Maybe we should go back; you clearly aren’t doing alright.” She had suggested gently, laying her hand on his arm, to which he had nodded slowly and taken a shaky breath.

“He’s trying to get out,” El had immediately known who he was talking about, even if she had never technically seen Scarecrow before. “Classes are really taking a lot out of me, and I don’t know if I can-” There had been a brief moment of dissociation, and when Jonathan’s eyes came back into focus, it wasn’t him.

“I don’t think we’ve met yet,” Scarecrow had started. “But you know I’ve been here longer than you have.” He finished smugly. The voice was Jonathan’s but rougher, and his eyes were filled with a sudden life at the prospect of whatever Scarecrow had in mind for her.

“Where is Jonathan?” She had barely been able to ask the question; something about the way he was looking at her made her horribly uneasy.

“Aw, what? You don’t like me?” Scarecrow had asked mockingly, stepping closer when she didn’t answer. She was frozen to the spot. “Do I scare you?” He continued, and her continued silence was the exact answer he had been looking for. “Good.”

Without any warning, after a moment of stillness, he had lunged for her, and somehow Elianna had managed to duck out of the way just in time and took off in the other direction with Scarecrow in close pursuit. She was looking for a place she might be able to hide, but her unfamiliarity with the campus had betrayed her, and just as she thought that she had lost him, he suddenly rounded the corner in front of her.

Her scream had been cut short when he had pinned her against the nearby wall with his forearm across her throat. He looked like he was saying something to her, but she couldn’t focus on what it was over the rushing blood in her ears. However, she could see with her fading vision Scarecrow using Jonathan’s body to laugh at her. She was going fuzzy around the edges, and the only thought that she had been able to manage was that she would die there.

Just as the last of her vision was beginning to fade and her lungs were screaming for air, the horrible grin had vanished, and she could see the difference as Jonathan had regained control with a panicked look on his face. The next thing El knew, he was helping her off the ground; she must have fallen when he removed his arm from her neck. Despite the knowledge that Scarecrow was gone, she had pulled herself out of his grip, opting to use the wall for support instead. The back of her head ached, and she had coughed hard, still struggling for breath and rubbing the growing bruise on her neck.

She had never seen anyone look so terrified and apologetic as Jonathan’s mouth silently opened and closed, fumbling for words. It wasn’t until his eyes fell to her throat that he stilled, sucking in a deep breath. The traces of tears in his eyes told El everything that she needed to know, and without another second of hesitation, she had thrown her arms around him in a tight embrace. She could remember how he had squeezed her back, and they stood there like that for a few minutes, both trembling from the close call. Finally, they had walked back to his apartment in silence and hadn’t even mentioned it since.

Until now.

El took a deep breath before finally asking, “Can you promise me that you have him under control?” He nodded silently in response.

“Never again, El. I promise.” He added a few seconds later. His answer seemed to satisfy the redhead, and she let herself relax again.

They stayed like that for a few more hours, sometimes talking and sometimes sitting in comfortable silence. When she left, Elianna managed to coax another hug out of him on her way out the door and stretched up to kiss his cheek, not an unusual thing for her to do, but he blushed faintly just like he always did at the affection. She smiled to herself on her way back to her car. He really wasn’t that different from the timid boy she had taken under her wing all those years ago, a soothing thought to send her home.

[windowinto]

Social Media

This post is just a thought vomit post: The feeling that I’m feeling is quite strange. As if I cannot show the world the things I genuinely appreciate. Social media terrifies me in every way possible to the point where it is entirely toxic. I constantly live in this panic or fear where everyone is laughing at me or judging me. I feel as if social media is a place where I should be able to express myself in whatever way I want to. Sadly that isn’t the case for me. As much as I would love to show the world or anyone who has an “interest” in following me, whether it’s a mutual “oh I know you ill follow or add you” thing, whatever, the things I love dearly and hold close to my heart. For instance I love Elliott Smith a lot and would love to share my love about him but I feel as if people will make fun of me for enjoying the beauty that is his music and self. I get so terrified or think “what is the point” or “who even cares?”. Social media is so strange and I feel like it has me pinned to the ground sometimes. It is always in the back of my mind. For the last few years I have consistently been on and off social media. I’ll have a stride of confidence and post on social media consistently but it never seems to last before I delete everything, Instagram, twitter, facebook. Ill start with Instagram and why it really scares me. With Instagram, I feel very pressured to upload pictures in a timely fashion. It’s almost a personal blog or a perspective from my eyes to share with the people who decide to follow me. There are people who follow me and will never interact with my posts when I do decide to post something. It makes me wonder what is the point in following me if you don’t like anything that I’m sharing, not in the sense of the actual like, but enjoying what I post? I would rarely post anything on Instagram, I turned my Instagram that is now deleted, into a page for my art. I was scared to share things I have created. Showing people something I like, a window into my brain, for them to judge, even though I have gotten good feedback on my art, at the end of the day I still think its not good. Yet another reason why I am afraid to post on social media. I have little to no ego or confidence in myself. Before my Instagram was my art page, I would sometimes upload selfies only because that is just, what we do nowadays? It felt like I had to fall in line and I felt this pressure to show the world how I was changing as a person. “ooh look at me” but in my head there is nothing to look at. I struggle with body dysmorphia. I look in the mirror every day and see someone completely different. It isn’t just a “I feel ugly today”. It is a brutal battle of one day I feel okay but 30 minutes later my face feels rearranged. I know it’s a very common feeling to never see what others see in yourself, but I look in the mirror a lot and can never figure it out. I’m not sure why, I just try to take time to really understand my face because too often I don’t understand it at all. My face is very A-symmetrical and I feel to be beautiful you must have good face symmetry. My face has twist and turns, which most people might not notice, maybe they do. It is just something I really struggle with. Some days I feel normal, my face looks fine, but some days it feels like someone took a blender to my face. The thing with mirrors and phone cameras you only see the mirrored version of yourself. That is what you are used to. So seeing pictures of me that aren’t mirrored throws my head into a fucking spiral of insecurity. I tend to avoid pictures with people or having people take pictures or videos of me because all I can do is watch the video or stare at the picture for hours wondering what other people are going to think of me and my contorted face and body. I know that no person is perfect and we all have our imperfections, but exposing mine to the world is terrifying. Pictures are different. They give people time to dissect and focus on your imperfections for as long as they want. People terrify me. I’ve been bullied when I was younger and I have been made fun of over the years for looking certain ways, dressing certain ways because I’m not what they want me to be. I just want to be myself without judgement. Being able to be genuine and to not be made fun of for “trying too hard” or “trying” to have a certain look. I always get thrown under certain labels and its so frustrating. “haha you are a sad boy” or stupid remarks as if I’m trying to be anything but myself. I am terrified to be myself because it will never be good enough for anyone. I have been around a lot of toxic friend groups where they even make fun of their best friends. They make evil remarks or judge them for having a stride of confidence or trying new things. I love when people express themselves or try new things instead of staying in the same box that people put them in. It just seems others like to make fun of people for trying something new or pushing the boundaries of what is “them”. Self exploration is a beautiful thing that everyone should focus on every now and then. We should all try to expand on ourselves and strive for the best versions of ourselves. Who likes being the person stuck in a box? Where is the fun in that? That is just a perspective of mine but I always feel forced into this box. Which is a big reason I stay away from posting pictures of myself because if I post a picture of myself I am either “cocky” “too confident” or “trying too hard”. I took a picture of myself. That’s all I did. I had no intentions other than to just show people hey this is what I look like today and for once I don’t feel like my face was hit with a tornado. With Instagram I feel if I don’t post frequently or become inactive then people will start to not care. I’m not sure why I have this feeling of wanting people to care, but that’s how social media feels to me. You follow me for some reason, maybe because you care, who knows. There’s certain people who like to look down on me because I’m constantly changing and they might of liked or are used to a previous version of myself. Some people don’t like change. People also get so wrapped up into other peoples lives which is also another reason why I don’t like social media. Instagram is full of fake pictures and perfect people. Sometimes I feel like I have to be perfect or have a perfect picture for it to be “Instagram worthy”. I don’t understand what is a right and wrong picture to post. Sometimes I want to post everything, sometimes I don’t. Some people get so wrapped up in their “aesthetic” or “online image” and its not them what so ever. I don’t want people to get the wrong idea of me, I would much rather have someone make a judgement of me in person rather than a post on the internet. Intention and tone are hard to grasp on the internet unless you already know that person really well. With twitter, It feels the same as instragram but instead of pictures it’s tweets. I used twitter like a journal of just random things. Random feelings, random thoughts whether they were serious or just goofy. I didn’t try to appeal to anyone, I just kind of posted whatever I wanted. Over the last 4 years of on and off social media usage, there has been a few instances that make me scared of letting people know on the internet what is going on in this complex head of mine. With the first instance, I’ll bring a bit of context. I was about 17 or 18 at the time, my memory with age and time is always so bad so I’m not exactly sure when. I was going through a really rough depressive episode. I stopped hanging out with my friends and isolated, didn’t get out of bed ever, didn’t even play video games. It was really bad. I would also tweet about my feelings, which there is a stigma on posting about being sad on the internet because everyone is sad sometimes or all the time and just wont admit it, but will laugh or judge you for having feelings like a human being. “Wow look at this dude, he is so sad? Go get a therapist sad boy” but are the same people who do the same things they are complaining about. It’s weird how it works. Makes absolutely zero sense to me. People will hide their sadness behind vent accounts but on their “main” act like they aren’t sad. Which there is nothing wrong with that, but don’t judge others for being sad. Maybe they need someone, but you are too afraid to be that someone or “don’t feel like dealing with it”. I finally broke free from the death grip of depression and finally decided to hangout with some friends. It was the current E3 showing off all the new games. We were all having a good time discussing new games and seeing all the new titles. A game came up and I simply said “I heard that game isn’t that good” and a friend of a friend in the room said “of course you think that, you hate everything”. Stunned I replied “how?” and he replied with “you are constantly tweeting about how sad you are and how you hate everything”. Ill admit I had some sad tweets but I never tweeted or talked openly disliking anything. This guy barely knows me at all just so you know. We have mutual friends, have hungout a few times, skateboarded in the same group of friends. Clearly he had bad judgement on me. My eyes scan the room to see all of my “close” friends at the time. They all were just as stunned as me and nobody spoke up. I said proudly, in which this is true “I haven’t tweeted anything sad in months actually, feel free to go look at my tweets” he replied with “well good for you then”. This will stick with me for a really long time and this was maybe 5 years ago or less that this happened, like I said I’m bad with time and memories. I still think about it all the time. Goes to show, be careful what you say, it might stick around in someone’s head for longer than you think. Apparently one of my friends told him afterwards “Dude, he JUST started hanging out with us again and you had to do that”. Although I’m not sure if that is true or not. I would then to go on to delete my twitter and stay off social media for about a year or so because I was so terrified of others having this same outlook on me. Because if someone I barely know can have this judgement of me, then someone else surely can. To this day it still messes with my head and is also a big reason I have been off and on with social media. The next instance is from 2 almost 3 years ago. I was talking to the girl of my dreams, a girl I had a crush on for years. We got along wonderfully, shared the same sense of humor, there was a connection there that I couldn’t explain. But even then I would still struggle with my depression. Even in the happiest of times I still had these dark depressive moments. Which I have to explain that, my mother who had raised me without my dad, had battled cancer for 4 years only for it to take her life in 2012, which turned me into an anxiety riddled depressed kid. I would disappear, walk away, disassociate, have these dips in moods even in public. She didn’t really seem to understand or has never really had to deal with something like this before with someone. I completely understand that I was easily too much for her to handle. It’s really hard to find someone who understands or cares enough to stick around. Unfortunately my depressive episodes lead to the demise of our short “relationship”. We were not dating. We got into an argument and I told her how I was feeling and how she made me feel like she didn’t care. She sent me a long text message about how I’m too sad to deal with and I’m too much to handle. She told me all I do is bring everyone around me down and that I am a sad negative person. I am just summing it up, I don’t want to go into detail. This destroyed me more than any other words have before in my life. We were young and she didn’t understand the power of what she was saying. This threw me into a spiral of a year long depressive episode that I could not control. I didn’t talk to my friends about how I felt or my family because I was afraid to bring them down. I still struggle to this day with opening up about my feelings because of this but I have gotten better about it. But I was scared to just tell people that I was sad. I became so focused on faking this image to not let a single person know how I truly felt. It was hell every day holding in this whirlwind of feelings. I felt like I had to hide all of my feelings and that my feelings weren’t valid. I felt as if I wasn’t allowed to feel sad. I would get so mad if I ever got sad. I would tell myself no. Which it kind of worked, it kind of helped me get better in a sense but I think its important to feel sad now. Its important to process those emotions instead of ignoring them. But this also made me stay off social media for another year or so. But this year of no social media it forced me to learn a lot about myself. I was going into young adulthood and trying to understand the world and figuring myself out. A lot of self-growth was made in this time which I am kind of thankful for. But this was a huge reason why I struggled so hard with social media and how people perceived me. Also another reason why I struggle still because words like those tend to stick with you. Twitter is such a strange platform. I still don’t use it to this day. All because of judgement. Not even about sad tweets this time, just fear of self-expression. Goes hand and hand with the way I feel about Instagram. People thinking you are trying to hard or people just not giving a fuck. Social media is so weird. I feel that I am also missing out on a lot of possible friendships because of not using social media. A friend of mine said “you aren’t putting yourself out there, no one can find you if you are in the shadows” which I feel is very true, for friendships and possible relationships as well. Okay so onto facebook… I grew up in the prime of Facebook. I was there for all the changes and updates and when it first really started to blossom into what it was. This was before twitter was even popular. I grew up with sending everyone friend requests and the bliss of making random internet friends. Not caring about what you post and just having a good time. I think before I stopped using facebook when I was around 15 or 16 and I moved to twitter completely, which felt better for the way I felt, I had around 2,500 friends on facebook. Well that is definitely not the case now. Facebook is a weird strange place filled with old people and family members who haven’t cared about me for 10 years that send me a lovely friend request. I have such bad anxiety about facebook friend requests. It is so incredibly hard to explain. I initially made a facebook for the soul purpose of adding friends on xbox so I could stay in contact with them when we weren’t playing xbox. And then of course I started popping up in peoples suggested friends on facebook. I was friends with maybe 20 or less friends, very close people. Then my friend requests started flowing with people I know who I wasn’t close with. I left some people in what I like to call the friend request purgatory for LITERALLY 3 FUCKING YEARS. I was so scared to accept it and let them into the things I liked and would share on facebook with my close friends. I slipped into a music “scene” and made some friends in this specific scene. There was a guy in a band that actually got signed to a big label who I thought was really cool and funny who I thought hated me, he sent me a friend request and I left him in the purgatory for a whole year before declining the friend request. Just because he lived a whole 3 hours away and was way cooler than ill ever be and I didn’t want him to find me weird or a fucking loser. So I just never accepted it. I am not sure if he ever saw it pending for so long but I did change my profile picture in that time and I am sure he seen that. I feel really bad about it and it makes me cringe with awkwardness. I am not that bad at socializing and id like to think of myself as a funny and nice person. I feel like I am easy to get along with. But now I am no longer apart of that “scene” if you even consider me being “apart” of it. I just went to local shows and really enjoyed the music. That’s is my main problem with facebook. Random people I do and don’t know sending a request “HEY LET ME IN I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND” but… do you actually or do you think we are just mutual and wanting to network. Facebook is a weird place. Especially local selling communities. I live in the Midwest so there are racists and homophobes left and right. In conclusion of this awful mess of a post I just wish I could feel normal. To feel more understood. God forbid I ever tell anyone I feel “misunderstood” without being made fun of or not taken seriously because that’s just what people do now. I understand that the world is full of assholes and judgmental people but, there is also people out there that care and are good people. They are harder to find than the people who suck but they exist. You just have to look a little harder or just be patient. A dear friend of mine told me that I should just be myself and whoever doesn’t like it can just fuck off because at the end of the day it doesn’t matter what other people think. But to just appreciate the people who do care. I try to focus on those points and to let myself realize everything will be okay if I just stay genuine and true to myself. People will always have something to say and dislike, all you can do is keep on truckin’ and keep doing what you want. At the end of the day the only thing that matters is your own happiness. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices. Sometimes you have to just not give a single fuck. Maybe one day I will come back around to social media and finally come to terms with it. Who knows? But for now I am working on it one day at a time and will eventually ease back into it. Still very scared of it all, but progress is progress.

[theswartzreport]

Musings: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

               “I Think I’m Kinda Gay”: Evil Willow and Duality in the Buffyverse

If you’re one of those people who sings through half of “Once More, With Feeling” in the shower, you may have found yourself dwelling on Evil Willow. To be clear, this is not Willow from the final two seasons - that baroque and self-contradictory jumble of ham-fisted addiction stereotypes and grief-as-anger manifestations warrants its own treatise. Rather, this is the alternate-reality Willow introduced in “The Wish” (S3 E9), after Anya grants Cordelia’s wish that Buffy had never come to town, and the world is transformed into Bizarro Sunnydale, complete with a leather-clad pansexual vampire version of Buffy’s bookish bestie.

First off, to state the obvious: Evil Willow is awesome. When she pops into the show’s restored reality in Doppelgangland (S3 E16), she serves as a counterpoint to Good Willow’s crisis of confidence. Appearing shortly after the unfortunate labeling of “Old Reliable,” Evil Willow’s swagger, style and unbridled sense of self causes her friends to sit up and take notice, to reconsider their treatment of her as a bland goody-two-shoes. She also turns the tables on a bullying jock, which is always good fun.

But therein lies the dichotomy and, indeed, the genius of the Buffyverse’s moral compass: Evil Willow is also, well, evil. She is a murderous vampire, one who tortures for her own pleasure, declaring “bored now” when a victim begs for mercy. The same lack of restraint that allows her to glory in her power and her sexuality, also frees her from even a hint of empathy. She is the negative framing of Spider-man’s creed: with her great power, she can elect to not take responsibility.

This blend of heroism and villainy, of kick-ass girl power and devastating consequences, is what always grounded the Buffyverse’s horror hijinks in recognizable moral reality. Reams have been written, courses taught, on Buffy herself as an inherently fascist avatar: like all superheroes who operate outside the bounds of law enforcement (or in Buffy’s case, Principal Snyder and the corrupt Watcher’s Council), her might makes her right, and she is unconstrained by societal strictures. When Faith goes rogue in Season 3, we see the damage that a slayer unbound can do, but we also root for Buffy (mostly) without reservation as she sets her own hierarchy of which demons must die, and which are more useful alive. With her blonde hair, blue eyes, and impressive roundhouse kick, she is the überfraulein, striking with the hand of God based on her own judgement.

This blurring of traditional roles is pervasive among the Scoobies: Xander is fiercely loyal and commonly coded as the “heart” of the group, while also being a sexist pig with a chip on his shoulder about being the only one without supernatural abilities; Giles manages to be both hidebound and a loose cannon, providing fatherly advice while eliciting childlike rebellion; Anya’s hilarious forthrightness about the idiocy of human customs highlights her other-ness and struggle to assimilate into humanity; and Spike is a master class unto himself on relative good within one person. Angel comes off as the simplest case, because his dividing line of a soul puts him squarely on the side of good, or bad, depending on how recently he’s experienced true happiness.

Which brings us back to Willow (Good Willow, the show’s in-universe Willow), and her last-second intervention to spare her doppelgänger from Buffy’s stake. Despite Evil Willow’s more outré tendencies, Good Willow still sees herself in her: she recognizes the loss of kinship and purpose beneath the soulless demon shell. Evil Willow serves as both warning and premonition, prefiguring Good Willow’s growing power, eventual fall from grace, and difficulty in separating boundaries worth breaking from those that cut her off from her innate goodness. (And the “I think I’m kinda gay!” foreshadow, a full year before Willow comes out, is still one of my favorite Whedonisms.) Like all the Scoobies – like all humanity – Willow contains darkness and light, and she has learned (through her lived experiences, her relationships, her faith, and her luck) how to tamp down the parts that don't fit her persona, or the ideals of her surroundings. When Evil Willow gives free reign to all of those sequestered traits, she releases the bad (murder, torture, lackey bullying) along with the good (her sexual identity, confidence, a taste for skintight leather). Good Willow suppresses her id to a fault; Evil Willow has let hers run free – and catches a splintered 2x4 in the heart for her troubles.

[transastronautistic]

I have some friends that watch the good doctor and I’ve only seen one episode but I wanted to know if you think it’s good representation of autism and if there is anything I should know before I watch it because it looks really good?

Ah yes hello!! Overall I think The Good Doctor is a fantastic portrayal of one autistic person – it does not try to represent All Autistic People, and that’s a good thing. It’s not perfect, but it’s pretty great. I find a lot of Shaun’s actions and experiences very relateable as an autistic person.

I’ll start with some general content warnings so that you know what to watch out for when starting the show; then I’ll go through the pros and cons of its portrayal of autism.

Content warnings for the show:

Anti-autistic ableism. Other characters are often ableist towards Shaun. This is usually portrayed well, in my opinion – it’s what I would expect from other surgeons and from some patients when an autistic surgical resident comes into a hospital; but it’s not always fun to watch. As the season has gone on, ableism from the main characters has (mostly) decreased, luckily! They’re learning. However, spoilers for a later episode, one character pushes Shaun into a meltdown at one point

Abuse, animal cruelty. In some of the earliest episodes, there’s emotional abuse of Shaun by his dad as well as very cruel bullying from his peers, and there’s also brief animal cruelty.

Death of a sapphic woman. In one episode, a sapphic woman dies after being injured and we see her wife grief. That was really hard for me to watch; if you message me I can tell you which ep and give you more details.

Death and surgical gore stuff, as you would expect in a medical drama.

Weaknesses in its portrayal of autism:

Non-autistic actors and consultants. Shaun is played by Freddie Highmore, who is not autistic. It definitely would have been cooler to have an actually autistic actor. And the main “autism consultant” of the show is Melissa Reiner, who isn’t autistic herself but works with “families who have children on the Autism spectrum.” (The explanation of her work with autistic kids is not worded super great but at least aba isn’t mentioned, so hey, maybe her therapy is actually good?) Still, the portrayal of autism feels real and accurate enough that I’m surprised that the actor and consultant are not autistic; wherever they’re getting their information, it’s working for them.

Not a diverse portrayal of autism. Shaun is a white man, most likely cis and probably straight – just like most portrayals of autism already in fiction. Some people genuinely don’t realize that people other than white men can be autistic, and lack of diverse representation doesn’t help fight that misconception. The only other canonically autistic character so far was also white and male. (I do want to note that the actual show has a lot of racial diversity and some great female characters, though. So it’s not horrible in terms of overall diversity.)

Claiming Shaun has savant syndrome. I don’t think Shaun has any traits that can’t be explained simply by autism; they didn’t have to give him savant syndrome. I feel like they did it just to explain his high intelligence…as if autistic people…can’t be smart? idk. What do other autistic folks think about that?

Functioning labels are used in the show. I don’t recall Shaun ever calling himself high-functioning, but other characters sometimes call him that.

Infringements on Shaun’s agency. A character who is near and dear to Shaun keeps pushing Shaun to get a caregiver despite Shaun clearly not wanting one, and it’s annoying me. Still, if the overall message ends up being that this is a bad thing (the arch isn’t complete yet so I’m not sure if it will or won’t), then I’d move this point over to the show’s strengths.

Strengths in its portrayal of autism:

Switching between person first and identity first language. Since autistic people ourselves will often switch around saying we’re autistic, have autism, or are on the spectrum, I like that the characters switch around their language too. I tried to keep count of which language Shaun used most, I think it was fairly evenly split between have autism and autistic. 

Autistic traits without overdoing it. Some fiction crams a ton of traits into one character as if to be autistic you have to express the whole list of traits…I don’t feel like this show does that with Shaun. But here are some of the traits he does express:

 sensory overload – Shaun responds to unfamiliar and/or overwhelming environments by rocking or fiddling with his toy knife, and seems to be semi-verbal during them: unable to answer questions but able to reply to statements. He rocks when distressed.

special interests – it is clear that human anatomy is a special interest for Shaun; when a traumatic thing happens engaging in this interest is the only comfort he has. I write more on the show’s treatment of special interests in this post (with show spoilers).

routine

samefoods!

high spatial intelligence

difficulty understanding sarcasm and flirting

trouble expressing to others what he plans to do sometimes

uncomfortable with physical contact, though he usually tolerates it and at at least one point initiates it on his own terms

at least one shutdown and one meltdown are depicted

repeating phrases – some being instances of echolalia, others being an attempt to make people understand

fixation on what needs to be done; he calls it perseveration – he won’t stop thinking about a thing if it spikes his interest or seems out of place to him or is a puzzle to be solved

Stimming! The word stimming has only been used one time in the show so far; I do wish it was used more often, especially since the one instance of its use was for the behavior of the teen-aged autistic patient featured in one episode – that was an example of anxious, overwhelmed stimming, so it would be nice to have them use that word to name an instance of positive stimming as well, in my opinion. But anyway, whether or not they call it stimming Shaun stims a lot! It’s usually in more subtle ways, which gives me the feeling he’s been taught to repress more overt stims, which makes sense with his history of abuse and bullying. Some of his main stims include holding his hands folded, pacing, and rocking. When he’s upset or overstimulated he raises his hands near his head and at one point when melting down hits his head.

Breaking down some stereotypes.

Even though they call him “high functioning,” Shaun does not fit the usual definition of that label. He needs less support for some things, and more for other things. There are times when he is selectively verbal.

Shaun evinces deep compassion for people, which is nice when “emotionless, heartless robot” is a common stereotype about autistic people. At the same time, the way he expresses that compassion and his emotions is not a neurotypical way, and some characters miss it.

Shaun gets crushes and seems to have a sex drive. Fiction tends to make autistic characters completely desexualized or else over-sexualized in a creepy way (like in Netflix’s Atypical, where the guy doesn’t respect boundaries or consent). While I personally am not a fan of some of the ways they portray Shaun’s sexuality, it is cool that they’re trying to dismantle the usual stereotypes.

Shaun is able to establish meaningful relationships, contrary to a really hurtful stigma about autistic people. His relationship with his brother as a kid, his relationship with Dr. Glassman, and his friendship with Claire are some examples. Something I appreciate about his friendship with Claire is that she doesn’t expect him to make all the effort at communicating her way – she tries to communicate his way, too.

Portraying anti-autistic ableism as a civil rights issue. In the first episode, the discussion around whether an autistic person should be “allowed” to be a surgeon is framed as a civil rights issue – Aaron talks about how not long ago a Black surgeon or a woman surgeon would not have been accepted at the hospital, and it’s likewise bigoted to reject a surgeon simply for being autistic. He notes how the same arguments were used – did they have the emotional control, what would the patients think – to bar women and Black people that the hospital is now using against Shaun.

Do other autistic folks have any thoughts on the pros and cons of autistic representation in The Good Doctor?

[surflove808]

All things “queerbait”, “so gay”, cranky shippers, etc ad infinitum.  Here’s my long-ass essay on why I think it’s destructive to this show and fandom mentality in general.  Part 1 :D

This is going to be sooo long.  Because I am sooo fed up with the bullshit I keep seeing on here.  So, I am going to break this into 2 parts.  Part 1 deals with the show and its FICTIONAL characters.  Part 2 will deal with the actual actors involved in making this show.  I'm pissed because what could have just been supposition and discussion among fans took a wrong turn somewhere, and turned into a forum for bullying and scandalizing the actors/show.  And seeing that even when they try to have a sense of humor about it, or be ingratiating to the fans about it, it always backfires on them....and ultimately, something that should be harmless (a ship) has become a toxic force of nature.

I'm going to give my 2 cents on the most annoyingly common misconceptions that I've seen being used as more can(n)on fodder because if I post and get this reblogged enough, maybe, just maybe... more people can be exposed to a more balanced interpretation.  

My problem is not with the possibility of Dean being gay/bi. My problem is not with Dean and Cas possibly exploring a romantic relationship.  Not at all.   My problem is with the dedicated and rabid group of people that have gone over the top with their harassment on public forums regarding these characters sexuality, and linking it to the real, live human beings that portray them.  Both crossing and blurring lines in a very destructive way, on Tumblr, Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, you name it... This show has so many incredible themes and messages regarding friendship, love, loyalty, trust, perseverance and family and THAT'S your takeaway?   An unhealthy obsession with Dean's sexual preference??

Dean, by virtue of his looks, charisma and personality, has chemistry with almost EVERYONE.  Have you noticed??  The character of Dean is written and portrayed as a naturally charismatic, flirtatious and sensual person.  He wholeheartedly dives into anything that he enjoys.  Eating, hunting, fucking, drinking.  He doesn't seem to really appreciate boundaries or restrictions.  So, what's stopping him from exploring his sexuality with men?  

As far as I can see, the character of Dean as originally conceptualized and executed brilliantly by his frigging creator, Eric Kripke, was then, as you see him now, many things.  But also hetero. He's also accepting, scarred, goofy, resilient, co-dependent, loving, protective, the list goes on and on.  

But what he is NOT and has NEVER been written as, is gay or bi.  And if you have a problem with that, that’s not a flaw in the program you’re watching.  That’s your problem.  If he undergoes character development that radically redefines not only how he sees himself, but how the viewer sees him, after 12 years?  That's a delicate task that I don't envy the writers having to undertake, considering, the only reason they would do that so late in the game, is because they caved to pressure from the "fandom".  And I use quotation marks there because, if you want an iconic character to represent your views?  Write them yourself.  Create them.  But don't try to bully your way into another persons creation.   Here's the kicker.  Out of 264 episodes that have aired so far, and countless canon instances of Dean being hetero.... here are the handful of examples that certain people have latched onto as gospel:

1. Dean and the Siren, season 4, episode 14, Sex and Violence:  I can't tell you how many times I've seen some Jr. detective go "A-HA!  Deans siren was a MAN!  Therefore, he is GAY!"  If you use just a smidge of deductive reasoning and pay attention to the season leading up to this episode, and the description of a siren that was helpfully included in the episode, you could easily and reasonably deduce that because a siren's powers of seduction come from the ability to be ANYTHING to ANYONE and be that persons greatest desire.... that it makes sense for the siren to take the form of a cool, non-judgemental, trustworthy younger brother-type who has the same taste in and love for music that Dean has.  Someone he can relate to.  A peer.

What do you get the man who can have almost any woman that he wants?  

Not a stripper, folks.  

And what does Dean really want?  At this point, he wants a brother who trusts his experience and instincts.  A  brother that he can trust.  A brother who doesn't feel like a complete stranger.  A friend, for fucks sake.  It's not implied.  It's not a theory.  It's literally written and discussed IN THE EPISODE, people.  Move on.

2.  Dean and Gunnar Lawless, season 11, episode 15, Beyond the Mat: If you know any guys who are into sports or bands, and have never seen them go batshit fanboy over one of their sports or music heroes...then you just haven't spent enough time with them on their turf.  

3.  Deans "gay thing", season 8, episode 13, Everybody Hates Hitler: If you've never been hit on when you weren't expecting it, especially by someone you weren't expecting it from, I could see why you couldn't comprehend his behavior.  If you HAVE, you were probably flustered by it. Probably didn't react as smoothly as you thought you would, amiright?  I know I haven’t.

It seemed he was flattered, but didn't know what to do with himself.  If he were bi/gay, and attracted to the possibility of a no-strings hookup with a willing and  anonymous stranger... a blow-and-go in the mens room, for example... I think Dean could/would have easily pursued it, based on his hit rate thus far.  The one area in which he has 100% confidence and zero shame, is sexual conquests. Sam wasn't around.  There was nothing holding him back.  So, aside from being uncertain of how to extricate himself from an awkward situation, and being flustered, I got nothin’.

4.  Dean and Dr.  Sexy, season 5, episode 8, Changing Channels:  Not much to say here.  Dean clearly had a man crush on Dr. Sexy.  Would he have boned him if given the chance?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Ask a guy friend who idolizes Aaron Rogers or Eddie Vedder (for example) if he'd let them stick it in his pooper based on principle alone.  Chances are, that guy friend would probably say "Hall pass!"  If the situation actually presented itself though?  He might just gush over the guy and call it a day.  Who knows?  WE don't.

5.  Dean and Crowley: Again, ask a guy friend if he would share a room and triplets with a buddy if there were no consequences (girlfriend, things getting "weird, etc), and see what he says.  The answer may surprise you.  Maybe I just know a lot of uninhibited, sexy bastards!

6.  Dean and Benny:  Brothers in arms who go through intense combat together can and more often than not, DO form close bonds.  There was nothing in this friendship that even intimated at these two having any sexual or romantic designs on each other, yet.... people still try to make it work.  Bless their hearts.

7.  The Big One:  Dean and Cas:  Dean has had countless opportunities over the years to make a move.  And I DO believe he loves Cas, very much.  Cas clearly loves and admires Dean.  They have been through some serious shit together since day one, that neither Sam nor anyone else can compete with. But some very good advice I heard once, applies here (and this is why the 10-year crush turning into romance in rom-coms is such bullshit):  If someone likes you - you WILL know.  They will make a move.  Or you will.  And neither of you will take 10 + years to do it if there are no barriers (significant other).  And if a move is made and not reciprocated?  It's not because they or you is holding something back.  That's just a lie we tell ourselves.  SOMEONE is just not interested.  

Though I love their dynamic, I'm not a Destiel shipper, but I'm willing to go either way with this one.  I will say, I don't by any stretch of the imagination think the writers, actors or directors are 'queerbaiting", though.  That's like accusing a crush of leading you on when it was really in your head the whole time. Their chemistry is incredible.  But from what I've seen with my eyes, in the actual episodes, his relationship with Cas does not say unrequited love, sexual attraction or romance.  However, if I went by the slowed-down, out-of-context gifs that are prevalent on Tumblr, I could see where people get the idea.  And because these are two men who love, admire and respect each other and sometimes bicker like an old married couple, I suppose that makes them different than us and our best friends, somehow?  This makes me sad, because this is a unique show, in that it deeply explores mens relationships with one another (because they're human beings too), and they just can't do that without a group of immature people giggling behind their backs in the hallways because intimacy is so intimidating that it must be mitigated by making fun of it or spreading nonsensical theories about it.  Right?

Small wonder that heteronormative men, as a general rule, have so much social conditioning and shame to wade through when it comes to expressing love and care for their same-sex friends and family.  (Yes, men have problems too.  Not as many as us, by a long shot.  But this is one of them) 

You see, menfolk are expected to behave in a manfolk way, and if their behavior isn’t within the traditional and narrowly defined parameters as “hetero male”, they face the perceived stigma that accompanies “coming out”, which involves the very real fears of supposition, persecution, politicizing, backlash, gossip, undermining. etc.

This show has taken many chances.  And they’re not afraid to write for and represent LGBTQ characters.  But Chuck forbid that emotionally resonant, well-written, vulnerable and emotional male characters exist AND allow them to be straight.  Unthinkable!  And that snarky, gossipy, “tee-hee” mentality is just what enforces rigid gender roles on men and women in the 1st place.  Every post I see that giggles about Cas and Dean being gay for each other because....gifs...just throws us back 50 years.  Your words do have meaning, people.

If you want to know what you can do to pave the way for LGBTQ representation in entertainment and the world at large?  Take the small step of acknowledging that same sex characters can feel the same range of emotions that you do for your same sex friends.  Can have sustained eye contact.  Can love one another, and can tenderly care for one another without you sexualizing it, fantasizing about it and policing it.  I’m asking you to think about this, because this way of thinking affects everyone.  Gay, straight, etc. 

Season 1 Sam and Dean:  Hetero.  Sam in an LTR at beginning, Dean with potential to re-enter his relationship with Cassie.  

This show was marketed towards males in the 18-24 demographic, but curiously, more women are interested in these boys and their story.  Because they’re allowed to care without judgement.  Ahem.

 *As seasons go by...*  Clearly, judging by the polls and hate mail...neither brother can ever have or sustain a romantic relationship with a woman.  EVER again!*  And it as been widely acknowledged by the cast and producers that the fans don’t want to see the Winchesters spend too much time with what they deem as a threatening female.

Why do you think Castiel was even allowed to make it this far?  Sure, he’s an amazing character.  But if it were Anna who dragged Dean from Hell and ultimately stuck around?  Yeah, no.  That was never gonna happen.  

Basically, these fuckers can’t win.  If they’re hetero and stay hetero, that’s a bad thing.  If their characters do a 180 to please the most vocal (unfortunately) fans - then they’re caving in to pressure.

Either way, I think it's safe to say, us fans are ultimately invested (I hope) in these characters achieving happiness, wherever they find it.  And personally, I'll be happy either way.  But seeing this hyperbolic, over the top bullshit online that this crew are queerbaiting, etc...and that "If Destiel isn't made canon, I'm gonna do X,Y,Z..." is disgusting to me.  

The musings, wishful thinking and conspiracy theories are one thing.  And that's perfectly fine.  I’ve got nothin but love for fanficiton writers!  But drawing parallels and conclusions from some of the flimsiest crumbs available, and using that limited intel to cajole, threaten, bash and attempt to shame the actors, the crew, and the producers who work their asses off to bring us this amazing show, is pretty fucking shitty in my opinion.

These aren't public servants, guys.  We're not paying them to make this show.  If you want to know how a show on the CW gets funded and made - google it.  If you want to know how much of a time crunch/pressure cooker situation the writers are working in, not to mention the entire team in order to produce 23 episodes per season....again, google it.   And then tell me how they're able to not only craft compelling episodes and cram so much storyline, exposition, dialogue, character development, arc support, scheduling, casting, art direction, stunt coordination, set design, etc ad infinitum into each and every week, and STILL have time to drop easter eggs, and "queerbait"....

Just.  To.  Fuck.  With.  You.  And undermine LGBTQ efforts at representation? They are very kind and loyal to their fans.  And we DON'T OWN THEM.  If you don't like what you're seeing, don't watch.  But for fucks sake - do the fandom and yourselves a favor and direct your crusade towards ACTUAL threats to LBGTQ freedoms and rights.

Here's a list of places to lend support (to name a few): Family Equality Council Human Rights Campaign GLAD PFLAG Transgender Law Center Your local congressman, FFS

Rant over.  If you made it this far, thank you.  I owe you a fruit basket!  And feel free to engage, put me on blast if you want.  Let's have a discussion.  But if you agree with me at all, please reblog this.... just to give some folks another point of view.  

Blanket statement for those who are offended and have already called me an “asshole”, etc on their own tags:

1.  This is NOT by any stretch of the imagination an anti-shipper or anti-Destiel post.  I clearly stated that I don't have a problem with either.  And if it happened organically in the show, as opposed to under pressure?  More power to them.  And I do adore Castiel.

2.  This is NOT an anti-LGBTQ post.  Again, clearly stated throughout the post.

3.  This is NOT and never was anti-headcanon post.  We all have headcanons to some degree.   And If anyone wants to step up and tell me not to support an organization that's doing good work, just because I sunk their battleship... they can suck it.  I also belong to some of these organizations, and I'm pretty sure they're not as invested in your headcanon as you are.  And thejabberwock, I still admire your insights and posts, but am bummed that you missed the damn point of mine entirely.  Per your request, I have removed your association from the original post.

4.  This IS an anti-harassment post, directed at individuals who have taken this ship so far, that they've tainted the word and the concept for almost everyone else with their shitty, pushy behavior.  If this describes you?   I'm happy to have offended you.

5.  This IS an anti-ignorance post, directed at individuals who are presented with facts and reliable data from the writers, the actors and the episodes themselves, yet refuse to acknowledge anything out of their own headcanon.  Who insist on "knowing the truth" and using that arrogance to try to *Out* the characters, *Out* the actors and use threats and insults towards anyone who disagrees.  If you thought I was talking to you directly, after reading that?  I probably was.

6.  This IS an anti-misinformation campaign post aimed at clearing up some common misconceptions.

Lastly, reading comprehension is really crucial here.  I know it was a lot to read, I apologize for that. But if you're skimming through and picking and choosing something to be offended over, and continuing to feel personally persecuted regardless of whether or not that's the reality... rather than reading and understanding the entire message?  Well, there's nothing more I can say or do.  

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior Home Edition May 1, 2020 – THE WRETCHED, VANILLA, DEERSKIN, BULL

Just think...  this weekend would have been the start of the summer box office with Marvel’s Black Widow before COVID came along. Now, we’re waiting for anywhere from two to three months or longer for the next big studio release in movie theaters with so many other “big” movies already being dumped to digital.

This is yet another week with no movies in theaters unless you’re in driving distance to a drive-in (i.e. you have a car), but at least we have some great stuff to watch at home, including a few virtual film festivals and virtual cinemas.

The first major disaster brought on by the advent of COVID-19 was the cancellation of the annual SXSW Festival in Austin. The movie that was supposed to open the fest, Judd Apatow’s The King of Staten Island, starring Pete Davidson, was supposed to open SXSW in March and then play Tribeca earlier this month, but Universal reported earlier this week that it was going to release it via digital download on June 12, the same day it was going to get a theatrical release.

Amazon has teamed with SXSW to screen 39 projects, including seven features, that will screen free of charge on Amazon from April 27 through May 6. The four narrative features available are the British-Bulgarian dramedy Cat in the Wall from Mina Mileva and Vesela Kazakova, which is being compared to Ken Loch’s I, Daniel Blake. There’s also the Guatemalan romance Gunpowder Heart, the French period film Le Choc du Futur and the French sci-fi anthology, Selfie.  The docs being offered are Karen Bernstein’s I’m Gonna Make You Love Me is described as “Fellini meets Motown” about one man’s search for self-acceptance, while Matt Riddlehoover’s My Darling Vivian about Johnny Cash’s first wife, Vivian Liberto, who gave the country singer four daughters. Last up is Alex Lee Moyer’s TFW no GW, a doc about the state of isolation, rejection and alienation that we all seemed to be feeling these days. There will also be a ton of shorts available that you can learn more about at The Hollywood Reporter.

The second weekend of the Virtual Oxford Film Festival will launch a few more feature premieres, as well as a virtual panel and the Fest Forward collection of experimental films. First up, on Friday, May 1 is a panel called “Creating Black Stories in Mississippi” at noon central time, and if you’re interested in that, you may want to check out the Mississippi Shorts, Getting to the Root and 70 Years of Blackness, which will now run through May 8, giving you more time to see them. Friday will also see the premieres of Daniel Lafrentz’s crime-drama The Long Shadow, preceded by Will Goss’ short, Sweet Steel. (Hey! I know Will Goss!) There will be a Zoom Q&A for the two movies on Wednesday, May 6, at 6pm Central. Also available Friday is Travis Beard’s doc, Rockabul, which is about the Afghan band District Unknown who fought against the USA’s counter-culture campaign by challenging freedom of expression and youth identify in Kabul with a QnA on May 8 at 8pm central. The Fest Forward Collection includes 8 international animated films from places like Estonia and Egypt, and those will have a virtual QnA on Saturday, May 2, at 1pm Central. (All of these Oxford QnAs and panels are recorded and available to watch for as long as the films are available to watch.)  You can get tickets for all these movies and events on Eventive.

This week’s Featured Film is the Pierce Brothers’ (Brett and Drew Pierce) horror flick, THE WRETCHED (IFC Midnight), which was a nice surprise since I’m not as easy a lay when it comes to horror flicks as other “horror fan” movie writers. The film involves a somewhat quizzical premise that isn’t too apparent as it begins, as we’re not exactly sure what is going on as it begins. It stars John Paul Howard as Ben, a young man living with his father (Jamison Jones), who has separated from Ben’s mother, as the two of them work at the nearby marina over the summer. Ben is immediately picked on and bullied by the locals, but he’s more distracted by the odd behavior of the woman next door (played by Madelyn Stunenkel). I’m not going to go too far into spoiler territory but the premise does involve witchcraft and an ancient evil that’s cropped up in the small town and is causing the disappearance of many small children… maybe… most of their parents seem to forget they have kids as they follow under the spell of the evil Ben’s discovered.

This is just a fantastic little scarer that at times reminded me of the original Fright Night, and I was really impressed with what the Pierce Brothers, first of all by working with a cast of great lesser-known actors, but the visual FX are fantastic and every aspect of the film’s mood and tone is just about perfect. I guess I’ve seen so much low budget horror that doesn’t really match the standards or production values of even some of the smaller-budget Blumhouse movies.

While you may not be near any of the scattered drive-in across the country that will probably be playing the movie, I definitely recommend downloading and/or renting it if you’re a fan of quality horror. The Pierces are extremely talented filmmakers who I’m sure will be doing better things down the road. For me, this is right up there with The Invisible Man, as far as this year’s stronger horror films.

Out now on VOD and Digital is Will Dennis’ quirky road comedy VANILLA (Gravitas Ventures) about a comedian (Kelsea Bauman) who goes on a three-day road trip from New York to New Orleans with an ice cream entrepreneur (Dennis), to sell his van with a questionable past to his ex-girlfriend. Both of them see the trip as a date, of sorts, but they set up a number of rules and boundaries to make the trip work.  It’s a pretty simple premise that’s made more fun by the unique elements Dennis introduces. Vanilla is a sweet, cute romantic movie with two actors appearing in their first movie that reminds me a little of the early work of the Duplass Brothers or Joe Swanberg where there’s a simplicity to the storytelling, but it’s really driven by the wonderful chemistry between the two leads.  It’s kind of amazing how enjoyable this movie is considering the inexperience of both actors, and I hope this gets seen by more people.  This is a wonderful discovery film that I was told played at the Lighthouse International Film Festival in Jersey and the Phoenix Film Festival, just a reminder why film festivals are so important!

Also on VOD and Digital this Friday is Annie Silverstein’s BULL (Samuel Goldwyn), starring Rob Morgan from Mudbound, Just Mercy and Netflix’s Daredevil. Amber Havard plays 14-year-old Kristal, a young troubled girl who is on her way to ending up in jail like her mother. After an incident where Kristal is in danger of going to juvie, she’s given a choice instead to help her next door neighbor, Morgan’s bull rider Abe Turner, with errands around his home. Kris soon discovers her own love for bull riding, as this unlikely relationship grows. I’m a big fan of Rob Morgan as an actor, because his work is highly-underrated, and I do have to say that Bull is a great vehicle for Morgan to have more of a leading role than he normally gets. He shines in that capacity, and Havard does a decent job in their scenes together, even though it’s a far lower key role. Then again, I thought this was a moderately decent indie that covered topics very similar to other movies, including Laure de Clermont-Tonnerre’s The Mustang last year and Chloé Zhao’s The Rider a year earlier.  Unfortunately, the material and especially Silverstein’s writing isn’t up to par with those movies, and it took me a little longer to get into this vs. those other films. Oddly, this will probably be seen by more people due to its VOD release, and that’s fine since I’d love movies like this to find more of an audience even with its pacing issues.

Back in the VOD/digital world, we have a handful of new releases including Quentin (Rubber) Dupieux’s DEERSKIN (“Le Daim”) (Greenwich), which I got a chance to see at Rendezvous with French Cinema back in February before the world came to a screeching halt, and that series ended up also being sidelined. The movie stars Oscar winner Jean Dujardin from The Artist whose obsession with a designer deerskin jacket leads him into a life of crime as he tries to complete his all-deerskin wardrobe. I generally like Dupieux’s weird sense of humor, and though this is less of a genre film than Rubber, it’s an entertaining film as we watch Dujardin’s character get further and further into trouble as he becomes obsessed with making a movie… as well as abolishing the world of all other jackets besides his own. If that sounds weird like a strange premise, then you clearly don’t know Dupieux’s work, and maybe it’s not for you. Deerskin is a movie I fully appreciated, because it was so weird and you never know where it was going, even going into the realm of American Psycho as it went along. Dujardin’s expressive performance was quite fun to watch, plus it it also co-stars Adèle Haenel from Portrait of a Lady on Fire, for those who loved that movie. Again, not for everyone, but if you enjoy Dupieux’s strange filmmaking ethos then Deerskin is another highly original offering.

Film at Lincoln Center’s Virtual Cinema will also be playing Catalan filmmaker Albert Serra’s new film Liberté (Cinema Guild), following it being a selection at the 57th New York Film Festival last year. This one takes place in the 18th century where a group of “bewigged libertines” engage in “pansexual games of pain, torture, humiliation and other dissolute, Sadean pleasure.” Sounds like something that would never play in Middle America if not for being available across the country thanks to this Virtual Cinema. I can’t remember if I saw Serra’s other film, The Death of Louis XIV, but this doesn’t sound like something I would watch unless I had free time at a festival, and clearly, I didn’t have time for this one at least year’s NYFF.

Another foreign film to look out for via virtual cinema is César Diaz’s Belgian-Guatemalan film, Our Mothers (Nuestras Madres) (Outside Pictures), which will be available via Virtual Cinema Friday. Besides being the Belgian entry for the 92nd Academy Awards, it also won the Caméra d’Or at last year’s Cannes, where it premiered during Cannes International Critics Week. It stars Armando Espitia as young anthropologist Ernesto who works for the Forensic Foundation in Guatemala as the country is in the middle of trying the soldiers who began the country’s civil war. Ernesto’s job is to identify the bodies of the missing, including possibly his father whose went missing during the war. The project began as a documentary and then became a narrative film.

Semi-related to the above, Cinema Tropical will be releasing three new genre-breaking films from a new generation of Brazilian directors, the “Cinema Tropical Collection” also done in conjunction with Lincoln Center, beginning with Gabriel Martins and Maurílio’s In the Heart of the World on Thursday, April 30.

Another movie getting a “Virtual Cinema” release (i.e. VOD/Digital) is Alex Rivera and Cristina Ibarra’s “docu-thriller” THE INFILTRATORS (Oscilloscope), which tells the true story of two immigrants who are thrown into a detention center. Marco and Viri are members of the National Immigrant Youth Alliance, a group of young DREAMers who want to put a stop to unjust deportations by being put in detention themselves, a plan that doesn’t go the way they planned. The film cuts between documentary footage of the real “infiltrators” with reenactments of the events inside the detention story, so it’s part documentary and part drama.

Also, Kino Lorber will be releasing Beanpole director Kantemir Balagov’s 2017 debut film, Tesnota (Closeness), virtually on Friday to help assist New York arthouse, Anthology Film Archives. This one is set in 1998 Nalchik in the North Caucasus of Russia and focuses on 24-year-old Jewish girl Ilana who works in her father’s garage, and while celebrating her young brother David’s engagement, he and his fiancée are kidnapped, but the Jewish community won’t go to the police to pay the ransom, so Ilana and her parents have to figure out a way to save them on their own.

STREAMING AND CABLE

Lots of stuff on Netflix this week, including THE HALF OF IT, the new film from Alice Wu, her first movie as as director since her terrific 2004 debut, Saving Face! This one stars Leah Lewis as Ellie Chu, a cash-strapped teen who writes a love to the school’s jock but ends up becoming friends with him and falling for the girl he has a crush on. I haven’t watched it yet to review, but I’m looking forward to it being a nice twist on Netflix’s other teen-oriented romance films.

Ryan Murphy’s second series for Netflix, Hollywood, will debut its first season on Friday, this one co-created with Ian Brennan (Glee, Scream Queens). It takes place in a post-WWII Hollywood and tells the story of a group of actors and filmmakers trying to make it. The cast includes Darren Criss, Patti Lupone, Mira Sorvino, Rob Reiner, Samara Weaving AND Michelle Krusiec, who starred in Alice Wu’s Saving Face! (See how it’s all connecting together?)

Chris Bolan’s documentary A Secret Love, which premieres on Netflix Wednesday, about two women, Pat Henschel and pro baseball player Terry Donahue, who fell in love in 1947 but had to keep that love a secret for 65 years due to the prejudice against lesbians they would have had to face.

Starting on Amazon this Friday is Upload, the new series from Greg Daniels (The Office, Parks and Recreation), with the first season being made up of ten episodes.  It stars Robbie Amell, who I got to interview last year for a small indie sci-fi film called Code 8. This is another dealing with life, death and the afterlife which seems to be a running theme through many series in recent years (such as Miracle Workers and The Good Place). In this one, Amell plays Nathan, a spoiled rich guy who ends up at Upload after a horrifying accident that takes his place, while Andy Allo plays the Upload “angel” assigned to Nathan who has to get him acclimated to his new afterlife. I’ve only watched the first episode of this so far, and it’s okay. I’m curious to see where it goes since it’s not a straight comedy perse like some of Daniels’ other work, and a lot is put on Amell’s shoulders to be funny, and Daniels is working with a lot of lesser-known actors for this one.

On Sunday, Showtime will launch the season debuts of Billions (Season 5) and the first season of Penny Dreadful: City of Angels.

Also, Lionsgate’s free movie offering this Friday is Damien Chazelle’s La La Land, my #1 movie of that year… thanks for nothing, #Schmoonlight!

Next week, more movies and shows not in theaters!

By the way, if you read this week’s column and have bothered to read this far down, feel free to drop me some thoughts at Edward dot Douglas at Gmail dot Com or drop me a note or tweet on Twitter. I love hearing from readers … honest!

[seasonsofreckoningrp-blog]

Congratulations, Bru! You’ve been accepted for the role of Leon Valiente-Gardner. Please make sure to check our checklist, and you have twenty-four hours to send us your character’s blog. We’re really happy to have you in our family!

You had us with the family feels, seeing as both of us will be playing Leon’s siblings. You’ve brought him to life as the selfless and whole-hearted warlock that he is. Family obviously is a big and important factor to him and you’ve touched on his relationship with all three of them, especially with your headcanons about Spencer. It's beautiful how much you understood Leon and found every blank space in his past and filled it up with headcanons.

Introduction

Bru. 27, she/her.

Activity level:

Honestly, I can log on every day for at least one hour or so. My hours are flexible… sometimes my schedule gets crazy, but for the most part, I can log on every day.

Further contact:

[Removed]

How did you find the roleplay?

Magic ~~~. I’m jk. You guys told me about it <3

Roleplay experience:

I’ve been roleplaying for a few years now. I’ve done city roleplays, bio roleplays, oc roleplays, crossovers… I’ve met you both on SoR 1.0 and it’s been a crazy ride ever since. Most of the RPs I’ve been in, have been with Ev so she knows I’m a decent player.

Triggers:

[Removed]

Anything else?

[Removed]

IC INFORMATION

Desired character:

Leon Valiente-Gardner.

Faceclaim:

-

Why did you choose this character?

From day one, I’ve been in love with the idea of Leon and when I finally read his bio, it only made me want to play him even more. First and foremost let me talk about the family connections, which to me, is a huge part of Leon and one of the main reasons why I’m choosing to apply for him. Family is everything to him. It’s the people who’ve made him who he is, it’s the ones the love him the most, unapologetically and unconditionally. There’s nothing that he wouldn’t do if that meant protecting his family. And then we get to Eirene, which is basically like a second family to him. He’s more than happy to help the little ones understand their power and he’s always so eager to learn from the older members of the coven.

To me, he sort of breaks that trope where every popular guy has to be a jerk or a bully. I can see him as the class’ president, fighting for everyone’s place in the school, always trying to do better and to be better. He’s so filled with life and knowledge that it’s impossible not to feel drawn to him. I feel like people are drawn to both twins, but since Leon is the one who’s more in sync with people while Lena is in sync with herself and the nature around them, they tend to flock to him more often. The fact that he’s an empath also, is something that I’d love to explore because someone who can feel other people’s emotions and be able to ease the hard ones or to increase the good ones, but doesn’t really know how to handle their own emotions is definitely something interesting.

Leon is very diplomatic. He loves being around people and he loves hearing what they have to say, even if sometimes he might end up not agreeing with them. Besides, I think that being around people helps him escape his own mind and how much of a dangerous place it can be. The way he’s always putting others in front of himself is also another way of escaping his own thoughts, because the more he cares and worries about others, the less time he gets to spend alone with his own insecurities and the duality living in him. He always has a smile on his face to match his upbeat attitude, because if people don’t see the cracks beneath the surface, they won’t give up on their cause, which is peace no matter what. If he manages to stay strong for everyone’s sake, then he’ll have done his job.

There are two sides of Leon: one that he lets people see… the popular, friendly guy. The man who’s always there, offering you either a shoulder to cry on or some advice. The boy  with the childish grin who’s grown into a leader of his own people without overstepping Cassidy’s boundaries, the one who doesn’t want this war to get any worse. For the most part, he’s this light-hearted young man, who lights up the room with his attitude and his kindness; but every up has its down and then there’s the part no one ever sees… the ambitious, reserved and quiet man who’s struggling to put his pieces back together and who would love more than anything than to see his brother’s killers not getting away with what they’ve done. His soul, he feels has broken ever since Spencer’s death, and while he’s been trying to mend himself up, sometimes tempting thoughts end up creeping their way up to the back of his mind, leaving Leon to fight his demons by himself. I personally love those shades of grey in him. The struggle to keep himself together, because others need him, even though he’s falling apart.

Para sample:

Run.

It was like he couldn’t breathe. His mind was playing tricks again, giving him images of happy times with Spencer, only to have them taken away from him in a blink of an eye. His nightmares were usually bad whenever he felt like his energy had been drained, but this time it had happened after spending some time with Pari and even in his dream, Leon was confused. The darkness was closing in, making his heart race and making it harder for him to breathe. With a jolt, he was awake. His chest was heaving, the air coming in cold into his lungs as he pulled it with some strength. Leon blinked a couple of times, removing the pillow from its position behind him and pressing it to his face, screaming into it, as if it would help him get rid of the dark energy that still clung to his body just like his sweaty t-shirt that he had slept in, did.

As he lowered the pillow, he could’ve sworn he had seen a figure by the window, which prompted him to turn his bedside lamp on, but there was nothing there. Was he going crazy? No… not yet. With a quick jerk of his head, Leon climbed out of bed and hopped into the shower, hoping the jets would relax his muscles and empty out his mind so he could go back to sleep. After changing his sheets, watching as some droplets of water had marked his bed with wet dots, Leon still wasn’t tired enough, so he paid a quick visit to the kitchen, where, surprisingly, he found Cassidy munching on some fruit while reading on a book. As unexplainable as it was, Leon was immediately invaded with this sense of comfort just by the mere sight of his sister.

“Can’t sleep?” He offered them a smile as he pressed a kiss on their rosy cheek. His gaze was still on them, waiting for a reply as he moved through the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of juice, then joining them at the table. “Anything I can do?” His questions had two meanings: one, it meant to help Cassidy as a member of their coven, as a brother; and the other, it meant helping them as an empath. When Cassidy shook their head, thanking for the offer but denying it, claiming they had gotten distracted reading a book, Leon knew better than to push it. People didn’t like being forced to speak when they didn’t feel like doing so, besides, their expressions and manners didn’t read as a lie.

He offered them a smile, warm and comforting, before motioning his head towards the living room. “Since we’re both here and we both can’t sleep, how about we watch some TV? It’s not like I have an early class tomorrow.” And he also didn’t feel like meditating either. Deep down, deeply rooted inside him, resided some kind of fear of poking this darkness that sometimes haunted his dreams. This eagerness for power, the craving for more than it had been gifted him… he feared that by trying to understand it, Leon would open the door to something so crude and ugly, that would make him see himself as a completely different person, and you know—he liked who he was. He actually did.

An offer had been made and an offer had been accepted, which made him move to the living room, getting comfortable as Cassidy joined him on the couch. The house felt so silent this evening. If Spencer was still alive and awake, he would’ve wanted for them to watch some old cartoon, like Johnny Quest or Thundercats. Something colorful and lively. Something that would make everyone’s auras just a shade warmer. Remembering Spencer had always felt bittersweet to him. Out of everyone, Leon had always had this notion that he had felt Spencer’s loss the most, although it wasn’t like him to undermine or to think less of other people’s pain. Everyone in the family felt the blow. Everyone was still trying to make through the days.

Steps coming from behind the couch brought him back to the present as he felt his twin’s presence in the room. Was it possible that everyone had had trouble sleeping that night? “We’re about to watch that Nicole Kidman movie where she’s witch.” His childish grin was plastered on his face as Leon followed Lena with his gaze. “Do you want to join us? It always makes us laugh.”

Maybe this was exactly what he wanted to recharge his energies, some quality time with his family, watching some silly movie about witches, picking apart all the differences between what they were watching and what was actually real. He had hope that the next day would be better… for him, for his soul, for everyone in that island. That was all he could do, right? Hope.

EXTRA

Personality traits:

+ SELFLESS

+ DIPLOMATIC

+ CHARISMATIC

- COMPLEX

- PASSIVE

- SELF-SACRIFICING

Headcanons:

I. SPENCER: He visits Spencer’s grave every week. When his younger sibling was still alive, they were often found together, sharing stories and laughing about most things. Leon enjoyed teaching Spencer little fun facts about historical figures and watch as his brother would always come back, eager to learn more, so ever since his death, every week Leon picks a day out of random, usually when he’s feeling drained out and goes to the cemetery and has a quick chat with his brother’s grave, often sharing something new that he’s learned about this or that person. It’s a way to keep him grounded and sane, to make him feel like he’s still there.

II. LANGUAGES: Ever since he was young, Leon’s been walking around with his head stuffed in books. He’s taught himself Latin as a young teenager, which made it a lot easier for him to understand the ancient spells written in those old grimoires. During high school, fascinated by the myths, he’s learned Greek, just for the sake of learning something new. His eternal seek for knowledge also led him to learn how to speak French and Spanish during his time at Yale, and recently, he’s picked up on learning German, too.

III. NIGHTMARES: As an empath, you’re bound to let people’s emotions influence your aura somehow and it isn’t different with Leon. Sometimes, when he’s overwhelmed, he can feel his body physically tired, but unable to have a peaceful sleep. Emotions are tricky things and in Moon Island, they tend to be fickle and all over the place. The mix of his gift with his inner struggles often result in him suffering with vivid nightmares that wake him up in the middle of the night struggling for air. They don’t happen often and they definitely don’t pose a problem in his life… yet.

IV. RELATIONSHIPS AND SEXUALITY: Leon considers himself demisexual. While he has no preference towards genders, he cares little about sex itself. He’d rather connect with people first, to get to know them before they even begins feeling sexually attracted to them. He loves the nightlife in Moon Island as much as the next person and connecting with people is one of the best feelings for him, so whenever he finds someone who connects with him in that level, he wants to commit to them. So Leon’s had a few relationships in the past, some more meaningful than others, but all have taught him something. I’m not sure if people feel intimidated by the fact that he’s a Valiente-Gardner and that could be some kind of obstacle when it comes to being in a relationship with him. Lots of people don’t want the kind of responsibility that entails dating someone like him, so that could be a problem. I know that Leon’s last names weight a lot on his shoulders, he’s got huge shoes to fill, but I also think he tries his best to make people see him as more than just someone with important parents.

V. EXERCISING: Since his powers are abstract, Leon’s type of training consist mostly on keeping his body healthy and ready to defend him in case he needs to. Besides going to the gym, he does boxing classes and swims in his spare time, but also, doesn’t mind joining Helena in a yoga or meditation session whenever he feels like his mind’s getting too heavy.

I had a tag for him but I just realized that the hyphen isn’t letting the other posts show and now I’m sad. But I made a mockblog even though is not as pretty as I’d like it to be. HERE.

[rickhorrow]

10 TO WATCH/5 SPORTS TECH/POWER OF SPORTS: Mayors Edition OCTOBER 1

with Tanner Simkins

As America’s political discourse marks its ugliest, most combative moments in our modern history, MLB is once again working with ESPN on its Shred Hate bullying prevention campaign. According to SportsBusiness Daily, the league has enlisted many of the sport’s biggest stars for a pair of new postseason PSAs. One spot highlights last year’s World Series MVP George Springer, a victim of childhood bullying due to his stuttering long before he joined the Astros. A second spot features stars Mike Trout, Mookie Betts, Javier Baez, Justin Verlander, Aaron Judge, Francisco Lindor, Nolan Arenado, and Sean Doolittle. The spots also coincide with October being National Bullying Prevention Month. The PSAs will run throughout the month on multiple ESPN and MLB platforms. “We’ve seen good progress with this initiative thus far, but we knew that utilizing players like this was where we could really elevate this program’s potential,” said MLB VP and Special Assistant to the Commissioner Billy Bean. “This is a really important message, something that’s very personal for me, and the players have done a great job lending their voices to it and giving power to that message.”

As baseball’s best prepare for the pennant races, the sport’s minor leagues are making fun plans. Minor League Baseball has announced an expanded roster of 72 teams that will participate in its “Copa de la Diversión,” or “Fun Cup,” a season-long event series in 2019. The cornerstone of MiLB's U.S. Hispanic/Latino fan engagement initiative, "Copa de la Diversión" established an innovative new platform connecting MiLB teams with their diverse communities, embracing the culture and values that resonate most with Hispanics and Latinos nationwide. From adopting culturally-relevant on-field personas – such as the Albuquerque Isotopes transforming into the "Mariachis de Nuevo México," – to integrating more local flavor into game day experiences, the 33 teams that dedicated 167 games as "Copa de la Diversión"-designated events reported a 12.6% attendance increase compared to similar game dates in 2017. Retail sales of “Copa”-specific licensed merchandise via MiLB ballparks’ team stores and MiLB teams’ online stores far exceeded participating teams’ preseason goals, with sales projected to be more than 500% higher than pre-campaign estimates. MiLB will report final "Copa de la Diversión" results at the Baseball Winter Meetings in Las Vegas this December.

When it comes to the booming market of corporate sponsorships for sports in North America, companies are looking past ROI to justify a potential investment. According to JohnWallStreet and the World Advertising Research Center (WARC), companies will spend a whopping $65.8 billion (+4.9% YoY, $24.2 billion spent in North America) on sponsorship deals this year — most of them coming from sports — though research revealed that merely 19% of the 500 corporate sponsorship executives surveyed indicated that they had a way to measure returns on their sponsorship investments. Of those interviewed, 73% said that brand awareness, not ROI, was the main point of a sponsorship. Apart from the 19% that calculate ROI, 37% of the executives are monitoring the sponsorship’s impact, “often with a form of digital or social media analysis.” One name that consistently remains one of the most visible brands in sports sponsorship in Anheuser-Busch, a company that has begun using “incentive-laden contracts, as opposed to signing long-term pacts with fixed fees, for its pro sports partnerships."  

Houston Rockets Owner Tillman Fertitta is poised not to let high luxury taxes stop him from building a championship team. According to the Houston Chronicle, the Rockets will enter the new NBA season with the club’s highest payroll in franchise history — roughly $143 million. In buying the club back in 2017 for $2.2 billion Fertitta showed off his deeps pockets, but excessive spending on players without winning a championship is not a viable  business plan due to the "punitive nature of the NBA's rules for teams repeatedly paying luxury taxes.” “We're in it a lot this year,” said Fertitta of the luxury tax. “It's a horrible hindrance. It's just brutal. You can take $5 million and look up and it cost you $20 million.” Under league rules, teams that have been in the luxury tax for three out of four years are put in the repeater tax, resulting in heavy fines to be paid. At the same time, the businessman stated that he is committed to winning above anything and that he is “not going to let five or 10 or 15 or 20 million dollars make the difference.”

Seattle continues its push to secure an NHL franchise after the city council unanimously approved of a $700 million renovation of KeyArena. According to JohnWallStreet, the iconic arena’s redevelopment is expected to begin within the next 60 days with the hope of having it completed in time for the 2020-2021 season. The David Bonderman/Jerry Bruckheimer Group still has to present the city’s formal bid to become the NHL’s 32nd franchise; approval is expected from the league’s executive committee on October 2, but a formal vote will not come before December. Despite not yet being formally announced, the city is eagerly waiting for hockey in the Pacific Northwest. The David Bonderman/Jerry Bruckheimer Group received more than 33,000 deposits (at $500 or $1,000) for season ticket packages the day they went on sale. As the largest U.S. market without a winter pro sports franchise, Seattle seems poised to finally get a hockey team.

Colin Kaepernick is the face of Nike’s new “Just Do It” advertising campaign, but he was almost dropped by the company last summer following a huge internal debate. According to the New York Times, Kaepernick’s political activism and protesting has made him a controversial topic in the professional football and for affiliated sponsors. After discussing whether or not to drop the former San Francisco 49ers quarterback, “Nike concluded that backing Kaepernick made good business sense despite the risk of angering the NFL.” Nike Executive Vice President & Chief Communications Officer Nigel Powell was in favor of keeping Kaepernick on the payroll, convincing employees that the company would receive more backlash if it was seen as “siding with the NFL rather than Kaepernick.” Not only did Nike elect to resign him, but they chose to make his face the center of its anniversary marketing campaign.

The FA has agreed to terms on a deal to sell Wembley Stadium in London to Jacksonville Jaguars Owner Shahid Khan. According to the Financial Times, the sale will go for $790 million, though it is still subject to a “critical vote” within the country’s soccer governing body. FA CEO Martin Glenn and Chair Greg Clarke "are seeking unanimity from the board to proceed." But a minority representing the amateur game "are yet to indicate their support," according to people close to the talks. The FA is trying to take emotion out of the equation and make this a true business decision, as some important figures with voting rights have “may be voting with pure emotion.” Limitations have been imposed on the transaction to help preserve Wembley’s magic, such as restricting Khan from renaming the stadium or adding a corporate title sponsor. The FA will also hold certain buy-back rights and will have the power to veto any sponsor associated with the stadium.

Twitch is banned by the Chinese government. According to John Wall Street, the San Francisco based social video game platform was exiled late last month after the August Asian Games led to a download rate 23 times higher than normal for the app. This high download count was due to the esports competition not being broadcast on either state television or domestic gaming live streaming platforms. In the weeks following the ban, the Chinese government removed the service from the Chinese Apple App store and access to the company’s website has been blocked on the mainland. Twitch still heavily underperformed other Chinese domestic social video game competitors such as Douyu, YY, and Huya, all of which have tens of millions of active monthly users. The main assumption for these restrictions on Twitch is that Chinese authorities are unable to control the chat function within the service. Foreign media companies will continue to push the boundaries in China – meanwhile, this ban eliminates a massive Chinese gaming market for Twitch.

ESPN’s new sports business show “The Boardroom” will partner with Kevin Durant’s Thirty Five Media. The show will air on ESPN+, the company's April-debuted streaming service, and will be hosted by ESPN’s Jay Williams. According to Deadline, the six-episode series features Jordan Schultz as a correspondent and will become one of the many pieces in ESPN+ lineup which has already attracted more than one million subscribers. The show’s goal is to bring fans behind the scenes of the modern business office and showcase the evolution of sports business through the minds of athletes, sports executives and tech moguls. The Golden State Warrior star and his business partner, Rich Kleiman, will also make regular appearances and serve as the show’s executive producers. Durant has established himself as someone who can play on the court, however the next step in growing his business profile off the court will start by running “The Boardroom.”

Grand Prix of Sonoma Verizon IndyCar Series weekend raises more than $76,000. According to the Argus-Courier, the fundraising at the IndyCar event-filled weekend raised money for the Sonoma Chapter of Speedway Children’s Charities which has distributed more than $6 million to its nonprofit groups since 2001. The INDYCAR Grand Prix Salute kicked off the Verizon IndyCar Series Championship weekend at Andretti Winery in Napa with the Michael Andretti Foundation partnering to host the event. The evening included a star-studded lineup with a question-and-answer session featuring Andretti Autosport drivers Ryan Hunter-Reay, 2016 Indianapolis 500 winner Alexander Rossi, Rossi’s teammates Patricio O’Ward and Zach Veach – sponsored by Group1001 – and three generations of Andrettis: Mario, Michael, and Marco. The weekend totaled more than $60,000 for SCC and the next event will be the 15th annual Classic Sports Racing Group Charity Challenge October 5-7. Over the past 14 years, CSRG has donated $910,000 to SCC through the Charity Challenge race weekend.