#(to balance the usual filth haha)

[stingslikeabee]

Magnifico clicked his tongue thoughtfully and waved a hand. That dismissed the last of the staff members who were assisting him in the wine cellar, which was currently also serving as a sort of general storage of all of the hotel's spirits. The legendary party to ring in the New Year was only days away, and it was up to the self - named King to approve the drinks that would be offered.

After the scurrying footsteps were gone, Magnifico turned toward the last individual left with him. He smiled pleasantly for his wife. As always, she had exquisite taste ; the proposed menu, spread out before him in sparkling glasses, was exceptional. It would certainly live up to the memory of festivities past.

"You have a remarkable talent for this," Magnifico said, nodding smartly. "I'm sure our guests will very much enjoy indulging themselves on your selections."

After a moment, the manager reached out. He laid a hand gently on Melissa's rounded belly. Their first child moved beneath his palm. "I'm sorry you cannot do the same, mi vida. If only she had been a Christmas baby." Magnifico chuckled. His brilliant eyes flicked across the room, to his private stash that was never included in the official inventory.

" — but that is alright. Let her be safe in there, for a little longer. Besides, I have something special for our private celebration after she arrives. Did I ever tell you, Melissa ?? The champagne that we used to toast at our wedding . . . it was such a delicious small batch and so special afterwards that I couldn't resist. I tracked down every bottle left in the world and stashed them here, under our palace. " Magnifico drew his hand down, placed it on Melissa's hip, and sighed. Underneath the edge of his collar glittered the expensive chain that held his own mementos for their growing family.

"I'll open the next one the minute you ask."

unscripted asks . always accepting

It was remarkable how Melissa's reactions to the flattery offered in return for her job had changed over the years. As soon as the Continental traded hands, the concierge had been arrogant to the point of rudeness - of course she was splendid; the place would have burned down if she stepped away for five minutes considering the inexperienced management.

But now, after marrying the same man she once called 'impossible' and 'the bane of her existence'? The woman smiled pleasantly, and basked in the warm, soothing feeling of being appreciated. It was true that making the right selection of wine for such an important night and considering the menu to be offered was something Melissa took pride in, but even more so with Magnifico's approval.

At his following words and affectionate touch, the concierge smiled and joined him - palm over palm, both calmly experiencing the joy of new life in a world surrounded by so much death. A conscious choice to create a legacy and one that Melissa would fight like something feral to protect - but no longer alone. The manager's joke about the slightly delayed birth date was shared by his wife; but the revelation of just what type of bottles had filled his private storage area left the brunette speechless.

"Nicolás..." the true name of the man escaped under murmured breath, eyes scintillating under the subdued light of the cellar with a mixture of wonder and incredulity which eventually combined into fond resignation. But of course he had done it - it was just his style. Money meant nothing to someone in possession not only of a coin press but fortune like his; sourcing every bottle of that particular Dom Pérignon vintage should have been just another menial job for his exquisite tastes.

Melissa's right hand moved up, finding Magnifico's face and brushing a thumb over his cheek fondly; it dropped to the neck then, followed by the honeyed gaze of a content mother and wife, anxious and happy whenever she looked at his growing collection of pendants for his most precious treasures. Not gold in a vault, not this time - but the three of them and the future children they had talked about, if all went well.

A fitting legacy for a king and his queen.

"I cannot wait until the doctors clear me for that toast, my darling. Our wedding night was one of the best of my life - I would never refuse another sip of that champagne," the woman chuckled, moving in closer to press a kiss to his lips and enlace him around the neck. But, unlike their own special day when vows were exchanged, the embrace was much less intense in light of the daughter to-be-born in-between their bodies.

"You are impossible, my love," Melissa chuckled at long last, still reeling from his confession about the flamboyant gesture in selfishly keeping all that champagne for themselves. She would have thought him silly and insecure for it before - but now?

"And I adore you for it."

Melissa would kill (and die) for him.

[bonny-kookoo]

Oooohhh for Bonny-meter, what scale do you think each member would be on for more enjoying giving oral, or receiving?

Another spicy one, alright haha I haven't been writing much filth these days I just noticed?

PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THAT THIS IS SIMPLY FUN SPECULATION, NOT ACTUAL ANALYSIS OR FACTS.

⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅

Kim Namjoon

Giving ━━━━━━━━━━━♥━━━━━━ Receiving

Wouldn't shy away from giving, but knows he tends to be a bit clumsy with it. Not one to demand it, but would suggest frequently to receive oral from you, if you've made it known that you're up for it/don't mind it. Wouldn't try and convince you if you don't like giving. Does however enjoy a good blow job any day of the week.

Kim Seokjin

Giving ━━━━━━━━━━━♥━━━━━━ Receiving

Would keep giving it to special occasions as to not have you get used to it. It's not like he doesn't want to, he's just pretty romantic and will really only have any sexual encounter inside his bedroom or maybe the couch in the living room. Enjoys and accepts any offer of you to give oral to him any day.

Min Yoongi

Giving ━━━━━♥━━━━━━━━━━━━ Receiving

Enjoys giving rather than receiving for the simple fact that it's not just a sexual act to him, but a way to feel back in control if things feel like they slip through his fingers. He's messy and desperate with it, and just needs to have you become absolutely boneless under his hands and mouth to feel like he's still capable, so to say. Will occasionally let you give him a blow job, but is honestly not too into it.

Jung Hoseok

Giving ━━━━━━━━♥━━━━━━━━━ Receiving

We love a neutral king. He's an experimentalist when it comes to sex, so he'd find a way to make the act of giving or receiving oral new and exciting every single time. From holding your hair one time to having you bound to the bed the next while he goes down on you instead, he's one eager to keep the balance of giving and receiving equal. Doesn't have a preference which one he enjoys because he controls both scenarios.

Park Jimin

Giving ━━━━━━━━♥━━━━━━━━━ Receiving

Another one in the middle of the scale. Jimin, in mu humble opinion, is a sensual person who craves to get absolutely lost in pleasure. He wants both you and him to have absolutely no thoughts other than each other- so if you give him oral, he will absolutely return the favor. Very slow with it, involves your whole body in it by keeping his hands moving over your skin wherever he can reach. Will also touch you when you're going down on him- gently moving your hair out of your face, or holding your cheek.

Kim Taehyung

Giving ━━━━━━━━━━━♥━━━━━━ Receiving

Gives everything he has to offer when going down on you, but also takes what he can when you go down on him. He loves you giving him oral just a bit more because he's very spontaneous with things- which usually means that you'll end up sucking him off in his studio or similar quickie-style before he has to go to his next schedule, and sometimes that leads to him forgetting to return the favor. But other than that, he's pretty neutral about it.

Jeon Jungkook

Giving ━━♥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ Receiving

Listen, he's got one huge problem and that is his lack of patience. He likes you giving him oral, he really does, but he also likes to be hands-on and inside you way too much as well. He won't really want to cum from oral himself because he secretly fears that it'd snatch his stamina away and lead to him not performing his best for you after- and he's really only ever satisfied with sex if you're both absolutely exhausted after it.

[love-and-bubbles]

I love food as well!! I am just thankful that I do not have to worry about my body going crazy in size when I stuffed it with absolutely loads of carbs, meat and spices. I am currently going through the restaurants in my city and discovering which one of them are serving me the best asian’s cuisines. I love spicy foods, like wow. Best thing that humans have ever discovered and moulded since the beginning of time.

I love how wordy you got with the details of how you make your hot chocolate. I have to try how you make yours! It sounds so good. Also the vanilla oat milk is something I have to try too.

My process might be too unhealthy for you but I usually just do this:

Get a cup, put in like 3 or 5 little square of dark chocolates from a block of at least 79% dark chocolates.

Put a spoon or two of condensed milk on top of it.

A spoon (the big one) of sugar.

And just pour a boiling water from the machine too.

And that’s how I make them!!

Well, I am excited to read your long works. I am regularly checking new works when I get the time. I knew instantly that you were european with the choices of words on your first step and your choices of ingredients. It’s too fancy for an american.

I would love to travel and see europe with my own eyes one day. I surely know what you mean. What do you like most about Europe. Tell me more about it and how you see them.

I am currently in the southern hemisphere (specifics — you would know after the gift day because I am too loud with my location and you’d figured out right away who I am.) Haha. I surely love it here. So much better from my original country. So diverse in terms of people, food, and just everything.

The meaningless—shallow fanfics I was talking about were just pure fluff, and filth, absolutely filth separately. A lot of people in this fandom seems to be so in love with porn fics that I just get random notifications about them and they have the highest read counts. lol

I have one that I always say, which I am pretty vocal about it, so someone might figured out it’s me but it’s “Dancing with the Devil” by Corsetbriefs. (It’s a translation from someone) but that work is just utter perfection. After the gift day, I will tell you more and send you an entire lists. How about you?

We all need a hug from a stranger every now and then. Lord knows I need it now more than ever. (If by chance I accidentally send you an anon ask where I forgot to put it anon, let’s just pretend that that never happened. lol)

I also can eat everything without changing shape a lot, and I used to stuff my face with pastries and chocolate and fatty stuff. But now I have this goal to turn very old and live a long life so I am more conscious of what I eat. But I would never restrict myself so that it feels like a punishment, a good balance is key. I would looove to go to more restaurants, but they are expensive and I am so used to cooking I sometimes forget it's an option. But I got sushi on the weekend. Spicy food absolutely kills me. I am weak like that :D. It just makes fluids run out of the holes of my face. I've got a bit better over the last years, but still. I love Mexican food and Indian cuisine so I got to build a tolerance but it's a bit of a war every time.

I love how you use condensed milk and dark chocolate for your hot chocolate. That sounds like an amazing combination. And you know sometimes I indulge so you never now.

Hahahaha I love how I am a fancy, bit pretentious European. I guess I can't help myself. I love the diversity of Europe for sure. You said that's one of the things that you like about where you live so you get it I guess. Cultures (which brings loads of different food :) ) are just fascinating. I try to take a little bit with me from every place I go to (or live more like). I have moved a LOT over the last 10 years and have spend significant amounts of time in nearly every part of Europe which means I am not an expert on anything really. However, there always has been something that I fell in love with.

My fave capital is London, for the vibes, the style, the vintage and record stores, free museums (if I could live in the Natural History museum I would), theatre and musicals, great queer culture and amazing underground pubs. Fave nature would be cliff's and beaches in Scotland, northern Spain, forests in Romania, and the North. I live and breath for the North and I have left a huge part of my heart there. I love the sea (more than mountains so that's why). Have you read Tired Tired Sea? That's basically my dream life (and I've been to the Shetland Islands in winter xD). I am a witch so if I could just disappear into the forest into my hut doing some conscious foraging I would, and I have done (but now I back in the city... can you tell the frustration? :D). It's okay though, I should at least try to live this 'proper' life before I decide against it. If I ever have a place of my own you would be welcome to visit. So many people have taken me in over the years, my door will forever be open to anyone who wants.

What do you want to know about Europe? Anything you are especially interested in? I could talk about this forever... I really need to write more fanfic so I can put all this energy and love for talking into it.

So.... I would know who you are? That's wild. I am feeling like I am talking to a celebrity now.

I love me some new fic recs and I'll def. read that one. One of the best things of this fandom is how long it exists and how big it is it means nearly an endless supply of fics and one for about every mood you are in. So yeah, sometimes when life gets a bit dark all I need is a short super fluffy one, other times I go straight for the filth, to just kill every thought in my brain, but most of all I love those good long ones that are beautifully written and you fall in love with every character and you know at the end everything will be fine but it takes a bit to get there. I guess that what most people feel, right? The thing with smut in fics is that at one point I got so used to it that I thought I needed to always include smut in all my fics otherwise it is boring. But that's not the case. Both can be really intriguing in their own way.

So sorry again that I let you hanging for the weekend. But I got to say this is a wonderful way to start my week. Especially because I was not looking forward to it. Deadlines deadlines deadlines. So, this already feels like my gift.

[lululawrence]

lululawrence's November/December 2021 Catch-Up Fic List

Previous Fic Lists / Lulu’s List Podcast Masterpost

It is the second Friday in January, which means it is time for another catch-up episode of my podcast! The podcast is now also available to coincide with this fic list.

These fics were incredible reads, and I'm very excited to share the podcast episode with you as I discuss in more depth what I loved so much about them! I will link the podcast here when it is posted.

As always, be sure to show your love and appreciation for all of the hard work our fandom authors have put into their fics with kudos, nice comments, and (when applicable) reblogging their fic posts.

go as slow as you want to by @choface / whensheflies (5k, M, Nick/Harry , canon compliant, HS1 era, past Harry/Louis, pining, like ALL THE FUCKING PINING NICK COULD NOT POSSIBLY PINE MORE, mutual pining, friends to lovers, like legit this is the most clumsy and perfectly in character fic I've read of these two trying to make shit work, absolute disasters and I loved every single moment)

I Want All Your Saturday Nights by @homosociallyyours / homosociallyyours (11k, T, Harry/Louis, Reverse Bang Fic, Famous/Famous, Girl Direction, Actress Louis, SNL Comedienne Harry, Flirting, like so much flirting i fucking loved it, Humor, Fluff, this fic was such a shot of happiness and joy and was so perfectly balanced with everything, As per usual Megan was amazing)

take my hand, wreck my plans by @daggerandrose / amomentoflove (38k, T, Harry/Louis, Big Bang fic, Cinderella AU, A/B/O, Royal omega Harry, Cinderella character alpha Louis, This version of the Cinderella retelling leans heavily on the Lily James film, or at least that's what I thought, and It's amazing OMG, fairy godbrother!!!!, I might have squealed when he appeared, this fic was just so much fun and the dynamics were played with in the most perfect way, i adored it)

Feels Like The First Time by @jaerie / jaerie (3k, E, Harry/Louis, PWP, Exes to Lovers, Lactation Kink, A/B/O, alpha Louis, omega Harry, single parent Harry, semi-public sex, breastfeeding, role play to an extent?, hahaha this fic is just pure filth but if you're on board with that, then you surely will not be disappointed)

Harry's Chicken Soup by @samunderthelights / UnderTheGoldenLights (Samunderthelights) (2k, G, Harry/Louis, Christmas fic, New Neighbors, Strangers to Lovers, hurt/comfort, kinda haha, more like sick/comfort, hahaha anyway just know I reread this entire fic accidentally because I went looking for the blog, and I couldn't stop myself, it's just so soft and cute I really do love it haha)

Little Saint Nick by @ladyaj-13 / LadyAJ_13 (11k, T, Nick/Louis, Inspired by A Christmas Carol, Christmas fic, Supernatural Elements, curses, This fic was just so incredibly lovely, Nick was basically Radio 1 DJ Nick, but Louis wasn't famous, and while there more concerning parts, it's Lady AJ and this fic is the most fascinating and incredible world building, So soft in the end and so many feelings, And I loved Nick's lessons he learned and just omgoshhhhh anyway please read it)

A Kiss for Christmas by @ladyaj-13 / LadyAJ_13 (3k, T, Liam/Louis, Christmas fic, Santa Liam, basically?, fluff, flirting, humor, this was at once the most perfect depiction of Liam I have ever read AND the sweetest fic???, I loved the little tidbits about Father Christmas in there and the worldbuilding around how it all supposedly works, gah it's just so cute)

'Tis the Damn Season by @zanniscaramouche / zanni_scaramouche (3k, M, Harry/Louis, Famous/Non-Famous, Exes to Lovers, or I guess like, Exes with Benefits?, omg i just checked and zanni used that tag too LMAOOOO anyway, famous Harry, this fic is written in the most beautiful way, it reads like poetry, and it flows almost like a dream where it seems at times like the jumps are sudden and out of nowhere, but at the same time it's so fluid and makes perfect sense, I can't explain it but it's incredibly cool)

Situations Like These by @quelsentiment / wordsnnotes (31k, T, Zayn/Louis, Zouis fest fic, aro-ace Louis, uni AU, questioning sexuality, friends to lovers, strangers to friends to lovers more like haha but GAH yes, miscommunication, established Narry, non-binary Harry, the Larry friendship in this fic is literally so important to me as an ace, like the trust omg, anyway, acephobia and arophobia, humor, banter, like SO MUCH BANTER, I cannot even begin to explain why this fic means SO MUCH TO ME but it does, It's SO IMPORTANT, the gorgeous representation for a-spec identities is just, glorious, okay i'll stop now)

Glory Hole-idays series by @uhoh-but-yeah-alright / yeah_alright

Prick or Treat? (666, E, Harry/Louis, Liam/Louis, Zayn/Louis, Niall/Louis, Trick or Treat fest fic, Halloween fic, glory hole fic, Listen I'm guessing if you haven't read this fic before that you're looking at the series name, fic name, and everything I've written about this so far and are coming to some conclusions, and you're absolutely right, just read this absolute treat and beg her to maybe bless us with more someday hahaha)

Gift Opening (2k, E, Harry/Louis, Zayn/Louis, Liam/Louis, Niall/Louis, Christmas fic, glory hole fic, Louis is the one who mans the glory hole if you can't tell, and he has another offer on for Christmas, and he just so happens to have his favorite customer return and they might just figure shit out maybe!, but honestly these pwp are sizzlin hehe)

Single Bells Ring by @absoloutenonsense / nonsensedarling (17k, M, Harry/Louis, Christmas fic, A/B/O, non-traditional A/B/O dynamics, speed dating, Louis is dragged there in support of Liam, Harry's running the punny dating fun, strangers to lovers, flirting, banter, alpha Louis, alpha Harry, omega Liam, I had a dream about this fic around six years before it posted, and it was everything I didn't even realize I wanted and needed it to be, so read the fic that made me a prophetess and absoloutenonsense a fulfillment to prophecy, lolllll)

To Will, To Wander, To Want, To Wonder by @londonfoginacup / LadyLondonderry (6k, T, Harry/Louis, mini Secret Santa exchange fic, A/B/O, Royal AU, kidnapping, rescue mission, fae magic, omega prince Louis, alpha prince Harry, and btw it is HARRY who is kidnapped and not Louis !!!!!!!!, MIX UP THOSE DYNAMICS YAS, acquaintances to lovers, okay listen, this was written for me and it was anonymously emmu even though i knew it was her as soon as i saw the title hahahaha, just know it's perfect and i LOVE IT SO MUCH and please read it, that's all thank you)

Even Christmas Can't Compete with Your Glow by @becomeawendybird / QuickedWeen (5k, M, Harry/Louis, mini Secret Santa exchange fic, Christmas fic, WEREWOLVES!, full moon, pining, scenting, mates, it's just SO VERY GOOD, like louis' been pushing himself and not allowing himself to shift for full moons, and we shall just say it catches up with him heeeeeeeee)

Lil' Cockwarmer Boy by @sadaveniren / SadaVeniren (2k, E, Harry/Louis, Zayn/Liam, mini Secret Santa exchange fic, PWP, established relationship, public sex, anniversaries, cockwarming, I just... hahahaha it is pure filth in sada's usual style and it's FAB, I love how it's from Zayn's POV a;ldkgha;slkdfja)

Trading Sins For Treason by @jaerie / jaerie (28k, E, Harry/Louis, mini Secret Santa exchange fic, Captive Prince AU, and with that comes a lot of warnings so please keep yourself safe and heed the tags!, royalty AU, omega prince Louis, alpha prince Harry, rape/non-con in a lot of different ways, forced breeding, kidnapping, yeah all that good stuff hah, i knew nothing about Captive Prince going into it, and i just fucking LOVED THIS, the world building and everything was just so incredibly done)

[mariahthelioness29]

Send the Addy

Pairing: SamBucky x Black! Reader 

WC: 4,279 ( I am theirs, they inspire me) 

Warning: It is absolute filth, my peeps, barely a plot, SMUT, Sugar relationship, D/s dynamics, Double Penetration ( anal & vaginal), oral ( male & female receiving), daddy and sir naming , spitting, edging, rough sex, praise and degradation, blindfold and light bondage... that’s all. 

A/N: This for @blackmissfrizzle and her Frizzle’s 2K Follower Celebration & Bad Bitch Challenge. I had the song Send the Addy by Flo Milli. 

@siancore @helahades @avintagekiss24 @rasberrylemon @saintsebastian-stan @sapphirescrolls @honeychicanawrites @marvelmaree @honestlyfrance @xbuchananbarnes @blacklavenderjade @amethyst-dreams-and-candy-canes @deansblackbeauty

After an excruciating week full of all-nighters, tidying final projects and exams. You and your girls are dancing, drinking some strong booze, forgetting the hell you all went through.

Send the addy, starting playing and you stand up from the chair and start dancing 

“Better watch where you steppin', this Gucci is pricey (Hello)

Like a snake on the loose, they gon' bite me

Put it on him, now he callin' me wifey (Ooh)

He tryna cuff but it's hard to indict me

He say he like when I call him daddy (Haha)

Tell him "Pull up" then I send the addy (Ooh)

She keep muggin' me down, she a maddy (Ew, bye)

I got three bitches wit' me, they catty (Ho)”, You sing along.

 You move your hips to the beat going down  till you're squatting near the floor and start throwing your ass back. Your ass shaking going up and down on repeat. 

“Ayeee, show’em what you got, baby”! ,your friend Bry hyping you up while recording.

You stand up running to your friend, laughing somehow feeling a little shy but still feeling yourself. 

“Damn, what’s gotten into you ?, you out here showing out, feeling yourself, but I can not complain I am enjoying it a lot”.Bry inquires, looking you up and down, smirking at you.

“Just happy that for once I was ahead of the curve, did not procrastinate and did all the work like for once I am confident, the finals will  be great”.

You smile at her, both of you sitting close to each other wrapping your arms around each other. You and Bry have been friends since freshman but sometimes you indulge in each other. When there is booze or stress involved, you seek each other's refuge.

 Some heavy twerking to 19, Birthday Cake and WAP, drinking and some heavy making out sessions with Bry and Draya recording it . You send all the videos to two particular men in your contacts. You are all snickering and smiling to your phone. You know you're in for one hell of a night with your daddies.

“y/n, when are you going to tell us the truth? ”,Draya disrupted you from your phone. 

“Tell, you what”. You feign, cocking your head to the side.

“ So you think we blind and stupid, you definitely have a sugar daddy or an Only Fans”.

“That is the same thing, I have been trying to find out”, Bry expressed with faux annoyance rolling her eyes.

“Your skin is glowing, The lace you got, Lace where?, you are not whining about your car problems, the clothes, the jewelry, the nails, like everyone can confuse you with some NBA player’s wife, if they don’t know you.” Draya continued. 

“The rent is paid and everything paid plus a new phone, new laptop. Oh, She gets some Fenty x Savage and Agent Provocateur on the side ”, Bry pipes in.

“Nosey bitch”, you shove Bry and she laughs. 

“ Is he some NBA ,NFL, Major League player, CEO, Rapper, Doctor, Real estate mogul, Politician?”, Bry asked. 

“Nope”, you said while stifling a smile and you took your shot of D’usse. 

Draya slouched more on the chair and sighs. “ Well if she won’t tell Bry, then she is taking that secret to the grave”. 

“Guys, I wish I could tell you but I can’t, I have signed an NDA, I don’t have money or lawyers to fight an NDA breaching just cause my girls want me to kiss and tell”. 

They all rolled their eyes. “Well, if he has friends that want a sugar baby tell’em to send the addy, I am here for the taking ” Bry responded while twirling around and posing. 

You all cackled. 

Little did they know that you were Captain America and the Winter Soldier’s sugar baby. You have to keep it a secret. This can mess up your future career and theirs. 

You start reminiscing, while your friends are having fun. 

You can see what they were seeing. A year and half ago, you were quiet, always tired and not as vibrant. Balancing the little you had, some internships to build your resume and classes, were taking a toll on you. You had the biggest internship. An internship at the Avengers headquarters, with no other than Dr. Bruce Banner and Dr. Helen Cho. If you aced this, you were pretty much settled. The chance of getting a nice job will be high. The internship pay was nice. It gave you some comfort but the hours were outrageous. The internship has some other perks. Seeing Sam Wilson, Captain America and Bucky Barnes, ex Winter-Soldier pass by. 

You seem them pass by hand in hand. They wave at you. You smile and wave back. You hate to see them go but love to watch them leave. They have some nice ass thighs and Sam’s ass in that Cap uniform. You are sure that if you ever had the chance to go to bed with him. You will be groping it all night. It looks so good.  You feel a sort of remorse for thinking that .You can see Sam and Bucky love each other so much and here you are being horny because of Sam’s ass in his uniform.

They were always trying to find ways to be in the lab with you, but you always denied that they were here for you. 

You  became friendly with both of them. You can see there were always lingering eyes or a hug longer than usual but you always thought it is your infatuation playing with your mind. 

That was until the Stark Benefit Gala happened. You were having fun until the party ended and your car decided to die on you. You were standing there, bummed in a beautiful dress. The dress was a courtesy of Dr. Cho. 

They saw you groaning and rolling your eyes in your car. They came to your help. Sam was drunk.  It was late, so Bucky offered you a ride to your humble abode. 

Against your better judgement you decided to ask if Bucky wants to get in your home. He went in. You were sitting drinking some water. You went to your room to get out of the dress and change to some comfortable sweatpants and a t-shirt. You were talking about T.V shows and he mentioned he was watching the Witcher but has never had time to catch up so you turned on the T.V watch the Witcher with him to explain to him what he has been missing. 

Suddenly you guys were making out. You on top of him, t-shirt disregarded. 

You stop him, “ We cannot do this to Sam”, you said, your lips ghosting over his. 

“What if I tell you, Sammy is okay, with this. He grabs your ass cheeks hard. He breathes you in and suckles the pulse point of your neck.

 You throw your head back and start grinding on him.

“What if I tell you he wants you, just as much as I do”. His voice raspy laced with desire. With that he kisses you with such a passion, all the oxygen in your lungs disappeared, he kisses your cheek in a chaste way, kisses your hand, pulls you off his lap, stands in front of you, and tells you goodnight. Leaving you hanging, confused, hot and bothered.

Your phone beeped and a message with a weird number appeared

Meet us tonight at the Cove at 21:00 sharp , The Uber is already paid and will pick you up. S&B” 

Another message in with the directions to the Cove. The Cove was a nice restaurant wine bar a little outside the city. 

At the Cove, Sam was there to confirm what Bucky told you. 

The waiter greets you and takes you orders. Chardonnay and tapas to go with it.  

“ Thank you for being here, y/n”, Sam started. “Buck told me what happened”. 

“Sam, I am so sorry, please I stay away from you. I don’t want this to cause any problems. I am so sorry”, you apologize to him.

Sam looks at you soft. “Hey, calm down, I would’ve loved to see that, you and Buck”. You are in shock. It is true what Bucky told you. “Buck told me you feel good,y/n and I want to find out:, he whispers. His eyes darkened while taking you in. It sends a shiver to your spine.

“ See, y/n, Buck and I, we love each other very much”. You see Bucky looking at Sam like he hung the moon and Sam takes Bucky's metal hand to his lips and kisses it. “But we are both missing what is like to be with a woman”. Bucky answered. “Someone we can both trust and confide in” Sam pipes in. “ We both have a kind of a dominant air and we want someone that can be ours” Bucky continues. “ I see the way you look at us, you invited me to your apartment”. "We made out"  “ You check Sam’s ass a lot, I know you can’t help it, It's so good”. You see Sam biting his lip at that. 

 You want to stay and jolt the hell out of there. You want to say something but you can't, the words won’t come out. 

Sam lift his hand 

“ Before you ask, what’s in it for you”, Let me tell you”. Sam led the conversation.

“ You are an amazing intern. Nothing but good things; cunning, smart, hard working. Banner and Helen have seen how hard you work. School and bills take a toll on you. “We see your car, that poor thing. “ You are quiet , you sigh a lot”. “We want to relieve that burden for you”.

You take a good gulp of the wine so that it can give you courage. “ This is not some cruel prank, right?, You ask with doubt. Taking a strand of hair behind your ears. You are shaking like a leaf. 

Sam and Bucky smile at you. They’re smiles are comforting. 

“ It is not. In fact, I have something for you”. Sam takes a stack of papers from his suitcase and puts it on the table. 

“ It is a Non Disclosure Agreement and some ground rules, This could be scandalous, we are aware of that so we have to keep this a secret much to my disdain.” Sam huffs. 

 Bucky takes your hand in his. “ Just give it a thought and think how good this can be for you”. “If you are not on board with this. It’s okay, we understand. Burn those papers and we  continue like nothing happened, please just think about it and let us know what you want”. Bucky looks at you with his ocean eyes pleading. 

The days followed. NDA signing. Medical exams all of you did. After that you had the most amazing experience you ever had in your life. It was everything. So erotic, you on your back Sam driving into you with madness. Bucky beside you alternating between kissing Sam and playing with your clit. Bucky spitting in your mouth, saying you are theirs and no one else's. So filthy, your back against Bucky’s chest he was in your ass while Sam was in front of you balls deep in you and they were both fucking you like there was no tomorrow. 

“Fuckkk, they groaned in unison”

Bucky was kissing the back of your neck giving you long but hard strokes. “Babyy, so tiight, so goood”, he said in between strangled moans. 

You could barely breathe. They are pushing buttons, you did not know they existed.

Sam was rough, giving you fast strong strokes, hitting that spot repeatedly. “He was moaning, grunting, breathing heavy too. Eyes closed head back. “Fuck baby, you’re gripping me hard, I’m not going to last long, if you keep doing that. Naughty girl you like that, huh?, “having two men at the same time”. Sam said with his breath short, driving his dick deeper in you. 

You nod. You cannot form a coherent sentence 

Bucky wrapped his vibranium fingers tight around your throat, making you face Sam. “Answer him”, he orders you, whispering in your ear.   

“Yes, sir, I love being stuffed by you both.” You answered him with a strangled whisper while your eyes were fluttering. It was too much but it was what your body was craving ever since Dr.Banner introduced you to them.

After a few more strokes you came with a shout and your legs shaking . Sam came hard , then Bucky after fucking your ass with no abandon. The night went on like that, Sam and Bucky using you the way they saw fit. 

You were stuffed with their cum and seeing galaxies at the end of the night. 

They took care of you after that. Bathing you, cleaning you up, giving you snacks, even brushing your teeth, and putting you to sleep. 

 You were biting your lip, pressing your thighs together. You were hoping you could get some of that tonight.

Seems like your wish is granted  because your cell phone vibrates. Two messages in 

Bad girl, making out with your friend, that mouth, that pussy  belongs to us. Only us. 

I see you’re having fun, but you can have more fun with us, baby girl. Say goodbye to your friends and you come to this hotel this instant. 

They sent you the address to the hotel . You see the address is not that far. Your pussy throbs in anticipation. 

“ Well, bitches, I got to go”, you say picking your Birkin bag and taking one last shot. 

“ Daddy Anonymous called you, huh”, Bry said looking you up and down. 

“ Yes he did and I am going to get some dick tonight”. You all laughed. 

Kissing and hugging your girls goodbye. You get in the car and connect the phone to the speakers and play send the addy again. 

Reaching to the hotel. You text the numbers back with: 

I am here, sir. 

I am here, daddy. 

They reply back with the room number. 

You arrived at the room you knocked on the door , just how they thought you. 

It was them. Bucky was dressed in a black shirt and the sleeves rolled up. Sam was wearing a burgundy shirt also with the sleeves rolled up. Tight jeans and two very noticeable hard ons. Your mouth waters at the sight. 

Bucky grabs you close to him and slaps your face. You gasped. The slap is not  hard enough to leave a mark but to tingle. Sam watches amused rubbing his erection through his pants. 

“Bad, girl, behaving like a slut, making out with Bry, letting her touch you like that”, he said, wrapping his vibranium fingers around your neck with force. “You just can’t get enough, do you baby ?”

“Daddy Buck, may not like it but I love it baby. You are so fucking sexy, especially when you make out with Bry”. Sam replied. 

Why did you do it, baby girl ?, Sam asked while unbuckling his belt and sitting on a chair in the corner. 

Bucky makes you face Sam. 

“ I like pussy too, sir and her lips are nice, both sets of lips,sir”. You whisper with Bucky’s hand tight around your throat. 

Bucky grabs you by the forearm, makes you walk to the bed with him. He sits at the edge of the bed. 

“ Lay across my lap”, he demanded. 

You do as you're told and lay across his lap. 

“Daddy is very disappointed, and you know what happens when daddy is disappointed”. You brace yourself for what is about to come. Spanking with the vibranium hand. 

“ You are going to count, Ok”. 

A slap to your ass and it is heard. “One”. You exhale the breath you were holding in. Two slaps quickly after another. “Two, three”, you whisper and then hiss. He massages your ass cheek. And slaps it again “Four”, you scream. “Such a good girl, taking your spanking so well”, Sam encourages you while stroking his dick slowly. 

“Don’t get any ideas, he might like what you do but you are still a dirty slut”. With that he spanks you three times quick after another. “Five, six, seven”, you scream and a tear is rolling down your face. 

“Aw, baby you look so cute when you cry, don’t worry, honey, it is going to end soon, Sam walks to you and wipes the tear away from your face. He cups your face in his hand. 

Bucky laughs. “Whores pulling stunts and can’t handle the consequences”. “Should've known better” He spanks your ass three times one after the other. “Eight, nine, ten” you sob. 

You stand up from Bucky’s lap. Your ass stinging. You know that you will not sit comfortably for a week. You hiccup a sob.

“Sh, sh,sh, that's my girl, taking what we give so well”. Sam console you. He cups our face and then hugs you tight. He smells so good. Sandalwood and cocoa butter. His skin is smooth

“ Lay on the bed, baby girl, I'm going to give you a treat”. You lay at the edge of the bed, with your legs open.

Sam lick his lips, you are dripping wet.

"So wet, so pretty" Sam whispers, touching your pussy. You moaned at that,moving  your hips looking for more sensation but he stops touching you.

"Tell us, are you wet for Bry or for us?",Bucky questioned

"You only you"

"Good answer, pretty baby".Sam says breathing you in.

“ What do good girls say to that, y/n?”, Sam asked

“ Thank you, sir”, you answer him, all breathy

With that he licks along your slit and then starts devouring your lips. Sucking on your clit and then shoving his tongue in you. He keeps that pattern until you are squirming and moaning loud  but Bucky puts his arm around your middle, keeping you down. Sam keeps eating you out like you are his last meal.

“You are such a dumb baby, you cannot take my spanking or his tongue, don’t worry baby. "Bucky whispers to your ear.

 “He spoils you but I will set you straight.” He bites your nipple to the point it is painful. You moaned loudly the pain and the pleasure mixing in.  You grab his hair hard and he grunts. He soothes the bite, licking and flicking his tongue on your nipple. 

Bucky grips Sam’s head and brings Sam to him and they kiss slowly all tongue. Both of them sharing your juices. It is such a sight. 

“Do you trust us, baby?”, Sam ask with his lips shining of your essence and Bucky’s spit. 

“Yes, sir, My safe word is fly”.

“ Good girl”, Sam responds and then hovers over you to peck your lips.

He goes to the night table and takes a pink silk scarf and pink rope out of the drawer. 

He makes you sit on the bed and ties the silk scarf around your eyes and he kisses your cheek. 

“My pretty baby”

“ I don’t know why you keep putting her on a pedestal, she is a whore”, Bucky tells Sam. 

“ A whore that needs to be put in her place”. Bucky continues

“ C’mon, ass up ,face down”. Bucky orders and there is no room for ifs. 

You assume the position. “Hands behind your back”, Bucky demands.  

You put your hands behind your back and you feel the rope tightening on your wrists.  

You gasp when you feel a dick inside you in one thrust and you know is Bucky. He is like that though, demanding. He starts ramming into you. The shaking of your ass against his hips, your pussy creaming on his shaft . That spurs him on. 

“ He might say nice things to you, but we both know what you like, getting fucked without mercy”, He groans at the feeling of you spasming around him. “That is what you like”.

He pulls on your hair. “Say it”, he growled. 

“He might say nice things but I like getting fucked without mercy”. You answer him  breathless.

You are moaning non-stop, your breathing ragged. His dick drives in and out at a fast pace. You feel yourself tightening around his cock. 

He stops and pulls out of you. You whine

“Stop whining”, Bucky reprimands you, spanking your ass a little. A warning.

You cry out when you feel another dick inside you, a different kind of stretch. Inch by inch he enters you, he is hissing. “Aaahh fuuuck”.

 You know it is Sam. He takes his sweet time entering you most of the time. 

He starts going at a slow pace, pulling out almost and slams back in. Then he pulls almost out, he grips your hips and drives your ass against his hips unhurried. Every time he does that, you feel the air leave the room. 

He keeps doing that until you are almost there, you can feel it then he stops and pulls out of you.

You are left there clenching around nothing.

You hear them kissing. Humming and moaning into the kiss. You start hearing Sam moaning and slurping and gagging sounds, moans from Bucky too. 

You hear whispering but you cannot understand what is said.

Bucky was on his knees sucking Sam off, taking Sam's shaft to the back of his throat, savoring all of you from Sam's dick. He pulls Sam out his mouth with a pop. 

He stands up and whispers to Sam's ear: "She tastes so good on your dick, sweetheart, mmhmm so good." 

You whine:" pleeeaseee"

Sam returns to you, entering you at a snail's pace till he is full inside. His moans, hisses mixing with your moans and cries.

"Can't stay without dick for long, Can you baby ?". Bucky asks you. He chuckles. "Such a needy slut". 

You nod. You mewl: "Yes, daddy".

Sam kisses your shoulders. “ You are such a sight, baby girl, you are my good girl, I love you so much”, He says with his deep and raspy voice.

“ I love you so much, sir”. You reply with tears in your eyes. You don't know, who is worse, Bucky with his unforgiving pace or Sam's slow pace. They are doing this for what seems an eternity. When they feel you are about to cum, they switch places or leave you hanging. 

 Sam praised you and Bucky degraded you. 

You can’t take it anymore. You are so pent up. Release is the only thing in your mind. 

You were now on your back still blindfolded and your wrist tied on top of your head.

“Please, daddy, please, sir, please can I cum ?”. You sob 

Bucky was slamming into you. Faster than ever, groaning and moaning

“ Cum, let go”, he moans. He was so close too.

You came with your legs shaking and a silent scream.

More thrusts and Bucky was coming 

“Shiiiitttt”,fuck, fuck”, Bucky cried out on repeat. With a long moan, he emptied inside you. He dropped next to you on the bed, spent and satisfied. 

Right after, Sam entered you in one thrust and started pumping you fast. Your eyes were rolled to the back of your head. You feel your whole nerves convulse. It was so much but your body needed his release. 

“Sir, please, give me your cum”, you babble

“ Don’t have to ask me twice, baby girl, He grunted. 

Thrusting into you with his eyes closed, head back and his lips parted.

"Fuuuckkk, you got some good pussy on you, babyyy, y/n. He sped up, chanting your name. 

He came within you, with a loud groan. He dropped on top of you 

You love his weight on you. When he catches his breaths. He stands up and takes your blindfold off. Bucky tuned in the light so that your eyes don’t hurt, when Sam takes the blindfold. Sam takes the rope off your wrists and kisses your wrists. 

Bucky appears with glasses of water for the both of you. He gives Sam the glass and they kiss. 

You cannot believe your luck. Both of your men, naked. Sam thick arms and thighs and that ass. Bucky with those thighs, those abs carved like some Greek god and the contrast of his arm, flesh and metal, hair all disheveled.

Bucky kneels in front of you and gives you a glass of water.

Bucky kisses you. “You know that it is all role play, baby. I love you and I appreciate you so much”. You nod. You drink the water and put the glass on the nightstand. You grab his face. 

“ I know, daddy” and you place a kiss on his forehead.

He looks at you, like you are everything in his world.

He stands up. He kisses Sam again then Sam bents and kisses you.

“ You are so beautiful, you know that”, Sam expresses taking your features in. 

“ Thank you, sir. You are so pretty too”.  He laughs at that. 

Bucky finds some sweatpants and puts them on. 

“I am going to order something to eat”. Bucky picks the phone to call room service. 

"Blueberry waffles,pleaseee".You look at him with puppy eyes. Sam sits next to you. "I want some blueberry waffles too, baby boy". Sam asks with that smile that makes Bucky melt.

He chuckles shaking his head.

You, two are too much for his heart to handle.

"Well, when you both ask like that, how can I say no"

He calls room service.

You are there, feeling light and satisfied with two men that care so much. Every day you are falling a little bit more in love with them. 

You don’t know what the future holds for all of you but for now you will always go to them when they send the addy. 

[thar-be-scribbles-here]

Doctor! Doctor! [Julian/Nazali *Lemon*]

Guess now’s a good time to come off anon and say I finally finished this whopping 5.6K WORDS OF UTTER SELF INDULGENT FILTH. Special thanks to @devofuck for encouraging me to finish this, I probably would have abandoned it otherwise. A few other people asked to be tagged/expressed interest in seeing this when I finished it this so here ya go lovelies :D My only hope is that I even came close to meeting your expectations haha.  @bazzpop00 @sinningforasrian @izzycle 

I’m gonna go to bed and hope to god I don’t regret this haha.

You can also read this on Ao3 

*****************************

Most of the time, Julian was fixated one thing. He wanted to be a doctor. He wanted to help and heal people.

To be needed.

He had been ecstatic when Nazali had taken him under their wing. Nazali was the perfect balance of fun-loving and practical. They always seemed to have a smile on their face and witty quip on their tongue. Yet they always knew exactly how much tact was needed to handle any situation. They were the kind of calming force that someone as ludicrously dramatic as Julian needed in their life.

Julian was grateful for the wealth of knowledge that Nazali had provided for him in his many months as their protege. Especially regarding more difficult or developing medical practices. But there were plenty of other things that he had learned about himself in his time with his trusted mentor. Or perhaps they were things he always knew. Nazali had simply been... very encouraging, so to speak.

Sitting at a polished sturdy desk, Nazali appeared to be deep into their studies. Their cheek rested lazily in their hand and their eyes skimmed the pages of a book. Julian sat across the room at his own slightly less ornate desk. He should have been studying as well, but his mind was far elsewhere. Every time he tried to focus, his gaze would flicker back to Nazali sitting across the room. Usually Julian's unending stubbornness was enough to keep him from being distracted. But other times, it was difficult to think about books or medicine or anything else with such a fetching image before him. The ever present slight curl of their lip, their fire red hair, the moles speckled on their face like scattered stars in a city night sky...

Nazali had noticed Julian's eyes on them several minutes ago. But they had done nothing to give it away despite how much they wanted to burst out laughing with each yearning glance that Julian stole. Julian was already so easy to catch off guard, but letting the tension build for a bit was still more fun.

Finally, Nazali's eyes shifted in Julian's direction. The movement was so slight that it took a moment for Julian to notice. He jumped in his seat as their eyes finally met, his long legs bumping his desk with a loud thud! in the process.

"Distracted again today, Ilya?" Nazali remarked playfully.

Julian frantically reached over to stop a pile of books from toppling off the desk. He attempted to compose himself and play it off. "Ahem, um... what ever do you mean?"

With a brief huff of laughter, Nazali closed their book and leaned forward with their head tilted thoughtfully and their chin resting on their folded hands. "Maybe studying can wait another time. What do you have in mind? Something a bit more... hands-on?" The suggestive lilt in their tone was emphasized by the devious perk of their crimson brow.

A hot blush spread across Julian's face. Despite steam practically coming out of his ears, he flashed Nazali a dazzling grin. "Oh ho~ you know me too well, Doctor Satrinava," he replied with a flirtatious chuckle.

Nazali's own smile widened and they shook their head. No matter how much time they spent together - or how they used that time - Julian's need to address Nazali so formally was still funny to them. Nazali's shoulders bobbed with laughter as they refrained from assuring Julian that there was no need for such formalities for the fiftieth time. "No, not really. You are just very easy to read."

Julian shifted his gaze to the side, cleared his throat and tugged awkwardly at his shirt collar. "Well...um yes, that too." Nazali responded with only an amused hum as they stood up from their desk and approached Julian before placing a hand on his shoulder. They leaned down close until their lips brushed his ear. "Wait here. I'll be right back." Nazali teasingly clacked their teeth close to Julian's vulnerable neck and stepped away, tracing their fingers across his broad shoulders all the while. Julian shivered as Nazali's touch still lingered on him as they walked away.

Nazali stopped in the doorframe that lead to their private quarters and tossed a sly glance over their shoulder. "Oh, and clear the books from my desk would you? We'll need it." With a final wink, they disappeared into the next room.

***

Julian paced the room and muttered to himself as the minutes passed slowly. The books and papers that had been scattered across Nazali's desk had been neatly put away for what felt like an hour. He knew that Nazali was only stalling to rile him up.

They always had plenty of patience for this sort of thing. While Julian had absolutely none. The time Julian spent waiting only made him more antsy and more eager, just the way Nazali liked him. Julian could picture them right now, leaning casually just on the other side of their bedroom door and smiling to themselves in devilish satisfaction as they listened to Julian's relentless back and forth footsteps.

"Ilya."

Julian stopped mid stride. He had been so busy mumbling to himself that he had not noticed Nazali re-enter the room. He turned around and his brow piqued with immense intrigue.

Nazali leaned casually against the door frame, their usual crimson scarf draped lazily off their shoulders and a loose, silky matching wrap was tied at their waist. A split opening in the wrap revealed their strong thighs as well as peculiar black leather straps hugging tightly at their hips. A telltale bulge poked out through the wrap right between their legs. They also held a familiar bottle of some slick, slightly viscous clear liquid.

Julian swallowed hard as Nazali walked casually towards him. When they got close enough they whipped the scarf off of their shoulders, grabbed the other end and pulled it taunt between their hands. "Hope you didn't mind the short wait," they said with a knowing smirk.

Short?! Julian blinked owlishly before faltering to a smile laced with eager anticipation. "Not at all, doctor."

Nazali raised their brow and looped their scarf around the back of Julian's neck and tugged him closer. Their faces were barely an inch apart now and Nazali could feel the heat radiating from Julian's. "Good." Their warm breath brushed against Julian's lips. They let the scarf slip off Julian's neck and stepped away just he was compelled to lean forward, leaving the poor man stumbling and barely managing to catch himself. It was going to be a fun night. Nazali chuckled and Julian over to their desk.

As Julian followed, he left a trail of his clothes in his wake until he was stripped naked. He tried to exude an air of confidence in his long stride, but that facade faded fast when they met Nazali's piercing gaze. By the time he stood before them, his inhibitions had fled him almost entirely. His eyes were alight with desire and he was already putty in his mentor's hands without them having to lift a finger. "I... I'll do whatever you ask."

Nazali stood with a relaxed but still somehow imposing stance, hand leaned into one hip and their eyes roaming Julian's lithe body as they sized him up. They smiled, set the bottle aside for now and patted the surface of the desk expectantly. "Ohhh you know what to do, Ilya."

Julian nodded eagerly. He fixed Nazali with a longing gazs as he bent himself over the desk, spread his legs apart and folded his arms behind his back. He looked back at Nazali over his shoulder while sporting both a bright blush and a playful grin. "Do whatever you must, doctor," he said with an inviting wiggle of his hips. Despite his attempt to be at least somewhat composed, his voice was tight and pleading and he was half hard already.

Nazali snickered at Julian's shameless display and wove their scarf around his crossed wrists, binding his arms behind his back. They grabbed a fistful of Julian's hair yanked his head back, eliciting a sharp gasp from their eager protege. "And what is it I must do, exactly?"

Julian swallowed hard. "W-whatever it is that you please, o-of course."

Nazali shook their head. "You're going to have to be a little more specific than that, Ilya."

Julian bit his lip and shuddered at the subtle yet enticing sense of authority in Nazali's voice. His eyes went half mast as they gave his hair another insistent tug. He took a deep, wavering breath to prepare himself. Nazali liked it when he begged, and lord was he good at it. "Please... hurt me." His voice came in a rough and feverish whisper. "Just hurt me, doctor. I beg of you."

Nazali pursed their lip and tilted their head. "Still a bit vague," they remarked with a small shrug. But a moment later their smile returned. Their composure had not faltered at all in the face of Julian's pitiful front. "But I guess it's enough." They released their grip on his hair and laid their hands on his bare back. "Now... where to start?" they mused quietly to themselves as they grazed the tips of their fingers down over his pale skin with just whisper of a touch.

Julian shivered as the teasing, ticklish sensation of Nazali's finger tips sent slight tremors through his anxiously waiting, ravenous body.

"Ahh, I know," Nazali continued with a soft singsong lilt in their smooth voice. "What about this?" They punctuated their question with a hard open faced smack on Julian's ass, easily leaving a pink hand print on his pale skin.

Julian let out a sharp cry and arched his back as if presenting himself for more. "Y-yes! Yes more! Oh doctor please hurt me more!"

Nazali grinned and reeled back, smacking Julian again but harder this time. His responding groan was a perfect mingling of pain and delight. Nazali struck him again and again and again and again, drawing out the pauses between each strike just a little more. Each time their hand came down harder than before.

Julian followed each resounding slap with a sharp euphoric cry as the wondrous, tingly pain intensified each time. He rested the side of his head against the desk as he was spanked continuously for several minutes. A small puddle of drool began to form on the desk under the corner of his panting mouth. It wasn't too long before Julian's pale ass was bright red all over. His needy moans began to dissolve into strained whimpers, but he did not struggle or beg for mercy. He only craved more.

Nazali paused and leaned in a bit closer as Julian's soft whimpers faded into shaky breaths. They got a look at what an absolute mess Julian had made of himself already and smiled. "Yes... very good, Ilya," Nazali purred, their voice almost tender.

The air in the room felt cool against the hot stinging sensation on Julian's reddened skin and he shivered in response. The sting seemed to spread tremors up and down his whole body, amplifying even the lightest touch. Julian cast Nazali another glance over his shoulder and knitted his brow into a deeply longing expression. "Please... oh please doctor... d-don't stop."

Nazali raised their brow incredulously for a moment before breaking into a sly grin. "Oh? But you're so tender now, Ilya," Nazali replied, brushing their hand teasingly over the stinging skin of his bare bottom.

Julian's breath caught in his throat and he trembled harder as the warmth in Nazali's hands briefly intensified the sting wherever they touched. "I-I'm fine r-reall-," he bit back a strangled whine as Nazali's fingers suddenly curled inward, gripping his ass tight until they left moon shaped dents in his flesh with their fingernails.

Nazali let out another brief huff of laughter as Julian's face flushed pink with slight embarrassment. They grabbed Julian's upper arm and lifted him off of the desk into a standing position before instructing him to face them and get on his knees. Julian quickly obeyed and knelt on the floor, taking care not to lose his balance as his hands were still tied securely behind his back. Nazali ran their fingers through Julian's hair as he tilted his head up towards them with an eager shine in his eyes, practically begging his mentor to give him another command.

And Nazali was more than happy to oblige.

With a choice tug of the loose fabric tied at their hip, the silk wrap fell away to reveal a rather lengthy and thick strap-on. Julian gaped at its magnificent girth and swallowed hard, practically salivating already. He looked up a Nazali again, his thin lips trembling with a desire that he could not contain if he tried.

Nazali smiled down at him with amusement written all over their handsome face. Finally they tangled their fingers tightly into Julian's auburn curls once more and tugged him forward just a fraction of an inch before grabbing the length of their strap-on and pressing the tip to Julian's lips. "Suck it."

Julian nodded once and almost immediately obeyed. With Nazali's hold supporting him, he leaned forward to take the length in his mouth. The somewhat flexible material did not have the pliancy of a real cock, but that hardly mattered to Julian. The feeling of it sliding across his tongue while Nazali's watchful eyes bored into him from above was enough to elicit a satisfied moan from the back of his stuffed throat. Julian bobbed his head up and down, making wet slurping and suckling noises all the while. With his mouth full, he glanced up at Nazali from behind the stray red curls hanging in his face, his eager eyes begging for validation.

Nazali's ever present casual grin widened at the pretty sight. They looked a bit farther down to see Julian's own throbbing erection, precum leaking profusely from the tip. "Are you that worked up already, Ilya?" Nazali jabbed with another laugh. Julian's was only able to offer a muffled groan as a response as his blush spread all the way to his shoulders.

With a glimmer of mischief and curiosity in their eyes, Nazali placed their hand on the back of Julian's neck as their other hand tugged at his hair insistently. "I wonder if you would cum just from something like this," they mused. "Should we find out, Ilya?" Julian's tired eyes went half lidded and a shudder passed through his body. The teasing edge in Nazali's voice was enough to make his cock twitch in excitement. He leaned forward eagerly a bit more and gave a small nod.

Nazali chuckled softly and pushed on the back of Julian's neck just enough to move him forward a fraction of an inch and held him there firmly. "Are you sure?" Their brow raised in mock contemplation as Julian began to tremble harder.

A muffled whine rose from the back of Julian's throat once again and he squirmed in Nazali's grip, his eyes glistening with unfallen tears.

Again, Nazali's cool exterior did not falter in the slightest. The look in their eyes promised their poor protege nothing and everything all at once. They reached down and grasped the underside of Julian's chin to quiet him somewhat even as a single tear slipped down his pretty face. "Alright, alright. So impatient, Ilya," Nazali teased as Julian's whining gradually subsided for now. Finally, they braced both of their hands on either side of Julian's head, grasping at his hair as they began to thrust in and out of his mouth.

Julian's eyes fluttered and rolled back in his head at the exhilarating feeling of the Nazali's cock sliding across his tongue and down his throat with such force. It was so thick that he could hardly breathe, but that only made it more exciting. His arms tensed as he instinctively tried to reach out and grasp Nazali's hips to push as much of the strap down his throat as possible. But his hands were still bound and Nazali's strong grip held his head fast in place as they roughly fucked his face over and over. Beautiful little choking noises and whorish moans reverberated in his chest alongside his rapidly beating heart. With every thrust he could feel more and more warmth pooling in his slender hips. Finally, a sharp jolt passed through his body as he was finally pushed over the edge of climax. He came hard and slumped in Nazali's hands, his cheek leaning hard against their touch.

Julian's knees ached from kneeling on the floor, his bottom still stung from the earlier spanking, his throat felt sore from the assault it had just taken and now his thighs were sticky with his own cum. But despite all of that, when Nazali pulled out of his mouth he had the most blissful, dazed smile on his face.

Nazali caressed underneath Julian's chin, tilting his head further up to pin him with their stare. Julian shuddered when Nazali's fingers grazed his sensitive neck, every nerve in his body still felt electrified from his intense orgasm. But Nazali wasn't finished with him quite yet. They reached over to the bottle that they had put aside on the desk and swirled the somewhat thick but slippery substance inside.

Julian's eyes lit up at the sight of it.

Nazali fixed him with a sultry, promising smile. "Are you ready, Ilya?" they purred.

Julian let out a rough, lustful chuckle and nodded into Nazali's hand. "Oh... always."

Nazali responded with a satisfied hum and let Julian's chin drop from their grasp. "Good. Now come on, stand up."

With a bit of a struggle, Julian managed to get one foot under him and Nazali pulled him up the rest of the way. By the time they had him pinned face down on the desk again, he was already aroused once more.

Nazali pulled the cork from the bottle with their teeth and poured some of the slick lubricant into their hand. They coated their fingers generously before reaching down to rub them against Julian's twitching hole. As always, they took a little time to tease him first by swirling their slickened fingers in circles against his entrance, not pushing inside just yet.

Julian's whole body tensed and he whimpered helplessly. He looked back at Nazali, his messy red hair falling in his glimmering grey eyes. "Doct-..." But before he could even finish his plea, Nazali suddenly thrust their finger forward down to their knuckle. Julian gasped, his toes curled hard against the floor in pleasure and he slumped more heavily onto the desk's surface.

Nazali began to move their finger in and out at a tortuously slow pace. Even they could not help but bite their lip as Julian begged, mewled and squirmed and his soft warm insides clenched tightly around their finger. Julian always made the most lovely sounds when Nazali teased him this way.

Julian felt a second finger sliding inside of him and another shudder raced up his spine. His whole body was hot, flushed and beaded with sweat. His breath hitched sharply with each deep push of Nazali's practiced fingers. He tried to roll his hips backward in a silent plea for Nazali to go faster, but their other hand clasped his hip to hold him in place. Every time he tried to form words, Nazali just barely hooked their fingers to teasingly brush against his prostate. The briefest whisper of overwhelming pleasure could course through Julian's body for just a moment before Nazali went back to slowly thrusting in and out. Julian stubbornly still tried to push himself back and whimpered loudly as his efforts proved fruitless.

"What is it, Ilya?" Nazali asked with a taunting chuckle. "I won't know unless you tell me~"

Julian swallowed hard and tried to clear some of the haze from his mind, tears blurring his vision from the sheer effort of concentration. He managed to say a single word but its coherence was lost in another helpless gasp.

"Hmm?" Nazali leaned over him closer until the heat of their bodies joined. They shoved their fingers in deep and wriggled them in a scissoring motion to stretch Julian's hole in preparation of what was to come. Their breath tickled Julian's ear as they persisted. "What was that?"

A broken shuddering breath shook Julian's chest and he pressed his forehead against the desk as hot tears rolled down his face. With another light flick against this prostate, he completely lost it. He moaned and threw his head back dramatically. Suddenly frantic pleas flowed from his lips like a dam bursting, interrupted with harsh gasps of roaring lust and frustration. "PLEASE!! H-harder! Faster! Oh please faster! I-I-I need it! Oh god I need it! O-oh god N-Nazali please!"

The sound of Nazali's first name on Julian's lips was a rare thing. He only seemed to save it for moments like this. But what a beautiful sound it was. Nazali grinned and placed a gently chastising kiss on Julian's back. "Alright," they whispered, their own voice had grown deep and husky with intrigue. "How's this?" They shoved their fingers deep, bringing the pace up faster and faster, rubbing Julian hard and stretching him open and jabbing his sweet spot again and again.

"Yes! O-oh yes please, more! More! More! Please!" Julian arched his back as much as his compromising position would allow. His mouth was stretched into a wide and shameless smile as he begged and begged for Nazali's skilled fingers to fuck him harder. Finally a third finger slipped inside of him and his chest fluttered with excitement. It was a only a matter of time now before Nazali filled him up and fucked him senseless with that thick cock that he craved so much. He begged Nazali to peg him now, to fuck him against the desk until he couldn't think anymore and not to stop even after that.

Suddenly Nazali paused. Julian choked on his words and looked back at them wide-eyed, his expression nearly on the verge of panic. But Nazali simply shook their head and pulled their fingers out. A strangled whine rose from the back of Julian's throat. He suddenly felt so empty.

Nazali laughed softly. As much as they admired Julian's enthusiasm, they couldn't have him cumming again just yet. Not before they ravaged him properly. Nazali placed both of their hands on Julian's sides and slowly grazed their fingernails across his over-sensitive skin as the thick shaft their strap rested teasingly against his well prepared hole.They shook their head and tsked like a disappointed teacher. "Now now, no need to get so greedy."

Julian thought that he might unravel right then and there. "I-I'm sorry," Julian whimpered, his breath faltering as the felt the thick strap rubbing against him. He needed it inside him now , but he intended to beg for as long as it took. "I-"

Nazali shushed him gently and reached for the bottle of lubricant on the desk again. "Just relax, Ilya." They poured it into their palm and started slicking up the length of their strap, their knuckles brushing up against Julian beneath them all the while.

Julian's breath grew more ragged as he tried hard not to squirm or whimper since he knew any such fuss would likely prolong his agonizing wait. Finally he felt something thick, slippery and hard nudge his twitching entrance as Nazali grasped his hips tightly once again. He tried not to speak - oh gods he tried - but at this point he could not help himself anymore. "Please... o-oh please..." he begged between soft puffs of hungered breath.

Predictably, Nazali paused and clicked their tongue once in contemplation which drew out another regretful whimper from Julian. They could push in inch by inch, forcing Julian to resist the insurmountable urge to beg until they were completely sheathed inside before fucking him hard against the desk. They could, but Nazali decided for a more direct approach. Within the span of a couple seconds, Nazali released their grip on Julian's hips, reached up to grasp a fistful of his hair and pulled his head back to force his back into a sharp arch. With their grip on his tangled mess of auburn hair being now their only leverage, Nazali snapped their hips forward to fully sheath themselves inside Julian.

Julian's whole body jolted. He was quiet for a heartbeat as if the breath had been knocked out of him before cried out loud and long. His lewd voice completely filled the room and most likely spilled beyond the walls. The sweet stretching sensation with just a hint of pain was nothing short of bliss to him. Intense pleasure washed over him in crashing waves as Nazali began to thrust in and out at a steady pace. They continued to only hold him by his hair, further adding to the perfect blend of pain and pleasure. Tears welled in his eyes from the sheer ecstasy of the thick cock moving inside him. "Ohhhh yes! Yes! Th-thank you! Oh thank you doctor!" Julian gasped in between shameless moans.

"You're certainly making a lot of noise aren't you Ilya?" Nazali teased. Their voice was as steady and serene as ever, a sharp contrast to Julian's frenzied cries. They pushed deep inside and fell into a rhythm of shorter, faster thrusts which jabbed at Julian's prostate each time. "Does it feel that good?"

"Yes!" Julian practically shouted, a wide wobbly smile spreading across his flushed face. He glanced back at Nazali as they pounded into him, far too lost in the pleasure to be even the slightest bit embarrassed of anything anymore. "Y-yes! Oh it's s-s-so good. S-so wonderful..." his words lost coherence halfway through as his body shuddered with the effort not to cum yet. His body begged for release, but he wanted to draw this out at least a bit more.

"Hmmm," Nazali hummed with a sly smirk curling their lip. If Julian wanted to bide his time, then they were more than happy to help. They chuckled softly, with just the slightest touch of malice. "If you want to make this last, Ilya... then we will." Their thrusts became slower, longer. Nazali pulled out almost all the way before pushing back until they were sheathed all the way inside once more. Over and over.

Julian's knees trembled beneath him and precum leaked onto the floor between his feet. Short breathy gasps mingled with frequent blurred pleadings and encouragements. When Nazali started to thrust harder and faster once again, Julian's legs nearly gave out beneath him, but a strong hand clasped at his hips to keep him upright.

For quite some time, Nazali kept up that pattern. They would slow their pace just as intense tremors wracked Julian's body and then they would slow down again, denying him release. It continued until Julian was openly weeping and whimpering, his cock throbbed almost painfully and the puddle of precum on the floor steadily spread.

This time when Nazali slowed again, Julian whined loudly and attempted to push himself back hard onto the thick strap like before. But Nazali reprimanded him with a quick smack on the ass and held him in place. "Use your words, Ilya," Nazali chided.

Julian groaned and dropped his forehead against the desk's surface again. It took him a moment to collect himself enough to speak, but the words were practically knocked out of him as Nazali started to thrust quickly once again. "I-I want to cum! Oh p-please doctor... please let me cum."

Nazali laughed and slowed their pace again instead. "Just a little more, I promise."

Julian swallowed hard. His body was hot, his breathing was hoarse, he was dizzy and his head was clouded in a thick fog of mingled pleasure and an aching need for release. Finally - just when he thought he could take no more - Nazali suddenly began to thrust into him harder and faster than ever, giving him a new moment of stark clarity.

The sounds of his moans were discordantly beautiful music to Nazali's ears. They pounded into him, not bothering to slow anymore when his slender muscles tensed. With one final, hard push they reached beneath him and grabbed his rock hard cock. Almost the second their fingers touched him, Julian let out one final cry before he instantly came. Cum dripped off the side of the desk, down Julian's stomach and between Nazali's fingers.

Exhausted, Julian couldn't help but slump to his knees when Nazali pulled out, their strong hands slowing his descent for the most part. His was breathing raggedly and he knew he would be sore in the morning, but there was a listless and contented smile on his face.

Nazali knelt down behind him, released the bonds on his wrists and wrapped one arm around his waist for support. They pressed their naked chest to his back lifted their hand to show him their cum-covered fingers, making him flush deeper red. Julian felt Nazali's smile against his neck as they brought their fingers to his mouth. He parted his lips and let out a soft, pleased groan as he cleaned his own cum from Nazali's dripping fingers. He swallowed hard and leaned back against Nazali, completely spent.

Nazali sighed deeply in contentment and then stood up, pulling Julian up with them. Before his legs could give out under him, Nazali scooped him up easily into their arms. Though Julian was tall, his skinny frame made him very easy to carry.

Julian wrapped his arms around Nazali's shoulders for support. His face was flushed an even darker red than when he had been getting pegged. His eyes shifted from one place to another as Nazali carried him into their bedroom, not wanting to meet their eyes. "Um Doctor Satrinava, I-I'm fine I don't need to be carri-"

Nazali shook their head and cut him off. "Oh stop, Ilya. Did you intend to crawl instead?"

Though still embarrassed, Julian chuckled and gave Nazali a curious look while sporting his signature grin. "Perhaps. Would you have liked me to, doctor?"

Nazali rolled their eyes but also couldn't help but snicker. It never ceased to amuse them how quickly Julian could sway between tones like this. They laid Julian on their bed and took off their strap-on before leaving the room again shortly. A few minutes later, they came back with a bowl of warm bath salt infused water, a washcloth, and a bottle of sweet smelling oil. They dipped the washcloth into the bowl and rung it out before gently beginning to scrub down Julian's sweat and cum covered body, starting with his neck and working their way down.

The whole time, Julian was uncharacteristically quiet. He bit his lip hard as the warm cloth brushed against his still tingling skin, refusing to look Nazali in the eye. He started to protest again but Nazali shot him an incredulous look and he immediately shut up, his cheeks flushed deep red. Somehow this was far more embarrassing than anything else they had done to him that day. He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on the soothing smell of the bath salt.

Nazali patted his side insistently and told him to roll over on his stomach. To which Julian reluctantly complied. He folded his arms beneath him and buried his face deep in the soft sheets as Nazali began to wash his back.

"Yes yes Ilya, I know. Having someone else take care of you is the worst thing in the world," Nazali scoffed in exasperation. Julian lifted his head just a bit, his voice still somewhat muffled. "No I-I just... I'll be fine, you r-really don't need to-" Nazali cut him off with a laugh "You're living proof that doctors make the absolute worst patients."

Julian's blush deepened. No matter the circumstances, something about his trusted mentor referring to him as a fellow doctor made him very happy. He hid his face again, but this time he also a hid a huge smile. "Thank you..."

Nazali understood the meaning behind his words, but still couldn't help but poke fun at him. "Only you would thank someone for calling you the worst at something, Ilya."

The quip got Julian to laugh, which brought attention to all of the muscles in his body that would be sore come the next morning. He winced and decided that perhaps - just this once - it would be alright if he let Nazali take care of him for just a bit longer. After they finished scrubbing him down, they poured a bit of the massage oil on his back. Julian groaned softly at its pleasant warmth and relaxing fragrance. Nazali worked their strong fingers into the numerous tension points on Julian's back and shoulders until he was practically melted into the bed. Julian sighed contently and let himself get swept up in a rare moment of peacefulness.

Soon enough Nazali heard the soft sound of Julian's snoring beneath them. They blinked in slight disbelief before a small swell of pride spread in their chest. They must have done exceptionally well tonight if even a notoriously awful sleeper like Julian had managed to nod off. They stifled another laugh and stood up from the bed. They quietly redressed into their usual comfortable attire, deciding that they would return to their study for a few more hours to let Julian get the rest he needed.

Nazali pulled the sheets over his shoulders and hoped that his moment of serenity would follow him into his dreams tonight. 

"Goodnight, Ilya."

[siyeonjisoo]

Oookay.  Long post in-coming.  TL:DR is I saw the GazettE yesterday and while it was a really fucking long day, IT WAS AMAZING AND ALL WORTH IT AND I LOVE THEM AND MY FRIENDS <3 <3 <3

SO my day started at 3:50am when I woke up.  got on a train at 5:17 in the morning to get to NYC by 7.  I ended up being the 34th person in line.  The folks at the front of the line had come straight from Dallas and started lining up at 4am which is both insane but awesome.  I was waiting for the discord friends to show up and was the second one to show up.  the line was originally along the front entrance of the building and all mixed.  The business on the corner, however, really hates the lines being in front of their entrance so we actually got split from VIP and GA really early.  I think it was like 9am when that happened and all of us who are familiar with how shit Playstation staff’s organization usually is were shook.

My friends and I had a great time hanging out all day long so I got no complaints, even though I sat my ass on a sidewalk in Times Square for 10 hours yesterday.  We had ourselves organized and knew we were gonna be fine but Playstation staff showed their true identities by trying to fuck with it all day long.  We all got in several shouting matches of them just going on power trips and us trying to explain that they don’t have to worry about us.

I also painted my nails at some point in line haha

Because we were so damn close to the doors, we could hear soundcheck from outside.  They played Zetsu, Shadow VI II I, Sumire, and Bathroom and I was fucking crying so much then.  Those were the first tears of the day, I think, but nowhere near the last.  We were all freaking out over it.

A little bit after that, I went on a trip to use the bathroom (which was the last time I think I went before I got home at 2am lol.  Held anything from like 3pm till then).  We were going to the Hardrock Cafe for that so we had to walk from the alley tunnel where the VIP lines were around the block past the main entrance of Playstation.  A staff member came walking out just as a car was pulling up with 3 men in the backseat.  They all had light blonde hair and masks on.  Staff hurriedly ushered them inside.  I saw the eyes of one of the guys and I swear to god that it may have been Kai.  It was after the soundcheck so unless staff did the soundcheck for them, they went out for lunch after and I saw them when they came back.  Which is possible.  So yeah, that may have happened.

We were allowed to go inside starting around 6:30 so we started organizing ourselves into the number order we had around 5 just so we could be ready when staff started letting us in.  I was standing from 5pm then until like 9:45, after the concert ended.  At 6:10, they started organizing us by letting us snake through to get our VIP bands and (if you were Heresy) other bracelets.  We got like 25 people through that way and it was taking REALLY long so they gave up on that and sent the first bunch through.  Because a lot of people weren’t there (either were GA given a # by accident or just not there) I ended up being within the first 20 to get inside.

I hit up the merch table to get a Reita bear and because of that, lost the chance to get the barricade but I still was in the 3rd row on the side that I wanted to be on.  It was around 7 by then and we were all just waiting for everyone to get in.  I talked with all the people around me and we all had a great time.  At 8:02, the concert started.

Here is the setlist:

99.999

Falling

NINTH ODD SMELL

GUSH

Vortex

Venomous Spider's Web

THE MORTAL

SONO KOE WA MOROKU

DOGMA

The Suicide Circus

INCUBUS

UGLY

ABHOR GOD

Filth in the Beauty

encore

INSIDE BEAST

Cockroach

Tomorrow Never Dies

I managed to keep my spot in front of Reita in the 3rd row for the entire show, only moving like an inch or two away from center, toward Aoi.  By the time Vortex happened, I definitely was not standing on my own feet but was being held up by the crowd and swaying all around with them.  I had one foot on the ground to keep me, well, grounded, and was just being pushed back and forth with the crowd from then on.  I don’t think I have been that covered in sweat in my entire life.  My shirt was fucking drenched, thank goodness it was a thick material so the white didn’t become transparent at least haha.

The folks directly behind me were holding onto my shoulders and back to balance while headbanging and that pushed me forward and backward so I was headbanging better so thanks fam!

I also got a punch in the eye at one point and this was the thought process of my reaction (over the span of like 2 seconds):  "oh no, i'm a daycare teacher! I can't have a black eye!" then "fuck it, I'm at a concert I don't care" then "wait it didn't even hurt that much why was I so dramatic".  There was no damage and I was just being dramatic so enjoy laughing at me.

I was right in front of Reita so I got lots of him.  He stuck his tongue out while making eye contact with me at one point.  I saw heaven in that moment.  He also kept doing this weird little waving thing with his hand throughout and it was really fucking cute and made me laugh while doing it back at him.

Ruki would also hop up in the area right in front of us, right on the edge of the stage, and after the first time he came there, I was on that one foot until the main set ended.  Seeing Ruki’s dorky dancing in person, that close, is so funny.  I laughed so hard every single time he did his little chicken neck dance thing.  Can’t take him seriously when he does that.

Aoi was teasing all of us and being a handsome man.  He also attempted to turn Sono Koe wo Moroku into a sexy song with how he was dancing there.

Kai and Uruha were on their side of the stage the entire time and I couldn’t see either of them very well but every time I did, they were breathtakingly beautiful and seemed to be having so much fun.

Main set ended around 9:08.  We chanted back and forth between encore and gazetto for like 11 or 12 minutes before they came back on.

Aoi and Reita stayed in their costumes while Kai and Uruha had changed into tour shirts.  URUHA LOOKED SO FUCKING SEXY IN HIS BECAUSE he had cut the sleeves off and the collar so it was a low v-neck style.  Made his choker necklace stand out even more and HOLY FUCK IS THAT MAN SEXY.  Kai took his microphone and yelled at us in English about how fucking awesome we were and it was so nice hearing him curse for some reason.  I can’t explain why it was so nice to hear but it was.  After that, they started a slightly elongated instrumental intro to Inside Beast before Ruki came out on stage and he also had not changed out of his costume.

The only time that Uruha came past the center onto my side was during Inside Beast I think.  The only words I could think at that moment were “oh my god, that man is so beautiful”.

I knew that Tomorrow Never Dies was going to be the last song they played so as soon as Ruki started saying “last”, I started feeling like I was going to cry.  But the problem with that was the fact that I had sweated out so much liquid that I had no tears.  So I sobbed but without tears throughout that entire song.  After that song, Aoi, Uruha, and Reita threw their pics into the crowd.  One of Aoi’s landed like a foot or two to my left but either someone caught it and didn’t tell anyone or it got lost cause no one claimed to have caught it after.

Kai had his phone and took a picture from behind his drumset.  I think it was a selfie with us in the background.  Then he came down to the front, smiley as ever, and took some more pics of just us.  I found myself.  I’m in the purple circle here

We then all went up to the chairs in the back to wait for it to be M&G time.  I would have been fine if my day had ended there, honestly, because it had already been amazing.  But no, there was still more.  It was like 9:30/9:40 when they started clearing the rows to go through.  I was surprisingly calm about it because I was concentrating on my promise to a friend.  She was behind me in line and I had promised to get Aoi to wish her a happy birthday since it is today, the day after the concert.  So I focused on that and making sure I could say that to him instead of freaking out over anything else.

so the order was Aoi, Reita, Ruki, Kai, Uruha.  one by one, here is what happened.

Aoi: he takes my hands and thanks me in English.  I thank him in Japanese while marveling in how SOFT his hands are.  Then I tell him, again in Japanese, about it being my friends bday tomorrow and asking him to say something.  He looks at her and grins and nods to me.  Reita is staring at me now and I almost froze having both of them looking straight at me at the same time.

Reita: I hand to him the card I wrote for all of them and he takes it while saying, in English, “For me?” and he sounded so cute.  I corrected him and said it was for all of them and he nodded and thanked me, in Japanese, and I thanked him too.  I kinda didn’t even notice that he wasn’t looking at me with two eyes because I was in so much shock.

Ruki: He gave me the softest smile as he took my hand in both of his.  I thanked him and almost couldn’t let go of his hands.  Not because of me, but because of him not wanting to let go.  I think he saw my tattoo when we shook hands which makes me happy.

Kai: THIS MAN IS SO SWEET.  I thanked him while we shook hands and this is kinda when I started losing my mind.  I let go of his hands kinda fast but I told him, in Japanese, that he has an amazing smile and he tilted his head and smiled at me.  Like just at me and my legs almost gave out under me.

Uruha: His hands.  They are so big.  And so soft.  AND HE IS SO FUCKING HOT.  I had completely lost my mind by then so he said thank you in English and I just couldn’t say anything else but thank you in English.  My brain was goop.

I walked away from Uruha on shaky legs, got my VIP little towel, and then collapsed against a wall and started sobbing.  11 and a half years waiting for an opportunity to thank them, face-to-face, finally brought to an end last night and it all just crashed down on me in that moment.

My friend who was behind me came out crying and came straight to give me a hug and we just hugged and cried for almost a minute, just standing there.  Aoi had wished her a happy birthday, as expected, but Reita did too.  That’s why he had been staring at me while I spoke to Aoi lol.

I just wandered around with my friends inside the venue, trying to keep from sobbing completely because ain’t nobody need that kind of attention from a venue’s staff.

My friends all parted ways to go back to their respective Airbnbs or hotels while I started my lonely walk back to Penn station.  But I was still kinda crying so I scanned the crowd of people also walking in that direction until I found people I recognized to be from this concert.  Caught up with them and asked if I could walk with them for a little bit so I wouldn’t be a girl walking through the city, alone, crying, at night.  We ended up stopping to get food together and chatting for like an hour before I had to head off to catch my train.

I cried literally off and on the entire way home.  On the train, walking from train to car, driving home, every step of the way.  I ended up being awake for a solid 22, almost 23, hours yesterday.  My throat is still sore today.  My neck hurts so much.  My heart is so full of emotions that I am still so close to crying at any moment.  All of the stress about the semester up until now? Worth it.  All of my worries about finals? Gone.  I met and spoke with (in Japanese) the human beings who inspired me to start learning Japanese in the first place.  I will be graduating from college in 13 days as both a member of Sigma Tau Delta and cum laude.  Not to be overdramatic or cringey or anything but I know for a fact that I would not be at this point in my life if I hadn’t found this band when I was 11.5 years old.  11.5 years later, this is what my life is like.  I have the money to afford to MEET them.  And the opportunity for it.  Life can change so much.  Like, if anyone ever needs a reminder that “it get’s better” this is it!

The first goal was just to see them in concert.  That was ticked off the list in 2016 at their first world tour.  The second was to meet them and be able to say “thank you” to them in person.  That was ticked off the list last night.  The new goal? get them all to autograph my arm, under where I have their logo, so I can get that tattooed as well.  My entire left arm is going to be dedicated to bands that have shaped who I am so there will also be Miyavi tattoos and maybe even some Berryz Koubou tattoos there one day but for now, the goal is their autographs.  So look out for that.

Also, check out all of my beautiful and lovely friends.  I love them all so much and miss you all already!! (I’m the blondie grinning like a dork because I was so happy!)