#*** I think I was a little older like 7 idk my life is a blur to me but I was a child !

[twstwonderlandstuff]

yes, this is my rambling abt my oc, look away, idc if it's cringe

I joke about valie being a silly little goof w/ nothing in his head lots, but I think valie would be a nice background chara who's there

valie uses she/he pronouns

not like therapist yuu, but as someone the cast can lean on (platonically)

valie's friendly nature (think kalim, but 2x as touchy) while it pushes most of the twst cast away at the start, I think cuz' i made sure valie ask for consent w/ the touching they'll be okay w/ it

'friendly nature' here means platonic kissing, so like REALLY touchy lolol

e.g.: she asks explicit permission to deuce if he can kiss deuce's cheek/ hold hands/ hug

like very much 'can i?' when she/he wants to touch someone

but that being said, i can see why this friendly nature blurs the line between romantic and platonic, which is one of the bigger conflicts i put in valie's life (non-existent romantic life)

I know NRC isn't a romance game, but valie being SUCH a sucker for it and desperate for a partner (boy, girl, doesn't matter) that she/he ends up trying to flirt w/ everyone in NRC lol

some of it is blatant teasing, but sometimes she/he actually means but BECAUSE she/he is so touchy its hard to tell and it leads to valie going all sad like 'i am never going to find a partner' and then yeahhh

idk what this delved into BUT! i think it could be a character conflict of valie trying to break away from this 'i need a partner that COMPLETES me'/ i am not who i am without a partner/ over dependence on love concept in twst and instead simply having a crush on someone because she/he finds them fun, not because they could fill this 'void' in valie

i can see the first years knocking some sense into valie after an incident- maybe someone asked valie out (a dare) but she/he took it as a real thing and becomes EXTREMELY heartbroken over it

and while its harsh, its prboably like a wake up call??? smth like that IDK

that being said i kinda want valie to have vivid dreams as a kid- so vivid that she'd go to an artist and ask his papa to commision the aritst to draw the dream

and the dream is silver/ sebek

BUT LIKE SHE/HE DOESN'T KNOW IT TILL NRC RIGHT?!?! so when he/she sees sebek/silver she/he's like WAIT.

but it undermines the message cuz like it'll be 'oh its meant to be... my fated one' AHHH I DON'T KNOW HELPPP

also need help w/ valie's family story urgh

i wanna (a) make it complicated or (b) make it supa chill

(a) is valie and vivi's dad had a fallout so they're not allowed to see each other but THEY DO and advalsdvafknsdvlakn

(b) the other is that they're super chill dudes and they just vibe as a big family living under the same roof

im thinking of b because i could make cousins for valie ( i have determined 7 cousins ) and like idk yeah

3 older brohters (triplets- i made hc's abt them, but ehhh), 3 younger siblings (2 girls, 1 boy)

like clearly its not gnna be perfect and everyone's gonna have a thing w/ eah other but big family dynamics are fun! and exciting!

my hc in my head is that valie's papa's a porn director (lmao idk why it sounds like a cool job) and valie's mama is not present in his/her life

i dunno why yet but like eyy valie's papa is rlly chill w/ the parenting, i think he owuld get along w/ lilia or smth

not a dilf or anything just like. a dad yeah

maybe this is also why valie's so touchy? cuz like??? the envrionemtn IDK like its fun ^^

ANYWAY she'd def. (apart from vivi) tell her dad abt twst

like he wouldn't dead ass beleive him until valie brought grim up as evidence like 'you want proof? TAKE THIS GREMLIN'

and the dad's like "AIGHT KIDDO OUT THAT BACK DOWN ISEE IT"

loosing it LMAO that'd be so funny

and when vivi and valie meet they're crying like

vivi: YOU LEFT ME

valie: I HAD NO FUCKIN CHOICE THE MIRROR

and idk what happens yeah lmaoooo

also vivi being rlly tall??? vivi is an obey me mc so i'd like her to be taller than Beel for funsies LOL

so as a teen, vivi would have to be BIG. and TALL.

its mega fun to think abt bcuz u have this small, feral thing of 145 cm + 70 cm cat and then u have this giant of a woman standing at (currently and forever) 205 cm and it's like HOLY SHIT?? U GUYS R THE SAME AGE????

funniest thing evr I SWEAR

valie literally climbs vivi like a tree and vvi's like 'aight'

speaking of vivi she'd have 1900's style clothes that she wears w/out batting an eye like its normal attire

honestly incredible

i want to make her a business woman, but like running a family's company is kind of an redudant trope so idk what i want to do w/ thatttt

maybe viv is just like. a business woman who just. runs her own mini shop

like octavinelle's monstro lounge but a little bit smaller. like, maybe an offline/online shop relating to designs/fashion? that'd be cute TT

idkkkk

oh yeah also

crow motif for valencia (throwback to me making that 'the gilded monarch' dress for him)

spider motif for vivica cuz i think vivi's someone with lodas of connectio but little to connect TO

valie's one of the people she relies on emotinally, but she leans TOO heavily since she's the 'strong and tall' one

[mrskurono]

title: Regret Nothing || Hanamaki x fem!Reader a/n: man idk anymore just thinking about Makki 24/7 is my job now word count: idk it’s a drabble tags: fluff, domestic au, angst if you squint, dirty joke at the end character(s): Takahiro Hanamaki (hq)

The one sided shouting match in the living room sounded lively as ever for a Saturday. 

Peeking your head around the corner to see your kids pointing at the tv going on about something you were destined to be filled in about later. What you didn’t see was your husband. Certain he was apart of the foolery going on if they were complaining about videogames.

“You two, where’s your father?” All eyes are torn from the screen immediately to look at you. 

That classic unenthused look they inherited from their father was shared between both tweens before shrugging.

“Dad got a text from uncle Tooru and told us to keep playing.” Your oldest shrugged it off. Returning to the two player game where the youngest had already pressed resume on their game.

“I think he went to the bathroom.” Your youngest popped off without tearing their attention away from the screen.

“Dad had to poop probably.” An addition by the oldest.

You sigh with an eye roll, “Thank you detectives. Make sure we get you two a puzzle game next time for those skills you got there.” The threat of education on their free time earned a groan from both of them. Making you grin and ruffle their hairs before going to find their father.

As suspected Takahiro wasn’t in the bathroom. If gaming time was on the line you’d seen that man out weight both kids to prove he was the ultimate winner. So it was weird that he’d told them to keep playing. On a Saturday too. This was their cheat day to play together. So when it was mentioned a text from Tooru distracted him. You were a little worried since most the time you were included on those groups texts.

Running through what could have been sent, nothing really comes to mind. Issei had said both Hajime and Tooru were doing good last Sunday when everyone had dinner. And if it was an emergency then of course Takahiro would have told you. 

Combing through your own thoughts to find your husband not in the bathroom like both kids had told you. You find him back in your bedroom in fact. To your surprise actually.

“Hey, the kids are loosing that stupid game of theirs. Did they finally beat you?” You ask with a smile as you approach him seated on the bed. More than surprised by the mystery text, you’re unsure of what to think when you see old albums at your husband’s feet. With the oldest one in his lap. Open to pictures of graduation of all things. A crease forms on your forehead and you rub your hand along his shoulders, “What, did big star-kawa need an old photo for a cheesy interview?”

No response. Your frown deepens and you take a seat next to him.

“Love what’s up with you the kids said Tooru texted you and-”

“Do you regret marrying me?”

Blindsided by such a question. You take a moment to even comprehend the kind of inane question that was. Instead you can’t fathom why he even asked that.

“Takahiro what are you even talking about?” You look at the album spread in his lap then to his face, “What crap are you even on to ask that?”

He reached up and palmed the back of his neck with a little shrug, “I’m sorry...I just...Tooru sent a text about the anniversary of his first medal. It wasn’t that bad but Issei last week at dinner. And Hajime opening another fitness center....You could have done so much better than me y’know? Living abroad or at least living some place with three times as much space and-”

“Hah!” 

Certainly not the reaction the man was looking to hear. It was enough that he took his eyes off the old photos to look at you literally snorting at his words. His turn to frown Takahiro didn’t see what was so funny about it all. To him it felt true.

“First off, why look at this one? I hated your uniforms so much.” 

“Hey!” 

“Oh just hush-” You take the album from his lap and tuck it back in the box. Only to thumb through to the third one in. Plucking it from the confines of old musty box and setting it on your lap, “Now this one.”

Takahiro frowned, “I mean, that’s not even the wedding album. What one is that one? The kids or moving or-”

“It’s my favorite album is what it is.” You answer him as you swipe your hand over the face of it. 

Unlike the others which were neatly labeled. This one bore no name. No baby’s first. No wedding photos. No post high school. No nothing. It was nameless and blank.

Grumbling Takahiro was still upset that you blew him off. Even more so when you opened to the middle of the album at random to what was clearly a set of blurry pictures. To the untrained eye this was the reject pile if there ever was one.

“Do you remember that one?” You ignore his sour face and point at the waterlogged picture of what appeared to be a bowl of fruit.

Scrutinizing it a bit closer he had to think a moment, “...that was that fake fruit bowl my sister thought would be funny to give us for our first apartment....god but the photo got wine on it after that one stay at home date we had.”

“That was such a nice bottle of wine.” You shook your head, “A real shame we spilled it.”

“We?” He snorted, “I told you that kitchen was too small for decorations and to dance.”

“Oh how about this one?” You point at the rabid blurred face of both of your kids. Somewhere in the three to six range. The picture clearly unmarked by a date but with the way your oldest had a missing front tooth and the littler of the two sporting bangs almost identical to Takahiro’s in high school, it was clear they were still little.

“That was my oldest sister’s birthday party god they ate so much cake I could have killed her.” Takahiro groaned at the war flash back of the mess and trouble of sugar high kids at their aunt’s house.

“How about this?” You pointed at a picture. 

One that stumped him in fact. Takahiro leaned down and tried to make out what it was with the awful sun glare that skewed literally everything in the photo. Not to mention the wine stain from ages ago. Meaning this was an old photo he was drawing a blank on.

“...is that you or me? Where we were? I don’t even remember that.” 

A smile blossoms on your face and you lean your head into your husband’s shoulder, “That was right after graduation...we had that big trip planned but everyone coped out at the last second. So you and I went instead.”

“Oh the seagull thing!” 

You nod and trace your fingers over the assorted poorly taken pictures. Some of them newer and some of them older. All of them clear rejects to the real well done albums. But still something about them made you happier to look at than anything else.

“If you’re gonna ask me if I regret marrying you. Then I want you to ask yourself the same thing.”

For a second he looked appalled, “Of course not! You are my everything! Marrying you was one of the best days of my life, I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

“See,” You close the book and take a moment to cup his round cheeks in your hands, “So that’s your answer.”

Takahiro closed his eyes and let his face rest in your palms, “But...you could have been traveling the world...living in luxury. I just...I could have done more for you. Could have been more.”

“Takahiro Hanamaki-” Your stern tone made him open his eyes to you, “Outside this room are two of the most smartest, annoying little mini you’s I’ve ever met and I would have never had them if you didn’t give them to me. They’re that wonderful because of you. Because you’re their dad. Because you’re an amazing father and an even more amazing husband.” You take a moment, swiping your thumb over his forever chubby cheek and smiling to keep yourself from tearing up, “You’ve given me the world. And then some. I’ve never regretted a day in my life with you in it. Being with you...I regret nothing.”

Choked up for a moment. The man laughs, be it too keep from crying himself. Takahiro wipes at his face and pushes his forehead against yours, “Even though I’m just a lousy stay at home dad huh?”

Again you laugh, this time pulling his face close to yours so you can kiss him hard and long. It draws out for a second before you look up at him and peck him once more on the lips, “I’ve never seen anything sexier than you taking care of those kids. Fuck living in Argentina. The sexiest place in the world is right here with you.”

Takahiro’s face breaks out to the biggest grin as he wraps his arms around you, “You uh...was pretend to make another one of those mini me’s you think are so cute?”

“They’re on the second boss fight,” You grin with a kiss to his cheek, “Hurry up and shut the door and we can do more than pretend.”

[trailshome]

another potentially angsty one because i love being in emotional agony: how about #9, how do they feel about growing older and eventually dying? personally im more scared about actually getting old than dying (although I am a little scared of dying painfully im more worried about what happens after) but theres something really scary about getting old to me. idk wjsjk anyway fun fact of the day: i have playlists for my ocs!! all of them are over 3 hours long and I also have a playlist for the place some of them originate from!! it's a bit messy and i need to clean them out bc sometimes i just add things in there w/o a second thought lol!! i think my longest oc playlist rn is like. 7 hours long but that's bc he's kinda like my “main” oc in a way??

-spice [extra fun fact!! i have bad eyesight which means i have to wear glasses. my mom says my eyesight is like hers and her eyesight is terrible like she can only see blurs and blobs but i can see w/o glasses?? it's just not as good by far. i’ve also dyed my hair 3 times (pink-purple, purple, and red) and i love short hair. i kinda wanna dye my hair red again but the first time hurt so bad for some reason it was terrible but the color looked really nice on me!!]

// ngl scared of what awaits after death -- top fear aside from large, barking dogs and water, haha!! I should spend some time making character playlists/general playlists for Trails but I'm... far too lazy lol!!

Finlay: Totally chill, their faith is unshakable and they believe they will end up in the Crossroads before journeying with many others to the next life.

Lesilfae: Dying?? Him?? HAH!! He's probably cut a deal with a necromancer or smth to resurrect him after death (which is highly illegal in the Realm) aka he's terrified.

Galeon: Also totally chill about it. Doesn't know what will happen after but he's accepted that it's a part of life. More worried about being separated from his loved ones than death itself.

Hollond: Not afraid of death, but afraid of who (or what) awaits them. Perhaps that means eternal paradise, or, perhaps, they're afraid of meeting their (literal) maker.

Greta: Not afraid of death, more worried about how bored she'll be instead. Eternal sleep? boring. Eternal happiness?? also kinda boring. She want's adventure! Excitement!! How can she do that when she's gone??

[minnies-mochi]

"Your Coat's Still Very Much On"

Angst: Oikawa x F!Reader x Slight!Akaashi

A/n: idk if this is sad but🤷🏽‍♀️

Part 2

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Seven months older

Air's getting cold, our bed's startin' to creak

I turned my head to look on the spot on the bed. Empty and Cold.

What kind of boyfriend is he?

I shivered even though I'm under the covers. I wished his arms were wrapped around me.

God knows where you are

My boyfriend of 3 years went to Taiwan, without even telling me. I looked at my phone, hoping I'd gotten a response from him.

‘Seen’

‘Did-Did he leave me?’

I'm here waiting for love through a screen

I’m thinking about the times we’ve spent with each other.

You show me the outfit you chose

For the dinner and tonight's show

`”Hey, babe. Does this look good?” He said. I lowered the book I was reading and looked at him. I realized he was wearing his jersey.

Must be nice to be your clothes

He chuckled at my pouting face as he pulled me into his embrace.

“I can’t wait to beat Tobio-chan and Chibi-Chan,” he said. I smiled and  brought my hand up then caressed his cheek, “You better win”.´

Second to none even at your worst

Sometimes I wish you'd put me first

He was so caught up in his late night practices and I barely saw him at all.

Nowadays you're such a blur

I can barely remember what Tooru looked like. Has it been that long? Well obviously, he’s been gone for 7 months.

We keep dancing around the innocent truth that we're just…

I curled myself into a ball and cried my eyes out until I fell asleep

Out of time

Must I die before you feel alive?

-Next Morning

I woke up with my eyes being puffy. I heard the front door open then close.

Quickly, I ran down the stairs and saw Him.

Oikawa Tooru.

He saw me and smiled a sweet smile.

A curse in a graceful disguise

I smiled sadly at him.

I love you too much to stay in love

“How are you darling?” I asked.

How are you, really?

“How was Taiwan?”

He pulled out a bouquet of flowers.

My favorite (F/Flowers).

“Thanks for the flowers,” I said.

Tooru nervously scratched the back of his head, “Let’s break up. I started a family of my own and It’s with your best friend”.

He cheated, I knew it, but I still felt my heart shattering.

Great was our love, it was one for the books

“I’m sorry” Tooru, no Oikawa, said.

We gave it the best we could

His stuff was gone.

He was gone.

But I won't recite all my lines just to watch you and I lie

-3 Years later

It's been 3 years since I last saw Oikawa. I already moved on and got married to the new love of my life, Akaashi Keji.

We started a family of our own, 2 girls and 1 boy.

I cut off (best friend’s name), so I felt free from the excess weight from my shoulders.

I'm so proud I got to love you once...Oikawa. Thank you.

Little did you know, Oikawa is regretting he left you for your best friend.

~~~~~~~~~~

Credit of this story goes to me: @minnies-mochi

[glittercracker]

Kingkiller Crap

So, I’ve never really posted much here that involves my own thoughts. There are a number of reasons why, but whatever. I feel the need NOW to post some thoughts, and having no working independent blog (yet!) I suppose this is the place to dump them. PSA: none of this is about anime. None of this is frivolous or fun. TW for sexual abuse. You have been warned! So. I’ve been rereading the Kingkiller Chronicles. aka “Name of the Wind” and “The Wise Man’s Fear” and “That Other One That Shall Not Be Named.” This reread was, at the beginning, almost an afterthought. A way to keep my 13 yo happy on a 7 hour car ride. Except, he could not have cared less, and I got sucked back into the story (and okay, if that is how all our audiobook car rides go, meh? At least it keeps me sharp!) I raced through book one, and bought book 2 on audible with an eye to my upcoming surgery and recooperation. Book one was problematic in the places I remembered, but also as generally engaging as I remembered. And then book 2 happened, and surgery happened, and I have had weeks to lie in bed listening to this bloody interminable sequel, and I find myself lost in a morass of, “WTF was I ever THINKING?” Namely, how did I ever love this book enough to pine for the next? It’s been hard to put a finger on exactly what is making this time through book 2 both a slog and also vaguely, creepily uncomfortable, but if you’re interested, my rather stream-of-consciousness ramble of thoughts ensues. First, the male gaze that rears its head at times in book 1 predominates here. But while I don’t love the way Kvothe describes women, I also have 2 degrees in literature, and I’m beyond that being a reason not to read an otherwise engaging book. Second, Kvothe is a Gary Stu, for all of Rothfuss’s protestations to the contrary. Again, so far, so much traditional high fantasy. But while, say, Aragorn is content to just quietly be Awesome At Everything, Kvothe is a braggy little shit of a Gary Stu: the person you hated for announcing their perfect scores in that hs class you could never quite master. I could fill several pages with examples, but for some reason what really made me want to kick him in the head was not Felurian’s disbelief of his virginity (though really, jfc, REALLY?) Nope, it was the end of his time w the Ademrae (sp may be off, remember, I’m listening not reading!) when he crows about having learned the history of his sword 2 days earlier than expected. Why does this stick out? Oh, idk. Maybe bc he sucks so hard he can’t even get past the first obstacle in his practical final exam? Yet he still has to tell us how fucking awesome he is for remembering 6000 names of previous owners.

I know, I’m supposed to forgive his teenage idiocy. The internet sympathists (no pun intended!) keep telling me this. And I suppose that I would, IF this were a simple first-person narrative - but it isn’t. Let’s repeat that, and really think about it. This story is being narrated by an older and presumably wiser Kvothe who has lost everything - whose abilities have been expunged to the extent that he can’t open his own chest of Cool Stuff. He shows humility in his actions, mostly. And yet when discussing his 16 yo self, the humility evaporates, and he speaks with no kind of perspective or lens of accrued wisdom. He still compares women to instruments waiting for the “right” player (i.e. him) and defends this choice of words by saying, essentially, “You aren’t a musician, you don’t know!”

Interesting assumption for an innkeeper in a medieval-esque world. Interesting assumption if this is in fact authorial interjection, too, because I suspect the majority of this book’s audience *are* musicians to at least an extent, and I also suspect that the majority of us (yes, us - I own several beloved instruments, including a harp custom made for me as a wedding present from my husband) would not equate a human lover to even the most beloved of instruments.

But all of this is well-trodden critical ground. As far as I can tell, though, my third issue isn’t: although it’s perhaps the most glaringly tone-deaf example of all of Rothfuss’s excruciatingly tone-deaf portrayal of his world’s women. Namely, the two girls kidnapped and gang-raped by the fake Ruh.

Almost all of the criticism I’ve read on this section of TWMF concentrates on Kvothe’s treatment of the girls’ abusers. What’s interesting is that no one ever seems to write about Kvothe’s treatment of the girls themselves. Yes, he treats them kindly. He tends their wounds, he feeds them, he tries (and succeeds, of course) to draw Ellie out of her shocked stupor. 

Yet what he never once does, from the moment he takes control of the situation, is ask their opinions on any of this, including what their next step should be. He just decides to bring them back to their families - families who, in this type of society, might well disown them for being “ruined”. And the girls themselves, namely the intelligent and savvy Krin, seem to go blindly along with what he says. Why? Would Krin at least not question this, or object to his making decisions for her, when a group of men had so recently and brutally taken away all of her agency? Would she not question whether being brought back to her family is the best thing for the catatonic Ellie?

Okay, apparently not. So they return to their apparently very forgiving town. Kvothe stands up for the girls against the village shithead: thank you, Kvothe, bc I’m sure Krin could not have said those words herself. He assures the reader that they are with people who will love and care for them despite what has happened to them: thank you, Kvothe, though it’s stretching my credulity a bit that you would assume that no one will take issue with their deflowering. But then he “gifts” the girls the spoils of his slaughter: the horses, the valuables, the wagons. And I was about to give him a (grudging) pass for being decent about this, EXCEPT: he goes on to say that these goods are meant for the girls’ dowries. Specifically, to make them worth enough financially for potential husbands to overlook their loss of virginity. He even tells Krin not to settle for a less-than-lucrative marriage.

And suddenly, I was outraged. Why? Because a man who had witnessed the full extend of these women’s abuse brought them back to a backwater town believing that he was being magnanimous both in doing so, and in giving up whatever share he might have taken of the spoils of the debacle to make them financially lucrative marriage prospects. Because he never asked these traumatized girls if they might rather cut and run with the money than use it to make some man overlook their abuse in order to make them his property. He never even questions the idea that they will be grateful to submit to marriage contracts that will no doubt require them to have sex with their husbands, even though these women have been abused to the extent that they cannot sit a horse for *two days* after being rescued. And the worst part is that 20-something frame-story Kvothe doesn’t question this either; he just goes on to gloat about people singing songs about his daring rescue. Maybe I was just ready for a straw to break my benefit of the doubt. Or maybe this really is as outrageous as it feels. Either way, I can’t help being angry at Rothfuss. As a writer, I am very well aware that character and author are not the same thing; that authorial intent is not the same as authorial beliefs. But there are moments in some books when I have to wonder if that line is blurring, and this is one of them. Kvothe has literally JUST left a female-dominated country full of independent women happily doing their own thing. He has given these girls the means to find themselves a situation that will never require them to be beholden to a man again - even houses ffs, in the shape of those 2 wagons, should they want them. There are so many options beyond marriage: I can’t, for instance, think of a medieval society that didn’t have its version of a convent. Or, for Krin at least, why not the University? For that matter, why not marry her himself, and then set her free to do as she likes under the awning of a respectable marriage? 

Instead he returns them to their fathers, and likewise gives their fathers the means to marry them off with no argument. Who, after all, holds the reins of the horses at the end? Why does Kvothe assume that these families will actually use the wealth even in the dubious way that he recommends?

And in this, I think, I am justified in giving Rothfuss the stink-eye. This is one more instance for Kvothe to play the hero with no real attention given to the consequences. Kvothe himself, I think, would be appalled. He has suffered so much deprivation in his life, so often been marginalized, scapegoated, powerless, how on earth could he so easily consign others to that fate? How could he think, loving Denna as he does, having heard her words to the beaten girl in Severin, that buying these girls husbands who will “overlook” their abuse for the sake of wealth is anything but a wretched life sentence for them?

Sigh. There was a time when I desperate awaited book three. Now, given the other women’s lives at stake in this series, I’m not so sure I want to know.

[greatfay]

since ur answering asks and shit can u explain what u meant by generational differences in communication

Damn it’s like 2015 tumblr when my inbox used to be WET. So if you’re talking about the controversial opinions post, YES, like I totally understand where people are coming from when they say that generational divides aren’t real (because they aren’t, they’re arbitrary) and distract us from real problems and yes they paint past generations as collectively bigoted when Civil Rights protestors in the 60s (who are in their 70s and 80s now) are mirrors to BLM protestors today, who could be of any age, but the most vocal and famous (at least online, especially irt to the founders, like Patrisse Cullors who is 37.

But how we communicate is sooooo different. I really point to the Internet and Social Media as a major influence in how younger millennials (more Tom Hollands and less Seth Rogans—see even there, I feel like there are two different types of Millennials) and Gen Zrs/Zoomers and even Generation Alpha behave and communicate. We live in a world where we grew up either knowing right out the gate or discovering the hard way that what we say and do has permanence, the kind of permanence that prior generations have never experienced until today. The dumb things kids have been saying since forever can now follow them... forever. We have an inherent understanding of how online spaces work. Compare that to, idk, let’s say you posted on your Facebook (for the first time in 18 months) “All these big and bad grown ass Senators going after actual child Greta Gerwig lol ok, you’re so brave for attacking a CHILD over climate change” and then your aunt, who’s turning “forty-fifteen” in May replies to your post with “So happy to see my passionate niece! Much love from us, hope you’re doing well. Paul is doing great, waiting on his screening results. Tell your mom I said we miss her, we need to get together, we forgive her for last Christmas.”

Like... ok there’s a lot going on there, but your hypothetical aunt is oversharing on a publicly accessible post. And even with the most strict of privacy settings, she’s oversharing where your other Facebook friends (which may include classmates, coworkers, etc.) can see. But she’s saying things that would only be appropriate in a 1-on-1 conversation. This Aunt doesn’t have an understanding of such boundaries, she’s not as technologically literate and hasn’t grown up in a world of Virtual Space, she still gets most of her news from TV, she trusts what a reporter on Channel 4 will read off a script more than what actual video footage of an incident might reveal on Twitter, and she has no clue that she’s been sharing her location data with every post she makes.

There’s such a huge difference. I think it even affects how we experience and express stress and frustration. I think growing up partially in online spaces has made me more accustomed to conflict and consequence-free arguing than someone who never had to worry about that. I’ve been exposed so much to harassment and bullying, triangulating and echo chambers in forums and threads, and vastly opposing point of views at such an early age that it’s had an effect on how I see the world. Compare this to a customer I helped two weeks ago who was looking for a specific type of supplement for children. I found it for her, I handed her exactly what she was looking for, even though her description of the product actually matched several different products; to make sure I’d done my job thoroughly and that she leaves happy and satisfied and doesn’t bother me again, I then show her more products that match her description so that she knows she has options. And she proceeds to freak out, saying “NO, NO, I’M LOOKING FOR [X] AND IT HAS TO BE [XYZ]” and when I say freak out, she looked stressed and PANICKED. And being a retail employee wears you down bit by bit, and add COVID on top of it and little shit like this makes you snap, sometimes. So I have to cut her off like “Why are you screaming and freaking out, jfc you’re holding what you said you wanted. It’s in your hands. I gave you what you wanted, I’m just showing you more things.”

That customer is not an exception, she’s not a unique case. She’s representative of a frightening percentage of her generation, the kids who watched Grease and The Breakfast Club and Ghost in theaters when they were originally released. This is how they communicate and process information. She could not, for some reason, register that her need had been fulfilled, and defaulted to an extreme emotional response when given new and different information.

I’ve yet to deal with someone younger than 35 act the same way, the exceptions being the kids of very wealthy people at my new job who reek of privilege I gag when they walk in—but even they are like *shrugs* “ok whatever” and understanding when there’s something I can’t do for them.

Me: “sorry, we are totally out of that one in your size, but I can order it for you, it’s 2-3 day shipping at no cost to you and we ship it straight to your house”

A rich, white, attractive 22-year-old who’s had access to organic food, a rigorous dermatologist, and financial security since she was born: “mmm... sure, I’ll order it”

A 47-year-old of any socioeconomic background, of any race, in the same situation: “AHHHHHHHHHHH”

I just think it’s crazy how three generations of kids and young adults raised in a world where everything moves so much faster, where knowledge and entertainment and communication can be gathered so much faster, are often so much more polite and patient and understanding. Yesterday I told an older man (mid-50s) whose native tongue is the same as mine, as clearly and succinct as possible, that what he’s looking for is “in aisle 4.” He proceeded to repeat back, “Aisle 7?” four time before I dropped everything to show him what he needed in aisle 4, despite his insistence that he didn’t need me to walk him there. 4 and 7 sound nothing alike in English. There’s just something going on up there 🧠 that’s different.

Oh, other generational divides!!! We have different approaches to labor and working. Totally different! I’m a “young” millennial where I’m almost Gen Z, and I’ve noticed an awful trend among my demographic where people actually brag about working 90 hour work weeks. Or brag about how they skip breaks and live on-call to get the job done for “the hustle” like this “hustle, become a millionaire by 30″ culture that’s dominated these kids, idk where tf that came from. Like why are you proud of being a wage slave, getting taken advantage of by your millionaire/billionaire overlords. Compare this to my mother’s generation (she’s a borderline Genius X’er, she and her best friend were a year too young to watch Grease when it came out and had a random older woman buy tickets for her; she went to Prince concerts, took photos of him, then sold the photos on buttons at school, that’s her culture and teenage experience), where she’s insistent on her rights and entitlements as an employee, and these things she instilled me: “whatchu mean they didn’t schedule a break for you and you’re working 12 hrs today? oh no, you’re off, don’t answer your phone cuz you are NOT available!” There are Gen X’ers who entered the workforce at a time that America was drifting toward this corporate world, with more strictly defined regulations, roles, and understandings of labor rights (and also, let’s talk about how the 80s there was so much more attention on workplace harassment, misogyny and gender divides in wage gaps, etc. etc... not that much has changed, but at least it was talked about!). There are young people today who are taken advantage of because they aren’t as informed or don’t feel as secure and valuable enough to claim what belongs to them.

At the same time, those generations (Gen X and older) have a different viewpoint of hierarchies in the workplace and respect irt our direct supervisors. That’s how you get this blurring of boundaries between Work Life and one’s Personal Life that leads to common tropes in media written by their generations, where oh no! I’m having my boss over for dinner and the roast beef is still defrosting :O is such a “relatable thing” for them... meanwhile us younger generations are like I don’t even like that you know where I live, and if I see your 2017 Honda Civic pass my place one day, we’re going to have a problem. I think older generations have a different relationship with the word “Respect” than we do. Like, my grandma, who’s turning 87 (?) this year, and the other seniors in my area, they have a different concept of honor and an expectation of professional boundaries that I, and my mom and her generation, just don’t see (so then there’s something in common with Gen X’ers and the rest of us.) My dad grew up in a world where talking and acting like George Bailey and knocking on someone’s door with a big smile could get you a job, a job that could pay for college and rent no problem. My mom grew up in a world that demanded more prestige, where cover letters and references could get you into some cushy jobs if you’re persistent and ballsy enough. And I grew up in a world where potential employers literally don’t see your face when you apply unless they lurk on any social media profiles you have publicly available and they hold all the cards, and you need all those CVs and reference letters just to make minimum wage... so I feel like I am powerless in the face of such employers.

[myluciferiscody]

Dancing With a Stranger P.2

@iits-mikha asked: n a recent interview they asked Cody if he could have the opportunity to play another character he would had chosen to be the Countess, So my request is this: an AU where old!Michael where he’s not the antichrist but is the owner of the Hotel Cortez, please!!

pairing: Older!Michael x Reader

word count: 5,055

warnings: au!, language, seductive-boi, unprotected sex, oral (female and male receiving), other smutty goodness. idk how i thought i’d keep this smut free, yikes. i hardly write smut so i hope it’s not too terrible, enjoy.

*not entirely proof-read* 

part 1

The next few days were a blur. 

You and Winter spent the days at the park, getting scared and meeting your favorite characters. You changed your phone wallpaper to a picture of you and Beetlejuice, your cheesy grin making you flinch every time you unlocked your phone. Yet, you were living your best life, and it was a much-needed break from reality. 

As the hours of screams and thrill rides went by, Michael Langdon slowly slipped in the back of your mind. 

It wasn't until there was a knock on your hotel door bright in early on Halloween. Winter groaned from beside you, her small body cuddling into yours when you tried to leave. 

"It's fucking cold, stop," Winter moaned.

"Someone is here, Winter," you groaned, throwing the covers from your body when they knocked again. Your M&M socks were slipping off your feet as you opened the door, revealing Iris. 

"Good morning!" she gushed, her voice way too peppy for this time of day. You blinked at her, knowing you looked like hell with your band t-shirt, dull sweats, and orange socks. 

"Is everything alright?" you immediately asked, crossing your arms over your chest. It really is cold in here. You could feel your nipples getting hard, and you tried to hide your laugh. 

"Mr. Langdon asked me to drop this off," she said, shoving a white envelope in your direction. You took it, feeling the thickness and frowning. "He says it's a treat."

"What?-"

"Have a good day!" she insisted, before leaving you standing in the doorway.

You stood there with a comical look on your face, before quietly shutting the door and locking it. Winter had since sat up, her brown eyes frowning at you as you carefully opened the envelope. 

A white slip of paper caught your eye first, before the thick wad of cash behind it. You gasped, pulling it out altogether.

"HOLY SHIT!" Winter said, shoving the blankets off her before scrambling to stand beside you. You counted the money; there was quickly a few thousand in your hands.

"I KNOW-" you gasped. You had never seen this much money in your life, at least in person. "He left a note..."

"Read it," Winter urged, taking the money and feeling it up, "This is hot in a really bizarre way."

Ms. l/n,

Please take this offering to buy yourself some new clothes, preferably for dinner tonight. I took the liberty of ordering food from a nearby restaurant. I do not believe you'd find the menu here satisfactory, trust me. 

Meet me at the penthouse at 8 PM sharp. This is very important, not a minute before or less. You may find some less than impressive guests if you do. 

Oh, I almost forgot - you keep what you buy. Spend it wisely.

Sincerely, 

M.L

You sat on the edge of the bed as Winter read the note to herself. Your jaw was almost to the floor as you had forgotten about your plans for tonight. It was fun the other night when you met him, but now you were nervous.

"This is amazing," Winter gasped excitedly. "But wait, why do you look like that?" she asked.

"How in the hell am I supposed to have dinner with him tonight? He's so-"

"Weirdly arousing and complex?" Winter grinned, mocking Liz's words from the other night. "Girl, I'll gladly take your place if you're going to chicken out, who in their right mind would do this for you back home?"

You stuffed everything back into the envelope before you both settled back into bed. "Maybe that means he is crazy, and I'm doing myself a favor," you mumbled.

"First off, he is hot. Second, it's just dinner, if he is willing to pay for you to get a new dress, well..." Winter pulled the covers up to her nose, "Maybe that means he is a keeper, y/n,"

You both laid there in silence before you caught up on sleep. You woke up again closer to ten, and you stayed under the covers on your phone while Winter took a shower first. You scrolled through Instagram, Tumblr, and TikTok, seeking out the ones that reminded you most of Vine.

You tried to distract yourself from the anxiety bubbling in your belly. Michael Langdon intimidated you; everything about him seemed so reserved and poised. From the way he spoke, to how he walked, and you had to admit, his wardrobe was on-point. 

"I'll just get drunk before I go up there." you joked to yourself as you passed the fifth video of spoiled New Yorkers seeing Beetlejuice for the eightieth time. 

-

Since you and Winter weren't familiar with the higher-ups in the fashion department, you did a lot of Googling as you walked down the streets of Los Angeles. The Hotel Cortez felt like an icebox compared to the weather out here. Most of the stores that you passed or glanced through seemed to cater specifically to prom dresses and other school formals. 

You stopped into a particular store that seemed too over budget. Winter couldn't help but gush at their selection of bridal gowns in the back of the store, and as you pulled her away, your mouth even watered at the beautiful dresses in front of you. 

"I'm not getting married, Winter," you snorted as you dragged her back into the streets.

You both stopped a Starbucks, sitting down and resting as you chug your drink. "I'm about to give up," you sighed.

"We've only been out for- two hours," Winter replied sheepishly. "Come on, you have three-grand in your pockets, we'll find something."

"Everything here is kind of weird," you frowned, thinking of the four-thousand dollar dress you saw that barely covered the crotch of the mannequin wearing it. "Plus, who can afford to spend four-grand on a dress?"

"Think about it this way," Winter pointed at you, "Michael saw you wearing clothes from Forever 21. Maybe he figured you liked the simple things,"

You know how to stretch a buck when your paychecks were smaller than usual. Michael did say buy something for tonight, but...

"How will I bring all of the clothes back home?" you asked.

"We'll worry about that later, and let's get the fuck out of here, I can barely hear myself think."

It was more comfortable for you to go into stores you were more familiar with. You bought new jeans, new shirts, and dresses to wear once the weather warmed up again back home. 

By the time you were finished, you still had about $2,400 in your wallet. You let Winter pick out some things too. It made you feel bad about going on a shopping spree without her. 

"I wonder if this is what it feels like to have a sugar daddy!" Winter all but yelled in the sea of people passing you in the street. You threw your head back and laughed.

"I guess we need to find ourselves one," you joked.

"Okay, but Michael, I mean- The Count," Winter rolled her eyes, "Is totally sugar daddy material, is he not?"

"Is he even old enough? He's like thirty-four, when I think of them, I imagine someone in their sixties or something," you stated.

"He's older, and he gives you money for nice things, so I'd say he most certainly qualifies," Winter said, continuing to talk when a mannequin caught your eye. 

You stopped dead in your tracks, not caring when the person behind you cursed when he bumped into you. Winter finally realized you weren't by her side, waltzing over with a confused look on her face.

The red cocktail dress stared back at you, the silk taffeta material almost glowing under the light above it. The neckline plunged, leaving little to the imagination. You didn't care, though. 

"Do you see a price tag?" you asked.

"I think that's it-" Winter said, leaning in closer, "-holy shiiii-"

The store owner must have caught you two gawking, because the door swung open, revealing a small man with a shaved head beaming at the two of you. "Are you ladies enjoying the view?" he joked.

"Yes, I love this dress," you said, pointing at it. He seemed pleased as he looked you up and down. 

"I think this calls for a fitting! My name is Ted, come on in," he said.

Needless to say, spending 2,300 on a dress was strangely rewarding.

_

You got into the elevator at 7:57.

It slowly rose to the top, and you felt the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. You had many floors to go, and you looked at yourself in the mirrored wall. 

Winter had pinned your hair back, before coloring your eyes and lips in a similar shade of red to your dress. You admired your boobs, hoping he wouldn't be too put off by them. You never really dressed like this; hoodies and sweaters were some of your favorites. It felt good to show off your body; you felt beautiful. Like you accepted yourself for who you were, even if it was over by the end of the night. 

You ran a hand along your belly, sighing deeply as you felt like you were going to vomit.

it's just dinner, you'll be fine.

The elevator slowly came to a stop, the doors slowly sliding open. You looked around, seeing you were already inside of his place. You could hear gentle music playing in the background; you hid your smile when you heard Lady Gaga singing.

"Hello?" You called out, your voice meek. When you stepped out, you realized how much warmer this room was compared to the rest of the hotel. If it were any warmer, you'd probably think you were about to enter the deepest pits of Hell.

"Ms. l/n, how lovely to see you,"

You jumped, looking to see Langdon slowly making his way to you, his hands behind his back. In perfect pose, like always. The view behind him told you he just came from his bedroom.

You were at a loss for words, much to his amusement.

"Interesting..." he said as he observed you with a slight tilt to his head. "I admire your choice of color, the red compliments your eyes," Michael said.

"Thank you, uhh-"

"You can call me Michael," he said firmly. "I hope you used my offering wisely, I'd hate to think all that went to waste."

His blue eyes bore holes into your skull as you instinctively went to push your hair behind your ear until remembered it was pinned back. You dropped your hand with a shy grin. "It was nice, thank you."

Michael continued to stare at you like he couldn't seem to figure you out. You watched as his perfect brow twitched as if he were hiding his true expression from you. You swallowed, turning to admire the rest of his space. Like the lobby, red seemed to be a favorite in his repertoire.

Almost like a ghost, you could feel his presence directly behind you. A gasp caught in your throat as you felt the fabric of his expensive dinner jacket brush against your bare arm. A small glass of wine. You took it from him, bringing it to your nose where you gently inhaled.

Amusement flickered in his eyes as he watched your childish action. He had a glass in his own hand, but it definitely wasn't wine.

"Iris is bringing dinner at 8:30," he explained, watching your eyes flutter as you took a sip. It tasted terrific, you wondered where it was from. But you never asked. "Sit, y/n," Michael pointed to the expansive couch behind you.

You chose a cushion, Michael sinking into one just a bit farther down. You found yourself taking bigger sips of wine; it was almost addictive, the taste. Michael brought his glass to his lips, draining it quickly, before he set it down, his tongue slowly licking along his lip. You stared at it.

"y/n," he sighed. You loved the way your name rolled off his tongue. Michael suddenly smirked, his eyes slowly meeting yours. "Tell me about yourself."

You cleared your throat. You always found this to be awkward; what was really interesting about your life compared to his? Yet, you told him a little about your life back home. Your job, your education, your friendship with Winter, and how important she was to you.

Michael didn't say a word the entire time. He watched you intently, almost like he was entranced by you. Your voice, your past, your hopes, and dreams. It brought you comfort; you felt like someone was listening to you out of pure interest, and not to be kind.

"I think that's enough about me," you said awkwardly. Once again, his eyes crinkled with amusement. "It's your turn."

Almost as if on cue, the elevator slid open. Iris and Liz stepped out, pushing a large tray of food. Michael immediately stood up, his eyes piercing through you as you slowly did the same.

"Dinner is served, my beauties," Liz said excitedly, pushing the cart towards the two of you. Michael rolled his eyes, but you could see the playfulness in his actions.

"Thank you, Liz. Iris." He said, looking at her like she had all the answers in the world. Iris shrugged, waving him off as they set the table for you two.

You looked at your empty glass, before looking up at Michael, "Michael-"

"Of course, y/n," he said. He took the glass from you, his fingers brushing yours. He was a little cold to the touch.

Michael got you some more wine as you pondered how he could have possibly known what you were about to ask.

"Is there anything else I can do?" Iris asked as Liz wheeled the cart back to the elevator, waiting patiently.

"Not at all, I will call when we're finished," Michael said, handing you back the glass.

Iris nodded, turning, and meeting Liz. Before the elevator doors shut, Liz winked at you.

Without a word, Michael walked to a chair, gesturing for you to sit. You walked over and took a seat as he gently pushed you in. Michael placed a hand on your shoulder, his rings softly digging into your skin. There was something erotic about the way he moved his hands, so fluid and sexual.

"You seem tense, y/n," he mocked, and you could imagine the smirk on his lips. You shook your head, pressing your thighs together as you tried to forget the handsome man standing behind you.

"I'm just hungry," you said lamely. You felt his fingers gently curl into you before releasing.

"As you should be." He said before his hands left you. Michael walked around the table, sitting across from you. The distance between you was small, you could nudge his leg with your toes.

Michael's glass was full, as he watched you expectantly. The food smelled delicious, your belly softly rumbling as you glanced at him.

"Don't wait for me, precious," Michael said, pressing his fingers together. Your cheeks slightly burned at the nickname, before slowly picking up your silverware.

After a few bites, Michael finally started to eat. You remained mostly silent, enjoying the food. Your foot gently bobbed along to the music.

can you light the fire

i need somebody who can take control

"You never told me about your life," you pointed out. Michael glanced at you, taking a sip of his drink, a mischievous look in his eyes.

"I told you how old I am." He smirked.

"Come on, Michael. I spilled my whole life story to you, now it's your turn." You glared at him.

"Very well," he said. "I was born in December of 1985. My parents were in the process of getting divorced. I had a twin, but he was stillborn," Michael said. His tone hardly wavered, neither did the look in his eyes. He seemed almost content. "My mother was devastated, she blamed me for years for his death. I was too strong, I overshadowed my brother, and he never stood a chance."

You had stopped eating, wondering if you should have even asked in the first place. "Michael..."

"I like honesty, y/n," Michael stated. He looked directly in your eyes, "Do you disagree?"

You slowly shook your head. "No..."

"Great." He ran a finger along the rim of his glass, the diamonds on his rings shining from the light. "She killed herself when I was ten. My father couldn't afford to raise me on his own, so we moved here. That's when I met Iris. She became my second mother, took me in like I was her own. Eventually, my dad abandoned me without a word of warning. He died two years ago under mysterious circumstances." Michael said coldly.

You felt a pang in your chest, and you instinctively raised a hand to your eyes to make sure you weren't crying. Michael stared at his plate, his eyes forming into slits.

"After the original owner died, I took over. I made some investments, great ones, in fact. Now I own the hotel with all the money anyone would ever need. I take care of my family, and they take care of me."

Your food had grown cold by the time he finished.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize how painful your past has been, Michael."

You were surprised to see him smile. Michael showed no signs of arrogance, just genuine appreciation. "I tend to keep the painful memories to myself, y/n. Your kindness has just opened up my vulnerability."

_

After dinner, you and Michael had moved back to the couch. After a few more glasses of wine, you were more talkative.

Iris had cleared the plates before leaving you alone. Michael listened to you talk about your favorite things and what you despised most.

For someone who wasn't that much older than you, give or take, he was very wise. If his dialect wasn't example enough, Michael's real thoughts and opinions were of an old soul. The hours slowly ticked by, and before you knew it, you were leaning against his side.

"I find you to be fascinating, y/n," Michael said. Your hair had slowly started to unravel, and he eventually released it all together. He wouldn't admit it to you, but he loved the way it framed your face. And your neck.

"You don't think I'm just some boring twenty-something?" You teased. Michael smiled.

"Not at all."

You glanced at the clock on the wall. It was nearing 2 AM.

"Holy fuck," you said. Michael snickered at your language but didn't comment. "I didn't realize how late it was."

"You're more than welcome to leave, y/n," he said, but his words seemed rather forced. "You don't have to stay on my behalf."

You could feel yourself becoming tired. Yet, you were very much enjoying this. Michael was a breath of fresh air. Everything you said, you didn't feel scrutinized. Michael liked to hear you talk, to hear about the things you were most passionate about. He listened to you.

You weren't drunk, just a little tipsy. You tilted your head at him, "Michael, how are you as single as a pringle?"

Michael frowned at you before a deep, genuine laugh echoed from his chest. You blinked at him.

"y/n, I'm very particular about my women," he said quietly. "I was a teenager once, you know. I made many mistakes, just like you, just like everyone else. I have my guard up more than most. You understand."

Michael was right, you understood perfectly.

"You talk like you're from an old Hollywood movie. It's kind of hot." You blurted out.

Michael brought a hand to your cheek. You leaned into his touch, his fingertips gently moving along your cheek, tracing over your nose before setting on your painted lips. Most of it had worn off by now, but neither you nor Michael cared.

"My sweet, sweet y/n," he whispered. "I certainly don't fuck like one."

You felt your thighs clench as he tilted his head at you. Michael's blue eyes observed you before a smirk slowly crossed his lips.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, y/n," he teased. His finger left your lips before they trailed down the side of your neck. He grabbed your throat, applying just enough pressure that left you a whining mess. "I think you've been hiding your arousal from me all night." He frowned, "At least, that's what you seem to think."

Michael observed you quietly, your hand slowly coming up to touch his as he continued holding your throat. He was amused by the sight of you.

"I could almost smell you," he growled before he lifted you like you weighed nothing. You sat on his lap, his knee knocking your legs out of the way. Your dress rode up on your thighs, revealing the red underwear underneath. It was nothing fancy, just comfortable.

Michael pressed his nose to your ear, adjusting his grip on you as you squirmed in his lap. "I like you, y/n. You're very bright, not quite like others I have encountered..." he pressed a kiss to your earlobe. "Yet, one thing always remains the same."

You slowly stuttered out, "And what's that?"

Michael chuckled in your ear, the sound husky. His free hand slowly slipped under your panties, running his fingers through your folds, before finding your clit like it was nothing. You gasped, a quiet moan escaping your throat as your hips bucked towards his hand.

"You girls want to be impaled on my thick cock, isn't that right?" Michael mewled in your ear. He still teased you as his hand was in your underwear, you pouted.

Michael released your throat, your body immediately sucking in air as he unzipped the back of your dress, allowing it to bunch at your waist. You helped him slide it off, you now clad only in your panties.

You could feel his hardness rubbing against your ass.

Michael removed his hand from your clit, making you sigh in frustration. He tsked at you, pulling your back flush against his chest as he carefully slid his fingers inside of you.

"You don't have to be greedy, y/n," he scolded. "I love having my fingers inside your sweet pussy. You take them so well, baby," he sighed into your ear.

Michael continued to finger you as you moaned and squirmed above him. No matter how many times he gently scolded you for moving too much, you couldn't stop.

"Michael, I'm so close," you whined.

"I never said you could come, y/n," he shook his head. "Be a good girl, bad girl's get punished if they misbehave,"

You whined as his fingers curled inside of you. Your arm slowly wove around his neck, gasping his name as you tried to fight off your impending orgasm.

"My precious girl," Michael purred before his fingers slid out of you.

The whine that left your mouth was loud. Michael laughed at your distress, his hand sliding from your panties entirely. He stuck them in your mouth mid grunt, making you shut up.

"Make them spotless, y/n," Michael said sternly. "Let's see how well you use that tongue before I stick my cock in your mouth."

You sucked his fingers, purposely being as loud as you can. Your tongue ran along his digits, tasting your arousal, before the sweet taste of Michael. When he seemed satisfied with your efforts, he pulled them out, forcing you to stand up.

You had no idea how Michael shed his clothes so quickly. Before you knew it, he was pulling you on top of his body. Your eyes widened at the sight of his dick in front of your face. Your knees resting on either side of his head as he ran his big hands along your ass.

"If you be a good girl, I may let you come, precious," Michael stated before you felt his tongue slowly circling your clit.

The sensation caused you to gasp, temporarily buckling your elbows as you struggled to stay above him. Michael kept a tight grip on you, your belly laying directly on his. Perhaps that meant your weight was no bother to him.

You gripped his shaft in your hand, your eyes rolling in the back of your head as he slowly dragged his tongue along your slit. Michael moaned against you, causing your legs to tremble from the pleasure he was giving you.

You licked the tip before slowly taking him into your mouth. Michael hummed his approval from underneath you. He was thick, and you could feel your mouth burning as you opened as wide as you could.

Michael slowly rutted his hips to meet your mouth, both of you groaning as he slipped further into your mouth, and then Michael sliding his tongue into your tiny hole. You weren't that experienced in this predicament; you were afraid of neglecting Michael as he blissfully ate you out.

After a while, your legs started to quake as Michael spread you out wider. His back arched from the couch as he chased your pussy when it started to become too much. His hands gripped your ass tightly, shaking his head against you as you released him from your mouth to scream his name.

Michael's tongue gently lapped at your clit as you came down from your orgasm. His tongue curled against your dripping hole, gathering your juices while he slurped you up.

"Michael," you moaned. He pressed kisses along your folds, before trailing along your thighs. You continued to stroke his cock, feeling his own body tensing up beneath you.

"I better come in your fucking mouth, y/n," he asserted. You felt him make your ass, causing you to yelp. "You're going to swallow every last drop."

You took him back into your mouth as he released your ass. Michael kept his hands on your thighs, stroking them softly as you took him in as far as he would go. Your mascara ran down your cheeks as his girth stretched your mouth to ridiculous lengths.

"That's it, baby," he whined. You fought the urge to smile against him. Michael Langdon, whining because of you. His dominant hand came back to your pussy, feeling for your clit. You were still sensitive, your legs jerking as he starting stimulating you. Again.

You groaned in disapproval.

"After I come in your sweet mouth, you're going to sit on my cock, precious."

A few more jerks of your hand had him falling apart beneath you. You felt him spurt deep into your throat, your eyes closing at the feeling. Michael slowly circled your clit as he came, sighing deeply when you sucked him clean.

"FUCK!" he called out. Michael maneuvered you off him, before standing up after you. His hands gripped your hips, pulling you in for a kiss.

Michael took your breath away, the taste of you on each other's lips. You felt him bite your bottom lip, before moaning into your mouth. His hands slid along your body, playing with your breasts, ghosting over your arms, just feeling you.

Michael took a seat, bringing you down onto his lap. You brought him in for a kiss this time, smiling as he carefully helped you slide onto him.

You felt him in your belly, gasping and breaking the kiss as you settled onto his thighs. Michael leaned back against the couch, his blonde hair frizzled out as he gazed at you with admiration.

He didn't say anything as you adjusted to him, his hands roaming your skin freely. The playlist in the room had long stopped, leaving you two in silence, save for the pants and whimpers.

Once you were comfortable, you bounced on his lap. Michael allowed you to take control at first, his lips sucking your nipples into his mouth as you run your hands through his soft hair.

"Your pussy is so fucking tight for me, y/n," he grunted. You pulled his mouth from your breasts, silently begging him to pay attention to the sensitive skin on your neck. He obliged, biting and leaving delicate kisses to your slick skin. He left his mark on you, eventually grabbing your hips again to pound into you.

"Oh, f-fuck!" You gasped, "Michael, Michael, Michael,"

His hips were smacking against you at an almost inhuman pace. His face remained buried in your neck, leaving multiple love bites as he growled into your skin.

"You better come before I do, baby," Michael warned. "You want to come, don't you, baby?" He mocked you. He released one of his hands, reaching back to bunch your hair in his hand, before yanking it. Your chest arched into his, gasping as he exposed your neck to him.

"P-please, Michael..." you whimpered as he kept up his relentless pace.

"I'm fucking close, y/n. You better come all over my dick, precious. Show me who this pussy belongs to."

The next few thrusts of his hips had you coming all over him. Your wetness dribbled down your thighs, onto his and the cushions beneath you.

You unintentionally squeezed his dick, your muscles contracting so tightly that Michael nearly lost his breath as he came inside of you. He slowly moved you along his shaft, making sure you completely coated him.

He brought his lips to yours again, his hands cupping your cheek as you kissed. You stayed in that position for a few minutes, before he gently removed you from his lap to place you beside him. You gasped as you no longer felt full.

Michael spread your legs, his eyes on yours as he slowly ate you out for a second time. You mewled from how sensitive you were. Just like the first time, Michael kept a firm grip on you as he lapped up his cum leaking out of you. You ran a hand through his hair, sighing his name as he pressed his nose onto your clit.

When he was finished, he pulled you close to him, his head resting on your breasts. You both were exhausted.

"We should have done this a few days ago." You whispered, thinking of your ride back home.

"We still have time," he whispered. "I hope your friend doesn't expect to see you until then."

taglist: @soph3218​ @jetblackpayne​ @its-mikha​ @vixi3303​ @cuddletothecake​

[wkemeup]

The Witness (10)

series summary: After witnessing a Hydra hit and the handsome, borderline endearing cop who had become a regular at your bar takes it upon himself to ensure your safety off the books, you learn to rely on someone else for a change and find you don’t mind it at all. Not when it’s him.

pairing: detective!bucky x reader

word count: 9k

warnings: little bit of angst, little bit of fluff, little bit of violence 

author’s note: I almost split this one into two chapters too, but ugh idk i didn’t want to disrupt the flow of the storyline and i have zero capacity to write short fics im sorry 

series masterlist // previous chapter

An hour had passed without word from the surgeons beyond the double doors at the end of the hall. The nurse Sam had been bothering finally agreed to come look at you, though when she laid eyes on the light red stains upon your hands and the knife wound along your cheek, she perked up immediately, calling for another nurse as she passed by. She had chastised Sam for not telling her the state of your condition and he all but threw a silent tantrum behind her as she spoke to you, causing you to bit on your lip to suppress a laugh.

A nurse by the name of Sharon knelt in front of you, her blonde hair curled in gentle waves over her shoulder and a sweet look in her eye as she gestured for your hands. You set them in her palms, appreciating that she hadn’t bothered to ask you to follow her to an exam room. Steve sat next to you the whole time, his knee touching yours ever so slightly, but enough to keep you grounded. Sam slumped into a chair across from you as the older nurse returned to the desk, grumbling under her breath and sending a glaring look in Sam’s direction.

Sharon reached over for a cart on Steve’s left and he helped her swing it around. From the bottom drawer she pulled out a series of white clothes and a bottle filled with a clear liquid. She sprayed some onto the wipes and offered you an encouraging smile.

“This may be a little cold but it’ll get the dried blood off your skin,” she said softly, watching you for recognition before she began to run the cloth along your arms. You flinched at first, surprised by the coolness of the damp wipe, but you settled quickly. Sharon was as gentle as she could be, pressing a little harder when a patch of dried blood didn’t want to wipe away on its own. It stuck in the hair of your arms and cracks in your knuckles.

Once she was finished, she threw the red stained rags into the disposal bin on the side of the cart. Then she pulled out a new set of bandages and began wrapping the burns on your wrist without another word. There was some kind of cooling gel underneath that made the ache in your wrists a little less noticeable. She affixed the clips on the ends of the bandage, securing them with just enough pressure to protect it while giving it room to breathe.

Then, she took a seat next to you, dragging the cart closer as she pulled out a cotton swab and dipped it into the clear bottle she had used on your arms.

“This may sting,” she warned, holding it up against your face. You nodded and you felt Steve’s hand sitting over yours. You turn your palm and let him grab your hand. You squeezed it and Sharon pressed it to the cut. It left a burning sensation behind as she cleaned the wound and you clenched your jaw. She muttered an apology under her breath as she continued to work. It was over quicker than you anticipated. Steve released your hand.

“Good news is it won’t need stitches,” Sharon smiled at you, disposing of the swab. “I’m just going to put some surgical glue on and you’ll be all set.”

The glue didn’t sting the way the clear liquid had and it was over before you had time to wince at the tingling sensation of it. When she was finished, she set the materials back on the cart and set her eyes on Sam.

“You know you’re still in trouble for running out on us,” she smirked, folding her arms over her chest. Despite her light pink scrubs and the teddy bear sticker adhered to her ID badge, she had an intimidating aurora you didn’t want to be on the receiving end of, even if it was in jest. Sam sunk further into his chair, grimacing.

“Sorry about that,” Sam apologized weakly, eyeing Steve for support who only shrugged and looked away.

“I suppose if your stitches held together in your escape, you should be fine,” Sharon conceded, though there was a laugh on the end of her words. She set a hand on your shoulder, squeezing it lightly. “I know you’re waiting on news about the officers down in surgery. I’ll do my best to get an update for you.”

You exhaled, a moment of relief as you nodded. “Thank you.”

She smiled sweetly before she turned towards Sam with a teasing glare and jogged down the hall and through the double doors.

“You’ve gotta stop pissing off the nurses, Sam,” Steve laughed.

Sam shook his head, grumbling under his breath, “they started it.”

***

Sharon came back twenty minutes later. Nat was out of the OR and in the ICU until further notice, and no—you couldn’t see her just yet. Peter was still in surgery and they had successfully removed the metal chunk in his leg, though they ran into a few close calls. Plastics had taken the lead to start removing the burned skin while General closed up his leg. No end in sight for now.

Dr. Palmer was currently working on Bucky down in OR 7. Everything was going smoothly so far, but they were spending more time than expected on the stab wound in his stomach due to the serrated edges of the knife having ripped his skin and internal organs to shreds. It was apparently a miracle he survived long enough to get into the OR in the first place. You winced as Sharon told you so and she immediately bit down on her lip, having realized the way it came out. She went on to inform you that the cuts along Bucky’s left shoulder were proving difficult to stitch up. The scars it would leave behind would be unavoidable.

You nodded as she spoke, trying to breathe through the anxiety tingling in your skin.

An hour later, you met Steve’s wife, Peggy. She had come storming through the elevator doors, heels clicking on the tile flooring as she rushed to Steve. A million questions a minute rambling from behind bright red lipstick and a thick English accent, she started to direct her attention to the nurses when Steve couldn’t get the answers out fast enough. The older nurse who had become rivals with Sam was happy to update her.

After several minutes, Peggy fell down in the chair next to Sam with a huff. She blew a dark brunette curl from falling into her face. Then, her eyes fell on you and a smile so wide lit up her features. She quickly moved to the chair beside you, grinning ear to ear.

She told you how much she had been hearing about you from Steve – your name redacted until now to preserve your identity, of course – and from Bucky as well in their weekly Sunday night dinners. You smiled at that, thinking of Bucky spending his Sunday evenings with a married couple, sharing a meal, probably watching a movie and having a decent liquor for once. It was the kind of normalcy you didn’t have growing up.

“I’m so happy he found you,” Peggy concluded after a long ramble about Bucky’s apparently uneventful romantic history outside of the ‘ghastly’ woman named Dolores who had broken his heart a few years prior.

“Not sure he’d say that right about now,” you sighed, eyes glancing down towards the double doors. “Meeting me brought him a lot of trouble.”

“Maybe he needed a little more excitement in his life,” Peggy shrugged, her hand snaking into yours. Soft skin brushing gently over the dried cracks on the back of your hand. Red nail polish against paled skin.

“He lost a lot of blood. You didn’t see him, Peggy. He might not make it,” you whispered, finding yourself slumping down to lean against her shoulder. Peggy nodded, bringing your intertwined hand into her lap.

“He’s stronger than he looks... and he looks pretty strong,” she reminded you softly, an airy laugh in her voice. “He’s got something to fight for out here. If I know anything about that man, it’s that he’s about as stubborn as his best friend and he won’t let you go for anything.”

***

Sharon came by twice more with updates and you had lost track of time. The sun had risen enough to fill the waiting area with a glow of light through the windows. Sam was hiding from it beneath his jacket draped over his face as he curled up against the wall. These chairs didn’t allow for comfortable sleep, but it seemed like he was doing just fine. His light snoring was evident of that, at least.

Peggy and Steve were talking quietly with one another; everything from what was on the grocery list for the week to when they’ll find time to visit England to see her parents. Peggy led the conversations, asking the questions. She must have known that Steve needed a sense of normalcy. Even a police captain had best friends he was terrified of losing. It was nice to know he had someone looking out for him. This petite, brass, charming Englishwoman took care of him as if he weren’t twice anyone’s size and standing a foot above the rest.

The soft buzz of the tv filled the otherwise tensely silent room. A blonde news anchor dressed in a sharp red blazer sat behind a desk with several sheets of paper ahead of her, a pen twirling in her right hand. To her left was an image of the intersection where the crossfire took place, followed by Rumlow and Ward’s mugshots. Then, the screen changed to a video of Sam’s impala flipped on its roof, flames bursting from the engine. It appeared like it was shot on a cell phone from the vertical alignment and the blurred shakiness of whoever was recording it. The screen rushed between glimpses of Sam dragging Peter out from inside the burning car to Nat firing shots at the Hydra men. It switched to a scene of Bucky, Nat, and Sam slowly lowering themselves to the ground as you were held hostage, gun pressed to your temple.

The anchor came back on screen, a solemn look on her face as the small image on her left showed the front view of the hospital. You gritted your teeth and turned away.

After the news had transitioned into a cooking show and then into a morning talk show you’d never heard of, a few officers you hadn’t seen around the station had begun to straggle into the waiting room.

Detective Clint Barton, the one you had learned from Sam had arrested Rumlow and Ward, was currently sitting in the corner of the room with his feet kicked up, watching the mid-afternoon talk show on the small, grainy tv screen bolted to the wall. He was on his second bad of chips from the vending machine.

Dr. Bruce Banner, the one-four's forensic psychologist, was pacing back and forth by the windows. His messy curls bouncing with each step. Peggy had whispered to you that he and Natasha had a bit of a history, which surprised you for only a moment before you remembered that beneath her hardened exterior was one of the kindest, warmest people you knew.

Peter’s Aunt May was sitting by herself, hands in her face, for the last hour. She brushed off anyone that came near, claiming she just knew he’d get himself into this mess and she didn’t want comfort from those who got him there.

You’d learned Bucky’s sister, Rebecca, was out of state for college and his mother had broken down completely on the porch of her house when the officers arrived to inform her of his condition. She couldn’t leave her home in that state, so Steve had them track down a cousin of hers to stay with her until they had more news.

You’d met Thor and Loki, an odd pair who claimed to be brothers despite their polar opposite appearance and general demeanor in which they carried themselves. They called themselves private investigators but Sam grumbled something about them being ‘amateur Nancy Drews’ under his breath.

Even Tony Stark was standing over in the corner, talking quietly into his cellphone.

Then, a woman who demanded the attention of the entire room when she walked through the elevator doors took a seat next to you. She gave you a knowing smile before settling in. You’d later learn her name was Carol Danvers. She was a Sergeant at the one-four and despite her small frame, much like Natasha, she carried the energy of a someone twice her size. She nudged your shoulder lightly, grabbing your attention.

“Barton handed Rumlow and Ward over to me for processing,” she started, a smirk upon her lips. “Just thought you’d like to know that I roughed them up a bit in the interrogation room. Those Hydra scum will turn on one another real quick if they figure they can get one in for themselves. Idiots. Can’t believe they thought we’d actually cut them a deal.”

You laugh slightly behind pressed lips, lifting your head from Peggy’s shoulder. There was a strain in your muscle in the movement and you reached up to massage it.

“So, they’re secure where they are?” you asked apprehensively, stealing a glance back at Steve, who nodded slightly for you, indicating Carol was safe. “One of their moles can’t just let them out while we’re here?”

Carol smiled, shaking her head. “I locked up their cells myself and took all the spares with me. Plus, I’ve got a guy standing guard. Pietro Maximoff. He may be a rookie, but nothing gets past that kid. Too quick.”

You nodded, feeling slightly relieved and a bit satisfied to know Rumlow and Ward had been on the end of Carol’s bad side. She started to tell you stories from the one-four, ones where Bucky and Steve had gotten in serious heat with the previous captain, that made you smile despite the exhaustion. Your eyes glanced down at the double doors a little less often now that she was around.

***

A light tap on your shoulder woke you carefully. You lift your head to find you had fallen asleep on Peggy’s lap. Her hands were running softly through your hair and she offered you a smile as she gestured across the room. You lift your head from her thigh, combing self-consciously through your hair with your fingers as your eyes narrowed on a woman emerging through the double doors at the end of the hall.

Light teal scrubs and auburn hair drawn back away from her face in a ponytail. She discarded her plastic gloves at the edge of the door and you tried to ignore the blood that covered the blue material. She pushed through the doors, eyes scanning the room until she landed on Steve.

“Captain Rogers. You’re Detective Barnes’ emergency contact, is that right?” she asked, weaving through the dozens of officers and members of the one-four who had come to sit in wait for their colleagues.

Steve stood quickly, wiping his hands on his slacks. “Dr. Palmer?”

She nodded. “Detective Barnes lost quite a lot of blood and it was a challenge to piece together his internal wiring from the intrusive trauma, but we managed. He’ll be in the ICU for a while, but he’s tough. I expect he’ll make a full recovery.”

Peggy squeezed your hand and you nearly burst into tears.

“He’ll have significant scarring,” Dr. Palmer went on to add. “There wasn’t much we could do for that I’m afraid.”

“When can we see him?” Steve asked after considering what she said.

Dr. Palmer looked around the room. “While I’m sure he appreciates the turnout, I’m afraid we can only allow immediate family right now. He’s not stable enough for much else.”

Your heart dropped. Steve glanced down at you, unsure of what to say.

“We are his family,” Steve pressed, shaking his head, at a loss. Dr. Palmer pressed her lips together into a thin line. The regret was evident on her face.

“Ms. Barnes?”

Your eyes snapped up to find Sharon jogging in from behind the double doors. She smiled softly at you, sending you a wink before she came up to stand next to Dr. Palmer.

“I can take Ms. Barnes back to see her husband, now,” Sharon offered.

“Oh, I didn’t realize Detective Barnes was married. I must have missed that in the chart,” Dr. Palmer said, nodding her head. The knowing look in her eyes made you wonder if she knew exactly what Sharon was doing. She smiled at you then and you knew she did.  

“He’s still under the anesthesia but he should wake soon,” Dr. Palmer said, directly to you now. “I’ll let Sharon walk you back. Once he’s stable enough, I’ll be sure to let your crew know. We’ll have to sort out a shift system. Don’t want to overwhelm the poor man.”

Steve smiled at that, sitting back into the chair as Peggy ushered you to your feet. She urged you on, waving at you to follow Sharon, but your legs felt like jelly. You clenched your jaw, staring down at the double doors.

Sharon offered you her arm for support and you took it graciously. She led you through the mass of officers and they backed slowly to the sides, allowing a passage through. Once the double doors closed behind you, you glanced over your shoulder to see Steve giving you a slight nod, half of an encouraging smile lifting his cheeks. You exhaled and continued on.

“Now, I want to prepare you,” Sharon began and you could already feel your stomach dropping. “The bruising is darker and more spread out than when he came in, so don’t be alarmed. He’ll have some bandaging on his right hand, his left shoulder, and around his waist. Someone will be by to change those once every few hours. We’ve already removed the respiratory tube from surgery, so don’t worry about having to see that, alright?”

You nodded, trying to take in her words the best you could. Then, she pulled you to a stop outside room 1189. Bucky’s name was scribbled in messy handwriting on the whiteboard underneath. Someone had thought to write “NYPD” just below his name. Somehow, it brought you comfort.

“I’ll work on getting someone in to see Detective Romanoff as well,” Sharon added. “She’ll be waking soon and our staff hates this ‘family only’ rule just as much as you all do.”

She smiled at you, nudging your shoulder. A semblance of a smile pulled at your lips, though it didn’t quite reach your eyes. She reached forward and turned the knob to Bucky’s room, stepping aside to give you the space you needed and disappearing back down the hall.

Slowly, you stepped inside the room. It was brighter than you imagined, light seeping in from the massive windows giving view to the towers across the street. White walls, beige tile floors, the faint smell of fresh sheets and sterilized surfaces. The soft beeping of a machine with a red line ticking up and down and it ran across the screen. Wires connecting down from the monitor to the bed where Bucky laid.

Yours hands reached up to cover your mouth as you finally took him in. Stumbling over to the chair by his bedside, you collapsed into it, shaking hands reaching to grab his. A thick plastic clasp sat over his pointer finger, wires connecting it to the monitor above you. You brought his hand to your lips and kissed his still broken knuckles.

Bandages covered his left shoulder, one wrapped around his stomach, another encasing his hand furthest from you. Broken pieces tied together with gauze and thread.

Your cheeks were wet with tears as you glanced over at his face. His lip was busted down the middle. Blue and purple covered more of his skin than not. Swollen eyelid and cheekbone, angry blue veins protruding to the surface. You tried to imagine he was only asleep, that is wasn’t just the anesthesia keeping him sedated, but you knew better than this. You’d seen the peaceful way he lied on his bed in the early hours of the morning, the almost boyish look in his face as he scrunched his nose in his sleep, the endearing mess of bedhead he’d wake up to. It wasn’t the same.

Exhausted, you leaned forward until your forehead rested against the bed. It was so soft, almost like a pillow and you could feel yourself giving into it. You wrapped your arms under your head, hunching over the bed as you dragged the chair closer with a hook of your foot. Gripped Bucky’s hand in yours, you let yourself find rest.

What felt like only seconds later, but had likely been almost an hour, you hummed contently as a tender pressure ran over your scalp, running through your hair, and lulling you back to sleep. You nuzzled in closer, shiftily slight to lean into the feeling. As raspy chuckle fell on your ears and you sprang up, eyes wide only, heart pounding, only to be met with the most beautiful shades of blue you’d ever seen.

You froze completely, just staring at him, petrified that if you even blinked, he’d disappear. Having noticed the fear etched in your features, he offered you a sad smile. You could practically feel him scanning you for further injury, eyes falling over the cut on your cheek for a moment too long. He licked at his lips when he met your eyes again.

“Hiya, doll,” he exhaled, his voice coming out in only a whisper but certainly the loveliest sound you’d ever heard. He started to cough abruptly and you lunged for the water at his bedside, pouring a glass for him and holding it up to his lips. He took a small sip, nodded that he was finished, and you pulled it away.

He sighed, glancing around the room. “I hope us being here means Hydra didn’t win this round.”

“Rumlow and Ward were arrested when they showed up at the bar,” you confirmed quickly and his eyes narrowed quizzically. You continued, “Steve has the chip from my necklace, too.”

Bucky shook his head, leaning back against the pillow. “It’s too easy.”

A humorless laugh escaped you. “That’s what I said. Sam thinks I should work on accepting good things when they come.”

“Yeah, well, Sam’s too optimistic for his own good,” Bucky grumbled, though he raised a genuine smile for you despite the crack in his lips. It made your heart flutter. He sighed, trying to adjust himself on the bed but winced at the effort. You rushed forward to help him, though you found your hands hovering over him, almost afraid to touch him. If he noticed your hesitancy, he didn’t say anything.

Once he settled, he let out a heavy exhale. His eyes fell on you as you pulled his hand back to your lap, drawing patterns in his palm. Several moments of comfortable silence passed, save for your soft humming. He watched you carefully, almost like he was studying you, trying to memorize you, before he spoke again.

“Are you okay, doll?” Bucky asked cautiously and you could practically hear the guilt beginning to build in his voice.

“We’re here and they’re not,” you shrugged, pulling to press a kiss to the back of his hand. You set your intertwined hands into your lap and slowly met his eye. “That’s all that matters right now.”

He didn’t seem convinced, his gaze caught on the scar running over your cheekbone. “Y/n, I’m so--”

“Don’t do this again, please,” you sighed. When his eyes fell away from you, you reached forward to brush his hair from his eyes, tracing your fingers carefully along the scruff of his beard. He leaned into it. “I’m okay. You’re okay. We’ll deal with the trauma later, alright?”

Bucky chuckled softly at that though when a silence took over again, it took a minute before he looked up at you nervously. “So, there’s a later, huh? Now that this is over?”

The way he asked you, trying to cover his fretfulness through the banter in his voice, made your heart ache. He wasn’t asking to tease you. He was sincere in his uncertainty and that, above all else, hurt more than anything.

“Did you think I’d leave once Hydra was no longer a threat to my life?” you asked, watching the way his eyes flickered down to your intertwined hands, then to the door.

“I don’t know. Maybe,” Bucky shrugged shyly. “Adrenaline can be a hell of a drug. Not to mention, you’re pretty hard to read, sweetheart.”

“Well, you’re stuck with me,” you replied quickly, kissing his hand. You brushed his knuckles over your cheek and his opened his palm to rest against the side of your face. You held it there, leaning into him as his thumb traced delicately under the angry red scar.

“I’m not going anywhere, Bucky,” you reminded him, more serious this time as you said it. You needed him to know, to understand that there wasn’t a single thing on this Earth that could take you from him now. Bucky nodded, a smile curving at the ends of his lips as he sighed, seemingly content to just watch you.

You kissed the inside of his palm, drawing his hand from your face and pulling it to sit in your lap again. You flashed him a smirk and he raised an eyebrow playfully.

“I suppose you should get used to your shitty bourbon, Barnes.”

He let out a laugh-- a genuine, boisterous laugh-- and the sound alone made your heart swell. You weren’t sure you’d ever get used to that. You hoped you never did.

***

With the help of Sharon, Bucky’s room had become a revolving door of visitors. You kept his hand woven in your own as you sat next to his bed side. He had requested to see Clint and Carol first, after you informed him that they were the last ones to have contact with Rumlow and Ward since the arrest. He grilled them for almost an hour before he finally took a breath and relaxed, accepting that maybe they’d finally won a round against Hydra for once.

Clint, you found, was somehow more of a sarcastic shit than Sam was, and you grew a liking to him quickly. Carol took Bucky’s questions in stride, replying in quick, short responses, just enough to get to the point. She barely even batted an eye.

Then came a steady stream of the officers you’d hadn’t met before. Men and women in blue uniform, some from the one-four, others from different precincts over the city. It seemed the NYPD showed up for one of its own regardless of district. They only stayed to wish him well or bring by flowers to sit on the windowsill. Tight lipped smiles and nervous glances in your direction and then they were out the door.

Almost two hours later when Steve and Peggy finally walked through the door, hand in hand, you slumped back against the side of Bucky’s bed in relief. Peggy scurried over quickly to give a light hug to Bucky and an aired kiss to his cheek before she pulled up a chair next to you. Steve hung behind in the doorway, leaning against the frame as he looked Bucky over. He shook his head, pursing his lips into a frown.

“You gotta learn to stay out of trouble, punk,” Steve chuckled under his breath.

“Only if you do, jerk.” Bucky smirked, eyes on his oldest friend until he walked the room to reach out to shake his hand. Steve was cautious as he gripped Bucky’s hand and Bucky must have noticed it because with one hard yank, he pulled Steve down into a hug. A wince passed over his face as he patted Steve’s back, likely from the heavy weight of the captain, but he didn’t complain. Steve laughed, pulling himself up and moving to lean against the wall.

“You’re a pain in my ass, you know that?” Steve teased, the relief on his face as evident as you felt.

“Is someone making fun of Barnes? I want in,” Sam’s voice called from a few paces beyond the door, but he wasn’t the next face you saw come through the frame.  

“You’re all insufferable. Just so you know,” Nat rolled her eyes, leaning on the armrest of the wheelchair Sam was pushing. Her leg was propped up, held at a ninety-degree angle, with heavy bandages and splints holding it in place. Other than that, you never would have known she had just come out of surgery; gorgeous without even an ounce of makeup and soft fiery hair that never seemed out of place.

She winked at you as Sam locked the wheels on her chair next to Peggy. You reached over her and gripped her hand. You wanted to tell her you were sorry she ended up in the crosshairs of a Hydra stand off for you and that you were thankful she was alive. You wanted her to know that even when this was over, you still wanted to be friends. You hoped she felt the same way. Natasha had the uncanny ability to read minds with a single look. She nodded, a knowing smile on her lips, understanding perfectly.

“Gang’s all here,” Bucky chuckled to himself, squeezing your hand. A silence fell over the room and you lowered your head. You could feel Bucky eyeing the room and no one dared to speak. “What?”

“Parker’s still in surgery,” Sam finally said. Bucky’s lips parted in shock. “He got the worst of the explosion. Burned pretty bad and his leg got impaled with a piece of the car door. He’s got a long road ahead of him, but I hear the doc’s optimistic about his recovery.”

Bucky nodded and you could feel his heartrate picking up beneath his pulse point. “He’s just a kid. We never should have let him get involved with this.”

“Parker is a fully trained officer,” Steve said, serious enough tone in his voice to remind you that he was still the captain of this precinct. “He looks young and he’s got the energy of someone half his age, but he’s qualified and capable of doing his job; a job he volunteered for, by the way. You didn’t force him into this. He knew exactly what he was signing up for.”

Steve reached out to put a hand on Bucky’s shoulder but withdrew quickly when his fingers brushed over the series of bandages. Steve swallowed, folding his arms over his chest. Bucky let out a heavy sigh, pressing his lips to a thin line. He stole a glance at you, the tension falling from his face. He pulled your hand to his lips and kissed it.

***

As the hours passed by and the sun began to fall over the city line, the small, white hospital room echoed the sounds of laughter down the hallways and hushed snickering under breaths when the older nurse from the front desk hushed the room. No one showed any signs of leaving, despite the visiting hours closing in the next hour.

Sam had taken a seat at the end of Bucky’s bed, rolling his eyes when Bucky tried to swat him away and saying something like ‘I got shot for you, move the hell over’. Nat was sitting comfortably in her wheelchair, resting one foot on the edge of the bed as she listened intently to Sam and Bucky’s constant bickering, a sly comment said under her breath every once in a while that always got you laughing before anyone knew what was happening. Steve had taken a seat on the windowsill, his feet still touching the ground and you caught him watching Peggy with the kind of gentle bewonder you often saw in Bucky’s eyes.

“Sam, that’s the third time I’ve heard your stomach growl,” Nat observed in a flat toned comment, raising in eyebrow when his hand began to pat at his stomach. 

“Damn, I don’t even remember the last time I ate,” Sam said and the grumble of his stomach rang out again.

“I’ll go get some stuff from the vending machine,” you offered, rising quickly from your chair. Bucky squeezed your hand as you tried to pull away. You glanced back at him and the apprehension on his features was enough to tug at your heart.

“Let Sam go,” Bucky urged and Sam narrowed his eyes as if staring darts.

“Sam’s got a stab wound in his forearm and a bullet in his shoulder,” you teased light-heatedly.

“Ok, what about Steve?”

“Sure, I can go,” Steve agreed, jumping off from the window ledge.

“Guys, stop,” you laughed. “I can handle it myself. Just relax. I’ll be back in five.”

You sent Steve a playful glare when he didn’t back down and he eventually sat back on the ledge. Bucky sighed and you could see the concern behind his eyes. You leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead, feeling him instantly relax against you as your hand ran gently over the back of the short hairs on the nape of his neck.

“Five minutes,” you reminded him again. He nodded slowly, though it looked like the very idea of being away from you for even a moment was agonizing.  

You squeezed your way past Peggy’s chair and around Nat’s leg propped up the bed. As you turned down the hall, you could still hear Sam’s boisterous laughter until you passed through the double doors.

The older nurse was standing at the front desk, the corded phone sitting between her ear and shoulder as she scribbled on a notebook, nodding her head and rolling her eyes with each ‘uh-huh.’

As you approached the vending machine in the far corner of the room, she slammed the phone on the receiver and quickly stormed to the back room. You chuckled under your breath, shaking you head. You pulled a few tens from your pocket and eyed up your choices for dinner. Doritos, cheese crackers, potato chips, trail mix, chocolate bars, Cheetos. Sounded good enough to you.

“Not the most nutritious of meals, don’t you think?” a man’s voice said from behind, startling you enough to whip around and clutch at your heart, hand searching instinctively for the necklace you no longer wore. When you saw a black suit-jacket affixed with gold buttons and a shiny NYPD badge with a series of colorful badges pinned on his left breast pocket, you began to relax.

“You scared me,” you exhaled, laughing to yourself.

“My apologies ma’am,” he said, offering you a pleasant smile as he removed his rounded glassed, wiping them on the edge of his jacket before he set them against the bridge of his nose. His sandy blonde hair swept over to the left in short wisps. Over his shoulder an officer you didn’t recognized emerged from the elevators.

“Commissioner Pierce,” the officer greeted, removing his cap in a nod before moving to stand by the double doors. Something about the way he stood guard, his back to the doors, facing you, made you feel uneasy. If he was guarding the commissioner, shouldn’t he be facing potential entry points?

The man in the suit jacket, Commissioner Pierce, pressed out a smile at you as you turned back to the vending machine. Something was wrong. You could feel it in your bones. He cleared his throat behind you and you clenched your jaw, turning to face him again.

“Actually, my dear,” he began and the tone in his voice made you shiver, “I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind taking a few moments to speak with me about the last twenty-four hours. I’ve been made aware that you haven’t given a statement yet and I’d like to make sure we have it on the books before your memory becomes… unreliable.”

“That’s a little below a commissioner's pay grade, isn’t it?” you asked slowly, careful to keep your voice light as not to cause suspicion. You eyed the officer standing at the double doors. His hand held steady on the firearm attached to his hip.

Pierce chuckled to himself, head bowing for a moment before he met your eye again. “I take initiative on the ground every once in a while. Keeps me humble. Especially in cases such as yours. With one of our own feeding information to Hydra, we must stay vigilant. Don’t you agree?”

“Of course,” you forced out a smile, clenching you jaw to hide the influx in your heart rate. You turned back to the machine, watching Pierce’s reflection in the glass. “I’ll be sure to let one of the officers know as soon as I bring back some food. They’re expecting me back any minute.”

As you slid the first bill into the machine, you felt a sharp, solid pressure jab into your lower back. Eyes closed as you exhaled; some kind of twisted acceptance washing over you. Pierce leaned in close enough to feel his breath on your ear.

“I tried to make this easy for you, Y/n,” he tsked, pushing the barrel of the gun hard enough into your side to elicit a wince. You took a deep breath, ready to scream and damn the consequences when Pierce clamped a hand over your mouth. “If you make a single sound, I’ll have of the nurses on my payroll shoot up your precious detective with Fentanyl.”

You froze, breath caught in your throat. From behind the desk, a nurse you didn’t recognize was pulling a syringe from the drawer. She eyed you with a wicked kind of smirk before she walked over to the double doors, standing next to the officer as if on guard, awaiting orders. Pierce slowly lowered his hand.

“Good girl,” he praised against your ear and you recoiled away from his touch. He chuckled under his breath at your reaction, clearly amused. He then nodded for the officer at the door to follow as he put a hand on your shoulder, gripping hard enough to draw bruising. He led you towards the elevator doors where the officer had already tapped the now illuminated arrow pointing to the floor.  

You glanced down the window through the double doors after the nurse retreated back to her station, twirling the syringe in her hand. The hall beyond the doors was entirely empty. Steve was the only armed officer without a major injury and there was no way you’d be able to call for him before Pierce could get a fatal bullet in you and that nurse could dose Bucky amongst the chaos.

This was it.

You should have known better than to trust things would end so easily for you. Your life had never bene easy so why would this? The moment it crossed your mind you might actually have a happy ending to this nightmare of a chapter in your life, you should have known it was too good to be true. You’d gained too many friends, learned to find a family again amongst the late nights at the bar and 24/7 guard duty. And Bucky ---

Bucky was too kind, too loving and sweet and reassuring. He treated you with a gentle kind of sincerity you hadn’t known in years and a constant unbreakable need to keep you safe from harm. You’d let yourself grow to love him in a way you’d never loved another person. In such a short period of time, you’d happily given a piece of your heart away with the assured trust that he’d handle it with care.

You realized suddenly you already said your last goodbye to Bucky, to the makeshift family at the one-four who adopted you so willingly. You’d already poured his last drink, had your last walk through the city in the early hours of the morning, shrugged off his last flirty comment that got your heart racing, and seen his last smile. You’d already kissed him for the last time, already squeezed his hand for the last time, touched him for the last time, told him you --

Well, you’d only told him you loved him once, hadn’t you? It felt like centuries ago. Did he still know? Would he still know once this was over?

You weren’t sure.

You supposed you’d never find out.

The elevator dinged and the metal doors parted. Pierce shoved you inside with the brunt of the gun and you stumbled into the small space. He pressed the button for the ground floor as the officer stood on your other side, hand still on his weapon as if he expected to use it.

A lifetime seemed to pass by as the red LED numbers at the top of the wall counted down. Your focus blurred on the silver doors, studying the ticks and scratches amongst the metal as you tried to avoid your own reflection.

When the doors slid open, Pierce shoved you forward into what looked like the parking garage under the hospital.

“Get her in the car,” Pierce ordered the officer, sliding his gun back into the waist of his suit pants. The officer grabbed a tight hold of your arm, enough to hurt as he yanked you towards him.

There was no use fighting him. You weren’t physically strong enough to overpower him, especially not with a gun in his hand. Pierce gestured toward a black car sitting just a few spaces away. You nearly tripped over a stray rock in the pavement and the officer cursed at you under harsh breaths, raising his hand as if to strike you when --

“Let her go!”

The officer hulled you to his chest, your back slamming roughly against him as the gun pressed to your side. God, this was familiar, wasn’t it?

Steve stood by the exit to the stairs, panting heavily as he aimed his weapon at Pierce. Pierce slowly turned around, a laugh on his tongue, almost as if he was expecting this.

“I know who you really work for, Pierce!” Steve shouted his voice echoing through the garage. “I know where your allegiance lies. I’ve seen the file. It’s over! Turn yourself in while you can!”

“Frankly, Rogers, I’m a little surprised it took you this long,” Pierce replied smugly, not even bothering to deny it. Steve’s eye glanced at you, flickering over for only a moment, just long enough to catch your nod, signaling that you were okay, before turned his attention back to Pierce.

“Let Y/n go and maybe we can arrange a deal,” Steve bargained. An angry tension carried in his tone and you wondered if he was sincere in his words. The sharp narrowing of his eyes suggested otherwise.

“I don’t want your deal, Rogers,” Pierce spat, swatting his hand in the air at Steve. “You know nothing of Hydra if you think we care for anything but the bigger picture. I am willing to sacrifice my life for the cause. Are you?” He glanced over towards you, a smirk on his face as he turned back to Steve. “Is she?”

“Ward and Rumlow turned on each other pretty easy.”

“They were henchmen at best,” Pierce dismissed, rolling his eyes. He was pacing freely, walking casually as if he wasn’t in the middle of a hostage situation.  

“You have nothing!” Steve shouted. “The Hydra informant list was sent to the station hours ago. It’s over, Pierce. You have no reason to take her.”

“There’s still revenge, isn’t there?” Pierce shrugged, whipping out his gun in one smooth movement and aiming it in your direction. There wasn’t enough time to close your eyes before a loud ringing echoed through the garage, but it wasn’t any of the weapons’ discharge.

You looked towards the source of the noise to find the stairwell door slammed against the adjacent wall and a fuming Bucky Barnes racing through the frame, clad only in the light grey sweatpants Peggy had brought for him, bare feet, and bandages covering most of his torso. Sam rushed in behind him.

Bucky was panting heavily as he exchanged a look with Steve who only shot him a warning glare in return. He faltered slightly in his stance and Sam quickly ushered himself under Bucky’s good arm, keeping him steady.

“Great,” Pierce mumbled. “Now that everyone’s here…”

Pierce continued talking but you could hear much of it. It was clear none of the three men standing just fifty feet away from you were either as they talked amongst themselves quickly, eyeing one another up between glances back to Pierce. Pierce was pacing, monologuing about the ‘glory of Hydra’ when you notice Bucky gesturing for Steve’s gun. Steve shook his head, retuning his gaze to Pierce, the barrel of his gun swaying back and forth as the man paced.

Bucky gritted his teeth, his eyes falling on you. There was a determination behind them you recognized from the intersection the last time a Hydra agent held a gun to you, though you could tell with a single glance that he wasn’t getting on his knees. Not again.

He held your eye, mouthing something to you that looked a little like ‘it’s gonna be okay.’ You scanned over at Pierce who was still managing to talk without any prompting. The officer holding you seemed to be getting a little bored with his commissioner’s speech because his grip slowly started to loosen.

Then, all at once, Bucky snaked his good hand around Sam’s waist and pulled the gun from the holster, barrel aimed directly at you. Pierce froze, shouting something you couldn’t quite understand as a deafening shot rang out in your ears. You yelped and a wet substance splattered over the side of your face, soaking into your hair. The officer fell to the ground with a heavy thud.

Another shot echoed through the garage and Pierce let out a shriek, his gun falling from his hand as he gripped at the now bloody surface of his palm. You looked over to Steve, who was holstering his weapon, pleased with his aim.

Bucky was sprinting towards you; Sam close behind. Their footsteps were muffled by the deafening ringing in your ears. You glanced down at the officer, his eyes wide, unstaring, as a bullet sat wedged between his eyes. Without thinking much of it, you bent down, and picked up the handgun that he had held against you. It was warm to the touch.

“Y/n,” Bucky panted, reaching quickly to gather you in his arms when you abruptly snapped your attention to Pierce, aiming the gun at his chest. Pierce held his hands up in surrender, though he kept them clasped together, blood dripping down his forearms from the bullet that had ripped through his palm.  

“Get on your knees,” you growled, a snarl twitching at your upper lip. Pierce’s eyes fell on Bucky, then Steve as he ran up to stand next to you, almost as if he was begging them for interference. It riled up a kind of anger in you too difficult to control.

“Don’t look at them! Look at me!”

Pierce’s gaze snapped back to you in an instant.

“Y/n,” Bucky’s voice called softly behind you. “Doll, please, give me the gun. You don’t wanna do this.”

“No. I do,” you nodded your head frantically, tears welling in your eyes. “He’s behind all of this! He gave the order for Charlie’s death. He sicked Rumlow on us. He’s the reason Sam and Nat were shot and you were tortured for information I didn’t even know existed! Peter’s fighting for his life because of this asshole! He deserves to die!”

Pierce winced as you stepped closer. The sharp click of the safety as it unlocked was thunderous.

“I know,” Bucky admitted, a hesitancy behind his voice. “You’re right, but please, not by your hand. It’s not something you come back from. Doll, I’m begging you. Don’t let him take anything else from you.”

You clenched at your jaw, willing yourself to not cry as you stared down this man. He wasn’t as powerful as he made himself to be when he was staring down the end of a gun. He was a weak, pathetic, feeble man and he was at your mercy alone. You met his eye, providing nothing for him but the cool numbness he had forced onto you and then, you fired.

Two shots.

One at each knee cap.

Pierce cried out, dropping to the ground and rolling onto his side. The garage echoed with his pained shouts, but you couldn’t hear much of it beyond the ringing in your ears from the discharge of the gun. You stepped backwards, bumping into Bucky’s chest.

His hands brushed over your arms, holding you steady. When you didn’t flinch at the touch, he skimmed his hand down to yours and gingerly pulled the gun from your hand, passing it off to Sam. You let it go willingly. Steve had meanwhile rushed forward and yanked Pierce’s hands behind his back, cuffing him, before he pulled out his phone to call for reinforcements.

You could vaguely make out Bucky calling your name softly but you couldn’t seem to bring your focus away from Pierce. This man, this insignificant man, who hadn’t even existed in your life less than twenty minutes ago had spent the last few months upending your entire world. From behind the shadows, he stood, watching, waiting, for the prime opportunity.

Dark red pooled around the concrete around him and he was complaining to Steve that he needed a doctor. Steve grunted, rolling his eyes, and told him something you can only assume was ‘you’ll live.’

“Sweetheart,” Bucky’s voiced ached, his hand tracing over the line of your jaw. “Please, I need you to look at me.”

You blinked a few times in a row. When did he move in front of you? He was watching you with those careful blue eyes of his, drawing and scanning over every ounce of your face in hopes to find some sort of sign that you were in there somewhere. He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. You looked down, focus caught on the red stain growing upon the thick bandage wrapped at his waist.

“You tore your stitches,” you commented meekly, eyes finally reaching up to his. A sigh of relief pushed up the corners of Bucky’s lips and he nodded, glancing at the stain himself.

“Wasn’t gonna let some Hydra asshole take my girl again,” Bucky shrugged, his thumb brushing under the scar on your cheek. You leaned subconsciously into the touch and he smiled sweetly at you. “The second Steve took off runnin’, you should have seen the trail of nurses behind me after I ripped out my heart monitor and the IV drip. It’s a good thing my legs still work, huh?”

“’Good thing’, my ass,” Sam grumbled behind him, shaking his head as he holstered the weapon Bucky had confiscated in the chaos.

You chuckled under your breath as Bucky shot Sam a glare over his shoulder. You tiled your face slightly, just enough to kiss the inside of his palm. He turned back to you upon the feeling.

“It’s over, isn’t it?” you asked carefully, glancing over at Pierce for a moment before returning to Bucky. He nodded, pulling you into his arms. The gentle touch of his lips pressed against your forehead as you wrapped your arms tight around his waist. He held onto you like you were his only lifeline.

“Yeah, doll,” he sighed, his breath warm over the crown of your head. “It’s over.”

He didn’t let go of you even as the siren’s wailed throughout the garage and the blue and red lighting illuminated the dingy underground lot. You stole a glance over at Pierce, ear pressed to Bucky’s chest and listening intently to the sound of his heart beat to keep you grounded, as Steve ushered him into the back of the police car. The door slammed behind him and a wave of relief washed over you.

Once Steve jumped in the driver’s seat to escort Pierce and the line of four other cars back to the station, the garage had fallen silent.

“So, now that I have a moment with you alone,” Bucky smirked, pulling back a moment to get a better look at you.

“Oh God, please spare me,” Sam grunted from a few paces behind Bucky’s shoulder and your cheeks flushed red. He was leaning against a car that clearly didn’t belong to him, good arm folded over his chest as he shook his head. “You just tore open that nasty stab wound the good doc spent hours piecing back together. If you drop dead because you bled out in some disgusting parking lot for a kiss, I will lose my damn mind. Need I remind you, I got shot for your sorry ass.”

Bucky was staring at you the whole time Sam spoke, biting on his lip to keep himself from laughing, though the subtle shake in his shoulders was enough to alert Sam.

“Fine!” Sam snorted, “You got five minutes before I sent the brigade after you. It better be one hell of a kiss, Barnes!”

Sam’s heavy footsteps echoed in the garage as he made his way to the elevator. You were watching him wait rather impatiently for the doors to open when you felt Bucky’s fingers under your jaw drawing your attention back to him. He set his both his hands against your cheeks and you could feel the soft bandage wrapped around his palm where the knife had pierced through. He exhaled, big blue eyes staring down at you as his lips curved ever so slightly.

“It will be.”

epilogue  

tags 🐣: @sweetheartbarnes / @musiclover1263 / @pies-wands-and-more / @buckygrantbarnes / @mywinterwolf / @breatheeagainnnn / @jewelofwinter / @lumar014 / @alohafromhell1 / @bucksandroses / @teardropcup / @beautiful-aravis / @me-chi / @somewereinthegalaxi / @marvelfansworld / @whyamidoingthistomyselfhelp / @deanwinchesterswitch / @yourwonderbelle / @fairislesheets / @brokeinflight / @verygraphicink / @lollipopdomination / @emotionallysalty / @forsaken-letters / @captain-hammer-of-asgard / @ashlieadelia / @kasimagines / @ladymelissastark/ @panic-naran / @pinkisokay / @jsmith509 / @hennessy0274-blog / @littlemsrantsalot / @bucky-rrogers / @the-wayward-robot

[spaceagetoon]

Get to Know Me (Taken from @yougoghkiddo-blog)

1) What is your full Name?

September Blue Rose (Not pitting my last name, sorry)

2) What is your Nickname?

B, Blueberry, Blue’s Clues, Blooragarde, Blur

3) What is your Zodiac sign?

I’m a fucking Libra! (Party)

4) What is your favorite book series?

I don’t read a lot of traditional books but my favorite comic series is Fables by Bill Willingham!

5) Do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

Both! Ghosts is just a personal belief and as for Aliens, it just seems statistically improbable that we’re alone!

6) Who is your favorite author?

I don’t have a definitive favorite but Roald Dahl is up there!

7) What is your favorite radio station?

Lofi/hip hop beats to Relax/Study to

8) What is your favorite flavor of anything?

Idk 😅

9) What word would you use often to describe something as great or wonderful?

“Rad” typically

10) What’s your current favorite song?

I’ve been really digging “HateF**k” by The Bravery and “Kids” by PUP

11) What’s your favorite word?

“Boy” is pretty good

12) What’s the last song you listened to?

Currently listening to “Wait a minute!” By WILLOW

13) What TV show would you recommend everyone to watch?

Bojack Horseman

14) What’s your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down?

Mulan, Heathers, or Scott Pilgrim. Pretty different I know 😅

15) Do you play video games?

I’m a true gamer 😎

16) What’s your biggest fear?

To be forgotten

17) What is your best quality, in your opinion?

I’ve got a pretty good taste in music

18) What is your worst quality, in your opinion?

I can be selfish and possessive, which I hate

19) Do you like cats or dogs better?

Both 🥺

20) What is your favorite season?

Late summer early fall

21) Are you in a relationship?

Not really?

22) What is something you miss from your childhood?

My innocence and sense of hope

23) Who is your best friend?

@crybabycrush and @/avocadoclo who doesn’t have a tumblr 😅

24) What is your eye color?

Blue!

25) What is your hair color?

Currently Blue and pink

26) Who is someone you love?

My sisters, my best friends, a few others

27) Who is someone you trust

Nobody a whole lot (yaaayyyyyy trauma!)

28) Who is someone you think about often?

@crybabycrush and Dan Avidan 🥰

29) Are your currently excited about/for something?

MTAC 2020 and cosplaying Shadow the Hedgehog!!!

30) What is your biggest obsession?

I was gonna make a joke but for real it’s Game Grumps/Ninja Sex Party

31) What was your favorite TV show as a child?

Bear in The Big Blue House, says so my mom.

32) Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone?

I’m non binary so uhhhhh

33) Are you superstitious?

Ye

34) Do you have any unusual phobias?

Ants, Tall Buildings/Statues, more that I’m forgetting at the moment

35) Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?

In front. I’m an attention whore 😅

36) What is your favorite hobby?

Drawing!

37) What was the last book you read?

I fully don’t remember. I almost never read

38) What was the last movie you watched?

Garfield Gets Real LMAO

39) What musical instruments do you play, if any?

Sadly, none 😞

40) What is your favorite animal?

Birds, frogs, foxes

41) What are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs you follow?

In no particular order, @shittycryptids @shittythrifting @one-time-i-dreamt @simpscreens and @i-am-a-fish

42) What superpower do you wish you had?

Shapeshifting!!!

43) When and where do you feel most at peace?

Anytime I’m with @crybabycrush 🥰

44) What makes you smile?

Good music and nice art

45) What sports do you play, if any?

Lol nah

46) What is your favorite drink?

Any fruit juice!!!!

47) When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody?

I don’t think I ever have?

48) Are you afraid of heights?

Yep

49) What is your biggest pet peeve?

Whenever someone talks over somebody

50) Have you ever been to a concert?

Two!! First Ninja Sex Party and second P!nk!!

51) Are you a vegan/vegetarian?

I’m slowly working my way up to vegetarian

52) When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Either an astronaut or a chef

53) What fictional world would you want to live in?

Monster Prom!!!!

54) What is something you worry about?

What I’m going to do with my life

55) Are you scared of the dark?

Ye

56) Do you like to sing?

I LOVE to sing

57) Have you ever skipped school?

I was homeschooled my entire life so uhhhh

58) What is your favorite place on the planet?

Yet to find it

59) Where do you want to live?

New York or LA, maybe space.

60) Do you have any pets?

7 cats, 1 dog, and 1 chinchilla

61) Are you more of a early bird or a night owl?

Night owl for sure

62) Do you like sunrises or sunsets better?

Sunsets

63) Do you know how to drive?

I’m a virgin who can’t drive

64) Do you prefer earbuds or headphones?

Earbuds

65) Have you ever had braces?

Nope!

66) What is your favorite genre of music?

God I have no idea

67) Who is your hero?

Dan Avidan and Arin Hanson

68) Do you read comic books?

Yeah!! Mainly Fables, Harley Quinn, and Gwenpool!!

69) (nice) What makes you the most angry?

People who think their better than everyone

70) Do you prefer to read on a electronic device or a real book?

Real comics, digital fan fic

71) What is your favorite subject in school?

Idk art history?

72) Do you have any siblings?

An older sister and a younger sister!

73) What was the last thing you bought?

Fishnets LMAO

74) How y’all are you?

5’1

75) Can you cook?

I can bake! Cook?? Eh kinda 😅

76) What are three things you love?

Music, Video Games, and conventions

77) What are three things you hate?

Cringe culture, my dad, and conventions

78) Do you have more female friends or more male friends?

I actually probably have more non binary friends

79) What is your sexual orientation?

Bisexual!

80) Where do you currently live?

A constant state of anxiety

81) Who was the last person you texted?

My brother in law

82) When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday?

83) Who is your favorite youtuber?

Forever Game Grumps, but currently Sorrow TV and SnapCube

84) Do you like to take selfies?

Occasionally

85) What is your favorite app?

Mario Kart Tour

86) What is your relationship with your parents like?

Mom, pretty good. Dad, not so much.

87) What is your favorite foreign accent?

A less posh British accent? (Sorry I don’t know all the areas😅) and French

88) What is a place you’ve never been to, but want to visit?

New York, France, And Japan

89) What is you favorite number?

69 ;)))))) I have no idea

90) Can you juggle?

Not very well

91) Are you religious?

Not very

92) Do you find outer space or the deep ocean more interesting?

Outer space. I’m terrified of the ocean.

93) Do you consider your self to be a daredevil?

I consider myself to be a dumbass

94) Are you allergic to anything?

Pumpkin and long haired cats

95) Can you curl your tongue?

Yep

96) Can you you wiggle your ears?

Nope

97) How often do you admit that you were wrong about something?

Not very

98) Do prefer the forest or the beach?

Neither?

99) What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?

I honestly can’t think of anything

100) Are you a good liar?

LMAO NO

101) What is your hogwarts house?

Hufflepuff

102) Do you talk to yourself?

Uhhhhhh yeah

103) Are you an introvert or an Extrovert?

Introvert 100%

104) Do you keep a journal/diary?

Occasionally

105) Do you believe in second chances?

Sometimes too much

106) If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?

Turn it into the police I guess?

107) Do you believe that people can change?

100%

108) Are you ticklish?

Yeah but I’m not gonna tell you where

109) Have you ever been on a plane?

Nope

110) Do you have any piercings?

Just my ears but I want more soon

111) What fictional character do you wish was real?

Damien Lavey or Julian Devorak 😩😩😩😩

112) Do you have any tattoos?

No but I want some REAL BAD

113) What is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?

Probably to start cosplaying. Even though I don’t enjoy it as much as I used to I wouldn’t know almost any of my friends if I never cosplayed

114) Do you believe in karma?

hell yeah

115) Do you wear glasses or contacts?

Not anymore! Thanks laser surgery!

116) Do you want to have children?

Really really bad

117) Who’s the smartest person you know?

Probably my mom

118) What is your most embarrassing memory?

I really don’t like thinking about that

119) Have you ever pulled an all-nighter?

Multiple times

120) What color are most of your clothes?

Black 😅

121) Do you like adventures?

YES

122) Have you ever been on TV?

I’m like the only person in my family who hasn’t LMAO

123) How old are you?

18!

124) What is you favorite quote?

“Love Everyone, Forgive Everyone, Especially yourself.”

125) Do you prefer Sweet or Savory foods? (I ran out of room) Sweet!

[sizzleitupwithmaria]

the challenge is on, foolish mortal

1. how tall are you?

5 feet 7 inches

2. what is your body type?

i’m shaped like an hourglass but i’m also a lil chubby

3. what is your favorite part about your body?

i occasionally like my face and this is a little bit weird but i have pretty good tits

4. is your current hair color your natural hair color?

yep!

5. are you more outgoing or more shy

dude i’m shy af

6. are you more femme or butch?

i’m a pretty solid futch

7. are you tol or smol?

i’m tol bitch!!

8. wine mom or vodka aunt?

i feel like i’m a vodka aunt, but i’m also 14 and don’t commit crimes

9. weird habit?

i stick my tongue out whenever i’m super focused and i used to be really self conscious about it

10. favorite meme?

my current favorite is the shen yun memes but i don’t have an all time favorite

11. do you sing in the shower?

no bc the bathroom is right next to my parent’s bedroom :):):)

12. ever used a bow and arrow?

yeah i was in girl scouts for a while

13. are you/were you a theater kid?

see basically all of my vent posts and you’ll find the answer (i’m in a weird relationship with theater right now, but we’ll have to see how sophomore year turns out)

14. have you ever seen a broadway musical?

yeah!! i’m also seeing another one in 112 days lol

15. do you think musicals are cheesy?

some are, but that doesn’t make them bad

16. have you ever been part of a protest or a march?

yeah, i went to march for our lives last year!!

17. favorite cards against humanity card?

i don’t actually own or play CAH, but i like “Bees.”

18. last movie you watched?

newsies, but that was only to grab screenshots lol (maura will know)

19. behind the camera or in front of it?

both!!

20. favorite tv show?

uhhhhh frasier? 

21. meaning behind your url

sizzle it up with taako is a taz reference

22. reason you joined tumblr

i have no fucking idea bc it was so long ago

23. who’s your closest tumblr friend?

i’d say @baura-bear but i’ve also known her irl for 8 years? i don’t actually have any purely tumblr friends, feel free to hmu

24. what’s something most people love that you hate?

most foods

25. have you ever taken narcotics?

considering that i had to look up what that meant, the answer is no

26. have you ever had sex?

i’m 14

27. have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or anything bad?

nope, i lead a pretty boring life (i’d actually sneak out quite often if my bedroom wasn’t on the second floor)

28. worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?

i’ve told my dad that i love him before

29. describe your passion without mentioning it.

i’m currently at a crossroads with it and it’s pretty stressful for me rn but i’m committed to getting better and not crying daily over it

30. describe your best friend

i don’t actually think i have a solid enough relationship with anyone to have a best friend lol

31. give us one thing about you that no one knows

OH UHHHH i pop my acne?? that might be obvious if you look at my face tho

32. how do you feel right now?

pretty solid, i have a little bit of a headache and i’m a bit sad but i’m doing okay

33. what is your biggest fear?

failure, but that’s probably just bc i set so high expectations for myself lol

34. what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

breakfast in america by supertramp

35. what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?

maybe quitting band and strings in 5th grade or quitting track

36. have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?

OH YEAH but we’re not gonna talk about that right now

37. something you fantasize about

i always dream of living in a tiny nyc apartment with a beautiful wife and working at some nondescript company and shopping in my free time

38. last time you cried and why

??? i actually don’t know. i nearly cried last night bc my dad was nearly yelling at me, we’re not gonna get into that though

39. what was the last thing that made you laugh?

i put a stupid snapchat filter on my face

40. do you really, truly miss someone right now?

yeah

41. who do you feel most comfortable talking about anything with?

my own self?? i have trust issues lol

42. the last time you felt broken?

maybe this morning just bc i had a weird dream and was processing it lol

43. are you starting to realize anything?

yeah

44. are you more dom or sub?

sub, but just in general, i haven’t ever had sex

45. i’ll only date you if _____

you’re a woman? i don’t have many standards lol

46. do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?

okay this question is probably geared more towards adults but as a freshman, i’m fine with dating sophomores and juniors, and maybe 8th graders?? that’s a little iffy though

47. describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail

ummm i’m not sure if it’s a crush anymore but she’s tall, skinny, had black hair that she dyes often but it never shows, she dresses similar to me, she’s a photographer, and i think she might be into me :/

48. do you have any kinks?

yes but i’ll never tell anybody even if they paid me money

49. first thing you notice in a person?

uhhh their outfit?

50. how can someone win your heart?

by loving me a lot and dealing with my weird personality

51. been rejected by a crush?

i’ve only asked a crush out once and that went pretty well so no

52. have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

yes, who hasn’t?

53. would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

nope

54. is trust a big issue for you?

is the sky blue?

55. did you hang out with the person you like recently?

nope, we’ve been meaning to for a while though

56. is confidence cute?

sometimes, just don’t be weird to other people

57. what would you say if the person you like kissed another person?

i wouldn’t care LMAO

58. would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

probably not

59. does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?

maybe?? my interactions with her have been a blur lmao

60. ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

oh yeah

61. do you want to get married?

yes, but purely to flex the fact that i can get gay married

62. worst thing you’ve ever done?

idk probably self harmed

63. three things that turn you on

1. women

2. women

3. women

64. who do you hate?

nobody, really

65. favorite term of endearment?

sweetheart/love GET ME EVERY SINGLE TIME!!! if i ever write some romance y’all will see

66. who was your gay awakening?

idk if you count this as a gay awakening but once when i was like four i said to my dad “if i could marry anyone, i’d marry sarah” (one of my friends) (holy shit i just got kind of sad remembering her i liked her a lot and she had a cool family i need to see if she has an ig)

67. intimidating girls or kind girls?

both at the same time

68. what do you look for in a possible partner

women

69. do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?

tbh the only styles that are off the table for me are hyper masculine and hyper feminine, anyone else is great

70. are you good at flirting?

i don’t have the confidence to flirt lol

71. who was the first person you came out to?

my friends ellie and lilli, at the same time, on accident

72. do you have any friends who are wlw?

the question is do i have friends that aren’t wlw 

73. is your crush wlw?

i believe so

74. last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?

this one junior boy who.... oh boy... he’s not hot at all but he’s so nice to literally everyone

75. write a short love poem to your crush/self?

i don’t feel like i’m attached enough to my crush to write a poem to them

76. do you fall in love easily?

i think so

77. is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

yeah

78. are you good at hiding your feelings?

oh hell yeah, at least i think so

79. are you a forgiving person?

depends on what the person did

80. what is your type?

i don’t really have one? being taller than me is nice

81. fall asleep in her arms or tub her back until she falls asleep in yours?

both, with a preference for the first one

82. tall girls or short girls?

TOL

83. hugs or kisses

both, especially at the same time

84. twirl her around or get twirled?

both!!

85. tummy kisses or thigh kisses?

tummy!! thigh kisses are a bit too close to the pussy for my taste

86. hairline kisses or neck kisses?

hairline

87. play with her hair or stroke her tummy?

both!!!!!!!!!

88. making our or soft kisses

soft kisses

89. hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?

both, it just depends on the situation

90. how confident are you in your sexuality?

probably 80%

91. when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?

idk if i ever blush but i have to REALLY like someone to get butterflies

92. have you ever likes a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?

i have multiple times but i’ve only told someone once

93. how old were you when you realized you were into girls?

11 or 12

94. most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?

idk, i tend to forget those things

95. do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?

i honestly don’t ship many lesbians lmao. can i count my own ocs? bc julia and emily are great

96. what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?

i don’t think i’ve actually had anything negative said about my sexuality directly to me, so i’m a bit lucky

97. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?

i honestly have no idea

98. what is love to you?

when we make each other happy

99. ask me anything

i mean my ask is always open if anyone wants to do this

thanks for listening to me be super gay and sad for a little bit

[phanaticaddict]

92 Things About Me

Hey people, I got tagged by @fallinghowell to do this (thanks Selli, sorry it took me awhile!) It’s under a cut because it’s pretty long

Let’s do this:

THE LAST…

1. Drink: water 2. Phone call: to my mom, she’s like the only person i do voice calls with anymore 3. Text message: I was suggesting places for a date to this guy that asked me out (first date in two years, be excited for me guys) 4. Song you listened to: to be completely honest, BTS, i’m thinking of getting into their music (not necessarily the fandom) but it’s really confusing how they all look the same to me 5. Time you cried: April 18 of this year when I was having a mental breakdown for six hours over college and finals, that was fun

HAVE YOU EVER…

6. Dated someone twice: nope 7. Been cheated on: nope 8. Kissed someone and regretted it: never kissed anyone 9. Lost someone special: yes, but not to death 10. Been depressed: yes (currently am depressed) 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: never gotten drunk

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. blue 13. black 14. pink

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 

15. Made new friends: yes lots! 16. Fallen out of love: haven’t been in love 17. Laughed until you cried: yes 18. Found out someone was talking about you: yes, my mom 19. Met someone who changed you: no 20. Found out who your true friends are: idk i’ve never had a problem with fake friends or anything, my friend group is kinda solid, even if we’re spread out from going to different colleges 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: no never kissed someone 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them 23. Do you have any pets: no but I want 24. Do you want to change your name: i want to add Stephanie as a second middle name but besides that no 25. What did you do for your last birthday: i dressed up nice and went out to get crepes with my friends 26. What time did you wake up: 12:30pm lol 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: i was on my computer watching YouTube videos 28. Name something you cannot wait for: the day i finally go travel the world, whenever that is 29. When was the last time you saw your mother: she just walked by where I’m sitting  30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i wish i had motivation. so that i could, like, do my homework and get out of bed and live life 31. What are you listening to right now: Mulan, I’m watching it with my family 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: actually, no, what the heck?

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my mom telling me i’m lazy and worthless and threatening to kick me out (also this weird spacing of this text right here that i can’t fix, wtf?!)

34. Most visited website: tumblr, archive of our own, and youtube                      

35. Elementary School: I don’t really remember much, it’s all a blur, but from what I do remember it wasn’t too bad

36. High School: it actually wasn’t horrible, i had awesome friends and little drama, but i’m very glad it’s over and i do not miss it

37. College/university: starting my second year this fall but really worried that my depression will lead to bad grades and days on end not getting out of bed like last semester

38. Hair color: dirty blond

39. Long or short hair: long 40. Do you have a crush on someone: kinda the guy i’m going on a date with on thursday but i don’t know him well 41. What do you like about yourself: hard question. maybe my eyes? 42. Piercings: just one in each ear lobe 43. Blood type: O+ 44. Nickname: cole (call me nicky and i will punch (jk i’m not violent but no joke don’t call me nicky)) 45. Relationship status: forever alone 46. Zodiac sign: pisces  47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite tv show: doctor who or merlin. probably merlin 49. Tattoos: nah, not for me 50. Right or left hand: right

FIRST…

51. Surgery: i had my wisdom teeth taken out 52. Piercing: ears  54. Sport: i danced for three years when i was in elementary school 55. Vacation: hawaii was wonderful, i went three years ago and want to go back 56. Pair of trainers: like, shoes? uh, i like converse but i don’t know what my first shoes were (i don’t get this question)

RIGHT NOW...

57. Eating: right now i have a cheese stick 58. Drinking: water 59. I’m about to: go to bed after Mulan is over 60. Listening to: Mulan 61. Waiting for: my date Thursday tbh i’m so nervous and anxious about it 62. Want: more books. always more books 63. Get married: if i find the right person, yes definitely (but who would want me) 64. Career: i’m thinking of editing books for a publishing company but who knows

YOUR TYPE…

65. Hugs or kisses: hugs (but i’ve never been kissed so...) 66. Lips or eyes: eyes 67. Shorter or taller: taller, but I’m pretty short so i don’t know if that means much 68. Older or younger: older 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: arms 71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: somewhere between the two but i guess more on the side of hesitant because i’m hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER…

74. Kissed a stranger?: i’ve never kissed anyone 75. Drank hard liquor?: i’ve never drunk anything alcoholic  76. Lost glasses contact/lenses: i’ve worn glasses and had contacts for ten years but surprisingly no!  77. Turned someone down: no, haha, not that many people are into me 78. Sex on first date: i’m saving myself for marriage, if that ever happens 79. Broken someone’s heart: hahahahahahaha no 80. Had your heart broken: no 81. Been arrested: no 82. Cried when someone died: if fictional people count too, yes 83. Fallen for a friend: kinda, i had a little crush on a friend in middle school but it wasn’t hardcore falling for him

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

84. Yourself: no, which is kinda sad 85. Miracles: yes 86. Love at first sight: i believe in attraction at first sight which can develop into love if you feed it intimacy and time together and all that 87. Santa Claus: never did but i wish i had at one point 88. Kiss on the first date: not really no 89. Angels: yes

OTHER…

90. Current best friend’s name: Julia 91. Eye color: green with blue and gold 92. Favorite movie: hard question but it’s a tie between Anastasia, Rise of the Guardians, Tangled, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Mulan, and many others that I’m forgetting 

This was fun!!!

I tag:

@rosepetaldaniel @lesterdreams @blushinlester @killermess and anyone else that wants to do this

[roroslatenightthoughts]

Sin City

Spent the weekend blissfully lost in a group of beautiful ABGs. Nobody knew me, really. Other than my name, it was the perfect solution to the “my name precedes me” thing that I had been encountering after moving back home.

There was a blur of little moments, living so in the moment that not much was committing to memory. 

But I can feel the memories already blurring away. I just have to let this out somewhere, so here we go.

Friday, June 21st (the first day of summer, my period, and the summer solstice).

Jody’s flight got delayed by 4 hour (at least) and I found myself drowning in intimidation. These girls knew exactly how to do their hair and makeup, what to wear, etc. Found myself regaining some confidence as I successfully put on lashes (really well too, tbh) for the first time since I was 18yo about to perform at recital and was empowered to ditch my Spanx.

While we were waiting in line for Wynn’s XS Nightclub someone raised his voice at me, “Hey, I know you.” I subtly rolled my eyes, assuming he was the first creep of the trip. But then, “It’s Rochelle, right?” I passed along the velvet rope to get a closer look at him. “Arsenio,” he said. The name didn’t ring a bell. 

“I’m Annie’s cousin.” 

“Annie, who?” 

“Luspo!”

“Ohhh, Christy?!”

“Yeah, we met when I was staying at her house in Houston. I think we’re friends on Facebook.”

I quickly looked him up. He was right. Our mutual friends shook the cobwebs from the old connection. It had been TEN YEARS since he last saw me, completely crazy. We tried meeting up for shots in the club, but it didn’t work out. He said he was living in the Bay area now. I looked up his profile, he has a 3-year-old kid now. 

We spent the majority of our Friday evening tediously scouring XS for a table, waiting for Jody, and denying the inevitable fact that a group of 13 young women were not about to ALL get drinks at the same table let alone maneuver a dark nightclub without getting separated. 

We hunted for tables big enough for the majority of us, got half-assed efforts from promoters, and eventually some guy rounded us all up to his table for [free] drinks. It was there that we meet the “thirty-something” Miami guy. We danced, he twirled me, someone later told me they thought he was gay, it definitely didn’t feel like it (but then again, I literally have the world’s worst gay-dar). He even gave me a lap dance -- what an odd feeling to have someone’s nuts rub on your leg... blegh.

We eventually left their table and stopped like ten feet away (the crowd was thick enough to be out of obvious vision). My feet were screaming and I asked if I could sit. He had a sleeve of tattoos -- hello, talking points! At this point I could have talked for hours as long as it meant that I could sit. I don’t really remember his face, but it felt like I had him wrapped around my finger. At one point I was sneaking ice cubes out of their bucket because I was that desperate for some hydration. He said something about being warm, and I don’t know what came over me but  I instinctively leaned in and asked “Did you say you’re getting hot? Come here.” Our faces were close enough and just said “kiss me” before passing an ice cube into his mouth. It was the smoothest and sexiest I’ve ever felt in my life. 

I nonchalantly pull away and feel completely detached from the romantic gesture. He boyishly blurts out, “Thanks for making me look cool in front of my friends.” I’m glad it was dark so I could hide my chuckle. Finally, we head home and we recap the night over Chex Mix and Gardetto’s. Night ended around 2-3am.

Saturday:

Woke up around 8am (I think) and continued recapping the night. Realized my feet were insanely dirty from walking around the hotels and drop-offs sans shoes. We started getting ready for day club and I accept 

omg i’m tired of writing. here comes the word/phrase vomit.

AB&G smoothie, morton’s neuroma, small boob insecurity, “thicc” girl empowerment, big boob empowerment. lowkey strutting and hopping around the suite proud of the muscle on my legs, jiggle on my chest, and less fat at my abdomen than 7 months ago. looking like bougie bruno mars as a woman. fhearing those first beats at day club. USC med alumni. “what job would you have?” “I would enjoy being a PT,” “I’d be humans of new york,” “I’m just now starting to pay off my loans,” his name was Patrick, he’s a urologist either “operating or in clinic.” the exotic Mediterranean guy “She just like a fun, nice girl.” Billy was just one of the cute guys, idk i naturally kept tabs on him i think. Felt like I was successfully flirting with and then getting subtly rejected by Nikolai - with the twin friends (ft. dance move guy), he is an electrical engineer graduated from UCSB who would get a 2x4 lego tattoo if anything and taught me a few phrases in French - because I assumed he’d rather get with one of the girls in the group (Later on Payne would convince me otherwise - that he kept looking around for me and was just talking to everyone because I kept leaving, classic Rochelle scenario, no?). The support I felt when they all encouraged me to go after him. One of the doctors didn’t pick up on my sarcasm when I said he was the oldest (obviously the youngest), it was sweet to see all his friends play along and to have his thirsty ass wanna make me his girl hahah. Some guy named Ty who was turning 21, filipino with great tats - ended up asking for his insta bc i kept running into him. OMG the handsome, potentially gay Black man who stopped me as I got out of the pool and lowkey-strutted towards the bathroom with a “girl you are naturally gorgeous - and you know it!” ugh idk why but it was the most believable comment I’ve ever gotten from a passerby (along with the random ladies that would compliment me omg i cry).

For a while I thought everybody bailed on me and left me with Nickolai just as things were fizzling out. But thankfully we found Kim, Payne, and Mary. We weaved through the crowd, over velvet ropes, and just danced our asses off to Marshmallo’s set. As we were gathering our things at the locker, Jody happened to be walking by (I swear, technology is the biggest cockblock for serendipity). I hadn’t had enough of Day Club at that point so I stayed and saw Jody and Kathleen in action with these guys at their lounge area. Man they really committed to fishing. Finally the delirium of Day Club became a bit overwhelming and we made our way back to the hotel. At this point I felt natural and confident enough to shower naked in front of an also naked Kim. It’s amazing how much confidence I had on reserve strictly from a fresh bikini wax and the knowledge that I’ve been consistently active.

Freshly showered and freshly napped, we started getting ready for Night Swim. (Seriously, the partying never really stopped - just paused for attempts at nourishment/rest.) There was something even more heightening about this round. I played up my freshly-fallen bun-curls and took a FIRE selfie on snapchat (although it didn’t get that much feedback, whatevs bc who was i even hoping for feedback FROM?) 

Donning Kathleen’s kimono and my “naked” swimsuit... (man, looking back where did this person come from?) 

Started talking to this Filipino-Black guy in line and his friend in all white came back and asked if we wanted to join them in their cabana. None of the girls wanted to go, but I figured why not? (the guy was so tall, I think this was my subconscious, amateur attempt at jersey chasing LOL) Also they were from Brooklyn, and I’m a sucker for a good nyc story. Bopped back and forth with drinks form their cabana to our lily pad. 

In classic form, I eventually said goodbye to the cabana boys, grabbed someone from the lily pad, and headed off to do laps. This naive, potentially-gay gentleman at the dance floor tried teaching me how to salsa, as I kept reiterating, “honeyyyy, I’m from Houston! I know how to dance!” We met this Brazilian sounding guy literally because he was standing there an just put his hands up -- got us drinks and saw a poor attempt at line dancing in Vegas, encountered a PTA named Jery (classically shocked that I finished school already hehe). Kept encountering this older gentleman who was charming but creepy, gave Katy a lesson in public strutting, and finally circled back to lounge at the lily pad. 

Eventually Katy came over and whisked me away to a table in the pool. About six girls were already there. There were only two guys so of course I assumed my role as a poolside, go-go dancer. I looked down and realized that I recognized this guy’s dance moves from day club!! And sure enough Nikolai was there! I called him over asking why he wasn’t backstage at the Zedd show. Got in the pool and of course dealt with the same ambiguous vibe as earlier that day. 

(At some point during this, Kathleen came over and dropped off my things - holy shit i just looked it up, it was around 1am - and I asked her to take my phone and wallet back to the hotel at the risk of getting it in the water) Kathy had just offered me some WatEr and I ended up just chillin’, enjoying the vibes and visuals by the side of the pool. I vaguely remember seeing Nikolai leave and honestly just dgaf about it. Kathy explained that it was ok to want to feel physical touch so I just leaned the fuck in to the virgin experience and let everyone and their mother scratch my head, massage my back, and just love on each other hahaha we ended up closing the club at like 3:30am or something.

As we were leaving, one of the two guys (the half-Jap-half-Russian who I was initially told was gay - found out his name at like 5am, and then ended up not being gay) bluntly says, “you’re really pretty and I’d like to make out with you” - looking back, it was almost perfect... I was already comfortable with him because he had been [orgasmically] pulling my hair all night and massaging my neck. He said later that he thought he was being obvious in making a move, but i’m pretty sure he was doing that with everyone, esp considering Kathy was deadass wrapped around his back like a monkey lolol he later said he was only pulling my hair, my rolling ass had no fucking clue ahahah

Anyway, I hadn’t had someone suggest making out in so long and had been recently longing for that exactly, so after several minutes of inner turmoil (at this point i was still getting used to him not being gay, but also i was on my period, freshly waxed, and headfirst in my first Experience). I stayed back with Kim and James (literally a total ‘Crazy Rich Asians’ vibe with his british accent and her stunninnnggggggg looks), Kathy, and Mr. Makeout. There was a cool breeze accompanying us on the late night streets of the Strip and we just let ourselves walk and blow away with Mr. Makeout’s EPB/APL. We ended up at their room at the Palazzo and sure enough, when Kathy and Kim went to talk in the bathroom, he point-blank says, “are we gonna make out now?” 

He was odd in his own way -  a balance of nonchalant, poignancy, and just enough flirtation. Stolen smiles and glances had become our forte at this point, I was really wishing that Kathy could see what was happening, and that I hadn’t given my phone away. The three of us decided to leave to give Kim and James some privacy. Kathy lagged behind to talk to Kim and we continued to make out in the hallway. Kissing him was somehow so erotic yet so professional/respectful. 

The sun was beginning to come up as we headed to the guys’r extra room at Caesar’s and awkwardly laid in bed, in our swim suits, unable to sleep, just waiting for Kim to need us since we had a key card. Let me just say that damn Kathy is such a good friend. She had her phone out the whole time even though battery was draining fast, making sure that Kim felt safe and that she wasn’t ubering alone or anything.

There was a moment that Kathy was going to leave and I was going to stay back with Daniel (I now knew his name), I decided against it and as I got out of the bed he beautifully clung to my waist with his previously whispered “I’d like to make love to you” twirling through my head. I playfully tried getting away, knowing full well that he had me locked down (If I was smart at all, I would have remembered James’ subtle mention that Daniel brought a NCAA National Judo Title back to Harvard, i.e. their ALMA MATER, which I barely cared about at this point because I was so out of it haha). We convinced him to come back to the Venetian/Palazzo with us (and he paid for the taxi, bless).

We kept stealing a few kisses in various lobbies as Kathy essentially babysat all of us lmao. Before heading up to our room, I threw my number onto his phone internally plotting how I can sneak away to him. After all, it was only 6am at this point and everyone was deadass asleep. 

Immediately I realized how not sleepy I was in comparison to everyone sprawled out on their air mattresses. I updated Katy and Jody and replied to his immediate texts:

“Hello

OK come now.

Can we make out a little more?”

I trotted out of the room in a sun dress, no bra, and my bikini bottoms. I told you, it was the start of Cancer season. Walked through the adjoining hotels (seriously, how convenient) and eventually he found me. 

“You changed”

“Well I didn’t really want to walk around in a sheer kimono at 7am,” then alluding to the lack of bra underneath. 

He was surprisingly disciplined in the elevator, undoubtedly catching me smiling in anticipation for his lips to be back on mine. Thankfully, he deviated towards a corner wall to kiss for a bit before heading down a very long hallway. It was the most seamless a makeout has felt in a long time. We were eye to eye whenever I’d rise up onto the balls of my feet. I grabbed at his jet black hair and his hands ran all over me with an energy I’d never felt before - I had gotten used to greedy hands on me... his were appreciative, almost even respectful. I could feel him near the hem of my dress and he’d lightly lift it up, but never yanked at it or slid it up too high... we continued down the long hallway with the same style of kissing, even getting caught by a couple, oops hehe. 

We got to the room and decided to continue in the [pleasantly spacious and conveniently mirrored] full bathroom. Knowing fully well that we only had time to makeout, we started slow, just weaving back and forth. We took our time, taking turns unbuttoning each others tops, one by one, kissing to celebrate the each exposure of new skin (forgetting the fact that we were already half naked when we met or that we had already laid next to one another in our underwear). 

Eventually the clothes were off and he didn’t question when I said that underwear has to stay on. It was 45 minutes of bliss. He leaned against the counter for the majority of the time and our hands ran free, up and down each other’s bodies. His musculature perfectly balanced - I seriously don’t think I’ve ever been so dumbfounded, I literally had no critiques. But I couldn’t properly articulate myself because I was so shocked by his whispers and praises.

“You’re so pretty... You’re so cute... You’re so hot... You have the most incredible body,” as he appeared to blink in what looked like disbelief. For once, I actually believed a man’s compliments on my body...

 “I was trying to talk to you all night,” he said as I stared back in disbelief reminding him that his hands were on all the other girls as well. “You have so many dang friends, I didn’t know how to get alone... and then you disappeared, I couldn’t find you.” We continued kissing through all this recapping and sure enough, he blessed me with that same, firm hair pull.

We ended up laying on the floor towards the end, him teasing me with the words, “I really want to eat you out” - BUT OF COURSE, I was on my period at a time when I’d never been more willing to do it. His lips were so luscious and our tongues had already become well-acquainted at this point. He told me to lay on the floor and his hands just explored my lower abdomen and superficial pelvis... it felt beautifully similar to the scene in “Pretty Woman” where Richard Gere goes from playing the piano to playing Julia Roberts’ body....  it was just pure bliss, I’d never been so happy to be in a hotel bathroom at 7am. And as we ached over the fleeting minutes, eventually we heard James fumbling for the bathroom knob, I doubled over in giggles as I fumbled for clothes to cover my mostly naked self. “I’m not done exploring you yet...” he said with a tone of sadness as we departed, again not realizing that I was plotting to return to him. I wasn’t done either.

I’m going to stop writing soon, but I ended up going back to his room (sans James) after Jody left. We had about an hour, “You just always leave me. I booked my flight for 11:30 after you left. I didn’t think I’d get to see you again.”

We kissed slowly, obviously running on depleted energy reserves, and eventually ramping up to the same enthusiasm as earlier that morning.

“I wish I had a video of you doing that,” alluding to my practically-rehearsed minx crawl over his supine body. To which he countered with the masculine version when it was his time to be on top. However, I think I reached a completely new capacity of physical attraction as I laid on the bed with him standing, holding my hips. Every time his hips thrusted forward, his chest and delts contracted with each pulse.... I’d never been with a physique like that, ever. I don’t know what came over me but eventually I was going down with an enthusiasm I hadn’t felt in years, genuinely wanting to kiss him just everywhere. I was lasting a lot longer than usual. I could feel him squirming and just when I thought he was going to finish - he blurted “I just want to fuck you” as he simultaneously tossed me to the head of the bed and held himself over me - it was performed so swiftly and smoothly that I officially have a newfound sexual respect for guys who do Judo. It almost felt like a couples tango... I just laid there, sprawled out in complete disbelief, realizing that I reallyyyy wanted him back in me. We wrestled with the idea but there were no condoms left and I wasn’t on birth control - I had to bite my tongue to prevent myself from discussing the significantly decreased likelihood of getting pregnant when on your period, but luckily he reminded me that we’re a couple of strangers, a couple of mature adults. Eventually time caught up with us  and with rosy-cheeks we left his room. I lamely asked if we could hold hands to which he said, “of course.” I could feel his smile next to me in the elevator and gave each other a quick kiss before he headed to the lobby and I sped off to the Venetian to clean up my things before check out.

 At one point we were just laying there and he said those perfect words, “this is all I really wanted.” I didn’t fully believe him, but I nodded in agreement because it truly felt wonderful.

(Sidenote: I initially started this post because I was resisting texting Mr. Makeout. I caved and started drafting a message, but I kept backspacing because I didn’t actually know what I wanted to say. Finally got frustrated and gave up on keeping contact, phew glad that period of desperation is over with) 

[stardusstt]

Oasis, nirvana, blur, RHCP, manic street preachers, elastica ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Do you wear sunglasses often?  most of the time when I’m driving during the day.

Are you a beer, wine, or liquor person? LIQUOR

Do you prefer the stars or the moon, the land or the sea?  i love both the stars and the moon, but i guess if i had to choose id say the stars. They are so beautiful and trusting. Im afraid of deep bodies of water so ill say land lmao. like i like the ocean (never seen it lol) but its pretty and everything but like the really deep parts. I honestly just looked up “fear of deep water” and literally tensed up at the photos. it scares me so much omfg. drop offs are the worst fuckkkk

Do you have a lot of regrets?  i have one really big one lol, i previously discussed it in another ask, my disgusting af ex… i have another one that I’ve never have really told anyone, that involves my dad, but i won’t put it on here cause well lmao idk

Would you ever want to be famous? yes i think so.

Nirvana:

Do you belive in God? i haven’t fully truly believed in God since my dad died.

Are you a flannel or sweaters person? both but i really love my vintage 80s sweaters soooooooo.

Where’s your happy place? rock concerts. everyone there at least kinda understands why i love these fuckers so much, even though they hit on me and shit. its nice to be around people who get it a lil, even though they’re all way older than me lol. even though, even though. like last weekend i saw Dokken and Dee Snider and after the show they were just playing music from a mix and Cum On Feel The Noise by Quiet Riot played directly after Dee’s set, and EVERYONE was singing along and i really felt at home. I’m never truly as happy as when I’m seeing live music. Like I’m happy other times but its different. its hard to explain man.

Do you like your family? i love my family

What stereotype were/are you closest to in high school? i have no idea lol, i was really different all the time.

Blur:

Do you like sunny weather? yes, and i also like rainy weather!

Do a lot of people know about your sexuality? i think everyone knows I’m straight. but i don’t talk to a lot of people so idk, not a lot of people know I’m attracted to older men, i think they think I’m joking. but like no I’m not i can’t see myself being w someone that isn’t at least 10 years older than me. like when i realize someone is like 25 ill be kinda grossed out lmao, ill take 55.

Are you a city or country person? city

Favorite brand of athletic wear? tredstep ireland

Do you like your smile? no, its kinda crooked i think idk

Red Hot Chili Peppers:

Are you a go-with-the-flow person? sometimes.

What’s a dream you’ve had that you’ll never forget? i have a lot of really bad dreams that were so terrifying ill never forget lol, but like I’ve had really great dreams too. I remember the first dream i had about Axl when i was like 15. it was amazing and wonderful and seeing him in person was everything i ever thought it would be because of the dreams I’ve had of him. he’s just like a dream; i cannot wait to see him again in literally two weeks oh my god.

Are you spiritual at all? i really believe in astrology and i know a lot of people think its bogus, but idk. also like spells and healing crystals are the real deal imo.

What was the saddest point in your life? when my dad got sick, and i watched him get more and more sick and couldn’t do anything about it. and when he broke his back and it healed but his back still hurt so he thought it was that but it was actually the pain from his liver failing. talking to him on the phone and him not being able to answer because he was pretty much a vegetable. telling myself the whole time that something like that could never happen to me and thinking it would all be okay, so when he could talk and the last time i ever talked to him was on the phone and i didn’t want to talk on the phone so  i kept trying to get off the phone because i thought ill be able to talk to him when he’s home. he said he couldn’t wait to come home and see his baby girl, and i really believed he’d come home but he didn’t. oh yeah theres the other regret. sorry for the depressing mess

What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done? i had sex in my high school lmaooo gross.

Manic Street Preachers:

Do you believe that humans are good? some of them. not a lot though

What’s your signature makeup or fashion statement?  I’m very much so 80s inspired

Are you a books or a movie person, and what are some of your favorites?  movie definitely, ahhh thats a long list. Wayne’s World, Sing Street, Back To The Future, Batman, Ghostbusters, Rain Man, This Is The End, Superbad, Purple Rain, Vanilla Sky, Guardians Of The Galaxy, One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, Edward Scissorhands, Spiderman: Homecoming, Mr. Mom, The Truman Show, Star Wars (4,5,6 and 7), every marvel movie lmao god, Pretty In Pink, The Joker Is Wild, Jersey Boys, Beetlejuice, Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, Lego Batman Movie, Little Shop Of Horrors, The Three Amigos, Mars Attacks!, It’s So Easy And Other Lies, Gremlins, ahhh theres so many lmao, Horrible Bosses, The Burbs, What About Bob?, A Nightmare On Elm St…..so many more but we’ll leave it there for now omg.

Do you see yourself as an outcast? kinda, no one my age likes the same things as i do, like they don’t even know half the bands i listen to. I relate more with people that are older than me because lmao they actually know what I’m talking about. I dress different than everyone so theres that, i literally wake up wishing its the 80s so i dress like it is and a little part of me believes it is until i walk out of my bedroom lmao then I’m just the odd one out.

Are you nostalgic? lmao yeah! I’m always reminiscing about things and like i said i love the 80s so theres that.

Elastica:

What’s your dream car? A pink cadillac from 56', 59'. and an 85' corvette.

Favorite card game? lol i don’t play card games often

Do you consider yourself cool? yes

Vinyl, cassettes, CDs, or digital? ahhhh def NOT digital! probs vinyl, but i love cassettes too and cds.

What’s a haircut/style you’ve always wanted to get? i need someone to actually feather the fuck out of my hair man.

This was a long one, i commend anyone who actually reads it lmao. thanks anon!!💖💋