#*cough* it's a haylor song *cough*

[hits-differently]

1989 (Taylor's Version) / Is It Over Now?

[two-maroon-ghosts]

Not the tinhat cult again with their It is all PR and fake battle cry. Once a tinhat always a tinhat. Too bad so many harries are ex larries been brainwashed by that cult. So they scream PR every single time like Pavlov's *cough* larries *cough* trained dogs. Can all the ex cultist and forever tinhats just leave Harry's fandom? Turns the stomach of normal non tinhat people. Do you agree or do you support the tinhats with their Its all PR mantra?

While I think sometimes Harry hanging around a girl can be PR, whether for his benefit of hers *cough* TR *cough*, I do think it's totally insane how they act like some relationships aren't real. Like Taylor Swift. How are you looking at all these songs and lyrics and saying either those aren't about her or that it's just PR. If they want to like Harry's music that's fine, but for larries (and gaylors as well) you need to chill out and spot speculating about their sexuality and forcing it down everyone's throats. I'm a Haylor, but I acknowledge that they could get into other relationships, they could be happy with other people. I was pretty content with Joe prior to the Toe breakup. I feel like there should be a more widespread chill breed of larries. If they really want, so they liked each other or maybe they even did date. Back then. Not now. I've never noticed a harry song sound like it's about Louis, although there are some good arguments for Louis's song. But people need chill out, take things at face value, an just acknowledge the facts.

[bisluthq]

“They have nothing to do with each other” EXACTLY!!! Like yall were so thirsty for the Style collab and were instead gonna get Slut! with Matty and people still think Taylor is writing songs about harry as late as 2023. And idk how the vault tracks say anything we didn’t know (blue dress on a boat….)- you are taking the buildings line seriously?? Harry and Taylor were not living in the same city and having meet cutes at their local a few times a month - the amount of times they could have actually bumped into each other post breakup given their very public work schedules is teeny, especially considering they were actively boinking a lot of other people and not holding out for those sacred moments together lol. Haylor was as much marketing as it was real and to me the music reflects that (as others have said - it’s not that deep - esp his awful lyrics directly referencing hers - it’s like that song liam wrote using all famous song titles 😂). If she had shown up at a 1D concert as a special guest - musical or otherwise (COUGH) - or even randomly been in cities where they were performing I could take haylor post Jan 2013 a lot more seriously.

thank u ma'am

[itzzzzcookie]

Everyone is still making "assumptions" about who as it was by harry styles is about ( *cough* olive *cough*). Honestly, what is there to assume. He himself said that he wrote the album in 2020 when he was single. He literally is just talking about his struggles and his parents'divorce. "Two kids follow her" is literally harry and gemma following Anne. Stop making things up. Stop putting words in his mouth when he clearly has said what the entire album is about. Honestly this stupid "assumptions" are ruining the song for me. And yes I have said holivia is a pr stunt cuz I have seen it. Like if you want me to believe in holivia make me believe it, show me legit stuffs that shows their relationship and I will openly apologize for everything I have said....

Honestly I don't care if he is doing prs or not but the amount of hate messages I am receiving is just overwhelming. I rarely post something on Tumblr. But the recent issues have completely disgusted me. I dont care if u support holivia or u support haylor or hamille or hendall or larry. What I do care is that stop attacking other people just cuz you have different ideologies. It's fine to not like someone. Don't like me then fuckin ignore me

Tpwk

Your friendly person

Coco

[myohmine]

do you think 1989 is about harry or about dianna agron? i personally think its for dianna because haylor was PR, but what are your thoughts?

I think some songs are about Diana and some songs are about Harry.

Haylor as a romantic couple was PR but I think they’ve become good friends because they went through pretty much the same thing in the same industry. She probably gave him a rundown of American music industry and disillusioned it for him quite quickly. Not to hurt him but to tell him to be prepared of what to come etc. Welcome to New York, darling.

Style is definitely about Harry and the media perception of them. The music video is full of their reflections in broken mirrors. I could go on for days about visual cues in Taylor’s mv but that wasn’t your question so I digress. (Also, fade into view? Nothing screams cinematic script quite as loud. Style is a song FOR SHOW.)

Songs that I think are related to Harry and the music industry as a whole:

Blank Space: Haylor is exactly who the media wanted them to be. Tay delivered.

Style: ^^^ the media thingy above is never gonna go away as long as they still want this career so better get used to it baby

Out of the Woods: from Louis’s POV, I explained why before I think it’s under my #loutay tag

Shake it Off: the drama from three songs above?? Come on baby let’s shake it off

I Know Places: Tay be like Hello Class! Welcome to Easter Eggs 101. Here’s how to outsmart your label

How You Get The Girl: Tay be telling Louis aka prince Erik how to apologise and ‘Kiss the Girl’ aka Ariel Styles, I mean Harry. Or the heartbreak prince & little one with cheekbones idk

Wonderland: THIS. This is the manifesto of Tay’s Reputation era AND H’s Lights Up AND Louis’s Walls (especially his We Made It Director’s Cut). Music industry is the wonderland. THEY’RE GOING TO BURN IT DOWN.

You Are in Love: Taylor is officially the Darkest Larrie in this circus.

New Romantics: Tay and Larry be laughing all the way to set their old labels on fire. Us fans better hold on tight. The rollercoaster has just begun.

Only two songs that I think are like DMs to Liz/Diana. Cuz TayLiz/Swiftgron was already all over RED. I think they’re pretty self-explanatory

All You Had to Do Was Stay

I Wish You Would

+Extra Special! Back To You - Louis ft. Bebe

Wildest Dreams: cough-Karlie-cough

This Love: this love is the love itself not a person. but like with Liz/Diana, Tay thought love was hurtful burning red but then she met someone new that made her rethink about love

Clean: for Tay herself (and possibly her eating disorder episode)

That’s probably way longer than you expected. I will now be going back to typing about folklore which is even longer than this. But my anon started it so well 😂

ps. I suspect 1989’s Bad Blood and Lover’s afterglow => Katie Perry

[tswiftisgay]

hello! so there a lot of haylor shippers that are going around saying that exile, cardigan, the 1, illicit affairs, and a bunch of other songs on folklore are about harry styles. they're also saying that songs on fine line are about taylor. what do you think?

hello! 🤗

1) There is not one ounce of me that believes that Taylor and Harry really dated. To be clear, I do believe Harry has dated women he has been out and about with. I even think Taylor has probably dated some of the men she has been publicly paired with! So this isn’t based on a broad assumption of sexuality. This is based entirely in the facts and circumstances of that fateful time. They overplayed the whole thing with pap shots literally every single day for nearly two months. Harry never looked happy to be around her, and he never confirmed they were dating properly! Plus, the timing with the release of the Taylor and 1D albums was just too perfect. They helped each other solidify audiences across the oceans and dispel (what I obviously believe to be incredibly true) gay rumors. My haylor timeline spells a lot of that out.

2) I do not believe either of them wrote songs about each other for their most recent albums. Even if they did date, they dated so damn long ago and for such a short time! Their schedules have been incredibly incompatible in the time since then so any wild haylor conspiracies just don’t make sense logistically. (One of my friends actually mapped their schedules out so I really mean that.)) Plus they have been tied to a lot of other people with a lot better evidence. 

The last nail in the coffin is that Taylor really hurt Harry’s reputation for a while with her accusations of being a womanizer, unfaithful, etc. and Harry upset her reputation when he started making his incredibly unsubtle gay comments. I do *not* see why they would have willingly done this to each other if they were secretly together.

In case you forgot, Taylor changed her entire promotional approach to 1989 which had been shaped around Harry with pointed jokes about the inspiration for Style and a huge Rolling Stone article with “insider” and “spokesperson” *cough* TREE *cough* information about their relationship. On October 30 2014, Harry and Liam were asked to describe their perfect person to date. Liam jokingly said “female,” to which Harry said, “not that important.”  He also said “don’t knock it till you try it” about having sex with a man and made a variety of other gay/dick comments. To this day I can’t understand why people still think that man is straight! Regardless, Taylor stopped pushing the Harry narrative so hard and began using more generic descriptions about her inspiration for Style after that--even as soon as the next day in an interview with Ryan Seacrest! Check out this fun little analysis from @all-my-possessions here for more.** Read the prior Rolling Stones cover article here for comparison. 

3) Taylor and Harry have previously written about each other, but not in the lovesick way the media would have you think. The song Perfect by 1D--written by Harry and Louis--has references to Taylor. Out of the Woods is about bearding with Harry in my opinion, which I elaborate on here. I’ve also answered an ask in the past where I shared my opinion that Taylor may take inspiration from Harry’s life since they share a lot of the same burdens, having grown up in the industry and closeted. 

4) This is more controversial, but I think that Harry Styles may be William Bowery. This would account for some of the connections or coincidences found on folklore in a way that is much more believable to me. I believe Taylor and Harry have mended bridges a bit over the years and connected over their shared stories of navigating secret relationships while under the magnifying glass of fame. Writing together and speaking at some length may have been part of the inspiration for the songs. In the same way that a movie with similar themes to a story in your own life can be extremely evocative, Harry’s stories may have been a big source of inspiration.

When asked about Taylor, Harry has repeatedly said she is a great songwriter which is a good response because it’s true and because it sidesteps any drama. To my knowledge, no one has ever been bold enough to ask Taylor the same question. If they did, she might say the same thing. Keeping his name out of the credits makes sense because their long media history would have brought the wrong kind of attention to the artistic masterpiece of folklore. I expand on this a bit more here.

5) I need to acknowledge-- and ask that you also acknowledge--that there are only small coincidences linking Harry to Taylor’s album at all. Even the imagery of the cardigan music video being linked to the Falling music video is a bit tenuous. Music as a lifeline or way of communicating is a common image, as is water as a way of depicting overwhelming emotions. Yes, “thin line” in Exile mirrors Harry’s “fine line,” but those are incredibly common phrases. Our intuition as fans can be amazingly accurate or embarrassingly off. So let’s keep that in mind with any theories. For our sanity’s sake!

**Read more about the changing narratives of the songs on 1989 as told by Taylor herself in this lengthy but amazing analysis also from @all-my-possessions​ 😍 here.

Your message has been sitting in my inbox for a bit. I’m sorry I didn’t reply sooner. The world is on fire and so is my will to live. JK I’m okay. Not great. But okay. Hope you are okay, too <3 

[fallingsunflower]

I am honestly surprised by how many people take things at face value (*cough* Haylor) — I totally agree with you and the other anon(s) about Carolina and once you read about the circumstances I think it’s pretty obvious that this was just a convenient narrative. Self-avowed super private, respectful, consent king Harry, who is the vaguest of vague in his songwriting, randomly decides to literally name a one-night stand, who was a friend of the Azoffs, in a song AND claimed he didn’t tell her about it first? And she was young so maybe she would’ve had feelings about being exposed like that? Doesn’t sound like Harry (spoiler alert: Because I don’t think it is. I know he’s not an angel but I don’t think it’s his style). I think she knew Harry and Harry’s people, whatever the nature of the relationship was, and didn’t mind having her name used. If the goal was for his fans to be like “Omg I want to be Townes, she’s so lucky!” then mission accomplished.

yeah I'm actually surprised by how many people think Holivia is fake yet believe other relationships that also scream PR to me. To each their own but still

[simplyjaeeex]

So just because I wanted to explain more what the exposing bloggers said about Hendall to really show you all how and why that PR was actually a pretty convincing one I’ll create this post:

So as you all know (unless you are a Haylor stan or just blind) Haylor was always a PR from beginning to end. I mean it was pretty obvious a n y w a y it wasn’t a good PR, at all and well 1Ds team couldn’t let another Haylor-like mishap happen, again. Now as you all know Kris (Kendall’s momager) never, never, misses a chance to further their wealth and relevancy even if it means manipulating her own children’s life. She is a master at it and well honestly I think she’s in a way addicted to it. Kendall was building her relevancy in the modeling world but she still needed more. So what better way then to link her to some super popular pop star 🌟 I mean y’all remember Kendall trying to get it with JB? It was all Kris’ mastermind. That didn’t happen though but that’s a whole other story and honestly idc too much bc JB is happily married to the one person who actually really does love him. Again I’m not getting into that. So who else was a very popular pop star at that time? None other than Mr. Styles, 1D was at it’s peak and it was a match made in PR heaven.

So why did it seem so believable and why was it much more successful than Haylor? Welllllll because they never confirmed it, ever. A huge hugely popular trick used. Anyone fish? Tease them about it and they’ll bite into it and you’ll hook them. That’s exactly what they did. They teased with little details and photos and insider exclusives (which is really code for their management or themselves) also known as sources.

11/2013 - Dinner @ Craig’s

Now let’s start with the location first: Craig’s. Literally that’s the restaurant celebrities go to, to get papped. If you don’t want to be papped on your very secretive date you don’t go to Craig’s. Anyway photos surfaced and boom rumors started and then the denying began, the teasing. A “source” denied and said they were “just friends”, K tweeted that she was single and H denied yet teased about it and hook line and sinker, you bit into it and now they got you.

1/2014 - Ski trip

A ski trip in which a “source” said that they were very couple-y and flirty with one another. Now tell me who could possibly be so close that they would know how they acted with one another? Anyway. Ski trip aside they “break up” the next month bc of conflicting schedules or some bs like that and blah blah blah 🙄

12/2015- The Yatch

Conveniently this “vacation date/reunion of lovers” happened right after K had been hospitalized for exhaustion. (Cough rehab cough) and well H was still dealing with his very much speculating sexuality rumors and the release of the new album amid Zayns departure and the hiatus. Perfect timing for both participants and tada! Dinner and Yatch, both very very common PR stunts. Show me a celebrity couple who hasn’t done a Yatch PR stunt? Or a beach one? It’s like a must do for PRs. Yet again a source came out saying that they have something going on for a while (teasing you yet again and trapping you). No one questioned why K was hospitalized and well H continued to be relevant and clearly not gay.

1/2016

Big sis Koko comes to the call as she teases everyone once again about the potential of Hendall being real. Let’s not forget Ellen who also teased all by saying how sweet they are and how she likes them both together. End of Jan had them both attend Jeff’s party, which they did not arrive or leave together. The Kardashian/Jenners are pretty good friends with the Azoffs so it’s no wonder they would be invited and well Harry as you know is buds with the guy and his stepdad was there as well.

4/2016

Shopping photo arises. No knowledge of where or when. Oddly enough yet it still gets your attention. News outlets legit say “If it’s Harry and Kendall ..” still very much keeping the mystery and teasing you by not confirming but still intriguing you. K was battling rumors of her supposed relationship with Clarkson around that time too coincidentally. Once again a source comes forward stating how much K likes H but aren’t committed bc well he’s your typical rockstar. Pushing the whole Womanizer rockstar image hm? How original.

9/2016

K and Clarkson rumors persist, so K&H are allegedly spotted having dinner. Where a source states how happy and beaming K looked. Allegedly.

4/2017

H teases by saying some of his songs were inspired by a recent relationship. Using the word She, speculations continue and the intrigue is once again there and obviously he’s straight bc he wrote songs about a she.

5/2019

Met Gala: they reunite and are one of the last two to leave. Well obviously, Harry was a host. They were seen leaving minutes apart but not together. They partied at the same after party and left together. K’s manager never rests and neither does H’s.

12/2019

Then we have the Late Late Show and the silly game of eat your guts or spill your guts. In which H refused to answer what songs were about K and in which many said both were very flirty and at ease with one another.

2/2020

The Brits. Pretty hard to not notice either with their very vibrant attires. But alas not much was really taken out of that

Then finally we have the really odd and out of place interaction during COVID-19. K with her rumored beau in a purple car while H rides his motorcycle. Like why? That just made zero sense honestly. Anyway we all know H needed proof that he was in LA well bc all the rumors going around and well K just needed to stay relevant. Still weird af.

So here’s the thing about this PR unlike other PRs, H &’ K actually became really good friends, like genuinely. They get along pretty well. So any stunt made wasn’t unbearable to them as it would have been if they’d been stuck with someone else. They’re comfortable with each other (as friends) making their interactions seem genuine. The LLS was just them being friends, the reason Harry decidedly ate cod sperm (don’t forget the whole to spit or swallow thing) wasn’t because he didn’t want to admit what songs were about K but bc none of the songs are about K. I mean how embarrassing would that be if he actually said that? In the Met Gala it was two friends being friends and having fun. The Yatch PDA was clearly staged and weird, I mean wtf was up with H’s fascination with her feet? Anyway there’s more in between the timelines but most of it were just alleged information given by sources ie: K throwing H a Bday gig or their supposed dinner date in which the source states K was beaming. Again no proof (photo or video) yet a source comes out once again teasing and keeping the mystery of it all keeping you in the edge wondering if it is or isn’t.

And that my lovelies is the reality of Hendall, so go forth with what you want with this. Believe don’t believe, up to you. The proof is out there.

[thetaylorfiles]

Hey there!

I'm sorry to disappoint you. I guess the biggest issue is I have come off incorrectly to being with. I'm a gaylor fantasizer, and I have an inkling kaylor was a thing, whether it still is or not is fun to speculate, but I'm in no way shape or form a serious kaylor, let alone a hardcore one.

Let me warn you this will not be in depth with specific lyrics, photos, instances, etc etc. I will write you a long post one day (especially after the doc - I'd love to see if that quote of her defining herself is in context/even real*) I just have a lot in life that prohibits me from sitting down and spending the kind of time I want to in articulating my thoughts and gathering the 'proof' as to where I saw it, why I believe it, etc. I mentioned, I'm not a hardcore fan/gaylor/kaylor/etc so I don't have files of evidence saved to pull out at a moments notice, if you know who I mean 😉.

That said, lets address a few things that sway me towards a not-fully-straight Taylor Swift. I have done some digging and unfortunately cannot locate this interview again, but I once heard an interview with jack antonoff discussing his work and who he prefers to work with. They were talking about a different artist when the interviewer casually mentioned working with Taylor as well. Jack proceeded to say he prefers to work with gay women. The interviewer started to prod asking if she was gay and he had to backtrack. I so badly wish I could find this again and if anyone has seen it, please send it to me or TTF!

Next is, admittedly an old video, of a british boy band being interviewed, and the interviewer asks the one lad of he's going to "get a beard like Taylor swift". Most of them are too young and don't understand, but the one leans over and explains it. I do believe it was during haylor, and this more proves to me that she definitely participated in relationships set up by her management (pr relationships, if you will). It doesn't conclusively prove gaylor, but it does hold weight for me in regards to her participation in PR relationships.

I am not naive enough to believe that Taylor was unaware that the day she released a song and video titled "ME!", draped in rainbows and pastels and cats, all the things that make her her*, was Lesbian Visibility Day. Taylor is not naive enough to NOT be aware that it was that day, I refuse to believe that. She is smart, calculated (in the best way), she is a planner, and she is AWARE. I fully believe in my heart this was intentional.

Like I mentioned above, I would love to see the documentary and see what the quote actually is. If she says that gay pride defines her, I find that very hard to spin as any allyship and not identifying as within some corner of the community.

I believe that she started very young, and yes the pressure she highlights in the documentary to stay a nice, quiet girl in regards to her democratic views, might possibly have also included pressure to identify/portray a certain lifestyle. I do believe that lots of her lyrics lend themselves rather easily to a queer reading regarding secret love than just a superstar having to hide her straight, white, male, love. I do believe that she is smart enough to build her PR relationship to cover her real one (now that she has someone cooperating *cough*CH*cough*).

I also believe I could be totally wrong and she's head over heels in love with Joe Alwyn.

Either way, I do not know her at all, so I'm not really all *that* invested. I'd like her to be happy, just like everyone else in the world. I'd also love to see her be a part of this supposed 'me too' movement that is apparently to come regarding bearding in hollywood. I think it would shake up what a lot of people think they know about someone - even though she herself told us all in the rep prologue that we don't know her at all.

Hope this clears things up and doesn't leave you as disappointed as last time!

🧘‍♀️

————

Submission

———-

Hi!

So I set this aside because I wanted to give you proper time and thought and then got distracted and got more asks than I can keep up with and this got lost in it and I forgot and I’m so sorry. So here we go. I never meant to ignore you and I’m so sorry I did.

Okay, so I posted the interview with Jack and transcribed it. What do you think now? To me, he’s not referring at all to Taylor. He says he prefers working with women. Then he says he prefers over that, gay women. The interviewer then makes the leap to ask about if Taylornis gay and Jack doesn’t backtrack AT ALL he simply states that she’s not without a change of cadence to his voice. He’s not caught out at all. So what are your thoughts now upon hearing it again?

As for Me! On Lesbian Visibility Day, just curious if you’d ever heard of this day before the Kaylors found it. If you have, then let’s talk more about it. Because I haven’t. I’ve dated women I have more gay friends and lived in WeHo and worked at the Gay and Lesbian Center in LA but have never heard of it. So if you have? Let’s talk more. But if you haven’t, I’m not sure why you’d expect Taylor Swift to have heard of it.

I, too, believe that she is smart enough to build a PR relationship to cover a secret one. Absolutely. We agree on that. And while I’m sure some of her lyrics lend themselves to queer interpretations I’d argue that many straight artists do too but that doesn’t make them gay.

I think what I like most in everything you’re saying is that you’re not that invested in whether or not shes gay or if she had something with Karlie. Because I was under the impression you were much more of a dedicated Kaylor. So knowing that you’re more of the having fun speculating and are cool with whatever kind is actually very reassuring to me. I like the kind you are. Or rather, I don’t mind it at all. You are not the kind I have any issue with at all. I knew I liked you for a reason!! Hahaha.

So now that you’ve seen Miss Americans, what are your thoughts? Are you more convinced that she’s gay and Joe is fake? Or less convinced? Would love to hear your thoughts!! 😘

[bigbrotherlouis]

remember when the track list for mitam came out and everyone knew that perfect was written by louis and harry and larries were BESIDE themselves because they just KNEW that perfect was going to be The Larry Love Song™ and it turned out to be this song about a wild but slightly destructive relationship that is doomed not to last (cough haylor) and not at all even remotely about a good long-term “”relationship”” wow congrats you played yourself dot gif larries

[meyhew]

Clean literally had nothing to do with haylor and Taylor didn’t try to make it about harry , coughs it’s more about Diana coughs , gosh have they even ever listened to the song xjxjxj I’m sorry I know y’all hate Taylor with passion but when people actually want to make shit up at least use your common sense , I hate anons

shdjdkd idk what a clean is and the only diana i know is by one direction but like.... haylors been dead and buried since before it began so idk why ppl panic still in 2018

[theyneverblindmedarling]

Ok imma get the called out and probably cancelled for this but idc the NYD song analysis gives me STRONG haylor vibes like three years from their last reported sighting was December 20,2016 and 3 years later is December 2019 cough a lot of haylor ness popped out in that time and now they’re like waiting lol tell me what you think it’s clownery fur sure

No I agree I think that NYD gives off haylor vibes for sure (also wait the last sighting was december 2016!?👀 and wait what does that have to do with dec 2019??)

[haylorinthewoods]

Yeah, it's hard to like both taylor and harry, sometimes I just follow haylor blogs because everytime I try to get outside this bubble all I find is a lot of taylor hate... and I would respect that if it was legitimate hate but there's a point that you realize its just because she fucked harry 🙄you know, like the feeling that two ghosts is so hated because its obviously about her... if it didn't have the "same lips red, same eyes blue"lyrics alot more people would love that song so much lmao

On my old blog, it was all taylor (and bad tv shows) but I made my main blog to yell about Harry, and Taylor wasn’t doing much at the time so literally all my focus was on Harry.  So now that Taylor has started doing stuff again, suddenly all the Taylor hate is out in the open and it’s exhausting.    

And yeah……I think a lot of people have other reasons why they don’t like her, but some definitely can’t stand that Harry wrote a song ::cough:: an entire album ::cough:: about her lsjdfljsdf.

[bakagamieru]

Rolling Stone Breakdown

I read part of the article earlier today before work and I could already tell BS was simmering even before I got home and found out about all the over the top het stuff.  Knowing this ahead of time, I’m going to go ahead and take notes / rant back at the article as I read it.

BS 101: Intro to BS

paragraph 1: wow this person really wanted to be a bad fanfic writer, but they got stuck at Rolling Stone instead

I’m being petty with this, but just use “One Direction” fully if you’re going to go to the trouble of typing out “One D” instead of “1D”

“he became a canvas onto which many of fans pitched their hopes and dreams” because all fans of boybands (i.e. girls) dream about is romance and that’s the only reason they’re fans, ALSO media like Rolling Stone had nothing to do with Harry being a blank canvas for people to project their image of him onto (*sarcasm)

every mention of After, even a vague one, is -5000 points, every time it’s mentioned normally and not as the dangerous misrepresentation of abuse it is, is -5,000,000 points, every time someone crosses the line by a light-year and talks about it directly to Harry is -5,000,000,000 points, I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them

“a song cycle about women and relationships”, *cough*womanizer BS*cough, ALSO the first single Sign of the Times is clear social commentary with no real (read: not forced to fit that interpretation) hint of romance in sight, so...?

“more of a rock sound”, still pretending that 1D’s last 3 albums never existed

Harry wants his music to be “honest”, now where have we heard that before?  Niall, Louis, Zayn with Liam probably soon to follow.  It’s almost like they’ve been held forcibly quiet under a gag order...

I’m trying to figure out how I’m supposed to take the comment that Harry “runs every yellow light” and apply it to his persona, I’m stumped (also, you can’t run a yellow btw)

“the album no one has heard is burning a hole in his iPhone”, chill the fuck out with the italics, I know everyone else has talked about that, but you haven’t even mentioned the secrecy around his album in your article so you have no reason to randomly italicize things

Hiatus

“there was another One D member to vector questions into a charmingly evasive display of band camaraderie”, fuck you and your ever so sly implications that the boys’ closeness was manufactured and that the boys never answering anything interesting had to do with the band rather than interviewers incessantly asking the same vapid questions

“It was in a London studio in late 2014 that Styles first brought up the idea of One Direction taking a break”, as @paynoisbatman already pointed out, this timeline of the hiatus makes no sense with the timing of Zayn “quitting”, also it’s inconsistent with the way the boys denied the first round of hiatus articles in June 2015

just to be clear, they probably DID know about the hiatus ahead of time and they WERE lying when they denied the upcoming hiatus in June, and that also means that there’s no reason Zayn should have jumped the gun so close to the finish line (yay mixed metaphors!), I’m just pointing out the story is inconsistent, so all of these things can’t be true

“If you’re shortsighted, you can think, 'Let’s just keep touring,’ but we all thought too much of the group than to let that happen. You realize you’re exhausted and you don’t want to drain people’s belief in you.” <- This is pure 100% lovely, insightful, well spoken Harry

I’d also like to point out that them first discussing it in 2014 means that Harry’s comment about “we all thought too much of the group” applies to all 5

“I love the band, and would never rule out anything in the future. The band changed my life, gave me everything.” I’d like to point out that they always phrase these quotes to sound like past tense, like the band is broken up as of now, when in reality he’s saying that not only will they come back after the hiatus but that he’s in this band for life

“and not just have it be ‘Here’s a demo I wrote.’”  you have that chance Harry!  Release the finished version of Don’t Let Me Go Harry!

“Every decision I’ve made since I was 16 was made in a democracy.” I feel like someone misspelled “was a rebellion under Simon Cowell and Co’s dictatorship”

Pretentious Character Work or Work on Building Pretentious Character? Ah, got it: Pretentious Work on Building Pretentious Character

“As one of the most well-known 23-year-olds in the world, Styles himself is still largely unknown” not if you’ve actually paid attention over the last 6 years?  I mean yes, always to some extent, but it’s not like this insightful, loving dork is a dark mystery

“He looks at my digital recorder like a barely invited guest.” learn to choose useful metaphors and stop being pretentious

dude, I know you did this on purpose, but you said that “Behind the effervescent stage persona, there is more lore than fact. He likes it that way.” and then put the quote about Prince’s artist draw being his mystery right after, making it seem like he that was his reason for wanting to be mysterious, then you quoted “It’s not about trying to make my career longer, like I’m trying to be this 'mysterious character,’ because I’m not.” which directly contradicts the connection you drew with your words, AKA you knew it was BS and made it seem connected anyway

“The pool cleaner looks perplexed, not quite sharing Styles’ existential joy.” there’s nothing existential about it, it’s just a smile, he’s just being nice to people he passes like a good human being, I’m sorry if you don’t know what that looks like

“It’s obvious that the band has a well-worn frat-house dynamic”, do you actually know what you’re talking about or are you going off of stereotypes? if you’re calling it a “frat” and were in a fraternity, your frat was probably stereotypical anyway

“Styles is, to all, ‘H.’” It’s a fricking nickname that his fricking boybandmates also use, not a commentary on his position as the benign and worshipped leader of the Jamaican band cult frat you apparently think formed

“Pomegranate-scented candles flicker around the room.” this I definitely believe, but did you recognize the pomegranate smell right away or specifically look at a candle to find out what it was?

“It was Styles’ first full immersion into the land of musos” I need that staring into the camera Office gif

Music Ideology

“Most of the stuff that hurts me about what’s going on at the moment is not politics, it’s fundamentals,” Styles says. “Equal rights. For everyone, all races, sexes, everything. …” this is a very interesting thing to randomly bring into a conversation without asking, unlike the rest of the article, this bit aligns with Harry’s rainbows in the pics, at SNL, and out and about with fans

“The song is written from a point of view as if a mother was giving birth to a child and there’s a complication.” No, uh-uh, I like the idea personally , but Harry has said ever since MITAM and maybe before that he likes people to be able to have their own interpretation, he said it in interviews about SOTT recently too, I’m not at all convinced Harry wanted to actually share the official story of what the song means, it flies in the face of his philosophy about song interpretation

“The lyrics are full of details and references – secrets whispered between friends, doomed declarations of love, empty swimming pools – sure to set fans scrambling for the facts behind the mystery.” the fact that you put this right after Ever Since New York is laughable, that is a solid contender for the vaguest lyrics that couldn’t possibly be accurately paired up with details of Harry’s life, but you want people to think it’s about Haylor, don’t you

“I’m happy I found this band and these musicians, where you can be vulnerable enough to put yourself out there.” this one is hard because I can see Harry being grateful for a good group of people to write with, but I also don’t believe the implications that he’s never been vulnerable in his writing before or that he couldn’t be vulnerable with his boyband, both are BS, I’m going to say it’s probably a real quote but with suggestive framing

“The album is a distinct departure from the dance pop that permeates the airwaves.” can people please stop pretending that music hasn’t sounded vaguely 70′s and 80′s-ish for the last 4-5 years?

“It’s different from what you’d expect,” Bhasker says. “It made me realize the Harry [in One D] was kind of the digitized Harry. Almost like a character. I don’t think people know a lot of the sides of him that are on this album.” such. utter. BS.  Fans know Harry.  the general public only doesn’t know him because MEDIA LIKE ROLLING STONE created that “digitized Harry” that’s “like a character”

“Asked if he spends pressure-filled evenings worried about proving credibility to an older crowd, Styles grows animated.” of course he does, sweet child of man that he is, he jumps at the chance to educate heathens like you about the wonderful world of being a decent human being rather than a sexist prick

1D and Zayn

“He’s not a heavy drinker, he says, maybe some tequila on ice or wine with friends after a show, but by the band’s last tour there wasn’t much time even for that.” Oh, ok, we’re still pretending that TMH wasn’t the craziest scheduled tour

“Styles and his phone have a bittersweet, mature relationship – they spend a lot of time apart. He doesn’t Google himself, and checks Twitter infrequently.” ah, but you forgot his lurking on Tumblr

“I mention a few of the verbal Molotov cocktails Zayn Malik has tossed at the band in recent interviews.” print interviews, all print interviews, because you put words in his mouth just like you're doing with Harry

“threading the needle of diplomacy” yeahhhh.... this is all BS, it’s made to sound neutral to make it seem like Harry is only being polite, whether Harry said these words or not, they’re not HIS words

More Pretentiousness

“Styles, born two months before Cobain exited Earth, doesn’t feel tied to any particular genre or era” funny since his 70′s image is being amped up to 11 for his solo debut

“In the car, he’ll just as easily crank up the country music of Keith Whitley as the esoteric blues-and-soul of Shuggie Otis” and now I know where the country bits of MITAM came from, I was wondering

“It’s like – that’s not how it works. I don’t even remember what the question was.” having “It’s quite small” flashbacks

“ ‘Could I get a selfie?’ Styles obliges, and leans over the counter. Click. We exit into the Laurel Canyon evening.” I’m sorry, I can’t stop laughing, but was the onomatopoeia really that necessary?

“River Phoenix,” the man announces, a little sadly. “You ever heard of him? If he hadn’t have passed, I would have said that was you. Talented guy.”  sadness, River Phoenix really was such a talented young man, a very worthwhile person based on the roots of his problems too

The Obligatory Origin Story

They share a silent moment, before Styles walks to his car. He hands me the bag filled with English snacks. “This is for you,” he says. “This was my youth …” “Harry Edward Styles was born in Worcestershire, England” great transition dude, I’m sure that was completely organic

“But in fact, all was not perfection, scored to a cool, retro soundtrack.” but I thought it was!

“His eyes moisten a little, but unlike the young man who wept over an early bout with Internet criticism, a powerful moment in the early One Direction documentary A Year in the Making, Styles tonight knocks back the sentiment.” “look, he’s repressing his emotions, this is progress!”  I wouldn’t make fun of this if he had phrased it as Harry being stronger or no longer caring about what other people think, but saying he “knock[ed] back the sentiment”?

“I’d gone because my mum told me I was good from singing in the car …  but your mum tells you things to make you feel good, so you take it with a pinch of salt.” um... first of all, X-Factor flashbacks, second of all, Harry said that he’d always wanted to audition but had always been too young, so...

“and united the members of One D in a musical shotgun marriage” I’m keeping this imagery, it’s mine, no one can take it away from me now, no takebacksies

Ben Winston Earns His Tag On My Blog

“ ‘Family,’ answers Ben Winston.” who is not Harry’s family

look, I actually think Harry and Niall and maybe the others actually have a friendship with Ben, I can’t understand why, though, when he always participates in BS like this, I will never forgive him for the Livestream of Doom/FOUR Hangout

“There is more chance of me going to Mars next week than there is of Harry having some sort of addiction.” Why are we so focused on Harry not being a drug addict?  He’s not, there aren’t even rumors he is, ok, don’t need to talk about it, moving on.

Styles had just moved out of his family home in Cheshire, an inconvenient three hours north of London. He found a home he liked near the Winstons in Hampstead Heath. wtf? revisionist history much?  forgetting all 5 boys lived in the same complex right after moving to London much?

“ He became a friendly mentor to Styles, though the friendship was soon tested... Styles asked if he could briefly move in with Winston and his wife, Meredith. She agreed,” Winston says, “but only for two weeks.”... For the next 20 months, one of the most desired stars on the planet slept on a small mattress in an attic.” this is not Harry, Harry would not move in for 20 months after asking for 2 weeks, if he did he would make sure it was ok, if he made sure it was ok, you shouldn’t be talking about it and essentially badmouthing him to the press

also, can we talk about “one of the world’s most desired stars” because as we’ve all talked about before, Harry was 17/18 and being hypersexualized in the press and this is not ok

Winston continues the tales from the attic. “So we had this joke. Meri and I would like to see the girls that you would come back with to the house. That was always what we enjoyed, because we’d be in bed like an old couple. We’d have our spot cream on our faces and we’d be in our pajamas and the door would go off. The stairwell was right outside our door, so we’d wait to see if Harry was coming home alone or with people... He wasn’t always alone,” corrects Winston, “but it was exciting seeing the array of A-listers that would come up and sleep in the attic. het BS *yawn* *snore*

The subject today is relationships. While Styles says he still feels like a newcomer to all that, a handful of love affairs have deeply affected him. The images and stolen moments tumble extravagantly through the new songs: And promises are broken like a stitch is … I got splinters in my knuckles crawling 'cross the floor/Couldn’t take you home to mother in a skirt that short/But I think that’s what I like about it … I see you gave him my old T-shirt, more of what was once mine … That black notebook, you sense, is filled with this stuff. het BS *yawn* *snore*, I’m really going to need to hear these songs for myself, they better not have fucked with his material, the consolation about Zayn’s album was that at least the music and lyrics were unquestionably his

More Specific Het!Harry BS

The relationship is a subject he’s famously avoided discussing. “I gotta pee first. This might be a long one,” he says. He rises to head to the bathroom, then adds, “Actually, you can say, 'He went for a pee and never came back.' ”  you think he was being funny, but he really really wasn’t, are you sure he came back?  I don’t think he did, I think everything after the bathroom was utter BS

“When I see photos from that day,” he says, “I think: Relationships are hard, at any age. And adding in that you don’t really understand exactly how it works when you’re 18, trying to navigate all that stuff didn’t make it easier. I mean, you’re a little bit awkward to begin with. You’re on a date with someone you really like. It should be that simple, right? It was a learning experience for sure. But at the heart of it – I just wanted it to be a normal date.” ok, maybe not such BS since he’s as vague and general as you can get in the vast majority of this quote, so he’s saying that when he looks at pictures of himself with Taylor, he thinks how he wanted it to be a normal date with Louis, got it 

yada yada yada, Harry being way nicer than he should have to be about his name being used by someone who abused his reputation for her own gain, par for the course

I like tipping a hat to the time together. You’re celebrating the fact it was powerful and made you feel something, rather than 'this didn’t work out, and that’s bad.’ huh, this seems like subtle shade to me since one of my biggest complaints is how nearly all her songs are negative, put the blame on the guy, and don’t have her taking any responsibility (even if they are fake relationships)

He notes a more recent relationship, possibly over now, but significant for the past few years. (Styles has often been spotted with Kendall Jenner, but he won’t confirm that’s who he’s talking about.) it was made abundantly clear that even if you believe the narrative, Harry and Kendall are not currently together, yeesh!

“She’s a huge part of the album,” says Styles. “Sometimes you want to tip the hat, and sometimes you just want to give them the whole cap …  and hope they know it’s just for them.” mm, nope, still BS, alternatively a quote taken out of context and not about Kendall or even romance at all

Actual Solo Stuff

“Some of the stuff they’re doing in this movie is insane. And it was hard, man, physically really tough, but I love acting. I love playing someone else. I’d sleep really well at night, then get up and continue drowning.” ok, that was clever, good on you Harry

It was the perfect rite of passage for a musician looking to explode the past and launch a future. I thought we agreed that Harry has no issue with his past in a boyband?  can you please remember what you already wrote in your own article

He didn’t feel stifled in One D, he says, as much as interrupted. you bet your ass he did, him and Zayn and Niall, interrupting clueless and/or asshole interviewers all day long (I’m sure Louis and Liam have/will do too, just haven’t had the chance yet)

There are songs from that period he loves, he says, like “Olivia” and “Stockholm Syndrome,” along with the earlier song “Happily.” #confirmed

“But I think it was tough to really delve in and find out who you are as a writer when you’re just kind of dipping your toe each time. We didn’t get the six months to see what kind of shit you can work with. To have time to live with a song, see what you love as a fan, chip at it, hone it and go for that” funny that, sounds like someone forced them into a breakneck schedule and then later made big noises about how their hiatus was because they were so overworked and acted like he had nothing to do with that

Ending

To wind down in Jamaica, Styles and Rowland, the guitarist, began a daily Netflix obsession with sugary romantic comedies. Houseworkers would sometimes leave at night and return the next morning to see Styles blearily removing himself from a long string of rom-coms. He declares himself an expert on Nicholas Sparks, whom he now calls “Nicky Spee.” sounds about right for the guy whose favorite movie is Love Actually

Like the time Styles ended up drunk and wet from the ocean, toasting everybody, wearing a dress he’d traded with someone’s girlfriend. yep, sounds about right

oops, fanfic writer made a full return for this paragraph all in present tense, written by someone else as if Harry’s a fictional character

“I think, as a parent, especially with the band stuff, it was such a roller coaster,” he says. “I feel like they were always thinking, 'OK, this ride could stop at any point and we’re going to have to be there when it does.’ this is the second time he’s brought up roller coasters in his solo interviews, it’s a good description for the thing he’s talking about, but I can’t help but think of Zayn’s old Twitter bio and Anne tweeting that bio not long after March 25th

He grabs his black notebook and turns back for a moment before disappearing down the hallway, into the future. I need the Office gif again

“How am I going to be mysterious,” he asks, only half-joking, “when I’ve been this honest with you?” *sarcasm