#*plays see you again by tyler the creator but it will change your life at maximum volume*

[submarine-06]

I'll be taking a long break from editing to focus on my mental health, you'll occasionally see one or two edits on some days though. I hope to see you guys again after my school exam ends and don't forget to take care of yourselves everybeing <3

[mayearies]

… ꒰ঌ ໒꒱

❛ I THINK ❜

miles morales

˚ʚ property of ©hiimayee ɞ˚

genre: fluff | warnings: a snowbunny (for you gwen dislikers), shade towards gwen (from rio and jeff and mayyyybe from miles a lil), maybe a little ghostflower idk?, spanish authors input: made it a series lmao translations: sabes que todavía estás conectado a tierra, ¿verdad? / you do know you’re still grounded, right? . sí mami, lo sé / yes mami, i know . te vi tratando de poner tu mano contra la de ella, no te hagas el tonto / i saw you trying to glaze your hand against hers, don't play dumb

summary: hard choice. or is it? ♬ song: I THINK by tyler, the creator

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ <- prev | next

after the whole interrogation with the guidence counceler and his parents, the arguement with his parents at the party that celebrated his father’s promotion to captain, e1610 miles dragged himself to his room with an annoyed set of mind. he had too much going on for everything to be considered alright.

he threw off his puffer jacket and sighed as he sat on his bed, his sketchbook flipping open as it flew off the bed to a drawing of, well—gwen.

he had something to confess, he couldn’t choose. he tried to but he couldn’t. ever since that day he met you, he couldn’t get you off of his mind. even if he hadn’t seen you in a minute. but then again, he missed gwen. and how she was basically the first friend he’s made since his life changed forever. in a way, she was there every step of the way.

but you, you did enough for him by just being in his line of vision. just sitting next to him in math or physics, making small talk. your voice he was lovesick for. but he felt like he couldn’t share sensitive things with you yet. like how he was spiderman, how he’s seen multiple dimensions, etc. he wanted to wait.

he furrowed his brows, sighing again as he put on his headphones and leaned back into his pillow. but it just kept coming back. an image of you and her in the same frame. he wishes one of you were here with you right now.

“miles! got a minute?”

the celebration on the roof of the morales’ apartment building could be heard from below. but if you were close enough, you could hear two teens just talking about life. which would be inturrupted by two parents. it didn’t entirely peak your interest, you were just hungry and wanted something from the bodega.

“shoot! shoot, i have to go.” “really?”

gwen gave miles a look that basically said ‘you know why, just dont make it obvious’ before turning her attention back to his parents. “yeah, i just- forgot to get my steps in! y’know, cardio woo!” “it was nice catching up, gwe- i mean gwanda.” “yeah, it was… nice to see you again.”

as she left, he held a look of sorrow. he didn’t entirely want her to leave, but he knew his parents somewhat did. the first impressions of her were not the best. y’know, the whole first name thing. he sighed over the railing with his face in his hands.

his ma stayed behind him whille his dad went somwhere else. she felt bad for pretty much embarassing him infront of her. she could tell he liked her. “i hope i didn’t ice your game, man.”

“nobody my age says that, mom.” “well, she seems like a nice girl.” “hm.” “y’know, you’re a really transparent boy.” “what does that even mean, ma?”

straightening his posture, his mom was able to fix him up a little. bruhsing dust off his jacket, straightening his shirt, fixing his hair. things a mother should do.

“it means you’re not good with hiding your feelings, miles. i can tell you gravitate heavily towards her. you wanna see her again. and i’m not saying i don’t approve of it, it’s just… seeing my little boy who was shorter than me a little over a year ago is growing up and finding his new self. something about that pains me. but i need to gt over it, as every mother has to do at some point. but promise me something.”

“mhm?” “take care of that little boy for me. wherever you go, wherever he goes, take care of him. and bring him back home safely to me. it’s all i ask of you to do. if you fail we will turn that four months into a year or two. sabes que todavía estás conectado a tierra, ¿verdad?”

miles laughed as he playfully rolled his eyes, “yes ma, i know.”

“in spanish. don’t think i forgot about that B.” “sí mami, lo sé.”

she stared at him with proud eyes, but just as he was about to leave, hs dad came back. “miles, ahem. this young lady says she’s here to see you.”

he guestured towards you, who was standing in the crowd awkwardly. you weren’t that big of a fan of big gatherings, but at least the food was good. hispanic food always tasted good when cooked right.

you gave miles a small wave as he came down and his parents followed. he looked excited to see you. “hey! what’re you doing here?”

“oh! ganke told me about your father’s promotion. i just wanted to stop by and say ‘hello’.”

rio butted in on the small conversation you and miles were having, distruping him from looking into your eyes. he liked doing that. “oh, you’re one of ganke’s friends?”

“well, more or less, ms. morales.”

she looked at you with an impressed face then eyed her husband who also had the same face. miles stood beside you and smiled awkwardly but deep down he was screaming inside.

even if not calling them by legal name was the bare minimum when meeting someone’s parents. “well, when were you gonna introduce us to her? you didn’t mention her earlier!” jeff crossed his arms. “have you enjoyed your time here so far?”

“well-” “oh, i liked the food. thank you, mr. morales. i’m not keen of public places.”

miles once overheard his mom say something along the lines of being respectful to one’s guardians makes them more attractive, and it’s how she found her now husband. like mom like son, huh?

you all taked some more, engaging in the questions that his parents asked you. he tried to block out the really embarassing ones. people were starting to depart and that also means you had to go. but miles wanted to spend more time with you.

“wait, uh- we can catch up in my room before you leave. just- wait for me down there.”

as you left, miles let out a sigh of relief. well, that relief would soon be over once his parents started talking again. “well! i think i like her more than gwanda actually.”

“daad!” “oh please, te vi tratando de poner tu mano contra la de ella, no te hagas el tonto, miles. “moom!”

well, they were right. he did fall for you harder than he did gwen. was that just second nature or? cause he felt something deep down when you showed proper respect to his parents. touching his face, he could feel it was pretty warm. he didn’t feel this way around gwen.

after the night was over, he felt content with his day. he got to see his two favorite people, technically at once. one went well and one went… somewhat well.

that night, he sat in his bed listening to his playlist and found himself starting a new sketchbook since he had filled his other one. now, that one had started with a drawing of gwen. but this one, it started with you.

˚ʚ I THINK i’m fallin’ in love-

“this time i think it’s for real.”

©hiimayee

[kyameron]

Tag how many mutuals you want to ask these 33 questions to

1).Name and nickname: Cameron but everyone calls me Cam of course

2).meaning of your tumblr username: its how my name would be pronounced in Japanese

3).What is one dream you have yet to accomplish?traveling outisde the country,,seeing the places I have on my travel bucket list

4).What accomplishment are you most proud of? having my own space both physically and mentally just an quiet and calm life

5).What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done and would you do it again? I went bungie jumping before and am questioning if ill actually do it again

6).What type of music are you into?: I listen to alot alternative rap rock n roll and dream pop, indie artist and some old school here and there

7).What's the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?public speaking infrontof my elementary class in an play

8).What’s the one thing that people always misunderstand about you? my whole personality

9).If a genie granted you 3 wishes right now, what would you wish for?To be an billionare but no known or famous, to be married to Rihanna lol and to have all of the hot cheetos i can eat without getting heart burns

10).If you had superpowers, which one would you have and why?: mines would be teleportation so I would never get caught lacking 😅

11).What is the strongest animal you could win against with just your bare hands and feet?I would say racoon when there not looking at me..sooo am going to sneak them pretty much

12).What is your strongest qualities?: trustworthiness, loyalty,observant and crazy still 😂

13).What's the best advice a family member gave you growing up?:never trust anybody..not even the ones close to you

14).if you could have an one night stand with anybody who would it be?..it could even be an mutual if you like or celebrity: i want be too spicy..ill let yall answer that lol

15).Ethnicity & Nationality and do you take pride in it?: Black Americana with a little bit of native American because my great great grandma was native I think 😑😅

16).hobbies or talents: I know how to write poetry but to shy to speak it.I've done martial arts Like Boxing,Muay thai and kickboxing plus alittle bit of Brazilian jiu-jitsu.I also love dancing and doing sports like soccer,Baseball and track and field.but lastly I love watching anime and tv shows/movies.

17).what is your fashion style: i love streetwear so pretty much alot of oversized stuff. i love to mix it up wearing comfy and cozy clothing just chilling i guess ,love matching colors together and i love pearls!.

18).What do most people overestimate or underestimate about you? i think most people underestimate me because am an slim guy the usual things and how petty I can get because i can get real petty for shits and giggles lol

19)..are you an lover or fighter: both at times i love intimacy and physicality if I have too lol

20).If someone narrated your life, who would you want to be the narrator?: Tyler the creator

21).What problem are you currently grappling with?: Anxiety

22).What's your favorite physical attribute about yourself?: My hair

23).What hobby/talent have you always wanted to develop?:playing the guitar

24).What’s the certain product you couldn’t live without? chapstick becuase my lips can get dry quick sometimes lol

25).what is one thing you would change about yourself: try to be more calmer and less anger at times

26).What personality traits did you get from your parents?: well i think i have there sense of humor and straightforwardness..no time for Bullshit

27).Which one do you prefer: being controlled or be in control?: well if were being kinky i like to be in control and for her to be in control if shes ontop lol

28).What are your phobias? spiders..spiders..spiders and spiders and i think i hate heights too especially i might piss me pants lol

29).What qualities do you want in a partner who will be with you for the rest of your life?: funny,smart,goofy,weird and needs to love anime or else lol.someone who isnt afriad to show there emotions on there sleeve to me ..someone am comfortable to talk too

30).Who is your role model in life? Idk never really had like an role model i know personally .

31).What are the things that drive you crazy? ppl who burp to much or loud,,eating with your mouth open.. people whos always gossiping ...overly loud people and ppl who always trying to start drama

32).Do you plan to have kids?:yes and i want twins or an daughter

33).Would you rather visit your ancestors in the past or meet your descendants in the future? going to the future because we already know what happened in the past..aint no way lol

tag your it: @yeruka @6th--raikage @saucegotti @chynese-panda @bitchpleaseee @poeticjiggy @thefuckingvillian @ricebeansandplatanos @pactivist @milfmamii @theeheadturner @thewolfandhismoon @capricornmami @eyezehuhh @suki-starburst @theryanproject @hotboygucciglockboy @hopeellis @operationgloomsday @klends

[lucsinclairs]

[ ashton sanders | cismale | he/him | twenty-two ] —— it’s just another typical week in hawkins i guess — isn’t that right, lucas sinclair? huh, guess they can’t hear me over GONE, GONE / THANK YOU by tyler, the creator playing on their walkman, but it looks like they’re headed to class as a/at roane community college. did you know lucas has been in hawkins for all his life? yeah, they’ve been described as a bit tenacious, but i suppose them also being courageous outweighs the negative. i’ve also heard people say they remind them of converse on gym floors, well-thumbed comic books, arcade tokens, cocoa butter-soft knees & elbows, the sting from dribbling a basketball, highlighted textbooks, glow-in-the-dark stars on a faded ceiling, fresh rubber… however, that could just be this weeks newest rumor.

full name: lucas charles sinclair nickname(s): lucas, lukey (derogatory; erica’s doing) name meaning: bringer of light age: twenty-two date of birth: february 22 place of birth: hawkins, indiana current location: hawkins, indiana gender: cis man sexuality: bisexual pronouns: he/him religion: agnostic occupation: engineering student education level: high school financial status: he lives at home and is on a basketball scholarship, so not bad all things considered spoken languages: english

musings & headcanons

lucas is attending community college on a basketball scholarship, hoping to get out of hawkins but still feeling attached and like he just can’t leave the people he loves to fester there. still, he has hopes of being scouted.

he maybe - definitely - hasn’t gotten over max (and doesn’t know if he ever will)

while of course he’s been grappling with his world being turned literally upside down, he’s also been dealing with new-found feelings for other men as he’s been at college; being bisexual is very new to him

his parents still try to make him go to church every sunday, and always give him the same disappointed looks when he doesn’t. he feels a lot of guilt, and maybe a bit of a loss of community, but he doesn’t know how to really cope with that, so it’s been bottled up and stored away

the older he gets, the more angry he gets - or, the more he sees the world for what it is, for how fucked it is - especially for people who look like him - and for how he desperately wants to do some good but it’s so exhausting

lucas did join the black student collective at the college, which has been so rewarding

he’s been trying to get a part-time job for a few months now, just to get out of the house and do something more interesting than studying or waiting for the next crisis call from his friends. it’s been a bit hard, but he hopes his mom won’t give him that look when he gets one, and he’s hopeful that the comics shop on main street will take him on

part of why he wants a job is to get his own car - his parents pay for his insurance and everything, but he doesn’t get much freedom or time to drive because he’s restricted to the family vehicle. and lucas loves to drive; it clears his head

lucas and erica fight a lot, but they’re truly each others ride or die

outside of erica, though? he sees his friends as his true family. you can’t go through everything they’ve been through time and time again without being intrinsically connected for life

he feels a pressure to be perfect, and has since middle school. it contributes to his frequent feelings of anxiety

most of all though? he misses d&d in mike’s basement. he knows he’s probably too old for it anyway, knows it’s better to just accept growing up and changing, but when your hometown is hawkins? that's never easy. and maybe they all grew up too fast anyway. but what’s lucas gonna do about that? unlike his friends, one slight misstep, one poorly timed and made decision can cost him everything

[moondustis]

one more time (m)

pairing: jung jaehyun + reader genre: smut, angst, fluff / friends to lovers | wc: 9,4k summary: Maybe this right here is a story about growing up and finding yourself, or about finding love and being vulnerable. But it definitely is a story about friendship, skating, pancakes and Jung Jaehyun learning how to deal with his feelings. song rec: and july - heize ft. dean / i think - tyler the creator / thinking about you - frank ocean 

Jung Jaehyun is born on February 14 of 1997, valentine’s day. He is a cute and healthy baby, as he should be and cries from being outside the comfort of his mother’s belly for the first time. 

He grows up well, loved and cherished by the ones around him and filling his mother’s heart with joy and pride. He’s a happy child, then a smart teenager, just a little shy but still outgoing enough to be surrounded by friends all the time. 

He meets Seo Johnny at school and learns a lot of things from him, but most importantly he learns how to skate. And Johnny is a good friend, a good example as his mother says, because even if sometimes they skip school, he teaches Jaehyun that crying after he falls a bit too hard from a trick doesn’t make him less of a man. And Jaehyun embraces that, thinks that he always had too many feelings inside of him to begin with and he deals with all of them. 

And he’s okay, for the most part but somewhere along the way something shifts and it’s not as easy anymore. It’s not as easy as falling down on the hard concrete of his sidewalk and getting up again because college had a way of changing people, and it does a good job on him. He shuts down a good part of himself to other people, stays in his closed circle of friendships and leads his life like that, hoping that he can finally graduate and do something he actually enjoys, but at the same time dreading that day, because he wasn't sure if he was ready for the pressure of having to know exactly where to go in life. 

Maybe this right here is a story about growing up and finding yourself, or about finding love and being vulnerable. But it definitely is a story about friendship, skating, pancakes and Jung Jaehyun learning how to deal with his feelings. 

✿

Jung Jaehyun is a fuckboy. 

Ok, not literally, but he fits the stereotype suspiciously well. For starters he’s one of the guys that like to skate around campus, and dresses like someone that probably listens to Mac Miller or Tyler, the Creator, with his vans and oversized t-shirts. To make matters worse he looks like a model, walking around with his perfect face and perfect body, making literally every girl in the class you share together swoon every time he walks into the room.  And honestly that’s all you have against him, because he doesn’t actually sleep around all that much and breaks girls hearts. Not that you have heard of at least and it was a relatively small campus. 

But see, Jaehyun is a confusing person, because even if he goes around the campus screaming as his friends do flips or whatever they’re called and sometimes wears t-shirts that say things like ‘fuck cops’, he’s also incredibly quiet and kinda shy from the interactions you had seen him have with your classmates. And on top of all that, he’s majoring in education to become an elementary teacher, like that isn’t the most adorable career in the world.

So yeah, he confuses you. Even more when your first interaction ever with him goes like this: 

You’re in the middle of Psychology 101, the coffee in your system being the only thing keeping your two eyes wide open as the teacher goes on with the lecture. You are not sure if you are really paying attention or just writing down whatever he says, because underneath all that coffee you’re actually very tired from staying up late writing an assignment, and soon the caffeine boost will go away, leaving you with the weird feeling of exhaustion. 

The ‘pssts’ start low. So low that you don’t even notice, but when a very insistent one is accompanied by a finger poking your back, you have to turn around to see what is going on, being met with Jung Jaehyun, cheeks pink, looking at you with a bashful look. 

“Hi.” Is all he says and nothing else, in a rushed whisper as the teacher continues on with the talking.

You blink slowly because the coffee doesn't actually make you think faster, before you’re whispering back “Uh, hi.” 

“Sorry for interrupting you.” That’s very considerate of him to say, your mind provides. “But I skipped the last class and was wondering if you took notes of it? So I can, like, copy them. Please.” 

He adds the last word quickly, as if he’s afraid you’ll think of him as rude otherwise. You haven’t done that much thinking about Jaehyun in the past, just the here and there thoughts, but none of them had been about him being anything but nice. And a fuckboy, but that’s beside the point.

“Oh.” You just look at him for a second before you’re snapping out of it, shaking your head as you turn to your notebook. “Sorry. You can, sure.” You flip your notes until you’re on the page you had messily written down the notes for last class, overreacting for a second that he would think you are stupid because of your terrible handwriting. But all he does is take your notebook when you offer it to him, quickly snapping a picture with his phone before he’s handing it to you again.

He thanks you with a smile that’s almost not there but that still makes your heart flutter involuntary. You had a thing for cute boys what could you do? So you smile back and it stays like that for another second until he decides to break the awkwardness. 

“Uhm, are you going to Taeil’s party this weekend?” Multiple questions fill your mind at that. Who’s Taeil? What party? Why the fuck was he asking you that? Are you hallucinating this from your lack of sleep?

“I’ll probably drop by to see how it is.” Is the lie you reply with, a shrug helping you play the unbothered act too well. It’s a little pathetic if you think about, but that’s the thing, you’re not thinking at all. 

“Oh, cool. I’ll see you there, then.” And that’s it, that’s the entire interaction and it leaves you confused for the remaining of the lecture, wondering if that actually did really happen because it sure felt a bit unreal. 

When you get to your dorm room after your class, the coffee high is completely gone and you feel ready to plop down on your bed and sleep for 5 hours until you have to be up again to finish assignments. But before you can do that. you see your roommate, Jungwoo, eating cereal on the kitchen counter and you can’t help but ask. 

“Do you know a Taeil?” Again, it was a small campus so there were probably not many Taeils around. That and Jungwoo actually knew a lot of people, from his connections, as he liked to say.

He thinks about it for a second, over a spoonful of cereal before he’s saying “Moon Taeil? Yeah he's in my class.” You can’t even be bothered by him speaking with his mouth full and the fact that you’re absolutely not sure if that’s the Taeil you’re looking for. 

“Nice. Do you wanna go to his party this weekend?” A bold invitation that makes Jungwoo raise one eyebrow at you. 

“What? Why do you wanna do that?” In all honesty you don’t know either, probably something about a really attractive man and your very out of usual interaction with him, but you won’t tell him that because facing Jungwoo’s teasing was exhausting. 

You shrug. “Just because.” 

That makes him squint his eyes at you. “Okay…. It's just that you don't go to parties.” In your defense, you do. You just hadn’t been to one since your freshman year, a whole one year and a half ago. 

“Jungwoo it’s a simple question.” You huff in annoyance because you’re tired and every moment that you spend in his presence is another step closer to just spilling everything about your short and weird interaction with Jung Jaehyun. “Do you want to or not?” 

“Yes.” He replies quickly, still giving you a weird look. “I can't miss the opportunity of seeing you drunk again.

“I'm not getting drunk.” You simply say before you’re walking to your room.

✿

You get very drunk, smashed even, from something pink and slightly citrusy that you and Jungwoo had downed shot after shot of. The party was, well, a party. It wasn’t full but there was definitely more people than there should be at a house this small, and the songs playing weren’t exactly that bad, you even recognized one or two. 

And Jungwoo was as splattered as you, but he still offered to fetch you some water, with a promise of staying glued to the wall coming from you. And that’s where Jung Jaehyun finds you, barely standing still from how drunk you are. 

“___!” He says happily, catching you off guard and you wonder how he knew your name. But again you knew his and you shared a class together. 

He looks good, is the first thing you notice, with a snapback and a t-shirt that has a small bear on it and is too big for him. “Jaehyun!” You reply in the same fashion as he said your name and it makes him smile, a different one from the last time. 

“It’s nice seeing you here.” He says, moving to stand next to you on the wall and you’re just slightly overwhelmed by how good he smells. The world around you spins for a moment and you giggle for no reason. “Are you having a good time?” 

“Ugh!” First of all, a disclaimer. Drunk you was absolutely and completely stupid, a fool that liked to say nonsense and that’s why you say the next words. “Do we really have to do small talk right now?” 

He laughs at your childish whine, looking at you with eyes filled with amusement and appearing just a little drunk. Definitely less drunk than you. “What should we talk about, then?” 

Maybe he’s a bigger fool than you are for even entertaining your silliness. “I don’t know.” You look at him through hooded eyes, probably pouting from trying to think of something to say to a guy you just talked for the first time a week ago. “Don’t you miss, like, when we were kids and could just talk about whatever? Like what’s your favorite color, you know? Why did we stop doing that?”

In the back of your head, the sound of clown music starts playing. He on the other hand seems amazed by your blabbering. “Favorite colors?” His voice is just about teasing and you groan in slightly embarrassment. 

“You know what? Forget it. Shhhhh.” You drunkenly press one finger to his lips as if to emphasize your shushing. His lips twitch in the want to smile. “Let’s just do something else.” 

You don’t realize that your words sound suggesting but he does, raising one eyebrow and smiling at you. “Hmm, like what?” 

He moves closer to you but before you have the time to react, Jungwoo is coming back, water bottle on his hand and a look on his face that says he thinks you’re up to no good. He eyes you up and down before looking at Jaehyun and doing the same. He looks slightly more sobered up, but still tipsy.

“Jungwoo!” You exclaim, holding your hands out for the water bottle. 

He looks between you and Jaehyun before saying “Hello. Who are you?” It would have sounded slightly rude if it weren't for the cute tone he uses. 

You’re quick to say “This is Jaehyun, he’s-“

“I’m her friend.” He says it naturally and you wonder when you had gained that title, the giggle you let out against your own will, too drunk for you own good. 

Jungwoo says something to him that you don’t quite catch but then he’s dragging you away with a whine coming from your lips as you wave a sad goodbye to Jaehyun from behind your shoulder and he does the same with an amused smile.

“I leave you one minute alone and you try to act a fool in front of a man that good looking.” He whispers as you walk away and all you can do in return is laugh out loud.  You would probably not even remember any of this tomorrow, anyway. 

✿

You remember everything, of course. And Jaehyun starts saying hi to you every time he sees you around campus after that, always with a smile and his dimples showing up, making you blush in a silly way. But it’s only after two weeks that you finally talk with him again.

You had met Taeyong on your freshman year and after finding out he was really similar to you, you had become friends quickly. He was someone that everyone immediately felt comfortable around, that’s why it was no surprise when you find out at his birthday party that he’s friends with Jaehyun too. 

When you arrive at the party, Jungwoo by your side, there’s not many faces that you don’t know and after you hug Taeyong with a kiss to his cheek, you spot him standing by the kitchen counter. There’s a beer in his hand and he’s wearing all black, a sight that you don’t mind looking at.

He doesn’t notice you at first, his focus on a taller guy talking to him, but when he does he greets you with a wide smile that is enough to turn your legs into jelly by itself, but then he’s making his way towards you. Your heart starts beating a tiny bit faster, your hand moving to fix your hair in habit. 

“Hello.” He greets and Jungwoo decides that’s a good time to leave you side and go talk to his other friends, not even sparing you an explanation. He knew what he was doing. “Didn’t know you were friends with Taeyong.”

You smile like a silly girl. “Yup, he’s like my soulmate.” 

His smile grows wider at that, a pair of dimples making their way to his face and you almost groan because there’s no way he could get any more charming than this. “That's how I know you are a good person.” He jokes and you let out a snort, giving him a funny look. 

“Our first interaction was me letting you borrowing my notes, that should've been enough.” You point out in a teasing manner, not really meaning the words. 

“You’re right.” The ghost of a smile graces his lips as he defends himself, the faint sight of a blush gracing his cheeks as he avoids your eyes.

He offers to get you a beer after that, leading you to the kitchen with a hand on your back that feels weirdly nice. You were never one to get stupid crushes but that’s exactly how you feel around him, like at any moment you will say or do anything really dumb because of your infatuation. You wonder if it’s because of his looks or the way he seems a little shy around you.

“By the way, you never told me your favorite color that night.” He says, eyes twinkling with mischief as he offers you the beer, which you gladly take after immediately letting out a groan.

“Ugh, shut up. Don’t remind me of that.” You are sure your entire face is red from embarrassment at just the thought of the things you had said that night. It wasn’t even that bad, Jungwoo had said, but you like to overreact, so you cover your face with your free hand.

“Why? It was cute.” His voice is filled with amusement and when you peak from under your hand you can see his face is as well. “I like how funny you are.” 

The words only make your face get hotter as you smile awkwardly. You were far from funny, your friends liked to remind you of that fact. But how could you be when you had friends like Jungwoo that absolutely made everyone in a room laugh without even trying. But still, his words make you feel a little proud, that at least you were able to make a pretty guy think that. 

“I don't have a favorite color, it always changes.” You say suddenly, going back to the previous subject to avoid making the conversation about you. Even if you had to talk about something like favorite colors. “I like when the sky turns pink during sunset, I guess you could say it’s that one right now. ” 

He hums, taking a sip of his beer before saying “It's a good one.” 

You huff, he was really trying hard for a conversation about such a stupid matter. Still, you continue to entertain it. “What's yours?”

He pursues his lips, think about it for a second. “I don't know… I like black.”

“Obviously.” You deadpan and it makes him laugh like you actually said something funny. 

Jaehyun stays by your side for the rest of the night, trying his best not to make small talk and it surprises you how easy he is to talk to. He asks you about your favorite everything, from animals to movies and it’s really nice to find out you two have more in common than you would ever imagine. By the end of the party you are glued to his side on a probably too crowded couch, his close proximity making you warm all over and only bothering the butterflies on your stomach more.

It’s when he lets out a loud laugh at something Jungwoo and Yukhei are going back and forth about, hiding his face on your shoulder as his whole body shakes with laughter, that you know for a fact you’re fucked. Completely fucked.

✿

Jaehyun and you become friends very fast after Taeyong’s birthday. It’s almost weird, because both of you seem to be just a little too shy for you own good, but things just happen naturally when you are with him.

It starts with silly jokes passed around in notes on your shared lecture, with your face turning red from how hard you try not to laugh out loud and sharing your favorite songs with each other. Then it becomes grabbing a coffee after class, and sharing something sweet because you both deserve it after enduring such a boring lecture. It all leads to what it is now, two months later and your days are filled with Jaehyun’s comfortable presence, his laugh and late nights texts about any subject that comes to mind and sharing your biggest dreams and some of your fears with him. 

It scares you at the same time it makes you extremely happy, because you had never been someone who had many friends, letting people in and connecting was hard, so you decided very early that navigating life with a few close friends was enough. But Jaehyun makes it all seem very easy and it’s suddenly like you can’t imagine your life without him anymore. 

That brings you to where you are right now. You have both had a long week and decided that it would be nice to have a movie night, and after you had ate the chinese takeout you ordered, you settle on on his couch as romantic comedy movie plays. You’re both comfortable, his eyes stayed glued on the screen, laughing as a character makes a joke about oral sex. Maybe that’s why you ask your next question out of nowhere. Or maybe you’re just stupid. Probably the last one.

“Have you… Have you ever gone down on a girl?” The words are stammered out as you look down your lap, cheeks going pink. You immediately regret asking because you can feel his eyes on you as he searches for a response.

“Wha -- Where did that come from?” It’s even more unsettling that you can’t pinpoint exactly what he’s thinking. Sometimes Jaehyun was hard to read, and that bothered you. 

The small laugh that leaves your lips is fake. “It's a silly question, right? Sorry, I wasn't thinking.”You continue avoiding his eyes, picking at the nail polish that was already chipping on your fingers. 

“Its okay.” He’s quick to say, always making sure you’re not unsure of yourself.  “And, yeah. I mean, I have, of course.”

He says as if it’s obvious. As if it’s something that he absolutely needed to do and all you can say back is “Oh.” 

“Why?” It’s a good question, really. Because you have no idea where you are trying to go with this conversation, but now it got him to pause the movie and to look at you with expectation on his eyes. So you can’t do anything but continue. 

“I don't know…” You gulp down, slightly shaking at what you’re about to say. “I have never — No one has ever done that to me.” 

“Never?” He sounds surprised, annoyed even, but you wouldn’t know what he looks like because you continue to avoid his face, playing with the hem of you skirt instead now. 

There was no reason that you two should be having this conversation, because you were friends and nothing else. But again, friends talked about this all the time. Friends could talk about sex right? Friends could share experiences and joke about it without getting awkward or making a complete big deal out of something so normal. 

Jaehyun lets out a deep breath and then it’s silence for a second. You feel small and embarrassed, because deep down you know that you didn’t say this just as a normal friendly comment. It’s like somehow, you knew exactly that he would say what he does. Or better yet, proposition it. 

“I could…” His words are tentative, almost a whisper as if he wants to put the two of you in a bubble that no one can break in. “I could show you.”

Your eyes widen as you look at him “What? You — What?” 

And Jaehyun is so gentle, as he slides over the couch to be next to you, and give you the comfort you need, and as he cradles your cheeks with his hands. “W-We don’t have to.” He assures, but something on his voice that says he really wants to. “But I'll take care of you. If you let me.”

He’s too much, you think as you stare at his face with glossy eyes. There’s a line that’s been placed on your friendship, a very fine line between what it is now and what it could become. Right now that line is wavering, even more when all you can do is nod your head slowly, giving him all the agreement he needs to press his lips against yours.

It’s a sweet kiss, his lips molding to yours and you can’t help but sigh. It feels right, even if it maybe isn’t. He kisses you with the delicacy of someone who knows this could ruin something good, but at the same time with the determination of someone who wants this too much to care. 

He tilts his head, deepening it as he sucks on your bottom lip before he’s swirling his tongue on it, asking for entrance that you so gladly gives. And you’re not completely inexperienced, you had done this before and knows, how it feels to have someone on top of you, how it feels to have someone try to make you feel good, but when his tongue slides against yours you can feel your head spin and the arousal on the pit of your stomach only grows. 

It’s with slow and calculated moves that he gets you to lay on the couch, with him pressing kisses all over your neck and wherever he can. You watch with your heart beating too fast as he moves down, lifting your shirt a bit past your navel so he can kiss there too, and then he’s slipping your skirt off. 

It makes you antsy being in only your panties in front of him, even more when it’s just a simple cotton and pink material, but he pays it no mind. Instead he continues to press kisses all over your thighs, holding them apart when you try to close them and you shiver in anticipation.

“Are you nervous?” He asks, with fingers hooked on each side of your underwear, about to pull them down. 

You huff because isn’t it obvious? You’re about to have someone eat you out for the first time. Your friend out of all people. “Y-yes.” 

He smiles at you, a smile too sweet for what he's about to do but you still smile back. “Don’t be, I’ll make you feel good.” 

And you know he will because he’s a man of his words.

You close your eyes tightly as he slides your panties off, resisting the urge to completely close your legs because he’s so close and you feel so exposed. And he wastes no time, face just above you and when his fingers come in contact you jump a little. 

You feel as he parts your lower lips, a puff of breath making a shiver run down your body and then he’s pressing a kiss to your most sensitive spot. A whine leaves your lips because of the new feeling, and it only gets higher when his lips close around you, sucking like he has a purpose. It’s almost overwhelming, both because it’s him and because it’s the first time. He licks at your clit, with swirls of his tongue that are kitten like before he’s flattening his tongue down to your entrance, lapping at it and gathering your wetness so he can move to your clit again. 

You trash around and wail, too sensitive but too into it, even more with the way he grips at your thighs to keep them open. He seems to enjoy it, humming against you as he licks you like a starved man before he’s saying with his face still pressed to your center “Taste so good.” The words are muffled and they send vibrations to your core, making you blush as you let out a loud moan. 

You come easily, with laps of his tongue and the knot on your stomach getting tighter and tighter until it snaps completely and you cry out, a mess of curse words and his name and white spots blurring your vision. And he continues his ministrations, tongue pressing inside of your entrance as if he doesn’t want to let any of it to go to waste. 

When he comes up again his lips are red with your arousal making it and his chain shine. You don’t even have the time to feel embarrassed because he kisses you, a strong press of his lips against yours and then his tongue, that was just a second ago inside of you, invades your mouth and slides against yours. You can taste yourself on him and you can feel his hardness pressing against your exposed thigh, your head spinning as he moans in the kiss.

You try to move your hips to press against his in an almost shy movement, but he feels it. A groan escapes his lips as he breaks the kiss, looking completely disheveled. It’s a sight you would probably never forget. “Fuck, I don’t have anything on me.”  He breaths out  and you realize he’s talking about a condom and just the thought of him being inside of you is enough for you to close your eyes as a new wave of pleasure runs through your body. “I want to fuck you so bad. God, so fucking bad. Would you have let me, huh? Would you let me fuck your sweet cunt?”

He noses at your cheeks as you throw your head back. This is not something friends should be saying to each other, far from it. But you still nod, because you would without a thought. And maybe that’s your first mistake. 

✿

Jaehyun fucks you for the first time on the first day of summer. Not that any of you knew that, it’s just something that if you were romantic enough you would think about. 

It’s hot inside his messy room, that you pretended not to notice for his sake. Even hotter with the way he presses kisses against your neck and thrusts into you in a pace that is as calculated as it is maddening. He’s good at it, not that it surprises you. 

He eats you out after he finishes inside the condom and you cry out his name because it’s like he’s trying to make sure that you should never settle for anything less than this. And he’s so willing, with his tongue pressing hard against you and with movements that make you grip at his hair for leverage. 

It’s as clear as day that he’s experienced at this, at least more experienced than you are, because your body count number doesn’t go higher than two and you had just gotten head for the first time a week ago. It makes you feel almost inadequate at the same time it makes a thrill run through your body, eyes glossy and wide as you stare at him practically devour you. 

Your second orgasm hits you with a loud gasp and your whole body shaking in his hold. He holds you like he won’t let you escape, and he doesn’t. 

It becomes a regular thing, the fine line you had drawn between your blooming friendship and something else completely gone as Jaehyun calls you on a thursday night, asking you to come over and then fucks you for the second time with the window open, because summer this year was almost unbearable and sweat clings to both of your skins as he makes you come with a shout of his name. 

It’s an unspoken arrangement, that when one of you needed it you could always call, be it because you’re so stressed from assignments that you need a way to let it all out or because you had a little too much to drink at a party and needed to feel it. 

It goes like this for the whole duration of summer and you think you don’t go three days without seeing Jaehyun. He basically memorizes everything that makes you shake and teaches you everything that he likes, and it’s good. It’s good and it’s easy, no strings attached and you’re fine with it. 

But here’s the catch, because there’s always a catch. You’re not really fine with it. 

You remember one time, when you were around 8, that a teacher made a joke about you and a classmate being more than friends. The mere thought of a romance at that age had made you cry out loud until your mother arrived to pick you up. 

The moment stayed with you, because even at high school, relationships were something you would rather not focus on, not until college at least. But when college came around you didn’t change, still putting your love life aside so you could focus on things that you considered more important.

Now at 21, and still single, it was easy to realize, even if it took some time to finally get out from the denial, that you were scared. Scared of commitment and of being completely vulnerable to someone, even if sometimes when you laid in bed you felt extremely lonely and when you saw your friends getting in loving relationships, it made you just the tiniest bit jealous. It wasn’t a great feeling.

You had never dated before, only had flings that didn’t last much. And you weren’t a romantic, not at all, didn’t think that a relationship would make you happy and definitely weren't willing to give up your dreams for one. But still, it hurtsj ust a little to see your friends settle in while you stayed alone and it hurts just a little that intimacy had become something you desperately craved.

And maybe at the begging of your relationship with Jaehyun you had thought that this would finally be it. And maybe you were also just stupid and too naive to let you relationship get to where it is, but it becomes something more. Somewhere between the first kiss your shared and him fucking you on the bathroom of some party, because you just couldn’t wait, Jung Jaehyun caves a place for himself inside your life and you let him, the feelings blossoming in your chest getting too big to handle every day.

And he is still confusing, because he is too nice, too gentle. He sends you silly pictures of himself during the day, tells you about the skate tricks he finally got right even though you have no idea what he’s talking about. He buys you sweets when you say you had a bad day and sometimes, the times you dread the most, he kisses you like he means something more with it. Sometimes he fucks you with unplaced gentleness that if you closed your eyes you could believe this was something more. 

But it isn’t because at the same time you hear whispers about a girl he was with at a party, you see his phone light up with texts that you don’t read, but your mind can’t help but overthink as something that makes your stomach turn.

But you let it happen, because in your mind maybe having him like this is better than nothing, at least for now. And maybe, even if you were craving for it deep down, you weren't ready to have it. So summer comes and goes and you wish your feelings went away with it. 

✿

Watching people skate becomes an entertaining activity. Something about the movements and the sound of the wheels rolling on concrete made you extremely calm, putting aside the noises of screaming boys and all the curse words they said. 

Even with the direction your relationship took, Jaehyun still seemed to consider you a close friends, something you found extremely bittersweet. He still complained about his classes, still texted you stupid things during the day and he still took you to the skate park to watch him and his friends do tricks for hours. 

The only things that had changed were the sex and the fact you were falling in love with him. No big deal. 

You watch as Jaehyun’s tall friend, that had been introduced to you as Johnny, goes for a trick that involves him jumping and ends up falling, making everyone around him laugh and scream jokes. It was extremely amusing to see a bunch of 20 years old act so carefree and boyish, a small laugh escaping your lips.

Jaehyun helps Johnny up, a wide smile on his face as he says something you can’t exactly hear but it must be funny because it makes Johnny laugh. You’re so entranced with the scene that you don’t notice the red hair man approaching you.

“Whats up, ___?” Yuta says with a grin as he stands tall in front of where you’re sitting on a bench. He was one of the few of Jaehyun friends that actually tried to make you feel welcome when he brought you along to their skate sessions, always making conversation and offering to keep you company. 

“Hey, Yuta.” You smile back, shielding your face from the sun so you can see him better. 

“Just gonna sit here by yourself?” Shrugging you watch as he drops the skate he had been holding down and steps on it as a habit. “I can teach you how to skate if you want.”

He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, making you laugh. “No thank you, I've seen you fall too many times to consider that.” Jaehyun had already offered you the same thing too, but you had absolutely no interest in getting up that four wheeled thing and ending up with a broken bone.

“Please, I'm just falling to get your attention.” His flirty words are not a surprise. He had been like this from the moment you met, saying things that made a blush set on your face. At first it had made you confused but now you knew it was just how he was. “Besides, I never fall as hard as I'm falling for you.”

The last words are said in a sultry voice that makes you laugh even louder, hand coming to your face as you shake your head in disbelief. “Pfft, you’re so corny.” 

The sound of your laughter must have attracted attention, because next thing you know Jaehyun is approaching the both of you with his skate underneath one arm and a weird look on his face. “What’s up?” He asks when he gets close enough, dropping the skateboard down and lifting the snapback he has on to run a finger through his hair. 

Yuta rolls his eyes, feigning annoyance. “Jeez, nothing. Mind your business.” 

You laugh, giving him a pointed look that seems to amuse him to no end. “Don't be mean.”

That makes him smile and he winks at you before saying “Just ‘cause you asked nicely.” And then he’s skating away, leaving you and Jaehyun alone. 

He looks at you and smiles just shy from letting the dimples you liked so much show up. “Was he bothering you?”

You scoff. “Or course not, Yuta is harmless.”

“Yeah, right.” His tone drips in sarcasm as he sits down right next to you, legs spread open and an arm coming to rest behind you. Sometimes his actions screamed masculinity and it made you feel a weird thing inside of you. 

“He was just messing around, he says flirty stuff to everyone.” 

He huffs, looking around everywhere like he’s trying to avoid your face. “It’s just.. they keep talking about you. Pisses me off.” The words are barely audible, like he’s just saying it to the air and not to you. 

You’re confused, eyes dropping as you pick on the green polish on your nails. “What do you mean?” You didn’t think most of his friends even cared about your existence so knowing they talk about you in the way he’s suggesting is a surprise and it makes you antsy. 

He shrugs, giving a small laugh that’s merely another huff. “Doesn’t matter.” You want to ask more but just then he looks at you again, the sunset making him look almost angelic. He’s quick to add another question, as if to not give you the opportunity to say more. “Do you wanna go to IHop after?”

It catches you off guard, but you still nod. “O-Okay.” 

Jaehyun confused you some times and that’s what happens when he slides a hand to your cheek after nodding. The kiss he presses to your lips is chaste, not quick but also not long. It feels like something casual, like a couple would do out of naturality. 

It’s the first time he kisses you in front of his friends or outside of his room, for that matter. It makes the butterflies in your stomach go crazy but you’re not stupid and you would have to be to not realize what this is. He’s trying to show his friends that they shouldn't mess with you. 

It’s a bittersweet kiss, like most things seem to be these days with him. He walks away after breaking the kiss, with the excuse of saying his goodbyes before you can leave and you watch him with a twisting feeling in your stomach. 

The kiss is not mentioned again as you two walk side by side to the restaurant but the weird feeling sticks with you. Most days you try to act like nothing's wrong, because if you think rationally about it, it isn’t. But there’s something about the look on Jaehyun’s face when he talked about his friends, and there’s something about the way you want desperately to hold his hand but can’t, that makes you want to cry just a little.

He orders huge pancake pile that you both share, making you laugh when he stuffs his mouth too full and offering you the last piece because that’s just how he is. It makes you forget about the lingering feelings for a while, the warmth of having a friend like him settling in instead and you can’t help but wonder if it would’ve been better if it just stayed like this. 

When the pancake is over and you’re both too full to even have a conversation he slides his hand to where yours is placed on the table. It’s just a small gesture, him picking your hand up in his and eyeing your fingers before saying “I like when you paint your nails like this.”

He means the colorful setup you got going on, with each finger a different colors because you just liked how it looked and it made you happy. “Maybe I can do yours one day.” You say around a smile. 

And he agrees, of course he does. “That would be nice.” He continues holding your hand but you don’t think much of it.  “That movie we wanted to watched came out, wanna go watch it at my dorm?” 

In your mind you think that’s clue for something else so you just laugh, shaking your head. “I don't know Jae. I’m so full i don't think I can have sex without like throwing up.”

The laugh he lets out makes you heart feel full.  “We are just going to watch a movie.” He says while squeezing your hand softly. 

And you do end up just watching a movie, like old times. It’s fun and you feel happy, but the feelings in your heart come back in full force when you go back to your dorm and you can’t help to wonder what it would be like if you could just stay at his and cuddle like a couple would do. Then you wonder what it would be like if you hadn’t crossed the line.

If you cry yourself to sleep, then that’s beside the point.

✿

Three days later Yuta asks if you and Jaehyun are dating, out of curiosity. The question makes your stomach turn, and when you say no he asks you out on a date. It’s weird, mostly because you think at first that he’s just joking as always, flirting with you to make you laugh. But when it dawns on you that he isn’t, you say you would think about it. 

You say that for two reasons. Just yesterday, you had to sit on a lecture while some girl whispered about how Jaehyun had a big dick and how she knew that was obvious. You had heard about people talk about him before, and it always made you feel weird but now, when every time you’re with him you can’t help but feel your feelings get stronger and stronger, it makes you feel almost sick. That’s reason number one.

Reason number one is that you have realized that you deserved to be on dates and have fun, and just feel like your feelings mattered and were reciprocated. 

So you say you’ll think about it and you do, and the realization you come to is far deeper than you expected. And in retrospect, maybe it was a bit out of impulse. 

You’re laying on Jaehyun’s bed, right after you two fucked, with you on top because he fell down and hurt his ankle. You’re wearing a big t-shirt of him and he has one arm across his eyes, recovering his breath and basking on the glow that is an orgasm.

You don’t know why you say it, but next thing you know you’re sitting up on the bed and letting the words out. “Yuta asked me out.”

His arms slides to his side as he looks at you, eyes swirling with something you can’t quite place yet. “What?” His voice gives it out, jealousy. “And what did you say?”

“I said yes.” You don’t take your eyes off him. It’s a lie because you didn’t know what you were going to say yet. But you felt like you had to say something to him before you made any decisions. Like you owned him something. 

“Why?” His eyebrows are furrowed and you can’t help but scoff.

“Because I wanted to.” You suddenly remember the girl from your class, and the other rumors and it just makes you feel bitter. He just mutters a low okay, like he doesn’t know what else to say right now and it just pisses you off. You wonder if it would be better if he protested against it. 

A lump forms in your throat as he avoids your eyes, and you decide that you need to be brave enough for once. “I think… That maybe we should stop doing this.” It’s tentative, the lump only growing as you watch him close his eyes tightly. There’s something you want him to say but you have a feeling he isn’t.

“Because of Yuta?” Your head drops as you shake it. He’s unbelievable. 

“No, what the fuck? Of course not.” You hiss, looking at him and wishing he would just look at you. Maybe that would make this better. “I- I just don’t think I can do it anymore.” 

It’s the truth. But why do you feel like crying? There’s a pain in your chest that makes you want to run from here and hide forever, a headache starting to form from holding back your tears. He takes a deep breath, finally opening his eyes but still not looking at you. “Okay. If that’s what you want.” He sounds pained but it’s all that he says. 

You get up from the bed slowly, gathering your things in complete silence and you know then that everything from now on will change. You wish he would say something, beg you to not leave, tell you that he doesn’t want to stop it. Wishes that he would just hold you and comfort you like he always does, but he doesn't. “We… We can still be friends.” You mumble out, because that’s the thing you’re scared to lose the most.

He lets out a sad little laugh that breaks your heart. “Of course. We’ll never stop being friends, ____.” 

And you can’t help but laugh quietly too, before you’re muttering out your goodbyes and leaving the room before you turn back on it like you want to.

✿

Jung Jaehyun was not a big romantic, despite being literally born on the day that glorified it. It’s not that he doesn’t care about it, he’s still soft hearted after all, but the big gestures and all the dramatics that seemed mandatory to it just didn’t do it for him. He always thought that love should be something easy, that came naturally and without much thought not something that served to rip your heart of your chest and leave you restless.

That’s why he probably has so much trouble dealing with it, because it usually wasn't easy at all. 

He remembers when his parents got a divorce when he was in high school, something that he saw coming but still managed to mess with him. At the time he refused to cry about it or even acknowledge the whole thing was happening, instead staying out of home until late hours and deciding that some things weren't worth enough to bother about.

He went like that until Johnny said the words he thinks about sometimes even now. “You have to own your feelings.” He had said as they sat side by side on a sidewalk, sweaty from skating but with the adrenaline, that only feeling the wind as you go down a slope can make you feel, pumping on their bloods. “If you don’t you’ll never be able to be yourself. Or know what you want.”

Right now, as he thinks about that moment he gets a bit nostalgic, even feels like crying a little bit. Doesn’t help that he’s close to being high out of his mind. 

Johnny sits by his side, just like he did that day, only this time it’s at the balcony on the apartment they shared. He takes a drag from the blunt they had been passing back and forth for the last hour, watching the sunset and not really talking about anything in particular. 

“Do you think we can find love here?” He asks suddenly, the words escaping his mouth because he just couldn’t contain them anymore.

“What you mean here?” Johnny’s voice is slurred and he seems just as cloudy as Jaehyun is. If they weren’t high they would probably think this was far from a conversation to have in this state.

“In college I mean. I feel like every relationship that happens in this place is doomed to become just a passing thing.” He stumbles over the words, gesturing around with slow motion and it’s probably the deepest thing he has ever said, high or not. “Something to forget about after graduating.”

All his past relationships had gone away like wind, like something that never really even happened. It never felt important, like something that he would take him for the rest of his life. That thought bothered him for a reason and he always preferred to not think about that, but right now he feels like he can’t escape it anymore. 

His friend thinks for a second, the look on his face indicating he’s long gone as he stares outside. “I don't know man. I think you can find love anywhere if you are open to it.” He says simply and all in one breath. 

It’s silent for a moment and he watches the sunset, the sky a mix of orange and pink and it makes him think of you. These days his thoughts are all over the place, but your presence in them is constant. It had been just a week since the last time he saw you but it had definitely been getting to him, and it’s not hard to know why. 

“I think I’m in love.” It’s easy saying it than he thought it would be. “With ___. 

Johnny smiles knowingly. “Why do you think that?”

Because he can’t look at a sunset and not think of you. Because there are songs he can't listen without thinking about how you would probably like them. Because he catches himself thinking about the way you laugh with your cheeks turning pink when he makes a joke that is not even funny. Because of how you always have something smart to say back to his teasings. Because the thought of you being with someone else pisses off and because it feels safe and easy when he’s with you. 

“Because I miss her.” It’s what he decides on. “And I've never missed anyone like this before.” 

He feels like he has just let out a breath he's been holding on for a long time, his mind fuzzy and he can’t help but let a silly laugh.

“I think you should probably tell her that, then.” Johnny says simply, laughing too. 

“Yeah, I think so too.” 

✿

You see him for the first time again two weeks after what happened. It had been enough time for you to get over it, but you don’t. Only further proof that your feelings ran deeper than you wanted them to. 

Even with the promise of staying friends, the need for a time to collect yourself was obvious, so you stay out of touch with him for these days and it’s hell. And you think about Jaehyun more than you want to, his face appearing in your thoughts every time you close on your eyes, no matter how busy you tried to keep yourself. That’s why your heart basically somersaults out off your chest when you see him on campus when you’re making your way to your dorm after a very boring lecture.

It’s cliche and something that would probably fit on a movie, the way his eyes go wide as he sees you all the way from where he’s skating with some friends, not even minding that Yukhei was in front of him and collapsing into him almost in slow motion. You watch as he falls down with your lips in a comedic ‘oh’, Yukhei coming with him as everyone around them falls into laughter. 

It doesn't seem to faze him, though. Because next thing you know he’s getting up, seemingly not hurt, helping his friend and picking his skateboard up. He practically runs to you after that, baggy clothes moving with him. 

“Oh my god, are you okay?” Is what you ask when he finally gets close enough to you that you can hear his heavy breathing. His cheeks are fully red as he pants. 

You look at him with wide eyes as he catches his breath, arms crossed in front of you. The antsy feeling on your gut only gets worst by the second. 

“Don't — Don’t date Yuta.” Is what he says after a while, the words rushed as if he couldn’t keep them in anymore and all you can do is gape, confusion painted all over your face.

“What?” 

He sighs deeply, hand running on his face. “I — Fuck. I know I sound like an asshole but I don't want you to date him, please.”

You narrow yours eyes. He hasn’t talked to you in over a week and this is the first thing he decides to say. “You’re making no sense right now.” 

He seems stressed, mouth opening and closing as if he really doesn’t know what to say. Like this is what it is, an impulsive action. “Listen, I’m not good at this relationship thing.” Is what he starts with, looking at you with eyes pleading and feet shuffling. “But I… I wanna try.” 

He pauses, taking a deep breath as you let the words sink in. Your head spins with his confession, to stunned to say or do anything but look at him with parted lips and softening eyes.

“Can you give me another chance?” He continues, voice dripping with something that sounds a lot like begging, but you know that’s not like him to do. “Just one more time. I promise I’ll do it right this time.” 

When his words finally settle in you can’t help but let out a laugh, shaking your head in disbelief. “Are you stupid?” His head drops immediately, ears turning red as he rubs the back of his neck.

“Come on please, don’t do that.” His bottom lips jut out when he looks at you again, you still smiling because he really is stupid. He really has no idea. “I- I’m in love with you. Fuck, I really am.”

He says the word in a sigh and it surprises you, catches you off guard because even if he just said he wanted to try again, you didn’t think that he was feeling the same way you were. You look at him for a second, eyes wide before your lips turn into a smile. “You really are stupid.” Another laugh and he looks defeated, until you continue. “I don't want to date Yuta. I never did.” 

He tilts his head, confusion gracing his features. “No?” 

“You wanna know why?” It’s a rhetorical question because you quickly add the words you have wanted to say for so long. The feelings that scared you but at the same time made you feel extremely alive. “Because I'm in love with you too.” 

It’s blissful watching his face turn into one of completely adoration as his lips turn into the biggest grin, dimples showing and you heart beats with all the love you feel for this stupid, stubborn and lovely man. “You are?” He asks, hopeful and around a smile.

You barely have the time to nod before he’s letting his skate fall to the ground and he’s coming forward to give you a hug that lifts you from the ground, a yelp coming from your lips but it quickly turns into a giggle as he twirls you around in his arm in pure happiness. 

For a second you forget about every doubt you ever had. You just let yourself bask in the wonderful feeling that is being held by him. 

He wastes no time to press a searing kiss to your lips when he lets you down, holding your cheeks in his hands and you kiss him back with as much passion. In the back you can hear the cheers of his friends, and even if you flip them over, you are still smiling.

[yoichichi]

Pretty People Supremacy Playlist 🖤

for my angel @1010andneji , I hope you love it 🖤

disclaimers: fem!reader, because this a request for someone with she/her pronouns, I believe the reader is referred to as she/her a few times, Kenma is aged up and this is based in him attending University just to be clear‼️

warning: it gets a little saucy in the make out department ?

gif not mine, credit to owner

a/n: ahhhhh!!! I’m sorry this took so long and I really hope you like it and you felt like it was worth the wait! Please let me know if you need me to change anything ‼️ i luv you bae 😔✊🏼 also thank you to my wife @ikigaitooru for helping me choose your matchup here! I was stuck between one other person but we ultimately decided on Kenma, we both believe he exhibits prime quiet himbo energy :) also I kind of went off and wrote a lot on this one 😶 sorry I think? Regardless, I hope you enjoy!!!

Relationship Headcannons

Ok so ultimately, I paired you together NOT just cause you thinks he’s pretty but I think you guys would be so good together!! Like you would be so good for him

You guys would balance each other out socially and just be the best pair to hang out with pleaseee

He knows he can be stupid and chaotic with you and you know you can let yourself wind down with him!!

Kenma CAN be blunt sometimes so I’m sure he’d have to catch onto your sensitivity at first, but he’d be so sincere if he ever accidentally said or did anything that made you feel some type of way

And once he is aware of your sensitivity he’s constantly reassuring you in little ways, not only that he understands and is trying to comfort you but just to reassure you he loves you, for example :

HAND SQUEEZES

I know some people have mentioned that he wouldn’t be into PDA but I disagree! It’s just not in the conventional let me be all over you types of PDA

I feel like it’s just not a big deal to him cause he’s like 🤨 what do I have to be embarrassed for?? This my mf baby and I’m gonna hold her hand if I want to ??

Like, I see him as a big hand holder frfr

He would just see it as such an easy way to be physically close to you and even if that’s just holding pinky’s he’s down!

It would also help him if he’s feeling anxious!

Like he’d fiddle with your hands and fingers if he’s feeling particularly antsy or nervous

OH

You guys are out and he wants to go in a different direction? He’s definitely bringing your hand to his lips to give a quick peck and pull you along

“C’mon, let’s look over here”

AND HES SO NONCHALANT ABOUT IT TOO LIKE HE JUST DOESNT QUITE REALIZE THE EFFECT HE HAS ON YOU WHEN HE DOES THAT (he totally does but he likes to be slick and act like he doesn’t 🙄)

He would also DEFINITELY let you play with his hands if you’re nervous or bored or whatever reason honestly, he’d find it soothing and knows it occupies you or fills a need (and you get to look at pretty Kenma hands c’mon now)

ANYWAYS there are other little ways he’d reassure you too besides hand squeezes and holding

Definitely the type to leave you little notes in places for you to find them and they’d always say such simple things like “hi- kenma <3” LMAOOOO PLS HES TRYING HIS BEST

I think the final biggest way he’d love to reassure you would be words of affirmation (this is definitely a private thing)

I think he’d still deliver them in a blunt manner but that’s how you know he’s sincere!

You two would just be chilling at his place and you’d do something simple like, ask how much water he’s drank today or play with his hair and tell him he shouldn’t overwork himself and he’d just look at you so seriously and be like, “I really appreciate you, you know that?”

And it’d be sort of deadpan but like !!!

And he’d just kiss your hand after - always the palm - and then he’d just press his cheek into your hand before kissing it one more time and moving on like that literally just didn’t happen KENMA KING OF HAND KISSES

Okok moving on before I get stuck on his hands again anskdkdksiaj

So we don’t talk about himbo Kenma enough!!!! Like ok

He’s NOT big and ripped like ya know Bokuto and he seems super smart but I’m telling you this man is a quiet clueless himbo ‼️

You can’t tell me you’d be talking on and on about biology or something and he’d just have this little lost look in his eye while he’s nodding along and smiling softly listening to you talk and you’re like ,,??

“Wait, do you even understand what I’m saying?”

And he’d really just be like no :)

“but your eyes are really pretty and I like watching your lips move while you talk :) (this man is also a king of innocent flirting and you can’t tell me otherwise!!!)

OMG and if you’re even the slightest bit flustered by his comment he WILL notice and he’ll do his best to hide his sly little smile and just grab one of your hands and squeeze it and be like, “keep going, I’m listening”

KENMA HIMBO NATION RISE

Ok ALSO you two would literally just be such a pretty couple? Just like so pleasing to look at????? Like you’re both so pretty it’s unfair! And your style OMG

Like you’re just so soft like the epitome of 🦋✨👼☁️☺️ girl and 🎮🎱🖤👾🌙 boy ykwim???

and his long hair PLS Kenma man bun supremacy 🙌🏼

I can’t stress enough how pretty you two would be it would just make sense seeing you two together ugh

UGH you dying Kenmas hair for him?? And he’d just sit cross legged in a chair while you do it and he keeps leaning and moving to wherever you are around him cause your hands are in his hair and it’s so soothing!! What’s he supposed to do??

“Kenma, stay still you’re gonna bet bleach on my shirt!”

“But didn’t you wear that in case bleach did get on it?”

“Kenma-“

“I’m just saying if that’s the case then I don’t understand why I can’t hug you while you bleach my hair? 🤨”

“😐”

“Ok so-“

“Kenma.”

“😒”

Yeah queue pouty Kenma acting indifferent 🙄✋🏼

Just give him a kiss on his nose and he’ll get over it even though he’ll feign his grumpiness to get treated like a baby a little bit longer

UGH PLS I GOTTA STOP I COULD GO ON FOREVER

Bottom line, Kenma’s your quiet little himbo and you’re his loud soft girlfriend, and it’s one of the most adorable things ever

Ok, so we’re finally to what you came for LMAO, your playlist!

OKOK so similar to the first one I made, there’s no theme besides music taste so I tried to make this like a soundtrack of your guys relationship if that makes sense?

I really hope you enjoy and please let me know if you need any changes or would like to be paired up with someone else 🖤‼️ Without further ado, your songs and explanations!

1. Siren - Kailee Morgue: ok I think this one still kind of fits the vibe you’re looking for but you can’t tell me Kenma didn’t see you as some bewitching vixen who’s caught his attention LMAO like he’s just like 👁👄👁 she’s so pretty and entrancing help me! and he’d try to be like haha I’m cool I’m cool I’m fine 😎🥴😎 but it’s so obvious he likes you too (you’d kind of be able to tell with the way he looks at you and how it took so long for the blush to leave his neck and ears whenever he’d talk to you) but he just really decides he has no choice in the matter, he wants you so bad LMAO

2. Juice - iyla: more off the first one, the way you just appeared into Kenmas life LMAO like he saw you and just 😳🥴😍‼️ and once he started to feel real feelings he’d be so 🏃‍♂️💨 WHERE THE FUCK DID SHE COME FROM??? But he wants you so BAD he can’t do anything about it, and now not only does he just want you 😳 but he wants you and he wants to be yours , pls he has it hard

3. See You Again (feat. Kali Uchis) - Tyler, The Creator: ok this is like THE song to your guys relationship just UGH I know you two would have such pining. Kenma would DEFINITELY be nervous to even talk to you at first cause he’s definitely like 🥴 she’s prettt hhng and he’s so shy and you just have such HEART EYES over him and you don’t even hide it that well LMAO (“it’s them rose colored cheeks yeah it’s them dirt colored eyes 😔😩”- u @ him) and it just makes him so NERVOUS!! But you two would definitely dance around it for a bit like you’d just be so 😍‼️ He’s pretty and shy hehe I like him gimme gimme 😍 and he’d be so flustered by it at first until you guys FINALLY get over yourselves (when kenma stops being a baby LMAO) like you guys jus wanna kiss so bad and literally everyone’s like JUST FUCKING DO IT, SHIT it’s adorable really

4. Doves In The Wind (feat. Kendrick Lamar) - SZA: ok I know this song is kinda saucy an idk if it’s overplayed but listen YOU CANT TELL ME THIS ISNT KENMAS FUCKING ANTHEM!! like he jus absolutely jams to this song definitely a sza stan and loves playing vibey music like hers during his gaming sessions but like the way he would worship the ground you walk on and be like mf im HERS do not get it twisted, in no way does she belong to me buT THE WAY I BELONG TO HER WHEW ‼️

5. Moment - Victoria Monét: ok why do I feel like most of the songs I added on here are vaguely steamy LMAO but ok this song? Yeah whew 💨 this is definitely one of those songs that play while you two would be lazily making out with those little led lights on (you just know kenma has those) and you two would just be laying there and know this is one of those moments you guys are never gonna forget. Your hands are just roaming and caressing each other while your lips are locked and you guys are so breathless and it’s just wow, you guys must have manifested each other cause this moment is so perfect between you two. And even though it’s a little sloppy it’s so intimate and you both feel like you’re living in a dream. messy hair flushed Kenma whos breathing heavy? Yeah I think so

6. Deep Cuts - Healy: Kenma is always trying his hardest to be the best he can when he loves something. We know this we’ve all seen him and Tora when it comes to volleyball and the way he gets with Hinata. And this wouldn’t change when it comes to your guys relationship, he is constantly going to be putting in his best effort to get to know you better, be the best boyfriend he can be to you and make you feel as loved as he can. He’s memorized everything there is to know about you and sometimes he gets lost in that and it makes him insecure about himself from his overthinking (you can’t tell me he’s not a chronic overthinker) and he’d forget to just enjoy himself sometimes. Like Kenma stop stressing, you can relax when you hold her hand. But he’d reach this point with you when he’d probably be being a bit difficult and you’d just make him feel so loved. He had been overworking himself again, which you HATED. You could tell from the bags under his eyes and the way his hair was messily pulled back into a low bun and the way the neckline of his hoodie showed he wasn’t even wearing a shirt underneath. But it was date night!! So what if he was tired and overworked quality time is important to you!!! I mean, that’s what he’s thinking. But you would just pull him into a hug and kiss his forehead and start to undress into comfy clothes and he’d be so confused like ?? Uhm, date night?? And you’d just pull him to your shared bed by his sleeve and under the covers and into your arms while you just kissed the top of his head. You’d take his hair out of his bun and run your fingers through it getting rid of some of the tangles and just be so CARING to him. “Let’s just stay in, you’re tired and I’d rather lay with you while you get some sleep, we can always go out another time.” Yeah he’s in love that’s it ‼️ you make him feel like he’s exactly enough for you as he is and that’s all he wants pls tbis is so long and for what??? Like this could be a Drabble in itself??? Anyways

7. Easy - DaniLeigh: you guys are definitely an exclusive couple but you really show Kenma what it means to just take it slow and relax! After the date night (deep cuts) he knows it’s ok to just relax into your guys love and he doesn’t have to force or rush anything cause it all comes naturally. Secondly , the WAY THIS BOY MAKES YOU FEEL - he just always looks at you with these deep eyes that hold so much love and it makes you feel so exposed every time cause he just loves you so much and it’s so intense l. It makes your face heat up cause he so clearly thinks your perfect. Also, this just gives total late night ride vibes. Kenma would definitely be driving on the freeway and this song comes on and he just places his hand on your thigh while he’s driving and he’s humming along to this song and he can feel you staring at him so he just casts you a quick side glance and goes “hmmm?” And you’re like 👁👄👁 nothing (Kenma is the king of late night car ride music fr)

8. CPR - Summer Walker: ok I don’t even need to explain myself with this one, the song is so self explanatory! You just make each other feel so at home. Point blank ‼️ like Kenma will just think back like 😇 where would I be without this bitch the thought makes him truly sad and he likes to avoid it at all costs

9. Rain - Lucy Park: pls this song is so soft (I hope it fits the vibe ahhh!!) but this is just more of kenma being an absolute softy for you LMAO. He’s not very good at taking care of himself sometimes and you’re always there to be like 😡‼️ NO‼️ and it makes him so soft he can’t help it, it’s not that he does it on purpose cause that’s insane but the fact you know his limits when even he doesn’t sometimes blows his mind and he’s never felt more loved than in those moments (let’s bring up Deep Cuts again 🙄✋🏼 pls this boy just needs someone soft to put him in his place LOL)

10. moonlight - dhruv: ok but when Kenma knows he’s in love with you, he has to tell you. And what better way to tell you than, well, tell you. He’d definitely try to plan it in his head to be perfect like ok what’s her favorite place? Where’d we first meet? Should I tell her there? Should our song be playing in the background? Kenma, your himbo and over thinker tendencies are showing, just tell her already! It’d be early in the morning, and you two are making breakfast together while he’s listening to you ramble on about the recent events of your favorite show and he’s just smiling and nodding, doing his best to recall the other plot points that have happened. And you, distracted with your ranting, go to take a bite of your freshly made breakfast- which is still scalding hot. You IMMEDIATELY start panting and drop your fork, running over to the faucet and shoving your head under it doing your best to soothe your mouth with the cold water. And Kenma feels awful, but this is fucking hilarious. So sure he’s holding your hair back so you can really get that water but he’s dying in the process. Almost keeled over and gripping at his stomach type laughter and you’re swatting at him to no avail and he just can’t help himself, “oh, fuck I love you.” He said it between his gasps of air from laughing and didn’t even realize it. Not until you stood up fully with water still dripping off your chin just looking at him. This idiot immediately started apologizing like omg this isn’t how I wanted to say it ahhhh but you assure him this was perfect, and that you love him too (pls love this man he can’t help but love you too)

11. Easily - Bruno Major: does this count as angst? ok call back to Kenma being an overthinker who overworks himself and probably overlooks his own needs at times, there’s bound to be some tension between you two at times. You’re concerned about his health and he insists he’s fine but you know he’s not, and while I don’t ever see him blowing up on you I could see little arguments about his self-care habits. Sometimes he stays up too late, or he’s stressing himself over something that doesn’t need that much thought! Regardless, he knows you just love him and he does the same thing for you and he just needs to get better at not being so stubborn when it comes to taking care of himself. And he just hopes that you know he loves you and appreciates what you do for him even though it doesn’t seem like it all the time, and that hopefully you won’t give up on him.

12. Streets - Doja Cat: ok I added this one mainly for the vibes but like you can’t tell me Kenma isn’t pined over in university LMAO. Like he’s pretty and polite but also indifferent, mentally ill bitches eat that shit UP; and there’s PLENTY of those in university LMAO. And like you aren’t a toxic possessive person don’t worry but MAN he’s fighting these girls off with a stick at this point LMAO and he just doesn’t get it pls, like he’d definitely be the partner in an assignment who just comes prepared and is kind of quiet to a fault but is so nice and just gets his shit done. Would also offer a pencil if you forgot one and maybe I’m just a whore but that gets me everytime 😌

13. Kiss U Right Now - Duckwrth: ok mainly for the vibes but !!! You and Kenma in the kitchen cooking and this song comes on and he comes up behind you and turns you around and your faces are all close and he keeps singing “I think I wanna kiss u” and smirking but he’s just ghosting his lips over yours instead and moving his head back every time you try to kiss him and giggling before doing it all over again! giggly Kenma supremacy

14. Butterfly - UMI: ok we been talking about how much Kenma would be devoted to you, but like you wouldn’t be the same!!!! Kenma means so much to you and you do your best to show your care and all you wanna do is see him happy as much as he wants the same for you, omg you guys are so in love it’s gross 🤢

15. Pick Up Your Phone - Hojean: what more can I say!!! You guys just love each other and love spending as much time together as you can!! (I like ending these playlists with a really happy mood :) )

——————

Here it is! Thank you for being so patient and I really hope you like this! I always get nervous posting for my baby’s 🖤 love you cutie!

-🐇out

[nikatyler]

𝒘𝒆 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒃𝒐𝒕𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒊 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒔𝒂𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖 ✨

I wasn’t going to post this yet, in fact, at first I wanted to keep it a secret until these guys are born in the rebooted Raven Legacy, but I couldn’t resist. Thought you’d never see them again, huh?

Zoey and Isaac’s children. 2017//2021. I always say my sims style doesn’t change at all (also, hooray same face syndrome), but it has changed, even if just a little bit.

Anyway, let me introduce you to these guys again, tell you what’s the same and what has changed. And yes I have classes tomorrow, but I also drank too much coffee today so I won’t be able to fall asleep for a while, let’s do this.

𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒊𝒆 𝑳𝒚𝒏𝒏 𝑹𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒏

The main star, heir of gen 3 ✨

Fellow bi 👉😎👉

Walking stereotype but in a good way. We don’t do the harmful biphobic stereotypes here. (We did them accidentally without realizing we’re falling into a stereotype *cough* Ross dating a million people *cough* but we’re careful now. Why am I talking about myself in plural. But also the reason why Ross dated a million people didn’t come from the fact he’s bi at all, he was just a dick in high school. I didn’t connect those two things in my head.)

More piercings?? I kinda want to give her more piercings

And tattoos! She used to have some small ones, but I have since then deleted the files 🙃

Named after her grandma (Lynn) and great-grandma (Carrie)

She didn’t (and couldn’t) meet either of them...if you know, you know

Probably isn’t going to end up with Chris eventually, sorry Chris, you won’t even exist in the reboot

It’s not Carrie. It’s not Lynn. Use both her names or die. (Her words, not mine.)

Plays a violin. Terribly. On purpose. She’s actually really good though.

She was an entertainer originally but I think that when/if we get to her this time, I’ll try a newer career with her. Maybe I’ll want your input on that later.

She would be such great friends with Tyler. I’m so sad they couldn’t ever meet. She’d 100% be his favourite niece.

*takes notes to mayhaps make that possible in the reboot*

No, she won’t take off the hat

𝑨𝒏 𝑹𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒏

They/he

Originally, four years ago, I wanted them to be a trans guy, but I chickened out of it in the last minute because I was worried someone would say he doesn’t look trans enough...I’m sorry about thinking that way. I have learned since then.

He’s using they/he in this version to kinda reflect both who I originally wanted them to be in the legacy and who they were, if that makes any sense.

(yes they’re the sim that was called Anastasia previously but they don’t use it anymore so forget it)

I don’t remember much about him from the original legacy. They liked pirates and worked for a charity shop or something like that? Their girlfriend was an adoptive daughter of Malcolm Landgraab and Caleb Vatore. (thanks MCCC, and yes Caleb really wants to be included in all my legacies in some way, it’s his only goal and purpose in life).

Really close with Carrie Lynn

I changed his skintone because no one in their family has it anymore. Elizabeth had it, but I changed it, so I changed An’s skin as well.

𝑭𝒓𝒆𝒚𝒂 𝑹𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒏

Originally, for some reason the game made her thicker than her siblings, and I’m thankful for that because knowing 2017 me I’d be too much of a coward to make a plus sized sim myself.

With that being said, cc creators, could you please make your necklaces work on bigger sims?

I changed her traits but I already don’t remember what I gave her. One of them was from Eco Living.

I remember I originally said something like “she wants to be an architect but she hates maths”. So now she wants to be an architect and she actually doesn’t struggle with maths at all because that makes more sense.

Is she a genius? Are you a genius, Freya? 🤔

I can’t tell you much about her tbh. I have no memory of her left. I even memorized her face wrong whoops.

Hey look it’s midnight and also this post is becoming a trainwreck yay

It’s now 0.30 when I’m rereading this. Yay tomorrow will be fun, I wanna get up at 6am

𝑭𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒔 𝑹𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒏

Yes it’s Faye but I changed her name and most of her appearance

It’s like when they replaced Flora with Terra in the terrible Winx live action. Minus whitewashing.

I now realize it’s really a Terra situation minus whitewashing here (what’s there to whitewash, Faye was already white), because I also made Frances a bit chubbier. Like they did with Flora/Terra.

(speaking of which I actually adjusted the bodies of all four of them)

I actually made her bit more tan than she used to be! Originally, all four kids took after Isaac, who is rather pale compared to Zoey. I also gave her Zoey’s eyecolour.

I really like the name Frances tbh

She kinda reminds me of that one girl from Mean Girls. Forgot her name. But you know the one.

“Hello LGBTQ community”

Yeah Faye/Frances has always given me big lesbian vibes so...

Again, I was a coward in 2017

She likes pink, sweets, cats and she’s lazy and that’s all I remember about her

We started this post with me saying “let me reintroduce you to these characters” but like to do that I’d have to actually still know something about them

Okay, so...the moral of this post is: don’t make posts when you’ve had too much coffee so you feel effects of that BUT at the same time you’re pretty tired already.

No, jokes aside, I’m really excited to explore these guys again someday.

Now I have to go do my daily writing because I forgot about it and I can’t skip a day and then I swear I’ll go to bed. Note to self, don’t drink that much coffee tomorrow.

[violettelueur]

— CAFE NEWSLETTER NO.3

hi everyone~ barista violettelueur is back again with the cafe newsletter, ready to inform you all with all the updates (on the blog) that you need to know!

1. THANK YOU SO MUCH ʕ♡˙ᴥ˙♡ʔ

the cafe blog has had such an amazing growth and that would not have happened if it was for all of you that have supported me!

all the likes, reblogs and follows has helped supported me so much and i could not thank you all enough, you guys are really the best ʕ ꈍᴥꈍʔ

Thank you all for 3500 customers along with the constant love and support that everyone has given me ʕ•ᴥ•ʔﾉ♡

2. RULES PAGE UPDATE!

there as been an update on my rules page!

so please, when you have the time to read or before you request an order, take the time to read the updated page since it would really help me with any future requests that you might want to order!

📖 ← updated rules page

3. ORDERS IN PROGRESS UPDATE!

there has also been another update with my ‘orders in progress’ page (wip)!

so please take a quick look to see if your coffee order has been process before requesting again since i know most of you have re-order due to me informing you all that some of your requests have disappeared in my inbox - which i am thankful for ʕ ꈍᴥꈍʔ

if your order is not there, i deeply apologise for the inconvenience that might have caused you - i am so sorry

🧾 ← updated orders in progress page

4. SPOTIFY PLAYLIST UPDATE!

ANOTHER UPDATE! ʕ ㅇ ᴥ ㅇʔ but this is the last one, i promise.

my spotify playlist that i made for you all has been updated with 28 new songs - i kept the first opening and ending of jujutsu kaisen because i know we all right them right now to cope ╲ʕ·ᴥ·　╲ʔ - have a listen when you have the chance!

cafe playlist soundtrack :

VIVID VICE - Who-ya Extended (jujutsu kaisen OP 2)

give it back - Cö Shu Nie (jujutsu kaisen ED 2)

廻廻奇譚 - Eve (jujutsu kaisen OP 1)

LOST IN PARADISE - ALI, AIKO (jujutsu kaisen ED 1)

突破口 - SUPER BEAVER (haikyuu!! S4 OP 2)

MASK - Aqua Timez (Bleach ED 30)

Sincerely - TRUE (Violet Evergarden OP 1)

HOME - Asako Toki (fruits basket S2 OP 2)

memories - Maki Otsuki (one piece ED 1)

夜に駆ける - YOASOBI 

Blue & Grey - BTS 

Lovesick Girls - BLACKPINK

Dingga - MAMAMOO

LMM - Hwasa

I’m so sick - APINK

VIBE - 1TEAM

PLAY - Chung Ha ft. CHANGMO

HOLO - Lee Hi

Day Day - bewhY ft. Jay Park 

Lean on me - 10cm (hotel del luna OST)

Garden Kisses - Giveon

Party For Me - Jhené Aiko ft. Ty Dolla Sign 

Change Your Life - Kehlani ft. Jhené Aiko

Second Chances - Kiana Ledé ft. 6LACK

Mushroom Chocolate - QUIN ft. 6LACK

Spice Girl - Aminé

U Say - The Bonfyre ft. 6LACK

BEST INTREST - Tyler, The Creator 

I Spy - Krept & Konan ft. Headie One & K-Trap

West Ten - AJ Tracey ft. Mabel

☕️ ← updated spotify playlist

thank you all so much for taking the time to read this little newsletter and i hope you all enjoys today’s episode that is gonna come out very soon! ʕ≧ᴥ≦ʔ

[renjunfromthestars]

slow dancing in the dark

Pairing: Jeno + Reader bestfriend!Jeno

Genre: angst, best friend!au, College!au, Best Friends to Lovers! Au

Song recs: Slow Dancing in the Dark (Joji), Don’t Wanna Fall in Love (KYLE), Best Friend (Rex Orange County), EARFQUAKE (Tyler, The Creator), Apricot Princess (Rex Orange County). CAN’T GET OVER YOU (Joji), Me and Your Mama (Childish Gambino)

Word Count: 3.1k 

Summary: You and Jeno have always had a complicated relationship, but time is running out

Or

Jeno is in love with you, but can never express it the way he needs to

Notes: this one kinda hurt me to write ngl,,,I was real sad so I wrote it in one sitting

Please let me know what you guys think!!! I’m still pretty new to writing

---

Up until yesterday, it’s been months since you and Jeno have been in contact. Even though you go to the same school, you can’t help but think that he is avoiding you. If you’re going to be completely honest with yourself, he definitely is. Classic.

When you feel the slight pang of hurt ripple through your chest, you shake your head, trying to snap out of it. You rather not think about him right now. The 15 spotify playlists you embarrassingly curated denoting the emotional anguish of your most recent Jeno-filled-altercation was enough proof you’ve already spent too much time dwelling on this boy, who by the way, you’ve never even dated.

You have other things to worry about. College decisions are coming out soon, and it's absolutely imperative that you keep your grades in good standing. No school wants to accept a student just to find out that they’re a slacker. Better to be more upfront about you really are to the end, rather than to disappoint others later on. 

Jeno’s idea of school is hitting his dab pen in the bathroom, and sitting through every class high. And apparently, his idea of romance is not doing anything about your ambiguous relationship, and telling you to break up with Jaemin after only a week into dating. It was unholy unfair to Jaemin, and it's not like he's had almost three years to tell you how he feels, only to always come whining to you when you’re with someone else. It was a little different last time though. This is your last year of high school, and you both know it. It’s unlikely you’ll ever have as much time to be with (or to avoid) him at such close proximity--you’re almost definitely going to college out of state. Jeno has told you many times your ass is smart enough to pull it off. 

But that was months ago, things have since died down and there is no use dwelling on the past. You’ve cried enough tears, and you’re tired of waking up with puffy eyes that look like you have been stung by an angry bee hive because of it. According to Renjun, Jeno had stopped sulking in his library during his free period and started playing computer games with him again. See? It’s a thing of the past.

But that didn't stop you from occasionally calling him late at night in your many moments of weakness. I mean, it doesn’t really matter if you’re always met with a dial tone right? If he doesn’t pick up, it’s like you never called in the first place. The end always justifies the means. 

You don’t know why it took you so long to figure out that if you really missed him that  much, you should have probably just shot him a text instead of randomly calling him in the middle of the night. Jeno, like with school, is never prepared for anything. Even if he picked up, he’d probably just stay silent. It happened that one time he actually did pick up, both of you silent, not knowing to say in the moment (silence could also hardly be considered a phone call). 

Looking down at your most recent conversation, you sigh. Even before things became so messed up, you valued his companionship. Things are obviously still tense between you two--you don’t know why you even try.  Jaemin wouldn’t be too happy about it either. 

                                                                              ...

“It just makes me feel like shit when I hear people telling me like, ‘Oh you stole Jeno’s girl.’. You’re my girlfriend, not his.” Jaemin scoffs. His grip on the steering wheel tightens, along with his hold on your hand. 

In an attempt to soothe your angry boyfriend, you rub your thumb over your interlaced fingers soothingly. “I know, I know. I can’t help it if we have history Jaemin, people like to talk.”

“I had a talk with Renjun the other day about you and Jeno, and all the shit he was saying. I thought he was my friend.”

Although he was good friends with both boys, Renjun was admittedly closer to Jeno than Jaemin and there was more to his actions than it seemed just though looking at the surface. He was your closest mutual friend to Jeno, and knew more than anyone about the complicated relationship between you two--maybe a little too well. He respected the decision you made, but it was clear that he thought things should have ended differently.

                                                                          …

When you first see Jeno outside of the glimpses you see in the school hallway, he looks different. His hair is styled differently, with the wispy blonde hair of his hair framing his forehead quite nicely. 

Jeno’s eyes quickly flutter to the ground when you look at him, finding a sudden interest in the rocks on the ground. For a boy who treats his shoes like they’re his babies, he’s awfully unconcerned with the scuff marks that begin to appear on his Air Force Logos when he digs a rock into the ground.

“Where do you want to eat?” you ask, walking around him to open the passenger seat of his car.

Jeno looks like he regrets ever even agreeing to meet you for lunch in the first place, with his eyebrows furrowing and as indicated with the speed in which he gets in his new BMW.

“Chick-Fil-A.” He mumbles, pressing the start button on his car.

“Unbelievable. You want to go to Chick-Fil-A? ” you scoff. “We always go to Chick-Fil-A. Don’t you ever get tired of chicken?” 

Granted, it’s been months since you’ve been there together, but you at least expected some variety. There’s been a lot of buzz about the Popeyes chicken sandwiches these days. 

“No, but I get tired of you whining about my food choice when you asked for my opinion in the first place.”

And just like that, like old times, you both bicker on the car ride to Chick-Fil, this time about chicken sandwiches.

When you finally get to Chick-Fil-A, you manage to order your food without any major altercations, save a blazing glare you shoot Jeno when he says “Ranch is disgusting” when you ask for it to go with your nuggets.

As you sit down and dig into your food, you attempt to make small talk about your post high school plans. 

“University of Buffalo?” you say with a mouthful of fries. “I thought you wanted to stay in state.”

“Yeah I do. But I thought it would be smart to keep some options open” 

“Lee Jeno, keeping his options open? Being prepared?” you tease.

His cheeks flush in embarrassment, and you can’t help but admire how pretty he looks, with sunlight shining on his frame. His lashes are long, and with the way the light is hitting his face, his brown eyes are like pools of  dark honey.

Suddenly becoming hypersensitive to the boy in front of you, and you quickly change the subject. 

“How’s your cousin Jinyoung? I haven’t seen him since I last visited your aunt���s restaurant. He was nice enough to me some free dishes off the menu. I told him he needs any help with his college applications he can ask me.”

Jeno stays quiet, picking at his food as you blab about his cousin. Although you’ve only met him once when he came to visit from New York City, he was a sweet boy and you guys kept in contact. Dismissing it as part of Jeno’s natural propensity towards being quiet, you chatter on for a little while longer until you ask him, “why aren’t you saying anything?”

“Jinyoung died four months ago.” He says in a low voice, lowering his gaze to his lap.

Although there were a handful of others eating their lunch in the restaurant, you can barely process the background chatter as a small noise begins to ring in your ears. “What happened?”

“He was diagnosed with cancer, but he didn’t really tell anyone, ” he said in between sips of his drink . “he was in remission for a while but it came back really bad.”

“He has a younger sister right? It must be hitting her really hard.”

Jeno stays quiet as you fall silent, fidgeting with your fingers on the wooden table. Both of you don’t have much to say as your eyes begin to water in the middle of a Chick-Fil-A. 

Jeno places his hand over yours in comfort as he looks out the window. Life is short, and you can’t help but think how much time you have with him. 

                                                                   ...

Weeks pass, and although Jaemin isn’t exactly overjoyed about the fact that you’ve been seeing Jeno regularly again, he accepts it as what he understands it is--two friends reconciling and just hanging out, which you are eternally grateful for. The issue is that being friends with Jeno is never being just friends. You two have too much history for that. Everyday, the bottled feelings left unresolved over the years are at risk of exploding at any moment--it’s only a matter of time. 

You know you’ve got it bad when you find yourself checking your phone for his messages, or smiling at the thought of him. It’s everything--from the way he picks you up in minutes after an argument with your mom, to the way he drapes his heavy lined jean jacket over you during a particularly cold night.  No matter how hard you tried to suppress it, or how much you thought it would work, it was already over from the start. Even earlier when you two acted like strangers and the days you never even thought onnce about him, he was still in your dreams at night. But this time, Jeno is very much real, and alive in the flesh in front of you. And you don’t know if you want to admit to yourself that these feelings for Jeno are also very much real.

You finally decide to tell him when college decisions come out, after you get into your dream University. Graduation was nearing and it meant new beginnings. No matter how deeply rooted Jeno was in your heart, you needed to let go of the things that were holding you back. At least, it's what you’re telling yourself.

“Jeno...” your voice falters, “I can’t keep doing this with you..”

There’s an unspoken understanding between you two as Jeno runs his fingers through your hair to soothe you, and tells you not to cry while you cry. It’s the middle of the night when you tell him you love him. You should be home. You should be with Jaemin.

On the car ride home, Jeno stays silent.

                                                              …

Jeno calls you when you get home to check on you. When you start to cry again he stays silent for a moment.“Don’t be sad’ he murmurs. We have a lifetime to figure things out.” 

You only cry harder at his words. 

When your sniffles begin to subside, and you’re sound asleep in no time (not a surprise to Jeno, considering all the emotional turmoil you’ve faced tonight) Jeno sighs. He can’t help but feel selfish. Every time you tell him you want nothing more for him to be happy, Jeno’s moral compass can’t help but tear a little at the seams. You seem unaware that to him, happiness is being with you. But Jeno can’t have you. He knows that. They say that if you really love something, you need to let it go. But this is something he isn’t ready to let go of just yet. 

A few weeks ago when you two went out to eat, he notices that he always lets you choose the song on the way there, and what you want from the menu. 

“You know all the things we’re ordering are yours right?”

 You begin to apologize, but you’re soon distracted by the special drink menu the waiter drops on the table.

When your eyes light up at the silly lightbulb boba drink you plan to take home to  your sister, Jeno just sighs and pays for the meal. 

On the car ride home, your shared favorite songs play, and he doesn’t say a word to you. Jeno isn’t the best driver, and you vocalize that by nearly blowing his ear off when he brakes a little too fast at the red stop light. When you grab his hand for support, he lingers a little longer before he lets go. Like usual, he panders around your neighborhood when your house draws close, purposely taking the long way home. Jeno thinks about it some more when he waits for you to walk through the door of your house before driving off.  

Jeno always tells you he loves you when it’s too late. When you get your first boyfriend, he gets a girlfriend and tries to forget about you. It’s painfully obvious how he feels when he not so jokingly tells you to dump that “skinny bean pole” for him. He hates himself for taking you for granted when you broke up with said boyfriend around the time his girlfriend dumps him, telling him “I know you just aren’t happy”. For telling Renjun “Don’t worry about it, I know she loves me.” when he tried to warn him about Jaemin’s budding romance with you, even pleaded for him to make his move. It seems that everyone knows what to do with his feelings better than himself, and all he knows how to do is reap the consequences. 

He usually doesn’t have much to say. But tonight, over the phone, he tells you that he loves you. He tells you that he sees you in his future, and to him, you’re like no other. Jeno tells you that he knows you never meant to hurt him, but he’s been hurting for a while, and he can’t stand to see you with someone else.

But you’re asleep, and you can’t hear him. For the longest time, Jeno has wanted so badly to show you his whole heart. This situation you two are in  isn’t what he wants and he knows you feel the same. He wants to stop being on his Mac Demarco shit, to man up and tell you clearly how he really feels, and maybe, have you be his girlfriend, you know-- instead of messing with some other guy’s girl. 

Even through all of this, Jeno has learned a little secret about love. To love you was never about having you. 

                                                                ...

Twirling in your red dress, your arm wraps around Jaemin’s neck. It’s prom, and graduation is right around the corner.  Smiling, you think to yourself that you have finally succeeded, the end is near. Laughing, gazing, looking up at a face smiling back. But for a split second, you don’t see Jaemin’s face in front of you. You see Jeno. 

The memory of the first day, when his laugh over the phone meant something more to you. His voice brings about some of the happiest times you’ve ever known. Memories of the small moments--late nights--a soft smile--a teasing voice--the warm heat on your face in the midst of a teasing comment, and a boy with a subtle charm to find the way through.

Spontaneous trips and laughter, the occasional periods of silence when the both of you were fed up--people who understood you two, but only enough to get in the way.

The light nod of your head when it first found its way to your shoulder, and the dull feeling of yearning it left when it was gone.

You’re at a children’s playground, and you whine about wanting to fly a kite even though you’re nearly 18. Jeno teases you for being a kid, and for even trying when there was hardly any wind out. When you suggest that he run from behind and try to fly the kite with you, you scold him for the third time that it would only work if he ran slower than you. Jeno laughs and you feel your heart tug a little.

You’re devastated, and when Jaemin asks you if something is wrong, all you do is rest your face in the crook of his neck. You don’t want him to see you crying. You hate yourself for doing this to him. You’re not really a religious person, but sometimes at night, staring into the darkness and slightly trembling, you ask God to make it stop. It hurts. You don’t know how it feels for Jeno. You knew every decision you would make wouldn’t be fair to anyone. What do you do? How will you know? Will you ever know?

You don’t want to admit that might have known all along. You know you’ve known all along. To you, there is no one like Jeno. There is no one like him you’ve ever met that has made you feel this way, and if you weren’t with him, then you would spend your entire life searching in vain. You want to be with him so badly, that when you think about it, your heart grows impossibly heavy. But at the same time, you feel free. The timing is never right. You’re with the wrong people. You’re doing it all wrong. He’s doing it all wrong. We’re doing it all wrong. 

You can’t stop thinking about him in the most difficult way. When you suppress him consciously, he shows up in your dreams, smiling, glowing. Ruffled hair, eye smile and all. You can’t help but think about him every night, and when you see something that reminds you of him. Jeno reminds you of everything sad, everything hard, and at the same time, everything easy. He makes your heart feel so heavy, but also at peace. When he told you that you two had a lifetime to figure it out, you want to believe that if it was meant to be, it would happen. But that’s the hardest part. You don’t know what will happen.

Right now, you know one thing, and you know that you love him. You love him so much it brings you to tears. It makes your hands tremble, your body tremble, your heart tremble. You have such a love for Jeno that even if it wasn’t meant to be you wouldn’t care. You want Jeno to be happy. You want him to be healthy, not do stupid shit, and you want him so badly to love you too, and it would be okay if that didn’t happen. You’ve been delaying it-- you always say to yourself and everyone else you need time. You’ll sit on it, think about it, leave it for later. But it’s been months, and years, and you’re right back at the starting point.

Everytime you tried to convince yourself you weren’t in love, it felt like a dark shadow would cast over you. Because every time you tried to convince yourself you weren’t in love, you realized every bit of you knew you were.

Jeno is your best friend, part of your happiness, and he is your first real love. It’s something you can say with a certainty you’ve never had before.

                                           …

Jeno can feel his heart tear into shreds when he sees you and Jaemin so close. You look beautiful. So beautiful. You’re going away to your dream college and he’ll be many, many miles away from you. Jeno’s cheeks prickle with warmth as his eyes begin to dappen. His heart sinks, just to bobble back up with an expected disbelief. He thought he knew what was coming. 

“There are other things to do without me.” he had told you in the car that night, but the truth is, Jeno doesn’t want to do anything without you. He’s loved you since he met you, and he’s not quite sure that will ever change.

It always hurts. but that's because love isn't perfect, Jeno thinks. He may move on days from now, maybe weeks from now, and could realize he never really loved you.

If he truly loves you, it's never going to be okay, but it will get better. It will get easier. He will be able to go on. 

You might creep into his mind years from now when he finally thought he was over you.

And that's okay, that's what love is.

 It's when his memories come back to him 5 years later, when he wonders how you're doing, maybe if you think about him a little too. But it won't hurt nearly as much and he will realize all that heartbreak did something to heal him.

It's always hard, he thinks, as he walks out of the Prom venue. But he promises himself that it will always get easier.

[photolover82]

The Masked Singer Season 4 Episode 2: Group B kicking it off... with a twist!! Guesses and Commentary

Hello my fellow Masked Singer guys and gals! It's that time of the week again (albeit I am a bit late, but let's go with it), time for Ana's Masked Singer recap woohoo! *insert fanfare here* This episode was such an insane one not gonna lie, Group B came in with a bang like wow... let's just get into it because it's a crazy episode in it of itself.

Firstly, I gotta point out the contestants of Group B, which this time were 6 unlike A and C which only have 5 contestants total.. and those 6 are (order from left to right, top row first then bottom row in the image below) Crocedile, Gremlin (the purple fluffy guy), Seahorse, Whatchamacallit (the blue and red hair cousin It thing), Baby Alien, and Serpent.

Alrighty so this elimination is gonna be a bit different than usual because it isn't the norm of what usually happens with these sorts of things (I'll tell you what I mean in a sec)...

So the first contestant unmasked for Group B actually wasn't eliminated (I know what you are thinking... "whaaatttt Anaaaaa that makes no sense")... but actually he unmasked himself (whatttt?! yeah you read that right, he legit was hot and suffocating and he seemed super over it and just took it off by himself... yup, that happened like what mind blown!

Anyways the mask who did this was...

*DRUMROLL PLEASE*

THE GREMLIN

Performance: He sang Stand by Me by Ben E. King and honestly it was meh, it was really breathy as if he forgot some of the words, I don’t know if he was overcome with emotion (because he dedicated it to his friend who passed away) or what, I felt kind of bad but I low key feel like he was going to go home regardless, but on the bright side I love the costume and it was a great song choice for his range. He has a very raspy voice... like almost like a smoker’s voice and I can kind of tell that he’s an older man, but I couldn’t recognize the singer. 

So the Gremlin ended up being revealed to be.... 

*DRUMROLL PLEASE*

MICKEY ROURKE 

Ugh this upsets me because I don’t know who he is so I really couldn’t guess him correctly. I searched it up and apparently he’s an actor and director and was in Iron Man 2, which I’ve never seen like ever. But yeah, he did good, he looked kinda drunk not gonna lie and I guess he was suffocated and got over it. 

Alright now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to my favorite part, the remaining 5 contestants: 

1. THE SEAHORSE

Performance: I really love Seahorse, she’s one of my favorites of the night and so far in the season in general. Her performance of Rihanna’s Only Girl in the World was amazing and I definitely knew who that voice is...

My guess and I am so sure about this guys is singer, songwriter, American Idol alum... 

TORI KELLY 

Dude like that voice is so recognizable... but also because of the clues: 

Emotion Ocean= she’s super emotional when it comes to songwriting, like she legit said in an interview that she cries a lot

Tea Party= she hosted tea parties with her fans in 2019 (well before all this ofc) 

Rainbow Frog= sang Rainbow Connection with Kermit the Frog 

Judges’ Guesses: 

Jenny: Halsey (say what now? This doesn’t sound like her... is Jenny ok? This episode she’s been messing up with guesses more than Ken... you’ll see what I mean) 

Nicole: Hailee Steinfeld (meh, that’s ok I guess, but not quite) 

Robin: Bebe Rexha (he was onto something when he said country but then he said this, but this is the closest guess of the 3)  

2. THE SERPENT 

Performance: This one is my other favorite of this group. His performance of “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” by The Proclaimers was absolutely stunning, I got chills! If it is who I think it is, I love him (partially because I think I know who it can be) 

I think the Serpent can be actor of the iconic Broadway sensation Hamilton aka Aaron Burr, Sir:

LESLIE ODOM JR. 

Dude like I feel pretty good about this guess because of the voice and the clues:

Map of the Caribbean= reference to the beginning of Hamilton where Alexander Hamilton is from

Jr. References= he’s a jr. 

Between medicine & music= he played a doctor on Murder on the Orient Express in 2017

Number 31118 (this was from the Sunday before the premiere but still worth noting)= 3 albums, 11 stage productions, 18 years on Broadway OR bible verse Romans 3:11-18 which was written by Paul, a character he played on Rent

Judges’ Guesses:

Jenny: John Legend (See what I’m saying? Jenny, what are you doing man? That is not John Legend, like they don’t sound alike at all) 

Ken: Daveed Diggs (Wow! Ken got it kinda close, I’m proud, that’s an achievement for him we gotta give it to him) 

Nicole: Leslie Odom Jr. (WOOOO!! Yesss Nicole!!) 👏🏼

3. THE CROCODILE 

Performance: I also really liked Crocodile and his performance of It’s My Life by Bon Jovi was great! I feel like I know who this is, and I am pretty familiar (well, more or less) with 90s and early 2000s boybands and this one is someone in that realm I am so sure of it... 

Ok so being more specific, I think it’s boybander from The Backstreet Boys: 

NICK CARTER 

The voice and the clues were a dead giveaway:

The Vegas vibes in the clue package= he performed in Vegas with Backstreet Boys 

Water clues (the water slide and happiest in water)= he was born in Orlando, FL home of the theme parks and FL is also some of the Gators so it would makes sense with the costume

Grew up in Hollywood= moved there when really young

Judges’ Guesses:

Ken: John Hamm (and he’s back, that was a terrible guess)

Nicole: Nick Lachey (so close, but not quite)

Robin: Donnie Wahlberg (um, Jenny agreed, how does she not know that this ain’t your husband?!) 

4. THE WHATCHAMACALLIT

Performance:  His performance of “I Wish” by Skee-Lo was good, not my favorite, but I didn’t hate it. I am kind of feeling that it’s an athlete due to the height and also how he speaks. 

So this guess is an idea I got from the Internet (subject to change because I have no clue about sports players): 

Rashad Jennings?

The only thing I got from the clues was:

Dancing with Stars= he won DWTS 

Clues IDK

Orange Jelly= ?

The clock with the Bear Mask on the 5= ? 

Swinging Keys= ?

Judges’ Guesses:

Nicole= Swiss Beats (meh idk) 

Ken: Damon Lillard (I like this guess, tbh.. I kinda agree with it being a sports player)

Robin: Tyler the Creator (that would be cool but I don’t think so) 

5. THE BABY ALIEN

Performance: His performance of Faith by George Micheals was good too, better than I expected for the costume ngl. I had pretty low expectations but I am pleasantly surprised. He isn’t my favorite by any means and I am also a bit stumped by him especially because of that fake Russian accent, but I am in between 2 people at the moment....

The 2 people I am in between are either Ventriloquist Jeff Dunham or actor 

JASON SEGEL 

It kinda sounds like him and the clues are a bit confusing but there’s one I understand too:

Tony Awards Reference= he’s been on Broadway 

The mask’s a puppet and Segel is a big fan of puppets (He was also in the Muppets movie) 

CLUES IDK 

Space clues= ?

Friends Reference (2nd Gear)= ?

Ferris Beuller references= ?

Judges’ Guesses:

Jenny: Ralph Macchio (meh I guess that’s good) 

Nicole: David Schwimmer (not bad, but idk it doesn’t really sound like it)

Ken: Freddie Prinze Jr. (ya, no) 

Alright so that’s it! I am so sorry for it being late, but better late than never... I’ve been pretty busy so hopefully this weekend I will have tonight’s episode recap up... THANK YOU FOR READING AND I WILL SEE YOU IN THE NEXT ONE *blows kiss* byeeee! 

[gra-sonas]

From show creator Carina MacKenzie, The CW series Roswell, New Mexico is back for Season 2, and Liz (Jeanine Mason) is torn between having her sister Rosa (Amber Midthunder) back and the sacrifice that Max (Nathan Parsons) made, in order for that to happen. And while Michael (Michael Vlamis) and Isobel (Lily Cowles) are struggling with their own grief over the death of Max, they also have their own dramas to work through.

During this 1-on-1 phone interview with Collider, actor Michael Vlamis talked about what he’s most enjoyed about his character arc so far, how Michael Guerin feels about being the one that’s left to keep people together now, the absence of Max and why that storyline has so deeply affected him this season, feeling honored to get to explore his character’s bisexuality, getting to take risks and go dark on this show, what Michael’s learning about his own past, and how cool it is to have some of the original series cast members involved with their re-imagining.

Be aware that some spoilers are discussed for previous episodes.

Collider: Your character has really taken quite a journey, since we met him in Season 1, finally admitting that he actually cares about a person or two, other than himself. What has most surprised you about the journey to where he is now and how he’s grown, as a character, up to this point?

MICHAEL VLAMIS: I feel like, with Michael Guerin, it’s always two steps forward, one step backwards. That’s been the yo-yo effect that I’ve been fortunate enough to play, based on the writing, since Season 1. I’m never surprised because the writing is always so consistent. Everything that I read makes sense. We did an Instagram Live for a Roswell takeover, and someone asked if there’s anything that’s ever written that I don’t agree with, with my character and, to be honest, no. Carina MacKenzie, the showrunner, knows Michael Guerin like the back of her hand, and she’s relayed all the information that she knows and she thinks of him to the writers’ room. Everything seems very on par with what he would do. As he takes these two steps back and keeps moving forward, every time he does progress, it’s in a very subtle way, but there is progression there. And now, he’s back to real bad Michael Guerin, getting in fights. That’s how you met him, originally, in a jail cell. So, I had this full transformation in Season 1, and now I’m right back to where I was, at the start of Season 2, and maybe even in a worse position. This whole season is figuring out his role in this world that maybe he doesn’t even want to be a part of. It’s figuring out his self-worth, figuring out where he comes from, and figuring out the origin of Michael Guerin. Episode 5 is the Michael Guerin episode, and you’ll get to learn a lot about his past and what’s brought him back to where he is.

With Max mostly dead and Isobel mostly a mess, Michael is the one that’s left to keep things together, which is very out of character for him.

VLAMIS: Exactly, yeah.

How does he feel about being the one that’s left to keep people together now?

VLAMIS: I think he hates it. That’s the last thing he cares about doing or wants to do, but now he’s feeling pressure to do that. His whole life, he had this brother who loved being the savior and loved being the hero, and Guerin just took a back seat. A little bit of that changed, 10 years ago, when Max decided to cover up those murders, and not turn ourselves in and reveal that there are aliens, and I don’t think Michael Guerin wanted to do that. He was pressured into doing that. You learned that last season, when Max and I are trapped in that bunker together, in my layer. So, this season, he’s finding his new role and he’s realizing, right now, that he has to step up because there’s no Max anymore to step up. I think he resents that he has to do that, and resents the fact that his hero savior card killed him, in the end, but it is what it is. That’s the reason that he showed up at the funeral for Isobel. He doesn’t want to be there. You’re telling me that guy was ready for that funeral? He’s there because he knows that he needs to play a different role now.

The first season, you had this little alien trio. At least at the beginning of this season, did it feel weird to not have that? Did it feel different without Nathan Parsons there?

VLAMIS: Definitely. I haven’t really talked to a lot of people about what I’m about to tell you, and this is dark, but I lost a friend at a bachelor party, last summer, and I lost that person in my arms. It was very weird how art imitates life because I wasn’t even thinking about it, at the time, but when I got back to shoot Season 2 and I was in Santa Fe, and I live alone out there – in L.A., I live with four of my best friends in a house – and do my thing, and I have a lot of time to reflect and get deep into the character. As I was getting into this character and pulling from real life, I realized, “Oh, my god, I lost a brother in real life, who was one of my best childhood friends, and I lost a brother in the show. This is the same thing that’s going on.” And so, not having Max around was tormenting because I can’t help but try to make things as real as possible. A lot of actors can show up to set and do the lines, being in a happy headspace, even though it’s an emotional scene, and they can do a great job. With me, I don’t know what it is, but I feel responsible for bringing out true sides of Michael Vlamis and Michael Guerin, so I really channelled that loss of a friend into the season. So, not having Max around on set was just a constant reminder of what happened with my buddy, and that that actually took its toll on me. I got to a breaking point around Episode 5 or 6, during the season, ‘cause I was just being so hard on myself, with making this loss of a brother true. And aside from all of that, not having Nathan Parsons on set is a whole other thing. The dude is a pro. He’s been around forever. So, anytime I’m working with him, that guy knows how to navigate a set. It’s a constant learning experience, and it’s really nice to have that older brother figure. Even though we’re similar in age, he is almost like an older brother to me, in real life, outside of the show. So, that was unfortunate. And I know everyone else on set felt that same way too, about not being able to work with them.

One of the things that I love about Michael being a bisexual character is that it’s allowed you to really explore two relationships with him – the one between Michael and Alex, and the one between Michael and Maria. What’s it like for you to get to do that, to be able to bring that to life and to also hear how people feel about being represented, in that way?

VLAMIS: It’s an honor. I didn’t even realize it would be this big of an honor, when I booked the show. I was just like, “Okay, this character is bisexual. This character is conflicted. This character loves deeply. I’m gonna do my best. I’m gonna love Tyler Blackburn, in this first season, as if I’ve loved a girl who’s broken my heart, in the past.” I just took it in like that. And then, after the season aired, I got so many messages from fans about how my character and our storyline inspired them to come out to their families. I realized, “Oh, wow, me being true to who this character is allowing people to be true to themselves, and they feel like it’s safe and they have an outlet, for once.” My whole mindset on the thing definitely developed, over Season 1. It was interesting because I think Tyler Blackburn came out as bisexual, after Season 1, so he always knew how important this was gonna be. But for a guy who has never actually struggled with what Michael Guerin is struggling with, in the show, I didn’t really know. I know heartbreak, I know love, I know loss, I know hope, but I don’t know what it really feels like to be a bisexual human being. But having that weight and responsibility, and seeing what it really means to everyone, has allowed me to see that. There’s a lot of pride in my work, on both sides. As a bisexual person, it’s not like, “Oh, I’m gay sometimes. You hear people say, “Are they really bisexual?” I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again, love is love. Who knows who you’re gonna fall in love with? Who knows at what time, or who that person is gonna be? You just have to tackle it as true as you can to that relationship. So, Maria’s relationship with Guerin is so different than his relationship with Alex, and that’s been the most fun to play. With one, I get to have a little bit of a softer side, and with the other one, I’ve got my guard up, all the time, because of previous trauma.

Do you, personally, find yourself rooting for one of those relationships more than the other? How do you feel about him being torn between those two?  

VLAMIS: First of all, I love it because I love the drama. I love being able to play almost two different characters, in those relationships, obviously staying true to who Michael Guerin is. That’s really fun. Am I rooting for someone? No. That’s like judging your character. At the end of the day, you can’t judge your character. Your character is going through something that, at the time, they need to go through. They’re just doing what feels right, in those moments. So, I’d never choose which way I wanted to go. I love working with Heather Hemmens, and I love working with Tyler Blackburn. They’re both so different. With Tyler, I have the whole bromance thing. He’s just a buddy. And then, with Heather, there’s that female energy. It’s kinder, it’s softer, it’s safer. It’s just different. So, I don’t root for one or the other. I just see where the writing takes me.

Now that Maria has found out about Rosa being back from the dead and that there are actual aliens in Roswell, where can things go between Michael and Maria, after that?

VLAMIS: Oh, man. Well, it’s gonna be bumpy, that’s for sure. I would say that Maria is much more mature than Michael Guerin. She’s so grounded, which is just how Heather is, in real life. She knows herself, knows what she wants, and knows who she is, but Michael Guerin doesn’t know that. He’s almost like this puppy dog that follows suit. Over time, he definitely gets to figure out more of who he is, spending time with these different characters.

When I spoke to your showrunner Carina MacKenzie and asked her what she was most proud of with Season 2, she told me that it’s the fact that she was able to push the stories in a bolder direction, shaking things up a bit, and telling stories that are a little darker and sexier. Do you feel that’s the case, and how do you feel that that specifically pertains to your character?

VLAMIS: Oh, a hundred percent, just from seeing that Isobel’s pregnant, and her battling with this idea of taking this alien death serum to have an abortion is such a topical thing, in the world right now. Obviously the quarantine and COVID-19 is what’s at the front of everyone’s mind, but six months ago, that was all that people were talking about. The fact that we work themes like that into the show is risky, but I think there’s a lot of power in making people think about these uncomfortable themes and maybe reassessing the way that they feel about them. And when it comes to Michael Guerin, the funny thing about him is that I don’t feel like he ever gets too political. He’s just doing his thing and floating through, like a puppy dog, seeing where things take him and keeping to himself. A lot of those storylines are peripherally around my character, but when it comes to the risk and the darkness, she definitely ramped it up, in a big way. Episode 5 is the Michael Guerin episode, and some of the stuff that you see him go through and how he’s reeling is pretty special. A lot of CW shows, when I was growing up, you saw a specific version of a mold. You got to see the risks that Roswell, New Mexico takes last year, in Episode 12, when my mom dies in front of me and I can’t get through the wall. I was going insane. The fact that a channel that’s known for very attractive people because that’s what they’ve built their brand around – crazy, dramatic stories, great characters and attractive people that you want to watch – and they let me just go off the wagon, and not even think about how my hair looks or how crazy I’m acting, there’s something really special in the freedom that an actor gets when you’re able to do that. And so, I don’t feel confined by any standards that maybe were set for previous shows like this. That stems from Carina allowing us to take risks and go a little darker route.

Michael is really getting to put some of the pieces of his own life and his past together. How is he feeling about what he’s learning about his mother, and how do you think that will inform who he is now?

VLAMIS: First of all, with his mom dying, he had this feeling of giving up and like there was no point anymore. But now that Alex is pushing this new information on him, he hates it. He felt like everything was over and done, and now it’s reopened, and he does not want that. Deep down, he’s just a kid who comes from multiple foster homes, who would look up at the stars at night and wonder, “Where the hell is my family? Where do I belong? Who am I? Am I really this kid who got looked over while the other two were adopted, or am I someone that does belong?” And so, I think he’s hesitant, at first, to embark on it, but through the rest of the season, he saddles up and really dives into finding out his past because that’s gonna allow him to know whether he’s a good guy. He doesn’t know if he’s a good guy. I think he’s a good guy, but is he a good guy? What does he want? What does he wanna do with his life? What should his life goal be? Ever since they covered up those murders, it hasn’t been about him. It’s been about protecting the secret, and he doesn’t want that.

It’s very cool that this re-imagining of this story has also been able to include some of the original cast members. You have Shiri Appleby directing episodes and Jason Behr guest starring in Season 2. What’s it meant to the cast, to see how the original cast is supporting the series, and what’s it like to have them around?

VLAMIS: Oh, it’s amazing. I’ll speak on Shiri, as a director, because I’ve worked with her on two episodes. First of all, Shiri is just cool. She gets it. She did this, for many years, so she knows what works. When you’re doing a scene, there are little adjustments that she might give you, that she knows are what the fans are gonna react best to. You’re comfortable around that, knowing that you’re in good hands and that she’s not gonna move on unless she gets a take that she knows is gonna work because she’s been there before. And then, when it comes to Jason Behr, he’s just the man. We spent a lot of time hanging out together in Santa Fe. There’s a karaoke bar out there, called Tiny’s, and they have the best karaoke on Saturday nights. We went there a couple of times and sang together. We really hit it off. I see his demeanor on set, and I just try to emulate that man. He’s a good dude. He’s a family guy, and he’s someone that you’re excited to see. There are certain people that walk up and you’re like, “How’s it gonna be today?” In general, he’s a guy who, when he’s in front of you or he’s in the room, you feel a little bit of that ease. It’s a little pressure because you’re like, “Okay, I’ve gotta do justice for this show, the way that they did it.” But the fact that he’s there, playing along with us, just shows how much he trusts and believes in what we’re doing, and that makes us want to do our best work.

~ Collider

[breakingbadfics]

Death of the author

CW: Light discussion of politics, mentions of the Alt-Right, and White Supremacists. 

Consider this a “Change of Pace” entry. I’m trying to figure out what the next essay is to be about as well as the eventual long term for this blog. 

I wrote this essay back in mid 2019, long before the idea of this blog would come to mind, it’s been lightly edited prior to posting and added to. and I think this essay shows some of my influences much more heavily than my other writings.

What does My Little Pony and The Matrix have in common?  Death of the Author. 

Death of the Author is not to be confused with “Separating the Artist from the Art,” a self explanatory concept to distance a work from a creator who’s beliefs are more than a little unpleasant, easiest example is acknowledging that, yes,  H.P. Lovecraft was a Mega-racist, however, his contributions to the horror genre have created a base that is nearly ubiquitous with the genre to this day, like wise with Orson Scott Card. this concept in itself is an especially controversial subject, but is not the focus of this piece.

Death of the Author is what allowed The Matrix, a movie with a collection of metaphors about being an lgbt person, and an activist for the rights of yourself and your allies to be grossly misinterpreted as a way to justify being a bigot, the most egregious misinterpretation being that of “The Red Pill Scene.”

In the context of the film, The Red Pill Scene is the part of the traditional heroes story where the hero “accepts the call”, Neo is quite literally making the choice to leave the safe world he’s been living in behind and embark on his adventure that will result in a death and rebirth into being The One who will save humanity. In the now very much understood to be the direct metaphor, it’s a scene in which Neo, the stand-in for a lgbt person, specifically a trans person, is being told by a much older lgbt person “You are trans, you have the choice to embrace it, but regardless of what choice you make from here on out the road ahead is going to be bumpy and rough on you, because the system around you is designed to make sure people like us aren’t able to prosper, and if you join us, you won’t be able to opt out.” 

That is the very understood metaphor that most people accept with the modern understanding after The Wachowski’s came out as Lily and Lana in the “post-matrix trilogy” reality of the real world.

However due to the Moral Neutrality of Death of the Author in other circles the Red Pill(and all the other metaphors in the film) takes on an alternative meaning. And I can be “polite” in my explaing the bad take on how this scene plays out, but just to hammer the point home we’ll get dirty so you can know where the take is coming from, The Red Pill Scene for White supremeacists, and The alt-right (but I repeat myself) is such.  Neo, a disgruntled white person is being told that the world is controlled by soulless machines. Jews, people of color, etx. Everyone around him is mind controlled and can and will attempt to stop him from saving the people smart enough to also realise they’re being held captive by non-whites and save them all. This of course, all being told to him by Morpheus, a black man. So have fun working your head around that. 

This of course the most extreme example being the most ubiquitous, poke around on chan sites and sooner or later you’ll see the phrase “red pill” having been memetically adjusted to mean “hey tell me about this thing” or even more specifically “I already had an opinion about this but either way I want you to confirm my choice.” But I digress. 

These two interpretations are so wildly on the opposite ends of the spectrum that the only commonalities between them is “You will likely need to be violent at some point” 

I’m naturally only covering the two interpretations, the matrix itself has been picked apart by an untold number of people and people interpret it in as many ways as possible in terms of philosophical meaning. That is the nature of Death of The Author. 

Death of the Author also covers in a round-a-bout fashion, selective canon, a subjective acknowledgement of canon elements throughout a long lived franchise- see; Star Wars, Star Trek, the belief that there was never any sequels to The Matrix. This variant of the philosophy allows one to be able to continue interactions with a text, specifically a text that consists of multiple volumes (or contributions, each one made by an individual author) but also deny interactions with parts that they personally dislike. 

More often than not, you can attribute the death of the author to a bad take in a case of fiction, another primary example being Fight Club, often missed for the scathing critique of unhealthy male behaviour and propped up as some sort of moral guideline for how to live your life. Which is again, not to say this is the fault of Death of The Author as a philosophy, it is morally neutral, these bad takes can more often be attribued to the simple fact that unless directly stating it most attempts at satire or parody will have a contingent of people who agree with what is said, not what is meant, and death of the author unfortunately does make that..very easy, for good, or ill. 

Where does My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fit in with all this?  Well there are certainly alt-right members of the brony fandom who are painfully missing the point, but we’ve already dwelled on the negative enough, so let’s get happy. 

In Episode 1 of Season 1, the first part of a two part pilot, in the background of a shot during a party scene; a pony with a grey coat and blonde mane and tail is seen in the background. This particular pony stood out the most amongst other background characters due to a mistake caused by the animation staff. According to the supervising director at the time, this particular error was spotted after hasbro greenlit the episode for air, and because it amused him he chose not to order a correction so it was left in as a nice little easter egg. 

The nameless background pony would eventually be caught by 4chan among other places and very rapidly developed a following of fans and given a nickname, Derpy Hooves. This particular following and new nickname would echo back to shows staff becoming the name internally referred to by the show’s staff. 

Friendship is magic creator Lauren Faust, who also enjoyed the popularity of the character when asked in an interview would state that a character named Ditzy Doo existed in an unaired episode, that would be implied to be this particular background pony, So naturally now depending on the fan this particular character would be reffered to as either Derpy Hooves, or Ditzy Doo.  

Ditzy Doo would go on to become a recurring easter egg with in the show, something similar to that of “where’s waldo” but with horses. This practice would continue until episode 14 of season 2  where the character would have a set of spoken lines and would be addressed by name. This however resulted in a degree of controversy in which some people expressed concern that the presentation of the character was an offensive attempt at portraying people with mental or physical disabilities. This event resulted in the episode being altered in future airings and the character disappearing from the show for the vast majority of Season 3. Beyond Season 3 the character would continue to appear until season 5 where they would finally have a voiced role in the 100th episode of the show, and then eventually having another speaking role in the christmas special “The best gift ever.”  It is also worth noting that Hasbro never gave her an “official name” with almost all of Ditzy’s merchandise either having no name present, or more often than not a singular image of a muffin in place of a name, even going so far as to have “Muffins” be the credited name she was given in all voiced instances of the show. 

Muffins, Ditzy Doo, or Derpy Hooves isn’t the only case of background characters growing a large following of fans with in the show; a variety of characters have been swept up by the fans, given names and personalities built entirely out of bit gags. Lyra, Bon Bon, Vinyl Scratch, Octavia Melody, and who knows how many more have all been seen in background moments which would be built on by fans and then echo back into the staff to be integrated into the show further. One would say this is fanon but at the end of the day, the writers and show staff had very little more intent with the characters beyond “does this background character look good?” and “Does this bit part character stand out enough to automatically be recognizable for the bit they need to be doing” it is still what I believe to be an example of Death of The Author, an act of choosing to ignore the intended meaning,and giving what amounts to window dressings a full life as fleshed out characters in fan content and in small instances of the show; an interpretation separate from the writers original intent. 

Now the question is does someone need to actively defy the author to participate in The Death There-of? No. I don’t believe so.  In much the same fashion no one need actually be a clan member to inadvertently say or do something that's passive aggressively racist(yes a bit of an extreme, I know) one need not actively defy the author, merely ascribe to an alternate interpretation of a work of fiction. Refer to Fight Club, the film does everything it can with out directly stating “most of the people in Fight Club and later Project Mayhem are bad people, because they were already doing the things Tyler Durden was ascribing to” and almost unilaterally all the bad takes are built around this idea that they’ve achieved the perfect ideal masculine because they’re the “living in the moment, violent psychopath” nihilist the movie is actively condemning. 

The simple fact is that death of the author ultimately, in a grand scale amounts to this; did a writers intent show through hard enough for their intent to be heard? And Subjectively, how much does a person believe in the meaning that they, or the writer themself have imparted into the story? 

[playitbyear-laz]

011

After taking a break for a few weeks to spend time reflecting, learning, conversing, and trying to figure out my own place in relation to everything going on in the world right now, we’re back again with the next installment of the PLAY IT BY EAR bi-weekly playlist/reflection series.

It’s hard to know when the right time is to try to get back into the groove of things, when it seems like chaos is abundant & people are juggling a million different emotions at once. The biggest question on everyone’s minds is “when will things get back to normal?”

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from the past couple of weeks, it’s that the era of ‘normal’ was never real. The issues we see so apparently in front of us today have been around way before most of us were even born, they just do a good job at hiding behind a variety of distractions i.e., social media, our favorite brands, artists, music, movies, etc.,.

These things have an effect on us that is habitual and it's easy to lose sight of where you’re going if you’re running on autopilot. The nature of life is change. Nothing has ever been ‘normal,’ but it can be really easy to convince yourself otherwise when distractions are abundant. The only things keeping you ‘normal’ are the values & habits that you choose to maintain in a world that’s constantly changing -- so choose wisely. There is no magic moment where everything will be fixed. There is no finish line. Life is constant, it’s flowing, and the best thing we can do is build awareness of ourselves & use that awareness to become better in whatever ways we can.

Whatever you need to do during this time to figure out what it means to be ‘better’, please take the time to do so. We all want to see the world in a better place than it is now, but that can’t happen until you understand who you are first and understand your role in relation to the world around you.

Lastly, I hope the music & insight from PLAY IT BY EAR can act as a form of healing for you during this time. Creating this platform has been cathartic for me & I hope you as the listener/reader will find it to be as well. If anyone needs an ear to vent to during this time, my email/DM is open -- please feel free to reach out to me as needed. Wishing you peace today and always.

                                 Much love, laz.

                              PLAY IT BY EAR 011

                                   curated by laz

                          Link to all platforms HERE.

Hard Life - SAULT

WHERE: Decided to check out SAULT after hearing Questlove rave about their latest album Untitled (Black Is), but the homie Larry (@predakon) also featured them when he did the guest takeover for PLAY IT BY EAR 008. I highly recommend checking out Cleo Sol as well, who’s one of the lead singers for the band.

WHY: SAULT is one of the most unique groups out right now, blending the genres of funk, neo-soul, and alternative rock with ease. The lyrics in almost all of their tracks reflect on current issues going on in the country. What I like most about ‘Hard Life’ is that the track comes in two parts -- the first half almost feeling like a type of chant, illustrating the prolonged nature of life’s constant tests, while the second half resolves this feeling with triumphant lyrics and a bright instrumental.

Imagine - Snoop Dogg feat. Dr. Dre & D’Angelo

WHERE: IG story - @markpeaced

WHY: Growing up in LA, pretty much anything that Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre have worked on together is gonna be saved in your library, but having D’Angelo sing the hook makes for one of the most pleasantly unexpected Snoop/Dre tracks ever. All three of these artists have songs in their discographies that delve into social issues, but to hear them all come together over a simple boom bap beat, speaking about a vision for a more peaceful world is something that feels very rare.  

Wishes - Juls feat. Jah Cure

WHERE: Juls has produced some of the biggest afrobeat tracks to come out in recent years (U Say - Goldlink feat. Tyler, The Creator &. Jay Prince,  Skin Tight - Mr. Eazi, So Mi So - Wande Coal, and more).

WHY: At this point, it feels wrong for me not to include an afrobeat, dancehall, or reggae track on these playlists - there’s just so much to love about this sound palette and there’s no denying its growth, momentum, and impact in mainstream music today. What I like most about 'Wishes,’ however, is the lyrics sung by Jah Cure about building an appreciation for both the good and bad things life has to offer.

7-21-17_substitute_hifi_v3 - Toro y Moi

WHERE: Went through a bit of a Toro y Moi binge recently and this track off Soul Trash stood out to me most from that album.

WHY: Since Mk.gee dropped his album, chillwave & synth pop music has been my go-to genre. This track however, has major Jai Paul vibes, and is a production style that I would like to see used more in electronic & pop music today. The wavy synths paired with the super tight drum patterns have the ability to instantly put me in a contemplative mood.

Nobody - Akil

WHERE: Soulection Radio #450

WHY: Admittedly, I have a pretty bad habit of not paying as much attention to lyrics in rap these days. With trap being at the forefront of hip hop, I got so used to focusing on the overall vibe of a track that the lyrics often got pushed to the back, which is exactly is why I love Nobody. From the jump, Akil’s delivery demanded my attention, with a commanding flow that most rappers these days seem to lack.

The Climb - Flying Lotus feat. Thundercat

WHERE: In April, Ta-Ku asked his followers on Twitter for a thread of songs that give them hope. This was one of the tracks posted and has been in constant rotation since.

WHY: All of the things you would love from a Flying Lotus and Thundercat track can be found here -- but the overwhelmingly uplifting and positive lyrics is something I rarely get to hear from Thundercat and for that, I appreciate it immensely.

Riot Van - Arctic Monkeys

WHERE: I believe @_kikovalle posted this one on his IG story, but I could be wrong. Either way, shout out Kiko I guess lol.

WHY: Riot Van is a solemn reflection on the experience of being harassed by a police officer, but told through the lens of an English teenager in the early 2000s. What I like about this track is the overall feeling of defeat and hopelessness that is so commonly felt these days with much of the youth and their view on police.

Ain’t Got Time - Roy Ayers Ubiquity

WHERE: n/a

WHY: As I mentioned above, while the smoke of recent events has seemed to die out a little bit, our work towards social justice, racial equality, and bettering the ‘self’ isn’t over and probably won’t ever be in our lifetime. That being said, we can’t give in to the feelings of comfort and complacency or getting “tired” while we’re still here and able to fight.

“We aint’ got time to be tired, we got a long, long way to go.”

Also, in case you missed it -- PLAY IT BY EAR now has its own social accounts. Follow us on Instagram and Twitter @playit_byear and please share with a friend if you’re enjoying our brand. More music, thoughts, and content on the way and I can’t wait to exchange that energy with you. See you there.

[spitecremated]

GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER.

For rp & non-rp blogs to get to know a bit about the person behind the screen !

1. FIRST NAME  ⇢  Ray  /  Rayne.

2. STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF ⇢  I live in what’s literally classified as a village. Think ‘small town’ vibes but like, squared.

3. TOP 3 PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON  ⇢  Bright eyes, colored hair (blue and red are my favorites), tattoos.

4. A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF  ⇢  Fried rice. Also, mint chocolate chip ice-cream.

5. A FOOD YOU HATE  ⇢   Tomato-based anything, tbh.

6. GUILTY PLEASURE  ⇢  I don’t really have guilty pleasures, but... my fascination with plushies / stuffed animals? The fact that I still unironically watch the old Care Bears movies??

7. WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN  ⇢  Usually whatever I wore that day, unless it was something really uncomfortable or something I’d rather not wrinkle to all Hell. When I actually change? PJ pants and a t-shirt or tank-top; I have a couple actual PJ sets, but I don’t wear them very often.

8. SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS  ⇢  Both, honestly? They both have appeals for me. That being said, serious relationships are far more important to me, and my relationship always takes strict priority over whatever ‘flings’ may arise.

Reminder: I’m poly, my relationship is open to me having flings, this is not an admittance of doing anything less-than-appropriate, don’t jump down my throat.

9. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE  ⇢  There are countless bad things in my past, that I imagine most people would want to change, but... those sort of made me who I am today, for better or for worse, so I wouldn’t change any of that. That being said? If I had the chance to take my mother’s cancer away, I’d do that.

10. ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON  ⇢  Incredibly, in most senses of the word. I’ve always been physically affectionate, and I’ve gotten more verbally affectionate in recent years.

11. A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN  ⇢  Labyrinth, or Logan.

12. FAVORITE BOOK  ⇢  Way too many to collectively list here. I’m a huge fan of Hawksong by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes, though.

13. YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE  ⇢  A Mexican black kingsnake, that’s the dream. And I’m going to have one someday, nothing can stop me.

14. TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS  ⇢  I’m gonna keep this in-fandom, because I have way too many ships in most my fandoms if I don’t ‘narrow it down’ a little... Dabi / Hawks, Dabi / Twice, EraserMic, unironic adoration for various ‘unlikely’ ships with Dabi. Annd for an on-blog one, my favorite ship with an OC is probably my ship with @sensoryquirk  !

Also: The Todoroki Kids & Rei  x  Recovery & Happiness. 

15. PIE OR CAKE  ⇢  Cake.

16. FAVORITE SCENTS  ⇢  Peppermint, lavender, Dragon’s Blood incense, white sage.

17. CELEBRITY CRUSHES  ⇢  Tyler Blackburn, Aaron Paul, Boyd Holbrook, Ksenia Solo, Ashley Graham, Britt Robertson.

18. IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO  ⇢  Honestly? To see my partner and metamour, down in Alabama. I miss the Hell out of them. But outside of that? Probably London; I’ve always wanted to go there.

19. INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT  ⇢  Introvert.

20. DO YOU SCARE EASILY  ⇢  Yes, which is fucking ridiculous given my adoration of multiple horror series. I apparently do not know what self preservation is.

21. IPHONE OR ANDROID  ⇢  Android, 100%.

22. DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES  ⇢  When I have the energy for it! I mostly play games on my 2DS and my phone, these days, and some PC games. The old Fossil Fighters, an old Harvest Moon game, Pocket Camp, Plague Inc, the old Starcraft, Fallout... to name a few!

23. DREAM JOB  ⇢  Author & Poet, hands down. But outside of that? Some sort of typist job.

24. WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS  ⇢  Pay off my family’s medical bills, go to therapy, finish repairing our house, actually get my own health in order... adulthood things, honestly. Fun things would come after all that.

25. FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE  ⇢  I don’t hate characters easily, but fuuucking Mine/ta. Cannot stand the brat, genuinely makes me feel ill when he’s on screen, would honestly love it if he got killed off. 

26. FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER  ⇢  Oh dear Lucifer... That’d be SNK  /  Attac/k on Ti/tan, definitely. I used to be really into it, kept up with the manga, was active in the RPC, the whole nine yards. But between some personal bullshit that happened, and the fact that the creator turned out to be fucking terrible... yeah, no, we’re done with that shit. Still lowkey would die for Levi, though; miss the fuck out of that muse at times.

Tagged By:  Stolen.

Tagging:  @floatiisms  /  @duoplicitous  /  @abysmalpyre  /  @akumubaku  /  @tears-like-snow  /  @tenacityblitz  /  @cardinalpinion  /  whoever else wants to steal it!   (I know this was going around last week, so if anyone already did it, my apologies.)

[swedeandsour]

Anna of the North Speaks on Typography, Being Awkward and Her Love of Billie Eilish

Words: Peter Quincy Ng

Music is all about connection, and for Norway's Anna of the North, that means honesty in your craft. So for Anna Lotterud, and especially now that she's gone solo and parted ways with her former bandmate Brady Daniell-Smith, that means doing things her way. It's part of the reason why Anna of the North, idolizes Billie Eilish, the industry outlier that showed the world that there is no formula to musical stardom. 

For Anna of the North, being fun, silly and sometimes awkward with her feelings has been no limit to personal success. Previously featured alongside industry heavyweights such as The Chainsmokers, Frank Ocean and Odd Future, Anna knows that it's not about being the coolest girl in the room, but keeping it one-hundred with her music and her fanbase. Speaking to the small-town Norwegian artist about her previous life as a graphic designer, and how she navigates life as the captain of her own ship, the fun and bubbly Anna Lotterud gave us her best answers in a simple and direct way.  

You come from Gjøvik, a quiet town not far away from the Olympic town of Lillehammer.  How has traveling changed your worldview outside the Scandinavian, small town mentality?

I've grown a lot. When you leave a small town you usually go to Trondheim, Bergen or Oslo; and I went to Oslo to study graphic design. That was my first time out of the small town. I was really comfortable, Norway's really safe and I was with my friends and family. Gjøvik’s a really nice place to grow up, but sometimes you need to be challenged and go out, and that's why I'm traveling and making music; you get caught up in new conversations and culture. Traveling has made me who I am, yeah and live my dream.

You have a new record out, and like your last it's also a break-up album. This one's a bit different because it's a solo album, so did you feel a bit naked and vulnerable putting your emotions out there knowing it's all you?

(Laughs) Definitely, well you're out on your own you feel people are going to judge it as your own work and that makes it really hard. But definitely being alone, because when it was me and Brady, you could like blame the other (laughs). Now when you're traveling with the band, it's going to be all me that's going to get all you the, you know (laughs). At the same time writing this album was really important to me and felt really good because I got to be one-hundred percent who I am. Also because you can tell it's inspired by being awkward and that it's a positive record even though (thematically) it’s quite melancholic. You can almost figure out that it's my first record alone because there's this excitement around it and it all feels very innocent. I feel that to be able to allowed to make every decision is super hard but it also allowed myself to push myself and be as creative as possible. It's a really big responsibility, but it was fun and there was no one to tell me, “blah, blah, blah, you should do this!”

“Lovers”

There's a lot of otherworldly electronic sounds on your last record, but your music now feels more organic and conventionally more pop these days. Was it a conscious decision to keep things fun, simple and accessible?

They're two different albums and as I just said, it's me alone now. I was just at a different place at my life. “Lovers” was more sad and down and this album is more happy and upbeat. Like I love playing “Dream Girl” live because it has more of a groove to it, but “Playing Games” and “Time to Get Over It” kept some of the old stuff. I don't know what I'll be by the third album. I'll just have to follow who I am. Everything is inspired by me and my feelings and how I'm feeling at the moment, but I guess when I wrote “Dream Girl” I felt more alive at the moment (laughs), I don't know how to describe it.

“Dream Girl”

Well, I think you've proved yourself on SoundCloud as a successful artist. but I heard your friend uploaded your music as a prank. They must be pretty lousy pranksters.

(Laughs) I woke up and I was like, well now I'm an artist! I guess I would have never done it, if I hadn't had that push.

Anna’s first track on SoundCloud “ILYAF 1996″

Since you've lived a previous life as a graphic designer, how important is style and aesthetic to the Anna of the North, especially when people love fitting artists, and especially female artists in boxes and categories?

I think for me it's everything, and I see the same things in (music software) Logic as in Adobe Photoshop. where you create something from nothing. It's the same thing but just as a different medium. For me, I need to feel proud or happy (with the result). To put it simply if I was going to be an actor could never play a role that was really far from my actual self. It would have to be a part of me, as in everything has to be a part of me. I have to be honest to myself and proud of what of I do.

What type of work did you specialize in? And Is Anna Lotterud a Comic Sans girl?

I would say Gotham is my font, but it's been so long since I've done any typography. That was actually my favorite part. I  would have loved to do packaging design and make things more environmental friendly, but I like to play with large titling fonts, I love that.

It's frequently mentioned that you're your own fashion designer.

(Laughs) It's quite simple actually! It's all fonts again! I love everything that's creative but again it's about being comfortable in what I'm wearing and I won't like something that wouldn't represent me, because that would be wrong

One of the motifs on the last record, I see beyond the solid colors and Scandinavian minimalism, is that you love pets. Tell me the story about Anna and the animals?

I mean I just love animals and I can't help it. I mean I just had this idea where I wanted a lot of animals (laughs)!

So, back to your music. You seem to have a humorous element to your music, I think you are a self-described "Weird Ass White Girl". Knowing that your music is all about love and tragedy, has it been a coping strategy to just laugh away the pain?

Yeah, it's always been to not take myself too seriously. You know like dark humor (laughs)? But not too dark! You know life is really hard, and you can knock yourself about everything, and especially on “Dream Girl” more than the “Lovers” album like  was a really heartbroken and, “Oh I don't know what to do with myself!” type of album. “Dream Girl” was more ironic, like my life sucks but I whatever; I'm going to get past this with confidence; like believe in yourself; and fuck everything, I'm going to be happy.

Anna of the North, may be just as well known as a collaborator than the soloist Anna of the North. Tell me how a "Weird Ass White Girl" could partner up with Frank Ocean and Tyler the Creator.

Frank Ocean was the easy part, he was already on the song and I didn't know it. It was all very organic, Odd Future reached out to me. Tyler really liked my voice on “Sway” and wanted me to work on a song with him “911”.

Tyler, The Creator “911 / Mr. Lonely”

You mention, Billie Eilish as an inspiration, on how not having this "perfect", conventionally pretty or cool girl could make out it out there. How important is it in an age where streaming has cut the artist narrative?

I think it's really important that there's something totally different in her. You know how a slow song now can be a radio single? Today there's a recipe or formula for how songs should be and I think it's really cool that she's doing her own thing, and (that) she shows labels, radio and the industry that there are no rules.

I think what makes Anna of the North is so attractive, is that there's an honestly to Anna Lotterud even if sometimes a little weird. Besides, who cares about being cool when you can be alone with a giant ice cream cone like on track "Thank Me Later" right?

(Laughs) I just like to have fun, be creative, you know?

“Thank Me Later”

[onestowatch]

zack villere Is Creating a World All His Own [Q&A]

Photo: @projectional

zack villere may not be a concept artist in the traditional sense, but he has a unique talent for creating surreal worlds that are difficult not to get swept up in. This penchant has been seemingly present from the outset, first showing its face in his debut EP, pants, released under his previous moniker, froyo ma. However, it truly came to fruition in his aptly-titled debut album Little World, an encapsulation of villere’s love for well, little worlds. 

Each of his projects portrays a kaleidoscopic vision, one brimming with lived-in characters and avant-garde soundscapes. In many ways, even on his sophomore album, Cardboard City, villere becomes difficult to easily pin down. And chances are he likes it better that way. “I think the most annoying part about it is when you think you’re doing something interesting and different, and then everyone says, 'Oh, you’re just like [that guy],'" shares villere when I ask him how he feels about others attempting to classify his music. 

Bedroom pop. Anti pop. Lo-fi indietronica. Nothing feels quite right when it comes to succinctly defining villere or the world of Cardboard City. So, in the hopes of better understanding the idiosyncratic artist, I sat down with him over a plate of Mediterranean food to talk chapped lips, nostalgic childhood cartoons, and transcending genre classifications.  

Ones To Watch: How has LA been treating you these last three years?

zack villere: I have a lot of friends here so I like that. I was trying to move to New York in January but my friend, who was supposed to move with me, bailed. I was really ready to go so I’m trying to go to New York after I finish the tour. But I like LA. My lips are chapped because we went to Joshua Tree.

For any reason or just because?

Just for fun, but it messed with my lips.

It’s a desert out there. A literal desert.

The desert is not my thing, man.

What does an average day look like for you?

Right now, it’s kind of all over the place. When I was working on my album, I was just going to the studio, but right now I’m just hanging out. I’m working on my next album so whenever I have a thought about a song, I just make it.

Are you still recording a lot at home?

I used to, and I did a lot of my album that’s coming out in the studio, it’s actually down the street, which I really liked. But this one right now that I’m working on, I’m just trying to write all of the songs first and then go in and re-produce them. So I’m just working at home, but I want to make it like a nice, well-produced effort.

So, you’re already working on your third album? Already on to the next thing?

I’m not going to act like I’m a workaholic, because I’m not, but I’m just excited for the next album and all of the ideas that I have for it.

It’s not like the SoundCloud days when you could just drop it whenever you want.

I miss that. Even with Little World, it just felt freer.

Are there any general central themes on your sophomore album, Cardboard City? 

Yeah, it’s just about a world called Cardboard City that I just made up. The “Sore Throat” video kind of brings you in and is a third-person perspective, almost like a film. The way I see it, it’s a film version of the world, and the “A Feeling” video was kind of on the street with the character of the world.

Given that your previous album was called Little World, is it safe to say that you’re trying to create miniature worlds with each album?

I guess so. That’s how it’s been so far. I’m not sure if it will always be like that but, for even the first EP, the Froyo Ma EP, it was an idea about a cereal bowl leftovers that coagulated into a little island and there was a spaceman that landed on it. That was the story behind that project. So, I’ve always gone into it with an idea, but Little World wasn’t totally as conceptual as this one is, and the next one kind of has a different idea and conception.

It seems like you’re really into miniatures.

(Laughter) Yeah. I fuck with small stuff. I think the reason why I’m into small stuff is because I watched a lot of things like Small Soldiers and Stuart Little as a kid. I actually wanted to do a video for Little World where there would be this dance party and it would be super animated. I just didn’t really have any help at that time because I was doing everything myself, so I would have all of these ideas but could never pull them off. And I still kind of feel that, but now I have people.

But you’re entirely independent for the most part. Do you enjoy that freedom of control?

It’s cool. I did like a distribution deal on this project and that gave me a little bit of money to do the “Sore Throat” video, which I did with my friend Dan. Just having a little bit of money and some freedom to like, get a nice camera and pay him to spend his time on it. Before I just didn’t know how to get anyone to do anything. So yeah, it’s cool, but I really want to work with people. I’m tired of the idea of doing everything by myself. There’s nothing really that cool that comes from that. It’s just like, “Oh cool, you did that.” I’d much rather be known for making cool shit than for doing everything by myself.

How is it touring? In previous interviews, you’ve said that you’re not keen on performing live. Has that changed?

(Laughter) No. I played a show in Vancouver that was really fun and I was like “Oh, this could actually be really fun.” But then I played two shows after that and it sucked, so I’m kind of back to dreading tour a little bit. But, I’m excited because the two shows that I didn’t like - one was a festival, where there were people that liked my music, but not too many. And the other was a college show and there was nobody really there for me. It’s more fun when they know the music.

Photo: @alex.tc

I feel like a lot of your inspirations, or at least the ones you’ve noted, are very R&B and hip-hop focused. Do those two particular genres speak to you in particular? 

I guess so, but I don’t really know. I like a lot of music. I like pop music, like pop/R&B. I just like R&B melodies, probably because I was into Jazz when I was younger. When I was in junior high, I played the saxophone.

How do you feel about genre classification?

It’s definitely annoying, but it’s not the end of the world. I think the most annoying part about it is when you think you’re doing something interesting and different, and then everyone says, “Oh, you’re just like [that guy].” That’s the biggest bummer for me. I would love to transcend that shit and just be like known for what I do and not for my association. But I think for the stage I’m at, people need to classify me.

How do your parents would describe your music to their friends?

I literally have no idea. I’ll ask them when I go home.

Are they chill with the whole music thing?

Yeah, they’re sick. They’re down with it, which is cool.

Have they seen you live yet?

Yeah, they saw me a few times but the first time with me singing was my last time in New Orleans. I didn’t sing growing up, so I was honestly nervous because it felt like that part of me is like a new development.

What spurred you to start singing?

I’m not really sure. I was in college, and I just kind of wanted to make songs so I just started singing. The first thing I ever did was a cover of “Awkward” by Tyler [the Creator], and then I sent it to my friend Elijah and it was trash.

Wait, where you doing the rapping or singing part?

Just singing. I was just doing the Frank [Ocean] part. But I sent it to my friend Elijah and it was just so bad and I was so embarrassed that I didn’t sing again for a year. And then I eventually did it again. I just wanted to write songs.

Was there a certain point in your life when you realized that music was what you wanted to do?

I started playing guitar in middle school because I wanted to start a band with my friend, so we both got guitars, but he didn’t really play. Then I just kept playing because I wanted to be in a band or just do something with music.

When I went back home last year I found this book from when I was little that said that I wanted to be a cartoonist or an astronaut or something. Like I wanted to make cartoons and also go to space. So, for a good period of my life, I wanted to do astrophysics, but I’m not science or math-minded. I’m so bad at it, but I was just so into the idea of it and romanticized being an astrophysicist.

When I was in high school I wanted to be a screenwriter and do movies. Also, a part of me wanted to be on SNL because I was really into Jimmy Fallon. But, I was always making music, so I ended up wanting to do that.

You still make cartoons, right?

Yeah, I still draw. I would want to make a cartoon. I have an idea for a cartoon series, it’s just getting myself to that point where I’ll actually do it. One day.

Were there any cartoons growing up that were super formative for you?

I have such a bad memory but, obviously Spongebob and The Fairly OddParents. Just the basic ones. I also watched Arthur because I had PBS. Also, the WB stuff like Static Shock and the old Batman series. The good ol’ days.

The final important question, what were you like as a kid?

I don’t know. I don’t have the best memory. I feel like I was a shithead and probably just lame. Maybe I just blocked it out because I didn’t like that person (laughter).